1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here. If you like this 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me 3 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,840 Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast 5 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 1: right from your phone or computer. You can add songs 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,000 Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you 7 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you 8 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more. 9 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,080 Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot 10 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:33,360 Speaker 1: fm to get started. 11 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:38,840 Speaker 2: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space. I will 12 00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:42,800 Speaker 2: so mad at myself, don because I dimmed my light, 13 00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:45,800 Speaker 2: I didn't believe in myself, and I missed out on 14 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:51,640 Speaker 2: an opportunity because I was fearful. Really, today's episode is 15 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:56,240 Speaker 2: sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration, or a fresh perspective. 16 00:00:56,800 --> 00:01:00,320 Speaker 2: If you have any AHA moments or appreciate anything from 17 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:03,520 Speaker 2: this episode, please leave us a review to let us 18 00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:07,360 Speaker 2: know we're on the right track. Also, we release episodes 19 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:11,319 Speaker 2: every Friday, so be sure to subscribe on iTunes and 20 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:16,400 Speaker 2: visit cultivatingheirspace dot com to access our exclusive after show 21 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:19,479 Speaker 2: and other bonus content from the Patreon tab. 22 00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:25,600 Speaker 1: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting 23 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:30,360 Speaker 1: women like you. We're your hosts, Doctor Dominique Bussard, a 24 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:32,959 Speaker 1: college professor and psychologist. 25 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:36,600 Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a 26 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:41,600 Speaker 2: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please 27 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:46,440 Speaker 2: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from 28 00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:49,800 Speaker 2: fibroids to fake friends, and create a safe space where 29 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:50,920 Speaker 2: black women can just. 30 00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:58,840 Speaker 1: Be Hey, lady, it's doctor Dom here. From the Cultivating 31 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:02,480 Speaker 1: her Space podcast. Do you have a burning question you're 32 00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:05,840 Speaker 1: dying to get feedback on? Do you want an unbiased 33 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:11,519 Speaker 1: perspective on a situation you're facing. If so, visit cultivatinghirspace 34 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:15,919 Speaker 1: dot com and click ask doctor Dom under the start 35 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:19,840 Speaker 1: here option. Every Tuesday, I'll choose a few questions and 36 00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:26,200 Speaker 1: answer them at random. Our quote of the day. Your 37 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:31,320 Speaker 1: playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened 38 00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:35,680 Speaker 1: about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. 39 00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:40,320 Speaker 1: We were born to make manifests the glory of God 40 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:44,120 Speaker 1: that is within us. It's not just in some of us, 41 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:49,440 Speaker 1: it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, 42 00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:56,400 Speaker 1: we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. Lady, 43 00:02:56,600 --> 00:03:01,280 Speaker 1: that quote probably sounds familiar to you. It comes from Williamson, 44 00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:06,280 Speaker 1: and I have seen this quote multiple times throughout my life. 45 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:09,040 Speaker 1: But for the people in the back, we're gonna give 46 00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:14,120 Speaker 1: it one more time. Your playing small does not serve 47 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:19,600 Speaker 1: the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other 48 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:24,760 Speaker 1: people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to 49 00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:28,800 Speaker 1: make manifest the glory of God that is within us. 50 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:33,560 Speaker 1: It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. 51 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:38,280 Speaker 1: And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously 52 00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:45,680 Speaker 1: give other people permission to do the same. Team. I mean, 53 00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:48,560 Speaker 1: I feel that in my spirit, like deep down in 54 00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:49,360 Speaker 1: my bones. 55 00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:53,200 Speaker 2: Yes, girl, I'm with you, down, I'll with you. I 56 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,600 Speaker 2: feel it in my spirit. And actually, I don't know 57 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:58,400 Speaker 2: if you know this, but I am where I used 58 00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:01,200 Speaker 2: to be an expert dimmer. So I was like a 59 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:05,600 Speaker 2: professional light demmer, was very I dimmed my light often 60 00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:08,240 Speaker 2: and I did it very well that I could probably 61 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:13,800 Speaker 2: write a book about it. That was my ministry. 62 00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:19,280 Speaker 1: Okay, wait, you got to go back expert light dimmer. 63 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:23,640 Speaker 2: Expert girl expert. 64 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:30,480 Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, like what so really, like, what did that 65 00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:32,120 Speaker 1: look like for you? I mean, I'm just going to 66 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,240 Speaker 1: dive right on it, like what did that look like 67 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:34,680 Speaker 1: for you? 68 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:38,600 Speaker 2: Let's do it. I have so many situations that I 69 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:40,279 Speaker 2: could tell you about, but the one that comes to 70 00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:44,640 Speaker 2: mind for me is really just my public speaking career 71 00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:47,760 Speaker 2: in general. So a few years ago before, like when 72 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:50,119 Speaker 2: I was first getting started on my public speaking journey, 73 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:53,880 Speaker 2: before I was you know, speaking at different conferences, I 74 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:56,760 Speaker 2: got invited to speak at a conference to have my 75 00:04:56,839 --> 00:05:00,359 Speaker 2: speech critiqued, and I was so nervous about it. I remember, 76 00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:02,080 Speaker 2: this was like one of my first big trips by 77 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:05,600 Speaker 2: myself as an adult, and I was so nervous, and 78 00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:07,520 Speaker 2: I agreed to do it. And then I was like, 79 00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:10,000 Speaker 2: you know what, after the fact, now your brain starts 80 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:13,080 Speaker 2: that part of your brain the critics starts coming in, like, girl, 81 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:16,080 Speaker 2: what you doing? You can't do this. The critic can beize, 82 00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:19,280 Speaker 2: you know, you can't do this, like you know people 83 00:05:19,279 --> 00:05:21,159 Speaker 2: are gonna judge, you're gonna laugh, you don't know what 84 00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:22,599 Speaker 2: to talk about, you know whatever. 85 00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:23,040 Speaker 1: Whatever. 