Speaker 1: Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home? Either way,
Speaker 1: we want to be there, doesn't matter how.
Speaker 2: Much baggage you claim and give us time and a
Speaker 2: terminal and gay a.
Speaker 3: We want to send you off instat. We want to
Speaker 3: welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1: We scared her? Was it fine?
Speaker 4: Now?
Speaker 5: Porn? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 5: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 6: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need ride?
Speaker 5: With? Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need a ride?
Speaker 5: I'm Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 1: I'm Karen Kilgariff.
Speaker 5: We are leaving the home a comedian Todd Glass, who's
Speaker 5: in the back seat. There? He is Todd? Can you
Speaker 5: confirm that? There we go?
Speaker 7: I want people to know we're really in a car.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we really are in a car. We usually prove
Speaker 5: it through a series of accidents that are inevitable. Todd,
Speaker 5: you have twenty foot tall hedges in front of your house,
Speaker 5: usually the kind you'd only see it at drug dealer's home.
Speaker 5: Is that what? What? What are you hiding behind those hedges?
Speaker 7: I'm nothing?
Speaker 4: But if that's how I was nothing, nothing, I moved
Speaker 4: I put big hedges up to when I was working
Speaker 4: on the home.
Speaker 7: No one could tell that I was working on the
Speaker 7: in short shorts.
Speaker 5: Yes they could.
Speaker 7: I worked in a thong.
Speaker 4: No, because you know, like if you don't have I
Speaker 4: probably shouldn't say this, but I don't think anybody listen,
Speaker 4: hold on, I want to tell you one thing.
Speaker 7: Do you know where we're going?
Speaker 5: Yeah, we're doing this.
Speaker 4: By the way, let me say first of all, it's
Speaker 4: a great idea because I don't have to think.
Speaker 7: Now go on to the show.
Speaker 1: It's exactly right.
Speaker 4: And I didn't even put my set together back at
Speaker 4: the house because I thought, oh, I can just do
Speaker 4: it in the car.
Speaker 1: You're going to do it in front of us in
Speaker 1: the car.
Speaker 7: Yeah, we'll think about it.
Speaker 1: We'll talk through your decision.
Speaker 5: Yeah, spitball your set list.
Speaker 4: Do you ever have a joke and then you even
Speaker 4: for the best crowd in the world. It's just something
Speaker 4: I start. After many years in comedy, I realize and
Speaker 4: it's okay. It's probably what makes certain jokes great between
Speaker 4: you and your friends. By the way, I'm not telling
Speaker 4: you this, I'm asking, but I'm wondering if there is
Speaker 4: a joke that might just be for you and your friends.
Speaker 7: It's too twisted, it's too like, where do you think fun?
Speaker 5: I don't know. I think any time I have a
Speaker 5: joke that has to do with a large group of people,
Speaker 5: that because that's offensive. Oh look at that. That's why
Speaker 5: I don't trust Toyota Yaris's.
Speaker 1: Because they're always pulling that ship.
Speaker 5: Yeah, they're always juking out.
Speaker 4: Now, Okay, so here's what. It's not even that big
Speaker 4: of a album overly setting it up. But like this afternoon,
Speaker 4: somebody said something and we all went, oh again with
Speaker 4: I should move back to Chicago story. And then I went,
Speaker 4: you know, there's certain things you can't do that with,
Speaker 4: Like if somebody had.
Speaker 7: A kid that died, you can't go every time, oh
Speaker 7: again with my son.
Speaker 5: It's like, oh no, you got to sort of hear
Speaker 5: that one happen.
Speaker 4: But then I think, like if I tell that to
Speaker 4: an audience, like I, what does that mean? Privately I'm
Speaker 4: a bad person. No, privately, you have a twisted, demented
Speaker 4: sense of humor. People know what your heart is all about.
Speaker 4: But I worry about someone listening, like, you know, would
Speaker 4: they think it's as long it's.
Speaker 5: On stage, you're not closing with your pediatric leukemia. Chunk
Speaker 5: would yeah, you just that wasn't even funny that I
Speaker 5: said that. No, no, no, I.
Speaker 4: Would thinking about if I should edit. That's how paranoid
Speaker 4: I am. Oh I always think somebody with it anyway,
Speaker 4: what's up?
Speaker 1: I think people like being on the inside.
Speaker 8: Yeah, it's something you'd only say to your friends, but
Speaker 8: you staying on stage.
Speaker 1: I think people like it's like now they're your friends.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we're safely in a car where you're amongst friends.
Speaker 4: I feel like I've had the benefit of, you know,
Speaker 4: hearing Howard Stone over the years.
Speaker 7: I used to think that, oh, I want to be
Speaker 7: like Howard Sterne, Like he.
Speaker 4: Says all these things, and he's and he says, you
Speaker 4: know what we all say off stage, you know. And
Speaker 4: by the way, it's not always hateful at all. It's
Speaker 4: sometimes it's some disdain he has towards someone. Sometimes he
Speaker 4: also with that you got an amazing amount of love
Speaker 4: and you know you knew, you know, like good things too.
Speaker 4: And but now over the years he talks about sometimes
Speaker 4: regretting that, like going to a party and seeing somebody
Speaker 4: and going, ah, maybe I shouldn't have said that.
Speaker 7: So I like think I try to anywhere.
Speaker 5: Yeah, throughout the day, I'll I'll just have a memory
Speaker 5: that comes to me and it might have been years
Speaker 5: prior where I said the wrong thing in it and
Speaker 5: it makes me, uh, just flinch. I have so many
Speaker 5: regrets things that have come out of my.
Speaker 1: Mouth, comedy or just everything.
Speaker 5: Yeah, usually something that wasn't funny.
Speaker 7: This show that we're doing tonight has a great reputation.
Speaker 1: Yes, the Hot Time show. Yes, it's really good.
Speaker 5: It was when this show was first in Culver City.
Speaker 4: I like when the creativeness of the room matches the
Speaker 4: creativeness of the show. They're trying to the people they're
Speaker 4: trying to get to perform and the show. Everybody says
Speaker 4: good things about. By the way, don't get jealous. But
Speaker 4: when they're revitalizing the neighborhood, look at the center thing.
Speaker 5: Ah nice, just did it?
Speaker 1: Those are brand new plants.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I bet one day will be palm trees.
Speaker 8: You could come dig some of those out and put
Speaker 8: them in your beautiful fun I used.
Speaker 7: To steal shrubs when I was younger.
Speaker 5: I knew that we'd get to that.
Speaker 1: I know, is this something you're famous for?
Speaker 5: Time?
Speaker 4: Well amongst my friends and you know, you know the
Speaker 4: difference when like, here's the way I talk about this stuff,
Speaker 4: I wouldn't do it anymore. I get that it's wrong,
Speaker 4: but I don't think I have to pretend that I
Speaker 4: thought it was wrong. Then I didn't care. I didn't care.
Speaker 4: I wouldn't have. It's not I wouldn't back then. I
Speaker 4: wouldn't have stolen from a friend. But it's not like
Speaker 4: I have to go, yeah, I would do that too.
Speaker 4: I wouldn't do that. But yet when it was someone
Speaker 4: where I didn't see. Now, as an adult, I get it,
Speaker 4: just because you don't see someone going, well, what.
Speaker 5: Happened to my watch? And the pain and that it's
Speaker 5: still wrong.
Speaker 7: I get it now.
Speaker 4: But back then, like we lived on this we had
Speaker 4: we lived on two acres, but then it was in
Speaker 4: the midst of like forty So these people that owned
Speaker 4: all the acre has just sold the people that build
Speaker 4: our house two acres in the corner. So there's all
Speaker 4: this property, and like so I was constantly trying to
Speaker 4: like I could do a lot, you know, and I
Speaker 4: was into landscaping, and so we were going to this
Speaker 4: neighborhood I won't even well people know where it was.
Speaker 4: It was Chesterbrook and they would plant so many shrubs,
Speaker 4: so we would like just pop them out. They were
Speaker 4: brand new, and I would try to take every other one.
Speaker 4: I actually still wanted it to look good, and they.
Speaker 5: Over staggered it. Yeah, So I staggered the steeler.
Speaker 4: And one day I remember me and my friend Dave
Speaker 4: I picked them up because we were gonna go steal shrubs,
Speaker 4: and he had a shovel.
Speaker 7: I go, oh, we don't need shovels where we're going.
Speaker 7: These are freshly.
Speaker 5: Oh wow, they just got playing it.
Speaker 7: Yeah, they just got planned to just pop them up.
Speaker 1: You know, it's still warm.
Speaker 7: Yeah, so anyway that how do you uh?
Speaker 5: And you just went on to some sh rubbery black
Speaker 5: market and resold them.
Speaker 7: No, I would we'd plan them like around around my house.
Speaker 5: Oh you just that was almost like like a Robin
Speaker 5: Hood thing.
Speaker 1: Robin Hood if Robinhood was really selfish.
Speaker 5: Yeah. Yeah, Robin Hood just wanted his yard to look
Speaker 5: nice and didn't care about poor people.
Speaker 7: Or or like a friend of mine wants his parents.
Speaker 7: They you know, they knew like that.
Speaker 4: I was pretty good at doing that, and they're like, hey,
Speaker 4: we need something done on our side, and I'm like yeah,
Speaker 4: for some reason, I would go, oh, I can get
Speaker 4: the shrubs really cheap, but I would like steal them
Speaker 4: too and then give them to then they could you.
Speaker 1: Charge the parents little money?
Speaker 5: No, No, I would were.
Speaker 1: A robin Hood landscape.
Speaker 5: In a way. Yeah, because I didn't charge.
Speaker 7: Matter of fact, I didn't even charge him for my labor.
Speaker 4: Wow, no one knew what I had it Like, I
Speaker 4: was like, oh, we'll bring a barco in, We'll get
Speaker 4: rid of all your old shrubs. And they didn't know
Speaker 4: because I was like at that time, maybe I just
Speaker 4: graduated high school.
Speaker 5: So I was like, nineteen, What a nice boy, that
Speaker 5: Todd Glass. He's been out there for I don't know three. Hey,
Speaker 5: where's my watch? I swear I was wearing to watch
Speaker 5: a moment ago. It's weird that I could do it
Speaker 5: like that. It didn't bother me.
Speaker 7: But I don't know.
Speaker 5: It's just well, it is better. It is better to
Speaker 5: steal shrubs than watches. You admitted that you used to
Speaker 5: steal watches, right, No, I never stole was okay? I
Speaker 5: swear that you that was something you admitted to you
Speaker 5: think were you serious? Yeah? I thought you said you're
Speaker 5: stole watches For a while. You swear, I pink.
Speaker 7: Look at me?
Speaker 5: Look at do we have a safe word? Because I
Speaker 5: want to know if you really mean that? I really
Speaker 5: you know anyone vouched for them? Didn't he mention that
Speaker 5: he stole watch?
Speaker 1: Just for what you did?
Speaker 5: I think?
Speaker 4: Okay, who still watches? First of all, I like that.
Speaker 4: I'm so indignant after I still probably still ten thousand
Speaker 4: dollars worth shrubs. Honestly, dare you pull this fit over?
Speaker 4: By the way, I don't be jealous of the new
Speaker 4: lows that just open up down here.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, that is beautiful, the midtown lows.
Speaker 5: Hey, how come all their shrubs are missing? Well? I
Speaker 5: like to call back the guy that calls back too
Speaker 5: early to things just happen while we're still talking about it.
Speaker 5: I called back to the last sentence.
Speaker 7: Chester Brook. What if they have a class action suit?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 8: What if there's no statutal limitiss against stealing shrubbery?
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's the one thing that you could go to
Speaker 5: the prison for. Go to the prison for.
Speaker 4: With you guys driving, I left my house without Oh
Speaker 4: I have my phone?
Speaker 1: Your keys?
Speaker 5: Uh? Oh? Uh? Oh? Where we can have to go
Speaker 5: back for a phone.
