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Speaker 1: Wine Down with Janet Kramer and I Heart Radio podcast.

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Speaker 1: On this episode of Wine Down, we have Nick Vale

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Speaker 1: coming on the show. Uh. Did you guys watch him

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Speaker 1: at all on The Bachelor or Bachelorette? I don't watch

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Speaker 1: the show, if I'm being honest, but I did see

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Speaker 1: seven not one episode. I haven't watched one episode I have.

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Speaker 1: I saw some of his episodes of his Yeah, but

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Speaker 1: I don't usually watch the show nothing, not once, Not

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Speaker 1: one episode of any of them, Bachelor, Bachelorette, Bachelor in Paradise,

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Speaker 1: Bachelor in Volcano, whenever all of them have been. I

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Speaker 1: don't even remember. But I have not watched anything. Can

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Speaker 1: I ask a question? Back in two thousand seven, I

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Speaker 1: did a short stint on a reality TV show called

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Speaker 1: road Rules. You on road Rules, and after that very

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Speaker 1: short career with reality TV, I am all set. You

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Speaker 1: don't watch any reality I really don't. Kardashians once in

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Speaker 1: a while, but that's really it. Kardashians are so good, obsessed,

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Speaker 1: they're so good. Bible Bible um screaming um. Uh. We're

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Speaker 1: gonna get so much hate for like the liking the Kardashians.

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Speaker 1: I'm just getting out. Have you? Are you up? Today

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Speaker 1: on the did you not did you watch the first episode? Yeah? So,

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Speaker 1: did you not just like feel for Chloe and she's

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Speaker 1: so skinny? Yes, Yeah, I feel so bad for her.

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Speaker 1: I feel like she, like I know where is so strong,

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Speaker 1: but to go through all of that twice. I know

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Speaker 1: Papa don't know anything about that publicly, and the timing

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Speaker 1: of all it's crazy. Yeah, I feel for her. I know.

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Speaker 1: It was the tape on the floor with the box

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Speaker 1: in the closet when she was loading the boxes in

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Speaker 1: the closet. In the tape where I just really had

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Speaker 1: a moment. I think where I started to cry was

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Speaker 1: or feel just like awful for her was when she

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Speaker 1: said I know, she's like, I'm not ready for people

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Speaker 1: to say yet that I'm stupid. Like, I get it,

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Speaker 1: you know, she's like to hear those comments. She's like

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Speaker 1: when she started crying about that, I was just like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I can't imagine the magnitude and volume of what she hears.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I just think that she was completely duped.

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Speaker 1: I think that he was so good, like so many

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Speaker 1: of them are. Well, that's the thing that's they're so

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Speaker 1: good at that. And I think if you go back

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Speaker 1: it's just they're they're so good at just saying well,

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Speaker 1: it's not gonna happen again, or like, ah, do you

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Speaker 1: know that we were trying for a third right before

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Speaker 1: I found out? I think, so, yeah, we were going

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Speaker 1: to have a third, Like we even had a meeting

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Speaker 1: with an IVF doctor. Wow. But it's I think they

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Speaker 1: do that just like with Tristan, I think because it's

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Speaker 1: like they wanted, they want they because they know you

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Speaker 1: want Chris said, she goes. I think she wanted to

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Speaker 1: keep to keep her, And that happened too with you

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Speaker 1: know Jason. I mean, the same situation. So it's like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean it's when I think back to that, I

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Speaker 1: was like, holy crap, Yeah, I mean we yeah, but um, Nick,

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Speaker 1: though he has a new book out, let's not tell

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Speaker 1: him I've never seen him before. You just did. But

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Speaker 1: it's great. Well I don't want him to feel that way. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I always find I think that you know, um, that's okay,

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Speaker 1: And we don't all watch the same things and it's

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Speaker 1: not I'm sure. What I think he's kind of known

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Speaker 1: for now is his podcast. He's the host of The

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Speaker 1: Vile Vile Files Um and he's got a new book

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Speaker 1: out called Don't Text your ex Happy Birthday. I can

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Speaker 1: get on board with that. I have a question, have

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Speaker 1: you guys ever texted your ex happy birthday? Not? Well,

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Speaker 1: I'm in a relationship with someone else, so yes, but

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Speaker 1: not when you're in a relationship. Yeah, okay, I can't.

