WEBVTT - “Totally Booked with Zibby: Chelsea Handler” 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.160 Hi, it's Catherine. We're sharing Chelsea's recent interview on the 0:00:03.160 --> 0:00:07.240 Webby Award winning daily podcast Totally Booked with Zibby, hosted 0:00:07.240 --> 0:00:10.639 by Zibby Owens, the powerhouse bookstore owner and best selling author. 0:00:10.720 --> 0:00:14.840 Dubbed NYC's most powerful book fluencer by Vulture, Totally Booked 0:00:14.840 --> 0:00:17.880 delivers interviews with the best and buzziest authors like Chelsea. 0:00:18.320 --> 0:00:20.720 You'll hear an in depth exploration of Chelsea's New York 0:00:20.720 --> 0:00:23.480 Times bestselling book, I'll have what She's having. Be sure 0:00:23.520 --> 0:00:25.919 to follow Totally Booked with Zibby on your favorite podcast 0:00:25.960 --> 0:00:27.440 app enjoy the episode. 0:00:28.720 --> 0:00:32.479 Hi, this is Zibby Owens and you're listening to Totally 0:00:32.479 --> 0:00:36.080 Booked with Zibby. Formerly moms don't have time to read books. 0:00:36.280 --> 0:00:40.520 In my daily show, I interview today's latest, best selling, buzziest, 0:00:40.720 --> 0:00:44.440 or underrated authors and story creators whose work I think 0:00:44.640 --> 0:00:48.520 is worth your time. As a bookstore owner, publisher, author, 0:00:48.640 --> 0:00:52.680 and obviously podcaster, I get a comprehensive look at everything 0:00:52.720 --> 0:00:55.840 that's coming out and spend my time curating the best 0:00:55.840 --> 0:00:58.280 books so you don't have to stay in the no 0:00:58.600 --> 0:01:01.600 get insider insights, and connect with guests like I do 0:01:02.080 --> 0:01:06.000 every single day. For more information, go to zibymedia dot 0:01:06.000 --> 0:01:12.640 com and follow me on Instagram at zibby Owens. Chelsea 0:01:12.640 --> 0:01:15.160 Handler is the author of I'll Have What She's Having. 0:01:15.520 --> 0:01:19.560 Chelsea is a comedian, television host, six time New York 0:01:19.600 --> 0:01:23.520 Times bestselling author, and advocate whose humor and candor have 0:01:23.640 --> 0:01:26.240 established her as one of the most celebrated voices in 0:01:26.360 --> 0:01:29.839 entertainment and pop culture. After a strong seven year run 0:01:29.880 --> 0:01:32.480 as the host of ease top rated Chelsea Lately, a 0:01:32.520 --> 0:01:34.840 tenure in which she was the only female late night 0:01:34.880 --> 0:01:38.080 talk show host on air, she launched her documentary series 0:01:38.200 --> 0:01:41.400 Chelsea Does, followed by her talk show Chelsea on Netflix 0:01:41.840 --> 0:01:45.360 in twenty sixteen. She has penned six New York Times 0:01:45.360 --> 0:01:48.720 bestselling books, five of which have reached number one, including 0:01:48.720 --> 0:01:51.160 twenty nineteen's Life Will Be the Death of Me. Her 0:01:51.280 --> 0:01:54.600 upcoming seventh book, a new memoir in essays, I'll Have 0:01:54.680 --> 0:01:57.800 What She's Having, will publish February twenty fifth, twenty twenty five. 0:01:58.080 --> 0:02:00.160 In twenty twenty one, she launched her I Heart Art 0:02:00.280 --> 0:02:03.800 radio advice podcast Dear Chelsea, and embarked on the Vaccinated 0:02:03.800 --> 0:02:06.640 and Horny Tour, bringing her sensational stand up set to 0:02:06.680 --> 0:02:09.239 over ninety cities with one hundred and fifteen shows across 0:02:09.280 --> 0:02:11.720 North America and winning the Comedy Act of twenty twenty 0:02:11.760 --> 0:02:15.040 one at the People's Choice Awards. Following the success of 0:02:15.040 --> 0:02:18.640 her twenty twenty HBO Max comedy special Evolution, which earned 0:02:18.720 --> 0:02:21.919 Chelsea a Grammy nomination for Best Comedy Album, she made 0:02:21.919 --> 0:02:24.560 her return to Netflix with her critically acclaimed twenty