Speaker 1: I feel like if I had, if I was walking
Speaker 1: around naked, I would have to have some weird kind
Speaker 1: of except like not a belly chain per se. But
Speaker 1: I feel like I would have to have I don't
Speaker 1: think I could. I mean I could just be naked.
Speaker 1: I'd have to have like a like a new hat. Kid.
Speaker 1: I love the idea of you being fully naked except
Speaker 1: for a thick Gucci bell. Yeah, you just wear a
Speaker 1: gorgeous Gucci bed and the rest is Yeah. I like
Speaker 1: that for you. That I'm just saying. I don't think
Speaker 1: it would be like I need some garnish on the plate,
Speaker 1: Like I'm not just gonna have to stay chips in
Speaker 1: your racist ahostly money stuff. I can't tell me Bang
Speaker 1: bang bang skeet skeet skeet. There it is, there it is.
Speaker 1: Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to another another phenomenal episode of
Speaker 1: My Mama Told Me, the podcast where we dive deep
Speaker 1: into the pockets of black conspiracy theories and we finally
Speaker 1: worked to prove that Ta Diggs maybe, in fact the
Speaker 1: only man in history to work his way back from
Speaker 1: the title of Oreo. They were shaman ting, they were
Speaker 1: shaman tang. They told him all he did was service
Speaker 1: the white devil. But look at him now, because Dicks
Speaker 1: used to follow me on Twitter, we're very close, bangs.
Speaker 1: They called him all the mean words you can call
Speaker 1: a black man, and now look at him. He's the
Speaker 1: funniest man on the internet. And he got a bad
Speaker 1: bitch on his arm. And sure as you fuck little Fizz,
Speaker 1: but that's none of my business. Doesn't matter. I ain't
Speaker 1: got nothing to do with nothing. Come on, and yes,
Speaker 1: and little Fizz is a cutey pot but he's like like,
Speaker 1: he's like that cute where he's never gonna look like
Speaker 1: a man. And I'm David Bortan. Yeah, Little Fizz is
Speaker 1: always gonna look like the coolest dude in the eleventh grade.
Speaker 1: That's that's that makes sense to me. Yeah he's got Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's got big. When I graduate, I'm gonna do this
Speaker 1: and yeah, yeah, like you heard, he might go D two,
Speaker 1: but I don't know. He's probably going to a juco
Speaker 1: and it's gonna get uh sort of stuck in in
Speaker 1: that transition. Yeah, then he just ends up working for
Speaker 1: Costco Corporate. But you know, he's a fine life for
Speaker 1: Little Fizz, but it's not what he dreamt of. No,
Speaker 1: did he think he was gonna live in Tulsa forever?
Speaker 1: But that's how that's where it took. All Right, we
Speaker 1: can't we can't talk a Little Fiz forever. I don't
Speaker 1: know how a conspiracy about Tight Diggs ended up being
Speaker 1: a Little Fizz conversation, but that's the mastery of this podcast.
Speaker 1: I'd say our guests today, I'm very excited that they're here.
Speaker 1: Been a part of so much cool shit, specifically Big
Speaker 1: Mouth on Netflix, very responsible for all the great work
Speaker 1: over their human resources. Also responsible, brilliant writer, thinker, talker, motherfucker.
Speaker 1: Give it up for our guests, Brandon, Kyle good Man.
Speaker 1: Can't nobody got time for it. Yeah, I'm just quick,
Speaker 1: good one. I like that intro? Yeah, yeah, hell yeah.
Speaker 1: How are you doing? I'm good? How you doing chilling? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Any thoughts on on Little Fiz and what he brings
Speaker 1: to the table or Ta Digs either either one really
Speaker 1: all be two ka um a lot, that's the game one. No,
Speaker 1: littap is is the maybe two straight one. He's he's
Speaker 1: the rapper, the light skinned rapper in the group who
Speaker 1: was now t Dig's lover. Gotta see I was I
Speaker 1: haven't kept up with my Tay Dick since. Uh, and
Speaker 1: that's that's your fault. We're not that we didn't do
Speaker 1: that to you. You have the chance, you know. I
Speaker 1: love it, but I love a good take dicks. I
Speaker 1: saw him on and um head with in the Angry
Speaker 1: In That was the last time I saw it, which
Speaker 1: was he was incredible, accomplished Broadway actor. Don't do that
Speaker 1: to come on and then you can go to Broadway. Yes,
Speaker 1: investment is good enough TV series. Listen, I'm a big fan.
Speaker 1: I'm saying the world had turned on him. U ain't
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with that? Well, well, we we can't bullshit
Speaker 1: any longer. We have. We have a a wonderful conspiracy
Speaker 1: theory that you came to us today with. And I
Speaker 1: will say this has been a conspiracy theory that sort
Speaker 1: of has just been sitting there for a while and
Speaker 1: nobody's touched it. Literally, no one has brought it up now.
Speaker 1: It's not even one that we've I think broached in
Speaker 1: any kind of way. And it's a very simple one.
Speaker 1: You said, my mama told me black men had big dicks. You. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I love being here. This is great, great chaotic. Whatever
Speaker 1: you wanna call it love, We'll take it. Tell me more,
Speaker 1: tell tell us more about this this black men and
Speaker 1: they're big, they're big penises. I mean, I feel like
Speaker 1: everyone knows that as a as a theory and the
Speaker 1: the ideas that black men have like nine inch dicks
Speaker 1: or above, and then is on the small side you
Speaker 1: have put so if you are under nine inches and
Speaker 1: you don't, you're not black if you don't have a
Speaker 1: nine inch Because it's really what I'm trying to say.
Speaker 1: I want to I want to start some controversy here,
Speaker 1: but I feel like it's impossible to be double black.
Speaker 1: Then asking ship David, what looks like I'm still half black?
Speaker 1: All right? We got a double black and half black.
