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Speaker 1: My biracial sister called my white parents racist, so I

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Speaker 1: may have to kick her out of the family.

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Speaker 2: I want to know what the parents said. I want

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Speaker 2: to get to the bottom of that.

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Speaker 1: This is a situation to delve into, kicking out of

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Speaker 1: the family.

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Speaker 2: I'm not sure. I don't know. I don't think that.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if that makes sense. Yeah, I don't

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Speaker 2: get it. I don't get it. Well, Sam, there's only

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Speaker 2: one way to find out, all right, Please indulge me, Johnny,

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Speaker 2: I will.

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Speaker 1: So my adopted sister resents my infertile parents because she

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Speaker 1: decided she hates the concept of adoption.

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Speaker 2: Wow, what an open.

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Speaker 1: What an opener? So I disinvited her from my wedding

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Speaker 1: and tried to reconcile, but it got even worse. Fuck.

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Speaker 2: Wait, so are they both adopted?

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Speaker 1: We'll have to find out.

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Speaker 2: Wait, because they're the parents are infertile, right, they were infertile.

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Speaker 2: So okay, it's to be revealed.

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Speaker 1: Let's give ahead, Young Samuel. So I am the youngest

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Speaker 1: of two children. My parents always wanted a big family,

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Speaker 1: but they had a string of miscarriages, so they turned

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Speaker 1: to adoption. They had a baby all through a closed

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Speaker 1: adoption seven months later, they adopted my sister. Then seven

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Speaker 1: months after they adopted my sister, they conceived me. After that,

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Speaker 1: you know, finally it happened for them.

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Speaker 2: I wonder if uh Ope's sister feels like like second fiddle.

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Speaker 1: You know, that is a astute assumption to make. I think, potentially, potentially,

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Speaker 1: I'll see. My parents said that I was their miracle baby.

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Speaker 1: For context, my parents and I are white, My sister

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Speaker 1: is Hispanic and black. Growing up, my sister and I

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Speaker 1: were best friends. We did everything together, and people said

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Speaker 1: we acted like twins. We stayed best friends into adulthood

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Speaker 1: until she found her biological family. So she ends up

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Speaker 1: getting reconnected with her original biological family in adulthood.

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Speaker 2: I like, who is her biological family, Let's meet him,

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Speaker 2: Let's meet him the parents.

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Speaker 1: At first I was happy for her. My sister always

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Speaker 1: said that she felt like something was missing, and finding

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Speaker 1: her family seemed to be the missing piece.

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Speaker 2: I could understand that. That makes sense a hundred percent,

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Speaker 2: you know, like I was adopted. I want to know

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Speaker 2: who my real you know, like my actual if.

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Speaker 1: There wasn't any like bad blood or like negative, like

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Speaker 1: if it was purely like it's just not something they

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Speaker 1: could reasonably handle at the time, and they had someone

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Speaker 1: that could give them a much better life. It's like,

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Speaker 1: that's there's no like it will there. I would want

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Speaker 1: to know for sure.

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Speaker 2: But then she.

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Speaker 1: Started to treat my parents differently. She would constantly berate

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Speaker 1: them for choosing to adopt because she said adoption, especially

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Speaker 1: transracial adoption, was wrong. She said that the experience was

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Speaker 1: traumatizing to her and that she wasn't properly prepared for

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Speaker 1: being a person of color due to their color blindness.

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Speaker 1: I stayed out of it because her relationship with my

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Speaker 1: parents wasn't my business. But when she made my mom

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Speaker 1: cry after a particularly cruel remark, I started distancing myself

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Speaker 1: from her.

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Speaker 2: Wait, so, but I'm parents doing like a good thing

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Speaker 2: by like like, there's there's been some very problematic adoption

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Speaker 2: habits throughout history where people like went to Vietnam and

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Speaker 2: stole babies from people and like like that, right.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, very married of other things.

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Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, but like I feel like, you know, if

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Speaker 2: there's a family that can't take care of their kid

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Speaker 2: or doesn't want to take care of their kid and

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Speaker 2: they give it up for adoption, like that's that you

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Speaker 2: know that obviously that that's really hard decision to make.

