00:00:05 Speaker 1: When I invited you here I thought I made myself perfectly clear When you're a guest in my home You gotta come to me empty-handed. I said no gifts, your presence is presence enough. 00:00:30 Speaker 2: And I already had too much stuff. So how do you dare disobey me? 00:00:39 Speaker 1: Welcome to.... 00:00:51 Speaker 3: I said no gifts. I'm Bridger Weininger. I've got to pick up the energy. You can't run out of energy four seconds into a podcast. That's tough. Okay, I'm here. I drove on the freeway. Something I've learned recently that everyone should know is if you go 100 miles per hour, you'll lose your license. I just feel like if any podcast audience needed to hear that, it's this one. I've only driven 100 miles an hour once. And I live to tell the tale, but I can't lose my license. Pulling it together, pulling it together. I need you to be hyper-focused. If you're listening to this podcast, I need all of your attention. You need to be seated in a hardback chair. You need to be in a room with minimal, minimal distractions. And if that's not happening, pause and figure it out. Do I have any business to deal with? I tried watching Hellraiser last night. Didn't click. Too many rats. Too much slime. I turned it off after about 25 minutes. I think that's about it. Patreon.com slash I said no gifts. Go there. Do you subscribe to a Patreon? I don't know. You click the buttons. You pick your thing. And then you're off to the races. We're chatting. We're having a good time. Let me see if I actually have any business. Oh, I mean, I did walk into a man at work, into the men's restroom today. And a man had his pants. He was standing at the urinal. And this man had his pants pulled down to a distance that I would describe as different. I saw everything. And I, you know, good for you. You know, it spiced up my day. So reach out, man, and keep doing your thing. Let's get into the podcast. I've got about another 20 seconds of energy left. Today's guests are absolutely fantastic. I'm so excited they're here. It's Darby Lynn Cartwright and Alexis Bevels. You too. 00:03:05 Speaker 4: Welcome to the podcast. Oh, my God. Thank you so much, Bridger, for having us. We're so happy to be here. Also, I have also driven 100 miles an hour once, and I got caught coming back down from 100 at 97 miles per hour. No. I got caught. Because I was on a highway in East Texas and I was in the middle of nowhere and I thought no one would see. So it's like, let's try it. I wanted to try race car driving. What kind of car were you hitting the gas in? No one knows and there's no way to find out. Yeah, there really isn't. So I got a ticket and I had to go to driver school. And my dad was like, that sounds great. We should all do that. So my dad and my mom took it. 00:03:40 Speaker 3: They wanted to just freshen up. 00:03:42 Speaker 4: Yes. I love that. I'm responsible. And then speaking of my dad, it was torture listening to you talk about those stories and not being able to interrupt you. My dad, one time, he used to work for Southwest Airlines. He was a pilot. And so he used to pee with his pilot's pants on the ground. Well, we went to– there was a– I don't know why. It was only like every four years they would do like a holiday party. Every four years? Yeah, I don't know. But it was big. 00:04:08 Speaker 3: Just when a Republican president was nominated. 00:04:10 Speaker 4: There you go. And they rented out a Universal Studios back then before it was Harry Potter. 00:04:15 Speaker 1: Where? 00:04:16 Speaker 4: The whole thing? 00:04:16 Speaker 3: In Florida. 00:04:18 Speaker 4: In Florida. Oh, that makes sense. And the reason, I loved it. It was amazing. But I was young. I was impressionable, 13 or 14. I walk into the bathroom and I see a man. His pants weren't down to a different place. But his, he, oh, he was walking in the bathroom and he just whipped it out just to get ready, walking to the urinal. And so I, too, saw everything. 00:04:40 Speaker 3: He had to, I mean, he was just on his way. 00:04:42 Speaker 4: He was on his way and he saw his peanuts. Some of us think ahead. 00:04:47 Speaker 3: He's efficient. 00:04:48 Speaker 4: Yeah. 00:04:48 Speaker 3: He's not wasting the time walking through the bathroom. 00:04:51 Speaker 4: Yeah. 00:04:51 Speaker 3: You know, you have to be moving while unzipping. 00:04:53 Speaker 4: Yeah. 00:04:54 Speaker 3: Yeah. 00:04:54 Speaker 4: No, was he standing still in the middle of the bathroom? 00:04:57 Speaker 1: No, no, no. 00:04:57 Speaker 4: He was walking in and he was like, he unzipped. It doesn't make sense. And I remember it kind of flopped out. It flopped? Yeah. Well, girl, I'd take mine out too. Good for him. 00:05:09 Speaker 3: Yeah, if you've got it. 00:05:11 Speaker 4: I was in a Hudson News in the O'Hare Airport many years ago during my twink days. I don't want to talk about it, but I am going to talk about it really quickly. And I got cruised in the Hudson News and there was a man, gorgeous body, face had just been, it looked like he'd been staring at the sun his entire life. And so he's from Florida. And I'm looking at the magazines. This was before internet. Oh, magazines. 00:05:40 Speaker 1: No, it wasn't. 00:05:40 Speaker 4: Obviously it wasn't. But it was close to. I mean, I'm youngish. And he whips his dick out and he puts it like, in the magazine he's holding. Like a bookmark. 00:05:52 Speaker 3: Do we know what magazine? Family Circle. 00:05:55 Speaker 4: Okay, can I tell you? I don't, but I... told this story so much over the years I've created a reality where it is actually Martha Stewart living. 00:06:03 Speaker 3: That makes perfect sense that's the one. 00:06:05 Speaker 4: You want to do with it she'd know where to put it you know she's so good at yeah. 00:06:09 Speaker 3: She's got tips and tricks she does. 00:06:11 Speaker 4: Dicks and tricks exactly which is my new magazine coming out next year. 00:06:16 Speaker 3: You're going to revive the publishing world. 00:06:18 Speaker 4: Yeah that's why we're here to announce it now's the time we're getting into publishing print. 00:06:22 Speaker 3: Is back yeah 2027 dick print is back is it. 00:06:29 Speaker 4: It never really was. 00:06:29 Speaker 3: It's an uphill battle. 00:06:30 Speaker 4: Yeah. I got to say, I went to Bad Drag Race at Dynasty Typewriter with Mono and Oscar. They have to pay me every time I say it. And they have like a pit crew boys like in tiny little speedos. 00:06:42 Speaker 3: Right, right. 00:06:42 Speaker 4: And you can see dick print in those. But it also feels wrong to look at it. But then it also feels like I'm drunk at Dynasty Typewriter. I might as well. 00:06:52 Speaker 3: What else am I going to do? 00:06:53 Speaker 4: Exactly. I think that's what, I think they like that. Looking at their wieners? For people to look at their prints. Paul, I looked, but it was quick. 00:07:03 Speaker 3: You're calling out the particular person. 00:07:05 Speaker 4: Paul. 00:07:07 Speaker 3: Paul, reach out. 00:07:08 Speaker 4: Paul, thank you. You should have him on. He's gifted. He's very gifted. It's not like super big, but it's very pronounced. 00:07:19 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:07:20 Speaker 2: How are you? 00:07:21 Speaker 3: I'm good, but I'm wondering, you've had the speeding story. Have you ever driven that fast? You and I are in the club. 00:07:27 Speaker 4: Yes. Oh, no, because my driving instructor, when I was learning to drive before the towers fell, it was like right before the towers fell. We knew not what lay ahead. It was going to be a horrible year. It was a different time. 00:07:40 Speaker 3: A different time for speeding. 00:07:41 Speaker 4: It was. It really was. You'd have to be in a different vehicle, like a plane. So I was in this... driver's ed and he's dead now in my mind but his name was max maxwell okay if he's still alive it's a different guy and he was um he was a stunt guy like a what do they call it stunt man sure close and stunt guys what they call him like they call each other right like. 00:08:05 Speaker 3: Your buddy buddy once you know each other you've been out to dinner. 00:08:08 Speaker 4: Yeah yeah i threw this guy down some stairs he's my my stunt guy um He was the stunt guy in Terminator, either one or two. It's none of my business which ones. And there was a scene where they bust through a wall. A cap for cutie. He's dressed as a cop. And either Terminator or car, one or the other, burst through. It might have been Transformers. Again, I don't. Stop asking me. It's none of my business. So I guess when it happened, he got, like, Severely injured. 00:08:43 Speaker 3: Because he was driving the car. 00:08:44 Speaker 4: Because he was the cop sitting at the table and the wall collapsed on him because of Terminator and or car. 00:08:52 Speaker 3: Does Terminator ever drive a car or is he too fast? Again, probably none of our business. I can't picture Terminator driving a car. 00:09:00 Speaker 4: That I want to dive into. 00:09:01 Speaker 3: Terminator in a little Miata or something. 00:09:03 Speaker 4: A little Miata, tiny Arnold Schwarzenegger. Wouldn't it be fun if you ever met him and it turned out he was really small? He's like 5'6. 00:09:10 Speaker 3: That would be so fun. I would be thrilled. 00:09:13 Speaker 4: Hollywood's all lies. It is lies. Anyway, he almost died, so he had to quit being stunt, and he became driving instructor in Memphis, Tennessee. Kill yourself. And if you got to drive with Max Maxwell, you got to drive his Mustang. The only thing was... You'd have to listen to the story about him almost dying from Terminator every time you were in the car. Every time. And every Friday, we'd watch it. 00:09:38 Speaker 3: You would watch Terminator? 00:09:39 Speaker 4: Or the scene? Just the scene. I've got to see the scene. That almost killed him. Well, if he's still— no, he's probably dead. He's got to be dead. 2000—one second. 00:09:48 Speaker 2: Max, Max, 2000? 00:09:49 Speaker 4: He's old as fuck. He's not happy. 00:09:55 Speaker 3: Do we think Max Maxwell is his stunt name or his birth name? 00:10:00 Speaker 4: I think they're the name of his nipples. Because the only thing that he liked to keep forward more than his story of almost dying because of Terminator and or car was his nipples. His nipples were huge, which I now understand is like a thing when people like to do this sexually. 00:10:20 Speaker 1: Oh. 00:10:20 Speaker 3: Sure. 00:10:21 Speaker 4: Oh, for listeners, first of all, if you're driving, speed up. I am pretending I have erasers for nipples. Yeah. 00:10:29 Speaker 3: Wait, but how does this have anything to do with you going too fast? 00:10:31 Speaker 4: He told me never to drive fast, and I believe Max Maxwell. 00:10:34 Speaker 3: That's true. 00:10:34 Speaker 4: He survived a car and or Terminator. 00:10:37 Speaker 3: Right. I had coached Saluga. 00:10:39 Speaker 4: Coach what? 00:10:40 Speaker 3: Saluga. 00:10:41 Speaker 4: I love that. You had a coach? Yeah. 00:10:43 Speaker 3: Was he hot? Unfortunately, no. He was kind of disgusting, to be honest. 00:10:47 Speaker 4: Drive it off the road. Found some headshots of Max Maxwell. Is that him? 00:10:52 Speaker 1: 2024. 00:10:52 Speaker 4: He's great. 00:10:53 Speaker 3: This guy rules. 00:10:54 Speaker 4: Darby, is that him? 00:10:55 Speaker 3: It's Gandalf. 