1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:03,600 Speaker 1: I deserted my children on Christmas, and they deserved it. 2 00:00:03,640 --> 00:00:05,400 Speaker 2: I want to leave you to get your own gifts. 3 00:00:05,559 --> 00:00:09,399 Speaker 1: For one. You say, like, bad kids deserve coal, right, 4 00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:12,000 Speaker 1: I say they don't deserve parents. I think Santa should 5 00:00:12,039 --> 00:00:15,040 Speaker 1: kidnap the children that are bad wow, and make make 6 00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:16,320 Speaker 1: him like work in a sweatshop. 7 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:19,000 Speaker 2: And this is a Christmas episode. 8 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:21,320 Speaker 1: This is a Christmas episode. 9 00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:22,759 Speaker 2: As you can see with all the festivities around. 10 00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:26,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, we got the Yule log. Birth smells great. That's great. 11 00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:32,159 Speaker 1: Smells like smoke. All right, John, let's get into the story. 12 00:00:32,280 --> 00:00:36,199 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three beautiful and smart children and 13 00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:42,159 Speaker 1: one dot no hold on okidding. After giving birth to 14 00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:44,800 Speaker 1: my first child, I immediately regretted my decision. 15 00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:45,600 Speaker 2: Oh. 16 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:47,600 Speaker 1: I realized I was not fit to be a mother 17 00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:50,600 Speaker 1: and did not love my child as a mother should. 18 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,960 Speaker 1: That's tough, dude, that's tough. Imagining the kid reading this 19 00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:57,040 Speaker 1: post and they're like, shit, that's my mom. 20 00:00:57,920 --> 00:00:59,360 Speaker 2: That is not a great Christmas gift. 21 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:02,920 Speaker 1: Husband, a couple of years after the first, convinced me 22 00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:05,480 Speaker 1: to have another. At first, I was heditant and did 23 00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:07,920 Speaker 1: not want other children, but I decided that maybe this 24 00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:10,000 Speaker 1: was the way to fix things. You know, like, if 25 00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:12,479 Speaker 1: you don't like one of something, maybe you'd like. 26 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:14,240 Speaker 2: To Yeah, there we go. 27 00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:20,080 Speaker 1: Oh you don't like you know, pineapple and him pizza? Pineapple? 28 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:24,760 Speaker 1: What is it? Pineapple pizza pizza? Oh yeah, Hawaiian pizza. 29 00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:28,240 Speaker 1: Maybe maybe just to have two of them Hawaiian pizzas, 30 00:01:28,520 --> 00:01:31,679 Speaker 1: Hawaiian pizza large, extra large, eat them both. You'll like it. 31 00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:33,520 Speaker 1: You'll have a good time. She said, maybe the way 32 00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:36,080 Speaker 1: to fixings was to give my other child a chance 33 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:39,040 Speaker 1: to have a siblings. That, of course, did not work. 34 00:01:39,959 --> 00:01:44,480 Speaker 1: Heyd the second one more than the first one. Really, No, No, 35 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:49,080 Speaker 1: my husband loves kids, and because we come from a 36 00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:51,800 Speaker 1: culture that sees the more children the better, I gave 37 00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:56,320 Speaker 1: in once again and had my third. And then I 38 00:01:56,400 --> 00:02:01,400 Speaker 1: realized the joy of children did she I realized more 39 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:04,480 Speaker 1: children didn't really change that much for me. I was 40 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:07,000 Speaker 1: already a mother after my first, and my life was 41 00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:12,160 Speaker 1: already ruined back then. Oh man, those three kids, that's tough. 42 00:02:12,919 --> 00:02:16,040 Speaker 1: They're they're they're they're they're really struggling going through this. 43 00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:18,160 Speaker 2: Read think about this, to think about this right for 44 00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:21,200 Speaker 2: the mom's perspective, you literally, I mean, I guess you 45 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:23,560 Speaker 2: could like try to like find like a foster child 46 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:25,440 Speaker 2: to be an ant or whatever. But like, you really 47 00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:28,400 Speaker 2: don't know what it is to be a parent until 48 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,440 Speaker 2: you're there, you know what I mean. You can't really 49 00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:34,000 Speaker 2: test drive, but fully, you know, you know, if you 50 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:36,280 Speaker 2: realize you don't want to be a parent to the first. 51 00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:38,639 Speaker 1: Kid, probably not the best. 52 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:41,839 Speaker 2: Idea to have two more quintuple down, yeah, yeah, get 53 00:02:41,919 --> 00:02:44,560 Speaker 2: sex top with be optimal exactly. 54 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:47,640 Speaker 1: We don't really know what it means to have children 55 00:02:47,919 --> 00:02:50,640 Speaker 1: until you have like Seal team six of children. Then 56 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:53,400 Speaker 1: they raise each other, then they don't them. Yeah I 57 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,560 Speaker 1: saw them, you know, raised the first kid for like 58 00:02:55,639 --> 00:02:58,440 Speaker 1: six years. Then they just you know, it's a never 59 00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:00,680 Speaker 1: ending cycle. You just keep raising each other. 60 00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:02,320 Speaker 2: That's my gift to you. Merry Christmas. 61 00:03:02,639 --> 00:03:06,720 Speaker 1: That's called delegation, baby, that's right. Some business tarms to 62 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,880 Speaker 1: be a business boss. Now. I don't want anyone to 63 00:03:09,919 --> 00:03:12,640 Speaker 1: think that I'm a bad mother. I am a great 64 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:15,919 Speaker 1: mother and fight to hide my depression every day. Hikes. 65 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:19,000 Speaker 1: Oh man. That is one of the reasons I went 66 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:22,520 Speaker 1: all out this Christmas. I had suddenly gotten a flash 67 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:25,480 Speaker 1: of energy that I decided I wanted to use this Christmas. 68 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:28,400 Speaker 1: My husband, loving my change and attitude and spending time 69 00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:31,520 Speaker 1: with family. Was all game on having a huge Christmas 70 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:34,960 Speaker 1: family party, which included our parents, our siblings, and all 71 00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:37,440 Speaker 1: our children. We were a lot of people and most 72 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:39,440 Speaker 1: slept in our house on Christmas Eve. There were a 73 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:41,640 Speaker 1: lot more presents under the tree because of that. On 74 00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:44,200 Speaker 1: Christmas morning, I woke up earlier than the others to 75 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:46,880 Speaker 1: prepare breakfast, and I look inside the living room and 76 00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:52,680 Speaker 1: just scream, completely breaking down, crying. Oh my god, all 77 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:58,080 Speaker 1: of the presents had been opened. The boxes were opened, 78 00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:02,880 Speaker 1: and the presents were scattered everywhere. Oh