twenty 0:02:24.560 --> 0:02:28.120 two comedy special Revolution. Handler is currently on her stand 0:02:28.200 --> 0:02:31.600 up tour, Chelsea Handler Live, and recently kicked off her 0:02:31.680 --> 0:02:35.640 Las Vegas residency, Chelsea at the Chelsea at the cosmopolitin 0:02:36.080 --> 0:02:40.200 make history as the venue's first female comedian residency. Welcome Chelsea, 0:02:40.240 --> 0:02:42.320 thank you so much for coming on totally booked to 0:02:42.400 --> 0:02:45.920 talk about I'll have what She's having. Congratulations, Thank you, 0:02:46.360 --> 0:02:46.679 thank you. 0:02:46.800 --> 0:02:47.480 Nice to meet you. 0:02:48.000 --> 0:02:51.360 Nice to meet you. Okay, tell listeners what this book 0:02:51.440 --> 0:02:52.200 is about, please. 0:02:53.360 --> 0:02:58.000 I think this book is about infusing optimism in times 0:02:58.160 --> 0:03:04.600 of despair or ease, while also serving as a reminder 0:03:04.800 --> 0:03:10.040 for women, especially to check in with ourselves and make 0:03:10.080 --> 0:03:13.080 sure that we are turning into the women that we 0:03:13.200 --> 0:03:14.040 wanted to become. 0:03:15.280 --> 0:03:17.959 I love that you manifested your whole life when you 0:03:18.040 --> 0:03:19.760 were younger, like, this is it, this is who I 0:03:19.760 --> 0:03:21.880 want to be. Let's see how I can make this happen. 0:03:22.080 --> 0:03:23.960 I mean all I did is like I want to 0:03:23.960 --> 0:03:26.680 be a teacher. I want to be a writer. Anyway, 0:03:26.720 --> 0:03:27.480 pretty impressive. 0:03:28.000 --> 0:03:29.320 Thank you, Thank you. 0:03:29.880 --> 0:03:33.840 I think that you know, especially now, what we're experiencing 0:03:33.880 --> 0:03:38.040 as a country and just this backlash against women, I 0:03:38.120 --> 0:03:40.160 have no doubt in us, you know, I have no 0:03:40.920 --> 0:03:43.080 misgivings about how powerful women are. 0:03:43.120 --> 0:03:44.640 And we are in this situation right. 0:03:44.560 --> 0:03:46.840 Now because of that power and because of the threat 0:03:46.840 --> 0:03:49.280 that that serves up to people who can't deal with, 0:03:49.360 --> 0:03:52.120 you know, women being powerful. But we're not going anywhere, 0:03:52.560 --> 0:03:54.880 so this is just another bump in the road because 0:03:54.920 --> 0:03:57.960 women are powerful. We are the source of almost everything, 0:03:58.680 --> 0:04:02.160 and we're so smart and like we're finally figuring that 0:04:02.280 --> 0:04:06.120 out as a collective, I think, and while while the 0:04:06.160 --> 0:04:10.120 backdrop is not pretty, I'm very optimistic about what is 0:04:10.120 --> 0:04:10.480 to come. 0:04:10.760 --> 0:04:14.560 Well, speaking of powerful women, you early in the book 0:04:14.600 --> 0:04:17.000 have a meeting with Jane Funda, who gives you some 0:04:17.120 --> 0:04:20.960 rather unsavory feedback about your behavior, which you take very 0:04:20.960 --> 0:04:24.960 well and actually use to re examine yourself and change 0:04:25.200 --> 0:04:29.000 tell me about that and how you can take advice 0:04:29.320 --> 0:04:31.120 and not be defensive. 0:04:31.400 --> 0:04:32.480 Well learned in therapy. 0:04:32.520 --> 0:04:34.200 One of the first things I learned in therapy was 0:04:34.240 --> 0:04:37.200 about being defensive and if you are being defensive, you're 0:04:37.320 --> 0:04:39.479 usually wrong. Like, if you're right, you don't have to 0:04:39.480 --> 0:04:40.719 defend yourself, you don't care. 0:04:41.200 --> 0:04:41.880 You know the truth. 0:04:41.960 --> 0:04:44.080 You know the sky is blue, that your eyes are blue, 0:04:44.560 --> 0:04:47.760 that you know the laundry like the washing machine is going. 