00:10:56 Speaker 4: Do you have one where his nipples are showing? No, it's got to be him. That's up, man. Fucking crazy. That's incredible. As of 2024. Okay, well, it's 2026. So, who knows? 00:11:05 Speaker 3: Something could happen. Or maybe.... 00:11:09 Speaker 4: Were these taken for his memorial? Is that what it is? 00:11:14 Speaker 3: The day before. 00:11:15 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:11:15 Speaker 4: Instead of getting buried in the ground, he gets buried by a wall. I learned to drive in a Sears. Oh, well, you know what? I'm happy he had a driving school in Sears. Texas is crazy. 00:11:28 Speaker 3: In the building? 00:11:30 Speaker 4: In the mall. In the Sears in the mall, yeah. They had a driving school. It looked like you were going behind where all the workers go. And there was a little classroom there. And I had driving school. Oh, okay. 00:11:41 Speaker 3: I'm picturing you driving through a Sears and I'm thinking, how did I get there? 00:11:45 Speaker 4: Yeah, I started with Max Maxwell and then driving through the wall. Yeah, that's true. I gotta be honest. I gotta be honest. It's my deepest shame that I did actually drive through the Sears. And so they didn't let me pass the first time. But she was a minor, so they couldn't charge her for that debt. I was working in the mines. Yeah, she was also working in the mines. So she couldn't see. She had smoke in her eyes. 00:12:05 Speaker 3: Minors have to take advantage. I feel like minors don't take advantage much advantage of being able to do whatever they want. 00:12:12 Speaker 4: Because we're scared. 00:12:13 Speaker 3: Steal, steal, steal. 00:12:14 Speaker 4: I agree. Steal. My husband. At least. Or copper, whatever they're mining. You ever watch Poldark? Yeah, you ever been there? Poldark. Have you ever been to Poland? No. It's not Poland. What? Poldark is a. 00:12:27 Speaker 3: It's a sci-fi? 00:12:28 Speaker 4: No, it's like a historical romance. Oh, but still, answer the question. Have you ever been to Poland? 00:12:34 Speaker 3: No, but it's a hot new destination. I'm staying at Krakow. 00:12:37 Speaker 4: Really? 00:12:38 Speaker 3: Krakow 2027. 00:12:39 Speaker 4: Krakow 2027. Oh, my God. I said no gifts live. 00:12:42 Speaker 3: It's the new Tulum. 00:12:43 Speaker 4: I said no gifts live. Tulum. 00:12:45 Speaker 1: Wait. 00:12:45 Speaker 4: I went to your last I said no gifts live at Dynasty, and I just want to say, I think I'm older than you. It doesn't matter. 00:12:57 Speaker 3: Well, let's prove it. 00:12:57 Speaker 4: What I'm about to say is not crazy or creepy because we're the same age. 00:13:01 Speaker 3: Okay. 00:13:02 Speaker 4: You were wearing the tiniest little robe and your legs. Have you ever met Elliot Glazer? I love it. 00:13:10 Speaker 3: He was just on the Patreon. 00:13:10 Speaker 4: Y'all have the same, like your legs are overdeveloped. Was it like... Did you have to push the car through the wall to hurt Max Maxwell? How do you build up those muscles? It was distracting as hell. And since we're doing compliments, I'll say that I Said No Gifts is probably my second favorite podcast theme song of all time. 00:13:31 Speaker 3: What's your number one? 00:13:31 Speaker 4: Go ahead and sing it. I said no gifts, your presence is persons in love. And I already have too much stuff. Are you going to sue me for singing it? 00:13:42 Speaker 3: I was just going to say that's like the one song that can be sung on this podcast without the lawyers being like, no, we have to cut it all out. 00:13:49 Speaker 4: Oh, yeah. Oh, that's true. 00:13:50 Speaker 3: I should encourage more guests to sing the theme song. 00:13:53 Speaker 4: Well, we could sing anything from exactly right. My favorite murder. They will definitely sue us. They're very litigious. The podcast is canceled. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Never mind. I think my first is IMHO, the podcast. Go ahead, sing that. She wrote it. 00:14:10 Speaker 3: That's why she sang it. Okay, let's hear it live. 00:14:15 Speaker 4: You wrote it. 00:14:16 Speaker 3: I know. 00:14:16 Speaker 4: I did that so long ago. I can't remember. And I don't listen to them. You're going through a breakup, and you've got a lot on your mind. Okay, you didn't have to bring that. I'm so sorry, Bridger. Would you excuse us for one second? You can step out. Can I see you back here? Please don't listen to this, Bridger. 00:14:28 Speaker 3: I'll turn around. 00:14:30 Speaker 4: I'm so sorry. 00:14:30 Speaker 3: I'm embarrassed for you. 00:14:31 Speaker 4: Yeah, thank you. It's too fresh. I don't want to— and Bridger didn't say it was a good thing. No, I know, but it's like— You need to use this pain. No one can argue with this pain. It's your first big breakup so late in your life. So, so late. It was pretty late. It was like 11 o'clock at night. It was, yeah. But it was pretty painless. Like, he was really nice. I don't even think he meant to do it. He's always been really nice. No. He's so nice. He just realized, like, the meal was coming to an end. He was going to have to go home with you. And it's something he realized he didn't want. Well, I'll tell you what. We were eating our favorite meal together, which was pineapple on pizza. And now I don't have to defend it publicly anymore. So that's a silver lining. Yeah, absolutely. That really is. That really is. 00:15:09 Speaker 1: Do you do. 00:15:09 Speaker 4: Pineapple on pizza? Have you ever seen a pineapple on a pizza? 00:15:12 Speaker 3: I've seen a pineapple on a pizza. 00:15:14 Speaker 4: Crazy. It is pretty crazy. I do like it, but I'm also like, no, pizza is bad. 00:15:20 Speaker 3: I'll eat any of it. Oh, interesting. Now that's where I would disagree. 00:15:22 Speaker 4: Oh, okay. Yeah. While we're fighting. 00:15:25 Speaker 3: Yeah, we're fighting. 00:15:26 Speaker 4: Don't put bok choy on pizza. 00:15:28 Speaker 3: We are getting, I think we've like reached the end of what you should put on pizzas. We're starting to put things on there. We're like, this is now a dare. 00:15:35 Speaker 4: Yeah. You know, it's not— That's why the Republicans are winning. That's exactly— We are too— we' re moving everything too far left. We're too divided about pineapple, and we're fighting with each other. Stop trying to progress fruits into pizzas. Let trans kids be kids or whatever the fuck. I don't—I gotta admit, I'm an ally, but I don't keep up with the slogans. Yeah. Let kids— let trans kids be kids or whatever the fuck. 00:15:59 Speaker 3: Allie. Yeah. Okay, I feel like we've covered— Speeding, which was really important. 00:16:06 Speaker 4: Yeah, we really had to. 00:16:07 Speaker 3: Do we have any other dangling conversations? 00:16:10 Speaker 4: Of course we do. 00:16:10 Speaker 3: I feel like we had a bunch of things that we needed to wrap up. 00:16:13 Speaker 4: Have you ever seen Speed? Yeah, have you ever seen that movie? 00:16:16 Speaker 3: I have, but I haven't seen it in such a long time. All I remember is the end of the movie, does somebody crawl into the sewer? 00:16:23 Speaker 4: You know, near the end, yeah. 00:16:24 Speaker 3: Does he like lift a fire hydrant off the ground and go down or is that? 00:16:28 Speaker 4: Yeah, the drop off. Spoiler alert if you haven't seen Speed. You've only had 40 years to see it. The drop off of the money to Dennis Hopper takes place in a trash can and then the money starts moving. Is Dennis Hopper dead? And Keanu goes, and Keanu goes, huh? And he's like, it's moving. And he runs down into the. That was a really good Keanu. Thank you. And then he runs down and he throws the trash can and he sees there's a hole in the trash can. They got bamboozled and hornswoggled. And so he went down in the hole, and then he's running. And it's not sewers. It's subway tunnels. 00:17:01 Speaker 3: Oh, okay. 00:17:01 Speaker 4: But it's like the backroom subway tunnels. And then he sees the guy, and he's like, don't move. 00:17:07 Speaker 2: Freeze. 00:17:09 Speaker 4: But it's Annie. It's Sandra Bullock. 00:17:10 Speaker 3: She's down there. 00:17:11 Speaker 4: Do Annie. Yeah. 00:17:14 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:17:16 Speaker 3: I need to rewatch Speed. 00:17:18 Speaker 4: It holds up. I got to tell you. 00:17:19 Speaker 3: I believe that. 00:17:20 Speaker 4: I love it. And now we live here where they filmed it. Beth Grant. And Beth Grant. Has Beth Grant ever been on Ice and Ice? 00:17:26 Speaker 1: No. 00:17:27 Speaker 4: Have you ever met Beth Grant? 00:17:28 Speaker 1: No. 00:17:28 Speaker 3: Does she have anything to do with Speed? 00:17:30 Speaker 4: She's in it. She's in it. She's in it. 00:17:32 Speaker 3: She's the bus driver? 00:17:33 Speaker 4: She's the lady that dies. Yeah, she does die. Sandra's the bus driver. They do. Sandra has to take over because the bus driver got shot. Sam. Sam gets shot. 00:17:42 Speaker 3: Shot while at work. 00:17:43 Speaker 4: Sam. Driving a bus. Yeah. That is one of the worst places to get shot. I got on a bus recently and it had a pee smell. Second place is your head. And I thought, what if the speed bus had a pee smell? That would have been terrible. Well, it would have been a hilarious addition to the story. We're talking layers. Yeah. 00:18:00 Speaker 3: How fast is the bus ultimately going in there? Okay, so it. 00:18:04 Speaker 4: Has to go. When it goes above 50, that's when the bomb hits. set like gets activated so it can't go back below 50 and when you're watching it at home in from in texas you're thinking well 50 whatever and when you've been speeding at 100 you're like well it's not that bad but then you get to la and you realize the traffic you can't get up to 50 sometimes oh my god did you know about the traffic you don't know who you're talking it's crazy wait where do you live 50 everywhere what's your street address Where do you keep your spare key? I'll give you my phone. You look like a guy who likes a plant. 00:18:38 Speaker 3: I don't have a spare key. This is something that I need to— I don't either. 00:18:41 Speaker 4: Do you ever lose your keys? It's because you believe in yourself. 00:18:45 Speaker 3: Yeah, because I just know nothing will ever go wrong. 00:18:47 Speaker 4: Oh, you have loving parents. Okay, let me ask you— Are your parents supportive? 00:18:51 Speaker 3: My parents are supportive. 00:18:52 Speaker 4: That sucks, Richard. That's nice. That sucks. That's why you don't have a spare key. Do you do— okay, do you do keys, wallet, phone? Or do you have— sometimes you can do a wallet on your phone case? 00:19:01 Speaker 3: Full bag. 00:19:02 Speaker 1: Full bag. 00:19:03 Speaker 4: You're doing a bag. 00:19:04 Speaker 3: Full bag, which is kind of a nightmare, to be honest, because it's just digging every place I'm at. 00:19:09 Speaker 4: But you're constantly digging. You love a conflict. 00:19:12 Speaker 3: I like to keep myself busy. 00:19:13 Speaker 4: It's affirming for me because I used to be, I like to say I was deep undercover as a dude. 00:19:18 Speaker 3: Right. 00:19:18 Speaker 4: And now I'm trans. He was so sad. That dude was so sad. And now, but now I'm constantly digging in my purse and I'm like, oh, where is it? And then I'm like. Affirming. 00:19:28 Speaker 3: Totally. 