what. I completely 79 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:05,160 Speaker 1: lost it and that woke up the others. When the 80 00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:08,200 Speaker 1: children saw, they started crying too. They had all been 81 00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:11,360 Speaker 1: so excited for the many presents this year, and the 82 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:14,200 Speaker 1: adults were in shock. Well, if you wonder who the 83 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:21,040 Speaker 1: culprit was, we quickly figured out that it was John. 84 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:26,839 Speaker 2: I'm so sorry, I just wanted to ruin Christmas for fun. 85 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:31,839 Speaker 1: No, it was the youngest child went downstairs with one 86 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:35,280 Speaker 1: of his open presents. They have recently entered a super 87 00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:38,720 Speaker 1: defiant and curious age, and I know I can't blame them, 88 00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:41,760 Speaker 1: but God, I hate them for what they did. I'm sorry, 89 00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:43,640 Speaker 1: but I do I love how it's like them. 90 00:04:43,839 --> 00:04:45,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, like, not like I hate what. 91 00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:49,400 Speaker 1: I hate the youngest child, to be specific. And it's 92 00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:51,719 Speaker 1: not even the child's like, not even like I hate 93 00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:57,159 Speaker 1: that child, It's I hate all of them. My husband's 94 00:04:57,240 --> 00:04:59,599 Speaker 1: parents started lecturing me on how I should have been 95 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:02,640 Speaker 1: raised my child to not even think about doing things 96 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:05,320 Speaker 1: like that. My parents started arguing with my husband's parents. 97 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:08,960 Speaker 1: My children were screaming and crying. Asked me for me. 98 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:11,040 Speaker 1: Would we not have any present? 99 00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:12,520 Speaker 2: No more Christmas? 100 00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:13,920 Speaker 1: No more Christmas? 101 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:16,440 Speaker 2: Do we have to make the prisons fall the kids 102 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:16,880 Speaker 2: next year? 103 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:20,279 Speaker 1: We naughty boys and stuff like that. My youngest was 104 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:23,240 Speaker 1: just looking at the scene innocently, and though they don't 105 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:27,400 Speaker 1: know it, it made me extremely mad. I just lost it. 106 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:29,120 Speaker 1: I walked out of the house with my purse in 107 00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:31,240 Speaker 1: my pajamas and just drove away. I went to a 108 00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:33,760 Speaker 1: hotel and just stayed there for a couple of days 109 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:36,919 Speaker 1: in shaw, trying to process my feelings towards my children 110 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:40,039 Speaker 1: and just bawling my eyes out. I probably traumatized them 111 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:42,599 Speaker 1: the whole time. My husband and family have been blowing 112 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:45,240 Speaker 1: up my phone scolding me for leaving. But if I 113 00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:47,359 Speaker 1: hadn't left to cool down. I don't know what I 114 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:49,880 Speaker 1: would have done, like murder her children. 115 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,000 Speaker 2: Probably, yeah, I mean that that would not be good. 116 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:55,720 Speaker 1: I eventually went back home. The children seemed fine. Apparently 117 00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:58,839 Speaker 1: my husband had just handed them their open presence and 118 00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:01,520 Speaker 1: that took their minds off things. I mean smart, you know, 119 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:02,520 Speaker 1: they still have the presence. 120 00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:05,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, like they have the presence. Like that's probably the 121 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:06,880 Speaker 2: best thing you can do. Give them the presence. Maybe 122 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:09,200 Speaker 2: like take some like hot coco. I don't know, some 123 00:06:09,279 --> 00:06:10,600 Speaker 2: Christmas festivities going on. 124 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:12,640 Speaker 1: You know, at the end of the day, the presents 125 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:15,159 Speaker 1: aren't destroyed, they're just open to just open and just 126 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:18,560 Speaker 1: so you know, just fucking rewrap them. You got up early. Yeah, 127 00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:21,760 Speaker 1: like I obviously sucks, right yeah yeah, yeah yeah, But 128 00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:24,919 Speaker 1: it's not like they're destroyed. Just rewrap the presence. No, 129 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:27,479 Speaker 1: it's over, it's re wrap the presence. 130 00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:31,599 Speaker 2: Can you you can't unsee the carnage of I do 131 00:06:31,839 --> 00:06:33,960 Speaker 2: re opened press. 132 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:36,000 Speaker 1: You understand, like looking at that and be like, oh 133 00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:37,159 Speaker 1: my god, the mess. 134 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:40,200 Speaker 2: But like there's no going back. You can't just take 135 00:06:40,279 --> 00:06:42,920 Speaker 2: something and rind a box and then wrap it in 136 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:44,880 Speaker 2: that box and put a bow on it. Now, you 137 00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:47,680 Speaker 2: can't you can't do that. It just simply doesn't work. 138 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:48,720 Speaker 1: It's over. 139 00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:51,640 Speaker 2: The presence can only be wrapped once. Yeah, shout out 140 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:53,960 Speaker 2: to husband for trying, But you know the. 141 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:56,479 Speaker 1: Rest of the family helped create a somewhat Christmas for 142 00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:58,520 Speaker 1: all the children. I do feel bad for leaving. I 143 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:00,640 Speaker 1: feel like my kids are gonna hate me for it 144 00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:03,000 Speaker 1: when they grow up. My husband still resents me too. 145 00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:04,800 Speaker 1: He said I failed as a mother and that he 146 00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:07,200 Speaker 1: never thought I would do something like that to the 147 00:07:07,279 --> 00:07:10,320 Speaker 1: kids or him. Something triggered inside me. I don't think 148 00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:12,760 Speaker 1: it was just because of the presence. This was about 149 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:15,560 Speaker 1: my whole motherhood. My family told me that someday I 150 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,280 Speaker 1: will be able to look back on this and laugh, 151 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:19,480 Speaker 1: But I don't think so. I really don't think so. 152 00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:21,480 Speaker 2: It was the straw that broke the Reindeers back. 153 00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:25,000 Speaker 1: I can't even look at my youngest right now. And 154 00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:27,880 Speaker 1: there are some relevant comments in an update. But do 155 00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:33,480 Speaker 1: you think Ope, you know, was overreacting by walking out 156 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:35,200 Speaker 1: the door and running away. 157 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:38,200 Speaker 2: And do we know, like like so Opie walks out 158 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:42,640 Speaker 2: the door, right, do we know that she was like 159 00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:44,960 Speaker 2: staying in a hotel. We don't know the amount of 160 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:46,360 Speaker 2: time or like anything like that. 161 00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:48,600 Speaker 1: I mean, I think like at least, like, you know, 162 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:50,679 Speaker 1: maybe a few hours of the years. 