1 00:00:01,639 --> 00:00:08,360 Speaker 1: Hi. I am Kate Hudson and my name is Oliver Hudson. 2 00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:11,880 Speaker 1: We wanted to do something that highlighted our relationship and 3 00:00:11,880 --> 00:00:23,360 Speaker 1: what it's like to be siblings. We are a sibling raivalry. No, no, sibling, 4 00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:40,239 Speaker 1: don't do that with your mouth revelry. That's good. So 5 00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:46,760 Speaker 1: we're back with part two, Part two, Part two for 6 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,159 Speaker 1: various reasons. You know, there's logistical part two, which is 7 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:56,640 Speaker 1: just my sister's you know, working. But then I think 8 00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:59,760 Speaker 1: our last one was somewhat of a success. You know, 9 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:04,959 Speaker 1: we had more comments on our sibling Revelry Instagram account 10 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:12,280 Speaker 1: than we've ever had. People were fascinated and of course 11 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:17,080 Speaker 1: immediately fell in love with you, as most humans do, 12 00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:21,640 Speaker 1: and they wanted to hear more. They wanted to hear 13 00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:27,520 Speaker 1: more from you, and they were a lot of the 14 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:33,840 Speaker 1: comments were I was worried about what revealing so much, 15 00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:37,720 Speaker 1: you know, might entail given social media and people who 16 00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:44,319 Speaker 1: are sitting behind their keyboards and their little fingers are 17 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:47,280 Speaker 1: typing all kinds of shit. But it didn't happen. There 18 00:01:47,319 --> 00:01:50,000 Speaker 1: was nothing bad that was actually said, and it was 19 00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:53,360 Speaker 1: all positive stuff. Here's the thing, I think people that 20 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:59,080 Speaker 1: are listening like you guys like you and Kate, and 21 00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:04,880 Speaker 1: you know, I think also at the end of the day, 22 00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:10,639 Speaker 1: there's something very relatable or real or honest. I got 23 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:16,320 Speaker 1: a ton of amazing, beautiful supportive texts from my friends 24 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:20,880 Speaker 1: as well. You know, I think at the end of 25 00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:23,839 Speaker 1: the day, like it's something that you're trying to move 26 00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:26,799 Speaker 1: the pillows so you can see me a little bit. Yeah, 27 00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:30,080 Speaker 1: it's weird and I want sort of separate just to 28 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:35,600 Speaker 1: give everyone a visual. Are lying in bed right now 29 00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:40,079 Speaker 1: and there's a pillow that's sort of like oddly separating 30 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,840 Speaker 1: us as she's trying to pull the pillow down to 31 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:46,800 Speaker 1: make eye contact, which leads me into in a whole 32 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:50,920 Speaker 1: other topic of how we sleep. The pillow game in 33 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:57,959 Speaker 1: our bed is. It's on another level. Aaron needs I 34 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:02,200 Speaker 1: think she sleeps with six to eight pilloes. It is. 35 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:10,560 Speaker 1: It's an exaggeration. It's not really an exaggeration. Four no, no, no, 36 00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:15,200 Speaker 1: there's more than four. There has to be like a minute, 37 00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:19,200 Speaker 1: there's a fortress that is built up between myself and her, 38 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:22,720 Speaker 1: like I have to I have to storm the castle 39 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:26,359 Speaker 1: in order to just like touch some skin. It's impossible. 40 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:30,880 Speaker 1: I find myself reaching under the castle to try to 41 00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:36,960 Speaker 1: like dig down and maybe sort of find some contact 42 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:40,440 Speaker 1: throughout the night. It's it's nearly impossible to touch her 43 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:43,680 Speaker 1: because she's built up. Okay, here's what I'll say to that. 44 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:47,720 Speaker 1: I love my sleep. I take it very seriously. Anybody 45 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:53,760 Speaker 1: that knows me, I do not fuck around. It's my passion. Martin, 46 00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:56,960 Speaker 1: Oh my god, Chris Martin. Such a funny story. Actually, 47 00:03:57,560 --> 00:04:00,560 Speaker 1: Aaron goes to Chateau Malmon, some fan. It's the hotel 48 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:03,800 Speaker 1: in La I'm not there, and she's she's there's like, 49 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:06,240 Speaker 1: you know, she's like I think Gwyneth Paltrow was a 50 00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:09,480 Speaker 1: bunch of people, and she sits. She gets seated next 51 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:14,000 Speaker 1: to Chris Martin of cold Play, who's this sort of 52 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:21,360 Speaker 1: you know, intellectually intellectual, philosophical, intense, intense and in the minute, 53 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:24,680 Speaker 1: I'll let you tell the story, but like it's I mean, 54 00:04:24,839 --> 00:04:27,279 Speaker 1: the short version is, we sat down, we started talking, 55 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:32,479 Speaker 1: you know, small talk. Anyways, he immediately cuts through the 56 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:34,359 Speaker 1: small talk, which I can tell he doesn't like, and 57 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:39,000 Speaker 1: he's like, so, what are you passionate about, like very intensely, 58 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:44,719 Speaker 1: very directly, and I said, besides my children, and they 59 00:04:44,839 --> 00:04:49,640 Speaker 1: laughed and he was like, yeah, and I said, sleep, sleep, sleep, 60 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:54,600 Speaker 1: I sleep, But I literally have likes like three months old. 61 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:56,720 Speaker 1: I mean, you know, I had babies, I had little kids, 62 00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:59,320 Speaker 1: and I just was being brutally honest, and he but 63 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:03,440 Speaker 1: the answer that he was probably waiting for, oh something. 64 00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:06,520 Speaker 1: I think he thought I was joking. And I explained 65 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:09,760 Speaker 1: to him and I went into full depth detail on why, 66 00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:11,960 Speaker 1: and then by the end he was sold and he 67 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:15,120 Speaker 1: understood the story. But anyways, I do and I don't know. 68 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:18,600 Speaker 1: Here's here's what I will say. I am not a 69 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:22,760 Speaker 1: snuggler when it comes to sleep. I don't know anyone 70 00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:26,360 Speaker 1: out there might agreem I'm not. I cannot fall asleep 71 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:30,440 Speaker 1: on Oliver. I love him, I will, I don't like 72 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:33,120 Speaker 1: snuggle separately, but like I can't, all of a sudden, 73 00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:35,640 Speaker 1: I'm like on his chest and like I'm sweaty or 74 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:40,440 Speaker 1: like a weird you know, it's never on my chest. 75 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:42,680 Speaker 1: I'm just saying. Back in the day, or like if 76 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:44,720 Speaker 1: I go to fall asleep when you're watching a movie, 77 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:48,279 Speaker 1: there's something sweet and snugly. It's uncomfortable both for me, 78 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:51,720 Speaker 1: like I don't like that feeling, and then also you 79 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:53,560 Speaker 1: have this weird jerk thing that you do when you 80 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:57,240 Speaker 1: fall asleep at night, you do you shake. It's like 81 00:05:57,279 --> 00:05:59,760 Speaker 1: he's falling and a sleep. It happens every single night. 