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Speaker 1: Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and

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Speaker 1: I'm Niela. Happy Wednesday, my love, Hello, dear, Happy Wednesday.

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Speaker 2: Happy Wednesday. How are you.

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Speaker 1: I'm great and doing good. We're still in New York, guys.

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Speaker 1: It's rather chilly, but we leave tomorrow. And yeah, I

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Speaker 1: miss my baby.

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Speaker 2: I have my baby, so I'm ready to drop that

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Speaker 2: baby off.

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Speaker 1: I figured we were swapping. Other than that, everything's good.

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Speaker 1: Me and Erica went out the other night. I got

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Speaker 1: wasted because you know, it's something about the water in

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Speaker 1: New York. I'm obligated to get wasted.

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Speaker 3: Bitch.

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Speaker 4: I've been like, wait, I like literally have been like

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Speaker 4: nursing myself for this night because I have been feeling

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Speaker 4: a little bit under the weather. And so I don't

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Speaker 4: know if it was an antibiotics mix was tequila.

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Speaker 2: I know I'm not supposed to antbiotics with alcohol.

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Speaker 4: But you know, bitch, don't listen and girl, I don't

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Speaker 4: really remember certain parts of the night, but I do

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Speaker 4: know I ended up at Starlit's the strip club, and

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Speaker 4: we actually met up with some of the some of

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Speaker 4: the ladies from the retreat from Costa Rica, and one

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Speaker 4: of them she's ever been to a strip club, she's

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Speaker 4: ever past stayed out past like four years. So I

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Speaker 4: was determined to like, like have her like experience these firsts.

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Speaker 4: There was a few other firsts that were just not

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Speaker 4: going to share on the podcast, but I don't share those.

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Speaker 2: But it was fun. I had fun. It was cool,

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Speaker 2: but we.

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Speaker 1: Did have fun. The parts I remember were fun. I

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Speaker 1: apparently was being very annoying, so Orlando made me leave.

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Speaker 1: He just swept me up into the uber and then

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Speaker 1: I think I pouted and he's like, you can go

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Speaker 1: back out, and then I fell asleep because I was

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Speaker 1: a drunk ass bid.

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Speaker 2: Why did he knew we were gonna go back out?

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Speaker 2: He brought you home to go back out bye.

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Speaker 1: He was testing me, and obviously I wasn't gangster enough

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Speaker 1: to leave because bitch was drunk. So it's actually for

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Speaker 1: the best. And I was kind of mad at first.

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Speaker 1: I was like, I went to the trick club, I

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Speaker 1: had fun. I was like, bitch, if you would have wait,

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Speaker 1: wouldn't remembered shit anyway. So I felt fine the next day.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't hungover, and like, I felt kind of adult

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Speaker 1: a little bit, even though apparently I was making out

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Speaker 1: with people, which.

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Speaker 2: I missed that. I didn't see that part.

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Speaker 1: I was like, are you lying?

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Speaker 5: I met out with no one with an unfortunately anyway,

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Speaker 5: so happy we could replay that.

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Speaker 4: Well, it's part of our wellness and it's well in

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Speaker 4: this April, so you know, getting turning up in New

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Speaker 4: York is part of my self care routine.

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Speaker 1: It's definitely mandatory, like at least twice a year to

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Speaker 1: turn up in New York.

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Speaker 4: I swear one day I'll come here and like do

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Speaker 4: not no turn ups. Although this has been a very

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Speaker 4: chill trip, but it was necessary.

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Speaker 1: I had the dailiast ones. Well, I'm really excited, dear,

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Speaker 1: because my dear, sweet, wonderful cousin is here today joining us. Author,

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Speaker 1: autism mom, advocate, one of my best friends, my favorite cousin, Sheena.

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Speaker 1: I was about to say, like your whole government, but

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Speaker 1: I don't think you go by that.

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Speaker 6: But I don't.

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Speaker 2: I don't need them searching.

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Speaker 6: So Hi Bill, Hi, I love you.

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Speaker 2: I love you too.

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Speaker 1: How are you?

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Speaker 6: I'm well, I'm cold, but I'm well, yeah, how are

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Speaker 6: you cold?

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Speaker 2: You're from here?

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Speaker 6: I know, but I'm in my mind. I live in California.

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Speaker 1: She's been living in California in her mind for years.

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Speaker 2: Look. I was looking at she in the stories last

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Speaker 2: night and I was like, is this bitch in La

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Speaker 2: the way you bro?

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Speaker 6: I was like, she's buy a pool. I'm like, wait,

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Speaker 6: because in my mind I live in La.

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Speaker 4: I was like, does she get flew out just for

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Speaker 4: the interview in La last night?

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Speaker 3: No?

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Speaker 6: But I sped down a highway to make it, meet it,

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Speaker 6: to make it.

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Speaker 2: Thank you for coming.

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Speaker 6: I appreciate you, thank you for having me.

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Speaker 1: For those of you who don't know, I am from Philly.

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Speaker 1: Both my parents are from Philly. She came here from

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Speaker 1: Philly to New York to come join us, I just

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Speaker 1: thought I need to give my Philly roots. Son.

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Speaker 2: Not I am from Philly, I am.

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Speaker 1: She is from Philly growing up we went there, was

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Speaker 1: like we're going home for the summer, and I don't know.

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Speaker 1: That's how I associated it, even though I'm very much

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Speaker 1: a valley girl California bitch, I have deep Philly roots

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Speaker 1: and I will cut you.

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Speaker 2: Why does Philly have to be violent?

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Speaker 6: Why is that not really violent? But people make it violent?

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Speaker 6: Like if I stay, I'm a Philly dated like, oh,

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Speaker 6: don't fuck me up, don't do no.

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Speaker 4: Shit to get up from Philly and I will murder you.

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Speaker 2: Jesus.

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Speaker 1: Sure, No it's not. I mean kind of I can

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Speaker 1: get I can refer. But she is like the first

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Speaker 1: older big cousin that I had that like turned me out.

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Speaker 6: Now I turned the round literally like I was like.

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Speaker 1: On the brink of sixteen, where I was already about

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Speaker 1: to act crazy naturally because of the naturally escalated it,

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Speaker 1: and she came to la escalated it significantly, like significantly.

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Speaker 1: I was like, Oh, this bitch is giving me the

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Speaker 1: green light. Even though she was like twenty young and

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Speaker 1: dumb and stupid too, she was giving me all the

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Speaker 1: best slash maybe not best advice.

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Speaker 6: I think that my influence on you was a positive

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Speaker 6: because I feel like it makes you more free. And

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Speaker 6: then you know about like you don't have to go

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Speaker 6: and trial a era. You watch me do a lot

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Speaker 6: of shit. You watch me have a kid young you

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Speaker 6: know what I'm saying, Like, you watch me date all

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Speaker 6: types of sortied men, so it kind of maybe girls too.

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Speaker 6: Was you around for some lesbian stuff?

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Speaker 1: I think you're like not really being lesbian at that time,

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Speaker 1: but I know you're lesbian.

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Speaker 2: It's true.

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Speaker 1: I got into the ranks pretty early because she was like,

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Speaker 1: we got you can go out with me. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: get your ID. So I was like in Philly and fifteen,

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Speaker 1: like going out, hanging out with ballers and drug dealers

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Speaker 1: and like just being fad.

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Speaker 6: But it made you not go want to go super

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Speaker 6: buck Wow. And plus you hit Supervision.

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Speaker 1: So I mean the thing is it was going to

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Speaker 1: probably happen eventually anyway. But yeah, I'm happy that I

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Speaker 1: did have your your guidance, and it probably did contribute

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Speaker 1: to a lot of my zero FUCKX given attitude growing up.

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Speaker 2: Have you been the shena to anybody? Have you been

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Speaker 2: anyone's shena?

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Speaker 6: No?

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Speaker 2: I don't.

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Speaker 1: Don't you know likedren, I don't know the teenagers I

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Speaker 1: want to guide.

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Speaker 6: No, I think that the teenagers stop with you.

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Speaker 1: I was trying very hard to be in the mix.

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Speaker 1: I would be paid if she would leave me, and

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Speaker 1: so so.

