Speaker 1: Hello, do you need ride fans? It's Christopher James Fairbanks,
Speaker 1: letting you know about a few shows I have coming
Speaker 1: up here in May. On the tenth, Brooklyn, New York,
Speaker 1: I'll be at the Bellhouse. If you live in New York,
Speaker 1: please go to that show. I'm very excited about it.
Speaker 1: And then the next night, the eleventh, I'll be in
Speaker 1: jam and Java. Please be BBD in Vienna, Virginia. That's
Speaker 1: near DC. Closing out this little run, I'll be at
Speaker 1: City Winery this time in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Please go to
Speaker 1: Chris Fairbanks dot com for tickets. Thank you and you're welcome.
Speaker 2: I leave then I you wanna way back either you
Speaker 2: wanna be.
Speaker 1: There, doesn't matter how much baggage you clean.
Speaker 3: Thank us time and day. Turman Al engage.
Speaker 1: We want to send you us in soil. We wanna
Speaker 1: welcome you back home.
Speaker 3: Tell us about it. We scared or was it fine? Malborn?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need with Karen and Chris welcome to Do
Speaker 1: you need to ride?
Speaker 3: This is Chris Fairbanks and this is Karen Kilgaroff.
Speaker 1: Hello, Karen. I feel like I haven't seen you in days,
Speaker 1: just mere days. Yeah, I saw you in real life.
Speaker 3: I know that was that was incredible.
Speaker 1: It had been more than a year. That's what a
Speaker 1: lot of people don't know.
Speaker 3: That's how hilarious.
Speaker 1: Is that not true?
Speaker 3: I don't think it's true, but it isn't. But it
Speaker 3: can't be far off because it's been so long.
Speaker 1: But it was very fun and I, you know, after
Speaker 1: it was on the heels of that diet. I had
Speaker 1: the best cheeses. It was my first day off of
Speaker 1: that damn thing. And I still feel great though I
Speaker 1: had a little cheese, big deal. Still haven't drink. I
Speaker 1: think I haven't without going through any sort of program.
Speaker 1: I tricked myself into not drinking anymore.
Speaker 3: That's good. Yeah, well you're doing it. You don't need
Speaker 3: a program if you can do it based on just
Speaker 3: purely how you feel, and you feel that much of
Speaker 3: an improvement. That's why sometimes those and here it do
Speaker 3: you need a ride. We do not endorse dieting in
Speaker 3: any way, except if you have arthritic inflammations exactly some
Speaker 3: kind of a you know, gas strotestinal issue whatever.
Speaker 1: We only approve of dieting for medical purposes.
Speaker 3: Yeah, or if you just feel shitty and that is
Speaker 3: somehow going to They understand.
Speaker 1: I felt medically shitty and now I feel terrific. My
Speaker 1: brain works better. That's the one thing I noted once
Speaker 1: I started doing stand up. I was like, I was
Speaker 1: remembering all my jokes, and that made me realize, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm usually kind of drunk by the second show, just
Speaker 1: out of habit, and that was a weird realization. All
Speaker 1: of my shows went well. I thought that just with
Speaker 1: stand up you had to have a couple bad shows,
Speaker 1: but I think it.
Speaker 3: Was me Well, I think these are the kinds of
Speaker 3: things we adapt to. First of all, I became a
Speaker 3: stand up comedian because I was an alcoholic, and it
Speaker 3: was the perfect like a thing to It wasn't it
Speaker 3: was more than a hobby. It was like something I
Speaker 3: was really trying to do. But at the same time,
Speaker 3: it was the perfect setup to be like, well, if
Speaker 3: I don't have a drink in my hand, that's weird.
Speaker 3: I'll be the weird one.
Speaker 1: Especially, Yeah, you're getting paid and drinks when you first start.
Speaker 3: Yes, And also it's like I could have chosen to
Speaker 3: be a librarian, but you know that didn't get me
Speaker 3: closer to the drink quotient that I wanted to be
Speaker 3: reaching every single night.
Speaker 1: So I do remember my high school librarian did have
Speaker 1: a flask in her drawer. So you can still party, which.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I guess that's true. I think it. Depending
Speaker 3: on the school you work out, you probably want to.
Speaker 3: But yeah, you know there.
Speaker 1: Was a lot of teachers with flasks. Yeah yeah, yeah, Well.
Speaker 3: We support teachers drinking anytime they want, day or not,
Speaker 3: exactly whatever, as long as you're not hitting anybody.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, as long as it makes you an ire teacher.
Speaker 3: If you get ire with it, yea support you definitely
Speaker 3: do it after work down at Applebee's for sure.
Speaker 1: Yeah, of course please. Speaking of Island vibes, I'm very
Speaker 1: excited about our guests today.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, the perfect seguee.
Speaker 1: Yes, I mean they just flow out of me.
Speaker 3: Yeah you get it.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I totally get it. It's always it's always there,
Speaker 1: you know, are from clubs and colleges across the country, writer,
Speaker 1: podcast or hilarious comedian. Everyone put your ears together for
Speaker 1: Test Barker. Hi, Hi Test, Hi Test.
Speaker 3: Hello Hello how's it going, you know, pretty good TVH.
Speaker 3: It sounded like you were being h and I appreciate that. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: I try to keep it age scarin the good. That's
Speaker 3: nice because you it almost felt like a discovery as
Speaker 3: you were saying it, like pretty good.
Speaker 2: Actually, yeah, well, because I feel like today kind of
Speaker 2: felt like that day because it got like warm today
Speaker 2: and so it kind of feels like the first day
Speaker 2: where I'm like pretty good, Like.
Speaker 3: Yeah, i had an Italian sub for lunch. I've been
Speaker 3: listening to Jewel all day, really warm, pretty good. Yeah,
Speaker 3: that's a real no complaints day right there with you
Speaker 3: just described that sounds like me in ninety one. Yeah exactly.
Speaker 1: You just said said that was like a time machine.
Speaker 1: I never forgot about Jewel.
Speaker 2: I know, every three years I remember about her, and
Speaker 2: I'm so glad I did.
Speaker 3: And I was actually caremul I was listening to her.
Speaker 2: I was like, you kind of have you remind me
Speaker 2: of Jewel a little bit like you guys both have
Speaker 2: that like clear folk.
Speaker 3: Thank you. Yeah, I have to be honest right now
Speaker 3: and say that in my in my I would say
Speaker 3: my sophomore year of comedy, I went in pretty hard
Speaker 3: on the low affair just because that was what you're
Speaker 3: supposed to do at the time. Is about being contrary
Speaker 3: and calling out things. And so while a lot of
Speaker 3: that chunk of comedy I talked about Jewel and an
Speaker 3: I mean way, And it does make me feel guilty
Speaker 3: now because that was back when comedy truly could only
Speaker 3: exist in the one moment you did it again unless
Speaker 3: somebody was videotaping, which they almost never were unless you
Speaker 3: paid them twenty dollars. So I do have like, anytime
Speaker 3: anyone even brings up Jewel, I feel guilty because it's
Speaker 3: really mean. Wow.
Speaker 2: But I mean, I think you can be absolved now
Speaker 2: and no one needed to know that, You're right.
Speaker 3: I'm just I'm putting it out there as a like,
Speaker 3: get this out of me and yeah, so we don't
Speaker 3: have to talk about it. It's the Catholic things.
Speaker 2: Sean does that to me all the time, Like he
Speaker 2: confesses his like food to me, hope, like I had
Speaker 2: six wings and then bacon like on my sandwich and
Speaker 2: like six hel marys.
Speaker 3: I what's the answer, what's the answer to that? To
Speaker 3: that amount of wings?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 3: It doesn't feel good though I love coming clean about stuff.
Speaker 3: It feels. Then it's you're like, okay, like now I'm
Speaker 3: done with that. Yeah you hangle light on it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, come all the way clean and tell this jewel joke.
Speaker 1: It's not on YouTube. I just searched now.
Speaker 3: You literally I could not remember I talk about her
Speaker 3: having a baby talking like a baby, and then I'm
Speaker 3: sure it was something that led to pedophilia.
Speaker 1: Okay, oh right, yeah, because oh you like if you
Speaker 1: like that, because for a while I get it.
Speaker 3: I give it was just you know, I feel like
Speaker 3: in the early nineties comedy there was just a lot
Speaker 3: of wild swings at whoever was like on a magazine
Speaker 3: at the time. Yeah, it's just like what we were
Speaker 3: all doing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and Lila Fair was easy to make fun of unfortunately,
Speaker 2: but then like.
Speaker 3: Looking back, it slept completely like I mean, oh my god.
Speaker 3: And also that was all I just caught. Somebody just
Speaker 3: retweeted something, a video of it, and it was Sarah
Speaker 3: McLaughlan was the one that did it all because she
Speaker 3: was so sick of like all these female musicians were
Speaker 3: like killing it in the charts, but they were just
Speaker 3: constantly being compared to each other and like, oh, well,
Speaker 3: if you're here aren't you mad at so and so?
Speaker 3: It was like all that bullshit, you know, it was
Speaker 3: just moments ago. It was so much more hideously sexist
Speaker 3: and anti women even, you know, just like women doing
Speaker 3: it to women myself included men doing it to it. It
Speaker 3: was just like crazy, you couldn't succeed enough without somebody
Speaker 3: coming along to be like, hen, you're just one of
Speaker 3: those gariels or whatever. So her explaining it of the
Speaker 3: whole little of Fair thing, which is like, couldn't you
Speaker 3: have workshopped that name a little bit?
Speaker 2: That's the problem and the font, if we're being honest,
Speaker 2: I think it was like it's very I'm giving like
Speaker 2: Celtic fair.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there had to be a Celtic not in there.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yes there was. There was some sort of Enya
Speaker 3: pointing to Enya style, you know, lowercase along why tail
Speaker 3: on the why just the type of vibe.
