1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:03,800 Speaker 1: Gratitude is contagious. Sometimes you just need to borrow it. 2 00:00:04,240 --> 00:00:07,040 Speaker 1: When you're in a season of envy, when everyone else's joy, 3 00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:09,200 Speaker 1: it feels like a reminder of what you don't have. 4 00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:15,080 Speaker 1: That's exactly when borrowing gratitude matters the most. It sounds strange, 5 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:20,000 Speaker 1: but gratitude isn't always something you feel. Sometimes it's something 6 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:24,680 Speaker 1: you witness. When your heart can't access gratitude, start by 7 00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:29,680 Speaker 1: noticing someone else's joy without judgment. The number one health 8 00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:38,040 Speaker 1: and wellness podcast, Jay said Jay Sheddy, Hey, everyone, welcome 9 00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:41,839 Speaker 1: back to On Purpose. I'm your host, Jay Sheddy, author 10 00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:44,080 Speaker 1: of New York Times best selling books Think Like a 11 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:47,200 Speaker 1: Monk and Eight Rules of Love. If you haven't read either, 12 00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:49,960 Speaker 1: I hope you take a moment to go and grab 13 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:52,720 Speaker 1: your copy. If you love this podcast, I promise you 14 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:57,760 Speaker 1: you'll love the ancient wisdom, modern science, and insight inside 15 00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:03,080 Speaker 1: the books. Now to today episode, Let's be honest When 16 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:05,920 Speaker 1: life isn't where you want it to be. The word 17 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:10,600 Speaker 1: gratitude can feel fake. You know you should be thankful, 18 00:01:10,959 --> 00:01:13,400 Speaker 1: but you look at your bank account, your job, your 19 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:18,199 Speaker 1: relationship status, and it just feels hollow, Especially when someone 20 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:20,760 Speaker 1: comes up to you and says something like, be grateful 21 00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:23,960 Speaker 1: for what you have. You should be thankful, You should 22 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:27,760 Speaker 1: be grateful, but sometimes that feels like being told to 23 00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:31,720 Speaker 1: smile while everything falls apart. Today, I'm going to share 24 00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:36,560 Speaker 1: with you practical, thoughtful, powerful steps to actually help you 25 00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:41,039 Speaker 1: understand gratitude and implement it, especially when you don't feel 26 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:44,680 Speaker 1: like it. Not the forced kind, the kind that reconnects 27 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:48,520 Speaker 1: you to yourself, the kind that helps you breathe again. 28 00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:52,480 Speaker 1: And the reason is one of my favorite quotes that 29 00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:55,640 Speaker 1: I read a long time ago, says, when you're grateful 30 00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:59,880 Speaker 1: for what you have, you receive more to be grateful for. 31 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:03,400 Speaker 1: What's also true is when you're grateful for what you have, 32 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:07,320 Speaker 1: when you have more, you'll be able to be grateful. 33 00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:10,359 Speaker 1: Our mind tricks us into believing that when I have more, 34 00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:12,880 Speaker 1: then I'll be thankful. When I get that promotion, then 35 00:02:12,919 --> 00:02:15,359 Speaker 1: I'll be grateful. When my life shifts in this way, 36 00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:19,639 Speaker 1: then I can appreciate it, not realizing that what we're 37 00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:23,840 Speaker 1: living today was yesterday's dream. Where we are right now 38 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:27,040 Speaker 1: is what we prayed for two years ago. What you're 39 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:31,239 Speaker 1: achieving and receiving today is something you never even imagined, 40 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:33,840 Speaker 1: but now that you have it and it feels familiar. 41 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:40,840 Speaker 1: It breaks it down. Number one, Separate gratitude from denial. 42 00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:44,720 Speaker 1: You don't have to pretend everything's okay to be grateful. 43 00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:50,119 Speaker 1: True gratitude isn't saying it's fine. It's saying, even though 44 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:55,080 Speaker 1: it's not fine, there's still something worth noticing. It's not 45 00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:58,080 Speaker 1: saying I'm going to pretend to avoid all the difficult things. 46 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:00,400 Speaker 1: I'm going to pretend to avoid all the negative things, 47 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:04,360 Speaker 1: and I'm just going to act like everything's perfect. That's 48 00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:09,400 Speaker 1: lying to yourself. That's toxic positivity. The science says people 49 00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:15,120 Speaker 1: who acknowledge their struggles and gratitude experience higher resilience and 50 00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:20,200 Speaker 1: lower depression than those who fake positivity. That's mind blowing. 