Speaker 1: I love it. Um, Yeah, I mean, you know that's
Speaker 1: the thing. And then and then, as you know, I
Speaker 1: feel like you hear that theory really young, like when
Speaker 1: people start talking about dicks at like fourteen and fifteen,
Speaker 1: you start hearing that, and then you start measuring your
Speaker 1: dick to make sure that you're actually full black. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then you're like, do I go balls? Do I do?
Speaker 1: Do I pin the balls back and go yes? Yeah.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of strategies to make up. So if
Speaker 1: you were like me, you're a chubby kid, you got
Speaker 1: a little bit you can push back. I call it
Speaker 1: the reserve. Like, like, well, what do y'all think? Where
Speaker 1: do you measure from? Do you measure from the balls?
Speaker 1: You measure from? Like? Where where would you measure your
Speaker 1: penis from? I measure penetrable? WHOA, that's respectable. I like
Speaker 1: that answer. That's that's a great answer. I will say that.
Speaker 1: And I don't mean to jump jump the gun here,
Speaker 1: but in my research, I actually read about the the
Speaker 1: technical way in which researchers measure, and it's from the
Speaker 1: top where the pelvic bones sort of starts above the
Speaker 1: penis that you're allowed to measure. You're not allowed. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're not allowed to measure from the side nor underneath,
Speaker 1: because you're going to gain to your point some some
Speaker 1: impenetrable inches and or at least like a boost from
Speaker 1: the side and underneath. Well, now I'm having identity crisis.
Speaker 1: Not gota you've been You've been cooking your books for
Speaker 1: by a while. Somebody has been juicing you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? Damn y'all, yell growing up my whole, my
Speaker 1: whole sense of self Okay, great. I think this whole
Speaker 1: topic has needed to be approached for a long time.
Speaker 1: Though it's been it's been necessary. It's a lot of pressure. No,
Speaker 1: like it feels like to live under this, as you
Speaker 1: know Lenggstone, to be very dark skin and live under this.
Speaker 1: It's like you gotta have waves and you gotta have
Speaker 1: a big old dick, and that's what you do. And
Speaker 1: you look great and gold and green and yellow, yellow
Speaker 1: and yellow, and you look at my old yellow. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know that. I I've what you're describing does
Speaker 1: not feel like the anxiety that I necessarily had to
Speaker 1: grow up under. And I acknowledge that you never felt
Speaker 1: like you were you would never felt big dick anxiety.
Speaker 1: Oh no, I had massive big dick anxiety. I'm saying
Speaker 1: that none of it felt like I was. It didn't
Speaker 1: feel like I would be like, uh laughed out of
Speaker 1: the building if I didn't have the biggest dick. Do
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying? And what you're describing feels
Speaker 1: like it's not just have a healthy sized penis, it's
Speaker 1: have a penis worth talking about. And or you are
Speaker 1: less black than you appear, yes, for sure, which is
Speaker 1: porn culture too, right. I mean, like a lot of
Speaker 1: us as young adults would also as grown adults. Yet
Speaker 1: our idea of what sexism, what body should look like
Speaker 1: from porn culture. I mean, I think it's what women
Speaker 1: are currently in the state unpacking, right, Like that the
Speaker 1: male gaze has had an idea of what women look
Speaker 1: like and look like during sex. It's all from porn.
Speaker 1: And so the same thing is true for ethnic groups.
Speaker 1: It's like the idea of what an Asian man or
Speaker 1: an Asian one looks like, what a Black man looks like.
Speaker 1: It's all from porn. It's all like fetish and not real.
Speaker 1: I mean, those dicks are real, but like the pressure
Speaker 1: that the entire community has, some of them, some of
Speaker 1: them I don't know. Yes, yes, yeah. Sometimes you're like, whoa, hey, brother,
Speaker 1: it's new. You can't I will say, I will say,
Speaker 1: there's every and maybe you all have experienced this. Every
Speaker 1: once in a while you bump into a porn where
Speaker 1: it's just a man with a regular size, faintness, and
Speaker 1: a part of me is like, hell, yeah, let's go,
Speaker 1: let's go bookmark look at him doing it. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: it's normal to me. No that I think that this
Speaker 1: one though, this we do all. I don't think there's
Speaker 1: any black men who have never come into situations where
Speaker 1: that was what was expected, right, we all live under
Speaker 1: this umbrella, right, Yeah, No, I think I think this
Speaker 1: is it's a it's a very universal pressure I think
Speaker 1: placed on black men, especially about their penis size, in
Speaker 1: a way that then maybe you all have experienced this.
Speaker 1: White guys can openly joke about their penis being inadequate
Speaker 1: or or not big, and it sort of becomes like
Speaker 1: an easy punch line that they don't ever have to
Speaker 1: run from there. They're always saying, whoa, I can't dance
Speaker 1: like a little just like that. Well, I have a question.
Speaker 1: I grew up going to a lot of p w
Speaker 1: I predominantly white institutions, and so I felt that pressure,
Speaker 1: especially about dick size. But we're either of you around
Speaker 1: mostly like grew up in mostly black high schools or
Speaker 1: black schools with the pressure the same. No. I moved
Speaker 1: to the country when I was fourteen, not the country
Speaker 1: of America, no, like yeah, yeah, like the country area. Yeah,
Speaker 1: when I was kind of you know, just off the
Speaker 1: porch if you will. Yeah, that's all. That's all that is.
