1 00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:02,920 Speaker 1: Brought to you by the reinvented two thousand twelve Camray. 2 00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:09,880 Speaker 1: It's ready. Are you welcome to stuff Mom never told you? 3 00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:17,560 Speaker 1: From house stuff Works dot Com. Hello, and welcome to 4 00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:20,880 Speaker 1: the podcast. I'm Kristen and I'm Caroline. Caroline. I don't 5 00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:25,360 Speaker 1: know if you have noticed a similar thing among your girlfriends, 6 00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:30,320 Speaker 1: but as we have progressed now into our later twenties 7 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:36,440 Speaker 1: approaching the thirties, no big deal. Um. The term baby 8 00:00:36,479 --> 00:00:40,159 Speaker 1: fever seems to come up in conversation more because a 9 00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:46,400 Speaker 1: lot of girlfriends are in longer term relationships settling down, 10 00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:50,960 Speaker 1: and inevitably it seems that the next thing to pop 11 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:54,880 Speaker 1: up is do you want a baby? And this even 12 00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:58,560 Speaker 1: comes up for friends of mine who are not in relationships, 13 00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:03,279 Speaker 1: but who really all of a sudden are thinking and 14 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:07,240 Speaker 1: talking about babies, and we walk by babies and there 15 00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:12,440 Speaker 1: have fits of baby joy. Yeah. I uh that that 16 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:14,600 Speaker 1: has happened to some of my friends. I have witnessed that. 17 00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:16,800 Speaker 1: I myself have not experienced it, but I get like 18 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:21,759 Speaker 1: that when I see puppies. So I have puppy fever. Yes. 19 00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:27,959 Speaker 1: Separate podcast and according to Time Magazine in a September 20 00:01:27,959 --> 00:01:31,160 Speaker 1: two thousand and eleventh study. The article that was published, 21 00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:37,479 Speaker 1: they defined baby fever as the quote irrepressible, inexplicable urge 22 00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:42,840 Speaker 1: to make a baby, just whip one up. Yeah, it's 23 00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:45,360 Speaker 1: sort of like an obsession almost, And we'll get into 24 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:48,120 Speaker 1: it later, but baby fever can be something that you 25 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:52,639 Speaker 1: have constantly. I have a friend who, from the time 26 00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:56,480 Speaker 1: we were practically babies, wanted a baby, and she has 27 00:01:56,520 --> 00:01:58,680 Speaker 1: a son now and she couldn't be happier and he's 28 00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:01,440 Speaker 1: a great kid. Then I have other friends who, you know, 29 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:04,040 Speaker 1: we never really thought about it, never really talked about it, 30 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:05,560 Speaker 1: but all of a sudden, they hit a certain age 31 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:08,040 Speaker 1: where they were found themselves in a very serious relationship 32 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:10,720 Speaker 1: and all of a sudden it was like babies. So 33 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:12,799 Speaker 1: it can kind of come up in different ways. Yeah, 34 00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:16,840 Speaker 1: And the reason there was a baby fever fever in 35 00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:20,880 Speaker 1: two thousand eleven because of a study that came out 36 00:02:20,919 --> 00:02:24,040 Speaker 1: of Kansas State University, UH and it was published by 37 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:27,240 Speaker 1: a husband and wife team, Gary and Sandra Brace, and 38 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:31,880 Speaker 1: they studied the phenomenon of baby fever for ten years 39 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:35,040 Speaker 1: and found that it is in fact a genuine physical 40 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:40,360 Speaker 1: and emotional phenomenon. Yeah. Gary Brace said that baby fever 41 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:42,480 Speaker 1: to go on and define it a little bit more. 42 00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:44,760 Speaker 1: Is this idea out in popular media that at some 43 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:47,040 Speaker 1: point in their lives people get this sudden change in 44 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:51,200 Speaker 1: their desire to have children. And there are a lot 45 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:54,880 Speaker 1: of things that go along with that. Symptoms, you know, 46 00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:57,000 Speaker 1: the way that you feel, the way that you behave 47 00:02:57,480 --> 00:02:59,360 Speaker 1: a lot of things kind of change when the baby 48 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:01,679 Speaker 1: fever hits. Yeah. I mean I will say that I've 49 00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:06,000 Speaker 1: had probably mild cases of baby fever, you know, from 50 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:08,800 Speaker 1: more like like a two day virus or something that 51 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:13,440 Speaker 1: will come and go. And uh, most recently I noticed 52 00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:15,799 Speaker 1: that I was just walking down the street and a 53 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:20,040 Speaker 1: little stroller past with a cute baby inside. Was