Speaker 1: Can I tell you guys, I haven't.
Speaker 3: I guess I don't know what. I guess.
Speaker 2: I'm just going through a nineties thing right now. But
Speaker 2: I have a neighbor who has a bumper sticker that
Speaker 2: says I had rather be crying to Ya, and I
Speaker 2: just wanted to find out who this person is and
Speaker 2: befriend them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that is so specific. That's like someone that they
Speaker 1: had to have that bumper stick.
Speaker 3: Man, right, yeah, what if it's it turns out it's
Speaker 3: just Brandy Posey's card.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, here are any friends with her? Fifteen years?
Speaker 2: I never knew Posey wasn't in your head.
Speaker 1: No, she's crying a real big fish.
Speaker 3: Yeah, crying to scot that's disturbing. Oh my god, I'd
Speaker 3: rather be crying to yet. And Yeah, here's what I
Speaker 3: love is when people there was one that uh one
Speaker 3: that went viral that somebody took. It looked like they
Speaker 3: were behind them in the Starbucks drive through line or whatever,
Speaker 3: and it said tell your cat, I said, which is
Speaker 3: the fucking funniest bumper sticker of all time?
Speaker 1: Is so good?
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's incredible. People are funny, Like I know, I
Speaker 3: used to just think like it was me and my
Speaker 3: friends and maybe eight other people, like you had to
Speaker 3: do stand up to be funny. And it's like, here's
Speaker 3: the sad news. Everybody's funny. Yeah, yeah, it's true.
Speaker 2: That guy at the bar that's like everyone says, I'm funny,
Speaker 2: Like he stand ups like to be like why don't
Speaker 2: you stand up. You're not funny. He's funny. He is
Speaker 2: the junk guy at the bar's funny. Like, no one's
Speaker 2: funnier than my grandpa. Like I was talking at my
Speaker 2: grandpa's ninety two and I was talking to him, like
Speaker 2: he was telling me about this trip he went onto
Speaker 2: Mexico a few years ago. I said, did you see
Speaker 2: the ruins when you were in Mexico and you just
Speaker 2: went the only ruins around were me?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Like high five?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love Grandpa's joking about partying exactly.
Speaker 3: Did you guys see that video when the lady, some
Speaker 3: lady ran up onto like Mayan temple and everybody there
Speaker 3: started screaming. It was like it's so, you know, obviously
Speaker 3: a sacred sight and so being preserved and all that stuff.
Speaker 3: And some lady tried r ran halfway up to try
Speaker 3: to like get her picture or whatever, and the entire
Speaker 3: group that was there just people just started screaming at ours.
Speaker 3: Look that one up. It's amazing.
Speaker 2: That sounds like a really did she succeed in taking
Speaker 2: the picture? Or is it like when a model falls?
Speaker 3: It was she It was kind of far away, so
Speaker 3: I'm you know, somebody was videoing it, but everyone was
Speaker 3: because that's the only thing you're looking at is this
Speaker 3: big temple in front of you that's been there for like,
Speaker 3: you know, a thousand years or more. But what was
Speaker 3: great is just there's people yelling at her in Spanish,
Speaker 3: people yelling at her in English. It was just like
Speaker 3: everyone there was just like you're disgusting, Like how dare you?
Speaker 3: I can't remember if she was trying to selfie it
Speaker 3: or what the situation was, but people were having none
Speaker 3: of it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, amazing, And I think those are like not standard
Speaker 2: steps like you have.
Speaker 3: That's a lot of efforting.
Speaker 2: Those are like Mayan height steps, yes, yeah, for not rituals.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's a real effort she put into breaking all
Speaker 3: the rules and getting up there, and then just basically
Speaker 3: I think, uh, you can get charged with a crime
Speaker 3: if you do that, Yeah, I would. There's all kinds
Speaker 3: of stuff I would hope.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And also just bad, did you probably like of all
Speaker 3: the places? Yes, like terrible.
Speaker 1: Yeah, sacred ground. Yeah, yeah, it reminds me at the time,
Speaker 1: I was at Glacier Park and they do have signs
Speaker 1: off the trail. The trail is like a wooden deck
Speaker 1: that you walk up, but it's a protected tundra, the
Speaker 1: weird tundras on all these signs, but I saw a
Speaker 1: ground square or marmot I think it's called. Oh they're great.
Speaker 1: They have great posture and they yell at you, and
Speaker 1: they have buff teeth and they're pretty cute. But a
Speaker 1: bud was like had this guy pinned down and he
Speaker 1: was pecking at him? So I went to break up
Speaker 1: the bird and marmot fight because it was he was
Speaker 1: shrieking horribly. And some lady yelled at me for stepping
Speaker 1: on the tundra, and I was like, wait, you're putting
Speaker 1: these it's just weeds, truly occurring weeds. Do you care
Speaker 1: more about that than these animals? I was trying to
Speaker 1: get the bird or chase it a way at least,
Speaker 1: and she confirmed that she cared more about the tundra
Speaker 1: than this marmot.
Speaker 3: Wow. Yeah, she was defending the natural order. Like you
Speaker 3: can't be defending that marmot. Now he's too weak to
Speaker 3: be existing on the tundra, right, Yeah, she she.
Speaker 1: Just didn't have a place in her heart for animals,
Speaker 1: but she did for plants.
Speaker 2: But like, I don't think Chris that you like that
Speaker 2: story tells me that you could not be a videographer
Speaker 2: for a planet Earth because you gotta just let it be.
Speaker 1: I know, I can't. That was nothing was a more
Speaker 1: natural occurrence than that bird attacking it. And then I
Speaker 1: come in with my with my clothes and my my
Speaker 1: unused camera, and I try and the same way.
Speaker 2: We saw when I was in Vancouver, we saw some
Speaker 2: killer whales kill a seal, and like everyone else that
Speaker 2: we were with loved it, but I just I couldn't.
Speaker 3: I didn't I loved it.
Speaker 2: I was the only person on the boat that was
Speaker 2: like this, this is deeply disturbing.
Speaker 1: Was it a bunch of heavy metal dudes?
Speaker 2: It was like yeah, but Kitsie, it was like yeah,
Speaker 2: I mean it was cool seeing the killer whales like
Speaker 2: up that close and like when they would come out
Speaker 2: of the water and do flips and stuff.
Speaker 3: Yeah, of course that was cool.
Speaker 1: But the blood squirting out, that's not majestic. I what
Speaker 1: a question of those people on the boat are nuts.
Speaker 2: Well and actually, well, okay, I'll tell you it's not
Speaker 2: that bloody. How they do it is actually a little
Speaker 2: bit more disturbing. They were teaching the baby how to
Speaker 2: kill and how they do it is they stun the
Speaker 2: seal and so they kill it and they like put
Speaker 2: into a coma first, and then they knock it around
Speaker 2: like a volleyball for a while, oh like.
Speaker 1: With their tails.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then they take it down and they eat
Speaker 2: it down deep.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Wow. It starts with head trauma. Yeah wow.
Speaker 3: But that's nice because then it's there's a it's there's
Speaker 3: mercy at the beginning. Sure it's not, because here's what's
Speaker 3: interesting I just heard, and here's the kind of world
Speaker 3: we're starting to live in. I don't know if I
Speaker 3: saw this on TikTok, if I heard it on a podcast,
Speaker 3: if I dreamed it, if I left on animal Planet
Speaker 3: and went to sleep and drink. So there's this is
Speaker 3: not verifiable at the moment. And also I'm not giving
Speaker 3: credit to the people I heard it from, which I
Speaker 3: apologize for. But whoever, there are two people, so I
Speaker 3: bet you as a podcast they were talking about how
Speaker 3: orcas are now killing sharks, so orcas are the are
Speaker 3: the apex predator of the world. Those people that were
Speaker 3: cheering on those orcas, we're doing it in a very
Speaker 3: sea world based way, when in truth they were like
Speaker 3: that that is the ultimate monster because orcas have started
Speaker 3: to kill great white sharks by eating their liver, and
Speaker 3: that's it, because the liver is the most Again, this
Speaker 3: needs only on Elise, if you wouldn't mind trying to
Speaker 3: bear this in some way. But it's basically they're getting
Speaker 3: they're becoming so good at hunting that now they're like,
Speaker 3: I've hunted you, and this is all I need from
Speaker 3: you because there's so many nutrents and things in that
Speaker 3: liver that if we just eat this, that's plenty.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I have to see the orca
Speaker 1: surgery where they isolate and extract just the liver.
Speaker 2: Right, It's like that Audrey's Tattoo movie where they like,
Speaker 2: maybe they sell the rest on the black market in
Speaker 2: the ocean, Like maybe another animal is selling shark brain
Speaker 2: down on the Mexican Gulf.
Speaker 3: Yes, that's right, shark fins.
Speaker 2: Wow, I really, I'm actually I desperately want to go
Speaker 2: diving with great whites and I found a place in
Speaker 2: Mexico that I was gonna do it, and they just
Speaker 2: went out of business.
Speaker 3: And why did they go out of business? Because someone
Speaker 3: got eaten? Act one thousand percent.
Speaker 2: Now nobody got eaten A couple of sharks have gotten
Speaker 2: harmed by digging their noses into the cages, which is
Speaker 2: kind of problematic. But I actually from the article I read,
Speaker 2: it actually sounds like it was the fishermen in the
Speaker 2: area kind of being dicks to the shark people.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, this headline that Anally's forwarded kind of answers
Speaker 1: my surgery question, and it's absolutely horrifying. It says, discover
Speaker 1: how killer whales squeeze out great white livers like toothpaste. Yes,
Speaker 1: that's a headline. Without gagging, they continued to type and tell.
Speaker 3: Where is it in the body? Does it have a picture?
