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Speaker 1: Hi, Hi, Hi Hi. I'm just going through my makeup.

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Speaker 1: I gotta put my makeup on for my podcast because

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Speaker 1: it's not recorded on.

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Speaker 2: Vide everyone knows it's a visual medium.

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Speaker 3: No.

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Speaker 2: It is funny too because we have guests all the

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Speaker 2: time who are like, this is not going to be

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Speaker 2: on video, right, And then I'm like, except for Socials,

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Speaker 2: We're gonna put a clip on Socials, so then everybody

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Speaker 2: has to get looking good.

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Speaker 4: Okay, guys.

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Speaker 1: We have added more shows to my Little Big Bitch

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Speaker 1: tour because I'm coming all over. We added a second

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Speaker 1: show at the Pantagius in Los Angeles, so that's October

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Speaker 1: twelfth and Friday the thirteenth, which is my favorite day

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Speaker 1: of the year. We added a second show in Boston

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Speaker 1: at the Wiging Center September twenty ninth and thirtieth is

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Speaker 1: two shows in New York. I also have a show

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Speaker 1: in East Hampton, New York August twenty six.

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Speaker 4: We added a.

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Speaker 1: Second show in Portland, so Thursday, November tewod Friday November third,

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Speaker 1: and Portland November fourth and fifth in San Francisco, two

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Speaker 1: shows there. We added a second show in Seattle November

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Speaker 1: tenth and eleventh, two shows Boston are November sixteenth and

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Speaker 1: seventeenth at the Bach Center at Wang Theater. And I'm

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Speaker 1: also coming to Toronto and Montreal and Ottawa and so

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Speaker 1: many other cities Columbus, Cincinnati, Detroit, Louisville.

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Speaker 4: So I will see everybody at all of these shows.

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Speaker 4: Thank you. Get your tickets at Chelseahandler dot com.

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Speaker 2: So, Chelsea, we have a great guest today and she's

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Speaker 2: somebody who talks a lot about her mental health.

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Speaker 5: And I got me wondering.

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Speaker 2: You are somebody who's always talked a lot about your life,

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Speaker 2: but a few years ago you obviously made a very

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Speaker 2: conscious decision to start talking really candidly about your mental health.

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Speaker 2: And I wonder was making that decision scary?

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Speaker 6: No?

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Speaker 4: I mean it was so natural.

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Speaker 1: You know, I'm always sharing what I'm going through, and

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Speaker 1: it was so natural, and I was learning so much,

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Speaker 1: and it was such a shift in my life. It

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Speaker 1: was a noticeable by everyone that matters to me, and

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Speaker 1: some friends, you know, in ways didn't like that which

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Speaker 1: I had heard could happen.

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Speaker 4: And I was it was shocking interesting.

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Speaker 1: I remember once I decided I didn't want that. I

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Speaker 1: don't want to spend my time talking shit, I don't.

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Speaker 1: I mean, you know, listen, we all talk shit. There's

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Speaker 1: a time and a place for that, and then there's

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Speaker 1: a way to do it that's not nasty, and there's

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Speaker 1: a way to do it that is, you know, that

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Speaker 1: is nasty. And so I changed a lot of those

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Speaker 1: habits that were giving me, like you know, that were

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Speaker 1: bringing me lower than I want to be. I want

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Speaker 1: to be high and I want to be upbeat. And

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Speaker 1: it wasn't hard to share because I always know that

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Speaker 1: when anybody shares anything, you're helping so many people. And

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Speaker 1: I know that how many people I'm helping because of

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Speaker 1: my honesty, because of my books and my stand up

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Speaker 1: and this podcast, because they reach out and they tell me,

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Speaker 1: and you know, some of the notes I get are

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Speaker 1: so profound and meaningful to me that anytime I feel

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Speaker 1: low or I'm feeling like insecure, I always just go

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Speaker 1: and look through my dms and to be reminded. And

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Speaker 1: usually whenever you're feeling like that, something happens to remind

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Speaker 1: you all so you know, you don't even have to

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Speaker 1: go look that far because somebody will reach out to

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Speaker 1: you and go I just want you to know, like yesterday,

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Speaker 1: I came home. There's all this fan mail on this thing,

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Speaker 1: and I rarely have time to go through that, sure,

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Speaker 1: but I remember walking by it yesterday and I was like, hey,

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Speaker 1: these people are taking their time to write you go

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Speaker 1: read some of them.

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Speaker 4: And I did, and it was just so moving, just.

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Speaker 1: People taking the time to write something that the impact

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Speaker 1: that you had on a certain event in their life.

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Speaker 1: And you know that your honesty helped me go to

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Speaker 1: therapy and all.

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Speaker 4: I mean, you just never.

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Speaker 1: Have any idea, even if you're someone like me with

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Speaker 1: a big platform, how many people you're affecting and impacting

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Speaker 1: with that domino effect, So you know, for people who

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Speaker 1: aren't famous, you're affecting people too.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you know the same way.

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Speaker 1: It's like it's not just one person's responsibility, Like you

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Speaker 1: have to remember when you're a good person and you're

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Speaker 1: there for your friends and you're and you show up

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Speaker 1: for them and you're honest, or you're sharing your story,

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Speaker 1: you are helping therapies others.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I love that you say, like, whether you have

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Speaker 5: a platform or not.

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Speaker 2: I got a text recently from a friend of mine

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Speaker 2: on Mother's Day.

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Speaker 5: She's a mom, and she texted me she's someone who.

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Speaker 2: She doesn't live in LA anymore, so we don't talk

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Speaker 2: as much, but we were really close for a long time.

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Speaker 2: And she's on me this gorgeous I'm like going to

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Speaker 2: cry thinking about it, this gorgeous text message saying like

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Speaker 2: no one in my life has ever mothered me the

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Speaker 2: way that you did.

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Speaker 5: I just like lost it. And you know, you just

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Speaker 5: never know what like little things.

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Speaker 2: You do on a day to day basis like really

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Speaker 2: get through to people or are moving and impactful for people.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And another thing that because I have experienced in death,

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Speaker 1: when someone in my life loses someone, I'm always there.

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Speaker 1: If someone's in crisis, I'm there, I check in, I'm

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Speaker 1: always on it. Because there's a period of grieving where

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Speaker 1: everyone shows up, and then there's a period where people disappear.

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Speaker 1: So that's the most difficult time for people because I

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Speaker 1: lived that and I know it that people feel, you know,

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Speaker 1: they want to reach out to you, and then everyone

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Speaker 1: kind of moves on with their lives, right, So the

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Speaker 1: people that do remember and are like consist and show

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Speaker 1: up beyond the point.

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Speaker 5: The week, the month, after year, and even you know, a.

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Speaker 1: Very common thing for people to say is like I

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Speaker 1: didn't want to bother. I don't want to burden her

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Speaker 1: she's going through so much. Or it's not my place.

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Speaker 1: It's like it's it's anyone's place. You can to reach out,

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Speaker 1: you don't have to. If they don't care or want

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Speaker 1: you to reach out, then fine, But it's everyone's place

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Speaker 1: to extend a branch and say hey, or not a branch,

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Speaker 1: extend love and say hey, hey, I'm here. If you

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Speaker 1: need me, call me any time. Consistently check in. I

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Speaker 1: think that makes a big difference in other people's lives.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: For example, I had a friend who lost someone a

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Speaker 2: couple of years ago, and it was a really sudden

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Speaker 2: and really traumatic death, and I knew she was just

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Speaker 2: like beside herself, not even able to like talk to people,

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Speaker 2: and I just I texted her just every day for

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Speaker 2: the longest time, or every few days for the longest time,

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Speaker 2: just being like I'm here, And I said, like, you

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Speaker 2: don't have to text me back, you don't need to

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Speaker 2: do anything, but I just want you to know I'm here,

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Speaker 2: I love you, and just like consistently did that. Do

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Speaker 2: you have a how do you get a sense of

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Speaker 2: like when someone's ready to talk versus like they just

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Speaker 2: need to know you're there.

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Speaker 1: I think you reach out, you know, with texts and

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Speaker 1: like you can call whatever your dynamic is. If it's

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Speaker 1: not a close friend, then you know, I think you

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Speaker 1: you know, if someone dies, you.

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Speaker 4: Call, Yeah, you call them immediately.

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Speaker 1: And if it's somebody that's far away that you can text,

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Speaker 1: send a text, or you can wait until it dies

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Speaker 1: down and then really go in and say, hey, I've

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Speaker 1: been thinking about you this whole time. I just want

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Speaker 1: to let you know I'm here.

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Speaker 4: I don't think there are any rules for that.

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Speaker 1: You know, you don't want to harass somebody, but you

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Speaker 1: just want to make sure that they know that you're

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Speaker 1: thinking of them, and that you're in their thoughts and

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Speaker 1: you know, and that you're.

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Speaker 4: Just thinking about them. I think that's a comfort.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, It's like I think some people they want to

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Speaker 2: have someone show up at their door, and other people don't,

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Speaker 2: ye know, Like I.

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Speaker 4: Don't want that. I'm not.

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Speaker 1: I like to be alone when I'm dealing with something,

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Speaker 1: to occults mostly and get through it because it's just

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Speaker 1: such a mouthstrom of emotion, you know, it's up and

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Speaker 1: down and up and down and and and breaking up

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Speaker 1: is easier to be show up for someone because that's

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Speaker 1: not death, right, death is like people are like scared

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Speaker 1: to have to talk about that.

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Speaker 5: Yeah you can with a breakup.

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Speaker 2: You can show up with like a bottle of wine

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Speaker 2: and a bar of chocolate and like, you know, sit

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Speaker 2: on the couch and like be together.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. Okay, So our guest today is a hot mess.

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Speaker 4: I love her.

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Speaker 1: She made last year's Forbes thirty Under thirty list and

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Speaker 1: was named TikToker of the Year by Paper Magazine, and

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Speaker 1: of course is also known as Kombucha Girl. So she's

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Speaker 1: the host of the new podcast The Broski Report. Please

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Speaker 1: welcome Britney Broski.

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Speaker 7: Is that a beer? Would you imagine if I just

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Speaker 7: walk in with like a Corse light? What is that?

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Speaker 7: Eleven am? So that's going to be a water good death.

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Speaker 7: That's the ship that Travis Burker uses for enemas.

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Speaker 4: Britney Brosky just showed up with a beer.

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Speaker 7: It's what time is it? It's al.

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Speaker 4: That's how some people have to do podcasts. Brittany Broski

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Speaker 4: is here, everybody.

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Speaker 1: Okay, And I hope you're familiar with her because she

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Speaker 1: is a real hot mess and I like her style

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Speaker 1: and she's got a lot of stuff going on.

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Speaker 4: She has a new podcast.

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Speaker 7: Actually, do have a new podcast about that.

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Speaker 3: It's called The Broski Report with Brennany Broski in case

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Speaker 3: you couldn't, like, you know, put it together. And it's

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Speaker 3: very much stream of consciousness, just whatever comes out of

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Speaker 3: your mouth, my crazy.

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Speaker 7: Beautiful mouth, uh huh.

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Speaker 3: It's kind of what makes it onto air. So it's fun,

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Speaker 3: it's it's a lot of fun. We designed the set

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Speaker 3: kind of like if Walter Cronkite was a gay man, which.

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Speaker 1: He may have been, which probably, I mean, it seems

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Speaker 1: like almost all men are gay, is what we're figuring out,

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Speaker 1: and that's why they're so pissed.

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Speaker 3: Off exactly, And I think that's a beautiful thing. They

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Speaker 3: could just work through it. But it's very nineteen fifty

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Speaker 3: steemed for the set. But the whole idea was, my

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Speaker 3: fans are called Brosky Nation, and I am a tyrannical dictator,

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Speaker 3: like just for prostcadation, Like there are no laws last

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Speaker 3: change daily.

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Speaker 7: So I was like, what's a fun way.

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Speaker 3: To kind of deliver news to these people of like,

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Speaker 3: all right, guys, we're no longer listening to this we're

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Speaker 3: listening to death tones. Okay, let's let's get with it.

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Speaker 3: And so I was like, we need a news set,

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Speaker 3: and uh, it really came together really beautifully, and it's

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Speaker 3: in my spare bedroom at my house.

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Speaker 1: So congratulations, I'm building my podcast you do at my

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Speaker 1: new house and may never be ready. I'm gonna be

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Speaker 1: using your podcast room actually from here on it it

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Speaker 1: is there a medieval times theme for this?

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Speaker 7: No, that's just gonna be in my bedroom.

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Speaker 4: Okay.

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Speaker 7: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Brittany has gained a lot of notoriety on TikTok because

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Speaker 1: you have a over ten. Did you just throw coffee

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Speaker 1: in your face?

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Speaker 7: Vomit?

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Speaker 1: Oh guys, I wish this was on video, and it

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Speaker 1: actually happens to be. So maybe this is the clipble

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Speaker 1: use she ejaculated coffee into her face when she went

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Speaker 1: to take a sip the other day.

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Speaker 4: I was on a plane and I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I guess it must have been high because I went

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Speaker 1: to go take a sip and assumed there was like

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Speaker 1: a sippy the top a lid. Oh no, yeah, And

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Speaker 1: I just poured the entire drink down on my shirt

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Speaker 1: and I was like, wait, what just happened?

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Speaker 4: I had like a synapse loss and I just poured

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Speaker 4: it on me and I'm like, wait, what are you doing?

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Speaker 1: No, I must have been on an edible that's edible behavior,

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Speaker 1: you know. But because of your popularity on TikTok, your

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Speaker 1: podcast now and all of social media, you have a

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Speaker 1: huge following. And because of that, you've gotten to meet

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Speaker 1: a lot of your heroes, which I loved when you

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Speaker 1: met Harry Styles that you are set.

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Speaker 4: She's a huge Harry Styles fan.

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Speaker 7: Like ridiculous, it's like really actually stupid.

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Speaker 4: I mean I think a lot of people probably feel

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Speaker 4: that way.

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Speaker 7: Absolutely.

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Speaker 3: That's why when that happened, it was so like, because

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Speaker 3: I don't know about it.

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Speaker 7: You're probably not terrified of the internet, but I am.

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Speaker 4: And so terrified in which way just of.

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Speaker 3: Like people's response to anything, how they can twist it

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Speaker 3: and all that.

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Speaker 7: So that happened, and I was terrified at first.