51 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:22,959 Speaker 1: Think about that for a second. You actually saying, hey, 52 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:24,720 Speaker 1: this is not working out in my life, but I'm 53 00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:28,200 Speaker 1: really grateful for this friend. Not as a counterbalance, right, 54 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:31,000 Speaker 1: You're not trying to make it equal. You're simply saying, 55 00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:34,000 Speaker 1: I see both of these things. In reality. I see 56 00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:35,720 Speaker 1: that my career isn't going the way I want, but 57 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:38,000 Speaker 1: I'm really grateful that I have a great group of friends. 58 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:42,000 Speaker 1: That's going to reduce your depression. Most of us learned 59 00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:45,560 Speaker 1: gratitude as a kind of emotional cover up when things 60 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:48,840 Speaker 1: go wrong. People say, just be grateful, But that advice 61 00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:52,360 Speaker 1: can land like a slap when you're hurting, because gratitude 62 00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:55,600 Speaker 1: is never meant to erase your pain. It was meant 63 00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:59,080 Speaker 1: to sit beside it. Let me say that again. Gratitude 64 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:02,720 Speaker 1: was never meant to erase your pain. It was meant 65 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:07,960 Speaker 1: to sit beside it. Separating gratitude from denial means giving 66 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:13,560 Speaker 1: yourself permission to be both honest and hopeful. People don't 67 00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:17,000 Speaker 1: talk about how annoying it is when someone says, just 68 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:21,120 Speaker 1: be grateful. You can be thankful and tired. You can 69 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:26,400 Speaker 1: appreciate what's good without pretending everything is good. When we 70 00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:30,320 Speaker 1: use gratitude to suppress how we feel, it becomes toxic. 71 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:34,440 Speaker 1: It disconnects us from our own truth. But when we 72 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:39,920 Speaker 1: let it coexist with pain, it becomes healing. Psychologists call 73 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:46,000 Speaker 1: this emotional granularity, the ability to hold complex emotions at once. 74 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:50,679 Speaker 1: Studies show people who can acknowledge both joy and sorrow 75 00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:56,479 Speaker 1: are more resilient, less anxious, and bounce back faster from setbacks. 76 00:04:57,080 --> 00:05:02,200 Speaker 1: Gratitude isn't about pretending the store isn't there. It's standing 77 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:06,720 Speaker 1: in the rain and still being able to say, even now, 78 00:05:07,279 --> 00:05:13,160 Speaker 1: something in me is alive, learning becoming. That's not denial, 79 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:19,000 Speaker 1: that's awakening. And learn to say both truths out loud. 80 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:24,560 Speaker 1: Start your gratitude sentences with even though so, for example, 81 00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:29,080 Speaker 1: even though I feel lonely, I'm grateful I still have 82 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:34,360 Speaker 1: people who care. Even though work is stressful, I'm grateful 83 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:38,000 Speaker 1: I'm learning new skills. It trains your mind to hold 84 00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:45,520 Speaker 1: two realities at once, pain and perspective. That's balance, not denial. 85 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:48,159 Speaker 1: What we tend to do is do one or the other. 86 00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:50,880 Speaker 1: We tend to focus on everything that's going wrong. We've 87 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:53,560 Speaker 1: all been there, or we tend to focus on everything 88 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:56,480 Speaker 1: that's going right. And then what happens when you fake 89 00:05:56,600 --> 00:06:00,640 Speaker 1: that everything's going right. All it takes is one little 90 00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:03,400 Speaker 1: thing to trip you up. And when you believe everything's 91 00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:07,200 Speaker 1: going wrong, will you just keep digging a deeper hole 92 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:10,920 Speaker 1: for yourself? Please start looking at your life and your 93 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:16,640 Speaker 1: world not as equal, not as perfectly balanced, but being 94 00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:19,800 Speaker 1: able to notice the challenges and being able to notice 95 00:06:19,839 --> 00:06:23,880 Speaker 1: the growth. Life isn't about what happens to you, It's 96 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:27,600 Speaker 1: about what you notice that is happening to you. And 97 00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:32,480 Speaker 1: so many of us only choose to notice the negative, difficult, 98 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:37,680 Speaker 1: challenging things, and we miss out and forget the beautiful, powerful, 99 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:42,919 Speaker 1: incredible things. Step number two, stop using gratitude to shut 100 