WEBVTT - Fixing our Lives with Iyanla Vanzant 0:00:03.279 --> 0:00:08.879 Today's guest what I called myself. I am a spiritual technician, 0:00:09.200 --> 0:00:11.840 anything that has to do with your spirit, your soul, 0:00:11.960 --> 0:00:15.560 in your mind. Is there a secret in your opinion 0:00:15.640 --> 0:00:19.759 to overcoming hardships and coming out on the other side. Well, 0:00:20.280 --> 0:00:24.239 the first secret is don't call them hardships. My grandmother 0:00:24.360 --> 0:00:27.200 told me when I started talking about spirit and meditating, 0:00:27.240 --> 0:00:29.520 she said, oh, you're going straight down. So you know 0:00:29.560 --> 0:00:31.600 what I did. I went out and bought a beautiful dress, 0:00:31.600 --> 0:00:39.040 so when I get there, I'll be flying. Hi. Everyone, 0:00:39.240 --> 0:00:42.600 Welcome to another episode of Cheeks and Chill. I'm your host, 0:00:42.640 --> 0:00:46.440 Cheeky's and today's episode is about something I'm very passionate about, 0:00:46.840 --> 0:00:50.360 spirituality and self help. And our guest today is someone 0:00:50.360 --> 0:00:52.760 who has been working in the space and helping people 0:00:52.800 --> 0:00:55.360 for a very long time. So let's jump right into 0:00:55.360 --> 0:01:04.920 this episode of Cheeks and Chow. Sitting right in front 0:01:04.920 --> 0:01:09.160 of me today is even Vat. She's incredible. She has 0:01:09.200 --> 0:01:11.720 a really interesting story, which we'll hear more about in 0:01:11.760 --> 0:01:14.800 just a second, But first starter, she's a spiritual life coach, 0:01:15.000 --> 0:01:18.320 host of the hit show Illanla Fixed My Life, which 0:01:18.360 --> 0:01:21.920 I love. She's a New York Times bestselling author, and 0:01:22.160 --> 0:01:26.120 she even has her own podcast, it's called The Our Spot. Well, 0:01:26.160 --> 0:01:28.840 first of all, thank you so much, thank you for 0:01:28.920 --> 0:01:30.560 your time for being here. I'm so excited. I have 0:01:30.560 --> 0:01:32.240 to start off by saying that I'm a huge fan. 0:01:32.319 --> 0:01:34.240 I have your apps, I have The Awakening, I have 0:01:34.360 --> 0:01:38.080 mine matters. I'm a huge, huge fan. So thank you. 0:01:38.120 --> 0:01:40.679 It means a lot to me that you're here. Um, So, 0:01:40.760 --> 0:01:42.760 I don't know, let's start off with with your life. 0:01:42.959 --> 0:01:44.840 There's a lot of things that I didn't know about you. 0:01:44.959 --> 0:01:47.480 Where did you grow up. I grew up in Brooklyn. 0:01:47.640 --> 0:01:50.840 I hailed from the Nation of Brooklyn, and I am 0:01:50.880 --> 0:01:54.200 a New Yorker forever. I will always be a New Yorker. 0:01:55.200 --> 0:01:57.720 I had an older brother, I had an older sister, 0:01:57.880 --> 0:02:01.880 was a baby of a family, and so, you know, 0:02:02.280 --> 0:02:08.720 classic poor black folk upbringing in New York. My grandmother, 0:02:09.720 --> 0:02:12.160 who raised me from the time I was five until 0:02:12.200 --> 0:02:17.320 I was eleven, was a Native American to slakey Cherokee, 0:02:17.840 --> 0:02:21.040 who was passing as black because it was easier for 0:02:21.040 --> 0:02:22.960 her to be black than it was for her to 0:02:23.000 --> 0:02:26.720 be a Native American in the late forties early fifties, 0:02:27.480 --> 0:02:31.560 and so she really kind of hid her her heritage 0:02:31.639 --> 0:02:34.600 and her culture from the world. She hid it in 0:02:34.680 --> 0:02:37.280 the church, she hit it in the way she presented 0:02:37.280 --> 0:02:39.920 herself in the world. But at home, you know, she 0:02:40.000 --> 0:02:45.480 taught me so many things about my culture as a 0:02:45.520 --> 0:02:50.839 woman of color, Native culture, indigenous culture. She told us 0:02:50.919 --> 0:02:55.640 that she couldn't read. She never went to school, but 0:02:55.840 --> 0:03:01.239 she read the Bible, and she would read the newspaper. 