Speaker 7: I don't have it?
Speaker 1: Really? Yeah, should we turn around.
Speaker 5: No, maybe that's a good thing. I thought I had it.
Speaker 5: I don't really need it.
Speaker 1: I thought you did too when you put your stuff
Speaker 1: on the table.
Speaker 5: Well, I don't think you'll need it, because we will
Speaker 5: take you to.
Speaker 1: The show and we give you an iPhone five as
Speaker 1: a gift.
Speaker 5: That's part of us. It's becoming a very expensive podcast
Speaker 5: because no one's paying for this. I just keep buying iPhones.
Speaker 5: Can I tell you?
Speaker 4: Because you know it'll feel better if I talk about it. Sure,
Speaker 4: But we talked about this a little bit before we
Speaker 4: started the ride here. I used to make fun of
Speaker 4: people that got not make fun of them, not have
Speaker 4: a lot of compassion for people who got motion sickness. Sure,
Speaker 4: and I thought maybe they just wanted to sit up front.
Speaker 4: My friend lesam like, just sit up front. You don't
Speaker 4: have to make up this whole story.
Speaker 5: I would call them drama, mean drama queens good a
Speaker 5: drama queen, drama mean drama queens motion sickness. Sure.
Speaker 4: Sure, So in that little period that I just it's
Speaker 4: it's someone sort of explained what when you when you
Speaker 4: get nauseous, what it is you lose your equilibrium, which
Speaker 4: comes from not looking outside that little period where I
Speaker 4: just looked to my right and looked to my left
Speaker 4: and looked on the floor from my cell phone.
Speaker 7: I got nauseous.
Speaker 5: Really, uh huh.
Speaker 4: And if I catch it right away, I can usually
Speaker 4: do reverse it very quickly, which I did.
Speaker 7: And it's nice and cool in your car. So so
Speaker 7: I looked. I said, stop looking for it, and now
Speaker 7: I'm fine.
Speaker 5: How are you on a boat? You do a lot
Speaker 5: of cruise ships.
Speaker 7: I can't do boats. First of all, how dare you
Speaker 7: tell me.
Speaker 5: I used to steal watches on the boat I just
Speaker 5: scrabled with multiple room as abalue.
Speaker 1: Myfather went broke on that boat.
Speaker 5: How do you think I bought the tickets to this
Speaker 5: boat and then open their trench coat full of watches?
Speaker 5: Did you really think I did a lot of cruise ships. No, No,
Speaker 5: it's you've never taken me so seriously in your life.
Speaker 9: Well, because you know, he said making fun of me,
Speaker 9: that kind of mom.
Speaker 1: That hits everybody for no reason. Just as we're trying
Speaker 1: to podcast.
Speaker 4: Mom, hold on nauseous, look.
Speaker 1: At the horizon. Oh I thought you were saying you
Speaker 1: were nauseous again.
Speaker 7: No, no, not at all. Oh no, I'm trying to recap
Speaker 7: where I was at.
Speaker 5: We went, uh naucha cruise ship, the cruise ships.
Speaker 7: Yeah, so no, I didn't do a cruise ship.
Speaker 4: Oh there was something about that where you said you
Speaker 4: did a lot of cruise Ships's not funny.
Speaker 7: Whenever I have this happen, you think the audience knows.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right, and it's driving them insane.
Speaker 4: Yes, so what do we do do we? Just everybody?
Speaker 4: I think it's our first, our job to relax them. Yes,
Speaker 4: just don't be upset. We're going to find out where
Speaker 4: we're at. I know you know, and it's upsetting to you,
Speaker 4: but everything's going to be fine. And in one minute,
Speaker 4: if we're not nervous that you're going to get upset,
Speaker 4: we're going to find out.
Speaker 7: Where we're at.
Speaker 1: If we can just let it go, Yeah, let it go.
Speaker 7: Don't try to overly think about it.
Speaker 4: So, but we were talking about there's some reason he
Speaker 4: thought I did cruise ships because I was going.
Speaker 5: To tell a story. Really, I think that that's I
Speaker 5: know you didn't think, Yeah you don't. I said it.
Speaker 5: There was something ships. Do you remember?
Speaker 1: Was it going to be about writing your set list?
Speaker 5: I already guessed that nauseous. Oh how do I do?
Speaker 5: God damn it, that would go far harder than I.
Speaker 5: It was. Doesn't know how strong he is. That's something
Speaker 5: I just learned waiting again.
Speaker 7: You asked me.
Speaker 4: We're talking about seasick. If I got seasick, and I
Speaker 4: and on cruises. You know, what are you doing a
Speaker 4: cruise when you get one time? Just going on a
Speaker 4: little boat from La to Catalina? Right, there was a
Speaker 4: there was like a group of junior high kids and
Speaker 4: one was.
Speaker 7: A little maybe a little a little.
Speaker 4: Heavy, and I think he might have got teased anyway,
Speaker 4: you know. And now he was vomiting off the side
Speaker 4: of the boat and he was probably fifteen, and I
Speaker 4: was vomiting off the side of the boat.
Speaker 7: And everybody was making fun of them.
Speaker 4: And it was like almost that's seven Tommy Boy, where
Speaker 4: she turns to those kids that are making fun of
Speaker 4: Chris Farley and I go.
Speaker 5: Leave them alone.
Speaker 4: And you think they they left him alone, and it
Speaker 4: was like he was he was like just done vomiting,
Speaker 4: but now just breathing and getting over it.
Speaker 5: And he looked at me and he went, thanks, man,
Speaker 5: like you like you summoned, just I make him feel better.
Speaker 7: I wasn't here.
Speaker 5: Hey, I got sick on a boat to Catalina too.
Speaker 5: I was supposed to be fishing and I couldn't take it.
Speaker 5: So I know, I know that you can get sick
Speaker 5: on those a little. I just don't get sick on cruise.
Speaker 7: Ships if you take the pills, you know.
Speaker 5: Yeah, drama mean, well, they got a little patch for
Speaker 5: behind your ear. Does that work? Yeah? No, one notices
Speaker 5: it works great.
Speaker 4: Nobody notices, Yeah, it's right behind your Well why are
Speaker 4: you why are you worried they'd notice?
Speaker 5: Well, you know, it's what's that? Is he recovering from something?
Speaker 5: Is he a smoker? God forbid people?
Speaker 8: Does he have melanoma that's been operated on recently?
Speaker 5: Just a weird mold that he had removed, one of
Speaker 5: those gross ear mold.
Speaker 1: My sister.
Speaker 8: My sister and I used to get very curst growing up,
Speaker 8: and we lived in a town called Pedalomo, which was
Speaker 8: kind of near the coast.
Speaker 1: So anytime it was we were incredibly rich.
Speaker 8: But anytime we'd have people come visit, we would drive
Speaker 8: them out to Bedega Bay, and so the road on
Speaker 8: the way out there was super windy, so we'd always
Speaker 8: get sick in the back of the car.
Speaker 1: And then when we got there, we were at.
Speaker 8: A bay in a bay at like low tide, and
Speaker 8: then everyone'd be like, come in and let's see clam.
Speaker 1: Chowder and lobster and stuff.
Speaker 8: So I literally cannot eat seafood at all because of that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's done, it's done. It smells like.
Speaker 5: I had no idea. You grew up so wealthy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we were lobster.
Speaker 8: We owned every everything I just named we owned?
Speaker 5: Is that true? No? God, no, I'm doing that comedy
Speaker 5: on a cruise ship. That that there's And so are you,
Speaker 5: Karen Atlantic Ocean Comedy?
Speaker 7: Fat?
Speaker 1: Are you doing that?
Speaker 5: Don No, but let me tell you something. Are you
Speaker 5: sure you're not? I felt like you were on the list.
Speaker 7: I wish I was. Now the cruise ships, if you
Speaker 7: go on.
Speaker 4: If you go on as a entertainer, you know, that's
Speaker 4: just the label.
Speaker 7: I'm not, you know, acting like it's the leaders or anything,
Speaker 7: because you.
Speaker 4: Get treated great. But sometimes you can go on. I
Speaker 4: did only one this way, and I will never do
Speaker 4: it again. You're still the entertainer, but they want you
Speaker 4: to like, go, oh, could you play bingo with the
Speaker 4: crowd Thursday afternoon and promote your show, and I was like,
Speaker 4: I don't really want to do that.
Speaker 1: Why I think I was the best.
Speaker 7: Because I don't because I just want.
Speaker 5: To sleep all day.
Speaker 4: Oh I sleep, but they want to do nothing all day.
Speaker 4: I get up actually fairly early compared to most people.
Speaker 4: But in a cruise ship, you want to.
Speaker 5: Sleep in right, stay up late at night, go to
Speaker 5: the buffet.
Speaker 7: I remember there was a there's a group of two
Speaker 7: girls and three guys in a band on the cruise.
Speaker 4: They were probably same as our age, about twenty four
Speaker 4: to twenty five at the time, and they were just
Speaker 4: doing it for money, you know. They they had other
Speaker 4: dreams and the cruise ship paid good money. And and
Speaker 4: then they go they want.
Speaker 7: Us to dress up. So we're like, what do they
Speaker 7: want you to wear?
Speaker 4: Because they didn't like what they were wearing, and they
Speaker 4: go the cruise director wants to get us, like something
Speaker 4: nicer to wear.
Speaker 7: And then the next day we go.
Speaker 4: Out into the Thelito deck and they're all wearing khakis
Speaker 4: and blue blazers and they looks and the only thing
Speaker 4: that they said help them with seeing us there, knowing
Speaker 4: how much they hated it, They go, we didn't want
Speaker 4: to be the only ones that knew how much we
Speaker 4: hated and seeing the comedians like because I would go
Speaker 4: out with this guy Bo Burnham. We would just smoke
Speaker 4: pot and sit around the pool watching them play.
Speaker 7: You know what his name Isn't Bo Burnham? Okay, but
Speaker 7: I know who, obviously know who. No, the is a
Speaker 7: nice guy.
Speaker 5: Boy. Forgetting Bo's last name? Something Bo smissing?
Speaker 4: Bomis I think forgetting it it doesn't matter, but I'm forgetting.
Speaker 7: You don't want to say it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 5: I want you know I was protecting Beauburn in case
Speaker 5: his parents were listening.
Speaker 1: You know, when did you go on a cruise?
Speaker 10: That guy's probably twenty eight now, I'm probably not even
Speaker 10: twenty eight, very young and by the way, super nice guy.
Speaker 5: Yeah he is. He has a super nice guy. Todd,
Speaker 5: you did something about a year ago that I always uh.
Speaker 5: I really, I'm not kidding when I say I wanted
Speaker 5: to do it because I've always wanted tattoos. You got one,
Speaker 5: your arm sleeved all in one sitting right.
Speaker 7: I did you know?
Speaker 4: I was the reason I was so positive that I
Speaker 4: wanted to do it and I didn't have to wonder
Speaker 4: was some sort of theme party that I went to and.
Speaker 7: My girlfriend dragged me and.
Speaker 4: They had like an arm sleeve, you know, like you
Speaker 4: could pull it on like a like almost like a nylon.
Speaker 5: Stocking right right, how sleep?
Speaker 4: So I had it on and I was like, and
Speaker 4: then I brought it with me, you know, they were
Speaker 4: giving him out at the party, and I brought it
Speaker 4: home and I put it on a few times, and
Speaker 4: I go, I never wanted a tattoo like on my
Speaker 4: arm or anything like that, even though I'm saying it's
Speaker 4: just not what I ever wanted, but an arm sleeve
Speaker 4: always looked really good to me. So I wore it
Speaker 4: a few times jokingly. And then I just was in
Speaker 4: Philadelphia on WMMR. President Steve shout out to my Philadelphia friends,
Speaker 4: and they have tatt Tuesdays where they give listeners tattoos.
