1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:05,880 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vandercamp. I'm a mother of five, 2 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:10,200 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hart Hunger. 3 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:13,480 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, a practicing physician and blogger. 4 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,800 Speaker 1: On the side, we are two working parents who love 5 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:19,320 Speaker 1: our careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds. 6 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:22,400 Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:25,800 Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,360 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:34,159 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds. 10 00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:37,440 Speaker 1: This is Laura. This is going to be an all 11 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:41,120 Speaker 1: mail bag episode that Sarah and I are recording together 12 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:44,080 Speaker 1: here in Fort Laudererdale. I came down for a couple days. 13 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:48,640 Speaker 1: We've been recording, meeting and talking about the future of 14 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:51,360 Speaker 1: best of both worlds, having a grand old time looking 15 00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:53,600 Speaker 1: at the water. I enjoy the water. Sarah's lesson to 16 00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:56,840 Speaker 1: the beach, which is given that she loves here kind 17 00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:59,720 Speaker 1: of funny. I'm like, I love the beach. But we 18 00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:03,760 Speaker 1: want to share a couple questions from listeners. As always, 19 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:06,440 Speaker 1: we appreciate people sending it in questions. You can do 20 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:09,840 Speaker 1: it on my Instagram. The best of both worlds. Instagram, 21 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:12,640 Speaker 1: give them, you know, post us questions on our blogs, 22 00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:14,720 Speaker 1: you can email either of us. All of those are 23 00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:18,319 Speaker 1: great ways to reach us. So we will go ahead 24 00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:19,920 Speaker 1: and dive right in all though, Sarah, do you want 25 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:22,440 Speaker 1: to say hi to everybody? Hi? Everybody? We are in 26 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:24,800 Speaker 1: Fort Lauderdale. It's beautiful. The ocean is outside. I'm not 27 00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:29,520 Speaker 1: anti You're not anti oceans, okay, just anti pool right? 28 00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:32,080 Speaker 1: Is it the pools that you're like? No? I like 29 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:34,560 Speaker 1: pools as long as like I'm not getting in with 30 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:40,119 Speaker 1: a bunch of children. Can't say, okay, different matter, all right? 31 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:45,199 Speaker 1: So first question, This listener is out on maternity leave 32 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:48,840 Speaker 1: and is a little bit anxious about her return because 33 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:52,440 Speaker 1: she received a fairly negative performance review as the one 34 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:57,120 Speaker 1: prior to her going out. She works in the technology industry, 35 00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:01,360 Speaker 1: which has been going through layoffs, as everyone knows, so 36 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:03,520 Speaker 1: she's kind of anxious about what's going to happen. So 37 00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:07,600 Speaker 1: she says, what happens when you are not achieving expectations 38 00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:09,919 Speaker 1: in your core roles? Like does everything else have to 39 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:11,880 Speaker 1: take a back seat in life? How can she get 40 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:14,679 Speaker 1: to a place where she's less anxious about all this? 41 00:02:14,919 --> 00:02:17,720 Speaker 1: So Sarah, what do you think? Yeah, super interesting question 42 00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:20,359 Speaker 1: and definitely a tough time to be dealing with this. 43 00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:22,800 Speaker 1: I mean, I obviously ideal you're coming back from Lee 44 00:02:22,919 --> 00:02:25,320 Speaker 1: feeling like, oh, everyone's so happy to have me back, 45 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:27,840 Speaker 1: and you know, I can ease myself in, and it 46 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:31,000 Speaker 1: sounds like in this particular case, I see why it 47 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:33,480 Speaker 1: would be stressful. So I mean really thinking about like 48 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:36,440 Speaker 1: what are those expectations and actually asking if you've got 49 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:39,160 Speaker 1: a fairly negative review or even kind of like a 50 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:42,519 Speaker 1: neutral review, I would go to the person and say, like, Okay, 51 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:46,200 Speaker 1: what do you want me to focus on that would 52 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:48,680 Speaker 1: bring me to the next level? What are your expectations? 53 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:51,000 Speaker 1: What would you be excited about having me accomplished over 54 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:53,280 Speaker 1: the next X y Z months. And if their answer 55 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:56,400 Speaker 1: is something that seems doable and reasonable, then great. I 56 00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:58,920 Speaker 1: think probably you're dub needs to have a little bit 57 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,600 Speaker 1: of extra focus because you want to be in a 58 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:05,600 Speaker 1: position where you are, you know, at least kind of 59 00:03:05,639 --> 00:03:09,160 Speaker 1: above that lowest rung on the evaluations. However, if you 60 00:03:09,919 --> 00:03:12,320 Speaker 1: visit with yourself and you hear what they're saying and 61 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:14,720 Speaker 1: those expectations do not align with what you want to 62 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:17,799 Speaker 1: be doing or what you feel are reasonable expectations, then 63 00:03:17,919 --> 00:03:20,520 Speaker 1: that is the moment that it may be time to 64 00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:23,400 Speaker 1: start looking for other jobs or other types of roles, 65 00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:27,880 Speaker 1: or some kind of parallel move, maybe to another company. Yeah, 66 00:03:27,919 --> 00:03:30,240 Speaker 1: I was thinking, I wonder if there are different roles 67 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:35,680 Speaker 1: within her organization that might be more in fitting with 68 00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:38,880 Speaker 1: where you see your strengths. Maybe that's something you need 69 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:41,240 Speaker 1: to really think about, because you know, there's lots of 70 00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:43,240 Speaker 1: jobs in the world, and we don't always wind up 71 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:47,880 Speaker 1: in a perfect job. And sometimes when are we, for 72 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:52,840 Speaker 1: whatever reason, aren't meeting the expectations, it's not because you're 73 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:56,640 Speaker 1: not a great worker or great at whatever. It's just 74 00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:59,040 Speaker 1: that there's a mismatch with this job. I know I 75 00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:01,720 Speaker 1: had a I haven't had that many jobs in my life, 76 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:03,520 Speaker 1: but I did have one back in the day. That 77 00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:06,080 Speaker 1: was when I had kind of taken to pay the 78 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:09,680 Speaker 1: bills and I was really really bad at it and 79 00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:11,800 Speaker 1: I like to think of myself as a hard worker 80 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:15,880 Speaker 1: and all that, but it was just not a good match. 81 00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:19,719 Speaker 1: And so definitely look at your options. I'm not saying 82 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:22,640 Speaker 1: that people can't. You know, people don't get performance reviews 83 00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:25,400 Speaker 1: of a certain kind just because your company's going through 84 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:27,159 Speaker 1: tough times and so they have to make sure people 85 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,720 Speaker 1: don't think they're going to get raises. And how do 86 00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:31,720 Speaker 1: you do that You take everyone's performance reviews down a 87 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:34,200 Speaker 1: notch or two. It's kind of sad, but that is 88 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:37,400 Speaker 1: what people do, or you know, and it could be 89 00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:39,480 Speaker 1: that your whole department's going to get laid off within 90 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,360 Speaker 1: two weeks of you coming back to like you just 91 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:45,320 Speaker 1: don't know. So I think if you're worried about your job, 92 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:48,479 Speaker 1: for anybody, you know, coming back from eternity leave or 93 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:52,840 Speaker 1: just in general, you want to be making sure that 94 00:04:52,839 --> 00:04:55,920 Speaker 1: there are other options out there, so that you are 95 00:04:56,640 --> 00:04:59,840 Speaker 1: looking at what other companies might be interested in your skills, 96 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:03,640 Speaker 1: you know, meeting with your network to figure out if 97 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:06,280 Speaker 1: that's something that you know you want to make a 98 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:09,240 Speaker 1: jump at some point, and you know, yeah, absolutely, you 99 00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:12,560 Speaker 1: can do your best to work hard at whatever those 100 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:17,920 Speaker 1: expectations are, but no matter how anxious you are about it, 101 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:21,080 Speaker 1: that may not totally change the situation. So you know, 102 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:23,599 Speaker 1: want to make sure that you are taking care of 103 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,360 Speaker 1: yourself as well. Okay, I like it. I don't know 104 00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:29,160 Speaker 1: how much