0:03:01.800 --> 0:03:04.280 And I would say to her, well, if you can't read, 0:03:04.560 --> 0:03:07.280 how are you what are you doing? She if somebody 0:03:07.600 --> 0:03:11.760 told it to her, she remembered it, and that's how 0:03:11.800 --> 0:03:15.960 she began to put words together and could do simple sentences, 0:03:16.400 --> 0:03:18.720 very articulate. She would never know she was a woman 0:03:18.720 --> 0:03:22.120 who couldn't actually well, she says, she couldn't read, but 0:03:22.320 --> 0:03:26.160 she could put simple sentences together. And and it was 0:03:26.320 --> 0:03:29.520 not too long ago. I never saw my grandmother write 0:03:29.560 --> 0:03:33.080 anything other than numbers. And she knew how to sign 0:03:33.120 --> 0:03:37.280 her name, but I never saw her write anything other 0:03:37.320 --> 0:03:40.360 than numbers. She never wrote anything down. And she used 0:03:40.360 --> 0:03:42.320 to say, you gotta have a good memory. I don't 0:03:42.360 --> 0:03:44.200 have to write things down. I got a good memory. 0:03:44.520 --> 0:03:48.320 You know that's actually better probably having a better memory. 0:03:48.440 --> 0:03:52.600 Good memory. Yeah, yeah, when did you know that this 0:03:52.680 --> 0:03:55.120 was your calling, Like, was that you think through your grandmother, 0:03:55.200 --> 0:03:58.160 like having those conversations with her. Absolutely not, I'm a 0:03:58.160 --> 0:04:03.480 criminal defensive attorney. That's high school early childhood education. I 0:04:03.520 --> 0:04:07.240 spent two weeks in the classroom with about kindergarteners and 0:04:07.280 --> 0:04:09.640 I said, Okay, just cut my throat right now, let 0:04:09.680 --> 0:04:17.680 me die. Not for me. Early childhood psychology and education 0:04:17.800 --> 0:04:21.400 is my undergraduate degree. And then I went to law school. 0:04:21.480 --> 0:04:23.640 I wanted to be a nurse all my life. I 0:04:23.720 --> 0:04:27.240 wanted to wear the white uniform. Years ago, nurses wore 0:04:27.320 --> 0:04:30.480 white uniforms and they had little hats. But um, one 0:04:30.560 --> 0:04:32.800 day in nursing school let me know that I was 0:04:32.839 --> 0:04:35.239 going to have to dissect the pig. And I left. 0:04:35.400 --> 0:04:40.360 That was he said, No, I got through the frog 0:04:40.480 --> 0:04:45.480 in high school. I did. God, I don't know how 0:04:45.520 --> 0:04:49.159 I got through that. I remember gagging and wretching over 0:04:49.200 --> 0:04:52.080 the frog. But I was not gonna stick my hand 0:04:52.120 --> 0:04:54.680 down in a jar from Aldehad and put out a 0:04:54.720 --> 0:04:57.520 baby pig. That wasn't ever gonna happen in this life time. 0:04:57.800 --> 0:05:02.920 So I left and I went to law school. When 0:05:02.960 --> 0:05:06.680 I was thirty two, I graduated from college and I 0:05:06.720 --> 0:05:08.680 went to law school, and I really thought I was 0:05:08.720 --> 0:05:12.200 going to be a lawyer, and um, I wanted to 0:05:12.240 --> 0:05:17.360 be the black female Perry Mason get all my clients off. 0:05:20.560 --> 0:05:24.440 And as a criminal defense attorney, you spent a lot 0:05:24.480 --> 0:05:28.120 of time in jail, so because that's where your clients are. 0:05:29.360 --> 0:05:33.040 And since I had never been arrested, I'm thinking, why 0:05:33.040 --> 0:05:38.080 am I in jail every year? And so I left 0:05:38.400 --> 0:05:41.680 and I had no clue what I was gonna do. 0:05:41.720 --> 0:05:46.080 It just kind of unfolded. As I was collecting unemployment 0:05:46.160 --> 0:05:48.440 and a friend of mine asked me to come in. 0:05:49.320 --> 0:05:53.000 Would I be willing to teach life school skills life 0:05:53.040 --> 0:05:57.400 skills to women who were being transitioned off of public assistance, 0:05:58.040 --> 0:06:01.080 which is exactly what happened to me. So I went 0:06:01.120 --> 0:06:05.919 in and I started teaching life skills and my first book, 0:06:05.960 --> 0:06:09.520 Tapping the Power Within, is the workbook that I wrote 0:06:09.600 --> 0:06:12.080 for the women that I was teaching life skills too. 0:06:13.080 --> 0:06:16.000 And one step at a time, it just kind of unfolded. 