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Speaker 2: But I don't think you could fault the at least.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know the whole story yet, but

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Speaker 2: within what I know, just like general adoption practices, like

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Speaker 2: I can't imagine why you would be mad at the

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Speaker 2: white parents.

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Speaker 1: I think at this point in the story, the sister

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Speaker 1: is like, I grew up my whole life in a

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Speaker 1: white family that doesn't understand my experience being hispanic, being black,

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Speaker 1: or being a woman of color, and I kind of

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Speaker 1: missed out on not missed out, but like had a

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Speaker 1: whole childhood of people who didn't understand, didn't understand. I

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Speaker 1: think at this point point that is what op is like.

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Speaker 2: And so I would say, what what the sister would

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Speaker 2: have wanted was if she was going to be adopted,

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Speaker 2: to be adopted by the same race as her.

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Speaker 1: Yes, someone someone who could basically at least like understand

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Speaker 1: how to raise her in regards to that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know. I feel like I don't know

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Speaker 2: if you can fault the parents for it, Like, like

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Speaker 2: you know, I don't. It's like an adoption is like

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Speaker 2: a lottery, Yeah, you know exactly, which.

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Speaker 1: It's hard to hard to pick and choose. And then

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Speaker 1: also also one thing is like you know they they

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Speaker 1: I'm sure they like got proposed this baby. If they

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Speaker 1: were like, oh, we don't want this baby, yeah, that's

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Speaker 1: a whole different story.

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Speaker 2: Exactly right, exactly, A dude, that's that's it is a

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Speaker 2: very it's a like seesaw a situation. It's definitely, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I see both of you. Like you want like you

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Speaker 2: want someone that understands like what you're going to go

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Speaker 2: through everything through the world, but also like you just

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Speaker 2: want someone that ultimators like like loves you and cares

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Speaker 2: for you at the end of the day, which it

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Speaker 2: seems is like the parents did what they had like

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Speaker 2: like it seems like they like she had a good

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Speaker 2: childhood growing up. By the fact that like the two

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Speaker 2: kids were good, you know, good friends growing up. Fuck

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Speaker 2: O know from for you guys that do you guys

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Speaker 2: think yeah, or.

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Speaker 1: If this happened to anybody, yeah.

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Speaker 2: Just like but like especially if it has reached out

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Speaker 2: if it hasn't, just like let us know what you think.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and there'll be there'll be more to digest too,

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Speaker 1: So that's crazy. For context, my sister said that they

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Speaker 1: should have gotten therapy for their infertility instead of becoming

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Speaker 1: baby snatchers coming in. So we're we're laying on a

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Speaker 1: little heavier now with the with the hammer, a little

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Speaker 1: heavier with the hammer.

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Speaker 2: Even though yeah, that's kind of that's you know, that's

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Speaker 2: one of those things like that's that's the hard thing

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Speaker 2: to take back.

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Speaker 1: It is, you know, it is, it is, it is.

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Speaker 1: It is little up. Even though we aren't friends on anymore.

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Speaker 1: My sister and I I couldn't imagine severing the relationship,

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Speaker 1: and I definitely couldn't imagine disinviting her from my wedding.

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Speaker 1: She was the one who introduced me to my fiance

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Speaker 1: after all. So literally, the sister is the reason I

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Speaker 1: hope he's getting married. Oh that's so much more common, right,

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Speaker 1: it's a webb.

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Speaker 2: Oh wow, I feel like this is one of the

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Speaker 2: more entangled. Yes, yes, yes, okay.

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Speaker 1: So I told myself that she was my sister no

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Speaker 1: matter what, and I kept her in the wedding as

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Speaker 1: my maid of honor.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 1: So not just in the wedding, but as which makes sense.

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Speaker 1: I mean, a sister that you consider like a twin, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's probably who you would pick.

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Speaker 2: I mean, but it is like this, how's a sister

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Speaker 2: going to interact with the parents.

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Speaker 1: From everything we've seen thus far, probably not well. But

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Speaker 1: I changed my mind. After she posted a picture of

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Speaker 1: herself with her biological siblings, she captioned it, it's been

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Speaker 1: such a relief to find my real family. I finally

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Speaker 1: feel like I'm home.