86 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:25,360 Speaker 2: So I ended up backing out at the last minute. Girl. 87 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:29,040 Speaker 2: So I get to the conference later and I see 88 00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:31,599 Speaker 2: this seventeen year old who goes up and she is 89 00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:35,440 Speaker 2: up there killing it. She's up there giving her speech. 90 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:39,960 Speaker 2: She is so eloquent, she is so well poised. I mean, 91 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:42,760 Speaker 2: she got it going on. And I was like, a 92 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,200 Speaker 2: seventeen year old is doing this. And I was in 93 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:47,080 Speaker 2: my early twenties at the time. I was like, yo, 94 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:48,920 Speaker 2: if a seventeen year old could do this, I can 95 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,640 Speaker 2: do it. So I went to the conference organized and 96 00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:54,080 Speaker 2: I'm like, hey, you know, can I actually try it out? 97 00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:55,760 Speaker 2: Like I want to do it? And they were like, 98 00:05:55,839 --> 00:05:58,880 Speaker 2: oh no, sorry, like we were all booked out, there's 99 00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:01,400 Speaker 2: no more space. And I was so soh madded myself 100 00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:04,719 Speaker 2: don because I dimmed my light. I didn't believe in 101 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:08,800 Speaker 2: myself and I missed out on an opportunity because I 102 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:11,960 Speaker 2: was fearful, really, and when I think about the public 103 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:17,279 Speaker 2: speaking journey in general, I dimmed my light because of fear, 104 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:20,880 Speaker 2: just in general, because the fear rejection. I thought people 105 00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:24,840 Speaker 2: would laugh at me, and I had this extreme discomfort 106 00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:28,040 Speaker 2: being my full self. And I do think a lot 107 00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:30,760 Speaker 2: of this has to do with childhood. I noticed a 108 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:33,039 Speaker 2: lot of those things childhood and they followed me into 109 00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:36,400 Speaker 2: adulthood and I had a problem being my authentic self, 110 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:40,200 Speaker 2: Who is this silly quirky, nerdy, but a cool nerd 111 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:44,200 Speaker 2: just person like a unique swag. And I always felt 112 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:46,719 Speaker 2: so uncomfortable being that person, dumb, and it took me 113 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:48,200 Speaker 2: a long time to get there. But that is the 114 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:50,159 Speaker 2: story that comes to mind to me. It is like 115 00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:53,760 Speaker 2: being that uncomfortable with myself and showing up. 116 00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:58,479 Speaker 1: Yes, you've shared that story with us before, but not 117 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:01,560 Speaker 1: in this context, right, So when you put it in 118 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:10,280 Speaker 1: this context, yeah, it's like, yeah, Like, it's amazing to 119 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:21,040 Speaker 1: me how paralyzing fear and judgment can be. And would 120 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:23,400 Speaker 1: you point it out too, about how things from your 121 00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:29,160 Speaker 1: childhood played a role in you dimming your light, right? 122 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:35,320 Speaker 1: And I just think about how even in that moment, 123 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:42,400 Speaker 1: like how you let your light dim, but you didn't 124 00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:45,880 Speaker 1: put it out right, like you didn't extinguish it, because 125 00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:49,680 Speaker 1: you still showed up at the conference, and then you 126 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:53,800 Speaker 1: did end up trying to after seeing the other woman, 127 00:07:55,760 --> 00:08:00,800 Speaker 1: you did end up asking to like back to get 128 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:05,320 Speaker 1: up there, right, And to me, that goes directly back 129 00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:09,160 Speaker 1: to our quote. Right, So you have this other young 130 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:12,080 Speaker 1: woman who's up there and she's not afraid to dim 131 00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:14,720 Speaker 1: her life. She's up there letting her light shine and 132 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:19,800 Speaker 1: unbeknownst to her, her light shining gave you the motivation 133 00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:21,600 Speaker 1: to let your light shine. 134 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:26,080 Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, yes, Dom, you hit the nail on 135 00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:27,760 Speaker 2: the head with that, And I do want to ask 136 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:30,559 Speaker 2: you about your experience. But first I just want to say, Lady, 137 00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:33,559 Speaker 2: we're going to talk about how dimming your light is 138 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,720 Speaker 2: holding you back and this could be holding you back 139 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:40,000 Speaker 2: from relationships, money opportunities that I just shared with you 140 00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:42,400 Speaker 2: and more So, this is definitely an episode that you're 141 00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:45,559 Speaker 2: gonna want a bookmark and share. And we're going to 142 00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:48,440 Speaker 2: do a deep dive in the after show and talk 143 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:51,120 Speaker 2: a bit more about our personal experiences and offer some 144 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,760 Speaker 2: bonus tips. So make sure you visit her space podcast 145 00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:57,320 Speaker 2: dot com and click Wisdom Wednesday with Terry Patreon at 146 00:08:57,360 --> 00:08:59,680 Speaker 2: the top, or you can get access to the after 147 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:03,920 Speaker 2: show right within the Spotify app or Apple podcasts. Okay, 148 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,920 Speaker 2: so get your life, lady, because we're about to go in. Now, Dom, 149 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:09,240 Speaker 2: you got to tell me what about you. Do you 150 00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:11,000 Speaker 2: have any experiences that come to mind where you're like, 151 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:13,560 Speaker 2: you know what, I was dimming my life and I 152 00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:18,120 Speaker 2: probably should have shown up in a different way. 153 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:25,520 Speaker 1: I think about from the relationship standpoint, right So I 154 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:32,080 Speaker 1: think about relationships that I've been in where my partner, 155 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:35,160 Speaker 1: like I've dated like insecure men. 156 00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:39,280 Speaker 2: I'll just say that, right, speak on a girl, because 157 00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:40,560 Speaker 2: you ain't the only one, go ahead. 158 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:46,000 Speaker 1: Right, And so you know, I've dated these insecure men, 159 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:48,840 Speaker 1: and I have to own, you know, part of my 160 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:52,520 Speaker 1: work on myself is I have to own the role 161 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:56,120 Speaker 1: that like I played in the dynamics of the relationship, right. 162 00:09:57,320 --> 00:10:00,560 Speaker 1: And one of the roles that I've played in the 163 00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:05,400 Speaker 1: dynamic of those relationships was that I allowed my light 164 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:11,160 Speaker 1: to be dimmed, to caretake their insecurity, right, to pass 165 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:17,359 Speaker 1: by their insecurity so that they wouldn't feel more insecure. 