anyone 54 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:23,120 Speaker 1: pushing it or was the baby just roll mystry It 55 00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:26,120 Speaker 1: was just rolling down the street by itself. Kid was 56 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:30,320 Speaker 1: taking himself out for a stroll. And uh, oh man, 57 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:35,840 Speaker 1: I was I surprised myself at how adorable I thought 58 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:38,800 Speaker 1: that child was. I was just like, well, oh, I 59 00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:41,760 Speaker 1: would just like to scoop you wait, no, no, I 60 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:46,280 Speaker 1: don't keep walking. Um So, And the thing is about 61 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:50,720 Speaker 1: baby fever is that it's not necessarily linked to the 62 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:53,320 Speaker 1: biological clock, which is something we have not done a 63 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:56,280 Speaker 1: podcast on that we probably should um. And it varies 64 00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:59,280 Speaker 1: from person to person like you. I have friends who 65 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:03,760 Speaker 1: seem to have wanted a child since they were children, UM, 66 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:06,360 Speaker 1: to people who don't want kids at all, UM. And 67 00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:11,240 Speaker 1: it can change within you over time, like my you know, 68 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:17,320 Speaker 1: different brushes with it, your hourly changes in your baby desire. UM. 69 00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:22,800 Speaker 1: Possible explanations for the FEVA include the socio cultural view, 70 00:04:23,279 --> 00:04:27,919 Speaker 1: which is that people, especially women, people are acculturated to 71 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:32,120 Speaker 1: crave babies, like we're nurturers where mommy's we want to 72 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:34,880 Speaker 1: take care of everybody. So we're just built in our 73 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:38,960 Speaker 1: DNA to crave babies, to have them, not to eat them, 74 00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:41,200 Speaker 1: of course. Yeah, I mean we give little girls baby 75 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:46,200 Speaker 1: dolls as toys. I mean we I mean from from childhood. 76 00:04:46,279 --> 00:04:49,880 Speaker 1: Yet it's it's literally put in their arms. Yeah. And 77 00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:53,440 Speaker 1: Gary Brace said that related to the socio cultural view, 78 00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:55,679 Speaker 1: that people might think they want to have children because 79 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:59,239 Speaker 1: they are supposed to have children. And I'm these people 80 00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:02,599 Speaker 1: will remain nameless, but I have known people who maybe 81 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:06,880 Speaker 1: they should not have had kids, but it was just 82 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:09,400 Speaker 1: sort of like the next step, like we're grown up, 83 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:14,239 Speaker 1: so now we do this. So that's that's a thing. Um. 84 00:05:14,279 --> 00:05:16,520 Speaker 1: And but you know what, the socio cultural view, according 85 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:18,560 Speaker 1: to the Brazes study, was not found to be that 86 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:20,800 Speaker 1: great of a predictor of how strongly someone felt a 87 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:24,840 Speaker 1: desire to have children. And then next up they tested 88 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:27,599 Speaker 1: out something called the byproduct view, which is the idea 89 00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:31,760 Speaker 1: that people want to fulfill an urge to nurture. And 90 00:05:31,839 --> 00:05:36,440 Speaker 1: this isn't quite as gendered as that socio cultural view, um, 91 00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:39,120 Speaker 1: but it's just this idea that we innately, um, want 92 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:42,440 Speaker 1: to take care of something. Yeah, especially as we you know, 93 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:46,240 Speaker 1: get older, mature, get into relationships and whatnot. Um. The 94 00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:49,000 Speaker 1: theory that they found to be most accurate is the 95 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:52,919 Speaker 1: adaptionist view, which is that baby fever is an emotional 96 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,840 Speaker 1: signal that subconsciously hints to the brain that it might 97 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:59,480 Speaker 1: might be a good time to have a baby. Uh, 98 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:03,560 Speaker 1: why wait, have a baby? Um. They found that the 99 00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:07,480 Speaker 1: things that really affected how people thought about babies, baby fever, 100 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:10,839 Speaker 1: having their own children, um is whether you had positive 101 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:14,680 Speaker 1: or negative exposure to children in your life. And you're 102 00:06:15,279 --> 00:06:17,560 Speaker 1: basically what you thought about the trade offs, whether you 103 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:20,320 Speaker 1: thought it was worth it as far as education, career, money, 104 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:23,279 Speaker 1: social life to give up some things in favor of 105 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:28,240 Speaker 1: gaining different things with having a child, which means that 106 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:31,719 Speaker 1: if you perhaps they're in a relationship with someone who's 107 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:34,040 Speaker 1: come down with a major case of baby fever, male 108 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:39,000 Speaker 1: or female, if you want to possibly uh chill out 109 00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:45,599 Speaker 1: those symptoms, uh find I don't know, a daycare and 110 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:48,720 Speaker 1: just have them hang out with kids who throw temper tantrums. 