00:19:28 Speaker 4: Yeah. 00:19:29 Speaker 3: It does feel, it almost feels like, oh, I'm mom or something. Yeah. 00:19:33 Speaker 4: Oh, I'm trying to run errands. I love being a mom in a Ross. I want to go to a Ross Dress for Less. What did we say I was today? I'm a coastal grandma. Oh, she's a coastal grandma right now. Oh, I love coastal. 00:19:45 Speaker 3: Some wicker? 00:19:46 Speaker 4: A wicker lamp? I saw three of them today. 00:19:49 Speaker 3: Cool. That seems dangerous to me. 00:19:52 Speaker 4: Going back, circling back to penis. I don't think it was like lamps. Connecting it to wickers. I think it was just like... Did you see the trailer to the new movie Wicker starring Olivia Colman? Right? If you use that as your... As your light bulb. Did you see Wicker? 00:20:04 Speaker 1: Wicker? 00:20:04 Speaker 4: No. There's a new movie. 00:20:05 Speaker 3: This has nothing to do with Wicker Man? 00:20:06 Speaker 4: No, but there is a man and he's made of wicker. Nicholas Cage? 00:20:11 Speaker 3: He's Coastal Grandma? 00:20:12 Speaker 4: No. 00:20:13 Speaker 3: Coastal Grandma Horror. 00:20:14 Speaker 1: Who is it? 00:20:14 Speaker 4: It's Alexander Skarsgård. Made of wicker. How many Skarsgårds are there? There's at least 14. There's one a new year. 00:20:20 Speaker 3: It's like a clown car. Yeah, it's Gremlins-esque. 00:20:23 Speaker 4: Are they born fully formed? I think so. I don't know, but you have to go home and watch this trailer. Is it a horror movie? No, it is. I don't know what it is, but it's Olivia Colman and it's like medieval times. And everyone's like, you're old and you're dirty. And she's like, so she goes to Peter Dinklage and she says, I need a husband. And he's like, be at the chapel in a week. And he makes a man out of wicker and it's Alexander Skarsgård. And in the UK trailer, you can see his penis. It's made of wicker. 00:20:50 Speaker 3: And that's made of wicker? 00:20:51 Speaker 4: Yeah. I have a screenshot if you want. 00:20:54 Speaker 3: I'm having a tough time imagining how this works. 00:20:57 Speaker 4: A wicker penis? I think it's going to be her next Oscar. I think it's going to be her next Oscar. Do we have any updates on Dennis Hopper? Is he dead? He died May 29th, 2010. 00:21:09 Speaker 3: Oh, so recently. 00:21:10 Speaker 4: He's been dead for a while. 00:21:12 Speaker 2: 2010? 00:21:13 Speaker 4: Wow. He wouldn't even believe what's going on in the world right now. He'd be so mad about what he's missed. He got out before it happened, yeah. Do you ever, like, when you hear that somebody's loved one died— in 2019 or, like, the beginning of 2020. Do you ever think, like, lucky? 00:21:28 Speaker 3: Absolutely. 00:21:28 Speaker 4: My first reaction is always, like, I'm so sorry for your loss, but also, like, how great for them. 00:21:32 Speaker 3: Oh, they didn't even have to think about it. 00:21:33 Speaker 4: Farrah Fawcett. 00:21:34 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:21:35 Speaker 4: Farrah Fawcett was 2009. Well before whatever's going on now. 00:21:41 Speaker 3: Start naming people who died in, like, 1897. 00:21:45 Speaker 4: Lucky. Lucky little bitch being born in the 1700s, dying of dysentery at 12. Can I ask you a question on your podcast? 00:21:54 Speaker 2: Of course. 00:21:55 Speaker 4: Are you a Murder, She Wrote fan? 00:21:57 Speaker 3: I'm not. You know, I appreciate Angela. I appreciate the tone of the show and everything. But this was just given to me by Maria Thayer. She made this. 00:22:05 Speaker 4: It's beautiful. 00:22:06 Speaker 3: It's gorgeous, right? 00:22:07 Speaker 4: I am a Angela Lansbury super fan. 00:22:10 Speaker 3: Oh, she's the best. 00:22:10 Speaker 4: Her death was one of the worst things that's ever happened to me. 00:22:13 Speaker 3: I've seen her live on stage. 00:22:15 Speaker 4: Murder Seed wrote and it's made out of seeds. And you know what? Bridger, shut the fuck up. You don't watch Murder Seed wrote? You saw who? I need to. 00:22:22 Speaker 3: I need to. 00:22:22 Speaker 4: What'd you see her in, man? 00:22:24 Speaker 3: Blithe Spirit in 2009. 00:22:26 Speaker 4: Yes, you did. Didn't she win a Tony for that? 00:22:28 Speaker 3: I think she may have. 00:22:30 Speaker 4: Blithe Spirit is a beautiful drag name. 00:22:32 Speaker 3: It is, actually. It is, actually. 00:22:34 Speaker 4: Thank you. Can we get some eyes on Blithe Spirit? Is that possible? When's the last time you cried? 00:22:40 Speaker 3: Great question. I actually. 00:22:44 Speaker 3: Pretty recently. 00:22:45 Speaker 4: Oh, are you going through a breakup? 00:22:46 Speaker 3: It was actually for a good reason. 00:22:48 Speaker 4: Oh, good. We'll cut this out. Are you going through a breakup? 00:22:50 Speaker 3: I had gotten a job and it just felt unexpected. 00:22:57 Speaker 4: Oh, that's exciting. Hollywood. That's Hollywood, Bridger. Do you need anybody to help? Do you need anybody to help? Do you need anybody to help you? Do you need anyone for that? 00:23:07 Speaker 3: When was the last time you cried? 00:23:09 Speaker 4: Oh, well, I— This is a tough topic. I just went through a breakup. Oh, so you really did. 00:23:14 Speaker 3: Okay, yeah. 00:23:15 Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what? I've had some time to think about it. It was a beautiful little relationship. 00:23:20 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:23:21 Speaker 4: And it ended at the right moment. That's nice. I agree. I wasn't allowed to say that when it first happened. And he's really sweet. Oh, okay. 00:23:27 Speaker 3: We still love him. 00:23:28 Speaker 4: We love him. 00:23:28 Speaker 3: I'm not on his side, but you can. 00:23:30 Speaker 4: Thank you. Oh, he's so adorable. You'd love him. Yeah. He's single. I don't know if you're interested. I cried— When Angela Lansbury died. 00:23:39 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:23:40 Speaker 4: That was the last time. Yeah. And I'm not going to cry again until Liza goes. 00:23:45 Speaker 3: You're saving it. 00:23:46 Speaker 4: I've got two cries. You're going way before Liza, let's be honest. She's going to live forever. It's crazy. 00:23:53 Speaker 3: She's got another 30 to 40 years in her. 00:23:57 Speaker 4: Sorry, it's one of my favorite things in the world that she's ever done. It's so good. 00:24:03 Speaker 3: I think we do need to talk about something else. You two have kind of been trying to push it off this entire time. 00:24:08 Speaker 2: I'm really sorry. 00:24:08 Speaker 4: Oh, God. 00:24:09 Speaker 3: It was already embarrassing off mic. You kind of walked into the studio holding a gift. And I think you saw that I was visibly upset. 00:24:18 Speaker 4: Yeah. 00:24:18 Speaker 3: You've tried delaying it. You've brought this to the podcast. 00:24:22 Speaker 4: It's time. Yeah. Should we open it here? I think you have to. 00:24:25 Speaker 3: Okay. 00:24:29 Speaker 4: There's some dust on the top. Let us just take care of that real quick. It fell on the ground. It fell on the dust. On the ground. The part where it fell was dusty. 00:24:38 Speaker 3: The dust is born. This is a gorgeous kind of orange velvet box. 00:24:44 Speaker 4: Darby did that. 00:24:45 Speaker 3: I like it. 00:24:46 Speaker 4: It's beautiful, isn't it? Where did this come from? 00:24:47 Speaker 3: Where did you get a box like this? 00:24:49 Speaker 4: It's from a boutique called Imazon run by my good friend Judd Betos. 00:25:01 Speaker 3: Oh, tissue. I was just talking about how we're having a tissue renaissance on the podcast. Everybody's bringing tissue. Oh. 00:25:06 Speaker 4: Say what you said today. I've been saving my tissue. Every time I get a gift, I've been putting it aside because sometimes you do need it. You do. 00:25:14 Speaker 3: And you're like, you never buy tissue. 00:25:17 Speaker 4: It was funny because she said it like she had come up with the idea, though. That was hilarious. Well, it was new for me. Martha Stewart. Thank you. Dicks and Tricks. Dicks and Tricks magazine, living. It was huge. It was huge. It was huge. The bookmark deck? Yeah. 00:25:31 Speaker 3: In a full magazine. 00:25:32 Speaker 4: Listen, Martha Stewart could barely contain it. And that magazine's too big. 00:25:37 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:25:40 Speaker 3: Okay, we're just... You know, I'm really enjoying my time with the tissue. Do you want to put it on your mic? 00:25:46 Speaker 4: Yeah, that would be great. We have three pieces here. 00:25:49 Speaker 3: Let's give the listener a whole stereo. 00:25:53 Speaker 4: But if you're, let's be gentle because I'd love to keep it. 00:25:56 Speaker 3: Oh, that's true. 00:25:56 Speaker 4: It is quite beautiful. 00:25:58 Speaker 3: We just found out. It's kind of a gorgeous Halloween. 00:26:00 Speaker 4: Isn't it though? Tis the season. Isn't it though? Are you rock hard right now? 00:26:06 Speaker 3: Okay. 00:26:08 Speaker 4: At first I thought this was a hat. No. 00:26:10 Speaker 3: This is incredible. Is this actual merch? 00:26:17 Speaker 4: Not yet, but that's a good idea. 00:26:20 Speaker 3: Because it's branded after your pod. How did you even attach this? 00:26:24 Speaker 4: Thank you. I'm shocked. 00:26:26 Speaker 3: I don't even know how to describe this because it's like a tag from the store. How did you tag this? 00:26:31 Speaker 4: Do you have a tagging gun? You know, yeah. She has a tagging gun on TikTok. 00:26:36 Speaker 3: You can get one on there. 00:26:37 Speaker 4: You can get one on... Well, there's a small boutique called Imazon. Which we don't support, obviously. No, no. But my good friend Josh Betos works. He owns it. 00:26:48 Speaker 3: And he lives so nearby that he can kind of get you things over. 00:26:50 Speaker 4: He just popped over. He has to pee in a bottle, though, because he's always on the go. 00:26:57 Speaker 3: Lorna, she died of sepsis. So, listener, it's a gorgeous doll. 00:27:01 Speaker 4: Handmade. Alexis made this from scratch. Well, so I made that doll. And then we realized we were going to be coming to see you. And so I finished it. 00:27:13 Speaker 3: It's kind of Marie Antoinette, kind of French Revolution. 00:27:15 Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I also helped. She helped. If you lift up the skirt, Darby. If you lift up the skirt, I added pubes. Yeah. 00:27:24 Speaker 3: That match the kind of pink cotton candy hair. 00:27:26 Speaker 4: The curtain matches. Exactly. And to match her pussy. Exactly. I can say that. 00:27:31 Speaker 3: I'm an ally. 00:27:32 Speaker 4: Okay. To pubes. To pubes. 00:27:36 Speaker 1: Yes. 00:27:37 Speaker 4: She's named after my great aunt Lorna. She died of sepsis. 00:27:40 Speaker 3: She really did die. 00:27:41 Speaker 4: Sepsis was the name of her horse. Yeah. 00:27:43 Speaker 3: She got trampled by sepsis. 00:27:45 Speaker 4: She got trampled, yeah. She got trampled by sepsis. And she only has one thumb because she, everyone, she was really clumsy and everyone was like, you're all thumbs. And so she was like, not all, not anymore. Not anymore. She took a knife to it. And also Lorna's just such a tragic female name. 00:28:01 Speaker 3: I love the name Lorna. 00:28:02 Speaker 4: Yeah, Lorna Love. 00:28:02 Speaker 3: We had a Lorna in my neighborhood. 00:28:04 Speaker 4: Lorna Dune. No, you didn't. 00:28:06 Speaker 3: She had a temper. 00:28:07 Speaker 4: You had a Lorna? 00:28:08 Speaker 3: Lorna was throwing knives at the family. Lorna had some anger issues. 