166 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:23,680 Speaker 1: There were things that I either didn't talk about or 167 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:28,480 Speaker 1: didn't allow experiences or opportunities that I didn't allow myself 168 00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:35,920 Speaker 1: to engage in because I didn't want to surpass them. Right. Wow, 169 00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:40,920 Speaker 1: in hindsight, it's very clear. You know how they say 170 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:46,520 Speaker 1: hindsight is twenty twenty that it's in hindsight, like, I 171 00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:50,840 Speaker 1: know that there is nothing that I could have done 172 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:55,760 Speaker 1: differently to address their insecurity, right, So, like, no matter 173 00:10:55,880 --> 00:11:00,680 Speaker 1: who I was, they were going to continue to be insecure. Yes, 174 00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:05,080 Speaker 1: And so really, the person that I truly hurt in 175 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:11,719 Speaker 1: all of that was myself. Like I think about the 176 00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:18,120 Speaker 1: number of opportunities that I may have passed up because 177 00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:22,000 Speaker 1: I allowed myself to dim my light thinking that it 178 00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:23,480 Speaker 1: was serving the other person. 179 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:28,679 Speaker 2: Mm hmm, girl, I am so glad that you use 180 00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:30,680 Speaker 2: that example. Were you gonna say something else. 181 00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:33,600 Speaker 1: No, you're good, go ahead, go ahead, I would. 182 00:11:33,679 --> 00:11:36,200 Speaker 2: When you said that, dom One, I'm so grateful that 183 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:38,319 Speaker 2: you use this example because I think many of us 184 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:40,400 Speaker 2: have been in a situation like that where we dim 185 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:43,280 Speaker 2: our light for our partner. And it makes me think 186 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:45,679 Speaker 2: about the social media post and then the past experience 187 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:49,080 Speaker 2: that I had or that a friend of mine had. 188 00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:51,440 Speaker 2: So one there was a social media post where it 189 00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:53,600 Speaker 2: says something like, if the woman is the bread winner 190 00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:55,720 Speaker 2: and they go out to dinner, should she give her 191 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:58,440 Speaker 2: card to the man so that he can appear to 192 00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:00,840 Speaker 2: be the one that's like paying for it? And I'm 193 00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:04,080 Speaker 2: just like, wow, that is some deep shit. If you 194 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:06,520 Speaker 2: gotta go, why does it matter? You know what I mean? 195 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:08,600 Speaker 2: There was an example of that, and then there was 196 00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:12,800 Speaker 2: a second one where the woman she has her own car, 197 00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:15,040 Speaker 2: the guy doesn't have a car. He's catching the bus 198 00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:18,080 Speaker 2: or public transportation, but when they go out, she lets 199 00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:20,760 Speaker 2: him drive her car because he needs that to feel 200 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:24,679 Speaker 2: more I guess in control, masculine, whatever it might be. 201 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:26,840 Speaker 2: So it's a little I don't know, it might be 202 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:29,439 Speaker 2: a little different from dimming your light, but I think 203 00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:31,959 Speaker 2: that there's like a subtle dimmer up in there somewhere. 204 00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:35,560 Speaker 1: There is a dimmer in there, right, So essentially it's 205 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:40,800 Speaker 1: a mix of she is dimming her light and caretaking 206 00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:45,800 Speaker 1: him right in the sense that, okay, in her effort 207 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:53,800 Speaker 1: to try to not emasculate him and feed into like 208 00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:58,520 Speaker 1: the patriarchy, like that patriarchal system around And I say, 209 00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:01,959 Speaker 1: not emasculate him. I don't think she was emasculating him 210 00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:06,720 Speaker 1: by being herself, right, but she may have felt that way. 211 00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:10,920 Speaker 1: And so to me when I see that, I mean 212 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:13,960 Speaker 1: my immediate thought is, oh, they're just not They're not 213 00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:20,320 Speaker 1: equally yoked like they probably should not be in a 214 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:25,679 Speaker 1: romantic relationship if that's the dynamic, right, Because in a 215 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:32,600 Speaker 1: healthy relationship where she's not dimming her light, what that 216 00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:36,440 Speaker 1: looks like in the example that you gave is she 217 00:13:36,679 --> 00:13:40,280 Speaker 1: drives her own car. He has no problem riding in 218 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:46,040 Speaker 1: the passenger seat, and when they go out to dinner, 219 00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:50,800 Speaker 1: there is no issue with her taking out her car 220 00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:55,840 Speaker 1: to pay. Both parties are comfortable with it. They ignore 221 00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:58,880 Speaker 1: whatever judgment may be coming from other folks around them, 222 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:03,960 Speaker 1: but both of them are comfortable with their situation. 223 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:10,360 Speaker 2: Mm hmm, yeah, that's good too. That part right there 224 00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:12,160 Speaker 2: are other people who are chiming in. That's a whole 225 00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:15,599 Speaker 2: other episode right there. Before we get more into the 226 00:14:15,679 --> 00:14:19,160 Speaker 2: juicy episode, I do want to ask you, is there 227 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:21,640 Speaker 2: anything in particular that you're excited about these days just 228 00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:26,800 Speaker 2: in the life of Don before we get into our episode. 229 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:31,920 Speaker 1: Well, you know, I'm glad you asked, because I you know, honestly, 230 00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:35,440 Speaker 1: like the thing outside of the podcast, right like this 231 00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:40,400 Speaker 1: is creating content for the podcast definitely excites me. But 232 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:43,479 Speaker 1: the other thing that excites me is my growing private practice. 233 00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:51,600 Speaker 1: Right so, I enjoy helping folks on their journeys. I 234 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:55,359 Speaker 1: don't take it lightly. I think that it's a beautiful 235 00:14:55,440 --> 00:15:00,520 Speaker 1: experience and I feel extremely privileged to be with folks 236 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:04,120 Speaker 1: who are on their journey to being their best self. 237 00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:09,840 Speaker 1: And so, lady, if you are in the state of 238 00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:16,440 Speaker 1: California and you are looking for a therapist, and would 239 00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:21,160 Speaker 1: do me the honor of letting me join you on 240 00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:25,680 Speaker 1: this journey. You can find me at doctor So that's 241 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:30,760 Speaker 1: d R Dominique Brussard d O M I N I 242 00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:34,760 Speaker 1: q U E d R O U S S A 243 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:38,920 Speaker 1: R D dot com. Yay. 244 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,320 Speaker 2: Dom' so excited for you. My eyes are watering up 245 00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:43,640 Speaker 2: over here. I'm just so excited because we talked this 246 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:47,760 Speaker 2: first part of the podcast. Every time Domini met asked 247 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:49,520 Speaker 2: where we talk about this? But we talked about this 248 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:51,840 Speaker 2: when we first started the podcast. It's the big goal, 249 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:54,440 Speaker 2: and now dom has a practice. Old lady, if you 250 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:58,000 Speaker 2: are in California, visit Don's website, okay, and go schedule 251 00:15:58,040 --> 00:15:58,800 Speaker 2: your consultation. 