111 00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:52,600 Speaker 1: And really, because it's that negative exposure that the bracest 112 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:56,560 Speaker 1: found will will turn you off from that baby fever. Yeah, 113 00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:57,840 Speaker 1: And I mean there are a lot of people who 114 00:06:57,920 --> 00:06:59,400 Speaker 1: and we've talked about this to kind of in different 115 00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:01,640 Speaker 1: respects and too in episodes, but you know there are 116 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:04,000 Speaker 1: people who once they get a little older and they've 117 00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:06,120 Speaker 1: really been out in the world, some people just decide 118 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:09,040 Speaker 1: they don't want to give up a particular lifestyle sure 119 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:11,320 Speaker 1: to have children. But other people are like, I will 120 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:14,320 Speaker 1: give up whatever it takes to have bundles of joy 121 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:18,640 Speaker 1: of my own. So digging into this BRACE study a 122 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:23,559 Speaker 1: little bit more, the way that they investigated baby fever 123 00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:27,320 Speaker 1: and um how much men and women exhibit it was 124 00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:32,080 Speaker 1: that they had people rank their desires of sex, money, fame, 125 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:36,480 Speaker 1: and having a kid, and they found that baby fever 126 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:41,160 Speaker 1: exists in both genders. UM, But how frequently a desired 127 00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:44,600 Speaker 1: for a baby occurred did very according to gender. Not 128 00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:48,800 Speaker 1: so surprisingly, women more often were like, yes, I want 129 00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:52,480 Speaker 1: a baby more than I want sex, whereas guys were like, um, 130 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:54,760 Speaker 1: I want sex. I mean i'll take a kid, but 131 00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:57,760 Speaker 1: i'll take a kid. I mean if it's part of 132 00:07:57,760 --> 00:08:02,120 Speaker 1: the package. Whatever. A tooth thousand seven finished study finished 133 00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:06,440 Speaker 1: as in Finland not whatever. Uh this is in the 134 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:09,360 Speaker 1: Journal of Evolutionary Psychology surveyed men and women as to 135 00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:12,000 Speaker 1: whether they had experienced a strong wish to have a child, 136 00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:15,960 Speaker 1: and found that seventy eight percent of women had experienced 137 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:19,600 Speaker 1: this strong desire, but fifty eight percent of men had 138 00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:21,600 Speaker 1: as well. That's a lot of dudes. And I I 139 00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:24,800 Speaker 1: also have known guy friends who have talked about really 140 00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:27,160 Speaker 1: wanting kids, who are all about it, and we'll do 141 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:29,440 Speaker 1: this similar thing of when we walking down the street 142 00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:32,240 Speaker 1: and like, look at that cool kid. Yeah, a baseball. 143 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:36,240 Speaker 1: I don't know what I'm hanging out. I want to have. Yeah, 144 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:38,680 Speaker 1: they want to have my little buddy, like those commercials 145 00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:41,480 Speaker 1: from the eighties. UM. In this study, this two thousand 146 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,360 Speaker 1: and seven study, they found that women in their thirties 147 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:47,680 Speaker 1: and forties reported having longed for children, often more frequently 148 00:08:47,679 --> 00:08:50,120 Speaker 1: than younger or older women. Uh So, I don't know. 149 00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:52,440 Speaker 1: Maybe that's just a lifestyle thing. Maybe you're in your 150 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:54,800 Speaker 1: wild twenties and then as you start to settle down 151 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:57,320 Speaker 1: in your thirties, you're like, I, I want to have 152 00:08:57,360 --> 00:08:59,319 Speaker 1: a child, and you have that thought more often than 153 00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:02,120 Speaker 1: you did when you in your twenties. And then for men, 154 00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:05,240 Speaker 1: it's a similar kind of pattern of the longing for 155 00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:08,719 Speaker 1: a kid increasing with age. And I feel like that 156 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:13,600 Speaker 1: might have also something to do with that socio cultural 157 00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:16,560 Speaker 1: aspect of well, you've done all these things, your life 158 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:21,480 