we want to add, but this is a 105 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:32,080 Speaker 1: it's a tough industry. Right now. So, yeah, that is 106 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:34,200 Speaker 1: a really hard situation coming back from leave, and I 107 00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:36,840 Speaker 1: hope you are able to find something that works and 108 00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:39,760 Speaker 1: where they appreciate all of the things you have to offer. Yeah, 109 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:42,880 Speaker 1: because that is always the hard part. I many people, 110 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:47,680 Speaker 1: not everybody, but many people have trouble doing their absolute 111 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:51,680 Speaker 1: one hundred percent like work focused work for you know, 112 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:54,520 Speaker 1: the first six months or so back from leave, and 113 00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:59,800 Speaker 1: it's just because there's less sleep. For instance. You know, 114 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:03,400 Speaker 1: if kids are starting daycare, they might get sick more frequently, 115 00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:05,880 Speaker 1: and so you're dealing with that, and so just that 116 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:09,120 Speaker 1: because you have such this big thing in your personal life, 117 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:14,200 Speaker 1: sometimes it's harder to go over the top on work, 118 00:06:14,279 --> 00:06:17,320 Speaker 1: not saying that you know people don't or that it's 119 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:19,360 Speaker 1: not something that could be done, or even that it's 120 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:22,839 Speaker 1: rational that people should expect it. But I guess you 121 00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:25,120 Speaker 1: just have to make sure that everything's going well with 122 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:28,920 Speaker 1: how you want to be living your life, because I'm 123 00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:33,480 Speaker 1: concerned that you'll feel when again, if the whole department 124 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:36,560 Speaker 1: is eliminated in six months, that this was just not 125 00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:38,760 Speaker 1: the way you wanted to be spending that six months 126 00:06:38,839 --> 00:06:41,760 Speaker 1: being anxious about it. I mean, I didn't have nearly 127 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,960 Speaker 1: that long of a lieve, But I will say when 128 00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:47,400 Speaker 1: I got back, every time I was not able, I 129 00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:50,000 Speaker 1: had no interest in quing over the top for at 130 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:52,400 Speaker 1: least a finite fear. And I think sleep. You nailed it. 131 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:54,159 Speaker 1: I mean, that's the number one thing. Your brain is 132 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:57,040 Speaker 1: just for many of us not firing on all cylinders. 133 00:06:57,080 --> 00:06:59,240 Speaker 1: Maybe you're very lucky and maybe that sleeps all night, 134 00:06:59,279 --> 00:07:01,040 Speaker 1: so this doesn't apply to you. But I didn't have 135 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:04,120 Speaker 1: any of those kind of babies, so yeah, something had 136 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:05,880 Speaker 1: to take a hit, and so this would have been 137 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:11,840 Speaker 1: really tough time, all right, Sympathie's definitely all right. Next question, 138 00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:15,200 Speaker 1: so this one is TBT related, so I will read 139 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:18,200 Speaker 1: it so Laura can answer, And she writes, how do 140 00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:21,760 Speaker 1: you balance having backup slots so that things actually happen 141 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:23,840 Speaker 1: in life gets in the way, but not letting the 142 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:27,040 Speaker 1: existence of said slot justify skipping the thing. And she 143 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:30,240 Speaker 1: gives an example where her friend and they try to 144 00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:33,280 Speaker 1: have monthly lunches together but most of them haven't happened 145 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:35,280 Speaker 1: on the original scheduled time, and how to be canceled 146 00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:39,120 Speaker 1: or rescheduled. She sent a calendar invites scheduling a second 147 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:41,080 Speaker 1: monthly lunch like as a backup, so that if they 148 00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:43,080 Speaker 1: needed to cancel, they'd have another one soon and not 149 00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:46,280 Speaker 1: have to reschedule, so they could decide whether to either 150 00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:49,320 Speaker 1: skip it or have the extra time together. However, the 151 00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:52,200 Speaker 1: friend says having too many scheduled will lessen the importance 152 00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:54,240 Speaker 1: of the meeting and that it would make it more 153 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:57,160 Speaker 1: likely for them to cancel knowing that they have a backup. 154 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:02,800 Speaker 1: So I think in general what she has is a 155 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:05,400 Speaker 1: smart solution, right to have a backup, like if they 156 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:11,600 Speaker 1: want to have the lunch and it doesn't happen for crazy, 157 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:14,040 Speaker 1: out of the blue reasons. You know that they were 158 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:17,600 Speaker 1: both so regretful about that these things came up. You know, 159 00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:19,480 Speaker 1: it is good to have the backup slot for that. Like, 160 00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:21,720 Speaker 1: in general, that's the thing. But I had to say 161 00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:24,000 Speaker 1: from the way that this question was phrased. I mean, 162 00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:28,160 Speaker 1: first that most have not happened on the original scheduled time. 163 00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:31,320 Speaker 1: It's like completely out of her control, as if the 164 00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:35,199 Speaker 1: schedule just sort of appeared with no input from her. 165 00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:37,560 Speaker 1: And I mean, I don't know, maybe she has a 166 00:08:37,679 --> 00:08:41,040 Speaker 1: job where she has zero control, but then I don't 167 00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:43,679 Speaker 1: know why she's scheduling lunches that doesn't even make sense. 168 00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:45,319 Speaker 1: I mean, you know, if you have zero control, you 169 00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:49,120 Speaker 1: should schedule things like a breakfast before you go to work, 170 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:51,360 Speaker 1: or you know, a happy hour afterwards, or something with 171 00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:54,320 Speaker 1: your friend where you do have more control over the time. 172 00:08:55,559 --> 00:08:58,200 Speaker 1: So that made me think that she's probably the one 173 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:03,319 Speaker 1: who's been camp and that's why her friend is offended 174 00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:06,080 Speaker 1: and says, no, you're just canceling it and thinking you 175 00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:08,960 Speaker 1: can go to the second time and it'll be fine. 176 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:12,560 Speaker 1: But I'm reading that as being disrespectful because you're canceling 177 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:18,920 Speaker 1: it flippantly. So I will say I when I look 178 00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:22,080 Speaker 1: at this, I'm a little more neutral on who's canceling it. 179 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:24,360 Speaker 1: I can't. You may be right that the use of 180 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:27,960 Speaker 1: passive voice means that she's canceling it herself, but honestly, 181 00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:30,120 Speaker 1: my initial interpretation was that the friend was canceling it. 182 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:32,200 Speaker 1: So okay, it's hard to tell. Well, maybe you guys 183 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,760 Speaker 1: don't want to do this, right. I mean, if it 184 00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:39,520 Speaker 1: keeps getting canceled or rescheduled, that's generally a sign that 185 00:09:39,559 --> 00:09:42,840 Speaker 1: it's not that important to either person. And obviously there 186 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:45,600 Speaker 1: are exceptions. I know, you know, if your friend is 187 00:09:45,679 --> 00:09:50,160 Speaker 1: like got a child going through a significant medical crisis, like, Okay, 188 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:52,440 Speaker 1: the fact that she canceled on you probably doesn't mean 189 00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:55,040 Speaker 1: that it's not something she wants to do. It's just also, 190 00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:57,160 Speaker 1: this is a really rough time of life. But if 191 00:09:57,160 --> 00:10:00,839 Speaker 1: we're talking about sort of normal daily excit distance and 192 00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:07,280 Speaker 1: you keep not prioritizing it, maybe it's not something that 193 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:10,959 Speaker 1: you're both feeling equally strongly about. So you know, I 194 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,320 Speaker 1: don't know. I don't know what to do with that, 195 00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:15,040 Speaker 1: But I don't think it's about the backup slot. I 196 00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:18,320 Speaker 1: think generally when we want to do something, we do 197 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:21,439 Speaker 1: it more often than not, as opposed to having it 198 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:24,600 Speaker 1: be that most haven't happened on the original schedule. And 199 00:10:24,679 --> 00:10:27,000 Speaker 1: maybe the friend maybe if it was the friend canceling, 200 00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:29,920 Speaker 1: the friends like, not only do I not really feel 201 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:31,760 Speaker 1: like doing the lunches, but I certainly don't want to 202 00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:38,120 Speaker 1: reserve two wednesdays a month for our lunches. Oh gosh, 203 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:40,559 Speaker 1: this sounds harsh, but that might be what's going on. 204 00:10:42,679 --> 00:10:44,640 Speaker 1: Oh no, I feel about it. I'll have lunch with you, 205 00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:47,560 Speaker 1: I know. Yeah, we've come to Florida. We're here haranging 206 00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:51,480 Speaker 1: out in Fort LETARDA. Although we won't be when this saring, 207 00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:53,680 Speaker 1: oh dear. All right, Well, so there you go. That's 208 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:57,960 Speaker 1: our take on that. All right. So the next question 209 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,000 Speaker 1: at what would we need to take an ad break. 