82 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,159 Speaker 1: And the one or two times a year that I 83 00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:04,840 Speaker 1: like snuggle or kind of fall asleep on him and forget, 84 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:09,400 Speaker 1: I get woken up by this like shaking, jerking, like 85 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:13,560 Speaker 1: sometimes I'll squeeze. Oh, it's just awful. I'm like, why 86 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:16,960 Speaker 1: did I do it? So anyways, I will love on you. 87 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:19,640 Speaker 1: We can have our time. I love it. But I 88 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:22,200 Speaker 1: when I go to sleep, it's very it's it's all, 89 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:27,120 Speaker 1: it's you know. Yeah, yes, it's impossible to sort of 90 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:38,080 Speaker 1: you know, penetrate the fortress. It's impossible anyways. But so no, 91 00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:40,039 Speaker 1: thank you for the comments. I mean they were really 92 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:46,880 Speaker 1: read comments and and and I honestly I love reading 93 00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:51,400 Speaker 1: bad comments sometimes because it just it tickles me. But 94 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:53,520 Speaker 1: with something like this, it was a little scary. And 95 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:56,880 Speaker 1: uh they were positive and they made they made me 96 00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:03,240 Speaker 1: feel good. And you know, here's the other thing. This 97 00:07:03,279 --> 00:07:08,120 Speaker 1: is not fresh for us and we are you know, 98 00:07:08,279 --> 00:07:11,360 Speaker 1: where we are today because of what happened at that 99 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:14,480 Speaker 1: point in time, and you know, it all happened. It 100 00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:16,560 Speaker 1: was not planned, and and all of a sudden, it 101 00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:18,440 Speaker 1: was airing and I thought, oh my gosh, like what 102 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,840 Speaker 1: did what did we actually say? I like don't remember, 103 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:25,720 Speaker 1: and I got kind of uncomfortable and and you know, 104 00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:27,480 Speaker 1: I was thinking back to it. But the truth is, 105 00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:30,680 Speaker 1: what do we do? Where do we stop though? Where 106 00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:35,520 Speaker 1: do we let off? You know? Because what happened was afterwards, 107 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:38,920 Speaker 1: because I think a lot of these comments, some comments 108 00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:43,160 Speaker 1: were questions were like, well, how did you you know it? 109 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:45,920 Speaker 1: Or through it? How did you actually come to terms 110 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:48,960 Speaker 1: with it? Because what happens when in a situation like 111 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:54,520 Speaker 1: this is the five plus years of built up trust 112 00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:59,760 Speaker 1: has just been completely not just eroded, it's it's been annihilated, 113 00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:04,680 Speaker 1: and now you have to build back that trust. And 114 00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:10,160 Speaker 1: it's there's no one way to do that, you know, 115 00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:13,960 Speaker 1: And there's no guarantee, I think, And there's no guarantee exactly. 116 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:18,880 Speaker 1: I think there was. I say this, and it's our story, 117 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:22,040 Speaker 1: and it's very specific. And that's why I was so 118 00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:26,040 Speaker 1: prepared for you know, people you know, were women or 119 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:29,680 Speaker 1: whatever to judge judge me, you know, for staying because 120 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:33,680 Speaker 1: that's very easy to do and very understandable. And I 121 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:38,079 Speaker 1: think there are many, many, many times and cases where 122 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:43,680 Speaker 1: you know you shouldn't stay and you know it's ours. 123 00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:47,400 Speaker 1: Was so particular and so specific and at a certain 124 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:52,400 Speaker 1: time in our lives. That was that allowed us the 125 00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:54,880 Speaker 1: time to heal, the time to work through it. We 126 00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:59,280 Speaker 1: were young, we didn't have kids. It was you know, 127 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:01,000 Speaker 1: there's so many of the things that go into it. 128 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:04,600 Speaker 1: That's that's what I always say. And also it wasn't 129 00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:07,400 Speaker 1: just like a put a band aid on it and 130 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:10,400 Speaker 1: you know, forget that it happened. I mean it was. 131 00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:14,839 Speaker 1: It was real, and it was you know, intense, and 132 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:17,000 Speaker 1: we both did a lot of work. And one thing 133 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:21,520 Speaker 1: that I was thinking back on was, you know, you 134 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:24,079 Speaker 1: have to know your person. Okay. So we had been together, 135 00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:29,679 Speaker 1: you know, basically six years at that point, so you know, 136 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:32,400 Speaker 1: we knew each other. There was so much history, so 137 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:35,240 Speaker 1: much love, so much you know, already under our belt, 138 00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:38,720 Speaker 1: even though we were still young and babies and whatever. 139 00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:45,640 Speaker 1: But you have to want to go sorry, yeah, if 140 00:09:45,679 --> 00:09:48,440 Speaker 1: you can hear that's donut our bulldogs at the end 141 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:51,480 Speaker 1: of it, you know. Anyway, so I don't lose my 142 00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:56,559 Speaker 1: train of thought, which I guess I just did. Actually 143 00:09:57,200 --> 00:09:59,280 Speaker 1: you did. Yeah, I was like on a on a roll. 144 00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:06,080 Speaker 1: I was trying to think where I was going with that. Anyways, 145 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:10,280 Speaker 1: my point, I guess was you have to trust your instinct. 146 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:14,000 Speaker 1: If your gut is telling you that you don't trust 147 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:17,040 Speaker 1: your partner or you don't think you can, that's an 148 00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:23,720 Speaker 1: important thing to listen to. I was looking at somebody 149 00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:26,720 Speaker 1: that was, well, we were we separated and we talked 150 00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:29,640 Speaker 1: about this. We separated for a long for a couple 151 00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:32,640 Speaker 1: of months. Yeah, you live with Jackie. I live with 152 00:10:32,679 --> 00:10:35,880 Speaker 1: my parents. I was in therapy. We were in therapy. 153 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:40,600 Speaker 1: I was you know, I had that fucking nun what 154 00:10:40,679 --> 00:10:42,520 Speaker 1: was it called journal? Yeah, that journal, but it was 155 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:46,160 Speaker 1: it was a thing. Yeah, it's a thing. It's artists way, 156 00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:50,320 Speaker 1: the artist way. Yeah. Yeah, I did the artist's way 157 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:54,199 Speaker 1: and I was just writing. And but you're a very sensitive, 158 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:59,280 Speaker 1: like you know, empathetic person, Like what you were going 159 00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:04,240 Speaker 1: through was your own experience. This wasn't selfish, This wasn't there. Yes, 160 00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:06,840 Speaker 1: there was shame, but it was it was so much deeper. 161 00:11:07,559 --> 00:11:10,040 Speaker 1: So there was a lot of that, you know that 162 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:13,400 Speaker 1: I think went on. Well, it was symptomatic, you know. 163 00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:17,599 Speaker 1: I think the whole point of it was it is 164 00:11:17,679 --> 00:11:20,800 Speaker 1: getting crazy. It sounds is it had nothing to do 165 00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:25,959 Speaker 1: with you, you know, and that is the cliche sort 166 00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:29,480 Speaker 1: of statement. I had nothing to do with you. It 167 00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:32,720 Speaker 1: was it wasn't about you, but it truly had nothing 168 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:42,400 Speaker 1: to do with you. Hiause hi, Hi lady, good night, baby, 169 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:48,360 Speaker 1: good night, good night. Okay, that's a big ass bag 170 00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:58,600 Speaker 1: of goldfish, Hi eating goldfish like chomping in there. Cut 171 00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:07,920 Speaker 1: that out of the chomping. Maybe we believe, I don't know. Okay, Okay, 172 00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:13,199 Speaker 1: we're back, We've already been back. We're going to keep 173 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:18,959 Speaker 1: the chomping in because, oh my god, erin. The chomping 174 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,400 Speaker 1: and the chewing is this thing with her. It's fucking 175 00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:26,360 Speaker 1: like sometimes at night, you know, I'll get high and 176 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:29,240 Speaker 1: I want to have a healthy snack. And we have 177 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:34,760 Speaker 1: these mangoes, these dried because are dried mangoes. What's the 178 00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:39,000 Speaker 1: company called? I don't know. They're so fucking good and 179 00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:41,520 Speaker 1: I will sit in bed and chomp on these mangoes 180 00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:46,760 Speaker 1: and she, oh, it's not good. I know. I love you. 181 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:49,400 Speaker 1: I don't want chewing too. I know, I get it. 182 00:12:49,559 --> 00:12:53,160 Speaker 1: You crunch a lot, crunch. I'm a chip beater. Yeah yeah, 183 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:56,040 Speaker 1: you crunch too much sometimes for me too. 