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:47,200 Speaker 1: down emotion. If you catch yourself saying I shouldn't feel sad, 101 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:52,479 Speaker 1: other people have it worse, pause, that's not gratitude, that's 102 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:57,360 Speaker 1: guilt in disguise. Instead, say I can feel sad and 103 00:06:57,440 --> 00:07:01,240 Speaker 1: still appreciate what I have. You're not dis qualifying your feelings, 104 00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:05,720 Speaker 1: you're integrating them. I think what's really interesting about that 105 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:10,600 Speaker 1: point is a lot of us almost feel like we're 106 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:13,360 Speaker 1: not allowed to feel sad. We don't think we have 107 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:16,920 Speaker 1: the permission to be sad. Now. The truth is everyone 108 00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:19,680 Speaker 1: will generally find someone who's worse off than them. But 109 00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:22,600 Speaker 1: it's not about comparing your pain because then you're not 110 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:25,800 Speaker 1: allowing it to live there. You're not allowing it to 111 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:28,920 Speaker 1: float through you and process it. So here's what I 112 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:32,720 Speaker 1: want you to try. Write what's hard and then what's 113 00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:36,800 Speaker 1: here in your journal or even in a notesap Draw 114 00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:40,840 Speaker 1: two columns, the left side what's hard right now? The 115 00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:44,400 Speaker 1: right side, what's still good right now. When you can 116 00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:47,680 Speaker 1: see both on the same page, your brain learns that 117 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:53,600 Speaker 1: gratitude doesn't erase struggle, it coexists with it. And this 118 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:57,600 Speaker 1: has been a game changer in my life because we 119 00:07:57,720 --> 00:08:02,520 Speaker 1: constantly think, wait, I shouldn't feel this emotion. And when 120 00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:05,040 Speaker 1: you feel you shouldn't feel an emotion, you now start 121 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:08,400 Speaker 1: to feel guilt and shame. And when guilt and shame takeover, 122 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:12,000 Speaker 1: we get into a really dark and difficult place. I 123 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:16,160 Speaker 1: also want you to try this. Replace at least with 124 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:19,880 Speaker 1: and we often say things like at least I still 125 00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:24,520 Speaker 1: have a job. That phrase minimizes your feelings. Try saying 126 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:28,880 Speaker 1: this instead, this is hard and I'm grateful I still 127 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:33,080 Speaker 1: have a job. That simple word and instead of at least, 128 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:36,920 Speaker 1: keeps your experience whole. The other principle inside of this 129 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:41,160 Speaker 1: is feel it. Don't force it. If you can't feel grateful, 130 00:08:41,679 --> 00:08:46,360 Speaker 1: don't fake it. Start smaller. Notice one thing that doesn't 131 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:52,040 Speaker 1: hurt today, a warm shower, breathing your favorite song. Gratitude 132 00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:56,720 Speaker 1: isn't a performance, its presence. When you stop using gratitude 133 00:08:56,720 --> 00:09:00,160 Speaker 1: as a mask and start using it as medicine, it 134 00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:04,480 Speaker 1: doesn't numb you, it nourishes you. You stop pretending your 135 00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:09,400 Speaker 1: life is perfect and start realizing it's real way Number 136 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:13,960 Speaker 1: two is start with what stayed. When life falls apart, 137 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:18,480 Speaker 1: focus on what remained. We usually focus on everything that 138 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:23,160 Speaker 1: was lost, changed, or disappeared, but ask yourself, who checked 139 00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:26,760 Speaker 1: on you? What part of yourself showed up when everything 140 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:30,720 Speaker 1: else fell away. When life falls apart, our minds go 141 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:34,400 Speaker 1: straight to what's missing. The job we lost, the person 142 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:38,240 Speaker 1: who left, the dream that didn't happen. We replay it, 143 00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:42,280 Speaker 1: analyze it, try to understand it, but rarely do we 144 00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:47,079 Speaker 1: stop and ask what stayed. Because even when everything changes, 145 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:52,200 Speaker 1: something always remains. Maybe it's your best friend who still 146 00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:55,400 Speaker 1: picks up the phone. Maybe it's your morning walk, your 147 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:58,280 Speaker 1: sense of humor, your faith, or the strength you didn't 148 00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:03,480 Speaker 1: know you had. Attitude doesn't mean ignoring the loss. It 149 00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:08,280 Speaker 1: means anchoring yourself to what's still here. When you start 