0:04:47.760 --> 0:04:50.440 I know all of those things to be true. So like, 0:04:51.560 --> 0:04:53.960 if you're right, you're right, you like you know, you 0:04:53.960 --> 0:04:57.360 don't have to defend yourself. And defending yourself also makes 0:04:57.400 --> 0:04:59.640 you lose control, right because you're like, no, I. 0:04:59.560 --> 0:05:00.560 Did that, I did do that. 0:05:00.640 --> 0:05:05.000 I did Like it's kind of just a lose lose situation. 0:05:05.600 --> 0:05:08.000 So and then also when someone's telling you something like 0:05:08.040 --> 0:05:09.680 all you can say is thank you, And if they're 0:05:09.720 --> 0:05:12.400 completely out of their tree and they're not making like 0:05:12.440 --> 0:05:15.119 they're not saying something that you believe to be true, 0:05:15.400 --> 0:05:16.599 then who cares anyway? 0:05:17.040 --> 0:05:18.960 Like it only matters if it is true. 0:05:19.320 --> 0:05:23.320 It's easier to hear that, but less easy to internalize. 0:05:23.560 --> 0:05:26.719 Yeah, yeah, and I'm I mean people are always assuming 0:05:26.720 --> 0:05:28.919 that I have no you know that I have so 0:05:29.839 --> 0:05:33.279 guarded or protected, like I just everything rolls off my back, 0:05:33.400 --> 0:05:36.039 or you know that I'm so confident. People always saying 0:05:36.040 --> 0:05:38.080 where do you get your confidence from? I'm like, where's 0:05:38.080 --> 0:05:40.760 your confident? Where's your confidence? We should all be confident. 0:05:40.800 --> 0:05:43.320 We should be instilling that in each other. You know, 0:05:43.360 --> 0:05:44.080 I want all. 0:05:43.920 --> 0:05:44.800 Of us to be confident. 0:05:44.880 --> 0:05:46.520 I want all of our young women that are coming 0:05:46.600 --> 0:05:49.320 up in this world to experience the confidence that I 0:05:49.360 --> 0:05:50.440 feel every day. 0:05:50.640 --> 0:05:52.680 From your mouth to God's ears. Let's just say that 0:05:52.880 --> 0:05:55.599 I hope that happens too. That would be amazing. You've 0:05:55.600 --> 0:05:58.159 served as a role model for a lot of people 0:05:58.200 --> 0:06:01.240 yourself whoopsie, whoopsie, or I don't know, I'm probably getting 0:06:01.240 --> 0:06:04.960 their day strugopsy, whopsy, whoops. Anyway, that yes, and that 0:06:05.120 --> 0:06:07.680 was so nice. So you date. You can tell the 0:06:07.720 --> 0:06:09.800 story of it in the book. You were dating someone 0:06:09.920 --> 0:06:12.160 got quite attached to his kids. You were so helpful 0:06:12.200 --> 0:06:15.560 to them, you feel devoid in their lives and maintain 0:06:15.640 --> 0:06:18.400 this relationship with them for so long. Talk a little 0:06:18.440 --> 0:06:20.560 bit about that and sort of stepping into this role 0:06:20.600 --> 0:06:23.760 which you funnily enough call yourself father in this dynamic. 0:06:23.960 --> 0:06:26.919 But talk about that role in sort of inherited family. 0:06:27.360 --> 0:06:29.279 Well, there are so many people women, I mean, people 0:06:29.320 --> 0:06:32.000 would never know how many children there are in my life, 0:06:32.080 --> 0:06:34.720 how many children that I'm really close to, how many 0:06:34.839 --> 0:06:37.520 children that are. I mean, there's lots of them, and 0:06:37.839 --> 0:06:39.600 not just my nieces and nephews. 0:06:39.400 --> 0:06:45.160 Randoms, you know, random children. And so I kind of 0:06:45.560 --> 0:06:46.280 found myself. 0:06:46.360 --> 0:06:49.000 You know, I've never wanted a baby, but people automatically 0:06:49.040 --> 0:06:50.960 assume if you don't want a child or you don't 0:06:51.120 --> 0:06:52.680 that you're that you don't like children. 0:06:52.680 --> 0:06:54.279 It's not that I don't like children. I just don't 0:06:54.279 --> 0:06:58.480 want one. I want like a postami sandwich. I'm not interested. 