Speaker 1: This is How Men Think with broths Like and Gavin
Speaker 1: de Grab and I Hear Radio Podcasts. Welcome to another
Speaker 1: episode of How Men Think. My name is brooks Like,
Speaker 1: and I'm super excited about today's episode because we are
Speaker 1: going to help all of our listeners. Everybody is going
Speaker 1: through so much. The state of the world, the state
Speaker 1: of the universe right now is very heavy, very stagnant.
Speaker 1: There's just so much uncertainty in the world. And we
Speaker 1: have done a pole of our community. We've done a
Speaker 1: poll of the women listeners of the How Men Think community,
Speaker 1: and we found out the top five things that our
Speaker 1: community is struggling with. And we have four very special
Speaker 1: guests that will be bringing on today to address these
Speaker 1: five areas. The five areas that we have pulled in
Speaker 1: our community that women are struggling with and most worried
Speaker 1: about right now are number one health, love and family.
Speaker 1: Number two trying to find normalcy and a routine during
Speaker 1: this pandemic. Number three mental health, stress and anxiety, Number
Speaker 1: four what does the future look like? And number five finances.
Speaker 1: So we have four brilliant and very intelligent, very successful
Speaker 1: women coming on the show today to help us answer
Speaker 1: these questions. And help us through the struggle that we
Speaker 1: are currently going through. So without further ado, we have
Speaker 1: our first two guests joining us right now. Our first
Speaker 1: guest is a possibilitarian and board certified coach. She helps
Speaker 1: leaders create workspaces that solve the world's biggest problems. She
Speaker 1: believes that by centering well being, connection, and self awareness,
Speaker 1: we can create the conditions for everyone to succeed. She's
Speaker 1: currently the resident well Being coach at YouTube. She's worked
Speaker 1: with women at Google for over ten years and is
Speaker 1: the founder of the Luminaries. She gives leaders and organizations
Speaker 1: the tools to become their highest selves, go after everything
Speaker 1: they've ever wanted, and work together like never before. Charie Heally,
Speaker 1: welcome back to the show to be here. You saved
Speaker 1: all of us last time you're on the show. You
Speaker 1: fixed all of our problems. They so good Ryan, we
Speaker 1: need Brian's like I need to be on that show.
Speaker 1: Ryan's not with us today. But I think you saved
Speaker 1: Ryan's life. It's the only reason he's continued on. But Sueri,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for being here. Absolutely, thanks for
Speaker 1: having me books welcome. Yes, We're glad to have you.
Speaker 1: Our second guest right here is a clinical Associate Professor
Speaker 1: of psychiatry with the New York Presbyterian Hospital and a
Speaker 1: psychoanalyst at the New York Psychoanalytic Institute. She's best known
Speaker 1: for her work as a relationship, family, emotional well being,
Speaker 1: and mental health and wellness contributor in the media, where
Speaker 1: she frequently shares her expertise on the mental health aspects
Speaker 1: of current issues and news. She's a best selling author
Speaker 1: of numerous books, including her most recent, The Power of
Speaker 1: Different The Link Between Disorder and Genius. She's also the
Speaker 1: host of the Personalogy podcast with My Heart Radio Dr
Speaker 1: Gayl Salts. Welcome to the show. Thanks so much for
Speaker 1: having me. It's really great to be with you. I'm
Speaker 1: so excited to dive into all of these topics with
Speaker 1: you ladies and get your expertise, because I don't know
Speaker 1: if we could have ever found two more qualified people
Speaker 1: to speak on these topics. So once again I'll review
Speaker 1: for you guys and for our listeners the top five
Speaker 1: things that our female listeners are struggling with right now. Health,
Speaker 1: love and family, trying to find a routine and normalcy
Speaker 1: in the pandemic, mental health, stress and anxiety, the future
Speaker 1: and finances, and so I want to lead with you, Shari,
Speaker 1: what are you finding Are you finding that to be
Speaker 1: a common thread with your clients? What are you finding
Speaker 1: most of your clients are struggling with the most right now? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean most of the women that I work with.
Speaker 1: I work with men too, but the women are the
Speaker 1: big focus today and they are juggling like crazy, trying
Speaker 1: to show up to work, two kids, to relationship demands
Speaker 1: and themselves and their selves are last. You know, it's
Speaker 1: there there putting themselves on the back burner for all
Speaker 1: the reasons to uphold everybody else's well being. And I
Speaker 1: think that's what I work on a lot with them,
Speaker 1: is saying, the more you want to give, the more
Speaker 1: you need. And if they're going to go out there
Speaker 1: and try to help everybody else and still crush it
Speaker 1: at work and be great parents and all of it,
Speaker 1: that they have to center well being and their own
Speaker 1: mental health as a gift to Yeah. It's such a
Speaker 1: selfless act, right, It's such a selfless act to to
Speaker 1: poor love into your family, to poor love into your partner.
Speaker 1: You know, you have to show up in in the
Speaker 1: work environment as well. That a lot of oftentimes I
Speaker 1: think of myself as well, Like even guys, I think
Speaker 1: as well, we'll put ourselves last and then and then
Speaker 1: what's then It ends up not being sustainable. It ends
Speaker 1: up we end up crashing, We end up um, you
Speaker 1: know what. Depression can come from that because you're not
Speaker 1: personally happy and fulfilled. It's very it's a very difficult
Speaker 1: time for a lot of people. And I don't have
Speaker 1: kids right now, so I don't know what you know.
Speaker 1: I can't I can't have the understanding of what a
Speaker 1: parent is going through trying to juggle kids, juggle the relationship,
Speaker 1: like you said, juggle work, and then also make yourself
Speaker 1: happy in a really unique and chaotic time. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I think that we feel guilty if we're happy.
Speaker 1: Now that's another thing. It's like if I am doing okay,
Speaker 1: Holy cow, that's not fair because so many people are
Speaker 1: really struggling. So there's almost you know what we're doing
Speaker 1: some mental health campaigns at YouTube and even with my
Speaker 1: kids is is people are are almost wearing their mental
Speaker 1: health challenges to be in belonging, you know, to to say, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm not doing okay either, you know where I
Speaker 1: actually think the people who are okay right now. We
Speaker 1: need you, you know, we need we need joy, and
Speaker 1: we need laughter, and we need centered joy so that
Speaker 1: you know we're all going to make it through this.
Speaker 1: I think we're in the marathon. You know. I agree
Speaker 1: with you, Sharie. I think now more than ever, the
Speaker 1: world needs inspiration. Yeah, And I see, I have a
Speaker 1: lot of friends that are struggling during the pandemic, and
Speaker 1: I have a lot of friends that are actually really
Speaker 1: thriving during the pandemic. And it seems that my friends
Speaker 1: that are thriving during it have become very shy to
Speaker 1: share their current state of well being because they don't
Speaker 1: want to, like they don't want to put it in
Speaker 1: front of anybody's face or like make other feels other
Speaker 1: people feel less than um. But I'm like, please share it.