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Speaker 1: I remember wanting to, but I can't remember if I

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Speaker 1: actually did. I probably didn't. It worse though, when you do,

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Speaker 1: When you don't get that like a happy birthday, that feeling,

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Speaker 1: you're just setting yourself up. You know, when you do it,

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Speaker 1: you're setting yourself up for a world of heartbreak. But

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Speaker 1: so I'm gonna go with you have yesterday. No, uh no,

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Speaker 1: I'm I think after my stint of the thing that

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Speaker 1: happened this summer with UM kind of going above with

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Speaker 1: birthday stuff. Oh, I don't know. I just I'm kind

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Speaker 1: of like, you know what? Yeah, no, Um. Can you

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Speaker 1: believe I haven't heard from him in two and a

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Speaker 1: half on this answer, yes, like at all. Not The

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Speaker 1: last thing I heard from this guy it was a

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Speaker 1: black heart was the conversation was I will let's we'll

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Speaker 1: set up dates to see each other, And the next

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Speaker 1: he's like, I'll know in the next few weeks a

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Speaker 1: time to get back together. And then I had sent

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Speaker 1: like a picture like a week later, and then I

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Speaker 1: got like the black Heart but nothing. This was after

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Speaker 1: like the conversation, right, this was um you know, like

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Speaker 1: during that conversation was like I'll yeah, He's like, I'll

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Speaker 1: want to like get together and he's like, um, I'll

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Speaker 1: let you know in the next few weeks, like like

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Speaker 1: a time to like I'm like and not I'm not

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Speaker 1: back on the app. Yeah, yeah, he's getting together with someone.

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Speaker 1: We never left the app. I don't think you forgot

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Speaker 1: all the reasons. So it's funny because one of the

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Speaker 1: things in next book is like kind of talking about

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Speaker 1: the player and there, Um, what was it? Where is

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Speaker 1: it that? Oh, well, it's one of the things I

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Speaker 1: want to talk to about training our pickers. He goes, Yes,

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Speaker 1: dating is hard, and they're so many things about it

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Speaker 1: that are beyond our control, which is why it makes

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Speaker 1: it so important to control what we can Our choices,

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Speaker 1: our decisions are communication and the dates we go on

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Speaker 1: and the people we agree to go on them with.

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Speaker 1: That means refining our pickers. It's interesting, your picker is

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Speaker 1: the part of your brain, call it a muscle or

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Speaker 1: a tool if you want that. You used to evaluate

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Speaker 1: who we are going to date, who we are going

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Speaker 1: to invest more time in. Have you been stretching that picker? Well, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know, we've we talked about it. We did not

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Speaker 1: have a good oh um. But no, it's pretty cool

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Speaker 1: because his book like has all these different questions about dating,

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Speaker 1: love and sex, and um, like yeah, there's I'm I'm

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Speaker 1: excited to to chat with him about that. And did

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Speaker 1: Nick Nick was a bachelor. He was on he was

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Speaker 1: on two seasons of the Bachelorette. He was on Andy

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Speaker 1: Dorphan season and he was runner up, and then he

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Speaker 1: was on Kate lim Bristo season and he was runner up.

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Speaker 1: So he was runner up to both girls. And then

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Speaker 1: he became the Bachelor, the Bachelor, the Bachelor later on.

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Speaker 1: It was like a couple of seasons maybe later. I

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Speaker 1: don't know that any titled the book runner Up. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's a key title, but I think runner up. It's

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Speaker 1: gonna be like I just renamed your books. Nice to

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Speaker 1: meet you, let's talk about your brandname. But we've done

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Speaker 1: we've we've done um, you know, questions last two weeks.

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Speaker 1: So it's only you know. I'm there to ask him

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Speaker 1: some questions, but yeah, his whole book is like um.

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Speaker 1: One of the questions they asked him is why do

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Speaker 1: men tell women things just because women want to hear it?

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Speaker 1: People pleasers? I don't know that's a good question, he says,

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Speaker 1: because it's something he says, because they want short term gratification.

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Speaker 1: That's way better answer than yeah, I'm excited to talk

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Speaker 1: to Nick. Do we want short term gratification? No, but

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Speaker 1: they think we do and that's the problem. Okay, well

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Speaker 1: then we're gonna is it m ratification or is it there?