163 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:55,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it kind of It depends on the 164 00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:57,760 Speaker 2: time a lot, because I think like if you're just 165 00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:01,280 Speaker 2: like I'm sorry, overwhelmed, I eat a minute to walk outside, 166 00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:03,680 Speaker 2: totally fine, and then you can come back later when 167 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:05,640 Speaker 2: you're in a more like calm state, because I think 168 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:10,120 Speaker 2: like removing yourself from a scenario where you're like overly 169 00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:10,920 Speaker 2: anxious and tense. 170 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:14,560 Speaker 1: So just to be clear, yeah, to refresh. I went 171 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:18,480 Speaker 1: to a hotel and stayed there for a couple of days, okay, right, 172 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:20,120 Speaker 1: a couple of days. 173 00:08:20,280 --> 00:08:23,440 Speaker 2: A couple of days and like basically no communication. 174 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:28,800 Speaker 1: No communication. That's probably pretty bad. 175 00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:30,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I would say, I would say a whole 176 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:34,000 Speaker 2: move again, It's totally fine to like step out. Even 177 00:08:34,559 --> 00:08:36,320 Speaker 2: even if it was like I would say, you know, one, 178 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:38,880 Speaker 2: two three hours, if you really just need to like walk, 179 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,880 Speaker 2: take a drive, I don't know, get a cup of 180 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:42,640 Speaker 2: tea at Starbucks, I don't know, whatever it is, Like 181 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:45,520 Speaker 2: sometimes it takes that to calm calm down and you 182 00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:47,920 Speaker 2: can come back later and communicate like, hey, I, in 183 00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:50,720 Speaker 2: all honesty needed that time, et cetera, et cetera. But 184 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:55,439 Speaker 2: a few days no contact. Yeah, it was a straw 185 00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:56,640 Speaker 2: that broke the Reindeers back. 186 00:08:56,520 --> 00:09:00,760 Speaker 1: Though it was. But I don't know. I think like 187 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:08,840 Speaker 1: she just she I feel like should be excused, not 188 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:09,720 Speaker 1: to be excused. 189 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:12,360 Speaker 2: No, And I wonder I wonder what her and the 190 00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:16,160 Speaker 2: husband's conversations have been as well, because like it sounds 191 00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:19,480 Speaker 2: like the dad is kind of like privy if not 192 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:23,400 Speaker 2: fully aware of her, like not liking being a mother 193 00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:26,680 Speaker 2: and like not liking hating the children. 194 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:29,800 Speaker 1: You don't think the husband is fully aware of it? 195 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:33,080 Speaker 2: No, No, I'm wondering a how aware is he? I 196 00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:36,800 Speaker 2: think probably fully to an extent, like maybe not one 197 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:41,240 Speaker 2: hundred percent. Yeah, And then also what are those like 198 00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:43,560 Speaker 2: kind it's like a lose lose It's such a sad 199 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:45,800 Speaker 2: lose lose scenario because it's like she doesn't want to 200 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:47,840 Speaker 2: be a mom, the crazy things that she kept having 201 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:52,840 Speaker 2: more kids. I know. But and then like I think, uh, 202 00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:56,400 Speaker 2: what have they talked about in terms of that, Like, hey, 203 00:09:56,640 --> 00:10:00,000 Speaker 2: this overwhelms me? Whatever? Is there any sort of like compromise? 204 00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:01,480 Speaker 2: I don't know. I mean, it's it's tough and. 205 00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:04,600 Speaker 1: You just get away the youngest child give away, Yeah, 206 00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:08,319 Speaker 1: give away the youngest child. Yeah that that if if 207 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:11,200 Speaker 1: you're going to tear open presents before their due, you 208 00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:13,520 Speaker 1: should become the present for another family that will like 209 00:10:13,559 --> 00:10:17,439 Speaker 1: you more. I mean, it's. 210 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:21,160 Speaker 2: It's bad, but like I don't it would be bad 211 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:23,920 Speaker 2: if they gave the kid away. But if the kid. 212 00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:31,679 Speaker 1: Home. But John's like you know what, I was like, wait. 213 00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:36,520 Speaker 2: A second, like a devil's advocate, play this all the way? 214 00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:40,199 Speaker 2: Well maybe I mean if like if I think a 215 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:43,560 Speaker 2: kidnap him to the. 216 00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:47,000 Speaker 1: Audience, If you just hate being a mother this much, 217 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,480 Speaker 1: and it's obvious to like your husband and your children, 218 00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:52,800 Speaker 1: do you just give your kids away? Because also should 219 00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:54,040 Speaker 1: she give her kids away? 220 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:57,280 Speaker 2: If you go both ways, it's it's sounds like easily 221 00:10:57,280 --> 00:10:58,920 Speaker 2: they hope it's a guy, Like, oh, I'm a guy. 222 00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:00,920 Speaker 2: I don't like my kid. Let me get like it 223 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:02,320 Speaker 2: feels worse like coming from a. 224 00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:05,120 Speaker 1: Guy, just terrible. But like, like, if you're unfit to 225 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:07,800 Speaker 1: be a mother, is it better for the children to 226 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:13,360 Speaker 1: live under this heartless, Christmas hating mother or to go 227 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:15,000 Speaker 1: into the foster care system? 228 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:17,360 Speaker 2: I think it is a question to be asked. Maybe 229 00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:19,560 Speaker 2: not yeah, what other option? 230 00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:20,800 Speaker 1: Or maybe like. 231 00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:23,160 Speaker 2: You find the right, I think, like, you know how, 232 00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:25,680 Speaker 2: but she would have to care, You would have to care. 233 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:28,160 Speaker 2: In the right family, you could be well, you could 234 00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:31,559 Speaker 2: just be like a decent human and be like, Okay, 235 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:33,600 Speaker 2: let me get this kid, like the best set up possible. 