WEBVTT - The Kramer Files with Nick Viall 0:00:01.920 --> 0:00:05.359 Wine Down with Janet Kramer and I Heart Radio podcast. 0:00:06.840 --> 0:00:09.799 On this episode of Wine Down, we have Nick Vale 0:00:10.320 --> 0:00:12.959 coming on the show. Uh. Did you guys watch him 0:00:13.000 --> 0:00:17.920 at all on The Bachelor or Bachelorette? I don't watch 0:00:18.000 --> 0:00:20.040 the show, if I'm being honest, but I did see 0:00:20.079 --> 0:00:23.279 seven not one episode. I haven't watched one episode I have. 0:00:24.120 --> 0:00:26.720 I saw some of his episodes of his Yeah, but 0:00:26.880 --> 0:00:31.200 I don't usually watch the show nothing, not once, Not 0:00:31.400 --> 0:00:35.839 one episode of any of them, Bachelor, Bachelorette, Bachelor in Paradise, 0:00:35.840 --> 0:00:38.360 Bachelor in Volcano, whenever all of them have been. I 0:00:38.360 --> 0:00:41.520 don't even remember. But I have not watched anything. Can 0:00:41.560 --> 0:00:47.720 I ask a question? Back in two thousand seven, I 0:00:47.760 --> 0:00:50.960 did a short stint on a reality TV show called 0:00:51.080 --> 0:00:54.600 road Rules. You on road Rules, and after that very 0:00:54.720 --> 0:00:58.680 short career with reality TV, I am all set. You 0:00:58.680 --> 0:01:02.160 don't watch any reality I really don't. Kardashians once in 0:01:02.200 --> 0:01:09.440 a while, but that's really it. Kardashians are so good, obsessed, 0:01:10.040 --> 0:01:21.399 they're so good. Bible Bible um screaming um. Uh. We're 0:01:21.400 --> 0:01:23.800 gonna get so much hate for like the liking the Kardashians. 0:01:24.800 --> 0:01:30.839 I'm just getting out. Have you? Are you up? Today 0:01:30.840 --> 0:01:35.320 on the did you not did you watch the first episode? Yeah? So, 0:01:35.520 --> 0:01:39.000 did you not just like feel for Chloe and she's 0:01:39.040 --> 0:01:43.000 so skinny? Yes, Yeah, I feel so bad for her. 0:01:43.040 --> 0:01:45.440 I feel like she, like I know where is so strong, 0:01:47.240 --> 0:01:51.680 but to go through all of that twice. I know 0:01:52.560 --> 0:01:55.920 Papa don't know anything about that publicly, and the timing 0:01:55.960 --> 0:01:59.760 of all it's crazy. Yeah, I feel for her. I know. 0:02:00.080 --> 0:02:02.160 It was the tape on the floor with the box 0:02:02.320 --> 0:02:06.080 in the closet when she was loading the boxes in 0:02:06.120 --> 0:02:08.240 the closet. In the tape where I just really had 0:02:08.240 --> 0:02:11.960 a moment. I think where I started to cry was 0:02:12.560 --> 0:02:15.080 or feel just like awful for her was when she 0:02:15.160 --> 0:02:18.040 said I know, she's like, I'm not ready for people 0:02:18.080 --> 0:02:20.400 to say yet that I'm stupid. Like, I get it, 0:02:21.120 --> 0:02:24.320 you know, she's like to hear those comments. She's like 0:02:24.600 --> 0:02:26.760 when she started crying about that, I was just like, oh, 0:02:27.000 --> 0:02:30.360 I can't imagine the magnitude and volume of what she hears. 0:02:31.080 --> 0:02:33.640 I'm sorry. I just think that she was completely duped. 0:02:34.120 --> 0:02:37.120 I think that he was so good, like so many 0:02:37.160 --> 0:02:39.480 of them are. Well, that's the thing that's they're so 0:02:39.560 --> 0:02:41.800 good at that. And I think if you go back 0:02:41.840 --> 0:02:44.519 it's just they're they're so good at just saying well, 0:02:44.520 --> 0:02:48.240 it's not gonna happen again, or like, ah, do you 0:02:48.280 --> 0:02:51.480 know that we were trying for a third right before 0:02:51.480 --> 0:02:55.800 I found out? I think, so, yeah, we were going 0:02:55.840 --> 0:02:57.639 to have a third, Like we even had a meeting 0:02:57.680 --> 0:03:01.520 with an IVF doctor. Wow. But it's I think they 0:03:01.560 --> 0:03:03.840 do that just like with Tristan, I think because it's 0:03:03.840 --> 0:03:07.360 like they wanted, they want they because they know you 