Speaker 1: I don't see successful relationships as relationships that last. I
Speaker 1: see successful relationships as relationships that learn. Hey everyone, welcome
Speaker 1: back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in
Speaker 1: the world. Thanks to each and every one of you
Speaker 1: that come back every week to listen, learn, and grow.
Speaker 1: Now I have to start off by saying, I am
Speaker 1: so excited, I am super pumped, and I couldn't be
Speaker 1: more enthusiastic. Right now, I'm feeling so energized because for
Speaker 1: the first time ever, I get to announce my podcast
Speaker 1: that my new book, my second book, is ready for preorder.
Speaker 1: It's called The Eight Rules of Love. I cannot wait
Speaker 1: for you to read this book. I have spent the
Speaker 1: last two years pouring my heart out into the process
Speaker 1: of creating this book, everything from learning from my clients,
Speaker 1: sitting down and researching cultures, looking at ancient wisdom, studying
Speaker 1: the modern science on dating, relationships, love breakups, and then
Speaker 1: trying my best to synthesize, simplify, connect the dots so
Speaker 1: that you can find guidance on your path. So, whether
Speaker 1: you're single, whether you're dating, whether you just broke up,
Speaker 1: whether you're in a long term relationship, this book is
Speaker 1: for you, and I know thousands of you have already
Speaker 1: pre ordered the book or you've pre ordered the audiobook
Speaker 1: as well, which you can do right now, and I
Speaker 1: just want to say a massive thank you if you've
Speaker 1: already done that. If you haven't, you can go right
Speaker 1: now to eight Rules of Love dot com. That's eight
Speaker 1: Rules of Love dot com and you will find a
Speaker 1: link to your country and you can preorder the audio version,
Speaker 1: the hardback, whatever you want. And when you preorder today,
Speaker 1: you'll get access to my tour dates earlier than anyone.
Speaker 1: So if you pre order, you'll get that access. Also,
Speaker 1: I am so excited to announce that our guest this
Speaker 1: upcoming Monday is none other than Kendall Jenna. It's an
Speaker 1: incredible interview, a great conversation with a new friend. I
Speaker 1: really don't want you to miss this one. It's so
Speaker 1: powerful and I think you've really got to enjoy it.
Speaker 1: So let your friends know, mark the dates, save it,
Speaker 1: subscribe to the podcast today so that you don't miss
Speaker 1: out this Monday. Kendall Jenna. So what I'm going to
Speaker 1: do in today's episode is I'm going to answer the
Speaker 1: key questions you've been asking me about the book and
Speaker 1: the lessons inside those questions as well. So question number
Speaker 1: one that you've been asking me is why the number eight?
Speaker 1: Why did I choose eight rules of love? Why not seven?
Speaker 1: Why not nine? Why not fifty two? Which, by the way,
Speaker 1: it was my original proposalblem editor thought that was too many,
Speaker 1: and I think you agree. Why eight rules? Now, there's
Speaker 1: lots of different reasons for this, lots of different levels
Speaker 1: and layers to this thought process. The first reason is
Speaker 1: that we all know that the number eight is the
Speaker 1: same symbol as infinity. And I think when we think
Speaker 1: about love, we think about it being unconditional, we think
Speaker 1: about it being endless. We truly believe that true love,
Speaker 1: pure love, real love, is infinite, and so I thought
Speaker 1: the number eight would be a beautiful symbol for talking
Speaker 1: about That's the level of love I'm talking about in
Speaker 1: this book. In this book, I don't just talk about
Speaker 1: love that we kind of throw around as a word.
Speaker 1: I don't just talk about love as kind of like
Speaker 1: it's just something that we speak about randomly. I'm talking
Speaker 1: about the purest, deepest love and how to access it
Speaker 1: within ourselves and within our relationships. Because when Harvard did
Speaker 1: their seventy five years study on human happiness. They found
Speaker 1: that the quality of our relationships was the key indicator
Speaker 1: for human happiness. And so this book is really dedicated
Speaker 1: to how can we actually experience that depth of love
Speaker 1: and depth of relationship in our lives now? As I
Speaker 1: dug deeper, I also discovered that the number eight is
Speaker 1: a symbol of balance. Right It's one of the few numbers,
Speaker 1: or the only number that I can think of right
Speaker 1: now that's actually symmetrical in shape. And when we think
Speaker 1: about a healthy relationship, I think we're starting to understand
Speaker 1: that healthy relationships are ones where people who are equally
Speaker 1: individually doing the healing are actually coming together to connect.