00:28:13 Speaker 4: That's not her fault. Her name was Lorna. That's on them. You're asking for it with a Lorna. You don't want a kid throwing knives at you. Don't name them Lorna. There's no joy in Lorna. No. Lorna. No. Do you know what Judy Garland did for her sad, sad Lorna? 00:28:30 Speaker 1: What? 00:28:31 Speaker 4: This is a really sweet story, but I love bullying Lorna Left because she wasted $ 200 of my American dollars on a cameo. I don't want to get into it. But Joey and Liza had songs. There were songs. Like, Liza was actually named after the song Liza, I think. And then Lorna didn't have a song. 00:28:51 Speaker 1: Oh. 00:28:51 Speaker 4: And so when Judy Garland had her TV show, Lorna was like, Mama. By the way, the Judy Garland show Christmas special is incredible. Lorna Luft is saying everyone's lines for them if you watch her. And every time she fucks up, she goes. Oh. Yeah, I know. You don't see that. 00:29:11 Speaker 3: On TV anymore. 00:29:12 Speaker 4: Not anymore. 00:29:13 Speaker 3: That's what's wrong with TV, seeing people kind of abuse themselves. 00:29:15 Speaker 4: Well, hopefully AI will bring that back. But so what they did was they just added words to the theme song. Oh, Judy Garland show. Not called it. And there was no yeah, there was no words. it was just the end of it they go and Lorna too. 00:29:36 Speaker 3: Audience applause is just burying that nobody even hears it yeah poor Lorna Lorna feels like a song that there's like an old there would be like an old Irish standard about or something. 00:29:46 Speaker 4: Oh well there should be they didn't have the internet back then so like getting in touch with Ireland was so tough so time consuming didn't even know about it I bet there's no way Judy Garland knew about Ireland there's just. 00:29:56 Speaker 3: No way no how could she have found out no. 00:29:59 Speaker 4: Although she did star in a movie where, like, the central theme of the movie was that she was Irish. 00:30:05 Speaker 3: Well, but maybe... Fiction. Yeah, she's like, what a great fictional... It's kind of like Princess Diaries, where there's a. 00:30:12 Speaker 4: Oh, Genovia. 00:30:13 Speaker 3: Genovia. 00:30:14 Speaker 4: Yeah. Princess... Genovia. The way you said that, Princess Diaries. Oh, interesting. 00:30:18 Speaker 3: How would you say it? 00:30:18 Speaker 1: This is. 00:30:19 Speaker 4: Princess Diaries. 00:30:20 Speaker 3: Princess Diaries. 00:30:21 Speaker 4: Princess Diaries. Prince... Prince... Well, now they don't even sound like words. 00:30:26 Speaker 3: Princess Diaries. 00:30:27 Speaker 4: Princess. 00:30:27 Speaker 3: When I say Princess Diaries, I feel like I'm bursting through a door. Princess Diaries. 00:30:31 Speaker 4: Which is how that movie felt. It was a wake up we needed. 00:30:35 Speaker 3: It was a jolt to a generation. 00:30:36 Speaker 4: Absolutely. Oh, wait. You should write a book. Yeah. Have you ever written a book? Have you ever read a book? I haven't. 00:30:47 Speaker 3: I've been meaning to. 00:30:49 Speaker 4: You've ever written a book? Yes. You wrote a book? No. 00:30:53 Speaker 3: No. Would you ever write a book? 00:30:55 Speaker 4: I'm actually in the process of outlining my first novel. 00:30:58 Speaker 3: It's one of those things where I just think, how does that not take your entire life? 00:31:01 Speaker 4: Yeah. That's why it's taking a long time because I only do it like once a week for a couple minutes. 00:31:08 Speaker 3: You fire up Google Docs. 00:31:09 Speaker 4: Listen, Lorna left to write a book. Anyone can do it. So, yeah. 00:31:13 Speaker 3: That's true. Truly anyone can do it. You just have to do it. 00:31:17 Speaker 4: But I'm really sorry that we brought you a gift. I love it. So do you make a lot of dolls? No, actually, that's the first one I ever made. 00:31:24 Speaker 3: That can't be true. 00:31:25 Speaker 4: But she only had one arm for like two years. And then when we were coming here, I was like, I should finish her. Finish her! And if you look right on the back on the butt, there's a little red spot. No, no, no, on the dress. And it's my blood. That's your blood. That's her blood. Yeah, I pricked myself. Oh, my God. Don't touch it. We don't know what's in it. No, I'm good. 00:31:49 Speaker 1: Look. 00:31:50 Speaker 4: There we go. It's fine. 00:31:52 Speaker 3: Darby. 00:31:53 Speaker 4: Well, I'm sorry. Bridger, please don't listen to this. She thought I was going to say something offensive. Alexis, can I say I genuinely thought you were going to say something offensive. I know. I know. Okay, great. We're back. 00:32:04 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:32:04 Speaker 4: Yeah. She's beautiful, Alexis. She's beautiful. I got to say you did a wonderful job. How did you learn to make her? Okay. 00:32:10 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:32:11 Speaker 4: I made the body out of a pattern on Etsy. I really like to sew. They're wearing the same dress. I need you to sew me some things. They're wearing the same dress. 00:32:19 Speaker 3: Oh, my God. You truly are. 00:32:20 Speaker 4: I wanted to show off. 00:32:21 Speaker 3: Hold this for a minute just for the camera. 00:32:23 Speaker 4: Okay. 00:32:24 Speaker 3: Show off the mommy-daughter look. 00:32:27 Speaker 4: That's gorgeous. 00:32:32 Speaker 3: Is this allowed on YouTube? 00:32:34 Speaker 4: As long as it's not in the first five minutes, you can do anything. Is that true? Yeah. 00:32:38 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:32:39 Speaker 4: Is that true? You have to bleep out curse words in the first 60 seconds or five minutes. I don't remember. But then you can say fuck as much as you want. Can we curse on this show? 00:32:51 Speaker 3: No, we're going to have to go back. We'll do some pickups. 00:32:53 Speaker 4: Can we not curse? 00:32:55 Speaker 3: Yes. You cannot curse for sure. 00:32:57 Speaker 4: Hell yeah. Okay. 00:32:59 Speaker 3: So you just got a pattern on Etsy. 00:33:01 Speaker 4: I got a pattern on Etsy and I wanted to learn how to sew a doll. Did you say slur? No, I got a pattern on Etsy and I wanted to. You said you were slurring. I don't... I can't remember what I just said. 00:33:10 Speaker 3: I can't either. Great. 00:33:13 Speaker 4: And then I've been really into historical sewing methods lately. 00:33:16 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:33:16 Speaker 4: And like hand sewing. I don't know. I want to feel connected to the women of my past. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. 00:33:23 Speaker 3: And. 00:33:24 Speaker 4: How did the women in your past die? Was anything funny? Can I tell you about one of my ancestors? My aunt died of a horse trampliner. 00:33:33 Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. 00:33:34 Speaker 4: Bless her. Yeah. My... My ancestor— okay, I come from Tennessee, and my mom comes from, like, hill folk. And we grew up in Memphis, but family reunions, I'd go out, I'd see a hundred cousins in Somerville, and we would play in the cemetery. It was before internet. 00:33:51 Speaker 3: Oh, when you could just play in the cemetery. 00:33:53 Speaker 4: When you could just play in the cemetery, and you didn't have any worries, except that you'd be in there one day. Well, no, no, no. My family, they're not smart enough to. 00:34:02 Speaker 3: To haunt. 00:34:04 Speaker 4: God just turns them off. Too dumb to be ghosts. They didn't go to heaven. He just turns them off. It's crazy. Anyway, well, unfortunate to say, but my ancestors did in fact fight for the South in the Civil War. One of them died by drinking himself to death under a tree because he could tell they were losing the battle. And all of his friends were dying. So he sat down and he drank moonshine until he died. Oh, no. But you had me until moonshine. Until he died. 00:34:35 Speaker 3: What did you want him drinking? 00:34:37 Speaker 4: I mean, if it was me, it would be like whiskey. A martini. Oh. It'd be whiskey diets. I love a whiskey ginger. Oh, delicious. Do you drink? Have you ever had a drink? 00:34:48 Speaker 3: A whiskey ginger I like. A ginger ale, let's be honest. 00:34:51 Speaker 4: Do you have a drinking problem? 00:34:52 Speaker 3: Is that why you don't drink? 00:34:54 Speaker 1: No. 00:34:54 Speaker 3: My drinking problem is being raised Mormon. 00:34:58 Speaker 4: How did I forget that about you? I've seen your legs. That's what it was. I've seen your legs. I've never seen a Mormon's legs before. 00:35:06 Speaker 3: It threw off your entire idea. It threw me off. 00:35:09 Speaker 4: No, really great job on your legs. Oh, thank you. 00:35:12 Speaker 1: I really appreciate it. 00:35:12 Speaker 4: Can I curse? Can I curse something? 00:35:14 Speaker 3: You can now. 00:35:15 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:35:16 Speaker 4: Really great legs. I curse your legs to be terrible. Sorry. 00:35:19 Speaker 3: Sorry. 00:35:20 Speaker 4: Sorry. Wrong curse. Sorry. Alexis, that's why we keep you around. And also, it's the DEI. 00:35:27 Speaker 3: Ally. 00:35:28 Speaker 4: D-E. Ally. Is that a thing? 00:35:32 Speaker 3: It should be. 00:35:33 Speaker 4: Not at Target. Not at Target, it's not. 00:35:35 Speaker 3: Were either of you doll gals growing up? 00:35:41 Speaker 4: Oh, well, I think we both wanted to be, but we weren't allowed. Sure. I'm from Texas and she's from Tennessee. You did a lot of really good ideas. What do you mean? 00:35:51 Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. 00:35:51 Speaker 4: You got yourself dolls. 00:35:52 Speaker 3: I had a little sister, so I would just bring— Oh, easy to. 00:35:54 Speaker 4: I had to bring— well, not easy, because Mom would come in and check that I wasn't wearing her clothes, because she caught me a couple times. 00:35:59 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:36:00 Speaker 4: But I'd have to bring in boy action figures. That's the only way I was allowed to play with her. I would do that, too. I would be like— because my sisters are older, and they did have Barbies, but they were too old to play with them. Were you an accident? A blessing. A miracle. That's how you say— Yes. 00:36:19 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's never occurred to me. 00:36:20 Speaker 4: Do you know what? 00:36:21 Speaker 3: That's kind of true. 00:36:22 Speaker 4: I think that my sisters are five and seven years older than me, and I think I was on purpose, but I think they wanted a boy. 00:36:30 Speaker 3: Oh, last ditch effort. 00:36:31 Speaker 4: They got one for a second. They got one for a good 37 years. Yeah, that's true. That's incredible. You make a plan. They teach this in Mormonism, right? You make a plan and God loves. 00:36:43 Speaker 3: Yes. 00:36:44 Speaker 4: Anyway, I did. There was one Barbie in particular that I liked. Her name was Hollywood Nails Barbie. 00:36:49 Speaker 3: I love Hollywood Nails Barbie. 00:36:51 Speaker 4: And she could move all her joints. I didn't care about any Barbies that had stiff arms. I needed them to be fully operational. 00:36:58 Speaker 3: Emotive. 00:36:59 Speaker 4: For all the... adventures we were going to go on. But I would go, I would save up. I would walk under a bridge, under the highway, to get to the Walgreens where they sold her. And then she came with space buns in the front, and I didn't know about... Which is insane. Yeah, so I would rip the space buns out. 00:37:16 Speaker 3: What are space buns? 00:37:17 Speaker 4: Just little buns in the front. 