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Speaker 4: Let's tell us what happened. Break it down.

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Speaker 3: Well, so they surprised me. So I HSHQ, which is

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Speaker 3: Harry's like headquarters. Oh my God, reached out to me

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Speaker 3: and they were like, hey, Brittany, what are you doing

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Speaker 3: on these days?

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Speaker 7: And I was like, well, I'm actually kind of busy,

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Speaker 7: but what's up.

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Speaker 3: And they were like, he's doing a one night only

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Speaker 3: in New York for you know, Harry's House coming out,

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Speaker 3: and we wanted to know if you would take over

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Speaker 3: the social media for it. And I was like, what

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Speaker 3: the fuck.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, I'm free. I just cleared my schedule. I'm free.

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Speaker 3: And so I didn't go into it with this expectation

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Speaker 3: I was going to meet him because I was like,

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Speaker 3: he's so busy. This is the first time he's ever

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Speaker 3: performing this new album. Like, I'm sure he's nervous. He

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Speaker 3: doesn't want to do like a fucking meet and greet,

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Speaker 3: and I don't want to meet him either, like he

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Speaker 3: scares me, Like I love him so much, he's so scary.

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Speaker 3: And so I went into it, like we interviewed fans,

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Speaker 3: we were giving out free tickets, we were giving out pizza.

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Speaker 7: It was pouring rain, like it.

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Speaker 4: Was just so fun, and you were taking over their

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Speaker 4: social media.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I took over the HSHQ like account and just

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Speaker 3: taking him around the stadium and interviewing fans and stuff. Well,

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Speaker 3: at the end of the night, it's like an hour

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Speaker 3: till showtime. We wrap giving people tickets and whatever, and

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Speaker 3: so I go back. I think we're going back to

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Speaker 3: my dressing room just to kind of like hang out.

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Speaker 3: And I'm walking back in and people start put like

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Speaker 3: bringing out their phones and I'm like, it's kind of weird.

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Speaker 3: And so we're walking in my dressing room and I

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Speaker 3: opened the door and he's right there. And they had

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Speaker 3: told me before, they were like maybe maybe it'll happen

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Speaker 3: another time, but like it's just there's so much going on,

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Speaker 3: like it's not gonna happen. I was like kind of

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Speaker 3: relieve it also like okay, okay, And so I opened.

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Speaker 7: The door and they fucking surprised me with him. He's

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Speaker 7: right in my dressing room like this, I run the

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Speaker 7: other way.

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Speaker 3: I run out of the fucking room screaming. I was

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Speaker 3: like I can't. It was just like sensory overload. I

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Speaker 3: like went blind for a second. So I ran back

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Speaker 3: in the room. And then that's what that clip is

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Speaker 3: is of me talking to him for like thirty seconds,

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Speaker 3: showed him my tattoo of a Harry Styles tattoo because

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Speaker 3: I'm mentally ill. So that's it was a beautiful, beautiful,

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Speaker 3: scary moment.

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Speaker 4: That's so cute, though, who else have you gotten to

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Speaker 4: me like that.

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Speaker 3: Are you like a nineteen seventy five fan, like the

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Speaker 3: nineteen seventy five.

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Speaker 4: That's the year I was born.

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Speaker 1: So I guess yeah, yeah, kind of a little bit,

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Speaker 1: oh I guess yeah.

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Speaker 3: Well there's a band called nine seventy five and the

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Speaker 3: lead singer is another one of my like I pissed

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Speaker 3: a little.

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Speaker 7: Bit in my pants. I had to go change.

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Speaker 4: What's his name?

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Speaker 7: His name is Maddie. I love him and.

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Speaker 4: That's he only has a one day is he like share?

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Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, just Maddie.

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Speaker 3: Oh no, it's Mattie Heally and he's very very British,

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Speaker 3: Like think of the most British man you can that's him.

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Speaker 4: Oh yeah, I like Rits.

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Speaker 1: I'm always attracted to British guys. It's there's something else happening.

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Speaker 1: It just feels like they know geography, you know what I.

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Speaker 4: Mean, And that's what that's a turn on for me.

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Speaker 4: Education is a turn on for me.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, they can like look at the map and kind

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Speaker 7: of know what's going on.

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Speaker 1: Better well rounded or more well rounded. Not better well

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Speaker 1: rounded because apparently I can't speak.

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Speaker 4: Eish person would never say that. As usual, I cannot

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Speaker 4: speaking this.

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Speaker 5: Britty I have to tell you speaking of mental illness.

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Speaker 7: Oh go ahead.

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Speaker 2: It was just on vacation with a couple of my girlfriends,

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Speaker 2: and we very much loved your depression meal.

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Speaker 5: It came up many times.

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Speaker 2: Brittany did this little depression meal that was apples and

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00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:04,360
Speaker 2: chocolate chip, just dry chocolate chips on a plate and

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00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:06,120
Speaker 2: just laughing and crying at the same time.

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Speaker 5: And it is truly made our ocasion much better.

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Speaker 4: Good come, yeah, that sounds good.

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Speaker 3: And the apples were like a little brown and old,

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Speaker 3: and I like put them in the bowl and dry

347
00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:18,360
Speaker 3: chocolate chips, and I in my head, I was like

348
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:23,360
Speaker 3: dinner and then I ate it and I filmed that

349
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:25,720
Speaker 3: video because I started it was so fucking ridiculous, Like

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00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:26,880
Speaker 3: that is so stupid.

351
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Speaker 5: But it's also like the thing that happens when you're

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00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:30,680
Speaker 5: different stud I've had.

353
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Speaker 7: Like a can of corn for dinner before. That's all

354
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:33,160
Speaker 7: I can make.

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Speaker 4: That man came out really nicely.

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Speaker 1: Anytime I see corn, all I think about is go

357
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Speaker 1: into the bathroom and I keep having it. I can't

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Speaker 1: eat corn anymore. I'm so over corn. And then I

359
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,560
Speaker 1: found out about Tito's corn Syrup. A few years ago,

360
00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:46,240
Speaker 1: I was such a big fan of Titos and that

361
00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:48,000
Speaker 1: they used so much corn syrup and I.

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Speaker 5: Was so in their vodka.

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00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:50,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, because it's like a.

364
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Speaker 1: Local Austin company, you know. So I was trying to

365
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Speaker 1: support that, but no longer. I'm back to Belvidere and

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Speaker 1: King Street for Kate Hudson.

367
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Speaker 4: She she has good vacca with King Street.

368
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Speaker 1: Also, I know you're very involved with the drag community,

369
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Speaker 1: and since there's so much nonsense going on right now

370
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Speaker 1: about the drag community, ridiculous banning drag which has turned

371
00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:13,160
Speaker 1: into just a total dog whistle and basically demonizing trans

372
00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:15,960
Speaker 1: children for a political point, Like the Republicans are so

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Speaker 1: nasty the way that they're treating drag queens and the arguments.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I posted something on my Instagram about drag

375
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,720
Speaker 1: queens and you should see some of the comments saying

376
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Speaker 1: I'm all for people doing what they want, but they

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Speaker 1: need to stop dragging our kids to shows.

378
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:36,880
Speaker 4: And it's like, cutface.

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00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:40,840
Speaker 8: What child do you know that's five years old that

380
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:44,800
Speaker 8: is going to drag shows without their parents. If they're

381
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Speaker 8: at a drag show, then their parents brought them there.

382
00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:52,400
Speaker 8: There are no seven year old children going to dragon shows.

383
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Speaker 8: On their own, just like there are no transgender children

384
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Speaker 8: getting surgery either.

385
00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:59,560
Speaker 7: Right. Well, it's also like ask any fucking drag queen.

386
00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:01,040
Speaker 7: They don't want children there.

387
00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:04,520
Speaker 4: I don't know. I don't want children at my shows.

388
00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:08,760
Speaker 3: Like I feel like it's such a non issue that

389
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:09,920
Speaker 3: they have made into this.

390
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:12,960
Speaker 7: It's so hyper politicized. It doesn't even.

391
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:16,360
Speaker 1: Exist the issue exactly, You're right, it doesn't exist. It's

392
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:19,000
Speaker 1: such bullshit. It's such a non issue that they sit

393
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:22,920
Speaker 1: there and they hammer home, and then these idiots that

394
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:25,720
Speaker 1: believe that to be the truth are like, it's wrong

395
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:28,440
Speaker 1: that these children, they haven't even thought about the actual

396
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:31,320
Speaker 1: logistics of a child going to a drag show, Like

397
00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:34,360
Speaker 1: are they getting, you know, from nursery school straight to

398
00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:36,160
Speaker 1: their drag show because that's the field trip.

399
00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:39,360
Speaker 4: No, it isn't. Yeah, so it's all just such bullshit.

400
00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:40,800
Speaker 1: But I mean, I think it's just going to make

401
00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:44,520
Speaker 1: the drag community louder and prouder and all of its allies, allies.

402
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:47,400
Speaker 1: I was sorry, Vanessa Gonzalez. My opener always says you're

403
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:51,040
Speaker 1: such a good Alley as a joke because she always

404
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:53,760
Speaker 1: mispronounces things. And so now I'm picking it up, and

405
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:56,120
Speaker 1: now I'm I'm no, I.

406
00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:57,120
Speaker 4: Don't know how to speak English.

407
00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:58,080
Speaker 7: We'll get their eventually.

408
00:16:58,200 --> 00:16:59,520
Speaker 4: What else is happening in your love life? Do you

409
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:00,440
Speaker 4: have a love life?

410
00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:04,440
Speaker 3: I hang out with speaking of drag queens, so many

411
00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:07,280
Speaker 3: gay people that no, if like that there are no

412
00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:10,480
Speaker 3: straatmen in my life because I am unfortunately very straight

413
00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:15,439
Speaker 3: and my type is just not not in or around

414
00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:19,919
Speaker 3: my immediate sphere. So especially fucking Hollywood, West Hollywood, it's

415
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:21,720
Speaker 3: like not a single one to be found.

416
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:23,960
Speaker 1: Now, So what do you do? You make any effort

417
00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:26,560
Speaker 1: to date? Do you go on like sites or any

418
00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:27,879
Speaker 1: dating apps or anything like that?

419
00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:31,000
Speaker 3: Because when I when everything kind of first happened for me,

420
00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:33,560
Speaker 3: I kind of had like a really upsetting experience where

421
00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:37,399
Speaker 3: like I realized my anonymity no longer existed, you know

422
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:39,000
Speaker 3: what I mean, where like I can no longer just

423
00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:41,560
Speaker 3: be a woman on a dating app. It's like, oh,

424
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:46,120
Speaker 3: you're from and it's like and men aren't respectful ever

425
00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:47,959
Speaker 3: in the way that they approach that you know of Like,

426
00:17:49,119 --> 00:17:50,960
Speaker 3: so what's it like? You know, we're asking me questions,

427
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,480
Speaker 3: it's just like, oh, no fucking way, I matched with U.

428
00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:56,520
Speaker 3: And it's like, so I deleted all the apps, and

429
00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:59,560
Speaker 3: I kind of have resigned myself to this, like if

430
00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:01,199
Speaker 3: I'm going to meet him, it's going to be in

431
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:03,400
Speaker 3: the club, or like it's going to be in a party,

432
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:06,080
Speaker 3: and then I don't go to parties, so it's like, oh, right,

433
00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:08,400
Speaker 3: so maybe I won't ever meet a man.

434
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:11,440
Speaker 7: So that's fine.

435
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:13,520
Speaker 1: Well, let's hope at some point that you do. You're young,

436
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:16,120
Speaker 1: you have time to not be worried about it, exactly.

437
00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:17,560
Speaker 1: I mean, you have all the time in the world

438
00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:20,320
Speaker 1: to not be worried about it, exactly. I need something

439
00:18:20,359 --> 00:18:22,800
Speaker 1: to spike my sex drive. I think I was saying,

440
00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:24,840
Speaker 1: are you I got nothing going on?

441
00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:25,080
Speaker 5: Oh?

442
00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:28,680
Speaker 1: I have something going on, but not sex. It's not

443
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:32,400
Speaker 1: it's not it's a lead up. Yeah, it's a hearty outbreak.

444
00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:35,679
Speaker 1: It's a lead up to possibly sex. I'm talking to

445
00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:38,240
Speaker 1: some guy. I will meet him at some point and

446
00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:40,240
Speaker 1: then I'll decide I don't like to talk on the

447
00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:42,640
Speaker 1: phone before we meet because I don't know that I'm

448
00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:43,240
Speaker 1: gonna like you.

449
00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:46,600
Speaker 4: So I like texting. And it's funny.

450
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:49,880
Speaker 1: Because Tinks in her new book was talking about texting

451
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:52,240
Speaker 1: is not talking, and I'm like, no, No, texting is talking,

452
00:18:52,359 --> 00:18:52,960
Speaker 1: Like that's.

453
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:53,440
Speaker 4: The only talking.

454
00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,400
Speaker 1: I want to until I see you face to face,

455
00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:58,280
Speaker 1: and then if we have great chemistry and great sex.

456
00:18:58,080 --> 00:18:59,200
Speaker 4: Then we could talk on the phone.

457
00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:01,560
Speaker 1: But not for that, Like, I'm not going to waste

458
00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:04,280
Speaker 1: my phone time with you in advance of the penetration.

459
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:06,560
Speaker 4: I never know what's happening.

460
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:08,960
Speaker 2: And if there's chemistry, yeah, I feel like if you're

461
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:10,480
Speaker 2: on the phone with someone, you have to like be

462
00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:11,720
Speaker 2: close to being in love.

463
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:13,480
Speaker 5: It has to be like serious.

464
00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:15,960
Speaker 7: We got a FaceTime called oh.

465
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:16,960
Speaker 5: No, that's married.

466
00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:20,040
Speaker 7: Yeah, we're married. Only don't think about calling.

467
00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:22,760
Speaker 4: No, that is an assault.

468
00:19:24,119 --> 00:19:27,000
Speaker 7: How do you meet these men where it's only texting?

469
00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:28,199
Speaker 4: This guy I met, I'm riot.

470
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:33,240
Speaker 7: Yeah you know, Ryle waitlisted me for two years. I'm like,

471
00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:35,120
Speaker 7: look at me, I'm the people's Are you serious?

472
00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:38,320
Speaker 4: Yes, you can get into ryot and.