0:06:16.040 --> 0:06:18.440 I mean, what what do I do? What do I call? 0:06:18.560 --> 0:06:20.520 What I do I do? I what do I do 0:06:21.200 --> 0:06:23.239 that I would have to look forward at a career 0:06:23.360 --> 0:06:30.480 fair I don't know, you know, I wasn't. I'm an author. 0:06:30.520 --> 0:06:33.279 I'm a I am a spiritual life coach trained. I 0:06:33.320 --> 0:06:37.240 am a minister, you know, seminary trained and ordained. What 0:06:37.360 --> 0:06:41.360 I called myself um because I think it's always best 0:06:41.400 --> 0:06:44.600 to define yourself and not to try to fit into 0:06:44.640 --> 0:06:48.000 the boxes that people want to stick you in. I 0:06:48.040 --> 0:06:51.920 am a spiritual technician. If it has anything to do 0:06:52.080 --> 0:06:58.000 with the human spirit, the human soul and connection to consciousness, 0:06:58.480 --> 0:07:01.680 I'm a technician. I have a technology that's going to 0:07:01.839 --> 0:07:08.520 support you and and fixing, healing, repairing, aligning, expanding, growing, healing, 0:07:08.680 --> 0:07:11.680 anything that has to do with your spirit, your soul 0:07:11.800 --> 0:07:15.800 and your mind. Just right up my alley. That's exactly 0:07:15.800 --> 0:07:19.000 what I love. You've been through so much since you 0:07:19.080 --> 0:07:21.600 were nine years old, you know, And did you ever 0:07:21.720 --> 0:07:24.560 question maybe God or the higher power of the universe, 0:07:24.640 --> 0:07:27.000 like why did this happen to me? Did you ever 0:07:27.160 --> 0:07:33.240 have that moment? No, that's great. I didn't even know 0:07:33.320 --> 0:07:35.200 I was raped at nine. I didn't know it was 0:07:35.280 --> 0:07:38.440 called rape until I was thirty. Oh, I didn't even know. 0:07:38.800 --> 0:07:40.840 I didn't know what I mean, it had never happened. 0:07:40.840 --> 0:07:43.080 I had never seen it. Nobody ever talked about it, 0:07:43.240 --> 0:07:45.720 you know. As an indigenous culture, you don't talk about 0:07:45.720 --> 0:07:48.920 things like that. And in the black culture too, you know, 0:07:49.000 --> 0:07:51.800 you don't talk about it. That's why so many girls 0:07:51.800 --> 0:07:55.480 and boys, or young women and young men suffer because 0:07:55.560 --> 0:07:58.720 this thing has happened and it's horrible, and they don't 0:07:58.760 --> 0:08:02.200 feel free to talk about it, so it becomes repetitive. 0:08:02.920 --> 0:08:05.480 That wasn't my case. It happened one time I told 0:08:06.240 --> 0:08:11.239 and the results of me telling about it were almost 0:08:11.280 --> 0:08:13.760 worse than if I hadn't said anything, because the results 0:08:13.760 --> 0:08:16.920 were he called me a liar, and nothing else was 0:08:17.000 --> 0:08:21.120 ever done. Nothing. So I grew up believing that it's 0:08:21.160 --> 0:08:23.640 okay for people to treat me badly. What happens to 0:08:23.680 --> 0:08:27.000 me doesn't matter. I'm not important. And so those were 0:08:27.080 --> 0:08:31.280 lessons that I, you know, had to unlearn in my life. 0:08:31.680 --> 0:08:35.400 And I didn't even because nothing was ever said, and 0:08:35.520 --> 0:08:38.360 they don't do in my era, they didn't do sex education. 0:08:40.040 --> 0:08:43.400 So that was like thirty years old looking at a 0:08:43.440 --> 0:08:45.560 TV show and I said, well that happened to me, 0:08:45.960 --> 0:08:49.520 Oh my god, I was raped. I didn't know. I 0:08:49.520 --> 0:08:53.160 didn't know that's what you called it. So as I said, 0:08:53.200 --> 0:08:56.439 I wanted to be a nurse, Nursing is a healing profession. 