0:06:59.080 --> 0:07:01.600 You know, I can appreciate shape them, you know, good, 0:07:01.760 --> 0:07:04.760 go get one, but not for me. Like that message 0:07:04.800 --> 0:07:06.480 alone is now becoming louder. 0:07:06.520 --> 0:07:09.600 People are saying and expressing, yes, I don't want to 0:07:09.640 --> 0:07:11.280 have a child, that's not for me, and I also 0:07:11.320 --> 0:07:14.280 don't want to be married. These can be antiquated notions, 0:07:14.360 --> 0:07:15.720 you know, when you break them all down. 0:07:16.320 --> 0:07:18.680 What are all these institutions about. It's kind of all 0:07:19.000 --> 0:07:19.720 pretty stupid. 0:07:20.520 --> 0:07:23.320 So I want to, like, you know, get after life 0:07:23.760 --> 0:07:26.960 and really impact the young people around me, to feel 0:07:27.160 --> 0:07:30.360 and instill in them the way that you know, the 0:07:30.480 --> 0:07:32.400 way that I feel about the world, which is anything 0:07:32.480 --> 0:07:35.360 is possible and you And to have an impact. 0:07:35.160 --> 0:07:37.320 On young people's lives like Poopsie, Woopsie and Oopsie. 0:07:37.760 --> 0:07:40.200 Like to be there for them, to want them, want 0:07:40.320 --> 0:07:42.280 My attention is basically all I need. 0:07:42.640 --> 0:07:44.119 If you need me, I'm coming. 0:07:44.680 --> 0:07:46.560 But if you don't need me, great, But you know, 0:07:46.760 --> 0:07:50.000 like to be of service to young people and the 0:07:50.080 --> 0:07:52.880 amount of young people I'm able to whose lives I 0:07:53.080 --> 0:07:55.880 am able to impact because I didn't have my own children, 0:07:56.240 --> 0:07:58.160 because I don't have a family of my own to 0:07:58.240 --> 0:08:02.000 focus on, has allowed me to grow so much and 0:08:02.160 --> 0:08:05.280 has given me so much more you know, purpose and 0:08:05.560 --> 0:08:07.760 joy than I would have ever. 0:08:07.720 --> 0:08:10.000 Hoped to feel as a person who never had children. 0:08:11.120 --> 0:08:13.760 Well, I just I just love that. I mean babies 0:08:13.760 --> 0:08:19.280 as Pastrami sandwiches. Who knew right, who knew? You tell 0:08:19.520 --> 0:08:22.240 a lot of stories in the book about different situations 0:08:22.320 --> 0:08:25.240 you find yourself in that are funny and sad and 0:08:25.360 --> 0:08:27.960 all the things, one of which which I guess could 0:08:28.000 --> 0:08:31.480 be construed as both in given your points of view. 0:08:31.560 --> 0:08:34.880 But going to Kennebunkport, where other members of your family 0:08:35.360 --> 0:08:36.920 were like, yes, you have to go if you've gotten 0:08:36.920 --> 0:08:41.079 this invitation and meeting the former president and while you're 0:08:41.320 --> 0:08:43.839 you know, having edibles and whatever, and like, you know, 0:08:43.920 --> 0:08:47.040 wearing sunglasses and trying to see him for who he 0:08:47.120 --> 0:08:49.360 is as a man and not necessarily his beliefs and 0:08:49.440 --> 0:08:51.200 all of that. Like, tell me a little bit about 0:08:51.240 --> 0:08:53.160 that story, and why do you put it in? 0:08:54.200 --> 0:08:55.840 I put it in because it was just one more 0:08:55.880 --> 0:08:58.920 example of the ridiculous circumstances I find myself. 0:08:58.640 --> 0:08:59.560 In all the time. 0:09:00.000 --> 0:09:01.559 Anytime my family's with me, they're. 0:09:01.400 --> 0:09:04.000 Like, oh my god, you know, it's only because of 0:09:04.120 --> 0:09:05.720 you that these things happen. 0:09:05.760 --> 0:09:07.200 I'm like, yeah, the good and the bad. 0:09:07.360 --> 0:09:10.840 So going to Kenny Bunkport was not on my wish list. 0:09:11.000 --> 0:09:14.439 But because of my political leanings, I just was not 0:09:14.640 --> 0:09:17.360 interested in that. And I'm friends with his daughter, Barbara Bush, 0:09:17.400 --> 0:09:20.880 who is featured in the book, and they invited our 0:09:20.960 --> 0:09:24.240 family and friends to go over there to play pickleball, another. 