Speaker 1: Hell, I suck at dating with de Nungler and Jared
Speaker 1: Haven and I heard radio podcast What's going on? Everyone?
Speaker 1: Welcome to an all new episode of Help. Jared's dogs
Speaker 1: won't stop barking with It's terrible. Like every time we're like,
Speaker 1: all right, let's record. Lois and Ethel are like, you know,
Speaker 1: it's funny. So I'm again at my in law's house
Speaker 1: and they have, uh, there's landscapers around and they literally
Speaker 1: I heard the lawnmower start up right before I joined
Speaker 1: the zoom. I like, you gotta be freaking joking that
Speaker 1: dogs are gonna lose their minds. So perfect timing. Welcome
Speaker 1: to Help I Suck at Dating with Lois and Ethel
Speaker 1: losing their minds in the background. You know, you know,
Speaker 1: I I can see how a lot of us would
Speaker 1: think it's a bad thing, but in my eyes, it's
Speaker 1: a good thing. Just like how sometimes there's like ambient
Speaker 1: restaurant noises going on and we record it keeps this
Speaker 1: podcast the grassroots authentic self that we needed to always be. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it really humbles us, well, it humbles us, and you know,
Speaker 1: let's every all of our you know, fellow sucky daters,
Speaker 1: the suck army know that. You know, that's just life.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it gets in the way the things you need
Speaker 1: to be doing. Yeah, we're just pissing in the wind
Speaker 1: on this podcast. You never know what's gonna happen. Deans
Speaker 1: in a restaurant. My dogs are losing in the mind.
Speaker 1: That's why people listen. They just want to know what's
Speaker 1: happening in our lives. Jared, what are we talking about today?
Speaker 1: We're talking about a lot of things. We have a
Speaker 1: great guest that's coming up. We have a doctor, Jessica Shepherd,
Speaker 1: who's an O, B G Y N say that five
Speaker 1: times fast, and she's a woman's health expert and she's
Speaker 1: also the founder of her Viewpoint, which is an online
Speaker 1: women's health form that focuses on addressing taboo topics in
Speaker 1: a comfortable setting, which is fantastic. She's gonna be coming
Speaker 1: up on the podcast a little bit later. We also
Speaker 1: have this article about can anonymous internet critics actually fix
Speaker 1: your online dating profile? I think this is actually something
Speaker 1: you and I can speak pretty well on because we've
Speaker 1: had a lot of anonymous critics critique our dating life,
Speaker 1: our Instagram profiles, uh maybe not our dating profiles. So
Speaker 1: to speak, but like our overall relationship lives, so I
Speaker 1: feel like we can really speak well upon this, And
Speaker 1: of course we have emails coming up um later on
Speaker 1: in the podcast. This is something I wanted to talk
Speaker 1: about first though, which is a brand new Netflix show.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you saw this dem but it's
Speaker 1: called Sexy Beasts. Uh. It's coming out later this summer,
Speaker 1: I believe. But Sexy Beasts is a show that contestants.
Speaker 1: It's kind of like Love is Blind with a mix
Speaker 1: of the Mass singer if you've ever seen that show,
Speaker 1: where these contestants will show up an elaborate makeup and
Speaker 1: prosthetics in an attempt to answer an aid old question
Speaker 1: about love, which is how much de looks actually matter.
Speaker 1: So these people get all dressed up and I'm looking
Speaker 1: at a picture right now. It's like this super intricate, uh,
Speaker 1: prosthetic design on these people's faces, and it looks like
Speaker 1: their bodies too, So I'm not sure if you can
Speaker 1: really tell how you know much in shape they are,
Speaker 1: for lack of a better way of phrasing it, but
Speaker 1: like this, one woman has this mouse and it looks
Speaker 1: like I'm not even joking, it looks like it was
Speaker 1: something in how the grin still Christmas or the cat
Speaker 1: in the hat, like high end universal studios types of prosthetics,
Speaker 1: and these people are going on dates. And I'm not
Speaker 1: exactly sure how the whole show works, but I'm assuming
Speaker 1: at some point, after you get to know your furry
Speaker 1: friends that they'll reveal themselves like Love is Blind and
Speaker 1: you'll figure out if you're actually attracted to this person
Speaker 1: or not. So what do you think about this show concept?
Speaker 1: Sexy Beasts? Caitlin showed me the trailer for a couple
Speaker 1: of weeks ago, and it's she was like, this is
Speaker 1: the weird thing I've ever seen. I honestly thought it
Speaker 1: was pretty awesome. I don't know if it's uh, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm not on my ear on the ground as far
Speaker 1: as the furry community goes. I don't know if the
Speaker 1: furry community is like, you know, disgraced and kind of
Speaker 1: a little upset by this, but yeah, offended offended? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I can kind of see like why maybe
Speaker 1: they would be. I don't know, I think it's hilarious.
Speaker 1: It's just like you remember the show Love is Blind.
Speaker 1: It's basically like Love is Blind, except you know, you're
Speaker 1: you're hanging out with this person, but then all of
Speaker 1: a sudden they take off their rap costume and then
Speaker 1: you have no idea what they're gonna look like underneath.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know. I think it's it's like
Speaker 1: one of those shows that you're definitely gonna watch at
Speaker 1: least the first episode to like see if it's something
Speaker 1: that you're going to be interested in just because of
Speaker 1: how weird it is, and then if it's good enough,
Speaker 1: you're definitely gonna watch the est. I find myself, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna probably end up watching the whole thing. I think
Speaker 1: it feels a little weird to me. I like the
Speaker 1: idea of it, but like, how far are we gonna
Speaker 1: go in today's society now to like have dating shows
Speaker 1: where you can't see the other person's face because you
Speaker 1: want to get to know their personality first and then
Speaker 1: they'll reveal themselves. So I feel like all these TV
Speaker 1: producers now are like, Okay, you know Love is Blind
Speaker 1: is out there. Uh, we we need to figure out
Speaker 1: some way to do that show. But not do that show,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, have our own thing. Let's
Speaker 1: put mass, but like not just regular mask on people.
Speaker 1: When they go on dates. But like, let's dress some
Speaker 1: like animals. Let's have a squirrel, a panda, an alien,
Speaker 1: a devil perhaps, and then we're gonna put them on
Speaker 1: dates and it's gonna be like a fetish type thing.
Speaker 1: But then they're gonna take their mass off and really
Speaker 1: find out if they truly love each other with how
Speaker 1: they if they're attracted to each other. I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's like how far are we gonna go? Like what's
Speaker 1: the next thing? I don't know, Like, I don't know
Speaker 1: if I could take this show seriously. We got a mouse,
Speaker 1: we got an alien, like whatever, it's gonna be funny.
Speaker 1: I guess it will be entertaining. To be fair, I
Speaker 1: didn't think the mass singer was gonna work, and I
Speaker 1: love that show. So I've been wrong before. I'll be
Speaker 1: wrong again. I'll probably be wrong about the show, but
Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm gonna watch it. You make
Speaker 1: a good point about the mask thing. It's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: they definitely just sent these people out with like regular
Speaker 1: masks on like a you know, like a mask arade
Speaker 1: ball type mask. But they're like remember that goose bumps
Speaker 1: ask like the Jason No, you remember you never watched
Speaker 1: goose Bumps or Red goose Bumps as a kid, I
Speaker 1: read the books. I don't think I ever remember bro
Speaker 1: that it got stuck to her face and she couldn't
Speaker 1: take it off because it was, you know, obviously a
Speaker 1: possessed mask. Uh no, I'm trying to blank, but yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I see your point. I see your point. I don't
Speaker 1: know did you watch because Demi, who were friends with,
Speaker 1: was just on celebrity dating game that should has been
Speaker 1: that should has been. Uh, it's been on TV. It's
Speaker 1: been on for a while. I think it went away
Speaker 1: for a while, right, But it's just it was just
Speaker 1: I don't know. Have you been watching it at all? No,
Speaker 1: I haven't watched it. Like I saw clips because Handa
Speaker 1: was on it too, Hannah Brown, I don't think that's
Speaker 1: where she met her boyfriend though, so obviously it didn't
Speaker 1: work out with ever contestant she picked. But yeah, they
Speaker 1: had hand on it and then they had Demi on it,
Speaker 1: and I saw a clip to both. I didn't watch it,
Speaker 1: but I don't know did Demi find someone? Do we
Speaker 1: know these things? I texted her when it was airing,
Speaker 1: and I was like, tell me you went on a
Speaker 1: date with this girl. Uh, and she just gave him
Speaker 1: one of you know, like a demi response, just like
Speaker 1: joking around, but it was I mean, you're not missing anything.