Speaker 5: Oh you're kidding. You had it done live on the radio.
Speaker 5: I did because they stream it.
Speaker 4: So they did mine on Thursday called tat Thursdays because
Speaker 4: they couldn't do anybody else but meat because it was
Speaker 4: so intensive, and they did this in one sitting.
Speaker 5: Probably about four hours.
Speaker 7: This guy was good and knew what he was doing
Speaker 7: and I'm gonna go back and finish it.
Speaker 4: He just free handed that, right, he did, because he
Speaker 4: drew it on with a magic marker.
Speaker 7: And then somebody always asked me what it means, and
Speaker 7: it really didn't. I went online.
Speaker 5: Come on, I hate that question. You really it's a
Speaker 5: painting or drawing. What do you mean? What's it mean something?
Speaker 5: It looks good. It's an illustration.
Speaker 7: Oh now I feel bad about what I've been starting
Speaker 7: to do.
Speaker 5: Oh, give it meaning, give it me, you know what,
Speaker 5: it's cool if it has meaning, but you don't need
Speaker 5: to conjure it.
Speaker 4: After the fact. There's a lie meeting. And then I
Speaker 4: started to give it meeting.
Speaker 5: I uh.
Speaker 7: My meeting.
Speaker 4: I said, my dad was an architect, and when he died,
Speaker 4: we found a few designs in his drawer and my
Speaker 4: brother got one tattoo and I got the other.
Speaker 7: And they're like, oh my god.
Speaker 5: So that to tattoo was supposed to be a building.
Speaker 5: I know, it's pretty.
Speaker 7: What I didn't say architect.
Speaker 5: I don't say architect.
Speaker 7: My dad was an artist.
Speaker 5: Artist because it's it's tribal swirls tattoo being like, you know, like.
Speaker 1: Good department.
Speaker 8: Into the room with a bathroom on the side, and
Speaker 8: that's the closet.
Speaker 1: Oh, look at the stairs.
Speaker 4: I would get so jealous, you know, when you went
Speaker 4: to look at new homes and they had the pamphlet
Speaker 4: your parents, look, here's one good thing, and I will
Speaker 4: I will tell you the real way.
Speaker 7: I gave it a meaning.
Speaker 4: But like whenever your parents do anything, and I realize
Speaker 4: that now as an adult, Like sometimes I'll just go
Speaker 4: look at a house, new homes, I'm not really ready
Speaker 4: to buy one, Or I look at a car, I
Speaker 4: just want to look at it. But when you have kids,
Speaker 4: they think you are buying it, and they get excited,
Speaker 4: even when they're ten, they're like, oh, we're getting a
Speaker 4: new car, and then when you don't, they're bummed out.
Speaker 5: My dad shouldn't. So many times I remember vividly sitting
Speaker 5: on little motorcycles for kids, like a lime green Yamaha,
Speaker 5: and he'd have me sit on it, and sometimes they'd
Speaker 5: start it up and then we'd leave.
Speaker 7: Oh, and they're not doing it to be he was.
Speaker 5: He just was exploring the idea. And then he'd he's like,
Speaker 5: now his mom had kill me. All right, we gotta go.
Speaker 5: I don't know that they you just don't know, but like, yeah,
Speaker 5: he was a great dad. He just never you shouldn't
Speaker 5: toy with the idea of a possible motorcycle.
Speaker 1: You couldn't do.
Speaker 8: That and envision your child on it without having to
Speaker 8: see them in person.
Speaker 1: Right, that's insane, you know what.
Speaker 5: I'm glad he never got me one. I'd be one
Speaker 5: of these gear heads.
Speaker 1: You know, you'd be one of these dead people.
Speaker 5: I'd be living in uh, you know, out in Pataloma. Hey,
Speaker 5: I'm sorry, I trying to think of another Temecula there
Speaker 5: you go, you know where the metal militias from. I'd
Speaker 5: have all these dumb tattoos on my arm. I keep
Speaker 5: saying the wrong thing my dad.
Speaker 4: Every time we move further from the city, he would
Speaker 4: promise as many bikes or go carts, and we.
Speaker 5: Never got them.
Speaker 4: And I don't think he did it like I'll never
Speaker 4: get Really, he'd always all that, so many bikes will
Speaker 4: get go cards or dad further away. And now the
Speaker 4: real meaning that I gave my tattoo was I put
Speaker 4: some initials on it because I thought, you know some
Speaker 4: people that mean something.
Speaker 7: Not only did one initial, but I put mister m R.
Speaker 7: For mister Rogers. Oh, that's great because I admire him.
Speaker 4: And then I figured I'll put a few initials all
Speaker 4: over and then you don't really see them.
Speaker 5: They're hitting in the right all kinds of things in
Speaker 5: those swirls. Yeah, that's a good idea.
Speaker 7: I like that.
Speaker 1: You're getting a KK in there. We've known each other
Speaker 1: a long time.
Speaker 4: You know what, if you want, I will Okay, in fact,
Speaker 4: you know what to George Carr and that means the truth,
Speaker 4: I'm gonna do it because you're the first person that
Speaker 4: ask I means we'll make you that person.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'm going to brag about that.
Speaker 7: I'm not doing it for everybody that's it set off
Speaker 7: right there.
Speaker 8: This this is a great lesson in asking for what
Speaker 8: you want.
Speaker 4: Hey, let me ask you a question and I'll tell
Speaker 4: you why, because I want to avoid the joke the
Speaker 4: kk K.
Speaker 7: What's your middle initials?
Speaker 5: Can I go KL? No? You should like KL create
Speaker 5: the kl K.
Speaker 1: There someone else with the.
Speaker 7: Somebody I just go KK.
Speaker 5: It'll be like is that the KKK? And god.
Speaker 7: I'm doing KK. I mean it's those No, you're right,
Speaker 7: and that's shame on me.
Speaker 8: You're trying to go It's really the message I'm trying
Speaker 8: to send you well.
Speaker 7: Because it wasn't like I went, hey, do you mind
Speaker 7: if I put like, you know, be you or something?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 1: And also it's your arm. You can kind of do
Speaker 1: whatever you want.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but if I'm gonna do it, if I'm gonna
Speaker 4: put your initials on there, you got to go for it.
Speaker 7: I'm going back in a month to work on it.
Speaker 7: That's why I know that I can really do that.
Speaker 5: You shah, I like I want. I don't know what
Speaker 5: I want. I don't. You don't have to put my
Speaker 5: name on there. I'm not fishing for you to. It's
Speaker 5: already it's already been a stead I already got Okay,
Speaker 5: that's fine, you know.
Speaker 7: But what were you going to say?
Speaker 5: I'm just saying anything you put the lyrics you like, uh,
Speaker 5: you know, have fun or something. You could do all
Speaker 5: kinds of things. Just tide it in there.
Speaker 7: Wait a second, I think my phone is here?
Speaker 5: Up?
Speaker 1: I bet it is.
Speaker 5: I remember looking you know what we always think Usually
Speaker 5: when I'm doing this, it's while I'm talking on it.
Speaker 7: I'm not looking down. I've had it in my hand
Speaker 7: walking around the hills.
Speaker 1: Could you be sitting on it?
Speaker 7: Okay?
Speaker 5: No, No, don't look down for too long. Don't look down.
Speaker 5: We just clean up there. Going all right? Relax, maybe
Speaker 5: get relax? Wait?
Speaker 1: Should we talk through your set?
Speaker 8: I'm kind of excited about the fact that you don't
Speaker 8: have a plan set and.
Speaker 5: Holding that microphone.
Speaker 7: Do you want to give yourself a plug?
Speaker 11: Oh?
Speaker 5: Yeah, okay, he doesn't need to talk. Uh Todd came
Speaker 5: on board with a guy wearing a leather zipper, leather
Speaker 5: jacket and he doesn't need to talk. It's okay.
Speaker 7: So my set I always write set at the top or.
Speaker 5: Yeah, so you don't ax it down like growing to
Speaker 5: the grocery store and make it full of yourself. So
Speaker 5: what should I do to let let's read off your
Speaker 5: set list.
Speaker 7: I don't have anything.
Speaker 1: It's okay, it's just a white piece of paper.
Speaker 5: What did I do with my keys? Oh?
Speaker 7: I put them in the pillow?
Speaker 1: You wait, Todd, you were on the show. I did
Speaker 1: it the improv a couple of weeks.
Speaker 5: Ago, the improvisation and all that. Yes held for.
Speaker 1: Trying to think of how you ended it.
Speaker 5: I'm worried that, like, I don't want to do this.
Speaker 5: There's some jokes.
Speaker 4: I will drop a joke out of my act. If
Speaker 4: I'm bored of it, I will. I will absolutely unless
Speaker 4: I need it for like your corporate.
Speaker 5: Show or something.
Speaker 4: But but there's some jokes that I love doing it.
Speaker 4: But I'm like, oh my god, I've been doing that
Speaker 4: for time goes on pretty quick.
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, I've been doing that joke four years now.
Speaker 8: But I think most of that set you were riffing
Speaker 8: because remember you were kind of yelling at the people
Speaker 8: that were sitting in the sun.
Speaker 4: Oh god, it was so funny to pay it to
Speaker 4: be you know what, once you get use. I was
Speaker 4: at a club I won't mention the name because it
Speaker 4: really was a good club, but they need to train
Speaker 4: the audience.
Speaker 7: It was out of town. The audience is a little
Speaker 7: better to be quiet.
Speaker 4: And I'm going to say, on a scale from one
Speaker 4: to ten, let's say ten is the worst talking in
Speaker 4: the world, which never happens.
Speaker 7: But that's just to create the scale.
Speaker 5: Sure, they.
Speaker 7: They were about a four.
Speaker 4: But when you get use to shows like the Living
Speaker 4: Room Show or shows like you know, Power Violence. Yes,
Speaker 4: even though there's that show is there's definitely a craziness
Speaker 4: and a frenetic energy.
Speaker 5: The crowd gets it. That doesn't mean they do that.
Speaker 7: They just and when you and or at the meltdown
Speaker 7: where they're the they treat comedy like the opera.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you set your standards high, justifiably, and it's not
Speaker 4: so so when I'm into crowd where they're talking a lot,
Speaker 4: I'm like, I don't, I don't, I can't take.
Speaker 1: It right, Well, it's bullshit. It shouldn't. It shouldn't happen.
Speaker 12: I want them to be like sitting there, you know,
Speaker 12: just really That's how I was when I went when
Speaker 12: I was sixteen. Yeah, me and my friends went if
Speaker 12: there was someone talking to this to us, not heckling,
Speaker 12: not even that loud. Like again, if the scale from
Speaker 12: one to ten, if they were like at a four,
Speaker 12: that means they'd shut up for ten minutes and then
Speaker 12: they talk for a little bit and then they'd shut up.
Speaker 4: And me and my friends would go going crazy. At
Speaker 4: that age, seventeen years old, we'd be like, oh, last night,
Speaker 4: we got stuff next to these idiots. After every joke,
Speaker 4: they would tell a story that had nothing to do
Speaker 4: with the joke.
Speaker 5: Like that was us seventeen years old, Like we got it. Yes.
Speaker 8: Well, Also, it doesn't make sense to pay money to
Speaker 8: go see people talk and then talk yourself.
Speaker 1: It just doesn't make sense.
Speaker 5: I think people and nowadays young people are marek confident
Speaker 5: and they just think that it's okay that they have
Speaker 5: something to say, whereas when I was a kid, no
Speaker 5: one had any self esteem and they didn't feel like
Speaker 5: they had anything to say. And I think that was healthy.
Speaker 1: Yeah it was a better time.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it was a better time.
Speaker 7: No, shut up, that's my pet, peeve.
Speaker 4: I get lost with people, and I love you to death, Chris,
Speaker 4: but I'm gonna like.
Speaker 1: Oh wait, that's the bit you're doing.
Speaker 7: Well back then. I'm not defying that there's differences.
