1 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:16,080 Speaker 1: I was on vacation with Paul, and I made plans 2 00:00:16,440 --> 00:00:19,040 Speaker 1: for just a group dinner with friends that I've known 3 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:24,040 Speaker 1: for decades. And I want you to listen to the 4 00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:26,880 Speaker 1: list of ailments and excuses that people had for not 5 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:28,560 Speaker 1: coming to dinner. And I don't care because I always 6 00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:30,960 Speaker 1: hope everyone canceled. I couldn't care less, but let me 7 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:32,640 Speaker 1: just read this to you. So I've invited. It was 8 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:35,280 Speaker 1: going to be a dinner. We booked a table for ten. Okay, 9 00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:39,120 Speaker 1: well it was two kids, Paul, myself. That's four, so 10 00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:41,440 Speaker 1: it's effectively going to be six people, so three couples. 11 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:47,840 Speaker 1: So the first person texted me and said, I woke 12 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:51,320 Speaker 1: up feeling sick. I have keto flu. I thought that 13 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:53,400 Speaker 1: that was like another weird name for one of the 14 00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:55,920 Speaker 1: like covid flus, Like I don't remember what the strains were. 15 00:00:55,920 --> 00:00:58,640 Speaker 1: There's all these different strains, but like they're just named 16 00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:01,320 Speaker 1: weird things. I thought flu was like enough, because you 17 00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:03,400 Speaker 1: know what, like Corona was the same name as a beer, 18 00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:05,760 Speaker 1: like I don't know, Like I thought like like there 19 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:08,360 Speaker 1: are like cars that are seemed like they're named after 20 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:12,360 Speaker 1: like hair loss drugs that have commercials that everything seems 21 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:14,640 Speaker 1: like weird names. So when he said keto flu, I 22 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:18,160 Speaker 1: thought it was like another strain of COVID. And in fact, 23 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:20,640 Speaker 1: the next day I made a joke and said, like, oh, 24 00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:23,800 Speaker 1: I thought he meant like from ketosis or something like 25 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:26,760 Speaker 1: from that from eating bacon, and he clarified that it 26 00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:29,920 Speaker 1: was the keto flu from going keto from not eating sugar. 27 00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:32,560 Speaker 1: There was like a detox. I was like, get at 28 00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:36,479 Speaker 1: he like, okay, So one cancelation was the keto flu. 29 00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:42,399 Speaker 1: Then the next cancelation was this he thought he might 30 00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,880 Speaker 1: have a kidney stone, woke up in pain, Okay, Like 31 00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:47,640 Speaker 1: I don't know why he didn't figure out whether he 32 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:49,320 Speaker 1: did or didn't before calling me that he thought he 33 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:52,760 Speaker 1: might have a kidney stone. Okay. The third one was 34 00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:56,720 Speaker 1: a prolonged period a woman at a certain age, you know, 35 00:01:57,120 --> 00:01:59,400 Speaker 1: probably going near a menopause. And it's all I'm sure 36 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:01,000 Speaker 1: all these used it a real and it was just 37 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:06,120 Speaker 1: the perfect storm, but that it was a prolonged period. Okay, 38 00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:10,920 Speaker 1: this is all pandemic. This is all post pandemic. That 39 00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:13,880 Speaker 1: like having COVID is the best excuse for anything, Like 40 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:15,920 Speaker 1: you would just say like I'm not feeling oh, don't 41 00:02:15,919 --> 00:02:18,400 Speaker 1: calm like, you know, it might be COVID. I don't know. 42 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:21,360 Speaker 1: I tested it. Oh, don't calm like it's the greatest excuse. 43 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:23,600 Speaker 1: And I feel like then, since the pandemic and since 44 00:02:23,639 --> 00:02:25,920 Speaker 1: everyone is used to just being able to cancel everything 45 00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:29,919 Speaker 1: with pandemic excuses and COVID excuses, that now you could 46 00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:36,160 Speaker 1: be like, I have long cuticles. They are overgrown, and 47 00:02:36,919 --> 00:02:38,600 Speaker 1: I don't feel you know, I just I don't feel 48 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:40,480 Speaker 1: comfortable coming to dinner. You're like, oh my god, yeah, 49 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,000 Speaker 1: years ago Paula Abdul had like the staff infection from 50 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:46,440 Speaker 1: the mannakers. You didn't come with long cuticles. What are 51 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:48,840 Speaker 1: you crazy? So I's like, I have an ingrown toenail. 