150 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:12,560 Speaker 1: with what stayed, you remind yourself that not everything was 151 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:17,080 Speaker 1: taken from you. Every time you lose something, life is 152 00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:21,920 Speaker 1: also showing you something that stayed, what can't be taken, 153 00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:26,400 Speaker 1: what's real, And when you focus on that, you stop 154 00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:31,240 Speaker 1: feeling like you're rebuilding from zero, because you're not. You're 155 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:35,320 Speaker 1: rebuilding from truth. The strongest people aren't the ones who 156 00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:39,120 Speaker 1: never lost anything. They're the ones who recognize what stayed, 157 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:43,280 Speaker 1: who noticed what remained, who see who is still around 158 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:47,680 Speaker 1: when everyone left them, because they recognize that this was 159 00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:52,720 Speaker 1: all they ever had. Anyway, Try this, write down three 160 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:57,160 Speaker 1: things that didn't leave you this year. A friend, a habit, 161 00:10:57,480 --> 00:11:02,160 Speaker 1: a value, whatever it may be. That list is your 162 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:08,520 Speaker 1: real foundation. Step number three, Gratitude through contrast. You don't 163 00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:11,920 Speaker 1: need to be grateful for what's perfect, just grateful for 164 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:14,719 Speaker 1: what's better than before. We spend so much of our 165 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:19,960 Speaker 1: lives looking sideways, scrolling, comparing, measuring ourselves against everyone else's 166 00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:24,160 Speaker 1: highlight reel. Gratitude doesn't grow when you look at others. 167 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:29,000 Speaker 1: It grows when you look back at yourself. Because comparison 168 00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:33,079 Speaker 1: to others triggers envy and scarcity, but comparison to your 169 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:37,600 Speaker 1: past self reveals evidence of growth. You see how far 170 00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:42,200 Speaker 1: you've actually come, not how far ahead other people are. 171 00:11:42,679 --> 00:11:46,160 Speaker 1: Think about it when you're climbing a mountain, climbing a hill. 172 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:49,480 Speaker 1: If you're on a hike and you're constantly looking at 173 00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:52,199 Speaker 1: the people who are ahead of you, you feel despondent, 174 00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:55,240 Speaker 1: You feel disappointed, you feel harsh on yourself. You might 175 00:11:55,280 --> 00:11:58,240 Speaker 1: have that inner critic. But if you turn and look 176 00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:02,439 Speaker 1: back out how far you've can't you feel inspired and motivated. 177 00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:07,520 Speaker 1: Stop comparing yourself to other people. If you're going to 178 00:12:07,559 --> 00:12:12,880 Speaker 1: compare yourself, only compare yourself to a past version of yourself. 179 00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:17,319 Speaker 1: When you compare yourself to others, it distracts you. When 180 00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:21,120 Speaker 1: you compare yourself to where you were, it motivates you. 181 00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:25,360 Speaker 1: Think about this. The things you take for granted right now, 182 00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:29,240 Speaker 1: or once things you prayed for. The calm you feel 183 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:33,920 Speaker 1: today used to be chaos. The strength you have now 184 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:38,320 Speaker 1: was once survival mode. When you compare you to you, 185 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:44,240 Speaker 1: gratitude becomes self compassion, not competition. So the next time 186 00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:47,640 Speaker 1: you catch yourself thinking you're behind, ask a different question, 187 00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:51,960 Speaker 1: am I further along than I was? If the answer 188 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:55,960 Speaker 1: is yes, even slightly, that's something to thank yourself for. 189 00:12:56,880 --> 00:13:01,560 Speaker 1: Gratitude isn't about being ahead of anyone, about recognizing you're 190 00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:04,840 Speaker 1: not who you used to be. You don't need a 191 00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:08,480 Speaker 1: new life to feel grateful, just a new lens to 192 00:13:08,559 --> 00:13:12,160 Speaker 1: see how far you've come. Radarlia once said to me, 193 00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:20,760 Speaker 1: pain plus reflection equals progress. That's resilience reflecting on your pain. 194 00:13:21,559 --> 00:13:25,320 Speaker 1: You've been through so much you have been through so much. 195 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:30,200 Speaker 1: You've done so many difficult things. When you recognize and 196 00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:34,359 Speaker 1: reflect on them, you get more energy for future challenges. 