Speaker 1: is set up. Society says, well, now raise something. And 159 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:23,400 Speaker 1: there's the issues of like I want to pass on 160 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:28,400 Speaker 1: my name or my genes and my whatever whatever alab 161 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:30,840 Speaker 1: a you jokes, yeah exactly, and then hate you when 162 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:33,360 Speaker 1: they turned thirteen. Some to do on Mother's Day. I 163 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:36,960 Speaker 1: don't know. But there are also a lot of people, 164 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:39,960 Speaker 1: and this is from that Finnish study as well, who 165 00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:43,720 Speaker 1: have never had a strong desire for kids. Um and 166 00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:47,720 Speaker 1: thirty nine point three percent of childless woman report that, 167 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:51,400 Speaker 1: and fifty four point nine percent of childless men saying yeah, 168 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:54,760 Speaker 1: I just really never never was into the whole idea. Yeah, 169 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:56,559 Speaker 1: and they did point out that it's much more common 170 00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:58,480 Speaker 1: for a woman to try to persuade the man to 171 00:09:58,559 --> 00:10:02,560 Speaker 1: have a child, and they site empty arms syndrome like, 172 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:06,720 Speaker 1: you know, this strong overwhelming physical and emotional desire to 173 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:09,960 Speaker 1: just hold something like that's why you get a puppy. 174 00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:13,040 Speaker 1: Uh Andy. They say that, you know, there are hormonally 175 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:16,520 Speaker 1: related changes connected to pregnancy, and these two things are 176 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:19,280 Speaker 1: highly gendered. Obviously. The pregnancy obviously is highly gendered. If 177 00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:21,439 Speaker 1: you've had a kid, or you've experienced pregnancy before, you're 178 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:24,240 Speaker 1: more likely to have baby fever. Again. Yeah, and I 179 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:27,720 Speaker 1: think I have read articles where it talks about how 180 00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:33,000 Speaker 1: for men, especially once the uh their partner has the 181 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:36,839 Speaker 1: first child, their chances of really wanting the second one 182 00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:41,480 Speaker 1: even more so than uh than the wife. Yeah, good illustration. 183 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:44,240 Speaker 1: Not that this is entirely accurate. I'm just totally gonna 184 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:47,160 Speaker 1: pick on my friends Clay and Jessica. Um, but Jessica 185 00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:49,240 Speaker 1: had wanted kids. She was an only child and had 186 00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:52,600 Speaker 1: wanted a brood of like thirty children since she was little. 187 00:10:52,679 --> 00:10:54,559 Speaker 1: Had always wanted a lot of kids because she hated 188 00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:57,320 Speaker 1: being an only child. So she and her husband get 189 00:10:57,360 --> 00:11:00,120 Speaker 1: pregnant and she's like she's doing the nesting thing. Know, 190 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:02,480 Speaker 1: she's buying the joys and the clothes and she's getting 191 00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,920 Speaker 1: everything all set and she's so excited and you know 192 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,720 Speaker 1: she's staying at home and rebin or belly and whatnot. Meanwhile, 193 00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:11,920 Speaker 1: Clay is like rock climbing and at the gym and 194 00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:14,640 Speaker 1: going out to the bars. And they had a huge, 195 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:17,840 Speaker 1: like giant fight about it. But once she's like, I 196 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:20,280 Speaker 1: just hope that once the baby comes, you actually want 197 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:23,760 Speaker 1: to spend time with your family, you know, pregnancy Mormons anyway, 198 00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:27,360 Speaker 1: Um yeah, once the baby came, of course, he was 199 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:29,840 Speaker 1: absolutely in love with this child. But it's just a 200 00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:32,319 Speaker 1: different experience for the person carrying the child and the 201 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:34,600 Speaker 1: person who's just like kind of along for the ride 202 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:40,640 Speaker 1: during the pregnancy, who's rock climbing for nine months. Um yeah. 203 00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:43,760 Speaker 1: That finished study also put forth a couple of different 204 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:49,360 Speaker 1: explanations for why we get this desire for or by 205 00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:52,480 Speaker 1: by we some of us, I should say, get this 206 00:11:52,559 --> 00:11:56,160 Speaker 1: desire for babies. And they suggest that it might have 207 00:11:56,280 --> 00:12:00,520 Speaker 1: been evolved through mate selection. And it's essentially this notion 208 00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:04,480 Speaker 1: that men and women who are sympathetic to babies and 209 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:08,120 Speaker 1: like the idea of having kids display themselves as good 210 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:12,240 Speaker 1: prospective parents. And as far as another reason, you know, 211 00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:15,840 Speaker 1: as related to evolution genetics, Uh, this whole baby desire 212 00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:19,240 Speaker 1: may appear as a result of psychophysical changes. And they 213 00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:21,840 Speaker 1: say that early in our evolution, most women were mothers, 214 00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:25,000 Speaker 1: and all women were exposed daily to babies and infants. 