1 00:00:04,640 --> 00:00:07,880 Speaker 1: I started to realize that not being an expert isn't 2 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:11,640 Speaker 1: a liability, it's a real gift. If we don't know 3 00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:13,960 Speaker 1: something about ourselves at this point in our life, it's 4 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:17,479 Speaker 1: probably because it's uncomfortable to know. If you can die 5 00:00:17,520 --> 00:00:20,880 Speaker 1: before you die, then you can really live. There's a 6 00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:25,959 Speaker 1: wisdom at death's door. I thought I was insane. Yeah, 7 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:27,480 Speaker 1: and I didn't know what to do because there was 8 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:31,000 Speaker 1: no internet. I don't know, man, I'm like, I feel 9 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:36,600 Speaker 1: like everything is hard. Hey, y'all, my name is Kat. 10 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:40,159 Speaker 1: I'm a human first and a licensed therapist second. And 11 00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:43,480 Speaker 1: right now I'm inviting you into conversations that I hope 12 00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:49,000 Speaker 1: encourage you to become more curious and less judgmental about yourself, others, 13 00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:55,320 Speaker 1: and the world around you. Welcome to you Need Therapy. Hello, 14 00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:59,120 Speaker 1: and welcome to need a Week on you need Therapy 15 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:01,639 Speaker 1: And if you are there saying Catherine, what is need 16 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:04,920 Speaker 1: a Week? Kneed a Week is a National eating disorder 17 00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:08,240 Speaker 1: Awareness week and the purpose of this week is to 18 00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:12,319 Speaker 1: spread awareness and to spread hope, education and resources to 19 00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:15,920 Speaker 1: those who are struggling with an eating disorder or those 20 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:18,920 Speaker 1: that know somebody who is struggling with an eating disorder 21 00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:23,119 Speaker 1: or disordered eating, which is really a lot of people. Now, 22 00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:25,360 Speaker 1: before we get started, as always, I like to remind 23 00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:28,800 Speaker 1: people that although I'm a therapist and this podcast is 24 00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:31,840 Speaker 1: called Unique Therapy, this is not a replacement or a 25 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:35,600 Speaker 1: substitute for actual therapy or mental health services. However, it 26 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:37,920 Speaker 1: is allowed to be a part of your journey that 27 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:42,480 Speaker 1: is helpful, and I really hope that, specifically today is helpful. 28 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:47,480 Speaker 1: And I actually started working on this episode answering a 29 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:50,000 Speaker 1: specific question that I had gotten from one of you 30 00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:52,600 Speaker 1: guys about eating disorders. I was actually going to answer 31 00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:54,600 Speaker 1: a couple of them, and I'm still going to answer 32 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:56,840 Speaker 1: those questions. I'm going to save them for Couch Talks 33 00:01:56,840 --> 00:02:00,320 Speaker 1: on Wednesday. But I started the beginning of this and 34 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:03,680 Speaker 1: was like introwing myself into answering this question, and I 35 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:06,080 Speaker 1: just went in a whole different direction. And I think 36 00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:08,600 Speaker 1: when that kind of stuff happens, it happens for a reason. 37 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:10,720 Speaker 1: So we're just going to go with it. I'm going 38 00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:13,120 Speaker 1: to answer those questions that you guys asked, or some 39 00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:14,320 Speaker 1: of them. I can't do all of them in one 40 00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:17,640 Speaker 1: Couch Shocks episode, but today I want to kind of 41 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:20,480 Speaker 1: take the detour that my mind took me because even 42 00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:22,080 Speaker 1: if it was just me that needed to hear this 43 00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:24,400 Speaker 1: and get this out, I highly doubt that. But if 44 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:25,840 Speaker 1: it was just me, then it's helpful for me, and 45 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:28,280 Speaker 1: that's okay. But I think if it was getting out 46 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:31,359 Speaker 1: of my body for some reason, it was probably because 47 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:33,080 Speaker 1: somebody else needed to hear it out there as well. 48 00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:36,920 Speaker 1: So I have noticed, and I've talked about that in 49 00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:39,920 Speaker 1: the last couple of years. From my specific perspective, I 50 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:42,079 Speaker 1: want to say this as a fact, but this is 51 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:46,359 Speaker 1: from my perspective, there's been a huge rise in education 52 00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:50,359 Speaker 1: and awareness in eating disorders in general. Now I say 53 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:52,800 Speaker 1: that that's from my perspective because I am immersed in this, 54 00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:54,880 Speaker 1: so I think I might see more of it than 55 00:02:54,919 --> 00:02:58,720 Speaker 1: the average person who might not be looking for it sees. However, 56 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:02,000 Speaker 1: it's still a big deal and it's something that I'm 57 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,560 Speaker 1: very grateful for. It's been helpful for me personally, it's 58 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:08,440 Speaker 1: been helpful for me professionally. And although it's been helpful, 59 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:13,000 Speaker 1: something that has I think gotten left in the clouds, 60 00:03:13,919 --> 00:03:18,400 Speaker 1: like in just the background lately, has been why so 61 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:22,400 Speaker 1: many people are making such a big deal out of 62 00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:26,520 Speaker 1: what now sometimes gets branded as a whole as diet culture. 63 00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:31,360 Speaker 1: I think I'm just eating disorder in general, things I 64 00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:34,119 Speaker 1: don't really know what to call it, like topics, just education, 65 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:36,360 Speaker 1: things that are harmful, but things that are helpful. It 66 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:38,720 Speaker 1: all gets branded as diet culture, and some of it is, 67 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,920 Speaker 1: a lot of it is, But something gets left in 68 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:43,040 Speaker 1: the clouds of like why this is such a big 69 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:45,400 Speaker 1: deal when people are talking about diet culture. And I 70 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:48,760 Speaker 1: think sometimes because of that, that conversation gets a little 71 00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:51,760 Speaker 1: tired and gets a little frustrating, and also gets a 72 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:55,160 Speaker 1: little off course, and I want to bring it back 73 00:03:55,160 --> 00:04:00,280 Speaker 1: on course. So the best known environmental contributor to the 74 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:03,520 Speaker 1: development of eating disorders, the best known that we have 75 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:09,520 Speaker 1: right now, is the cultural idealization of thinness or this 76 00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:15,000 Speaker 1: ideal body that we put out there as a culture collectively. Therefore, 77 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,120 Speaker 1: because of that, one thing that we know to be 78 00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:20,599 Speaker 1: true is that the continuation of diet culture and the 79 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:23,839 Speaker 1: popularity of kind of what it entails is one of 80 00:04:23,839 --> 00:04:27,840 Speaker 1: the largest contributors to what is the second deadliest mental 81 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:31,880 Speaker 1: health disorder, which is pretty wild. Eating disorders are the 82 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:36,279 Speaker 1: second deadliest mental health disorder or illness, whatever you want 83 00:04:36,279 --> 00:04:42,000 Speaker 1: to call it. Right under opioid addiction, which is shocking 84 00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:46,240 Speaker 1: and also not shocking at the same time. And when 85 00:04:46,279 --> 00:04:49,719 Speaker 