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Speaker 1: Hey guys, it's Gemma. First, I just want to take

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Speaker 1: a moment to say how grateful I am to each

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Speaker 1: and every one of you who tune into the Psychology

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Speaker 1: of your twenties. This show is honestly such a special space,

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Speaker 1: and knowing that so many of you are listening and

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Speaker 1: reflecting and growing alongside me, it really does truly mean

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Speaker 1: the world. I have so many instances of people dming

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Speaker 1: me and reaching out saying you dropped that episode right

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Speaker 1: when I needed to hear it, And I think it's

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Speaker 1: because we're also tuned into each other and so aligned

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Speaker 1: in so many life experiences, which is just incredible and

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Speaker 1: such a deep pride of my life that I've created

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Speaker 1: a space for all of us can come together. A

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Speaker 1: couple of months ago, a few of you already know this,

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Speaker 1: I launched a brand new show called Mantra, and I

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Speaker 1: honestly feel like it is the perfect companion to the

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Speaker 1: Psychology of your Twenties. Each week, I introt you a

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Speaker 1: new empowering phrase, one simple but powerful Martra, and then

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Speaker 1: I unpacket's meaning, both what it means to me personally,

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Speaker 1: how I've maybe struggled with it, how I've tried to

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Speaker 1: implement it and also what it means on a collective

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Speaker 1: conscious level. This show is really deeply personal to me.

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Speaker 1: It's where all the vulnerable conversations are taking place, and

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Speaker 1: if you haven't had a chance to check it out yet,

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Speaker 1: I'd love to invite you to listen. I also just

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Speaker 1: started releasing monthly bonus episodes for Martra on Open Mind Plus,

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Speaker 1: where I answer some questions and dms that come through

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Speaker 1: to March Open Mind on Instagram. So if there's something

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Speaker 1: you've been dying to ask me that I haven't done

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Speaker 1: an episode on, I may just answer your question over there.

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Speaker 1: I have so much in store for this season of Marchra,

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Speaker 1: and I hope you'll join me over there if you

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Speaker 1: haven't already. I also wanted to share a clip from

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Speaker 1: one of my favorite episodes so far. I trust myself

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Speaker 1: to make the best decisions with what I know now.

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Speaker 1: Check it out. Okay, reformer Pilate's aside, let's get into it.

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Speaker 1: It's time for this week's mantra. I trust myself to

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Speaker 1: make the best decision with what I know now. A

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Speaker 1: big misconception or myth that we tend to believe as

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Speaker 1: humans is that there is one best decision for us

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Speaker 1: to make and every single turn, and if we are

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Speaker 1: to carefully observe and analyze the environment, all the context,

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Speaker 1: all the information that we have, we will be able

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Speaker 1: to discern what that decision is. And it's that decision

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Speaker 1: that will unlock our dream life. To take that kind

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Speaker 1: of further, that means that there is this perfect path

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Speaker 1: through life almost and we can obtain that perfect path

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Speaker 1: by making the correct choice at every single point where

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Speaker 1: we need to make a choice. Do you kind of

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Speaker 1: see the impossibility of that, because that's really what it is.

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Speaker 1: It's impossible. It's improbable. Making the most perfect decision is

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Speaker 1: not actually something that we can always do because we

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Speaker 1: don't always have the information that hindsight kind of provides.

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Speaker 1: What we tend to forget is that there really is

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Speaker 1: never a perfect choice, otherwise it wouldn't be a decision, right,

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Speaker 1: Like the word decision means to resolve some kind of

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Speaker 1: competition between two juxtaposed and perhaps equally good outcomes or options,

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Speaker 1: or equally bad outcomes and options. I'd like to think

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Speaker 1: about it this way. If you had to choose between

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Speaker 1: two choices on a menu, and one choice is your

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Speaker 1: favorite meal ever and you know it's cooked deliciously and

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Speaker 1: it's only ten dollars, and the other dish is a

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Speaker 1: food that you're allergic to, surrounded by other foods you

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Speaker 1: don't like, and it's out of your budget. The choice

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Speaker 1: is actually quite easy, so it's not really a decision, right.

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Speaker 1: A decision only emerges when we feel torn by two

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Speaker 1: alternative outcomes that have very similar pros and cons And

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Speaker 1: the reason we feel stuck in those moments is that

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Speaker 1: we don't want to regret not choosing the right one.

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Speaker 1: What we're battling is perfectionism. Of course it is perfectionism,

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Speaker 1: you probably already guess that, But it's also our desire,

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Speaker 1: maybe even our need, to be in control and to

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Speaker 1: have some assurance that it's all going to turn out okay,

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Speaker 1: which is quite honestly, something that no one can really

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Speaker 1: give us. You're just going to have to see for yourself.