52 00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:53,280 Speaker 1: That's Brandon laughing. I have an ingrown toenail, and I just, 53 00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:57,800 Speaker 1: you know, some people have plantopasciitis, and I had problems walking, 54 00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:01,160 Speaker 1: and like I you know, obviously you shouldn't come because 55 00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:04,080 Speaker 1: no one's worn shoe since before the pandemic, so you 56 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:05,880 Speaker 1: know you should call. You know, then you'd have to 57 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:08,640 Speaker 1: come barefoot and like, you know, or put a shoe on. 58 00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:11,040 Speaker 1: And that's brightening to begin with. Now you have an 59 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:14,520 Speaker 1: ingrown tonail. Absolutely not so just know that it used 60 00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:16,440 Speaker 1: to be like only pregnancy. It was a good excuse 61 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:18,200 Speaker 1: any for nine months, you get to say anything about 62 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:20,840 Speaker 1: it feeling blow and I feeling tired, I'm exhausted, I'm uncomfortable, 63 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,239 Speaker 1: baby's kicking, my feet are swell, and I'm a watermelon. 64 00:03:23,639 --> 00:03:26,720 Speaker 1: Now it's anything after the pandemic, say anything you fucking want. 65 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:29,320 Speaker 1: My glasses are too tight on my temples. My daughter 66 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:30,880 Speaker 1: doesn't like when there's like a little mark, a little 67 00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:33,600 Speaker 1: red mark for my sunglasses, and so like, just if 68 00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:35,880 Speaker 1: that happens to you, just don't go to dinner. Cancel, 69 00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:38,200 Speaker 1: cancel it all. I used to say, mention it all, 70 00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:41,080 Speaker 1: cancel it all. Okay, you might have if you stop 71 00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:43,560 Speaker 1: eating sugar. What if you just you know, stop eating 72 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:47,480 Speaker 1: I stopped eating vegetables. I stopped eating vegetables, so you 73 00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:49,839 Speaker 1: know I have like a like a like a plant flu. 74 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:52,720 Speaker 1: Oh what is that? Just I stopped getting vestals and 75 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:55,960 Speaker 1: there's some sort of flu correlated with it. So yeah, 76 00:03:56,400 --> 00:04:04,960 Speaker 1: anything goes now. Another post pandemic thing is forget that 77 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:07,000 Speaker 1: it's high heeled shoes. I wore shoes out the other day. 78 00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:10,120 Speaker 1: I felt like someone took like a medieval vice and 79 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:13,280 Speaker 1: put them on my feet like it was. It was 80 00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:15,600 Speaker 1: medieval torture where we used to go through these shoes. 81 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:19,800 Speaker 1: And another thing that happened since the pandemic is the 82 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:23,640 Speaker 1: house that the nest. You've built a nest. You're bluebird. 83 00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:27,360 Speaker 1: You just cracked out of the shell. You fly away, 84 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:29,800 Speaker 1: you fly right back. Like I took brend to Dick 85 00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:31,920 Speaker 1: Sporting Goods. She talked about it the day before. She 86 00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:34,040 Speaker 1: wanted to lacross Dick. We talked about it, and so 87 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:36,080 Speaker 1: the next day we wake up, said, MoMA, we're gonna 88 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:37,920 Speaker 1: go to Dick Sportings. We went. I think we did 89 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:42,200 Speaker 1: breakfast to two activities. I'm gonna count, but we went 90 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:44,680 Speaker 1: to Dicks. Like we drove twenty minutes away. It was parking, 91 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:47,919 Speaker 1: it was transacting. It was the parking ticket. We lost 92 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:50,960 Speaker 1: the parking ticket. I told brand the parking ticket's gonna 93 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:52,599 Speaker 1: be in my back pocket. Know that, because we're gonna 94 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:54,360 Speaker 1: have a moment where we're gonna lose the fucking ticket. 