Speaker 1: Every and especially when you're a kid because you have
Speaker 1: no like yeah, the point is, yeah, that's all those
Speaker 1: little those little trollops wanted damn that big day my
Speaker 1: high school. No, that was the correct way to behave
Speaker 1: inside of this podcast, we don't apologize to anybody for
Speaker 1: anything we do. I grew up in a neighborhood that
Speaker 1: was weirdly like mixed, like not not. It was probably
Speaker 1: predominantly white, but not in a way that was like, oh, ship,
Speaker 1: we're like one of few, so we have like a
Speaker 1: nice mixture. And that meant that I don't necessarily know
Speaker 1: that I felt any special pressure from a white community
Speaker 1: versus a black community. It kind of felt like just
Speaker 1: whoever you were trying to funk meant you didn't want
Speaker 1: that anxiety spreading, you know what I mean, Like we
Speaker 1: all knew the same ship. I just wondered, like he
Speaker 1: went to like a southern black church, if like you
Speaker 1: felt the same pressure that your dick had to be
Speaker 1: big or in the black church, we like there was
Speaker 1: a grounding reality of black No, like you know, Dick's
Speaker 1: coming off side. Yeah, the preachers like he has ain't
Speaker 1: that as long as your money's greed, you're good over here.
Speaker 1: As long as you tried that ten percent, we don't care,
Speaker 1: right he once small ones want to climb on rocks. Hey,
Speaker 1: guy took ten percent off me from the top. You
Speaker 1: know we'll get it back in heaven. You get back.
Speaker 1: And that's that's what the Jehovah's witnesses are talking about.
Speaker 1: It's really a tax, faith tax. They take a faith
Speaker 1: bax right off the tip. Brother, do you believe or
Speaker 1: not God, It's gonna give you that dick back. God's
Speaker 1: donna give me that dick back. Yes, yes Na, have
Speaker 1: you heard the good news. God, it's gonna give you
Speaker 1: the ren give you that dick back. Okay, we we
Speaker 1: have gone a while now and we haven't made much
Speaker 1: progress in terms of understanding this conspiracy for yourself, Brandon,
Speaker 1: tell me do you personally believe in this conspiracy? How
Speaker 1: much or how much are you bought it? Well, So,
Speaker 1: the thing that I like, I'm I'm I'm a homosexual.
Speaker 1: So I research and I've done some data. So I
Speaker 1: yet some dick research, um, some honatomy as we call it.
Speaker 1: So what I fully know is uh that that is
Speaker 1: not true, that that black dicks comes on many sizes
Speaker 1: and there some that are you know, really really quite large,
Speaker 1: and something that are something that are very tiny and
Speaker 1: and and to me, the biggest thing that I have
Speaker 1: learned is it's how you use it. You know, like
Speaker 1: which you hear the motion of the ocean, but you're like, nah,
Speaker 1: I still wanted tennishes, But as an adult at thirty five,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, yeah, it really is more about how
Speaker 1: you use it, because there are people who have twelve
Speaker 1: inch dicks and are it's a weapon and what else
Speaker 1: would you do? You have to rob the pharmacy with that?
Speaker 1: What are you just gonna You're just gonna pick up
Speaker 1: your medication and buy candy corn? No, you hurt people
Speaker 1: how you go so far as to say a twelve
Speaker 1: inch stick is a burden? Yeah, it's it's someone with
Speaker 1: an eleven and a half inch stick. I can that's
Speaker 1: the way you want to stop? What does it say,
Speaker 1: say any more than two dollars a year and it
Speaker 1: doesn't feel any different. That's the same with penis, Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I can see that you have to go to porn
Speaker 1: right because like regular freak ain't trying to deal with that.
Speaker 1: Everything freak you are. You are a fucking weed. Don't
Speaker 1: you get out of here with big dicks. That's good energy.
Speaker 1: I've been trying to do it for years. Because here's
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. You don't have a twelve inch penis.
Speaker 1: It might have been too big before, so extrapolate that
Speaker 1: by however, many twelve is crazy, twelves a burden. I
Speaker 1: don't much. I don't think that that's even at least
Speaker 1: in talking to too many of my female friends. It
Speaker 1: it never seems to be the desire, like it's a
Speaker 1: desire to see it. I think we all want to
Speaker 1: see the motherfucker, but nobody wants that inside of them.
Speaker 1: I have had like we can do this. Uh, this
Speaker 1: is really interesting. I've had a twelve inch dick inside
Speaker 1: me once, and yeah, I'm I'm a brag about that
Speaker 1: because you know that took a lot of breathing, a
Speaker 1: lot of douche, and a lot of praying God, and
Speaker 1: it was great. But it's one of those things where
Speaker 1: you're like, that's a that's a vacation dick. You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. That's not like, but I want to
Speaker 1: be with every day. I don't want to marry that dick,
Speaker 1: you know, I want to I don't want to write
Speaker 1: a roller coaster after work on two No no, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's that's like, which is why I said twelve is
Speaker 1: a porn dick. It's like that's something you're like, Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm gonna look at that. I'm gonna see it
Speaker 1: one time, but I'm not I'm not trying to. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know how you know how Kumal got buff and
Speaker 1: like uh and like then we found out how he
Speaker 1: did it and it's like, oh, he hasn't had an
Speaker 1: almond for like two years, and it's like that's that's
Speaker 1: what that seems like, you know what I mean, where
Speaker 1: it's like you gotta really be down to put in
Speaker 1: the work every single day to experience that that level
Speaker 1: of of buffness and big dick would have to be
Speaker 1: in a vent, like you couldn't just like lazy right
Speaker 1: before we go to bed sex no no no, or
Speaker 1: like wake up sex not because you really get into
Speaker 1: the intestines at that point, like like that's when you're
Speaker 1: really beating guts because you were beating that time never
Speaker 1: felt applicable to what I do and I'm not. You
Speaker 1: are beating the out somebody's guts, so you know you can't.
Speaker 1: You can't surprise somebody with that. You really have to
Speaker 1: plan that out, are you? Are you at all afraid
Speaker 1: that at some point down the line, your doctor is
Speaker 1: gonna sit you down and be like, Brandon, we've got
Speaker 1: some bad news. Your guts are beat to death from
Speaker 1: from that that twelve and Dick, you too, honestly and honor.
Speaker 1: I hope I got that all want for that if
Speaker 1: if that happens, like I feel like wi thanks. There's
Speaker 1: there's no technical term for this, but but there's bruises.
