WEBVTT - The Heavy Wait Diaries: Chapter 5

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<v Speaker 1>Previously on Miller High Life presents The Heavyweight Diaries. I

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<v Speaker 1>want ten heavyweight pitches on my desk by Monday. It's

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<v Speaker 1>coming along ridonculously amazing. I say, let's have a listening

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<v Speaker 1>party in a week. I pray to God. Timothy Nelson,

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<v Speaker 1>Timothy Nelson, Timothy Nelson doesn't burst in. We can listen

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<v Speaker 1>while eating healthy treats. In the office on Monday, Timothy

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<v Speaker 1>Nelson is seated man spreadedly at a desk between producers

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<v Speaker 1>Khalila Holt and Stevie Lane hey Man. Timothy Nelson says,

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<v Speaker 1>why is Timothy Nelson in our office? I ask, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>here to negotiate the number of heavy's weight you demand

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<v Speaker 1>of your staff, says Timothy Nelson. We've unionized, says producer Holt,

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<v Speaker 1>tentatively raising her fist. Timothy Nelson is our union representative.

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<v Speaker 1>You have authorized this man to speak on your behalf.

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<v Speaker 1>I ask why. I've never seen this man before in

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<v Speaker 1>my life. We all know it's a boldfaced lie. I

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<v Speaker 1>had actually been stuck with Timothy Nelson in the office

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<v Speaker 1>elevator that very morning, as I overheard him bore one

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<v Speaker 1>of the studio engineers with a meandering story about how

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<v Speaker 1>he and his girlfriend had ordered delivery from the subway

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<v Speaker 1>sandwich just below his apartment. It was a sad, punishingly

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<v Speaker 1>boring tale that, after what felt like fifteen or twenty

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<v Speaker 1>interminable minutes, climaxed in some sort of gift of the

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<v Speaker 1>magi nonsense in which her sandwich ordered sans olives was

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<v Speaker 1>presented with olives, and his order ordered with olives was

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<v Speaker 1>received without a single one. By the time I finally

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<v Speaker 1>exited the elevator, I felt as though my brain had

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<v Speaker 1>been soaked in white out. Now we both know that

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<v Speaker 1>ten heavyweight pitches is ridiculous, says Timothy Nelson, no longer

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<v Speaker 1>some elevator buffoon, but a genuine threat to my dominion.

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<v Speaker 1>Everyone knows, Timothy Nelson continues, the amount of care and

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<v Speaker 1>craft that goes into a heavyweight it makes every other

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<v Speaker 1>Gimlet show sound like two leprechauns shouting in a barrel.

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<v Speaker 1>So I'm going to assume that such a proposal is

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<v Speaker 1>just more of your inscrutable deadpan comedy. Now, what can

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<v Speaker 1>you reasonably propose? Who pray Telle voted for this nightmare?

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<v Speaker 1>I ask, my voice trembling gimblet Media editor Jorge Just

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<v Speaker 1>Stevie says he was in the moment Timothy Nelson promised

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<v Speaker 1>expired yogurt and Miller Highlife in the Gimlet Media break room. Oh,

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<v Speaker 1>how will I ever find hopeful stories of sadness and

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<v Speaker 1>regret under these working circumstances? I shriek. The shriek has

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<v Speaker 1>barely escaped my lips. When CEO and Gimlet Media founder

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<v Speaker 1>Alex Bloomberg cranes his six hundred dollars haircut through the

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<v Speaker 1>office door, knock, knock, he calls out in a sing

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<v Speaker 1>song voice, are we all set for our listening party?

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<v Speaker 1>Can't wait to hear the first episode of the new

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<v Speaker 1>season of Heavyweight Union. Bylaw three oh one, Adenda two

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<v Speaker 1>dictates that all listening parties must be supplied with olives,

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<v Speaker 1>both black and green. Says Timothy Nelson. I happen to

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<v Speaker 1>have a few jars of colamadas in my file cabinet,

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<v Speaker 1>exclaims Bloomberg. I'll be right back in mere seconds. Bloomberg

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<v Speaker 1>would return, dressed in his listening smock, ready for a

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<v Speaker 1>preview party, at which, save for the sound of Timothy

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<v Speaker 1>Nelson gobbling fistfuls of olives and the rumblings of my

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<v Speaker 1>own intemperate bowels, there would be absolutely nothing to listen to.

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<v Speaker 1>This has been Chapter five of the Heavyweight Diaries. The

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<v Speaker 1>next season of Heavyweight will begin in four weeks on

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<v Speaker 1>September twenty sixth. The best place to listen to Heavyweight

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<v Speaker 1>is on Spotify. The second best place to listen to

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<v Speaker 1>Heavyweight is over the stadium sound system during the Super

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<v Speaker 1>Bowl halftime show, Sitting quietly in rapt attention with seventy

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<v Speaker 1>five thousand tie eyed friends. Heavyweight is me Jonathan Goldstein

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<v Speaker 1>along with Jorge just Stevie Lane, Khalila Holt, and Ba Parker.

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<v Speaker 1>This episode was mixed by Emma Munger, music by Bobby Lord.

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<v Speaker 1>Our ad music is Valdi Spring performed by the Wichita

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<v Speaker 1>State University Chamber Players. Will have a new chapter of

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<v Speaker 1>the Heavyweight Diaries next week