1: I say eating disorders, I mean all of them, not 86 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:53,039 Speaker 1: just the restrictive type where we're under eating. Eating disorders 87 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:57,120 Speaker 1: are so complex and so many people who experience them 88 00:04:57,560 --> 00:05:00,640 Speaker 1: experience them in many different waves, and they experienced experience 89 00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:03,000 Speaker 1: them in many different ways. And I think another thing 90 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:06,599 Speaker 1: that happens very often in the larger view of eating 91 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:09,000 Speaker 1: disorders is they're just seen as this like one kind 92 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:12,520 Speaker 1: of thing. And somebody can start out dieting and then 93 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:15,800 Speaker 1: they can maybe develop a form of anorexia. Then they 94 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:18,400 Speaker 1: can start purging, and that can be through exercise, it 95 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:21,600 Speaker 1: can be through vomiting. Then they might start to binge eat, 96 00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:24,159 Speaker 1: they may flip flop back and forth between all of 97 00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:26,599 Speaker 1: those things. And I hope you see where I'm going, 98 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:31,159 Speaker 1: Like there is one million different ways to type one out, 99 00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:34,520 Speaker 1: Like there's not just one type, so many combinations. And 100 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:38,120 Speaker 1: also I think that it's very important to keep men 101 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:41,440 Speaker 1: in this conversation. They get left out very often, if 102 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:43,719 Speaker 1: not all the time, when it comes to the current 103 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:47,760 Speaker 1: research we have on an anorexia. Specifically, they represent men 104 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:52,600 Speaker 1: do twenty five percent and The crazy thing about that 105 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:56,480 Speaker 1: number is they're also at a higher risk of dying, 106 00:05:57,360 --> 00:06:00,600 Speaker 1: and that's because a lot of them get diagnosed in 107 00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:03,520 Speaker 1: the later stages. Because again, men are just left out 108 00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:06,479 Speaker 1: of the conversation and they aren't seen to have eating disorders. 109 00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:09,039 Speaker 1: How could men have eating disorders? This is a women's thing, 110 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:12,440 Speaker 1: because this is just about image, and women are the 111 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:14,479 Speaker 1: only ones that struggle with image, and men are not 112 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:16,920 Speaker 1: supposed to struggle with image, and so that just leads 113 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:20,160 Speaker 1: to a whole another secretive thing. And so I just 114 00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:22,560 Speaker 1: thought it's important that as we're talking about this, and 115 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:24,560 Speaker 1: as we're talking about eating disorders, we're looking at the 116 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:26,880 Speaker 1: whole complexity of them, and we're looking at the fact 117 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:31,200 Speaker 1: that they're not just in one gender, they're in all 118 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:33,400 Speaker 1: of them. And again I think also, like I said, 119 00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:36,520 Speaker 1: many people visualize anorexia alone when thinking about eating disorders. 120 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:40,599 Speaker 1: But why I want to include every type in here 121 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:44,400 Speaker 1: is because the other types of eating disorders are often 122 00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:48,279 Speaker 1: more common, and binge eating disorder is actually three times 123 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:53,520 Speaker 1: more common, three times more common than anorexia and bulimia combined. 124 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:55,680 Speaker 1: So you can take those, combine them, and then binge 125 00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:58,799 Speaker 1: eating disorder is more common of those two put together 126 00:06:58,839 --> 00:07:01,680 Speaker 1: times three, bening disorder is more common than breast cancer. 127 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:04,919 Speaker 1: It's more common than HIV, and it's something that I 128 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:08,760 Speaker 1: don't think people realize because ben J eating disorder sometimes 129 00:07:08,839 --> 00:07:12,320 Speaker 1: is seen as a symptom. We look at the symptoms 130 00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:14,480 Speaker 1: of that rather than we actually see that as a disorder. 131 00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:17,200 Speaker 1: And to keep with that trend of the men are 132 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:19,840 Speaker 1: involved in this conversation, forty percent of people that do 133 00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:25,120 Speaker 1: have bene eating disorder are now so again large percentage 134 00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:28,480 Speaker 1: staying with that track of like beingeing disorder. We see 135 00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:32,160 Speaker 1: the symptoms of a disorder and we kind of categorize 136 00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:34,800 Speaker 1: that as the issue versus the actual disorder. We're going 137 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:37,160 Speaker 1: to stay on that track because three out of ten 138 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:42,320 Speaker 1: individuals looking for weight loss treatments show signs of beingingy disorder. 139 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:45,119 Speaker 1: That means that thirty percent of people who are looking 140 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:48,240 Speaker 1: to lose weight are really looking for a cure to 141 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:50,960 Speaker 1: a mental health disorder, whether they realize it or not. 142 00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:53,600 Speaker 1: And this is how I kind of think of that. 143 00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:55,640 Speaker 1: I like to use metaphors, as some of you guys know, 144 00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:57,120 Speaker 1: and this is kind of like how I see that 145 00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:59,840 Speaker 1: outside of the eating disorder space, Like This is as 146 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:03,600 Speaker 1: someone who has a brain tumor that is causing them migraines. 147 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:08,200 Speaker 1: It's like them looking for migraine medicine, which makes sense 148 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:11,200 Speaker 1: at first before you realize that the reason the migraines 149 00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:14,480 Speaker 1: keep coming back isn't because you're taking the wrong medicine. 150 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:19,600 Speaker 1: It's because you have a tumor, and migraine medicine doesn't 151 00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:23,840 Speaker 1: cure tumors, right, which is no surprise to anybody. The 152 00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:25,960 Speaker 1: surprise is that you have a tumor and that the 153 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:28,920 Speaker 1: migraine was a symptom, not the problem, which brings me 154 00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:31,920 Speaker 1: back to this diet culture thing. We're treating these eating 155 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:36,679 Speaker 1: disorders a mental illness for treating those with diets because 156 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:39,160 Speaker 1: that's what we're told will help us feel better, much 157 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:42,640 Speaker 1: like the migraine medicine will take that headache away. And 158 00:08:42,679 --> 00:08:45,520 Speaker 1: then what happens is we get surprised when we don't 159 00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:48,320 Speaker 1: feel better. But the solution to our mental health disorder 160 00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:51,880 Speaker 1: isn't weight watchers, like it can't be weight watchers, so 161 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:54,199 Speaker 1: it really shouldn't be a surprise that it doesn't work. 162 00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:58,560 Speaker 1: The surprise should be that the problem isn't your weight. 