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Speaker 2: Another I don't feel as yeah, real family feels like maybe.

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Speaker 1: A kind of more of a gut punch necessary. We

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Speaker 1: can have raised it like that, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 2: If I was to rephrase that title, it would be

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Speaker 2: like I finally connected with my biological family.

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Speaker 1: I finally found something that was missing, you know, or yeah,

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Speaker 1: even that's okay, because it's.

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Speaker 2: Like it was Yeah, even I think that I finally

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Speaker 2: found something I was missing. I think that would have

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Speaker 2: been better. I'm honestly not like I can feel at peace. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: you know, like it's definitely like a little bit of

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Speaker 2: a gut punch, but it doesn't feel as as that

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Speaker 2: doesn't feel as egregious as the baby snatching the baby.

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Speaker 1: That one could be like like that one could be like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I didn't mean it that way, and I had like

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Speaker 1: a very pure intention of that, you know, but opie,

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Speaker 1: uh feels a little bit differently. Since I didn't trust

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Speaker 1: myself to call her, I sent a text, since you

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Speaker 1: don't see me as your real sister, there's no reason

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Speaker 1: for you and her boyfriend's name to come to my wedding.

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Speaker 1: Wow ah, god, you can. You'd feel the gravity of

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Speaker 1: it just reading the story. I blocked her number after that,

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Speaker 1: she blocked me on everything in response. Oh wow, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: our mutual friends are telling me that she's calling me

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Speaker 1: a racist.

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Speaker 2: Wait what?

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Speaker 1: I don't think there's any way to come back from this.

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Speaker 1: I'm heartbroken about losing my sister, and I'm heartbroken that

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Speaker 1: I never had one in the first place. Oh man,

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Speaker 1: oh man, there is more.

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Speaker 2: Okay, Well, just first, like, if you want to give

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Speaker 2: a just really really pitch stop pit stop. I mean,

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Speaker 2: like the thing about Ope being like a racist, like

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Speaker 2: that doesn't make sense. I think it's just the sister,

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Speaker 2: you know, acting out and being like hurt. I don't

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Speaker 2: know if I would have blocked the sister.

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Speaker 1: Right if OP should have yeah, blocked.

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Speaker 2: I don't should have blocked the sister because it's like

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Speaker 2: what if? What if? What if OP was going to

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Speaker 2: say like, oh, like I didn't even mean it like

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Speaker 2: that very true? You know, yeah, probably like.

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Speaker 1: A fit of rage type.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I understand where he's coming from. Wyop did that?

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Speaker 2: I think what would have been more telling is like, hey,

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Speaker 2: I just saw your post. What do you mean by that? Like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I've always seen you as a sister, like coming it

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Speaker 2: from that end. And then if she then she's like

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Speaker 2: you you're racist, right, you were never you know, a

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Speaker 2: sibling to me anyway. Then on invite for the wedding, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I don't know, but Sam, there's an't edit who we

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Speaker 2: talked this morning? Oh okay, okay, this is communication line

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Speaker 2: is really open.

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Speaker 1: One of our mutual friends asked me to unblock my

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Speaker 1: sister on her behalf. I called her and we had

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Speaker 1: a very long conversation about everything. I apologized for blocking

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Speaker 1: and disinviting her without talking to her first. So that's

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Speaker 1: good to your point, she apologized for being hurtful in

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Speaker 1: the post. She's going to delete the post calling me

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Speaker 1: a racist and publicly apologize for calling me one. She

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Speaker 1: publicly called Op a racist. It it looks like it, it

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Speaker 1: looks like it, and it's posts. That's yeah, that's We

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Speaker 1: agreed to keep each other blocked on social media, because

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Speaker 1: it would only lead to hurt feelings. Otherwise, she is

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Speaker 1: still coming to my wedding, but not as the maid

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Speaker 1: of honor.

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Speaker 2: Huh.