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So visit our url 228 00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:45,560 Speaker 1: each and every dot com slash sibling and use promo 229 00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:49,920 Speaker 1: code sibling thirty. All right, don't wait, get your thirty 230 00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:54,040 Speaker 1: percent off now. Use promo code sibling thirty at each 231 00:15:54,320 --> 00:16:03,040 Speaker 1: and every dot com slash sibling. Anyway, what I was 232 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:06,120 Speaker 1: saying was is that this was symptomatic. It has nothing, 233 00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:09,240 Speaker 1: it had nothing to do with you. And I know 234 00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:12,400 Speaker 1: that sounds like a very cliche thing to say, and 235 00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:16,560 Speaker 1: you watch movies and it's like, you know, every guy 236 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:19,440 Speaker 1: or girl says, Oh it wasn't you, it was me, 237 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:22,480 Speaker 1: it has nothing to do with you. In this case, 238 00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:25,640 Speaker 1: it was the truth. I mean, it had nothing to 239 00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:28,320 Speaker 1: do with Aaron. I mean, this was purely symptomatic of 240 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:31,920 Speaker 1: my own psychology. So I had to go through this 241 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:37,520 Speaker 1: myself to be the man for whoever was in my life, 242 00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:41,720 Speaker 1: whether it be Aaron or whoever was next. I didn't 243 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:44,960 Speaker 1: want whoever was next. I wanted Erin, But I was 244 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:48,440 Speaker 1: going to try to get better for myself and not 245 00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:53,120 Speaker 1: for her, you know, So I wasn't catering told to 246 00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:57,360 Speaker 1: sort of what I thought she wanted. It was more 247 00:16:57,400 --> 00:17:02,360 Speaker 1: of me. Okay, fucked up. I went through this two 248 00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:06,879 Speaker 1: year cycle of insanity. I need to figure out why 249 00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:10,879 Speaker 1: I did this, where this comes from, and then get better. 250 00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:15,760 Speaker 1: And that was my mission. And that's where, like you know, 251 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:19,359 Speaker 1: really good therapy comes in, really good support, really good 252 00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:21,639 Speaker 1: self reflection. Because I feel like a lot of people 253 00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:26,200 Speaker 1: you know, and I say this, you know, and it's 254 00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:30,520 Speaker 1: sensitive thing, but I also felt like you didn't really 255 00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:33,520 Speaker 1: get caught so much. I mean, I think you were about, 256 00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:36,119 Speaker 1: you know, a few minutes away from getting caught, like 257 00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:38,840 Speaker 1: you really look at the big picture, but you know, 258 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:43,919 Speaker 1: you coming to me and kind of admitting or you know, 259 00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:49,440 Speaker 1: wanting to rid yourself of this secret and this darkness 260 00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:54,119 Speaker 1: and you know, all the gross stuff said a lot. 261 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:57,800 Speaker 1: So I think that also set the ground, you know, 262 00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:02,560 Speaker 1: work for us moving forward, if that makes sense. But 263 00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:05,320 Speaker 1: I think, because I do think a lot of people, 264 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:09,879 Speaker 1: you know, when they get caught. I know this is 265 00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:14,399 Speaker 1: just generalizing, but it means they weren't done doing what 266 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:18,520 Speaker 1: they were doing. Right, So whatever the act may be, 267 00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:21,880 Speaker 1: this happened to kind of be you know, in fidelity 268 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,919 Speaker 1: or kind of cheating or playing around or whatever you 269 00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:26,800 Speaker 1: were doing. It's like if you get caught, it's like, 270 00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:30,399 Speaker 1: oh shit, all right, now I got to stop. But 271 00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:34,480 Speaker 1: truly inside of you, that need or that desire or 272 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:39,119 Speaker 1: you know, whatever you were trying to kind of uh feed, 273 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:42,719 Speaker 1: wasn't done. It just you had to stop because you 274 00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:45,639 Speaker 1: were told to or you were caught. If that makes sense, No, 275 00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:48,480 Speaker 1: it does. But you know, at the same time, and 276 00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:50,320 Speaker 1: I know a lot of people can get caught and 277 00:18:50,359 --> 00:18:52,879 Speaker 1: say okay, like oh my gosh, now I got to 278 00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:54,480 Speaker 1: really stop. I mean, how hard is it. It's just 279 00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:57,119 Speaker 1: how hard is it to just just like just to 280 00:18:57,160 --> 00:19:01,840 Speaker 1: fucking not get caught come clean? Like well, it's incredible. 281 00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:04,119 Speaker 1: I mean, but I remember when we got together, just 282 00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:06,760 Speaker 1: because like you know, it happened in my past and 283 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:10,920 Speaker 1: this and that. I always said, you know, I'm a realist, 284 00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:14,480 Speaker 1: and I know I don't want to be repeating ourselves, 285 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:18,560 Speaker 1: but the truth is, I think it's very unrealistic for 286 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:22,600 Speaker 1: partners or people, women, men, whatever it is, to think 287 00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:26,040 Speaker 1: that once they're in a committed relationship, they're never going 288 00:19:26,119 --> 00:19:29,520 Speaker 1: to want to be desired or desire someone else over again. 289 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:34,119 Speaker 1: It's just not true. It's not reality. It's not realistic, 290 00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:40,199 Speaker 1: you know. And but of course, you know with marriage 291 00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:42,200 Speaker 1: and certain things there comes a level of commitment, and 292 00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:47,439 Speaker 1: you know, monogamy of course, but it's not natural and 293 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:53,760 Speaker 1: it's hard, and you know that. For me, I always thought, 294 00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:57,760 Speaker 1: if you are gonna, you know, make a mistake, or 295 00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:01,920 Speaker 1: there's some night, some you know, weak moment or something 296 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:05,399 Speaker 1: happens and we were young and you were working on 297 00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:08,880 Speaker 1: movie sets and we were apart in whatever clubs, la 298 00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:12,040 Speaker 1: all of it. I just always thought, like that could 299 00:20:12,119 --> 00:20:15,280 Speaker 1: be me too. You know that that's not my nature 300 00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:17,440 Speaker 1: at all. It's not how I am, but I'm also 301 00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:21,280 Speaker 1: not above it, like you fuck, there could be something 302 00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:23,439 Speaker 1: that happens exactly. But for me it was like instead 303 00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:30,000 Speaker 1: of coming home, I always thought the risk of getting caught. 304 00:20:30,119 --> 00:20:32,240 Speaker 1: Because this is how I explained it to the kids too. 305 00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:35,439 Speaker 1: It's like the kids, well, no, no, no, separate from that, 306 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:39,640 Speaker 1: but I'm saying, like lying talking about this already, lying 307 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:45,320 Speaker 1: is you're getting There's two things basically that you're doing wrong. 308 00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:49,680 Speaker 1: The act and then also lying, So you know, I'm 309 00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:53,120 Speaker 1: saying a relative to the kids, it's kind of like, Okay, 310 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,040 Speaker 1: you know you did this thing that's wrong, but then 311 00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:57,159 Speaker 1: you also lied about it. That ends up being the 312 00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:59,800 Speaker 1: bigger issue, of course. And so I used to say 313 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:02,280 Speaker 1: to you, you, you know, if you come to me 314 00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:05,560 Speaker 1: and say you did this, I'm not saying that we're 315 00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:08,880 Speaker 1: going to stay together, but at least there's like room 316 00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:12,239 Speaker 1: for forgiveness or you know, kind of regret that you 317 00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:16,240 Speaker 1: did it or you know, and we're all human. Yeah, 318 00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:18,360 Speaker 1: but it's hard. It's hard because you know that if 319 00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:23,760 Speaker 1: you do sort of come clean, that you you're risking everything. 