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Speaker 1: I feel like we're going to have to die. I'm curious.

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Speaker 1: Another one is thoughts on reaching out to a guy

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Speaker 1: who's been ghosting me for the last two weeks. You're

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Speaker 1: not allowed to answer this one. I just I would

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Speaker 1: just not reach out to the guy that's goes to

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Speaker 1: do for the last two weeks. I really like his answer,

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Speaker 1: you're ready to hear it? Yeah, so interesting to hear

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Speaker 1: a guy's perspective. If he wanted to be found, he

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Speaker 1: wouldn't disappear. Yeah, it's just not so complicated. It's real.

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Speaker 1: And if they like a girl ghosting, I would say

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Speaker 1: there probably is more. There can be more to it,

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Speaker 1: but not, guys. I think the hard thing too with

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Speaker 1: that is like because of the born Jewish guy or whatever,

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Speaker 1: that like stings to know because I'm like, oh, I

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Speaker 1: wasn't and then you don't because all my stuff, I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I wasn't chosen, I wasn't good enough. I wasn't and

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Speaker 1: I know it's not me, and it's like it was

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Speaker 1: It's all. He's an impossible human being. Well, yeah, that's

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Speaker 1: going to be one too. That's he's gonna be a

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Speaker 1: tough one for life. He never to herself, Oh I

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Speaker 1: forgot about I thought you said, great, other one you

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Speaker 1: got ghosted? Which one your life Jewish guy? You know?

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Speaker 1: He technically was like, I'll, you know, reach out to

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Speaker 1: you and to let you know in the next few weeks.

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Speaker 1: Like I thought that was someone else. There's funny Jewish

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Speaker 1: m I didn't like the other I can't. I wish

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Speaker 1: I could just share what I called him. Well that's

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Speaker 1: my problem. I know him as a different name. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: do you guys want to know what his nickname was?

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Speaker 1: I won't say his name name, but his nickname on

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Speaker 1: the Queendom chat the whole entire relationship was by blank

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Speaker 1: by his name like b y e um, why has

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Speaker 1: feeling not cute enough or good enough become something so

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Speaker 1: common social media? I didn't have anything nice to say

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Speaker 1: because we have too much access and ability to constantly

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Speaker 1: compare ourselves to others? Yep, um. Do you believe that

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Speaker 1: time heals all wounds? Oh? M hm ja did married

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Speaker 1: women on the right side, Like, I say, really, I

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Speaker 1: think that it helps. I think the time always helps

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Speaker 1: the further you get away from something. But I think

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Speaker 1: that it's always still a little bit of a wound

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Speaker 1: for change. Well, so this is what I would say

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Speaker 1: in this answer. Sure, but it doesn't mean it still

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Speaker 1: won't need scarce. Yeah, sure, no, I said so in short,

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Speaker 1: I think it does. I really do. I think that doesn't.

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Speaker 1: I think it's a yes, and oh you would and

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Speaker 1: I know, my auntie, but I do. I think it's

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Speaker 1: a yes. And like yes, I do believe time because

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Speaker 1: it's like we've all moved past things that are really hard,

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Speaker 1: but they left a scar. Like, yes, time does heal wounds,

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Speaker 1: and it left a scar. Yeah, so it's not healed. No,

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Speaker 1: a wound is open. Mm hmm. I think it might

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Speaker 1: be in an open section of my life. Talk to

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Speaker 1: us KB no, no, no, all as well. Nothing to

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Speaker 1: see here. No, I just feel like it's always still there.

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Speaker 1: So it feels like a idea, but it's not as

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Speaker 1: heavy like That's like I was like in bed covers

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Speaker 1: over my head. Time. The further you get away from

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Speaker 1: it heals, but I don't think it completely heals. It doesn't.

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Speaker 1: It's not open. You're not bleeding when a wound. You

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Speaker 1: are not. You're not in the emergency room. Yeah, okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm just a law firm of Cat and Christend. Okay,

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Speaker 1: that's fine, we've healed or just a scar. But it's

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Speaker 1: do you see what I'm saying that I really need

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Speaker 1: to drive home in a relationship, Yes, you were right.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna send you a black cart any minute, and

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Speaker 1: I goes to you for four and a half months.