00:37:19 Speaker 3: Oh, okay. 00:37:19 Speaker 4: That's what we assume aliens wear. Oh, right. But when you took them out, they wouldn't lie flat, and I didn't like that. So I would rip them out. And then... If I felt like she needed to get a haircut, I would trim it. But I wasn't good at trimming hair back then. So it would be uneven. Back then. And then I would cut, cut, cut until she had a bob. But it didn't look the same. And there's no point in a Barbie without long hair. 00:37:43 Speaker 1: Right. 00:37:44 Speaker 4: So then I would have to go. I would have to shove her. I would throw her in the attic. 00:37:47 Speaker 3: So you were buying multiple Hollywood nails. 00:37:48 Speaker 4: I got about three or four. And I left them all in the attic. So when we moved. 00:37:53 Speaker 3: It's a nice little treat for the next home. 00:37:54 Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't know. It's a bunch of Barbies with bobs. I'm not sure. I'm not sure if that's like a great thing. 00:38:01 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:38:01 Speaker 4: Yeah. But the fact that you were able to, that you had the forethought that I can just save money and get them myself. 00:38:09 Speaker 3: Yeah. 00:38:09 Speaker 4: That's crazy. I did hide a naked picture of a lady in my toy box once. Oh. Yeah. 00:38:15 Speaker 3: Were you found out? 00:38:16 Speaker 1: No. 00:38:17 Speaker 4: If I was, they were thrilled because it was a miracle. Yes, let's push. Yeah, they were like, great, more. Yeah, my brother and I used to– because we grew up Southern Baptist. 00:38:27 Speaker 1: Oh, my God. 00:38:28 Speaker 4: He's straight, though. Okay, I'm sorry. It's okay. I've dealt with it. But because we grew up Southern Baptist, we didn't know anything about our bodies because you're not. 00:38:36 Speaker 3: Allowed to know. Why would you want to know? 00:38:38 Speaker 4: Well, it's just God. God knows. That's it. 00:38:40 Speaker 3: You don't need to know. 00:38:41 Speaker 4: So my brother and I would do something my mom called hurting ourselves. And we would– I got sent home from kindergarten for doing this. We would just lay across hard, like this surface. I'm thinking, damn, that would feel so good right now. So you just lay on an edge and you just hump it. And that's hurting yourself. That's hurting yourself. And so there was, wait, what were we talking about? Oh, the lady in the box. So my friend, Matthew. You're naming names. I haven't talked to him since 1998. So he's probably dead. 00:39:20 Speaker 3: A lot of people died after the 90s. Yeah. 00:39:23 Speaker 4: Well, the 90s was such a, it was party time. So I hid it in my toy box. and I would just like hump the toy box. And then when I was done humping, I would just put her back in with my childhood accoutrement. 00:39:38 Speaker 3: What else was in there? 00:39:42 Speaker 4: Not Barbies. Is this my, I'm going to take my camera. Not Barbies. Not Barbies. Bibles, probably. We had a lot of biblical action figures. 00:39:51 Speaker 1: Oh. 00:39:52 Speaker 4: Did you? 00:39:52 Speaker 1: No. 00:39:52 Speaker 4: Oh, I had a couple of biblical action figures. 00:39:54 Speaker 1: What? 00:39:54 Speaker 4: Did you have Amara and I? 00:39:56 Speaker 3: We didn't have any, like, it was, like, a good thing we didn't have any of those. We had, like, the worst neighbors who had all, like, the Bible animated things. Movies and stuff. 00:40:05 Speaker 4: Us too. 00:40:05 Speaker 3: What horrible home is this? 00:40:07 Speaker 4: Mine. 00:40:08 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:40:09 Speaker 4: But look, I turned out normal. 00:40:11 Speaker 3: It worked for you. 00:40:11 Speaker 4: Yeah. What was your favorite toy when you were little? Are your parents still Mormon? 00:40:16 Speaker 3: Ninja Turtles and Ghostbusters. 00:40:17 Speaker 4: Same. Same. Yes. Did you have the Ghostbusters like firehouse? Oh, I actually did. 00:40:24 Speaker 3: I had the firehouse. 00:40:25 Speaker 4: Who's your favorite turtle? I know who your favorite was from that show was Splinter, wasn't it? 00:40:31 Speaker 3: Actually, I had a rat named Splinter. 00:40:33 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:40:33 Speaker 3: I had a rat named Splinter. 00:40:35 Speaker 4: I knew it. 00:40:35 Speaker 3: It escaped. 00:40:35 Speaker 4: She had a hairless rat. I had a hairless rat named Princess Penelope. Oh, my God. But I got rid of her because I got a dog and I wanted that more. 00:40:42 Speaker 3: Yeah, I would want that more as well. 00:40:43 Speaker 4: I think they fed her to a snake. Snakes were my dreams last night. What do you think that means? 00:40:47 Speaker 3: Well, I've been watching Monsters of God. Have you heard about this? 00:40:50 Speaker 4: Yes. 00:40:50 Speaker 3: The documentary about all the reptile trade? 00:40:52 Speaker 4: Yes. I can't. I don't like snakes. She doesn't do documentaries. 00:40:55 Speaker 3: You're not going to like this. 00:40:56 Speaker 4: She's not going to do documentaries. 00:40:58 Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. 00:40:58 Speaker 4: I'm saving dogs for marriage. 00:41:00 Speaker 3: Oh, smart. 00:41:00 Speaker 4: That's very smart. That fantasy is gone now. But... Or is it even more alive now? I got my chart read a couple years ago, and the star said that I would be lucky in career, which obviously I am. 00:41:13 Speaker 3: She doesn't do anything. 00:41:15 Speaker 4: But I'm also here with you. 00:41:17 Speaker 3: Right. 00:41:18 Speaker 4: But I would be unlucky in love, and I'm scared that the stars are going to be right in this one occasion. 00:41:22 Speaker 3: No, no, no, no, no. Don't let the stars tell you what to do. 00:41:26 Speaker 4: Yeah. Curse you, stars! The stars are blind. I heard that from a philosopher. 00:41:33 Speaker 3: One of our greatest. 00:41:34 Speaker 4: Is your audience going to be mad at us? 00:41:36 Speaker 3: I hope not. I would be very embarrassed if they were mad about this. 00:41:39 Speaker 4: Okay. 00:41:40 Speaker 3: Mad about you. That would be very. 00:41:43 Speaker 4: But Helen Hunt. Where is she? She's in Girls Just Want to Have Fun. You ever seen that movie? Okay, so that is from the 80s. Where is she now? 00:41:50 Speaker 3: Pre. 00:41:52 Speaker 4: I think they're doing... Or did they already do that? 00:41:54 Speaker 3: Is she dead? 00:41:54 Speaker 4: Can we get eyes on Helen Hunt? Yeah. Is she dead? 00:41:56 Speaker 3: They tried the reboot and it lasted about four minutes. And it was like on Spectrum TV or something. 00:42:02 Speaker 4: The reboots don't work. 00:42:04 Speaker 3: You got to stop it with that. 00:42:05 Speaker 4: Can I say that I have it on good authority that she wrote a script for the Twisters reboot and they were going to let her do it. But then. They were like, it's too woke. 00:42:16 Speaker 3: And they fired her. 00:42:18 Speaker 4: So she was like, if you're not using my script, I'm not going to be a. 00:42:23 Speaker 3: Part of it. All of my tornadoes are cis men. 00:42:26 Speaker 4: Yeah. No, they're obviously Jason, Hunter, Oliver. Oliver. Steven was a bad one. What was that? Do you remember that that tornado that killed your older sister? 00:42:43 Speaker 3: I'm sure you've forgotten by now. 00:42:45 Speaker 4: Bobby. Hurricane Bobby. Twister Bobby. Twister Bobby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:42:49 Speaker 3: But she really wrote Twisters 2 and they said no? 00:42:52 Speaker 4: What's your source? I don't want to get the young man in trouble. I know everyone you know. 00:42:56 Speaker 1: No, no, no. 00:42:57 Speaker 4: It was when I was working in a makeup store in North Hollywood. Oh, Nigels. You ever been to Nigels? Oh, I wasn't going to name them. Oh, it's Nigels. And so they would supply a lot of makeup and wigs for like movies. 00:43:08 Speaker 3: Right. 00:43:08 Speaker 4: And this one guy. 00:43:09 Speaker 3: I've been to Nigels. 00:43:10 Speaker 4: She helped Tina Knowles. Yeah, it's nice. 00:43:11 Speaker 3: I've been to Nigels. 00:43:12 Speaker 4: Tina Knowles. Oh, I did help Tina Knowles. 00:43:14 Speaker 3: Oh, my God. 00:43:14 Speaker 4: She didn't know how to use a card reader. Because she's Tina Knowles. 00:43:17 Speaker 3: Why would she? Yeah. 00:43:18 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:43:19 Speaker 4: Go ahead. I dream of Jeannie, Barbara Eden. Oh, she came in. She was fabulous. And then not the next day. Perky enough tits. Oh, good for her. She's 90-something perky. 00:43:28 Speaker 3: She's a genie. 00:43:28 Speaker 4: And I'm not kidding. The next day, one of the original Charlie's Angels came in. 00:43:35 Speaker 3: Wow. 00:43:35 Speaker 4: Yeah, Barbara Eden. 00:43:36 Speaker 3: You may have been one of the last to see her. 00:43:38 Speaker 4: Which Charlie? No one knows. Okay. But anyway, it was a young PA that came in. And if you work in the business, you get a discount. And so I was like, oh, so what are you? And he was like, oh, yeah. And he gave me his credentials. And I saw Twisters on it. And I was like, I'm not supposed to ask. But like, is this going to be good? And he was like, yeah. And then he told me the tea about Helen Hunt. And I was like, oh, man. 00:44:03 Speaker 3: I want to see that Twisters. 00:44:04 Speaker 4: Oh, because it was during the, when the writers went on strike. 00:44:08 Speaker 3: Right. 00:44:09 Speaker 4: Yeah, they were like, started to work on it, and then they had to stop. Right. What if the reason they rejected hers, the reason it was so woke, was that the twisters were a metaphor for the men of Hollywood. They're the ones going around destroying, sucking up while being sucked up. 00:44:27 Speaker 1: Interesting. 00:44:29 Speaker 4: I wonder. I wonder if the big wigs just couldn't handle it. 00:44:32 Speaker 3: It probably hit too close to home. 00:44:34 Speaker 4: You couldn't wear a big or a small wig in a twister. It would fly right off. Yeah, absolutely. But what a feeling. 00:44:38 Speaker 1: Yeah, it might. 00:44:39 Speaker 4: Did you have twisters growing up? Did you have tornadoes? 00:44:41 Speaker 3: We had one tornado in Salt Lake City in 2003. And her name was Jen Shaw. 00:44:45 Speaker 4: Gotcha, bitch! Gotcha, bitch! I'm sorry. 00:44:53 Speaker 3: She's back. 00:44:54 Speaker 4: She's back in the conversation. She's back. I'm so sorry. Jen, I'm so sorry I said that. I'm so sorry. I was speaking for someone else. 00:45:01 Speaker 3: Do you know who's also back? It's Jenny Nguyen. Do you know who that is from season two? 00:45:05 Speaker 1: No. 00:45:06 Speaker 4: Her? 00:45:06 Speaker 3: I saw an Instagram of her today or yesterday, and she had a booger in her nose. 00:45:11 Speaker 4: Well, stars are just like us. That's my favorite part. 00:45:14 Speaker 3: She needed to just take one minute in the mirror before she made a big statement. 00:45:17 Speaker 4: Would you excuse me? One second. 