0:03:07.360 --> 0:03:10.800 want Chris said, she goes. I think she wanted to 0:03:10.880 --> 0:03:14.960 keep to keep her, And that happened too with you 0:03:14.960 --> 0:03:19.160 know Jason. I mean, the same situation. So it's like, yeah, 0:03:19.240 --> 0:03:21.960 I mean it's when I think back to that, I 0:03:22.000 --> 0:03:26.280 was like, holy crap, Yeah, I mean we yeah, but um, Nick, 0:03:26.360 --> 0:03:28.400 though he has a new book out, let's not tell 0:03:28.520 --> 0:03:31.239 him I've never seen him before. You just did. But 0:03:31.320 --> 0:03:34.200 it's great. Well I don't want him to feel that way. Yes, 0:03:34.360 --> 0:03:37.840 I always find I think that you know, um, that's okay, 0:03:37.920 --> 0:03:40.080 And we don't all watch the same things and it's 0:03:40.080 --> 0:03:42.440 not I'm sure. What I think he's kind of known 0:03:42.440 --> 0:03:44.760 for now is his podcast. He's the host of The 0:03:44.840 --> 0:03:48.400 Vile Vile Files Um and he's got a new book 0:03:48.400 --> 0:03:51.440 out called Don't Text your ex Happy Birthday. I can 0:03:51.440 --> 0:03:53.280 get on board with that. I have a question, have 0:03:53.360 --> 0:03:56.280 you guys ever texted your ex happy birthday? Not? Well, 0:03:56.320 --> 0:04:00.880 I'm in a relationship with someone else, so yes, but 0:04:00.960 --> 0:04:05.120 not when you're in a relationship. Yeah, okay, I can't. 0:04:05.320 --> 0:04:08.280 I remember wanting to, but I can't remember if I 0:04:08.320 --> 0:04:14.080 actually did. I probably didn't. It worse though, when you do, 0:04:14.160 --> 0:04:17.440 When you don't get that like a happy birthday, that feeling, 0:04:17.560 --> 0:04:19.719 you're just setting yourself up. You know, when you do it, 0:04:19.760 --> 0:04:22.520 you're setting yourself up for a world of heartbreak. But 0:04:23.680 --> 0:04:30.760 so I'm gonna go with you have yesterday. No, uh no, 0:04:31.000 --> 0:04:36.839 I'm I think after my stint of the thing that 0:04:36.920 --> 0:04:41.159 happened this summer with UM kind of going above with 0:04:41.320 --> 0:04:46.560 birthday stuff. Oh, I don't know. I just I'm kind 0:04:46.560 --> 0:04:50.960 of like, you know what? Yeah, no, Um. Can you 0:04:51.000 --> 0:04:53.080 believe I haven't heard from him in two and a 0:04:53.120 --> 0:04:58.640 half on this answer, yes, like at all. Not The 0:04:58.720 --> 0:05:00.400 last thing I heard from this guy it was a 0:05:00.400 --> 0:05:04.680 black heart was the conversation was I will let's we'll 0:05:04.720 --> 0:05:06.720 set up dates to see each other, And the next 0:05:06.760 --> 0:05:09.880 he's like, I'll know in the next few weeks a 0:05:10.000 --> 0:05:12.680 time to get back together. And then I had sent 0:05:12.800 --> 0:05:14.760 like a picture like a week later, and then I 0:05:14.760 --> 0:05:17.080 got like the black Heart but nothing. This was after 0:05:17.120 --> 0:05:21.560 like the conversation, right, this was um you know, like 0:05:21.640 --> 0:05:25.320 during that conversation was like I'll yeah, He's like, I'll 0:05:25.360 --> 0:05:27.800 want to like get together and he's like, um, I'll 0:05:27.880 --> 0:05:30.360 let you know in the next few weeks, like like 0:05:30.600 --> 0:05:34.200 a time to like I'm like and not I'm not 0:05:35.200 --> 0:05:39.000 back on the app. Yeah, yeah, he's getting together with someone. 