Speaker 4: I know somebody that doesn't understand what I'm trying to
Speaker 4: say is they could take it out.
Speaker 5: There's differences.
Speaker 4: But whenever anybody goes to back then, like oh, customer
Speaker 4: service was better back then.
Speaker 7: And it was good and bad always, but or people.
Speaker 5: Don't take pride anymore. Yes they do.
Speaker 4: Like so like if someone's telling a story about bad
Speaker 4: customer service, I'm into it, Like tell me the details
Speaker 4: and I'll be like, oh, that's the worst type when
Speaker 4: it's sort of okay but rides.
Speaker 5: Under the radar. But the minute they go yeah, that's
Speaker 5: the problem with today.
Speaker 4: Now, you me and you go to fifteen twenty places
Speaker 4: right now, and I bet in most of them the
Speaker 4: customer service is going to be awesome, with a friendly
Speaker 4: person behind the counter and a really person really eager
Speaker 4: to help you.
Speaker 5: And it was.
Speaker 4: There was always shitty service, and there's always good service.
Speaker 4: And I went to proof of it. I was at
Speaker 4: comedy clubs thirty years ago, telling you the same thing.
Speaker 4: There were people who would talk and some people that wouldn't.
Speaker 4: So you watch your fucking mouth.
Speaker 5: And I knew it. I knew I was setting you
Speaker 5: up for that. I knew you. We've talked about that before.
Speaker 5: I remember that you You don't like it when someone
Speaker 5: says even if someone says candy bars used to be
Speaker 5: thirty five cents, you blow your lid.
Speaker 7: Well, I don't.
Speaker 1: He goes nuts about the price account.
Speaker 5: The olden days were never better. But I'm not gonna
Speaker 5: go off.
Speaker 4: I already said, and I'm gonna be very proud of
Speaker 4: myself that I'm going to keep this ride.
Speaker 5: Although I will say one thing.
Speaker 4: You know, when it comes to podcasting, what I love
Speaker 4: about it sometimes is that you can express your social views.
Speaker 4: You can interact as long as it's funnier than it's
Speaker 4: preach at least, that's my rule.
Speaker 7: But in podcasts, yeah, that's your time. It's like talk radio.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but I said that sometimes I get worried about
Speaker 4: repeating myself, and somebody wrote me an email and I
Speaker 4: loved it. They said, listen, the other side repeats what
Speaker 4: they say over and over again. That's how they got
Speaker 4: people to believe it. So if you need to repeat
Speaker 4: it over and over again every time, it's a little different.
Speaker 4: And guess what. The people that are fucking tired of
Speaker 4: hearing you say it, they were tired of hearing you
Speaker 4: say it the first time.
Speaker 7: They never appreciated it.
Speaker 4: So and the people that need to hear it because
Speaker 4: not everyone's saying it, they'll love hearing it again. So
Speaker 4: if it's annoying people, it annoyed him from day one.
Speaker 4: So overall that helps me. But on this car ride,
Speaker 4: I decided to keep it light and fun. You know,
Speaker 4: you can dabble into it, but I don't need to
Speaker 4: go up on any rants. I hope there's someone listening.
Speaker 7: Gone, I'm proud of that. One knows when he's got his.
Speaker 9: Opinions, but he can pull it back sometimes sometimes there's
Speaker 9: so many good.
Speaker 4: Looking places that you know what to this day, whenever
Speaker 4: I see an amusement park, you know, when you see
Speaker 4: just a parking lot and they have a local the
Speaker 4: first wheel they bring in for the month share, there's
Speaker 4: a cotton.
Speaker 5: Candy machine, a bunch of harnies around. I want to go,
Speaker 5: you do.
Speaker 7: I want to go.
Speaker 4: I want to like pull over and walk over and
Speaker 4: start and just just buy.
Speaker 7: Whatever you can buy there, Like you know the one
Speaker 7: over there.
Speaker 5: I thought I saw one. No, I think that was
Speaker 5: a bus stop. But I know what you're saying. I
Speaker 5: do know what you're saying.
Speaker 1: I think that's the subway.
Speaker 5: You're right, you're right. That song right there looks a
Speaker 5: little like it looks a little like this.
Speaker 7: But on, don't go anywhere, don't go to it.
Speaker 1: Does look I need to see this reveal people start.
Speaker 7: Honking by the way, make sure you check out the Strand.
Speaker 5: July thirteenth, Sundays at ten Where is this bus do? Yeah?
Speaker 5: A little flowerless see that?
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's all those light the lighting.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that was a that's the entrance to the subway. Train.
Speaker 5: But it looks a little like.
Speaker 1: This subway and I always want to go into a subway.
Speaker 5: I know what you're saying. Uh, I get really excited
Speaker 5: about a carnival passing through town. Something about at night,
Speaker 5: there's a feeling in the air. It's temporary, yeah.
Speaker 7: And it's when it's dark it looks cooler.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 7: Obviously during the day just see everything, but at night
Speaker 7: you just see the lights in.
Speaker 1: The and they blast deaf leopard.
Speaker 5: Yeah. And if you're riding the Rocco planes and you
Speaker 5: never know the next day, it might just be gone.
Speaker 5: It just might be back to a grass field. That's
Speaker 5: what I like about carnivals.
Speaker 8: And you can score a lot of crystal meth there, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 8: or the best place to get it.
Speaker 5: Or a deaf leopard mirror.
Speaker 4: I never did any All my friends back then would smoke,
Speaker 4: and I would be the one. I didn't smoke or
Speaker 4: do anything until I was older, like you know, like
Speaker 4: maybe even like twenty three or four. But I never
Speaker 4: did all that. But they would get high and go
Speaker 4: to carnivals, and I thought I wish I did that.
Speaker 5: I would if it weren't for the clowns. I don't
Speaker 5: want me higher bound to bound bound of bound geez okay. Well,
Speaker 5: every once in a while I get this form of
Speaker 5: consonant touretts. I get stuck on a b or a
Speaker 5: hard d. This is a a virgil. Here's a funny
Speaker 5: surprise about our podcast, because we don't really take you
Speaker 5: where we're gonna.
Speaker 1: We he'p you like it to take you to a van.
Speaker 5: Now we're turning around, we're taking it to the virgil.
Speaker 5: A little kid driven. Yeah, thinking like time was just suspended.
Speaker 6: I wasn't like worried where the place was.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you're in our hands.
Speaker 8: It's not nice someone taking care of you for thirty minutes.
Speaker 4: You know, people know me like, for lack of a
Speaker 4: better way to say it, I'm very like you know,
Speaker 4: maybe you say clean. I like things organized as clean
Speaker 4: as I am, and and everything I will eat what
Speaker 4: do you call that street food? Like in a heartbeat. Yeah,
Speaker 4: it's just so like I one time I eat corn
Speaker 4: on the cob in Mexico on the side of the road,
Speaker 4: and probably gravel had been you know, thrown up from
Speaker 4: the cars.
Speaker 5: You didn't even buy it from a man. It was
Speaker 5: just corn that was laying there was your new Kay,
Speaker 5: look at that perfect good road corn.
Speaker 1: I'm taking that corn.
Speaker 5: From Yummy just a couple of pieces of gravel.
Speaker 1: But I bet.
Speaker 8: I mean, like the reason most of those places are
Speaker 8: there because it's so good that people will come back.
Speaker 7: They're not they'd be in a business right if it was.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they almost have to overcome more than your average, like.
Speaker 5: You never got sick on it. So do you mind
Speaker 5: if we go into the virtual Yeah, it's very exciting.
Speaker 5: This venue is terrific. And uh yeah, that's a good
Speaker 5: taco truck. I've had those tacos.
Speaker 4: I understand Kings if that's true that they used to
Speaker 4: eat and purge themselves.
Speaker 1: Because it's so fun to eat.
Speaker 5: Yes, eats Todd. Do you mind if we follow you
Speaker 5: in and then I'll record some of your second.
Speaker 7: Your book you read?
Speaker 5: You videoed?
Speaker 7: Or do you just audio it?
Speaker 5: Just audio, just portions, don't care, you can record the
Speaker 5: whole show. Terrific. Let's go inside, Let's go and side.
Speaker 7: Thank you for the ride, and is there anything else
Speaker 7: anybody wants to say? I'm you're the host.
Speaker 5: Oh we're not done yet. We're not done yet.
Speaker 8: Yeah, we're gonna This isn't parking spot. I was just
Speaker 8: gonna let you guys go so you didn't have to
Speaker 8: walk so far.
Speaker 7: No, we'll walk with you. Really well, the lazy part
Speaker 7: of me doesn't mind it.
Speaker 1: Really, but then I jump out, well also because it's
Speaker 1: starting really sad.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't want you to be late. Yeah, we
Speaker 5: want you on time, and I'll do my set in there. Okay, terrific. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 5: we should all go.
Speaker 7: In together because well I think he'll be all right.
Speaker 5: Yeah, Okay, we're about to hear Todd Glass do. Uh. Yeah,
Speaker 5: I'm coming in. I'll come in just so you can
Speaker 5: apologize to me. It was me like three apologies. Okay,
Speaker 5: we're gonna listen to Todd Glass do stand up? Yeah yeah.
Speaker 6: Sundsbury's stick do we just talk about it? Full ship?
Speaker 4: Let me tell you something about sounds very stick. They
Speaker 4: sort of had something to do. I just some it's
Speaker 4: not enough that things.
Speaker 6: When I was little, I always looked perplexed.
Speaker 4: I've seen pictures now, I know, as an adult, me
Speaker 4: doing the gestures of me when I was like eight
Speaker 4: nine and ten or a little weird. But everything would
Speaker 4: picture me out with my head was the same size
Speaker 4: and everything was like this.
Speaker 6: Every picture of.
Speaker 7: Me is like this.
Speaker 4: And I knew when I looked at the picture. I
Speaker 4: can remember what I was trying to figure out.
Speaker 6: You know, if I look at pictures to this day,
Speaker 6: like it looks like this, it would be anything. I
Speaker 6: remember asking my neighbor once are you rich?
Speaker 4: And they'd be like, why you have a circle driveway?
Speaker 6: I give my little ten year old head. I thought,
Speaker 6: oh they're rich. Are you rich? Why did you paint
Speaker 6: your house orange? I just want to know?
Speaker 4: And one time this leads to the Soundsbury's steak. Don't worry, Okay,
Speaker 4: I was at a restaurant. I ordered Salisbury's steak.
Speaker 6: And by the way, I know, just like you know,
Speaker 6: I'm aware people know it sounds very staka. Is here
Speaker 6: your vault? Heard of it?
Speaker 4: But you've never seen it on a menu anywhere, right,
Speaker 4: So I'm a little nervous, like am I doing? Like
Speaker 4: a sounds very steak, but out of.
Speaker 6: The way.
Speaker 4: Sounds very steak? But is that like you know really,
Speaker 4: but everyone's it's iconic. I think you know, it's like, oh,
Speaker 4: sounds very steak. It's bullshit. It is bullshit because they
Speaker 4: it's I remember ordering when I was little. I'm like,
Speaker 4: can I get to sounds very steak? My parents were
Speaker 4: like yeah. I'm like, are we rich now or something?
Speaker 6: Because I don't.
Speaker 4: There was a lot to order the steak and it
Speaker 4: came to the table and I turned to the waiter
Speaker 4: and I was like, that's just a hamburger, and you went,
Speaker 4: it's Soundsbury's steak.
Speaker 6: I've been it's just a Hamberger. And then I asked
Speaker 6: my parents it's just a hamburger. And as an adult
Speaker 6: now I can look back with clarity.
Speaker 4: And go I was fucking right, and all I needed
Speaker 4: was an adult that I considered it being a thart
Speaker 4: figure to go, that's all right.
Speaker 6: I had to eat it.
Speaker 5: I get it.
Speaker 6: I got that even at that age. It's what I ordered.