320 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:26,640 Speaker 1: You know that that's right, but how cool? And how 321 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:29,480 Speaker 1: to me? I always looked at that like you were 322 00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:35,359 Speaker 1: willing to risk losing me to earn my respect in 323 00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:37,840 Speaker 1: a weird way to say, I want you to hear 324 00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:39,360 Speaker 1: this from me, and I did it and I hate 325 00:21:39,359 --> 00:21:42,080 Speaker 1: it and it's horrible and I might lose you, And 326 00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:44,760 Speaker 1: I might have walked away and said I want to 327 00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:48,119 Speaker 1: protect myself. I don't want to be hurt again. I 328 00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:50,480 Speaker 1: also could want to punish you and just be like, 329 00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:53,439 Speaker 1: you don't deserve me. I mean, you know this was 330 00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:58,359 Speaker 1: not an easy progress. I mean, you know well, I 331 00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:03,240 Speaker 1: mean I went through every fucking wave of emotion and 332 00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:07,280 Speaker 1: one minute, you know, I was angry, one minute I 333 00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:10,119 Speaker 1: was hurt. I mean, you know, others I was confused 334 00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:13,800 Speaker 1: getting The question is which is which we've been? You know, 335 00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:17,760 Speaker 1: the question has been posed through comments. I guess is 336 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:23,959 Speaker 1: sort of how were you able to get through it? 337 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:27,280 Speaker 1: Get through it? And how are we able to rebuild 338 00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:32,760 Speaker 1: that trust again? I mean it took a minute. It's 339 00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:36,080 Speaker 1: you know, here's the thing we are guarantee. That's That's 340 00:22:36,119 --> 00:22:37,960 Speaker 1: the first thing I would say to anybody going through 341 00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:44,160 Speaker 1: something like this, because it's a it's an intangible thing, 342 00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:47,359 Speaker 1: right like trust. It's like, how how do you win 343 00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:53,679 Speaker 1: that back? I think seeing you and your kind of 344 00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:57,119 Speaker 1: effort and wanting to show up and do you know, 345 00:22:57,200 --> 00:23:02,000 Speaker 1: right by me, right by you also kind of everything 346 00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:04,560 Speaker 1: that I asked for, from the little stupid things of 347 00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:07,960 Speaker 1: changing your cell phone number, giving me all your email passwords, 348 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,919 Speaker 1: like all petty shit that really didn't matter, but it 349 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:14,520 Speaker 1: did to me at the time. You freely gave everything over. 350 00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:17,320 Speaker 1: I mean, you know, to this day, like life through 351 00:23:17,359 --> 00:23:21,680 Speaker 1: sixty or you know, whatever it might be. What I needed. 352 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:25,119 Speaker 1: You were willing to do right, So it was coming 353 00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:27,119 Speaker 1: clean about things that I didn't know about, things that 354 00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:30,240 Speaker 1: I might never find out about, like you know, calling 355 00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:32,000 Speaker 1: some of the girls do interness. I mean it was 356 00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:34,959 Speaker 1: like you were willing to do everything, and I saw that, 357 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:39,359 Speaker 1: and you know, so you just there was little things 358 00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:42,160 Speaker 1: along the way where your gut is kind of telling you, Okay, 359 00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:45,080 Speaker 1: this person really wants to be here. Okay, you know, 360 00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:47,760 Speaker 1: and then it was also getting to the root of 361 00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:51,800 Speaker 1: why you did it, and getting into your childhood, getting 362 00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:57,960 Speaker 1: into your you know, ego, and your insecurities and your 363 00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:01,640 Speaker 1: self worth. I mean, all of these deeper things that 364 00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:05,000 Speaker 1: we also had the time because we didn't have kids. 365 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:08,160 Speaker 1: You know, we were actors. I mean, we were lucky 366 00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:10,439 Speaker 1: in the life we were living in. We could afford 367 00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:12,520 Speaker 1: therapy at the time. I mean, you know, there's a 368 00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:14,600 Speaker 1: lot of things that helped us. We had the support 369 00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:18,119 Speaker 1: of our friends and family, so those things were huge, 370 00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:22,280 Speaker 1: I think at you know, there was also just the reality, 371 00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:24,960 Speaker 1: Like I said, I'm not a very jealous person, so 372 00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:31,120 Speaker 1: I wasn't as caught up in the you know acts, 373 00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:34,240 Speaker 1: the sexual acts. I mean, I wasn't enraged and couldn't 374 00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:36,840 Speaker 1: get past certain things that I think a lot of 375 00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:39,639 Speaker 1: people really struggle with and those are real, you know, 376 00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:43,480 Speaker 1: uh and and I respect that. And everybody is different 377 00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:47,639 Speaker 1: and we're made differently, you know. I mean we always 378 00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:51,440 Speaker 1: joke about our best friends and couples, and you know, 379 00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:55,119 Speaker 1: we could never be with certain partners or certain people, 380 00:24:55,240 --> 00:25:00,520 Speaker 1: and you know, it's just we have different h you know, 381 00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:05,720 Speaker 1: strengths and witnesses. I guess the bound different triggers too. Yeah, 382 00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:08,280 Speaker 1: I mean you and I get into our past. I 383 00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:15,480 Speaker 1: mean we've always been an extremely open, graphic, honest couple. Yeah. 384 00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:19,119 Speaker 1: I don't know. I think there's just so many little factors. 385 00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:22,800 Speaker 1: And here's the other thing. You have to kind of 386 00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:25,320 Speaker 1: want to be there. I was we had just come 387 00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:28,120 Speaker 1: off of our honeymoon. I was so madly in love 388 00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:32,200 Speaker 1: with you, you know, for many reasons and years, and 389 00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:35,679 Speaker 1: you know, so to walk away, which of course I 390 00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:40,320 Speaker 1: thought I was going to be doing that sadness was 391 00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:44,359 Speaker 1: was overwhelming for me. And I feel like, you know, 392 00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:48,159 Speaker 1: putting my ego aside, which was how could you do 393 00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:58,479 Speaker 1: that to me? Feeling it was also about me putting 394 00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:04,040 Speaker 1: you in a position to where people knew that I 395 00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:08,280 Speaker 1: was being an asshole and you look like a fool. 396 00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:12,280 Speaker 1: I remember going through all of that, well, that was 397 00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:14,760 Speaker 1: the biggest thing, you know, And I remember me being like, 398 00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:19,600 Speaker 1: who gives a fuck what people think this is about us? 399 00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:22,840 Speaker 1: And it was in your side. No no, no no, no, no, no, no, no, 400 00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:28,280 Speaker 1: these I do care. Yeah I did. And so this 401 00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:30,760 Speaker 1: is what I'm saying. When it's everybody's own personal story, 402 00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:34,639 Speaker 1: some people won't give a shit, like, you know, don't 403 00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:37,520 Speaker 1: give a fuck