473
00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:38,800
Speaker 7: You would think.

474
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:42,280
Speaker 3: I've had all my friends be like, yeahflisted.

475
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,080
Speaker 7: They hate to see a white woman happy.

476
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:45,159
Speaker 5: Oh my god.

477
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:48,080
Speaker 1: I would say to use me as a reference, but

478
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:50,399
Speaker 1: maybe that's not going to work for you. Although no,

479
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:52,840
Speaker 1: everyone I've referred is on it, so maybe you should

480
00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:53,800
Speaker 1: use me as a reference.

481
00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:56,520
Speaker 4: You have to enlist me to refer you, Damn.

482
00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:58,800
Speaker 1: When you sign up or apply. You have to say,

483
00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:00,960
Speaker 1: Chelsea handler picked the peace that you want. It doesn't

484
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:04,200
Speaker 1: work the opposite way. I'm pretty sure, Okay, just do it.

485
00:20:04,359 --> 00:20:05,880
Speaker 1: I'm happy, of course.

486
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:06,480
Speaker 7: You know.

487
00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:09,119
Speaker 4: You know what's so funny about my rider is I

488
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:09,880
Speaker 4: was the other day.

489
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:12,160
Speaker 1: I was like my Vanessa, we were on the road,

490
00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:14,480
Speaker 1: my opener, and she was like, what's going on with Riot?

491
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:16,119
Speaker 1: Do you have anything going on with guys? And I

492
00:20:16,119 --> 00:20:18,640
Speaker 1: said no, I never check it. She goes check it

493
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:20,040
Speaker 1: and I was like, well, I just never one ever

494
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:22,840
Speaker 1: hits me up. And then I go and I didn't

495
00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:23,760
Speaker 1: have my alerts on.

496
00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:24,560
Speaker 4: So there were like.

497
00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:27,600
Speaker 1: Fourteen messages from guys that I had missed, but they

498
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,320
Speaker 1: were all from like six months before.

499
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:30,960
Speaker 7: I hadn't checked it.

500
00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:33,440
Speaker 4: So I'm like responding to all these guys like six

501
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:36,879
Speaker 4: months later. I'm like, hey, are you still there?

502
00:20:37,119 --> 00:20:39,439
Speaker 5: I'm married and saying oh you still want me?

503
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:41,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, let's take a quick break and we'll be

504
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:47,200
Speaker 1: right back, and we're back.

505
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:50,119
Speaker 7: We are. I have a question.

506
00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:52,960
Speaker 1: Oh that's not how this podcast works, just to talk

507
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:53,560
Speaker 1: about it.

508
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:56,480
Speaker 7: Do you remember I interviewed you for the TikTok podcast?

509
00:20:56,600 --> 00:21:02,399
Speaker 3: Yeah, sleay, bitch, that's all that conversation you like, I

510
00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:04,120
Speaker 3: have two things to say. First of all, that conversation

511
00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:06,320
Speaker 3: kind of changed my life because I was like, this

512
00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:08,000
Speaker 3: is a whole new way of thinking I've never even

513
00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:10,480
Speaker 3: like considered because I'm from like the Deep South, where

514
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:12,680
Speaker 3: it's like you go to college, you get married, you

515
00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:15,200
Speaker 3: have a baby, all before you're twenty three. That conversation

516
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:17,840
Speaker 3: with you changed my life in like one or two ways.

517
00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:21,120
Speaker 3: And then I just want to thank you for your

518
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:23,760
Speaker 3: service with that interview that you did with Harry Styles

519
00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:26,920
Speaker 3: where it was one word answers because the world changed

520
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:30,399
Speaker 3: that day, like you shifted culture, like like the Hairy

521
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:32,360
Speaker 3: fans went fucking firal over that.

522
00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:33,560
Speaker 4: Because he was giggling.

523
00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:36,680
Speaker 7: I was giggling. I just wanted to thank you for

524
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:37,160
Speaker 7: your service.

525
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:39,719
Speaker 4: Oh that's funny. What happened with the conversation. How did

526
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,359
Speaker 4: the conversation we had changed your life?

527
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:44,280
Speaker 3: Where you were it was just so like everything that

528
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:46,520
Speaker 3: you kind of stand for of like, I'm not going

529
00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:49,600
Speaker 3: to play by your playbook. I don't want to fucking

530
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:51,719
Speaker 3: get married. I don't want to have children like you

531
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:54,639
Speaker 3: talked about skiing naked and all those things, where I

532
00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:57,320
Speaker 3: was just like, this is so like, I've never met

533
00:21:57,320 --> 00:21:58,280
Speaker 3: a woman like you.

534
00:21:58,440 --> 00:21:59,680
Speaker 4: Oh, well, there's so many of them.

535
00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:02,720
Speaker 7: Well I would like to where's the Chelsea other clone factor?

536
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:03,879
Speaker 4: Well you're just like that.

537
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:05,720
Speaker 1: I mean, there are a lot of women are out

538
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:08,600
Speaker 1: here feeling the same way. So I'm just a loud

539
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:10,520
Speaker 1: one about it because I feel like there's a lack

540
00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:13,560
Speaker 1: of representation. I don't feel there is, but now women

541
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:18,800
Speaker 1: are getting their voices in a big way. Hey, there

542
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:22,639
Speaker 1: window Catherine's husband a very incestuous podcast.

543
00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:29,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it's Christian podcast.

544
00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:31,240
Speaker 4: So what is that water?

545
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:32,280
Speaker 7: It's just water?

546
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:33,920
Speaker 4: Why why does it look like a beer?

547
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:36,200
Speaker 7: Because if that's kind of the branding, just to make

548
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:37,320
Speaker 7: you feel like you're it's.

549
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:39,840
Speaker 5: Just so tiny to me. I can't do the water

550
00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:40,280
Speaker 5: in a cane.

551
00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:42,640
Speaker 4: I don't like water in a can either.

552
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:43,840
Speaker 5: You don't like any water though.

553
00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:45,680
Speaker 1: I don't like water, but I don't want to get

554
00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:47,280
Speaker 1: you know, I just found out I have this like

555
00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:50,960
Speaker 1: spinal impingement on my neck from probably from wiping out

556
00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:54,000
Speaker 1: during skiing. But the guy, my doctor, was like, are

557
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:58,120
Speaker 1: you hydrated, And I'm like, no, I'm definitely not hydrated.

558
00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:01,760
Speaker 7: This is brown. I'm the opposite of fun.

559
00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:03,320
Speaker 1: I have to get an IV once a week because

560
00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:07,159
Speaker 1: I fucking hate water so much. Yeah, well, now I

561
00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:09,480
Speaker 1: drink it, but I have to doctor it up with electrolytes,

562
00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:11,199
Speaker 1: which is good. But he was like, you have to

563
00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:14,159
Speaker 1: be hydrated for this to heal because there's inflammation.

564
00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:16,800
Speaker 4: And I'm like, oh, can't you just put the water

565
00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:20,119
Speaker 4: in me anyway?

566
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:23,080
Speaker 1: Okay, we take callers and live people calling in for advice,

567
00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:25,119
Speaker 1: so you better get your parental hat on.

568
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:28,640
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm feeling very maternal in this moment.

569
00:23:28,359 --> 00:23:31,000
Speaker 1: Big Sister, which is a far cry from the idea

570
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:31,600
Speaker 1: of big Brother.

571
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:35,080
Speaker 2: Yes, well, our first question is just an email, j

572
00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:36,879
Speaker 2: C says jay z J.

573
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:39,160
Speaker 4: He says, husband. I think it's actually Jesus Christ.

574
00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:42,120
Speaker 5: Oh, she says, let's sing it wrong.

575
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:43,560
Speaker 4: First of all, it's Heyesu's Cristy.

576
00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:44,840
Speaker 3: Oh.

577
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:48,080
Speaker 2: J C says, I love the podcast and I've been

578
00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:51,000
Speaker 2: listening for a while now. You're both so hilarious and insightful.

579
00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:56,600
Speaker 5: I've been dating this wonderful man for.

580
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:58,760
Speaker 2: Almost a year now, and he's the best boyfriend I've

581
00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:02,240
Speaker 2: ever had. He treats me like a princess. He's hilarious, smart,

582
00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:05,600
Speaker 2: and so so kind. Our sex life is great, except

583
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:09,439
Speaker 2: one thing. He calls himself daddy sometimes and has a

584
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:13,080
Speaker 2: script during sex about how he's my daddy and I'm

585
00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:17,040
Speaker 2: his little girl. It's just a long, uncomfortable commentary that

586
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:19,880
Speaker 2: I'm not turned on by. Most of the time there's

587
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:23,199
Speaker 2: no daddy talk, but sometimes he gets really into it.

588
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:26,000
Speaker 2: I usually don't say anything because I've had my fun

589
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:27,960
Speaker 2: and I just keep quiet until he's finished.

590
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:29,440
Speaker 5: He does have some.

591
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:32,320
Speaker 2: Edy issues at times, and I think the daddy talk

592
00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:35,480
Speaker 2: helps him get there. My question is do I say

593
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:38,400
Speaker 2: anything about how it doesn't turn me on? If I do,

594
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:40,359
Speaker 2: how the heck do I bring it up? Or do

595
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:42,160
Speaker 2: I just keep my mouth shut and enjoy the sex

596
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:44,040
Speaker 2: when it's about me and let him finish with his

597
00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:44,720
Speaker 2: daddy talk?

598
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:46,000
Speaker 5: Please help JC.

599
00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:47,400
Speaker 7: Oh, that's rough.

600
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:51,240
Speaker 4: First of all, Yes, you tell him that you don't

601
00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:51,679
Speaker 4: like that.

602
00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:55,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, you have autonomy, and you have to in the

603
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:57,280
Speaker 1: name of every woman, you.

604
00:24:57,320 --> 00:24:59,760
Speaker 4: Have to say, I don't like this. It doesn't turn

605
00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:00,239
Speaker 4: me on.

606
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:04,160
Speaker 1: His erectile dysfunction is not your problem, and he's gonna

607
00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:07,480
Speaker 1: have I'm sure something else in his arsenal that will.

608
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:09,679
Speaker 4: Turn him on. He cannot. You can't.

609
00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:12,240
Speaker 1: Just that's like him fucking you in the ass and

610
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:14,080
Speaker 1: you're not liking it, but allowing him to do it.

611
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:15,679
Speaker 1: I mean, it's not the same thing as that, but

612
00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:18,520
Speaker 1: it you know, there's no reason to do anything in.

613
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:20,480
Speaker 4: Sex that you're not comfortable with. You don't have to

614
00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:20,760
Speaker 4: do that.

615
00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:23,280
Speaker 1: So I'm sure if everything else is so great about him,

616
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:26,040
Speaker 1: which you say it is, tell him that you're not

617
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:26,720
Speaker 1: turned on by that.

618
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:28,800
Speaker 4: In fact, it kind of icks you out right right

619
00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:31,080
Speaker 4: turn on. And I don't know how to say it.

620
00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:31,719
Speaker 7: Just say it.

621
00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:33,600
Speaker 4: You owe that to yourself.

622
00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:35,359
Speaker 5: But maybe say it not during sex.

623
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:40,680
Speaker 3: Also, Yeah, that's like an over coffee kind of conversation maybe.

624
00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:43,560
Speaker 1: Or maybe like an intimate honey, I know that turns

625
00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:46,040
Speaker 1: you on. Just I would love another storyline to go

626
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:47,800
Speaker 1: with I'm tired of the story.

627
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:52,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe mommy like to be called call himself mommy.

628
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:54,800
Speaker 4: Daddy and little girl is pretty specific.

629
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:59,159
Speaker 3: Yeah, And there's such a tether to like, what's deeply

630
00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:01,359
Speaker 3: wrong with you when in your sexual kinks, So I

631
00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:03,760
Speaker 3: feel like maybe maybe they need to talk through it.

632
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:06,199
Speaker 1: But listen, some people are into funky shit, like I

633
00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:08,960
Speaker 1: like some dirty talk about weird shit, but not that.

634
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:11,399
Speaker 1: But you know, like with the right person, like I

635
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:14,239
Speaker 1: like to get like, I like a dynamic, But you

636
00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:16,320
Speaker 1: just have to find out what you're I'm sure there's

637
00:26:16,359 --> 00:26:17,840
Speaker 1: another option out there.

638
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:20,159
Speaker 5: Yeah, what if the other option is worse? That's my

639
00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:20,840
Speaker 5: only fear.

640
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:23,720
Speaker 4: Well, that's then, I mean, I don't know.

641
00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:25,320
Speaker 1: That's kind of I'm not going to sit and have

642
00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:28,440
Speaker 1: sex with somebody who's calling themselves daddy. First of all,

643
00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:30,920
Speaker 1: he should only pick that roll up if you call

644
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:33,800
Speaker 1: him daddy, Right, You don't just annoint yourself daddy.

645
00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:38,520
Speaker 7: Igniting yourself daddy. Yeah, you didn't earn that, brother.

646
00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:40,320
Speaker 4: No, Okay, what do we got next?

647
00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:43,199
Speaker 2: Well, our next question comes from Jen. She'll be on

648
00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:46,680
Speaker 2: the line with us here. Perfect, Dear Chelsea. First of all,

649
00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:49,840
Speaker 2: I love your advice. It's direct and straightforward. I love

650
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:53,200
Speaker 2: my boyfriend so much. He's the sweetest, nicest man ever.

651
00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:56,520
Speaker 2: To be honest, I'm hyper independent, but he just makes

652
00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:59,719
Speaker 2: my little heart so happy. He's twenty one years my senior.

653
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:01,240
Speaker 2: I'm thirty seven and.

654
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:02,040
Speaker 5: He's fifty eight.

655
00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:04,240
Speaker 2: Yes, I love old ass men, and no, I don't

656
00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:07,639
Speaker 2: have daddy issues. The issue is he's a consultant and

657
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:10,000
Speaker 2: works all the time during the week. I get a

658
00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:12,640
Speaker 2: good morning and a good night text and during the week.

659
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:15,600
Speaker 2: Other than that, it's like I don't exist. He does

660
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:18,000
Speaker 2: text back if I text, but it feels like I

661
00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:20,840
Speaker 2: have to always reach out. I have gently let him

662
00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:22,560
Speaker 2: know that i'd really like to hear from him more.

663
00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:24,879
Speaker 2: I don't feel like we're dating unless it's the weekend.