163 00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:01,480 Speaker 1: The problem is that you actually have a disease, you 164 00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:04,400 Speaker 1: have a mental illness, you have a mental health disorder, 165 00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:07,360 Speaker 1: and we do not look at that as seriously as 166 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:10,880 Speaker 1: things like tumors. Now, I also don't think it's very 167 00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:14,160 Speaker 1: helpful to shame ourselves for doing the things that we 168 00:09:14,559 --> 00:09:16,400 Speaker 1: thought would help and doing the things that the world 169 00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:18,760 Speaker 1: told us would help. Right, So obviously, if I have 170 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:20,600 Speaker 1: a headache, the first thing I'm going to do is 171 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:22,920 Speaker 1: not like run to the emergency room. I guess, depending 172 00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:24,600 Speaker 1: on how bad the headache is, but the first thing 173 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:26,319 Speaker 1: I'm going to do is probably take some advil or 174 00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:29,680 Speaker 1: take some ibyprofin. So when I realized that migrain is 175 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:32,600 Speaker 1: more than I thought, it wouldn't be very helpful. And 176 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:36,040 Speaker 1: I probably wouldn't never say this in this scenario, to 177 00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:38,240 Speaker 1: say like, oh my gosh, you're such an idiot, I 178 00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:40,800 Speaker 1: can't believe you did that. You're so toxic. You're going 179 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:43,400 Speaker 1: to cause more people to knock go to the doctor 180 00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:45,520 Speaker 1: when they knew too because you didn't. You just took 181 00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:49,000 Speaker 1: that medicine, and you minimize this and all that kind 182 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:52,400 Speaker 1: of blab, Just like it wouldn't be very helpful to 183 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,679 Speaker 1: look at people who engage in diet culture and say, oh, 184 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:57,920 Speaker 1: my gosh, you're a horrible person. How dare you try 185 00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:01,040 Speaker 1: and feel better by doing something that literally everybody in 186 00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:02,959 Speaker 1: the world told you to do when you were growing up, 187 00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:06,439 Speaker 1: Like that just wouldn't be helpful. And also, this is 188 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:10,440 Speaker 1: a very interesting statistic. Seventy nine percent of weight loss 189 00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:16,439 Speaker 1: program participants reported coping with waste stigma by eating more food. 190 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:20,720 Speaker 1: So they reported that a large coping mechanism for them 191 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:23,960 Speaker 1: to deal with shame and all the feelings that come 192 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:27,079 Speaker 1: with this stigma is a coping mechanism is eating more 193 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,760 Speaker 1: and using food to help. So if we shame people 194 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:32,200 Speaker 1: for trying to feel better by engaging in some of 195 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,880 Speaker 1: this stuff, the diet culture stuff, the weight loss stuff, 196 00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:38,280 Speaker 1: then we're setting them up to continue to fail versus 197 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:41,760 Speaker 1: opening up a new track that they might be able 198 00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:51,280 Speaker 1: to succeed on. Now, very important to note and to 199 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:53,760 Speaker 1: remember that eating disorders are not all about what people 200 00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:57,480 Speaker 1: look like, and diet culture is not fully responsible for 201 00:10:57,520 --> 00:11:00,960 Speaker 1: their existence at all. Saying that, I think can really 202 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:03,280 Speaker 1: minimize what it is that those who struggle with eating 203 00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:05,840 Speaker 1: disorders are going through. But it's again one thing that 204 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:08,600 Speaker 1: we know for sure that helps perpetuate the problem, and 205 00:11:08,679 --> 00:11:11,280 Speaker 1: it perpetuates the problem not just through what we look like, 206 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:14,160 Speaker 1: because diet culture has now I mean, it's not just 207 00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:18,440 Speaker 1: about image. It's about what we view as health or healthy, 208 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:20,720 Speaker 1: what we view as good for us. Like, it's really 209 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:23,439 Speaker 1: spanned across a lot of different areas now it's not 210 00:11:23,559 --> 00:11:25,920 Speaker 1: just about getting our body to look a certain way. 211 00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:27,720 Speaker 1: And like I said, it's one of the things we 212 00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:29,880 Speaker 1: know that perpetuates the problem. And part of the reason 213 00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:33,880 Speaker 1: it perpetuates it is because it's postured as a solution 214 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:37,960 Speaker 1: to a problem that is actually maybe just a symptom. 215 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:40,960 Speaker 1: So I'm going to explain this because sometimes all of 216 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,959 Speaker 1: these words are hard for me to really understand. Even 217 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:46,800 Speaker 1: those are simple words, right, But what does that really mean, 218 00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:49,120 Speaker 1: that it's posture as a solution to a problem that's 219 00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:50,960 Speaker 1: actually a symptom? What does that mean? Okay, we're going 220 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,160 Speaker 1: to break it down. If I think I have a 221 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:57,400 Speaker 1: weight problem, diet culture might say the solution would be 222 00:11:57,520 --> 00:12:00,800 Speaker 1: to lose weight. Then we'll take care of that weight problem. Okay. 223 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:04,160 Speaker 1: If I have let's say, a low self esteem problem, 224 00:12:04,679 --> 00:12:08,240 Speaker 1: diet culture might say, solution, get this procedure done, add 225 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:10,320 Speaker 1: some hair extensions, you're going to feel better, let's go. 226 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:14,360 Speaker 1: If I don't think I'm lovable, diet culture might say, solution, 227 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:17,839 Speaker 1: do this ninety day program, get the body that men want, 228 00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:20,360 Speaker 1: and then you're going to find love. If I'm afraid 229 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:23,760 Speaker 1: of being a bad mom, diet culture might say, oh, solution, 230 00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:26,000 Speaker 1: you're scared of that, We'll do this. Use all these 231 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:29,160 Speaker 1: products in your home, make sure your kids only eat 232 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:32,440 Speaker 1: organic food that you make at home by yourself, with 233 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:37,960 Speaker 1: all organic products, and avoid gluten at all costs. Okay, 234 00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:42,160 Speaker 1: So we have some problems labeled as weight, low self esteem, 235 00:12:42,559 --> 00:12:46,680 Speaker 1: I think I'm unlovable, and fear of getting my kids 236 00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:50,320 Speaker 1: sick or something along those lines. But imagine that those 237 00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:53,440 Speaker 1: were not the problem, and those were symptoms of an 238 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:57,320 Speaker 1: actual problem. If I only treated and paid attention to 239 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:01,600 Speaker 1: the initial things that clients out to me and take sessions, 240 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:04,640 Speaker 1: I might alleviate some of those things for a second, 241 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:07,400 Speaker 1: but then something else would pop up, or those issues 242 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:10,520 Speaker 1: would eventually come back in some form or fashion. For example, 243 00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,880 Speaker 1: a client might come to me looking for help because 244 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:16,000 Speaker 1: he keeps losing his temper with his wife. Well, the 245 00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:18,960 Speaker 1: problem might not be that he is yelling at his wife, 246 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,160 Speaker 1: that's a symptom of the problem, sure, and it's something 247 00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:24,120 Speaker 1: that we don't want to keep happening. But a deeper 248 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:27,760 Speaker 1: issue maybe that he has trauma from his past that 249 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:30,920 Speaker 1: results in a lack of emotional regulation. So what we 250 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:33,480 Speaker 1: don't want to do is just stop him from yelling 251 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,839 Speaker 1: at his wife. We want to teach him how to 252 00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:40,040 Speaker 1: regulate his emotions. Right, not being able to regulate your 253 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:45,000 Speaker 1: emotions results in having anchor outbursts, and even underneath that, 254 00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:47,640 Speaker 1: there's a reason that somebody might not be able to 255 00:13:47,679 --> 00:13:50,800 Speaker 1: regulate their emotions. If we don't pay attention to that, 256 00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:53,600 Speaker 1: maybe we don't heal the wound, the actual wound that 257 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:56,240 Speaker 1: taught him to respond to a lack of let's say 258 00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:59,600 Speaker 1: control with power, and then maybe we get rid of 259 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:01,920 Speaker 1: this yelling his wife. But if that's if we just 260 00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:05,480 Speaker 1: focus on that symptom, then he might find a different 261 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:08,480 Speaker 1: way to cope with his fear of not being in control. 