210 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:02,000 Speaker 1: I'm going to do it after this, Okay, we'll do 211 00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:04,120 Speaker 1: it after the sun, so we can't see our countdown 212 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:07,200 Speaker 1: clock in the way we're doing this. In one locations, 213 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:08,800 Speaker 1: we have our notes up on the same screen that 214 00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:11,480 Speaker 1: our countdown clock is, so we don't have that or 215 00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:15,040 Speaker 1: flying blind or flying blind people. All right, So this 216 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:19,160 Speaker 1: listener is her mother in law is moving to town 217 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:23,839 Speaker 1: and moving to a place that is twenty minutes away 218 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:26,760 Speaker 1: from them. There's a sort of side thing here of 219 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:28,800 Speaker 1: that the mother in law had been staying with them 220 00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:30,400 Speaker 1: and is now getting their own place. But that's sort 221 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:33,400 Speaker 1: of a different matter. If you're having close extended family 222 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:37,280 Speaker 1: move to your town, what should you keep in mind? 223 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:41,360 Speaker 1: Are there good ways to manage this transition to make 224 00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:46,880 Speaker 1: the most of the experience, to celebrate having people close by, 225 00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:51,000 Speaker 1: while also make sure that everyone still has their own space. Yeah, 226 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:52,800 Speaker 1: So I would think this is one where it's great 227 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:54,959 Speaker 1: that you're asking this question because it means you're thinking 228 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:56,959 Speaker 1: about the situation ahead of time, which is going to 229 00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:59,040 Speaker 1: make it much more likely that you can kind of 230 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:01,960 Speaker 1: manage your expectation. So first of all, I would manage 231 00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:04,360 Speaker 1: your own expectations of what you expect that person to 232 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:07,400 Speaker 1: do in terms of helping you. I mean, you didn't 233 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:11,080 Speaker 1: specifically mention this, but sometimes there can be tension around, 234 00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:13,000 Speaker 1: like you thinking a certain thing is going to happen, 235 00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:14,959 Speaker 1: and then thinking a certain thing is going to happen. 236 00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:16,760 Speaker 1: So I would go in with a clean slate on 237 00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:20,120 Speaker 1: your end. So I would manage your own expectations of 238 00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:23,199 Speaker 1: what that person is there to do, because sometimes there 239 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:25,080 Speaker 1: could be tension if you have the idea that they're 240 00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:27,360 Speaker 1: going to help you out in some way and that's 241 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:30,280 Speaker 1: not what they had in mind. So thinking through what 242 00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:32,400 Speaker 1: they are actually there to do and perhaps having a 243 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:35,560 Speaker 1: conversation about that, I think could really be helpful, just 244 00:12:35,559 --> 00:12:39,040 Speaker 1: so that there are not misunderstandings about what that person 245 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:40,920 Speaker 1: is kind of there for, Yes, they maybe moved to 246 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,600 Speaker 1: be closer to you, but what does that mean for 247 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:45,440 Speaker 1: them is kind of up to them. And then the 248 00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:47,280 Speaker 1: other thing I was thinking that might be helpful is 249 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:49,840 Speaker 1: to set up some kind of recurring get together on 250 00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:52,240 Speaker 1: an interval that you feel is right. There's no answer 251 00:12:52,280 --> 00:12:54,680 Speaker 1: to what that should be could be monthly, it could 252 00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:56,319 Speaker 1: be weekly, it could be every other week, and it 253 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:58,960 Speaker 1: could be either at one of your homes or if 254 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:01,040 Speaker 1: for some reason that it's going to be more stressful, 255 00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:03,960 Speaker 1: like a monthly outing to you know, a local thing 256 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,840 Speaker 1: that you guys get to explore together, like whatever you 257 00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:09,600 Speaker 1: decide works. But by having a rotating thing that you 258 00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:12,319 Speaker 1: know is coming, that might lessen pressure to feel like 259 00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:14,920 Speaker 1: you're always supposed to be getting together with this person 260 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:18,440 Speaker 1: who is now much more accessible than they had been previously. Yeah, 261 00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:20,120 Speaker 1: and then it also gives you a time to kind 262 00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:22,160 Speaker 1: of make sure that you're catching up on all that 263 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:23,800 Speaker 1: you have going on in your life. So if you 264 00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:26,920 Speaker 1: always are having say Sunday dinner together, you know you'll 265 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:29,640 Speaker 1: be able to see them at that and it takes 266 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:32,480 Speaker 1: away some of the pressure of feeling like you need 267 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:35,600 Speaker 1: to be actively managing how often you are getting together 268 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:39,160 Speaker 1: because obviously you can do more, but that kind of 269 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:43,959 Speaker 1: make sure that that space is there since it's hurt 270 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:46,080 Speaker 1: mother in law. I don't know if there's the question 271 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,040 Speaker 1: and people say, like you know, theirs spouse, like how 272 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:50,280 Speaker 1: the spouse is managing that as well? Because you know 273 00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:52,800 Speaker 1: it's a joint relationship, but obviously your spouse is the 274 00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:55,920 Speaker 1: one who had the relationship first, and so I think 275 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:59,920 Speaker 1: it's important that they have a conversation as well about 276 00:14:00,559 --> 00:14:04,880 Speaker 1: what both are expecting this to look like. I will 277 00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:08,400 Speaker 1: say that it's probably good that you know she's moving 278 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:10,559 Speaker 1: twenty minutes away as opposed to next door. There can 279 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,520 Speaker 1: be some upsides to having somebody next door. And I 280 00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:14,880 Speaker 1: know some people love that it's wonderful or even you know, 281 00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:16,560 Speaker 1: how people live with you long term. That can be 282 00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:21,080 Speaker 1: great too, But if they didn't have that sort of 283 00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:23,640 Speaker 1: relationship growing up, it canna be hard to have as 284 00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:25,400 Speaker 1: an adult. I mean it's sort of like, why is 285 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:27,200 Speaker 1: your carent out in the driveway? Where did you go today? 286 00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:29,360 Speaker 1: You know, Like I just sometimes there's an each other's 287 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:32,400 Speaker 1: space in a way that is harder as adults. So 288 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:35,040 Speaker 1: I have very positive feelings about that. I mean, one 289 00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:38,880 Speaker 1: that she's thinking about it, that they're going to be together, 290 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:41,120 Speaker 1: but not immediately on top of each other. I think 291 00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:43,600 Speaker 1: they're going to have a good time. Yeah. I could 292 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:47,680 Speaker 1: totally see doing that with my children someday. Yeah, twenty 293 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:53,240 Speaker 1: twenty minutes awesome. All right, Well, let's take a quick 294 00:14:53,280 --> 00:15:08,480 Speaker 1: break and we will be right back with some more questions. Well, 295 00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:11,440 Speaker 1: we are back doing an all mailbag episodes. Sarah and 296 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:13,840 Speaker 1: I are to gather here in Fort Lauderdale. If it 297 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:15,560 Speaker 1: sounds a little bit different, we're just recording on the 298 00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:17,840 Speaker 1: laptop sitting here in our hotel rooms. We don't have 299 00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:21,160 Speaker 1: our zoom rooms set up with pillows on the wall 300 00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:23,200 Speaker 1: and things like that, but it's fun to be together, 301 00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:25,160 Speaker 1: so we wanted to make sure we do this too. 302 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:28,840 Speaker 1: So another question from a listener, what do you want 303 00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:32,000 Speaker 1: your daughters to take most from the way you live 304 00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:35,640 Speaker 1: your lives? I mean, well, my first reaction to this 305 00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:38,440 Speaker 1: question truly was like, huh, I never had like a 306 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:44,080 Speaker 1: different set of takeaways for my two girls versus my son, 307 