Speaker 1: It's just another one of those shows. I feel like that.
Speaker 1: You're right. I feel like, just right now, there's so
Speaker 1: many shows that are just so ridiculous obnoxious. Uh, they're
Speaker 1: just you know, throwing as much crap with law and
Speaker 1: hoping some of it sticks. What it really what it
Speaker 1: seems like? Hey, whatever entertains people, I guess. Uh. So
Speaker 1: our next topic is what we talked about before. Can
Speaker 1: anonymous internet critics actually fix your online dating profile? So
Speaker 1: this is an article from inside hook or no, excuse me,
Speaker 1: it's just called hook. I don't know what hook is.
Speaker 1: I gotta be honest, but hey, we like talking about it.
Speaker 1: When you're single and wildly unsexful, unsuccessful at online dating,
Speaker 1: you might attempt the same dicey maneuver that Peter and
Speaker 1: many others have, which is post your profile on Reddit
Speaker 1: so that hundreds of strangers can critique it. Peter says,
Speaker 1: I really wanted to know how am I perceived. He's
Speaker 1: a scientist in his late forties. He lives in the Southeast,
Speaker 1: and like the other Reddit users quoted in this article,
Speaker 1: he spoke to uh them under a pseudonym, and he
Speaker 1: said to me that seemed to be important to do
Speaker 1: online dating. I needed to figure out how I perceived
Speaker 1: and hired project what I want to sell. For lack
Speaker 1: of a better term, he likens the act of deparation
Speaker 1: he took to Reddit to a market research. He says
Speaker 1: part of what prompted the decision was that after putting
Speaker 1: a good deal of effort into something he's not used to,
Speaker 1: such poor results. That's interesting. When Peter first offered up
Speaker 1: his profile to the sub riddit for review, it was skewed,
Speaker 1: and rightfully so, he says, I did one thing wrong.
Speaker 1: Peter admits, I just had some pictures, uh and I
Speaker 1: just had some pictures and my height. The Reddit chorus
Speaker 1: as they're called, chimed in to remind Peter that nobody
Speaker 1: can just have a blank profile. So, with what he
Speaker 1: believed to be surgical precision, Peter reconstructed his entire dating profile,
Speaker 1: adding detail about some daredevil hobbies that he likes to
Speaker 1: take part in, some stuff about his job and his
Speaker 1: taste in movies, as well as upgrading his photos. So, Dean,
Speaker 1: do you think this is something that more people should do,
Speaker 1: anonymously post their dating profile on Reddit and see what
Speaker 1: people have to say about it. I think it takes
Speaker 1: a special person to be able to open themselves up
Speaker 1: to that kind of criticism, because it really is. I mean,
Speaker 1: sometimes I'll see on Reddit it's like, uh, you know,
Speaker 1: do your best roast me right now, Reddit, and you'll
Speaker 1: like click on the comments and it's just like so bad,
Speaker 1: and like even if you're like this, even if you're
Speaker 1: like you know, even if you have like this thick
Speaker 1: skin and you're used to like everything, some of that stuff, man,
Speaker 1: it's like it's and there, you know, obviously, like they're
Speaker 1: asking for it. And so people on the internet, the
Speaker 1: Internet is always undefeated. These people are freaking ruthless and
Speaker 1: like hilariously just mean sometimes you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So I think as long as you go into it
Speaker 1: knowing that you're gonna come out of it maybe like
Speaker 1: a little sadder, that's not the worst thing in the
Speaker 1: world to do. What do you think the problem with
Speaker 1: Reddit is that there is some really horrible people on
Speaker 1: Reddit who will just say the meanest things. And it's
Speaker 1: not always truthful, Like there's always that ed, like that
Speaker 1: old saying where like the truth hurts, and so people
Speaker 1: feel like, you know, oh, I'm just being truthful, when
Speaker 1: in actuality, you're just being an asshole. So the problem
Speaker 1: is I feel like Reddit people because you're hiding behind
Speaker 1: a screen. We've talked about numerous times, whether it be Twitter, Reddit, Instagram.
Speaker 1: I feel like Redd it's the worse than this, But
Speaker 1: they just say the meanest things and it's not because
Speaker 1: they're being honest. It's because they just want to tear
Speaker 1: all the people down. So like posting on Reddit, I
Speaker 1: don't know, that's nerve racking. So like you said, if
Speaker 1: you're going to do that, you better have some thick skin.
Speaker 1: I remember when I was on the show, not a
Speaker 1: dating profile, but even Instagram. It's like, you know, I
Speaker 1: I used to post and I wouldn't care about the
Speaker 1: photos that I posted, But I remember, you know, one
Speaker 1: photo would get such good engagement, and then the next
Speaker 1: one wouldn't be like, oh that's interesting, I wonder why
Speaker 1: that is. And then like people would be like, oh,
Speaker 1: the lighting sucks on this photo, or like oh it's
Speaker 1: so blurry, I can't even see anything. I'm like, oh wow,
Speaker 1: my my pictures suck, Like I really need to step
Speaker 1: up my game. So as you and I were kind
Speaker 1: of thrown into the fire, I guess people can do
Speaker 1: it if they want post their stuff to Reddit figure
Speaker 1: out what people are thinking about them, or at least
Speaker 1: they're dating profile. But again, I better have some thick skin. Well,
Speaker 1: there's a guys to like the anonymity of it all
Speaker 1: where it's like, you know, on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, your
Speaker 1: name or your handles attached to it. But Reddit it's like,
Speaker 1: you know, it's you are who you are. You're no
Speaker 1: one on Reddit essentially, right, like you have no attachment
Speaker 1: between your Reddit personality and your real life personality, or
Speaker 1: like there's no consequences you could face by being this
Speaker 1: person on Reddit because you're never gonna get it traced
Speaker 1: back to you, uh, in real life, Like you know,
Speaker 1: it's it's so funny. It's it's kind of funny that
Speaker 1: you mentioned this too, Like on Instagram, let's say, post
Speaker 1: to put on Instagram. You know it gets you know, however,
Speaker 1: many like thousands of like a couple hund comments whatever
Speaker 1: it is, and now I just like I feel like
Speaker 1: I'm used to that and so when I'm like on
Speaker 1: Reddit and I'm like commenting on things, uh, you know,
Speaker 1: like I'm like not active, but like I'm semi active.
Speaker 1: Like I'll comment a little bit on like certain forums,
Speaker 1: whether it's like van life forums or like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's like some video game ones that I like pay
Speaker 1: attention to or like Wall Street bets type crap, and
Speaker 1: it'll get like no engagement, like no one will interact
Speaker 1: with it. And I'm like, wow, I forgot what this
Speaker 1: was like to be like a person, because like I've
Speaker 1: got no like wittiness about me or you like, you
Speaker 1: know to a degree shirt. But like it compared to
Speaker 1: the people on Reddit, I am at the very bottom
Speaker 1: of the of the pecking order, and so like post
Speaker 1: something and get zer engagement out of it. Not that
Speaker 1: that's what I'm posting it for anyways, but it's just
Speaker 1: like it's just the very humbling experience. And I think
Speaker 1: that's what Reddit is there for, is to kind of
Speaker 1: be that humbling, uh resource for a lot of people.
Speaker 1: And yeah, I mean the roast me things man, And
Speaker 1: it's like it's it's interesting too. And maybe it's just
Speaker 1: the ones that I see, like the ones that kind
Speaker 1: of get uh up voted to the top of the lesson.
Speaker 1: That's like why they're on the popular page. But it's like,
Speaker 1: you know, like a slightly overweight person with like a
Speaker 1: big piercing in their nose and like a big tattoo
Speaker 1: on their neck, and it's like, of course you're gonna
Speaker 1: be roasted for the things that make you look different.
Speaker 1: It's just but it's just merciless, is really what it is.