215 00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:27,960 Speaker 1: So really the default mode of the female body, they say, 216 00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:32,080 Speaker 1: is to have experienced both nurturing and pregnancies by the 217 00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:34,520 Speaker 1: early twenties. So there's like a troop wire that kind 218 00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:36,280 Speaker 1: of goes off, and your early twenties, it's like, oh, 219 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:39,120 Speaker 1: what what should I be nurturing something? Where's something for 220 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:42,240 Speaker 1: me to hold? And so they say that therefore, longing 221 00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:44,920 Speaker 1: for a baby can develop as a byproduct of hormonal 222 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:48,640 Speaker 1: changes that evolved to prepare women for motherhood. Well, there's 223 00:12:48,679 --> 00:12:51,280 Speaker 1: also one other point that was raised in this study, 224 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:55,640 Speaker 1: because it seems like baby fever, as this sort of 225 00:12:55,640 --> 00:13:00,720 Speaker 1: cultural thing is relatively new, and it i also have 226 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:04,880 Speaker 1: something to do with the fact that women have greater 227 00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:08,760 Speaker 1: control over fertility because of birth control, and now it's 228 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:12,440 Speaker 1: more of a choice as to when we do or 229 00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:15,480 Speaker 1: don't have a child. I feel like the idea of 230 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:18,240 Speaker 1: baby fever being something that is talked about in terms 231 00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:20,199 Speaker 1: of like do you want one or not? Because I guess, 232 00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:22,079 Speaker 1: you know, think about it. A while ago, it was 233 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:25,640 Speaker 1: just assumed like he would have a child, probably whether 234 00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:28,520 Speaker 1: you wanted one or not. Yeah, you you definitely followed 235 00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:31,000 Speaker 1: a path, a path, you know. You you you might go 236 00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:32,960 Speaker 1: to school, then you get married, then you of course 237 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:35,200 Speaker 1: are going to have a family and retire and raise 238 00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:37,960 Speaker 1: those kids and whatnot. Now it's definitely more of like 239 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,080 Speaker 1: a well are you with anybody? Are you in a 240 00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:42,640 Speaker 1: serious relationship? Are you going to wait until you are 241 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:45,680 Speaker 1: to have a child? Like decisions? Make a decision, yeah, 242 00:13:45,679 --> 00:13:49,040 Speaker 1: because I mean also the marriage rates were so young, 243 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:51,680 Speaker 1: you don't really have time to even wait around for 244 00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:56,640 Speaker 1: the thief that to strike exactly. Just ask Betty draper Um. So, 245 00:13:57,000 --> 00:14:01,160 Speaker 1: what though, are the symptoms of baby fever aside from 246 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:04,600 Speaker 1: this kind of nebulous desire. I mean, we know what 247 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:08,640 Speaker 1: what it is that is wanted, i e. Baby, but 248 00:14:08,679 --> 00:14:11,960 Speaker 1: what does that feel like? Well? The Finnish study that 249 00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:14,960 Speaker 1: we were talking about earlier broke it down and I 250 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,360 Speaker 1: was really surprised, I mean because like I said, this 251 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:20,520 Speaker 1: is not anything I have had personal experience with. But 252 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:26,480 Speaker 1: there are women who have actual physical symptoms UM. This 253 00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:31,880 Speaker 1: They cite unbelievable aching the womb, feeling burned, pinched and convulsed, 254 00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:35,200 Speaker 1: breast that feel heavy in response to seeing a baby, 255 00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:38,600 Speaker 1: So like actual physical like I'm looking at a baby 256 00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:41,040 Speaker 1: and I just want to freakingt hold it. Yeah. Some 257 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:44,880 Speaker 1: of the women on a more emotional level described their 258 00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:50,840 Speaker 1: womb demanding something like feeling, you know, a gentle knocking 259 00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:55,240 Speaker 1: in their uterus. Yeah, like a temptation, they say, you know, 260 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:58,320 Speaker 1: a temptation that went against common sense. So maybe, like 261 00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:00,200 Speaker 1: you know how I said earlier, you know, you have 262 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,000 Speaker 1: to make a decision. Are you going to wait until 263 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:04,640 Speaker 1: you're in a serious relationship or married or whatever? You know, 264 00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:07,400 Speaker 1: you have to if if your life isn't in the 265 00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:10,160 Speaker 1: right place that you wanted to be. Maybe this baby 266 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,160 Speaker 1: fever is going against common sense. So you have a 267 00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:16,440 Speaker 1: little bit of anxiety longing. They describe it as sometimes 268 00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:20,760 Speaker 1: a burden um. And then there might be more mental 269 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:26,880 Speaker 1: symptoms of dreams, uncontrollable thoughts, fear of death, and loneliness, 270 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:31,600 Speaker 1: low self esteem, and not so surprisingly also envy of 271 00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:35,680 Speaker 1: mothers and pregnant peers. Yeah, and this envy or low 272 00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:39,320 Speaker 1: self esteem can actually affect your behavior sometimes. Women in 273 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:43,040 Speaker 1: this study said that they felt such envy uh and 274 00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:46,320 Speaker 1: kind of baby fever and everything that they actually ended 275 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:49,720 Speaker 1: relationships with friends who had babies, like they did not 276 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:51,960 Speaker 1: even want to be around women who were mothers. Well, 277 00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:55,480 Speaker 1: I mean, and imagine, like how if we're thinking about 278 00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:58,200 Speaker 1: this in terms of um, I mean, baby fever makes 279 00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:01,520 Speaker 1: it sound like something crazily the women do. But I 280 00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:04,360 Speaker 1: can understand that kind of anxiety and starry and difficulty 281 00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:07,760 Speaker 1: being around pregnant people if you are a woman who 282 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,640 Speaker 1: you know, stay, you're settled down and you're trying to 283 00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:11,520 Speaker 1: have a child and you cannot you know, if you 284 00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:14,120 Speaker 1: are infertile and are having those kind of issues, I'm 285 00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:18,440 Speaker 1: sure it can be incredibly difficult to experience. Um. But 286 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:22,600 Speaker 1: if it can also lead to behavior that is kind 287 00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:28,080 Speaker 1: of risky choosing to have have unprotected sex for instance, 288 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:33,080 Speaker 1: or yeah, like some people will go off their preferred 289 00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:35,400 Speaker 1: form of birth control and not tell their partner things 290 00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:38,440 Speaker 1: like that, And that's part of the whole coercion persuasion thing. 291 00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:41,360 Speaker 1: And there's the whole you know, like making a partner 292 00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:44,640 Speaker 1: choose between child and divorce is one of the things 293 00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:48,280 Speaker 1: that was cited in the studies You you make me, 294 00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:52,400 Speaker 1: this is one fever that cannot be cured by cowbell um. 295 00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:55,240 Speaker 1: One of the triggers they mentioned. Age. We've touched on 296 00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:59,400 Speaker 1: that early twenties is a big period. Then thirty five, 297 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:03,160 Speaker 1: so we're right around that that that second stage of 298 00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:07,200 Speaker 1: baby is coming. Yeah, and then things like biological clock. 299 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,760 Speaker 1: While they're not entirely connected, it's the same thing like, Okay, 300 00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:12,520 Speaker 1: I'm getting older, Like what am I doing with my life? 301 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:15,679 Speaker 1: There's also falling in love, feeling like you're secure in 302 00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:19,000 Speaker 1: a relationship. Now, I gotta stay. Of all of the 303 00:17:19,119 --> 00:17:22,960 Speaker 1: baby fever sources that we did run across, babel dot 304 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:28,920 Speaker 1: com offered an interesting list of signs that you have 305 00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:33,919 Speaker 1: baby fever, which includes pretending you're pregnant, um not minding 306 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,760 Speaker 1: when kids are crying. You just want to hold that 307 00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:40,040 Speaker 1: little screaming baby. Uh. You talk about babies constantly. You 308 00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:42,480 Speaker 1: stop in the baby aisle at the grocery store, maybe 309 00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:45,560 Speaker 1: just to pick up some baby food, just a sample, 310 00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:48,440 Speaker 1: just in case. You offered a babysit for free. All 311 00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:51,280 Speaker 1: the time you get the feeling that someone is missing 312 00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:55,080 Speaker 