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Speaker 6: She Now look at you. You're amazing. You're an amazing mom.

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Speaker 6: You've got this amazing platform. And yeah, I'll be paying

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Speaker 6: myself on a bag when I see.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I feel thank you, Sheena for all that you've done.

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Speaker 6: You're well, thank you, thank you for this person.

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Speaker 1: You really did in a lot of ways. I think

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Speaker 1: I can to credit a lot of my zero fucks

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Speaker 1: given to Shina Earlier. I was like, well she decided

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Speaker 1: its cool, so fuck it. So yeah, I think I

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Speaker 1: embraced myself because I saw you embrace yourself, and so

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Speaker 1: that was I guess now the greater hindsight of things.

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Speaker 6: I needed that, right we all do. I think as women,

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Speaker 6: you have to always pitch yourself first. Like to me,

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Speaker 6: being selfish is self care for me. Like I've been

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Speaker 6: in predicaments. You guys mentioned I'm an autism mom, but

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Speaker 6: when my daughter was diagnosed, I felt like I put

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Speaker 6: myself to the side. And I had to in a

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Speaker 6: sense because at the time she was nonverbal. We had

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Speaker 6: tons of therapists coming in and at the house. She

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Speaker 6: had so much therapy, and I put her first. But

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Speaker 6: I remember one of my friends was like, you know,

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Speaker 6: Monroe deserves the real Sina to be her mom and

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Speaker 6: her advocate. And I sat with it, and I'm like,

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Speaker 6: you know what, You're right. Let me get my mojo

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Speaker 6: back and get my head back in the game. And

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Speaker 6: I think a little bit of me being more present,

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Speaker 6: being like who I really was before autism kind of

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Speaker 6: probably catapulted my daughter to be where she is now

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Speaker 6: as far as her progress.

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Speaker 1: So, so Shena had a son really young because we

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Speaker 1: were like eighteen nineteen. I had him at nineteen nineteen,

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Speaker 1: and so she had that experience.

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Speaker 2: And then how old is your son?

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Speaker 6: Now he's nineteen and he'll be twenty and I'll be forty.

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Speaker 6: Don't tell nobody, child.

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Speaker 1: I don't tell anybody, everybody. And then you had been

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Speaker 1: bro how many years apart?

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Speaker 6: They are about ten years apart?

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Speaker 1: Ten years apart. And that was a completely different experience

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Speaker 1: because how did it go, like discovering that and then

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Speaker 1: you know how that affected you as a parent, that's

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Speaker 1: a human being.

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Speaker 6: Well, when I was twenty eight, it's so weird. When

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Speaker 6: I was twenty eight, I was like, because I don't

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Speaker 6: even like kids, Like I'm not even a babysitter. I

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Speaker 6: can't even believe I got two kids. I swear, I

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Speaker 6: say every day. But when I was like twenty eight,

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Speaker 6: I was like, oh, I want to do order before

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Speaker 6: I turned thirty and go and behold. I gave birth

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Speaker 6: to my daughter right after my twenty ninth birthday, and

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Speaker 6: she was perfect. I knew it was a girl. I

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Speaker 6: didn't even need to get an ultrasound. I knew. I said,

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Speaker 6: I have got four daughter's twitter whatever. She was big.

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Speaker 6: She was a larger baby, so I had to get

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Speaker 6: the ultrasound like once a week because she was huge.

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Speaker 6: They thought she was gonna be like thirteen pounds. She

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Speaker 6: ended up being like close to eleven pounds. But it

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Speaker 6: was amazing pregnancy. I thought everything was cool. She was

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Speaker 6: about fourteen months when the doctor, her then pediatrician, was saying, oh,

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Speaker 6: she needed to get her MMR vaccines, which before autism.

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Speaker 6: I second guessed nothing. I know my son got vaccinated.

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Speaker 6: I thought nothing of it, so I think about fifteen

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Speaker 6: or sixteen months because it was late. A child is

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Speaker 6: supposed to get it somewhere between twelve and fifteen months

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Speaker 6: or something like that, if I'm not mistaken. So Monroe

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Speaker 6: got her. She was born in July. She got her

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Speaker 6: MMR sometime between like December and January. And before that

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Speaker 6: we came to New York. She got several modeling contract offers.

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Speaker 6: She was gonna be in my mind, she was gonna

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Speaker 6: be a baby model and I was finally gonna move

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Speaker 6: to LA. She hit me ticket, Yes, She's gonna be

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Speaker 6: my mialle ticket. So everything was going well. I used

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Speaker 6: to do being being's though I was older this time,

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Speaker 6: so I did all the cliche things like we did

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Speaker 6: my baby caree. She was on like touching news and

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Speaker 6: all the little gestures that they do on a video.

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Speaker 6: And let me just disclaim her this this is my experience.

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Speaker 6: I'm not a doctor. I'm a mother, and i know

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Speaker 6: what happened to my daughter. So I'm gonna tell my truth,

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Speaker 6: and that's just what it is. I just always got

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Speaker 6: to give a disclaimer because I'm not a doctor. Okay.

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Speaker 6: So she got the MMR vaccine the exact day she

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Speaker 6: was sick. She got a fever. I thought nothing of

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Speaker 6: it because they always tell you your baby could get

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Speaker 6: a fever when it gets they shot whatever. Next day,

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Speaker 6: I get up to do our routine or my baby

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Speaker 6: cared thing. Nothing. My grandmother was babysitting her a lot

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Speaker 6: at the time, and she was like my grandmothers who

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Speaker 6: noticed that she wasn't answering to her name, so you know,

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Speaker 6: like a small baby like Moreu Moreau. But she wasn't

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Speaker 6: has she previously been, as she was very alert when

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Speaker 6: you she was doing everything on track. She wasn't talking

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Speaker 6: yet though she wasn't talking yet at all before or

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Speaker 6: after the vaccine. So she got a fever. She had

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Speaker 6: a fever, she was sick, and then to me, like

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Speaker 6: my memory of it, she just went blank. It was

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Speaker 6: like she wasn't the same baby no more. And I

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Speaker 6: still didn't attribute it to anything. I'm just like, what's

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Speaker 6: going on. I'm asking her pediatrician. They're telling me, Oh,

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Speaker 6: she doesn't have any other children in the house. Maybe

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Speaker 6: she not talking because there's no small children. But I'm like,

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Speaker 6: my ghetto little cousins is babysitting her in North Philly.

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Speaker 6: This girl should be cussing, she say.

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Speaker 1: If I'm on track, this baby's from West Philly. This

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Speaker 1: baby should be she should be cussed.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, because and then my previous career was like in beauty,

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Speaker 6: so like she would be on sets with me. I

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Speaker 6: was taking her to movie set. So I'm like, she's

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Speaker 6: not saying lipsticks, she's not saying nothing. So long story short,

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Speaker 6: thank god my mom worked in medical all her life.

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Speaker 6: So I'm like, Mom, like something is going on. They

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Speaker 6: I called to get a screening on her. They told

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Speaker 6: me it was a year waiting list, and I'm like

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Speaker 6: it was like February. I'm like a fucking year. What

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Speaker 6: like called my mom was like, I'm gonna make a

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Speaker 6: phone call. My mom called because she used to work

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Speaker 6: for a doctor in a more, you know, unurban area.

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Speaker 6: The lady was like, let me pull some strings. I

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Speaker 6: got her screened. I think about May and Moro was

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Speaker 6: diagnosed with autism on July twenty fifth, twenty thirteen, and

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Speaker 6: she just had turned two years old on July twenty if.

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Speaker 6: We took her to Disney because it was already preplanned,

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Speaker 6: and I don't know everybody. I know y'all take y'all

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Speaker 6: girls to Disney all the time. Imagine taking a child

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Speaker 6: to Disney that is just not reacting to nothing. She reacts.