252 00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:03,080 Speaker 1: All right, yeah, yes, yes, so team, what about you? 253 00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:05,600 Speaker 1: What is happening for you these days? 254 00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:08,960 Speaker 2: Yes, dob Well, I am excited about the podcast too. 255 00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:13,000 Speaker 2: I'm also excited about the virtual conference that we're planning for. 256 00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:16,360 Speaker 2: So ladies, stay tuned. Go follow us on Instagram, lady, 257 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:18,800 Speaker 2: that's our place on social media where we're most active. 258 00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:22,560 Speaker 2: At her space podcast, we just posted something maybe like 259 00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:24,640 Speaker 2: last week or a couple of weeks ago, maybe a 260 00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:27,040 Speaker 2: month ago. At this point when you're listening, and basically 261 00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:29,320 Speaker 2: we said, let us know that you listened to the 262 00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:31,880 Speaker 2: podcast without telling us that you're a listener of the 263 00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:35,680 Speaker 2: podcast or something. And the responses they gave me so much, Joey, 264 00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:38,840 Speaker 2: I love them so As far as wasn't it so fun? Yes, 265 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,240 Speaker 2: as far as what I'm excited about, lady, I am 266 00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:44,600 Speaker 2: really excited about my book that I published last year. 267 00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:46,640 Speaker 2: It's called How to Glow Up as You Grow Up, 268 00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:50,800 Speaker 2: And you can visit glowupbook dot com to get access 269 00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:53,240 Speaker 2: to the book. And basically, in this book you'll find 270 00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:58,080 Speaker 2: encouragement and guidance on how to find success through hard times, 271 00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:01,560 Speaker 2: how to overcome obstacles, how to heal from losing a parent, 272 00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:04,520 Speaker 2: how to stand in the gap for absentee parents by 273 00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:06,960 Speaker 2: raising your siblings, and a lot of other things. It's 274 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:09,000 Speaker 2: a workbook style book, and it really is a labor 275 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:12,440 Speaker 2: of love. So blowupbook dot com lady, be sure to 276 00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:15,400 Speaker 2: check that out and support and also enhance your own 277 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:17,880 Speaker 2: life because it is a personal development book. It's not 278 00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:19,520 Speaker 2: just one of those books where I'm like, go buy 279 00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:21,600 Speaker 2: my book, go support me, but it's like a journey 280 00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:22,880 Speaker 2: that we're traveling on together. 281 00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:27,240 Speaker 1: Yes, yes, yes, definitely go and check that out. That 282 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:30,800 Speaker 1: I mean and no matter. I think the beautiful thing 283 00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:33,600 Speaker 1: about your book is that it's something that you can 284 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:36,600 Speaker 1: keep coming back to, right, So like you could be 285 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:40,919 Speaker 1: at you could get one goal accomplished, like be in 286 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,199 Speaker 1: one space in life, and then you're like, you know what, No, 287 00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:45,280 Speaker 1: I need to reassess some things, and you can go 288 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:48,680 Speaker 1: back and do some of the exercises in the book 289 00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:53,000 Speaker 1: and reassess. So I love that it's something that you 290 00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:54,119 Speaker 1: can keep going back to. 291 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,320 Speaker 2: That is the truth. Now. I'm so glad you said that, girl, 292 00:17:57,359 --> 00:17:59,560 Speaker 2: because I'm telling you in our journey sometimes it's like 293 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:01,840 Speaker 2: we think we learn something and then you're like, oh wait, 294 00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:05,280 Speaker 2: I need to go back and revisit that lesson. So 295 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:08,640 Speaker 2: speaking of revisiting lessons, lady, we're about to jump right 296 00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:12,880 Speaker 2: back into the dimming your light conversation, and I think 297 00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:14,840 Speaker 2: we should start off with the definition, like what is 298 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:17,080 Speaker 2: the official definition of deming your light? So we can 299 00:18:17,119 --> 00:18:19,320 Speaker 2: kind of see what does this look like in action, 300 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:21,400 Speaker 2: because I think we hear this so much down people 301 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:24,240 Speaker 2: are like, don't let anyone dim your light. Don't dim 302 00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:25,840 Speaker 2: your light. You walk into a room, you. 303 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:26,199 Speaker 1: Shine a light. 304 00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:27,960 Speaker 2: Okay, Well what does that look like? An action. What 305 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:29,840 Speaker 2: does that look like when I'm depressed one day and 306 00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:32,800 Speaker 2: I'm like, how do I show up in this room 307 00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:35,439 Speaker 2: and not dim my light when I'm intimidator, I'm depressed, 308 00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:37,119 Speaker 2: whatever it might be. So, dom, do you want to 309 00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:38,920 Speaker 2: share the definition with us? 310 00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:45,760 Speaker 1: Yes, So, the definition of dimming your light means that 311 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:50,679 Speaker 1: you're not letting your true self be seen. That instead 312 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:55,960 Speaker 1: of allowing your energy to expand, you're holding it back, 313 00:18:56,520 --> 00:19:01,560 Speaker 1: like you're hiding your true light and essence. And that's 314 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:07,880 Speaker 1: a natural response to pain or threat, and for some 315 00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:12,359 Speaker 1: of us that might be a trauma response. And so 316 00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:16,520 Speaker 1: instead of shining, we shrink. 317 00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:20,640 Speaker 2: And Lady, we do want to shout out. Sylvia Salo. 318 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:23,520 Speaker 2: I believe that's how you pronounce her last name, Sylvia Salo, 319 00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:27,159 Speaker 2: that's sa Low. She has an amazing article called the 320 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:30,440 Speaker 2: Six Secrets to Stop Dimming Your Light, and we're actually 321 00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:34,440 Speaker 2: using a lot of her references and tips in our episode. 