0:05:39.279 --> 0:05:41.320 We never left the app. I don't think you forgot 0:05:41.880 --> 0:05:44.760 all the reasons. So it's funny because one of the 0:05:44.800 --> 0:05:48.279 things in next book is like kind of talking about 0:05:48.279 --> 0:05:52.280 the player and there, Um, what was it? Where is 0:05:52.320 --> 0:05:54.760 it that? Oh, well, it's one of the things I 0:05:54.800 --> 0:05:59.000 want to talk to about training our pickers. He goes, Yes, 0:05:59.080 --> 0:06:00.719 dating is hard, and they're so many things about it 0:06:00.760 --> 0:06:02.599 that are beyond our control, which is why it makes 0:06:02.640 --> 0:06:04.920 it so important to control what we can Our choices, 0:06:04.960 --> 0:06:07.520 our decisions are communication and the dates we go on 0:06:07.800 --> 0:06:10.200 and the people we agree to go on them with. 0:06:10.680 --> 0:06:15.680 That means refining our pickers. It's interesting, your picker is 0:06:16.040 --> 0:06:17.920 the part of your brain, call it a muscle or 0:06:17.920 --> 0:06:20.040 a tool if you want that. You used to evaluate 0:06:20.400 --> 0:06:21.840 who we are going to date, who we are going 0:06:21.880 --> 0:06:26.760 to invest more time in. Have you been stretching that picker? Well, yeah, 0:06:26.880 --> 0:06:29.840 you know, we've we talked about it. We did not 0:06:29.920 --> 0:06:34.840 have a good oh um. But no, it's pretty cool 0:06:34.880 --> 0:06:38.040 because his book like has all these different questions about dating, 0:06:38.760 --> 0:06:44.520 love and sex, and um, like yeah, there's I'm I'm 0:06:44.560 --> 0:06:47.360 excited to to chat with him about that. And did 0:06:47.480 --> 0:06:52.159 Nick Nick was a bachelor. He was on he was 0:06:52.240 --> 0:06:55.279 on two seasons of the Bachelorette. He was on Andy 0:06:55.320 --> 0:06:58.200 Dorphan season and he was runner up, and then he 0:06:58.279 --> 0:07:00.599 was on Kate lim Bristo season and he was runner up. 0:07:00.880 --> 0:07:04.920 So he was runner up to both girls. And then 0:07:04.960 --> 0:07:09.880 he became the Bachelor, the Bachelor, the Bachelor later on. 0:07:09.920 --> 0:07:11.480 It was like a couple of seasons maybe later. I 0:07:11.520 --> 0:07:17.280 don't know that any titled the book runner Up. Oh yeah, 0:07:17.520 --> 0:07:19.320 that's a key title, but I think runner up. It's 0:07:19.320 --> 0:07:23.880 gonna be like I just renamed your books. Nice to 0:07:23.880 --> 0:07:27.880 meet you, let's talk about your brandname. But we've done 0:07:28.840 --> 0:07:31.760 we've we've done um, you know, questions last two weeks. 0:07:31.760 --> 0:07:33.960 So it's only you know. I'm there to ask him 0:07:34.040 --> 0:07:37.840 some questions, but yeah, his whole book is like um. 0:07:37.960 --> 0:07:39.640 One of the questions they asked him is why do 0:07:39.760 --> 0:07:42.720 men tell women things just because women want to hear it? 0:07:46.560 --> 0:07:50.040 People pleasers? I don't know that's a good question, he says, 0:07:50.280 --> 0:07:53.800 because it's something he says, because they want short term gratification. 0:07:54.160 --> 0:07:57.000 That's way better answer than yeah, I'm excited to talk 0:07:57.040 --> 0:08:00.920 to Nick. Do we want short term gratification? No, but 0:08:01.000 --> 0:08:02.760 they think we do and that's the problem. Okay, well 0:08:02.760 --> 0:08:06.720 then we're gonna is it m ratification or is it there? 0:08:07.160 --> 0:08:11.000 I feel like we're going to have to die. I'm curious. 0:08:13.600 --> 0:08:17.840 Another one is thoughts on reaching out to a guy 0:08:17.880 --> 0:08:20.600 who's been ghosting me for the last two weeks. You're 0:08:20.640 --> 0:08:26.440 not allowed to answer this one. I just I would 0:08:26.440 --> 0:08:28.040 just not reach out to the guy that's goes to 0:08:28.040 --> 0:08:30.280 do for the last two weeks. I really like his answer, 0:08:31.160 --> 0:08:33.880 you're ready to hear it? Yeah, so interesting to hear 0:08:33.880 --> 0:08:37.240 a guy's perspective. If he wanted to be found, he 0:08:37.280 --> 0:08:43.120 wouldn't disappear. Yeah, it's just not so complicated. It's real. 0:08:44.360 --> 0:08:47.360 And if they like a girl ghosting, I would say 0:08:47.400 --> 0:08:49.280 there probably is more. There can be more to it, 0:08:49.360 --> 0:08:52.000 but not, guys. I think the hard thing too with 0:08:52.080 --> 0:08:56.199 that is like because of the born Jewish guy or whatever, 