0:08:57.320 --> 0:09:00.280 Nurses take care of you when you're sick and you're 0:09:00.320 --> 0:09:03.840 not well. Uh, And that's what I do. I just 0:09:03.960 --> 0:09:05.960 instead of doing it to your body, I do it 0:09:06.000 --> 0:09:09.960 for your soul in your mind. That's what I love. 0:09:10.200 --> 0:09:13.440 And you never held any resentment or anything like did 0:09:13.480 --> 0:09:16.080 you ever feel you had to forgive that person or 0:09:16.120 --> 0:09:17.800 it was just kind of like an out of sight, 0:09:17.840 --> 0:09:21.880 out of mine situation. But the time I realized that 0:09:21.880 --> 0:09:26.160 that was not a normal thing to happen, I had 0:09:26.200 --> 0:09:32.240 to forgive myself for everything that I told myself about it. 0:09:32.520 --> 0:09:36.360 I'm not important. What happens to me doesn't matter. It's 0:09:36.440 --> 0:09:39.440 okay for people to treat me badly. I can't talk 0:09:39.480 --> 0:09:42.200 about the things that hurt me. I mean, I did 0:09:42.200 --> 0:09:45.320 that to myself. Nobody told me anything. So by the 0:09:45.360 --> 0:09:48.479 time I understood the power of forgiveness and what forgiveness 0:09:48.559 --> 0:09:51.400 was all about, it wasn't even about forgiving him. Plus 0:09:51.440 --> 0:09:53.880 he was dead. I was alive and I was suffering, 0:09:54.160 --> 0:09:57.480 and that's what I wanted to heal up. That's what 0:09:57.520 --> 0:10:00.199 I always say. Forgiveness is a gift for yourself. It 0:10:00.280 --> 0:10:03.000 gives you, you know, like the wings to fly into 0:10:03.000 --> 0:10:06.920 sore is how I feel. I was actually sexually abused 0:10:06.960 --> 0:10:09.360 by my father. My dad never admitted to it, we 0:10:09.480 --> 0:10:12.560 never asked for forgiveness. For a long time, I wanted 0:10:12.559 --> 0:10:14.640 to hear it, you know, I wanted to hear, yes, 0:10:14.720 --> 0:10:17.440 I did it, You're not a liar. I'm sorry. He's 0:10:17.440 --> 0:10:19.199 in jail. He's going to be there for another I 0:10:19.240 --> 0:10:21.640 don't know, seventeen years or something like that. But now 0:10:21.640 --> 0:10:23.880 I'm like, you know what, I because of that, the 0:10:23.920 --> 0:10:25.720 same thing I would think I was. I was dirty, 0:10:25.760 --> 0:10:28.760 I'm not worthy. I I so many things that happened 0:10:28.760 --> 0:10:31.440 and I thought and yeah, I mean, at the end 0:10:31.440 --> 0:10:33.000 of the say, I'm gonna forgive you, and I'm also 0:10:33.080 --> 0:10:36.480 forgive myself for thinking those things and thinking that the 0:10:36.520 --> 0:10:38.600 things that you said were correct, that I was a liar. 0:10:38.720 --> 0:10:41.880 You know. So anyhow do you feel that everything happens 0:10:41.920 --> 0:10:44.800 for a reason? Oh? Absolutely, I don't feel that that's 0:10:44.920 --> 0:10:48.920 universal law cause and effect. Yeah. I think one of 0:10:48.960 --> 0:10:52.600 the hardest concepts for people to get is that you know, 0:10:52.679 --> 0:10:56.040 we come here and that part of us that is alive, 0:10:56.160 --> 0:10:59.200 that soul, knows what you need to learn, unlearn, what 0:10:59.320 --> 0:11:02.160 you need to do, not do knows your purpose, knows 0:11:02.200 --> 0:11:05.600 your everything, and we're so busy out in the world 0:11:05.679 --> 0:11:08.959 till we don't go in UM. One of the reasons 0:11:09.000 --> 0:11:12.240 I can work with almost anybody around anything is because 0:11:12.280 --> 0:11:14.680 I've been through most of it. So I'm not teaching 0:11:14.679 --> 0:11:18.640 you from theory and pragmatism. I'm teaching you from experience, 0:11:19.200 --> 0:11:22.439 and I continue to take it deeper and deeper. Everything 0:11:23.360 --> 0:11:25.800 is exactly as it needs to be. Of course, the 0:11:25.920 --> 0:11:29.840 miracles UH teaches that all things are lessons that God 0:11:29.880 --> 0:11:34.319 would have us learned. So we're always learning, always learning. 