322 00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:38,000 Speaker 2: Because the article was so awesome, we were like, why 323 00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:40,680 Speaker 2: not share this with our audience, right, So we want 324 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,200 Speaker 2: to dive into some of the ways in which you 325 00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:44,240 Speaker 2: might be dimming your light based on the article that 326 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:48,440 Speaker 2: she shared. So one is you swallow your words when 327 00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:51,840 Speaker 2: you know that you should speak up, You swallow your words, 328 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,440 Speaker 2: you know you should speak up. Yow, how many times 329 00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:56,120 Speaker 2: have we been in here? I know I've been there, 330 00:19:56,160 --> 00:20:00,399 Speaker 2: But listen, and a meeting at work and the pass 331 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,399 Speaker 2: from come on down, yes. 332 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:06,360 Speaker 1: With your parents or your family members that want Auntie 333 00:20:06,359 --> 00:20:08,920 Speaker 1: your uncle who likes to come in and tell everybody 334 00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:13,800 Speaker 1: how they should be living their life. And they say 335 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:17,439 Speaker 1: that one wrong thing, and you're like, you give that look, 336 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:20,359 Speaker 1: and you look at your siblings across the table, or 337 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:23,040 Speaker 1: you look at your cousins next to you, and you 338 00:20:23,119 --> 00:20:26,760 Speaker 1: all know that what Auntie said was hella wrong. 339 00:20:28,359 --> 00:20:32,440 Speaker 2: But you don't speak up or tell your friends or 340 00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:35,800 Speaker 2: family that things aren't going well when they actually are. Yo. 341 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:41,040 Speaker 2: That right there, Yo, that hits home for me. Try 342 00:20:41,119 --> 00:20:43,479 Speaker 2: not to make things seem so as awesome as they 343 00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:46,280 Speaker 2: are because you don't want to. I don't want to 344 00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:49,320 Speaker 2: ever be that person down where like people are either envious, 345 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,240 Speaker 2: not that this not that I can control how they 346 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:53,120 Speaker 2: feel anyway, but like I don't want to make people 347 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:57,000 Speaker 2: feel envious or make them feel uncomfortable or feel away. 348 00:20:57,080 --> 00:21:00,600 Speaker 2: And that one right there, you just making up that's wrong? 349 00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:02,920 Speaker 2: Where you're like, everything's actually great with me, but everybody 350 00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:05,440 Speaker 2: else is, you know, miserable or they have something bad 351 00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:06,920 Speaker 2: going on, So let me go ahead and just join 352 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:08,119 Speaker 2: the party. 353 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:12,560 Speaker 1: Oh but you know what too. But may not be 354 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:18,640 Speaker 1: that you're not saying things are going well. But maybe 355 00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:20,840 Speaker 1: you're just not sharing anything at all. 356 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,000 Speaker 2: Mm hm. 357 00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:25,800 Speaker 1: So I think it could go either way, right, So, 358 00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:30,760 Speaker 1: like either you're saying things are going bad when they 359 00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:34,760 Speaker 1: really aren't, or you're not giving any information at all. 360 00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:38,439 Speaker 2: Yeah, so you've got an exciting update and you're like, 361 00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:39,640 Speaker 2: I'm not going to share that. 362 00:21:40,359 --> 00:21:43,359 Speaker 1: Right, Like you at the family dinner table again and 363 00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:47,760 Speaker 1: Auntie circles back around and she's like, so, what you 364 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:50,639 Speaker 1: got going on? And you're like, oh, nothing, I'm chilling. 365 00:21:51,359 --> 00:21:53,359 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's me. We're gonna have to dive into this 366 00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:55,359 Speaker 2: because I feel like there's a fine I feel like 367 00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:57,360 Speaker 2: there's a balance here. So Domond, we want to dive 368 00:21:57,359 --> 00:21:59,359 Speaker 2: in deeper and we get to these tips. So the 369 00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:02,440 Speaker 2: next one is you allow energy vampires to kill your 370 00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:06,000 Speaker 2: spark excitement and steal your energy when you should set 371 00:22:06,119 --> 00:22:12,480 Speaker 2: firm boundaries instead. Ooh ooh, oh okay, Sylvia, let's see 372 00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:15,520 Speaker 2: what you did there, yes, yes, it's a good one. 373 00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:19,240 Speaker 1: So you tell them you letting folks come in, and 374 00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:22,720 Speaker 1: let's say that you are in that space where you're 375 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:28,480 Speaker 1: sharing the good news, and then they come in and 376 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:33,400 Speaker 1: they're like, I mean that's cool, it ain't you ain't 377 00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:37,679 Speaker 1: oprah so okay, and like they kill your vibe, and 378 00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:41,479 Speaker 1: so you just stop, like you stop sharing, when really 379 00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:44,800 Speaker 1: what you could do is set a boundary with them 380 00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:48,679 Speaker 1: and say something along the lines of, well, wait, I'm 381 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:50,159 Speaker 1: gonna share that in the tips. What you say to 382 00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:51,280 Speaker 1: the person I'm gonna share that in the. 383 00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:54,000 Speaker 2: Oh dam you have me on the edgey, you have 384 00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:55,560 Speaker 2: it on the edge of my seat. I was like, wait, 385 00:22:55,640 --> 00:22:57,399 Speaker 2: what're you gonna say? What you're gonna say? You know, 386 00:22:57,440 --> 00:22:59,920 Speaker 2: it's funny. This makes this example makes me think about 387 00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:03,160 Speaker 2: a situation where let's say it's like pain to mind 388 00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:04,840 Speaker 2: for me because I just had a baby. Was like, 389 00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:07,320 Speaker 2: let's say it's like your birth, and you know, you 390 00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:09,840 Speaker 2: can invite people to be at the birth, but sometimes 391 00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:11,920 Speaker 2: you want to, you know, cultivate a certain type of 392 00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:13,600 Speaker 2: vibe or energy. So you're like, you know, I only 393 00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:16,399 Speaker 2: want this person there, but then let somebody in without 394 00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:21,080 Speaker 2: setting firm boundaries because you don't want to you know, 395 00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:21,800 Speaker 2: you don't want. 396 00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:22,440 Speaker 1: To kill the vibe. 397 00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:24,800 Speaker 2: You don't want them to be you don't want to 398 00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:26,840 Speaker 2: be upset even though you know that they come in 399 00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:29,639 Speaker 2: with the negative vibe. That could be an example. So 400 00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:31,200 Speaker 2: we have a lot of examples. You have to check 401 00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:33,720 Speaker 2: out Sylvia's article for the rest of them, but there 402 00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:35,400 Speaker 2: are a lot of good examples there. 