Speaker 1: But the dating the dating profile thing, uh could be
Speaker 1: beneficial because it's like, Okay, yeah, you're not gonna obviously
Speaker 1: take every bit of advice word for word, but it
Speaker 1: is a nice way to get like anonymous feedback on
Speaker 1: the things that you think are either clever or like
Speaker 1: your photos that you look cute in. So, I mean,
Speaker 1: I could see that being a little bit more beneficial
Speaker 1: than the simple like holding a piece of paper saying
Speaker 1: roast me kind of thing. You know. So you could
Speaker 1: also ask you friends too, Like I feel like a
Speaker 1: lot of people are nervous about asking their friends for
Speaker 1: criticism about their dating profile to make it better, But
Speaker 1: like that's what I would do first. I would ask
Speaker 1: my close personal friends saying, hey, what do you think
Speaker 1: about this, what do you think about that? See how
Speaker 1: you handle that criticism, and if you handle it fine
Speaker 1: and you want more critiques, go to then go to
Speaker 1: Reddit and try it out. I think you should just
Speaker 1: post your dating profile however you want to post it,
Speaker 1: because that's who you are, and that's a reflection of
Speaker 1: you as a person, and so like by doing that,
Speaker 1: people are gonna match it to you based off of
Speaker 1: the things that you've done, which just kind of makes
Speaker 1: me maybe for more of a sincere connection at the
Speaker 1: end of the day. But I think that, well, I
Speaker 1: I agree with you somewhat, but I also think you
Speaker 1: have to put some effort into it. In order to
Speaker 1: put effort into it, I I've always found that, you know,
Speaker 1: it's always beneficial for me to like balance ideas off
Speaker 1: my friends because that will, you know, have some creativity
Speaker 1: into it compared to me where I don't feel like
Speaker 1: I'm not creative on my own and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I guess I feel like when I just do things
Speaker 1: on my own, I don't do them as well as
Speaker 1: I possibly could, because I find I'm more creative when
Speaker 1: I'm in a circle or with my friends And be like,
Speaker 1: what about that? And then they something and say something
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, that's a good idea, but that
Speaker 1: actually gave me another idea. So I don't know. It It
Speaker 1: all depends on how much effort you really want to
Speaker 1: put into it. I guess that's the point of the story.
Speaker 1: I have a question for you, though, because you said
Speaker 1: that you're active on Reddit. Have you ever responded to
Speaker 1: Reddit people talking about you from the show. Uh No,
Speaker 1: I'm familiar with the sub breddit for the show, but
Speaker 1: I've never commented in it. I used to check it sometimes,
Speaker 1: like every once in a while, like a long time ago,
Speaker 1: but you know, I think it's just kind of like
Speaker 1: an ignorance bless thing. At this point, Ashley used to
Speaker 1: check it. She doesn't check it anymore, but she used
Speaker 1: to read a lot of the comments on Reddit and
Speaker 1: it would bug her because, you know, they were just
Speaker 1: a ruthless or Like I remember when we first got together,
Speaker 1: she was telling me that there were so many people
Speaker 1: on there um saying that we were just doing it
Speaker 1: for fame and we weren't really in love and it
Speaker 1: was all fake and that like I was. I I
Speaker 1: lost my fifteen minutes of fame, so I was just
Speaker 1: wanted to cling on to Ashley to try to proll
Speaker 1: along this. And I remember one time, this is before
Speaker 1: Ashley and I came out as a couple. We were
Speaker 1: we were dating, but we weren't public yet. And I
Speaker 1: might have told this story on the podcast before. But
Speaker 1: my friend who's very much active on the subcreddit, uh,
Speaker 1: she's she's a big reality TV buff, and she sent
Speaker 1: me a screenshot of somebody who commented on the reddit saying, um,
Speaker 1: she said, uh, something along the lines about how one
Speaker 1: of her close friends was my best friend. And she
Speaker 1: told her that I that Ashley and I were only
Speaker 1: dating for the fame, and that we weren't actually in
Speaker 1: love and we're going to break up in two months.
Speaker 1: And she said this all the red. She's like, I
Speaker 1: know Jared's best friend and this is what the best
Speaker 1: friend told me because I'm friends with her. And uh, anyway,
Speaker 1: long story short, my sister h saw this and then
Speaker 1: found out who the reddit person was, like, found out
Speaker 1: who they are and and messaged them on social media
Speaker 1: and was like what, like why are you saying this
Speaker 1: about my brother? And she blocked My sister deleted her comment.
Speaker 1: It was crazy. It was like I can't believe that
Speaker 1: people just like say things and then get confronted about
Speaker 1: them and then are like, never mind, I was lying. Wait,
Speaker 1: that's actually insane. And you know the reason they do
Speaker 1: that is because they get the attention for it, right,
Speaker 1: Like if you have like this juicy bit of gossip
Speaker 1: or whatever it's I mean, And that that expands way
Speaker 1: outside of the Internet too, just in general, like in person,
Speaker 1: if you like a little bit of hot gas and
Speaker 1: you you know, you kind of like have people waiting
Speaker 1: on you every word. Uh So, I mean that's kind
Speaker 1: of where that comes from. But at the end of
Speaker 1: the day too, it's like it is it is human
Speaker 1: nature to like kind of be at least a little
Speaker 1: curious to see and hear what people are saying about you,
Speaker 1: like kind of without your participation in there. Like you know,
Speaker 1: if you have the chance like eavesdrop on a conversation
Speaker 1: or your friends were talking about you without them knowing
Speaker 1: that you were listening to them, like of course everyone
Speaker 1: at least it's gonna be a little bit curious. Um.
Speaker 1: But like we said earlier, dude, the internet can be
Speaker 1: a very very mean and ugly place. And I'm not
Speaker 1: saying that's how it is over there. But I think
Speaker 1: you just kind of get to a point where, like,
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm just gonna go ahead and forego
Speaker 1: that for my own mental health, and I think it
Speaker 1: should be that way. But we don't read them anymore.
Speaker 1: But it also sorry, now, of course they're coming. They're
Speaker 1: mowing the lawn over here. They're doing a great job,
Speaker 1: they're working hard. I don't mean to criticize them there,
Speaker 1: but it's very loud, and I apologize, Andy, but I
Speaker 1: listen to this podcast where the audio might sound that
Speaker 1: sound the best in the background, but I digress. Um.
Speaker 1: What I was gonna say is, oh, to bounce off
Speaker 1: the hot goss idea. You're totally right, but like that's
Speaker 1: just human nature. It's not just like a Reddit thing
Speaker 1: or an Internet thing, Like that's just what human beings do.
Speaker 1: Remember remember playing Telephone as a kid, that game where
Speaker 1: like you'd have a line of like fifteen people and
Speaker 1: somebody would say, you know, something into somebody's ear, and
Speaker 1: then it would get past along all the way down
Speaker 1: until it gets to the last person and then they're like, Okay,
Speaker 1: what did you actually say? And then what did the
Speaker 1: last person here? Does that make sense? And like it's
Speaker 1: always wildly different because everybody, like you know, speaks in
Speaker 1: hyperbole or dramatizes the situation or kind of changes a
Speaker 1: little bit. It's like, oh, I think it could be like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, Ashley and Jared broke up, or I think
Speaker 1: Ashley and Jared broke up, and then the next person
Speaker 1: will say Ashley and Jared broke up, and then the
Speaker 1: next person will say, I think Ashley broke up with Jared,
Speaker 1: and then like you know what I mean, it always
Speaker 1: just goes down until like, oh I heard that you know,
Speaker 1: Ashley had a second family on on the Island of
Speaker 1: wah Yeah, well, I mean it definitely, it definitely can
Speaker 1: stumble out of control. And I think one of the
Speaker 1: biggest things that made me, uh completely unsubscribed but like
Speaker 1: completely be uninterested in ever checking it again. Years ago,
Speaker 1: I was like there was something set a similar situation
Speaker 1: someone said about me back when like Christine and I
Speaker 1: were still talking. That was like so like, in my eyes,
Speaker 1: unbelievably false, and there's nothing you can do to like
Speaker 1: insert yourself and be like, no, this is a horribly
Speaker 1: wrong rumor. And so I was like, you know what,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna since I can't do that, since there's
Speaker 1: like no way for me to participate in this conversation
Speaker 1: and inform people what's going on, I'm just gonna go
Speaker 1: ahead and and and exit this out forever. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: you know, like you said, ignorance is blessed in certain situations,
Speaker 1: and that definitely is true with Reddit in a lot
Speaker 1: of terms. So pretty much the moral of the story
Speaker 1: is like, posted on Reddit you're dating profile if you're
Speaker 1: willing to get roasted. Um, oh my god, Lois is listening.