236 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:36,840 Speaker 2: Like there's a lot of like women who literally have 237 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:39,880 Speaker 2: babies like like pre adopted essentially, right, and they give 238 00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:42,240 Speaker 2: it away. They find a family that's like yeah, but then. 239 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:44,960 Speaker 1: That family has their like they're able to like create 240 00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:47,880 Speaker 1: their own kid. It's true, It's true. Like this is 241 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:51,600 Speaker 1: like a this is a kid that has is like eleven. 242 00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:57,200 Speaker 2: If you if you pass it off to a great family, 243 00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:01,679 Speaker 2: past it past the child's wrong. Guys, what is this 244 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:04,120 Speaker 2: Christmas done to me? Actually? Have my Christmas spirit? 245 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:06,520 Speaker 1: Is throw my last gift you could give is the 246 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:09,439 Speaker 1: gift of this child to a childless family. Oh, here 247 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:11,080 Speaker 1: we go, Here we go, here we go. Yes, all right, 248 00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:14,360 Speaker 1: make a database of all the families who recently had 249 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:17,480 Speaker 1: a child aged eleven that died and then give that child, 250 00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:20,840 Speaker 1: your child to them. It's like, oh, like, you know, 251 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:23,320 Speaker 1: this model is a little different, but like, you know, 252 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:24,720 Speaker 1: around the same. 253 00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:27,400 Speaker 2: I have to imagine there's do I wonder if adoption 254 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:29,600 Speaker 2: agencies do something of that ature, like you know, like 255 00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:33,000 Speaker 2: like a like a kid swap, like like hey, if 256 00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:34,960 Speaker 2: you're if your kid passed away, but you still probably 257 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:35,480 Speaker 2: if you tell. 258 00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:38,320 Speaker 1: Another one around the same age like here, here's or just. 259 00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:41,680 Speaker 2: Like yeah, just like a kid that can you know, yeah, 260 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:43,640 Speaker 2: oh that's kind of sad fill the void, my goodness, 261 00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:44,959 Speaker 2: I feel like there is. 262 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:51,839 Speaker 1: Like, but statistically, statistically, if you are if you don't 263 00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:53,440 Speaker 1: want your kid and you give it up for adoption, 264 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:57,600 Speaker 1: that kid is more likely than anyone else to become 265 00:12:57,600 --> 00:13:01,280 Speaker 1: a billionaire, okay, or to become but most likely to 266 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:02,240 Speaker 1: become like homeless. 267 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:06,600 Speaker 2: But like we're most likely to become almost but more 268 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:07,760 Speaker 2: likely to become a billionaire. 269 00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:14,319 Speaker 1: Yes, like like most like a lot of like ultra 270 00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:21,120 Speaker 1: ultra billionaires were adopted Steve Jobs, Steve Jobs, Uh, Jeff Bezos, 271 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:23,760 Speaker 1: It's true, I. 272 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:24,400 Speaker 2: Forgot about that. 273 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:24,800 Speaker 1: Yeah. 274 00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:27,440 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's an interesting question. I think I think the 275 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:28,439 Speaker 2: okay gang. 276 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:32,160 Speaker 1: Yeah can come in. But what do you think about 277 00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:33,920 Speaker 1: children swapping? 278 00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:37,760 Speaker 2: Mostly if you do, if you truly are like I, 279 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,480 Speaker 2: for whatever reasoning a parent, I hate being a parent, 280 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,439 Speaker 2: do you try to find like a better home? 281 00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:46,560 Speaker 1: This specific situation should o p give away her children. Yeah, 282 00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:49,160 Speaker 1: put your answers in the college us. Know it's a 283 00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:52,520 Speaker 1: big one, all right, but we have an update, so 284 00:13:52,679 --> 00:13:55,839 Speaker 1: relevant comments. I agree family therapy would be best. My 285 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:59,320 Speaker 1: husband is just extremely against all stuff mental illness and 286 00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:02,520 Speaker 1: family problem. He is very old school, but I will 287 00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:04,679 Speaker 1: definitely talk about it with him again. In my culture, 288 00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:06,600 Speaker 1: it is sadly very common for the mother to be 289 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:09,000 Speaker 1: the glue that holds it all together. Maybe if it 290 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:11,360 Speaker 1: had not been my party too, it would have been 291 00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:13,360 Speaker 1: easier for me, But I don't know. It is not 292 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:15,480 Speaker 1: often that our parents come over, but this year I 293 00:14:15,559 --> 00:14:18,800 Speaker 1: really just wanted a big, glossy family picture. For some reason, 294 00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:21,400 Speaker 1: it all just escalated. It was naive of me to 295 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:23,320 Speaker 1: think I could handle it. But I agree that as 296 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:27,240 Speaker 1: women we are born in pain and carry the pain 297 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:30,840 Speaker 1: throughout our life. Birth in pain carry the family on 298 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:33,720 Speaker 1: our shoulders and pain too. It is the job of 299 00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:36,000 Speaker 1: being a woman. Damn Is that what it's like? 300 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:38,880 Speaker 2: I mean, I do have to carry carrying the babies, Damn. 301 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:42,720 Speaker 1: I don't want to push those out, But shit, born 302 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:46,400 Speaker 1: in pain carry the pain. Birth and pain carry the 303 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:47,440 Speaker 1: family pain too. 304 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:51,920 Speaker 2: I think there's I mean, it's a big topic, is 305 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,240 Speaker 2: that what it's like to be a woman. 