403 00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:38,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I think that when we all think 404 00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:41,960 Speaker 1: about it, like step back and think about it, we 405 00:23:42,119 --> 00:23:47,639 Speaker 1: can all identify multiple instances in our lives when we 406 00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:50,840 Speaker 1: have allowed our light to them. 407 00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:55,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, Like, ladies, you listen, think about those instances for you, 408 00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:57,720 Speaker 2: Like was it at work? Was it on that zoom 409 00:23:57,760 --> 00:24:00,440 Speaker 2: call where you knew you had a bomb at idea 410 00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:02,439 Speaker 2: and you were like, oh, I don't want them to 411 00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:03,879 Speaker 2: be like oh she thinks she ought at Or I 412 00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:05,320 Speaker 2: don't want them to judge you, or I don't want 413 00:24:05,359 --> 00:24:07,800 Speaker 2: them you know what I mean. Or you're just out 414 00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:10,600 Speaker 2: with friends and you have some really exciting news and 415 00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:13,320 Speaker 2: you could share it and maybe they are a supportive group, 416 00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:15,560 Speaker 2: but you just kind of still feel a little I 417 00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:17,520 Speaker 2: don't know, like you don't want to be in the spotlight, 418 00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:20,280 Speaker 2: right you don't want your light to shine. I think 419 00:24:20,359 --> 00:24:22,720 Speaker 2: one thing to also be mindful of here dom is 420 00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:25,199 Speaker 2: that when we say, you know, not to dim your 421 00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:28,400 Speaker 2: light and shine, this doesn't mean to go into spaces 422 00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:32,639 Speaker 2: and dominate, right, or doesn't mean to dim other people 423 00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:36,040 Speaker 2: or shine your light in a way that's dimming someone 424 00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:38,480 Speaker 2: else's right or like putting someone else down. So someone 425 00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:40,960 Speaker 2: shares that you know, they just got their masters, and 426 00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:43,080 Speaker 2: you're like, oh, I've been had my master's. It's like, well, damn, 427 00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:45,760 Speaker 2: that's not cool, Like you know what I mean. So 428 00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:48,440 Speaker 2: just being mindful of like what does it actually mean 429 00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:50,919 Speaker 2: in your life and in your world for you to 430 00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:53,200 Speaker 2: show up and let your light shine? 431 00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:54,320 Speaker 1: Yes? 432 00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:58,920 Speaker 2: Now, when it comes to how dem and your light 433 00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:02,280 Speaker 2: can hold you back, We've talked about a few examples here. 434 00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:05,760 Speaker 2: I talked about missing out on opportunities and honestly done, 435 00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:08,399 Speaker 2: I feel like the more I've grown evolved as a woman, 436 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:10,600 Speaker 2: the more I'm more comfortable in my skin and with 437 00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:13,800 Speaker 2: this quirky, you know, weird spirit that I came to 438 00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:16,159 Speaker 2: this earth with, Like was it made me so uncomfortable 439 00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:19,040 Speaker 2: before because I think I was so afraid of like 440 00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:23,679 Speaker 2: being talked about being you know, judged and being rejected 441 00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:26,399 Speaker 2: because I have been an outsider before and I just 442 00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:29,080 Speaker 2: have a different type of vibe and I don't know, 443 00:25:29,119 --> 00:25:31,879 Speaker 2: sometimes you meet you meet people that connect with you 444 00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:34,280 Speaker 2: on that vibe, and then in other spaces you don't. 445 00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:36,679 Speaker 2: And the one part of me, I think it's like 446 00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:39,600 Speaker 2: the nerdy part where like if I go somewhere like 447 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:42,440 Speaker 2: I'm taking notes in school and in class, and people 448 00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:44,240 Speaker 2: would laugh and kind of make fun of that. But 449 00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:46,959 Speaker 2: now I learned on brasics, I'm like, all right, my 450 00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:49,800 Speaker 2: brain as big as hell. All right, I'm smart, Like the. 451 00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:51,880 Speaker 1: Fuck you know what I mean? Like what you mean? Yeah, 452 00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:52,919 Speaker 1: that's cool. 453 00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:56,280 Speaker 2: But I didn't embrace that initially because the people that 454 00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:58,359 Speaker 2: I was around would make fun of that and they would, 455 00:25:58,359 --> 00:26:01,320 Speaker 2: you know, more you a square or whatever. So I 456 00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:04,760 Speaker 2: think that when we're having the discussion around how does 457 00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:07,320 Speaker 2: dimming our light hold us back? What are the ways 458 00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:09,000 Speaker 2: in which you think it can also hold you back? 459 00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:13,240 Speaker 1: I mean I think that when it's holding you back, 460 00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:19,800 Speaker 1: it's keeping you from brilliant opportunities, right, it's keeping you 461 00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:23,119 Speaker 1: from multiple things. Right, all of a sudden, just the 462 00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:25,719 Speaker 1: flood of ideas just came to me, right, so like 463 00:26:26,359 --> 00:26:32,080 Speaker 1: it's keeping you from getting that promotion, right, like you 464 00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:35,120 Speaker 1: know that phrase I mean, and in general, like that phrase. 465 00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:39,720 Speaker 1: The worst they can say is no, and nothing needs 466 00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:43,240 Speaker 1: a failure but to try, right, all the phrases about 467 00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:46,760 Speaker 1: like to actually try something to me, all of those 468 00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:52,760 Speaker 1: phrases kind of speak to not dimming your light, right 469 00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:59,919 Speaker 1: that like dating? Right, shoot your shot. You see some 470 00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:05,639 Speaker 1: one that you are attracted to, and you think that 471 00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:11,840 Speaker 1: you all have things in common. Shoot your shot. Now. Granted, 472 00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:14,399 Speaker 1: I recognize that some of some of this requires a 473 00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:18,760 Speaker 1: level of vulnerability, right, yes, absolutely, But that's how our 474 00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:22,959 Speaker 1: light is allowed to shine when we are willing to 475 00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:27,880 Speaker 1: step into those spaces of vulnerability. So go shoot your 476 00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:30,800 Speaker 1: shot with that person that you're attracted to. You know, 477 00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:34,160 Speaker 1: both if you are aware that both of y'all are single, 478 00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:39,440 Speaker 1: or you know, whatever the parameters of your relationship dynamics, 479 00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:41,280 Speaker 1: because you might want to be in the throple, you know, 480 00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:47,760 Speaker 1: like whatever works for you. But shoot your shot, and 481 00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:50,600 Speaker 1: the worst they could say is no. 482 00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:56,000 Speaker 2: I love it. And it makes me also think about 483 00:27:57,119 --> 00:28:00,200 Speaker 2: how sometimes when we them are like, we miss out 484 00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:03,600 Speaker 2: on an opportunity to make deeper connections. And so whether 485 00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:06,760 Speaker 2: it's you sharing an idea that resonates with someone, or 486 00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:08,560 Speaker 2: like you said the girl at the seventeen year old 487 00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:10,719 Speaker 2: at the conference, when she went up there and she 488 00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:13,800 Speaker 2: decided to shine her light brightly. She lit my little 489 00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:15,440 Speaker 2: candle because I was a little on the fence, she 490 00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:19,840 Speaker 2: lit my candle. And now I, you know, after that experience, 491 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:22,520 Speaker 2: I was already on the track to like becoming a speaker, 492 00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:25,639 Speaker 2: but she did something for me in that moment, and 493 00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:28,560 Speaker 2: now I'm able to go out and speak with more confidence. 