197 00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:38,720 Speaker 1: If you compare yourself to everyone else's timeline, you will 198 00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:42,280 Speaker 1: always feel behind. If you compare yourself to where you were, 199 00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:47,360 Speaker 1: you will always feel ahead. Stop comparing yourself to people 200 00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:51,400 Speaker 1: who have their own pace. If you keep comparing your 201 00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:56,000 Speaker 1: life to someone else's, you'll start doubting blessings you once 202 00:13:56,080 --> 00:14:01,880 Speaker 1: prayed for. Everyone's ahead in something and behind in something else. 203 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:07,160 Speaker 1: Comparison makes you chase timelines that were never meant for you. 204 00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:09,960 Speaker 1: You don't need to catch up. You need to come 205 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:14,240 Speaker 1: back to your own pace, your own story, your own timing. 206 00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:18,160 Speaker 1: The truth is most people aren't doing better than you, 207 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:40,800 Speaker 1: they're just posting faster. Step four is called micro gratitude. 208 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:45,560 Speaker 1: The ten second pause. Forget journaling pages of gratitude lists 209 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:50,200 Speaker 1: throughout your day. Take ten seconds to say, something good 210 00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:54,160 Speaker 1: is happening right now, the coffee eroma, the sound of laughter, 211 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:59,120 Speaker 1: the sunlight through your window. Neurologically, this rewires you'r amygdala, 212 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:03,800 Speaker 1: the brains fear center to recognize safety cues. That's how 213 00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:08,440 Speaker 1: gratitude calms anxiety. In real time, and then feel it 214 00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:11,360 Speaker 1: in your body, not just in your head. Thinking about 215 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:16,280 Speaker 1: gratitude doesn't change you feeling it does. When you recall 216 00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:19,720 Speaker 1: a moment you're thankful for, breathe and notice where you 217 00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:23,000 Speaker 1: feel it. Warmth in your chest, softness in your jaw, 218 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:27,600 Speaker 1: ease in your shoulders. Harvard research shows that embodied gratitude 219 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:32,400 Speaker 1: triggers oxytocin release, the connection hormone. It's like giving your 220 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:37,320 Speaker 1: nervous system a hug. Then reframe the waiting season when 221 00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:39,440 Speaker 1: your life isn't where you want it to be. It's 222 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:43,440 Speaker 1: easy to resent waiting, but the truth is growth seasons 223 00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:47,080 Speaker 1: rarely look glamorous. This changed my life when I learned it. 224 00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:52,320 Speaker 1: Bamboo spends five years growing roots underground before it breaks 225 00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:58,320 Speaker 1: the surface. You're not behind, you're building underneath. Gratitude in 226 00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:02,240 Speaker 1: this phase means thanking the roots, not the flowers. When 227 00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:05,200 Speaker 1: you're in a waiting season, it feels like everyone else 228 00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:08,880 Speaker 1: is moving, getting promoted, falling in love, figuring it out. 229 00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:12,560 Speaker 1: When you're stuck refreshing the same page of your life, 230 00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:16,080 Speaker 1: you start to wonder if you've done something wrong, if 231 00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:18,720 Speaker 1: the universe forgot about you, or if the dream you're 232 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:24,040 Speaker 1: chasing even exists. But the truth is, waiting seasons aren't wasted, 233 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:29,960 Speaker 1: they're preparing. Every seed spends time underground before it sees light. 234 00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:34,880 Speaker 1: The bamboo plant spends years growing invisible roots before it 235 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:38,840 Speaker 1: shoots up ninety feet in a matter of weeks. If 236 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:42,440 Speaker 1: you judged it during the waiting, you think nothing was happening, 237 00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:47,000 Speaker 1: but everything was the same is true for you. The 238 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:51,239 Speaker 1: waiting season is where your roots deepen, your patience, your humility, 239 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:56,640 Speaker 1: your trust, your character. What looks like delay is often designed. 