0:11:35.040 --> 0:11:39.680 Once you get back it gets exciting. Well, my husband 0:11:39.800 --> 0:11:45.880 left me. Well what am I learning today? Yeah? I 0:11:45.960 --> 0:11:50.160 fell out? Oh what am I learning about this? Yeah? 0:11:50.640 --> 0:11:52.720 That's what I always tell people, Like, you know what, 0:11:53.240 --> 0:11:56.160 you're in a tight situation. You can't see the light 0:11:56.160 --> 0:11:57.640 at the end of the tunnel. But it's it's kind 0:11:57.640 --> 0:12:00.319 of like exactly that, like they're you're going through that 0:12:00.480 --> 0:12:04.720 to learn something about yourself about the situation. So okay, 0:12:04.880 --> 0:12:14.280 I'm good. I think I'm on the right track. I 0:12:14.360 --> 0:12:16.920 have a very odd question, and you don't have to 0:12:16.920 --> 0:12:19.680 answer it if you don't want to, obviously, But do 0:12:19.800 --> 0:12:23.800 you drink alcohol? By any chance. I absolutely don't. But 0:12:23.920 --> 0:12:27.440 let me tell you why. My mother was an alcoholic. Okay, 0:12:27.720 --> 0:12:30.040 so I think I drank so much looking the wound, 0:12:30.360 --> 0:12:32.040 I didn't have to have no more when I got 0:12:32.080 --> 0:12:37.320 into physical body. Really, I never, I have never, you know, 0:12:37.360 --> 0:12:39.520 when I was a teenager, of course, you know, everybody 0:12:39.559 --> 0:12:42.440 goes out and you're drinking. We used to drink uh 0:12:42.679 --> 0:12:46.520 saying grea with fruit in it. That was yeah, yeah, 0:12:47.160 --> 0:12:51.720 So but I've never. I've never. No, it's not my thing. 0:12:52.120 --> 0:12:56.679 And I smoked a lot of happy flowers. I love 0:12:56.720 --> 0:13:02.800 happy flower baby. I have smoked. I'm happy hours. When 0:13:02.800 --> 0:13:05.400 I had my last child, I was twenty one years old, 0:13:05.880 --> 0:13:08.480 it just, you know, it's like it just went away 0:13:08.520 --> 0:13:12.199 and I've never. I never touched it again. Now it's legal. 0:13:12.280 --> 0:13:14.199 You know, back then we were buying a nickel bag 0:13:14.240 --> 0:13:16.960 and hiding it in fifty two shopping bags under the bed. 0:13:18.320 --> 0:13:20.920 And you, I mean, you fix so many people like 0:13:21.040 --> 0:13:23.240 do you have a life coach, do you have a 0:13:23.280 --> 0:13:25.920 mentor or something that someone that helps you out? Well, 0:13:25.960 --> 0:13:27.520 first of all, let me just say, I don't know 0:13:27.559 --> 0:13:30.240 what anybody else says. I haven't helped anybody. What I've 0:13:30.280 --> 0:13:34.040 done it's given people information and support so that they 0:13:34.040 --> 0:13:37.480 can help themselves. I don't help you. I'm too busy 0:13:37.520 --> 0:13:41.000 trying to help my own self, and you get helped 0:13:41.000 --> 0:13:45.480 in the process of my healing. Go for you. I'm 0:13:45.520 --> 0:13:49.240 just trying. What has happened is throughout my my healing process. 0:13:49.240 --> 0:13:53.200 I've taken copious notes, really taking copy. I have notebooks 0:13:53.240 --> 0:13:57.520 and revelations and understandings. But I do I have a coach. 0:13:57.760 --> 0:14:00.800 I have two coaches. I also have of what I 0:14:00.880 --> 0:14:07.520 call a prayer partner UM, and I have UM. I 0:14:07.559 --> 0:14:09.800 don't know what Peter is. Peter is a coach. You know, 0:14:09.840 --> 0:14:12.360 he's a clinical psychologist, but I don't go to him 0:14:12.400 --> 0:14:16.240 for therapy. We do coaching together. And then my greatest 0:14:16.280 --> 0:14:19.600 coaches are those people that I've taught and trained because 0:14:19.640 --> 0:14:23.160 they keep me sharp when I'm going off the deep end, 0:14:23.200 --> 0:14:25.280 they say, wait a minute, didn't you teach us? Or 0:14:25.560 --> 0:14:28.000 don't you know? And when they repeat back to me 0:14:28.120 --> 0:14:30.040 stuff that I taught them, I just want to punch 0:14:30.080 --> 0:14:39.200 him in the throat, right in the throat. That's terrible 0:14:39.240 --> 0:14:41.920 when your students are teaching you with what you taught them. 0:14:42.480 --> 0:14:45.880 So didn't you say this right? Uh? No, this is 0:14:45.880 --> 0:14:48.640 how they usually said. They said, somebody once told me, 0:14:49.080 --> 0:14:51.520 and then I know I'm getting ready for the SmackDown. 0:14:52.640 --> 0:14:55.440 So yeah, but I do have two coaches and a 0:14:55.480 --> 0:14:58.240 prayer partner. I am to find myself a prayer partner. 