Speaker 1: The world needs that inspiration now more than ever. Gailice
Speaker 1: in the same sort of thing, like across the mental
Speaker 1: health order, you seeing struggle and thriving. Yes, it's fair
Speaker 1: to say, but I would say, obviously, as a psychiatrist
Speaker 1: and psychoanalysts, I am seeing more struggle because I am
Speaker 1: you know that that's my job, and so I'm seeing,
Speaker 1: you know, returned of patients that had been doing well
Speaker 1: and are relapsing. UM. I'm seeing new patients obviously that
Speaker 1: people who had not previously seemed to need mental health
Speaker 1: care need it. UM. I could tell you that surveys
Speaker 1: across the board Psychiatric Association being national institutent mental health UM,
Speaker 1: there's really an explosion of mental health need in anxiety
Speaker 1: disorders and depressive disorders, post traumatic stress disorder, relapsing people
Speaker 1: in terms of addiction, and real concerns that there may
Speaker 1: be arise in suicide's. UM will be reflect back on
Speaker 1: this time. UH, concerns about rising mental health issues and
Speaker 1: health professionals a group that rarely gets mental health care
Speaker 1: because they kind of feel like they're not supposed to,
Speaker 1: but they've been on the front lines of this pandemic
Speaker 1: and the stress, the burnout, the feelings of helplessness have
Speaker 1: really affected health professionals. UM. So I would say, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm very heavily taxed, as are my peers. In
Speaker 1: really trying to help people to do two things. UM.
Speaker 1: One is to think about and incorporate into your life
Speaker 1: preventive mental health care. So we can talk about what
Speaker 1: those things are. But you know, people think all the
Speaker 1: time about preventive care. Right, you go to the doctor
Speaker 1: once a year to have check up, see if you
Speaker 1: have diabetes, or or see if you're heading that direction,
Speaker 1: or your blood pressure is rising, if you need some
Speaker 1: cardiac here to prevent certain diseases from happening. But we
Speaker 1: never think about that with mental health care, and we
Speaker 1: should be because people can definitely be doing things things
Speaker 1: that are are not difficult to incorporate into your life.
Speaker 1: We can talking about aerobic exercise for thirty minutes a
Speaker 1: day multiple times, to be talking about a deep breathing,
Speaker 1: the practice of mindfulness or meditation, um muscle relaxation, us
Speaker 1: of visual imagery, all kinds of things that people can
Speaker 1: do to help stave off and and actually build a
Speaker 1: toolbox of hoping tools a few and more resilient in
Speaker 1: this time. Because really, even though I could tell you, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm not seeing as many people feel great. So I
Speaker 1: want people to understand you don't feel great. That's that's
Speaker 1: pretty normal right now, and that's okay, you can accept that.
Speaker 1: But I do think that we're going to see a
Speaker 1: lot of people afterwards build resilience and feel in some
Speaker 1: ways is stronger and more able than they did before.
Speaker 1: I actually very much agree with you on that. Um.
Speaker 1: In my life as an athlete, I've learned a lot
Speaker 1: about resilience. And we used to say as an athlete,
Speaker 1: where you once blister, you will callous. And I think
Speaker 1: that's what it's going to happen to people right now,
Speaker 1: is they're they're blistering in certain areas, but like you said,
Speaker 1: they're going to be stronger in the future because of it. Um.
Speaker 1: And we also used to say, announce of prevention is
Speaker 1: worth a pound of cure. And but you're right, like
Speaker 1: I've never I've never thought of it in terms of
Speaker 1: mental health preventative care. So can you walk us through
Speaker 1: what some of those things specifically might be where somebody
Speaker 1: can be proactive to defend against the onset of any
Speaker 1: sort of mental health anxiety or illness or trauma upcoming.
Speaker 1: So the two the two most common arenas I think
Speaker 1: of concern are various anxiety issues which people are experiencing
Speaker 1: and various depressive issues which people are experiencing. And um,
Speaker 1: so things like I said, aerubic exercise eyes really getting
Speaker 1: your heart rate up for thirty minutes a day, multiple
Speaker 1: times a week, has been shown to actually go head
Speaker 1: to head with medication from mild to moderate depression. Clinical
Speaker 1: depression definitely reduces anxiety. UM definitely reduced the stress level,
Speaker 1: so that that is that is a no brainer UM
Speaker 1: doing something taking five minutes in the morning and five
Speaker 1: minutes in the day to do something like UM. Deep
Speaker 1: abdominal breathing, which is breathing into your nose to account
Speaker 1: of five and out to account of seven. This pattern
Speaker 1: kind of breathing which it first would feel weird and
Speaker 1: be uncomfortable, and you want to start by doing it
Speaker 1: lying down, since you can put your hand over your
Speaker 1: abdomen and have that part of your lower chest essentially
Speaker 1: for the inhale because you want you want your lungs
Speaker 1: to fill deeply. That kind of pattern breathing actually has
Speaker 1: been shown to really reduce physiologic anxiety, which actually then
Speaker 1: reduced the anxiety in your mind. Similarly, deep muscle relaxation,
Speaker 1: which is squeezing muscle groups starting with your toes and
Speaker 1: eventually moving all the way up to your face to
Speaker 1: account of five as tight as you can, and then
Speaker 1: relaxing it slowly to account of five, again reducing physiological anxiety.
Speaker 1: Social support super important do you have people that you
Speaker 1: have in your life that you can really talk with
Speaker 1: about how you're really feeling. Not the you know, they
Speaker 1: I gotta put on a good face for you kind
Speaker 1: of friends, but like really people that you can be
Speaker 1: intimate with and really talk. UM. Journaling is very helpful
Speaker 1: for some people to really write down their feelings and
Speaker 1: even take their temperature every day to objectively see, like
Speaker 1: on a scale one to ten, how is my new today?
Speaker 1: Like is it am I really having a hard time?
Speaker 1: Or actually I reflect back not so much, which gives
Speaker 1: you perspective. Um. These kinds of things built in really help. UM.
Speaker 1: But I would also tell people that if they are
Speaker 1: finding that they're their mood or their anxiety level is
Speaker 1: interfering with their ability to function day to day at all,
Speaker 1: interrupting sleep, appetite, no libido, really highly irritable or highly hopeless,
Speaker 1: and you can't really function you in your usual way, um,
Speaker 1: even when you make effort, then it might be time
Speaker 1: to you know, just check in with a therapist and
Speaker 1: have an evaluation. Yeah. I also think people who are
Speaker 1: you know how in our friend groups there's like the
Speaker 1: person who usually is the support person for everybody you
Speaker 1: know one final column, the next frontal column, and they
Speaker 1: support everybody. I think those people also, I want to
Speaker 1: if you're one of those people in your friend group,
Speaker 1: I want to encourage you to reach out to people
Speaker 1: as well. I know people in my life who are
Speaker 1: very supportive of many people, and then they're like, man,
Speaker 1: can somebody just ask me how I'm doing instead of
Speaker 1: dumping all of their issues on me. Um So, but
Speaker 1: you need to be open and honest and share your
Speaker 1: I'm a very strong guy as well. I can handle
Speaker 1: a lot of stuff as well, but I've learned as
Speaker 1: well I need to reach out to ask for help.