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Speaker 6: She was reacting to nothing. So I remember when they

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Speaker 6: diagnosed her. They gave me this like purple binder and

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Speaker 6: they was like, oh, your daughter's al dad, And I'm like,

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Speaker 6: I'm just like in shock, and I bought my mom

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Speaker 6: with me. And my mom is from the old school generation,

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Speaker 6: like don't you let no fucking doctors tell you nothing

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Speaker 6: about your child. So I'm like, mom, shut up. They

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Speaker 6: saying something. Just binder means something and I remember being

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Speaker 6: I told the lady, I said, you're gonna remember Monroe,

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Speaker 6: like she is not going to be diagnosis number two

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Speaker 6: thousand whatever whatever. I remember going home quiet, and I

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Speaker 6: felt like this is fucked up, Like I pray, I

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Speaker 6: asked God for a child, and now you gave me

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Speaker 6: a child, Like did I do something wrong? I remember

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Speaker 6: I was in Atlanta when I was pregnant and I

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Speaker 6: was drinking like a fucking seeing Gria. So I'm driving

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Speaker 6: on the way. I remember this exact thought, like was

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Speaker 6: it the fucking Thingria? Like what happened? Because you don't

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Speaker 6: under like it? Just it came out of nowhere. So

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Speaker 6: her diagnosis came, and then I went into warrior mode.

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Speaker 6: I went into how the fuck am I going to

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Speaker 6: fix this mood? And I'm a single mom twice over,

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Speaker 6: so I'm like, I gotta do this shit, and I

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Speaker 6: gotta do it about myself. So I just started researching

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Speaker 6: the best therapies. The state provided therapy for her, and

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Speaker 6: it was a mess. I was depressed. But when you

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Speaker 6: depressed and your child needs you, you can't even be depressed.

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Speaker 6: It's like, all right, cry and then get the fuck

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Speaker 6: up and do what you need to do, and that's

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Speaker 6: what I was doing. I did it for four years.

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Speaker 6: I feel like I wore the same tights. I switched

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Speaker 6: from t shirt to hoodie, uggs or flip flops for

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Speaker 6: four years. And you know me, Millie, You know how

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Speaker 6: vain I am about my hair and different stuff like that.

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Speaker 6: I wasn't getting my hair done. I wasn't doing nothing.

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Speaker 6: And slowly, but surely, with the therapy, with intensive therapy,

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Speaker 6: she started to make progress. My roade didn't talk. She

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Speaker 6: sang first. She was about five, like almost five, and

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Speaker 6: I heard her like singing, like a whisper, and it

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Speaker 6: was this song like read read, the apple is read

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Speaker 6: or something I'll never forget it. And I'm looked under

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Speaker 6: the covering she was singing. So I heard her singing

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Speaker 6: voice way before I heard her speaking voice. And just

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Speaker 6: to fast forward, after all the therapy, I'm talking about

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Speaker 6: twelve hours a day, I had to stop working. I

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Speaker 6: was working in theater at the time. Had I worked

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Speaker 6: for ten dollars an hour. People don't know this part

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Speaker 6: of my story, but I literally I lied on the

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Speaker 6: application and said I knew how to do audit because

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Speaker 6: I had to work overnight in order for her to

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Speaker 6: be in therapy. All day, I was in the hotel

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Speaker 6: doing audit, making pennies fourteen something dollars an hour pennies

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Speaker 6: with two kids. Then I took a job at a supermarket,

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Speaker 6: making ten dollars an hour. I worked from six am

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Speaker 6: to eleven am because my daughter had to be to

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Speaker 6: her program at twelve pm. Even I got bit by

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Speaker 6: spider working in a hotel and almost lost my fucking

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Speaker 6: arm because of autism, because I had to fight and

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Speaker 6: I had to do everything for my daughter and my book,

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Speaker 6: my first book, along came Autism. You could the host.

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Speaker 6: I wrote it kind of like in real time, so

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Speaker 6: as things was happening. And then when I got bid

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Speaker 6: by the spider, I was in a hospital and I'm like, God, like,

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Speaker 6: what do you want me to do? Like I did everything.

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Speaker 6: I sacrificed, I stopped everything. I wasn't having sex and

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Speaker 6: I love to have sex. I wasn't talking to boys,

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Speaker 6: you know what I'm saying. Like, I stopped everything, and

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Speaker 6: I put it into my daughter. And I'm like, I'm

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Speaker 6: about to lose my arm over a spider by at

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Speaker 6: a fucking job that this is not even what I'm

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Speaker 6: supposed to be doing. But when I woke up, my

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Speaker 6: hands was fooling and I was like, fuck, it's time

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Speaker 6: to write. So I started writing. And in a lot

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Speaker 6: of ways, Monroe her situation made some of my dreams

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Speaker 6: come true. It was like it was a nightmare, but

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Speaker 6: some of my.

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Speaker 2: Dreams came true. So that's beautiful.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I think children do that, like and in

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Speaker 4: ways that they don't even realize that they do. For us,

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Speaker 4: I have a question when she was diagnosed, like where

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Speaker 4: on the spectrum was she and like for me, like

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Speaker 4: I hear about this spectrum right, but I don't really

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Speaker 4: fully like know what that is in autism, like from

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Speaker 4: one spectrum to another end.

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Speaker 6: The funny thing is when Monroe was diagnosed, it was

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Speaker 6: right before they started. It's different levels. Now they'll say

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Speaker 6: like high functioning. I don't like to pit labels on it,

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Speaker 6: because yes, after five years of hard work, my daughter

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Speaker 6: done to herself how to speak Japanese. So she's the shit.

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Speaker 6: Oh my god, she's amazing. But she still has heavy

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Speaker 6: autistic traits, like people think about her being verbal or

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Speaker 6: they look at her and they're like, oh, which is

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Speaker 6: so rude. Don't do it. She don't look like nothing's

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Speaker 6: wrong with her. I never said nothing was wrong with her.

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Speaker 6: She's autistic, though, And I'm that that mom that like,

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Speaker 6: let people treat everybody, do it different, But you're not

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Speaker 6: gonna treat my daughter like everybody else because she's not

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Speaker 6: like everybody else. But right now, in Layman's terms, you

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Speaker 6: would consider her like high functioning. But when she was diagnosed,

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Speaker 6: she was diagnosed with autism plus a speech and language

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Speaker 6: disability because she was nonverbal. She wasn't even making sounds.

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Speaker 6: So I don't know where she would be now. The

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Speaker 6: way they categorize it and a lot of the things

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Speaker 6: they're doing now is to stop I guess under or misdiagnosis,

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Speaker 6: and then stop people from like I guess abuse and

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Speaker 6: like the different privileges you get when your child has

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Speaker 6: like a real diagnosis. So I don't know where she

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Speaker 6: was then, but I know now people would probably consider

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Speaker 6: her like semi high function even though she has.

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Speaker 4: Other What and you said she was in twelve hours

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Speaker 4: of therapy. What kind of therapy do they do for autism? Like,

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Speaker 4: what does that look like?

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Speaker 6: Well, we did until your child is three in most

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Speaker 6: places and mostly around the United States, until your child

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Speaker 6: is three years old. The state provides speech, occupational, behavioral,

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Speaker 6: and physical therapy and they will come to your home

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Speaker 6: if and that's so fit to each child, like if

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Speaker 6: your child don't need it, they won't get it. Thankfully,

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Speaker 6: Monroe never had behavior so she never had a behavioral team.

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Speaker 6: But so she was in speech in the home. And

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Speaker 6: then I found outpatient, which I used this place that

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Speaker 6: was like play play type therapy. It's called therapy. It

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Speaker 6: was like therapy, but they would they would do it

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Speaker 6: with toys so that the child was more inclined. So

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Speaker 6: she did a co treat of speech in ot two

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Speaker 6: hours a day. She had the speech and kind of

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Speaker 6: like a teach come in the house four hours a day.

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Speaker 6: And then she did two hours of physical therapy, and

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Speaker 6: then she did an hour of music therapy twice a week.

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Speaker 6: So she was in all of those therapies for four

402
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Speaker 6: years straight. And then school too, Like I'm blessed she

403
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Speaker 6: can go to an amazing private school that provides all

404
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Speaker 6: of those services to plus I do outpatient on my own.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, so that's so amazing. So you said musical therapy.

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Speaker 4: Do you think that maybe that contributed to her? I

407
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Speaker 4: do like her singing, and then her she was.