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Speaker 1: We're not back to where we were, but my sister

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Speaker 1: says that this is a good thing. Now that we

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Speaker 1: got all our feelings out in the open, we can

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Speaker 1: build a healthier and stronger relationship. Thank you for all

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Speaker 1: the dms. They helped me articulate myself while also staying

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Speaker 1: sympathetic to her point of view.

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Speaker 2: Well that's like bad, Like that's better, a big improvement.

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Speaker 1: It seems like they had a true, honest conversation.

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Speaker 2: Yeah at this point, Yeah, which doesn't happen very often

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Speaker 2: these stories. So I'm like really happy that it did.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think they both admitted to what they did wrong.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, I feel I feel good about that.

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Speaker 2: I feel good about that. Savor those feelings, samh do.

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Speaker 1: Update?

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Speaker 2: Well, are you actually going to ruin this for me? Yea?

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Speaker 1: The people telling me not to reconcile were right?

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Speaker 2: Noh.

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Speaker 1: After my last post, I got comments and dms saying

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Speaker 1: that I shouldn't have reconciled with her. I should have listened. Yesterday,

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Speaker 1: my parents offered to treat us to dinner. I couldn't

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Speaker 1: make it, but my sister decided to go. From what

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Speaker 1: my mom told me, the topic of my sister's adoption

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Speaker 1: came up. They got into a fight about it in

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Speaker 1: the middle of a crowded restaurant. It ended after my

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Speaker 1: sister said that my parents should have accepted from their

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Speaker 1: miscarriages that that was a sign from God that they

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Speaker 1: weren't meant to be parents. Wow.

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Speaker 2: I mean that, man, she harbors a lot of a

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Speaker 2: lot of a lot of do you think I wonder

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Speaker 2: if if any like not to like justify of her behavior,

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Speaker 2: but I wonder if subconsciously she was treated worse. Yeah, Like,

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Speaker 2: it's very like I imagine it's very hard to It's

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Speaker 2: hard enough to treat your children equally with they're both hers, right.

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Speaker 1: Someone who's adopted that also has going to have a

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Speaker 1: completely different experience from your biologically born daughter.

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Speaker 2: I just want to know why she feels like this.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it seems and there is still some more, but

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Speaker 1: we I think one thing this story doesn't give full

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Speaker 1: context on is that dynamic.

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Speaker 2: I think that's what op maybe missed out on an

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Speaker 2: opportunity of It's like, Yo, yes, what was it. What's

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Speaker 2: the deal? Why do you feel like this? Yeah, let's

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Speaker 2: finish it out. Yeah, well, we'll do full breakdown for context.

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Speaker 2: My parents are very religious growing up. They told us

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Speaker 2: that God got them through the heartbreak of those miscarriages.

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Speaker 2: My parents aren't perfect, but they didn't deserve that. Nobody does.

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Speaker 2: I'm tired of making excuses for my sister. I'm tired

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Speaker 2: of being sympathetic to her trauma when she weaponizes it

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Speaker 2: to hurt others.

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Speaker 1: I'm done. I should have been done after the baby

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Speaker 1: snatching comment. She's not in my life anymore, and I'm

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Speaker 1: trying to convince my parents to do the same. I

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Speaker 1: sent her one final text, I can't believe you would

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Speaker 1: say that to mom? What the f is wrong with you?

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Speaker 1: Don't contact me again, be with your real family and

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Speaker 1: leave us the hell alone.

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Speaker 2: Wow. Wow, Okay. I don't think it's Op's place to

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Speaker 2: say don't be like, you know, don't interact with her.

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Speaker 2: It's like, sure, maybe that they're like her. OPI's sister

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Speaker 2: doesn't think that she's part of the family. But the

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Speaker 2: like a like a you know, like a like a

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Speaker 2: kid going through a goth phase or something where it's like,

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Speaker 2: you're not my parents. It's like the parents are still

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Speaker 2: going to be like, no, you're our kid. We raised

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Speaker 2: you as much as it may as much as they

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Speaker 2: made like that kid may try to hurt the parent,

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Speaker 2: like the usually the parents are always going to be like,

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Speaker 2: that's still my kid. Yeah. It's hard. So and it.