494 00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:30,960 Speaker 2: And then you know, impact other people and connect with 495 00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:33,160 Speaker 2: other people and be inspired by other people because of 496 00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:36,320 Speaker 2: you know, me letting my light shine. So I think 497 00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:39,960 Speaker 2: it really does allow us to make meaningful experiences while 498 00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:42,720 Speaker 2: we're on earth. And honestly, life is so precious. It's like, 499 00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:45,360 Speaker 2: go out and just do that thing that you know 500 00:28:45,440 --> 00:28:48,800 Speaker 2: makes you afraid, feel the fear, and do it anyway. Yeah, 501 00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:50,520 Speaker 2: I think it's really important. We miss out on so 502 00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:52,800 Speaker 2: much when we don't shine brightly. And when you think 503 00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:55,800 Speaker 2: about it, I personally believe that the creator gives us 504 00:28:55,840 --> 00:29:00,600 Speaker 2: ideas and inventions and witty concepts for or a reason, 505 00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:03,840 Speaker 2: Like you're not having an idea about writing a book 506 00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:06,880 Speaker 2: or going back to school or starting your practice for fun, 507 00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:09,000 Speaker 2: like or it might be for fun. Let me not 508 00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:11,160 Speaker 2: say it might be for fun, but it's for a purpose. 509 00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:13,400 Speaker 2: Like there are people who are waiting on your message, 510 00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:15,240 Speaker 2: you know what I mean. Like down there are people 511 00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:19,880 Speaker 2: who are waiting to be on your couch or on 512 00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:24,400 Speaker 2: your virtual zoom screen getting their therapy on, Like there are. 513 00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:25,160 Speaker 1: People that need that. 514 00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:27,120 Speaker 2: They're waiting for you. And if you didn't show up 515 00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:29,960 Speaker 2: and shine your light and start that practice and build 516 00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:33,240 Speaker 2: your website and do all the heavy lifting, they wouldn't 517 00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:35,920 Speaker 2: have had an opportunity to be connected by you and 518 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:39,120 Speaker 2: here a message that only doctor dom could give them 519 00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:40,400 Speaker 2: the way that doctor dom could give it. 520 00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:43,120 Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Exactly? Yes, I know exactly 521 00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:47,080 Speaker 1: what you mean. Like I think about like some invention 522 00:29:47,280 --> 00:29:49,520 Speaker 1: like you are have come up with an idea to 523 00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:53,640 Speaker 1: solve a problem that someone has, right, but don't you 524 00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:58,920 Speaker 1: don't pursue it, and so then eventually somebody's going to 525 00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:03,640 Speaker 1: create it, right, Like, somebody's gonna do it, and then 526 00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:07,360 Speaker 1: you're gonna be stuck right like you're gonna be looking 527 00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:13,640 Speaker 1: back like huh. Back in twenty fifteen, if I would 528 00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:16,320 Speaker 1: have said this if I would have pursued this, then 529 00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:20,400 Speaker 1: fast forward to twenty twenty five, and I could have 530 00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:21,400 Speaker 1: been a billionaire. 531 00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:24,920 Speaker 2: You know, come on now, come on now, think. 532 00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:28,480 Speaker 1: About Oprah right like you if you pay attention to 533 00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:31,959 Speaker 1: Oprah's story like, it's because she did not let her 534 00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:37,000 Speaker 1: light be dimmed, right, Think about Jeff Bezos and his 535 00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:43,080 Speaker 1: billion ka trillion dollar however much money he has. Amazon 536 00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:47,200 Speaker 1: is like practically running the world right now, right, But 537 00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:55,240 Speaker 1: twenty years ago that was not happening. I think something 538 00:30:55,280 --> 00:31:01,520 Speaker 1: that I have noticed is that as women, we have 539 00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:08,080 Speaker 1: been socialized to dim our light, that we have been 540 00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:17,760 Speaker 1: socialized to not put our dynamic selves out there. Like lady, 541 00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:25,920 Speaker 1: think about the charismatic, dynamic woman in the most charismatic 542 00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:32,040 Speaker 1: dynamic woman in your workplace, in your friend circle, and 543 00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:39,800 Speaker 1: how folks respond to her, how do you respond to her? 544 00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:44,000 Speaker 1: And for me, when I think about that, how you 545 00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:47,800 Speaker 1: are responding to her is a reflection of how great 546 00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:52,000 Speaker 1: you are letting your own light dim. So if you 547 00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:56,400 Speaker 1: are saying my light is dimming, like I'm not like 548 00:31:56,480 --> 00:32:00,560 Speaker 1: I'm focused on dimming my light, then you you are 549 00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:09,800 Speaker 1: going to be intimidated or jealous or judgmental. But when 550 00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:13,800 Speaker 1: you're in a space where you're ready for your light 551 00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:16,760 Speaker 1: to shine, but you might be struggling a little bit. 552 00:32:18,720 --> 00:32:23,400 Speaker 1: When you're in the presence of that woman, you're going 553 00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:27,080 Speaker 1: to feel more confident. You're going to find yourself being 554 00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:32,360 Speaker 1: drawn to her presence and her energy because going back 555 00:32:32,360 --> 00:32:37,680 Speaker 1: to our quote of the day, her light is unconsciously 556 00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:45,400 Speaker 1: drawing you in and encouraging you to let your light shine. 557 00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:46,959 Speaker 1: But you gotta be ready for it. 558 00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:51,680 Speaker 2: Yes, that is a really, really good point. I'm just 559 00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:53,360 Speaker 2: kind of taking that in. That's a really good point. 560 00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:57,640 Speaker 2: I think also down when I reflecting on situations where 561 00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:01,240 Speaker 2: maybe I'm trying to figure out how to word this, 562 00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:02,960 Speaker 2: but let me know if it makes sense, Okay, because 563 00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:05,640 Speaker 2: you know, you know, I still got mommy's brain. Okay, 564 00:33:05,680 --> 00:33:08,239 Speaker 2: so bear with me. But I'm thinking of the inverse right, 565 00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:11,280 Speaker 2: a situation where let's say that someone in your family 566 00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:13,160 Speaker 2: degree is just what's coming to mind to me, but 567 00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:15,960 Speaker 2: it could be any number of accomplishments. But let's say 568 00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:18,360 Speaker 2: you're at like a I don't know, a family function 569 00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:20,400 Speaker 2: or party and someone is like getting their degree and 570 00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:22,600 Speaker 2: you already have your degree. I'm thinking about a situation 571 00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:25,640 Speaker 2: where you going in and also reading the room. So 572 00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:28,160 Speaker 2: if I'm going somewhere, I know, okay, cool, I have 573 00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:30,760 Speaker 2: my master's. My friend is getting her master's. If I 574 00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:33,560 Speaker 2: go into that environment and we're there to celebrate my friend, 575 00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:36,280 Speaker 2: that doesn't mean that I need to tell everyone about 576 00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:38,120 Speaker 2: my degree. Like I can be there in support of 577 00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:41,000 Speaker 2: her and let my light and let my light shine 578 00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:42,680 Speaker 2: by way of support. Does that make sense? 