00:45:20 Speaker 1: Yes. 00:45:23 Speaker 4: Put your nose up. I can't see. Put your nose up so I can see it. No, no, no. Get a flashlight. Lean your head back. Further back. Further back. 00:45:36 Speaker 1: Zoom. 00:45:36 Speaker 4: Yeah. 00:45:41 Speaker 3: So. 00:45:41 Speaker 4: I'm going to have to start over. 00:45:42 Speaker 3: But we did have one tornado. Just one. And the rumor was that it was right by the gay bar in Salt Lake. 00:45:50 Speaker 1: Oh. 00:45:50 Speaker 4: God sent it on purpose. Get rid of the bar. We're going to Salt Lake City with our tour, IMHO Live. We've never been to Salt Lake. I'm so excited. 00:45:57 Speaker 3: It's wonderful. 00:45:58 Speaker 4: It's being announced soon. 00:45:59 Speaker 3: It's a lovely city. 00:45:59 Speaker 4: Oh, yeah. Oops, sorry. It's being announced soon, but we're so excited. 00:46:01 Speaker 3: This is a scoop. This is a Hollywood scoop podcast. 00:46:04 Speaker 4: This is a Hollywood scoop podcast. That's it. 00:46:05 Speaker 3: I'm always digging for scoops. 00:46:07 Speaker 4: You're the number one gotcha journalist. Yeah, you have been asking really fucked up questions. It's kind of alarming. 00:46:15 Speaker 3: I've lost a lot of respect. 00:46:17 Speaker 4: Have you lost anyone you love? 00:46:18 Speaker 1: No. 00:46:20 Speaker 4: That's good. It'll happen, though. We're never promised tomorrow. 00:46:24 Speaker 3: No, no, no, no. Not for me. 00:46:27 Speaker 4: Okay, well, good. Great. It'll happen. And when it does, it's going to devastate you, but just know it's going to happen. And it's probably going to happen. I lost someone recently. Well, but he's still alive. He's actually probably living his best life. He's in Glendale. Yeah. He's in Glendale. He's probably on Brand Avenue. Oh, my God. 00:46:52 Speaker 3: Shopping. 00:46:53 Speaker 4: Dining. Ikea. Ikea. Wait, that's Burbank. 00:47:01 Speaker 3: Ikea's Burbank. 00:47:02 Speaker 4: It's close enough. No, those are very different cultures. Burbank goes into Glendale. Doesn't Burbank touch... Can we get eyes on Burbank touching Glendale? Okay, they touch. Can we? Helen Hunt's still alive. Just want to get. 00:47:13 Speaker 3: She's on the border of Burbank and Glendale. 00:47:15 Speaker 4: And Glendale. 00:47:16 Speaker 1: Exactly. 00:47:16 Speaker 3: She's lost. 00:47:17 Speaker 4: Yeah. 00:47:18 Speaker 3: I think we should play a game. 00:47:18 Speaker 4: She wasn't on that show. Oh, a game? 00:47:20 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:47:20 Speaker 4: Yes. I'm ready. Yeah. Wait, what? I'm excited. No, what were you going to say? You were going to be mean. No, I wasn't. You had that look in your eye. 00:47:27 Speaker 3: Just be mean for once. 00:47:29 Speaker 4: Okay. Is that you? Is that supposed to be you? 00:47:31 Speaker 3: It's just, it's not supposed to be, but it happens to look like. 00:47:37 Speaker 4: No, it doesn't. No, the chins are completely different. Very different chins. 00:47:41 Speaker 3: That's where the artist really dropped the ball. 00:47:43 Speaker 4: You would do so well in the olden days. I mean, partially just because you're a white man, but also like— Hey, we don't know that. We don't know that. You're right. I can't assume your background. 00:47:56 Speaker 3: Thank you. 00:47:57 Speaker 4: You are half-clown. Where does ginger come from? Is it like a family curse? Are both your parents ginger? No, my dad was. 00:48:07 Speaker 3: He turned brown over time. 00:48:10 Speaker 4: I thought you were going to say he's gone. And you just said you've never lost anyone. 00:48:16 Speaker 3: That would be such a reveal to be like, I haven't lost anyone I love. 00:48:21 Speaker 4: I can't wait for my dad to die. 00:48:28 Speaker 2: Okay, wait. 00:48:28 Speaker 4: Let's play a game. 00:48:29 Speaker 3: Let's play a game. I need a number between 1 and 10 from you. 00:48:32 Speaker 4: Go ahead. 00:48:34 Speaker 3: This is why you're here today. 00:48:37 Speaker 4: Six. 00:48:38 Speaker 3: Okay, I have to do some light calculating to get our game pieces. 00:48:41 Speaker 4: Thank you. 00:48:41 Speaker 3: So right now, promote, recommend, do whatever you want. 00:48:44 Speaker 4: I'll be right back. I just watched a show called The Women of Substance. And it's like a Brit box show. I love a Korean drama. God, it was so good. And it was this woman who was wronged by a very rich family when she was working as a maid. I mean, basically culture that, let's be honest. And so she ended up working her way out of adversity. We've had a lot of, we've had our finger on the pulse there for a while. The number one, like, fabric designer, fashion designer lady. I love, like, and it takes place in two time periods. You don't even notice that you're reading subtitles anymore. Promote your podcast, for God's sake. 00:49:19 Speaker 3: I mean. 00:49:20 Speaker 4: IMHO the podcast wherever you get your podcast we also have a really fun Patreon we do IMHO the show on Patreon we do and we also have a YouTube series called IMHO the show which we'll we are getting back to where we review Drag Race sometimes Yeah. Listen, everyone gets tired. Okay. And all stars. We had to have a summer break this year. Well, that was because it was a mental health. It was a mental health. Oh, are you a part of this? It's way too hot. Are we supposed to be talking to you? 00:49:52 Speaker 3: We can do whatever we want. We're on a podcast. 00:49:54 Speaker 4: Okay. I like the way you think. Okay. Also, we're going on tour this fall. Tour will be announced soon. Go to imhotheshowlive.com. And I do trivia now the fourth Sunday of the month at the Witch's Cottage in North Hollywood. Have you been to the Witch's Cottage yet? 00:50:11 Speaker 3: No, it was just delightful to me. 00:50:13 Speaker 4: It is a brand new, like I think they opened in the last couple of months. It was an old bank. 00:50:17 Speaker 1: Oh. 00:50:18 Speaker 4: It was an old bank and then it was the federal. It was like an event space. Okay. And now it's a Witch's Cottage, but It's a bar. It's a cafe. It's a theater space. They have a Dungeons & Dragons room. I know you love Dungeons & Dragons. You can't get enough. 00:50:33 Speaker 3: I would prefer a bank. 00:50:34 Speaker 4: There's many different venues within the venue. I do trivia. It's witchy. It's witchy. It's decorated and it's like queer-owned, women-owned. It's beautiful. Women can be queer? 00:50:47 Speaker 3: Losing interest. 00:50:49 Speaker 1: Oh. 00:50:52 Speaker 3: First you tell me it's not a bank. Then you tell me it's Wimino. 00:50:55 Speaker 4: Yeah. 00:50:56 Speaker 3: This is tough. 00:50:57 Speaker 4: This is tough. This is tough on Bridger. Just lost a customer. 00:51:01 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:51:01 Speaker 3: Okay. 00:51:02 Speaker 4: I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'll go. Give it a shot. I'm going this Sunday to see you do your trips. I'm making the trivia questions. Oh, how fun. It is kind of fun. It is kind of fun because she's not good at it. So it's fun to see what she comes up with. 00:51:14 Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah. First, we're going to play a game called Invite List. I'm going to start naming a list of celebrities. You tell me if they're invited or not invited. You can tell me why if you want. You don't have to. Once you get to 10, that's the party. 00:51:27 Speaker 4: That's the party. Are you keeping score? 00:51:30 Speaker 3: Ellis, producer Ellis will keep score. 00:51:31 Speaker 4: You keep score. They'll tell us when we get to nine. We'll also just get eyes on Helen Hunt. Is she in Glendale or Burbank? And what, do we get to decide the food, do we get to decide the theme of the party afterwards? 00:51:41 Speaker 1: Oh, absolutely. 00:51:42 Speaker 3: You're welcome to. 00:51:42 Speaker 4: Or during, before? 00:51:43 Speaker 3: It's kind of whenever you want, to be honest. 00:51:45 Speaker 4: I think it should be after. I feel like after is. 00:51:47 Speaker 3: A good time to do it. 00:51:48 Speaker 4: Okay, we're going to start with the guest list and then go to the theme. 00:51:50 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:51:50 Speaker 3: All right. Dean Kuntz. 00:51:53 Speaker 4: Yes. Have you seen the picture he posted of himself? for his birthday this year. He turned 104 and he took a picture of himself and he's got his little bowl cut. He looks like the oldest five-year-old you've ever seen. And he made a joke about like, he's not good at jokes. Have you read his books? You don't understand. He made a joke about like, I'm going to Vegas for my birthday and I'm going to spend time with SpongeBob. What the fuck, Dean Kuntz? It's crazy. I was thinking of Jeff Kuntz. Oh, interesting. And so I was saying yes to Jeff Koontz, but I don't think we're saying no. We're saying no to Dean Koontz. I don't like adults who look like children. That's valid. You're valid. And if your name is Dean, I don't know about you right now. Also, Dean, let me talk to you right now. Hold on. There's a lot of names we've got to get through. I love your hair. I love your hair. But also, your books, they start out so great, and then it's like you get bored. But you're hooked. What's that? Oh, he's good at a hook. He's good at a hook. 00:52:50 Speaker 3: You know, you're in a Hudson News show. You read the first page. 00:52:54 Speaker 4: Yeah, but his books are really small. 00:52:55 Speaker 1: Right. 00:52:56 Speaker 4: Well, that's for his stick. So we're up to zero guests. Up to zero guests. 00:53:02 Speaker 3: Tiffany Thiessen. 00:53:03 Speaker 4: Yes. Yes. Oh, my God. Yeah. 00:53:06 Speaker 3: Rachel Maddow. 00:53:08 Speaker 4: I have to say yes. 00:53:10 Speaker 3: Okay. 00:53:10 Speaker 4: For my father-in-law. My father-in-law was a conservative who became a super liberal because of his gay ass son. He died in an Airbnb in North Hollywood a few years ago. Cleaning up Diet Coke. He was cleaning up Diet Coke, and he did clean it up. There was no mess. It was just his body. But it did spill. But it did spill. It did spill beforehand because we saw the stain. 00:53:31 Speaker 3: Was Maddow blasting on the TV in the background? Is that the connection here? 00:53:35 Speaker 1: Almost. 00:53:35 Speaker 4: Almost? Well, wait. Yes, absolutely she was. He loved Rachel Maddow. But on their flight out here for what we thought was going to be a nice Christmas, but what ended up being his funeral, was he sat next to John Voight. 00:53:47 Speaker 3: Oh, boy. 00:53:48 Speaker 4: That's a tough— And he lost his book, and he was reading a Rachel Maddow book, and John Boyd was reading a MAGA Bible book or whatever. And I'm so glad that he lost the book so that John Boyd didn't hit him in his final week of life. Although we saw John Boyd's staples, and he is not looking healthy. 00:54:08 Speaker 3: What's he doing at a staple? 00:54:10 Speaker 4: I don't think he knew he was there. His business. He just wandered in and out. 00:54:14 Speaker 3: He loves the dry air. 00:54:15 Speaker 1: Yes. 00:54:15 Speaker 4: Yeah. Ice tea. Absolutely. Yes. Oh, my God. Only if we can have Coco. Coco. 00:54:24 Speaker 3: Oh, my God. 00:54:25 Speaker 4: Coco. Don't they kind of come as a– Where's Coco? Maybe he can FaceTime her during the party. 00:54:29 Speaker 3: Yeah. She feels like a good FaceTime. 00:54:31 Speaker 4: Yeah. I think we'd only want ice tea because we'd want him to quote Law & Order. Would we actually want to talk to ice tea? I'm obsessed with– yeah. Great. 00:54:39 Speaker 3: Yeah. 00:54:39 Speaker 4: I'm obsessed with Law & Order SVU. 00:54:42 Speaker 3: Jennifer Coolidge. 