Speaker 1: No, I'm requiring myself not to view the visuals. I
Speaker 1: just that show. Also, it just makes you think a
Speaker 1: liver toothpaste? Which something?
Speaker 3: Is there a picture?
Speaker 2: If I'm squeamish, I'm afraid there is.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm going it's uh oh now, I'm oh no,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna look.
Speaker 3: Wait, it is the squeezing from the middle.
Speaker 1: Okay, I mean, if it's anything like toothpaste, it's from
Speaker 1: the bottom. I don't I Oh, there's no picture of
Speaker 1: the actual liver squeezing. That's just a guind photo. That
Speaker 1: shows a otherwise intimidating shark in despair, which I guess
Speaker 1: since they used to be the bullies.
Speaker 3: It's kind of hilarious to see. It looks like Jaws
Speaker 3: is crying as two orches on either side are like
Speaker 3: yeah yeah, and he's like no, yeah.
Speaker 1: I guess. I like that Jaws is crying.
Speaker 3: He's like, guy Scott.
Speaker 2: I feel like Steven Spielberg did Sharks so dirty, Like
Speaker 2: you guys just brought up Jaws, Like we have so
Speaker 2: much sharkphobia as a species, and like I when I
Speaker 2: worked at MTV News, they wrote an article about sharks
Speaker 2: in California because I was like, it seems like there's
Speaker 2: been a lot more great Waite spottings in California. I
Speaker 2: talked to a shark scientist who was like, they've been
Speaker 2: here the whole time. We just have drones so now
Speaker 2: we can see them. So like they've not been fucking
Speaker 2: with us, right, They've been so vilified by that.
Speaker 3: Movie, right, Tess, I need to do a point counterpoint
Speaker 3: with you right now.
Speaker 5: Okay, because I'm from the California, I grew up twenty
Speaker 5: five miles away from Stinson Beach where they surfers get
Speaker 5: eaten by great white sharks constantly.
Speaker 3: It's a thing. They have signs, so a, I'll put
Speaker 3: that there, and then b sharks. They only live to
Speaker 3: kill things. That is all they do. It's they literally
Speaker 3: like don't sleep. I think they're just constantly moving and
Speaker 3: constantly trying to eat things.
Speaker 1: Have you ever seen their teeth going after Yeah, we've
Speaker 1: all seen their teeth and then the following several sets
Speaker 1: behind them. They have a backup teams. They have teeth
Speaker 1: that are riding the bench waiting to be the base.
Speaker 3: Chaincase one tooth goes out tearing flesh, there's a backup
Speaker 3: flesh tearing.
Speaker 1: I think they're eating these surfers because they're all in
Speaker 1: black wetsuits and they think that they're seals, like a
Speaker 1: lot of as. I don't think they have it out
Speaker 1: for us humans. That's why I don't know why they
Speaker 1: don't make like wildly colored striped wetsuits. I think they do, actually.
Speaker 3: But I bet they started to.
Speaker 1: I feel so vulnerable in a shiny black body suit.
Speaker 3: Right, we basically put on seal costumes. Yeah, yeah, that's true.
Speaker 3: They might not have it out for humans, but they
Speaker 3: certainly don't have it in for humans. That's all.
Speaker 2: I feel like we humans, We are the serial part
Speaker 2: of the lucky charms for them, like they would rather not.
Speaker 1: Right, We've only heard that we don't taste good, Yeah,
Speaker 1: because of all the processed food and liquor we drink.
Speaker 3: Yeah, our livers actually do taste like toothpaste. And that's
Speaker 3: a real bummer for them when they do eat us.
Speaker 3: And I know what you mean, and I'm actually going
Speaker 3: to counterpoint myself by saying, you're right the danger that
Speaker 3: we've put sharks in people killing sharks, assuming that that's
Speaker 3: going to be almost like a preemptive Now everyone's safe.
Speaker 3: We're killing these sharks, and it's done real damage to
Speaker 3: like shark populations, especially the ones that don't really attack
Speaker 3: anybody at all, like say a nice lemon shark or
Speaker 3: a nurse shark or something like that.
Speaker 2: Exactly, Like most sharks are docile, and like even I
Speaker 2: know the northern California they are bigger. But I have
Speaker 2: a lot of friends that surf too, And like when
Speaker 2: they you say they eat a surfer, don't you just
Speaker 2: mean like nip?
Speaker 1: Yeah, they take off one foot, that's a nip, right.
Speaker 3: It's just nipping with seven rows of sharp keep.
Speaker 1: Is it's just that, yeah, like asparagus and then I
Speaker 1: swim off.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2: But again, I think it's because of that fucking movie,
Speaker 2: because it has a great.
Speaker 3: Score and a great me of good and evil.
Speaker 2: And it's so easy who's the good guy and who's
Speaker 2: the bad guy, and it gives us a distorted view
Speaker 2: of us it's the good guy, when in fact we
Speaker 2: are the bad guy.
Speaker 1: It taught us to hate mayors exactly.
Speaker 3: It taught us to love Fourth of July exactly. Have
Speaker 3: you guys heard about this story? And I covered it
Speaker 3: on My Favorite Murder because it's truly one of my
Speaker 3: favorite things I ever. When I found out about it,
Speaker 3: I was like, this can't be real. There's a story
Speaker 3: of in the thirties or forties, a shark kind of
Speaker 3: got lost, went the wrong way and ended up going
Speaker 3: up this very very small river and I believe it
Speaker 3: was New Jersey or New York state, I can't remember.
Speaker 3: And it was a sizeable shark and he ate two
Speaker 3: boys that were just playing in like they were like,
Speaker 3: we're down at the creek, you know, like fishing and stuff,
Speaker 3: and an old town drunk was standing on a bridge
Speaker 3: and saw this huge shark swimming up this river or
Speaker 3: ran in to tell everybody, and everyone's like, oh, eddie
Speaker 3: you and no one listened to him.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I think two, definitely two boys were killed by this shark.
Speaker 3: There may have been more children or more people killed.
Speaker 3: I can't remember. But it was this freak like thing
Speaker 3: that never happened. But then suddenly it was just like
Speaker 3: it's like every horror movie where like it's not people
Speaker 3: going out into the ocean and having a gigantic shark
Speaker 3: eat them. It's like the shark came up a river
Speaker 3: to find some people.
Speaker 1: It's like when Jason came to Manhattan.
Speaker 3: But flat laying down, flat.
Speaker 1: More swimmy, but still just as dead eyed.
Speaker 3: Just as scary and yeah, absolutely socopathic in the same way.
Speaker 2: Wow, And if only they had listened to the town drunk.
Speaker 2: That just goes to show. Listen to the town drunk.
Speaker 3: Listen to drunks. They're smart. Say what you will about drunks.
Speaker 3: They tell the truth, that's right, they yell the truth. Usually.
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm again talking about myself.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're right, that is true. I tell the truth
Speaker 1: whenever I'm drunk. It's when the it's the last few
Speaker 1: weeks of sobriety that I've been lying to myself and others.
Speaker 3: M Chris, what do you think is the what kind
Speaker 3: of do you do? You have any examples of clarity
Speaker 3: that you want to share with Tessa and I with
Speaker 3: your one month right free of alcohol?
Speaker 1: It is, yeah, just a month and a week. And
Speaker 1: I don't mean to be preachy about this. I may
Speaker 1: fall off the wagon tomorrow. I haven't even established there
Speaker 1: is a wagon, and I can't remember if if messing
Speaker 1: up is falling on or off.
Speaker 2: The point is I always get that confused as well? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: because what's the wagon? It's confusing matter wagon is.
Speaker 1: Being on the wagon is sobriety, sobriety falling off is
Speaker 1: a delicious beverage.
Speaker 3: If you want to drink on the wagon, right, Okay,
Speaker 3: go ahead, right.
Speaker 1: I honestly my brain the two things I've noticed, and
Speaker 1: maybe it could have been the sugar and things like that,
Speaker 1: but I think we all know it's the booze. I
Speaker 1: have been not suddenly feeling depressed at night when unexplained,
Speaker 1: you know, there isn't a depressant coursing through me. I
Speaker 1: didn't expect that I've been generally happier, and then, yeah,
Speaker 1: my memory is better. I'm not better at talking, as
Speaker 1: we've displayed during this there's been a void that might
Speaker 1: as well be tequila during this episode. But I when
Speaker 1: doing stand up, I felt like I remembered all my jokes.
Speaker 1: I normally make a cheat sheet and I wasn't consulting
Speaker 1: it for entire shows. And that's a new thing for me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's great when you were because I yeah, I
Speaker 2: realized a few years ago that like it's way better
Speaker 2: to do to end up completely sober, which is so shitty. Yeah,
Speaker 2: because like, and I will volunt when I do stand
Speaker 2: up with Babs and Brandy all offer to go first
Speaker 2: so that I can start drinking after my set.
Speaker 3: Right, You're like, I'm not waiting. I'm not waiting for
Speaker 3: your shit.
Speaker 2: But yeah, it does make and I find too with
Speaker 2: the timing. I think even one drink can sort of
Speaker 2: throw off I think my connection with the audience and
Speaker 2: the timing because you have to be like it's almost
Speaker 2: more like like how you have to be when you're
Speaker 2: doing something athletic, right, where you kind of have to
Speaker 2: be like all the weight dial or it's better when
Speaker 2: you're all the way dialed in, Yes, for sure.