0:08:56.800 --> 0:08:59.199 that like stings to know because I'm like, oh, I 0:08:59.240 --> 0:09:00.960 wasn't and then you don't because all my stuff, I'm like, oh, 0:09:01.000 --> 0:09:02.760 I wasn't chosen, I wasn't good enough. I wasn't and 0:09:03.000 --> 0:09:06.560 I know it's not me, and it's like it was 0:09:06.559 --> 0:09:09.240 It's all. He's an impossible human being. Well, yeah, that's 0:09:09.240 --> 0:09:10.559 going to be one too. That's he's gonna be a 0:09:10.600 --> 0:09:16.640 tough one for life. He never to herself, Oh I 0:09:16.720 --> 0:09:22.199 forgot about I thought you said, great, other one you 0:09:22.320 --> 0:09:28.520 got ghosted? Which one your life Jewish guy? You know? 0:09:28.760 --> 0:09:31.800 He technically was like, I'll, you know, reach out to 0:09:31.800 --> 0:09:33.480 you and to let you know in the next few weeks. 0:09:33.520 --> 0:09:43.280 Like I thought that was someone else. There's funny Jewish 0:09:43.280 --> 0:09:45.440 m I didn't like the other I can't. I wish 0:09:45.440 --> 0:09:47.079 I could just share what I called him. Well that's 0:09:47.120 --> 0:09:51.040 my problem. I know him as a different name. Yeah, 0:09:51.200 --> 0:09:53.160 do you guys want to know what his nickname was? 0:09:53.160 --> 0:09:55.840 I won't say his name name, but his nickname on 0:09:56.000 --> 0:10:00.160 the Queendom chat the whole entire relationship was by blank 0:10:00.640 --> 0:10:06.720 by his name like b y e um, why has 0:10:06.760 --> 0:10:09.280 feeling not cute enough or good enough become something so 0:10:09.320 --> 0:10:13.160 common social media? I didn't have anything nice to say 0:10:15.320 --> 0:10:18.000 because we have too much access and ability to constantly 0:10:18.000 --> 0:10:25.720 compare ourselves to others? Yep, um. Do you believe that 0:10:25.760 --> 0:10:31.640 time heals all wounds? Oh? M hm ja did married 0:10:31.640 --> 0:10:34.520 women on the right side, Like, I say, really, I 0:10:34.559 --> 0:10:38.280 think that it helps. I think the time always helps 0:10:38.320 --> 0:10:40.320 the further you get away from something. But I think 0:10:40.320 --> 0:10:42.800 that it's always still a little bit of a wound 0:10:43.920 --> 0:10:45.800 for change. Well, so this is what I would say 0:10:45.800 --> 0:10:48.120 in this answer. Sure, but it doesn't mean it still 0:10:48.120 --> 0:10:54.680 won't need scarce. Yeah, sure, no, I said so in short, 0:10:55.880 --> 0:10:58.200 I think it does. I really do. I think that doesn't. 0:10:58.559 --> 0:11:02.120 I think it's a yes, and oh you would and 0:11:02.400 --> 0:11:04.480 I know, my auntie, but I do. I think it's 0:11:04.480 --> 0:11:06.720 a yes. And like yes, I do believe time because 0:11:06.760 --> 0:11:10.600 it's like we've all moved past things that are really hard, 0:11:11.040 --> 0:11:15.640 but they left a scar. Like, yes, time does heal wounds, 0:11:15.960 --> 0:11:20.880 and it left a scar. Yeah, so it's not healed. No, 0:11:22.240 --> 0:11:26.120 a wound is open. Mm hmm. I think it might 0:11:26.120 --> 0:11:29.040 be in an open section of my life. Talk to 0:11:29.160 --> 0:11:32.760 us KB no, no, no, all as well. Nothing to 0:11:32.840 --> 0:11:35.600 see here. No, I just feel like it's always still there. 0:11:35.640 --> 0:11:37.520 So it feels like a idea, but it's not as 0:11:37.559 --> 0:11:41.720 heavy like That's like I was like in bed covers 0:11:41.800 --> 0:11:44.319 over my head. Time. The further you get away from 0:11:44.360 --> 0:11:49.000 it heals, but I don't think it completely heals. It doesn't. 0:11:49.600 --> 0:11:52.280 It's not open. You're not bleeding when a wound. You 0:11:52.320 --> 0:11:57.640 are not. You're not in the emergency room. Yeah, okay, 0:11:58.000 --> 0:12:03.120 I'm just a law firm of Cat and Christend. Okay, 0:12:03.160 --> 0:12:08.400 that's fine, we've healed or just a scar. But it's 0:12:08.800 --> 0:12:10.719 do you see what I'm saying that I really need 0:12:10.720 --> 0:12:17.040 to drive home in a relationship, Yes, you were right. 