Speaker 1: I need, you know, because my friends are struggling to
Speaker 1: or or maybe they're doing great or but like it,
Speaker 1: It's very easy for people to somewhat miss you. There's
Speaker 1: a lot going on in the world, a lot going
Speaker 1: on in our lives, and I want to encourage people
Speaker 1: to voice if they have issues, voice it to friends,
Speaker 1: raise it with friends, and it's amazing when you do,
Speaker 1: your friends will line up to help you as much
Speaker 1: as they possibly can. Tree what what can you what
Speaker 1: advice can you give to our listeners right now about
Speaker 1: um about struggling with family, love, and and that kind
Speaker 1: of structure. So kids, let's separate it into kids, and
Speaker 1: then let's start with relationship. People that are struggling with relationship.
Speaker 1: You're gonna advice that you can give to support people
Speaker 1: struggling with relationship. Yeah, I mean, I think Gail would agree.
Speaker 1: She's probably seeing it in her practice to that relationships
Speaker 1: are taking a heavy hit right now. You know, we're
Speaker 1: quarantining with people were all up in each other's business
Speaker 1: more than ever, and I think there's some blessings in that,
Speaker 1: but it's been it's been hard on relationships. I think
Speaker 1: we've heard predictions that divorce rates are going to rise
Speaker 1: during this moment in time, Domestic violence is up, and
Speaker 1: I think for women in particular, we go to fear.
Speaker 1: You know, it's so easy to go to fear right
Speaker 1: now and feel disconnection. I think connection is our number
Speaker 1: one need. It's how we survive through relationship. It's also
Speaker 1: like the number one indicator of job satisfaction or deep
Speaker 1: and meaningful relationships. So um talk about relationships at home
Speaker 1: and at work, because at home, I think communication is
Speaker 1: everything right now, like you know, channel a little burn
Speaker 1: a brown and being super vulnerable and honest about what
Speaker 1: you need and how you're feeling and where where you're hurting.
Speaker 1: You know, there's there's a lot of a lot that
Speaker 1: I work on with people in this realm because I
Speaker 1: don't think we really have these communication structures and these tools.
Speaker 1: We didn't learn them in school. But to baseline start,
Speaker 1: it's just being really real, setting aside time to be
Speaker 1: honest about how you're feeling, and sharing fears because I
Speaker 1: know one of my greatest teachers is saying over and
Speaker 1: over and over again, um, do not let fear be
Speaker 1: your guide. It's the opposite of love. And women, I
Speaker 1: think when we're in our full feminine power, we are love.
Speaker 1: We are the pure vessels of love. And I think
Speaker 1: we look outside of ourselves when we're in fear to
Speaker 1: get it and if we could remember that we're the
Speaker 1: source of it and to do everything that might nurture
Speaker 1: love flowing through our own bodies, and that starts with ourselves,
Speaker 1: which is I see a lot of women being phenomenally
Speaker 1: hard on themselves right now because they just feel like
Speaker 1: they can't do anything well. And so to start really
Speaker 1: with the practices, a lot of what Gail said, I
Speaker 1: would have totally underscored and plus one, um, really looking
Speaker 1: at what are the conditions that I require as a
Speaker 1: woman right now to do my best? What are the
Speaker 1: conditions so at work? If people are loading up workloads
Speaker 1: on me and I I've got workstreams glore and I
Speaker 1: can't ask for help that I will underscore both of
Speaker 1: you saying that that you have to learn how to
Speaker 1: say I actually can't do all this, and delegate and
Speaker 1: learn how to be real with your boss and ask
Speaker 1: for If I'm going to say yes to something, I've
Speaker 1: got to say no to other things, or say no
Speaker 1: to what something's asking somebody's asking for to say yes
Speaker 1: to other things and be real about it. A lot
Speaker 1: of these companies that I work with are very you know,
Speaker 1: we've been trained to be so utterly polite and achieving
Speaker 1: and good and all of this, and it precludes the
Speaker 1: humanity that I think we all need to give ourselves
Speaker 1: right now. It's amazing. Yeah, and UM, further to that,
Speaker 1: when when I think about that, when you're speaking there,
Speaker 1: the thing that I'm listening to or the thing that's
Speaker 1: going on in my mind is when I start to
Speaker 1: feel anxious or have stress about something. The initial reason
Speaker 1: and cause for that is feeling overwhelmed. Yeah, I feel
Speaker 1: overwhelmed and like I gotta do this, I gotta do this,
Speaker 1: get this. I should have said no to something and
Speaker 1: then and then I have anxiety and stress. Um, Gail,
Speaker 1: how do we how do we say no? How do
Speaker 1: we learn to say no? How do we lower that
Speaker 1: overwhelmed feeling? A lot of people are feeling overwhelmed with
Speaker 1: many things, like you said, job, kids, relationship, the upcoming election,
Speaker 1: the future, this how long is this going? Like? How
Speaker 1: do we how do we stop from feeling so overwhelmed? Well,
Speaker 1: a big part right now of people feeling overwhelmed has
Speaker 1: to do with uncertainty. Right, we need to not know
Speaker 1: when this will end, if this will end, and um,
Speaker 1: we you know, on it on a on a global level, right,
Speaker 1: and so it seems like things keep coming and we
Speaker 1: don't know how they'll get resolved, if they'll end, and
Speaker 1: we on a day to day level, there's that creates
Speaker 1: all kinds of uncertainty. You know, people usually feel calmer
Speaker 1: and structure of some sort, and so to have this
Speaker 1: level of constant uncertainty is driving tremendous amount of anxiety
Speaker 1: and then the other feeling you sort of described was
Speaker 1: was the stress of burnout, which is taking on and
Speaker 1: taking on um and and and for women, the numbers
Speaker 1: that recently come out is, you know, women are basically
Speaker 1: working a seventy hour work week because they're the primary
Speaker 1: caretakers usually of the kids, and so they're everybody's at home.
Speaker 1: You know, everybody's working from home. So they're they're working,
Speaker 1: they're working the house, they're working the kids, and they
Speaker 1: have a seven hour work week to to to uh
Speaker 1: their partners fift year work week. So you know, there
Speaker 1: there is like a tremendous amount of burnout and um,
Speaker 1: as Sheeri was was pouring out, like we feel like
Speaker 1: we're supposed to we're we're supposed to be. You know,
Speaker 1: we're really a good woman. We're gonna we're gonna say
Speaker 1: yes to everything and do everything. And you know, so
Speaker 1: as you so you're saying, you keep so two things
Speaker 1: I think have to happen. One is how can you
Speaker 1: learn to live with and accept a degree of uncertainty.
Speaker 1: It's not something that we usually consciously think a lot about,
Speaker 1: but it is something in this instance I'm saying would
Speaker 1: really be helpful to you to think about. Um, you know,
Speaker 1: we basically say, what am I anxious about? It's a
Speaker 1: that's a that's an appropriate danger signal for things going on.
Speaker 1: Let me do my problem solving in relation to that.
Speaker 1: And once I've done whatever concrete problem solving I can do,
Speaker 1: any anxiety left over is just refloat uncertainty anxiety, and
Speaker 1: I have to just let it be. I can't attack it,
Speaker 1: I can't send it off, and just kind of it's
Speaker 1: gonna float there. I don't have to react to it.