Speaker 3: Well, and it's the kind of thing I think, Uh,
Speaker 3: you know, people who are funny take it for granted
Speaker 3: of the what it takes to be funny, right, you
Speaker 3: guys have probably been funny your whole lives. It's part
Speaker 3: of who you are. So that's like you're not worried
Speaker 3: about that part. But then there's this other part of it,
Speaker 3: and then it's like, yeah, I can mess around with
Speaker 3: this a little bit and either get a little buzzed
Speaker 3: or a little whatever, because ultimately I'm still funny and
Speaker 3: it's gonna be fine. But then there are those people
Speaker 3: who have like never been drinkers or never that's never
Speaker 3: been like a part of them, and so them being like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 3: you could be great and then get even better and
Speaker 3: better after that, and it's like I my whole life,
Speaker 3: but the whole thing is like no, you come in okay,
Speaker 3: and then see what you can do if you fuck
Speaker 3: yourself up, Like yeah, that was part of the game.
Speaker 3: Is like I can still do a twenty minute set
Speaker 3: five beers under this is crazy, or think of things
Speaker 3: on stage or whatever, and it's like it's all an
Speaker 3: internal measurement when actually it's an external performance, so you
Speaker 3: should really be much more concerned about how other people
Speaker 3: are perceiving you as opposed to yourself.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like you're gonna have a great time regardless if
Speaker 2: you have like your first it's not going to impact
Speaker 2: your enjoyability and may increase it, right, Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3: And it is.
Speaker 2: I think it's also can be a little bit of
Speaker 2: a gifted kid thing too, of like I'm gonna get
Speaker 2: it might be an a but I can do this
Speaker 2: yeahah in my locker, you know, during recess and not
Speaker 2: actually do my real homework and still pass this class
Speaker 2: kind of vibe too completely.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's also trying to shake the initial realization that
Speaker 1: when you're young, like I was pretty shy and if
Speaker 1: I said, ain'tthing funny, it was under my breath or
Speaker 1: to the person next to me. Come senior year, I
Speaker 1: finally started going to these parties that I never went to,
Speaker 1: and I all of a sudden had this courage to
Speaker 1: be funny to groups of people and it was working.
Speaker 1: And then I thought, so then I've sat in my
Speaker 1: brain like, oh that makes me funnier. Something I thought
Speaker 1: I taught myself when I was seventeen and I'm still
Speaker 1: telling myself.
Speaker 3: That, but m hmm, yeah, because it works because it's
Speaker 3: the truth. I mean, that was my You know, I
Speaker 3: really loved drinking from the day I started, when I
Speaker 3: was like fourteen years old or whatever, nightmarishly young age.
Speaker 3: I started because I did have this ongoing, like onslaught
Speaker 3: of internal dialogue that was like, don't do that. He
Speaker 3: looked terrible, constant and drinking two beers and suddenly being
Speaker 3: like that's gone, and now what else is going on?
Speaker 3: And like, oh this must be what like yeah, regular
Speaker 3: people or even like hot people feel like it's like, oh,
Speaker 3: you just think you have the run of the room.
Speaker 3: This is great, Like of course I should be talking.
Speaker 3: Of course you should be paying attention to me.
Speaker 1: Like that feeling was run and do a front flip
Speaker 1: over bonfire?
Speaker 3: Yes, all of a sudden, I should.
Speaker 1: I wait till the senior year of high school to
Speaker 1: be the coolest student in town. Do you hear about
Speaker 1: Fency front flipped over the bonfire, broke his nose on
Speaker 1: Ben Johnson's shoulder, legendary?
Speaker 3: Yeah, of course, yeah.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have gotten that with my previous years as
Speaker 1: skim milk.
Speaker 3: Those are the only two choices in life liquor or
Speaker 3: skim milk.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and make your choice or together in a white
Speaker 2: Russian what's your what is your favorite?
Speaker 3: Like if you had a tough day and you were
Speaker 3: to show when you just finished, what's your dream cocktail?
Speaker 3: Somebody would hand you when you walk off.
Speaker 2: Stage, like a paloma or something with tequila.
Speaker 3: Here, what's a paloma?
Speaker 2: It is tequila, grapefruit juice, grapefruit soda and then on
Speaker 2: the rim tajein and salt. Yeah, what's if you know
Speaker 2: that like it's on you know when you get like
Speaker 2: the street fruit that has like the mango and that
Speaker 2: like red spice, it's like that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, oh nice. Yeah, Chrissy, you said, yes, have
Speaker 3: you had palomas?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I'm at tequila boy, it's index sugar that
Speaker 1: it processes down to. A doctor told me to drink tequila.
Speaker 1: So no more brown liquors from you, some eighty year
Speaker 1: old hip doctor.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was prescribed tequila.
Speaker 2: Aaron Lampard told me like six years ago that tequila
Speaker 2: was good for you, and I've been writing that high
Speaker 2: ever since.
Speaker 3: Aaron works at that Barini. That place is the best.
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, great wine bar and she's got impeccable taste
Speaker 2: in wine. That is one of that's if I'm going
Speaker 2: to choose, I love to go to Lampy's wine bar
Speaker 2: with a book, be like, Lampy, pour me something weird. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and just I like a weird wine some olives.
Speaker 1: See, that's what I can see myself doing after I
Speaker 1: spend a little more time doing Let's go back and
Speaker 1: have like a classy glass of orange wine, which is
Speaker 1: a new that's it's one of my favorites, somewhere between
Speaker 1: red and white. I'm assuming we can all assume that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, what is that a some sort of a rose?
Speaker 3: It's an off rose.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like in the rose family. Yeah, it's basically rose,
Speaker 2: but it's orange, which is like just so fun.
Speaker 1: And I don't have to say I'll have a rose please.
Speaker 1: I can't because of the Rose all Day sign in
Speaker 1: my kitchen. It's an embarrassed that it's even hanging there.
Speaker 3: Teacher, It's is private sign. Please don't read it Rose
Speaker 3: all Day. There is a lot of at home goods.
Speaker 3: There's a lot of rose merch that you can get
Speaker 3: down there, or wind declaratives if you need, you know,
Speaker 3: a sign.
Speaker 5: Or a.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no care. What are you a home good are
Speaker 2: you in? What's going on with the food at home goods?
Speaker 2: I guess is my question?
Speaker 3: Oh thank you for asking. I have now organized it
Speaker 3: in a way. I Here's the thing. The food isle
Speaker 3: at home goods I find is almost always too crowded
Speaker 3: to go into because once you start looking at stuff,
Speaker 3: you're like, oh, pasta made of corn, Who's I understand
Speaker 3: why this is here? No one wants that or whatever.
Speaker 3: You start looking, but then you're like, wait a second,
Speaker 3: aren't chocolate covered gummy bears a good idea? This is
Speaker 3: what I do every time. And then I'm like and
Speaker 3: I put it in my thing. And then I'm like, no,
Speaker 3: that's a terrible You don't want to combine those two things,
Speaker 3: and I put it back. And then there's something else.
Speaker 3: There's like, you know, white chocolate pastials where I'm like,
Speaker 3: I've never liked white chocolate, but still I'm getting this anyway.
Speaker 3: Like that aisle is pure chaos. It's almost like trying
Speaker 3: to tap into your emotions where it's like, but you
Speaker 3: like caramel corn, you like it, don't you? Well, what
Speaker 3: if you liked it with prunes in it? Like there's
Speaker 3: always that kind of like how far are you willing
Speaker 3: to go in the Home Goods food aisle?
Speaker 2: Yes, And then like there will also be like novelty
Speaker 2: aspects to it, like sometimes Hello Kitty will be on
Speaker 2: Apasta for some reason and I'm often I guess really
Speaker 2: high there. I must be high because I'm like, hello
Speaker 2: Kitty pasta Like it's like it knows I'm high.
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, It's like it's made by and four stoners
Speaker 3: where it's just like come down here and just see
Speaker 3: how far you'll go with a snack.
Speaker 2: But it's like stoner ladies who also have a membership
Speaker 2: at the Huntington Gardens, Like that's.
Speaker 3: Me, you found me. I belong here. But the last
Speaker 3: time I went to Home Goods all that's happening in
Speaker 3: the food aisle I could not find a spatula. Or
Speaker 3: it's just like isn't this what you guys are supposed
Speaker 3: to be doing? And like they don't. That's the funniest thing.
Speaker 3: And the thing I love about that place is it's
Speaker 3: it is perfect for like if you want a stone
Speaker 3: shop or you just want to like kill forty five minutes.
Speaker 3: If you're like, oh, I have to go here, but
Speaker 3: I'm going to go here first type of thing to
Speaker 3: find stuff, because you hunt around and find weird things,
Speaker 3: like I have all kinds of Christmas plates, serving bowls,
Speaker 3: things like that for like a Christmas party or whatever,
Speaker 3: but you can't find just like a Standard's batchela or anything.
Speaker 3: You know, you can't get basics there, and you shouldn't
Speaker 3: try to. But you can like rock your next Saint
Speaker 3: Patrick's Day party, like in a way that you wouldn't believe,
Speaker 3: but I feel like it would.
Speaker 2: It would magically, know, if you weren't looking for a spatula,
Speaker 2: there would be like a purple spatula there that day,
Speaker 2: Like you could only find it if you didn't need it.
Speaker 3: Yes, you're like a spatula from the TV show Friends.
Speaker 3: That's weird, Okay, I don't. I have three spatulas. I
Speaker 3: don't need it. But if you were really just trying
Speaker 3: to outfit your house, you know that's not That's not
Speaker 3: the place to go. Although I bet right now for
Speaker 3: Easter they have a bunch of great shit down there.
Speaker 3: Just a bunch of baskets, yeah, baskets, but all giant eggs.
Speaker 3: I bet you like eggs that go in the middle
Speaker 3: of the table that if you break them open, there's
Speaker 3: like a small diorama inside.
Speaker 2: Mm maybe and like eggs with like a map of
Speaker 2: the world, like a globe, but it's an egg.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and a lot of cats. I assume they're a
Speaker 1: Catholic company.
Speaker 3: I'm just guessing, probably because they go pretty hard on Christmas.