262 00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:11,480 Speaker 1: And that can come in a whole different ways of 263 00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:14,679 Speaker 1: manipulation and stuff like that. And I want you to 264 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:17,160 Speaker 1: keep in mind as I'm talking about that situation that 265 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:20,320 Speaker 1: I literally just made up, and I'm talking about the 266 00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:24,080 Speaker 1: ones the four problems that I talked about earlier. I 267 00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:27,200 Speaker 1: am kind of making this up, and so there could 268 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:30,320 Speaker 1: be a billion different variations of this. There could be 269 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:34,760 Speaker 1: a billion different roots and real problems that are attached 270 00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:37,200 Speaker 1: to these symptoms that I'm talking about. So let's go 271 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:40,440 Speaker 1: back weight. I said, Okay, we might look at weight 272 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:43,120 Speaker 1: as a problem, but let's see if maybe it's something 273 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:45,960 Speaker 1: else and that's just a symptom, Like maybe you grew 274 00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:49,040 Speaker 1: up in a traumatic environment and food with something that 275 00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:52,080 Speaker 1: you could turn to to experience pleasure, and you learn 276 00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:56,800 Speaker 1: to cope with fear and discomfort with food. So losing weight, right, 277 00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:59,240 Speaker 1: going on weight Watchers, that's not going to heal my 278 00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:02,560 Speaker 1: trauma and teach how to process emotions. The problem isn't 279 00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:05,120 Speaker 1: my weight, and going on a diet will probably be 280 00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:08,680 Speaker 1: pretty difficult. If I then will lose my coping mechanism, 281 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:10,800 Speaker 1: and I don't actually know that that's what's going to happen, 282 00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:15,000 Speaker 1: You're going to have some other symptom pop up. So 283 00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:18,040 Speaker 1: the other one was low self esteem. Maybe I've experienced 284 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:22,400 Speaker 1: workplace trauma where I was constantly rewarded for my appearance 285 00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:25,960 Speaker 1: versus my actual intelligence and competence, and I've grown to 286 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:28,760 Speaker 1: believe that it's the only way to be valued as 287 00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:31,760 Speaker 1: a professional. So if I were to just get plastic 288 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:35,480 Speaker 1: surgery and hair extensions and all of that to boost 289 00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:37,480 Speaker 1: my self esteem so I feel better about the way 290 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,880 Speaker 1: I look, that's not going to help me realize that 291 00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:43,200 Speaker 1: I'm actually more than my body. And it's kind of 292 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:45,720 Speaker 1: like putting a band aid on a cut, right, It's 293 00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:47,840 Speaker 1: like putting a bandaid on a cut that actually needs stitches. 294 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,520 Speaker 1: And maybe you can't see the blood anymore of I 295 00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:52,360 Speaker 1: put a band aid on it, but the wound is 296 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:55,080 Speaker 1: probably getting worse under there because I really need stitches, 297 00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:58,200 Speaker 1: because the band aid is just covering up a symptom 298 00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:00,240 Speaker 1: of the actual problem. The blood is a symptom the 299 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:01,840 Speaker 1: fact that, like, I have this huge gash on my 300 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:05,440 Speaker 1: leg that needs to be like sewn up. So and 301 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:07,800 Speaker 1: then we had the I think I'm unlovable. So if 302 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,480 Speaker 1: that's actually a symptom and not the problem, maybe I 303 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:14,080 Speaker 1: grew up with, let's say, a narcissistic mother who constantly 304 00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:17,280 Speaker 1: praised me when I didn't finish mules and would brate 305 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:20,080 Speaker 1: me if I couldn't fit into a certain clothing size 306 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:24,200 Speaker 1: or something like that. So obtaining the ideal body. Isn't 307 00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:27,040 Speaker 1: going to teach me that my mom was projecting her 308 00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:29,440 Speaker 1: insecurity on me. It's not going to teach me that, like, 309 00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:33,880 Speaker 1: I'm okay, and that my appearance does not dictate whether 310 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:36,240 Speaker 1: or not I am good or bad. It's going to 311 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:39,600 Speaker 1: either solidify and kind of like teach me that she 312 00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:42,560 Speaker 1: was right, or it's just going to like deepen this 313 00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:45,000 Speaker 1: wound in a whole different way. Because let's say I 314 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:47,480 Speaker 1: do the things and I have the body that my 315 00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:49,880 Speaker 1: mom always wanted me to have, and then I still 316 00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:53,480 Speaker 1: don't have the relationships I want, whether that's friendships or 317 00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:57,080 Speaker 1: romantic relationships, because I might be so focused on getting 318 00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:59,360 Speaker 1: that body, I don't even have time for it. So 319 00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:01,920 Speaker 1: when it comes down to it, what is it that 320 00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:06,520 Speaker 1: we were all really looking for? I personally believe that 321 00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:09,920 Speaker 1: it all boils down to connection. We want to belong. 322 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:13,720 Speaker 1: Belonging feels really good. We want to be loved and well. 323 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:16,840 Speaker 1: One way to do that per diet culture is to 324 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:20,560 Speaker 1: look the part, whether that is our outside appearance or 325 00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:24,960 Speaker 1: our portrayal of the in quotes right, or good living 326 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:28,399 Speaker 1: habits and behaviors that they are promoting at that time. 327 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:31,960 Speaker 1: The thing that we're striving for the thing that diet 328 00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:34,360 Speaker 1: culture tells us will give us. The feeling that we're 329 00:17:34,359 --> 00:17:37,480 Speaker 1: all looking for often doesn't really exist in real life. 330 00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:40,879 Speaker 1: It's a fabricated thing, and it's created by apps and 331 00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:44,040 Speaker 1: products and procedures. It's created by snips of someone's life 332 00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:47,760 Speaker 1: on social media, or manufactured through what we're shown versus 333 00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:51,359 Speaker 1: what's really behind the curtain. It often, I believe, lacks 334 00:17:51,359 --> 00:17:53,600 Speaker 1: a lot of integrity. What you see in front of 335 00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:56,199 Speaker 1: the curtain does not match what is behind the curtain. 