Speaker 1: I have to know that there's not a thing to do.
Speaker 1: It just is. And I know that sounds kind of weird,
Speaker 1: but it's something that you actually have the practice, and
Speaker 1: the more you practice it, actually the more the anxiety
Speaker 1: receives because it's the mental if the brand's fight with
Speaker 1: this anxiety about uncertainty, that drives anxiety up. And in
Speaker 1: terms of burnout, what we know from all kinds of
Speaker 1: studies about burnout and care give a burnout, that it happens,
Speaker 1: it's bad for your mind, it's bad for your body.
Speaker 1: It raises your cortisol level, which which creates a lot
Speaker 1: of different kinds of health issues. So it is vitally
Speaker 1: important that if you are the caregiver of everything that
Speaker 1: you simply offload it. You've got to say no to
Speaker 1: some word things You've got to say, you know, to
Speaker 1: your partner, I need you to take this and this
Speaker 1: and this or mom, this is going on. Would you
Speaker 1: be able to do this in this or hey, friend,
Speaker 1: can meet as a community, say today we in my backyard,
Speaker 1: and tomorrow be in your backyard and we'll take you.
Speaker 1: There are ways to sort of brainstorm around bringing people
Speaker 1: in to offload some of the stuff. In addition to
Speaker 1: the saying no, which is hard, as she's pointing out,
Speaker 1: women tend to often feel guilty. I'm not supposed to
Speaker 1: and you just have to like get with yourself and
Speaker 1: say you are not helping anybody. If your well is dry,
Speaker 1: there is no water for anyone, So you have to
Speaker 1: set some of it from an empty Yeah, so you
Speaker 1: have some well. I could just even add on to
Speaker 1: what Gail just said about handling uncertainty. It's so true,
Speaker 1: they say, to people who can handle a lot of
Speaker 1: uncertainty do the best in life. And the way to
Speaker 1: also counterbalance it is to get enough certainty. So dial
Speaker 1: in on what would make you feel safe, what make
Speaker 1: you feel in control? You know, a good plan. I
Speaker 1: always get asked for like what's my plan, you know,
Speaker 1: or really tending to the finances, Like that's another fear
Speaker 1: for a lot of women. So get a great advice
Speaker 1: person on your team, somebody who's in that realm to say,
Speaker 1: take care of me, tell me what I should be
Speaker 1: doing right now. You know, anything that would give you safety, comfort,
Speaker 1: pleasure to balance out the uncertainty will be huge. I think, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think that. I think all of those are really important. Safety, comfort,
Speaker 1: and I love the last one you said was pleasure.
Speaker 1: But because I think a lot of people right now
Speaker 1: are overlooking that element of life. It's become a struggle
Speaker 1: and a survive atmosphere versus like an adapt and thrive atmosphere.
Speaker 1: So like people are like, oh, I'm locked in my house,
Speaker 1: Well you're not locked in your house. Your your front
Speaker 1: door still opens. Like in l A. Everybody feels so
Speaker 1: contained in l A. But the Angelos nash Old Forest
Speaker 1: is only thirty minutes outside of l A. You can
Speaker 1: go for a hype nature. You know, like life is changing,
Speaker 1: it's very different than it was before. But with that
Speaker 1: brings different opportunities. I've also had lots of friends that
Speaker 1: have said, I've ever havill of connection with my family
Speaker 1: and my kids. The things I've get to see that
Speaker 1: i'd be around my kids so much, It's been absolutely amazing.
Speaker 1: It's been a blessing to me. It's reinvigorated my family
Speaker 1: life versus getting so focused on career. Um, yeah, what
Speaker 1: do you see? We really have a couple of minutes left.
Speaker 1: But what do you think what do you see as
Speaker 1: some long lasting effects of this quarantine slash COVID time. Well,
Speaker 1: I think people are going to realize that they are
Speaker 1: made of stronger stuff than they realized in some ways, right, Um,
Speaker 1: and uh they that I think maybe people are building
Speaker 1: coping tools to last down Um, that they can't take
Speaker 1: for granted. A lot of the things in life and
Speaker 1: in the world that we have, that we that you have,
Speaker 1: and many people who are reorienting their priorities like what really,
Speaker 1: Oh gosh, this makes me think what really matters to me?
Speaker 1: This relationship really matters. I mean, you're this you know,
Speaker 1: whatever it is, And and that's not a bad thing
Speaker 1: because sometimes you know, when you walk around feeling kind
Speaker 1: of invincible and kind of like life's forever, and you know,
Speaker 1: this has made us sort of pulled us up short
Speaker 1: and said, oh, maybe those things aren't true and um,
Speaker 1: and that's and that changes priorities. And I also want
Speaker 1: to make a pitch for in terms of improving mood
Speaker 1: by the way, um, the importance of relating into what
Speaker 1: you said, gratitude as a practice, um that even if
Speaker 1: things are difficult, there's almost always something you can think
Speaker 1: of during the day which you do feel grateful a person,
Speaker 1: a cup of coffee, but like almost and and making
Speaker 1: a mental note in me those each day for several
Speaker 1: weeks actually will boost mood and reduced anxiety and giving back.
Speaker 1: So yeah, you can go out and have pleasurable and
Speaker 1: actually a greadurable thing to do is to brandstorm away
Speaker 1: to be giving, giving to people around you, or giving
Speaker 1: on a community level. And those things are very tied
Speaker 1: to mental health as well well. Um, and they are
Speaker 1: often very pleasurable in in kind of unique way. Gratitude
Speaker 1: is a massive one. UM. A while back I did
Speaker 1: the four kind of values of my life, four Pillars
Speaker 1: of my life and gratitude um of of happiness and
Speaker 1: what a full life looks like for me, and gratitude
Speaker 1: was one of those and I noticed that when I
Speaker 1: started getting into sort of a grumpy, grouchy mood, the
Speaker 1: first pillar of my life that started to fall away
Speaker 1: was gratitude. As soon as gratitude started falling away, I
Speaker 1: started it was like what I didn't have? What was
Speaker 1: going wrong? What was And I was like, Wow, that's
Speaker 1: actually a lack of gratitude is actually leading to my
Speaker 1: my disrupted state, a less than peak state. And uh,
Speaker 1: it's actually during COVID time, it's actually brought prayer back
Speaker 1: into my life a lot. I pray three times a day.