Speaker 4: I didn't want a new meal. I just wanted somebody
Speaker 4: it was a Thardi figure to go. It's basically just
Speaker 4: hamburg I know, sounds very steak. You can't just call
Speaker 4: at Salsbury's steak. I here's what I think happened. And
Speaker 4: by the way, I woke ten minutes on this patiently
Speaker 4: worded and some people are like, I really want to
Speaker 4: sink into the Salisbury state bit, but maybe it's almost
Speaker 4: over and I don't want to get my hope self.
Speaker 4: But you can't just call it Salisbury steak. Like, by
Speaker 4: the way, this comediately bothers me, and.
Speaker 6: Then it really bothers me. How did that ever get started?
Speaker 4: Because whether you think, well Todd, Salisbury's Stak hasn't been
Speaker 4: around for a while, it was around, it did exist.
Speaker 6: Who thought they could fool everybody?
Speaker 4: We'll call it, I guarantee there's someone like we'll just
Speaker 4: call Himburger Salisbury State onch people are fucking.
Speaker 6: Dumb, look fucking buy oh extancee. That's how they gone
Speaker 6: to the public.
Speaker 7: You know what I mean?
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're called state. That's the story they could have told.
Speaker 4: But no, you can't just go would you like some
Speaker 4: Salisbury lobster?
Speaker 6: And what is that? It's mushed up crackers.
Speaker 4: Oh that's more just mushed up crackers. Sometimes when I'm
Speaker 4: pulling in my neighborhood there's crow. I consider this sort
Speaker 4: of like a joke about bird Salisbury's steak.
Speaker 6: It's sort of like bird jokes anyway, I just hoping
Speaker 6: someone's not paying attention, right.
Speaker 4: But sometimes when I pull in my neighborhoodre's crows, which
Speaker 4: is definitely a sign of wealth. And they run out
Speaker 4: of the way and It didn't used to bother me.
Speaker 4: I didn't even think about it. But they're literally they
Speaker 4: will wabble out of the way. They like, you pull
Speaker 4: in the neighborhood and they're like, oh oh, like in
Speaker 4: the city, did you ever see them? And they're like
Speaker 4: and one more thing with they're always picking shit out
Speaker 4: of the road, and it bothers me. And I'll tell
Speaker 4: you why, because I'm afraid to drive into a group
Speaker 4: of birds because they're ninety nine percent of the time
Speaker 4: they fly out of the way right one percent they don't.
Speaker 4: They see a fucking dead bird, and then they think
Speaker 4: for what And you might think, Todd, you're judging a
Speaker 4: bird on qualities that they don't have. They don't know anything,
Speaker 4: they don't do anything. They don't know that they see
Speaker 4: another dead bird. They're picking shit out of the road
Speaker 4: for what. What are you fucking risking your life for.
Speaker 4: You're sitting there and they pick and they pick. There's
Speaker 4: not London broil there, there's nothing there's They're picking sand,
Speaker 4: broken down pebbles. They're all that they get. And then
Speaker 4: they get killed. So I have to break because I
Speaker 4: don't want to kill them. And and then I think,
Speaker 4: what are they running for it's so well with me.
Speaker 4: It's like they can fly, fly, you don't buck the fly,
Speaker 4: you can jump and stay junk.
Speaker 6: What are you like, Oh oh, there's.
Speaker 5: Only another way.
Speaker 6: Oh leaves this give me a minute. Oh oh lordly lord,
Speaker 6: have like a leaf. They wiped their head.
Speaker 4: You know, you could teach a parrot to say help me,
Speaker 4: he fox me. But and I think that's funny commediately,
Speaker 4: But I'm gonna break it down even a little bit more.
Speaker 4: That's funny because you think, well, we're never gonna do that,
Speaker 4: But try to look at it from a different angle,
Speaker 4: because I think I can get more enjoyment out of
Speaker 4: that concept. If you had enough money, not only could
Speaker 4: have a bird that says that, but because we all
Speaker 4: know you have birds talk and you understand what they're saying,
Speaker 4: you could have it trained and delivered to you in
Speaker 4: a year. You just there's people to do that for
Speaker 4: a living me trained birds. If it's probably expensive, you
Speaker 4: have a trained bird, all right, didn't get it. Even
Speaker 4: a parrot, if you just get it, that's probably expensive,
Speaker 4: but trained already. And then so I had this joke
Speaker 4: in my act. Now the next part was a what if.
Speaker 4: The part that the bird would say, help me? He
Speaker 4: fox me, yeah, okay, yeah, we all understand the next part.
Speaker 6: I did, but I didn't know if you could really
Speaker 6: teach a parrot to do it.
Speaker 4: But I just said it. I'm like, it's just a
Speaker 4: what if. But then I was working on this thing
Speaker 4: and there was a dog trainer and I found out
Speaker 4: he trained birds and cats.
Speaker 6: I'm like, let me answer your question, and I swear
Speaker 6: to you. I asked him this, could you teach a bird,
Speaker 6: like one of the parrots to cough? And I'll tell
Speaker 6: you how I time together in a second, could you teach.
Speaker 5: A parrot to like go.
Speaker 6: A move it's hat? And he goes absolutely. I'm like serious,
Speaker 6: He goes, yes, how do you get training him to
Speaker 6: do that? He goes, there's just we do believe me.
Speaker 6: So the perfew fox me.
Speaker 4: Look over towards you. You know, if you if you
Speaker 4: have money to afford that, you don't have it. What
Speaker 4: the fuck are you living for you? That's not gonna
Speaker 4: just make your friends laugh. That's shut the fuck up
Speaker 4: on it.
Speaker 6: That's like, what the fuck the reading? You got that
Speaker 6: bird and you did a test run at your house?
Speaker 4: You know, I have parties every night, just to do
Speaker 4: that help me box me when you get to act
Speaker 4: it out.
Speaker 6: A little bit. You could just like go like this,
Speaker 6: that's you turn in your friends like they didn't see that.
Speaker 6: So there's that. All right, Well answer your question. I
Speaker 6: want to be respectful of the light because I don't
Speaker 6: have a watch. Did that just that? That was the
Speaker 6: seven minute? All that is? Seven minutes? Did it seem
Speaker 6: like gay?
Speaker 4: So everybody's made fun I sometimes comedically I understand that
Speaker 4: something might be funny, but also outside of that, I
Speaker 4: really do wonder this, like genuinely wonder this came on?
Speaker 6: And obviously you know, we all know it's been made
Speaker 6: jokes about before that it's you know, it's a ship.
Speaker 4: It's a ship, all But that's not my question. My
Speaker 4: question is, and I really do wonder from a business
Speaker 4: point of view.
Speaker 5: Do they care?
Speaker 6: Like, are they trying? What do they do? Is there
Speaker 6: a CEO of Camar? Of course, yeah there is there.
Speaker 6: Oh what the fuck does he do?
Speaker 5: Right?
Speaker 6: What is the CEO of Camar doing?
Speaker 5: What?
Speaker 6: At the big meetings every year?
Speaker 4: Does he just go alright, dirtier and less customer service whatever?
Speaker 6: I don't even know what to do anymore, we tried everything.
Speaker 6: No customer service.
Speaker 4: Came on, like, I don't know what they're I really
Speaker 4: do wonder I could fix Kmart. I could go and
Speaker 4: be there and no money at all. Go just go
Speaker 4: to all the employees. Look, times, you're tough for lucking
Speaker 4: at jobs. Just let's to Basically, Target is a company
Speaker 4: that came along and said, what if we sold Camar
Speaker 4: basically sold, but we'll give a fuck. You think that
Speaker 4: light cost me a laugh? You could if had a
Speaker 4: little thing in my pocket whenever a joke didn't give
Speaker 4: a laugh, I wanted to.
Speaker 6: I just do that like, okay again, Yeah, that's a
Speaker 6: profession all.
Speaker 5: I got him back.
Speaker 6: And I don't care. I'm not a loose can. I
Speaker 6: made him light up front joke. But everything's good. I'm
Speaker 6: worried about someone in the booth. I can't say. I
Speaker 6: don't know if they're watching my set laughing or.
Speaker 5: Like this.
Speaker 6: Kmart. Target is a company. I'll do the joke. You're
Speaker 6: getting Target.
Speaker 4: You know inside some of the uh targets they put
Speaker 4: Starbucks And I just took that for granted, but then
Speaker 4: I realized there're two they're dunk in the room. There's
Speaker 4: two completely different companies, Uh, the sharing one roof, they
Speaker 4: probably had to have meetings and you know, what's your
Speaker 4: theory and customer service? What's your theory in the clean
Speaker 4: lives in the store? Because if that's true. By the way,
Speaker 4: I won the longest setup in the world for this joke.
Speaker 6: There's serious.
Speaker 4: I'm not even like I swear to God, there's a
Speaker 4: big seremony and why don't inside we should take kmarts
Speaker 4: and inside the kmarts put seven elevens and even have
Speaker 4: like a big who gets the fuck festival? How does
Speaker 4: how do they double us down? Not the care It
Speaker 4: wasn't until a year ago even thought about that.
Speaker 6: I went, oh, yeah, you just go into kmart.
Speaker 4: You never go Oh that was you know, I'm happy
Speaker 4: with eat when when when the service is even you
Speaker 4: know what that means. I'm happy with seven eleven if
Speaker 4: it's even, if what is even non existent service? So
Speaker 4: that's just how you might think.
Speaker 6: Well, what's worse than that, it's being scared of the
Speaker 6: person orb.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah that does happen too. So even as okay,
Speaker 4: they're just there, they take my money, they don't.
Speaker 5: Look at me.
Speaker 6: I don't care if they come with their eyes well,
Speaker 6: they get into change.
Speaker 5: That's it.
Speaker 6: But I don't want to be like I better not
Speaker 6: ask for fresh coffee. He seems annoyed.
Speaker 5: I'm here.
Speaker 6: I always think it would be funny to go into
Speaker 6: it came on and I would never do this. Some
Speaker 6: things you can sell as I did this. I didn't
Speaker 6: do this. But you go to a camar and you.
Speaker 4: Would say you have that air freshman that smells like
Speaker 4: camphor balls and baby shit.
Speaker 6: I'd imagine they don't know you go.
Speaker 5: You don't.
Speaker 6: How do you get into smell like that? Seriously, I'm
Speaker 6: just asking.
Speaker 5: I'm not even a man a jerk. I like it.
Speaker 6: Other people are complaining about it. I'm asking what all
Speaker 6: I was saying. I don't know why you're not all right?
Speaker 6: You guys are a lot of fun walk This is
Speaker 6: my last bid. Now here's the truth. I don't have
Speaker 6: how you doing, Chris Fairbanks, Ladies and gentlemen, there, I
Speaker 6: mentioned your name. I thought you were joking. He goes,
Speaker 6: you better mention my name. I'll go stand near the
Speaker 6: stage and star this next joke. We talked about this.
Speaker 5: Go get me a box of cooking.
Speaker 6: You don't around what comedians.
Speaker 7: It's just like it's like being in high school.
Speaker 5: It's like you don't want to leave, but yet.
Speaker 6: Most of the.
Speaker 7: Home because I don't kids, I won't stop eating.
Speaker 4: Really, yeah, I have a definite food problem.
Speaker 5: You just stayed though, right You had three talkers, but
Speaker 5: that's nothing. Now. I don't want you later to listen
Speaker 5: to this time and get mad at me. But i'd
Speaker 5: stopped recording you right after you said my name. I
Speaker 5: figured that was a good place to close it.
Speaker 4: Of course you did, God forbid you wait till maybe
Speaker 4: I said Karen's name, which I did.
Speaker 5: Oh, really, see, I I didn't know. I didn't know.
Speaker 5: I'd left the room already.
Speaker 7: Followed up by shut up.
Speaker 1: Anymore.
Speaker 5: It doesn't it feel good?