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Speaker 1: Um Actually, I just thought of something else, going to

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Speaker 1: maybe bring up that happened the other day. Let's do so.

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Speaker 1: I was like we should sometimes I like to be

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Speaker 1: the pot star. When you see that face, I know,

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Speaker 1: I know, I know we're onto something good. Um M,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna help. I'm gonna hold on that. I don't

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Speaker 1: want you to hold Can we hold it? I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I have to just get my words. I don't like

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Speaker 1: it when we pinned things holding we pinned the last

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Speaker 1: one for a long time. Oh, this is interesting. I'm

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Speaker 1: sick of feeling like a backup plan for their boredom

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Speaker 1: and loneliness. Then stop answering the phone advice, don't answer,

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Speaker 1: don't answer. You control who you spend your time with,

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Speaker 1: not them, right Mick for president? Everyone at my heart

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Speaker 1: wants you. So y'all know, I've been like casually talking

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Speaker 1: to someone I'm not saying who yet not committed committed. Um,

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Speaker 1: And something happened the other day where, um, you wonder

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Speaker 1: what's a flag and what's something that is? And for

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Speaker 1: as much as I can raise my botox eyebrows I

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Speaker 1: am doing, you can't see me something that like because

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Speaker 1: you just wonder because I'm I am. The reason that

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Speaker 1: I haven't jumped all in is because I'm terrified of

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Speaker 1: you know, the bamboos moment, the like I don't want

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Speaker 1: to fail, you know, and just again like I want

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Speaker 1: to just like really, I'm like I'm just being very

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Speaker 1: cautious and just like observing like crazy, like a lot

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Speaker 1: of times, like he'll say, you know to me, like

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Speaker 1: what are you thinking? And I'm just like I'm just observing,

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Speaker 1: like I'm just kind of sitting back and like watching.

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Speaker 1: So something kind of like happened the other day. But

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Speaker 1: I wonder if it's a flag or if it's a

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Speaker 1: just something to be cautious of, or if it's just like, oh,

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Speaker 1: that's just like kind of the start of like getting

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Speaker 1: comfortable and like a tell. But it could be because

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Speaker 1: it's like I feel like I've like, don't I want

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Speaker 1: to share things because it's like some things you can

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Speaker 1: be like, oh that is a flag and like I

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Speaker 1: should have shared those things early on another things, So

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Speaker 1: share all. So we were going to go somewhere that

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Speaker 1: he invited me to and I said, what time do

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Speaker 1: I need to be ready by? The answer I got

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Speaker 1: was four thirty five the latest. So in my brain

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Speaker 1: I think five, because five the latest. If it was

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Speaker 1: leaving it for thirty, it would be four thirty, and

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Speaker 1: it's five is the latest. You don't tell Kreamer like

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Speaker 1: my family has a late time too, but they don't

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Speaker 1: ever get to know it. Well, here's the thing I

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Speaker 1: don't write. You don't usually say it's a secret. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and like you you all know me. I'm on time,

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Speaker 1: so you don't need you're not women are given a

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Speaker 1: five latest, then five is always gonna be the latest.

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Speaker 1: I was the late. I'm going to take my time

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Speaker 1: getting ready. Yeah, I'm gonna do my thing. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: check in my Instagram while I'm getting ready, I'm gonna FaceTime.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to do a few stories. You're gonna FaceTime

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Speaker 1: me what you're jogging with your beautiful sports bra. And

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Speaker 1: so I'm just gonna like take my time because I

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Speaker 1: heard four thirty five the latest. I didn't make that up. Okay,

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Speaker 1: like that is what it's typed as well, probably, And

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Speaker 1: I'm like, or women, we know what we hear. I

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Speaker 1: didn't just make up five? Right? Was this over the

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Speaker 1: phone or in person? In person? Okay? I was like

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Speaker 1: her or advance so um, so I could sense a

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Speaker 1: little agitation when four five rolls around? When did he

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Speaker 1: get here? There? What are we fool? Let's just say

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Speaker 1: four Okay? Well, first of all, well we were together

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Speaker 1: the whole day, so I need the kids that day.

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Speaker 1: So he was like at my house. Okay, I don't

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Speaker 1: know if he's like coming to pick you up, and

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Speaker 1: he showed up at four thirty and you weren't ready.