Speaker 1: I pray before every meal. Um. I used to pray
Speaker 1: just at supper time, but now I pray before every meal,
Speaker 1: and I just say whatever comes out. Thankful for my dog,
Speaker 1: Thankful for this beautiful park that I'm able to take
Speaker 1: him to. Thankful for the opportunity to have a conversation
Speaker 1: with you ladies today. And I just say things that
Speaker 1: I don't I don't plan, I don't have a specific
Speaker 1: prayer that I say, just you know, thank you for
Speaker 1: this food, thank you for the hands that prepared to
Speaker 1: um all this kind of stuff. And it's just warms
Speaker 1: my heart and it's actually been something I look forward
Speaker 1: to when I sit down for every single meal to
Speaker 1: say a prayer and see what comes out. It's really
Speaker 1: helped me immensely. Um Shree, do you have any other
Speaker 1: advice for our community, for the ladies of our community,
Speaker 1: of the listeners of our community, help them struggle. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And what you just said is so huge because that's
Speaker 1: the antidote to fear Brooks, Like, you know, practicing gratitude
Speaker 1: just means that fear can't really be present and you
Speaker 1: are actually elevating your state of being higher than where
Speaker 1: where the world is pulling us down to, you know,
Speaker 1: So that's another act of control and personal freedom, you know,
Speaker 1: to do that. I think my big focus with people
Speaker 1: right now is anchoring them and orienting them to what
Speaker 1: is going on? Where where am I in this crazy
Speaker 1: scene because everybody feels a little lost at see, you know,
Speaker 1: in the waves keep crashing, And I think that this
Speaker 1: is just my understanding having studied so much with scholars
Speaker 1: and stages, and this this time that we're in was
Speaker 1: predicted thousands of years ago. It's we're like right on schedule.
Speaker 1: And everybody wants to say it's the apocalypse and and
Speaker 1: it is in a way, but it's not what we
Speaker 1: have been sold through all the movies. It's an ending
Speaker 1: of things as we know it, which I think could
Speaker 1: be the greatest thing that ever happened to us. And
Speaker 1: if you center into that storyline, you know that I'm
Speaker 1: a part of a changing of history of a new era. Maybe.
Speaker 1: I know. Zach Bush, who I love, says, if you
Speaker 1: were born right now for this, you have a big purpose.
Speaker 1: And I'm always zooming people out to remember what's the
Speaker 1: bigger picture, Like, yeah, our finances, are relationships, are health,
Speaker 1: everything is like crazy, But what's the really big thing
Speaker 1: going on? And how can I remember that? That's that
Speaker 1: helps you say? No, you know that helps you say like,
Speaker 1: actually I want to tell my grandkids a different story
Speaker 1: about what what I did in this time. Yeah, amazing. Um, Gail,
Speaker 1: anything to add to that. I'm gonna let you ladies
Speaker 1: go here in a second. Anything to add to that.
Speaker 1: The best advice you could leave our listeners with, Um,
Speaker 1: everybody needs self care. And I think, um, you know
Speaker 1: this this time because it is a particularly stressful and
Speaker 1: difficult time, more than ever, everybody needs self care. So
Speaker 1: I would just say, you know, there are many ways
Speaker 1: to do that. Um, but you kind of have to
Speaker 1: make it a priority, I guess I'll say, And whether
Speaker 1: that's self care within your relationship or within your finances,
Speaker 1: or what you put you know, into your body, um,
Speaker 1: and and what you do with your mind. I just
Speaker 1: would would say that, you know, I'm pleased to say,
Speaker 1: we're coming out of a time where self care and
Speaker 1: and certainly mental health care was so stigmatized that people
Speaker 1: you know couldn't acknowledge or wouldn't tell others. And I
Speaker 1: think we're really coming out of that. I'm glad to say. Um,
Speaker 1: So the most important thing is acknowledged to yourself. Acknowledge
Speaker 1: your own story to yourself, because that's the only way
Speaker 1: you can rewrite your story right and and uh and
Speaker 1: and and make alterations um. And physiologically uh, feed your
Speaker 1: feed your body so you can feed your mind. Um.
Speaker 1: And I think, uh, you know, like I said, I
Speaker 1: think many of us will turn out to come out
Speaker 1: more resilient in the end and have built tools. You know,
Speaker 1: you can't build resilience if if every the way is paved,
Speaker 1: if the way is smooth. I'm trying to talk to
Speaker 1: parents about this all the time. If you paved the
Speaker 1: way for your child and they can never make mistakes
Speaker 1: or fall down because you picked them up as they
Speaker 1: were even heading down. UM. Then they can't build the
Speaker 1: coping tools, they can't learn that they can overcome, that
Speaker 1: they can that they have that strength in them, and
Speaker 1: then when really more difficult stuff happens, they don't feel equipped.
Speaker 1: So the same thing is true for adults. And so
Speaker 1: I do think that out of this people are going
Speaker 1: to find that they had stuff in them. They didn't
Speaker 1: know that, they've accrudd certain abilities and strength they didn't
Speaker 1: know they had UM and that will will leave them
Speaker 1: fitter for life. H I agree with you. I had
Speaker 1: a friend that was talking about recently. I was talking
Speaker 1: to him and he said about life and relationship. He
Speaker 1: was talking about relationship that applied it to life as well.
Speaker 1: He said, a relations and ship when given a conflict,
Speaker 1: if that conflict can be peacefully resolved, the relationship is
Speaker 1: stronger for having had that conflict and thus in a
Speaker 1: better position moving forward. And I was wonderful. It applies
Speaker 1: to life, It applies to relationship, career, many things. So
Speaker 1: it was very relevant for this conversation. Um Sharie, where
Speaker 1: can our community find you? Uh Shari? Healy dot com
Speaker 1: and the luminaries on social Yes, okay, awesome. Uh and
Speaker 1: we'd love to have you back on the Sanciery because
Speaker 1: I've got a world of problems amongst the men here
Speaker 1: that you can get with. Uh, Dr Gale, where can
Speaker 1: where can our me at doctor Gale Salts. Um, they
Speaker 1: can find me at www dot dot Dale Salts dot com. Um.
Speaker 1: They want sort of more information about the kind of
Speaker 1: things that I'm talking about, they can check out my
Speaker 1: book mentioned The Power is Different and um and yes,
Speaker 1: I actually uh I have already personology. I heard podcasts up,
Speaker 1: but I'm I'm about to begin another one that will
Speaker 1: be very specifically mental health care for women. So um,
Speaker 1: they can they can tune into that as well. Amazing,
Speaker 1: the world needs more of it. Ladies, Thank you so much,
Speaker 1: and we'll be back with two more special guests right
Speaker 1: after this break back from break. Our first two guests
Speaker 1: were amazing, so helpful, and now we have two more amazing, brilliant, intelligent,
Speaker 1: very successful women here to help us navigate this COVID,
Speaker 1: this very uncertain time of life. Um. It's fascinating to
Speaker 1: see where the world is, where the world was, where
Speaker 1: the world is and where the world is going to
Speaker 1: go and a big part of that has been finances. Uh,
Speaker 1: And so we have a special guest on with us
Speaker 1: right now who's going to help with that. And then
Speaker 1: we have we also want to continue any of the
Speaker 1: conversation about mental health, anxiety and how do we get control,
Speaker 1: how do we get some sort of semblance of control
Speaker 1: and start coming out of this pandemic. So our next
Speaker 1: guest is named by Urban Influence magazine is one of
Speaker 1: the twenty Hottest Influencers in America. She is an author,
Speaker 1: entertainment executive, and celebrity financial coach who helps others face
Speaker 1: their money issues and achieve personal, professional, and spiritual harmony.
Speaker 1: She has two more than two decades worth of experience
Speaker 1: in the banking and real estate sales industries. She's featured
Speaker 1: regularly on The Steve TV Show, The Hallmark Channel's Home
Speaker 1: and Family Show, and b ET Networks. Dr Lynn Richardson,
Speaker 1: Welcome to the show. Hi, thank you so much for
Speaker 1: the beautiful invitation. Yeah, thank you so much. I'm so excited.