1: and you want to have sex more, but not because 313 00:17:55,119 --> 00:17:59,080 Speaker 1: you love it, because you're hoping that the birth control 314 00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:03,600 Speaker 1: fails and you oopsie baby. Yeah. So we've gone around 315 00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:06,640 Speaker 1: and around and around talking about how baby fever does 316 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:10,840 Speaker 1: affect a lot of us, a majority of men and women, 317 00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:15,840 Speaker 1: but there's still a large population of women and men 318 00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:17,840 Speaker 1: of course, but women are kind of the dominant ones 319 00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:22,919 Speaker 1: in this conversation, UM who have had an equally strong 320 00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:26,000 Speaker 1: desire to remain child free. We've done an episode on 321 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:29,919 Speaker 1: the child free lifestyle, and it's something that you know, 322 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:33,160 Speaker 1: you really do have to fight for against those sort 323 00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:36,720 Speaker 1: of socio cultural forces that that might say, hey, where's 324 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:41,919 Speaker 1: where's the baby, where's the beef? Yes, where where is 325 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:46,520 Speaker 1: the baby beef? UM? One theory about women who don't 326 00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:50,160 Speaker 1: want to have children or um don't have baby fever 327 00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:54,400 Speaker 1: whatsoever is that perhaps they have a high testosterone level 328 00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:57,560 Speaker 1: or were exposed to above average testosterone in the womb. 329 00:18:57,840 --> 00:19:00,600 Speaker 1: And before you get like touchy into offensive and think 330 00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:03,359 Speaker 1: I'm talking smack, I mean I don't have any baby 331 00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:06,640 Speaker 1: fever right now either. This is just another episode where 332 00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:11,800 Speaker 1: I question whether my testosterone levels are elevated. UM. And 333 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:15,280 Speaker 1: the same way that a lot of women and men 334 00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,879 Speaker 1: have had a constant desire, you know, over the years, 335 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:21,040 Speaker 1: to have a baby one day, there are just as 336 00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:24,280 Speaker 1: many people who have had a constant lack of interest 337 00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:28,080 Speaker 1: in children. And this this lack of desire basically can 338 00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:30,920 Speaker 1: end up especially if you've had it forever, if you've 339 00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:32,639 Speaker 1: ever since you were a kid, you didn't like playing 340 00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:35,000 Speaker 1: with dolls, you didn't really care about other children or 341 00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:38,320 Speaker 1: babies or whatever. Um, it really becomes a defining part 342 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:40,560 Speaker 1: of your identity because if you grow up with this 343 00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:42,400 Speaker 1: thing in your head, like I'm not gonna have children, 344 00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:44,680 Speaker 1: it kind of becomes a part of who you are. 345 00:19:45,359 --> 00:19:49,639 Speaker 1: And author Laura Scott said that she did a survey 346 00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:53,000 Speaker 1: and found that seventy seventy percent of the women she 347 00:19:53,119 --> 00:19:55,520 Speaker 1: surveyed had no desire to have a child and no 348 00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:58,840 Speaker 1: maternal instinct. So that's that's a big chunk. Obviously, that's 349 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:02,120 Speaker 1: not everybody. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure it's a specific population. 350 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:06,560 Speaker 1: Um and some some coral it's to people who choose 351 00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:09,600 Speaker 1: to and desire to remain child free. That's coming from 352 00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:13,440 Speaker 1: Christen Park, a sociologist. UM are that they are both 353 00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:16,160 Speaker 1: men and women tend to be more educated, more likely 354 00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:19,080 Speaker 1: to work in professional occupations, more likely to live in 355 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:24,440 Speaker 1: urban areas, less religious, and less conventional. Uh. But there's 356 00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:26,399 Speaker 1: also it makes sense. You hear that a lot about 357 00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:30,000 Speaker 1: like higher income, higher education with people who don't have kids. 358 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:33,040 Speaker 1: But guess what, it's because kids are a massive financial 359 00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:39,080 Speaker 1: and time investment. Um, So you know, I think the 360 00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:44,119 Speaker 1: moral of the story is that baby fever exists for 361 00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:49,159 Speaker 1: men and women alike, but it is not the rule. No, 362 00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:51,600 Speaker 1: it's not the rule. I also think baby fever should 363 00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:54,520 Speaker 1: be treated very very carefully by the person who has 364 00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:58,960 Speaker 1: it and that person's partner, because you might have baby fever, 365 00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:01,280 Speaker 1: but it might not be something that's good for you 366 00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:04,400 Speaker 1: or your family. It might not even be And and 367 00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:07,480 Speaker 1: I'm sorry if I if I sound harsh or whatever 368 00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:09,560 Speaker 1: when I say this, but it might not even be genuine. 