Speaker 1: And so when you see that balance in the number eight,
Speaker 1: you see that symmetry in the number eight, it really
Speaker 1: represents a healthy relationship. Even if you look at the
Speaker 1: number eight, you could see it as two whole circles
Speaker 1: coming together, right coming together to create something more beautiful,
Speaker 1: coming together to create something more powerful. And then I
Speaker 1: was reading on numerology dot com and it talked about
Speaker 1: how in Chinese culture, the number eight is considered the
Speaker 1: luckiest number of all and has purposefully worked into wedding dates,
Speaker 1: birth dates, addresses, and finances numerology dot Com goes on
Speaker 1: to say that in the car makes sense in a
Speaker 1: spiritual sense. The number eight is all about giving back.
Speaker 1: It realizes that its successes are not its alone, and
Speaker 1: will intentionally recognize and appreciate any help it has received,
Speaker 1: another key pillar to a healthy, powerful relationship that the
Speaker 1: book will of course dive deeper into as well. So
Speaker 1: that's why it chose the number eight. This is the
Speaker 1: first time I've ever talked about this, actually, and I
Speaker 1: don't explain this in the book either. So anyone who's
Speaker 1: listening to the podcast right now, you're getting the real,
Speaker 1: behind the scenes thought process of how this all came together. Now,
Speaker 1: the second question I've been asked is why rules? Why
Speaker 1: do we need rules? Jay? Like, isn't lifeful about breaking rules?
Speaker 1: It isn't life about getting away from rules. Now, I
Speaker 1: consider myself a rule breaker. I consider myself someone who
Speaker 1: likes to rebel, who likes to bend the rules, break
Speaker 1: the rules. Like, That's definitely a part of my nature,
Speaker 1: my identity. I've always gone against the grain, I've always
Speaker 1: done things differently. So why am I, at this point
Speaker 1: in my life writing a book about rules. Well, here's
Speaker 1: what I honestly learned. I've learned through life that you
Speaker 1: can be as innovative, rebellious, disruptive as you think, but
Speaker 1: there are certain universal rules, universal laws that you just
Speaker 1: can't break. It's kind of like trying to control the weather. Right,
Speaker 1: you can pack an umbrella, you can wear a coat,
Speaker 1: you can wear the right shoes, but you can't control
Speaker 1: whether it rains, snows, sunshine, or a blizzard. Right. You
Speaker 1: have no control over that. And that's how these laws are.
Speaker 1: They're working off their own accord. They exist whether you
Speaker 1: believe in them or not. These rules are there whether
Speaker 1: you've seen them written down or not, and you see
Speaker 1: them across different types of relationships, different cultures, different backgrounds.
Speaker 1: So when I dive into these eight rules, we start
Speaker 1: to recognize that if they're broken, we keep making the
Speaker 1: same mistakes again and again and again. When you look
Speaker 1: at relationships that succeed and you look at relationships that fail,
Speaker 1: it's because you see the ones that are successful of
Speaker 1: following the rules. And now I also want to define
Speaker 1: what I see as a successful relationship. I don't see
Speaker 1: successful relationships as relationships that last. I see successful relationships
Speaker 1: as relationships that learn. So a successful relationship is not
Speaker 1: a relationship because it lasted ten, twenty, thirty fifty years, like,
Speaker 1: that's an arbitrary mark, that's a random number. It could
Speaker 1: have been the most painful, most unfulfilling relationship for forty years.
Speaker 1: Why are we just celebrating a number when in reality,
Speaker 1: a successful relationship is not a relationship that lasts long.