306 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,120 Speaker 1: I don't know if I agree with that. I think 307 00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:05,160 Speaker 1: this woman is very pessimistic. He is very much not 308 00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:07,720 Speaker 1: an emotional person, and I knew that our relationship has 309 00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:09,880 Speaker 1: been very distorted since we had children. I know he 310 00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:12,280 Speaker 1: loves me as the mother of his children, but sometimes 311 00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:14,360 Speaker 1: I worry he doesn't love me. You know, he does 312 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:16,640 Speaker 1: tend to put the children before me always, which I 313 00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:19,440 Speaker 1: have no problem with. It is understandable. It's like, yeah, 314 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:22,400 Speaker 1: he like always like feeds the children first, picks them 315 00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:24,840 Speaker 1: up from school and stuff. When I want my. 316 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:27,640 Speaker 2: Back rubs, you gotta get you gotta get in there somewhere. See, 317 00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:30,320 Speaker 2: I mean she's like fourth if all the kids are first, 318 00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:33,200 Speaker 2: so you're in fourth place. If you ran a race 319 00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:34,600 Speaker 2: and you're in fourth place, you'd be like. 320 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:36,880 Speaker 1: But I'm not going to bronze, dude, I want my metal. 321 00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:39,840 Speaker 1: That's exactly. At least get me a bronze, right, yeah. 322 00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:42,320 Speaker 1: That see, that's why you got to get rid of 323 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,720 Speaker 1: that that youngest kid. Instantly least place. 324 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:47,280 Speaker 2: The best way to win a race, knock down everybody 325 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:49,440 Speaker 2: in front of you, your own. 326 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:53,520 Speaker 1: Children exactly exactly, you know, just destroy their self confidence 327 00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:55,600 Speaker 1: by saying like, hey, like we don't want you, but 328 00:15:55,640 --> 00:16:00,000 Speaker 1: maybe someone else will. Basically, but sometimes I feel as 329 00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:02,760 Speaker 1: if he puts the children first, even with small things 330 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:05,960 Speaker 1: like playing with them instead of helping me with dinner. 331 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:07,960 Speaker 1: You know, I don't know, maybe I'm just a bit selfish, 332 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,640 Speaker 1: but I really just wish he would want to spend 333 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:12,520 Speaker 1: time with me. Sometimes. He's also very traditional the wife 334 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:14,920 Speaker 1: takes care of the kids, clean and so on, which 335 00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:17,200 Speaker 1: really developed ever since we got kids. He is a 336 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:21,240 Speaker 1: great father, though. So here's the update, and there's an update. 337 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,480 Speaker 1: First of all, I want to say thank you for 338 00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:26,040 Speaker 1: all of those who commented such nice things and helpful advice. 339 00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:28,400 Speaker 1: With you guys, I've finally been able to see clearly. 340 00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:31,200 Speaker 1: For some it might be stupid that an internet site 341 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:35,040 Speaker 1: completely changes one's mind, but I have no friends, no strangers, 342 00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:37,360 Speaker 1: and certainly no family telling me any of the things 343 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:40,080 Speaker 1: I have been told in this group about me my family. 344 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:43,200 Speaker 1: In the particular situation that occurred Christmas morning, honestly, it 345 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:45,480 Speaker 1: was a wake up call. Looking back at my life, 346 00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:47,800 Speaker 1: I have started to notice the wrong ways I have 347 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,240 Speaker 1: been treated and the ways that my husband and his 348 00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:53,320 Speaker 1: family and sometimes even mine have treated me. It is 349 00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:55,520 Speaker 1: almost as if I have just become used to my 350 00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:58,440 Speaker 1: role as a mother and wife and therefore forgotten myself, 351 00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:02,000 Speaker 1: completely forgotten my own needs and desires. And now I 352 00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:07,000 Speaker 1: finally see how unhappy I actually am. I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah, I. 353 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:09,320 Speaker 2: Think she's just severely depressed. 354 00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:12,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, and like I think it's like, I mean, maybe 355 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:14,080 Speaker 1: we were clowning on her to a little too early, 356 00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:19,440 Speaker 1: but like like probably probably probably probably, But like now 357 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:21,879 Speaker 1: looking back at her story, it's like she came from 358 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:25,080 Speaker 1: a very traditional family and there a woman is just 359 00:17:25,119 --> 00:17:26,440 Speaker 1: like you were meant to be a mother, and there's 360 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:28,400 Speaker 1: nothing else like that. She probably didn't even see another 361 00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:30,000 Speaker 1: option than when she got to it, she's like, oh 362 00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:32,119 Speaker 1: this sucks, is not what I want at all. But 363 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:34,680 Speaker 1: like when you're a woman raised in a traditional family, 364 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:37,560 Speaker 1: like there's maybe there's just like no other. 365 00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:43,520 Speaker 2: Literally think basically, and then you literally don't know until 366 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:50,320 Speaker 2: you actually give birth story. 367 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:52,280 Speaker 1: And then you're like, oh shit, was in reality to 368 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:55,200 Speaker 1: start to field. I'm not gonna lie. This last week 369 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,080 Speaker 1: it's been hell. I've been reading the comments and bawling 370 00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,640 Speaker 1: my eyes out late into the night on a chair 371 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:02,680 Speaker 1: on the porch while everyone was asleep. It was almost 372 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:05,520 Speaker 1: kind of cathartic in a way. I suggested going to 373 00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:07,920 Speaker 1: family therapy to my husband, but he would hear none 374 00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:09,439 Speaker 1: of it. He wouldn't put the kids in it and 375 00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:12,240 Speaker 1: claim the only one who needed therapy was me. It 376 00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:14,560 Speaker 1: was like talking to a wall. And when the argument 377 00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:18,119 Speaker 1: got really heated, oh jeez, he did something that changed 378 00:18:18,119 --> 00:18:20,760 Speaker 1: my view of him forever. It made me realize that 379 00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:23,600 Speaker 1: I don't even know this man anymore and that I 380 00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:27,160 Speaker 1: need to get the f out. Even though he apologized profusely, 381 00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:30,360 Speaker 1: I imagine he like hit her or something. Yeah, that's 382 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,320 Speaker 1: what That's the vibe that I'm getting. 