Speaker 1: I'll love you your guts from the beating. If it's
Speaker 1: a gay doctor like congratulations. My ship wasn't foot long.
Speaker 1: Every time I completed with someone, I would put a
Speaker 1: notch in it like a bed buon. All right, I
Speaker 1: think we did enough to earn a break. We're gonna
Speaker 1: take a break. We'll get back with more, Brandon Cole
Speaker 1: good Man more. My mama told me anyway, welcome back
Speaker 1: to my mama told me the podcast where we are
Speaker 1: today actually talk you know about Dick than the way
Speaker 1: that y'all are not acknowledging that drop David is crazy.
Speaker 1: You're just going into your script like that. You know
Speaker 1: it was you know too. It's just it's just one
Speaker 1: of them drops me bick. Oh my god, that was unhinged.
Speaker 1: I like it. But we are back in Yeah, we
Speaker 1: are talking about do black men have big old hanging hogs,
Speaker 1: big old hanging hogs. And now now, Brandon, you you've
Speaker 1: experienced a big old black dick, You've had the twelve venture,
Speaker 1: do you? And this this is the question. I guess
Speaker 1: I've always wanted to ask, what is the preferred size?
Speaker 1: Is there a preferred size where you're like, that is
Speaker 1: exactly correct? Yes, I'm glad you're asking this. I'm like,
Speaker 1: it's funny because my publicist is on here and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I wonder if they're like listening to me talk about
Speaker 1: the dicks that I've taken and they're like, what, how
Speaker 1: are you going to spend this? I think I think
Speaker 1: you're spinning a chest right and spin. This is the book.
Speaker 1: This is We've got the follow up, seventy pages about
Speaker 1: me riding twelve InChIs um nine inches to me, it's
Speaker 1: like perfects, like a perfect that's still pretty big for
Speaker 1: regular dicks, right, yeah, that's just still a pretty you know.
Speaker 1: I would say that I like a big dick. So
Speaker 1: eight to nine is like the right, like if it's like,
Speaker 1: oh it's big, and also like it's not too much
Speaker 1: work for me personally. Not to brag, but that's that's
Speaker 1: my that's my jam. Like eight to nine. I love
Speaker 1: that for you. That's good for you, that that's that
Speaker 1: you even have that choice like that you because we
Speaker 1: have no choice. I can't be like, oh, seven to
Speaker 1: fifteen centimeters, there's no we don't get to talk about that.
Speaker 1: You don't get to you just get to say all
Speaker 1: you can say. It's like it was great or I
Speaker 1: didn't like it that much. I want to point out.
Speaker 1: I want to point out that that ten centimeters is
Speaker 1: full dilation for a woman in labor. So seven seven
Speaker 1: to fifteen for a woman just walking around is maybe
Speaker 1: the loosest pussy in all of history. Oh so now
Speaker 1: you're shaming people. Okay, I didn't know it was that
Speaker 1: kind of fucking podcast. I apologize. I don't know. You're
Speaker 1: out the goose. I'm on your side. I think tight
Speaker 1: loos's good. Yeah, it's it's like pizza man, It's all
Speaker 1: pretty good. Yeah. I feel like I mean, like, have
Speaker 1: you all had any sex, Like penetrated name but no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I no not yeah, but like have you fucked somebody's ass? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's it's too much of what to do for me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't care for it. It's it's not
Speaker 1: it's not my jam. It's just a lot of it's
Speaker 1: just like a lot of like I'm not that patient.
Speaker 1: Got it, got it, got it? Yes, you do have
Speaker 1: to be patient. Yeah, but maybe I always wonder maybe
Speaker 1: had it has it? Maybe if it was somebody who
Speaker 1: did it more often, it would be like more of
Speaker 1: a kid do it? But every times feeling a production?
Speaker 1: How long did it take usually? I'm so fascinating about this,
Speaker 1: like an extra couple of minutes of just like really though,
Speaker 1: like head in and then a little bit uh and
Speaker 1: then a little bit more and you know what. So
Speaker 1: it's like this, it's like it's like a little bit
Speaker 1: and get that used to and then used to that
Speaker 1: and then used to that. This is great for an
Speaker 1: audio medium. Well, I think we can explain it, David
Speaker 1: was my mom does listen to this. I think I
Speaker 1: think this won't be the thing that jumps her off
Speaker 1: board with this conversation is very open, so I've never
Speaker 1: I love shut out some moms. I've never vagina, So
Speaker 1: I want to ask a whole that is generally how
Speaker 1: it works? Always? Yes, yeah, you're like it can be
Speaker 1: like that vagina Okay, okay, Vaginas aren't always as blossomed
Speaker 1: as as you would love them to be and or
Speaker 1: ready for whatever is that already feels like a bad word.
Speaker 1: It feels wild. I don't love. I didn't have to
Speaker 1: tune tag in on this. I could have just let
Speaker 1: the con the research you started, all right, I did
Speaker 1: do some research on this. No, You're not good. Okay, okay, No,
Speaker 1: what I'm saying is sometimes vaginas are not as warmed
Speaker 1: up as they need to be in us. It takes
Speaker 1: longer to enter that is. That is how from the conversation.
Speaker 1: Are y'all part of the warming up of the vagina?
Speaker 1: For sure? Oh? I eat everything on my plate? Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: that's what we like to hear. Never never, never, not
Speaker 1: attempted to warm that thing up. I've failed a few times.
Speaker 1: How long do you warm it up for you? Outside
Speaker 1: of time? Outside of time? Will I grew up? I
Speaker 1: grew up with a weird body. You gotta make up
Speaker 1: for it I eat. I don't give a ship. We
Speaker 1: can go for a long long What if I never
Speaker 1: checked my watch? Now near? Whatever? Do you? Is that? Okay?
Speaker 1: I want to ask because I feel like so often
Speaker 1: that is not how straight men respond to this question.