Speaker 1: A successful relationship is a relationship that learns long. If
Speaker 1: two people are learning from each other, if two people
Speaker 1: are learning about each other, if two people are learning
Speaker 1: about themselves, that's a phenomenal relationship. And I think we
Speaker 1: get so stuck on either lust like or love that
Speaker 1: we avoid the key thing that a relationship is trying
Speaker 1: to get us to do, which is learned. Your partners
Speaker 1: meant to be annoying. Your partners meant to get on
Speaker 1: your nerves. Your partner is going to do things that
Speaker 1: irritate you, that agitate you in the process to help
Speaker 1: you grow and learn. There is no human on planet
Speaker 1: Earth that is not going to agitate you in some way.
Speaker 1: Because you're different people, you come from different backgrounds. So
Speaker 1: these rules that you'll learn in this book are rules
Speaker 1: that stop you from doing certain things or encourage you
Speaker 1: to only do certain things. They're not rules like in
Speaker 1: a rule book. These are rules that are existing beyond
Speaker 1: our belief system, and when we practice them, we start
Speaker 1: to see the power of them. And when you practice them,
Speaker 1: you start to be able to use these rules to
Speaker 1: improve the love in your life. Now, the third question
Speaker 1: I get asked is all about the subtitle, because I
Speaker 1: had lots of different ideas for the subtitle. One of
Speaker 1: them was how to manifest the relationship you want? And
Speaker 1: I started to go backwards on that because I realized
Speaker 1: that too many people have a prescribed version of who
Speaker 1: they want in their life. They have a long list,
Speaker 1: and they're told the more you manifest it, the more
Speaker 1: you think about it, the more you will attract that person.
Speaker 1: And what I've found more often than not is that
Speaker 1: relationships are about discovering someone as opposed to this siding
Speaker 1: on someone beforehand. So a lot of people feel that
Speaker 1: if you decide on what you want, that's what you'll attract.
Speaker 1: And what I've discovered from meeting people is that actually,
Speaker 1: when you choose to discover a person, you can then
Speaker 1: decide whether they're the right person. If you try and
Speaker 1: decide whether someone's the right person or not based on
Speaker 1: a list, you could say no to someone who could
Speaker 1: actually be a great partner for you. And so actually
Speaker 1: learning to discover people, learning to actually be curious, learning
Speaker 1: to actually learn about people, which is the one thing
Speaker 1: we don't want to do, actually allows us to gain
Speaker 1: so much more intimacy and connection with that individual. So
Speaker 1: the subtitle I chose was how to find It, keep it,
Speaker 1: and let it go? Because what I found is that
Speaker 1: love is so elusive to us. I mean, when you
Speaker 1: google the words will I ever, the predicted number one
Speaker 1: search result is will I ever Find Love? And now
Speaker 1: I wrote in the subtitle, but in the book, I
Speaker 1: don't talk about finding love. I talk about creating love.
Speaker 1: I talk about building love. I think we're so stuck
Speaker 1: in the pursuit of looking, searching, seeking, finding that we
Speaker 1: don't build, create, work and put in effort. Right. The
Speaker 1: whole culture that we've been led to believe is find
Speaker 1: your passion, find your person right, find your whatever it
Speaker 1: may be. And really it's not about finding, wishing, wanting, waiting.
Speaker 1: It's about building, creating, doing. And so in the book,
Speaker 1: I switch your perspective from finding to creating. And this
Speaker 1: is a mindset shift. This doesn't just apply to love,
Speaker 1: it applies to life. This is a mindset shift that
Speaker 1: I'm trying to create through this book that I want
Speaker 1: you to stop thinking about life in the pursuit of
Speaker 1: finding something, in the pursuit of hoping that it already exists,
Speaker 1: and I'm going to find it. Actually it already exists
Speaker 1: because you're going to create it. And so that switch
Speaker 1: if you literally applied that to the rest of your week,
Speaker 1: if you said, I'm not going to find motivation, I'm
Speaker 1: not going to look for when I feel good. I'm
Speaker 1: going to create feeling good. I'm going to build feeling
Speaker 1: better about my life. I'm not going to look for it.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to hope for it. I'm not going
Speaker 1: to wish for it. That's a mindset shift in commitment
Speaker 1: to how you live. Now I talk about keeping it.