Speaker 1: Mind low it. We have a very special guest coming
Speaker 1: up on the podcast you Can't Speak like This. It
Speaker 1: is Dr Jessica Shepherd, once again the O B g
Speaker 1: y N and women's health experts. She's joining us on
Speaker 1: the podcast coming up now, all right, welcome back to
Speaker 1: help I suck at Dating. We have a very special
Speaker 1: guest who is on the line joining us a v assume.
Speaker 1: She is an O B g y N and woman's
Speaker 1: health expert and also the founder of her Viewpoint, which
Speaker 1: is online women's health form that focuses on addressing taboo
Speaker 1: topics in a comfortable setting. It is Dr Jessica Shepherd. Doctor.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for joining us today. How are
Speaker 1: you good? How are you? It's great to be here. Oh,
Speaker 1: we're doing well. So the first thing that I talked
Speaker 1: about I mentioned is about these taboo topics that you'd
Speaker 1: like to discuss in more of a comfortable setting. What
Speaker 1: taboo topics are you talking about? Oh? Man? Those taboo
Speaker 1: topics rain from anywhere. From a lot has to do
Speaker 1: with sexuality or sexual relationships. Um, but also when we
Speaker 1: think about a kynecologist, we also discuss s T I,
Speaker 1: s UM and things that can happen to someone in
Speaker 1: some of these interactions. But again I always try to
Speaker 1: bring it from the approach of it doesn't have to
Speaker 1: be shameful, because I think that's a taboo topic in general,
Speaker 1: is sexuality and sexual relationships, and we have to do
Speaker 1: a better job at, you know, taking out the stigma
Speaker 1: from that. How do you think all of these became taboo? Tabooed? Taboo? Wis? Oh?
Speaker 1: I love this discussion that I could talk hours on this,
Speaker 1: But I think it has to do a lot with
Speaker 1: society and where we place the blame of this something happened. Um.
Speaker 1: A lot of that actually has been shifted to women.
Speaker 1: So if you even think about unintended pregnancy. Right. A
Speaker 1: lot of times it's the woman who's like, oh, it
Speaker 1: was your fault, and you're like, I think there were
Speaker 1: two people involved in this. I'm not sure, but that
Speaker 1: usually it has upends um and then even going down
Speaker 1: to if you were to bring up the topic of
Speaker 1: herpes hspeed and actually, you know, it has been something
Speaker 1: that's been around for a very long time, but it
Speaker 1: actually was in the seventies and eighties they did a
Speaker 1: piece in Time magazine and put it to the forefront
Speaker 1: because there was, I guess, for lack of a bit
Speaker 1: of term, a lot of cases going up UM and
Speaker 1: people were unfamiliar with it. And so with that unfamiliarity,
Speaker 1: that uncomfortable nous with the topic, it was brought to
Speaker 1: the forefront in a matter of a shameful way. And
Speaker 1: so since then it really hasn't become something that, uh,
Speaker 1: you know, has not come with stigma attached. And I
Speaker 1: can tell you definitely in the medical space, you know,
Speaker 1: we don't think of it stigmatized. We're just like, we
Speaker 1: know this is a virus, we know what occurs. We
Speaker 1: really are looking at how to treat you if you
Speaker 1: have an outbreak because we don't want you to be
Speaker 1: in pain, simple as that. And is that the big
Speaker 1: thing with her Sorry, just a quick question, is that
Speaker 1: the big thing with herpes is that an outbreak is painful?
Speaker 1: So obviously you don't want it if you can avoid it.
Speaker 1: But is that the that's like the the thing with
Speaker 1: herpies is the outbreak is painful? Yeah, I would say,
Speaker 1: And usually with the initial outbreaks, so let me be
Speaker 1: no break, bring it back a few steps. With the
Speaker 1: initial outbreak is usually very painful. UM and viruses are
Speaker 1: very smart in the sense that because we typically don't
Speaker 1: have cures for viruses. So if you think of viruses
Speaker 1: like chicken pox is actually in the same family as
Speaker 1: the herpes virus, UM HIV, HPV, coronavirus. So if you
Speaker 1: look at all the viruses, they we typically don't have
Speaker 1: a cure for it. But what we do have our
Speaker 1: treatments or medications that can suppress the virus in a
Speaker 1: way that it doesn't reveal what it's symptom is. And
Speaker 1: so when someone has an initial herpies outbreaks, it is
Speaker 1: very painful because it usually comes with blisters and nerve
Speaker 1: endings are involved in that why it's so painful, but
Speaker 1: typically after that there are people who do have recurrent
Speaker 1: outbreaks and those can be somewhat discomforting or painful. But
Speaker 1: there are a lot of people who have outbreaks and
Speaker 1: don't even know they're having an outbreak, so therefore no pain,
Speaker 1: which is usually why we see numbers of herpes very increased.
Speaker 1: I think it's very under diagnosed because a lot of
Speaker 1: people have it and don't know it. So I always
Speaker 1: like to say, you know, people who like to make
Speaker 1: the joke about herpes or whatever, they actually can have
Speaker 1: it themselves and not known. I'm like, well, who's the
Speaker 1: joke on that, right, So it's one of the topics
Speaker 1: where you're like, probably, I usually tell my patients I
Speaker 1: think probably everyone has probably been exposed to HSC at
Speaker 1: some point in their life, but a lot of people
Speaker 1: don't know that, and so we're really taking care of
Speaker 1: the population that know that they have it, that have symptoms,
Speaker 1: and we're really trying to decrease the amount of outbreaks
Speaker 1: that they have. So you can add herpes without symptoms, yes, uh.
Speaker 1: And then there's different types of herpes, right, because I've
Speaker 1: always learned as growing up, like you know, a cold
Speaker 1: slaw could store right, that's like a form of herpes,
Speaker 1: isn't it or can it aim herpies? And we're like,
Speaker 1: it's just in a different part of your body. But
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, when it's below the belt, we're like, oh,
Speaker 1: but we don't like around, you know, when someone has
Speaker 1: a cold. So and we're like, oh my gosh, go
Speaker 1: back inside and don't come out until that's gone. In question. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So it's funny too because it's I feel like we're
Speaker 1: at a doctor's appointment, so appointment right here. Okay, So
Speaker 1: I've been in a monogamous relationship for a little over
Speaker 1: two years. Now. Would you ever recommend for people that
Speaker 1: are in monogamous relationships to still get STD checks? Absolutely.
Speaker 1: I tell my patients when they come in, whether they're single, married,
Speaker 1: would have divorced, that they shouldn't have an annual check
Speaker 1: UM because again the whole stigmatization that if someone had
Speaker 1: something UM and it was unnoticed. Again, we're more on
Speaker 1: the side of keeping you healthy and safe, so we
Speaker 1: would want to treat you UM. And I think what
Speaker 1: comes from most people who are getting the testing is
Speaker 1: that there is going to be some shame or like
Speaker 1: some blaming going on, and we're really looking at how
Speaker 1: can we optimize your health? Which is information, which is knowing,
Speaker 1: and so the best way to know is to test.
Speaker 1: So it's not to say that you have to have
Speaker 1: one every week. Definitely don't do that. But I think
Speaker 1: having a baseline and then maybe annual checks together, make
Speaker 1: it a date go get tested together. Wouldn't be a
Speaker 1: good day, it's interesting date. Well, is it possible to
Speaker 1: get an STD from not having sex? I don't know
Speaker 1: these things. What do you mean, like, can you get
Speaker 1: an STD? I know it's a sexually transmitted disease, but
Speaker 1: like Dean you just said, if you're in a monouguaous relationship,
Speaker 1: what's the point of getting tested? And doctor you just said,
Speaker 1: well you should still get tested. So my question is
Speaker 1: how can you catch an s t D as long
Speaker 1: as you're only having sex with someone who doesn't have one.
Speaker 1: That's a great question because a lot of people who
Speaker 1: have HSP most times when you go I will preface
Speaker 1: it with this that when you go to get your
Speaker 1: annual visit with the doctor and you you ask for
Speaker 1: STD testing, many will test for the most comments such
Speaker 1: as like gonorea, clamydia, and they don't test for HSP
Speaker 1: because again, we usually only test for HSP if someone
Speaker 1: comes in with symptoms, so we're trying to rule it out.