0:09:24.400 --> 0:09:25.719 Activity I'm not interested in. 0:09:26.640 --> 0:09:30.480 And I was coerced by my siblings who were like, 0:09:30.720 --> 0:09:33.480 don't take this opportunity away from most Chelsea. We are 0:09:33.559 --> 0:09:36.080 going to Kenny Bunkport with or without you. I wanted 0:09:36.120 --> 0:09:39.880 to say good luck getting in without me. But so 0:09:40.120 --> 0:09:43.600 we went and I in order to subdue my personality. 0:09:44.320 --> 0:09:47.240 Something else I learned through therapy is to drug myself, 0:09:47.440 --> 0:09:49.120 like I have to if I'm going to deal with 0:09:49.160 --> 0:09:51.040 a person that I find difficult, I need to take 0:09:51.040 --> 0:09:53.280 an edible and then I can deal with them, like 0:09:53.480 --> 0:09:56.319 I know, to prepare myself for situations and ways in 0:09:56.400 --> 0:09:59.480 which I didn't before. So like you take out the 0:09:59.480 --> 0:10:02.040 irritation of the exchange and you're kind or and nicer 0:10:02.080 --> 0:10:02.600 to the person. 0:10:02.720 --> 0:10:03.520 So it's a win win. 0:10:04.559 --> 0:10:07.880 So and that is just an alternative to cognitive behavioral therapy. 0:10:08.040 --> 0:10:11.360 This is just exactly exactly for people who don't have 0:10:11.559 --> 0:10:13.920 time to take an edible. 0:10:14.720 --> 0:10:16.880 So, yes, I went over there and I had taken 0:10:16.920 --> 0:10:17.520 three edibles. 0:10:17.559 --> 0:10:19.400 That's that's how much I needed to make sure that 0:10:19.480 --> 0:10:23.840 I didn't, you know, confront him about anything on his property, 0:10:23.920 --> 0:10:24.480 Like I don't. 0:10:24.280 --> 0:10:27.719 Want to be like that. So and I have a 0:10:28.440 --> 0:10:31.440 habit and a history of outbursts, so. 0:10:31.520 --> 0:10:34.120 I knew that I had to really reined in, you know, 0:10:34.720 --> 0:10:36.720 So I did take three edibles when I got there. 0:10:37.040 --> 0:10:39.280 Barbara Lai Barbara Bush told me he would be getting 0:10:39.280 --> 0:10:40.160 a massage. 0:10:39.800 --> 0:10:41.920 And then I would not meet him, and I met 0:10:42.000 --> 0:10:43.640 him within five minutes of being on the pick a 0:10:43.720 --> 0:10:47.760 ball court, and I was and I was, yes, it 0:10:47.840 --> 0:10:50.199 was a ridiculous situation. And then he showed me his 0:10:50.320 --> 0:10:54.400 personal painting collection and asked me to take my sunglasses off, 0:10:54.640 --> 0:10:55.240 and then I had. 0:10:55.160 --> 0:10:56.559 To reveal to him that I was stoned. 0:10:57.480 --> 0:11:00.599 Oh my gosh, do you have these like moments that 0:11:01.160 --> 0:11:04.640 few people in the world have. And then you flip 0:11:04.840 --> 0:11:10.120 to really, you know, just reveling in isolation and how 0:11:10.360 --> 0:11:12.560 great it can feel to be alone, and how you've 0:11:12.640 --> 0:11:14.800 learned to be alone, and how when you got to 0:11:15.160 --> 0:11:18.800 Canada being Whistler, you didn't mind the mandatory time to 0:11:18.960 --> 0:11:21.320 just read and hang out in your underwear or whatever. 0:11:22.200 --> 0:11:24.760 Tell me about that and learning to accept to be 0:11:24.800 --> 0:11:25.559 alone and all of that. 0:11:26.600 --> 0:11:29.960 Well, I think the it's combined because the whole point 0:11:29.960 --> 0:11:32.320 of the Butch story also, like the kind of sub 0:11:33.120 --> 0:11:35.760 sub story to that, is that it is another example 0:11:35.800 --> 0:11:38.360 of always remaining who you are no matter what circumstances 0:11:38.400 --> 0:11:41.600 you are in, Like I was going to always remain 0:11:41.840 --> 0:11:45.760 true to myself, So that meant taking three edibles and 0:11:46.360 --> 0:11:50.719 also telling everybody when