Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central. Pink hearts, yellow moons, green clovers,
Speaker 1: two black eyes, and a nasty hangover. Today is Saint
Speaker 1: Patti's Day, and all over the country thousands of Angela's
Speaker 1: asses hit the streets to celebrate, making it a great
Speaker 1: day for the Irish, but just an okay day if
Speaker 1: you were looking for a quiet tavern to talk, read
Speaker 1: or have a white wine spritzer. Here in New York,
Speaker 1: paradegoers showed their true colors.
Speaker 2: See packed his day there, He's our heritage.
Speaker 3: We've got to be here to.
Speaker 4: See his parade in and respect the other people that
Speaker 4: are Iris.
Speaker 1: You know what I say. Some people just command respect
Speaker 1: for their people, don't they. But not everyone celebrates the
Speaker 1: same way. Meet Lucy McLaughlin, and Irish woman living in
Speaker 1: New Zengland. Lucy's stupid for her Saint Patti's celebration, This
Speaker 1: plucky Irish lass had someone paint her plucky Irish ass
Speaker 1: and then she jumped off a bridge. Lucy came up
Speaker 1: with the idea after her mother got upset with her
Speaker 1: for partying with friends one night instead of her. And
Speaker 1: if your friends painted themselves green and jumped off a bridge, naked.
Speaker 1: Would you do that too, Lucy, Lucy, you've got some
Speaker 1: splaining to do.
Speaker 2: That was amazing. I'll remember it forever.
Speaker 1: She then reportedly added, which is a miracle, because after
Speaker 1: fifteen years of binge drinking, I don't remember much of anything.
Speaker 1: Here Lucy explains how she built up the nerve to jump.
Speaker 2: No, we had a quick little drink before. It's just
Speaker 2: for a bit of Dutch courage.
Speaker 1: She then reportedly added, and another few drinks after for
Speaker 1: a bit of Greek love. And that was headlines, Big
Speaker 1: Green ass. As we just reported, today, New York City
Speaker 1: celebrate Saint Patrick's Day with its traditional parade. Our own
Speaker 1: Dvance Degenerous is their live as we speak, and he'll
Speaker 1: tell us that behind this parade is a rich Irish
Speaker 1: culture celebrating centuries of accomplishments and contributions to the tapestry
Speaker 1: that is America. It's not just one drunken mob scene.
Speaker 1: There's more to it than that. Vance.
Speaker 4: That's right, John, It's one big drunken mob scene and
Speaker 4: there's not much more to it than that.
Speaker 1: John, Well, Dvance, how's the parade going so far?
Speaker 5: Great?
Speaker 4: Great John? I excited about eleven o'clock this morning. Traditional
Speaker 4: participants include Irish folk bands, local labor unions. In a
Speaker 4: tip of the hat to Saint Patrick driving the stakes
Speaker 4: out of Ireland, May and Giuliani at a contingent of
Speaker 4: New York's finist will use the parade to drive minorities
Speaker 4: out of Manhattan, and John I should mention that even
Speaker 4: hard for New Yorkers really seem to be enjoying them
Speaker 4: all today, soaking up the sunshine and using the point
Speaker 4: as a distraction to fondle and pled drugs on unsuspecting tourists.
Speaker 4: And later in the day the revelers will wind their
Speaker 4: way through the streets of Manhattan, eventually ending up in
Speaker 4: Northern Manhattan, where the traditional meeting in the Protestants Vans act.
Speaker 1: See as in past years, the parade has ban gaze
Speaker 1: from marching. Is there any backlash to that backlash?
Speaker 4: I don't know where you're getting your information from, John,
Speaker 4: because I don't think it could be any gayer men
Speaker 4: openly marching in skirts, sucking on large pipes attached to
Speaker 4: Harry Sachs. Of course, we all know that Cardinal Tutter
Speaker 4: did approve the ban on gays in defferench to Saint
Speaker 4: Patrick who by the way, changed his name from Mainland,
Speaker 4: took it upon entering the priest too. It tradition continued
Speaker 4: by priests to this very day, mainly to avoid the
Speaker 4: hassles of Megan's law Sick.
Speaker 1: Thank you very much Van's excellent reporting. Please drive safely
Speaker 1: and remember to take your hand out of your ear.