Speaker 1: But because herpes um again comes with such an emotional
Speaker 1: baggage with it as far as when someone finds out
Speaker 1: their diagnosed, they go down the rabbit hole, we typically
Speaker 1: reserve testing for unless they ask for it specifically, or
Speaker 1: if they have an outbreak that tells us, hey, this
Speaker 1: might be HSV. Let's test you for it. And it's
Speaker 1: a blood test um And a lot of women will say, oh,
Speaker 1: I was had my STD tests and we're like, but
Speaker 1: did you get a blood draw And I'll say no,
Speaker 1: I just thought a swab and I'm like, well, that
Speaker 1: probably would only include trick amnis um gonore in clamydia.
Speaker 1: Let's add this on if you want, because it can
Speaker 1: be Pandora's box in the sense that if you've never
Speaker 1: had an outbreak and you have it, I wouldn't treat
Speaker 1: you anyway. So if I test you and you've never
Speaker 1: had a symptom and then it comes up Paul sitive,
Speaker 1: a lot of people go down the rabbit hole. So
Speaker 1: I really have a very thoughtful, intentional discussion before someone
Speaker 1: wants to be tested but not having a symptom, if
Speaker 1: that makes any sense. No, that doesn't when you say,
Speaker 1: what do you mean by swab when you said SB,
Speaker 1: like when you swab the vaginal, cervical canal or the
Speaker 1: penile head. Oh god, okay, because I'm just thinking back
Speaker 1: to the last time I got a test, which it was,
Speaker 1: you know, two and a half years ago, so not
Speaker 1: very long ago. But I remember blood being drawn and
Speaker 1: I don't remember being swabbed, So I'm wondering if I
Speaker 1: was checked for everything. But so typically again with a swab,
Speaker 1: did you do urine? I did urine and I did
Speaker 1: blood draws, so they don't from a swamp what you
Speaker 1: can catch in urine. So that was what they were
Speaker 1: able to test with that. A lot of I will say,
Speaker 1: do not like swap tests. That's not horrible. I didn't
Speaker 1: do a swab test. I did what Dean did. I
Speaker 1: got my blood drawn and then I got you're in taken.
Speaker 1: You guys, we do it all the time. Yeah, that
Speaker 1: sounds like an easier way to get things done. Um dr.
Speaker 1: Also is it true, because now I'm just like talking
Speaker 1: about like things that I have always assumed to be
Speaker 1: true about the d d S. Is it possible to not?
Speaker 1: Is it true that you can't spread herpes unless you
Speaker 1: have an outbreak? That is a great question. So again
Speaker 1: going back to what really constitutes an outbreak, A lot
Speaker 1: of people again can having a break not know it,
Speaker 1: and so what we call that is asymptomatic shedding. So
Speaker 1: asymptomatic shedding is when you are having a subclinical, not
Speaker 1: very um obvious outbreak with blisters and sores and some tenderness,
Speaker 1: and you're having an outbreak and you have intercourse with
Speaker 1: someone not knowing, and then you can spread it, which
Speaker 1: again is why I think the numbers are so high
Speaker 1: and that it's under diagnosed, is because you can't have
Speaker 1: that skin to skin content which you can transfer the
Speaker 1: virus and then transfer it to someone else. Interesting. Okay, well, okay,
Speaker 1: dr is a question for you. So Jared and I,
Speaker 1: of course, in being relationships, were less of a risk
Speaker 1: for sexually transmitted disease, of course, and I wouldn't say
Speaker 1: the deer like you said earlier, but significantly less than
Speaker 1: a lot of our listeners out there, Uh that I
Speaker 1: would imagine are going to be you know, hot girls summarying. Uh,
Speaker 1: you know, coming out of the pandemic more or less
Speaker 1: full full steam ahead. So what kind of advice would
Speaker 1: you have for the single people that are, you know,
Speaker 1: going out of course like practice safe sex and all
Speaker 1: that kind of stuff, But what like, what is your
Speaker 1: expectation for kind of what's to happen moving forward for
Speaker 1: everyone just kind of going buck wild? Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: that um for hot girl and hot boys summer y'all
Speaker 1: are in there too, UM that they should they should
Speaker 1: get a baseline. I think, you know, it's really important
Speaker 1: to get a baseline of testing for STD testing so
Speaker 1: that you really can have, um, a fundamental knowledge of
Speaker 1: where you begin, right, so if there is a symptom
Speaker 1: or you're suspecting that maybe had exposure to someone that
Speaker 1: if you were to retest, you can comparatively look at
Speaker 1: what your baseline was. Always the best thing to do
Speaker 1: always again again practicing safe sex. But I think that
Speaker 1: one of the things that we should not be afraid
Speaker 1: of is having the discussion if there is an instance
Speaker 1: where you have, you know, exposure to someone one night
Speaker 1: stands whatever, what is it, hot girls, summerstand maybe we
Speaker 1: should call with that yeahs over here and help us
Speaker 1: that you know if if there is an instance where
Speaker 1: you're feeling exposed, that is the most important time when
Speaker 1: you need to get to a healthcare provider in order
Speaker 1: to get you the care that you need, the testing
Speaker 1: that you need, and not feeling ashamed and then not
Speaker 1: wanting to go in. I think that happens a lot,
Speaker 1: is that people feel so embarrassed that if there was
Speaker 1: a moment a lab some that they don't want to
Speaker 1: go to talk to someone. And that's kind of the
Speaker 1: worst thing to do because we can help. Um, we
Speaker 1: really don't judge. I really could care less what you
Speaker 1: were doing with your time. I'm more interested in that
Speaker 1: you got to the office to discuss possible options on
Speaker 1: how to help you. That's what we're here for us
Speaker 1: to help. So while we're on the topic, it's always,
Speaker 1: of course difficult to talk those things to your doctor about.
Speaker 1: But would you be willing to lend some advice for
Speaker 1: a partner to share with maybe a previous partner there
Speaker 1: is that also might be uh, you know, susceptible to
Speaker 1: to getting the disease as well. Yeah, so I love
Speaker 1: the station specifically for herpies because again, no one wants
Speaker 1: to talk about it. There may be people who enter
Speaker 1: new relationships UM and they don't know how to express
Speaker 1: to the person that they have a diagnosis of that.
Speaker 1: So I typically like to take out words that are triggering,
Speaker 1: such as herpes. I prefer hsv UM. I don't like
Speaker 1: the word uh, I have herpes. I like in the past,
Speaker 1: I have been exposed to herpes, and therefore what I
Speaker 1: have learned is I'm very aware of my you know
Speaker 1: the condition, and if I do have an outbreak, I
Speaker 1: will always keep you and myself very safe and I'll
Speaker 1: be very transparent as far as knowing that, so that
Speaker 1: again you can stay safe. UM. I also think that
Speaker 1: there are other things that couples can do you together
Speaker 1: as far as their conversation, in order to make sure
Speaker 1: that they're transferring information properly and that everyone is aware.
Speaker 1: Is sometimes when you get STD results, like I said
Speaker 1: earlierly like maybe go on a date. Is I think
Speaker 1: paper results like hard copy to show the other person.
Speaker 1: It's important because a lot of I mean I hear
Speaker 1: this all the time. A lot of people be like,
Speaker 1: oh I got a CD TECH it was all negative.