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Speaker 6: Like naturally like she could play the piano. Like even now,

409
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Speaker 6: like her memory is is she will tell you whose

410
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Speaker 6: sample what song it would be. She's like, oh, this

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Speaker 6: song is such and such, but it's really a sample

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Speaker 6: of like she has a music, you know memory, So music.

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Speaker 6: I think music therapy any special needs moms, particularly all

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Speaker 6: to some moms out there, music therapy. It sounds juvenile,

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Speaker 6: like it sounds like it's not gonna do anything, but

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Speaker 6: it does a lot. It helps them with rhythm, It

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Speaker 6: helps them with repetition, it helps them with you know, creativity,

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Speaker 6: and all of those things ultimately help with speech and language.

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Speaker 1: It's just I know, like I know you, you know. So

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Speaker 1: like in the time, like as women already as moms,

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Speaker 1: you have a baby, and suddenly you feel like, oh,

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Speaker 1: should I have to shift, you know, because if I

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Speaker 1: if I'm going out too often, people are going to say, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm not a good mom, or is and she didn't

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00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:21,639
Speaker 1: she just have a baby. Like there's all these thoughts

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00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:25,480
Speaker 1: of shame that you immediately have just transitioning into motherhood.

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Speaker 1: Even till now, I'd be like, oh, but people know

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00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:29,320
Speaker 1: I'm out of town for seven days, they don't ask,

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Speaker 1: Like it's a different type of like microscope on you

430
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:34,959
Speaker 1: when you're a woman versus like the dad. So like,

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Speaker 1: with that being said, I can only imagine also having

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Speaker 1: a child that's special needs and feeling guilty about wanting

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Speaker 1: to do shit and wanting to serve yourself and do things,

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Speaker 1: you know, outside of that, and afraid that people, your family,

435
00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:51,879
Speaker 1: your friends are going to be like, oh, well didn't

436
00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:53,960
Speaker 1: she just say this is going on with Monroe? Or

437
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:54,960
Speaker 1: like shouldn't she be here?

438
00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:56,119
Speaker 6: Do you? Like? How?

439
00:19:56,359 --> 00:19:58,240
Speaker 1: Cause I know you're very like who the fuck you are?

440
00:19:58,280 --> 00:19:58,359
Speaker 3: Like?

441
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:01,159
Speaker 1: How has that? In fact? How you like stopped what

442
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,200
Speaker 1: you were doing for two years?

443
00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:04,920
Speaker 6: You know? And just I think I had to The

444
00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:08,640
Speaker 6: stopping was I need this baby to talk. In my mind,

445
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:09,919
Speaker 6: it was like she didn't ask to be here, so

446
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:11,359
Speaker 6: whatever the fuck I gotta do, I gotta do it.

447
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:13,880
Speaker 6: So that was the stopping And I think I talked

448
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,479
Speaker 6: to you about that before. Like when I stopped, I

449
00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:19,640
Speaker 6: was doing myself a disservice because yeah, I was being

450
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:21,440
Speaker 6: there for my daughter and she was getting the things

451
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:23,520
Speaker 6: that she needed, but I wasn't getting what I needed.

452
00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:27,200
Speaker 6: And it wasn't about like a man or like sex

453
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:29,280
Speaker 6: per se, but it was like I'm still a woman,

454
00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:31,560
Speaker 6: Like I still have needs, like I still need to

455
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:35,160
Speaker 6: feel beautiful, I still need to I still need an outlet.

456
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:39,280
Speaker 6: So maybe about after when the book Along came Autism

457
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:42,320
Speaker 6: came out, that was the year that I was like, oh, bitch,

458
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:45,160
Speaker 6: you gotta get your swaggon back, like it ain't gonna

459
00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:49,080
Speaker 6: this story. Don't sell that fucking inspirational with you. Look

460
00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:50,639
Speaker 6: in the fucking massa, you know what I'm saying. Like

461
00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:52,480
Speaker 6: it was like, so I kicked myself in the ass

462
00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:56,320
Speaker 6: and I got myself together, but hell yeah, you get criticized.

463
00:20:56,359 --> 00:20:58,880
Speaker 6: Like with social media had first came out, I kind

464
00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:01,600
Speaker 6: of like documented a lot of Monroe's progress on my

465
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:04,520
Speaker 6: old page. They disabled my page all but my old page,

466
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:07,560
Speaker 6: which sucks is it's like her whole fucking autistic journey

467
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,960
Speaker 6: is going, but I was documenting it. Social media first

468
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:14,240
Speaker 6: came out, and then as I started I started healing too,

469
00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:16,480
Speaker 6: because I got a diagnosis too, you know what I'm saying.

470
00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:19,880
Speaker 6: So as I started healing, I would get like messages like, oh,

471
00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:22,520
Speaker 6: you out there spending your daughter money. I'm like, what,

472
00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:24,919
Speaker 6: what the fuck money? She got you. How much you

473
00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:27,679
Speaker 6: think she get like lil I would get those kind

474
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,399
Speaker 6: of messages where I would get like little people saying

475
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:33,600
Speaker 6: stuff like, oh, you don't do the special needs thing

476
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:36,639
Speaker 6: no more. I think the special needs thing twenty every

477
00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:39,840
Speaker 6: day seven and a bitch need a break from the

478
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:42,200
Speaker 6: special need shit, right, And I help a lot of it.

479
00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:45,280
Speaker 6: And I don't mind it anytime a new autism mom,

480
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:47,199
Speaker 6: and if you are a new autism mom, you have

481
00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:49,520
Speaker 6: my permission to inbox me anytime of the day. I

482
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:51,480
Speaker 6: don't mind talking to you. I don't mind helping people.

483
00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:54,960
Speaker 6: But it's like, I also want to be that type

484
00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:57,119
Speaker 6: of advocate that's showing women like you could still be

485
00:21:57,200 --> 00:22:01,000
Speaker 6: a bad bitch and be autism mom or whatever disability

486
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:03,600
Speaker 6: is y'all might have that's hindering, you know, the progression

487
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:06,920
Speaker 6: of your life. You can be It's okay. You can

488
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:10,119
Speaker 6: be sexual, you can have fun, you can have that

489
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:13,000
Speaker 6: twinkle in your fucking eye because being a mom don't

490
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:15,320
Speaker 6: ever stop. I can be on an island and in

491
00:22:15,359 --> 00:22:17,080
Speaker 6: the back of my mind even though like, thank god,

492
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:19,040
Speaker 6: I have a support system my mom and my sister

493
00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:21,520
Speaker 6: that really jump in and take, you know, take care

494
00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:23,199
Speaker 6: of my daughter when I'm not around, but it's like

495
00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:26,640
Speaker 6: you still thinking about that cause I know Moro can

496
00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:28,360
Speaker 6: have a melt down any minute. And then my mom

497
00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:31,360
Speaker 6: is calling me. Imagine you in Dubai, Okay, Like imagine

498
00:22:31,359 --> 00:22:33,240
Speaker 6: you in Dubai and you done met this very chance

499
00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:37,800
Speaker 6: African and you just imagine true story though, So like

500
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:40,840
Speaker 6: literally I'm in Dubai's eight hours Difference or some shit,

501
00:22:41,119 --> 00:22:43,359
Speaker 6: I'd have met this with a chance African and my

502
00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:45,480
Speaker 6: mom is calling me, fucking telling me that my daughter

503
00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:47,000
Speaker 6: is having them out there. I'm like, bitch, I'm trying

504
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:50,840
Speaker 6: to I gotta call you back, but it don't stop.

505
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:53,639
Speaker 6: So I and I hate, like sometimes it was like

506
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:56,320
Speaker 6: this quote. I think that was like I hope I

507
00:22:56,359 --> 00:23:00,760
Speaker 6: don't make it look too easy because it's heavy, and

508
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:03,399
Speaker 6: I like to put this shit to fuck down, like

509
00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:05,919
Speaker 6: I'm always going to be even with my son, like

510
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:09,720
Speaker 6: not the discredit having a nineteen year old black son

511
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:13,440
Speaker 6: in this world. That shit is heavy. I'm just letting

512
00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:15,000
Speaker 6: my son learn how to fucking drive because I was

513
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:17,160
Speaker 6: scared to let him drive, you know what I'm saying,

514
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:19,000
Speaker 6: because the all the shit that go on in the world.