Speaker 1: So like, was that something you learned from from your community,
Speaker 1: from other like how did y'all get so in tune
Speaker 1: and sensitive? Feel like? No, Oh, I gotta eat this
Speaker 1: for a while and take care of it. I think
Speaker 1: I'm just a person who's eager to please in general. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it's I think it's a personality trade looking
Speaker 1: for validation. Probably I was about saying I I similarly
Speaker 1: seek affirmation in a way that is probably poisonous to
Speaker 1: my but also great for eating pussy you know what that? Yeah,
Speaker 1: because I do know that's not the thing. I know
Speaker 1: a lot of people who don't even do it, which
Speaker 1: seems like and then do you even like pussy? Yeah? Anytime,
Speaker 1: anytime I've talked to a man who has said some
Speaker 1: shing like that, be like, weird ass, nigga, what's wrong
Speaker 1: with you? Like there, come on, dog, that's it's dope
Speaker 1: down there. Oh, that's a that's a learn learn on
Speaker 1: the fly for your buy. Yeah, the first time was
Speaker 1: probably bad. The first time is bad. Well, now you
Speaker 1: get older and then you've yeah, you've met a lot
Speaker 1: of women who have you know, slow down or don't
Speaker 1: like this or whatever. So like it's definitely time on
Speaker 1: task and like listening to partners. But at the beginning,
Speaker 1: I was just go. I just was like, right, have
Speaker 1: you ever seen the Tasmanian Devil? I was like, if
Speaker 1: I could take an aspect of that incorporating into my game. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a weird thing. And I'm not sure if this
Speaker 1: is true for for the gay community, but certainly in
Speaker 1: the strike community, it's a weird thing where we are
Speaker 1: not often afforded the option to not know what we're doing.
Speaker 1: And so you you kind of gotta you gotta show
Speaker 1: up like your fucking Tom Cruise and Top Gun, even
Speaker 1: if you're you're one of them other ones in Top
Speaker 1: Gun that died, you know what I mean? Like, you
Speaker 1: gotta really be be ready to do whatever and not
Speaker 1: not doubt yourself, right right, right, right? Well wait, who
Speaker 1: taught you how to do you? That's the first question. Yeah,
Speaker 1: taught you to suck dick? Specifically, a friend of mine
Speaker 1: named Michael. Damn, that's nice Michael's it was a white
Speaker 1: boy Michaels know how to suck dick? Um we met
Speaker 1: my Yes, if you want to get topped off or
Speaker 1: you need a corkboard, Michael, it was like freshman year
Speaker 1: of college. He taught me, which now people follow me
Speaker 1: called the b kg y. The Brandon called him a
Speaker 1: yawn because it's all about yawning so you can open
Speaker 1: up the back of your throat. If you're a singer,
Speaker 1: you know this like opening your your soft palet. I
Speaker 1: think so you can get more of the dick in
Speaker 1: the community service. This should maybe the clip. Honestly, this
Speaker 1: was super informative and not in a way that I
Speaker 1: can offer anything. But why do I feel wiser than
Speaker 1: I I started today? Yeah? If you if people have
Speaker 1: problems like gagging on dicks, it's because you're you're blocking
Speaker 1: or throat, so you have to yawn opening. That's almost
Speaker 1: like up you're blocking your blessing. Blocking. Say that to
Speaker 1: your neighbor. You're blocking your blessed. Open that throat. Uh,
Speaker 1: that's a different service than the one we started. Okay,
Speaker 1: we can't deadly dally anymore. We've got to get into
Speaker 1: this research. I did. I did do a fair amount
Speaker 1: of research on this subject, and there are surprisingly fewer
Speaker 1: studies about this conversation than one would expect. Part of
Speaker 1: the issue, I think is the reporting and or the
Speaker 1: collecting of data. Right, how many people essentially are willing
Speaker 1: to have their penises measured and then documented for science?
Speaker 1: And then the alternative is if they're not willing self reporting,
Speaker 1: which objectively seems like flawed science. I'm not buying that, right,
Speaker 1: you always want toad next, right, I'm not. Come on, man,
Speaker 1: I can't. I couldn't possibly tell a professional this person
Speaker 1: has a briefcase. Goddamn it, they're gonna hear a little
Speaker 1: extra Yeah, you're you're a scientist, you went to college.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm I'm lying. Yeah. In fact, a study from
Speaker 1: the Kinsey Institute in nineteen eighty nine found that all
Speaker 1: of the participants who initially claimed in the wreck cock
Speaker 1: length of ten insues they did not say cock. And
Speaker 1: that's listen, I am. I am telling you. I don't
Speaker 1: use cock personally as a descriptor. Ever, It's not my thing.
Speaker 1: But this is the way that the community thing like,
Speaker 1: I think, right, I always I always thought it was smut.
Speaker 1: Like it's like people who were really into smut in general,
Speaker 1: it's like it's like filthy people. Yeah, like when you
Speaker 1: hear somebody say like twat and you're like, yeah, yeah
Speaker 1: you are British. Why are you talking like that? Friend? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I got you. But they said those who claimed in
Speaker 1: the wreck penis length of ten inches are more turned
Speaker 1: out to have a considerably smaller length. What is considerably smaller?
Speaker 1: One participan thank you for asking that. One participant even
Speaker 1: claimed to have an eleven inch dick, but it turned
Speaker 1: out to actually be six and a half inches. You
Speaker 1: can't do six and a half to eleven, Okay, you
Speaker 1: can do, but yeah, that's that's double different. Even Listen,
Speaker 1: I look, I've told people I can dunk before, and
Speaker 1: I know I can't. I've been there, big dog, I
Speaker 1: see your vision, my mom. I'm sorry. That's just crazy.
Speaker 1: He really doubled it. Thought nobody was gonna find out.