Speaker 1: They didn't never go. So I think it would be
Speaker 1: it would behoove both parties to say, hey, here are
Speaker 1: my results. Have a look, you know, have at it
Speaker 1: um and that way you have more thoughtful conversations. And
Speaker 1: then also looking for people who do have a diagnosis
Speaker 1: of herpes is to make sure that if they're not
Speaker 1: on medication every day to suppress that there are other
Speaker 1: things that they can do when they do have outbreaks
Speaker 1: or they're they're feeling that they're going to have an
Speaker 1: outbreak that they can use that are over the counter,
Speaker 1: such as Femi Clear. I'm a big fan of Femi Clear,
Speaker 1: which is kind of like a salve which allows people
Speaker 1: to decrease the amount of pain and discomfort that they
Speaker 1: have during an outbreak that is not medication, so it's
Speaker 1: over the owner. And so I think that you know,
Speaker 1: being cognizant of where you are in your sexual journey
Speaker 1: and being empowered by who you are, but also the
Speaker 1: relationships that you have, that people can understand these types
Speaker 1: of conversations because the more that we you know, have
Speaker 1: these uncomfortable conversations, the more comfortable they'll become. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: I wanted you to give you a minute talk about
Speaker 1: Femi clear, which are products that we could be found
Speaker 1: in CVS right, Aid, Walmart, Walmart dot Com, Target dot Com, Amazon,
Speaker 1: pretty much everywhere. So I know you're a breat proponent
Speaker 1: of FEMI clear. Um, so I wanted to give you
Speaker 1: a minute talk about it. Yeah, I think you know,
Speaker 1: we because of the stigmatization with HSV, a lot has
Speaker 1: not been developed in the area of how to treat
Speaker 1: patients with it. And so yeah, you know, science and
Speaker 1: technology has allowed us in the medical space to really
Speaker 1: have types of interventions or medications that we know work
Speaker 1: on the virus and kind of suppressing the viral load.
Speaker 1: But there are things that you know, through FEMI clear
Speaker 1: that we've been that help patients really decrease their um
Speaker 1: discomfort when it comes to the disease process. When it
Speaker 1: comes to things like HSV and other STDs, is there
Speaker 1: a difference between how men experienced them and women experience them?
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm sure there are there are big ones,
Speaker 1: like I know, HPV can be a lot more severe
Speaker 1: in women and men can just kind of carry it dormantly.
Speaker 1: But for the for the more common ones like HSV
Speaker 1: and and others, is there any like differences that maybe
Speaker 1: would be good for everyone to know. Yeah, So if
Speaker 1: you look at the reproductive tract. In general, um men
Speaker 1: have a longer reproductive tract and women have a shorter
Speaker 1: reproductive tract. In the sense that if if you have
Speaker 1: a disease such as chlamydia um a lot of times
Speaker 1: that you can have what we call asymptomatic symptoms. So
Speaker 1: someone might not necessarily have a discharge that's associated with
Speaker 1: chlamydia gonorrhea and go unnoticed. And the reason why that's
Speaker 1: important is chlamydia is notorious for if it goes on
Speaker 1: diagnosed and treated for some time, that it really can
Speaker 1: creep up the reproductive tract and kind of scar what
Speaker 1: we say the fallopian two and not your eggs passed
Speaker 1: through in order to be fertilized, so it can really
Speaker 1: cause some fertility issues in the future. And this is
Speaker 1: why it's so important for people to get STD checks
Speaker 1: and testing also to not be embarrassed if they feel
Speaker 1: that they've had exposure and um getting the treatment that
Speaker 1: they need for it. Yeah. Well, I think the biggest
Speaker 1: thing too is uh, because I've I've been tested and
Speaker 1: I had gnaria once in my early twenties, and it's
Speaker 1: it's always it's difficult thing to hear, but then it
Speaker 1: would have been you know, infinitely worse had I not
Speaker 1: gotten tested and then never been able to treat it.
Speaker 1: So I think that's what a lot of people need
Speaker 1: to understand, is getting tested leads you to being treated
Speaker 1: and then obviously, you know, either coming out of it
Speaker 1: without it or or finding a way to take care
Speaker 1: of it, both the pain and everything else too. So
Speaker 1: I think that's the biggest takeaway from everything too. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: and even that transparency and you sharing that is so
Speaker 1: helpful because a lot of people carry that shame and
Speaker 1: they feel that they can't tell anybody that they've had
Speaker 1: that in the past, when it really is so common.
Speaker 1: If you look at the person statistics, it really is
Speaker 1: a significant portion of the population that have had at
Speaker 1: some point in their life in STD. Yeah, we're open
Speaker 1: books here and help my second day now we are.
Speaker 1: We're not lying about that one doctor. Thank you so
Speaker 1: much for joining us today. We really appreciate it for
Speaker 1: everybody listening and wants to know more about Dr Jessica Shephard.
Speaker 1: You can see her. You've been an expert on the
Speaker 1: Today's Show Dr Oz Steve Harvey. But of course you
Speaker 1: can go visit Dr Jessica Shephard dot com to learn
Speaker 1: everything you need to know. Uh, doctor, thank you so
Speaker 1: much for joining us once again, Thank you for having
Speaker 1: me enjoyed. Welcome back, guys. We are about to get
Speaker 1: into my favorite segment. Unfortunately Mark is not here to
Speaker 1: read our emails. But I'll tell you what. And I
Speaker 1: don't want anyone to share list with Mark. I think
Speaker 1: we have someone even better than him. Mark. WHOA, Oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, Easton, if you're there, do you want to
Speaker 1: jump in? I'm here. Thank you, Dean. What an introduction,
Speaker 1: My goodness. Uh. And I know Mark will be listening
Speaker 1: to this because he's paid to. UM. I think he's
Speaker 1: the greatest in the world. I can't hold a candle
Speaker 1: to how he reads emails, but I'm gonna try. UM.
Speaker 1: This first one is from anonymous. So hi Nick, thanks
Speaker 1: for listening. Uh. My boyfriend and I are in our
Speaker 1: mid thirties, so the topic of marriage comes up, and
Speaker 1: with that an engagement, and with that or ring. I've
Speaker 1: always wanted a big diamond for context, I'm looking at
Speaker 1: three plus carrots. He doesn't hell wow, Uh, he doesn't
Speaker 1: know anything about diamonds. So when I broke the news
Speaker 1: about my expectation for the ring, I want. I let
Speaker 1: him know I'm down to split the cost. He thinks
Speaker 1: that spending this much on a ring is absolutely laughable,
Speaker 1: but he's like, hey, you know you want what you
Speaker 1: want and the fact you're willing to pitch in that
Speaker 1: much as great, So he's down for it. We're gonna
Speaker 1: split the costs of the ring. Do you see this
Speaker 1: as emasculating? What are your thoughts? I would love to
Speaker 1: hear my favorite person on the podcast, Easton and Marx
Speaker 1: takes as well. Wow, what a compliment, Anonymous. Thank you?
Speaker 1: Oh wait, I thought you just had that little part,
Speaker 1: but they actually wrote that. I will say, you guys
Speaker 1: do always have incredible advice. So I I see exactly
Speaker 1: what she's coming from. And for reference, I googled how
Speaker 1: much a three carrot diamond ring roughly costs, And you
Speaker 1: guys can correct me if you think this is wrong,
Speaker 1: but it looks like twenty to thirty thousand is three
Speaker 1: carrot diamond ring costs at the minimum. Okay, so that's
Speaker 1: that's what I thought it was going to be. I
Speaker 1: thought it was going to be like eighty thousand dollars. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the most expensive. When I see on Google at the
Speaker 1: moment is thirty just north of thirty thousand, so I
Speaker 1: think that's probably a good one. That's a three and
Speaker 1: a half carrot. So full disclosure, I don't know how
Speaker 1: much Ashley's engagement ring was. Tell us to tell us
Speaker 1: about that. Actually for a second, if you don't mind sharing. So,
Speaker 1: obviously you picked up the ring through the show, right, Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: so because we went down and got engaged in Paradise,
Speaker 1: Obviously you weren't there because you left the day before
Speaker 1: and then just scided to come back. It was like
Speaker 1: you knew we were coming, so you're like, Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna dip out, and then once I know Ashley and
Speaker 1: Jared or out of Mexico, I'm gonna head back down,
Speaker 1: get Kalin and go back to the States. Anyway, so
Speaker 1: when you were picking up the rings with Neil, and
Speaker 1: I apologize for that, I wish I could have been
Speaker 1: there for that moment. That aside, so you weren't informed
Speaker 1: on the carrot of the ring. Now I knew how
Speaker 1: much the carrot was gonna be. I got lucky because
Speaker 1: I was communicating with one of the producers who's communicating
Speaker 1: with Neil, and they made the ring for me, which
Speaker 1: was great, and we went with design and what you know,
Speaker 1: obviously you have to work within the construct, but they
Speaker 1: were really they gave me a lot of wiggle room
Speaker 1: when it came to the ring, which was fantastic. But
Speaker 1: even I think Ashley is just like a little over carrot.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's that three carrots. Who the hell?