515
00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:21,919
Speaker 6: So it's heavy and motherhood is heavy, and I know

516
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:25,240
Speaker 6: y'all know, y'all, And like in Cyborg, I always like,

517
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:27,680
Speaker 6: I don't know if it's like an envy thing, but whatever,

518
00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:31,080
Speaker 6: I'll say, envious of watching Luna because I didn't get

519
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:33,840
Speaker 6: to do that, so it's beautiful to see that. And

520
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:36,480
Speaker 6: as mothers is heavy, I never want you to feel

521
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:38,600
Speaker 6: guilty about the shit that you do.

522
00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:41,600
Speaker 1: It's just heavy, I know, and I mean it is heavy,

523
00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:44,480
Speaker 1: and I think that's a very valid point. Like motherhood

524
00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:46,800
Speaker 1: is heavy, right, Feeling like you have to show up

525
00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:49,520
Speaker 1: a certain way all the time is heavy. Whether you

526
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:52,440
Speaker 1: have this experience or that experience, like it's all kind

527
00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:54,320
Speaker 1: of it's scary and you don't know.

528
00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:56,040
Speaker 6: And when you have a daughter, I don't know if

529
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:59,800
Speaker 6: y'all experience it but yet. But even though my daughter

530
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:02,919
Speaker 6: is autistic, she is first of all, she had cancer

531
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:07,399
Speaker 6: like us, so she's a spitfire and she I'm watching

532
00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:09,840
Speaker 6: her and I and she's going through like early puberty.

533
00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:12,400
Speaker 6: So I got her like this hormone blocker. Another conversation

534
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:15,879
Speaker 6: for another day. But now she's like, I want to

535
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:19,480
Speaker 6: have big boobs, and I got a friend. My friend

536
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:24,760
Speaker 6: is like super yeah. So Monroe saw her in jeans

537
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:26,920
Speaker 6: for the first time and she was like, oh my god,

538
00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:29,600
Speaker 6: your body it's so and I'm like, oh fuck, like

539
00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:31,800
Speaker 6: I'm getting some of this little girl that I was

540
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:37,560
Speaker 6: praying to get. No mine. I got a breast reduction

541
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:40,600
Speaker 6: recently and she was like the other day she was like, Mom,

542
00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:42,879
Speaker 6: I'm not trying to hurt your feelings or anything. I was.

543
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:44,439
Speaker 6: She was like, when I say this, I'm like, what

544
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:46,160
Speaker 6: are you going to say? She was like, I think

545
00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:49,920
Speaker 6: your boobs may go back big. I was like why.

546
00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:52,159
Speaker 6: She was like, I don't know. She was like, I

547
00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:53,760
Speaker 6: think they might go back big. And you know how

548
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:59,520
Speaker 6: you hate big boobs. I was like, don't wish they

549
00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:02,080
Speaker 6: want me? Yeah, like having a daughter because I have

550
00:25:02,119 --> 00:25:04,480
Speaker 6: a son, so it's totally different. But having a daughter

551
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:07,480
Speaker 6: is heavy. They say shit and you like, I thought

552
00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:08,840
Speaker 6: I wasn't going to get to experience some of the

553
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:10,439
Speaker 6: stuff I'm experienced. So it was like a joy and

554
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:12,760
Speaker 6: the pain type thing. I'm like, titties, No, I'm like,

555
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:15,840
Speaker 6: you put a sports bro one. But it's y'all know

556
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:17,439
Speaker 6: we having a daughter, you got to try to be

557
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:20,159
Speaker 6: this like I want to be my daughter, Beyonce. You

558
00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:21,960
Speaker 6: know what I'm saying, like I want her to feel

559
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:24,240
Speaker 6: like I'm this beautiful person, like i'd be like you

560
00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:26,640
Speaker 6: like my hair pops, like yeah, you like this outfit.

561
00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:28,880
Speaker 6: Motherhood is heavy.

562
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:31,439
Speaker 1: It's also like interesting, I mean, I guess for all

563
00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:35,560
Speaker 1: of us really because we all have a platform that

564
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:39,040
Speaker 1: is in motherhood because again, you can't put that shit down.

565
00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:42,600
Speaker 1: And also like who we are, and I think it's difficult, right,

566
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:45,439
Speaker 1: Like you have such a wide range of works, you know,

567
00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:48,080
Speaker 1: you have like the children's book Meet Monroe, which is

568
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:50,119
Speaker 1: really cool. I love that book. We read it at school,

569
00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:52,800
Speaker 1: like with Luna. Also, for those of you who don't know,

570
00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:55,040
Speaker 1: my brother has Down syndrome. So I grew up in

571
00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:58,360
Speaker 1: a household that with a sibling who you know, suffered

572
00:25:58,359 --> 00:26:00,239
Speaker 1: from a not even I don't like that word has

573
00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:04,119
Speaker 1: a disability, and it's I think also it's a certain

574
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:07,119
Speaker 1: experience like being black and having a like disability in

575
00:26:07,119 --> 00:26:08,960
Speaker 1: your family. Like even what you said your mom was

576
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:10,879
Speaker 1: like don't let no doctors tell you about your child,

577
00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:13,400
Speaker 1: like that's kind of our like our attitude, and even

578
00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:16,000
Speaker 1: growing up with Mazie, it wasn't a thing in her

579
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:18,959
Speaker 1: house even though I knew I knew it was different.

580
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:20,719
Speaker 1: You know, we talked about it, but it was just

581
00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:23,800
Speaker 1: like just kind of like all the same. But it's

582
00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:27,480
Speaker 1: just being a black woman, being a mother, being yourself.

583
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:29,359
Speaker 1: You have like a children's book you talk about your

584
00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:32,600
Speaker 1: experience learning about her disability, and then you have Penetration,

585
00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:35,639
Speaker 1: which is like obviously more of an adult book. But like,

586
00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:38,840
Speaker 1: I think it's difficult for people to stomach that women

587
00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:44,600
Speaker 1: have these levels. You know, Yeah, there's layers. We're layered,

588
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:47,080
Speaker 1: and we're allowed to be. And I think that, you know,

589
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:50,639
Speaker 1: thank God, even before motherhood, just you know, knowing you

590
00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:55,160
Speaker 1: and having that influence is like I, even early without motherhood,

591
00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:57,520
Speaker 1: was able to embrace just who I was, even if

592
00:26:57,560 --> 00:27:00,280
Speaker 1: I was different from other people or whatever. Like I

593
00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:02,640
Speaker 1: think this is I'm learning right now, even like doing

594
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:08,320
Speaker 1: these retreats, is like women really need permission to show

595
00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:11,360
Speaker 1: up as all of the things that we embody. And

596
00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:13,880
Speaker 1: it's like even me, like me and Erica last week

597
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:15,720
Speaker 1: had a clip come out and were like, she text

598
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:17,240
Speaker 1: me she was stripping about it, and then I started

599
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:18,280
Speaker 1: tripping about it and I was.

600
00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:21,320
Speaker 2: Like it's still still I should we take it down?

601
00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:23,679
Speaker 2: And I ever want to marry me?

602
00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:24,879
Speaker 5: It's like no.

603
00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:27,639
Speaker 6: Want to marry.

604
00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:31,320
Speaker 1: I saved the voice note because she was fucking stressed.

605
00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:33,920
Speaker 4: I said, really like a formative voice note. And meanwhile,

606
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:35,560
Speaker 4: Irie is like trying to listen, and I'm like.

607
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:38,520
Speaker 1: She's like hold on, hold on, hello, Yeah, she feel

608
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:41,240
Speaker 1: fucking me alone. So anyway, think we're not gonna get married?

609
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:44,000
Speaker 1: This is kind of oh god, well, howd on she's coming?

610
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:46,960
Speaker 1: What the fuck I.