Speaker 1: To the study, he was like, that's that's crazy. He
Speaker 1: really he really bugged the funk out. But but the
Speaker 1: point is that in general, it seems like lying on
Speaker 1: your own dick is a tendency. Also not for nothing,
Speaker 1: And this was me putting my conspiratorial head on, I
Speaker 1: think part of the reason that there are fewer studies
Speaker 1: here is because white scientists might be avoiding the study
Speaker 1: that that largely largely would would prove their fears to
Speaker 1: be true. Do you know what I mean? Like, it's
Speaker 1: one thing to find out that your pain is is
Speaker 1: smaller than another person's pain is it's another thing to
Speaker 1: do actual science work to find out that your pains
Speaker 1: is smaller than another man's pain. Now I have a theory.
Speaker 1: Go with me here. I'm ultimately because like you've done
Speaker 1: the research, she said, it's it's it's across the board.
Speaker 1: I think white men actually have an easier time living
Speaker 1: under the fallacy that they have smaller dicks, because then
Speaker 1: if you just have normal, you're amazing, You're exciting. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you understand what I'm saying. They have. It's easier for them.
Speaker 1: They once again ship rolls downhill and we have to
Speaker 1: carry the burden of this big fucking boy nothing about
Speaker 1: the come on and true. If a white guy pulls
Speaker 1: out a nine inch dick, you're like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: if I'm okay, well that's what I wanted to And
Speaker 1: they're boats above average. They so they we have to
Speaker 1: be normal to be that's we have to be twice
Speaker 1: as good as they do, which Obama was right. Chris
Speaker 1: Black's dad said to him, we gotta be twice as worth,
Speaker 1: twice as hard. Can't have the rewards twice the dicks
Speaker 1: and all you do it's online posting these big gass
Speaker 1: too foot black dicks. You're not helping us. Yeah, you're
Speaker 1: hurting the community. But Twitter, please just normal dicks rise.
Speaker 1: We need a normal dick and porn for black men.
Speaker 1: Move Come on, a little fizz. If you're listening and
Speaker 1: using him like you got a normal dick pulled out,
Speaker 1: let everybody see it. Stand up, stand up for us.
Speaker 1: Come on. Now that said, I did find a study
Speaker 1: that supports there being some legitimacy. Brandon, This is actually
Speaker 1: jetting a little bit against what you're saying. But there
Speaker 1: seems to be some reporting that at least supports the
Speaker 1: legitimacy of the claim that there is there are racial
Speaker 1: designations in terms of size. A two thousand thirteen paper
Speaker 1: published in the Journal of Personality and Individual Differences. You
Speaker 1: know that one that we all read. Researchers reviewed penis
Speaker 1: size reported from a hundred and thirteen countries, and what
Speaker 1: they found was that men of African descent tended to
Speaker 1: report the longest penises on average, around six point three
Speaker 1: three inches. I've heard, and this might be somebody, so
Speaker 1: I'm not what he said, Graham rising and then and
Speaker 1: then what did he say after that? I have I
Speaker 1: have heard that it's not a race thing. It is
Speaker 1: a climate thing because places with warmer climates, the body,
Speaker 1: like the extremities are free to flow longer, but in
Speaker 1: colder climates it assures you well to be constricted. Wow. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's just what I've heard. Now, Now this would I
Speaker 1: think possibly disagree with that, where you know, black black
Speaker 1: men were coming in at six point three three inches,
Speaker 1: while people of East Asian descent were averaging around four
Speaker 1: point three one inches, and most Europeans tended to fall
Speaker 1: somewhere near five point seven one in this study. Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: I And I've always wondered about the other side of
Speaker 1: the coin, which is obviously Asian men and tight. Okay,
Speaker 1: here's the question, Brandon, because I hadn't done the research
Speaker 1: on this, have you seen a huge Asian one? Yeah?
Speaker 1: You see, there we go. That's why I'm like, yeah, yeah, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's why. That's why I said, like even there there
Speaker 1: might be something to the studies of like like majority
Speaker 1: of black people have bigger dicks, but it's not across
Speaker 1: the board, and I think that's what any race like.
Speaker 1: I mean, I've seen some white guys with like massive dicks.
Speaker 1: You're just like, how the same with whenever you see
Speaker 1: a white person with a fat ass, You're like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, like how it's you know, it's not it's
Speaker 1: not a one to one, it's not a complete rule. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like saying a norwall, what's that with the horn
Speaker 1: on it? Yeah, that's that whale with the horn. It
Speaker 1: is like, as soon as I said it, I felt like,
Speaker 1: either this is gonna kill or these niggas don't know normal.
Speaker 1: But it's it's now, it's not mythical at all. I
Speaker 1: was talking about the one from ELF. That's the same thing,
Speaker 1: but that was real. Oh I know that. See we
Speaker 1: all learned something today. Yeah, look at that. Now. It's
Speaker 1: worth noting that the information that I told you is
Speaker 1: from a self report, right. That obviously makes the information
Speaker 1: a little rocky. But part of what they argue with
Speaker 1: this is that a different research study published in the
Speaker 1: and I can't believe this is a real place, the
Speaker 1: International Journal of Impotence Research, in which the measurements were
Speaker 1: performed by trained researchers. This wasn't a self report. These
Speaker 1: were researchers measuring penises. And this study, which was taken
Speaker 1: in Brazil, involved six d twenty seven men ages eighteen
Speaker 1: to eighty six, and they found that black participants had
Speaker 1: an average penis size of about six and a half inches,
Speaker 1: while white participants had an average penis size at about
Speaker 1: six point to two inches. So just shy of of
Speaker 1: the black penises. Interesting. I don't know what to make
Speaker 1: of that, because Brazilian it's all crazy down there. And
Speaker 1: that's part of what they say with the ship is
Speaker 1: that like, while this does sort of affirm the the
Speaker 1: original ship, it also is specifically in Brazil. They're also
Speaker 1: only factoring for white and black people, and they they
Speaker 1: aren't considering any of the other races. And if it's
Speaker 1: all in Brazil, maybe the brazil they just got big
Speaker 1: old dicks and they don't in other places, and they're
Speaker 1: super racially mixed, right, that's why they're so beautiful, right,
Speaker 1: because it's like, yeah, it's not as clearly, I think
Speaker 1: defined in terms of black and white, the way that
Speaker 1: our ship is brandon You you had I think an
Speaker 1: important question here. I was wondering, like, where where did
Speaker 1: the kind of obsession with or the important cynic size
Speaker 1: come from. I mean maybe, but I think it's the
Speaker 1: white man. You don't see a lot of black cock colds,
Speaker 1: That's all I'm saying. Yet, Yet that's true. That's true
Speaker 1: equality when we start being into holding and then there's
Speaker 1: like a video for white guys, it's like breeder black guy.