Speaker 1: I think keeping it is really important because in our
Speaker 1: lives we sometimes find it easy to find that spark,
Speaker 1: or maybe we don't, but maybe you feel some connection,
Speaker 1: but then it wears away, you know, maybe it wears
Speaker 1: away in a couple of months, maybe a couple of years,
Speaker 1: maybe after ten years, maybe for some people after a
Speaker 1: couple of decades. Keeping something is a lot harder than
Speaker 1: creating it, right, Creating is easier than keeping. If you
Speaker 1: look at the amount of businesses that are started versus
Speaker 1: the amount of businesses that last, there's more started than
Speaker 1: those that last. If you look at sports stars, athletes
Speaker 1: who make a name for themselves and then second season,
Speaker 1: third season, no one knows who they are anymore. If
Speaker 1: you look at musicians who have their one hit wonder,
Speaker 1: we have that statement one hit wonder because you have
Speaker 1: that one hit wonder, and then people don't know who
Speaker 1: you are anymore. So starting something is hard, but keeping
Speaker 1: it going is harder. Maintenance is way harder. Right, you
Speaker 1: can build a beautiful building, but trying to keep it
Speaker 1: beautiful is so much harder. The amount of refurbishment it takes,
Speaker 1: the amount of revamping it takes, the redecorating it takes.
Speaker 1: So I place a lot of emphasis on this book,
Speaker 1: not just on finding and creating love, but on keeping it,
Speaker 1: on keeping it beautiful and keeping it wonderful, and keeping
Speaker 1: it exciting. I think the mindset shift here is that
Speaker 1: we have this belief that everything should just stay the same.
Speaker 1: I loved how things were when we met. Our first
Speaker 1: date was incredible, Let's recreate it. Our wedding day was
Speaker 1: the best. I wish we were back there. Life becomes
Speaker 1: about reliving old memories rather than building new memories. And
Speaker 1: I think that's one of our biggest, biggest mistakes in life,
Speaker 1: is that we're so stuck in the nostalgia of the past.
Speaker 1: We're so glued to how things used to be when
Speaker 1: they weren't even that great back then, that we elude
Speaker 1: ourselves to only trying to recreate memories, not create new ones.
Speaker 1: And that's why I wanted to talk about how to
Speaker 1: keep things fresh, how to keep things alive, and how
Speaker 1: to make things feel like they're organically growing. And that's
Speaker 1: the funny thing, right, things are only exciting when they're growing.
Speaker 1: Like you know, when you were a kid, probably like
Speaker 1: maybe your parents had a measure to see how tall
Speaker 1: you were growing, or maybe you were one of those
Speaker 1: families where your parents allowed you to like scribble on
Speaker 1: the wall above your head, and then they watched you grow.
Speaker 1: And it's so exciting when you're getting a little bit taller,
Speaker 1: or you're growing in classes. And what I realized is
Speaker 1: that when most of us leave college, or if you
Speaker 1: didn't go to college and you quit before. From that
Speaker 1: point on, there's no measurement anymore. Therefore we don't feel
Speaker 1: any growth anymore. That's why we don't feel we're moving forward.
Speaker 1: Up until eighteen or twenty one, or sixteen or eighteen
Speaker 1: or twenty one, whenever you dropped out of school sixteen,
Speaker 1: eighteen or twenty one, Up until that point, there was
Speaker 1: growth in your life. There was exams, there were tests,
Speaker 1: there were classes, there was a new year. Starting after
Speaker 1: twenty one, you practically lived the same life year after
Speaker 1: year or after year. And so if you don't set growth,
Speaker 1: if you don't set new targets, if you don't set
Speaker 1: new organic milestones, that's why life becomes boring. And that's
Speaker 1: the same thing that happens after marriage. It's the same
Speaker 1: thing that happens after you move in with someone. It's
Speaker 1: like you lose the next milestone. When you lose the
Speaker 1: next external milestone, you have to set new internal milestones.
Speaker 1: This is a huge mindset shift. I can't express this
Speaker 1: enough that keeping something is not about keeping it the same.
Speaker 1: Keeping something is about being open to change. Remember this,
Speaker 1: write it down. Keeping something is not about keeping it
Speaker 1: the same, Keeping something is about being open to change,
Speaker 1: open to change, creating change, choosing change. And in this book,
Speaker 1: I'll share with you how you can practically do that.