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Speaker 1: Seems like these parents especially as well.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so I don't think Ope should be like you

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Speaker 2: shouldn't have contact with her? Yeah, yeah, because that's ultimately

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Speaker 2: not up to Yeah. Yeah, but you know, I don't

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Speaker 2: think OP needs to have her in Op's life.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, in her life. Yeah, I'm curious. I want to

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Speaker 1: hear from all of you. Let us know in the comments.

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Speaker 1: Who is the A whole? Who is the angel? Give us?

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Speaker 1: Give us your full breakdown.

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Speaker 2: But I think OP is on the more on the

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Speaker 2: angel side than the A whole side. I think like

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Speaker 2: there were some like a holy behavior or not like

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Speaker 2: as sympathetic or as like angelic as they could be,

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Speaker 2: but definitely definitely gave the sister more breaks than I

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Speaker 2: think most would have given. Yeah, the sister feels a

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Speaker 2: little bit like the A whole parents Angels like parents,

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Speaker 2: I feel like are I don't know, at least in

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Speaker 2: this story, it seems like they haven't really done anything wrong.

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Speaker 1: So I think like kind of diving into the parents

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Speaker 1: and adopted daughters like dynamic, I think people like to

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Speaker 1: overcomplicate it. Let me put it as simple as this,

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Speaker 1: A father will never completely understand a daughter's perspective because

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Speaker 1: it's like there's things that you know for women that

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Speaker 1: men don't have to deal with an and vice versa.

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Speaker 1: It's just a different experience, right, being a man and

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Speaker 1: being a woman. So like, take that same logic and

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Speaker 1: apply it to like being a white parent and raising

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Speaker 1: a Hispanic and black child, like, you won't know, especially

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Speaker 1: if you don't come from those communities, which we can

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Speaker 1: only guess these parents did not. You don't have even

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Speaker 1: if you have a lot of context, you don't have

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Speaker 1: all of the knowledge of being able to work with

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Speaker 1: them and prepare them for the experiences they're going to have.

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Speaker 1: Right again, just the same as like if there's a

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Speaker 1: single father, you know with a daughter, well the dad

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Speaker 1: won't know what it's like to have a period, you know,

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Speaker 1: same thing applies over so you know, I totally think

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Speaker 1: it's it's fair to say that there's probably lots of

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Speaker 1: things and including like what if she grew up in

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Speaker 1: a white neighborhood and never got to connect with people

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Speaker 1: that had similar ancestral roots to her, shared her culture,

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Speaker 1: the food, that you're just like everything, and then she

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Speaker 1: becomes an adult and she was like, I was missing

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Speaker 1: out on all of these things. And I could also

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Speaker 1: even see where it's it almost feels like you've been

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Speaker 1: blocked from that because you're like, hey, you didn't You

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Speaker 1: didn't put me in the situations where I could connect

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Speaker 1: with these people potentially. So I totally think there is

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Speaker 1: a myriad of things where it's like Opie's probably super frustrated,

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Speaker 1: where she didn't have the chance to be prepared for

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Speaker 1: these situations, to connect with with her culture, other people

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Speaker 1: in her culture, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Now,

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Speaker 1: and the parents, you know, even though they might have

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Speaker 1: had insanely good intentions, they might have simply been ignorant,

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Speaker 1: which is fine, Like they literally just don't know, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean. So it seems from everything that

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Speaker 1: I can gather in this story, it seems that the

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Speaker 1: parents had great intentions that they love this child, and

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Speaker 1: that they probably did what they could to give her

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Speaker 1: the best childhood.

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Speaker 2: Which is any parent does regard like even if you

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Speaker 2: have a kid that's your own, yeah, you are going

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Speaker 2: to be ignorant of so many things and raising that

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Speaker 2: child right, and so it's like the really the only

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Speaker 2: thing you can do is just try to love that

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Speaker 2: kid the best you can. Yeah, And it seems like

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Speaker 2: these parents tried their best to.