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Speaker 1: And that's scary, but it's also really exciting when you

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Speaker 1: think about it, because if you knew the outcome of

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Speaker 1: every single decision that you were ever going to make

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Speaker 1: from now until the day you died, what's the point

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Speaker 1: of living your life? Genuinely? What is the actual point

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Speaker 1: of waking up and going forward without a little bit

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Speaker 1: of excitement and a little bit of surprise, but sometimes

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Speaker 1: the possibility and grappling with what ifs and the alternative hypotheticals.

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Speaker 1: It's a scary, you know, mental environment to be in,

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Speaker 1: and so we don't see it in the same way

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Speaker 1: that I was just describing it. We don't see it

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Speaker 1: as exciting, and in our desire to make the perfect choice,

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Speaker 1: we do end up sacrificing a few things, peace being

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Speaker 1: one of them, action being the other. This specific kind

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Speaker 1: of an action that I'm talking about, it has its

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Speaker 1: own name. You've probably heard of it. It's called decision

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Speaker 1: paralysis or choice overload, and it explains what happens to

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Speaker 1: our brain when we feel overwhelmed by all the possibilities

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Speaker 1: and all of the potential what ifs. What if it

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Speaker 1: turned out this way, but what if it turned out

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Speaker 1: that way? Kind of see where I'm going with that.

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Speaker 1: We would think naturally that having more options would make

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Speaker 1: us feel more free and more liberated. It seems that

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Speaker 1: it actually does the opposite. I want to talk about

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Speaker 1: one of my favorite studies ever of all time, and

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Speaker 1: it's a study that was done on regret regreat is

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Speaker 1: really at the heart of this whole question of how

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Speaker 1: do I trust myself when I don't have full information,

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Speaker 1: Because what we're really worried about is what if I

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Speaker 1: make a decision and I regret it. So this study

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Speaker 1: was published almost two decades ago, but the findings still

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Speaker 1: ring so very true. Basically, what this study found is

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Speaker 1: that you are more likely to regret in action than

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Speaker 1: action time and time again. Across this research project, these

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Speaker 1: researchers found that those who they spoke to who had

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Speaker 1: the most regret in life, it didn't come from one decision.

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Speaker 1: It was not a singular decision or even multiple wrong

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Speaker 1: decisions that heightened their regret. It was regret from times

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Speaker 1: when they had stayed stagnant because they were too scared

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Speaker 1: to make a choice. They had stayed in the same

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Speaker 1: place to avoid discomfort, stayed in the same job, stayed

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Speaker 1: in the same relationship that they knew wasn't right for them,

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Speaker 1: the same city where there were bad people, where they

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Speaker 1: weren't opportunities, where they felt lonely, And eventually they came

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Speaker 1: to resent their past self not for a choice, but

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Speaker 1: for a lack of choice, for a lack of decision.

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Speaker 1: Making This is what the misplaced desire for perfection in

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Speaker 1: all decisions costs us. It ends up costing us our happiness.

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Speaker 1: So this is the first takeaway of the day. If

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Speaker 1: you are stuck between doing and not doing something, always

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Speaker 1: choose to do it. And with that, I want you

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Speaker 1: to know that choosing to live in perfectly choosing to

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Speaker 1: make a choice, even if you're not sure if it's

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Speaker 1: the right one, it's actually going to give you so

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Speaker 1: many more experiences, so many more options to learn than

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Speaker 1: you would obtain from just trying really hard to make

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Speaker 1: one right choice. The second thing to note when we

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Speaker 1: talk about making the best decision is that as humans,

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Speaker 1: research has shown that we are pretty bad at predicting

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Speaker 1: what is going to make us happy or unhappy about

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Speaker 1: the future, due to something called effective forecasting, where we

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Speaker 1: tend to think about our emotions as being more heightened

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Speaker 1: or stronger in the future. So either we're going to

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Speaker 1: be so much happier, incredibly happy if everything works out

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Speaker 1: the way we wanted to, or we're going to be

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Speaker 1: truly devastated if they don't. So really, what we are,

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Speaker 1: what we are stuck between, is two extremes, and that

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Speaker 1: means that the stakes feel especially heightened. What actually happens though,

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Speaker 1: when we make a decision, when we get to our future,

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Speaker 1: regardless of what the outcome was, we actually tend to

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Speaker 1: return to a pretty stable emotional state fairly quickly after

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Speaker 1: good or bad things happen. So a study from Deacon

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Speaker 1: University here in Australia found that actually we overestimate the

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Speaker 1: intensity and the duration of how long our happiness, but

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Speaker 1: also how long our misery is going to last. What

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Speaker 1: we are really good at, though, is being resilient and

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Speaker 1: adapting to our circumstances. We are high adaptable creatures, so

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Speaker 1: even if you may think that it's the wrong decision

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Speaker 1: most of the time, you can still progress and find

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Speaker 1: a way out. It's also not like once you've made

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Speaker 1: a decision, you are locked into that decision for life.

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Speaker 1: You can change your mind. You are allowed to change

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Speaker 1: your mind. Also, I always pose this hypothetical to people

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Speaker 1: who have found themselves regretting past actions or past choices.