Speaker 1: Finances are a big stressor and it's causing stress in relationships,
Speaker 1: not just in life, but in relationships. So we want
Speaker 1: to get into the finances, especially with you and also
Speaker 1: joining us, we have another very special guests, very talented,
Speaker 1: brilliant guests. She is a licensed clinical psycho oologists with
Speaker 1: the private practice in Beverly Hills and specializes in the
Speaker 1: treatment of couples and relationships, depression, anxiety, trauma, grief, and
Speaker 1: eating disorders. She believes that therapy is not magic, but
Speaker 1: rather a process that requires work, commitment, and faith, and
Speaker 1: it is slow, steady changes that lead to sustained changes.
Speaker 1: Dr Hillary Goldscher, Welcome to the show. Thank you for
Speaker 1: having me. Guys, I appreciate you so much. Um this
Speaker 1: has been We're gonna go. We're gonna go rapid boom
Speaker 1: boom boom. Here we go. Um. We want to serve
Speaker 1: our community as much as possible. Um Lynn, what are
Speaker 1: you seeing in the world of finances right now? What
Speaker 1: are we supposed to do with our fire? We're supposed
Speaker 1: to spend money, not spend money. Should we be saving?
Speaker 1: Why our finances causing us such stress in our lives
Speaker 1: and our relationships? Well, I'll answer the first question. The
Speaker 1: first question is we shouldn't be spending money. We can't
Speaker 1: go anywhere anyway, right, So social distancing and staying home.
Speaker 1: It's good for the budget. We are facing what could
Speaker 1: possibly be the worst recession of all time, and so
Speaker 1: I encourage folks to one uh store as much cash
Speaker 1: as you can, get rid of as many unnecessary subscriptions
Speaker 1: and things like that as you can minimize if you can,
Speaker 1: and stack your cash. Take advantage of the offers by
Speaker 1: almost every finance or lender company in the in the
Speaker 1: country where they're offering extensions of time to pay. Now
Speaker 1: it's not the time to be a financial hero. Now,
Speaker 1: it's not the time to prepay everything down as soon
Speaker 1: as you get your money. Because people are losing their jobs,
Speaker 1: many big companies are figuring out ways to keep people
Speaker 1: at home and to get rid of the workforce now
Speaker 1: that they see that we can work at home and
Speaker 1: be effective. So that really is cash is king. But
Speaker 1: the beautiful thing is right now, um home based businesses
Speaker 1: are winning. Everybody should have a home based business. I
Speaker 1: feel like Noah when he was telling everybody to get
Speaker 1: in the art and nobody believed him. And I've been
Speaker 1: saying for the past twelve years at least, it seems
Speaker 1: like every single day everybody needs a home based business.
Speaker 1: And so now is it's time to tap into that creativity.
Speaker 1: Now is the time to do that, uh, you know,
Speaker 1: to go after that drink that you never thought you could.
Speaker 1: Now is the time to re energize, to reorganize, to reboot, uh,
Speaker 1: and to take the advantage of this time where we
Speaker 1: get to hit the reset button. I love what you
Speaker 1: just said there because it's a blend of two things.
Speaker 1: It's a blend of being conservative and smart with a
Speaker 1: blend of being bold. Right. It's like it's an it's
Speaker 1: let's be smart. Let's say there's someone certaint you're okkase,
Speaker 1: so let's let's position ourselves well there. But also let's
Speaker 1: utilize this new opportunity that the world has presented to us,
Speaker 1: because I don't want people to just go into a
Speaker 1: hunker down, bunker like life preservation mode, because there are
Speaker 1: tremenous opportunities that are opening up that we have to
Speaker 1: see and have to create. But they're there. If you
Speaker 1: look at I think the financial crisis, out of oh
Speaker 1: eight there were of the most brilliant companies that came
Speaker 1: out of that crisis. There was I think an eighteen
Speaker 1: month stretch whereas Uber, Twitter, Instagra, a lot of these
Speaker 1: massive companies came out of that stretch of of chaos
Speaker 1: in the world, and so this is a unique pocket
Speaker 1: of life for people to see it as an opportunity
Speaker 1: if they can um. On the family front, Hillary, what
Speaker 1: are your your clients? What are what are some of
Speaker 1: the biggest issues that you are seeing in relation to
Speaker 1: in relation to relationships, what are people struggling with? Is
Speaker 1: it finances that people are struggling with the most? Is
Speaker 1: a connection or too much proximity? What are you seeing
Speaker 1: that people are struggling with the most? Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: the family unit is it's really struggling during this time
Speaker 1: in many ways. I mean being all under one roof
Speaker 1: and having to manage professional life, personal connections, and in
Speaker 1: most many cases school um can be quite chaotic, and
Speaker 1: I would say there are a lot of reports of anxiety.
Speaker 1: Family is anxious and anxious about the way in which
Speaker 1: their life paradigm has shifted, Anxious about doing homeschooling properly,
Speaker 1: anxious about feeling somewhat disconnected in their relationships. Although we're
Speaker 1: all spending more time together, there's enough stress and enough
Speaker 1: anxiety that that time has been somewhat compromised. So I
Speaker 1: would say there's a myriad of vicious that have come
Speaker 1: come up, but those are sort of the highlights that
Speaker 1: I've been hearing quite frequently. You do you see a
Speaker 1: lot of people and did you see people struggling because
Speaker 1: they haven't accepted this new norm yet that they want
Speaker 1: what was? Is that causing people to struggle that they
Speaker 1: haven't accepted like, Okay, it looks like we're probably going
Speaker 1: like this for another six years or a month or
Speaker 1: six months or a year um, and I need to
Speaker 1: somewhat embrace this new kind of norm versus wishing what was? Yes,
Speaker 1: and and people m yeah. And in my view, I
Speaker 1: call that grief in part. You know that many people
Speaker 1: are still grieving and appropriately so the loss of what was,
Speaker 1: and in some ways we have to honor that process
Speaker 1: and not catapult them or push them into a place
Speaker 1: they're not ready for. But right there's this balance of
Speaker 1: acceptance and acknowledgement so you can be fluid and adjust.
Speaker 1: So I find that to be a really difficult task
Speaker 1: for most individuals and most family units. Is that balance
Speaker 1: between grieving over what was and it's appropriate. There's there's
Speaker 1: no blueprint for this. Never has the world been affected
Speaker 1: in such a such a unique, incredulous way. But also
Speaker 1: we have to show resilience and we have to help
Speaker 1: our family find a new way of being. So I
Speaker 1: absolutely think that's at the heart of what a lot
Speaker 1: of families and individuals are struggling with. UM. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: agree so too, and and but I think there's a
Speaker 1: tremendous amount of optimism for the future, but in certain
Speaker 1: times it's very difficult to see that one of these times.