when anybody else thinks at that point 404 00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:40,879 Speaker 1: in time for me and where I was in my 405 00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:45,840 Speaker 1: life and just kind of emotionally, I did care because 406 00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:50,240 Speaker 1: I had walked around kind of so you know, proud 407 00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:53,760 Speaker 1: of who we were and you know, our relationship, and 408 00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:58,320 Speaker 1: I felt so deserving after you know, a couple, not 409 00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:02,280 Speaker 1: you know, great relationships or whatever. And I really took 410 00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:05,320 Speaker 1: a lot of pride in us. I and I you know, 411 00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:09,040 Speaker 1: it was that part was crushing for me, and also 412 00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:14,280 Speaker 1: just the idea that and I'm sure other people can 413 00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:18,879 Speaker 1: understand this, but however it works. I know things about 414 00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:23,879 Speaker 1: people that like I shouldn't and people in relationships and 415 00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:26,520 Speaker 1: that their partners don't know. It's just the way the 416 00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:30,240 Speaker 1: world works, right, gossip and things and whatever, and so 417 00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:34,280 Speaker 1: I just thought, wow, so not only these you know, 418 00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:37,960 Speaker 1: few girls that you were with think that I don't 419 00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:41,719 Speaker 1: know a and then they're sewing their friends, and then 420 00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:44,639 Speaker 1: their friends are telling the It just it felt I 421 00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:49,719 Speaker 1: was just embarrassed, and I was, you know, I just 422 00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:54,639 Speaker 1: that mattered to me because part of I don't know, 423 00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:58,280 Speaker 1: I don't know why, you know, it doesn't now, but 424 00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:00,600 Speaker 1: at the time, that was a big thing for me, 425 00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:04,199 Speaker 1: you know, and I just felt like, how could you 426 00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:08,200 Speaker 1: do that to me too? So, like I say, everybody's different, 427 00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:12,600 Speaker 1: and it was, yeah, and you know, I think I was. 428 00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:16,480 Speaker 1: And also I was allowing you to you were not 429 00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:20,680 Speaker 1: putting on some facade of like, you know, oh, I'm 430 00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:23,440 Speaker 1: you know, mister perfect. I mean, I fell in love 431 00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:29,080 Speaker 1: with an extremely flirtatious, charming, sexual guy and I loved 432 00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:31,639 Speaker 1: that about you, and I didn't want, you know, you 433 00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:34,360 Speaker 1: to not be that person. And I think I always 434 00:28:35,359 --> 00:28:37,760 Speaker 1: you know, of course it's naive now, but you know, 435 00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:39,800 Speaker 1: at the time, I just thought, well, that's like who 436 00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:43,080 Speaker 1: he is, and I love it and great like not anymore, 437 00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:47,880 Speaker 1: I wasn't threatened by it, but old leather bag, I 438 00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:51,120 Speaker 1: think it's the everybody's going to have something different and 439 00:28:51,160 --> 00:28:54,560 Speaker 1: they're their triggers are going to be different, and you know, 440 00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:56,760 Speaker 1: so there was just there was a lot of work 441 00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:59,720 Speaker 1: to do when you get into therapy because it's every 442 00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:01,840 Speaker 1: day different. Some days you're going to feel good, some 443 00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:04,520 Speaker 1: days you're going to feel horrible. It was like, well that, 444 00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:07,120 Speaker 1: I think that gets to the root of the question, 445 00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:10,800 Speaker 1: you know, which is like it's fluid, meaning yeah, some 446 00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:12,680 Speaker 1: days are going to be good and then other days 447 00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:14,520 Speaker 1: are going to be just horrible and you just have 448 00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:17,040 Speaker 1: to sort of ride that out. And that's that's kind 449 00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:21,120 Speaker 1: of and it was what we did a major triggers 450 00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:26,600 Speaker 1: and I, you know, I was just patient and doing 451 00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:32,240 Speaker 1: everything that I could to be everything that you needed 452 00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:36,719 Speaker 1: me to be in the moment. Whatever it was, you know, 453 00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:39,240 Speaker 1: it didn't matter. But I think whether I thought it 454 00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:42,040 Speaker 1: was right or wrong or whatever, it was about what 455 00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:47,760 Speaker 1: you needed from me, you know. And so having a person, 456 00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:51,680 Speaker 1: you know, a partner like that helps because you were 457 00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:54,320 Speaker 1: it was very you were very patient. But then in therapy, 458 00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:58,800 Speaker 1: remember there was the time when our therapist was like, 459 00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:04,360 Speaker 1: look you, it can't turn into a mother son relationship 460 00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:07,240 Speaker 1: your father. I know, it was a good cop, bad 461 00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:09,520 Speaker 1: cop or something. It was a mother's son meaning like 462 00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:12,760 Speaker 1: you know, you can't do this or you're you know, 463 00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:15,400 Speaker 1: it's like he remember, it was like you're both adults, 464 00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:19,920 Speaker 1: Like you can't be turned into sort of you dictating 465 00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:23,160 Speaker 1: how he lives his life or this mother son sort 466 00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:26,920 Speaker 1: of vibe like can I, you know, do this or 467 00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:30,120 Speaker 1: is it okay if I do this? You know what 468 00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:34,080 Speaker 1: I mean? They're right, and we were lucky. We were 469 00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:35,880 Speaker 1: lucky that we had a therapist to help us through that, 470 00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:38,560 Speaker 1: because what happens is it really has to be up 471 00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:42,280 Speaker 1: to the person that's doing the forgiving. In the end, 472 00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:49,680 Speaker 1: it came down to me because you were, you know, 473 00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:51,960 Speaker 1: doing all the work and changing and growing, and I 474 00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:56,120 Speaker 1: was kind of just holding on to a lot you know, 475 00:30:56,240 --> 00:31:02,120 Speaker 1: of resentment and uh you know, yeah, there was a 476 00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:04,720 Speaker 1: time where he was like, Okay, you stayed in this, 477 00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:08,480 Speaker 1: you decided to give it a shot. Here you guys 478 00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:11,160 Speaker 1: are you got to move forward? And then that's when 479 00:31:12,280 --> 00:31:16,640 Speaker 1: I started doing a lot of work and reading, and 480 00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:19,320 Speaker 1: you know, I had a couple great books that really 481 00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:22,600 Speaker 1: helped me. I think, you know what I mean, just 482 00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:26,000 Speaker 1: kind of have that perspective and there's a quote that 483 00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:31,000 Speaker 1: I have that I love that there's a few of them, 484 00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:35,000 Speaker 1: but this one made so much sense. It just kind 485 00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:37,320 Speaker 1: of clicked, and I remember reading it, and it was 486 00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:42,120 Speaker 1: Forgiveness doesn't mean that what they did was okay. It 487 00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:45,160 Speaker 1: means that you no longer allow what they did to 488 00:31:45,240 --> 00:31:50,760 Speaker 1: affect you. Simple and short, but it's true when you 489 00:31:50,840 --> 00:31:54,800 Speaker 1: are holding on to it. Like the way that I'll 490 00:31:55,160 --> 00:31:58,480 Speaker 1: explain it is it felt like for me, the minute 491 00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:01,600 Speaker 1: I was going to give up and forgive him, it 492 00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:04,520 Speaker 1: allowed him to think that what he did was okay, 493 00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:08,120 Speaker 1: or that I didn't you know, why wasn't mad anymore, 494 