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:48,040 Speaker 1: So I didn't ever thought of that specifically. I mean, 308 00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:52,640 Speaker 1: I guess to some extent, maybe there are lessons that 309 00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:55,720 Speaker 1: they could apply to themselves more easily. But I hope 310 00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:59,840 Speaker 1: that Karen grows up to also like take anything I 311 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:02,240 Speaker 1: do and think about how that might apply to himself 312 00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:05,600 Speaker 1: and or women that he works with or loves or 313 00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:07,560 Speaker 1: lives with or whatever. So I don't know, that's an 314 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:12,600 Speaker 1: interesting question. I guess I think It's important that my 315 00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:15,720 Speaker 1: kids can look back and say, like, my mom was really, 316 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:19,400 Speaker 1: really there for me, and she was a model for 317 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:23,640 Speaker 1: somebody that had her own passions and enjoyed life both 318 00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:27,280 Speaker 1: with us and outside of us. I hope my kids 319 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:30,840 Speaker 1: can have that perspective that even though I am one 320 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,840 Speaker 1: percent invested in being their mother and love that part 321 00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:35,920 Speaker 1: of my life, that like, I know, they're not going 322 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,040 Speaker 1: to live with me forever, so I need to cultivate 323 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:41,640 Speaker 1: other parts of my marriage and myself as well, even 324 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:46,760 Speaker 1: during these, you know, very busy years. And I definitely 325 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:50,760 Speaker 1: want everyone to learn how to plan well. And it 326 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,120 Speaker 1: looks like you're already doing that, right. I didn't your 327 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:55,920 Speaker 1: daughter lead like a planning workshop at her school? Am 328 00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:58,600 Speaker 1: I remembering that correctly? Yes? She did, and I was 329 00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:02,800 Speaker 1: super proud. Obviously, I don't necessarily think everybody, including my children, 330 00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:06,360 Speaker 1: has to plan exactly like me, but if they recognize 331 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,200 Speaker 1: the value of planning and reflection in life, to me, 332 00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:12,000 Speaker 1: I feel like I'm winning. Yeah, I don't know. I 333 00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:14,920 Speaker 1: mean what. I want my daughter to be happy in life, 334 00:17:15,359 --> 00:17:18,000 Speaker 1: and she may decide that she wants to have a 335 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:22,160 Speaker 1: life that looks nothing like mine, and that is her 336 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:26,400 Speaker 1: call and or there may be things that she does 337 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:30,000 Speaker 1: that are influenced by me. But you know, we often 338 00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:33,200 Speaker 1: say on this show that kids are their own people, right, 339 00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:37,720 Speaker 1: They are not reflections completely of us. There are things 340 00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:41,000 Speaker 1: we can do to help shape their lives, and probably 341 00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:44,360 Speaker 1: just by being who we are, our daughters and our 342 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:49,000 Speaker 1: sons see certain things, but that doesn't mean that they're 343 00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:52,160 Speaker 1: going to want to pursue lives that look exactly the same, 344 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:55,840 Speaker 1: nor should they want to. So I hope she is 345 00:17:56,320 --> 00:18:00,600 Speaker 1: happy with whatever she winds up doing. But you know, 346 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:04,800 Speaker 1: I certainly, for the perspective of this podcast, we would 347 00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:08,480 Speaker 1: like them to think that they want to have a 348 00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:11,840 Speaker 1: big career and a happy family. Those are not at odds, 349 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,919 Speaker 1: and they should absolutely feel like they could do both 350 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:16,760 Speaker 1: and still, you know, have a lot of time for 351 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:19,919 Speaker 1: fun as well. Yes, and I'm assuming you want everybody 352 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:23,920 Speaker 1: else in your family also to embody. Absolutely, my sons 353 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,280 Speaker 1: should be talking about the best of both worlds that 354 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:29,119 Speaker 1: they have created for themselves, and maybe they'll have a 355 00:18:29,119 --> 00:18:31,800 Speaker 1: podcast some day talking about it. Wouldn't that be cool? 356 00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:35,200 Speaker 1: It would be it would be all right. Next question, 357 00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:37,639 Speaker 1: I don't have experience with this, but you have a 358 00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:40,920 Speaker 1: little bit maybe to share, so any considerations to take 359 00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:44,080 Speaker 1: into account if you have a childcare provider, such as 360 00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:47,280 Speaker 1: a nanny bringing their own child similar age to your 361 00:18:47,359 --> 00:18:50,240 Speaker 1: kids to work, Yeah, I think this can work. And 362 00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:52,119 Speaker 1: many people are like, oh, that's kind of you know, 363 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:54,080 Speaker 1: might think that sounded a little strange. But if you 364 00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:55,800 Speaker 1: think about a lot of people run like in home 365 00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:58,479 Speaker 1: daycares that are very small that they have you know, 366 00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:02,080 Speaker 1: three other kids addition to their own kid there during 367 00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:03,960 Speaker 1: the day. And I don't know how many listeners have 368 00:19:04,359 --> 00:19:06,160 Speaker 1: used that as a form of childcare, but that's certainly 369 00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:09,520 Speaker 1: one of the most common forms of childcare that's out there. 370 00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:11,800 Speaker 1: Is you know, people have a neighbor or friend who 371 00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:14,760 Speaker 1: runs a small in home daycare and it is in 372 00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:17,280 Speaker 1: fact that they are caring for their child and yours. 373 00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:20,680 Speaker 1: It's just more in their own home versus and yours. 374 00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:24,520 Speaker 1: I think it can work really well. I think you 375 00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:29,000 Speaker 1: just sort of you know, need to and it opens 376 00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:32,919 Speaker 1: up a pool of people that would not be available 377 00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:36,440 Speaker 1: to you if you don't allow that to be an option. Now, 378 00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,280 Speaker 1: obviously you have to make sure that it's going to 379 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:43,760 Speaker 1: work for supporting you and your partner in your getting 380 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:45,960 Speaker 1: your work done. So if it's you know, if your 381 00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:48,000 Speaker 1: own kid, it's hard to manage like that they stay 382 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,800 Speaker 1: out of your office. Maybe taking more than one kid 383 00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:52,800 Speaker 1: to stay out of your office it might be harder. 384 00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:55,560 Speaker 1: I don't know, it might be allowed, so maybe they 385 00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:58,560 Speaker 1: need to do more outings or something like that. But 386 00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,320 Speaker 1: on the other hand, maybe the kids will entertain each 387 00:20:00,359 --> 00:20:03,560 Speaker 1: other too, which, especially once the kids are old enough 388 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:06,440 Speaker 1: to interact with each other, can be kind of cool, 389 00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:09,800 Speaker 1: right because they're playmates, and they're regular playmates that get 390 00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:13,320 Speaker 1: the experience of having a sibling who would be close 391 00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:16,960 Speaker 1: in age to you know, whether you have that or not, 392 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:21,399 Speaker 1: And so that could be an upside. You know, like 393 00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:24,959 Speaker 1: anything else, you want to make sure that the person 394 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:29,960 Speaker 1: has the capacity to do it. So, you know, if 395 00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:33,480 Speaker 1: it's taking one child with her to work at your house, 396 00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:36,080 Speaker 1: that's one thing. If she's taking three, that might be 397 00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:39,160 Speaker 1: harder to manage. If you also have three children, let's say, 398 00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:42,199 Speaker 1: so you know, in a situation where you probably wouldn't 399 00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:46,159 Speaker 1: have one person caring for six small children simultaneously, you 400 00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:49,119 Speaker 1: might need to take that through. But on the on 401 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:53,399 Speaker 1: the smaller side, it would probably for the most part work. 402 00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:56,639 Speaker 1: Just make sure you have good communication open about like 403 00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:59,600 Speaker 1: what is okay, because the person obviously has their own 404 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:03,639 Speaker 1: ways of parenting their children and maybe that's slightly different 405 00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:05,720 Speaker 1: from how you would parent your kids, and so you 406 00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:08,840 Speaker 1: definitely need to have those conversations about what happens while 407 00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:13,040 Speaker 1: you're at the house. But I think if you keep 408 00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:15,800 Speaker 1: the lines of communication open, it could be an upside 409 00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:19,320 Speaker 1: of opening up the pool of people. And then you know, 410 00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:22,840 Speaker 1: especially if you have an only child, having somebody that 411 00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:25,680 Speaker 1: they can play with quite regularly. Yeah, I mean when 412 00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:27,320 Speaker 1: you think of like the village raising a child, this 413 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,919 Speaker 1: is kind of like an example of that, right, Like 414 00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:33,040 Speaker 1: it doesn't it's it's there's a little bit more of 415 00:21:33,119 --> 00:21:35,200 Speaker 1: like a family or community feel to it. With the 416 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:37,119 Speaker 1: idea that like her kid's there with your kid. I 417 00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:39,840 Speaker 1: kind of like the idea of it. I think from 418 00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:43,239 Speaker 1: a practical standpoint, my mind goes straight to like, you know, 419 00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:46,679 Speaker 1: different rivalry dynamics and like making sure that you're provided. 