611
00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:50,959
Speaker 6: Think that what you said? It's not that women and

612
00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:55,000
Speaker 6: the women especially y'all have an amazing audience of women,

613
00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:59,280
Speaker 6: so like, if anything, I could tell them, allow yourself

614
00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:03,160
Speaker 6: to have those because we suppressed certain parts of ourselves

615
00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:06,360
Speaker 6: for different reasons, like thinking people won't understand it, where

616
00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:08,879
Speaker 6: people won't judge you. And then you get up and

617
00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:10,480
Speaker 6: age and you said, we're a wild in the fuck

618
00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:11,160
Speaker 6: out because you.

619
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:13,440
Speaker 1: Never he never did it, because you're doing shit for

620
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:18,000
Speaker 1: the mass consumption and reality you're only really supposed to

621
00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:21,120
Speaker 1: be consumed and happy with yourself. You know, you try

622
00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:23,240
Speaker 1: to bottle. We got a message today, actually, I was

623
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:25,600
Speaker 1: like tearing up in the car a woman saying she,

624
00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:29,000
Speaker 1: you know, settled, she's basically been lesbian for a long

625
00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:31,359
Speaker 1: time and she settled with the husband she wasn't pleased,

626
00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:33,560
Speaker 1: the sex wasn't good, and now she's finally leaving him,

627
00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:35,399
Speaker 1: you know, and she has three kids, but she's with

628
00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:37,520
Speaker 1: the woman, and you know, this show really helped her

629
00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:40,320
Speaker 1: make this decision and make her honor herself and like

630
00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:43,520
Speaker 1: let her know that it wasn't strange or odd or terrible.

631
00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:46,800
Speaker 1: And she's forty one years old, and I'm like, I'm

632
00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:49,760
Speaker 1: so happy that you're deciding today, at forty one years old,

633
00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:51,880
Speaker 1: to live your mother fucking life for you. And that

634
00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:54,600
Speaker 1: if me and Erica doing weird shit on the internet

635
00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:58,440
Speaker 1: is in any way aiding that that is such a responsibility.

636
00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:00,800
Speaker 1: That is such a heavy responsibility. I have to please

637
00:29:01,120 --> 00:29:02,200
Speaker 1: everybody else.

638
00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:03,560
Speaker 2: All the time. That's hard.

639
00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:06,080
Speaker 4: And I would imagine seing to like be like in

640
00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:08,960
Speaker 4: your journey, you know people some people have had to go,

641
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:11,680
Speaker 4: you know, like people that don't support you know, whatever

642
00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:14,080
Speaker 4: it is, because because there's so so much judgment. I mean,

643
00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:16,480
Speaker 4: like me Less said, there's already judgment enough on women

644
00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:19,320
Speaker 4: and mothers. But imagine you know, having being an autism

645
00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:22,240
Speaker 4: mom and wanting to go to Dubai with your Africaan

646
00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:25,920
Speaker 4: or or you know, oh, write your book. That's about

647
00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:29,640
Speaker 4: your sexual pleasure and people feeling like you have to

648
00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:32,520
Speaker 4: make a choice. And I would imagine that just like

649
00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:34,960
Speaker 4: I've had to, people have had to go because it

650
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:41,000
Speaker 4: wasn't aiding my mental health, my happiness, making me question myself,

651
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:43,440
Speaker 4: and I would imagine that you've probably had to go

652
00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:44,120
Speaker 4: through that as well.

653
00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:47,120
Speaker 6: I think when Moro was diagnosed, a lot of motherfuckers

654
00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:51,160
Speaker 6: had to go. And this is weird. I've read. Jenny

655
00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:54,680
Speaker 6: McCarthy wrote a book about her son. The first page

656
00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:57,000
Speaker 6: of that book, it says, when your child is diagnosed

657
00:29:57,040 --> 00:30:00,720
Speaker 6: with cancer, people bring over cards and Kate and pies,

658
00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:04,080
Speaker 6: But when your child is diagnosedal autism, people don't do nothing.

659
00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:07,600
Speaker 6: Oh my god.

660
00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:09,600
Speaker 4: The other day I was talking to my girlfriend and

661
00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:11,720
Speaker 4: she said she went on a date and this guy

662
00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:14,440
Speaker 4: totally ghosted her because she told him that she had

663
00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:17,520
Speaker 4: a kid. And what I know, I know, and I

664
00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:19,880
Speaker 4: thought that was so crazy, And so I told her

665
00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:23,400
Speaker 4: about this app called Stir. It's the first dating app

666
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667
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668
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669
00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:37,000
Speaker 1: Not only that ster has a unique feature, Stir Time,

670
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671
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672
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673
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675
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716
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Speaker 6: I think the first time I went out of town

717
00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:09,480
Speaker 6: after her diagnosis, my mom and my sister had her

718
00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:13,200
Speaker 6: and they called me and was like, I'm sorry, this

719
00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:15,720
Speaker 6: shit is not easy. I think you make it look

720
00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:19,720
Speaker 6: easy because they didn't understand the experience, and you said

721
00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:22,360
Speaker 6: it earlier, like you're coming to New York as self care.

722
00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:24,560
Speaker 6: So I do travel a lot. I travel a lot,

723
00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:26,240
Speaker 6: and I'm blessed to be able to do that. But

724
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:29,000
Speaker 6: that is my self care and then me still being

725
00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:32,120
Speaker 6: able to foster those relationships I have with like people

726
00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:34,560
Speaker 6: in my social life. That's my self care. And the

727
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:37,680
Speaker 6: people who don't get it can get the fuck like

728
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:39,760
Speaker 6: they can just get I don't give a fuck. I

729
00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:41,400
Speaker 6: don't care if I knew you for twenty years one.

730
00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:44,440
Speaker 6: You gotta respect my daughter. And I have new friendships

731
00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:46,400
Speaker 6: in my life with people because of the way they

732
00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:49,080
Speaker 6: treat my daughter, and that means a lot to me,

733
00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:52,560
Speaker 6: Like the empathy, the straight up kindness without having to

734
00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:54,840
Speaker 6: ask you. I might not even fuck with you like that.

735
00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:56,080
Speaker 6: But if you're nice to my daughter, I'd be like,

736
00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:57,680
Speaker 6: let get that bit your pass because she was nice

737
00:33:57,720 --> 00:34:00,320
Speaker 6: to my daughter. And then it's the flip side of it,

738
00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:02,920
Speaker 6: like I knew and this is the thing, and I

739
00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:06,360
Speaker 6: hope you bitches is listening. But I have friends that

740
00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:10,480
Speaker 6: have daughters my daughter's age maybe up a year down

741
00:34:10,520 --> 00:34:13,360
Speaker 6: to your sons. My daughter's age. They have never my

742
00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:16,480
Speaker 6: daughter will be eleven years old this summer. Never invited

743
00:34:16,520 --> 00:34:19,359
Speaker 6: her to a party, never invited me for a play date.

744
00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:19,960
Speaker 1: That's wild.

745
00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:25,640
Speaker 6: Never. I have fucking family members they have children that

746
00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:28,360
Speaker 6: never invite my daughter over. Why do you think that

747
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:32,280
Speaker 6: is because people are ignorant? One in the black community,

748
00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:37,280
Speaker 6: we put such a shame on disability and we ignore

749
00:34:37,320 --> 00:34:40,360
Speaker 6: the fact that it's just a different ability. My daughter

750
00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:44,320
Speaker 6: can speak Japanese. My daughter watches everything on close caption.

751
00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:46,560
Speaker 6: She taught herself. I can't even take their credit. She

752
00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:49,680
Speaker 6: taught herself how to read. She can spell any word

753
00:34:49,760 --> 00:34:54,120
Speaker 6: like I'll randomly be writing across say, spell encyclopedia, spell podcasts.

754
00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:57,960
Speaker 6: She can spell anything with memory. You goofy motherfuckers. She

755
00:34:57,960 --> 00:34:59,879
Speaker 6: probably could be your kid best friend if you would

756
00:34:59,880 --> 00:35:02,080
Speaker 6: be a little nicer. She probably be a tutor.

757
00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:03,239
Speaker 2: She probably teach your kids something.