664
00:27:24,880 --> 00:27:27,520
Speaker 2: When I come over, he was a little frustrated, saying

665
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:29,280
Speaker 2: he has to talk all day on the phone, and

666
00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:31,280
Speaker 2: he doesn't have the energy to talk on the phone

667
00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:33,760
Speaker 2: at night. He said he's just depleted by the end

668
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:36,480
Speaker 2: of the day. Am I overreacting by thinking this is

669
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:39,320
Speaker 2: total bullshit? Before I sound like too much of a brat.

670
00:27:39,359 --> 00:27:41,240
Speaker 2: I know he speaks to his sister once per week

671
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:43,680
Speaker 2: about a show they always watched together, and my love

672
00:27:43,720 --> 00:27:46,359
Speaker 2: language also happens to be words of affirmation, but I

673
00:27:46,359 --> 00:27:48,280
Speaker 2: find it very hard to feel loved and I don't

674
00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:51,400
Speaker 2: get any words from him, much less words of affirmation.

675
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:54,840
Speaker 2: I'm supposed to move in with him soon, hopefully two

676
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:56,959
Speaker 2: months from now, but I'm wondering if that's the right

677
00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:58,760
Speaker 2: move on my part. Are we just going to not

678
00:27:58,800 --> 00:28:02,280
Speaker 2: talk during the week even though we live together. I

679
00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:04,840
Speaker 2: can take any constructive criticisms you all can give.

680
00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:05,640
Speaker 5: Thanks so much.

681
00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:08,760
Speaker 7: Jen Hi, jud Jen Hi.

682
00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:09,960
Speaker 5: Hi.

683
00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:14,679
Speaker 4: This is our special guest Brittany for today Brusky Hi Gorge,

684
00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:16,080
Speaker 4: Hi Hi.

685
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:17,720
Speaker 7: Okay, what a situation.

686
00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:21,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, so tell us more. We read your letter, so

687
00:28:22,119 --> 00:28:24,119
Speaker 1: you don't text with him even during the week.

688
00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:28,080
Speaker 6: So I basically get like a gift in the morning,

689
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:30,960
Speaker 6: so it'll say good morning, and it's a gift. He's

690
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:34,000
Speaker 6: just a gift person. And then at night it's good night.

691
00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:36,560
Speaker 6: I love you with a gift. That has been for

692
00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:43,200
Speaker 6: like the past three four months. And sometimes we do talk,

693
00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:47,440
Speaker 6: but it's rare. For instance, three weeks ago, he called

694
00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:50,120
Speaker 6: me and he talked to me for about thirty seconds

695
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:52,880
Speaker 6: and then said, oh, I gotta go, my boss is

696
00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:55,520
Speaker 6: calling me and I said okay, and then we didn't

697
00:28:55,560 --> 00:28:57,080
Speaker 6: talk for the rest of the day and then I

698
00:28:57,120 --> 00:29:01,360
Speaker 6: got my good night gifts. So I know, I know,

699
00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:03,320
Speaker 6: it is kind of like a funny situation, but it's

700
00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:05,200
Speaker 6: also like I don't know what to do.

701
00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:06,720
Speaker 4: Well, okay I was.

702
00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:08,160
Speaker 1: I mean, when you said you're going to move in

703
00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:11,480
Speaker 1: with him, I just figured problem solved because obviously you're

704
00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:13,720
Speaker 1: going to talk when you live together.

705
00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:17,160
Speaker 6: Right, That's what I think too. But here's the thing,

706
00:29:17,720 --> 00:29:20,000
Speaker 6: so I brought this up six months ago, and that's

707
00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:22,720
Speaker 6: when he had and I call it his little temper tantrum,

708
00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:25,320
Speaker 6: but really it wasn't. He was just frustrated.

709
00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:25,800
Speaker 4: I get that.

710
00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:28,760
Speaker 6: But that was six months ago, and I thought that

711
00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:30,680
Speaker 6: we were going to move in within the next couple

712
00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:33,400
Speaker 6: of months because this house would be done. Well I

713
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:35,320
Speaker 6: don't know when his house is going to be done now.

714
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:39,280
Speaker 6: I mean, they keep pushing things back, and so could

715
00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:41,480
Speaker 6: it be another six months? And am I supposed to

716
00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:43,600
Speaker 6: live like this for six months? And I know that

717
00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:47,520
Speaker 6: there's like an end goal, but still it's very frustrating.

718
00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:50,040
Speaker 4: And remind me again how long you guys have been together.

719
00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:53,840
Speaker 6: So we've been together since November.

720
00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:54,960
Speaker 4: Twenty twenty one, so a couple of years.

721
00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:56,320
Speaker 6: Yeah, almost a couple of years.

722
00:29:56,400 --> 00:29:58,320
Speaker 4: Yes, And it.

723
00:29:58,240 --> 00:30:02,160
Speaker 6: Hasn't always been like this, But I can understand he

724
00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:04,040
Speaker 6: you know, he has a lot on his mind and

725
00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:07,280
Speaker 6: a lot on his plate. But when I brought it

726
00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:10,040
Speaker 6: up a while ago, I said, look, I'm sure the

727
00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:13,000
Speaker 6: president of the United States still calls and texts his

728
00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:15,640
Speaker 6: wife and he's got a lot more shit going on

729
00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:18,480
Speaker 6: than you. Trust me, oh am, I allowed to say shit,

730
00:30:19,160 --> 00:30:22,320
Speaker 6: Yeah what, yes, yes, you are the show right.

731
00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:24,840
Speaker 7: Are you? Yes?

732
00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:25,720
Speaker 5: But I'm nervous.

733
00:30:25,760 --> 00:30:29,040
Speaker 1: Sorry, Oh no, don't It's okay. Yes, you could say

734
00:30:29,080 --> 00:30:32,120
Speaker 1: whatever you want, thank you, KND pussy fuck twist, I

735
00:30:32,160 --> 00:30:40,040
Speaker 1: mean titty twist or whatever, just twist twist. So okay,

736
00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:41,640
Speaker 1: a couple of things, Brittany, do you want to jump

737
00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:42,680
Speaker 1: in or do you want me to start?

738
00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:45,960
Speaker 3: My question is well, I guess more of a statement

739
00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:48,600
Speaker 3: is if he wanted to, he would like. I think

740
00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:51,440
Speaker 3: that that's the overarching thing here is he's kind of

741
00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:54,080
Speaker 3: making it evident that communicating with his partner is not

742
00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:58,080
Speaker 3: really top of his priority list, agreed, even after like

743
00:30:58,640 --> 00:31:01,479
Speaker 3: bringing the issue up to him. So that's kind of this, like,

744
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:04,680
Speaker 3: is he just willfully ignoring me on purpose?

745
00:31:04,760 --> 00:31:06,000
Speaker 7: Does he really care about me? Am?

746
00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:08,479
Speaker 3: I just an afterthought? Like that's that's where my spiral

747
00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:09,040
Speaker 3: would start.

748
00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:12,560
Speaker 6: Absolutely, I even wrote all my bullet points down. That's

749
00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:14,520
Speaker 6: just the person that I am. That's weird, I know,

750
00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:16,560
Speaker 6: but I just want to get it all out and

751
00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:18,600
Speaker 6: I want to make sure like I'm hitting every single

752
00:31:18,600 --> 00:31:21,600
Speaker 6: bullet point because I want him to know how I feel.

753
00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:25,239
Speaker 6: And this isn't like a I'm blaming you. This is

754
00:31:25,280 --> 00:31:28,720
Speaker 6: more like a I feel this way, so please take

755
00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:32,800
Speaker 6: care of it because if you don't, And I hate ultimatums,

756
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:36,480
Speaker 6: and this is kind of an ultimatum. But I feel

757
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:40,160
Speaker 6: like I'm such a strong person and I've been married

758
00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:42,520
Speaker 6: and divorced and I just know what I want in life.

759
00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:46,360
Speaker 6: And if you're not it, that's okay, that's totally fine.

760
00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:48,920
Speaker 6: And if you can't meet me here, which I don't

761
00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:51,200
Speaker 6: think it's a lot to ask to call me once

762
00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:51,920
Speaker 6: a week.

763
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:53,280
Speaker 7: No, that's bare minimum.

764
00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:55,280
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's literal bare minimum.

765
00:31:55,440 --> 00:31:59,320
Speaker 1: So and the idea of you want more interaction, he

766
00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:04,320
Speaker 1: wants zero pretty much interaction except against during the week, right,

767
00:32:04,800 --> 00:32:08,920
Speaker 1: So in a relationship there is compromise, like he's got

768
00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:11,000
Speaker 1: to meet you in the middle. He's just doing what

769
00:32:11,040 --> 00:32:15,240
Speaker 1: he wants without regard for your desires, without making any effort,

770
00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:18,200
Speaker 1: especially when I know how that feels when somebody's like, oh,

771
00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:20,440
Speaker 1: i'll call you right back and then or I have

772
00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:22,160
Speaker 1: to get off the phone. You expect a call back

773
00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:25,600
Speaker 1: when they are done with their boss. So that's neglectful.

774
00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:28,880
Speaker 1: And it's just it's not a compromise. It's not fifty

775
00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:31,720
Speaker 1: to fifty what you're describing. You have needs, He doesn't

776
00:32:31,720 --> 00:32:33,680
Speaker 1: have to meet every single one of your needs. That's

777
00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:37,080
Speaker 1: also an unfair demand. But he has to be able

778
00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:39,720
Speaker 1: to come to meet you where you are and say,

779
00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:42,040
Speaker 1: this is what I can do, even though I hate

780
00:32:42,120 --> 00:32:44,920
Speaker 1: talking on the phone. You know, let's make sure we

781
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:48,160
Speaker 1: connect midweek or a couple of times a week, whatever

782
00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:51,080
Speaker 1: would make you happy. That would be, you know, a

783
00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:53,680
Speaker 1: move in the right direction. And it doesn't have to

784
00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:56,000
Speaker 1: be an ultimatum. You can just declare that and then

785
00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:59,520
Speaker 1: see how he responds to it, and then you're going

786
00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:01,760
Speaker 1: to gather all the information you need. He'll either be

787
00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:04,400
Speaker 1: able to do it or he won't. Right, And you

788
00:33:04,440 --> 00:33:07,719
Speaker 1: shouldn't have to move in with someone to get to

789
00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:09,200
Speaker 1: see them exactly.

790
00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:12,800
Speaker 6: You know, we do spend weekends together. And I don't

791
00:33:12,840 --> 00:33:14,920
Speaker 6: tell him this, but this is how I feel when

792
00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:17,360
Speaker 6: I see him on Friday night, like the whole week

793
00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:19,840
Speaker 6: is just dumped on me, and it's like, oh, I

794
00:33:19,880 --> 00:33:21,760
Speaker 6: did this, and this happened, and then we did this,

795
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:24,920
Speaker 6: and I'm like, can we break it up during the

796
00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:29,160
Speaker 6: week and tell me these things because right now I've

797
00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:31,840
Speaker 6: had a full week and I'm just exhausted and I

798
00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:33,760
Speaker 6: just want to chill and smoke some weed and hang

799
00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:37,840
Speaker 6: out and you know, do my thing. And so it's

800
00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:40,720
Speaker 6: it's a little bit hard, and I'm not afraid to

801
00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:42,640
Speaker 6: talk to him about it. I'm going to talk to

802
00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:44,760
Speaker 6: him about it because I feel like I.

803
00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:47,000
Speaker 4: Deserve more and good.

804
00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:49,840
Speaker 6: I am a strong woman. I can do it all alone.

805
00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:52,120
Speaker 6: I can be by myself, no big deal. The thing

806
00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:55,120
Speaker 6: is that he is just such an amazing person. And

807
00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:58,760
Speaker 6: maybe you know, I didn't make it super clear. Maybe

808
00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:00,560
Speaker 6: I just need to be like, hey, this isn't going

809
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:01,200
Speaker 6: to work for me.

810
00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:04,640
Speaker 2: Or maybe it's hey, Wednesday nights, let's either go grab

811
00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:06,760
Speaker 2: a drink or let's have like a half hour phone

812
00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:08,920
Speaker 2: call just being like, you know what, let's throw in

813
00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:11,440
Speaker 2: a midweek thing. But also, is there a way that

814
00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:13,680
Speaker 2: you guys can move in together before his house is done?

815
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:14,880
Speaker 5: Is that possible?

816
00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:19,640
Speaker 6: I wish? I mean honestly, so right now he has

817
00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:23,080
Speaker 6: kind of like a luxury trailer on his property because

818
00:34:23,080 --> 00:34:25,239
Speaker 6: he has like a full like kind of farm with

819
00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:28,360
Speaker 6: the animals, so he has to be there. But I

820
00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:30,880
Speaker 6: mean it's such a small thing, and me moving in

821
00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:31,839
Speaker 6: my stuff.

822
00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:31,840
Speaker 4: Got it?

823
00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:35,880
Speaker 6: Yeah, And I actually really like this time myself alone

824
00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:40,440
Speaker 6: because I was in fifteen year marriage before this, and

825
00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:45,000
Speaker 6: it ended in twenty twenty. And I am totally fine

826
00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:47,160
Speaker 6: living on my own. You know, I like it.

827
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:50,759
Speaker 1: You see, you seem very together and very grounded and competent.

828
00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:53,759
Speaker 1: So like, I'm not worried about your situation at all.

829
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:55,440
Speaker 1: I think you're going to handle everything the way that

830
00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:58,040
Speaker 1: it needs to be handled, and you have absolutely every

831
00:34:58,080 --> 00:35:00,839
Speaker 1: right to say what you want, and then he can

832
00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:03,400
Speaker 1: show you that he's moving towards that direction.

833
00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:05,480
Speaker 4: You know, he doesn't have to bend over backwards for

834
00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:06,360
Speaker 4: you all the time.

835
00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:09,839
Speaker 1: But it's just a consideration that you deserve and when

836
00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:11,439
Speaker 1: you put it and frame it like I just feel

837
00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:14,120
Speaker 1: like I deserve better or not better, say I deserve

838
00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:17,640
Speaker 1: more from somebody who's I'm in a committed relationship with,

839
00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:20,160
Speaker 1: and for that to be too much to ask from

840
00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:22,480
Speaker 1: you doesn't make me feel good about us.