Speaker 7: I love it, like when a little kids say it
Speaker 7: to each other, they.
Speaker 5: Go shut up up, shut up, stupid, stupid.
Speaker 1: Hilarious, hilarious.
Speaker 4: It was a little hot, but that audience was so
Speaker 4: speaking of hot.
Speaker 5: God damn it. Right, okay, right now, who's on Mike too? Yeah? Sorry,
Speaker 5: technically I am not a cent. I don't know why. Oh,
Speaker 5: I don't explain things. Hi, Hi, Hi, Okay, we uh,
Speaker 5: we're gonna smoke a little Yeah, go ahead and smoke
Speaker 5: smoke him? If you got him to.
Speaker 7: Maybe we'll smoke, order some tie food or something.
Speaker 5: Are you as hungry? Yeah? No, here's the deal.
Speaker 4: I'm going to ask you this, but only if you're
Speaker 4: one hundred percent comfortable to say, you know, you know
Speaker 4: what we have to get up earlier. Somebody, I wouldn't
Speaker 4: mind ordering some tie food to my house and smoking
Speaker 4: a little.
Speaker 7: But I don't know what your night is like.
Speaker 5: Well, I I have a flight for Philly in the morning.
Speaker 7: Right, what time do you go? H?
Speaker 5: Well, it's one pm. But I have calisthetics.
Speaker 1: I have to do swim in the ocean at dawn.
Speaker 5: No. No, I have an audition for a cat food
Speaker 5: commercial that I'm gonna get you really confidently I'm gonna
Speaker 5: get it?
Speaker 1: Are you being serious?
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm gonna get it. I say your line. H oh,
Speaker 5: there's no lines. It's just me making loving faces at
Speaker 5: a cat that. Uh, you know, I'm gonna nail it.
Speaker 5: That's the that's the work of the future.
Speaker 1: What kind of faces?
Speaker 5: Comedy clubs? You know you can do comedy clubs and
Speaker 5: and think that that will leads somewhere. We are we are?
Speaker 7: I want to make sure anything.
Speaker 4: I'm just no, I mean you know I was going
Speaker 4: to mention something better not have pone tried to sell
Speaker 4: me coke.
Speaker 7: No, I didn't want to say it on the podcast.
Speaker 1: Do you know what is that where we're getting coke
Speaker 1: these days?
Speaker 4: Sure everybody gets everybody knows that the coke Eddie's the
Speaker 4: coke is cocaine.
Speaker 1: Gonna make up for the fact that I was but
Speaker 1: left it.
Speaker 5: That's a little uhs right.
Speaker 4: You know, I watched Eddie Peptone's I want to say
Speaker 4: I was privyly watching some of his hour special that
Speaker 4: they just shot that's gonna be on Netflix. Ah and
Speaker 4: halfway through I said, it's like a one man show.
Speaker 5: It's like theater.
Speaker 4: And then I stopped saying that. I went, it is theater, y,
Speaker 4: it is a one man show.
Speaker 5: Meaning there you.
Speaker 4: Think, well, what's the difference between that and comedy. Well,
Speaker 4: it's great fucking stand up comedy. You know what it's
Speaker 4: like if you went to see how do I say this?
Speaker 4: With that big a lot of one man shows, your
Speaker 4: theater might not make you laugh like a comedian like
Speaker 4: that punched the fucking wall right. Well, here you get
Speaker 4: to see something with that depth and sort of definitely
Speaker 4: a through line of somebody's the way they feel. So
Speaker 4: it's like a one man show. But punched the wall
Speaker 4: comedian funny. Yes, and it was, and it shot and
Speaker 4: it looks good.
Speaker 7: It's not too much style, but it's it sounds like
Speaker 7: I'm his manager.
Speaker 5: But where they do it?
Speaker 4: But they did it in New York and Brooklyn and
Speaker 4: one night Todd Berry opened up for him, and the
Speaker 4: other night Colin Quinn did awesome and the crowd.
Speaker 5: It looks great.
Speaker 4: I give Steve fine Arts an a plus for making
Speaker 4: that thing look just.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's a great director.
Speaker 5: He is. There's a guy named Steve fine Arts.
Speaker 7: I know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he was standing right there by the car.
Speaker 4: He's the one who did the Bitter Buddha, which I
Speaker 4: jokingly overplug all the time.
Speaker 7: But I truly loved it and I want to you
Speaker 7: know it.
Speaker 1: I was in it.
Speaker 8: Oh you you you talked about And the only person
Speaker 8: that doesn't get an on screen name credit.
Speaker 1: Because I got my final sucking.
Speaker 8: Asshole robbed me of all my successes.
Speaker 7: What did you ever do so wrong?
Speaker 1: But I think Rich Hampson he's jealous of my dad's money.
Speaker 8: Yeah, but also my back is to the camera.
Speaker 1: The interesting thing it was me unless you knew my voice.
Speaker 5: The funny thing about your money is every lobster you
Speaker 5: ever ate, you owned. Yes, that's right, I believe you.
Speaker 4: You know why the first when you said all they
Speaker 4: were what the first it's hard?
Speaker 5: Yeah, then we ate them.
Speaker 1: It was a tradition.
Speaker 5: Can you you know what?
Speaker 7: I never say this that optimate you could click the
Speaker 7: air down one?
Speaker 5: What is that great?
Speaker 1: I'd love to wait, what were you going to say that?
Speaker 1: You thought?
Speaker 4: Well, I thought when you said, like, you know, back
Speaker 4: when we were driving to the show, you said something
Speaker 4: about like you owned all that stuff, and I pictured
Speaker 4: your family owned like that. Maybe they're the fishing company
Speaker 4: that catches the lobster at the restaurant business.
Speaker 5: They leased the nets from us.
Speaker 8: You knew for sure it was going to be blue
Speaker 8: collars somehow. Even if we had money, we still used
Speaker 8: our hands for our work.
Speaker 7: Right right, right, It's just what I'm like.
Speaker 5: We don't own the boats. We own the equipment because
Speaker 5: we liked it. There's a reason the kill Garreff hands
Speaker 5: are callous to look like ginger root?
Speaker 7: Is that me?
Speaker 5: Sorry, I'm sorry, that's the way I act on stage
Speaker 5: when that turn it right?
Speaker 7: Is that nineteen seventy two call literally because of the.
Speaker 5: Off. Oh look at that, because John, that's a literal call.
Speaker 5: Why is John Hamm calling you? Oh hey, I'm.
Speaker 1: About to get draper tonight.
Speaker 5: Who's that disgusting? But that was a lot of thought.
Speaker 7: I didn't I didn't know.
Speaker 1: You didn't get I know now, yeah, look at that time.
Speaker 5: Have you ever been to Tie Elvis in l A. Yes,
Speaker 5: you were the guy sings yep.
Speaker 4: Well you might think this isn't nice that I do this,
Speaker 4: but I I think that it's okay because he doesn't
Speaker 4: know that I'm purposely doing.
Speaker 5: Before you say it, let me turn down the racism
Speaker 5: on the there we go. It's no, I'm just I
Speaker 5: was kidding. I thought that that would get a big leaf.
Speaker 7: Oh but I was confused my timing.
Speaker 5: It's because of my timings off.
Speaker 7: No, no, no, But did Tye Elvis say did that
Speaker 7: seem racist?
Speaker 5: No? No, I just once a race comes up, I
Speaker 5: I I want to be shaked it. I haven't seen
Speaker 5: Tay Elvis, but I've heard of him.
Speaker 7: Well he's really good and well he is what he is.
Speaker 4: But the food is very good there and there's a
Speaker 4: stage and there's lighting and he does it to karaoke tracks,
Speaker 4: and I know after he's done singing, here's the part
Speaker 4: that I don't know why I get any joy in
Speaker 4: doing this. But he goes over to the bar and
Speaker 4: he wants to be left alone, like he wants you
Speaker 4: to feel like if it was sort of Elvis, like yeah,
Speaker 4: when he's at the bar, nobody bothers him, and he
Speaker 4: has jewelry all over and he has a big black tupe.
Speaker 4: And so I always go over and ask him questions,
Speaker 4: and I know he doesn't want to answer them, but I.
Speaker 7: Always go away. When do you play again? And I just.
Speaker 4: Because I dislike that he's aloof and I sort of
Speaker 4: may pretend that he is maybe like a big shot,
Speaker 4: like and you know what I mean, Like it's the
Speaker 4: old days. It's nineteen twenty and he's at the bar
Speaker 4: and I go over and he's.
Speaker 7: Like, yeah, what do you want kids? I picture myself
Speaker 7: a kid in this bit.
Speaker 5: I was young up my age, even in bits in
Speaker 5: the bar.
Speaker 7: I don't know what the fuck I was just talking.
Speaker 1: About this second. That's hilarious. It's a tie place. It's
Speaker 1: Tye Elvis.
Speaker 8: The place is famous only because there's a time man
Speaker 8: that sings Elvis songs and then he's gonna act aloof at.
Speaker 5: The bar up he says, sits there.
Speaker 7: Yeah, it's it's almost charming.
Speaker 4: But he just sits there with all his jewelry and
Speaker 4: they'll serve him food and he just eats it.
Speaker 1: There's no backroom.
Speaker 4: There's no backroom, so I go. I don't go over
Speaker 4: for long. I'll go for like thirty seconds. Hey, that
Speaker 4: was really good tonight. Or are you're gonna go up
Speaker 4: later tonight?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 7: I brought some friends to see you.
Speaker 4: And I don't want to do the Elvis voice because
Speaker 4: he doesn't sound like that, but it's in that air.
Speaker 7: He's like, oh, go over a little wall, mumbles.
Speaker 5: Does he do it? He does?
Speaker 7: Smells wonderful.
Speaker 1: What what does he smell like?
Speaker 5: Just clean?
Speaker 1: He's the cleanest ty Elvis in America.
Speaker 8: Yeah, that was a real fun hangout at the Virgil
Speaker 8: tonight at the Hot Tub show.
Speaker 1: There's lots of good people there.
Speaker 7: There was It's overwhelming.
Speaker 5: It was. It was overwhelming. How good the people are.
Speaker 7: Oh, Josh and Roski.
Speaker 4: As if I'd mentioned his name, he said, would you
Speaker 4: say it thirty times between the three of you, So Joshin, Josski, Joshin, Joski,
Speaker 4: Josh and Josh, Josh, Joshin, Joski, Josh and dress just right,
Speaker 4: Justin Josh for.
Speaker 7: Justin Joski, Justin.
Speaker 10: I, Joson Joski, They're You're happy, Josh Show that was eighteen,
Speaker 10: Josh and Joski, Josh and Joski, joh Joski, Joshin, josh Ky, Joshin,
Speaker 10: joshsk Justin, josh Ki, Justin Jowski, Just go, Josh and
Speaker 10: joshs Ki, Josh and Josh, Josh and Joss.
Speaker 4: What I was saying is like when he shows up
Speaker 4: and everybody shows up, I feel like in high school
Speaker 4: when I don't want to go and I don't have
Speaker 4: really a lot to do tonight, but I wanted to
Speaker 4: go home and just hang a little bit and chill
Speaker 4: out tonight.
Speaker 7: Sure, but part of me goes, oh.
Speaker 4: I just want to stay like whenever they start showing up,
Speaker 4: it's like infectious.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I'm glad to hear you say that, because
Speaker 5: I like hanging around comedy.
Speaker 7: Still.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you too, like going to shows. I like watching shows.
Speaker 7: I still laugh me too good for you? You know what?
Speaker 4: Good when people say and by the way whenever anybody
Speaker 4: says anything a lot, there's a reason, and I've said
Speaker 4: this a lot that I like hanging around comedy.
Speaker 5: I'm not. I'm not hiding it.
Speaker 4: And the reason is is because I like to remind
Speaker 4: myself that I complain a lot, but when there's something
Speaker 4: great about the business, I also love to spend as
Speaker 4: much time relishing and the joy.