758
00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:05,759
Speaker 6: But they don't do it. And it's hurtful. And they

759
00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:08,000
Speaker 6: used to. I probably I used to. Can't even say

760
00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:10,960
Speaker 6: this without crying, but I guess I'm growing. It's hurtful

761
00:35:11,640 --> 00:35:14,960
Speaker 6: because it's family, it's friends, it's people that I know

762
00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:17,239
Speaker 6: him for years, and I'll be on Instagram and I'll

763
00:35:17,239 --> 00:35:19,239
Speaker 6: see that they doater hit a little tea party, bitch,

764
00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:21,399
Speaker 6: my daughter could come to a tea party. But then

765
00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:23,920
Speaker 6: it's and then you know that mom shit we do like, oh,

766
00:35:23,920 --> 00:35:25,560
Speaker 6: are you want to play with my daughter? I'm boss something,

767
00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:27,919
Speaker 6: boss my daughter. I'ma give you. I'm giving my daughter

768
00:35:27,920 --> 00:35:28,760
Speaker 6: a rooftop party.

769
00:35:28,760 --> 00:35:30,399
Speaker 2: Bitch, yeah, a little.

770
00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:33,960
Speaker 6: But it's just it's you know.

771
00:35:34,080 --> 00:35:36,160
Speaker 4: I think it's a level of like I think, especially

772
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:38,400
Speaker 4: in the black black community, there is a lot of shame.

773
00:35:38,480 --> 00:35:40,680
Speaker 4: I think there's a lot of like the avoidance, like

774
00:35:40,719 --> 00:35:43,280
Speaker 4: they don't want to have to explain to their kids anything.

775
00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:46,000
Speaker 2: They're worried, like how's my kid going to act?

776
00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:48,759
Speaker 4: I even want to say, because black people we be

777
00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:51,080
Speaker 4: ignorant sometimes, like we be like oh my god, Like

778
00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:54,160
Speaker 4: it's like could it's her autism. Couldn't rub off all

779
00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:57,759
Speaker 4: my kid want to on her, like, what the fuck.

780
00:35:57,520 --> 00:35:59,399
Speaker 6: Is wrong with you? No, they say some weird shit.

781
00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:02,200
Speaker 4: Yeah no, And I say that because and I feel

782
00:36:02,239 --> 00:36:04,400
Speaker 4: like I feel terrible saying that, But I know that

783
00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:06,680
Speaker 4: it's true. I know that these are things that go

784
00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:08,400
Speaker 4: through people's minds. And I think a lot of it

785
00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:10,560
Speaker 4: is that parents don't want to face certain things with

786
00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:13,879
Speaker 4: their kids, just like even talking about sex with their kids.

787
00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:15,920
Speaker 4: They feel like if they just avoided it doesn't exist.

788
00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:20,879
Speaker 6: And closet kids grand mom, you know twenty.

789
00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:22,920
Speaker 2: Nine, Yeah, exactly, exactly.

790
00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:25,040
Speaker 6: And I think kids is getting more and more advanced.

791
00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:28,359
Speaker 4: I think it's really important for children to meet all

792
00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:31,600
Speaker 4: different types of children, just like it's important for adults

793
00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:34,759
Speaker 4: to be immersed in all different types of spaces with.

794
00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:37,920
Speaker 6: It just makes you better human being more than anything. Like,

795
00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:41,640
Speaker 6: I think the concept of empathy and kindness is something

796
00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:44,719
Speaker 6: that we I learned as an adult. But that's one

797
00:36:44,719 --> 00:36:46,279
Speaker 6: of the reasons I will get to know one road

798
00:36:46,320 --> 00:36:49,279
Speaker 6: because it was for kids. Because she didn't have like

799
00:36:49,920 --> 00:36:52,400
Speaker 6: this birthday, this tenth birthday was the first birthday my

800
00:36:52,480 --> 00:36:56,800
Speaker 6: daughter didn't say when she made a wish like literally ninth, eighth, seventh,

801
00:36:56,840 --> 00:36:58,360
Speaker 6: every time she made a wish when her birthday was

802
00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:03,520
Speaker 6: for friends, every time does she have like a she

803
00:37:03,560 --> 00:37:05,760
Speaker 6: got like a homegirl in Detroit. Shout out to Detroit

804
00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:09,160
Speaker 6: because y'all raising some good children. Her little best friend

805
00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:12,120
Speaker 6: Maddie lives in Detroit and they talk like seeing her

806
00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:14,880
Speaker 6: on the FaceTime with a girlfriend. And then her school

807
00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:16,960
Speaker 6: is a special needs school, but it kind of goes

808
00:37:16,960 --> 00:37:19,200
Speaker 6: by like levels of disability. But she got like a

809
00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:22,120
Speaker 6: little homegirl in school, but not for nothing, being as

810
00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:24,520
Speaker 6: though everybody done shunned her, as she thinks she my homegirl.

811
00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:28,120
Speaker 6: So she go to happy hour. She like, let's go

812
00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:30,000
Speaker 6: to happy hour, like all right, come on pop last.

813
00:37:30,239 --> 00:37:32,440
Speaker 4: And is there like I guess when you meet people

814
00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:35,040
Speaker 4: or you introduce your daughter to people, is there like

815
00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:38,799
Speaker 4: a pre conversation that you generally have just to protect her.

816
00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:42,520
Speaker 6: When she was small and more verbal, but still with

817
00:37:42,640 --> 00:37:45,640
Speaker 6: like stem the light and different stuff like that, Like

818
00:37:46,120 --> 00:37:48,360
Speaker 6: stemming is like self stimulation. So like some children with

819
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:51,280
Speaker 6: autism might like like click their fingers or do stuff

820
00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:53,320
Speaker 6: like or have a little object like when Roe carry

821
00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:55,359
Speaker 6: around the stick it's from the yetti and spaghetti game.

822
00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:57,640
Speaker 6: We call it spaghetti sticks. I don't work. I should

823
00:37:57,680 --> 00:37:59,560
Speaker 6: have borre stocking Yettie and spaghetti. I don't bore the

824
00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:01,600
Speaker 6: game for the sticks because it's a certain it got

825
00:38:01,719 --> 00:38:03,520
Speaker 6: to be a certain one, the way of shape. But

826
00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:05,920
Speaker 6: she uses her little stick but only in a house now,

827
00:38:05,920 --> 00:38:07,799
Speaker 6: I could think because she's getting older. But when she

828
00:38:07,880 --> 00:38:09,839
Speaker 6: used to self stimulate a lot in public or like

829
00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:12,080
Speaker 6: you know, some kids like mix sounds or rock back

830
00:38:12,120 --> 00:38:13,840
Speaker 6: and for for. But I used to tell her and

831
00:38:13,920 --> 00:38:15,920
Speaker 6: not say this all the time to parents when they

832
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:18,279
Speaker 6: talk to me. I'm like, I took Moreau everywhere. I

833
00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:20,200
Speaker 6: just called before I came, like I'm on my way.

834
00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:22,120
Speaker 6: We went to Mexico once and I called the resortort

835
00:38:22,280 --> 00:38:25,080
Speaker 6: because at the time she was her diet was horrible.

836
00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:27,840
Speaker 6: She I was juicing everything for her. I'm like, I'm

837
00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:30,279
Speaker 6: gonna need to have access to a juicer because I'm

838
00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:32,920
Speaker 6: my daughter gonna get this beach life. And they you know,

839
00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:34,720
Speaker 6: I was just called before I come, And I think

840
00:38:35,080 --> 00:38:38,640
Speaker 6: I applied that concept to bringing her places. But I

841
00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:41,640
Speaker 6: used to take her everywhere because she she ha'd nor homegirls,

842
00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:44,680
Speaker 6: so I had to take her. I think it's important too,

843
00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:47,960
Speaker 6: for any other special needs parents out there, it's important

844
00:38:47,960 --> 00:38:51,160
Speaker 6: to have that conversation like everybody's house and my family has.

845
00:38:51,360 --> 00:38:54,240
Speaker 6: He had a momro kit, It had her green juice,

846
00:38:54,239 --> 00:38:55,640
Speaker 6: like the stuff that she liked to eat at my

847
00:38:55,640 --> 00:38:58,359
Speaker 6: grandmother's house at at this person's house, so that she's

848
00:38:58,400 --> 00:39:00,959
Speaker 6: comfortable and so that she can feel like she wants

849
00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:03,319
Speaker 6: to be over there. So I think it's important to

850
00:39:03,320 --> 00:39:05,360
Speaker 6: do that. Like it's annoying, but you got to do

851
00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:07,040
Speaker 6: it because again, I don't want you to treat my

852
00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:09,680
Speaker 6: daughter like everybody else because she's not like everybody else.