336 00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:59,800 Speaker 1: And it's also constantly changing. And now at the rise 337 00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:04,440 Speaker 1: of anti diet culture, these anti diet culture warriors, sometimes 338 00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:06,960 Speaker 1: it feels like nobody can win. And that's what I 339 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:09,800 Speaker 1: really want to highlight today. I started this conversation, you know, 340 00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:13,400 Speaker 1: talking about and we've talked about how diet cultures can 341 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:17,640 Speaker 1: promote eating disorders. We know that, and right now it 342 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:20,800 Speaker 1: feels like either side we can't win. We're doing these 343 00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:23,760 Speaker 1: things that the world says will give us what we want, 344 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:25,719 Speaker 1: and then doing those things that the world says will 345 00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:27,920 Speaker 1: give us what we want. We're now being told those 346 00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:29,920 Speaker 1: things are bad and we shouldn't do them, But then 347 00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:33,040 Speaker 1: we're not being given a solution, we're not giving another side, 348 00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:37,720 Speaker 1: and we've created these two polar opposite sides, and people 349 00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:40,240 Speaker 1: I think are running back and forth to each side saying, 350 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:41,879 Speaker 1: which one will it be? Which one will it be? 351 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:43,320 Speaker 1: I don't know which one will be, And then we're 352 00:18:43,359 --> 00:18:47,240 Speaker 1: demonizing the other side, and it's just getting very very stressful, 353 00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:52,399 Speaker 1: I think, and we're becoming more divided, which, like I 354 00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:55,520 Speaker 1: said earlier, what we're really looking for is connection, and 355 00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:58,800 Speaker 1: these two sides are creating more divide, which brings us 356 00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:01,439 Speaker 1: further and further away from what it is we actually 357 00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:04,199 Speaker 1: need and what we're looking for, while we are attempting 358 00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:06,920 Speaker 1: to get and go after the thing that we're looking for. 359 00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:11,480 Speaker 1: So diet culture says, don't eat that, wear this, hate 360 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:13,720 Speaker 1: your body into it looks this way, Wearing this will 361 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:15,800 Speaker 1: make you happy and looking like the celebrity will make 362 00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:18,760 Speaker 1: you feel better about yourself. Well, anti diet culture is 363 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,680 Speaker 1: saying you should rebel like that all is wrong. You 364 00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:24,280 Speaker 1: should love your body at any size, do whatever you want. 365 00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:26,480 Speaker 1: And the people who are engaging in diet culture are 366 00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:29,040 Speaker 1: bad even though that is what society is telling them 367 00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:31,280 Speaker 1: to do to fit in. Shame on them for not 368 00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:34,119 Speaker 1: knowing better and for harming everybody by engaging in that 369 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:37,320 Speaker 1: and promoting it. So it's kind of like to belong 370 00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:40,119 Speaker 1: on one side, you need to look like Kim Kardashian 371 00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:42,080 Speaker 1: and eat this and do this and wear this. But 372 00:19:42,119 --> 00:19:45,560 Speaker 1: also that's all toxic behavior and bad and shame on 373 00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:48,639 Speaker 1: Kim Kardashian for doing what the world she grew up 374 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:51,560 Speaker 1: and told her to do, and shame on her for 375 00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:55,479 Speaker 1: using some of those gimmicks that make her look like 376 00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:57,800 Speaker 1: maybe she doesn't really look like and also shame on 377 00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:00,560 Speaker 1: you for trying to be like her. You should just 378 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:03,040 Speaker 1: love yourself as you are, even though the world is 379 00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:06,000 Speaker 1: constantly telling you that being different would be better and 380 00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:08,439 Speaker 1: being like Kim Kardashian would be better, even though that 381 00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:11,520 Speaker 1: we do know that what she's doing is sometimes not 382 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:15,040 Speaker 1: really what we're seeing. This is so confusing, like what 383 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:17,800 Speaker 1: are we supposed to do? That whole spield that was? 384 00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:20,040 Speaker 1: I don't even know what I said, Like saying all 385 00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:22,359 Speaker 1: of that makes my head spin and circles, and I'm wondering, 386 00:20:22,359 --> 00:20:24,760 Speaker 1: am I making any sense? And I think the answer 387 00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:27,720 Speaker 1: to that is no, I'm not making any sense. And 388 00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:29,640 Speaker 1: that's kind of the point that I want to drive 389 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:32,119 Speaker 1: home here it doesn't make any sense. And I think 390 00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:34,240 Speaker 1: a lot of times for people, this is what the 391 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,680 Speaker 1: world feels like, but we sometimes don't want to admit 392 00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:39,280 Speaker 1: it because we're supposed to like pick a side, and 393 00:20:39,359 --> 00:20:41,080 Speaker 1: I'm supposed to be doing this or doing that, So 394 00:20:41,119 --> 00:20:42,879 Speaker 1: we don't want to admit that we don't know what 395 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:46,280 Speaker 1: we're doing. But we don't know what we're doing because 396 00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:49,880 Speaker 1: at one point thin is ideal, and then no, no, no, 397 00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:52,440 Speaker 1: it's fit is ideal, and then it's no, no, no. 398 00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:56,120 Speaker 1: Being strong is ideal. Do what makes your body feel good. 399 00:20:56,119 --> 00:20:59,160 Speaker 1: But by the way, too much cardio is bad for you, 400 00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:02,119 Speaker 1: and liftings is the best thing you can do for 401 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:05,560 Speaker 1: your body. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. 402 00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,359 Speaker 1: We've heard that all our lives, But did you know 403 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:10,840 Speaker 1: fasting until lunch is better than eating a balanced meal 404 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:14,160 Speaker 1: before work. You should probably put butter in your coffee now, 405 00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:17,879 Speaker 1: and don't use artificial creamers. But remember you should eat 406 00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:21,080 Speaker 1: and drink foods that bring you joy. I want you 407 00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:24,240 Speaker 1: to wear whatever you want and whatever you feel comfortable in. 408 00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:26,240 Speaker 1: But if you don't want to wear a crop top, 409 00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:29,200 Speaker 1: it's probably because diet culture made you hate your body, 410 00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:31,639 Speaker 1: and you should love your body no matter what it 411 00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:35,240 Speaker 1: looks like at all times. However, if you love your body, 412 00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:38,520 Speaker 1: you will not want to eat real ice cream because 413 00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:40,920 Speaker 1: you can make ice cream out of bananas, and ice 414 00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:45,120 Speaker 1: cream is full of toxins that will cause inflammation. Remember, though, 415 00:21:45,359 --> 00:21:47,520 Speaker 1: you should listen to your body and allow it to 416 00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:51,680 Speaker 1: have what it craves, except if you crave an actual banana, 417 00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:55,399 Speaker 1: then you should actually have some nuts, because bananas