420 00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:48,359 Speaker 1: And again I haven't actually dealt with this, but these 421 00:21:48,359 --> 00:21:50,639 Speaker 1: are all just theoretical like making sure there's no like 422 00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:53,600 Speaker 1: favoritism shown to the person's own kid versus your kid 423 00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:55,400 Speaker 1: because it is their kid, and like you know when 424 00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:58,200 Speaker 1: your kid takes her kid's toy, like it's so weird. 425 00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:02,119 Speaker 1: I don't know, Like I think somebody's a professional, they're not. Yes, no, 426 00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:05,680 Speaker 1: you're right, you're right, gonna be an issue, but you're right. 427 00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:07,679 Speaker 1: But usually like teachers don't have their own kid in 428 00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:09,280 Speaker 1: the class. So I just I just think there could 429 00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:12,480 Speaker 1: be complexities to navigate and as long as you yes, 430 00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:15,359 Speaker 1: communications can be really really important, being thoughtful about it 431 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:17,479 Speaker 1: and just like monitoring how it's going because you're right, 432 00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:20,240 Speaker 1: maybe they're best friends, like it could work out beautifully. 433 00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:21,960 Speaker 1: And I would also say if it and I don't 434 00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:23,840 Speaker 1: know what the situation is with this listener, Rohood's in, 435 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,280 Speaker 1: but if there's somebody who actually really want to hire 436 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:28,639 Speaker 1: and they happen to have their own kid that's the 437 00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:30,840 Speaker 1: same age as of yours and bring in I mean 438 00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:33,120 Speaker 1: a consideration, they're going to be a lot more flexible 439 00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:35,240 Speaker 1: if they can bring their kid. I mean, they may 440 00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:37,120 Speaker 1: not take the job if they can't, like so put 441 00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:40,120 Speaker 1: that out there, but they'll be a lot more flexible 442 00:22:40,119 --> 00:22:42,120 Speaker 1: if they can have their kid there versus if they can't, 443 00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:43,840 Speaker 1: because then they have to, you know, make sure that 444 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:46,080 Speaker 1: they're coordinating. If they have a partner with that person's 445 00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:48,080 Speaker 1: schedule or some other care for that part you know. 446 00:22:48,119 --> 00:22:53,120 Speaker 1: It just it makes it a lot easier to sort 447 00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:56,359 Speaker 1: of work more full time hours if that's a possibility. 448 00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:59,600 Speaker 1: And obviously it's a great arrangement for the childcare provider. 449 00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:01,600 Speaker 1: So they're going to be excited for this job and 450 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:05,840 Speaker 1: hopefully want to stay a long time. Yeah, exactly, all right, 451 00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:09,560 Speaker 1: So here's a question that both of us sometimes have 452 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:13,040 Speaker 1: dealt with. This listener says, I work from home and 453 00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:16,359 Speaker 1: struggle to carve out a solid forty hours when my 454 00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:19,479 Speaker 1: job truly does demand that amount of time. Right, So 455 00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:22,000 Speaker 1: how do you ensure that you have enough time to 456 00:23:22,119 --> 00:23:24,879 Speaker 1: get your work done when you are the more flexible 457 00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:27,840 Speaker 1: parent and therefore seem to be the first one asked 458 00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:32,280 Speaker 1: to shorten your days or allow for interruptions. So, I mean, obviously, 459 00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:34,320 Speaker 1: your clinical days, Sarah, they are what they are. You're 460 00:23:34,359 --> 00:23:37,280 Speaker 1: in the office seeing patients. But now you're experiencing more 461 00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:40,080 Speaker 1: of this as you are working from home doing sort 462 00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:43,040 Speaker 1: of more malleable things a couple days a week. It's 463 00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:45,640 Speaker 1: very challenging. I haven't mastered it yet. I still feel 464 00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:48,040 Speaker 1: like I'm new at it. I will say. If I 465 00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:51,480 Speaker 1: have specific things that are deadline driven that I know 466 00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:53,600 Speaker 1: I need to get done, I'm much better about like 467 00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:56,400 Speaker 1: telling my kids like, no, I cannot drop you off 468 00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:58,040 Speaker 1: of gen Massics, but I will pick you up when 469 00:23:58,040 --> 00:23:59,880 Speaker 1: it ends at six pm so that I can preserve 470 00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:03,400 Speaker 1: my afternoon of working time. If I don't have as 471 00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:05,760 Speaker 1: many deadlines and everything seems wishy washing and I can 472 00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:10,480 Speaker 1: push it forward, then I am guilty as being like, 473 00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:13,480 Speaker 1: not guilty, It's probably not the right word, but I'm 474 00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:16,080 Speaker 1: much more likely to be like, Okay, fine, whatever, And 475 00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:18,120 Speaker 1: maybe there's an element of me feeling like, well, I'm done. 476 00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:23,400 Speaker 1: I've done enough anyway, so I can move on. That said, 477 00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:25,879 Speaker 1: I think this is like a learning curve for me, 478 00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:28,399 Speaker 1: and I think figuring out how many hours is the 479 00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:33,439 Speaker 1: right amount of hours for me, because I mean, I 480 00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:36,440 Speaker 1: want to produce a lot, but I also do want 481 00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:39,720 Speaker 1: to have some flexibility or like be able to use 482 00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:42,720 Speaker 1: some of that time for my own relaxation time or 483 00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:45,280 Speaker 1: kid one on one time, et cetera. And I think 484 00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:48,240 Speaker 1: if I've looked at the week ahead of time, thought 485 00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:50,399 Speaker 1: about what I want to get done, thought about what 486 00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:53,000 Speaker 1: the hours are most likely to make sense, to get 487 00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:58,399 Speaker 1: that done, then I'm likely to, I guess, make my 488 00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:01,040 Speaker 1: days fit what I want, rather then have them kind 489 00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:03,680 Speaker 1: of pushed around. Yeah, I think it's the pushing around 490 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:06,520 Speaker 1: that sort of gets you. So one thing I have 491 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:11,080 Speaker 1: started doing when I am crafting the family schedule for 492 00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:16,240 Speaker 1: the week is writing out a list of l v's 493 00:25:16,359 --> 00:25:21,119 Speaker 1: work hours. And this is the concentrated hours that I 494 00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:24,760 Speaker 1: have where I will most likely not being interrupted and 495 00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:28,320 Speaker 1: I'm not responsible for dealing with little kids who are 496 00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:31,280 Speaker 1: going to want things from me. And you know, the 497 00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:33,840 Speaker 1: problem is, especially during the week, usually that time needs 498 00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:36,240 Speaker 1: to include any exercise I'm going to do too, so 499 00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:39,360 Speaker 1: I do need to keep that into account. But what 500 00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:42,560 Speaker 1: this has allowed me to do is to be a 501 00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:46,560 Speaker 1: little bit more proactive about when kids can get picked 502 00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:49,639 Speaker 1: up from activities. For instance, you know, I have one 503 00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:53,199 Speaker 1: kid who stays late for something, but it doesn't have 504 00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:55,760 Speaker 1: a strip in time. There's often some flexibility about when 505 00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:57,800 Speaker 1: it is, so I say, well, you know, you could 506 00:25:57,800 --> 00:26:01,000 Speaker 1: get a ride at this time, or you could take 507 00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:03,840 Speaker 1: the activity bus that's earlier than that if you want 508 00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:07,040 Speaker 1: to get home before that. But having that conversation as 509 00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:09,679 Speaker 1: opposed to just knowing that I'm going to get a 510 00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:12,639 Speaker 1: text sometime between three and five pm saying can you 511 00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:13,960 Speaker 1: come pick me up? And then I'll have to make 512 00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:19,159 Speaker 1: a decision, right, so making sure that I have already 513 00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:22,200 Speaker 1: claimed those hours and then asking people if they could 514 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:25,160 Speaker 1: be around at and you know, they might be able 515 00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:29,760 Speaker 1: to text another parent or text a their their nanny 516 00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:33,119 Speaker 1: for a ride at other points in there. But that 517 00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:35,880 Speaker 1: would make sure that I have sort of protected hours 518 00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:38,200 Speaker 1: to work. And I can also see certain weeks where 519 00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:41,320 Speaker 1: it's gotten a lot shorter for one week reason or another. 