Speaker 1: I do think, I do think to some extent, and
Speaker 1: this feels like the easy answer, but I think it's
Speaker 1: very true. It's patriarchal, right, that like, it's a form
Speaker 1: of us creating power and or reducing power from another
Speaker 1: individual as a way of of essentially, you know, being
Speaker 1: able to to own more property in people and stuff.
Speaker 1: It's not it's not without its own weaponized intention. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I think that that is the smart, real answer.
Speaker 1: I'm color commentary, Betty. One of the things that I
Speaker 1: actually stumbled upon in this that I did not expect
Speaker 1: to find was information about the differences between gay and
Speaker 1: straight dicks's that ended up somehow becoming part of the
Speaker 1: research that I bumped into, and in fact in researchers
Speaker 1: in the US found that gay men are likely to
Speaker 1: have an average dick size of six point three two
Speaker 1: inches when I wrecked, compared to five point nine nine
Speaker 1: inches in straight men. Likewise, gay men were found to
Speaker 1: have penises at the average of point one five inches
Speaker 1: larger in circumference. WHOA, yeah, yeah, ya sat me. Good
Speaker 1: for you, Brandon, that's this is great for me happy.
Speaker 1: It's like, I can't even understand, Yeah, what's the demographic
Speaker 1: of the game, Like do they like they oh my god,
Speaker 1: like as there are there as it a melting pot
Speaker 1: of different ethnic backgrounds of these gays, or it's just
Speaker 1: like these are some some gays over here and something
Speaker 1: dog the research happened in you know, damn well, this
Speaker 1: wasn't uh a warm melting pot of anything. This is
Speaker 1: those are six white dudes that they pulled off the street.
Speaker 1: That's still that that that raises all kinds of questions
Speaker 1: because then maybe your your research is a little off
Speaker 1: because you've been out here in the valley of the
Speaker 1: huge dicks. These poor straight ladies they're over they're over
Speaker 1: play these ones, right, they're over here fucking five eight,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, you know, five eight claiming
Speaker 1: five eleven and just like nah na no no. I
Speaker 1: also have wanted to say this as soon as I
Speaker 1: found out that we were doing this. I think there
Speaker 1: goes to a level of people not having a good
Speaker 1: sense of spatial relation. I think that's what throws this
Speaker 1: all off. I mean, understanding the size of things and
Speaker 1: being able to eyeball the size of something without without
Speaker 1: a ruler is a skill that I don't think that
Speaker 1: most people have. Like I've done construction worked before, so
Speaker 1: that's the only reason that I feel like I can
Speaker 1: even eyeball something. But I just I've met too many
Speaker 1: people I've met I guess more women than men, where
Speaker 1: they're like he has a six fo penis and you're like,
Speaker 1: how it's all am I And she's like seven four,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, you don't even know what you're talking about.
Speaker 1: Like I feel like that that had because we all
Speaker 1: converted into inches, But what is six inches off the
Speaker 1: top of your head? Do you know? Like? And I
Speaker 1: don't think that is that common of a skill exactly exactly,
Speaker 1: So we all add this, like so many people have
Speaker 1: this thing, specifically with dicks. I've heard so many people
Speaker 1: swear to God, how big this dick is or this
Speaker 1: thing is, but it's like, you don't know how long
Speaker 1: the foot is? Yeah, no, my so, my daughter, we
Speaker 1: had to buy her new shoes just because kids grow,
Speaker 1: You get the concept. But she, uh, she you know,
Speaker 1: you see the shoes and you're like, that's a big
Speaker 1: fucking shoe. My daughter's foot is is what like two inches?
Speaker 1: And then you measure and it's like, no, her foot
Speaker 1: is like four and a half inches, and she's you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like, I'm I'm not close at
Speaker 1: all to the correct size of what this body is doing,
Speaker 1: and I'm probably not more generous with my own body
Speaker 1: or more accurate with my own body. Wait, this is
Speaker 1: now giving me an identity crisis because I said, I
Speaker 1: said on a twelve inch tick, but I know it's
Speaker 1: twelve in just because they told me. But can I
Speaker 1: rely on them if I can't tell, I can't have
Speaker 1: all it? And we always though they had an inch.
Speaker 1: Maybe it was like no, I mean you should still
Speaker 1: take wasn't the biggest dick you've ever seen? For sure?
Speaker 1: Yeah it can be twelve but but just know that
Speaker 1: that person made you a liar and uh and you
Speaker 1: gotta live with that on the inside. I live with
Speaker 1: that guilt on the inside. But I'm gonna tell you,
Speaker 1: yeah you are you were vacation. Yeah, yeah, you're sandals
Speaker 1: Jamaic trying to take it. So. So the last thing
Speaker 1: that I think is worth mentioning in relation to the
Speaker 1: gay big penis of it all. It does introduce, at
Speaker 1: least to me, the possibility that that's another piece of
Speaker 1: information y'all should be bringing as evidence that you were
Speaker 1: born this way like this is you need to be
Speaker 1: laying that on the table, like come on, come on,
Speaker 1: if you don't think I was born this way, show
Speaker 1: me a dick, let me see. Damn. That would really
Speaker 1: that would really push the conversation forward. I think. So
Speaker 1: we had to if it was had along those because
Speaker 1: a bunchet, cowardly straight men are not gonna pull their
Speaker 1: dicks out. We're really scared of taking our ship out.