are 418 00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:57,919 Speaker 1: full of sugar, and when you crave sugar, you're not 419 00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:00,960 Speaker 1: allowing yourself to listen to the emotion. Don't need underneath, 420 00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:03,239 Speaker 1: So try and go for a walk, but do it 421 00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:06,280 Speaker 1: because it brings you joy, not because it's good and 422 00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:09,479 Speaker 1: necessary for your health, because if you pay attention to 423 00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:13,320 Speaker 1: your physical health, then you're suppressing what it is you 424 00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:17,159 Speaker 1: really need underneath and allowing diet culture to manipulate you 425 00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:22,040 Speaker 1: into a pawn of their multibillion dollar industry. So rebel 426 00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:24,800 Speaker 1: against it no matter what, and do what makes you happy, 427 00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:28,119 Speaker 1: accept if it has anything to do with what you 428 00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:31,560 Speaker 1: look like, because you shouldn't care, and if you do care, 429 00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:35,600 Speaker 1: you're hurting other people. And smaller is better, but stronger 430 00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:38,399 Speaker 1: is better than smaller and less stronger. It means you 431 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:41,800 Speaker 1: become smaller, then you should be stronger. And actually I 432 00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:44,480 Speaker 1: want you to remember you shouldn't care about anything except 433 00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:48,840 Speaker 1: what makes you happy. Oh my god, that is I 434 00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:51,080 Speaker 1: feel like what I see on social media. I feel 435 00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:52,760 Speaker 1: like that's what I feel when I go to the 436 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:54,479 Speaker 1: grocery store. I feel like that's what I feel when 437 00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:56,240 Speaker 1: I go to the mall. Anytime I accept my house 438 00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:58,960 Speaker 1: or have a conversation. I feel like I'm always getting 439 00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:01,680 Speaker 1: hit with like two sides to every story, but both 440 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:05,040 Speaker 1: sides are correct, and it is really hard to sit 441 00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:09,119 Speaker 1: in sometimes. And that track that we see that we 442 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:12,520 Speaker 1: walk through, I think sometimes then becomes a track that 443 00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:16,280 Speaker 1: runs through our brains and it can sound like I 444 00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:18,080 Speaker 1: don't know what to do, Like do I just ignore 445 00:23:18,119 --> 00:23:20,320 Speaker 1: my body? Am I supposed to eat what I want 446 00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:23,040 Speaker 1: whenever and then only work out if I feel immense joy? 447 00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:25,600 Speaker 1: Like I guess I can't get my hair done or 448 00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:28,080 Speaker 1: I'm succumbing to the male gaze now right, Because if 449 00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:30,360 Speaker 1: I think I'm getting my hair done for myself, I'm 450 00:23:30,359 --> 00:23:32,560 Speaker 1: probably just brainwashed. Because I saw someone else with this 451 00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:35,320 Speaker 1: haircut on Instagram and it had a lot of likes 452 00:23:35,359 --> 00:23:37,439 Speaker 1: and should I just Also, while I'm out to throw 453 00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:39,600 Speaker 1: away my makeup, I guess I shouldn't eat kale too, 454 00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:42,440 Speaker 1: because that one wellness influencer that I like found out 455 00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:45,240 Speaker 1: is toxic puts it in her smoothies and she's the devil. 456 00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:47,320 Speaker 1: I heard that she's the devil and she's bad. But 457 00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:49,520 Speaker 1: what if my dietitian said I need to incorporate more 458 00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:52,000 Speaker 1: vegetables throughout my meals? Like, wait, does that mean she's 459 00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:54,440 Speaker 1: also the devil? Do you think she's friends with that influencer? 460 00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:56,200 Speaker 1: I don't know. All foods are supposed to be equal, 461 00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:58,480 Speaker 1: but does that mean ice cream is the same as 462 00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:01,720 Speaker 1: the salad? I don't know, our salad's part of diet culture. 463 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:04,920 Speaker 1: Does that mean I can't eat salad anymore? And it? 464 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,200 Speaker 1: Should I just be eating ice cream? But wait a second. 465 00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:08,960 Speaker 1: If I eat ice cream every day for lunch, am 466 00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:10,760 Speaker 1: I going to feel okay? But? Am I going to 467 00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:13,160 Speaker 1: just not feel okay because I'm scared of ice cream? 468 00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:15,399 Speaker 1: And should I challenge myself and do it anyway? Like 469 00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:18,320 Speaker 1: I'm nervous about going to this pool party next weekend, 470 00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:20,480 Speaker 1: And wait a second, I shouldn't be nervous I'm supposed 471 00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:22,280 Speaker 1: to be confident, and I'm supposed to be comfortable showing 472 00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:24,000 Speaker 1: off my body, and if I want to change somebody 473 00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:26,040 Speaker 1: about my body, then I'm just being toxic. And so okay, 474 00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:27,639 Speaker 1: I'm just gonna wear this two piece instead of the 475 00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:29,400 Speaker 1: one piece that I like more, and I'm just gonna 476 00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:31,000 Speaker 1: go and do it anyway, even though I'm comfortable. Okay, 477 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:34,560 Speaker 1: I think I'm doing it right. Like it's a whole mess. 478 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:36,639 Speaker 1: I feel like that becomes the train we see that 479 00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:38,679 Speaker 1: first train outside in the world, and then that becomes 480 00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:40,920 Speaker 1: the train that we have in our heads. And it's like, 481 00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:42,680 Speaker 1: I want to do the right thing, and I want 482 00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:45,080 Speaker 1: the solution to my problem, but I can't figure out 483 00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:47,119 Speaker 1: what the solution to my problem is because all of 484 00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:49,760 Speaker 1: these solutions are just kind of putting band aids on 485 00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:53,480 Speaker 1: my symptoms and then the problems still there. There has 486 00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:56,320 Speaker 1: to be another option. There has to be other solutions 487 00:24:56,640 --> 00:25:00,040 Speaker 1: to the actual problem instead of these band aids. And 488 00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,840 Speaker 1: and after all, this whole episode that I'm putting out 489 00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:06,000 Speaker 1: on this specific day is supposed to be spreading hope, 490 00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:08,159 Speaker 1: and it's supposed to be spreading resources, and it's supposed 491 00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:11,640 Speaker 1: to be spreading awareness that there is hope out there 492 00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:14,880 Speaker 1: for people struggling with any of the stuff. But offering 493 00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:17,680 Speaker 1: that hope in this area I think can only come 494 00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:21,480 Speaker 1: if we really acknowledge that what we are doing right 495 00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:31,720 Speaker 1: now isn't working very well. This like two party system 496 00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:34,200 Speaker 1: when it comes to diet culture and anti diet culture, 497 00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:37,600 Speaker 1: it's not working. And I think at a point we 498 00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:40,040 Speaker 1: needed these warriors to come in and I will say 499 00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:42,439 Speaker 1: I was part of that, like I was part of 500 00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:45,040 Speaker 1: the like, oh, I want to fight against this toxic 501 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:47,000 Speaker 1: energy and this and I wanted to be part of that, 502 00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:49,120 Speaker 1: and we needed that to kind of make a splash 503 00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:52,040 Speaker 1: and get that voice heard. And at this point in 504 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:56,280 Speaker 1: the conversation, I think we need some space to realize 505 00:25:56,320 --> 00:26:00,320 Speaker 1: that there are more than just two options here. There's 506 00:26:00,359 --> 00:26:03,320 Speaker 1: more to I mean, think about with our political climate, 507 00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:06,280 Speaker 1: like there's more beliefs than just left and right, Like 508 00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:08,639 Speaker 1: a lot of people don't fit in those two extremes, 509 00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:10,639 Speaker 1: and then just left having to choose a side, and 510 00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:13,359 Speaker 1: maybe that side doesn't fit very well, it doesn't feel 511 00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:15,560 Speaker 1: very well, and a whole lot of things get left 512 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:19,840 Speaker 1: in the dust. And my whole point and what I 513 00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:23,240 Speaker 1: wanted to offer this week in honor of eating disorder awareness, 514 00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:26,639 Speaker 1: is that we can't look for simple answers that are 515 00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:29,720 Speaker 1: the same for every single person. We can't do that. 516 00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:33,560 Speaker 1: Humans are way too nuanced, we're way too complex, and 517 00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:36,879 Speaker 1: we have to start looking at each other as individuals, 518 00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:41,040 Speaker 1: like real individuals. So my hope for anyone that is 519 00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:44,760 Speaker 1: struggling and also struggling to do the right thing, to 520 00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:48,400 Speaker 1: find a way out from whatever place they are, whether 521 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:50,560 Speaker 1: it's in place have disordered eating, whether you're in a 522 00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:53,400 Speaker 1: full fledged eating disorder, whether you're struggling with your body image. 523 00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:57,840 Speaker 1: My hope and my encouragement is to help other people 524 00:26:57,920 --> 00:27:01,080 Speaker 1: look within instead instead of outward. There you will find 525 00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:04,240 Speaker 1: that gray area. There you will stray go instead of 526 00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:07,520 Speaker 1: black and white, we're going gray, Like we're not all 527 00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:10,760 Speaker 1: just two colors out here. We're a bunch of different shades. 528 00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:14,959 Speaker 1: It is there is inside, that's where the balance really is. 529 00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:17,800 Speaker 1: But we have to allow ourselves to look there instead 530 00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:19,600 Speaker 1: of we're looking outwards, and then we're trying to pull 531 00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:23,199 Speaker 1: that inwards instead of looking inwards. And the more we 532 00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:25,520 Speaker 1: look for answers about us from groups, the more we're 533 00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:27,720 Speaker 1: going to push and pull ourselves away from who we 534 00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:30,520 Speaker 1: truly are and what we truly need. I think hope 535 00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:34,000 Speaker 1: is also found in a life that isn't modeled after 536 00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:36,359 Speaker 1: what is right for the person next to me. It's 537 00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:39,760 Speaker 1: modeled after a life that is right for my individual self. 538 00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:42,920 Speaker 1: And that is why therapy can be so tricky. Sometimes 539 00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:46,160 Speaker 1: people want therapists to give them answers they want right 540 00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:48,880 Speaker 1: versus wrong, and I don't think we can do that. 541 00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:51,800 Speaker 1: It's why I have to treat every client differently, and 542 00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:54,200 Speaker 1: I might give a different response to every single client 543 00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:57,879 Speaker 1: based on who they are. And I don't know about you, guys. 544 00:27:58,359 --> 00:28:00,760 Speaker 1: It could be just me, but I just feel like 545 00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:03,640 Speaker 1: we're all on edge right now. I know I can 546 00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:06,760 Speaker 1: feel that way, and I know that I have been 547 00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:10,680 Speaker 1: on both sides of these extremes. I've been part of 548 00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:14,120 Speaker 1: the thing that I want to encourage people to move 549 00:28:14,119 --> 00:28:16,960 Speaker 1: away from now, which means I can say I know 550 00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,080 Speaker 1: what it's like on both of these sides, and I 551 00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:21,040 Speaker 1: know that staying on either one of those sides didn't 552 00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:23,560 Speaker 1: give me the solution I was looking for. It feels 553 00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:26,240 Speaker 1: like if you aren't all in, then you're out, and 554 00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:29,440 Speaker 1: if you're not all out, then you're in. And it 555 00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:32,679 Speaker 1: doesn't really work that way. I think you can be 556 00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:34,840 Speaker 1: kind of in and kind of out. You can have 557 00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:38,200 Speaker 1: kind of like a toe there, a toe there, maybe 558 00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:41,720 Speaker 1: a heel there. And this is not a conversation about 559 00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:45,200 Speaker 1: bashing diet culture, and it's not a conversation about bashing 560 00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:49,600 Speaker 1: the anti diet culture people out there, because again, all 561 00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:51,960 Speaker 1: of that is I think it's needed. I think in 562 00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:55,160 Speaker 1: the beginning, the diet culture stuff came with I think 563 00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:58,840 Speaker 1: good intentions. It's been transformed and I think a lot 564 00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:02,320 Speaker 1: of money and power has taken a lot of people 565 00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:04,840 Speaker 1: who initially wanted to help people and kind of change 566 00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:08,040 Speaker 1: the narrative and change the motive. And I think at 567 00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:11,000 Speaker 1: the same time, these anti diet culture people, most of 568 00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:14,200 Speaker 1: them came into this realm, including me, when I was 569 00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:16,640 Speaker 1: out there trying to fight that good fight with good 570 00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:19,520 Speaker 1: intentions and good motives, and then it kind of has 571 00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:23,320 Speaker 1: been transform into this power struggle. I think it's a 572 00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:26,040 Speaker 1: power struggle of like who's gonna win, and like we're 573 00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:29,080 Speaker 1: all losing. So this isn't about This isn't a conversation 574 00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:32,680 Speaker 1: about bashing anybody. It's a conversation about how right now 575 00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:36,640 Speaker 1: we're missing the mark because we're focused on one side 576 00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:40,000 Speaker 1: or the other versus what actually is working and what's 577 00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:42,240 Speaker 1: not working. Like I said, what is it that we're 578 00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:45,320 Speaker 1: really looking for. We're looking for love, We're looking for belonging, 579 00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:49,840 Speaker 1: We're looking for connection, and the opposite of addiction, which 580 00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:53,440 Speaker 1: I look at eating disorders as addictions, is connection. And 581 00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:56,040 Speaker 1: if we focused on that, if we really focused on it, 582 00:29:56,720 --> 00:29:59,320 Speaker 1: this stuff would still be around. I would still have insecurities. 