0:14:58.320 --> 0:15:00.720 That's what I need. Yeah, always say this, I'm not 0:15:00.760 --> 0:15:03.480 a religious woman. I'm very spiritual. I have a connection 0:15:03.560 --> 0:15:05.960 with God. I like to meditate and I feel like 0:15:06.000 --> 0:15:10.280 that's like my main coach. But I do. That is 0:15:10.320 --> 0:15:13.320 your religion if that's what you do. You know, religion 0:15:13.440 --> 0:15:17.240 is people's beliefs and opinions about God's source, creator, whatever 0:15:17.320 --> 0:15:19.160 you want to call it. That's all religion is. It's 0:15:19.360 --> 0:15:24.080 people's opinions and the dogma or the theology that's set 0:15:24.160 --> 0:15:27.320 up based on the faith path that you walk is 0:15:27.360 --> 0:15:31.360 what you do based on that theology. All religion is 0:15:31.360 --> 0:15:34.640 about how to get us in relationship with the God 0:15:34.680 --> 0:15:38.920 of our understanding. So of meditation, yoga, you know, some 0:15:39.080 --> 0:15:42.160 for some people it's tai chi. If that is what 0:15:42.320 --> 0:15:45.720 gets you in connection with the creative, your understanding, then 0:15:45.760 --> 0:15:48.360 that is your religion. I want people to really get 0:15:48.400 --> 0:15:50.600 clear about that and stop saying I'm not religious, but 0:15:50.640 --> 0:15:55.000 I'm spiritual I meditate. Well, then you're religious, but I'm religious. Yeah, 0:15:54.800 --> 0:15:59.160 My religion is called love and faith, right, Okay, I'm 0:15:59.200 --> 0:16:01.920 in love the great religion that there is. You know. 0:16:01.960 --> 0:16:05.040 I'm getting ready to teach a class. I have a 0:16:05.120 --> 0:16:08.720 community I call the Spiritual Study Sanctuary, and I'm getting 0:16:08.760 --> 0:16:11.080 ready to teach a class on how to love the 0:16:11.120 --> 0:16:16.560 Bible from a metaphysical perspective, not a religious perspective, because 0:16:16.600 --> 0:16:20.920 it is one of the most powerful treatise on human development, 0:16:21.120 --> 0:16:25.160 character development, spiritual development. But because of the way it's 0:16:25.160 --> 0:16:29.360 been used and weaponized or diminished or just pigeonhole to 0:16:29.440 --> 0:16:33.800 be about Christianity, people miss the wisdom that is in there, 0:16:34.280 --> 0:16:38.880 and there's so much wisdom in the scriptures. I want 0:16:38.880 --> 0:16:40.800 to see if you can help me break something down 0:16:40.840 --> 0:16:43.360 because I've I've tried to put it into words, and 0:16:43.360 --> 0:16:45.160 I feel like I know what this means, but I 0:16:45.160 --> 0:16:46.640 want to see if you can break it down for 0:16:46.760 --> 0:16:50.000 for our listeners. Actually, I think I heard Beyonce say it. 0:16:50.040 --> 0:16:51.960 I think I'm pretty sure it was her. What she said, 0:16:52.840 --> 0:16:54.560 there's a little bit of God in all of us. 0:16:54.760 --> 0:16:58.640 God lives in me as me, and I try to 0:16:58.680 --> 0:17:01.040 tell my grandmother that, and she's a very she's a 0:17:01.120 --> 0:17:04.960 Christian woman, and she didn't understand. She didn't really like it. 0:17:05.359 --> 0:17:08.720 She was like, no, how can you compare yourself to that? 0:17:08.760 --> 0:17:10.800 I'm like, no, I didn't know how to explain it. 0:17:10.800 --> 0:17:13.280 So I want to see if you can help me. Well, 0:17:13.440 --> 0:17:16.960 Grandma's never gonna understand that unless she wants to. Okay, 0:17:17.119 --> 0:17:20.600 my grandmother told me forever when I started talking about 0:17:20.640 --> 0:17:23.200 spirit and meditating, she said, oh, you're going straight to hell. 0:17:23.480 --> 0:17:25.639 That's what I'm going straight to hell. And so you 0:17:25.680 --> 0:17:27.040 know what I did. I went out and bought a 0:17:27.080 --> 0:17:29.280 beautiful dress. So when I get there, I'll be flying. 