Speaker 1: That's ginormous. I mean, hey, good for you, Anonymous, like
Speaker 1: do you girl, but wow, you're gonna be blinging that
Speaker 1: thing around, shining everywhere. So to put yourself in that situation,
Speaker 1: then do you ever feel emasculated because you didn't pay
Speaker 1: for the ring? For actually not emasculated? But sometimes, especially
Speaker 1: when I see I guess I feel bad even though
Speaker 1: I shouldn't. I see a lot of my friends when
Speaker 1: they get engaged and they go to you know, they're
Speaker 1: shopping for the ring, and there's like there is this
Speaker 1: certain you know, I don't know how to say, I
Speaker 1: don't want to say respect, but there's like this certain
Speaker 1: feeling that comes with somebody going to get the ring
Speaker 1: and carrying the ring and hiding the ring and like
Speaker 1: saving up for the ring. It really says something. So
Speaker 1: I sometimes I feel bad because it's like, oh, mine
Speaker 1: is free, Like I never went through that, especially when
Speaker 1: I see my friends spend, you know, thousands upon thousands
Speaker 1: of dollars and save up. So I guess not emasculine,
Speaker 1: but sometimes I feel bad. Well, I know someone, so
Speaker 1: one of the three of us has had that experience,
Speaker 1: and I hope that he shares it with us. So okay,
Speaker 1: when I saw the Three Carrots, my I too was
Speaker 1: shocked because the engaged ring I gave my wife was
Speaker 1: she she's here to confirm some of these details. Was
Speaker 1: it just it was about it's about a carrot? Right, Um? Yeah,
Speaker 1: And here, I'll be completely honest here, this is all
Speaker 1: the second day we're bearing all When I wanted to
Speaker 1: propose Allison, I went to her parents and I said,
Speaker 1: I love your daughter more than anything. I would like
Speaker 1: her to be my wife, like asking permission, and uh,
Speaker 1: they said that's fine. And they asked what I was
Speaker 1: going to do for a ring, and I was like, well,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm I'm saying I'm socking my pennies away
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna get a great ring. And Allison's mother said, oh,
Speaker 1: there's a ring I have that. Allison is always really
Speaker 1: liked and it's a The diamond is beautiful. The setting
Speaker 1: is completely utter trash. So if you get a new setting,
Speaker 1: you can have the diamond that that that diamond was
Speaker 1: just over a carrot. I bought the setting and uh,
Speaker 1: I got I kind of got off scott free because
Speaker 1: the setting was not nearly as much as that diamond
Speaker 1: would have been. Um And Okay, Allison, did you feel
Speaker 1: like that was an emasculating thing? Because I did not,
Speaker 1: She says, no. Do you want to come over and
Speaker 1: talking on the microphone? Okay, yeah, come on, Alice, come
Speaker 1: on here, put these headphones on. Talk to talk to
Speaker 1: Dean and Jared. Hello, Hello, hell Alison. No, I did
Speaker 1: not feel well. I don't know if you felt emasculated,
Speaker 1: but I liked it because when we get to go
Speaker 1: on like another week of vacation at the Four Seasons
Speaker 1: in Hawaii, which I felt it was a better trade,
Speaker 1: right right, It's hard to feel emasculated on the beach
Speaker 1: in Hawaii for for a extra week. Tell what we
Speaker 1: did with the ring after we got married? What did
Speaker 1: we do? We got more diamonds put in it? Oh?
Speaker 1: I got come on, speak a little bit closer to
Speaker 1: the mic I'm actually not even wearing it right now,
Speaker 1: but we got to upgrade my setting because east about
Speaker 1: the cheapest setting possible at the time, it was actually
Speaker 1: worse than the setting, the bad setting that it came in.
Speaker 1: And then like a year later, I got to pick
Speaker 1: out my own and it's lovely. It's great. I mean,
Speaker 1: I know I'm not wearing it at the moment, but
Speaker 1: I do enjoy wearing it. Yeah, I love it. I
Speaker 1: never wear it, Alison so much. Was the ring important
Speaker 1: to you at all? Not really? I mean, I like
Speaker 1: jewelry a lot, um, and I think it's really cool
Speaker 1: that I have that connection to my mom that it
Speaker 1: was hers. But that wasn't like a make or break
Speaker 1: thing for me. Um. I think if I hadn't been
Speaker 1: given anything, I would have been a little bummed, But
Speaker 1: I didn't really care if it was like a giant ring.
Speaker 1: All right, that's good to know. Well, the anonymous email
Speaker 1: or who just sent us an email said she wanted
Speaker 1: a three carrot ring. That's crazy carrot, the whole three carrots.
Speaker 1: She's going to sing to the bottom of the ocean,
Speaker 1: gonna break good finger, oh at least two of them.
Speaker 1: But so her and her boyfriend are splitting the cost.
Speaker 1: So what are your thoughts about that? Do you think
Speaker 1: it's okay? If if the girlfriends like, hey, this is
Speaker 1: the ring I want, I'll split the cost with you,
Speaker 1: and the boyfriend's like, okay, that's fine by me. Do
Speaker 1: you think that's okay? Or should like she just be
Speaker 1: okay with a smaller ring or should he save up more?
Speaker 1: What do you think should happen? I mean that's unconventional,
Speaker 1: but it sounds like she cares more about the piece
Speaker 1: of jewelry, which I respect, Like she you know, why
Speaker 1: wear something every day that you don't want to wear?
Speaker 1: So I think if that works them, I feel like
Speaker 1: I would feel personally weird about it, but I don't
Speaker 1: see a problem with it. I don't see your problem
Speaker 1: with it either. I think, like you said, she's gonna
Speaker 1: be wearing around every single day for the rest of
Speaker 1: her life, she should get the ring that she wants
Speaker 1: to wear every day for the rest of her life.
Speaker 1: And if it's the three Care ring, it's the three
Speaker 1: Care ring. I like this too because it shows they're
Speaker 1: already compromising. They're not even engaged yet, and they're already like, hey,
Speaker 1: this is a compromise. This is good. This is what
Speaker 1: we're gonna need to do in our marriage. They're they're
Speaker 1: they're already in a healthy relationship. I like it. I
Speaker 1: think it's great. If if I was the guy in
Speaker 1: that relationship. Uh, and let's say she didn't even offer
Speaker 1: to pay for half of it, and she was just like,
Speaker 1: I want this three caret ring. Then then as the
Speaker 1: guy would be like, well what if I don't get
Speaker 1: you three K three caret ring? It sounds like she's
Speaker 1: like willing to work with him. It's a it's a
Speaker 1: very selfless thing. She's like, this is what I want,
Speaker 1: and I'm willing to help you get it for me.
Speaker 1: Like that's a pretty selfless thing in my opinion. That's anonymous.
Speaker 1: Sounds like a real Winnow what happens, Like she's inevitably
Speaker 1: going to lose that because she's gonna have to take
Speaker 1: it off to do any chores, go to the beach,
Speaker 1: Like when they have to replace it, what are they
Speaker 1: gonna do? Then? Does he stuff to pay for the
Speaker 1: other half again? Right, then that's on her. Maybe when
Speaker 1: you're wearing right, then the next the replacements on her
Speaker 1: maybe with a three care ring that that is more
Speaker 1: expensive than any car ever owned. That's more than that
Speaker 1: payment I just put down in my house. Maybe she'll
Speaker 1: be more careful with it. Well, we can't help. Good
Speaker 1: luck Anonymous. Thank you for your health as Yeah, thanks Allison.
Speaker 1: All right, let's get to Mia. All right, this one's
Speaker 1: from Mia. Just like Jean said, actually we we got
Speaker 1: Allison's input on that, but we never really got yours.
Speaker 1: We know your story, but what's your opinion of it?
Speaker 1: I think it rules. I think that if that's what
Speaker 1: like what else and said, like, if that's what she
Speaker 1: wants and it doesn't seem like it bothers her, Like yeah,
Speaker 1: I know that there's a there's a certain like it
Speaker 1: feels good to be like, oh I bought this ring
Speaker 1: for you, uh, you know that kind of thing. But
Speaker 1: here's something else. If you have all the money in
Speaker 1: the world. I've seen this happen, They'll get a giant
Speaker 1: ring and just looks dumb, like it's like in the
Speaker 1: shape of the green lantern lantern or something like that.