00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:11,560 Speaker 1: or it didn't hurt me anymore, And so you know, 495 00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:13,520 Speaker 1: I would inchlong and give a little bit, and then 496 00:32:13,560 --> 00:32:16,040 Speaker 1: we'd have these like beautiful moments and you know, there'd 497 00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:18,160 Speaker 1: be laughter and happiness and we'd move forward, and then 498 00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:20,840 Speaker 1: I'd want to take that away and I'd want to 499 00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:23,120 Speaker 1: remind him of like how could he do that time? 500 00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:27,560 Speaker 1: And it was a power. It was gaining my control back, 501 00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:31,720 Speaker 1: because at the end of the day, this was a 502 00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:35,400 Speaker 1: loss of power control. Whatever you want to say, you know, 503 00:32:35,760 --> 00:32:38,360 Speaker 1: that's probably not the right thing, but that's what it is. 504 00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:41,480 Speaker 1: And so for me, to kind of gain back any 505 00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:47,160 Speaker 1: sense of you know, a power or I don't know 506 00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:49,520 Speaker 1: if that's the right word, but that was how I 507 00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:53,200 Speaker 1: gained it back. Was kind of my control or you know, 508 00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:57,560 Speaker 1: feeling confident or strong. Was knowing that I could control 509 00:32:57,600 --> 00:33:00,600 Speaker 1: my feelings and I could take away that good moment. Well, 510 00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:04,080 Speaker 1: we started over essentially because we did live apart for 511 00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:06,200 Speaker 1: a while, and then we found we were in like 512 00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:09,800 Speaker 1: a neutral home. Wasn't my parents' home, wasn't our home. 513 00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:15,560 Speaker 1: It was sort of a neutral home. And we sort 514 00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:20,680 Speaker 1: of kind of dated again in a sense, remember, Yeah, 515 00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:25,040 Speaker 1: And and it was it was it was. It was fun. 516 00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:31,000 Speaker 1: I mean it was new and fresh, and and then 517 00:33:31,280 --> 00:33:39,000 Speaker 1: I buy you a turtlettle baby turtle George George, Yeah, 518 00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:47,280 Speaker 1: yeah Yeah. Grove Collaborative, it's that. This is an amazing service, 519 00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:52,320 Speaker 1: GROVEE Collaborative. It's an online marketplace. 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She was amazed at the inventory 538 00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:04,400 Speaker 1: that they had, and boom, it's here. We didn't have 539 00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:06,920 Speaker 1: to search online, We didn't have to go to various shops. 540 00:35:06,960 --> 00:35:09,680 Speaker 1: You didn't have to get in the car and drive 541 00:35:09,719 --> 00:35:12,000 Speaker 1: around town trying to find all of the products that 542 00:35:12,080 --> 00:35:15,319 Speaker 1: she loves that she knows are healthy and safe and 543 00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:19,959 Speaker 1: eco friendly for our family. One stop shop, BAM. Two 544 00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:24,719 Speaker 1: million households okay, two million households have trusted Grove Collaborative 545 00:35:24,719 --> 00:35:28,480 Speaker 1: to make their homes happier and healthier. Plus shipping is 546 00:35:28,520 --> 00:35:32,840 Speaker 1: fast and free on your first order. 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It's one of the greatest mattresses 557 00:36:16,160 --> 00:36:19,759 Speaker 1: that I've ever slept on. I've had friends who've stayed 558 00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:23,440 Speaker 1: at my house honestly, because I've been away. They've slept 559 00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:27,440 Speaker 1: on my Helix. They've loved the Helix. It's really simple. Okay, 560 00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:31,320 Speaker 1: So Helix Sleep has a quiz. It was really easy 561 00:36:31,360 --> 00:36:34,480 Speaker 1: to take the quiz. You go online, you take their 562 00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:38,080 Speaker 1: sleep quiz and it's just a couple steps and it 563 00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:42,520 Speaker 1: kind of guides you for the perfect mattress that you 564 00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:46,759 Speaker 1: and your partner need and ours got us to the 565 00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:52,319 Speaker 1: Helix Midnight Lux and we are into it. 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And then 576 00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:36,120 Speaker 1: do you remember the first night we had sex after Yeah, 577 00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:38,959 Speaker 1: in the movie room. Yeah, of course, Oh my god, 578 00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:42,799 Speaker 1: that was intense. I know, I know, I know, it 579 00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:50,000 Speaker 1: was intense and it was incredible, honestly, because you know, 580 00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:53,320 Speaker 1: sex has always been great in our relationship, hands down 581 00:37:53,960 --> 00:37:58,560 Speaker 1: great at sex, you know, and I'm twenty years later, 582 00:37:59,719 --> 00:38:03,000 Speaker 1: it's the best it's ever been. And that is no bullshit, 583 00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:07,680 Speaker 1: and that is because of a communication and openness of 584 00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:10,560 Speaker 1: vulnerability I think that we have in our relationship, which 585 00:38:10,600 --> 00:38:12,600 Speaker 1: is a whole other topic which we can get into 586 00:38:12,680 --> 00:38:16,680 Speaker 1: in another podcast potentially, But in this moment when we 587 00:38:16,719 --> 00:38:20,080 Speaker 1: first sort of consummated this new relationship that we had 588 00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:23,759 Speaker 1: after we had gone through a bit of a catharsist 589 00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:30,480 Speaker 1: together through therapy rebuilding trust, it was so just deep 590 00:38:31,680 --> 00:38:37,640 Speaker 1: and memorable because there was this sort of vulnerability there. 591 00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:47,160 Speaker 1: You know, I remember every piece of it. It was crazy. Yeah, 592 00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:50,200 Speaker 1: it was crazy. Well, it was intense, I mean looking 593 00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:55,719 Speaker 1: and we got pregnant like very shortly after yep, you know, 594 00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:59,960 Speaker 1: in like December, So we were apart for like two 595 00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:02,920 Speaker 1: or three months and then we came back strong and 596 00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:08,279 Speaker 1: then we got pregnant. Yeah, right right away. And it's 597 00:39:08,320 --> 00:39:13,440 Speaker 1: so crazy. I mean, you know, I think we went 598 00:39:13,520 --> 00:39:17,880 Speaker 1: back into it and you know, there was just no guarantee. 599 00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:23,120 Speaker 1: But it also there was something about that that was 600 00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:25,719 Speaker 1: freeing too, because I think there's so much pressure put 601 00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:29,120 Speaker 1: on to you know, once you're married or you're in 602 00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:33,920 Speaker 1: this commitment to you know, make it perfect or last 603 00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:37,239 Speaker 1: or whatever it was, and this was like, Okay, where 604 00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:40,279 Speaker 1: are we going from here? That's a good point, though, 605 00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:42,799 Speaker 1: go back to that, because it's true, you're in this 606 00:39:42,840 --> 00:39:45,000 Speaker 1: commitment to make it perfect, and it's supposed to be 607 00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:48,960 Speaker 1: fucking perfect, and it just never pressure. It's pressure, right, 608 00:39:49,440 --> 00:39:52,759 Speaker 1: it never is perfect. There is no such thing as perfection. 609 00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:57,320 Speaker 1: I mean, I don't even I just forget relationships just generally. 