853
00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:12,879
Speaker 6: And no, really, in real life, nobody's like everybody else.

854
00:39:13,239 --> 00:39:15,719
Speaker 6: So we got to get used to having a little

855
00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:18,560
Speaker 6: bit of courtesy to what makes us different and kind

856
00:39:18,560 --> 00:39:20,200
Speaker 6: of catering too. That a little bit right.

857
00:39:21,719 --> 00:39:24,879
Speaker 1: Thank you. I'm so happy we've had requests to have

858
00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:28,000
Speaker 1: like autism moms on and we haven't really had the

859
00:39:28,040 --> 00:39:29,600
Speaker 1: opportunity to do it. I'm happy it's for.

860
00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:30,719
Speaker 6: You, the HBI C and.

861
00:39:32,880 --> 00:39:35,719
Speaker 1: So you had to come down and do this. Do

862
00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:37,880
Speaker 1: you have an affirmation for us today?

863
00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:41,640
Speaker 6: The only affirmation that sticks out to me is every

864
00:39:41,719 --> 00:39:44,880
Speaker 6: day when I wake up, I say I'm going to

865
00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:47,920
Speaker 6: save myself. Every day I say that.

866
00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:50,239
Speaker 1: I'm going to save myself, save myself. I'm going to

867
00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:51,000
Speaker 1: save myself.

868
00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:52,040
Speaker 2: And what does that mean to you?

869
00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:55,920
Speaker 6: For me is it's weird. But because I'm from Philly,

870
00:39:56,040 --> 00:39:58,840
Speaker 6: you know, I'm used to dating men in fast life

871
00:39:58,880 --> 00:40:00,759
Speaker 6: and having a lot of things is given to me.

872
00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:04,759
Speaker 6: As I've gotten older and I don't have that relationship

873
00:40:04,760 --> 00:40:06,000
Speaker 6: that I thought I would have by now, or that

874
00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:10,080
Speaker 6: husband or that partner is daunting a little bit. So

875
00:40:10,239 --> 00:40:13,920
Speaker 6: as I'm approaching forty, I want to be okay with

876
00:40:14,719 --> 00:40:18,400
Speaker 6: being the provider for myself, even though I'm still not

877
00:40:18,480 --> 00:40:22,480
Speaker 6: closed off to the relationship. Come on, I'm ready, But

878
00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:25,879
Speaker 6: I'm gonna save myself. I'm not going to look over

879
00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:29,200
Speaker 6: here for your affection or your attention, or your time

880
00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:32,239
Speaker 6: or your money. I'm going to do it myself. And

881
00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:34,840
Speaker 6: I think that the more I get used to that,

882
00:40:34,920 --> 00:40:38,680
Speaker 6: I'm attracting so much more. I'm getting more because I'm

883
00:40:38,680 --> 00:40:42,640
Speaker 6: saying that I'm okay with not having it. So that's

884
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:45,360
Speaker 6: an affirmation I say every day, I'm going to adopt

885
00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:46,080
Speaker 6: that I love that.

886
00:40:46,880 --> 00:40:50,960
Speaker 1: Okay, we pulled the aid of Cups and the eight

887
00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:54,080
Speaker 1: of Cups. Is it suggests you sense that something is missing,

888
00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:57,080
Speaker 1: particularly on an emotional or spiritual level, and instead of

889
00:40:57,160 --> 00:41:00,319
Speaker 1: waiting around for things to get better, you know you

890
00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:02,759
Speaker 1: need to leave the unfulfilling situation. It may not make

891
00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:04,960
Speaker 1: sense to others because on the face it looks as

892
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:07,080
Speaker 1: if you have everything you'd wish for, but deep down

893
00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:09,399
Speaker 1: you know it's not serving your highest good and it's

894
00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:11,319
Speaker 1: time for you to let go and move on. And

895
00:41:11,360 --> 00:41:13,279
Speaker 1: if cups can mean a sign that you were trying

896
00:41:13,320 --> 00:41:17,800
Speaker 1: to escape problematic emotional situation or avoiding some major psychological

897
00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:21,760
Speaker 1: issues and concerns, the cups in the foreground represent emotional

898
00:41:21,800 --> 00:41:23,960
Speaker 1: issues that remain real and present in your life.

899
00:41:25,719 --> 00:41:27,520
Speaker 6: Apple eggort, Yeah, you did.

900
00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:29,680
Speaker 1: You have to let owes some shit? Yeah, you have

901
00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:32,840
Speaker 1: to ask yourself. It brings you joy, contentment, and fulfillment

902
00:41:32,880 --> 00:41:35,640
Speaker 1: on a deeper level. Without it, you might pursue goals

903
00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:38,160
Speaker 1: that fail to give you the satisfaction you're seeking.

904
00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:40,800
Speaker 4: I literally think that's very aligned with what you just said.

905
00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:44,360
Speaker 4: I think so too, saving yourself and not seeking outwardly

906
00:41:44,440 --> 00:41:46,440
Speaker 4: for people to come save you, and that you need

907
00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:48,560
Speaker 4: to ask yourself what is it that I can do

908
00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:49,440
Speaker 4: to save myself?

909
00:41:49,960 --> 00:41:51,279
Speaker 6: I'm going to ask myself. This shit.

910
00:41:52,480 --> 00:41:54,440
Speaker 1: What it made me happy without giving it right?

911
00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:55,359
Speaker 6: What's bringing me joy?

912
00:41:55,400 --> 00:41:56,640
Speaker 1: And it's gonna bring me joy?

913
00:41:57,200 --> 00:41:59,600
Speaker 6: Oh but bats where you can find me Instagram is

914
00:41:59,640 --> 00:42:03,640
Speaker 6: I am Sheena to underscore e. My books are on Amazon.

915
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:06,560
Speaker 6: I do have a website, I amshenae dot com. You

916
00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:10,560
Speaker 6: can find all the adult things. Anything about autism is

917
00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:13,680
Speaker 6: on books by Sena E on Instagram and you can

918
00:42:13,719 --> 00:42:15,400
Speaker 6: inbox me about anything.

919
00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:18,120
Speaker 2: And we'll leave all of this in our episode description

920
00:42:18,239 --> 00:42:20,279
Speaker 2: so you can find Sheena and you know where to

921
00:42:20,280 --> 00:42:21,080
Speaker 2: find us. That's good.

922
00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:25,440
Speaker 4: Mom's Underscore Bad Choices on Instagram. Make sure you like

923
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:28,799
Speaker 4: and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. If you're

924
00:42:28,800 --> 00:42:31,000
Speaker 4: a Spotify listener, you can also do that too now

925
00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:34,080
Speaker 4: on Spotify. It really helps when you do this. You

926
00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:37,080
Speaker 4: need to support black podcasts. We need the reviews. These

927
00:42:37,080 --> 00:42:40,600
Speaker 4: white people be hating. They want to see the numbers,

928
00:42:40,600 --> 00:42:42,240
Speaker 4: so let's show them the numbers.

929
00:42:42,280 --> 00:42:43,080
Speaker 2: Okay, thank you.

930
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:47,600
Speaker 1: Also, I follow a Goodbybe retreat. We're having another retreat

931
00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:50,160
Speaker 1: this summer. It's coming. It's rapidly approaching. You don't want

932
00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:54,640
Speaker 1: to miss it. You only have forty eight spots and Cobby.

933
00:42:54,440 --> 00:42:56,560
Speaker 2: Bless Actually we don't have forty eight spots at this one.

934
00:42:56,680 --> 00:42:58,680
Speaker 1: Now we don't know, but it might only be like

935
00:42:58,680 --> 00:42:59,120
Speaker 1: one spots.

936
00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:00,799
Speaker 2: I'll hurry up, I get there

937
00:43:02,160 --> 00:43:24,360
Speaker 1: And bye bye bye