0:17:32.920 --> 0:17:35.440 I just decided I'm not gonna be afraid of hell. 0:17:35.600 --> 0:17:37.680 You see, I was married to a man who beat 0:17:37.760 --> 0:17:41.880 me every day for nine years. That's hell. Leaving him 0:17:41.920 --> 0:17:44.080 at three o'clock in the morning with three babies and 0:17:44.119 --> 0:17:47.880 three shopping bags, that's hell. So wherever I'm going when 0:17:47.880 --> 0:17:50.879 I leave this body, wherever I'm supposed to rest, I 0:17:50.920 --> 0:17:53.320 want the party. So I got little dress. I'm going 0:17:53.320 --> 0:18:01.399 to Hell. Okay, I'm a little good. So the thing is, 0:18:01.680 --> 0:18:06.679 And that is part of the challenge with religiosity and 0:18:06.760 --> 0:18:12.400 church unity. Religiosity says that somebody else tells you about 0:18:12.560 --> 0:18:16.600 your relationship with the God of your understanding. Most of 0:18:16.680 --> 0:18:20.200 us inherited the God we believe in. We didn't find 0:18:20.240 --> 0:18:23.280 it on our own. And then church yanity where you've 0:18:23.320 --> 0:18:27.320 gotta go and have somebody else tell you how to 0:18:27.520 --> 0:18:31.680 be in relationship with the God of your understanding. All 0:18:31.720 --> 0:18:34.639 of that teaches us to pray to an external god. 0:18:35.920 --> 0:18:38.840 God is out there, you know. In the Christian faith, 0:18:38.880 --> 0:18:41.440 that's Jesus. He's on the cross, and you know he's 0:18:41.480 --> 0:18:43.840 all He's going to do it for us. And it's 0:18:43.960 --> 0:18:48.240 such a dysfunctional level of codependence when we're relying on 0:18:48.359 --> 0:18:51.720 Jesus to help us treat each other nice. We don't 0:18:51.720 --> 0:18:54.480 do it because it's in we grow the quality and 0:18:54.560 --> 0:18:58.040 a heart kindness, loving, kindness, compassion. We don't grow this 0:18:58.240 --> 0:19:01.040 in a heart. We do it because we're trying to 0:19:01.040 --> 0:19:05.760 please Jesus. That's a little off, I think to me anyway, 0:19:06.080 --> 0:19:07.960 I don't have no problem with Jesus. Me and j 0:19:08.119 --> 0:19:12.520 C are cool. But when you understand what he said, 0:19:13.800 --> 0:19:17.439 these things I have done, you should do this and 0:19:17.480 --> 0:19:20.120 even greater, Well, how how how am I gonna do that? 0:19:21.000 --> 0:19:24.520 When he said, it is not I, but the spirit 0:19:24.560 --> 0:19:28.200 of the Father within me that does the word. When 0:19:28.200 --> 0:19:31.639 he said I come that you may have life and 0:19:31.680 --> 0:19:34.679 have it more abundantly, not by waiting for me to 0:19:34.760 --> 0:19:37.720 do it for you, but by you learning how to 0:19:37.800 --> 0:19:40.879 do what I did. What did he do? He prayed 0:19:40.880 --> 0:19:43.639 a lot. He went away a lot every now and 0:19:43.720 --> 0:19:46.159 then you read in the Bible and said Jesus went away. 0:19:47.280 --> 0:19:50.400 I wonder if he was in a vacation club or something, 0:19:50.400 --> 0:19:53.920 because he was always going. He was always going on 0:19:54.119 --> 0:19:57.919 Why he went into silence, he went into stillness. He 0:19:58.119 --> 0:20:02.919 developed his relationship with the God within. It's not me, 0:20:03.080 --> 0:20:05.480 it's the Father within me that does the where he 0:20:05.560 --> 0:20:11.040 said it so, God is not external, whether it's God, 0:20:11.119 --> 0:20:14.399 divine Mind, divine Mother, whatever it is, that is of 0:20:14.520 --> 0:20:19.000 your understanding, because the creator wants you to understand what 0:20:19.119 --> 0:20:21.080 it is and where it is, who it is, how 0:20:21.160 --> 0:20:24.400 it is. But Grandma, like my grandma, you know, they've 0:20:24.440 --> 0:20:29.879 been indoctrinated in the matrix of Churchianity and religiosity, and 0:20:29.920 --> 0:20:34.600 they don't have to take responsibility for their salvation. It's 0:20:34.640 --> 0:20:36.800 on Jesus. If I do what Jesus says, If I 0:20:36.880 --> 0:20:40.640 do it what Jesus wants then. But now in this 0:20:40.800 --> 0:20:43.919 new age, this new millennium, the Aquarian age, we're taken 0:20:43.960 --> 0:20:48.800 responsibility for ourselves. Are I am ness our souls and 0:20:48.840 --> 0:20:52.880 we don't want to pray to an outside God. That's 0:20:52.920 --> 0:20:56.600 not satisfying us anymore because we're a different breed in 0:20:56.640 --> 0:21:03.239 this era. So yes, this spirit of God is within me. 0:21:03.280 --> 0:21:06.080 And those who worship God must worship God in spirit 0:21:07.080 --> 0:21:11.080 and in truth. In spirit, so we have to understand 0:21:11.119 --> 0:21:15.840 what spirit is. There's only one spirit. God is spirit Spirit, 0:21:16.920 --> 0:21:19.080 not a man out there or you know. And it's 0:21:19.119 --> 0:21:21.399 so funny that all of us walking around with breast 0:21:21.440 --> 0:21:23.600 and vaginas and we're looking at a man and say, 0:21:23.680 --> 0:21:25.920 I'm made any image and the likeness of Gay, well 0:21:26.040 --> 0:21:32.040 is he trans What? How did I get this? Because 0:21:32.040 --> 0:21:35.000 the domma doesn't tell us about the feminine energy and 0:21:35.080 --> 0:21:38.520 expression of the Creator. So if I had to explain 0:21:38.560 --> 0:21:41.800 it to somebody, this is what I would say. Take 0:21:41.840 --> 0:21:48.400 a breath, focus within, and ask God to reveal itself 0:21:48.400 --> 0:22:06.160 to you. I'm not gonna try to explain the unexplainable. Okay, okay, 0:22:07.040 --> 0:22:10.040 what's the secret or is there a secret? In your 0:22:10.080 --> 0:22:13.679 opinion to over overcoming hardships and and coming out on 0:22:13.720 --> 0:22:16.920 the other side. Well, the first secret is don't call 0:22:17.000 --> 0:22:20.840 them hardships. Go back to what we were saying earlier, 0:22:20.880 --> 0:22:26.520 which is, Okay, what am I learning here? You know? Recently, 0:22:26.920 --> 0:22:29.920 I have you know, all these modern fend angle dulies. 0:22:30.200 --> 0:22:32.719 So I have a geo thermal heating system so that 0:22:32.800 --> 0:22:35.399 my house is heated from the warmth of the earth, 0:22:35.560 --> 0:22:40.040 not from oil or electricity or whatever. And my geo 0:22:40.119 --> 0:22:43.600 thermal heating system went out, the coils went out and whatever. 0:22:43.640 --> 0:22:46.440 So we're talking about digging down twenty ft in the earth, 0:22:46.520 --> 0:22:49.160 and that's quite expensive. Well, the day after the geo 0:22:49.200 --> 0:22:52.960 thermal system went out, my stovetop cook thing went out. 0:22:53.400 --> 0:22:56.440 My stove just wouldn't cook. It just it wouldn't. It 0:22:56.480 --> 0:23:00.120 wouldn't do nothing. So it's one thing right after the 0:23:00.160 --> 0:23:03.119 one thing right after the other. And the good news 0:23:03.240 --> 0:23:05.560 is I can buy a stove top, and I can 0:23:05.720 --> 0:23:09.119 put the deal thermal system on a payment plan, you know, 0:23:10.320 --> 0:23:13.280 and pay it off, you know, and whatever. But not 0:23:13.440 --> 0:23:16.879 to look at that as childs and difficulties and and 0:23:16.920 --> 0:23:18.920 to say, okay, God, how are we gonna get this done? 0:23:18.960 --> 0:23:21.560 This is quite interested. So what am I learning. I'm 0:23:21.640 --> 0:23:24.480 learning trust, I'm learning patients. Because at the same time, 0:23:25.080 --> 0:23:29.280 I went to Chipotle to get my grandson some tacos, 0:23:29.680 --> 0:23:31.919 and I'm standing in the line and I get to 0:23:31.960 --> 0:23:34.320 the cash register and the lady says, he paid for 0:23:34.359 --> 0:23:37.679 your food. I go to the supermarket, I mean, and 0:23:37.880 --> 0:23:40.240 to the Starbucks, and I'm standing in line. I get 0:23:40.240 --> 0:23:42.680 to the register and she says, you're good. I said, 0:23:42.680 --> 0:23:44.640 what do you mean you're good? She said, the lady 0:23:44.720 --> 0:23:48.800 back there paid for your drink. I went to the 0:23:49.080 --> 0:23:52.440 market yesterday and I'm standing in line and the gentleman 0:23:52.480 --> 0:23:54.119 in front of me, he says, can I pay for 0:23:54.240 --> 0:23:57.040