Speaker 1: Could this could be one of those times? Um, Lynn,
Speaker 1: what are you seeing with have you seen the financial
Speaker 1: blowback to the family structure the connection there, like potentially
Speaker 1: if one person loses their job, is that putting more
Speaker 1: stress on families and relationships? Um? What are you seeing
Speaker 1: in relation to finances related to the relationship? UM, I
Speaker 1: definitely think it's causing stress for the family, particularly when
Speaker 1: one person loses the job, and if that person was
Speaker 1: the breadwinner um. And quite frankly, whether they were the
Speaker 1: breadwinner or not. UM. In today's times, every penny that
Speaker 1: comes as the household it usually has a purpose. So
Speaker 1: for those two parented working homes, every dollar has a purpose,
Speaker 1: whether it be for the household, whether it be for childcare,
Speaker 1: UM or college for you know, a college student. I
Speaker 1: really think that this is the time right now to
Speaker 1: hit the reset button and to hit uh to set
Speaker 1: new expectations. Unfortunately, I don't think we really understand or
Speaker 1: that we really get a chance to appreciate the fact
Speaker 1: that many of us were probably addicted to a lifestyle
Speaker 1: that although we miss it and it felt good like
Speaker 1: a drug, it wasn't good for us, right. But you
Speaker 1: still have the attachment to whatever the thing was, and
Speaker 1: so having the opportunity to go cold turkey is giving
Speaker 1: us an opportunity to see what we have left. And
Speaker 1: although that may be a difficult task. I think one
Speaker 1: of the things that families are doing. I was on
Speaker 1: another national news show a couple of weeks ago, and
Speaker 1: I was talking to the parents about staying relevant in
Speaker 1: their jobs, and then I was talking to them about
Speaker 1: hiring their kids to work in their home based business.
Speaker 1: You have your kids at home all day anyway, the
Speaker 1: I R. S says, you can hire those kids to
Speaker 1: work in your business. You can pay each child up
Speaker 1: to twelve thousand, four hundred dollars a year. That money
Speaker 1: is a tax right off to you. And now you
Speaker 1: can take that money that you're paying the child, and
Speaker 1: they can pay for all their own things that you
Speaker 1: were gonna pay for anyway, but you didn't get a
Speaker 1: tax fright off for those things like that computer for
Speaker 1: the online learning, or private school tuition, or a video
Speaker 1: game or what have you. So this presents an opportunity
Speaker 1: for families to kind of work together more cohesively in
Speaker 1: a different way, learning something new. My youngest daughter is
Speaker 1: a sophomore at college. They came home spring break, didn't
Speaker 1: go back until a couple of weeks ago, But she's
Speaker 1: a nineteen years old sophomore in college. She's been working
Speaker 1: for me since she was six six years old. Uh yes,
Speaker 1: she and her sister's Her sister was seven, her older
Speaker 1: sister was eleven, and they've been working for me since
Speaker 1: that time. So they understand the value of money, they
Speaker 1: understand entrepreneurialism. And I, for one, if I had kids
Speaker 1: at home, I don't know how much time they'd spend
Speaker 1: learning ABC's in one, two, three, but they'd certainly be
Speaker 1: working in the home based business getting an entrepreneurial experience,
Speaker 1: helping the family. And I think all those kind of
Speaker 1: things that we're learning that are new are bringing us together.
Speaker 1: If we give it, give it a chance. Gold That
Speaker 1: was wonderful. So many of our listeners are probably thinking, Boom,
Speaker 1: I got three kids here that are now going to
Speaker 1: work because Lynn Richardson gave me the green light to
Speaker 1: put them to work. Absolutely and and the Department of
Speaker 1: Labor says, so the Department of Labor, and people don't realize.
Speaker 1: The Department of Labor says that a child of any
Speaker 1: age can work in entertainment. That's why you see babies
Speaker 1: on diaper commercials and baby food commercials. A child of
Speaker 1: any age can work in entertainment theatrical production. So if
Speaker 1: you have a home based business that you need to
Speaker 1: promote on the internet, uh, then you can put your
Speaker 1: child in the video. They can actor perform in that
Speaker 1: and it's perfectly legal, ethical and moral. The Department of
Speaker 1: Labor also says that a child can work in a
Speaker 1: parents home based business. A home based business, not your restaurant,
Speaker 1: not your corporation that's down the block in the big building.
Speaker 1: But a child can work in a home parents home
Speaker 1: based business at any age for any number of hours,
Speaker 1: any day of the week, any time of the day, um,
Speaker 1: except for an agricultural infirming. So that presents a huge
Speaker 1: opportunity and and some of the parents say, well, what
Speaker 1: can my two year old do? I say, any child
Speaker 1: that can work in iPad can work a job. Any
Speaker 1: child you can work in iPads, you have a job. Okay, Um,
Speaker 1: you'd be surprised what young kids could do. They cause
Speaker 1: they can help with social media. You're slightly older, kids
Speaker 1: can help with filing and research and paperwork, and then
Speaker 1: your teens, your preteens and up. They My my oldest daughter,
Speaker 1: she graduated in north Western She's been running my whole
Speaker 1: business and she was thirteen doing data entry and spreadsheets
Speaker 1: and things like that. So we really get to tap
Speaker 1: into another part of who we are. I think it's exciting.
Speaker 1: I haven't seen a family where the kids aren't excite
Speaker 1: excited about getting their own paycheck. Now that means you
Speaker 1: have to buy your own things, including your own Christmas toys,
Speaker 1: so you know that can be a bummer. But the
Speaker 1: truth is there are ways for us to work together
Speaker 1: during this pandemic and win financially. Beautiful, very well, said
Speaker 1: um Hilary. I want to ask you about because we
Speaker 1: had two previous guests on that we were talking about
Speaker 1: how to manage cope and deal with anxiety. And I'm
Speaker 1: actually right now going through and doing some counseling and
Speaker 1: therapy myself. I'm working through some of the emotions that
Speaker 1: I still have remnants of being let go from hockey
Speaker 1: being able to retire as a professional athlete. So I'm
Speaker 1: a big advocate for therapy and for counseling. UM, have
Speaker 1: you seen an increase in your demand during this time
Speaker 1: or are people too shy to ask for help. I've
Speaker 1: absolutely seen an increase during this time, and a notable one,
Speaker 1: and and I'm you know, it's unfortunate, but I'm pleased
Speaker 1: that people are reaching out and I there I think
Speaker 1: it's so important to begin with self compassion. In my opinion,
Speaker 1: I think people feel afraid of their anxiety, feel resistant
Speaker 1: to their anxiety, and as a result, it can become paralyzing.
Speaker 1: And and so I really encourage folks to be super
Speaker 1: in touch with quote symptoms that they're having, you know,
Speaker 1: ruminating thoughts, uh, physical symptoms, heart raising, stomach lurching, etcetera,
Speaker 1: that are invasive and consistent, and to begin with that
Speaker 1: self compassion that like, something's going on here, there's something
Speaker 1: that I need to pay attention to and get to
Speaker 1: the bottom of and you can start with sort of
Speaker 1: a self care program that might consist of, you know,
Speaker 1: sharing feelings or concerns with trusted others, exercising, journaling, meditating, etcetera.