you know, like being truthful about it, 0:11:51.240 --> 0:11:55.600 like remaining who you are in situations like that, most 0:11:55.640 --> 0:11:57.800 people in their world don't get to experience. I think 0:11:57.960 --> 0:12:00.240 is another thing that we should all aim to be 0:12:00.320 --> 0:12:03.800 doing is being ourselves more. And I think the reason 0:12:03.880 --> 0:12:06.480 you get to find out who you are is by 0:12:06.559 --> 0:12:09.000 spending time alone. Like my time in Whistler that you 0:12:09.120 --> 0:12:11.839 were just referring to was like the first period of 0:12:11.880 --> 0:12:13.319 time where I was an adult and I could do 0:12:13.480 --> 0:12:16.640 just what I want when I wanted no one, even 0:12:16.679 --> 0:12:18.439 though I can kind of do that, I just to 0:12:18.480 --> 0:12:21.480 have so many responsibilities elsewhere. So I was up here 0:12:21.600 --> 0:12:24.640 just behaving like however I wanted, and I was just 0:12:25.559 --> 0:12:27.800 walking around my underwear smoking weed. 0:12:27.920 --> 0:12:30.320 I read like thirty books in two weeks. I read 0:12:30.400 --> 0:12:33.360 so many books, and I was the time of my life. 0:12:33.440 --> 0:12:35.880 I was quarantining for two weeks, so that's why I 0:12:36.160 --> 0:12:38.480 read so many books in that short amount of time. 0:12:38.880 --> 0:12:40.880 And then I just got up and skied for like 0:12:41.080 --> 0:12:44.040 fifty days in a row after and it just felt 0:12:44.600 --> 0:12:48.240 like I was I got introduced to myself. 0:12:49.080 --> 0:12:52.240 Okay, I love it. You can hear your internal voice 0:12:52.679 --> 0:12:54.840 talking to you right when you tell us about skiing 0:12:55.040 --> 0:12:57.840 and having you know you're like, why am I risking 0:12:57.880 --> 0:13:01.040 my life to chase after to elderly women who were 0:13:01.080 --> 0:13:03.520 so much faster than me skiing, like what am I doing? 0:13:03.920 --> 0:13:07.160 And we all have those moments, right, like Okay, I'm 0:13:07.240 --> 0:13:09.760 in this competitive situation, but like what am I? I 0:13:09.760 --> 0:13:11.840 don't even want to be in this competitive situation? Can't 0:13:11.880 --> 0:13:15.160 I just stop? How do you think you're able Aside 0:13:15.200 --> 0:13:19.079 from obviously this great therapist who everybody listening to this 0:13:19.200 --> 0:13:20.800 is going to want to have as a therapist after this, 0:13:21.160 --> 0:13:23.839 but how do you think for people who it's harder 0:13:23.920 --> 0:13:26.319 for it to sort of see themselves from the outside 0:13:26.360 --> 0:13:28.440 and step aside and say, like, wait a minute, look 0:13:28.480 --> 0:13:31.160 at my behavior. Right, It's a skill that you have 0:13:31.280 --> 0:13:33.240 to learn not to be so in it. 0:13:33.840 --> 0:13:36.600 It's self awareness, like actually thinking about how you're coming 0:13:36.679 --> 0:13:41.360 across rather than just coming across, like considering other people's 0:13:41.840 --> 0:13:44.280 reactions to you, which something I never really did for 0:13:44.440 --> 0:13:47.240 so long. So that was kind of a wake up call, 0:13:47.360 --> 0:13:50.959 you know. And I think for regular people it's it's 0:13:51.520 --> 0:13:53.800 it's just more listening and less talking. Like there was 0:13:53.840 --> 0:13:56.120 a period of time where I just didn't really have much. 0:13:56.040 --> 0:13:58.920 To say because I was just watching everything and it 0:13:59.040 --> 0:13:59.760 was pretty. 0:13:59.520 --> 0:14:03.199 You know, it's not it wasn't necessarily fun, but the 0:14:03.280 --> 0:14:05.719 gift of self awareness is like the best gift you 0:14:05.800 --> 0:14:06.600 can give yourself. 0:14:06.720 --> 0:14:08.920 So it's important a to be alone. 