841
00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:26,160
Speaker 6: Yeah, and that's exactly what I've written down. You know.

842
00:35:26,600 --> 00:35:28,920
Speaker 6: All my bullet points are just like, if you wanted to,

843
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:31,279
Speaker 6: you definitely would, And to me, you're showing me you

844
00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:35,640
Speaker 6: don't want to, and that's okay, that's okay you don't

845
00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:38,759
Speaker 6: want to. I don't want to force you. However, that

846
00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:41,279
Speaker 6: doesn't mean that I have to be in this relationship

847
00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:43,960
Speaker 6: as well. I mean it would break my heart, of course,

848
00:35:44,719 --> 00:35:47,279
Speaker 6: but I mean it is what it is. You can't

849
00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:48,560
Speaker 6: force someone to do something.

850
00:35:48,719 --> 00:35:51,280
Speaker 1: But I think that's also stating it like that, saying

851
00:35:51,320 --> 00:35:52,840
Speaker 1: you know, if you can do this, that would be

852
00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:55,600
Speaker 1: great and that would be significant in us remaining together.

853
00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:57,400
Speaker 1: But I have to be honest, I'm starting to feel

854
00:35:57,400 --> 00:36:00,520
Speaker 1: like you're not willing to compromise and that's making me

855
00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:03,319
Speaker 1: question things and that would be heartbreaking for me. But

856
00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:08,720
Speaker 1: I also need a certain amount of respect or consideration about,

857
00:36:08,840 --> 00:36:12,280
Speaker 1: you know, what you desire rather than what's he desires,

858
00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:13,879
Speaker 1: which is not talking on the phone at all.

859
00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:15,920
Speaker 7: Right, I was gonna say, also there's like this.

860
00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:18,400
Speaker 4: Maybe I should date him. Actually, I also don't want

861
00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:19,160
Speaker 4: to talk on the phone.

862
00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:21,839
Speaker 6: I would love to just you know.

863
00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:24,560
Speaker 3: There's also this weird dynamic of it seems like it's

864
00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:25,880
Speaker 3: all about him all the time.

865
00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:29,480
Speaker 6: And you know, I think maybe he is a little

866
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:33,720
Speaker 6: bit that way. I wouldn't say that he's a selfish person.

867
00:36:34,560 --> 00:36:38,759
Speaker 6: I think that sometimes he can become self centered. I've

868
00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:43,680
Speaker 6: never held that against him. However, the man when I'm.

869
00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:44,799
Speaker 4: With him, he just adores me.

870
00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:47,600
Speaker 6: He loves on me. He buys me anything I want.

871
00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:50,319
Speaker 6: If I literally go into any store and say, okay,

872
00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:52,600
Speaker 6: I want this, he's like cool and he just buys it.

873
00:36:52,840 --> 00:36:55,640
Speaker 6: And I know for some people that's like, oh, well, that's.

874
00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:56,120
Speaker 7: Not a big deal.

875
00:36:56,320 --> 00:36:59,080
Speaker 6: For me, it's so nice because I'm like, really extra,

876
00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:03,680
Speaker 6: I'm gonna I'm gonna be honest, and I'm like, oh wow,

877
00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:05,719
Speaker 6: a man wants to buy me stuff in dote on me.

878
00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:08,120
Speaker 6: But it's like the weirdest thing. Even my friends think

879
00:37:08,160 --> 00:37:10,319
Speaker 6: it's so weird. And I've even asked him, like, do

880
00:37:10,360 --> 00:37:12,680
Speaker 6: you have another family that you're entering.

881
00:37:14,239 --> 00:37:15,240
Speaker 5: It crossed my mind.

882
00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:18,359
Speaker 6: Are they all living in this trailer with you? No?

883
00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:22,279
Speaker 6: But but you know, like I've asked him and he's like, no,

884
00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 6: absolutely not. And I do see how focused he is

885
00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:29,759
Speaker 6: and he enjoys his job. He's very much focused. But

886
00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:33,200
Speaker 6: you know, me being younger and also maybe just kind

887
00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:36,160
Speaker 6: of a little bit brattier than he's normally used to

888
00:37:36,640 --> 00:37:38,680
Speaker 6: and not I'm really not a brat, but when I

889
00:37:38,719 --> 00:37:41,440
Speaker 6: want something, it's like, can we just do this, Let's

890
00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:43,959
Speaker 6: just do this. You know. I think I'm a little

891
00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:46,360
Speaker 6: bit of a challenge for him, but sort of in

892
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:50,080
Speaker 6: a good way. And I'm really hoping this all ends up. Yeah,

893
00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:51,080
Speaker 6: I want it, Tom.

894
00:37:51,640 --> 00:37:54,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, And don't be a brat when you have this conversation,

895
00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:56,399
Speaker 1: because there's nothing bratty about it, right, you know, there's

896
00:37:56,400 --> 00:37:59,319
Speaker 1: nothing whiny or complaining. It's I think it's much more

897
00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:02,360
Speaker 1: effective to just say this is what I need in

898
00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:04,879
Speaker 1: a non emotional way, so that it helps a little

899
00:38:04,880 --> 00:38:07,880
Speaker 1: bit more, has a little bit more heft than just

900
00:38:08,200 --> 00:38:10,440
Speaker 1: being like I need you to call me. You know,

901
00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:13,399
Speaker 1: it's yeah, it's not a needy thing, it's a respect thing.

902
00:38:13,719 --> 00:38:13,919
Speaker 5: Yeah.

903
00:38:13,920 --> 00:38:16,200
Speaker 2: And putting a date on it of like, hey, let's

904
00:38:16,239 --> 00:38:19,040
Speaker 2: talk for twenty or thirty minutes on Wednesdays gives an

905
00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:22,520
Speaker 2: actionable goal that like either meeting or not meeting, rather

906
00:38:22,600 --> 00:38:25,960
Speaker 2: than like let's just talk more, which is more vague. Right,

907
00:38:26,040 --> 00:38:28,800
Speaker 2: But Jen, let us know how it goes. Okay, I'm

908
00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:29,600
Speaker 2: interested to hear.

909
00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:32,840
Speaker 4: I want to hear how the conversation goes. To follow

910
00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:33,399
Speaker 4: back up.

911
00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:36,000
Speaker 6: Okay, okay, we'll do Thanks everyone.

912
00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:40,400
Speaker 1: Okay, thanks honey, goodbye, Okay, thank you, bye bye bye.

913
00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:43,320
Speaker 4: Catherine was done with that call. She's like, Okay, we

914
00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:47,400
Speaker 4: gotta move on. That goes She's like, I want to

915
00:38:47,400 --> 00:38:49,560
Speaker 4: get a kidney transplant. Catherine's like okay, well.

916
00:38:49,400 --> 00:38:51,520
Speaker 5: Good like goodbye.

917
00:38:55,880 --> 00:38:56,240
Speaker 7: Well.

918
00:38:56,360 --> 00:39:01,560
Speaker 5: Our next color is Hallie. She is dear Chelsea.

919
00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:04,440
Speaker 2: I'm the youngest of three girls, and my oldest sister

920
00:39:04,520 --> 00:39:08,000
Speaker 2: has a very tense relationship with our mom. She immediately

921
00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:10,600
Speaker 2: goes on the defensive around her, and every time they're

922
00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:13,640
Speaker 2: together they get into at least one little snippy conversation.

923
00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:16,520
Speaker 2: I'll admit our mom can be difficult, but I think

924
00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:18,799
Speaker 2: my middle sister and I are more able to see

925
00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:20,960
Speaker 2: that the things she says and does are often coming

926
00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:23,879
Speaker 2: from a place of insecurity. Even if we get into

927
00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:25,920
Speaker 2: an argument with her, we're more able to move on

928
00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:26,960
Speaker 2: and give her some grace.

929
00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:28,759
Speaker 5: Our oldest sister just.

930
00:39:28,719 --> 00:39:31,720
Speaker 2: Seems to assume the worst and hang on to every

931
00:39:31,760 --> 00:39:34,520
Speaker 2: little thing. Then she'll complain to us about it, and

932
00:39:34,560 --> 00:39:36,600
Speaker 2: we're not sure what to say. I think she wants

933
00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:38,839
Speaker 2: her kids to continue to have a relationship with our mom,

934
00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:41,000
Speaker 2: but it feels like she's at a crossroads and needs

935
00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:43,120
Speaker 2: to decide how she's going to move forward with her

936
00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:45,920
Speaker 2: own relationship with her, as the current state of it

937
00:39:45,920 --> 00:39:48,600
Speaker 2: makes it unpleasant for everyone. The irony is that my

938
00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:50,960
Speaker 2: oldest sister and our mom are more similar than they

939
00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:53,719
Speaker 2: care to admit. How can my middle sister and I

940
00:39:53,800 --> 00:39:56,200
Speaker 2: help our older sister figure out how to improve her

941
00:39:56,239 --> 00:39:58,960
Speaker 2: relationship with our mom, what boundaries to set and what

942
00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:01,640
Speaker 2: conversations to have? Thanks for any advice you can give.

943
00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:05,799
Speaker 4: Hallie Hi, Halle Hi, Hi.

944
00:40:05,880 --> 00:40:08,840
Speaker 1: This is Brittany Broski. She's our special guest today.

945
00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:10,359
Speaker 7: Hallie, Hey, nice to meet.

946
00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:12,799
Speaker 1: It's funny I had a conversation with a girlfriend this

947
00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:14,800
Speaker 1: morning on the phone because to her sister just was

948
00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:19,240
Speaker 1: visiting her and she's like, everything my sister does annoys

949
00:40:19,239 --> 00:40:22,040
Speaker 1: the shit out of me, and my friend is just

950
00:40:22,120 --> 00:40:25,479
Speaker 1: the most, in my opinion, is the sweetest, most easy

951
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:27,279
Speaker 1: going person in the world. So to hear her even

952
00:40:27,320 --> 00:40:31,160
Speaker 1: talk like that about her sister is it's always just

953
00:40:31,239 --> 00:40:34,200
Speaker 1: a test, right, Like it's basically the universe testing you,

954
00:40:34,239 --> 00:40:36,439
Speaker 1: because if you keep failing the test that it keeps

955
00:40:36,480 --> 00:40:39,440
Speaker 1: triggering you and triggering you. And you have to basically

956
00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:42,839
Speaker 1: talk to your sister about treating your mom with kid

957
00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:45,440
Speaker 1: gloves and actually treating your mom like she's.

958
00:40:45,320 --> 00:40:47,120
Speaker 4: A kid, think of her like a kid.

959
00:40:47,520 --> 00:40:50,560
Speaker 1: And even though that's fucked up, because you're the kids,

960
00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:52,400
Speaker 1: you and your youngest sister.

961
00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:55,000
Speaker 9: I'm the youngest, so it's me and my middle sister.

962
00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:58,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, you and your middle sister are obviously okay with

963
00:40:58,320 --> 00:41:00,279
Speaker 1: it and you're not taking it to task and it's

964
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:01,879
Speaker 1: not disrupting your life. Right.

965
00:41:02,239 --> 00:41:02,879
Speaker 4: I think you're right.

966
00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:06,560
Speaker 1: I think that makes sense, and they're probably the similarity

967
00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:09,200
Speaker 1: between the two is why they are clashing, which is

968
00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:13,480
Speaker 1: very obvious. Also, so it's a very easy like psychology lesson,

969
00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:18,200
Speaker 1: but on a spiritual level, like in terms of energetic

970
00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:22,000
Speaker 1: being and your vibration and being cool and attracting goodness,

971
00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:25,359
Speaker 1: it is that you are lifting yourself up out of

972
00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:29,480
Speaker 1: kind of a low vibe when you have room and

973
00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:32,239
Speaker 1: space for people that you don't necessarily want to have

974
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:35,120
Speaker 1: room and space for, or that annoy you, or that

975
00:41:35,200 --> 00:41:38,239
Speaker 1: trigger you, or all of the history that's involved. So

976
00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:41,520
Speaker 1: for her, if there's any way for you to engage

977
00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:46,000
Speaker 1: her in a conversation where you're talking like this about it, like, hey,

978
00:41:46,440 --> 00:41:49,120
Speaker 1: treat mom like she's a little kid. Let go of

979
00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:52,120
Speaker 1: the anger, Like try to just use it as a practice,

980
00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:55,000
Speaker 1: Like even when I am annoyed with someone, I make

981
00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:56,919
Speaker 1: it a note to send a text out to them

982
00:41:56,960 --> 00:41:59,759
Speaker 1: and say, hey, just thinking about you love you just

983
00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:01,640
Speaker 1: be because I want to flip the switch on my

984
00:42:01,680 --> 00:42:04,200
Speaker 1: own script in my head, you know, put out love

985
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:07,040
Speaker 1: and when you're feeling negative, like it'll change her whole

986
00:42:07,239 --> 00:42:10,840
Speaker 1: entire life if she's able to let go of the tension,

987
00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:13,640
Speaker 1: And it won't happen overnight. But it is a practice,

988
00:42:13,680 --> 00:42:15,560
Speaker 1: just like anything you do to be a better person

989
00:42:15,719 --> 00:42:19,160
Speaker 1: or be a more mindful person and practice loving kindness.

990
00:42:19,560 --> 00:42:22,720
Speaker 1: She needs love your mother. She's obviously damaged. Your sister's

991
00:42:22,719 --> 00:42:25,359
Speaker 1: obviously damaged from your mother, so she's holding on to it.

992
00:42:25,600 --> 00:42:27,480
Speaker 1: But what a great victory lap would it be for

993
00:42:27,520 --> 00:42:29,719
Speaker 1: your sister if she could release that and look at

994
00:42:29,760 --> 00:42:31,760
Speaker 1: her with pity and treat her like a little girl

995
00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:35,080
Speaker 1: instead of like she's expecting her to be your mom. Right?

996
00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:37,719
Speaker 9: And what do you think about the fact that she

997
00:42:38,040 --> 00:42:41,120
Speaker 9: our oldest sister kind of puts me and our middle

998
00:42:41,160 --> 00:42:43,480
Speaker 9: sister in the middle a little bit and kind of

999
00:42:43,560 --> 00:42:47,200
Speaker 9: will express her grievances about our mom to us. And again,

1000
00:42:47,239 --> 00:42:49,839
Speaker 9: I mean, I think we have challenges with her too,

1001
00:42:50,040 --> 00:42:51,840
Speaker 9: so I can on the one hand, I can see it,

1002
00:42:51,880 --> 00:42:55,120
Speaker 9: and I want her to feel supported in that, but

1003
00:42:55,160 --> 00:42:58,400
Speaker 9: I also don't think it's healthy for her then to

1004
00:42:58,520 --> 00:43:02,280
Speaker 9: be coming to us with those difficulties that she's having.