Speaker 1: The book is filled with practical tools, insights, work areas, brainstorms,
Speaker 1: activities you can do on your own or with a
Speaker 1: partner if you have one. There's so many aspects to it.
Speaker 1: The third part of the subtile the people i'men asking
Speaker 1: about is how to let it go? I was like, Jay,
Speaker 1: how do you how do you let love go? Like?
Speaker 1: I don't want to let love go? Like? Or I
Speaker 1: do want to let love go and I don't know
Speaker 1: how to. And I really thought it was important in
Speaker 1: this book to address this idea that there's a beautiful
Speaker 1: Arabic proverb that says, what is meant for you will
Speaker 1: never miss you, and what misses you was never meant
Speaker 1: for you. And to me, living with that faith, living
Speaker 1: with that confidence creates a whole new mindset again in
Speaker 1: our lives. So if you notice, the subtile focuses on
Speaker 1: three key mindset shifts in life that are required for
Speaker 1: us to have healthy relationships. Because sometimes someone comes into
Speaker 1: our life teaches us a lesson, it moves on. Sometimes
Speaker 1: someone comes into our life gives us a blessing, it
Speaker 1: moves on. Sometimes someone comes into our life and messes
Speaker 1: it up and moves on right. And so whether it's
Speaker 1: a mess, a lesson, or a blessing, it's not something
Speaker 1: we can control. But recognizing the difference between someone give
Speaker 1: us a blessing, someone giving us a lesson, and someone
Speaker 1: giving us a mess allows us to recognize that each
Speaker 1: one was designed to help us learn a particular part
Speaker 1: of that. So that's the insight on the subtitles, the title,
Speaker 1: the number of rules. And now I want to answer
Speaker 1: some questions which I think you're going to really enjoy that.
Speaker 1: I was asked recently about the book from all of
Speaker 1: you on Instagram as well. So one of the biggest
Speaker 1: questions was why have I written a book about love
Speaker 1: right now? And I'd say there are a million reasons.
Speaker 1: Over the last few years, all the podcasts I've done
Speaker 1: on love and relationships, all of you have listened to
Speaker 1: them the most. The videos that I made on love
Speaker 1: and relationships for years, all of you have watched them
Speaker 1: the most. You've shown me through how you connect and
Speaker 1: resonate with the work I'm putting out that this is
Speaker 1: a issue in your life. When I talk to people,
Speaker 1: whether they are upcoming, successful entrepreneurs, whether they're established, whether
Speaker 1: you're just starting out, whether you're working at a company,
Speaker 1: the number one thing I hear from people is just
Speaker 1: I'm dissatisfied with my relationship. I'm so unhappy that I
Speaker 1: haven't found someone like. This seems to be something that
Speaker 1: weighs on our generation differently. It hits differently. It's a
Speaker 1: gap in our lives. It's an inadequate feeling, it's an
Speaker 1: incomplete feeling that we experience when our relationships are not fulfilled.
Speaker 1: And so I really believe that it was such an
Speaker 1: important topic to write about, and I honestly have learned
Speaker 1: so much more about love through writing this book that
Speaker 1: it has been an honor and a blessing in my
Speaker 1: life to have this opportunity. And American novelist Jamie McGuire
Speaker 1: said that love is the most overused word in the
Speaker 1: English dictionary. I believe it's the most underdefined. We yeah
Speaker 1: most of our messages about love from media, from movies,
Speaker 1: from music, from our parents, and lots of them are
Speaker 1: either inaccurate or unhealthy, or at best, they're limited. And
Speaker 1: Tim Lomas a psychologist at Harvard analyzed fifty different languages
Speaker 1: and discovered fourteen types of love. I mean, most of
Speaker 1: us maybe think there are two or three kinds of love,
Speaker 1: like romantic love, family love, and maybe the way you
Speaker 1: love your dog or really good chocolate like me. But
Speaker 1: in all of it, we're missing a lot of what
Speaker 1: love is really about. So I wrote this book because
Speaker 1: I wanted to share the eight rules that I've learned
Speaker 1: through different cultures, ancient wisdom and modern science that will
Speaker 1: help at any stage of your pursuit of love. So
Speaker 1: I want you to have your own definition of love
Speaker 1: when you read this book. I want you to actually
Speaker 1: understand what love means to you, because it means something
Speaker 1: very different to everyone else, and we've been using everyone
Speaker 1: else's poorly formed definitions of love to define our own.