Speaker 1: The nation celebrates Saint Patrick's Day. Sawdust and Lyesow manufacturers
Speaker 1: celebrate day after Saint Patrick's Day. Saturday was Saint Patrick's Day,
Speaker 1: and throughout the land, proud Irish Americans poured into one
Speaker 1: of three million bars named the Blarney Stone to drink
Speaker 1: green beer and to pretend Van Morrison's Moondance takes them
Speaker 1: back to the hills of Old dunkkil Garney, dairy Doneth, Berdeen,
Speaker 1: no glennor all in all, it was a day celebrated
Speaker 1: with parades, parties in the traditional war and of the
Speaker 1: green for the traditional camouflage of the vomit. New York's parade,
Speaker 1: the country's largest, featured all the fixens, how pleasing to
Speaker 1: the delight of those gathered. The bagpipe ensemble later took
Speaker 1: request to play their other song, which is actually that song,
Speaker 1: just faster this year's parade once again excluded Irish American
Speaker 1: gays and lesbians, and once again they were not pleased
Speaker 1: about it. Wish we're queer and you we're Irish. We're
Speaker 1: queer and so are some of you. All right, may
Speaker 1: not rhyme, but a quick note to the protesters next year,
Speaker 1: come up with the chant before the pub crawl. I m.
Speaker 1: After the parade, many in the group made their way
Speaker 1: to the city's only gay Irish pub, Fisty mccramdon hands.
Speaker 1: It's uh, there's old fifty and of course again cowboys
Speaker 1: drink free. And in Washington, President Bush met with Irish
Speaker 1: Prime Minister Bertie and Herne to discuss the peace process.
Speaker 6: As the British and Irish governments and the political parties
Speaker 6: now work together the complete the implementation of the Good
Speaker 6: Friday Agreement. It is good to be able to count
Speaker 6: on true friends.
Speaker 1: Her And then turned to Bush and said, and of
Speaker 1: course a true friend wouldn't keep trying to get me
Speaker 1: to say they're magically delicious. I really appreciate that award
Speaker 1: A reason Pole A reason Pole found that while most
Speaker 1: Irish Americans know that Saint Patrick was the patron state
Speaker 1: of parades, few were aware how his parade has become
Speaker 1: the subject of great controversy. Morocco reports on how sometimes
Speaker 1: the luck of the Irish isn't enough.
Speaker 2: Everyone is Irish on Saint Patrick's Day, but Brendan Faye
Speaker 2: wants to ruin everyone's good time.
Speaker 6: What I want is for Irish lesbian gay people to
Speaker 6: march in the Saint Patrick's Parade under our own banner.
Speaker 2: But you're gay. Your parade is in the summer. Well,
Speaker 2: I'm Irish and gay. But that's impossible. According to Reverend
Speaker 2: Lou Sheldon of the Traditional Values Coalition, the.
Speaker 7: Irish people are not homosexuals, and.
Speaker 2: He wants to protect the heterosexual march that is the
Speaker 2: Saint Patrick's Day Parade.
Speaker 7: The homosexuals want to rain on the Saint Patrick's Day parade.
Speaker 2: The Reverend has valid reason for concern.
Speaker 7: They do mouth to mouth, tongue to tongue kissing, They
Speaker 7: grab each other in the rectum and in the private
Speaker 7: parts of the front.
Speaker 2: These gay antics could ruin the Saint Patrick's Day parade.
Speaker 2: Described for me, the Saint Patrick's Day Parade very.
Speaker 7: Majestic, very glorious, very religious, and a lot of dignity.
Speaker 2: How can you be trusted not to turn to Saint
Speaker 2: Patrick's Day parade gay? I mean, look what you did
Speaker 2: to the gay Pride parade. Well it is a gay parade. Yeah,
Speaker 2: after you people got hold of it. When it comes
Speaker 2: to the parade controversy, Reverend Sheldon has science on his side.
Speaker 1: What homosexuals say that.
Speaker 7: Leprechauns could be gay, There is no scientific basis for that.
Speaker 2: So your research has shown that leprecauns are heterosexual. Of course,
Speaker 2: a leprechaun is defined as a tiny, prancing cobbler with
Speaker 2: a penchant for gold. Where's the gay in that? I
Speaker 2: don't see any The prancing part is that a little
Speaker 2: bit gary.
Speaker 7: No, No, A lot of people like the prance.