Speaker 3: Although I did get a ray done mug there that's
Speaker 3: the lady that just draws in that very thin font
Speaker 3: it all caps and will say like, I have a
Speaker 3: mug that says mommy on it, but it looks like
Speaker 3: it looks like someone's screaming it because the way the
Speaker 3: font is like they made it to seem nice, but
Speaker 3: it doesn't seem nice. You have to see it. And
Speaker 3: then I found one that says Shaloam, where I'm like, well,
Speaker 3: I'm absolutely gonna buy a Shaloam mug. When's the next
Speaker 3: time to find that? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Wait, that font is someone's art. I've seen that font.
Speaker 3: Yes, it's the is this woman who she did it
Speaker 3: first and she now has this. You know, it's a
Speaker 3: huge company, like very successful, and it's basically all those
Speaker 3: things that are made uneven pottery. And then like a
Speaker 3: word on the front that says like candies or whatever.
Speaker 3: Sometimes it's funny or whatever, but yeah, she's gigantic, and
Speaker 3: there's people that are obsessed with those with her, with
Speaker 3: her products.
Speaker 2: I'd like, that's the type of thing that's impossible to
Speaker 2: reverse engineer. But I hear that, and I'm like, why
Speaker 2: am I not focusing all of my energy on lopsided pottery?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Or it's yeah, something very easy and specific that seems
Speaker 1: to be the recipe for success. Now I'm gonna spread
Speaker 1: myself thin on a bunch of complicated things that I
Speaker 1: will follow through with.
Speaker 3: That I know have no real like lucrative ending.
Speaker 1: Yeah, let me hunt over for hours doing detailed drawings,
Speaker 1: when really I should do some thin calligraphy. God damn it.
Speaker 3: You should do like the just the word cookies and
Speaker 3: all caps with like a smiley face, and a million
Speaker 3: people will buy your.
Speaker 1: Jar, yeah or whatever. I think the best idea I
Speaker 1: had was sharks and pizza. That's the name of the website.
Speaker 1: Everything on there has sharks and pizza. It's somehow mingling,
Speaker 1: and that's that's all I do. You're the sharks and pizza.
Speaker 3: Guy combined, like a shark eating a pe pizza or
Speaker 3: a shark with pizza teeth. Great pitches right.
Speaker 1: There, Yes, shark shape pizza slices, a pizza pizza wearing sunglasses,
Speaker 1: surfing on a wave made of sharks.
Speaker 3: It's endless and orca eating a shark eating a.
Speaker 1: Pizza squeezing out pizza from the shark like toothpaste. Oh,
Speaker 1: this is gidding.
Speaker 3: This is good.
Speaker 1: Oh god, I gotta write that down.
Speaker 3: This is and it's also destined for home goods. That's
Speaker 3: a you're describing the perfect home goods item.
Speaker 2: Yeah, a shark pizza Christmas ornament, reeks of home.
Speaker 3: Goods, pizza cutter with shark shaped teeth on the circle
Speaker 3: cutting part.
Speaker 1: I like a shark with little pizza slices for teeth.
Speaker 1: It's just smiling and it's I mean, it's a perfect shape.
Speaker 1: This is the kind of brainstorming session I needed.
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is what you need it. And also the
Speaker 3: shark maybe the cartoon that you could do is like
Speaker 3: the shark biting and I'm like, ah, you know, biting
Speaker 3: is like bottom lip and being like whoops, I did
Speaker 3: it again. Oh that's cute.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be I'm gonna be like Lisa Frank this
Speaker 1: is gonna be this.
Speaker 3: Is I at your first At Christmas time, I was
Speaker 3: trying to get a bunch of last minute stuff before
Speaker 3: I went up to up to Pedaloma, and one of
Speaker 3: the things I found was a mermaid tail that you
Speaker 3: could pull up like you could pull on and up
Speaker 3: to your waist, and then it was like having a blanket,
Speaker 3: like a lap blanket, so it was like a thing
Speaker 3: to be cozy and as you watch TV and I
Speaker 3: pull I was gonna get my niece one and my
Speaker 3: other two older nieces and I was carrying them around
Speaker 3: as I shopped through home goods, and finally I was like,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna double check is this is. I'm buying a
Speaker 3: lot of these and I think I'm off base. And
Speaker 3: I sent my sister a picture. I was like, do
Speaker 3: you think Nora would like this? And she's like, Noura's
Speaker 3: not eight years old. She's like, I'm really sorry to
Speaker 3: tell you. She's fifteen and she wouldn't fit into that,
Speaker 3: She wouldn't probably wouldn't be interested. And I was like,
Speaker 3: oh shit, I'm like still shopping for my little girl
Speaker 3: niece and yet she's eighteen. Who although later on I
Speaker 3: showed her a picture of it, and she's like, I
Speaker 3: think I would have liked that, And she's like, but
Speaker 3: I think I would have only been able to fit
Speaker 3: one leg into it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Right, The size might be an issue, But I have
Speaker 1: a pretty good track record with buying my niece's childlike
Speaker 1: things that I know they'll like that I know they're
Speaker 1: too old for. But I'm reminded of the time I
Speaker 1: felt like I discovered a onesie pajama with like little
Speaker 1: skateboarders on it, and as an adult, I got so
Speaker 1: excited because I never had it as a kid. And
Speaker 1: they make adult onesie pajamas. Yes, they do zipper up front,
Speaker 1: and nothing will make you happier. I encourage everyone to
Speaker 1: buy some for their dad. Everyone wants to be eleven
Speaker 1: or twelve again, Yeah, that's.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's only like five years where you don't want
Speaker 2: to be eleven, right, I think that's it. It's just
Speaker 2: I guess from thirteen to eighteen.
Speaker 3: Yeah, But then like college kids like to act like babies.
Speaker 2: I think, can I remember being in college only taking
Speaker 2: a blanket with me to class?
Speaker 3: I think I wore a onesee in college.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I was also doing a lot of Molly, so I
Speaker 2: had a lot of pacifiers.
Speaker 1: Man, they had back when you were in college.
Speaker 3: That's oh, oh my god.
Speaker 1: I think it was college when I realized I need
Speaker 1: to start wearing pajamas because in the dorms, the bathroom
Speaker 1: was in the hallway, and my whole life I've just
Speaker 1: slept in my underwear. So the first few weeks I
Speaker 1: was just making sure no one was in the hallway
Speaker 1: and just running out there in my boxers. And then
Speaker 1: you know, there was like girlfriends visiting, you know, I
Speaker 1: think it was a co wreck dormitory, and I was
Speaker 1: walking around in my underwear just because I didn't grow
Speaker 1: up in a pajama household. And I quickly had to realize, like,
Speaker 1: I have to wear a little suit with a pocket
Speaker 1: when I go to bed, because I can't be wandering
Speaker 1: the hallways.
Speaker 3: Straight from skivies to a little onesie.
Speaker 1: Uh no, I yeah, No. I went classic shorts with shirt,
Speaker 1: you know, classic pajamas with some piping and a nice
Speaker 1: pocket in case you want to bring a mouse to.
Speaker 3: Bed like a dad in a Disney movie.
Speaker 1: Yes, I get Disney Dad. I finally got pajamas. I
Speaker 1: remember vividly, like, hey, I think I need pajamas. You
Speaker 1: can get me that for Christmas, because I mean there
Speaker 1: was a couple episodes I think once the flap was open.
Speaker 1: I don't want to get graphic, but I was exposing
Speaker 1: myself to other students and I'm glad that that I
Speaker 1: finally discovered pajamas at age eighteen.
Speaker 2: I feel like my college dorm, like you would like,
Speaker 2: it was just everybody. There were so many naked people
Speaker 2: always like, what college did you go to?
Speaker 3: And we're say, Santa Barbara, Oh.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I went to U see Santa Barbara honor rarely
Speaker 2: because I grew up in came Rio. So like when
Speaker 2: I was a teenager, I would party at.
Speaker 3: UCSB, oh gotcha, which was great.
Speaker 2: But I went to the dorms at Emerson Yeah, and
Speaker 2: it was like what I mean, Yeah, the doors were
Speaker 2: always open everywhere. There were always people like having sex
Speaker 2: in the elevators or like passed out in the stairwells
Speaker 2: or like I mean, it was, yeah, there was That's
Speaker 2: something when I was in college. I don't know if
Speaker 2: this was like an Evergreen college thing or just like
Speaker 2: an OTS thing, but called do you guys know what
Speaker 2: a flipping fuck is?
Speaker 3: What is it? Like a wedge pillow kind of.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like a foldable one person futon, So it
Speaker 2: kind of folds up into like a video game chair
Speaker 2: and then you flip it open and it turns into
Speaker 2: like a little twin sized mattress.
Speaker 3: Oh yes, I've seen those.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well that I guess that's what I got for
Speaker 1: my dad's next note. He's gonna lay on this leather
Speaker 1: flipping fuck.
Speaker 3: I don't think i'll call it that when I would not,
Speaker 3: Please don't.
Speaker 1: It's one.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he throw yourself down on that, flip the buck
Speaker 4: and I'll see in the morning. Yeah, that's really funny
Speaker 4: because I you know, I did flunk out of college,
Speaker 4: but in the one year that I was in the
Speaker 4: dorms at Sacramento State, it was just so not like that.
Speaker 3: And I think because it's kind of a commuter school
Speaker 3: and it wasn't really you know, I think Emerson's very
Speaker 3: like artsy. That's where all like the sketch people go
Speaker 3: and all the comedy people go. There's a real artsy
Speaker 3: feel to it. I think there's a lot of like
Speaker 3: accounting majors in the dorm that I went to, so
Speaker 3: it was a lot of like you know, it was
Speaker 3: the year that that Guns N' Roses album came out,
Speaker 3: and that was just being blasted constantly, and there was
Speaker 3: just like a lot of beer bongs. I think I
Speaker 3: told you this story, Chris, but one time we were
Speaker 3: at a party and it was in a dorm room.