0:12:17.040 --> 0:12:19.079 I'm gonna send you a black cart any minute, and 0:12:19.280 --> 0:12:20.720 I goes to you for four and a half months. 0:12:20.880 --> 0:12:24.520 Um Actually, I just thought of something else, going to 0:12:24.640 --> 0:12:27.679 maybe bring up that happened the other day. Let's do so. 0:12:27.720 --> 0:12:29.360 I was like we should sometimes I like to be 0:12:29.400 --> 0:12:32.000 the pot star. When you see that face, I know, 0:12:32.080 --> 0:12:36.120 I know, I know we're onto something good. Um M, 0:12:38.120 --> 0:12:40.280 I'm gonna help. I'm gonna hold on that. I don't 0:12:40.280 --> 0:12:43.240 want you to hold Can we hold it? I don't know. 0:12:43.280 --> 0:12:45.520 I have to just get my words. I don't like 0:12:45.640 --> 0:12:49.760 it when we pinned things holding we pinned the last 0:12:49.760 --> 0:12:52.880 one for a long time. Oh, this is interesting. I'm 0:12:52.920 --> 0:12:55.480 sick of feeling like a backup plan for their boredom 0:12:55.520 --> 0:13:00.000 and loneliness. Then stop answering the phone advice, don't answer, 0:13:00.280 --> 0:13:02.559 don't answer. You control who you spend your time with, 0:13:02.600 --> 0:13:07.840 not them, right Mick for president? Everyone at my heart 0:13:07.840 --> 0:13:27.480 wants you. So y'all know, I've been like casually talking 0:13:27.480 --> 0:13:39.559 to someone I'm not saying who yet not committed committed. Um, 0:13:39.559 --> 0:13:45.560 And something happened the other day where, um, you wonder 0:13:45.640 --> 0:13:52.360 what's a flag and what's something that is? And for 0:13:52.440 --> 0:13:54.600 as much as I can raise my botox eyebrows I 0:13:54.640 --> 0:14:02.280 am doing, you can't see me something that like because 0:14:02.280 --> 0:14:04.840 you just wonder because I'm I am. The reason that 0:14:04.920 --> 0:14:10.320 I haven't jumped all in is because I'm terrified of 0:14:10.440 --> 0:14:12.880 you know, the bamboos moment, the like I don't want 0:14:12.880 --> 0:14:14.920 to fail, you know, and just again like I want 0:14:14.920 --> 0:14:18.600 to just like really, I'm like I'm just being very 0:14:18.600 --> 0:14:21.600 cautious and just like observing like crazy, like a lot 0:14:21.640 --> 0:14:23.400 of times, like he'll say, you know to me, like 0:14:23.520 --> 0:14:25.800 what are you thinking? And I'm just like I'm just observing, 0:14:25.920 --> 0:14:28.640 like I'm just kind of sitting back and like watching. 0:14:29.640 --> 0:14:33.040 So something kind of like happened the other day. But 0:14:33.200 --> 0:14:36.600 I wonder if it's a flag or if it's a 0:14:37.760 --> 0:14:40.360 just something to be cautious of, or if it's just like, oh, 0:14:40.440 --> 0:14:42.160 that's just like kind of the start of like getting 0:14:42.200 --> 0:14:48.880 comfortable and like a tell. But it could be because 0:14:48.920 --> 0:14:52.080 it's like I feel like I've like, don't I want 0:14:52.120 --> 0:14:54.680 to share things because it's like some things you can 0:14:54.680 --> 0:14:55.840 be like, oh that is a flag and like I 0:14:56.480 --> 0:14:59.080 should have shared those things early on another things, So 0:15:00.240 --> 0:15:06.600 share all. So we were going to go somewhere that 0:15:06.680 --> 0:15:10.880 he invited me to and I said, what time do 0:15:10.960 --> 0:15:14.280 I need to be ready by? The answer I got 0:15:14.520 --> 0:15:20.960 was four thirty five the latest. So in my brain 0:15:21.920 --> 0:15:25.840 I think five, because five the latest. If it was 0:15:25.920 --> 0:15:29.680 leaving it for thirty, it would be four thirty, and 0:15:29.720 --> 0:15:32.520 it's five is the latest. You don't tell Kreamer like 0:15:32.880 --> 0:15:34.440 my family has a late time too, but they don't 0:15:34.480 --> 0:15:35.920 ever get to know it. Well, here's the thing I 0:15:35.960 --> 0:15:39.000 don't write. You don't usually say it's a secret. Yeah, 0:15:39.000 --> 0:15:40.760 and like you you all know me. I'm on time, 0:15:41.200 --> 0:15:44.640 so you don't need you're not women are given a 0:15:44.720 --> 0:15:47.000 five latest, then five is always gonna be the latest. 