1005
00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:04,200
Speaker 4: I agree with that wholeheartedly.

1006
00:43:04,280 --> 00:43:06,399
Speaker 1: She shouldn't And you can say that in a very

1007
00:43:06,440 --> 00:43:09,040
Speaker 1: loving way as well, like, hey, I love both of you.

1008
00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:12,560
Speaker 1: It's upsets me every time you come to me talking

1009
00:43:12,560 --> 00:43:15,480
Speaker 1: about Mom. It's upsetting, Like, I just want you guys

1010
00:43:15,520 --> 00:43:17,120
Speaker 1: to get along. And I know it's not as easy

1011
00:43:17,160 --> 00:43:19,799
Speaker 1: for you, clearly, but I think that there might be

1012
00:43:19,840 --> 00:43:22,000
Speaker 1: a reason why it's not easier for you. That might

1013
00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:24,600
Speaker 1: be your challenge. Like that's a test, and if you

1014
00:43:24,640 --> 00:43:26,840
Speaker 1: can get past that, and you can ace that test,

1015
00:43:27,320 --> 00:43:29,120
Speaker 1: then there's a whole bunch of other.

1016
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:30,600
Speaker 4: New stuff in the world that you're not going to.

1017
00:43:30,760 --> 00:43:34,160
Speaker 4: You know, you minimize the irritation of that person by

1018
00:43:34,239 --> 00:43:38,560
Speaker 4: just showering them with love, acceptance, and understanding and not

1019
00:43:38,680 --> 00:43:41,040
Speaker 4: looking for them to deliver something they've never shown you

1020
00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:41,800
Speaker 4: in the first place.

1021
00:43:42,719 --> 00:43:45,640
Speaker 2: There is a book called The Dance of Anger that

1022
00:43:45,719 --> 00:43:47,840
Speaker 2: you might recommend to your sister.

1023
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:51,000
Speaker 5: It helps sort of unlatch.

1024
00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:54,440
Speaker 2: Some of that repetitive behavior of like going straight into anger.

1025
00:43:54,719 --> 00:43:56,920
Speaker 2: I know I had a pretty strained relationship with my

1026
00:43:57,200 --> 00:44:00,880
Speaker 2: dad maybe ten years ago, and it's got a lot better,

1027
00:44:00,960 --> 00:44:02,480
Speaker 2: and I think you know there is room for us

1028
00:44:02,520 --> 00:44:04,439
Speaker 2: to learn and change and grow, but your sister does

1029
00:44:04,480 --> 00:44:07,200
Speaker 2: have to be, as Chelsea said, like making that effort

1030
00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:10,000
Speaker 2: to do that. I think it can just stay stagnant

1031
00:44:10,080 --> 00:44:13,040
Speaker 2: or get worse if someone's not actively trying to improve

1032
00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:13,520
Speaker 2: the situation.

1033
00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:16,279
Speaker 9: Right, Yeah, I think I think she's kind of in

1034
00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:18,440
Speaker 9: like a constant state of fight or flight, you know,

1035
00:44:18,560 --> 00:44:21,200
Speaker 9: with our mom, So that makes retal sense trying to

1036
00:44:21,239 --> 00:44:24,440
Speaker 9: help her lovingly, help her get to that place of

1037
00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:27,120
Speaker 9: having that dialogue with herself and figuring out what she

1038
00:44:27,200 --> 00:44:29,320
Speaker 9: can do to take steps to move forward.

1039
00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:32,480
Speaker 1: Because usually when you're acting like that, it's because you're

1040
00:44:32,520 --> 00:44:33,400
Speaker 1: seeing a part.

1041
00:44:33,239 --> 00:44:34,920
Speaker 4: Of you that you do not like.

1042
00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:37,960
Speaker 1: Like the similarities in you, we give the best advice

1043
00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:39,960
Speaker 1: of what we need to seek the most. When you

1044
00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:42,799
Speaker 1: see somebody that drives you crazy, it's because they're representing

1045
00:44:42,840 --> 00:44:44,719
Speaker 1: something in you yourself that you don't like.

1046
00:44:44,920 --> 00:44:46,839
Speaker 4: Brittany, were you going to say something, I was just

1047
00:44:46,840 --> 00:44:48,680
Speaker 4: gonna say, Yeah, it's an active choice.

1048
00:44:48,719 --> 00:44:52,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, Relationships like this are little moments of active choices

1049
00:44:52,719 --> 00:44:56,279
Speaker 3: where either you or your sisters are choosing whether or

1050
00:44:56,360 --> 00:44:59,719
Speaker 3: not to engage. And, like Chelsea said, how you're approaching it,

1051
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:02,240
Speaker 3: to flip the switch and be like, in this moment,

1052
00:45:02,760 --> 00:45:06,640
Speaker 3: I'm recognizing this feeling of you know, the fighting is starting,

1053
00:45:06,719 --> 00:45:08,799
Speaker 3: or that pissed me off, or here we go back

1054
00:45:08,840 --> 00:45:11,239
Speaker 3: to the same shit, where making an active choice to

1055
00:45:11,360 --> 00:45:15,279
Speaker 3: just take a breath and respond differently because it is

1056
00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:17,920
Speaker 3: a choice, you know, Like that is to keep that

1057
00:45:17,960 --> 00:45:20,080
Speaker 3: in mind, that you have the power over how you

1058
00:45:20,160 --> 00:45:23,160
Speaker 3: react to a situation. All your siblings do, and your

1059
00:45:23,160 --> 00:45:25,520
Speaker 3: mom does too. But it's I deal with this with

1060
00:45:25,560 --> 00:45:27,759
Speaker 3: my mom where I am the parent and my mother

1061
00:45:27,880 --> 00:45:30,560
Speaker 3: is the child, and I have to gentle parent my

1062
00:45:30,640 --> 00:45:33,360
Speaker 3: own mom and it's fucking infuriating, and I have to

1063
00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:35,560
Speaker 3: take a breath and I have to like do breathing

1064
00:45:35,600 --> 00:45:38,640
Speaker 3: exercises in the bathroom. But like it's made all the difference,

1065
00:45:38,800 --> 00:45:41,799
Speaker 3: and it's a hard, hard thing. Family shit is so

1066
00:45:41,920 --> 00:45:46,680
Speaker 3: hard feeling you, feeling you sis, dang.

1067
00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:46,480
Speaker 1: Thank you.

1068
00:45:46,719 --> 00:45:49,680
Speaker 9: To your point, I think, of course, then I can

1069
00:45:49,800 --> 00:45:53,440
Speaker 9: decide how I react to them having their own reactions,

1070
00:45:53,520 --> 00:45:55,560
Speaker 9: you know exactly, So I can decide that I'm not

1071
00:45:55,560 --> 00:45:59,360
Speaker 9: going to have an inflammatory reaction to that circumstance. However,

1072
00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:03,120
Speaker 9: I think, like there are kids involved who are hearing them,

1073
00:46:03,320 --> 00:46:05,840
Speaker 9: you know, disagree. So I feel like, you know, I

1074
00:46:05,920 --> 00:46:09,600
Speaker 9: do want to be able to help them if I can.

1075
00:46:10,719 --> 00:46:14,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think it's just it's all love based,

1076
00:46:14,560 --> 00:46:16,160
Speaker 1: it's all expression of love.

1077
00:46:16,280 --> 00:46:18,640
Speaker 4: For instance, my sister in law is.

1078
00:46:18,600 --> 00:46:21,920
Speaker 1: Annoying to me, and I really argue a lot about

1079
00:46:21,920 --> 00:46:25,920
Speaker 1: politics and stuff, but I realize how pointless it is

1080
00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:28,799
Speaker 1: to engage, right, So, and this has been a work

1081
00:46:28,800 --> 00:46:31,000
Speaker 1: in progress for many years. And so now when I

1082
00:46:31,040 --> 00:46:34,080
Speaker 1: see her, I just like shower her with love and affection,

1083
00:46:34,640 --> 00:46:35,319
Speaker 1: just shower her.

1084
00:46:35,320 --> 00:46:36,040
Speaker 4: With love and affection.

1085
00:46:36,120 --> 00:46:39,759
Speaker 1: And it kind of like my feelings towards her have diminished.

1086
00:46:39,920 --> 00:46:43,960
Speaker 1: My anger towards her has diminished, and I am feeling like, oh,

1087
00:46:43,960 --> 00:46:47,799
Speaker 1: she's just not open to our accessible, like she's she's

1088
00:46:47,800 --> 00:46:51,879
Speaker 1: been indoctrinated. She's Russian, you know, like she doesn't she's

1089
00:46:51,960 --> 00:46:53,440
Speaker 1: never going to believe.

1090
00:46:53,560 --> 00:46:56,920
Speaker 4: That food is a bad guy. That's sad. Actually, that's

1091
00:46:57,040 --> 00:46:58,879
Speaker 4: she's been brainwashed and indoctrinated.

1092
00:46:58,880 --> 00:47:01,359
Speaker 1: So instead of going at her with anger, now I'm

1093
00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:04,440
Speaker 1: just trying. And this is I'm trying. I haven't, you know,

1094
00:47:04,600 --> 00:47:07,880
Speaker 1: been completely successful thus far, but I'm working hard to

1095
00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:10,080
Speaker 1: make sure that my interactions with her are just love

1096
00:47:10,120 --> 00:47:12,520
Speaker 1: based and there isn't any acrimony.

1097
00:47:12,320 --> 00:47:13,560
Speaker 5: If all else fails.

1098
00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:17,719
Speaker 2: You know, sometimes a little ant anxiety, a little out

1099
00:47:17,719 --> 00:47:19,880
Speaker 2: of anne or something like that before you have a

1100
00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:21,680
Speaker 2: family get together doesn't hurt.

1101
00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:22,800
Speaker 4: That's a great idea.

1102
00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:25,240
Speaker 5: Actually, yeah, totally edibles.

1103
00:47:25,480 --> 00:47:26,320
Speaker 4: Does she take edibles?

1104
00:47:26,360 --> 00:47:28,279
Speaker 1: Your sister doesn't sound she sounds like she might need

1105
00:47:28,280 --> 00:47:30,759
Speaker 1: an edible though, right, you might want to slip a

1106
00:47:30,800 --> 00:47:34,560
Speaker 1: wanting to situations. It's not a bad idea, Yeah, And

1107
00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:36,480
Speaker 1: then you could bring that up too, go like, let's

1108
00:47:36,520 --> 00:47:38,719
Speaker 1: figure this out together, Like how can we make it

1109
00:47:38,760 --> 00:47:39,400
Speaker 1: easier for you?

1110
00:47:40,239 --> 00:47:43,480
Speaker 9: Yeah, that's it too, Like I she's not having a

1111
00:47:43,480 --> 00:47:46,680
Speaker 9: good time exactly, and I think she wants to be

1112
00:47:46,719 --> 00:47:49,120
Speaker 9: able to have a good time with our mom and

1113
00:47:49,160 --> 00:47:51,080
Speaker 9: with our family, and you know, so I can see

1114
00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:54,240
Speaker 9: that she wants that, but I think she just doesn't

1115
00:47:54,280 --> 00:47:55,000
Speaker 9: know how to get there.

1116
00:47:55,800 --> 00:47:55,960
Speaker 4: Right.

1117
00:47:56,000 --> 00:47:57,680
Speaker 1: Well, she's lucky, first of all to have a sister

1118
00:47:57,760 --> 00:47:59,800
Speaker 1: like you that cares so much about your family dynamic.

1119
00:47:59,800 --> 00:48:02,440
Speaker 1: That's so sweet and that's exactly what sisters are good for.

1120
00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:03,640
Speaker 4: Brittany, do you have any sisters?

1121
00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:04,359
Speaker 7: I do.

1122
00:48:04,440 --> 00:48:06,520
Speaker 3: I have a sister and a brother, and there's a

1123
00:48:06,560 --> 00:48:09,160
Speaker 3: big age difference between us, Like I'm six and seven

1124
00:48:09,239 --> 00:48:12,600
Speaker 3: years older than them, but it's just so funny how

1125
00:48:12,600 --> 00:48:13,920
Speaker 3: we were all raised in the same.

1126
00:48:13,680 --> 00:48:16,400
Speaker 7: House and we're so so different. And I'm seeing that

1127
00:48:16,520 --> 00:48:17,040
Speaker 7: you too.

1128
00:48:16,960 --> 00:48:20,120
Speaker 3: Where it's like, yeah, yeah, that oldest child gets the

1129
00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:22,279
Speaker 3: brunt of it, Like I definitely got the brunt of it.

1130
00:48:22,320 --> 00:48:25,439
Speaker 3: And it's funny how it affects you so differently than

1131
00:48:25,520 --> 00:48:27,520
Speaker 3: like you being the youngest, Like it's just you know,

1132
00:48:27,920 --> 00:48:29,880
Speaker 3: you're in the same house, but you're such different people.

1133
00:48:29,960 --> 00:48:32,240
Speaker 7: That's such a Families are so funny.

1134
00:48:33,520 --> 00:48:36,080
Speaker 9: They are they are well, thank you, thank you all.

1135
00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:37,160
Speaker 9: I really appreciate it.

1136
00:48:37,560 --> 00:48:39,560
Speaker 4: Oh well, you're cute. I like your sweater, I like

1137
00:48:39,560 --> 00:48:40,040
Speaker 4: your how much?

1138
00:48:40,440 --> 00:48:43,920
Speaker 9: Good luck with everything, God speed, Yeah, thanks everybody.

1139
00:48:44,640 --> 00:48:45,720
Speaker 5: Ye bye.

1140
00:48:46,680 --> 00:48:49,040
Speaker 1: It's funny because when we talk about siblings, like when

1141
00:48:49,040 --> 00:48:50,960
Speaker 1: there is an age difference as I have in my

1142
00:48:51,040 --> 00:48:53,080
Speaker 1: family and you do too. You know, there are two

1143
00:48:53,120 --> 00:48:55,880
Speaker 1: different kind of ways to look at it, because I

1144
00:48:55,920 --> 00:48:59,440
Speaker 1: always think every your sisters and brothers.