583 00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:01,720 Speaker 1: People would still have insecurities. I'm not trying to get 584 00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:03,320 Speaker 1: rid of those. And that's why I don't believe in this, 585 00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:06,239 Speaker 1: like you should just love everything about your body and 586 00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:08,240 Speaker 1: just like you know, go out there and do whatever 587 00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:10,200 Speaker 1: and don't care about it. It's not possible. We are 588 00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:12,640 Speaker 1: not wired that way. We have feelings, and we can't 589 00:30:12,640 --> 00:30:15,120 Speaker 1: just turn on all the good ones. Our insecurities are 590 00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:17,280 Speaker 1: still going to be here no matter what we do. 591 00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:20,240 Speaker 1: But I don't believe we'd be so hyper focused on 592 00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:23,840 Speaker 1: fixing the things that we're insecure about if we focused 593 00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:28,040 Speaker 1: on connection, because we would already have the thing that 594 00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:32,320 Speaker 1: our insecurities previously told us that we couldn't have connection, 595 00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:36,240 Speaker 1: love belonging, and that is connection with ourselves and connection 596 00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:39,160 Speaker 1: with other people. So what I want to leave you 597 00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:42,680 Speaker 1: with today, after a lot all of that, I want 598 00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:46,520 Speaker 1: to leave you, guys with an encouragement to focus on 599 00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:50,080 Speaker 1: what you need, and maybe you don't know that yet 600 00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:53,800 Speaker 1: because you are so confused right focus on finding out 601 00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:58,160 Speaker 1: more about what you need and finding ways that can 602 00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:00,600 Speaker 1: help you look within. And you might need a person 603 00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:02,280 Speaker 1: to help you do that. You might need a therapist 604 00:31:02,280 --> 00:31:04,160 Speaker 1: to help you do that. You might need a friend, 605 00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:06,320 Speaker 1: or maybe there's a book that can help you do that. 606 00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:09,920 Speaker 1: But I want to encourage you to focus more on 607 00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:15,480 Speaker 1: finding out what it is that you need versus doing 608 00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:20,000 Speaker 1: what it is that these two parties, these extreme parties 609 00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:22,960 Speaker 1: are telling you to do, because it doesn't work the 610 00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:25,719 Speaker 1: same for all of us, and none of us are 611 00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:28,480 Speaker 1: going to find that hope. We're not going to find 612 00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:32,200 Speaker 1: that connection, the real connection, not the manufactured kind, by 613 00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:36,719 Speaker 1: sitting on an extreme and neglecting the voices that are 614 00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:39,280 Speaker 1: really inside of our body saying Hey, this is what 615 00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:40,920 Speaker 1: I want, this is what I need, or hey, this 616 00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:43,080 Speaker 1: is what I care about. Hey, this is the kind 617 00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:45,120 Speaker 1: of person I want to be. So I really want 618 00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:48,240 Speaker 1: to encourage that. So again, need a Week is all 619 00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:53,480 Speaker 1: about spreading awareness and resources and hope. And today I 620 00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:56,280 Speaker 1: want to focus on spreading hope that it doesn't have 621 00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:58,000 Speaker 1: to be this way or that way. There's allowed to 622 00:31:58,040 --> 00:32:00,760 Speaker 1: be an individual way for you. And I don't want 623 00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:02,280 Speaker 1: you to hear what I'm not saying. What I'm not 624 00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:05,080 Speaker 1: saying is and I'm not doing is giving permission for 625 00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:07,320 Speaker 1: you to say, well, this girl cat on this podcast 626 00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:09,280 Speaker 1: said I can do what feels right to me, and 627 00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:12,080 Speaker 1: so I'm going to keep engaging in this behavior that 628 00:32:12,160 --> 00:32:13,960 Speaker 1: is really harmful to me. No, I'm not giving you 629 00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:17,480 Speaker 1: permission to engage in your eating disorder. I'm not doing 630 00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:20,080 Speaker 1: that no matter what the behaviors are. I'm giving you 631 00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:25,080 Speaker 1: permission to identify what the issues are for you, versus 632 00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:28,760 Speaker 1: looking at what Instagram is telling you the issues are 633 00:32:28,840 --> 00:32:30,600 Speaker 1: and saying, Okay, I have to be all over on 634 00:32:30,640 --> 00:32:32,400 Speaker 1: this and I can never do this ever again the 635 00:32:32,440 --> 00:32:34,880 Speaker 1: same way at all ever, or have to be over here. 636 00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:37,520 Speaker 1: I am going to get to some of those questions. 637 00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:39,600 Speaker 1: I think I'm going to answer three of them. I'll 638 00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:41,640 Speaker 1: try to do three. I might just get to two 639 00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:44,920 Speaker 1: on Wednesday for couch Talks. But I hope this was helpful. 640 00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:48,280 Speaker 1: And again I wish I could count. I wish I 641 00:32:48,440 --> 00:32:49,920 Speaker 1: would have said in the beginning of this, we should 642 00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:52,120 Speaker 1: do a drinking game of like take a sip of 643 00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:54,040 Speaker 1: your water or whatever is in front of you. Every 644 00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:57,160 Speaker 1: time I said hope during this podcast, because I think 645 00:32:57,160 --> 00:32:59,880 Speaker 1: I said a lot, But again, I hope this was helpful, 646 00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:03,280 Speaker 1: and I hope that it starts some dialogue within yourself. 647 00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:05,760 Speaker 1: It starts some dialogue within maybe your therapist and you, 648 00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:10,360 Speaker 1: maybe your friends, maybe colleagues. I know that coming into 649 00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:14,560 Speaker 1: this knowledge for myself, realizing how crazy we've all become 650 00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:17,400 Speaker 1: on both sides, how extremist we've come on both sides, 651 00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:19,960 Speaker 1: has helped me have a lot of really good conversations 652 00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:23,560 Speaker 1: with colleagues in the world of eating disorders to say like, hey, 653 00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:26,040 Speaker 1: I think maybe we're missing the mark here. We're forgetting 654 00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:29,280 Speaker 1: what it is that we're actually trying to help people do. 655 00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:33,239 Speaker 1: We're not trying to just make everybody hate Koe and 656 00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:36,360 Speaker 1: make everybody be able to eat ice cream whenever they 657 00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:38,479 Speaker 1: want to eat it. We're trying to help people become 658 00:33:38,840 --> 00:33:41,800 Speaker 1: the versions of themselves that feel most true to them. 659 00:33:42,040 --> 00:33:45,160 Speaker 1: And I don't get to identify that for anybody else. 660 00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:48,040 Speaker 1: That is for other people to identify, although I can 661 00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:50,000 Speaker 1: help them get there. So I think at this point 662 00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:52,240 Speaker 1: I'm rambling, So I'm going to say I hope you 663 00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:54,560 Speaker 1: guys have the need a week you need to have, 664 00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:56,960 Speaker 1: the day, you need to have, the moment, you need 665 00:33:56,960 --> 00:33:59,640 Speaker 1: to have again. I'll be back with couchocks on Wednesday. 666 00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:04,120 Speaker 1: If questions, feedback, anything, you can email me Katherine at 667 00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:07,400 Speaker 1: UNI Therapy podcast dot com. You can follow the podcast 668 00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:10,320 Speaker 1: on Instagram at UNI Therapy Podcasts, and you can follow 669 00:34:10,360 --> 00:34:14,520 Speaker 1: me on Instagram at atcat dot defata. I will talk 670 00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:16,520 Speaker 1: to you guys on Wednesday for couch Talks