0:15:47.080 --> 0:15:48.640 I was the late. I'm going to take my time 0:15:48.680 --> 0:15:51.800 getting ready. Yeah, I'm gonna do my thing. I'm gonna 0:15:51.840 --> 0:15:54.240 check in my Instagram while I'm getting ready, I'm gonna FaceTime. 0:15:54.320 --> 0:15:56.080 I'm going to do a few stories. You're gonna FaceTime 0:15:56.120 --> 0:16:00.600 me what you're jogging with your beautiful sports bra. And 0:16:01.120 --> 0:16:03.400 so I'm just gonna like take my time because I 0:16:03.520 --> 0:16:10.680 heard four thirty five the latest. I didn't make that up. Okay, 0:16:10.960 --> 0:16:13.200 like that is what it's typed as well, probably, And 0:16:13.240 --> 0:16:18.720 I'm like, or women, we know what we hear. I 0:16:18.760 --> 0:16:21.880 didn't just make up five? Right? Was this over the 0:16:21.920 --> 0:16:32.120 phone or in person? In person? Okay? I was like 0:16:34.440 --> 0:16:44.160 her or advance so um, so I could sense a 0:16:44.200 --> 0:16:49.080 little agitation when four five rolls around? When did he 0:16:49.120 --> 0:16:53.680 get here? There? What are we fool? Let's just say 0:16:53.680 --> 0:16:57.240 four Okay? Well, first of all, well we were together 0:16:57.320 --> 0:16:59.240 the whole day, so I need the kids that day. 0:16:59.280 --> 0:17:00.920 So he was like at my house. Okay, I don't 0:17:00.960 --> 0:17:02.080 know if he's like coming to pick you up, and 0:17:02.080 --> 0:17:03.640 he showed up at four thirty and you weren't ready. 0:17:03.760 --> 0:17:05.440 I'll say this, like I had gone for a run 0:17:05.480 --> 0:17:09.400 with a friend. I met up to watch the football 0:17:09.440 --> 0:17:14.560 game leisurely about the day. Yeah, it was in my 0:17:14.640 --> 0:17:15.920 day off, right, So I'm like, I'm gonna go for 0:17:15.960 --> 0:17:18.439 a run with a girlfriend. And then he was watching 0:17:18.440 --> 0:17:20.800 football with a friend. So I met at the bar 0:17:20.920 --> 0:17:25.280 to go watch them, you know, the Michigan game, and um, 0:17:25.880 --> 0:17:29.080 watch the game, and then we kind of went back 0:17:29.160 --> 0:17:30.760 to you know, to get ready. But I was like, 0:17:30.800 --> 0:17:33.200 well's let's go to my house and gratty or whatever. Okay, 0:17:33.359 --> 0:17:40.800 so getting ready and again I'm face timing my mom um, 0:17:40.840 --> 0:17:45.960 and he's not said anything at this point. Okay, He's 0:17:46.000 --> 0:17:51.639 probably like can you please just get ready by four thirty? 0:17:51.800 --> 0:17:55.120 So five doesn't have to be the latest, then say 0:17:55.200 --> 0:18:00.520 four thirty I don't need okay anyway, anyway, technicalities of these, 0:18:00.800 --> 0:18:06.880 So when for fifty comes around and this is something 0:18:06.920 --> 0:18:09.320 and it was I guess it was a slight trigger 0:18:09.560 --> 0:18:14.120 from me because just like I don't like to be late, 0:18:14.840 --> 0:18:17.280 nor did my ex husband, we are like me and 0:18:17.400 --> 0:18:20.719 Katherine were always early, were on time. Whatever. When we're not, 0:18:20.880 --> 0:18:24.360 we get stressed. I get it. Well, I could kind 0:18:24.359 --> 0:18:27.479 of sense the pacing of this person, and I'm in 0:18:27.520 --> 0:18:29.760 my mind, I'm like, I got ten mount ten minutes, 0:18:29.840 --> 0:18:31.720 you know what I mean, Like I'm early, I've got 0:18:31.720 --> 0:18:34.560 ten minutes early. And he's like, you're about ready, and 0:18:34.560 --> 0:18:36.439 I go like he's kind of said it, and like 0:18:36.480 --> 0:18:38.359 you're bout ready. And I could sense like a little 0:18:38.359 --> 0:18:41.239 bit of like a a tone, like a little bit 0:18:41.280 --> 0:18:46.360 of a annoyance, and I go, I mean, yeah, I'll 0:18:46.359 --> 0:18:47.840 be ready in like five minutes. But it's it's four 0:18:47.880 --> 0:18:49.600 fifty and I've got you said five. He was no, 0:18:49.680 --> 0:19:00.080 I said four thirty. Oh no no no no no, 0:19:00.320 --> 0:19:09.080 oh no, no no no. And so you know me, cat, 0:19:10.320 --> 0:19:13.440 I'm gonna defense up too. Yeah, I know what I heard. 