1145
00:48:59,200 --> 00:49:02,400
Speaker 4: Are the only ones who knew what happened. They are

1146
00:49:02,440 --> 00:49:04,920
Speaker 4: the only ones who know exactly what went down in

1147
00:49:04,960 --> 00:49:05,560
Speaker 4: your household.

1148
00:49:05,719 --> 00:49:09,120
Speaker 1: So my connection to my brothers and sisters is very

1149
00:49:09,160 --> 00:49:12,200
Speaker 1: strong because we were so disfrunct. Our parents were pretty dysfunctional.

1150
00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:14,759
Speaker 1: I mean we you know, never went hungry or anything.

1151
00:49:14,480 --> 00:49:15,880
Speaker 4: But it was just a hot mess.

1152
00:49:16,320 --> 00:49:18,799
Speaker 1: And then you hear from other people that are like,

1153
00:49:18,960 --> 00:49:23,839
Speaker 1: oh no, we had totally different childhoods, even though they're

1154
00:49:23,840 --> 00:49:27,160
Speaker 1: from the same set of parents. They had because of

1155
00:49:27,200 --> 00:49:29,360
Speaker 1: the age gap, had different childhoods. So I guess at

1156
00:49:29,440 --> 00:49:32,040
Speaker 1: least my parents were dysfunctionally consistent.

1157
00:49:32,280 --> 00:49:35,600
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, everyone got it fairly. Yeah.

1158
00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:38,920
Speaker 2: My older brother and my younger brother are fourteen years apart. Wow,

1159
00:49:38,920 --> 00:49:40,759
Speaker 2: and there's like a boy and a girl and then

1160
00:49:40,880 --> 00:49:44,719
Speaker 2: I'm girl and then boy. But we're so far in

1161
00:49:44,800 --> 00:49:46,960
Speaker 2: distance from each other as far as age goes. My

1162
00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:48,680
Speaker 2: older brother likes to say, like, I'm glad I got

1163
00:49:48,680 --> 00:49:51,800
Speaker 2: out of the house before my parents got bored with parenting.

1164
00:49:52,280 --> 00:49:54,439
Speaker 5: Like, but I loved it. I mean it was great.

1165
00:49:54,480 --> 00:49:57,280
Speaker 2: They still parented, but it was like we had sugary

1166
00:49:57,360 --> 00:49:59,759
Speaker 2: cereal and they had Raisin brand, you know that sort

1167
00:49:59,760 --> 00:50:00,680
Speaker 2: of you.

1168
00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:02,640
Speaker 7: Know, a little lax When you get to that fourth kid,

1169
00:50:02,640 --> 00:50:04,040
Speaker 7: it's just like, yeah, I ever did.

1170
00:50:05,040 --> 00:50:07,759
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like they write you a note saying good luck.

1171
00:50:07,960 --> 00:50:08,440
Speaker 7: Oh truly.

1172
00:50:08,480 --> 00:50:10,440
Speaker 2: My parents traveled all the time when we were growing up,

1173
00:50:10,440 --> 00:50:11,759
Speaker 2: people are be like, where are your parents now?

1174
00:50:11,800 --> 00:50:13,759
Speaker 5: I'm like, I don't know, They're just gone. Someone's saying

1175
00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:16,839
Speaker 5: with us somewhere. Yeah, we had fun.

1176
00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:17,600
Speaker 7: We had a good time.

1177
00:50:18,360 --> 00:50:21,920
Speaker 3: My siblings, they're my half siblings. So, like my parents

1178
00:50:21,920 --> 00:50:24,560
Speaker 3: got divorced when I was one or two, and then

1179
00:50:24,560 --> 00:50:26,560
Speaker 3: my dad remarried when I was four, and then from

1180
00:50:26,600 --> 00:50:30,000
Speaker 3: then on, I've had half siblings. And it was It's

1181
00:50:30,040 --> 00:50:32,720
Speaker 3: so funny because I was always thought one out obviously

1182
00:50:32,719 --> 00:50:34,840
Speaker 3: because I was older, and I was going back and

1183
00:50:34,880 --> 00:50:36,640
Speaker 3: forth because of custody battles and all that.

1184
00:50:36,719 --> 00:50:38,520
Speaker 4: And oh were their custody battles.

1185
00:50:38,320 --> 00:50:40,920
Speaker 3: Constantly growing up until like high school. But it was

1186
00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:43,440
Speaker 3: like my siblings just kind of watched that, you know,

1187
00:50:43,480 --> 00:50:44,680
Speaker 3: and they were like, who is.

1188
00:50:45,000 --> 00:50:45,440
Speaker 7: What do you mean?

1189
00:50:45,480 --> 00:50:47,680
Speaker 3: Brittany has a mom like another mom, Like they just

1190
00:50:47,680 --> 00:50:50,799
Speaker 3: didn't understand, but kind of understood, and it didn't really

1191
00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:53,759
Speaker 3: affect like all through that, it didn't really affect our relationship,

1192
00:50:53,800 --> 00:50:55,759
Speaker 3: which is cool, like you said, you know, like we

1193
00:50:55,800 --> 00:50:57,600
Speaker 3: all grew up in the same house. Like I was

1194
00:50:57,640 --> 00:51:00,680
Speaker 3: still being parented by my dad and my stepmom the

1195
00:51:00,680 --> 00:51:03,279
Speaker 3: same way that they were, and my dad really made

1196
00:51:03,320 --> 00:51:06,560
Speaker 3: an effort to like, if one of y'all's punished this way,

1197
00:51:06,560 --> 00:51:08,319
Speaker 3: the other one will be too, you know, like there's

1198
00:51:08,320 --> 00:51:10,279
Speaker 3: no special treatment, there's no whatever. And I think that

1199
00:51:10,360 --> 00:51:13,520
Speaker 3: really really paid off because I feel like some parents,

1200
00:51:14,080 --> 00:51:16,080
Speaker 3: you know, you have to do different parenting techniques for

1201
00:51:16,080 --> 00:51:19,160
Speaker 3: different kids, and that shows up in their adult life

1202
00:51:19,360 --> 00:51:21,440
Speaker 3: of like I was never told no or I was

1203
00:51:21,440 --> 00:51:24,879
Speaker 3: never this that. So I'm very fortunate that I had

1204
00:51:24,920 --> 00:51:27,600
Speaker 3: parents with level heads, especially in the midst of a divorce,

1205
00:51:27,640 --> 00:51:30,640
Speaker 3: like a nasty divorce too, where some people aren't so lucky.

1206
00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:34,120
Speaker 3: So it's an interesting dynamic with half siblings too, because

1207
00:51:34,120 --> 00:51:37,000
Speaker 3: it's like we're kind of blood related but also kind of.

1208
00:51:37,000 --> 00:51:38,239
Speaker 5: Not yeah, not at all.

1209
00:51:38,719 --> 00:51:41,359
Speaker 4: Yeah, that is interesting. And also just to be a.

1210
00:51:41,400 --> 00:51:44,080
Speaker 1: Child of divorce and all of that that comes with that,

1211
00:51:44,160 --> 00:51:47,000
Speaker 1: because it can be one experience for one person a

1212
00:51:47,040 --> 00:51:49,520
Speaker 1: quite different one for another person. So when they were

1213
00:51:49,640 --> 00:51:53,799
Speaker 1: having custody battle over you, how did they drag you

1214
00:51:53,840 --> 00:51:54,200
Speaker 1: into that?

1215
00:51:54,239 --> 00:51:55,239
Speaker 4: Did your mom or dad?

1216
00:51:55,400 --> 00:51:55,920
Speaker 7: Not? Really?

1217
00:51:56,040 --> 00:51:58,080
Speaker 3: They never argued in front of me, which I'm very

1218
00:51:58,200 --> 00:52:01,200
Speaker 3: very thankful for, but I did like every other weekend,

1219
00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:03,440
Speaker 3: I was back and forth from probably like the ages

1220
00:52:03,480 --> 00:52:07,920
Speaker 3: of six to about six sixth grade, and that was hard,

1221
00:52:08,080 --> 00:52:09,440
Speaker 3: you know, like I don't know where I'm gonna be

1222
00:52:09,520 --> 00:52:11,759
Speaker 3: and I have homework that's due, but I left this

1223
00:52:11,800 --> 00:52:12,839
Speaker 3: at my mom's house and I need.

1224
00:52:12,920 --> 00:52:15,680
Speaker 7: It's just a mess. And it was like.

1225
00:52:15,800 --> 00:52:20,520
Speaker 3: Resuing for custody over and over and it was just messy.

1226
00:52:20,560 --> 00:52:23,000
Speaker 4: But well, at least you were wanted, period.

1227
00:52:23,160 --> 00:52:25,960
Speaker 7: Yeah, what a what a good problem to have.

1228
00:52:26,160 --> 00:52:29,360
Speaker 4: They want me to look that both parents wanted action. Yeah,

1229
00:52:29,360 --> 00:52:30,120
Speaker 4: that's nice.

1230
00:52:30,440 --> 00:52:33,280
Speaker 1: I'm always so touched when a man is so determined

1231
00:52:33,280 --> 00:52:35,279
Speaker 1: to get custody. And then I'm like, listen to what

1232
00:52:35,280 --> 00:52:39,000
Speaker 1: you're saying. Parents, Why do we give that so much

1233
00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:40,800
Speaker 1: credit for behaving like a fucking father.

1234
00:52:41,560 --> 00:52:42,320
Speaker 7: Yeah.

1235
00:52:42,360 --> 00:52:44,279
Speaker 2: Well, let's take a quick break and we'll be back

1236
00:52:44,320 --> 00:52:48,839
Speaker 2: to finish up with Chelsea and Brittany.

1237
00:52:52,360 --> 00:52:54,879
Speaker 5: And we're back, and we're back, and I have one

1238
00:52:54,920 --> 00:52:55,520
Speaker 5: more question.

1239
00:52:56,000 --> 00:52:58,839
Speaker 2: It's it's a little long winded, but I think it's

1240
00:52:58,920 --> 00:52:59,839
Speaker 2: an interesting one.

1241
00:53:00,160 --> 00:53:01,600
Speaker 1: To excuse me, Brittany just had to go to the

1242
00:53:01,640 --> 00:53:03,520
Speaker 1: bathroom in studios.

1243
00:53:03,800 --> 00:53:04,279
Speaker 4: Are you okay?

1244
00:53:04,320 --> 00:53:05,200
Speaker 5: Hey there in the corner?

1245
00:53:05,280 --> 00:53:08,399
Speaker 4: Okay, sorry about that, Sorry about that. Listeners, my fault.

1246
00:53:08,560 --> 00:53:10,359
Speaker 4: She's just wrapping up some COVID.

1247
00:53:12,239 --> 00:53:14,399
Speaker 7: Yeah, it's just a finishing up here really quick.

1248
00:53:15,160 --> 00:53:17,400
Speaker 4: Just top it off for COVID with her beer.

1249
00:53:19,800 --> 00:53:20,080
Speaker 7: Well.

1250
00:53:20,120 --> 00:53:23,400
Speaker 2: In the vein of Jen getting bought things from her boyfriend,

1251
00:53:23,920 --> 00:53:26,759
Speaker 2: Ashley says, Dear Chelsea, I'm twenty eight and I've been

1252
00:53:26,840 --> 00:53:29,200
Speaker 2: dating my boyfriend, who's twenty nine, for a year and

1253
00:53:29,239 --> 00:53:32,279
Speaker 2: a half. He's an amazing and loving man and surpasses

1254
00:53:32,320 --> 00:53:34,880
Speaker 2: all of the other men I've been with. The problem

1255
00:53:34,960 --> 00:53:37,200
Speaker 2: I keep coming back to, though, is our differing views

1256
00:53:37,239 --> 00:53:40,719
Speaker 2: on money. I was raised in a very broke, conservative

1257
00:53:40,719 --> 00:53:43,400
Speaker 2: household until I left home in my early twenties, but

1258
00:53:43,480 --> 00:53:46,600
Speaker 2: that really set me back in my education and career.

1259
00:53:47,360 --> 00:53:49,799
Speaker 2: I'm an extremely hard worker and have been even before

1260
00:53:49,800 --> 00:53:52,680
Speaker 2: I graduated high school, but that's mostly been out of necessity.

1261
00:53:53,120 --> 00:53:55,440
Speaker 2: In truth, I've always dreamed of going to art school

1262
00:53:55,480 --> 00:53:58,920
Speaker 2: and finding a creative career I enjoy. His life is

1263
00:53:58,960 --> 00:54:01,680
Speaker 2: the complete opposite. He owned a business and now has

1264
00:54:01,719 --> 00:54:04,560
Speaker 2: a great job, which he loves. He's not extremely wealthy,

1265
00:54:04,560 --> 00:54:06,959
Speaker 2: but he's very secure and the important things are paid

1266
00:54:06,960 --> 00:54:09,800
Speaker 2: for in full, including his home. I've moved in with

1267
00:54:09,920 --> 00:54:12,880
Speaker 2: him and things are good, but I'm constantly struggling, whereas

1268
00:54:12,880 --> 00:54:16,480
Speaker 2: he's comfortable financially. He used to pay for a lot

1269
00:54:16,480 --> 00:54:18,360
Speaker 2: when it came to dates and other little things, but

1270
00:54:18,440 --> 00:54:20,680
Speaker 2: as we became more serious, he made it very clear

1271
00:54:20,719 --> 00:54:23,520
Speaker 2: that he wants to share expenses. He's even asking me

1272
00:54:23,640 --> 00:54:27,000
Speaker 2: to pay rent. I understand splitting the utilities we both use,

1273
00:54:27,280 --> 00:54:29,160
Speaker 2: but he wants me to pay him for rent even

1274
00:54:29,200 --> 00:54:32,040
Speaker 2: though his house is paid off. Currently, I work a

1275
00:54:32,080 --> 00:54:34,319
Speaker 2: full time nine to five job that I don't like,

1276
00:54:34,400 --> 00:54:37,080
Speaker 2: and also waitress in the evenings and weekends to supplement

1277
00:54:37,120 --> 00:54:39,640
Speaker 2: my income and pay off the data I accumulated by

1278
00:54:39,640 --> 00:54:41,880
Speaker 2: moving out of my home before I was financially able.