240 00:16:57,200 --> 00:17:00,760 Speaker 1: It's usually growth in a different direction. Let me give 241 00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:03,080 Speaker 1: you an example. No one ever walks into a building 242 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:07,439 Speaker 1: and says, I love the foundation of this building. People 243 00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:11,400 Speaker 1: like the colors, the aesthetics, everything else, But without the foundation, 244 00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:15,679 Speaker 1: the building doesn't even exist. So instead of asking why 245 00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:20,320 Speaker 1: isn't it happening yet? Try asking who am I becoming 246 00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:23,359 Speaker 1: while I wait? Because one day the doors will open 247 00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:26,560 Speaker 1: and the person you've become in the choet will be 248 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:31,400 Speaker 1: the reason you're ready to walk through them. Please don't 249 00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:36,000 Speaker 1: feel behind because you think someone else is ahead. You're 250 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:39,040 Speaker 1: not in the same race. You're not even running on 251 00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:43,280 Speaker 1: the same track. Their pace has nothing to do with 252 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:49,280 Speaker 1: your purpose. The truth is, nobody's really ahead. They're just 253 00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:53,560 Speaker 1: in a different chapter, learning a different lesson. Maybe theirs 254 00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:57,680 Speaker 1: is about arrival and yours is about becoming. Maybe they 255 00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:01,480 Speaker 1: got what they wanted, but you'll learn learning what actually matters. 256 00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:06,560 Speaker 1: Every path has its own timing. Some people bloom in 257 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:11,520 Speaker 1: their twenties, others in their forties. Some find love early, 258 00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:18,680 Speaker 1: others find themselves first. Life doesn't reward the fastest, It 259 00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:24,320 Speaker 1: rewards the most faithful. Step. Number seven, Borrow gratitude when 260 00:18:24,359 --> 00:18:27,960 Speaker 1: you can't find your own. If you can't feel grateful 261 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:32,119 Speaker 1: for your own life, witness someone else's joy. Watch a 262 00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:35,640 Speaker 1: kid play, an old couple laugh, a friend, achieve something, 263 00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:40,600 Speaker 1: and let yourself smile for them. Research from Emory University 264 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:45,160 Speaker 1: found that observing someone else's gratitude activates the same brain 265 00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:50,879 Speaker 1: regions as feeling it yourself. Gratitude is contagious. Sometimes you 266 00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:53,199 Speaker 1: just need to borrow it. When you're in a season 267 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,679 Speaker 1: of envy, when everyone else's joy, it feels like a 268 00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:59,520 Speaker 1: reminder of what you don't have. That's exactly when borrowing 269 00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:04,680 Speaker 1: gratitude matters the most. It sounds strange, but gratitude isn't 270 00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:09,560 Speaker 1: always something you feel. Sometimes it's something you witness when 271 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:14,200 Speaker 1: your heart can't access gratitude. Start by noticing someone else's 272 00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:20,000 Speaker 1: joy without judgment. Watch your child laugh uncontrollably, a friend 273 00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:24,119 Speaker 1: get engaged, a stranger dance like nobody's watching. Instead of 274 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:30,080 Speaker 1: tightening with envy, whisper quietly to yourself, that's beautiful. You 275 00:19:30,119 --> 00:19:33,040 Speaker 1: don't need to feel it for you yet, Just let 276 00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:37,399 Speaker 1: yourself feel it for them. Next, turn envy into information. 277 00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:41,239 Speaker 1: Ask what does their happiness show me about what I 278 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:46,240 Speaker 1: truly desire. Envy isn't proof you're ungrateful. It's a compass 279 00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:52,520 Speaker 1: pointing towards something meaningful. Once you name what that is, love, recognition, freedom, purpose, 280 00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:56,480 Speaker 1: you can begin to thank life for showing you what 281 00:19:56,600 --> 00:20:01,200 Speaker 1: you value, and finally, practice proxy gratitude. When you can't 282 00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:05,040 Speaker 1: say I'm happy for me, say I'm happy for them. 283 00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:10,000 Speaker 1: Over time, that emotion builds emotional muscle memory. The more 284 00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:14,600 Speaker 1: you celebrate others blessings, the less your own heart stays closed. 285 00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:19,119 Speaker 1: Because joy isn't a limited resource, it's a shared current. 286 00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:23,360 Speaker 1: When you borrow someone else's gratitude, you're not stealing it, 287 00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:27,560 Speaker 1: you're learning how to feel again. Being happy for someone 288 00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:31,480 Speaker 1: when you're winning is easy. Your coppers fall, your confidence 289 00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:35,320 Speaker 1: is steady, and their success feels like a reflection of abundance. 290 00:20:36,119 --> 00:20:39,600 Speaker 1: But being happy for someone when you're losing, that's the 291 00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:44,040 Speaker 1: real test. That's when envy whispers that life is unfair, 292 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:48,679 Speaker 1: that their moments somehow took yours. But here's the truth. 