Speaker 1: It's like just a stupid looking ring that they're not
Speaker 1: gonna want to wear. So I don't think there's a
Speaker 1: problem with like, you know, if she wants a ring
Speaker 1: that's crazy expensive, and she's willing to pitch on it.
Speaker 1: I think that's fine if they want a certain type
Speaker 1: of design and they want to be involved with the
Speaker 1: like shopping of it and design of it. I know
Speaker 1: that takes away a lot of the like surprise element,
Speaker 1: but I don't see a problem with that either, because
Speaker 1: this is a very important part of of you know,
Speaker 1: your data. You're gonna look at that thing every single day. Um.
Speaker 1: So that's what That's what I had to say. Uh.
Speaker 1: The reason I told the story is that, like, my
Speaker 1: wife was very involved with the aspect of procuring the ring,
Speaker 1: and you know, and even after we got married, we
Speaker 1: changed it up and uh, and she liked I mean,
Speaker 1: she's not wearing it right now, but she she likes lurring,
Speaker 1: you know, by all accounts. So we're very happy about that.
Speaker 1: And that's what matters, as they exactly exactly. So that
Speaker 1: is my take. Mark cannot give his because he does
Speaker 1: not care about us. He's not here today. Uh. Moving
Speaker 1: on to me. Uh, my question is simple, can a
Speaker 1: bad kisser be taught how to kiss? Well? A few
Speaker 1: weeks back, I shared a kiss with a young man
Speaker 1: and the kiss was so bad, I just shut it down. Also,
Speaker 1: am I wrong for assuming a bad kisser is also
Speaker 1: bad in bed? Mm hmm. Interesting. I will say I'll
Speaker 1: answer the last question first. I will say, yes, you
Speaker 1: are wrong to assume a bad kisser is bad in bed. Uh.
Speaker 1: I want to say, speaking from experience, not that I
Speaker 1: was a bad kisser, but I just don't know. Sometimes
Speaker 1: I never know how far to go with what I
Speaker 1: can share on this podcast. Now. It's always It's always
Speaker 1: because I always wonder like, is this going to get
Speaker 1: back to Ashley? This is like I'm just talking to
Speaker 1: a couple of my guy friends, you know, like I
Speaker 1: can really look like that. I forget. Oh wait a minute,
Speaker 1: it's not just us three. My biggest thing is like
Speaker 1: is it disrespectful for me to share these stories? Like
Speaker 1: is it am I disrespecting Caitlin by sharing these stories?
Speaker 1: My gut says no, But sometimes I feel like maybe
Speaker 1: it is a little bit. Anyways, I'll tell a story anyway. So,
Speaker 1: I mean, I remember going on a day in a
Speaker 1: while ago, like like obviously pre Kalin and I as
Speaker 1: this girl and it was the worst kiss I've ever
Speaker 1: had in my entire life. And then we went on
Speaker 1: a couple more dates and ended up sleeping together. She
Speaker 1: didn't improve kissing that much of her time, but I
Speaker 1: mean she was perfectly good in bed, and uh, now,
Speaker 1: even saying it out loud, I feel the kind of
Speaker 1: ikey saying that. But that's my from personal experience. You
Speaker 1: can be a bad kisser and still be good in bed. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, I can't remember an instant instance in the
Speaker 1: top of my head where I kiss someone and it
Speaker 1: wasn't good and then we ended up sleeping together and
Speaker 1: it was really good. Like I uh, I can't remember. Really,
Speaker 1: maybe I'm a bad kisser. Maybe that's the issue because
Speaker 1: I don't remember that many times where I thought, oh wow,
Speaker 1: that was terrible. Or maybe I'm just that good of
Speaker 1: a kisser that I raised everybody else's level up. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm like the Tom Brady of kissing. If you if
Speaker 1: you kiss me, I'm gonna make you a better kisser. Okay,
Speaker 1: silence on that one. I appreciate it. I'll digress. I
Speaker 1: love that your your whole explanation. You are all over
Speaker 1: the chart on every single thing You're saying that maybe
Speaker 1: I'm really bad at kissing, or maybe I'm the best
Speaker 1: kisser ever, Dean, have you met me? It's a constant monkey,
Speaker 1: just like clapping the whatever those are called, the drum things.
Speaker 1: I think you can teach someone to be a better kisser,
Speaker 1: but also I advise against that because it's probably going
Speaker 1: to bring out some serious insecurities of that human being.
Speaker 1: And sometimes maybe if you're just not compatible physically, you're
Speaker 1: not compatable emotionally. I don't know what's your take on it.
Speaker 1: I think because I have to also kiss uh young
Speaker 1: ladies that have been bad at kissing but also good
Speaker 1: in bed. But I think with men, before you go
Speaker 1: any further, this this young boy and this young lady thing,
Speaker 1: we gotta you kiss a woman woman all relative they
Speaker 1: were younger at that the time of kissing exactly. Okay,
Speaker 1: So I've kissed many mature women that were bad at
Speaker 1: kissing but good in bed. But I think with men,
Speaker 1: I think if a man is a bad kisser, there's
Speaker 1: no way he's good in the sack. I really believe that. Uh,
Speaker 1: don't ask me how, I just I just believe that. Um.
Speaker 1: And as far as teaching someone how to be a
Speaker 1: good kisser, you can. But here's the thing, the bigger question,
Speaker 1: do you want to. That's a lot of work, that's
Speaker 1: a lot of commitment, and it's a lot of time
Speaker 1: you're you know, I don't know if you really want
Speaker 1: to do that. I'll tell you. I'll tell you what.
Speaker 1: And I why I think both of you guys are
Speaker 1: wrong is I have also dated bad kissers, like I
Speaker 1: said earlier, And you don't even really have to like
Speaker 1: there's no conversations that need to be had. You just
Speaker 1: need to do it enough that eventually, like they start
Speaker 1: to get more comfortable with kissing, be start to pick
Speaker 1: up new techniques like see like kind of like maybe
Speaker 1: like understand you're your perspective of the kiss, like your
Speaker 1: style of kissing, and then they start doing themselves. It's
Speaker 1: like a learning thing. You're not going to be a
Speaker 1: great kisser the first time you do it, just like
Speaker 1: you're not gonna be a great basketball player the first
Speaker 1: time you go play basketball, but you play enough basketball
Speaker 1: and eventually get good. So I think as long as
Speaker 1: you guys, if you really like the guy, kiss him
Speaker 1: enough until he gets get at kssing and you don't
Speaker 1: even have to like be like, hey you suck at kissing,
Speaker 1: get better, just like do it enough to the point
Speaker 1: where he gets more comfortable with it and then things
Speaker 1: can prove Yeah. I mean, hey, if you're willing, willing
Speaker 1: to put in the time of the work, I'm all
Speaker 1: for it. I think that's gonna do it. For this
Speaker 1: week's episode of Help I Suck At Dating, Thank you
Speaker 1: so much to Anonymous. Thank you so much to Mia
Speaker 1: for emailing us in again. It's the only reason Dean
Speaker 1: shows up to this podcast, so please keep the emails coming.
Speaker 1: You can email us at I Suck at Dating at
Speaker 1: I heart media dot com. That's I Suck at Dating
Speaker 1: at I heart media dot com. You can also follow
Speaker 1: us on Instagram at help Underscore I Underscore suck Underscore
Speaker 1: at Underscore Dating. That's right, big thank you too, of course.
Speaker 1: Dr Jessica Shepherd, Uh, you can go visit Dr Doctor
Speaker 1: Jessica Shephard dot com. That's d r Jessica Shephard dot
Speaker 1: com for more information. She was extremely extremely intelligent, Dean,
Speaker 1: when I we're talking about that off the podcast. Wow,
Speaker 1: she was good. We really want her to be back
Speaker 1: on the podcast soon. Dean, am I missing anything? I
Speaker 1: think you nailed everything right on the head, Jared. Thanks, Hey, Eastern,
Speaker 1: we do us a favorite. Will you tell the Stuck
Speaker 1: Army next time we're gonna see him next week, We'll suck,
Speaker 1: it'll suck a little bit less. Oh my god, hopefully,
Speaker 1: hopefully I've never gotten to say that. That's so fun. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we wanted to really include you all the way through here,
Speaker 1: all right, Wilson Eason kind of butchered. Be sure to
Speaker 1: tune in next week, where maybe we suck just a
Speaker 1: little bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating on
Speaker 1: I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast