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Speaker 1: Hey, guys, I'm Kaylie Shore and this is too much

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Speaker 1: to say. Question it out of you. Well, Hello to

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Speaker 1: my lovely loyal listeners. UM. Some of you are on

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Speaker 1: the treadmill, some of you are driving to work, some

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Speaker 1: of you are I don't know. I'd like to know

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Speaker 1: what you do while you listen to my podcast, But

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Speaker 1: I've heard a lot of different things. Um. I listened

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Speaker 1: to podcasts when I'm doing many, many things because I

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Speaker 1: have a d h D and quite literally cannot function

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Speaker 1: doing one thing at a time. I must be doing

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Speaker 1: all the things at all the times. And there is

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Speaker 1: no such thing as a linear chronological to do list

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Speaker 1: with me, um. And there's also no such thing as

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Speaker 1: doing like you know, if I'm watching TV, I need

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Speaker 1: to be painting my nails if i'm the only thing

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Speaker 1: that can completely keep me occupied is a book, because

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Speaker 1: I'm holding in I'm can't. You can't look away from it.

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Speaker 1: You can look away from a TV show, but you

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Speaker 1: can't look away from a book because then you're not

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Speaker 1: reading a book anymore. And that's like the one thing,

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Speaker 1: and that's why I love, love, love reading books. I

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Speaker 1: read a um, a rather large novel the other day

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Speaker 1: in one day it was really really good. It was

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Speaker 1: called My Year of Rest and Relaxation. It's about this

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Speaker 1: girl who takes a bunch of proscripsion heads and just

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Speaker 1: sleeps for here, like literally sleeps for you. And you

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Speaker 1: think it would be really worried, but it's actually really interesting.

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Speaker 1: So that's my book recommendation. UM. But yeah, so I

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Speaker 1: I just can't do one thing at a time ever,

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Speaker 1: So I listened to podcasts while doing nearly everything, and

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Speaker 1: I've been listening to more recently. There's some that I

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Speaker 1: really really like. I love the Angiogram and Coffee podcast.

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Speaker 1: She's UM. Sarah Jane Case is an Anagram expert and

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Speaker 1: as an an Instagram ram account that talks a lot

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Speaker 1: about the indiogram. And I like to find sneaky ways

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Speaker 1: for self growth whenever I can, UM, because I am

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Speaker 1: self sabotaging all day every day, So if I can

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Speaker 1: find a few minutes to maybe not do that, it's nice.

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Speaker 1: So today is going to be a rather short episode

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Speaker 1: because I don't want to go on too long about

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Speaker 1: a bunch of negative things. But it's been Uh, it's

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Speaker 1: like Nathaniel and the no good, terrible, very bad day. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's like, that's kind of the week I had. Um Hm, Well,

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Speaker 1: the biggest thing. The largest thing is UM my boyfriend Sam.

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Speaker 1: His childhood dog is named Axel and also um known

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Speaker 1: as Fluff, which is a you with anon slout over

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Speaker 1: at the two dots. It's not fluf with two hoys.

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Speaker 1: It's fluf with the two dots. And he is fourteen

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Speaker 1: and he had to be put down last week and

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Speaker 1: he'd been living with me and Sam and I love

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Speaker 1: that dog so much. Sam had him his whole life.

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Speaker 1: I've only known him since I've been dating Sam, but

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Speaker 1: we've been we've had him, you know, in our care

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Speaker 1: a lot um on and off since we've been dating.

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Speaker 1: And he's just the best dog and has helped me

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Speaker 1: through so much. And I know he's not hurting anymore,

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Speaker 1: but it's still really sad. And UM I posted a

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Speaker 1: bunch of pictures of him on Instagram. I highly recommend

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Speaker 1: going and seeing how freaking adorable he is. But he's

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Speaker 1: the best boy. And UM I have a twenty year

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Speaker 1: old cat named Monkey, and towards the end, Um they

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Speaker 1: really got close and they've always gotten along. Grade It's

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Speaker 1: funny because when they adopted Axel, on his little sign

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Speaker 1: on the cage. It said, um does not cannot be

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Speaker 1: around cats, which clearly is not true. And him and

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Speaker 1: Monkey always had this mutual respect for each other. But

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Speaker 1: towards the end I noticed them doing things um Like

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Speaker 1: Monkey would always eat Axel's food and I didn't stop

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Speaker 1: him because Monkey has a thyroid disease and really can't

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Speaker 1: gain weight, like, so I need to feed him as

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Speaker 1: much as possible. And if Axel didn't care, I was like,

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Speaker 1: all right, fine, eat the dog food. I don't care.

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Speaker 1: You're fine. Um, that's not going to be what takes

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Speaker 1: you down Monkey. And so Axel picked up on this,

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Speaker 1: and I thought he was throwing up on the on

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Speaker 1: the rug for a second, because I would I'd always

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Speaker 1: noticed that there was like a little bit of food

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Speaker 1: on one part of the rug. And then I caught

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Speaker 1: him one day and what he was doing was Axel

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Speaker 1: was taking a bite of his dog food, carrying it

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Speaker 1: over to the rug so Monkey could eat it, and

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Speaker 1: he was sharing its food with him, and it's just

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Speaker 1: so sweet, and so then you know, they just started

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Speaker 1: to kind of be a little bit closer and and

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Speaker 1: and sleep together. They after it was a while, they

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Speaker 1: ended up, you know, sleeping in the same bed at

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Speaker 1: the same time. And but they I literally have this

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Speaker 1: picture of them snuggling it like, I mean, we'd put

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Speaker 1: them together. But the next day, which was just a

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Speaker 1: few days before um Axcel passed, we um I woke

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Speaker 1: up in the middle of the night and Axel was

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Speaker 1: shifting around. And he always sleeps at the end of

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Speaker 1: the bed. That's the only place he sleeps. He doesn't

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Speaker 1: like to come up to the top of the bed

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Speaker 1: unless he's waking you up to tell you please feed

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Speaker 1: me and take me out. That's really cute. But um

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Speaker 1: He's shifting around and I'm looking at him, and I

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Speaker 1: wake up, and he goes over and he lays his

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Speaker 1: head on my cats but and falls asleep like that,

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Speaker 1: and it was just the sweetest thing I've ever seen.

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Speaker 1: I took a picture and it was like four in

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Speaker 1: the morning. But I'm really glad I have that, and

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Speaker 1: I have so many great memories with him. And once

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Speaker 1: I realized he didn't how much time left, probably like

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Speaker 1: you know, a year ago. I mean, he's fourteen, and

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Speaker 1: it said cancer for two years. But once I figured

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Speaker 1: that out, I just started to have Axle photo shoots

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Speaker 1: all the time. So I have so many pictures of

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Speaker 1: this talk, but it's been hard, and he's uh, this

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Speaker 1: beautiful bourbon colored you know, copper dog, and um, I

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Speaker 1: now have a moratorium in my house on paper bags

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Speaker 1: because I'll like have a you know, a Trader Joe's

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Speaker 1: bag or something and leave it near the door just

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Speaker 1: for whatever reason, and I keep seeing them and thinking

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Speaker 1: it's him, and that's just awful. So no more paper

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Speaker 1: bags in this house until further notice. So, yes, losing

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Speaker 1: a pet is very hard and that's just been a

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Speaker 1: huge bummer. And then in the midst of all of that, UM,

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Speaker 1: I've also like, okay, So basically, I just want to

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Speaker 1: be honest with you guys. I don't really have that

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Speaker 1: many Fox left to give. Like y'all thought I didn't

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Speaker 1: have Fox left to give before, I really don't have

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Speaker 1: Fox left to give now. The e V is not

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Speaker 1: performing the way that we thought it would, and it

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Speaker 1: feels bad to admit that, you know, it's it's my art.

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Speaker 1: It feels like a failure to say that out loud.

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Speaker 1: But I don't know, I just why why covered up?

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Speaker 1: You know, I just I don't know necessarily what went wrong.

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Speaker 1: I believe in these songs, that I believe in the project,

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Speaker 1: and for some reason, it's just I think that the

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Speaker 1: quote that the music industry uses this quote unquote did

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Speaker 1: not connect with the audience. And I don't really understand

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Speaker 1: because it's like, well, how can you say I didn't

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Speaker 1: connect with them if they never heard it? But okay,

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Speaker 1: And so that's confusing, and that's hard, and it's kind

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Speaker 1: of you know, back to the drawing board and writing

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Speaker 1: more songs. And I wrote to today, which feels really good.

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Speaker 1: That's the best thing I can do. And I'm upset

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Speaker 1: is just throwing myself into that. But it's still like,

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Speaker 1: you know that the ev has only been out for

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Speaker 1: a month and a half and I already had so

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Speaker 1: many things fall through in like all my tours and um,

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Speaker 1: you know, I had a UK tour in my first

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Speaker 1: headlining one and so it's a tour with Martina McBride

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Speaker 1: and all these different things. And now it's just kind

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Speaker 1: of like a very rather slow period. And I still

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Speaker 1: have a lot of great things happening. And if you

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Speaker 1: had told me, you know, six years ago, that this

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Speaker 1: is what my slow period would look like, I'd probably

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Speaker 1: be pretty stoked. About it, but it's still you know