520 00:26:41,359 --> 00:26:44,760 Speaker 1: If I have a lot of commitments on that are 521 00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:47,600 Speaker 1: pushing in on the hours or you know, during the 522 00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:50,679 Speaker 1: day appointments, because that's you know what I tend to do. 523 00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:53,359 Speaker 1: I tend to schedule them during the day because you can. 524 00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:55,800 Speaker 1: And you know, that's something you have to learn. If 525 00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:57,680 Speaker 1: working from home is you know, you don't have to 526 00:26:57,720 --> 00:26:59,679 Speaker 1: take the eleven am appointment just because that's the one 527 00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:03,080 Speaker 1: you're off. But if it is a week where a 528 00:27:03,119 --> 00:27:06,240 Speaker 1: lot of that has gotten crunched in, I might need 529 00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:10,359 Speaker 1: to do some night or weekend work. And that doesn't 530 00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:12,640 Speaker 1: mean that things are horribly out of control. It means 531 00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:16,400 Speaker 1: that home life has encroached on my work hours, and 532 00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:22,080 Speaker 1: so work correspondingly can be in what would normally be 533 00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:25,280 Speaker 1: considered personal and family hours. And that's not a sign 534 00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:27,720 Speaker 1: as something went wrong, it's just balancing it. It is 535 00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:31,960 Speaker 1: true balance as opposed to something else. And I know 536 00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:33,879 Speaker 1: people don't normally think of that, like, oh, working on 537 00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:36,480 Speaker 1: weekends is like tragic or something, or you know, it's 538 00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:38,679 Speaker 1: signed that your life is out of balance. But in 539 00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:41,000 Speaker 1: many cases, if you are working from home and you 540 00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:43,239 Speaker 1: are a parent who has a more flexible schedule, and 541 00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:45,480 Speaker 1: you wind up covering a reasonable amount of kids stuff, 542 00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:48,080 Speaker 1: that is what it's going to take to get you 543 00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:50,960 Speaker 1: to forty. And you have a couple of choices. You 544 00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:54,479 Speaker 1: can be cool with that, which I normally am, or 545 00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:58,000 Speaker 1: you can push further back on what you're willing to 546 00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:00,600 Speaker 1: do during your work hours, and then you need to 547 00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:06,280 Speaker 1: not allow yourself the flexibility that you could have. So 548 00:28:06,359 --> 00:28:08,200 Speaker 1: that's kind of the choice. If you want to draw 549 00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:12,399 Speaker 1: strict boundaries around nights and weekends, then you need to 550 00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:16,240 Speaker 1: make sure you're drawing stricter boundaries around work hours. If 551 00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:18,840 Speaker 1: you are going to be more malleable about work hours, 552 00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:22,720 Speaker 1: then you can also be more malleable about the rest 553 00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:27,680 Speaker 1: of time. Yeah, that makes sense, and I would encourage 554 00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:29,880 Speaker 1: people to think beyond, you know, the idea that you're 555 00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:32,400 Speaker 1: working all weekend or every night. You know, there can 556 00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:34,679 Speaker 1: be you can get a lot done, and like in 557 00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:37,879 Speaker 1: staying late one day for let's say three hours, or 558 00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:40,840 Speaker 1: like just spending a few afternoon hours while your kids 559 00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:43,880 Speaker 1: are on devices on a Sunday. It doesn't necessarily have 560 00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:48,640 Speaker 1: to be like minute per minute necessarily, but if that 561 00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:51,320 Speaker 1: trade off is worth it for you, then then it 562 00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:53,880 Speaker 1: makes sense. And yes, the value judgment of like not 563 00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:57,280 Speaker 1: working on weekends, that is also morally neutral. It's when 564 00:28:57,320 --> 00:29:00,600 Speaker 1: you catch right morally neutral exactly, you know. And unless 565 00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:02,720 Speaker 1: you have a religion that requires you to not work 566 00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:04,760 Speaker 1: on a particular day, although you know, interesting they always 567 00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:08,280 Speaker 1: seem to you know, caregiving work is still generally done, 568 00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:12,400 Speaker 1: and medical care and medical care. So there you go. Okay, 569 00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:15,560 Speaker 1: So next question. If I'm trying to get my kids 570 00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:20,760 Speaker 1: to spend less time on screens that perpetual quest, and 571 00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:24,240 Speaker 1: I am willing to invest in this time, money, and 572 00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:29,280 Speaker 1: or effort, what would you recommend I do. While we've 573 00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:34,280 Speaker 1: done various versions of this and other than concrete suggestions 574 00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:36,160 Speaker 1: of activities. I do think getting a little bit of 575 00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:38,440 Speaker 1: buy in from the kids and treating it like something 576 00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:41,160 Speaker 1: like that's a fun experiment to the extent that that's possible. 577 00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:44,200 Speaker 1: I get it that most fourteen year olds might not 578 00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:45,719 Speaker 1: see that, but I don't know if you kind of 579 00:29:45,760 --> 00:29:48,040 Speaker 1: like treat it as like, look, these screens are taking 580 00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:49,400 Speaker 1: so many hours from you. What do you think you 581 00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:52,240 Speaker 1: could do if you actually like give yourself two weeks 582 00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:53,920 Speaker 1: or a week or a month or whatever it is, 583 00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:56,960 Speaker 1: to like dedicate yourself to other things, then they might 584 00:29:57,000 --> 00:30:00,800 Speaker 1: actually be excited about this. So at least try to 585 00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:03,720 Speaker 1: give it a positive angle and maybe not cold turkey 586 00:30:03,840 --> 00:30:05,480 Speaker 1: like it could be minimized. I mean, I don't think 587 00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:07,440 Speaker 1: of a fourteen year old who that's the only way 588 00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:08,920 Speaker 1: they communicate with their friends, is not going to give 589 00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:11,200 Speaker 1: up their phone. But maybe you could say, like, what 590 00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:13,800 Speaker 1: if we decided that, you know, we weren't going to 591 00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:16,240 Speaker 1: do screens after seven pm? Or what would it you know, 592 00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:18,920 Speaker 1: if we decided that we were going to do you know, 593 00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:21,920 Speaker 1: we'd have some screen time on weekends during these hours, 594 00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:23,240 Speaker 1: but we were going to put our phones away and 595 00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:24,560 Speaker 1: the rest of the time. I don't know, like a 596 00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:27,720 Speaker 1: screen free Saturday afternoon or something. Yeah, yeah, it could 597 00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:31,200 Speaker 1: be finite, can be specific, and they may find that 598 00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:34,680 Speaker 1: they find more activities that they enjoy that then lead 599 00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:37,040 Speaker 1: to more time screen free, or maybe they won't, but 600 00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:40,520 Speaker 1: at least getting their buy and I think it's important. 601 00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:42,960 Speaker 1: And then there's lots of you know, activities and money 602 00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:44,960 Speaker 1: you can throw at this issue. I always think of 603 00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:47,240 Speaker 1: books as the first one, which is like, certain of 604 00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:50,000 Speaker 1: my kids really enjoy graphic novels, and when they have 605 00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:52,560 Speaker 1: a fresh graphic novel that they're interested in that series, 606 00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:56,160 Speaker 1: they sometimes will choose that over a screen, which is 607 00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:59,240 Speaker 1: like amazing. Yeah, And it turns out there are a 608 00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:02,240 Speaker 1: reasonable number of series. I mean I didn't know. I 609 00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:04,880 Speaker 1: mean I see like the you know, Diary of a 610 00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:07,760 Speaker 1: Wimpy Kid and the dog Man or the Cat Kid 611 00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:11,320 Speaker 1: Comic Clubs. It was sort of the Dave Pilky universe 612 00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:14,840 Speaker 1: kind of gone through all of it. But you know, 613 00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:17,640 Speaker 1: you talk to your local librarian, your school library and 614 00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:20,280 Speaker 1: get some names of other series. We just found The Investigators. 