610 00:39:57,480 --> 00:40:02,000 Speaker 1: I don't think perfection exists in any thing. Really, you know, 611 00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:07,799 Speaker 1: the flaws. The beauties sometimes is in the flaws, you know, 612 00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:11,160 Speaker 1: I mean the flaws that we have, that we had 613 00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:14,400 Speaker 1: has created the life that we have now. And again 614 00:40:14,440 --> 00:40:18,440 Speaker 1: it's about living in the right now. It's not to 615 00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:20,680 Speaker 1: say that it can ever happen again, and this is 616 00:40:20,719 --> 00:40:27,040 Speaker 1: how we live, right. We don't fucking know. Yeah, another 617 00:40:27,520 --> 00:40:32,000 Speaker 1: of what the future holds. Huge thing in the forgiveness, 618 00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:37,400 Speaker 1: you know, the process of forgiving and healing was me 619 00:40:37,719 --> 00:40:43,400 Speaker 1: accepting that exact comment that you just that statement, which 620 00:40:43,560 --> 00:40:46,919 Speaker 1: is you don't know. And so I would sit there, 621 00:40:47,200 --> 00:40:49,359 Speaker 1: you know, with my therapist and say, what if and 622 00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:52,080 Speaker 1: but and if he does this again, or gosh, if 623 00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:54,200 Speaker 1: I go back and I forgive him, or you know, 624 00:40:54,239 --> 00:40:56,360 Speaker 1: we have a great year, a couple of years, we 625 00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:58,799 Speaker 1: have kids, and everything was a kind of what if 626 00:40:58,840 --> 00:41:04,800 Speaker 1: and catastrophizing the future, and once I could gain perspective 627 00:41:05,200 --> 00:41:08,960 Speaker 1: on the concept that there is no guarantee whether he 628 00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:11,640 Speaker 1: had done this to you or not, I just could 629 00:41:11,640 --> 00:41:15,279 Speaker 1: see it differently. So until it happens to you, you 630 00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:17,600 Speaker 1: kind of don't maybe think it can. I mean, it's 631 00:41:17,600 --> 00:41:21,000 Speaker 1: like death or anything you know around you until it's happening, 632 00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:24,360 Speaker 1: until you're in the shoes, it's just like the whole 633 00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:27,120 Speaker 1: you know, me worried about being worried about being judged 634 00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:29,560 Speaker 1: or this or that. It's like until you were in 635 00:41:29,600 --> 00:41:33,000 Speaker 1: that person's shoes. And every single relationship is different, every 636 00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:38,359 Speaker 1: single you know, you know, what were your girlfriends like though, 637 00:41:38,440 --> 00:41:41,680 Speaker 1: Were they like fuck him, get the fuck out of there? No, 638 00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:45,400 Speaker 1: everybody was you know, supportive. I mean yeah, of course 639 00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:51,719 Speaker 1: there was you know, protective anger, you know, but at 640 00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:56,600 Speaker 1: the same time, everybody, you know, my close friend's like, no, me, 641 00:41:56,760 --> 00:41:59,239 Speaker 1: they know you, they loved us, they understood it. I 642 00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:01,960 Speaker 1: mean you can be quick to judge, of course, but 643 00:42:02,640 --> 00:42:05,759 Speaker 1: when you really know the ins and the outs and 644 00:42:05,840 --> 00:42:08,279 Speaker 1: the story. I mean, you know, my friends are supportive 645 00:42:08,719 --> 00:42:13,160 Speaker 1: no matter what, and that's you know, true friends aren't 646 00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:14,880 Speaker 1: going to judge you. They're going to be there for you. 647 00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:19,000 Speaker 1: No matter what, good, bad, you know, all of it. 648 00:42:19,080 --> 00:42:21,080 Speaker 1: And from my PRIs I was so lucky. You know, 649 00:42:21,560 --> 00:42:23,799 Speaker 1: this is a lot from Eron's, but from my perspective, 650 00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:27,400 Speaker 1: I was so deeply, madly in love with this person 651 00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:30,640 Speaker 1: that I was willing to do anything and everything that 652 00:42:30,760 --> 00:42:33,960 Speaker 1: I could do, you know, to make sure that she 653 00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:38,680 Speaker 1: felt safe and that I was every day doing something 654 00:42:38,760 --> 00:42:43,160 Speaker 1: to rebuild trust. So it's twofold. Number one is I 655 00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:45,080 Speaker 1: was doing it for myself because I didn't want to 656 00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:51,360 Speaker 1: be this person. Okay, I came from divorce. I you know, 657 00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:57,359 Speaker 1: my dad, I'm sure messed around, right. I didn't want 658 00:42:57,440 --> 00:43:01,120 Speaker 1: to be that human being for Aaron, of course, but 659 00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:04,120 Speaker 1: for anybody down the line. Number one number two for 660 00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:09,000 Speaker 1: me was doing everything that I could do, even the 661 00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:16,480 Speaker 1: smallest things, to rebuild the trust. And I knew that 662 00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:20,759 Speaker 1: it wasn't going to be what it was, you know, 663 00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:23,239 Speaker 1: And I can honestly say even today it's probably not 664 00:43:23,320 --> 00:43:26,360 Speaker 1: as pure as it was before that moment. That's just 665 00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:29,640 Speaker 1: the fucking way it is. Our life is beautiful and 666 00:43:29,680 --> 00:43:35,520 Speaker 1: amazing right now, but you know it's not what it was. Yeah, 667 00:43:35,640 --> 00:43:37,439 Speaker 1: I mean, it's a scar. And you know the other 668 00:43:37,480 --> 00:43:41,920 Speaker 1: thing is the perspective for me once I but that 669 00:43:41,920 --> 00:43:44,239 Speaker 1: doesn't mean it can't be amazing, right, And I think 670 00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:47,359 Speaker 1: once you accept that there is no guarantee, there is 671 00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:50,759 Speaker 1: no happily ever after. I mean not to be like 672 00:43:53,280 --> 00:43:58,080 Speaker 1: you know, negative, but there was there was a freedom 673 00:43:58,160 --> 00:44:03,920 Speaker 1: in me accepting that it could happen again, or it 674 00:44:04,040 --> 00:44:06,480 Speaker 1: might be me, or you know, it could be something else. 675 00:44:06,680 --> 00:44:10,480 Speaker 1: And so once I let go of that. And I 676 00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:13,320 Speaker 1: know this sounds again a little like cliche, but stayed 677 00:44:13,360 --> 00:44:17,640 Speaker 1: in the present. You know, a lot of what my 678 00:44:17,719 --> 00:44:21,840 Speaker 1: therapist would say was the past has already happened. You 679 00:44:21,960 --> 00:44:25,840 Speaker 1: decided and chose to be here with him now. So 680 00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:31,200 Speaker 1: going back into your past memories or triggers or you know, 681 00:44:31,360 --> 00:44:36,719 Speaker 1: thoughts does nothing except, you know, bring those feelings up again. 682 00:44:36,800 --> 00:44:39,800 Speaker 1: So it's wasted time and energy worrying about the future. 683 00:44:40,440 --> 00:44:43,320 Speaker 1: No matter what you think you're going to protect yourself from, 684 00:44:43,880 --> 00:44:46,719 Speaker 1: you don't know what's going to happen. So all you 685 00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:49,640 Speaker 1: have is right now. So what was Oliver giving me 686 00:44:49,760 --> 00:44:53,279 Speaker 1: in the moment that day? And that's all that really exists. 687 00:44:53,360 --> 00:44:57,359 Speaker 1: I know it's so like crazy to say, but I 688 00:44:57,440 --> 00:45:01,359 Speaker 1: could put up a wall. I could to resent him. 689 00:45:01,560 --> 00:45:06,200 Speaker 1: I could you know, worry about it happening again and 690 00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:11,040 Speaker 1: it might never happen, or I can think it might 691 00:45:11,080 --> 00:45:14,319 Speaker 1: not and be happy and it might happen. It's just 692 00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:16,840 Speaker 1: it's everything comes down to control. We all want to 693 00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:22,759 Speaker 1: fucking know that everything's going to be okay, and you know, 694 00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:25,319 Speaker 1: at the end of the day, it's we both want 695 00:45:25,320 --> 00:45:28,600 Speaker 1: to be here and you know, do the work. And 696 00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:33,680 Speaker 1: that's the reality. It's like, if you're having fun and 697 00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:37,680 Speaker 1: you know you are attracted to your person and you 698 00:45:37,719 --> 00:45:41,319 Speaker 1: know you love them in a kind of a very 699 00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:46,400 Speaker 1: you know, deep deep sense of the word, then I 700 00:45:46,440 --> 00:45:50,480 Speaker 1: think there's a chance, you know, to make it work. 701 00:45:50,520 --> 00:45:53,600 Speaker 1: But it's not easy that you know, right right right 702 00:45:53,840 --> 00:45:58,399 Speaker 1: right of course, Like it's not fucking easy. I mean 703 00:45:58,440 --> 00:46:01,480 Speaker 1: with us, we we yeah, I got through it, But 704 00:46:01,520 --> 00:46:05,520 Speaker 1: I'm saying it's still work. Every day you're working. You're working, 705 00:46:05,560 --> 00:46:07,719 Speaker 1: you're working. But that's part of what it is to 706 00:46:07,760 --> 00:46:17,120 Speaker 1: be in a relationship. Cicara Circara. 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I've been 725 00:47:23,239 --> 00:47:26,080 Speaker 1: using this. I'm always saying, unbloated. I wish I could 726 00:47:26,080 --> 00:47:28,280 Speaker 1: take a picture of my stomach right now. I've actually 727 00:47:28,280 --> 00:47:30,920 Speaker 1: got some shred so right now, Sakara is offering our 728 00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:33,279 Speaker 1: listeners twenty percent off their first order when they go 729 00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:37,000 Speaker 1: to Sokara Dot com slash sibling or enter code sibling 730 00:47:37,080 --> 00:47:41,279 Speaker 1: at checkout that's Sokara s A k A r a 731 00:47:41,520 --> 00:47:44,560 Speaker 1: dot com slash sibling to get twenty percent off your 732 00:47:44,560 --> 00:47:53,160 Speaker 1: first order Skara dot com slash sipling. You know right 733 00:47:53,200 --> 00:47:56,319 Speaker 1: now we're going through shit, you know, because I'm you know, 734 00:47:56,760 --> 00:48:00,600 Speaker 1: I've talked about it before on this podcast and I 735 00:48:00,600 --> 00:48:02,520 Speaker 1: think with Joe on my other podcast. But you know, 736 00:48:02,560 --> 00:48:05,680 Speaker 1: I've been going through some crazy anxiety after coming off 737 00:48:05,719 --> 00:48:09,440 Speaker 1: of my stupid drugs, and I'm just I'm I'm I'm 738 00:48:09,840 --> 00:48:12,880 Speaker 1: back on the track. I'm back on track. I think, 739 00:48:13,200 --> 00:48:14,640 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I got a new gig. 740 00:48:14,960 --> 00:48:18,080 Speaker 1: I'm doing a job. I'm doing a show in Albuquerque, 741 00:48:18,280 --> 00:48:22,000 Speaker 1: and you know, I'm actually becoming finally becoming kind of 742 00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:27,880 Speaker 1: excited about it. But I've been a fucking mess, like 743 00:48:27,960 --> 00:48:34,160 Speaker 1: a wreck, just to just just just crushed, just just devastated. 