383 00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:36,200 Speaker 2: Seemed like something like something that to change her perspective 384 00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:37,040 Speaker 2: that much. 385 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:40,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm like thinking, like we were making all those jokes, 386 00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:43,480 Speaker 1: but like she doesn't want to be Like obviously she 387 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:45,399 Speaker 1: felt like being a mother was the only option, but 388 00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:47,080 Speaker 1: she doesn't want to be a mother even And like 389 00:18:47,119 --> 00:18:48,919 Speaker 1: I'm like, is it still a good idea to like 390 00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:52,040 Speaker 1: give away the kids or like divorce and then give 391 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:53,600 Speaker 1: the husband full custody? 392 00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:56,959 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, the kid. I really don't know on like 393 00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:59,280 Speaker 2: giving away the kids, because it's like you just don't know, 394 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:01,320 Speaker 2: Like if there was a family. If there was a family, 395 00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:05,879 Speaker 2: the husband loves the kids exactly the husband maybe, Like 396 00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:08,560 Speaker 2: it seems like the option that makes sense is divorce 397 00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:11,480 Speaker 2: the husband, give him full custody and then just leave. Yeah, 398 00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:14,640 Speaker 2: spend spend time like on yourself and investing in yourself, 399 00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:16,880 Speaker 2: and then if you do want to seek a relationship again. 400 00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:19,240 Speaker 1: But is that an asshole moved to the children. Probably 401 00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:22,399 Speaker 1: right to leave the children, To leave the children, and 402 00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:26,040 Speaker 1: like to divorce the husband, like understandable to leave the 403 00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:26,560 Speaker 1: children a. 404 00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:31,480 Speaker 2: Lot of sense. Yeah, well what about this, She's around 405 00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:33,720 Speaker 2: the children twenty four to seven, constantly having to take 406 00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:37,000 Speaker 2: care of them. Right, if she does leave the relationship, 407 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:40,119 Speaker 2: is it easier for her and she has more space 408 00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:43,520 Speaker 2: to herself and she's not constant she's like constantly confronted 409 00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:46,080 Speaker 2: with it in the face. If she is able to 410 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:49,560 Speaker 2: leave the relationship with her husband, is it then easier 411 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:53,280 Speaker 2: to support in a certain way where it feels less 412 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:56,600 Speaker 2: like I'm constantly being bombarded. Maybe not, maybe not, you know, 413 00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:57,480 Speaker 2: I don't. 414 00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:00,760 Speaker 1: Know, I don't know. We'll keep going. But yeah, that 415 00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:03,200 Speaker 1: was a question I had. I went to my parents' 416 00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:05,679 Speaker 1: house again, bawling my eyes out. And told them everything 417 00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:07,560 Speaker 1: that had happened. My mom cried with me, and my 418 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:10,560 Speaker 1: father had an aura of sadness around him, of course, 419 00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:13,480 Speaker 1: as many dads would, and he had that stone cold 420 00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:16,119 Speaker 1: strong face. I knew he was hurting. Though. I yelled 421 00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:17,879 Speaker 1: at my parents for the way that they treated me 422 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:21,399 Speaker 1: during Christmas morning, not defending me and texting me guilt 423 00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:26,240 Speaker 1: tripping messages also about past similar situations, even about my childhood. 424 00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:28,680 Speaker 1: They were quite shocked because I never yelled and never 425 00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:31,760 Speaker 1: reacted this way, and they were actually sorry, like genuinely, 426 00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:33,960 Speaker 1: and they apologized, although. 427 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,960 Speaker 2: Like I did, everyone apologize. 428 00:20:36,119 --> 00:20:38,600 Speaker 1: No, I think the parents, just the parents, But like, 429 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:41,159 Speaker 1: shouldn't you be shamed a little bit for like or 430 00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:45,040 Speaker 1: not shame, but like to leave suddenly or like children 431 00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:47,800 Speaker 1: and family and not say anything for like three days, 432 00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:50,560 Speaker 1: Like yeah, at least to the children, isn't that? 433 00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:52,719 Speaker 2: Like I think, Well, I think the biggest thing is 434 00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:57,480 Speaker 2: not saying anything, because you could be like at least 435 00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:00,880 Speaker 2: be like, hey, I'm I'm so overwhelmed around I need 436 00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:05,040 Speaker 2: some space. Here's here's why. Like, I do think there 437 00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:09,200 Speaker 2: owed some communication just to understand what's going on at least, 438 00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:15,720 Speaker 2: And yeah, I think that's that's like probably level one 439 00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:16,320 Speaker 2: of which I. 440 00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:19,840 Speaker 1: Know you guys think, yeah, appearances in the Collins. But 441 00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:23,399 Speaker 1: then I dropped the next big bomb on them, what 442 00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:26,280 Speaker 1: is it, I want a divorce. I'm done there. It is, 443 00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:29,240 Speaker 1: guper incredibly right. I would die, go insane or something 444 00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:31,640 Speaker 1: even worse in that environment. And I see that now. 445 00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:33,520 Speaker 1: It's like I have a moment of clarity and I 446 00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:36,359 Speaker 1: had to act now not to fall back into the 447 00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:38,960 Speaker 1: old ways. They were, of course hesitant in the start, 448 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:41,960 Speaker 1: but soon came to realize that it was for the best. Honestly, 449 00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:44,919 Speaker 1: everyone realized it. A lot was discussed at their house 450 00:21:45,119 --> 00:21:47,400 Speaker 1: that is way too long complicated to talk about here. 451 00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:50,080 Speaker 1: So that's what I did. I went and filed for divorce. 452 00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:53,080 Speaker 1: He of course was incredibly enraged. As I was packing 453 00:21:53,119 --> 00:21:55,240 Speaker 1: my things at the house with my parents, he kept 454 00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:57,679 Speaker 1: telling these slurs and hurtful things the whole time. But 455 00:21:57,720 --> 00:21:59,680 Speaker 1: I knew I had to stay strong now A bit 456 00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:02,080 Speaker 1: of in on the divorce. Also, if you're going through 457 00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:05,000 Speaker 1: divorce or you're being divorced by someone, the way to 458 00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:07,960 Speaker 1: get them back is to not call them slurs. 