00:54:43 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:54:44 Speaker 4: Yeah. 00:54:45 Speaker 3: Shelly Miscavige. 00:54:47 Speaker 4: If we can find her. 00:54:48 Speaker 3: It's a good invite to send out and just be like, she might be coming. 00:54:51 Speaker 4: She might be coming. She might not. Let's say no, but she's invited. But she doesn't come. 00:54:55 Speaker 3: Oh, interesting. 00:54:55 Speaker 4: So can that not be one of the 10? 00:54:57 Speaker 3: Sorry. Oh, that's the invite? 00:54:59 Speaker 4: You only have 10. We can't invite Sally Miscavige. We can't find her. That's what I'm saying. We shouldn't invite her. She doesn't know who that is. Tell us who that is. Shelley Miscavige. So Scientology. 00:55:13 Speaker 3: You got it. 00:55:14 Speaker 4: And they killed her or whatever. 00:55:15 Speaker 3: Well, they've done something with her. 00:55:16 Speaker 4: They've done something with her. Or maybe not. 00:55:18 Speaker 3: Legally speaking, we don't know. 00:55:19 Speaker 4: What they've done with her. Or maybe not. 00:55:21 Speaker 3: Or she might just be having the time of her life. In some compound. 00:55:25 Speaker 4: They have beautiful Christmas decorations, Scientologists. 00:55:28 Speaker 3: They really know how to do it. 00:55:29 Speaker 4: I want to go in that building someday. The celebrity one, not the blue one. 00:55:32 Speaker 3: Celebrity center and the blue one. 00:55:33 Speaker 4: You in the celebrity center? 00:55:35 Speaker 3: Oh, you can walk right in there. 00:55:36 Speaker 4: What do you do when you go in? They got to crack a window. 00:55:38 Speaker 3: I say this every time. Stuffy, stuffy place. 00:55:40 Speaker 4: It looks stuffy. It does look stuffy. Is it nice in there? 00:55:43 Speaker 1: No. 00:55:44 Speaker 3: It's dingy. 00:55:46 Speaker 4: Do they make eye contact with you? 00:55:48 Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. 00:55:48 Speaker 3: They make very strong eye contact. Love that. 00:55:50 Speaker 4: Hate that, but I love it. 00:55:51 Speaker 3: Oh, smoke. I didn't see anybody smoking, but they probably do. That's a smoking religion. 00:55:56 Speaker 4: Garly, who was smoking on her way down Ventura Avenue today, I want you to know you're not the only person on that sidewalk. You are affecting 100 feet behind you. 00:56:07 Speaker 3: Oh, I don't like to hear this. 00:56:09 Speaker 4: You stupid bitch. And I want to say you look like you have a great personality. Smoking's back in a huge way, unfortunately. 00:56:16 Speaker 3: Is it? 00:56:17 Speaker 1: Is it? 00:56:18 Speaker 4: Yeah. 00:56:18 Speaker 3: Don't love to hear it. 00:56:19 Speaker 4: Now our teeth will make sense. You know what? Silver lining. 00:56:24 Speaker 3: Cuba Gooding Jr. 00:56:25 Speaker 4: No. 00:56:26 Speaker 3: No. 00:56:27 Speaker 4: No, but my dad flew him on a Southwest Airlines one time and he said he was nice to him. And his hot son stayed at an Airbnb next to her house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:56:34 Speaker 3: Oh, my God. So many connections to Cuba. 00:56:36 Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot. Wait, just to get confirmation, yes or no on Shelley? It's going to be a no on Shelley. Got it. I apologize, Ellis. But thrilled that she knew who she was. 00:56:45 Speaker 3: Yeah. 00:56:46 Speaker 4: Yeah. I know stuff sometimes. 00:56:48 Speaker 3: Eric Trump. 00:56:49 Speaker 4: No. 00:56:49 Speaker 3: Okay. 00:56:50 Speaker 4: Which one's that? 00:56:51 Speaker 3: That's the scariest of all. 00:56:53 Speaker 4: Oh, no. I want the boy that they're stretching. Is that Safari? 00:56:57 Speaker 3: No, Safari, I think, is the other one. Well, I bet they're all Safari. 00:57:00 Speaker 4: Who's the boy that they're stretching? He looks crazy. 00:57:04 Speaker 3: What is the boy's name? 00:57:05 Speaker 4: Hudson News. 00:57:07 Speaker 3: He's at NYU. 00:57:08 Speaker 4: Barron. 00:57:09 Speaker 3: Barron. 00:57:10 Speaker 4: Yeah. They're stretching him, which is ironic. Why? Because if she was able to have a child, she's not Barron. That's as ironic as anybody lyric from the song Ironic from the musical Jagged Little Pill. Eric Trump is a no. 00:57:26 Speaker 3: Anthony Hopkins. 00:57:28 Speaker 4: No. 00:57:29 Speaker 1: Oh. 00:57:29 Speaker 4: I don't want to hear your stories. Is that the one from Psycho? No, that's Anthony Perkins. Okay, so no. Anthony Hopkins, no. 00:57:38 Speaker 3: Karen O. 00:57:40 Speaker 4: Wait, from Miley Cyrus? 00:57:41 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yes. 00:57:43 Speaker 4: Oh, I don't know who that is. 00:57:44 Speaker 3: You don't know Karen O? No. Oh, you've got to know Karen O. 00:57:47 Speaker 4: Why know Karen? 00:57:47 Speaker 3: She's fantastic. 00:57:48 Speaker 4: Karen Kilgariff. There are a lot of great Karens, to be honest. Yeah, they really got a bad rap. 00:57:53 Speaker 3: It's a shame about that name. 00:57:54 Speaker 4: It should be Linda. I've never met a bad Karen, to be honest. It should be Linda. 00:57:58 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:57:58 Speaker 3: Linda's a stronger choice. 00:58:00 Speaker 4: My Aunt Linda doesn't drive. You knew a bad Linda. 00:58:03 Speaker 3: Linda was the family in the neighborhood with all of the Bible animated things. She sucked. The neighbor's dog bit her, and we were all happy about it. Oh! Chauncey bit Linda. 00:58:11 Speaker 4: Is she alive? 00:58:12 Speaker 1: Chauncey, oh. 00:58:12 Speaker 4: Is Linda alive? 00:58:13 Speaker 3: I hope not. 00:58:14 Speaker 4: Can we get eyes on Linda? 00:58:15 Speaker 3: A lot of people died after the 90s. 00:58:16 Speaker 4: She had Bible in yard. I'm sorry, Karen. It's going to be a no for Karen O. 00:58:22 Speaker 3: Educate yourselves on Karen O. She's great. 00:58:24 Speaker 4: I've got a lot on my plate right now. It's fucked up you told two women what to do. 00:58:30 Speaker 3: This is my life, demanding women do things. 00:58:32 Speaker 4: That's true. That's affirming, actually. Pope Leo. My friend Patrick. Their parents are friends with Pope Leo and Pope Leo personally invited them to the Vatican to hang out. And they went and I said, Patrick, if you don't go, I'm going to be mad at you. And Patrick said, I wasn't invited. And I said, you go, you ask for forgiveness. The Pope's right there. I think he does. 00:58:54 Speaker 3: There's such a thing as a plus one. 00:58:55 Speaker 4: He does that. I was like, you've got to get in that golden city and you've got to release the. 00:59:00 Speaker 3: The Files or whatever. And Shelley Miscavige. 00:59:02 Speaker 4: And Shelley. Wouldn't that be great? Wouldn't that be great? She's in the hat room. She's just like, I'm just Catholic now. She has an apartment. in Rome. Shelley Miscavige. She's just Catholic. 00:59:16 Speaker 3: That's a drag name. 00:59:17 Speaker 4: That's really good. That's a drag name. Yes. 00:59:20 Speaker 3: That's a good one. 00:59:21 Speaker 4: We should do a drag show in the Science Center. So I'm going to say no to the Pope because we know the Chicago stuff. What are we going to talk about? Yeah. The socks. We've already done that. 00:59:30 Speaker 3: John Cusack. 00:59:31 Speaker 4: Oh, my God. Yes. But only if we can call Joan. 00:59:35 Speaker 3: Yeah. 00:59:35 Speaker 4: Yeah. That's why. 00:59:36 Speaker 3: That would be my. 00:59:37 Speaker 4: She used to go to that garden. Olive Garden? Do you know that garden when I used to live on Olive in Chicago and there was that garden a few blocks up? They're really nice. 00:59:50 Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:59:50 Speaker 4: The garden center. She used to go there all the time. 00:59:53 Speaker 3: Magic Johnson. 00:59:54 Speaker 4: How is. So he's. 00:59:57 Speaker 1: He. 00:59:58 Speaker 4: Totally fine. Totally fine. I feel like he got HIV AIDS very early. 01:00:04 Speaker 3: So early. 01:00:05 Speaker 4: And then like nothing happened. 01:00:07 Speaker 3: I almost feel like. 01:00:08 Speaker 4: Yeah, because it's. 01:00:09 Speaker 3: Was he pouring money into HIV treatment? 01:00:12 Speaker 4: That must have been it. And that's like helped propel things? No, this was like early, babe. Oh, that's an interesting thought. This was like early, early. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. But you know what? Fuck, yeah. He loves his queer-ass son. Seems like a good guy. His queer-ass son. 01:00:24 Speaker 3: Seems like a fun uncle type. 01:00:25 Speaker 4: Yeah, and his name is Magic. 01:00:26 Speaker 1: That's fun. 01:00:27 Speaker 4: That's fun. I mean, that alone. Yeah. So that's yes. Yeah. Yes, and? 01:00:32 Speaker 3: Piers Morgan. No. 01:00:34 Speaker 4: P.S. I've already met my dad. Have you ever seen the clip of him interviewing Baby Reindeer Girl Lady? 01:00:41 Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. 01:00:42 Speaker 4: And she's like, P.S., That was really good. I shouldn't make fun of her. You are making fun of her. No, I was making fun of her eyes and ability to make eye contact. 01:00:52 Speaker 3: Soulja Boy. 01:00:54 Speaker 4: No, I don't support. No, but I appreciate the choreography. 01:00:56 Speaker 3: Oh, sure. 01:00:58 Speaker 4: Oh, yeah. Sam Smith. Now, I know who that is, but remind your audience. I don't know if they know. 01:01:09 Speaker 3: Sam Smith's a singer. 01:01:10 Speaker 4: The singer. 01:01:11 Speaker 3: Oh. I don't know that much about Sam Smith, to be honest. 01:01:15 Speaker 4: No. Okay. We can have anyone we want, and we're going to go with a person. We have to stop and go, now, what does he do? That's so mean. Although I would love to watch Magic Johnson try and understand what Sam Smith does. I bet they would get along, actually. 01:01:30 Speaker 3: They probably would love each other. 01:01:30 Speaker 4: That's why I thought maybe— We should invite them. That's so nice. But no, this is about us. Okay, we're going to say no to Sam Smith. MIA. They also couldn't be found, so no. Yeah. We lost them. 01:01:43 Speaker 3: Megan Fox. 01:01:44 Speaker 4: Yes. You know what? Sure. I bet she's funny. I bet she's beautiful. 01:01:50 Speaker 3: Yeah, I bet she does have a snappy. I bet she's fun to look at. 01:01:52 Speaker 4: I bet she's funny, and I like that. There's a movie on Netflix that she's like, handcuffed to her husband. They're trying to kill each other. I love that. 01:01:59 Speaker 1: Oh, interesting. 01:01:59 Speaker 3: I love that. 01:02:00 Speaker 4: Holiday in Handcuffs starring Melissa Joan Hart and Slater. Yeah. No, Slater. A.C. Slater? Yeah. Oh, Mario Lopez. Yeah, and they fall in love. She got a bad perm. 01:02:11 Speaker 3: Okay. Kerry Washington. 01:02:15 Speaker 4: Oh, my God, yes. Oh, yeah, yeah. I need to ask her about her relationship with her co-star. 01:02:19 Speaker 1: Oh, interesting. 01:02:20 Speaker 4: I just need to know. I'm sorry. I know she's not good. She's going to hate it. 01:02:23 Speaker 3: Corner her at your own party. 01:02:24 Speaker 4: Well, we lock the doors. 01:02:25 Speaker 1: Yeah. 01:02:27 Speaker 3: Billy Crystal. 01:02:27 Speaker 4: Oh, yes. I'll have what he's having. 01:02:31 Speaker 1: All right. 01:02:32 Speaker 4: That's nine. Oh, we're at nine? 01:02:35 Speaker 3: Uh-huh. 01:02:36 Speaker 4: Wait. This is such a mixed bag of. 01:02:39 Speaker 1: I know. 01:02:39 Speaker 3: This group is going to... You're going to need to have some sort of icebreaker game. 01:02:43 Speaker 4: Well, we're going to need to have a little magic. 