1279
00:54:42,400 --> 00:54:44,880
Speaker 2: I'm also taking some courses online so I can continue

1280
00:54:44,920 --> 00:54:48,520
Speaker 2: my education. I've noticed some resentment building up as he

1281
00:54:48,560 --> 00:54:51,680
Speaker 2: sees me constantly struggling and tired, but doesn't seem inclined

1282
00:54:51,719 --> 00:54:52,680
Speaker 2: to alleviate the burden.

1283
00:54:53,080 --> 00:54:54,080
Speaker 5: There's no bigger.

1284
00:54:53,840 --> 00:54:55,680
Speaker 2: Turn off than when a guy asks you to split

1285
00:54:55,719 --> 00:54:58,000
Speaker 2: dinner when you're just thinking of all the bills waiting

1286
00:54:58,040 --> 00:55:00,759
Speaker 2: for you. I'm plagued with guilt for even thinking this,

1287
00:55:00,800 --> 00:55:03,560
Speaker 2: when women are encouraged to be independent and successful and

1288
00:55:03,600 --> 00:55:06,239
Speaker 2: not rely on a man. But I'd love nothing more

1289
00:55:06,320 --> 00:55:08,320
Speaker 2: than to go back to school and find a career

1290
00:55:08,360 --> 00:55:10,840
Speaker 2: I enjoy, but it's practically impossible for me to do

1291
00:55:10,880 --> 00:55:12,600
Speaker 2: that on my own if I still want to cover

1292
00:55:12,640 --> 00:55:15,520
Speaker 2: my bills and debt before adding on to it. I

1293
00:55:15,560 --> 00:55:17,719
Speaker 2: don't expect him to fund my lifestyle or put me

1294
00:55:17,800 --> 00:55:20,960
Speaker 2: through college, but help with our shared expenses and activities

1295
00:55:20,960 --> 00:55:22,759
Speaker 2: will go a long way, as I have to think

1296
00:55:22,760 --> 00:55:25,600
Speaker 2: about every dollar I spent. At the same time, I

1297
00:55:25,640 --> 00:55:27,440
Speaker 2: know I could find someone who's willing to do that

1298
00:55:27,480 --> 00:55:29,880
Speaker 2: for me, and I've had plenty of opportunities to pursue

1299
00:55:29,920 --> 00:55:34,200
Speaker 2: other relationships where I'm supported financially. Even with my waitressing job,

1300
00:55:34,280 --> 00:55:36,439
Speaker 2: I constantly get offers by men who want to whisk

1301
00:55:36,520 --> 00:55:38,919
Speaker 2: me off my feet and fund my lifestyle, but that's

1302
00:55:38,960 --> 00:55:41,400
Speaker 2: not for me. I have no desire to leave, as

1303
00:55:41,400 --> 00:55:43,400
Speaker 2: I'm very happy with the love he provides, but my

1304
00:55:43,480 --> 00:55:45,799
Speaker 2: life can be exhausting. He sees how happy I am

1305
00:55:45,840 --> 00:55:47,440
Speaker 2: when I'm working on my art and knows what I

1306
00:55:47,440 --> 00:55:50,240
Speaker 2: want to do with my life. But he's so practical

1307
00:55:50,239 --> 00:55:53,759
Speaker 2: and approaches relationships as two separate people improving themselves on

1308
00:55:53,840 --> 00:55:57,880
Speaker 2: their own. Should I stick it out even though I'm struggling, Ashley.

1309
00:55:58,120 --> 00:56:00,840
Speaker 1: I would first of all say, who cares if men

1310
00:56:01,000 --> 00:56:04,080
Speaker 1: at restaurants are offering to whisk you away. You don't

1311
00:56:04,080 --> 00:56:07,279
Speaker 1: want that. That's not even part of the conversation. Because

1312
00:56:07,320 --> 00:56:09,799
Speaker 1: of course you can find somebody else to pay your

1313
00:56:09,800 --> 00:56:12,040
Speaker 1: bills if that's what you're looking for. But if you're

1314
00:56:12,080 --> 00:56:15,319
Speaker 1: looking for mutual respect within a relationship, I don't think

1315
00:56:15,360 --> 00:56:19,160
Speaker 1: it's crazy to ask for a little bit of help,

1316
00:56:19,640 --> 00:56:23,360
Speaker 1: especially when he owns his house. I mean paying rent

1317
00:56:23,400 --> 00:56:25,440
Speaker 1: for somebody who bought their house. That when you're in

1318
00:56:25,440 --> 00:56:27,280
Speaker 1: a loving relationship, is a little strange.

1319
00:56:27,280 --> 00:56:27,759
Speaker 7: That's what you do.

1320
00:56:30,280 --> 00:56:35,520
Speaker 4: Like that doesn't sound kosher. And you're working multiple jobs.

1321
00:56:35,200 --> 00:56:37,440
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's not like she's not her death. She's hustling

1322
00:56:38,000 --> 00:56:38,239
Speaker 5: one thing.

1323
00:56:38,239 --> 00:56:40,160
Speaker 1: If you're sitting around lazy and you're like I don't

1324
00:56:40,200 --> 00:56:41,800
Speaker 1: want to work, you're gonna pay for everything?

1325
00:56:42,160 --> 00:56:43,160
Speaker 4: No, you're not doing that.

1326
00:56:43,520 --> 00:56:45,760
Speaker 1: I don't think he should be funding your lifestyle either,

1327
00:56:45,840 --> 00:56:47,960
Speaker 1: but he can definitely be helping if he's in a

1328
00:56:47,960 --> 00:56:51,359
Speaker 1: more advantageous position than you are, which clearly he is.

1329
00:56:51,920 --> 00:56:55,200
Speaker 1: So yes, it's worth a conversation about support. And it's

1330
00:56:55,200 --> 00:56:58,920
Speaker 1: not a demand or a ultimatum.

1331
00:56:58,360 --> 00:56:59,200
Speaker 4: Or anything like that.

1332
00:56:59,360 --> 00:57:01,560
Speaker 1: It's like, hey, I'm really having a hard time here,

1333
00:57:02,040 --> 00:57:05,239
Speaker 1: me paying you rent feels weird. I'm totally down to

1334
00:57:05,280 --> 00:57:08,160
Speaker 1: split utilities, but every time you want to split the bill, like,

1335
00:57:08,440 --> 00:57:10,839
Speaker 1: it makes me feel like we're in a business relationship

1336
00:57:11,160 --> 00:57:13,080
Speaker 1: and I'm going through this time and you want to

1337
00:57:13,120 --> 00:57:15,440
Speaker 1: get your degree and move towards that art passion that

1338
00:57:15,520 --> 00:57:17,960
Speaker 1: you have and go back to school at all of

1339
00:57:18,000 --> 00:57:20,000
Speaker 1: those things. And this is exactly the time where you

1340
00:57:20,080 --> 00:57:23,280
Speaker 1: need support from your partner and in pursuit of that.

1341
00:57:23,440 --> 00:57:26,400
Speaker 1: And it won't last forever, but you need it during

1342
00:57:26,440 --> 00:57:29,400
Speaker 1: this time. And that's a very reasonable thing to talk about.

1343
00:57:29,600 --> 00:57:32,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's also to improve not just your situation,

1344
00:57:32,680 --> 00:57:36,000
Speaker 2: but your situation together. You know, his help during this

1345
00:57:36,120 --> 00:57:38,640
Speaker 2: time will give you, guys a better life ostensibly in

1346
00:57:38,640 --> 00:57:39,080
Speaker 2: the future.

1347
00:57:39,240 --> 00:57:43,720
Speaker 7: Right. I think there's also I mean, be sensitive, you

1348
00:57:43,800 --> 00:57:44,320
Speaker 7: know what I mean.

1349
00:57:44,360 --> 00:57:47,280
Speaker 3: Like this guy sounds like, all right, well, everything's fifty

1350
00:57:47,320 --> 00:57:49,880
Speaker 3: to fifty, Like life doesn't really work like that. Sometimes

1351
00:57:49,880 --> 00:57:52,440
Speaker 3: sometimes ideally it should be fifty to fifty, but in

1352
00:57:52,480 --> 00:57:55,200
Speaker 3: a situation like this. My best friend's kind of in

1353
00:57:55,240 --> 00:57:58,440
Speaker 3: a similar situation where she makes significantly less than her

1354
00:57:58,520 --> 00:58:03,840
Speaker 3: husband and they split bills fifty to fifty and recently,

1355
00:58:03,960 --> 00:58:05,880
Speaker 3: I mean, in the last six months. She kind of

1356
00:58:06,040 --> 00:58:10,280
Speaker 3: was like, I am struggling and I am in a committed,

1357
00:58:10,480 --> 00:58:16,240
Speaker 3: loving marriage, and this just doesn't feel fair. And she

1358
00:58:16,280 --> 00:58:18,720
Speaker 3: approached it with her husband and they worked it out

1359
00:58:18,720 --> 00:58:21,040
Speaker 3: where of course, because he makes more money and they

1360
00:58:21,080 --> 00:58:23,880
Speaker 3: live together, they share everything, he'll pay for more, you know,

1361
00:58:23,960 --> 00:58:27,760
Speaker 3: like it's like seventy thirty now, And that is totally

1362
00:58:27,800 --> 00:58:33,080
Speaker 3: because y'all are literally married. It's the same legally in

1363
00:58:33,120 --> 00:58:35,280
Speaker 3: front of the Lord and all his witnesses. I just

1364
00:58:35,320 --> 00:58:40,280
Speaker 3: think that there's logic and then there's functional relationships. So

1365
00:58:40,600 --> 00:58:43,960
Speaker 3: in that situation, it feels like cut her some slack, dude,

1366
00:58:44,160 --> 00:58:45,960
Speaker 3: you know, if you really love her and you see

1367
00:58:45,960 --> 00:58:48,440
Speaker 3: how she's struggling, and you see how she wants to

1368
00:58:48,480 --> 00:58:51,200
Speaker 3: dedicate She doesn't want to fucking work seven jobs. She

1369
00:58:51,240 --> 00:58:53,440
Speaker 3: wants to dedicate time to her art whatever. Help her

1370
00:58:53,480 --> 00:58:56,000
Speaker 3: do that because you love her, and it's not you know,

1371
00:58:56,280 --> 00:58:59,000
Speaker 3: sacrificing her autonomy or her independence or her whatever. You

1372
00:58:59,040 --> 00:59:02,800
Speaker 3: can still be in visuals in a relationship, but I

1373
00:59:02,840 --> 00:59:05,920
Speaker 3: think that, yeah, just be fucking for real, be.

1374
00:59:06,000 --> 00:59:06,640
Speaker 7: So for real.

1375
00:59:07,440 --> 00:59:11,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think working one job should be plenty in

1376
00:59:11,120 --> 00:59:13,400
Speaker 2: this situation. You know, if you have a conversation with

1377
00:59:13,480 --> 00:59:15,439
Speaker 2: him about like I want to quit my waitressing job.

1378
00:59:15,480 --> 00:59:17,880
Speaker 2: I want to keep this job, and like you said,

1379
00:59:18,120 --> 00:59:20,200
Speaker 2: maybe not splitting things fifty to fifty as far as

1380
00:59:20,240 --> 00:59:22,520
Speaker 2: the bill goes. But there's also a way to do

1381
00:59:22,560 --> 00:59:25,520
Speaker 2: it where you're each paying the same percentage of the

1382
00:59:25,560 --> 00:59:29,320
Speaker 2: bill according to your income. You feel it the same amount.

1383
00:59:29,440 --> 00:59:30,280
Speaker 7: And please don't.

1384
00:59:30,120 --> 00:59:33,200
Speaker 1: Introduce the idea when you're having this conversation of other

1385
00:59:33,280 --> 00:59:35,160
Speaker 1: men or other opportunities.

1386
00:59:35,200 --> 00:59:38,800
Speaker 4: That's not important. Yes, it's not good to dangle that

1387
00:59:38,880 --> 00:59:40,520
Speaker 4: stuff in front of people. You know.

1388
00:59:40,600 --> 00:59:41,880
Speaker 1: I had a boyfriend who's like, do you know how

1389
00:59:41,920 --> 00:59:45,200
Speaker 1: many people are hitting me up on Instagram? I'm like, go, then,

1390
00:59:45,400 --> 00:59:50,800
Speaker 1: no thought about who's dming you on Instagram?

1391
00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:51,320
Speaker 7: Uh huh.

1392
00:59:51,680 --> 00:59:54,800
Speaker 1: Anyway, so that's good advice, Brittany. You have been giving

1393
00:59:55,080 --> 00:59:56,120
Speaker 1: very good advice. Y.

1394
00:59:56,840 --> 01:00:00,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm sorry I sound surprised. I're like, you're actually

1395
01:00:00,480 --> 01:00:05,160
Speaker 4: pretty competente. Confident and Confident two of my favorite series.

1396
01:00:05,400 --> 01:00:08,760
Speaker 1: Yes, so thank you for joining us today.

1397
01:00:09,080 --> 01:00:10,440
Speaker 4: I can't wait to see you again.

1398
01:00:10,720 --> 01:00:13,280
Speaker 3: Yeah. When you help me get on Riya and when

1399
01:00:13,280 --> 01:00:14,840
Speaker 3: I introduce you to my husband.

1400
01:00:14,800 --> 01:00:16,440
Speaker 1: Well, I'm not gonna have to see you to get

1401
01:00:16,440 --> 01:00:19,480
Speaker 1: you on Riah, but I like that's how you think

1402
01:00:19,520 --> 01:00:26,000
Speaker 1: it works and the zoom zoom. And that's our episode

1403
01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:28,439
Speaker 1: for today. Everybody, Thank you, we'll see you next week.

1404
01:00:28,520 --> 01:00:30,120
Speaker 7: Thanks team.

1405
01:00:30,200 --> 01:00:32,560
Speaker 2: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email

1406
01:00:32,600 --> 01:00:35,680
Speaker 2: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be

1407
01:00:35,680 --> 01:00:38,760
Speaker 2: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited

1408
01:00:38,760 --> 01:00:42,400
Speaker 2: and engineered by Brad Dickard executive producer Catherine Law and

1409
01:00:42,480 --> 01:00:44,840
Speaker 2: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot

1410
01:00:44,920 --> 01:00:48,480
Speaker 2: com