459 00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:12,679 Speaker 2: Yeah, rule one oh one. Maybe not trying to like 460 00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:16,520 Speaker 2: be the biggest a hole ever. Yeah is more you 461 00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:17,919 Speaker 2: catch more flies with honey. 462 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:22,040 Speaker 1: Mm hmmm. Truth. Now a bit of information on the divorce. Firstly, 463 00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:25,040 Speaker 1: his parents are rather wealthy. He can easily get amazing 464 00:22:25,119 --> 00:22:27,440 Speaker 1: lawyers in legal advice and so on. I knew going 465 00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:29,919 Speaker 1: into this I would probably not get anything out of 466 00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:32,440 Speaker 1: the divorce, which was exactly how it went. The house, 467 00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:35,040 Speaker 1: the cars, and the kids. He wanted it all, but 468 00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:37,600 Speaker 1: I didn't care, which I guess kind of what she wanted, 469 00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:40,520 Speaker 1: Like she didn't want the kid to the kids anyway, right, but. 470 00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:42,920 Speaker 2: I guess I guess it's like the And they didn't 471 00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:45,240 Speaker 2: specify if like she helped buy the house or any thing. Well, 472 00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:46,679 Speaker 2: she probably hasn't work. She said she had like a 473 00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:49,960 Speaker 2: more traditional mother role, so likely likely not. So she 474 00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:52,000 Speaker 2: didn't get any of the assets, but she also did 475 00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:53,880 Speaker 2: her life back. She just wants her life back, yeah, 476 00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:54,480 Speaker 2: one hundred percent. 477 00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:57,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, the house, of cars, the kids, You wanted it all, 478 00:22:57,600 --> 00:22:59,880 Speaker 1: but I didn't care. I just want the divorce final. 479 00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:02,520 Speaker 1: If that's his criteria for getting my life back, I'll 480 00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:04,879 Speaker 1: take it. A long legal battle wouldn't be fair to 481 00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:07,119 Speaker 1: the kids anyways, and I wouldn't even be able to 482 00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:09,639 Speaker 1: take care of them if I, for some reason actually 483 00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:11,760 Speaker 1: won I know they would be loved, cared for and 484 00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:13,919 Speaker 1: happy with their father, and that is the best I 485 00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:15,639 Speaker 1: can give them. Right now. I will be able to 486 00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:17,720 Speaker 1: see them once a month if I see fit, though, 487 00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:20,560 Speaker 1: and for me, that's perfect. I won't describe too much 488 00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:22,879 Speaker 1: about how saying goodbye to the kids went, of course, 489 00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:25,320 Speaker 1: but it was heartbreaking in many ways. But it's too 490 00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:27,879 Speaker 1: late to look back. Now. We've explained to them together 491 00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:29,720 Speaker 1: about what's going to happen and how it's going to 492 00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:32,240 Speaker 1: be and so on. The divorce is still being finalized, 493 00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:34,840 Speaker 1: so technically I am not completely free, but in spirit 494 00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:36,960 Speaker 1: I feel so frick and free. It is if the 495 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,159 Speaker 1: weight on my shoulders has been lifted. Of course, I 496 00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:41,520 Speaker 1: carry the guilt and sadness for my kids deep inside, 497 00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:44,240 Speaker 1: which I guess, you know, I think that that makes sense. Yeah, 498 00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:46,520 Speaker 1: I think she feels I think she probably feels like 499 00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:48,639 Speaker 1: she's let down her kids in some ways, like they 500 00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:51,879 Speaker 1: didn't choose this, you know. 501 00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:54,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's like I don't I want you to 502 00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:56,240 Speaker 2: have a great mother, But also at the same time, 503 00:23:56,359 --> 00:23:57,600 Speaker 2: like I just it just. 504 00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:59,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, it doesn't just hard for her, Yeah, but I 505 00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:01,520 Speaker 1: keep telling myself that I did what was best for 506 00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:04,920 Speaker 1: both them and me, which I think is true. 507 00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:05,360 Speaker 2: Yeah. 508 00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:07,520 Speaker 1: I send them thoughts every day, and I plan on 509 00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:09,520 Speaker 1: writing them a long letter each about my side of 510 00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:11,320 Speaker 1: the story. I want them to understand that none of 511 00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:13,840 Speaker 1: this is their fault. I currently live with my parents 512 00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:15,680 Speaker 1: and I feel a sense of sadness from them too. 513 00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:18,120 Speaker 1: They will, of course miss the big family and the kids, 514 00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:19,919 Speaker 1: but I think they know they had to put me 515 00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:22,840 Speaker 1: first this time. Of course, they do not agree with everything, 516 00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:25,679 Speaker 1: but I never expected them to talking about my husband's 517 00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:29,159 Speaker 1: family on the other hand. My God, the guilt tripping. 518 00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:31,679 Speaker 1: We know this isn't you. The messages were endless. I 519 00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:33,359 Speaker 1: simply had to block them in the end. It was 520 00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:35,800 Speaker 1: too much. When the divorce is finalized, we will let 521 00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:37,879 Speaker 1: the siblings know as well. I have no idea how 522 00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:40,160 Speaker 1: they are going to take it. My husband's siblings had 523 00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:42,639 Speaker 1: just blocked me, which honestly was fine for me. I 524 00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:44,600 Speaker 1: found out because I kind of imagined they would do 525 00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:47,399 Speaker 1: something like that and had to check after blocking his parents. 526 00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:49,720 Speaker 1: I know some people may see me as a horrible 527 00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:52,440 Speaker 1: mother in person, but for once, I choose to listen 528 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:55,040 Speaker 1: to my heart with a little push from some people online. 529 00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:57,960 Speaker 1: Thank you all once again. I am at this moment 530 00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:00,560 Speaker 1: looking for hotels in Spain, just waiting for the divorce 531 00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:03,560 Speaker 1: to be finalized and finished. I'm visiting an old friend 532 00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:05,960 Speaker 1: over there that I haven't been allowed to visit in years. 