615 00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:22,920 Speaker 1: I didn't know about that one. It's but the Alligators 616 00:31:22,920 --> 00:31:27,200 Speaker 1: who are private detectives or whatever. The Warriors series is 617 00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:30,440 Speaker 1: big I don't know. Those dragon ones, I forget what 618 00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:32,360 Speaker 1: they're called. There's like a million of them. There's there's 619 00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:33,880 Speaker 1: a lot, and there's a lot for every taste. And 620 00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:37,160 Speaker 1: if your kids aren't as excited about quote unquote chapter books, 621 00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:39,800 Speaker 1: they may really enjoy graphic novels. I guess it's kind 622 00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:42,080 Speaker 1: of like it is sort of like the screen, almost 623 00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:45,240 Speaker 1: a screen on page. Yeah, you're just controlling it by 624 00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:48,960 Speaker 1: turning the page instead of or comic books. I mean, 625 00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:51,640 Speaker 1: so you know, there's there's comic bookstores, like, you know, 626 00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:54,080 Speaker 1: really fun to go look through the stacks there, especially 627 00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:55,880 Speaker 1: if they have like the vintage ones and things like that. 628 00:31:55,920 --> 00:31:57,400 Speaker 1: But you know, if you think about comic books that 629 00:31:57,400 --> 00:31:59,520 Speaker 1: you might have enjoyed, like Calvin and Hobbs or something 630 00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:02,440 Speaker 1: like that, we've gotten back into those of kids who 631 00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:04,600 Speaker 1: are into the far side. You know, they're quick reads, 632 00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:06,120 Speaker 1: but the things to do, but you can get those 633 00:32:06,120 --> 00:32:10,320 Speaker 1: at the library. I'm willing to buy books, I feel like, 634 00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:14,560 Speaker 1: you know, if I am trying to reduce the lure 635 00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:17,040 Speaker 1: of screens, being willing to buy a book that a 636 00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:19,560 Speaker 1: kid wants is something I can do in that. But 637 00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:21,840 Speaker 1: you know, for those who do go through a lot 638 00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:24,320 Speaker 1: of books the library, getting that on a good rotation 639 00:32:24,560 --> 00:32:27,200 Speaker 1: and using the whole system because they may not have 640 00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:30,800 Speaker 1: the latest Diary of the Whippy Kid there because the 641 00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:32,360 Speaker 1: other people have. But you put in a hole, no 642 00:32:32,440 --> 00:32:35,280 Speaker 1: come in eventually, and then they can get excited about 643 00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:37,080 Speaker 1: that trip to the library knowing they're going to get 644 00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:41,000 Speaker 1: the book they really want. We do trips to the 645 00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:45,479 Speaker 1: craft store that is a common one, like going to 646 00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:48,720 Speaker 1: Michael's and telling the kids they can spend eight dollars 647 00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:51,800 Speaker 1: or something and see what they come up with. You know, 648 00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:54,920 Speaker 1: it could take them a long time to do that 649 00:32:55,040 --> 00:32:58,160 Speaker 1: paint by number, duck or whatever random thing Michaels has 650 00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:03,920 Speaker 1: chosen to stock a particular week. Yeah, baking or cooking. 651 00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:06,160 Speaker 1: You put this as an example, but do you guys 652 00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:07,880 Speaker 1: do a lot of that in your house. We're doing 653 00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:11,560 Speaker 1: more and more of it. We actually have Knabe gets 654 00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:14,040 Speaker 1: like a crate from the Kiwi Crate company that's like 655 00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:17,160 Speaker 1: a cooking crate. So that has led to a lot 656 00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:20,320 Speaker 1: of like excitement around making the various recipes that they have. 657 00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:22,320 Speaker 1: And then actually the library is a great place to 658 00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:25,560 Speaker 1: get like kids recipe books are kids cookbooks because like 659 00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:28,760 Speaker 1: they're more like browser, but then they get inspired by 660 00:33:28,760 --> 00:33:31,320 Speaker 1: that and then they want to do stuff and no, 661 00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:33,960 Speaker 1: that's just a great like analog activity that they think 662 00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:36,600 Speaker 1: is really really fun. Now, whether what they create is 663 00:33:37,480 --> 00:33:41,280 Speaker 1: great can vary. Sometimes it is, sometimes it's good. Yeah, yeah, 664 00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:45,560 Speaker 1: I know. I've Rith's really been mastering her dairy free 665 00:33:45,680 --> 00:33:50,120 Speaker 1: chocolate chip cookie recipees. Nice. She made it in different iterations. 666 00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:52,080 Speaker 1: It was often as cookies, but then it came as 667 00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:55,440 Speaker 1: a cookie bar the other weekend that she was doing that. 668 00:33:56,840 --> 00:33:58,160 Speaker 1: You know, you can try to have a lot of 669 00:33:58,320 --> 00:34:03,040 Speaker 1: art supplies just of available, because then they're more likely 670 00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:06,840 Speaker 1: to use them if you have good stuff. You know 671 00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:10,800 Speaker 1: that you have the good like pipe cleaners and crans 672 00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:14,480 Speaker 1: and markers and paper and I don't know, stickers or 673 00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:17,160 Speaker 1: glitter or whatever else. Maybe not glitter. I hate glitter. 674 00:34:17,239 --> 00:34:19,560 Speaker 1: Not glitter. Okay. I also hate Plato, but now I'm 675 00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:22,680 Speaker 1: doing Plato. I also hate kinetic sand. Oh I hate 676 00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:26,279 Speaker 1: write no kinetic sand get on the screens rather than 677 00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:29,319 Speaker 1: have the kinetic sands. I will say if you if 678 00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:32,120 Speaker 1: your child is obsessed with kinetic sand, they can do 679 00:34:32,160 --> 00:34:34,279 Speaker 1: it out. It's be an outdoor sort of activity. That 680 00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:37,520 Speaker 1: is true. That is true. And with any of this, Like, 681 00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:41,440 Speaker 1: it's more fun to do crafts if you have a 682 00:34:41,520 --> 00:34:45,239 Speaker 1: cool spot to do it that's kind of organized and 683 00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:47,320 Speaker 1: like a place you can sit and it's well lit 684 00:34:47,360 --> 00:34:50,080 Speaker 1: and they you know, the stuff is right there, like 685 00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:52,360 Speaker 1: you don't have to leave to go find a glue stick. 686 00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:57,000 Speaker 1: So if this person is willing to invest time, money 687 00:34:57,000 --> 00:35:00,799 Speaker 1: and effort, like creating a little craft corner somewhere might 688 00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:05,440 Speaker 1: be a good IDEA little cozy crafting corner with a 689 00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:08,840 Speaker 1: sign on it. Yeah, it has to all be Kase 690 00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:13,359 Speaker 1: cozy crafting corner. Oh my god, this is the kind 691 00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:16,000 Speaker 1: of stuff we can't do on the video because we 692 00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:19,160 Speaker 1: would be like interrupting each other. And we should basically 693 00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:23,960 Speaker 1: just move somewhere in between Florida and Pennsylvania, like North Carolina, 694 00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:25,960 Speaker 1: and then we start us throwing North Carolina. She has 695 00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:28,239 Speaker 1: Ulterio mtow. She wants to move there anyway, I know. 696 00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:31,440 Speaker 1: So anyway, okay, So outings is my next thing. Like 697 00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:34,000 Speaker 1: the more stuff that you are going out and doing, 698 00:35:34,120 --> 00:35:35,759 Speaker 1: the less time you are on screens. I mean that 699 00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:41,120 Speaker 1: is probably our primary thing to do on most weekends, 700 00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:42,879 Speaker 1: and we try to kind of push off the start 701 00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:45,000 Speaker 1: of screen time as long as possible by like going 702 00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:47,279 Speaker 1: out and do something, going to the kids museum, going 703 00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:49,080 Speaker 1: to the zoo, going to like some garden, going to 704 00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:51,040 Speaker 1: find some trail, going to ran and playground, playing start 705 00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:54,280 Speaker 1: like whatever, like figuring out outings and if your kids 706 00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:58,080 Speaker 1: are having trouble deciding what to do, maybe making it fun, 707 00:35:58,120 --> 00:35:59,480 Speaker 1: like putting a bunch of stuff in a hat and 708 00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:01,800 Speaker 1: you pick one out, or having them create like a 709 00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:03,920 Speaker 1: bucket list for the season of things to do, like 710 00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:06,279 Speaker 1: so you build that up a little bit rather than 711 00:36:06,400 --> 00:36:08,000 Speaker 1: just being like, oh, what do we do today, because 712 00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:10,960 Speaker 1: in the moment they may not be as excited, but 713 00:36:10,960 --> 00:36:13,239 Speaker 1: if they kind of see it as a bigger project 714 00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:15,359 Speaker 1: that might get you some bye. Well, yeah, I'm letting 715 00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:17,080 Speaker 1: them know ahead of time. Like nobody