Speaker 2: But what does mean something is protecting his heritage. As
Speaker 2: an Irish Catholic, you feel offended. I'm a Presbyterian, so
Speaker 2: as an Irish Presbyterian, you feel offended.
Speaker 7: My father was English, so my mother was an Orthodox Jew.
Speaker 2: So as an English Presbyterian Orthodox Jew, you feel very
Speaker 2: pretty detective of the Saint Patrick's Day parade. That's right.
Speaker 2: The point is a fake conspiracy is a foot today
Speaker 2: the Irish parade. Tomorrow, the Irish.
Speaker 7: Anybody they can land in their court they're going to use.
Speaker 2: They might go after Liam Neeson. They certainly might go
Speaker 2: after Liam Neeson. You two, They may go after YouTube.
Speaker 2: They could even go after Rosi O'Donnell.
Speaker 7: They already have ros O Donald.
Speaker 2: She's already gay. They got her Rose o'dnald has a
Speaker 2: huge crush on Tom Cruise. Those gays are unstoppable. And
Speaker 2: if they got Rosie, no one is safe. They might
Speaker 2: even get the Lord of the Dance.
Speaker 1: Morocco Sell Well after done? Now do you think do
Speaker 1: you think that the Saint Patricks Day Parade will change
Speaker 1: if gay people marching it?
Speaker 2: Not really, John, Let's face it, a parade is inherently gay.
Speaker 2: I mean, think about it. A crowd of singers and
Speaker 2: a gaggle of dancers perch the top floats, brightly painted
Speaker 2: paper mache.
Speaker 1: No, not all parades. I mean what about military parades?
Speaker 2: John, Come on, uniforms, boots, chaps, it's even gayer.
Speaker 1: Chaps. What branch are the military where it's chaps?
Speaker 2: Well, the cavalry, John, mounted privates? I mean, I mean,
Speaker 2: how gay do you want it?
Speaker 1: Thank you? Mo Moraka. We'll be right back. As we
Speaker 1: know our streets are boiling over in anger at these
Speaker 1: AIG bonus payments. John Oliver joins us now with more. John,
Speaker 1: we had you out there, We had you out there
Speaker 1: talking to the people. What was the atmosphere like, how
Speaker 1: are people feeling well?
Speaker 5: John would be a journalist first, but I'm a person second,
Speaker 5: And what I saw this afternoon was a nation in pain.
Speaker 5: Roll it chuck.
Speaker 3: The AIG bonus.
Speaker 5: Payments have sparked the populist uprising. People have been here
Speaker 5: since eight in the morning, stealing in their own anger
Speaker 5: AIG b They were here to send a very clear
Speaker 5: message to Washington.
Speaker 1: The economy stuck. But yeah, the economy.
Speaker 5: One hundred and sixty five million in bonuses just things
Speaker 5: morally reprehensible.
Speaker 4: They're the Bank of America, clearly the government.
Speaker 2: The government doesn't run the bank. The government doesn't run
Speaker 2: the bank.
Speaker 5: Watching think to the argument that AIG is simply too
Speaker 5: victor fail angry and the bonus stings, angry at the payouts.
Speaker 3: They want to be hurt.
Speaker 5: This woman is got pressed up against my arm in.
Speaker 1: An uncomfortable manner.
Speaker 5: Some were simply too angry for words, and that's the
Speaker 5: end of the year, while others were inappropriately articulate.
Speaker 8: It's because it's a coupling of performance from pay, which
Speaker 8: creates a series of perverse incentives that have been very
Speaker 8: much undermining the credibility.
Speaker 5: And the AIG controversy was just one of the scandals
Speaker 5: which brought people into the.
Speaker 2: Streets made of stewing j E g.
Speaker 3: Chat chats.
Speaker 5: In the hour and a half that I've been here, John,
Speaker 5: I've seen people passing out at anger, throwing up in anger,
Speaker 5: piercing up against the sign of buildings in anger. All
Speaker 5: these people, John, working at investment banks just eight weeks ago. Now,
Speaker 5: how there's a protests that's right angry by Hey Won
Speaker 5: jumps back? Like what that jumps back?
Speaker 3: Are you positive that that was a popular product?
Speaker 1: Because it appeared that you might have been at the
Speaker 1: Saint Patrick's.