0:14:09.000 --> 0:14:11.480 It's important to be alone with uncomfortable feelings and not 0:14:11.600 --> 0:14:14.080 try to have somebody else fix. 0:14:13.920 --> 0:14:14.800 Them or heal them. 0:14:14.880 --> 0:14:17.400 It's important for you to go through emotions and know 0:14:17.559 --> 0:14:19.120 that when you come out, you're going to be okay. 0:14:19.520 --> 0:14:21.920 And it's important for all women to know that right 0:14:21.960 --> 0:14:24.040 when they're about to go through a difficult situation, that 0:14:24.080 --> 0:14:26.480 they're going to get through it and there's going to 0:14:26.480 --> 0:14:28.600 be a rainbow on the other side, I promise you, 0:14:29.280 --> 0:14:32.200 Like we all need to know that. And I think 0:14:32.240 --> 0:14:35.960 you get that from spending time alone and actually practicing, 0:14:36.120 --> 0:14:40.480 like being really into yourself in a way generous of spirit, 0:14:40.680 --> 0:14:42.480 not in a way that is you have your head 0:14:42.520 --> 0:14:44.400 up your ass in a way that it allows you 0:14:44.480 --> 0:14:46.440 to give so much more to other people because then 0:14:46.480 --> 0:14:49.720 you're so confident and solid that you're able to spread 0:14:49.800 --> 0:14:52.760 love and joy and like really kind of light people 0:14:52.880 --> 0:14:55.240 up when they're down and pick people up. Like that's 0:14:55.280 --> 0:14:57.960 a role that I take kind of seriously, not kind of, 0:14:58.080 --> 0:15:00.280 I mean it takes seriously, like I really do. 0:15:01.600 --> 0:15:02.840 It makes me proud to. 0:15:02.880 --> 0:15:04.880 Be a woman that will help another woman when they're 0:15:04.920 --> 0:15:07.840 in despair or they're distraught, or they're going through something difficult. 0:15:08.560 --> 0:15:13.880 And I think we're all just realizing how important and 0:15:14.040 --> 0:15:17.680 not just realizing, but definitely in my lifetime, it feels 0:15:17.680 --> 0:15:20.480 like a moment where women are really recognizing the power 0:15:20.560 --> 0:15:24.080 that we have and how important it is to uplift 0:15:24.120 --> 0:15:24.440 each other. 0:15:25.160 --> 0:15:27.720 And yeah, so I think that all comes from spending 0:15:27.760 --> 0:15:28.320 time alone. 0:15:29.080 --> 0:15:31.520 Amazing. I don't know when I spend time alone and read, 0:15:31.520 --> 0:15:33.960 I don't necessarily come out with a new vantage point. 0:15:34.000 --> 0:15:36.040 So this is good, this is maybe it has to 0:15:36.120 --> 0:15:37.840 be in a ski location for it to really. 0:15:37.720 --> 0:15:40.120 Work, you know, well, to be intentional that you really 0:15:40.280 --> 0:15:42.840 like want to get you kind you know what I mean, 0:15:42.920 --> 0:15:44.640 you have to get uncomfortable with yourself. 0:15:45.040 --> 0:15:47.640 You have to be uncomfortable to get really comfortable. 0:15:48.120 --> 0:15:50.000 So it's like you have to be alone and you 0:15:50.120 --> 0:15:54.120 have to have conversations that are not necessarily you know, 0:15:54.920 --> 0:15:57.080 like you don't want to have certain conversations, but it's 0:15:57.120 --> 0:16:01.040 important to because anything can say you can say with 0:16:01.200 --> 0:16:03.720 love you don't have not everything has to be a conflict. 0:16:04.440 --> 0:16:06.840 And I think there's just so many better Now. I 0:16:07.120 --> 0:16:09.160 spend a little bit too much time alone. Like now 0:16:09.520 --> 0:16:12.840 my friends are like okay tonight, and I'm like, okay, 0:16:12.920 --> 0:16:13.440 but I have to be. 0:16:13.480 --> 0:16:14.080 On by nine. 0:16:15.120 --> 0:16:16.920 Like I feel like I'm when I'm a whistler. I 0:16:17.040 --> 0:16:19.520 feel like I'm camping. You know, I'm just like so cozy. 0:16:19.600 --> 0:16:21.800 I just want to get into bed all the time. 0:16:21.920 --> 0:16:24.480 But yeah, I think it's very important to be alone. 