Speaker 1: But y'all, I'm seen with gay clubs. Look like, y'all
Speaker 1: don't out in the clubs here. Yeah, and on the
Speaker 1: street you go to fullsom San Francisco had accident. We
Speaker 1: walked through the fulsom Street fan. You accidentally walked through
Speaker 1: the full how's going to the brainwash? It's on seventh
Speaker 1: and full, So this doesn't matter. This matters. I was
Speaker 1: going to the brainwash on seventh and full sum to
Speaker 1: tell jokes, it was a weekly open mic shoutout Tony Sparks.
Speaker 1: I didn't know the culture of San Francisco yet it
Speaker 1: was along the same time. You're like, oh, the street fair.
Speaker 1: Let me walk in and show my I D and
Speaker 1: see what's going on. And then it was like and
Speaker 1: then you're like that that's a hard s prize. Meant
Speaker 1: San Franciscans get They get naked all the time, though,
Speaker 1: Beta Breakers Pride are always taking it out. Like if
Speaker 1: you could take it out over there. I'm not saying
Speaker 1: just fly up there and take it out, but if
Speaker 1: there's like tvelry going on, you could probably get away
Speaker 1: with and yeah, become one with the culture and then
Speaker 1: take it out, don't just I was actually in San
Speaker 1: Francisco three weeks ago and I was at in a
Speaker 1: bar and we were like, it had like a patio,
Speaker 1: We're staying on the patio, and then suddenly I saw
Speaker 1: like a full on naked man walking across the street.
Speaker 1: I took a videoo because I'm so shocked. And then
Speaker 1: he crossed the street. And then two more naked men
Speaker 1: And this is at like one in the afternoon, and
Speaker 1: then and I don't know where they were going, but
Speaker 1: they were fully nude and and no one was stopping them.
Speaker 1: So it wasn't like Castro. Yeah, so it's not that
Speaker 1: it's so this is how I've understood it, because I
Speaker 1: remember this was a big deal. It's not that it's
Speaker 1: not illegal. It's like even like in the wire how
Speaker 1: they had the open air drug market. It's like that
Speaker 1: for Dickson the Castro, Like you can't nobody's gonna prosecute
Speaker 1: you for like within that neighborhood, you're allowed to do that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's a rule in New York City that you can't
Speaker 1: take it for women, you can't take your top off
Speaker 1: in public, but if you leave your house with your
Speaker 1: shirt off, you could just be titties out all day
Speaker 1: anywhere you want to be interesting. Yeah, so it feels
Speaker 1: like one of those loophole type ships. Yeah, my dick
Speaker 1: has been out this whole time, So let these good
Speaker 1: luck coppers I get on the street and take it
Speaker 1: out but if I come out with it, you know
Speaker 1: what I was on today. I just couldn't walk out
Speaker 1: naked like that because I feel like there would be
Speaker 1: a moment where I'm like, I wish I had clothes on,
Speaker 1: you know, like there would just be a moment in
Speaker 1: your day where you're like, I just I feel seen,
Speaker 1: And yeah, I don't want to at all. I think
Speaker 1: it's probably fun at funk when you're like walking through
Speaker 1: a park, when you're like hanging out somewhere or whatever
Speaker 1: the funk. But when you gotta like go to Walgreen
Speaker 1: and decide between like which which contact solution to buy
Speaker 1: and you're just asked maggy, you probably feel like an idiot.
Speaker 1: That's it exactly. Are like you're in there going to
Speaker 1: get some chips for your super Bowl party, Dick all
Speaker 1: on the doritos? Do I want scoops or traditional? Hi
Speaker 1: is just resting on that shitty salt. So they also
Speaker 1: refrigerate that sal animals. That's the real takeaway. REFERRF now
Speaker 1: that is the same faster, that's the originals from the beginning.
Speaker 1: He's like, he's like, you give some dick back also refrigerator. Well,
Speaker 1: I think we did it y'all. I think I think
Speaker 1: we nailed this. This This feels like we we fucking
Speaker 1: covered the ship out of it. Brandon, could you tell
Speaker 1: the people at home where they can find on you
Speaker 1: and what cool ship you have going on? Yeah? For sure,
Speaker 1: they can find me on Instagram at Brandon how good man?
Speaker 1: That'll take it everywhere? Else? Uh, big mouth? I don't
Speaker 1: know this drops a big Mouth season six October. And
Speaker 1: also my book you gotta be you available everywhere. Just
Speaker 1: support your local bookstores if you can. Hell, yeah, go
Speaker 1: go buy the book. Watch big mouth Brandon is great
Speaker 1: and and boy, you want to tell people everywhere they
Speaker 1: can get to you? Cool guy jokes seven on Instagram.
Speaker 1: I take you everything. I got some stand up dates coming.
Speaker 1: I also say, support your local book story. We won't.
Speaker 1: Don't let Walden in in all these other big book chains.
Speaker 1: Get your money. Shout out to the tattered cover and
Speaker 1: how right it's impressive. Well, well, I'll say let's get
Speaker 1: Barnes and Noble back, baby, those local book stories. I
Speaker 1: want borders back in business. Bring borders back in the
Speaker 1: day the little c miss big corporations that couldn't survive
Speaker 1: on their own. Bail them out. Bail them out. You
Speaker 1: can follow me at Langston Kermit on on whatever platforms,
Speaker 1: and as always, if you want to send us your
Speaker 1: own drops, your own conspiracy theories, If you want to
Speaker 1: tell us how big your penis is, please send it
Speaker 1: to my Mama pod at gmail dot com. We would
Speaker 1: love to hear from you. Okay, that's it, Bye, bitch.
Speaker 1: Why are you on? Something's going on? Can I smell you?
Speaker 1: Dick my crop chips in your mails? Quali bears are racists?
Speaker 1: Money stuff? I can't tell me