Speaker 1: But if those symptoms continue and are persistent, there's no
Speaker 1: shame in reaching out for help. Now is the time
Speaker 1: to do it. It's amazing what you just said. I
Speaker 1: started smiling because you basically just shared what I've really
Speaker 1: gone through. One of the first things that I've learned
Speaker 1: that I learned and I am still learning, is to
Speaker 1: have compassion and empathy for myself for what I went
Speaker 1: through with being released from hockey. I didn't get to
Speaker 1: say I retire, I'm tired, I'm done. I was released.
Speaker 1: I was told Brooks you you are done um, and
Speaker 1: so I never gave myself empathy. I never had empathy
Speaker 1: or compassion for that kind of trauma UM in my life.
Speaker 1: And often I think as individuals were very compassionate, very
Speaker 1: empathetic for other people, but for ourselves we really overlook it.
Speaker 1: And I feel like a lot of people are doing
Speaker 1: that right now, and I want this podcast to encourage
Speaker 1: people to have empathy for yourself compassion. Hey, the world
Speaker 1: is a tough place right now. It is like the
Speaker 1: world is a really tough place. How do we get
Speaker 1: people that are struggling with that to have empty and
Speaker 1: compassion for themselves to open up? Hillary? Yeah, I I
Speaker 1: think it's a risk of being vulnerable, you know, being
Speaker 1: vulnerable with oneself, acknowledging that I'm not always strong, I
Speaker 1: don't always have all the answers. I do struggle, I
Speaker 1: do get sad, I don't know everything. You know, being
Speaker 1: able to be vulnerable and having a belief that vulnerability
Speaker 1: can lead to a better path, can lead to more
Speaker 1: connection with oneself and others. It is a tough ask,
Speaker 1: There's no question. I think there's a societal edict um
Speaker 1: in in many circles that we should um show ourselves
Speaker 1: being composed and have it all together and not demonstrate
Speaker 1: our so called weaknesses meaning regular feelings. You know, all
Speaker 1: of us have fears and anxieties and depression, and why
Speaker 1: wouldn't it be exacerbated in some cases given where we
Speaker 1: are today, And so just just being open and willing
Speaker 1: to access that vulnerability, and I would just encourage that
Speaker 1: when we push down symptoms, when we push them down um,
Speaker 1: difficult feelings, painful feelings. We get symptoms, is what I
Speaker 1: mean to say. We get symptoms whatever those symptoms are anxiety, depression,
Speaker 1: drinking too much, fighting with our loved ones, disconnecting, except
Speaker 1: or symptoms will show up one way any other. So
Speaker 1: instead of pushing them down and having kind of emotional
Speaker 1: rent to pay later, let them come up and out.
Speaker 1: And if it gets scary and we need support, calling
Speaker 1: a friend or reach out to a therapist, and and
Speaker 1: and on the other end of it, it could be
Speaker 1: something really, really magical. I've never heard someone be vulnerable
Speaker 1: and regret it later in the long run. Never that
Speaker 1: was so well said, well said, go ahead, I would
Speaker 1: I would like to just throw in there. There's a
Speaker 1: flip side to that as well. There are people who
Speaker 1: are doing really well who also experience UM fear of success.
Speaker 1: This has been one of the busiest times in life
Speaker 1: for me. This has been one of the busiest times
Speaker 1: for many of my colleagues that I know. I run
Speaker 1: an entertainment firm in Hollywood, and we're selling shows and
Speaker 1: contracts and so on and so forth. So while people
Speaker 1: have figured out how to pivot UM, there's also a
Speaker 1: success factor and I remember one night feeling really afraid, like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, this is everything, It's so much, it's
Speaker 1: coming so fast. What if I failed? Like literally I
Speaker 1: was afraid of failing, literally afraid of failing and to
Speaker 1: be able to know what that is, because sometimes if
Speaker 1: you're not honest with yourself, you can divert that to
Speaker 1: something else. And then I called a friend and I said,
Speaker 1: I'm afraid to succeed. Like who says that? Um, I
Speaker 1: just happened to have the awareness to get it out.
Speaker 1: It wasn't a formal therapy session, but I did feel
Speaker 1: like I had been counseled. It's a same girl, get
Speaker 1: it together, You're okay, take one step at a time.
Speaker 1: Because what was also happening, or what has been happening
Speaker 1: during the pandemic is those businesses that did get a
Speaker 1: chance to thrive. We had to thrive in a pressure cooker.
Speaker 1: We had to thrive in uh conditions. I mean this
Speaker 1: was early in the pandemic, helping people with their finances
Speaker 1: and there's no shipping, there's no movement, there's no restaurants,
Speaker 1: there's nothing open. How do you get information to people?
Speaker 1: How do ship things? How do you so and then
Speaker 1: there's a massive amount of people coming and asking for
Speaker 1: help daily, all day, every single day. So it goes
Speaker 1: both ways. Where there are those who are feeling um,
Speaker 1: extremely vulnerable and confused and not knowing what to do,
Speaker 1: and then there's those who are feeling vulnerable because they
Speaker 1: have too much to do and are overwhelmed and don't
Speaker 1: know how to handle that success either. So thank you
Speaker 1: for that. That was really eye opening to hear and
Speaker 1: to receive again. M that I have friends too that
Speaker 1: were very very successful right prior to COVID and and
Speaker 1: bought new homes, bought lake houses, things and then have
Speaker 1: been able to enjoy those during these times and then
Speaker 1: feel guilty because they've actually really enjoyed the quarantine time.
Speaker 1: And that's another set of problems too. It's um, I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: share it, share the wealth with with people that are
Speaker 1: less fortunate there like I am, I'm employing, I've employed
Speaker 1: more gardeners I have. I've brought on this person to
Speaker 1: help on trying to create opportunity. And that's howlet's help
Speaker 1: them get over some of their um, their guilt for
Speaker 1: for having done well or even doing well during this
Speaker 1: COVID time. I know both of you guys are on
Speaker 1: a time crunch, so we need to let you go.
Speaker 1: We need to get you out here. But undoubtedly our
Speaker 1: community is gonna is gonna want to find more about
Speaker 1: you guys and where they can be in contact with you. Um,
Speaker 1: Dr Hillary, where can where can people find you? Um
Speaker 1: to reach out to you? You're in Beverly Hills, but
Speaker 1: are you online anywhere? Best places on my website? Dr
Speaker 1: Hillary Goldscher dot com and doctors d R and Hillary
Speaker 1: has two else and then gold your g O L
Speaker 1: D S h E R perfect Yes, Um and Lynn,
Speaker 1: where can people find you? Ask Lynn dot org? Ask
Speaker 1: Lynn l I N N no E dot org. Next
Speaker 1: time I go to spend a dollar, I'm gonna send
Speaker 1: you an email and say is this okay? Can I
Speaker 1: buy lunch? Yeah? I need to approve every expenditure around here.
Speaker 1: Come on now. Thank you so much with you for
Speaker 1: being on how man think. I appreciate your hearts, sharing
Speaker 1: your insight and your knowledge your expertise with our community.
Speaker 1: Undoubtedly it's going to help many, many people. So thank
Speaker 1: you both so much. I wish you the best health
Speaker 1: and happiness. And to everyone else listening to take care
Speaker 1: of one another, love one another, and we'll see you
Speaker 1: back here for another episode of How Men Think