Speaker 5: Of comedians are awesome and they're fun to hang out with.
Speaker 1: I get the best. You're better conversationally.
Speaker 4: They're serious, right, they're serious. They're sillier there. They can
Speaker 4: do everything you need them to do. Emotionally, they're gentle,
Speaker 4: they're kind, they're harsh, they're they're everything. A good comedian
Speaker 4: will give you everything you need and fulfill you. And
Speaker 4: that's why it's pure joy hanging around comedians.
Speaker 5: Sup what your voice just started to get on my
Speaker 5: on my nerves. You could stop kicking my fucking seat.
Speaker 5: Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ. I wish there's some civilians we
Speaker 5: can hang out with. Just a guy that works at
Speaker 5: a bank that will smile and keep his mouth shut
Speaker 5: for a minute. Why can't I have one friend that
Speaker 5: works at a bank that just keeps his goddamn mouth shut.
Speaker 8: Also, like when everyone stands like in an alley, Like
Speaker 8: when there's a bunch of comics in a circle in
Speaker 8: an alley, that's kind.
Speaker 5: Of not you know what.
Speaker 4: You can't comedians, especially if the if they're smokers, because
Speaker 4: they can't get them.
Speaker 5: Well, here, let me.
Speaker 7: Explain what I'm trying to say.
Speaker 4: First, when when the Montreal Comedy Festival or any festivals
Speaker 4: trying to like, you know, like say good night to everyone,
Speaker 4: most of the times, when you shut the music off
Speaker 4: of the club, people start to leave. Then you turn
Speaker 4: the lights up, and then people will Eventually you get comedians.
Speaker 4: You can't get rid of you. We just have each
Speaker 4: other and we're happy with that. We're just talking and
Speaker 4: it's like a bunch of seventh graders hanging out together.
Speaker 4: You're just excited and there's this phrenetic energy. And it's
Speaker 4: six in the morning, and they're like you. I picture
Speaker 4: the owners of the hotel or the management going, you
Speaker 4: can't disperse them.
Speaker 5: They will not go to bed.
Speaker 1: Get riot police.
Speaker 5: They're using, why do they like being around each other
Speaker 5: so much? Tear gass them. I just yeah, and then
Speaker 5: everyone once everyone's on their own, there's like this fetal position. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 5: you just want to lay down. That's funny. It's a
Speaker 5: lonely business.
Speaker 7: Not me, not me.
Speaker 4: I get sad like everybody, But I'm overall in pretty
Speaker 4: good spirits.
Speaker 7: People are listening, I forget.
Speaker 8: Yeah, describing yourself as being in pretty good spirits is
Speaker 8: a very bad sign.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: No, I mean I don't want I said I get
Speaker 4: sad like everyone else.
Speaker 7: Mean, I don't want to. You don't want to paint
Speaker 7: yourself a superhero.
Speaker 4: You're just saying, look, overall I'm pretty good.
Speaker 5: Oho. Oh god, that fixed gear bikes. That's why I
Speaker 5: don't like him. Jesus, you gotta be that squirrely. We
Speaker 5: know you don't have breaks. All stop it? What does
Speaker 5: he doing?
Speaker 7: That's why you need a in your car? All right, I'm.
Speaker 1: Those people away, we get it.
Speaker 11: Yeah, neat No, he's so mad.
Speaker 1: He's like a shot around. He's like a shark. Don't
Speaker 1: be mad.
Speaker 5: Oh no, he's so upset. What's why? Didn't do anything wrong?
Speaker 5: He wishes that.
Speaker 4: Way for the people listening, because it's important to go
Speaker 4: did we miss something? Why?
Speaker 5: With the by yeah busness of men? He was aggressively.
Speaker 4: Usually it's the other way around in all and his
Speaker 4: cars are very rude the bicyclist, But in this case,
Speaker 4: it's a bicyclist going out of his way to get
Speaker 4: in the way of traffic.
Speaker 7: So when they drove by the window, all you did
Speaker 7: was roll your window down.
Speaker 5: He almost hit that.
Speaker 1: He is a lunatic his bike lock.
Speaker 5: He is a lunatic his bike in his hands. Oh yeah, yeah,
Speaker 5: he's ready to How come he didn't he rode right by.
Speaker 4: He decided not to because we really oh, by the way,
Speaker 4: I got right to everything. So when when he was aggressive,
Speaker 4: so when we pulled up to the light of Chris,
Speaker 4: you rolled down your window like an inch, but you
Speaker 4: never really said anything. You just muttered like, we get it,
Speaker 4: we get it.
Speaker 5: Well, he was being uh, I don't know if you
Speaker 5: if that's a thing with fixed gear bikes, if you
Speaker 5: get coked up and then ride him. But that guy
Speaker 5: was being very, very unpredicted. A yeah, I got a bike.
Speaker 1: But I don't.
Speaker 5: It's the lifestyle bicycling that I guess. I guess I
Speaker 5: feel the need to say something nondescript as they passed,
Speaker 5: But god, I didn't know he'd pull out as you lock.
Speaker 5: I'm so glad. I'm sorry that I put you in
Speaker 5: that position. Kareny could have showed.
Speaker 7: You seem to know your way around a labor don't know.
Speaker 5: We're now driving away from.
Speaker 1: That that kid, but I think we'll probably.
Speaker 5: I think it's safe now. He wasn't gonna throw his
Speaker 5: bike lock at us. I think he was gonna try
Speaker 5: and hit the car with it.
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, but.
Speaker 5: Then he almost hooked himself. He also green light or yeah,
Speaker 5: actually that's what you're supposed to do a green light.
Speaker 5: He almost blew through a red light and almost hooked
Speaker 5: himself on the side.
Speaker 8: Of which is actually how he swerved in front of
Speaker 8: us to begin with. It was like, I think he's
Speaker 8: maybe he's just.
Speaker 1: Really stressed out. Yeah yeah, in driving around.
Speaker 4: Only because my driving I'm not I don't I don't
Speaker 4: get in a lot of accidents.
Speaker 7: It's not that type of bed.
Speaker 4: But I think I'm gonna end up killing somebody, oh
Speaker 4: in my car.
Speaker 7: And I'll tell you.
Speaker 5: Why we are recording and I get well, you know
Speaker 5: when you are.
Speaker 7: Okay, let's say right here, we're.
Speaker 4: In uh try to maybe this Okay, let's say we're
Speaker 4: driving down Western right now, right and we're at this
Speaker 4: and I'm gonna turn here and there's a bicyclist that's
Speaker 4: going straight. Yes, okay, I get it. It's my job
Speaker 4: when I make a right to look for bicyclists. But
Speaker 4: by the ways, people listening right now, and you guys
Speaker 4: might go, no, toad, you do that every time. Not
Speaker 4: only the problem that stop signs doing that on red lights?
Speaker 4: I get it, but that's something I forget. And once
Speaker 4: in a blue moon a bike has to jam on
Speaker 4: his brakes. I feel like shit. I yes, inwardly, I think,
Speaker 4: why are you trusting that people that make rights are
Speaker 4: gonna look? But that's not the issue. The issue is
Speaker 4: I'm fucking supposed to. Have you ever had anything like
Speaker 4: that happen?
Speaker 8: Well, you know, because they don't always stop at stop signs,
Speaker 8: like they kind of are doing their own thing, playing
Speaker 8: by their own rules.
Speaker 5: But whose fault would that be?
Speaker 4: Like, okay, so you understand we're going down a street
Speaker 4: like this, I make a right.
Speaker 7: Yeah he's gonna go straight, So he just goes straight.
Speaker 1: But they have to.
Speaker 8: I mean, I don't know, like legally whose fault it
Speaker 8: would be. But bicyclists, I think, are hyper aware of
Speaker 8: what cars might be doing.
Speaker 4: I think it's like they have to be because he
Speaker 4: had the green light, so did I.
Speaker 7: I was just making it right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I think blinkers, that's why you got to
Speaker 1: use your blinker maybe, Oh yeah, I don't. Maybe go ahead, put.
Speaker 5: Your arm out the window, and Jesus, what are we
Speaker 5: my arm?
Speaker 8: Don't be afraid to wear some reflective here inside.
Speaker 1: The car, you know, help out, Help out.
Speaker 7: So the reason I thought that not because I don't.
Speaker 4: I don't want to not drive, because I enjoyed driving
Speaker 4: and I'm I'm a decent driver. But I think if
Speaker 4: I can just get to the point where I had
Speaker 4: a full time driver, I can't say the rest of
Speaker 4: my life, I'm never gonna kill anybody, and I can't
Speaker 4: say that.
Speaker 5: But you know what, it's a weird way I'm bringing
Speaker 5: it up.
Speaker 1: You don't know, you're what if your driver passed out?
Speaker 7: Okay, that wouldn't be me, though.
Speaker 1: You didn't hear the entire thing. Jesus, he passes out,
Speaker 1: You come up.
Speaker 8: Over the front from you roll you have the window
Speaker 8: rolled down between following.
Speaker 1: You don't have the divide her up?
Speaker 7: Ye you?
Speaker 4: First of all, I gotta step you real quick. I
Speaker 4: wouldn't be in a limo. I would be in a
Speaker 4: town car or an suv. I would never be in
Speaker 4: a limit.
Speaker 8: But you you wouldn't have a custom installed device so
Speaker 8: that you could do drugs or private.
Speaker 4: Things in the driver I put even in the stake scenario,
Speaker 4: I like, I have to fix it.
Speaker 7: I would not be doing drugs. I smoke pot and
Speaker 7: that's it.
Speaker 1: If you don't want.
Speaker 7: But I can already care and see that still wouldn't
Speaker 7: be my But.
Speaker 1: You your hands come across the wheel. You have to
Speaker 1: grab it like speed.
Speaker 4: Yes to to to watch a human life get hurt
Speaker 4: or whatever would be sad. But when it's not your fault,
Speaker 4: there's a different type of intensity to it.
Speaker 5: And the next day isn't that always just funny.
Speaker 1: Or at least the next week.
Speaker 5: That's the last time I chime in turning off my mic.
Speaker 7: It's that bad turning off. I never was on anyway,
Speaker 7: You want me to drive the rest of the way, Yes.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna pretend to pass out and you grab the wheel.
Speaker 4: You know where this is the fun escape Ever do
Speaker 4: you have a car, and any car you would get,
Speaker 4: now this is the car you have to drive every day,
Speaker 4: So it's not like because I can think of if
Speaker 4: I could, you know, have a second car, or two
Speaker 4: cars or three some third and you know, but four
Speaker 4: or five? Yeah, you know, like I like suv type cars,
Speaker 4: I might get an old scowled or an old you know,
Speaker 4: an old wagony.
Speaker 5: I heard you liken town cars.
Speaker 4: But can you it's the car you got to pull
Speaker 4: up to the improv. It's the car you gotta drive
Speaker 4: all the time. You know, you have a favorite. If
Speaker 4: money wasn't an object, do you know a car you
Speaker 4: would get?
Speaker 1: Care and start with you? You know what I would do,
Speaker 1: which is kind of dumb.
Speaker 8: I would really love to get the car my mom
Speaker 8: had when I was growing up, which was.
Speaker 1: A vult like a four door silver.
Speaker 7: Volvol that's not that's wonderful.
Speaker 1: With a tan interior.
Speaker 8: So it wasn't like silver. It was almost like goldish silver.
Speaker 8: And I've never seen another one.
Speaker 5: You know what.
Speaker 7: I think that's a good reason.
Speaker 4: I think that's a really good choice because it's a unique,
Speaker 4: cool car. But it's not overwhelming, it's not it's not
Speaker 4: too assuming. It's like, you know, you're pulling up to
Speaker 4: the improv. You have some of your friends are doing better,
Speaker 4: some aren't. It's a but it's a cool car.
Speaker 1: So he was there, he'd be impressed, right, But.