369 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:13,000 Speaker 1: It might just be like this emotional kind of termoil 370 00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:15,800 Speaker 1: you're going through for whatever reason. Maybe you've had three 371 00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,119 Speaker 1: kids and you kind of have baby fever for a 372 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:20,520 Speaker 1: fourth one, but maybe that's not right for you or 373 00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:23,560 Speaker 1: your family. So yeah, and and also just because you 374 00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:28,040 Speaker 1: have baby fever, don't start like pressuring your family or 375 00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:31,879 Speaker 1: avoiding friends who have babies. Don't become a trickster in 376 00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:35,920 Speaker 1: the bedroom. Okay, out for that wink. So, so who's 377 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:40,240 Speaker 1: had baby fever? To raise your hands and guys out there, 378 00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:42,560 Speaker 1: what we want to hear from you too? Because, like 379 00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:47,560 Speaker 1: I said, why do you guys want some babies? So 380 00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:51,200 Speaker 1: you can send us your letters about baby fever at 381 00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:55,160 Speaker 1: mom stuff at Discovery dot com. And uh, we have 382 00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:58,679 Speaker 1: a couple of letters here on a lighter note about 383 00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:05,240 Speaker 1: jock straps. So this first one is coming from Angela 384 00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:10,960 Speaker 1: and she says has always excellent podcast. I think I 385 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:14,640 Speaker 1: just finished listening to the Athletics Support podcast and thought 386 00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:17,440 Speaker 1: I would share a funny little story. About a month ago, 387 00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:19,879 Speaker 1: my brother texted me while they were out shopping for 388 00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:22,680 Speaker 1: a cup from my young nephew to wear during softball. 389 00:22:23,119 --> 00:22:25,399 Speaker 1: My nephew thought that they all looked too big, but 390 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:27,280 Speaker 1: he found a chine strap that he thought would be 391 00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:31,200 Speaker 1: the right size. Great stuff to embarrass him with in 392 00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:36,760 Speaker 1: about twenty years. You just replaying this podcast? Ah yeah, 393 00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:39,760 Speaker 1: This one is from Zoe, same topic. She says, I 394 00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:41,800 Speaker 1: hate that I know this, but I have a brother 395 00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:43,879 Speaker 1: who's three years older than me and was a catcher 396 00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:47,800 Speaker 1: in high school baseball. The nut cup I hate that 397 00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:50,320 Speaker 1: it is called that, she says, is removable from the 398 00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:53,240 Speaker 1: fabric and it can be washed in the dishwasher. See 399 00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:55,679 Speaker 1: that contradicts what that other person told us that you 400 00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:58,919 Speaker 1: shouldn't do that, she says. Then the fabric is thrown 401 00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:01,119 Speaker 1: in the clothes wash. Sure, it is very disturbing and 402 00:23:01,119 --> 00:23:03,840 Speaker 1: potentially scarring for a twelve year old girl to empty 403 00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:07,040 Speaker 1: the dishwasher and have to remove her brother's nut cup. 404 00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:14,359 Speaker 1: Disclaimer those were her words online. So thank you, Zoe, Yes, 405 00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:16,760 Speaker 1: thanks to everyone who has written in with nut cup 406 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:20,000 Speaker 1: stories and so much more. Mom Stuff at discovery dot 407 00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:22,640 Speaker 1: com is where you can send your emails. You can 408 00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:26,800 Speaker 1: also send us a note on Facebook and tweet us 409 00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:30,680 Speaker 1: at Mom's Stuff podcast. And if you want to learn 410 00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:33,440 Speaker 1: so much more about babies and where they come from, 411 00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:36,000 Speaker 1: you can head over to our website It's how stuff 412 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:41,560 Speaker 1: works dot com for more on this and thousands of 413 00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:49,040 Speaker 1: other topics. Does it how stuff works dot Com brought 414 00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:52,240 Speaker 1: to you by the reinvented two thousand twelve Camray. It's ready, 415 00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:52,880 Speaker 1: Are you