Speaker 3: So there was like thirty people smashed into this dorm
Speaker 3: room and they were doing beer bongs and they were
Speaker 3: like here and you have to do it. And I
Speaker 3: was like, uh oh, this is like this is no
Speaker 3: one should do this and this is insane. But I
Speaker 3: was like, okay, whatever, and so I do it. And
Speaker 3: I remember it was like I watched other people do it.
Speaker 3: I'm like, how are they doing this? Like why isn't
Speaker 3: anyone spitting this back or like resist there's resisting this
Speaker 3: in any way. Yeah, and then I just remember being
Speaker 3: like because I was already drunk, and then I was
Speaker 3: just like just don't you can't resist this, and you
Speaker 3: have to just swallow this into like open your gullet
Speaker 3: essentially like a fucking turkey and swallow this. And I
Speaker 3: did it because I was like it'll be so humiliating
Speaker 3: if you like a throw up or b like it
Speaker 3: all just comes spilling out of your mouth, it'll be
Speaker 3: so humiliating. And so I did it and they all
Speaker 3: went fucking crazy, and it was that kind of thing
Speaker 3: where I was like, Okay, that didn't feel like the
Speaker 3: victory that it is, because that was it's like you
Speaker 3: basically make your like pure pressuring people into doing this horror,
Speaker 3: gross thing, and then like like what would I What
Speaker 3: would have happened if I had just been like, I'm
Speaker 3: like throwing up you know, yes, people do that too.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I've done that.
Speaker 2: I did that once off a party party boat in Portugal,
Speaker 2: just threw up a beer boll well that I was
Speaker 2: in Europe with my met my brother in Europe and
Speaker 2: my brother came up to me. I can handle a
Speaker 2: beer bong, but my brother came up to me without
Speaker 2: warning and shoved it in my mouth, not even like
Speaker 2: a head's up, and so I sewed it everywhere and
Speaker 2: everyone thought I chunked because I couldn't handle it, and
Speaker 2: I was like, no, I was just attacked.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you had to take a breath. That's like dunking
Speaker 1: your sister underwater when she's not ready exactly exactly.
Speaker 3: So he had a laugh.
Speaker 2: But beer bombs and drinking games they've always liked me,
Speaker 2: like to meet that concept is like they're so unnecessary,
Speaker 2: Like we were going to drink anyway.
Speaker 1: Yeah, right, and now that we're being competitive about it,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have a terrible night because I want to win.
Speaker 3: Yes, well, and I or I just don't want to
Speaker 3: publicly lose. That's the that seemed to me to be
Speaker 3: the pressure where it was somehow I was being called
Speaker 3: to the mat as a person of just like come on,
Speaker 3: you gotta do it, and it's like right, and then
Speaker 3: if I do this wrong, that's I'm just that girl.
Speaker 3: I refuse, yeah, to be that girl. Yeah. Well, and
Speaker 3: it feels like as a woman, the pressure is even
Speaker 3: more yeah, because once again I'm not getting paid the
Speaker 3: rest of the same as those dudes are getting paid
Speaker 3: the beer bomb.
Speaker 2: We open our bullets twice as wide and we get
Speaker 2: half the bud light and.
Speaker 3: It is fucking bullshit. I cannot believe how fast this
Speaker 3: podcast has gone by. I know, it was literally like
Speaker 3: I feel like we've said four things and I just
Speaker 3: looked down and was like, what is this crazes? Have
Speaker 3: you been writing about anything lately or doing any journalisming
Speaker 3: that you're especially excited about.
Speaker 2: I have been writing stuff that's sort of like longer
Speaker 2: form stuff that I'm kind of in the trenches on
Speaker 2: right now. But yeah, I'm kind of I'm working on
Speaker 2: some kind of bigger pieces that I'm getting my fingers
Speaker 2: dirty with, kind of follow up to the reporting I
Speaker 2: did around the Britney Spears story, which kept me busy,
Speaker 2: Yeah for a couple of years.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was an unexpected busyness.
Speaker 2: Huh oh yeah, it completely sideswiped ups. It was like
Speaker 2: one day I was just having a Tuesday, and the
Speaker 2: next day it was like, oh my whole world's going
Speaker 2: to change.
Speaker 1: Yeah. You see, handedly made me pay attention to and
Speaker 1: appreciate Britney Spears. I didn't think about her much because
Speaker 1: I just didn't. I think it's my age. It was
Speaker 1: happening after I was already doing these beer bongs.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: What I didn't know about you is that you've written
Speaker 1: musicals and lyrics. Yeah, Like, I never knew that about
Speaker 1: you know, I just talk about myself whenever I see Yeah.
Speaker 2: No, I was so excited to do this podcast because
Speaker 2: both of you are people that when I see you
Speaker 2: at a party, I'm like, oh cool, there's someone cool
Speaker 2: here that I can talk to.
Speaker 1: I felt that, Yeah, But yeah, my musical I mean,
Speaker 1: I like musicals are just so my love.
Speaker 2: Like I don't have a good voice really, so I've
Speaker 2: never been like a performer good enough to do it professionally,
Speaker 2: but having musical ear, like I can hear when someone's
Speaker 2: flat and I have a musical ear sort of in
Speaker 2: that sense. And yeah, my musical. Uh, that was kind
Speaker 2: of a crazy story how I wrote that. I had
Speaker 2: this friend from college who he went on he became
Speaker 2: a musical composer and like conduct stuff on Broadway and
Speaker 2: is like the super gifted musical composer. And he was
Speaker 2: in La for a friend's wedding and drunk at our
Speaker 2: friend's wedding, we came up with an idea for a musical.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and the.
Speaker 2: Next day, like hungover, he was like, I'm serious, let's
Speaker 2: talk about the show.
Speaker 3: And I was like, yeah, let's do it.
Speaker 2: So we hiked Runyon and we started talking about this
Speaker 2: show and we got so like consumed with the idea
Speaker 2: that I was like, he was like, do you have
Speaker 2: a keyboard? We need to buy a keyboard, And I
Speaker 2: was like, I my boyfriend at the time had just
Speaker 2: gotten a keyboard and I was like, hey, do let's
Speaker 2: go to my house. So we start writing our first song.
Speaker 2: We got like so consumed by the process that he
Speaker 2: like canceled his flight home. Was like I have to
Speaker 2: stay here and finish this song with you. Like we
Speaker 2: had this like crazy moment. And from there he happened
Speaker 2: to be going to Hawaii to meet with an investor
Speaker 2: for a show that he had been working on previously,
Speaker 2: and he was like, I have to play this song
Speaker 2: for you. I just wrote with my friend, like we're
Speaker 2: really excited about the show. He played that song for
Speaker 2: that investor and that investor was like moved to tears.
Speaker 3: Oh.
Speaker 2: He was like, I have a mansion in South Carolina
Speaker 2: that has a sin Away piano music room in it,
Speaker 2: and I want you guys to go, like go on
Speaker 2: retreat and write this musical in that mansion.
Speaker 3: And so we did.
Speaker 1: That's where you did it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so we like exile on Main streeted it and like, see.
Speaker 1: If you weren't drinking at that wedding, I'm starting to
Speaker 1: think about it, you wouldn't.
Speaker 3: You have to wait. You have to wait for the moment,
Speaker 3: You have to wait for the the opening sign exactly exactly.
Speaker 1: That is so cool.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So yeah, it was a really crazy experience and
Speaker 2: it was like off Broadway, and I mean, yeah, it
Speaker 2: was really cool.
Speaker 3: I mean yeah, it was.
Speaker 2: One of the It kind of like changed how I write,
Speaker 2: because like I realized that I really like writing on isolation.
Speaker 2: I mean, we wrote an entire show, but like we
Speaker 2: had no internet, we didn't use our phones. We were
Speaker 2: in this like tiny town in South Carolina, in this
Speaker 2: gorgeous mansion, and like we wrote the whole show in
Speaker 2: this beautiful room with like beautiful art everywhere, and the
Speaker 2: house came with these robes, and so we just lived
Speaker 2: in these robes for like and we we would write
Speaker 2: for like eighteen hours and then stop working at like
Speaker 2: eleven o'clock in the morning and drink chardeney and smoke
Speaker 2: cigarettes until two pm, sleep for six hours, wake up,
Speaker 2: keep working.
Speaker 3: Like it was like a really crazy Were.
Speaker 1: You like singing what rhymes with this? Were you like
Speaker 1: singing versus to each other? Like an ishtar the good
Speaker 1: part of ishtar? The ft?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I mean.
Speaker 2: He wrote ahead of me like he would I wrote,
Speaker 2: like he wrote like like a few bars ahead of
Speaker 2: me the entire time.
Speaker 3: So he would tell me like, I need to up
Speaker 3: a but and then I would work.
Speaker 1: On that and you were adding jokes.
Speaker 2: I would guess, yeah, yeah, it was me adding like
Speaker 2: blow job jokes, and uh, yeah, that's great.
Speaker 3: Can you tell us what the musical was called.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's called Time between Us, and it's a two
Speaker 2: person show and it's sort of like the Last five
Speaker 2: Years meets Will and Grace. So it follows these two
Speaker 2: best friends sort of over twenty five years of their life.
Speaker 3: And that's all piano cello. The whole score is piano cello.
Speaker 1: I did not know that you had written musicals.