Speaker 4: It's not like a Lamborghini or you know whatever I could,
Speaker 4: i'd be but I don't even like those cars anyway.
Speaker 7: What about you, Chris?
Speaker 5: I think that the car that I keep. And no
Speaker 5: one's going to be on board with this, but it's
Speaker 5: from my childhood. I always wanted to see one in
Speaker 5: mint condition, an AMC Eagle. It's a four wheel drive
Speaker 5: wagon car. So fine, Yeah, the AMC Eagle. They made
Speaker 5: the Pace or they AMC just like a krelin American
Speaker 5: motor cars, they made the Kremlin thank.
Speaker 7: You in mint shape? Right brand?
Speaker 5: Like where was that in a facility being being lotioned
Speaker 5: or whatever.
Speaker 1: You're doing for fifty years?
Speaker 5: Yeah, but with nice tires and like a ski rack.
Speaker 5: And that's me wanting to have, like a a car
Speaker 5: that I wanted in high school.
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 8: Wait, is that the kind of do they have fat
Speaker 8: pinstriping like the other AMC vehicles?
Speaker 5: Oh? Yeah, that pha each damn that's right.
Speaker 1: What about Utah, Yeah, it is yours.
Speaker 4: It had to be driving it every day. But if
Speaker 4: it could be like you know, not good shape, but
Speaker 4: like sick mint shape. The wagon ears. I had a
Speaker 4: wagon ear and I put some money into it. But
Speaker 4: it wasn't like new engine newe. It was the they
Speaker 4: looked like they were a lot older than they were.
Speaker 4: But they made that old looking one till ninety one.
Speaker 4: But even it looked like it was from seven paneling,
Speaker 4: which the wood panel blue blue with tan interior and
Speaker 4: was navy navy dark blue.
Speaker 1: Nice.
Speaker 7: That would that would be the one?
Speaker 5: Would you want the wood paneling with gas now though?
Speaker 5: Well this day? Oh, and i'd have.
Speaker 4: It if money wasn't an object like that, And yeah,
Speaker 4: and I would have it put like a I would
Speaker 4: have like some sort of naked hybrid or something.
Speaker 1: So I thought you were going to have a spray
Speaker 1: gas out the.
Speaker 5: Back like that just because it's free, just because money
Speaker 5: sprays gas at the.
Speaker 1: Back and dump gas cans as.
Speaker 7: It gets a half a bottle gallop due to the
Speaker 7: spray at the back.
Speaker 1: Wasting a lot of gas with this card, it's totally
Speaker 1: worth it.
Speaker 5: Oh no, that's not wipe or fluid.
Speaker 1: That's smoking.
Speaker 5: I find that it really cleans the windshield.
Speaker 1: No object.
Speaker 5: I've seen some peaceful uh yeah, yeah, I always feel
Speaker 5: like this street is in no war zone.
Speaker 1: Well it's because I think they recently repaved it. So
Speaker 1: it's a nice ride.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's nice and smouth. There's something to be said
Speaker 5: for a nice, smooth street.
Speaker 1: Better than those streets we were on over in East LA.
Speaker 5: Don't get me started, pop whole city? Am I right? Guys?
Speaker 7: A question about l A Oh sure, okay, if you live.
Speaker 4: You know, if you live in New York, like, there's
Speaker 4: something I forget about money, like even if you have
Speaker 4: you know, like again great, oh yeah, all my scenarios.
Speaker 4: I forget about money because even if if people say,
Speaker 4: you know, obviously easier to live in.
Speaker 7: New York if you have money, it's easier to enjoy it.
Speaker 7: But you know, it's sort.
Speaker 4: Of like where you picture someone go and walk home,
Speaker 4: they stop at a little grocery store, like they go
Speaker 4: to a bar at night. You think about that in
Speaker 4: New York, But doesn't it seem like in LA? And
Speaker 4: don't just agree with me if you think you don't
Speaker 4: know what the fuck I'm talking about. It seems like
Speaker 4: when you drive around certain areas like Lebray and Santa Monica,
Speaker 4: they're putting up cool buildings and in cool apartment buildings
Speaker 4: and stuff.
Speaker 7: It looks like it's starting to feel more like in.
Speaker 4: New York, like where you could picture living there and
Speaker 4: walk into bars at night.
Speaker 7: Like, why don't when I think of New York, I
Speaker 7: would want to live that way?
Speaker 5: But you could live that way in LA. Just got
Speaker 5: me feel that way when I'm downtown La, because they're turning.
Speaker 5: It's gone from home like zombie people and flaming barrels
Speaker 5: to like people.
Speaker 7: Why wouldn't you want to do it?
Speaker 4: Like, let's say, if you would live like that in
Speaker 4: New York, why wouldn't you go, like, let's say someone
Speaker 4: near Hollywood Boulevard or something, and you could go to
Speaker 4: bars at night and walk and walk home stop and
Speaker 4: get a rito from a truck, and you know what
Speaker 4: I mean, like and live like that sort of city life.
Speaker 7: I don't know what I get.
Speaker 5: No, I get that in Venus. I live by the beach. No, God,
Speaker 5: don't get hard on yourself.
Speaker 7: No, I'm a loser.
Speaker 5: By here it is. You need to tell you why
Speaker 5: I don't kill you.
Speaker 8: In La, it's usually just a strip, like I was
Speaker 8: just talking to somebody, But that strip on Franklin, that
Speaker 8: where the UCB is has tons of great stuff. Yeah,
Speaker 8: usually only get like a block or two of neighborhoody
Speaker 8: type useful stuff.
Speaker 5: And in New York it's blocking.
Speaker 1: It's everywhere. Yeah, it looks like LA.
Speaker 4: In certain areas. Is that sort of starting to happen?
Speaker 4: I think that maybe when you drive around now, start
Speaker 4: noticing it. I know your listeners are.
Speaker 7: Like, on the way there, he was great, don't want me.
Speaker 4: And there's people that listen to your show that don't
Speaker 4: live in LA and right now they're like, come on,
Speaker 4: talk about our city.
Speaker 5: No, people want to people want to hear about it. Chicago,
Speaker 5: you're doing great?
Speaker 1: Great?
Speaker 5: Oh God, where are we?
Speaker 1: Was I missed? They wouldn't let me over. Oh their fight?
Speaker 5: Whoa Jesus Christ, Jesus. That guy got knocked out. That's
Speaker 5: some bus stops Canary. Oh that was that guy got
Speaker 5: knocked out?
Speaker 1: Was crazy?
Speaker 5: Did you see that? Ye? See that? Okay, that was
Speaker 5: my violence?
Speaker 1: Go fuck up?
Speaker 5: Well I think that, uh that g I probably did
Speaker 5: something to make that other guy angry. We just saw
Speaker 5: someone get knocked unconscious at a bus stop, and then after,
Speaker 5: in almost a victorious way, he just grabbed his shirt
Speaker 5: and picked him back up off, Yeah, just to lift
Speaker 5: him up and slam him back down again. I don't
Speaker 5: well sorry, I mean, hey, we're talking about the city, dude,
Speaker 5: don't you feel like in New York some of the
Speaker 5: neighborhood let's call look at that take that New York. Well,
Speaker 5: that did seem like New York.
Speaker 4: Wow, by the way, a good smirt and did run
Speaker 4: over and put an end to it quickly.
Speaker 1: Yeah that wow?
Speaker 5: That was uh, that was weird. How I just want
Speaker 5: to pull over and get involved though, that's maybe that's
Speaker 5: something that's wrong with me, by the way. It sucks,
Speaker 5: But I don't I have a lot of anger in me.
Speaker 5: I don't want to get knocked out like that one
Speaker 5: guy did. But if I figure he already expended all
Speaker 5: that energy, he's tired now, and that's that's where I
Speaker 5: But I'm not going to slam him down. I just
Speaker 5: want to.
Speaker 7: I'll tell you where to merge over up ahead.
Speaker 5: I just I mean, getting like a cop or something.
Speaker 7: How come he had to go home the ugliest way possible.
Speaker 8: Your approaching I wanted everyone to see from how fragile
Speaker 8: human life is.
Speaker 5: Oh shit, I forgot to turn on the cameras right here,
Speaker 5: right here.
Speaker 8: Okay, see I'm using my blinker. If there's a biker,
Speaker 8: he's on his own.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, that that was twice we had a brush
Speaker 5: with violence and then we passed it full in full effect.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was.
Speaker 5: I'm sorry, everyone in here is traumatized. That was that was.
Speaker 5: It was. Yeah, that that he's going to be okay.
Speaker 5: But he is going to be okay. But he was
Speaker 5: knocked out because his head hit the very hard, so
Speaker 5: it was it was kind of hard. Oh guy, is
Speaker 5: everyone depressed?
Speaker 7: I'm in a great mood. I totally enjoyed doing your podcast.
Speaker 5: I did. It was so much fun.
Speaker 4: It was relaxing and I didn't have to worry about driving.
Speaker 4: I had a fun show. And I'm back home now, yeah,
Speaker 4: in front of my house, and I'm going to give
Speaker 4: you a grade on your driving.
Speaker 5: And I'm totally serious. Okay, are you ready? Yeah? A plus?
Speaker 5: Holy because you was going to tailgate people.
Speaker 1: Yeah, your your one car length.
Speaker 5: You drive the right speed. There's a reason Karen drives.
Speaker 5: She's very good and very good at multitasking and having conversations.
Speaker 5: When I'm driving, I don't say anything, accept expletives because
Speaker 5: I'm worried that we're going to crash.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he gets pretty stressed up.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I get very stressed out. I didn't want you
Speaker 5: to say it.
Speaker 8: Oh okay, we'll just mute.
Speaker 5: Me, Todd. Let's go inside and I want to see
Speaker 5: your place. I would love to show thanks for doing
Speaker 5: our podcast.
Speaker 4: And we're going to tell everyone to do it.
Speaker 5: Do you have.
Speaker 7: An absolutely, because it's like you go do your show.
Speaker 5: Like I said, you don't have to. It's like you
Speaker 5: just don't have to.
Speaker 1: Think of would you say it's a dream come true?
Speaker 5: It is a dream. Where are you at next? This
Speaker 5: will era air? Oh?
Speaker 7: I'm in Portland? When when will this drop?
Speaker 5: Friday?
Speaker 4: I'm going to be in Portland like the third week
Speaker 4: doing a book signing on Thursday at some bookstore in Portland.
Speaker 5: Books and then I'll be the Todd.
Speaker 4: Last Situation talk, Last Situation and then and then I'm
Speaker 4: going to be in Portland at Helium, one of the best.
Speaker 5: Well, you're going there in Philly. I am going to
Speaker 5: Philly and I'm going to be the one in Portland.
Speaker 5: I almost did all strations for your book.
Speaker 7: You did it for some reason, you know what? The
Speaker 7: reason I found out we didn't do it because it's
Speaker 7: a print.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I get it. So yeah, yeah, like it's it's
Speaker 5: it's a way bigger deal to suddenly have illustrations printed
Speaker 5: in a book. I've run into this before.
Speaker 7: I forgot you did that for me. That was actually
Speaker 7: very nice.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I like those griwings. I'll give them to you.
Speaker 5: I have them, I'll I'll shelter you again, and we
Speaker 5: hand them to you in the privacy of your own
Speaker 5: living room and not.
Speaker 1: Demand for.
Speaker 5: Okay, thank you for doing it. Yeah, yeah, And that's
Speaker 5: been d y n a r by.
Speaker 1: You want way back?
Speaker 5: You do?
Speaker 2: You want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage
Speaker 2: you time and they turn and engage.
Speaker 3: We want to send you us install, We want to
Speaker 3: welcome you back. Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1: We scared her? Was it fine.
Speaker 7: Now?
Speaker 5: Porn? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 5: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need ride?
Speaker 5: Do you need to ride? Do you need with Karen
Speaker 5: and Chris