likes to wake 716 00:36:17,160 --> 00:36:18,440 Speaker 1: up in the morning and be told like, yeah, you're 717 00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:20,920 Speaker 1: clothes on, you're going to this right now. You know, 718 00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:23,400 Speaker 1: that's maybe not the way people want to spend their saturdays. So, 719 00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:26,400 Speaker 1: you know, planning out ahead of time so people can 720 00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:29,440 Speaker 1: manage their energy toward doing it and letting them pick, 721 00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:32,759 Speaker 1: or letting them alternate aulternate pinning and picking. Yeah, I've 722 00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:36,319 Speaker 1: been joking about this, but I'm hoping to institute as 723 00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:39,440 Speaker 1: after the time change it will finally be light after dinner, 724 00:36:40,239 --> 00:36:45,719 Speaker 1: to institute time outside after dinner, which Ruth noted, as 725 00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:49,560 Speaker 1: I said it that way, She's like toad, toad, it's 726 00:36:49,719 --> 00:36:53,279 Speaker 1: toad time. So we may be having toad time in 727 00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:56,160 Speaker 1: our family, time outside after dinner, but you know, just 728 00:36:56,239 --> 00:37:00,839 Speaker 1: twenty thirty minutes outside running around after dinner, like get 729 00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:04,400 Speaker 1: a little bit more fresh air, and then you know, 730 00:37:05,120 --> 00:37:08,040 Speaker 1: you've just pushed forward the start of the screens or 731 00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:10,279 Speaker 1: anything else. And especially in our family, given that it's 732 00:37:10,360 --> 00:37:14,000 Speaker 1: strictly limited to stop at a certain time, you know, 733 00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:16,960 Speaker 1: an hour before the kids go to bed, then it 734 00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:21,200 Speaker 1: compresses the available space. And it's it's not bad to have, 735 00:37:21,320 --> 00:37:23,160 Speaker 1: you know, an hour or to a screen time, you know, 736 00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:24,600 Speaker 1: in the day. It's just you don't want it to 737 00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:27,400 Speaker 1: be all the time that the child is not not 738 00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:31,560 Speaker 1: in school. And then finally, one other suggestion, if this 739 00:37:31,640 --> 00:37:34,120 Speaker 1: person is truly willing to put money into this, is 740 00:37:34,400 --> 00:37:37,359 Speaker 1: hire a young, energetic babysitter. They don't have to be young, 741 00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:40,600 Speaker 1: they just have to be energetic to fill some of 742 00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:43,600 Speaker 1: those hours. Right, So, especially if you have a kid 743 00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:46,720 Speaker 1: who's like six or whatever that they could entertain themselves, 744 00:37:46,719 --> 00:37:50,320 Speaker 1: but it's kind of hard. You are getting them off screens, 745 00:37:50,360 --> 00:37:52,640 Speaker 1: means you are going to wind up doing a lot 746 00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:57,400 Speaker 1: of the directing of this and that can be exhausting, 747 00:37:57,440 --> 00:37:59,400 Speaker 1: which is why people wind up back on the screens. 748 00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:04,440 Speaker 1: But if you have the relief pitcher coming in, you know, 749 00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:06,320 Speaker 1: you might be able to make it more through the 750 00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:09,160 Speaker 1: nine innings of the weekend. And I think the reason 751 00:38:09,239 --> 00:38:10,800 Speaker 1: I said young was not because that's part of the 752 00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:13,960 Speaker 1: job description, is because this isn't for you to go 753 00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:16,440 Speaker 1: out necessarily, So this could be more of a mother's 754 00:38:16,480 --> 00:38:18,759 Speaker 1: helper thing, and it might be fun to find some 755 00:38:18,880 --> 00:38:21,400 Speaker 1: eager eleven or twelve year old in your neighborhood. That's like, 756 00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:24,280 Speaker 1: I just want you to come and like play games 757 00:38:24,320 --> 00:38:26,360 Speaker 1: with my kid for two hours, like either in the 758 00:38:26,440 --> 00:38:28,279 Speaker 1: yard or do crafts with them. Like I just need 759 00:38:28,320 --> 00:38:31,640 Speaker 1: like an entertainer. I don't even need like childcare. And 760 00:38:31,719 --> 00:38:34,319 Speaker 1: that might be more readily available depending on who lives 761 00:38:34,360 --> 00:38:36,160 Speaker 1: in your neighborhood. Yeah, that could be a good job 762 00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:39,799 Speaker 1: for a teenager in your neighborhood. So, yeah, we've been 763 00:38:39,840 --> 00:38:41,640 Speaker 1: doing all mailbag. This is all the questions. I guess 764 00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:43,200 Speaker 1: we have our love of the week, right, we got 765 00:38:43,280 --> 00:38:48,319 Speaker 1: to come up with that one. Oh well, no, I've 766 00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:51,080 Speaker 1: already talked about the screen time widget. I think so 767 00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:54,239 Speaker 1: the screen time widget. Oh on your talking about how 768 00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:57,360 Speaker 1: much time you spend on Well, I like the widget 769 00:38:57,400 --> 00:39:00,160 Speaker 1: specific so maybe I didn't. Maybe why didn't? We can 770 00:39:00,239 --> 00:39:01,759 Speaker 1: do it again whatever. I want you to do it 771 00:39:01,760 --> 00:39:03,920 Speaker 1: for you since since I'm here, but they can't see it. 772 00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:06,719 Speaker 1: So I'm filling dead air here while she's pulling out 773 00:39:06,800 --> 00:39:08,759 Speaker 1: her phone. But I'll be able to describe it. Okay, 774 00:39:08,800 --> 00:39:11,280 Speaker 1: I have two because my phone just inspired me. Number 775 00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:13,960 Speaker 1: one and maybe I've used this before too, but refreshing 776 00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:17,400 Speaker 1: my backgrounds monthly to reflect the season makes me so happy. 777 00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:19,520 Speaker 1: So I have like clovers for March, and then like 778 00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:22,640 Speaker 1: a flower. And then I love the little screen time widget. 779 00:39:22,640 --> 00:39:24,200 Speaker 1: You can put on your homescreen and see exactly how 780 00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:27,239 Speaker 1: many minutes you've used throughout the day. And you know what, 781 00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:30,080 Speaker 1: today is a testament in me being busy with fun things. 782 00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:32,200 Speaker 1: So I've barely been on my phone. Look, only forty 783 00:39:32,200 --> 00:39:36,280 Speaker 1: one minutes as a two pm. Pretty good. That's that's awesome. 784 00:39:36,360 --> 00:39:38,360 Speaker 1: I feel like I tend to spend a lot but 785 00:39:38,560 --> 00:39:45,640 Speaker 1: oh well, it just kind of happens sometime. But I 786 00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:49,920 Speaker 1: will say that I've really been enjoying reading magazines. I 787 00:39:50,040 --> 00:39:52,360 Speaker 1: have gone in and out of doing this at various 788 00:39:52,440 --> 00:39:57,040 Speaker 1: points in my life, but because they keep disappearing, like 789 00:39:57,080 --> 00:40:00,160 Speaker 1: that's the problem, I will subscribe to something like I 790 00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:02,920 Speaker 1: had Martha Stewart Living, and oh the Oprah Magazine and 791 00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:04,960 Speaker 1: all these other ones. It was like, really exciting to 792 00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:07,680 Speaker 1: have all these magazines show up and then inevitably they 793 00:40:07,719 --> 00:40:10,879 Speaker 1: stop publishing, and then you know, you have a couple 794 00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:15,359 Speaker 1: still going. But I've been reading Southern Living, Better Homes 795 00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:21,040 Speaker 1: and Gardens, Good Housekeeping, HGTV. Those are a couple of 796 00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:23,839 Speaker 1: them that I've really been getting into it. I enjoy it. 797 00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:27,080 Speaker 1: I enjoy it. And the Southern Living one was kind 798 00:40:27,080 --> 00:40:29,000 Speaker 1: of random because I mean, I do not live in 799 00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:33,439 Speaker 1: the South, but it's really kind of like a lifestyle 800 00:40:33,719 --> 00:40:37,840 Speaker 1: magazine with a lot of home and travel and food. 801 00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:42,239 Speaker 1: It just that everything they're writing about is Maryland or South, right, 802 00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:44,359 Speaker 1: you know, But you could you could have chosen anything, right, 803 00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:48,320 Speaker 1: you could write about like lifestyle that only happens in Michigan. 804 00:40:48,320 --> 00:40:50,120 Speaker 1: But you could still if you had good reporters out 805 00:40:50,120 --> 00:40:52,040 Speaker 1: looking for stuff, get a full magazine out of it. 806 00:40:52,080 --> 00:40:53,640 Speaker 1: I have read a lot of Southern Living in my 807 00:40:53,680 --> 00:40:55,799 Speaker 1: time because my aunt is born and raised in New 808 00:40:55,880 --> 00:40:59,680 Speaker 1: Orleans and they always had tons of issues of that 809 00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:02,680 Speaker 1: all over their house. Yeah we did. Yeah, So I'll 810 00:41:02,719 --> 00:41:05,080 Speaker 1: just throw a plug out there for magazines, especially if 811 00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:08,239 Speaker 1: you're getting yourself off screens right that you know you can. 812 00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:14,000 Speaker 1: They're a fun, low brow, not too intense reading experience, 813 00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:17,680 Speaker 1: so you know it's it fills that same time, that 814 00:41:17,719 --> 00:41:20,520 Speaker 1: same niche of time when you would have needed something 815 00:41:20,560 --> 00:41:23,800 Speaker 1: a little bit non intense. So look at photos of 816 00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:27,759 Speaker 1: cakes and Southern living. I love it all right. Well, 817 00:41:27,800 --> 00:41:29,920 Speaker 1: this has been best of Both Worlds and all Mailbag 818 00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:34,399 Speaker 1: episode recorded together here in Fort Lauderdaleier. We'll be back 819 00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:36,800 Speaker 1: next week with more on making work and life fit together. 820 00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:41,640 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the 821 00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:46,000 Speaker 1: shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram, 822 00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:50,360 Speaker 1: and you can find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. 823 00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:54,040 Speaker 1: This has been the best of Both Worlds podcasts. Please 824 00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:56,719 Speaker 1: join us next time for more on making work and 825 00:41:56,800 --> 00:41:57,920 Speaker 1: life work together.