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Speaker 1: Your point earlier, Probably what happened was they were like, hey,

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Speaker 1: here's this baby for adoption. They were like, yes, we

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Speaker 1: want to give this baby a home, and like that's

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Speaker 1: it's kind of just like, uh, just the circumstance, like

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Speaker 1: it kind of is what it is. In a way,

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Speaker 1: it's like the baby needed a home. Opie's parents wanted

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Speaker 1: to give the baby a home, but they just weren't

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Speaker 1: like the perfect match in terms of being able to

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Speaker 1: fully understand and educate them on what was going to

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Speaker 1: happen in her life. So it's like, but the parents,

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Speaker 1: I'm sure tried and like did uh you know, they

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Speaker 1: put effort into being a good parent. That's what they

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Speaker 1: were trying to do, right, So at the end of

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Speaker 1: the day, to be completely and you know, maybe like

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Speaker 1: you were saying, maybe this is a phase where like

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Speaker 1: OPI is literally like her eyes are like opening to

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Speaker 1: everything all at once, and she's like what what what?

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Speaker 1: You know what I mean? So maybe it's just like

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Speaker 1: she has to kind of process all of this stuff.

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Speaker 2: Yea, yes, it is a process period. I think what's

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Speaker 2: probably happening is op is like feeling into her or sorry,

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Speaker 2: Op's sister is feeling into her identity. Yes, right, And

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Speaker 2: I think when you're feeling into an identity, you can

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Speaker 2: push away the identity that you had been given but

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Speaker 2: were forced felt maybe it felt forced upon.

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Speaker 1: You or something because it was all that was.

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Speaker 2: It didn't maybe never quite fit the mold of who

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Speaker 2: you thought you were, and then finally you're like, oh,

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Speaker 2: there's this other thing, and then you're really trying to

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Speaker 2: just accept this new party of yourself and reject the

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Speaker 2: old part. And I think it's it's a pendulum, right,

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Speaker 2: Like there's a period of intense rejection and then it

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Speaker 2: will balance out and like come back. And I think

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Speaker 2: these parents probably have maybe have a little bit of

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Speaker 2: perspective on that and realize that like that's kind of

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Speaker 2: part of parenting where there's phases your kids go through

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Speaker 2: and they'll be like I hate you mom and Dad,

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Speaker 2: and then you know, there'll be times when they need you,

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Speaker 2: and then there'll be times when they understand you a

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Speaker 2: little bit more. I think this is a little bit

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Speaker 2: of a face. It's a it's aase, but I think

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Speaker 2: it's a.

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Speaker 1: Papie's probably having the same reaction on the flip side

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Speaker 1: of the coin, where it's like Opie's like, what what

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Speaker 1: the hell I thought we were sisters when it's like

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Speaker 1: the sister is processing all of these new things and

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Speaker 1: it's like all all stuff that OPI can't fully understand,

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Speaker 1: and then then she's lashing out, I mean very hard.

396
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Speaker 1: So and to be clear, I do think that like

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Speaker 1: I can't really fault the parents too too much because

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Speaker 1: like again, I do think that they definitely tried. From

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Speaker 1: all the context that we have and again just again

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Speaker 1: guessing from what we have in the story, it seems

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Speaker 1: like they at least like provided a home, provided love,

402
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Speaker 1: et cetera. You know, so it would have been nice

403
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Speaker 1: to get even more like it would be perfect if

404
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:44,159
Speaker 1: we could hear like the parents and the sisters perspective,

405
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Speaker 1: that would really paint the full picture.

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Speaker 2: I feel like I just I feel like I need

407
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Speaker 2: I really am craving a little bit more from the sister. Yeah,

408
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Speaker 2: just because like, I don't know, I don't know why

409
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Speaker 2: she's feeling. What if what if something like specifically, what

410
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Speaker 2: if something sumatic happened then.

411
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Speaker 1: That like and maybe even the parents didn't even realize

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Speaker 1: that it was but it was or maybe they you know,

413
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Speaker 1: it was like bad intention. Who know, We don't know,

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Speaker 1: but man, we.

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Speaker 2: Want to know what you guys think. Please put it

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Speaker 2: in the comments. But John, I have a story about

417
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Speaker 2: a psychic and some sexy dime with a grandma.

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Speaker 1: Take me there, Poppy,