533 00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:08,720 Speaker 1: I had a little savings outside my marriage, enough to 534 00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:11,560 Speaker 1: spend a week or two over there. Luckily, my workplace 535 00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:14,479 Speaker 1: is owned by a friend that was super understanding, so 536 00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:16,479 Speaker 1: they let me have a month off to figure out 537 00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:19,120 Speaker 1: a place to live and have some time for myself. Wow, 538 00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:21,240 Speaker 1: it is as if I am in a dream and 539 00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:23,960 Speaker 1: I'm scared of waking up, and suddenly I feel like 540 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:26,000 Speaker 1: a new woman. I can't wait for the plane ride 541 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:28,159 Speaker 1: away from the country, and even if it is just 542 00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:30,119 Speaker 1: for a little while, it will feel as if I 543 00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:33,160 Speaker 1: am living a truly new life. I wish you all 544 00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:36,200 Speaker 1: the luck and joy throughout your life. Lots of love, Alice. 545 00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:39,440 Speaker 1: And there is a comment that I just want to 546 00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:41,960 Speaker 1: read to finish it off. So this commenter said, I 547 00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:43,800 Speaker 1: am so happy to see this update from you. I 548 00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:45,639 Speaker 1: read your initial post when you posted it, and my 549 00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:48,640 Speaker 1: heart felt very heavy. Most people wouldn't have the strength 550 00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:51,720 Speaker 1: to leave that kind of situation temporarily on Christmas or 551 00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:55,040 Speaker 1: permanently like you are now. I wish you success in happiness. 552 00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:57,760 Speaker 1: And then another person said, oh, Dop, I'm so freaking 553 00:25:57,760 --> 00:25:59,800 Speaker 1: proud of you. I remember reading your original post and 554 00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:02,479 Speaker 1: being so mad that everyone acted like you were the 555 00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:05,000 Speaker 1: only one who had done anything wrong. Though I'm sorry 556 00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:07,399 Speaker 1: this ultimately ended up in your whole world blowing up. 557 00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:10,639 Speaker 1: I'm really happy for you that you're finally doing things 558 00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:13,000 Speaker 1: for you. I really hope you take some time to 559 00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:15,280 Speaker 1: yourself to work on yourself and get some therapy and 560 00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:18,240 Speaker 1: just enjoy being you. Honestly good for you, just good 561 00:26:18,359 --> 00:26:22,320 Speaker 1: for you. And that is where it ends up. So 562 00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:26,400 Speaker 1: question for you guys, and I guess also for John, 563 00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:29,560 Speaker 1: like do you think ope he did the right thing 564 00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:33,600 Speaker 1: in basically realizing she is unhappy being a mother and 565 00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:38,600 Speaker 1: up unhappy being in a relationship and saying I'm leaving 566 00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:41,760 Speaker 1: both and I'm going to let my kids take full 567 00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:45,320 Speaker 1: custody and I'm going to end the marriage. 568 00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:50,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that she definitely, like we talked about 569 00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:53,200 Speaker 2: in the break, leaving the relationship seemed like the most 570 00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:56,359 Speaker 2: obvious thing. Yeah, where it's like give yourself space, from 571 00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:59,359 Speaker 2: your now ex husband, go out live your life. I 572 00:26:59,359 --> 00:27:01,399 Speaker 2: mean I ended up in a I feel like a 573 00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:04,760 Speaker 2: complete one eighty from where we started we started, right, Yeah, 574 00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:06,680 Speaker 2: completely different worlds. 575 00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:09,560 Speaker 1: You know, because it like like I do think it 576 00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:11,840 Speaker 1: I still do think it is. I mean, now we 577 00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:14,000 Speaker 1: know the backstory of everything that she was going through, 578 00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:16,240 Speaker 1: the fact that, like, I mean we knew kind of 579 00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:18,280 Speaker 1: that she didn't want to be a mother, But I 580 00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:21,160 Speaker 1: think I started empathizing with her more and like the update. 581 00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:27,200 Speaker 1: But I think it generally probably is a dick move 582 00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:31,159 Speaker 1: to just abandon everyone on Christmas. But now that we 583 00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:34,639 Speaker 1: know like all the societal and cultural pressure that was 584 00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:37,560 Speaker 1: put on her, Like, I feel like I understand that 585 00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:39,880 Speaker 1: she just reached a breaking point now and had to leave. 586 00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:41,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel and I feel like in the relationship too, 587 00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:43,919 Speaker 2: you know, like if you have like an abusive person 588 00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:51,120 Speaker 2: like like run essentially, So yeah, I think she made 589 00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:54,240 Speaker 2: the right decision there, and I think she is trying 590 00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:57,399 Speaker 2: and putting effort into like Okay, how can I you know, 591 00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:01,080 Speaker 2: will it actually help? Who knows? As far as like 592 00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:03,080 Speaker 2: you know, writing letters to her children, trying to explain 593 00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:06,359 Speaker 2: other other means of trying to connect with them. At 594 00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:07,480 Speaker 2: least she's trying something. 595 00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:11,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, and she's giving a great Christmas present to herself 596 00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:13,879 Speaker 1: with a trip to Spain to see this mysterious person, 597 00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:16,240 Speaker 1: let her see you. 598 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:19,080 Speaker 2: Oh why did I not just connect those dots until now? 599 00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:21,000 Speaker 2: Maybe that's a whole president in a box, if you 600 00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:25,160 Speaker 2: catch my drift. But all all of that aside, Yeah, 601 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,280 Speaker 2: I think I think she did make the right move 602 00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:30,680 Speaker 2: in the divorce, hopefully now. My hope would be if 603 00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:32,840 Speaker 2: she has like a little bit more space for herself, 604 00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,840 Speaker 2: she can figure out like okay with the children, the 605 00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:37,520 Speaker 2: relationship with the children. 606 00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:39,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I think so too. But let us know 607 00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:42,800 Speaker 1: in the comments what you think. We love hearing from you.