Speaker 1: Another question I got recently was if I just got married, J,
Speaker 1: what's your best advice for me? So if I was
Speaker 1: to offer one piece of advice, I'd say, expect your
Speaker 1: relationship to change, and hope for it to change, and
Speaker 1: even work to make sure it changes. We tend to
Speaker 1: have this idea that our wedding day is a finish line.
Speaker 1: We found the one and the reality is that it's
Speaker 1: a starting line, not a finish line. And the thing is,
Speaker 1: with a regular run, like in a marathon, you'd know
Speaker 1: the course, but with marriage and any relationship, you have
Speaker 1: no idea what you'll encounter. So there's a lot of
Speaker 1: learning and growth that needs to take place so you
Speaker 1: can navigate it together and get better ready as you go.
Speaker 1: And so instead of getting married and having a hope
Speaker 1: or expectation that you and your partner and your relationship
Speaker 1: will always stay the same, expect to be challenged, expect
Speaker 1: to fail, and try and embrace those experiences. If you
Speaker 1: always orient yourself towards growth, even your stumbles will become
Speaker 1: ways to move forward. So I find that again another
Speaker 1: life mindset shift. We kind of get to this place
Speaker 1: where we're like, Okay, from today, everything's going to be good.
Speaker 1: Like from today, I'm going to eat healthy every day.
Speaker 1: From today, I'm going to meditate the best every day.
Speaker 1: From today, everything's going to be amazing. And the reality is, sure,
Speaker 1: that's a nice cute mindset to have. The reality is
Speaker 1: I will fail, things will go wrong. So if I
Speaker 1: know that, then I'll be able to pivot and readjust again.
Speaker 1: But if I believe everything's going to be perfect. I'm
Speaker 1: actually setting myself up for a greater downfall. Okay, this
Speaker 1: question was really powerful, Jay. What if I just like
Speaker 1: being alone. I don't want to be in love. I
Speaker 1: don't believe in it. So I'd say that you actually
Speaker 1: have an interesting view of love. So when I was
Speaker 1: a monk, and when I became a monk, I thought
Speaker 1: I'd be one for the rest of my life. And
Speaker 1: I definitely do not believe that you have to have
Speaker 1: a romantic partner to experience love. I experience so much
Speaker 1: love living as a monk within and with my fellow monks,
Speaker 1: that it wasn't something that I now have an issue about.
Speaker 1: Like I think, for a long time, we're made to
Speaker 1: believe that if you're not with someone, then you can't
Speaker 1: experience love. So, in fact, one of the greatest forms
Speaker 1: of love and the most foundational, is love for ourself.
Speaker 1: And what I've realized is love for ourself doesn't come
Speaker 1: through confidence or self esteem or self love. It comes
Speaker 1: from self respect. Right. You'll learn to love yourself when
Speaker 1: you respect yourself, and you'll learn to respect yourself when
Speaker 1: you follow up with what you commit to. If you
Speaker 1: do challenging things. If you try something new, if you
Speaker 1: follow up with a commitment, you will start to respect yourself.