01:02:46 Speaker 3: A little magic. 01:02:47 Speaker 4: There you go. Magic. Thankfully, we do. 01:02:49 Speaker 3: Rumor Willis. 01:02:51 Speaker 4: I really want to say yes. No, we're definitely saying yes. Wait, what? But we only have one more. Don't you want to hear who else? I'm sick of Rumor Stardom. If that song was written about Rumor Willis, that'd be so funny. Lindsay Lohan's alive and I'm so glad. She said in the first issue of Nickelodeon magazine that she would never do a song career, and then she did. Oh, what a betrayal. But her song was incredible. She's a liar. Let's just say no because we don't feel good about it. Because her dad's going through a lot. 01:03:22 Speaker 3: That's true. 01:03:22 Speaker 4: I want her to have free time. 01:03:23 Speaker 3: To spend with him. 01:03:24 Speaker 4: And she's genuinely so good in The House Bunny. Oh, my God. 01:03:27 Speaker 3: I didn't see The House Bunny. 01:03:28 Speaker 4: It's really good. It's really good. You're going to want to see that. You don't see a lot of movies, do you? 01:03:34 Speaker 1: Wait, what? 01:03:34 Speaker 4: The House Bunny is like a gay, an iconic gay cult classic. I've never seen The House Bunny, no. We don't know that Bridger's gay. Yeah, I think I put off a very straight vibe. How could you possibly think that? No, straight men don't have legs like yours. 01:03:48 Speaker 3: I'm mistaken for a straight man all the time. 01:03:50 Speaker 4: Yeah, it probably happens a lot. 01:03:53 Speaker 3: Julie Andrews. 01:03:54 Speaker 4: Okay, there we go. 01:03:56 Speaker 3: I was waiting for you to say yes to rumor, then be mad about Julie. 01:04:00 Speaker 4: You can't get us. Who's on our list? 01:04:04 Speaker 3: Ellis, would you read the list? 01:04:05 Speaker 4: I think it's... All righty. It's Tiffany Thiessen. Oh, great. Rachel Maddow. Yes. Ice-T. Yeah, that's for me. Jennifer Coolidge. Yes. John Cusack, but only if you can call Joan. Yeah. Magic Johnson. Yeah. Magical. Megan Foxx. Yeah. So beautiful. Kerry Washington. Of course. What's going on? Billy Crystal. 01:04:27 Speaker 2: Okay. 01:04:28 Speaker 4: Yes. And finally, Julie Andrews. Dang. This is a beautiful evening. 01:04:33 Speaker 3: It's quite an evening. 01:04:34 Speaker 4: Shoshana Bean was in Billy Crystal's last Broadway show. She played his daughter, I think. I didn't see it. Shout out to Shoshana Bean. Shoshana Bean's my favorite alphabet. Okay. I think this is a tea party. What? Yeah. This could work as a tea party. I think this is a gorgeous tea party. We can throw tea into the river. We can throw tea in the river and we can spill tea and we can drink tea and have those little sandwiches. You know what? And we can all have dolls beside ourselves. There can be dolls. I'll make dolls. You have to stop making dolls. I think I've started a new career trajectory because I had so much fun making that. If you want to start a new career, I love that. I do require 10% because I do keep you alive. 01:05:14 Speaker 3: Yeah. She's your rip. 01:05:16 Speaker 4: Yeah, I am. 01:05:17 Speaker 3: Manager, agent, lawyer. 01:05:19 Speaker 4: I do it all. 01:05:20 Speaker 1: Oh. Yeah. 01:05:21 Speaker 3: Triple threat in legal sense. 01:05:23 Speaker 4: I will never let anything bad happen to you unless I do it. Just know that. Thank you. You're welcome. You have a booger in your nose. 01:05:31 Speaker 1: I know. 01:05:31 Speaker 3: I'm so glad you told her. 01:05:32 Speaker 1: No, you don't. 01:05:33 Speaker 4: I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. What a nightmare. Oh, my God. 01:05:41 Speaker 3: Okay. 01:05:41 Speaker 4: We're having fun. 01:05:42 Speaker 3: We need to answer a listener question. 01:05:44 Speaker 4: Okay, please. Oh, great. 01:05:45 Speaker 3: We're going to answer one from the Patreon where they're just kind of asking questions. You know, things that aren't– they don't need help. These people have helped themselves. Their lives are in control. They just want answers. 01:05:55 Speaker 4: Okay. 01:05:56 Speaker 3: So let's see. I'll just– okay, here we go. This is from a listener named Sydney. If you had the opportunity to meet your idea of a higher power, what gift would you bring them? 01:06:08 Speaker 4: Sydney, that was insane. 01:06:10 Speaker 3: Sydney's asking a big question. 01:06:12 Speaker 4: Sydney, are you mad at us? No. With that question, Sydney is definitely they-them art studio owner. We come from religious trauma. Hell yes. Are you religious trauma? Mormon. He's a Mormon. No, I know. That's traumatic. It's nice to ask. Although his parents are supportive, and so that's not so traumatic. Okay, so let's say we're meeting our higher... First of all, we have different higher powers. We definitely do. 01:06:40 Speaker 3: We have different ideas of a higher power. 01:06:43 Speaker 4: Mine is a twister. Cool. 01:06:47 Speaker 1: No. 01:06:48 Speaker 4: I don't know. She's panicking. I'll go. You go. I have to think. My higher power is Judy Garland's gay dad. 01:06:57 Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. 01:06:57 Speaker 4: Francis. And I would bring him... Oh. 01:07:04 Speaker 4: Would, no, I would bring him a copy of The Wizard of Oz because he died before she made it. And I'd say, this is your daughter, but then I won't tell him what happened to her. 01:07:14 Speaker 3: And don't tell him about COVID or anything that's happened. 01:07:17 Speaker 4: I might do a little COVID. I think he'd like it because he still doesn't even know about World War II. So far removed, right? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. When I was a teenager, right around the time that I saw that man's Full penis flopping around at the Universal Studios. Islands of Adventure in Orlando, Florida. I made a promise to God that I would wait until marriage to have Congress. And so I think when I finally meet my higher power, I'm going to give him my virginity. 01:07:54 Speaker 3: Oh, that's so sweet. 01:07:57 Speaker 4: Can you give him something you don't have? I lost the ring I got. 01:07:59 Speaker 3: Huh? 01:08:00 Speaker 4: She lost more than the ring. I lost the ring. Huh? You heard me. What are you bringing, Bridger? 01:08:08 Speaker 3: I don't... The thing I've said time and time again is if I meet whatever this is, it's a lawsuit. 01:08:17 Speaker 4: Yeah. Take him down. 01:08:19 Speaker 3: Class action, possibly. 01:08:21 Speaker 4: I always think about that. About suing God? Well, no. When I. 01:08:27 Speaker 4: Questioning yourself with like, is God real? I remember asking my dad during the Oklahoma City bombing aftermath. I'm sorry. No, that was a tragedy. It was a tragedy. But I remember because they were talking about how there was like a nursery in there. And I was like, if God is real, why did he kill all those babies? They love protecting babies. Those babies, though, they were all going to be serial killers. So God killed them before they became oopsie daisies. Yeah, well, that was when I was like, if God's real... He's kind of a dick. 01:08:57 Speaker 3: Grounds for a lawsuit. 01:08:59 Speaker 4: Grounds for a lawsuit. 01:09:00 Speaker 3: I'm sorry. 01:09:01 Speaker 4: Ground zero for a lawsuit. 01:09:03 Speaker 3: Grounds for a lawsuit. 01:09:04 Speaker 4: He did do that one. Bush and God did that one. That was a team effort. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 01:09:10 Speaker 3: Well, I think we answered the question perfectly. 01:09:12 Speaker 4: Yeah. Thank you, Sydney. Thank you so much, Sydney. 01:09:14 Speaker 3: I mean, hopefully God's not listening to this episode. 01:09:17 Speaker 4: He's a subscriber to this podcast. He, him. For sure. He, him. For her. Him spelled H-Y-M-N. 01:09:25 Speaker 3: We answered the question perfectly. I have this gorgeous doll. This will be... She came with the name Lorna, but you're welcome to change. 01:09:34 Speaker 4: The name if you want. 01:09:35 Speaker 3: No, Lorna. 01:09:35 Speaker 4: Are you kidding me? A tragic female. 01:09:37 Speaker 3: Lorna has a history of violence. We'll find a place. 01:09:40 Speaker 4: For her to sit right there. I love that. She's touching her. 01:09:43 Speaker 1: Yeah. 01:09:44 Speaker 4: I love that. 01:09:45 Speaker 3: It kind of looks... It's starting to look like Angela's coming out of the thing. 01:09:49 Speaker 4: I don't know. There's something very interactive about it. I'm so sorry. I just have to talk to her real quick. Don't listen. I forgot to tell you. I got an email the other day. A Murder, She Wrote podcast. They're going through and they're watching all the episodes. They know that I'm a Murder, She Wrote fan. They want me to come on and talk about the episodes. Did they want me to come on too? Oh. 01:10:08 Speaker 3: I'm glad you took care of that now. 01:10:10 Speaker 4: Well, I was going to forget. Yeah, of course. I don't want that to happen. I have ADHD. Oh, I think my therapist thinks I have ADHD, and so I just started Wellbutrin. Oh, I'm on Wellbutrin. 01:10:20 Speaker 3: It's not doing anything for my ADHD. 01:10:22 Speaker 4: I have to take PTSD medication to sleep because my dad's a dick. Do you like it or no? 01:10:25 Speaker 3: I like my Wellbutrin. It's been very helpful. 01:10:27 Speaker 4: I love Wellbutrin. I'm on a lot of it. Yeah. 01:10:32 Speaker 3: I am on a lot of it. 01:10:33 Speaker 4: I am. You know you can run hot because of that? You can? SSRIs make you hot sometimes. 01:10:38 Speaker 3: I'm always so cold. 01:10:40 Speaker 4: I'm always hot. That's because you're so close to the ground. Heat rises. Oh, interesting. Except when you're in a valley, which makes no sense. We're down low. Oh, true. Make the heat rise. It is really hot. I have a note for the mayor. Who's our mayor? First of all, I. 01:10:54 Speaker 3: Voted for you. 01:10:56 Speaker 4: Spencer. Spencer, can we make this valley cooler? Is that... Can we do that? Thank you for having me. 01:11:06 Speaker 3: I'm so happy that you could do this. I had such a nice time. 01:11:09 Speaker 4: We're big fans. We're big fans. We love you. 01:11:11 Speaker 3: Likewise. And now we can all drive 100 miles an hour home. 01:11:14 Speaker 4: Well, not me. Max Maxwell wouldn't allow it. 01:11:16 Speaker 3: Yeah, he wouldn't let that happen. 01:11:16 Speaker 4: And he's still alive, it seems. And he's still probably booking. He's probably booking. Sorry, that got me. 01:11:25 Speaker 3: Thanks for being here. Listener, the podcast is over. I'm going to go home and let the dog out to use the bathroom. You can do that if you want as well. I love you. 01:11:35 Speaker 1: Goodbye. 01:11:40 Speaker 3: I Said No Gifts is an exactly right production. Our senior producer is Ellis Nelson, and our episodes are beautifully mixed by Ben Talladay. The theme song is by miracle worker Amy Mann, and we couldn't do it without our booker Patrick Kottner. You must follow the show on Instagram at I Said No Gifts. That's where you're going to see pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting. And don't you want to see the gifts? 01:12:19 Speaker 2: You gotta come to me empty-handed I said no gifts Your presence is presence enough And I already had too much stuff So how do you dare disobey me? 01:12:37 Speaker 1: Guitar solo