Speaker 3: Incredible, Thank you. I mean, that's what I like about
Speaker 3: your test is you really? Uh? When I first met you,
Speaker 3: the very very first time was a meeting you on
Speaker 3: stage at the Live Lady to Lady that that basically
Speaker 3: brand I knew Brandy and she asked me to do it,
Speaker 3: and that's how I met you, guys, And it was
Speaker 3: I just first started doing stand up again, So it
Speaker 3: was like probably two thousand and nine or something or
Speaker 3: like a long time ago, and I could not tell
Speaker 3: if you were doing a character or if you were
Speaker 3: if that was your cause, like your laugh and everything
Speaker 3: but you're so funny. But I was like, this girl
Speaker 3: must have written this down beforehand because you were being
Speaker 3: conversationally funny. But then you but like, you're just such
Speaker 3: a fascinating individual and you are so fucking talented. Like
Speaker 3: the first time I read one of your articles, the
Speaker 3: one you did about the auditions for being a Laker Girl,
Speaker 3: this is one of the most mind blowing like pieces
Speaker 3: of journalism I've ever read, and I was like, this
Speaker 3: fucking girl can do it all. Like it's just I
Speaker 3: just love how you were really a You're just a
Speaker 3: very genuine You're yourself entirely and you don't really put
Speaker 3: on errors and you absolutely could, like you could be
Speaker 3: an Emiston asshole if you wanted to, Like you could
Speaker 3: be like a fucking you. You can be a very
Speaker 3: high level asshole if you wanted to. And you just
Speaker 3: are just like you are a smiley, fun, happy, hilarious person.
Speaker 1: I don't know that I've ever seen you in a
Speaker 1: bad mood, and that's something that you make an effort
Speaker 1: to do. And that's why at a party, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I've been feeling down, maybe I'll talk to tests And Yep,
Speaker 1: it worked again. Why not be happy all the time.
Speaker 3: Oh, I'm definitely not happy all the time.
Speaker 1: I will say, no, it is you make an effort
Speaker 1: to present yourself that way, and I realize I don't
Speaker 1: if I'm not feeling great, I kind of let everyone
Speaker 1: know it. And I'm trying to watch that. And I
Speaker 1: learned it from you specifically.
Speaker 3: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: But I think you're like pretty fun to be around
Speaker 2: to though. I mean, you're a good conversationalist too, and
Speaker 2: you're someone who does engage with the people that you're
Speaker 2: talking to. Like there are so many people in LA
Speaker 2: that the whole time you're talking to them, they have
Speaker 2: one lazy eye that's just looking for someone else that
Speaker 2: they may potentially want to.
Speaker 3: Oh god, I can't stay.
Speaker 1: We're done recording. I'll give you the names of the
Speaker 1: people they do that the most. Say it as I'm
Speaker 1: saying the name, and it will come out of the
Speaker 1: mountain as if we're twins.
Speaker 3: I mean, I think that is the challenge, though, you know,
Speaker 3: there's it's like people who have a gift, like an
Speaker 3: artistic kind of expression gift, it's easy to get bad
Speaker 3: habits of Like here's how I need to I need
Speaker 3: to do this to get this or I need to.
Speaker 3: You know, those people, like the people who look for
Speaker 3: other people while they're talking to the person in front
Speaker 3: of them. Those people never find the person they're looking for.
Speaker 3: That's the sad part, is like, and that is a
Speaker 3: I think everyone's done it. I don't think it's you know,
Speaker 3: I think some people just can't ever let go of
Speaker 3: that idea. I remember there was a comic once who
Speaker 3: was from San Francisco and did very well in San Francisco.
Speaker 3: He would come down to La to do sets and
Speaker 3: he would do fine, but then like nothing would quote
Speaker 3: unquote happen in his mind. So it's like in his mind,
Speaker 3: and this is how it happens for a lot of people.
Speaker 3: I made up this idea of like someone in the
Speaker 3: back of the room is gonna come forward and be like,
Speaker 3: sign this piece, vaper, you're no in show business. And
Speaker 3: one time he asked me, He's like, I just don't
Speaker 3: get it, Like how do you move up? How do
Speaker 3: you move up on the ladder? I just don't get this.
Speaker 3: He was so like, kind of wild eyed and angry,
Speaker 3: and then I just went, there's no ladder. There's no
Speaker 3: fucking ladder, Like but sorry, I don't know.
Speaker 1: Actually people with the wandering Hollywood I do and up
Speaker 1: getting what they want.
Speaker 3: I hate that, I know. I hate that.
Speaker 1: Everyone I'm thinking of is like certainly a home owe
Speaker 1: doing awesome. You know.
Speaker 3: I do think a lot about Lizzie Cooperman.
Speaker 2: I don't know if she still tells this joke, but
Speaker 2: she had a joke back in the day of like
Speaker 2: talking about like I wonder if people say, how are
Speaker 2: things going to pan out?
Speaker 3: And this is how they panned out? This is it?
Speaker 3: This is this is it? This is how they panned out.
Speaker 3: What you have right now? Is it?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, Like when someone after a show says, hey, man,
Speaker 1: keep it up, you're gonna make it, I'm like, oh no,
Speaker 1: I'm no, I'm afraid I have this. I'm so sorry
Speaker 1: to disappoint you, but you're looking at my level of
Speaker 1: success that I've strived for.
Speaker 3: But that's not true. You don't know, you have no idea,
Speaker 3: And that's what kind of thing we're like. They always say, well,
Speaker 3: you're on your way, but they always say, you know,
Speaker 3: like any quote unquote overnight success that people feel like
Speaker 3: they're witnessing took ten fifteen years to get to that point.
Speaker 3: So like everybody has this clock that they made up
Speaker 3: that like, oh, well it's too late now, No, it's
Speaker 3: not you. How would you know? Like you're basing your
Speaker 3: own experience comparing yourself to other people that Like, I've
Speaker 3: been around so long that I've watched people quote unquote
Speaker 3: succeed and then fail, which is even worse than this
Speaker 3: succeed part. Like there's there's all these ways we interpret
Speaker 3: people getting to a certain spot and what that might
Speaker 3: mean and what it means in comparison to you. None
Speaker 3: of that is real. It's all made up. It's all
Speaker 3: made up and it's not concrete.
Speaker 2: Like and Karen, I feel like you're someone who's had
Speaker 2: success in so many different mediums too, and I feel
Speaker 2: like when you work in different mediums it looks less
Speaker 2: linear because I mean there are people that are like,
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna do stand up and like that's kind
Speaker 2: of an easier thing to track. But when people write
Speaker 2: and produce and you do TV and podcasting and blah
Speaker 2: blah blahlah blah, it's like there's so many things. It's
Speaker 2: like it would be lo to try to have some
Speaker 2: sort of metric where you're like, well, I have not
Speaker 2: here yet what is that?
Speaker 3: What is here? Yeah, here's where you are? Here, especially
Speaker 3: for comics, usually just means what somebody else. Usually it
Speaker 3: means for me, the person I hate the most who
Speaker 3: has stuff, I'm not there. Yeah, And then you're just like, well,
Speaker 3: I'm not there, and it's like you can do you
Speaker 3: can absolutely do that to yourself. And sometimes it works,
Speaker 3: you know, if you're trying to prod yourself. But most
Speaker 3: of the time it doesn't work that way.
Speaker 1: Someday I hope to be at the place where all
Speaker 1: the people I hate are. I'm waiting until, you know,
Speaker 1: as I get older and become more and more mature.
Speaker 1: That's why I plan on quote unquote making it when
Speaker 1: I'm about sixty.
Speaker 3: Nothing, we'll handle it.
Speaker 1: I won't be any doing any of this, you know,
Speaker 1: Justin Bieber stuff where I throw rocks at cars outside
Speaker 1: of my church or aside. Yeah, he was well, he
Speaker 1: was always driving erradically outside of a church. Usually, Hey,
Speaker 1: at least he's going. At least he's a believer, a believer.
Speaker 2: Can you got something I realized recently. I substitute taught
Speaker 2: Justin Bieber's wife when she was a child.
Speaker 1: What how did you Hailey Bieber, No, she did not.
Speaker 3: The only reason because she's the daughter of a Baldwin.
Speaker 2: She's a Stephen Baldwin's daughter, and so I used I
Speaker 2: was a substitute teacher for Beverly Hills Unified, so like
Speaker 2: a lot of my kids were like Larry King would
Speaker 2: like come drop his kids lunchop. Like I taught a
Speaker 2: lot of celebrity kids, and so I would this one
Speaker 2: school that I worked at, Stephen Baldwin's daughter would go
Speaker 2: into and I'd be like, Oh, I have a Baldwin
Speaker 2: kid in this class.
Speaker 1: Oh wow.
Speaker 2: And then I put two into together. I was like, wait,
Speaker 2: that girl's name is Hailey Baldwin. And then I went
Speaker 2: back to l rodeo and I was like, I gave
Speaker 2: that kid like spelling tests.
Speaker 1: Wow to Haley Baldwin. Is is Stephen Baldwin the kind
Speaker 1: of lighter haired Baldwin?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 1: Yeah. He came to Missoula with a group of skateboarders
Speaker 1: and as they put on a skate demo for the Lord,
Speaker 1: he would yell scripture from a megaphone and he was
Speaker 1: I think still is part of a Christian skateboard coalition
Speaker 1: and they do little demos like the Power team, except
Speaker 1: they do kickflips, and there was known skateboarders that were
Speaker 1: in this group, so we all went to see it
Speaker 1: and it's like, wait a minute, what are they yelling through?
Speaker 1: Why is are these handwritten banners? It was all skating
Speaker 1: for Jesus extreme.
Speaker 2: Like skateboard west Side story.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, just start singing and dancing well skating. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was a real thing.
Speaker 3: Wow, But isn't he Oh No, I think it's Billy Baldwin.
Speaker 3: That's the good one, and that's very politically.
Speaker 1: Vocal, right, yeah, he's the one from Backdraft, right yeah,
Speaker 1: I think so.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And then I think Alec Baldwin, before his minikurfuff I
Speaker 2: think was a pretty solid Democrat.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, he's been a real mister bungle lately.