Speaker 1: And when you start to respect yourself, you will start
Speaker 1: to love yourself. Love starts with respect. Psychologist Karen Aunt
Speaker 1: says being alone well is an art form. Sadly, as
Speaker 1: we grow up, we're taught only other people can provide
Speaker 1: the love we're looking for, and that's one of the
Speaker 1: biggest reasons so many of us feel lonely or Ja
Speaker 1: did about love when people don't live up to our expectations,
Speaker 1: we feel let down. Instead, we can learn the art
Speaker 1: of being alone, and that includes learning how to provide
Speaker 1: that love to ourselves. So someone said to me, Joe,
Speaker 1: what am I going to learn from this book? There
Speaker 1: are some really practical tools inside this book with questionnaires
Speaker 1: with quizzes that are going to help you understand unique
Speaker 1: parts of yourself and your partner. So this includes your
Speaker 1: fight style, your learning style, how you like to receive love,
Speaker 1: your values, your purpose. All of that is packed into
Speaker 1: this book to help you gain insights on that. Now,
Speaker 1: another question I got asked is, Joe, what do you
Speaker 1: think about apps? Like, what do you think about the
Speaker 1: online world? Now? It comes to dating apps, I agree
Speaker 1: that they can be problematic, but I don't think it's
Speaker 1: the app that's problematic. It's how we use it and
Speaker 1: how we think about it that causes a challenge. So
Speaker 1: one study showed that more than half of online data
Speaker 1: is lied in their profiles. Also, having so many options
Speaker 1: that our fingertips can lead to a phenomenon researchers called
Speaker 1: relation shopping, where we can be more critical of potential
Speaker 1: partners or put less into relationships because of this perception
Speaker 1: that we can just swipe to find someone else. So
Speaker 1: several studies show that we make worse decisions when we
Speaker 1: have more choice, and that's where we have to start
Speaker 1: understanding that it's less about how many can I get through,
Speaker 1: and it's more about how deeply can I learn about someone.
Speaker 1: I think when we look at it as like swipe left,
Speaker 1: swipe right, when we look at it just moving on,
Speaker 1: when we look at it like oh, there's more options,
Speaker 1: we actually stop ourselves from creating the investment that's required
Speaker 1: to see a benefit. So that said pretty much all technology.
Speaker 1: I think it's more about the user than the technology,
Speaker 1: And yes, we have to work harder to use technology
Speaker 1: to our favor, but there are absolutely ways to use
Speaker 1: dating apps that are way more healthy, and I talk
Speaker 1: about them in the book. And it requires a clear intention, openness,
Speaker 1: and a high tolerance for rejection. And I think that
Speaker 1: last part is what is actually stopping us. Our ego
Speaker 1: is so scared of being rejected that we're scared of
Speaker 1: putting ourselves out there. And I think for me, I
Speaker 1: grew up with a lot of rejection when I was younger,
Speaker 1: so I got used to it and that really helped
Speaker 1: me recognize how it was a normal part of life.
Speaker 1: And I think we think of rejection as something's going wrong.
Speaker 1: In reality, everyone you look up to, everyone you admire,
Speaker 1: even people who you see in successful relationships, have experienced
Speaker 1: rejection in their own way. And so I really truly
Speaker 1: believe that being open to hearing no allows us to
Speaker 1: find that one yes that actually makes a difference. And
Speaker 1: I want to end on one last question, which was
Speaker 1: you know, what's something that might surprise you about the
Speaker 1: book or where the book goes or the direction that
Speaker 1: it turns in. And I'd say it's that we so
Speaker 1: often talk about love like it's so hard to find,
Speaker 1: but in reality, it's truly everywhere. Romance is only one
Speaker 1: type of love. The reality is that opportunities to experience
Speaker 1: it are endless, and one of the easiest ways to
Speaker 1: experience love is to share it. Hold a door for
Speaker 1: someone or for a smarter stranger, bring a sick person soup,
Speaker 1: walk dogs at the shelter. Love is always right here
Speaker 1: waiting for you. You're not waiting for it. Thank you
Speaker 1: everyone for listening to today. I am so grateful that
Speaker 1: you spend this time with me. I really hope that
Speaker 1: you're going to go in pre order my second book,
Speaker 1: my new book, Eight Rules of Love. All you have
Speaker 1: to do is go to eight Rules Oflove dot com.
Speaker 1: I know thousands of you've already ordered it. Thank you
Speaker 1: so much for I'll Let Love. But I am so
Speaker 1: excited for you to read this book. I promise you
Speaker 1: it's going to be a game changer. I have so
Speaker 1: much faith and belief in the work and the research
Speaker 1: we did to put this book together, and I can't
Speaker 1: wait for you to have in your hands. I know
Speaker 1: it's not out till thirty five to January, but please
Speaker 1: do preorder it right now. I'm so excited to read
Speaker 1: it with you when it's out. Thank you