0:19:14.480 --> 0:19:17.359 I heard four thirty five the latest? Yeah, did you 0:19:17.400 --> 0:19:23.080 say four thirty five? No? And so I was like, 0:19:23.840 --> 0:19:25.760 you know you said, I was like, yeah, but you 0:19:25.800 --> 0:19:28.840 said four thirty five the latest, So like if you wanted, 0:19:28.960 --> 0:19:31.480 and so I got a little if you want to 0:19:31.520 --> 0:19:34.119 leave a four thirty, just you should have said four thirty. 0:19:34.840 --> 0:19:37.239 And in his defense, I was a little I got 0:19:37.240 --> 0:19:39.439 a little defensive. I got a little like because I 0:19:39.480 --> 0:19:43.560 was because my ex would also be like like, let's go, 0:19:43.600 --> 0:19:47.040 and I'm like, I hate feeling I hate feeling rushed, 0:19:47.600 --> 0:19:51.320 which is why I always ask hours in advance so 0:19:51.359 --> 0:19:54.240 that I don't feel rushed, because I don't like feeling rushed. 0:19:54.600 --> 0:19:57.560 It just sends like waves in my body. That's not 0:19:57.600 --> 0:19:59.679 good for me either. I get angry. I don't. I 0:19:59.720 --> 0:20:03.320 just don't. I like to take my time, okay, and 0:20:03.359 --> 0:20:06.359 I don't even need an hour or two to get ready, 0:20:06.440 --> 0:20:08.399 but if I have it, I'm gonna take my time. 0:20:08.840 --> 0:20:11.639 Well sure there's face times and football games and runs 0:20:11.680 --> 0:20:15.040 to have. Yeah, So I'm like, I'm just so anyways, 0:20:16.000 --> 0:20:17.479 I get a little defense and he's like it's it's 0:20:17.480 --> 0:20:18.960 all good. Let's just like let's just go, and I go, 0:20:19.200 --> 0:20:22.080 but I'm not going to drop it. And also I've 0:20:22.119 --> 0:20:25.159 got four more minutes, and I'm like, but I just 0:20:25.200 --> 0:20:28.040 don't understand, like I know what I heard and like 0:20:28.080 --> 0:20:30.720 you said five the latest, so like you know, I 0:20:30.760 --> 0:20:32.560 just don't understand, like why, like you don't need to 0:20:32.600 --> 0:20:35.639 give me like a prep time or whatever. Um, And 0:20:35.640 --> 0:20:37.199 he's like, well, no, I did say, and it's like 0:20:37.280 --> 0:20:40.960 you knew this event was important, and I was like, 0:20:41.240 --> 0:20:43.439 I understand it's important. I understand why word what we 0:20:43.480 --> 0:20:45.199 had going on today, but I also told you you 0:20:45.240 --> 0:20:48.520 at like and he goes, I just like, you've been 0:20:48.520 --> 0:20:53.159 so hot and cold, and I go, what what do 0:20:53.200 --> 0:20:54.960 you mean? How have I been hot and cold? He's 0:20:55.000 --> 0:20:56.159 like I don't know. He's like, you just seem like 0:20:56.160 --> 0:20:59.800 distant today, and I was like, huh, like I've just 0:20:59.840 --> 0:21:01.880 been and like doing my and then then I get 0:21:02.240 --> 0:21:06.280 when I feel suffocated or like, because I'm like I 0:21:06.320 --> 0:21:09.280 still love like my like freedom of like you know, 0:21:09.320 --> 0:21:10.720 I'm like, what do you mean? I was like, I 0:21:10.720 --> 0:21:12.320 went for a run and then I met you at 0:21:12.359 --> 0:21:14.320 like the thing, and I'm like is that not enough? 