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Speaker 1: I get so many messages from people saying, I'm so

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Speaker 1: upset at myself for doing this. I feel like I've

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Speaker 1: completely ruined my life. I feel like I can link

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Speaker 1: everything back to that time five years ago. How do

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Speaker 1: you know that that choice didn't save you from an

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Speaker 1: even worse fate. How do you know that this actually

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Speaker 1: wasn't the better outcome? You can't and the chances are

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Speaker 1: you're coping with it better than what a previous version

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Speaker 1: of you would have thought you could cope with. So,

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Speaker 1: if we can't ever truly know what is going to

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Speaker 1: make us happy or how things are going to work out,

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Speaker 1: how do we s still make the best decisions, because

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Speaker 1: it is important to still put some thought into it. Well,

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Speaker 1: what it comes down to is self trust. I love

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Speaker 1: self trust. It is one of my favorite concepts. But

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Speaker 1: basically what it means is that you trust your ability

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Speaker 1: to interpret the information you have now, but you also

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Speaker 1: trust your future self to handle whatever comes their way.

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Speaker 1: You are not so focused on trying to make grand predictions. Instead,

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Speaker 1: you go forward with the information you have currently available

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Speaker 1: to you, and you also go forward with an attitude

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Speaker 1: of forgiveness and grace. If it doesn't end up being

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Speaker 1: what you want it all along, you forgive yourself for

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Speaker 1: not knowing, and with that you have greater acceptance for

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Speaker 1: whatever is going to be. Each of us, I think,

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Speaker 1: has a very ancient and deep intuition for what we

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Speaker 1: know is right. You can kind of feel it in

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Speaker 1: your body. You can feel it by way your thoughts

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Speaker 1: keep returning to by your emotions. But we can become

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Speaker 1: detached from that in modern society. So to get our

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Speaker 1: way back to trust and trusting our intuition, I do

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Speaker 1: think it's a process of trial and error, letting yourself

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Speaker 1: be led by your gut instinct and just seeing whether

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Speaker 1: it's right, and self correcting, going back and learning, Okay,

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Speaker 1: what reactions did I listen to that I maybe shouldn't

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Speaker 1: have listened to? What reactions were happening to oppose those

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Speaker 1: reactions that are actually maybe my gut instinct? If that

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Speaker 1: makes sense, You want to also start asking, you know,

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Speaker 1: can I trust the little voice in my head? Is

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Speaker 1: that voice my intuition or is it my anxiety? When

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Speaker 1: I listen to it and I follow its directive, do

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Speaker 1: I end up happier or not? Self trust is also

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Speaker 1: built on resilience and trying over even when it didn't

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Speaker 1: go right the first time. You know, if we were

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Speaker 1: defined by one failure, one poor choice, one bad decision,

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Speaker 1: and that was where you stayed, almost all of the

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Speaker 1: world would still be where they were when they were teenagers,

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Speaker 1: afraid to never try again. But we do. We face failure,

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Speaker 1: we face bad decisions, and we overcome them, and people

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Speaker 1: go and to create, to see to do amazing things,

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Speaker 1: and they learn how to better judge what's right for

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Speaker 1: them and also trust that they'll be capable anyway even

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Speaker 1: if they fail. That is why I always say that

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Speaker 1: the opposite of decision anxiety or anxiety in general, it's

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Speaker 1: not calm, it's not peace. It's trust, knowing that whatever happens,

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Speaker 1: you are going to be okay, you'll manage, you'll find

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Speaker 1: your way through, you are going to make the most

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Speaker 1: of your situation. We've already talked so much about embracing

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Speaker 1: the wisdom we already hold, trusting our intuition, to letting

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Speaker 1: go of the pressure to make the perfect decision. This

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Speaker 1: mantra is all about showing up with confidence, accepting that

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Speaker 1: we are doing our best with what we know right now,

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Speaker 1: and knowing that growth comes from trusting the process as

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Speaker 1: well as ourselves, even when the path feels uncertain. So

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Speaker 1: coming up, let's get personal. I'm going to share some

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Speaker 1: moments when trusting myself felt really, really difficult and the

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Speaker 1: lessons I've learnt from leaning into uncertainty, and how this

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Speaker 1: mantra has shaped the way I make choices today. Stay

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Speaker 1: tuned after this brief pause. Now that we've looked at

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Speaker 1: the meaning behind today's mantra, it's time to get personal

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Speaker 1: with you guys and share some of my own insights

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Speaker 1: and reflections about this phrase. I trust myself to make

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Speaker 1: the best decision with what I know now. Thank you

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Speaker 1: so much for listening to catch the rest of this episode,

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Speaker 1: and honestly, so much more. Search for Mantra wherever you

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Speaker 1: get your podcasts. We'll also drop a link in the

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Speaker 1: show notes, of course, and as always, make sure to

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Speaker 1: follow Mantra to help others discover the show. Talk soon