0:16:24.720 --> 0:16:30.080 Amazing. So what do you get from writing books? 0:16:30.240 --> 0:16:30.280 Like? 0:16:30.400 --> 0:16:32.160 What are some of the biggest perks? Why do you 0:16:32.360 --> 0:16:34.560 keep writing books? What is it? Why this book? Like, 0:16:35.200 --> 0:16:36.440 what do you get from it? Well? 0:16:36.480 --> 0:16:37.120 They're all different. 0:16:37.160 --> 0:16:39.920 I mean I started writing books that were just funny essays, 0:16:39.960 --> 0:16:42.680 and then my last book got more serious. I mean 0:16:42.760 --> 0:16:45.320 it's still funny, but there's serious parts to it in 0:16:45.400 --> 0:16:49.280 a serious through line. And then this book was very reflective, 0:16:49.360 --> 0:16:52.280 and I think what I get out of it is 0:16:53.600 --> 0:16:56.320 different at each With each book, I think this book, I'm. 0:16:56.240 --> 0:16:57.720 Going to get a lot. 0:16:57.760 --> 0:16:59.720 I think I'm hitting people at the right time with 0:16:59.840 --> 0:17:02.240 what I want to say. And if I didn't have 0:17:02.320 --> 0:17:04.479 anything to say, I wouldn't I wouldn't say anything. 0:17:05.080 --> 0:17:06.880 Like now, at least I can. 0:17:06.880 --> 0:17:09.440 Say that I wouldn't say anything at all because I 0:17:09.520 --> 0:17:11.680 had this book. It was I got this book deal 0:17:11.760 --> 0:17:13.520 when I was dating Joe Coy and I had this 0:17:13.720 --> 0:17:17.080 very public love affair and everyone was just so happy 0:17:17.200 --> 0:17:19.640 for us, and so this editor was like, we would 0:17:19.680 --> 0:17:21.600 love for you, Chelsea Handler, to write a book about 0:17:21.600 --> 0:17:25.359 falling in love, like it's very unexpected, it's very public facing. 0:17:25.920 --> 0:17:27.920 And I was like, sure, no problem. But then we 0:17:28.000 --> 0:17:31.600 broke up and I was like, oh, whoopsie doodle now. 0:17:31.720 --> 0:17:33.120 And then I was like, Okay, well maybe I can. 0:17:33.080 --> 0:17:35.639 Write a book about it breaking up because kind of 0:17:35.720 --> 0:17:38.480 everything you and I have been talking about is stuff 0:17:38.560 --> 0:17:41.639 that I was applying to that breakup like, I handled 0:17:41.640 --> 0:17:44.720 it so well. I didn't yell or scream, there was 0:17:44.760 --> 0:17:46.359 no art, you know. It was just like, this is 0:17:46.359 --> 0:17:49.040 an adult decision. I have to choose me right now. 0:17:50.200 --> 0:17:52.200 I didn't want to break up, but you're giving me 0:17:52.280 --> 0:17:53.959 no choice, Like, I have to break up with you now, 0:17:54.040 --> 0:17:56.320 and I'm going to be fine. Like all of the 0:17:56.440 --> 0:17:59.960 things that we said earlier was that situation. I was 0:18:00.080 --> 0:18:02.879 able to apply to that. But that book was was 0:18:02.960 --> 0:18:06.159 based on me falling in love, and then it became oh, well, 0:18:06.160 --> 0:18:07.920 why don't you write a book about breaking up, And 0:18:08.040 --> 0:18:09.840 I was like, I don't really want to write a 0:18:09.840 --> 0:18:10.719 book about breaking up. 0:18:10.800 --> 0:18:13.560 That's not you know. And then as time went on, 0:18:13.720 --> 0:18:16.600 I was like, that's a part of my story, but 0:18:16.720 --> 0:18:17.880 that's not the story. 0:18:18.320 --> 0:18:20.800 Like that relationship was going to be its own book. 0:18:20.880 --> 0:18:22.280 That relationship turns out. 0:18:22.119 --> 0:18:24.600 To be just a chapter. And by the way, I 0:18:24.640 --> 0:18:27.560 feel like you handled out so tastefully, you know, you 0:18:27.640 --> 0:18:29.760 were like, I'm not going to go into everything. Here's 0:18:29.800 --> 0:18:31.720 what you the reader need to know, and like get 0:18:31.720 --> 0:18:36.960