293 00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:54,480 Speaker 1: Their light doesn't demures, It just reveals where your wounds 294 00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:58,800 Speaker 1: still want healing. Being happy for someone when you're losing 295 00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:03,000 Speaker 1: isn't about tending your fine. It's about saying I'm proud 296 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:08,960 Speaker 1: of them even while I'm hurting. That's emotional maturity, that strength. 297 00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:14,240 Speaker 1: Step number eight, Thank the version of you that survived. 298 00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:17,479 Speaker 1: Write a thank you note to your past self, the 299 00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:21,640 Speaker 1: one who kept going when it was hard. Neuroscientists call 300 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:27,520 Speaker 1: this the self compassion recall. It activates the medial prefrontal cortex, 301 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:32,520 Speaker 1: increasing emotional regulation and self worth. We spend so much 302 00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:35,359 Speaker 1: time trying to move on from our past that we 303 00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,480 Speaker 1: forget to thank the person who got us through it. 304 00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:41,680 Speaker 1: The version of you who stayed up all night worrying 305 00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:44,920 Speaker 1: but still showed up to work, The one who loved 306 00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:48,360 Speaker 1: people who didn't love that, the one who held everything 307 00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:53,840 Speaker 1: together when no one noticed. That version wasn't perfect, but 308 00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:58,880 Speaker 1: they were powerful. Without them, you wouldn't be here. Thanking 309 00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:02,960 Speaker 1: the version of you who's survived isn't self indulgence, it's 310 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:06,480 Speaker 1: self respect. It's saying you did the best you could 311 00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:10,760 Speaker 1: with what you had, and that was enough. Most of 312 00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:14,080 Speaker 1: us skipped this step. We rushed to become wiser, calmer, 313 00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:18,400 Speaker 1: more healed. But the you who endured is the foundation 314 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:22,560 Speaker 1: of the you who's evolving. Thank the version of you 315 00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:26,120 Speaker 1: who survived, the one who held it together when everything 316 00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:28,880 Speaker 1: felt like it was falling apart, the one who got 317 00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:31,240 Speaker 1: out of bed when they didn't want to, who went 318 00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:33,919 Speaker 1: to work with a broken heart. Thank the version of 319 00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:37,040 Speaker 1: you who didn't have the answers but kept going anyway, 320 00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:40,479 Speaker 1: who made decisions they weren't proud of, but did the 321 00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:43,720 Speaker 1: best they could with what they knew, who stayed kind 322 00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:47,720 Speaker 1: even when life wasn't. You don't have to hate who 323 00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:51,639 Speaker 1: you were just because you've grown. That version of you 324 00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:54,840 Speaker 1: wasn't weak. They were doing what it took to survive. 325 00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:59,720 Speaker 1: You don't owe them judgment. You owe them gratitude because 326 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:06,000 Speaker 1: without them, you wouldn't be here trying again, healing, rebuilding, becoming. 327 00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:11,160 Speaker 1: I truly hope this episode inspires you with gratitude so 328 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:14,399 Speaker 1: that you can truly find meaning in your life. Create 329 00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:18,720 Speaker 1: more memories to be grateful for, and share gratitude with 330 00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:22,760 Speaker 1: anyone and everyone. Choose one person personally and one person 331 00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:26,520 Speaker 1: professionally for the next seven days to share gratitude with. 332 00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:28,680 Speaker 1: Don't keep it in a journal or a book or 333 00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:32,159 Speaker 1: a page, go and share it with real people and 334 00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:35,600 Speaker 1: watch how your life changes. Thanks so much for listening today. 335 00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:39,159 Speaker 1: I love spending this time for you and remember and 336 00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:42,720 Speaker 1: forever in your corner and always rooting for you. Take care. 337 00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:47,160 Speaker 1: If you love this episode, you'll really enjoy my episode 338 00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:51,320 Speaker 1: with Selena Gomez on befriending your inner critic and how 339 00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:54,960 Speaker 1: to speak to yourself with more compassion. My fears are 340 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:59,119 Speaker 1: only going to continue to show me what I'm capable of. 341 00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:02,159 Speaker 1: More that I face my fears, the more that I 342 00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:05,520 Speaker 1: feel I'm gaining strength, I'm gaining wisdom, and I just 343 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:06,679 Speaker 1: want to keep doing that.