744 00:48:34,239 --> 00:48:38,960 Speaker 1: I mean, it's been horrible anxiety for me, you know. 745 00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:40,759 Speaker 1: But Aaron's had to pick up the slack because I 746 00:48:40,800 --> 00:48:45,560 Speaker 1: can't function the way that I normally do. So not 747 00:48:45,680 --> 00:48:49,680 Speaker 1: to get into all that, but it's work. You're always working, 748 00:48:50,200 --> 00:48:55,800 Speaker 1: you know, You're always picking up slack, You're always sort 749 00:48:55,800 --> 00:49:00,319 Speaker 1: of figuring out you're a team, right, a team kids, 750 00:49:00,520 --> 00:49:02,800 Speaker 1: you want to help. It's kind of back and forth. 751 00:49:02,960 --> 00:49:05,000 Speaker 1: Most of the time it's pretty equal, but you know 752 00:49:05,160 --> 00:49:07,640 Speaker 1: that's just the way it goes ebbs and flows. Another 753 00:49:07,680 --> 00:49:10,680 Speaker 1: thing I'll say back to kind of you know, healing 754 00:49:10,760 --> 00:49:14,279 Speaker 1: and moving forward, is you can stay very stuck and 755 00:49:14,320 --> 00:49:17,840 Speaker 1: you can hold on to, you know, your anger and 756 00:49:17,920 --> 00:49:20,759 Speaker 1: think that the other person deserves it, and it is 757 00:49:20,800 --> 00:49:24,920 Speaker 1: a way to kind of have your control back. But 758 00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:28,040 Speaker 1: it's just not a fun place to be. And I 759 00:49:28,080 --> 00:49:31,640 Speaker 1: think you know, this goes back to you know, my 760 00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:37,359 Speaker 1: parents and just life is short, and you know at 761 00:49:37,360 --> 00:49:40,600 Speaker 1: this time in our lives, at this point, no matter 762 00:49:40,600 --> 00:49:43,520 Speaker 1: who your partner is going to be, if I was 763 00:49:43,560 --> 00:49:46,440 Speaker 1: to have left, you know, Oliver, it really would have 764 00:49:46,440 --> 00:49:50,399 Speaker 1: been to punish him. Ultimately, maybe it would have been 765 00:49:50,400 --> 00:49:53,080 Speaker 1: because I couldn't have gotten past it, which a lot 766 00:49:53,080 --> 00:49:55,600 Speaker 1: of people can't. I think I was lucky I had 767 00:49:55,600 --> 00:50:01,480 Speaker 1: the tools. I'm extremely empathetic. I really like to see 768 00:50:01,520 --> 00:50:04,200 Speaker 1: the best in people and in a lot of situations, 769 00:50:04,239 --> 00:50:07,799 Speaker 1: so I think I'm lucky that I had that ability. 770 00:50:09,239 --> 00:50:12,040 Speaker 1: But the truth is I could have gone and started 771 00:50:12,040 --> 00:50:14,319 Speaker 1: over with someone else and they're going to have their 772 00:50:14,360 --> 00:50:16,759 Speaker 1: own fucking, you know, suitcase full of shit that they're 773 00:50:16,800 --> 00:50:20,640 Speaker 1: going to bring to the relationship. You know, we were 774 00:50:20,640 --> 00:50:24,400 Speaker 1: not worn down. We were not dealing with this with children, 775 00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:26,560 Speaker 1: you know. So, like I say, like everybody's stories, so 776 00:50:26,640 --> 00:50:29,000 Speaker 1: we're just getting started. We were just getting started. So 777 00:50:29,040 --> 00:50:31,560 Speaker 1: it was almost like all right, like why not give 778 00:50:31,600 --> 00:50:35,080 Speaker 1: it a shot? And we got lucky. We made it through. 779 00:50:35,200 --> 00:50:37,960 Speaker 1: And then we started having kids, and no, I have 780 00:50:38,040 --> 00:50:43,680 Speaker 1: three of them, one of them who tonight is out 781 00:50:44,040 --> 00:50:47,400 Speaker 1: at a bowling alley with a girl who likes thirteen. 782 00:50:48,520 --> 00:50:52,600 Speaker 1: It's about to turn fourteen, about to turn fourteen. It's 783 00:50:52,640 --> 00:50:56,680 Speaker 1: all new, you know. I drove them down there and 784 00:50:56,760 --> 00:51:00,440 Speaker 1: I was having conversations with them, like, you know, so 785 00:51:00,680 --> 00:51:03,120 Speaker 1: you know this girl, you like her? And he's like yeah, 786 00:51:03,160 --> 00:51:07,239 Speaker 1: I mean yeah, it's impossible to get shit out of them. Yeah. 787 00:51:07,360 --> 00:51:10,759 Speaker 1: So now we're entering the world of teenagers right right right, 788 00:51:10,800 --> 00:51:13,680 Speaker 1: And then I've got life three sixty We do so 789 00:51:14,040 --> 00:51:16,719 Speaker 1: I can like that's an app where you can sort 790 00:51:16,760 --> 00:51:21,000 Speaker 1: of GPS your kids from their phone, and you know, 791 00:51:21,080 --> 00:51:23,200 Speaker 1: twenty minutes after I drop them off with the bowling alley, 792 00:51:23,880 --> 00:51:27,160 Speaker 1: the fucker's like in a park at Wendy's, you know, 793 00:51:27,280 --> 00:51:29,600 Speaker 1: like a mile away, and then he's in some sort 794 00:51:29,600 --> 00:51:32,360 Speaker 1: of a park and I'm like, where's this where's this 795 00:51:32,480 --> 00:51:36,680 Speaker 1: kid going? And then he's at city market. I'd probably 796 00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:39,520 Speaker 1: buying candy, I know, but we're in a small town 797 00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:43,680 Speaker 1: or lucky independence and freedom, but it's funny to track 798 00:51:43,800 --> 00:51:47,719 Speaker 1: his ass watch him move around. Which, by the way, too, 799 00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:49,920 Speaker 1: is I mean, is this a good thing or a 800 00:51:49,960 --> 00:51:53,359 Speaker 1: bad thing? I mean I like having it. I think 801 00:51:53,400 --> 00:51:57,359 Speaker 1: it's a safety and I don't know, I don't know. 802 00:51:57,440 --> 00:52:01,359 Speaker 1: But look, here's another thing I'll say too, Like we 803 00:52:02,239 --> 00:52:04,839 Speaker 1: just going back to it, Like we also have our 804 00:52:05,200 --> 00:52:08,480 Speaker 1: our youngest is now turning eight, so we like made 805 00:52:08,560 --> 00:52:11,759 Speaker 1: it through the thick of babies and toddlers and all 806 00:52:11,800 --> 00:52:18,520 Speaker 1: of that insanity, which really really can testimate, you know, 807 00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:23,440 Speaker 1: sleep deprivation. Who's doing this, who's doing that? Like all 808 00:52:23,440 --> 00:52:26,960 Speaker 1: that kind of shit is pretty gnarly. And now it 809 00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:29,480 Speaker 1: was like the last two years with this like smooth sailing, 810 00:52:29,560 --> 00:52:35,120 Speaker 1: kind of beautiful little you know age time. You know, 811 00:52:35,200 --> 00:52:37,400 Speaker 1: like before wild it was kind of a full teenager. 812 00:52:37,400 --> 00:52:40,000 Speaker 1: He still wanted to be with us, rio you know, 813 00:52:40,000 --> 00:52:42,800 Speaker 1: our youngest was independent and now we're just starting to 814 00:52:42,920 --> 00:52:44,759 Speaker 1: enter the world of teenagers, which is so many of 815 00:52:44,760 --> 00:52:49,680 Speaker 1: my friends are already ahead of us. But it's a yeah, 816 00:52:49,719 --> 00:52:52,719 Speaker 1: but I think we do it differently. You know, I 817 00:52:52,760 --> 00:52:59,919 Speaker 1: don't know as far as parenting goes, it's purely instinctual. 818 00:53:00,840 --> 00:53:03,759 Speaker 1: It's a much happier place to be. That's another thing 819 00:53:03,760 --> 00:53:06,480 Speaker 1: I was going to say. Once I kind of let 820 00:53:06,640 --> 00:53:11,120 Speaker 1: go and now it's like, yeah, that happened, and I 821 00:53:12,280 --> 00:53:16,200 Speaker 1: it's just you're happier. It's like life is short, you know, 822 00:53:16,440 --> 00:53:21,239 Speaker 1: and and letting like anger pass through you or sadness 823 00:53:21,280 --> 00:53:24,760 Speaker 1: pass through you, feel it, get it out whatever that is, running, 824 00:53:24,920 --> 00:53:31,440 Speaker 1: working out, writing, crying, screaming, and let it pass and 825 00:53:31,480 --> 00:53:34,120 Speaker 1: then get back into a place of happiness. I also 826 00:53:34,200 --> 00:53:37,439 Speaker 1: did a lot of you know, what am I grateful for? 827 00:53:37,800 --> 00:53:40,880 Speaker 1: And what are the amazing things about you? And you 828 00:53:40,920 --> 00:53:47,399 Speaker 1: know that kind of stuff kept me super presents, your phone, high, 829 00:53:47,440 --> 00:54:00,319 Speaker 1: bode Hius, your house. Okay, okay, perfect the podcast. Here 830 00:54:00,400 --> 00:54:03,560 Speaker 1: comes a little body, Bear Body, Bear Body Bear Body's 831 00:54:03,600 --> 00:54:05,759 Speaker 1: the middle. I know we got to do one on 832 00:54:06,040 --> 00:54:09,440 Speaker 1: kids parenting. For sure. There's a lot to talk about. 833 00:54:09,880 --> 00:54:14,400 Speaker 1: I mean there's a ton to talk about. I just 834 00:54:14,480 --> 00:54:18,400 Speaker 1: have like a thousand podcasts. I know, I know, but 835 00:54:18,480 --> 00:54:22,799 Speaker 1: I've wanted to do one with you. Well, here we come, Hi, 836 00:54:24,160 --> 00:54:32,279 Speaker 1: what's up. I'm looking at how you're youtubing how deep 837 00:54:32,360 --> 00:54:37,439 Speaker 1: the ocean is? Yeah, thirty five thousand feet? Yeah, yeah, 838 00:54:38,360 --> 00:54:43,560 Speaker 1: I know. That's cool. I learned something new right as 839 00:54:43,640 --> 00:54:47,800 Speaker 1: the day was about to finish. All right, we're just 840 00:54:47,880 --> 00:54:50,120 Speaker 1: finishing up this podcast. Do you have anything to say 841 00:54:50,200 --> 00:54:57,600 Speaker 1: to the audience. Do you think that we're good parents? Yes? 842 00:54:58,120 --> 00:55:03,839 Speaker 1: Very good. Okay, there is the one and only, one 843 00:55:03,880 --> 00:55:08,759 Speaker 1: and only Bodie the Body Bear. All right, well we 844 00:55:08,840 --> 00:55:12,000 Speaker 1: can put this to bed. Okay, but what's your favorite 845 00:55:12,000 --> 00:55:20,719 Speaker 1: thing about me? Probably your selflessness? Hm hmm. Thanks. You 846 00:55:20,840 --> 00:55:24,759 Speaker 1: care more for others than you do for yourself. I mean, 847 00:55:24,800 --> 00:55:26,400 Speaker 1: I care a lot for others, but I do care 848 00:55:26,480 --> 00:55:29,719 Speaker 1: for myself. No, I know. But you worry about how 849 00:55:29,840 --> 00:55:33,640 Speaker 1: people feel and yeah, you go the extra mile to 850 00:55:33,760 --> 00:55:40,239 Speaker 1: make sure that everyone feels comfortable and including, safe and 851 00:55:40,400 --> 00:55:48,400 Speaker 1: happy and included in your orbit. Yeah that's true. Mm hmm. Thanks, Poop, 852 00:55:48,760 --> 00:55:52,840 Speaker 1: You're welcome. All right, I love you, I tell you. 853 00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:58,600 Speaker 1: Sibling Revelry is executive produced by Kate Hudson and Oliver Hudson. 854 00:55:58,680 --> 00:56:02,799 Speaker 1: Producer is Alison President, editor is Josh Wendish. Music by 855 00:56:02,920 --> 00:56:06,480 Speaker 1: Mark Hudson aka Uncle Mark. If you want to show 856 00:56:06,560 --> 00:56:09,400 Speaker 1: us some love, rate the show and leave us a review. 857 00:56:09,520 --> 00:56:11,239 Speaker 1: This show is powered by simple cast