95 00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:58,800 Speaker 1: And sure enough, the guy at the counter at Dick 96 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:01,080 Speaker 1: Sporting Goods said, do you have your ticket? You need 97 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:04,280 Speaker 1: to ticket violated when in LA. We're not in LA. 98 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:08,800 Speaker 1: Violate validated no, so now my tickets. I think the 99 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:12,240 Speaker 1: location moved then, because I just that wasn't a transaction 100 00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:15,640 Speaker 1: I was expecting in between, like my back pocket ticket moment. 101 00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:18,520 Speaker 1: So we left, We got our stuff. We go through 102 00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:21,839 Speaker 1: the line and I'm carrying all these things. I just 103 00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:24,240 Speaker 1: Dick Sporting Goods, could you please have carts right by these? 104 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:26,000 Speaker 1: Like you going you think you're gonna get one thing, 105 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,880 Speaker 1: and then you're holding a lacrosse stick, a soccer bag. 106 00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:29,640 Speaker 1: I don't know where the cards are. It's not a 107 00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:31,800 Speaker 1: cart forward environment at Dicks, and I would think you 108 00:05:31,839 --> 00:05:34,880 Speaker 1: need a big card. It's big card energy there, like 109 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:37,919 Speaker 1: you need big carts that you could visibly see. They 110 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,880 Speaker 1: are bright red from any part of the store. I 111 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:43,159 Speaker 1: was near going towards a checkout. I could not see 112 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:45,920 Speaker 1: the cards. So just Dick, do me a favor, get 113 00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:48,760 Speaker 1: some carts. And then we were coming out. We go 114 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:50,800 Speaker 1: to the thing and give your ticket, press the button, 115 00:05:50,839 --> 00:05:53,000 Speaker 1: please put your ticket in. I can't find my ticket. 116 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,640 Speaker 1: Brings next, but we can't find the ticket. Where's the ticket? Mom? 117 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:57,080 Speaker 1: You had it in the back pocket. I'm like a no. 118 00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:58,479 Speaker 1: But then the guy asked me for the thing, and 119 00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:01,160 Speaker 1: I lost my process I lost my flow, I lost 120 00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:03,760 Speaker 1: my ticket mojo. So I can't find the ticket. So 121 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:06,280 Speaker 1: then we call oppress the other silver button, not the 122 00:06:06,279 --> 00:06:09,359 Speaker 1: big button, not the big like you know, bobble button, 123 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:12,920 Speaker 1: the other button, and then the guy comes on. He's like, 124 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,719 Speaker 1: you need to find your ticket. You have your ticket. 125 00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:16,480 Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't. Just look to take him in. 126 00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:19,719 Speaker 1: He's like a therapist. He's like part time booth. He's 127 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:21,880 Speaker 1: not in the booth, but like the part time booth manager. 128 00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:24,880 Speaker 1: Part time therapist is like, just take a moment, look 129 00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:27,039 Speaker 1: for your ticket. Your ticket is there. You'll find a ticket. 130 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,440 Speaker 1: I'm like, okay that he's a dolly llama, but I can't. 131 00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:31,440 Speaker 1: I don't think I have it. He's like, just take 132 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:35,560 Speaker 1: a minute, a little passagg but I appreciate it. Take 133 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:39,799 Speaker 1: a minute, you'll find the ticket. Take a minute. So 134 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:43,280 Speaker 1: in the meantime, I said, I no, just it was 135 00:06:43,279 --> 00:06:45,040 Speaker 1: three it's supposed to be three out. It was actually 136 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:47,320 Speaker 1: zero dollars because we were there less than but the 137 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:49,240 Speaker 1: guy at the counter said we didn't need a validation 138 00:06:49,279 --> 00:06:51,680 Speaker 1: because it's less than an hour, so it should be free. 139 00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:53,360 Speaker 1: But if we had been there all the time that 140 00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:56,159 Speaker 1: we actually were there, would be three hours. So he said, 141 00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:59,520 Speaker 1: you can't find the ticket. It's fifteen dollars. Like what? 142 00:07:00,279 --> 00:07:05,760 Speaker 1: So he's like, it's fifteen dollars? Why? Like, what's that arbitrary? 