0:21:14.800 --> 0:21:17.040 So then I start to get like and the poor 0:21:17.080 --> 0:21:18.480 guys like trying to be like I'm sorry I have 0:21:18.480 --> 0:21:22.239 said that. Like I just was like, and I go, 0:21:22.680 --> 0:21:24.360 if you thought I was being hot and cold, don't 0:21:24.400 --> 0:21:26.879 passively throw something. Be like, hey, are you okay? I 0:21:26.920 --> 0:21:29.360 just want to check in with you. Just grab me 0:21:30.080 --> 0:21:33.760 and like hug me and be like I just adore you. Yeah. 0:21:33.800 --> 0:21:35.800 But that was like the only thing that has happened 0:21:35.840 --> 0:21:37.240 in the last like I'd say, like two and a 0:21:37.240 --> 0:21:39.840 half or some months that I've been like, is it 0:21:39.880 --> 0:21:41.840 hot and cold because you're not like doating or hanging 0:21:41.880 --> 0:21:45.680 on him? Um? Yeah, I mean again, I'm just I'm 0:21:45.760 --> 0:21:49.760 very like, alright, I'm like, no, but I like this. 0:21:50.000 --> 0:21:51.720 But I'm just wondering if he feels like it's hot 0:21:51.760 --> 0:21:54.240 and cold because it's not like super all over him 0:21:54.320 --> 0:21:58.560 or something. I have so many thoughts. First of all, 0:21:59.200 --> 0:22:02.000 I do not and gets a flag personally, I don't. 0:22:02.040 --> 0:22:03.600 I think you'll are getting to know each other right now, 0:22:03.600 --> 0:22:06.399 and now you know that this is something I think 0:22:06.440 --> 0:22:08.680 that he probably I'm gonna put words in his mouth. 0:22:08.880 --> 0:22:11.320 He probably in his mind was like, Hey, if you 0:22:11.320 --> 0:22:13.720 can get ready by four thirty, that would be awesome. 0:22:13.920 --> 0:22:16.080 But if you're running behind, it's fine if we leave 0:22:16.119 --> 0:22:18.280 by five, But when you're taking your time and your 0:22:18.280 --> 0:22:20.920 face time and you're not, he sees that, and you're 0:22:20.960 --> 0:22:23.720 not doing your best to get ready by the time, 0:22:23.800 --> 0:22:25.920 in his mind, would be the best time to leave. 0:22:26.320 --> 0:22:27.919 That would have been if that were me and his 0:22:28.160 --> 0:22:30.040 That's what I would have met, and you would have 0:22:30.080 --> 0:22:35.919 probably been annoyed, and I would why isn't she after Hey, Kramer, 0:22:36.040 --> 0:22:38.479 we got five minutes hey Kramer, like, I would you know, 0:22:38.520 --> 0:22:40.320 say something, but you are still getting to know each other. 0:22:40.359 --> 0:22:42.679 So he's over here going do I say something? Do 0:22:42.720 --> 0:22:45.320 I not like you? After this episode he'll never say 0:22:45.440 --> 0:22:47.680 latest can say that's what That's what I'm saying. Yeah, 0:22:47.720 --> 0:22:49.560 you probably shouldn't say it in that way, like just 0:22:49.600 --> 0:22:51.639 give the time, especially for you. You're going to be 0:22:51.680 --> 0:22:54.119 on time. So I just think you are getting to 0:22:54.119 --> 0:22:58.200 know each other now. Then when two people get defensive, 0:22:58.280 --> 0:23:00.000 we know that. Then it's just like you can't even 0:23:00.000 --> 0:23:02.359 they talk to each other. You're both being defensive. He's 0:23:02.440 --> 0:23:05.200 regretting saying anything any guy does once they say something 0:23:05.240 --> 0:23:08.160 and it becomes a fight. Well, he's so like noncombative. 0:23:08.200 --> 0:23:10.600 He's like, and I'm like, and when I've told him, 0:23:10.640 --> 0:23:13.480 I was just like, don't just say because then he's like, 0:23:13.480 --> 0:23:16.560 it's fine. It's not fine, So tell me how you feel, like, 0:23:16.640 --> 0:23:19.560 let's talk about it. So I'm a little I'm not 0:23:19.600 --> 0:23:22.560 as I'm not as on board with cat. Okay, I'm 0:23:22.600 --> 0:23:28.320 a little flaggy about it. Okay, yellow flag maybe only 0:23:28.400 --> 0:23:33.200 because I feel because he is a self proclaimed fast faller, 0:23:35.400 --> 0:23:38.600 I feel like the hot and cold coma that part 0:23:39.200 --> 0:23:41.960 feels a little flaggy to me. It feels like if 0:23:42.000 --> 0:23:46.760