Speaker 5: Day parade, John, none of us can be one hundred
Speaker 5: percent sure where I was. But there is one important
Speaker 5: thing I learned today.
Speaker 3: What would that be, Joe, j G, Jux, Juch Dutch, Don.
Speaker 1: Over everybody, Don Oliver, We'll be right back after that.
Speaker 4: For why.
Speaker 1: Happy Saint Patrick's Day?
Speaker 2: Everybody?
Speaker 9: Yeah, Yeah, I have to be honest, I don't really
Speaker 9: know much about Saint Patrick. But judging by the way
Speaker 9: people honor him, his most famous miracle must have been
Speaker 9: turning nine pints of beer into ten pints of vomits.
Speaker 6: Ah.
Speaker 9: Apparently, apparently this is supposed to be a religious holiday.
Speaker 9: Now I'm no biblical scholar, but I don't remember Jesus
Speaker 9: telling his followers to commit literally every sin possible until
Speaker 9: their bodies shut off.
Speaker 3: That's not something I remember.
Speaker 9: Look, obviously, the truth is Saint Patrick's Day isn't very
Speaker 9: big in Africa. Like, you know, you're not going to
Speaker 9: get a Nigerian guy who's like ah today, everyone is
Speaker 9: Irish in America.
Speaker 1: Though.
Speaker 9: In America, though a lot of people don't know this,
Speaker 9: black people are the whole reason Saint Patrick's Day happens,
Speaker 9: you see, because by not participating, you can have six
Speaker 9: million drunk white people screaming on the streets. Yeah, but
Speaker 9: if one black guy showed up, one black the comps
Speaker 9: would be like, okay, shut it down, shut it down,
Speaker 9: shut it down.
Speaker 3: It's a riot.
Speaker 2: It's a riot.
Speaker 1: You're welcome. You're welcome. White people, enjoy it.
Speaker 9: Happy Sat Patrick's Day for tomorrow, everybody. It's gonna be exciting.
Speaker 9: I believe the parade is back on exciting times. You know,
Speaker 9: it's gonna be fun. This year is seeing some of
Speaker 9: the people who still want to wear a mask but
Speaker 9: want to be a part of a parade, which is
Speaker 9: completely fine. Some people still want to wear masks certain things,
Speaker 9: but they're gonna do it. It's gonna be interesting to see
Speaker 9: how masks handle it when you throw up inside of them,
Speaker 9: because we've done everything with our masks, but this is
Speaker 9: gonna be a great new thing to see how it works.
Speaker 9: You know, just like inside the mosque, it might actually
Speaker 9: help because a lot of the time the throwing up.
Speaker 9: The thing that makes it terrible is that it goes out.
Speaker 9: A lot of the time. I've thought, ah, I didn't want.
Speaker 3: This to go out.
Speaker 1: I just could have kept it in. I'm back for
Speaker 1: calling you.
Speaker 3: We're gonna check you with hundred time. Stephen Gobar to
Speaker 3: go bear before Stephen.
Speaker 1: Happy Saint Patrick's Day to you boy, sure and becore
Speaker 1: of my friend. How are you John?
Speaker 3: Wow? Didn't even know that was in the US.
Speaker 1: Well done, Seamus Colbert, Thank you very much. I'm excited
Speaker 1: for another's Saint Patrick's Day and then obviously the Passover
Speaker 1: parade for my people.
Speaker 4: Absolutely, yes, yes, yes, now they they hurled, They hurled frogs.
Speaker 1: And locust statue. WHI are exactly here's what happens. We
Speaker 1: all drink Mani Chevitz get in a line in march.
Speaker 1: Actually it's not really a parade form an exodus. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that was the original. It was a great prit.
Speaker 9: Now here it is your moments of zen herning to you.
Speaker 2: We've got more weather and then after that, somenooze top
Speaker 2: of the morning to you.
Speaker 4: Top of the Glisard conditions, back through.
Speaker 3: Why wold he shot up to you?
Speaker 2: I didn't know you spoke Irish.
Speaker 1: Thank you very much, ash.
Speaker 2: Leo Suddon and we'll be seeing you at eleven.
Speaker 6: Join us of the Arish Dutch forgot going with you
Speaker 6: this afternoon.
Speaker 4: Some clouds are on, no wond ifuff for commute this morning.
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