Speaker 3: He really, he really has talk about butterfingers, truly violent
Speaker 3: kerfuffles that have happened.
Speaker 1: He's chicanery is off.
Speaker 3: The what I truly love. And I don't think anyone.
Speaker 3: I don't think there's enough time in human existence to
Speaker 3: spend enough time talking about Hilario Baldwin and her fake
Speaker 3: accent and all the all that that means and all
Speaker 3: of the ways that like in some ways people are
Speaker 3: just like, she's the nicest person. It doesn't matter, no
Speaker 3: one cares. And it's like absolutely and great and it's
Speaker 3: nice to know that. And at the same time, what
Speaker 3: are you doing?
Speaker 1: Right? What are you doing spend the weekend?
Speaker 2: Right? Like if we've taken a groundling class, like the
Speaker 2: idea of maintaining an accent for that.
Speaker 3: Exhausting?
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. The only thing I hold against Jim Carrey
Speaker 1: is acting like Andy uh Kaufman. Why are we it's
Speaker 1: Kaufman Kaufman. Thank you? I thought you said Bachman Andy
Speaker 1: Kaufman overdrive for the entire like off camera. There's a
Speaker 1: documentary about it, and I'm like, Okay, this is actually annoying.
Speaker 1: Other than that, I love the guy.
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, that's that's exhausting. Here's my job to think
Speaker 3: about it.
Speaker 1: His commitment to character gives me TMJ.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you should be able to tell an actor to
Speaker 2: fuck off if they do that, because I mean, don't
Speaker 2: we all I mean a comic who's always on, Yes,
Speaker 2: terrible imagine like that, but with acting, right.
Speaker 3: Oh god, so much more boring and less entertaining. Yeah,
Speaker 3: it's just like you have to stop acting now. Where
Speaker 3: I'm going to kick you out of this dead.
Speaker 1: Although I do like comedians who are funny all the game,
Speaker 1: damn time. It's a fine line.
Speaker 3: Yes, that's true. Yeah, and I'm willing to go through
Speaker 3: the pain parts because of the comedy, like absolutely that
Speaker 3: ain't I adore it.
Speaker 1: Thanks.
Speaker 2: But I find that people who are funny all the
Speaker 2: time are usually especially funny when they're like grumpy, yes,
Speaker 2: or like they're funny in the way that they're angry.
Speaker 3: Usually yes, you know, it's not them.
Speaker 1: Like I just made Oh what am I doing? I'm sorry?
Speaker 2: And they always they always have like cool sweaters and
Speaker 2: they skate.
Speaker 1: There we are, thank you again.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and they always give up drinking for a month
Speaker 3: in a.
Speaker 1: Well there we are, Okay, everyone out of the bag.
Speaker 1: I'm angry and hilarious around the clock.
Speaker 3: I actually just saw a thing on TikTok. If this
Speaker 3: helps you, If the next time you get angry, you
Speaker 3: just go and push against a wall and count thirty
Speaker 3: seconds and push as hard as you can against the wall.
Speaker 3: And then when you're done pushing against the wall, you
Speaker 3: stand there and then you put one hand on your
Speaker 3: stomach and one hand on your heart, and you stand
Speaker 3: like that for thirty seconds. And it's basically because oftentimes
Speaker 3: people have when anger, you feel like you're not allowed
Speaker 3: to express anger, which is a thing from our childhoods.
Speaker 3: Then it comes out in different ways or like you
Speaker 3: have to wait till you're drunk, or you have to
Speaker 3: wait till you're whatever, or you're passive aggressive, and so
Speaker 3: when you do that, it's the physical frustration you allow
Speaker 3: yourself to like you force yourself to feel that physical frustration,
Speaker 3: and then you just sit there having felt it, without
Speaker 3: being in trouble or anybody telling you you're wrong or anything.
Speaker 3: I just watched that on TikTok this morning, and I
Speaker 3: was like, that's fucking genius because that really is the
Speaker 3: feeling and then you're basically feeling it with just allowing
Speaker 3: yourself to do it as an adult, like you're fine,
Speaker 3: you can feel this as much as you want.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like allowing yourself to go there as hard as
Speaker 2: you want instead of putting the what's that car part
Speaker 2: the governor?
Speaker 3: Have you ever done like a shadow a shadow box? No?
Speaker 2: Oh, the way you're describing sounds like a shadow boxing class,
Speaker 2: Like I'll take them on like YouTuber peloton, and it's
Speaker 2: exactly that like you just do these like coordinated punches
Speaker 2: and you find like things that you forgot you were
Speaker 2: pissed off about, like bubbling to the surface and it
Speaker 2: just feels so good and you just like punch it
Speaker 2: out of your fists and you feel euphoric afterwards, or
Speaker 2: I do oh, I want to do that because.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I can punch that at the air here,
Speaker 1: I have enough room.
Speaker 3: I can kick, I can punch.
Speaker 1: I high, I can kick.
Speaker 3: When Kristin Glover was on yet kicked off.
Speaker 1: Look, I'm strong, I'm striking and I can't kick.
Speaker 3: And Letterman just you ever do a commercial and when
Speaker 3: they came back, he wasn't there.
Speaker 1: No that It's one of those many times that guy
Speaker 1: was my hero for most of my life and then
Speaker 1: you watch these old the way he treats, you know,
Speaker 1: like Drew Barrymore or I'm like, wait, he was like
Speaker 1: a grumpy I don't know. I loved Letterman for so long,
Speaker 1: but he overreacting and got pissed at Chrispin Glover, who
Speaker 1: was just being a character. The foot wasn't that close
Speaker 1: to his face, That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: He it's a control thing, though, I think because anything
Speaker 3: you see on especially a talk show when they're like
Speaker 3: a surprise and oh he didn't know. It's never a surprise.
Speaker 3: They know everything. It's all fake. So he's he's about
Speaker 3: control and basically Crispin Glover came out, was super weird
Speaker 3: and then started kicking toward David Letterman's head and he
Speaker 3: was like, we'll be right back.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I'm team Letterman on this one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I got I got to come up with
Speaker 1: better examples.
Speaker 3: I have to say, I think David Letterman is like
Speaker 3: still one of the best interviews for so he has.
Speaker 2: I think it's Netflix, which is him doing like long
Speaker 2: form interviews, Like they don't make him like that anymore.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I just wish you would shave that beard.
Speaker 3: It's so distracting. Yeah, it's crazy, and it's so hilariously
Speaker 3: different than what he was like before, Like he was
Speaker 3: a mister fucking button down, he was mister Brooks Brothers,
Speaker 3: and then now he's like truly like a lighthouse keeper
Speaker 3: in a way where you're just like, Dave, what do
Speaker 3: you doing? And it makes people itchy to look at.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that is what happens with me. I imagine him
Speaker 1: having blemishes under there and scraping at them. Yeah, beards
Speaker 1: are gross business. And there's mayonnaise and all of them. Yeah,
Speaker 1: all mustaches have mayonnaise. That's why I got rid of it.
Speaker 1: If you really want to know, I don't even mayonnaise.
Speaker 3: It's the air. It's just it's a mayonnaise catcher.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I found a test doesn't like mayonnaise either. People
Speaker 1: get Yeah, it turns clear overnight hate it. Get it?
Speaker 3: We all hate it? Yeah, Oh, we are so right,
Speaker 3: you guys. Used to give herself mayonnaise hair conditioning packs
Speaker 3: on the weekends.
Speaker 1: I will, and she would.
Speaker 3: She would have it under her fingernails, and I truly
Speaker 3: like any I sometimes you have to have it on
Speaker 3: a sandwich just for moist but if it's if there's
Speaker 3: any more than what is absolutely necessary, I'm just like,
Speaker 3: I can't, I have to. I can't do this. I'll
Speaker 3: take mustard both sides.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, any mustard, man, But I don't want that
Speaker 1: in my hair either.
Speaker 2: I was a child actress and my mom used to
Speaker 2: be for auditions. She would make me do a raw
Speaker 2: egg or sometimes I would have to do a cold
Speaker 2: shower and she would pour a coarse light in my hair,
Speaker 2: shiny body.
Speaker 1: Yeah, which she did? You think you'd get more work
Speaker 1: if you had dreadlocks eggs.
Speaker 2: I just been out for really like inappropriate kind of rolls.
Speaker 3: Cool runnings, just always only cool runnings. I think we're
Speaker 3: at time, guys. I think we've done it and my
Speaker 3: dons won't stop barking effortlesslie tess, what would you like
Speaker 3: to plug on your way out? Aside from of course exactly?
Speaker 3: Writes own Lady to Lady podcast.
Speaker 2: Yes, please listen to my podcast Lady to Lady. You
Speaker 2: can listen to my investigative documentary podcast Toxic, the Britney
Speaker 2: Spears Story. Watch me do stand up on Testify Barker
Speaker 2: with two s's on my Instagram and Twitter where I
Speaker 2: post my dates and stuff like that.
Speaker 3: Nice, you're the best test What a joy? That was lovely.
Speaker 3: That was the easiest, best conversation.
Speaker 1: I expended little to no energy in your presence and
Speaker 1: that a compliment.
Speaker 3: The ripping was feather light, so fun.
Speaker 1: You've been listening to Do you need a ride? D
Speaker 1: y n hey are? This has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 3: Produced by Annalise Nelson.
Speaker 1: Mixed by Edson Choi.
Speaker 3: Our talent booker is Patrick Kottner.
Speaker 1: Theme song by Karen Kilgarrett.
Speaker 3: Artwork by Chris Fairbanks. Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter,
Speaker 3: and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y nar Podcast.
Speaker 1: For more information, go to exactly rightmedia dot com.
Speaker 3: Thank you, Oh, You're welcome.