579 00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:43,960 Speaker 1: Yes? That does? 580 00:33:44,560 --> 00:33:46,440 Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, I just want I just want to make 581 00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:48,200 Speaker 2: sure we touched on that because I feel like sometimes 582 00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:51,200 Speaker 2: people hear that let your light shine and they just 583 00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:54,400 Speaker 2: think it means it's like it's not situational, But I 584 00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:57,479 Speaker 2: think it is. I think that it ends on setting 585 00:33:57,520 --> 00:33:58,400 Speaker 2: and all that good stuff. 586 00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:02,720 Speaker 1: It's about knowing your audience, knowing your audience. 587 00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:06,480 Speaker 2: Knowing your audience. So should we dive into some of 588 00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:09,080 Speaker 2: these tips to stop dimming your light? 589 00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:13,480 Speaker 1: Yes, I think we should. But I also want to 590 00:34:13,520 --> 00:34:17,000 Speaker 1: point out that, you know, we want to be knowing 591 00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:19,720 Speaker 1: our audience. We want to be mindful of y'all's time. 592 00:34:20,480 --> 00:34:23,560 Speaker 1: So we're just gonna we're gonna tell you what these 593 00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:28,279 Speaker 1: tips are. But if you really want to know, then 594 00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:32,880 Speaker 1: you got to check out our after show boom so 595 00:34:34,040 --> 00:34:41,759 Speaker 1: real quick Tip number one, observe your body. Tip number 596 00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:50,840 Speaker 1: two bring your awareness to your energetic field. Tip number 597 00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:58,600 Speaker 1: three find out why you dim your light. Number four, 598 00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:03,839 Speaker 1: find out how you would shine your light if no 599 00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:13,359 Speaker 1: one is around. Number five know your soul's blueprints. And 600 00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:15,279 Speaker 1: I know y'all want to know more about that, so 601 00:35:15,480 --> 00:35:17,279 Speaker 1: y'all better hop in that after show to get to 602 00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:23,040 Speaker 1: get that team. And number six bill yourself up. 603 00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:27,400 Speaker 2: Those are so juicy. And also another shout out to 604 00:35:27,560 --> 00:35:31,239 Speaker 2: Sylvia Salo because that article is so bomb. We're going 605 00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:33,000 Speaker 2: to just share our own perspectives. But I do want 606 00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:36,040 Speaker 2: to say, lady, we have well over one hundred episodes, 607 00:35:36,080 --> 00:35:40,000 Speaker 2: okay of the podcast, so check the archives. We've talked 608 00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:45,479 Speaker 2: about mommy issues, daddy issues, and fertility, miscarriage, narcissist and more. 609 00:35:45,600 --> 00:35:47,840 Speaker 2: And what you can do is literally go to Google 610 00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:51,040 Speaker 2: or whatever your search engine is and type in a keyword. So, 611 00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:52,919 Speaker 2: for instance, if you want to know if we talked 612 00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:56,200 Speaker 2: about imposter syndrome, type it into Google and put our 613 00:35:56,239 --> 00:35:59,279 Speaker 2: podcast name and that episode will come right up for you. 614 00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:00,960 Speaker 2: So that's the easy way for you to go back 615 00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:04,160 Speaker 2: and find episodes that we have, so check them out. 616 00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:07,319 Speaker 2: We do have a few complimentary episodes that will sort 617 00:36:07,360 --> 00:36:10,800 Speaker 2: of compliment the conversation today. We have season eight, episode eleven, 618 00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:14,480 Speaker 2: coming to grips with being Enough with Doctor Jannis Moody. 619 00:36:14,960 --> 00:36:20,000 Speaker 2: That episode was so good and oh you clatgic? Oh classic, 620 00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:21,200 Speaker 2: so juicy? 621 00:36:21,239 --> 00:36:21,719 Speaker 1: Okay, yes. 622 00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:26,720 Speaker 2: Then we have season five, episode four, how your words 623 00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:30,120 Speaker 2: are creating your current reality? Put some respect on your name, 624 00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:33,600 Speaker 2: and that's a very popular episode. And then we have 625 00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:37,919 Speaker 2: season one, episode twelve and poster syndrome how to deal 626 00:36:38,120 --> 00:36:41,200 Speaker 2: when you feel you don't belong. So a lot of 627 00:36:41,239 --> 00:36:44,440 Speaker 2: this conversation that we've talked about today, it's often theoretical, 628 00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:46,640 Speaker 2: like it's easier said than done. So we want to 629 00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:49,799 Speaker 2: do a deep dive and an extended conversation in the 630 00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:52,919 Speaker 2: after show to talk about our personal experiences, to dive 631 00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:57,120 Speaker 2: into some of Sylvia's tips and some juicy questions. So 632 00:36:57,200 --> 00:37:00,000 Speaker 2: be sure to visit our website, herspace podcast dot com, 633 00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:04,359 Speaker 2: click Wisdom Wednesday with Terry Patreon. You can get access there, 634 00:37:04,560 --> 00:37:06,840 Speaker 2: or you can get access right in the app and 635 00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:10,759 Speaker 2: Spotify or on Apple podcasts. So come and tune into 636 00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:16,960 Speaker 2: the after show and join the extended conversation Okay, y lady, 637 00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:20,480 Speaker 2: it's Terry here from Cultivating her Space. Are you tired 638 00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:23,319 Speaker 2: of working hard for your money? Do you want your 639 00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:26,640 Speaker 2: business to run smoothly when you're out of office? If 640 00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:29,280 Speaker 2: you want to learn how to automate your business cash 641 00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:33,640 Speaker 2: flow and increase your impact and influence, join me from 642 00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:38,359 Speaker 2: our free workshop at brandwi Terry dot com. Again, that's 643 00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:42,800 Speaker 2: brand with Terry dot com. My name is spelled te 644 00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:46,920 Speaker 2: double ri. I hope to see you there, lady. 645 00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:51,640 Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us today. Please note that our show 646 00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:57,640 Speaker 1: may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and 647 00:37:57,760 --> 00:38:00,880 Speaker 1: mental health, but is by no means meant to be 648 00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:05,200 Speaker 1: a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained 649 00:38:05,239 --> 00:38:09,279 Speaker 1: mental health provider. If you are someone you know is 650 00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:12,640 Speaker 1: in need of mental health care, please visit a Therapy 651 00:38:12,680 --> 00:38:18,600 Speaker 1: for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider. 652 00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:21,160 Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard and want to keep 653 00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:25,839 Speaker 2: the conversation going, visit our website cultivatingherspace dot com and 654 00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:28,400 Speaker 2: be sure to click the Patreon tab to get access 655 00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:33,279 Speaker 2: to video content, bonuses, and our weekly after show. And 656 00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:36,520 Speaker 2: before we meet again, repeat after me, I am doing 657 00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:40,200 Speaker 2: the best I can with the understanding, knowledge and awareness 658 00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:41,640 Speaker 2: I have at this moment.