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Speaker 1: you you you think when you when you put everything

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Speaker 1: you have into a project that you really believe in,

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Speaker 1: you just think it's gonna it's gonna take off. And

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Speaker 1: I don't know what to do. But you guys have

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Speaker 1: listened to it, and that means a lot to me, um,

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Speaker 1: because I know what connected with you guys, and it

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Speaker 1: doesn't have to connect with a million people for me

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Speaker 1: to be happy. Um, it's it's definitely disappointing, but hearing

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Speaker 1: you'all stories about how you feel about the songs and

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Speaker 1: what you've taken from them always makes things better. So

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Speaker 1: it's been a it's been a time. It's been an

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Speaker 1: interesting time, and I've been journaling a lot, and uh,

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Speaker 1: I started going to therapy again. I have three therapy

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Speaker 1: appointments this week. I have um one that I go

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Speaker 1: see and have gone and seen for you know, years,

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Speaker 1: and just started to go see her again. And I

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Speaker 1: have a psychiatrist that I have seen consistently for four years.

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Speaker 1: And then UM, there's a there's a therapist that Sam

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Speaker 1: and I um like it's it's a therapist, but we

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Speaker 1: just kind of go and check in together sometimes and

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Speaker 1: that's always really really helpful, and you know it's um.

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Speaker 1: Him and I had a conversation. He was like, well,

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Speaker 1: I don't. I don't know anybody else or age whose

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Speaker 1: who has goes to see a therapist together. And I'm like, well,

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Speaker 1: a lot of people are range don't have the privilege

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Speaker 1: of financially affording that or having their insurance cover it.

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Speaker 1: So I mean, like, raise your fucking hand if you

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Speaker 1: would go to therapy if it didn't cost that much money,

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Speaker 1: you know, And so I think that UM calmed dow down.

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Speaker 1: But it's been really helpful. You know, if you have

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Speaker 1: to go through hard things with your person, you might

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Speaker 1: as well talk about them together and have somebody help

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Speaker 1: you help each other and be better. And stress has

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Speaker 1: been high all around, and you know it's it's hard

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Speaker 1: when you're in a relationship and your stressed because you

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Speaker 1: tend to correlate the stress to the relationship and in

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Speaker 1: this case, in the one I'm currently in and planned

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Speaker 1: to be in forever. Uh, it's just not just not

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Speaker 1: what it is. And UM, someone sul side of who

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Speaker 1: the eminent enemy is and who the you know, the

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Speaker 1: person makes you sad is and sometimes the person making

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Speaker 1: sad is just the universe. So sorry to be such

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Speaker 1: a negative Nancy this week, but um, I just want

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Speaker 1: to let you guys know where I'm at and I

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Speaker 1: will hopefully have some better news for you next week. UM.

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Speaker 1: But that's just a little bit of a kind of

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Speaker 1: diary entry and me being vulnerable and transparent with you guys,

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Speaker 1: even when it feels weird and uncompany UM. And I'm

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Speaker 1: trying to challenge myself to do that because I come

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Speaker 1: on here and I talk about, you know, personal things,

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Speaker 1: but they're all things that I've written songs about and

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Speaker 1: they're already out there, and it's just not nearly as

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Speaker 1: as scary as admitting that admitting that I'm going through

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Speaker 1: hard time retroactively being like, oh, when I wrote Gatsby,

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Speaker 1: I was going through a hard time. But I'm better now,

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Speaker 1: so that feels okay. But for me right now to

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Speaker 1: be like, I am going through a bad time right

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Speaker 1: now and I have not quite yet seen the okay

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Speaker 1: part of things, UM, that's that takes a little bit

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Speaker 1: more courage. So I'm trying to practice what I preach here.

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Speaker 1: Thank you guys so much for listening. Thank you for

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Speaker 1: giving me, um a place to talk even though you

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Speaker 1: know I have many many paid therapists you listen to me.

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Speaker 1: I appreciate you guys doing it too, and it probably

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Speaker 1: saves both they awesome drama that I get to um

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Speaker 1: that I get to talk to both you know, my

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Speaker 1: podcast listeners and my therapists and not make it all

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Speaker 1: the same monologue. So I love you guys so much.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for your kind messages. I love going and

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Speaker 1: reading messages from you guys, uh when I'm having a

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Speaker 1: bad time, because it always cheers me up. So I

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Speaker 1: am so appreciative of you guys. Thank you so much.

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Speaker 1: I love you. Have a wonderful week, and I will

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Speaker 1: hopefully see you in a much sunnier mood next week.

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Speaker 1: My name is Kaylie Shore and this is too much

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Speaker 1: to say. It's question. Now turn it out to you