143 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:08,000 Speaker 1: You think? I was a Dick Sporting Goods for five hours? 144 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:11,360 Speaker 1: What was I doing? Like? Why is this arbitrary number? 145 00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:14,760 Speaker 1: Fifteen dollars? Like why? No? I got so mad? You 146 00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:16,600 Speaker 1: found the ticket. The guy was right, I did take 147 00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:19,520 Speaker 1: a minute. I just didn't understand the arbitrary fifteen. And 148 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:21,840 Speaker 1: the reason that I bring all of this up is 149 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:24,200 Speaker 1: that I leave my house in small doses. This is 150 00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:27,280 Speaker 1: a post pandemic thing. That was a lot. That was 151 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:30,160 Speaker 1: like going to the tailgate for a Jets game, driving 152 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:34,320 Speaker 1: to New Jersey, cooking filet, slicing it, putting it on 153 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:39,080 Speaker 1: a sandwich, melting cheese, caramelizing onions, making bloody Mary's, going 154 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:41,920 Speaker 1: to the game, feeling disgusting, freezing, getting in the car, 155 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:45,040 Speaker 1: coming home, desperately needing a shower. That's what it felt 156 00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:46,760 Speaker 1: like to go to Dick Sporting Goods for forty five minutes. 157 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,679 Speaker 1: Because it's post pandemic, we can't we can't do it anymore. 158 00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:52,640 Speaker 1: Going to dinner as a big activity to prepare for 159 00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:58,560 Speaker 1: big CBS the Olympics. So post pandemic is a different 160 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:02,160 Speaker 1: life now, and I don't leave the house unless it's 161 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:04,800 Speaker 1: in small doses, and I gear up. Brian and I 162 00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:07,840 Speaker 1: are going to CVS today and a manicure and pedicure 163 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:12,320 Speaker 1: and I have to get blood drawn and I'm feeling overwhelmed, 164 00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:21,440 Speaker 1: big stuff filling up. I think I talked about this before, 165 00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:23,480 Speaker 1: but I experienced a death from a friend that I've 166 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:26,360 Speaker 1: known for years, but I'm not in the most recent 167 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:29,800 Speaker 1: round of his life. And it was amazing to me. 168 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:31,600 Speaker 1: I just noticed this, and I noticed this and with 169 00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:37,160 Speaker 1: another person, how people want to own death. Someone dies 170 00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:40,400 Speaker 1: and in maybe an unexpected manner, and everybody wants to 171 00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:43,920 Speaker 1: brag about the less time they spoke or their relationship 172 00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:46,080 Speaker 1: with them, and everybody wants to be like on the 173 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:48,800 Speaker 1: front lines of what's going on and how the family 174 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:52,480 Speaker 1: wants to handle things and how you know, and it's weird, 175 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:57,560 Speaker 1: Like it's weird. People really want to be like, you know, 176 00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:02,040 Speaker 1: that person that just is right in there with everything, 177 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:05,240 Speaker 1: and it's always the person that's you know, not the 178 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:07,840 Speaker 1: closest with them with that person, like it's not the 179 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:13,000 Speaker 1: immediate family member. It's not the mother, son or best friend. 180 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:16,360 Speaker 1: It's always some peripheral person. It's come around that's sort 181 00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:18,880 Speaker 1: of new, got us to jump on it and be 182 00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:21,599 Speaker 1: like all over it. I realize that recently during a 183 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:24,800 Speaker 1: situation and I literally shut somebody down, like get out 184 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:28,360 Speaker 1: of my way and stop trying to own this person's death. 185 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:40,679 Speaker 1: It's weird and creepy.