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Speaker 1: I'll say this, like I had gone for a run

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Speaker 1: with a friend. I met up to watch the football

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Speaker 1: game leisurely about the day. Yeah, it was in my

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Speaker 1: day off, right, So I'm like, I'm gonna go for

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Speaker 1: a run with a girlfriend. And then he was watching

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Speaker 1: football with a friend. So I met at the bar

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Speaker 1: to go watch them, you know, the Michigan game, and um,

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Speaker 1: watch the game, and then we kind of went back

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Speaker 1: to you know, to get ready. But I was like,

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Speaker 1: well's let's go to my house and gratty or whatever. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so getting ready and again I'm face timing my mom um,

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Speaker 1: and he's not said anything at this point. Okay, He's

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Speaker 1: probably like can you please just get ready by four thirty?

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Speaker 1: So five doesn't have to be the latest, then say

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Speaker 1: four thirty I don't need okay anyway, anyway, technicalities of these,

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Speaker 1: So when for fifty comes around and this is something

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Speaker 1: and it was I guess it was a slight trigger

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Speaker 1: from me because just like I don't like to be late,

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Speaker 1: nor did my ex husband, we are like me and

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Speaker 1: Katherine were always early, were on time. Whatever. When we're not,

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Speaker 1: we get stressed. I get it. Well, I could kind

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Speaker 1: of sense the pacing of this person, and I'm in

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Speaker 1: my mind, I'm like, I got ten mount ten minutes,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like I'm early, I've got

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Speaker 1: ten minutes early. And he's like, you're about ready, and

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Speaker 1: I go like he's kind of said it, and like

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Speaker 1: you're bout ready. And I could sense like a little

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Speaker 1: bit of like a a tone, like a little bit

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Speaker 1: of a annoyance, and I go, I mean, yeah, I'll

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Speaker 1: be ready in like five minutes. But it's it's four

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Speaker 1: fifty and I've got you said five. He was no,

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Speaker 1: I said four thirty. Oh no no no no no,

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Speaker 1: oh no, no no no. And so you know me, cat,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna defense up too. Yeah, I know what I heard.

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Speaker 1: I heard four thirty five the latest? Yeah, did you

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Speaker 1: say four thirty five? No? And so I was like,

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Speaker 1: you know you said, I was like, yeah, but you

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Speaker 1: said four thirty five the latest, So like if you wanted,

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Speaker 1: and so I got a little if you want to

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Speaker 1: leave a four thirty, just you should have said four thirty.

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Speaker 1: And in his defense, I was a little I got

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Speaker 1: a little defensive. I got a little like because I

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Speaker 1: was because my ex would also be like like, let's go,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, I hate feeling I hate feeling rushed,

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Speaker 1: which is why I always ask hours in advance so

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Speaker 1: that I don't feel rushed, because I don't like feeling rushed.

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Speaker 1: It just sends like waves in my body. That's not

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Speaker 1: good for me either. I get angry. I don't. I

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Speaker 1: just don't. I like to take my time, okay, and

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Speaker 1: I don't even need an hour or two to get ready,

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Speaker 1: but if I have it, I'm gonna take my time.

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Speaker 1: Well sure there's face times and football games and runs

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Speaker 1: to have. Yeah, So I'm like, I'm just so anyways,

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Speaker 1: I get a little defense and he's like it's it's

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Speaker 1: all good. Let's just like let's just go, and I go,

328
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Speaker 1: but I'm not going to drop it. And also I've

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Speaker 1: got four more minutes, and I'm like, but I just

330
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Speaker 1: don't understand, like I know what I heard and like

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Speaker 1: you said five the latest, so like you know, I

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Speaker 1: just don't understand, like why, like you don't need to

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Speaker 1: give me like a prep time or whatever. Um, And

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Speaker 1: he's like, well, no, I did say, and it's like

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Speaker 1: you knew this event was important, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: I understand it's important. I understand why word what we

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Speaker 1: had going on today, but I also told you you

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Speaker 1: at like and he goes, I just like, you've been

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00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:53,159
Speaker 1: so hot and cold, and I go, what what do

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00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:54,960
Speaker 1: you mean? How have I been hot and cold? He's

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Speaker 1: like I don't know. He's like, you just seem like

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Speaker 1: distant today, and I was like, huh, like I've just

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Speaker 1: been and like doing my and then then I get

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Speaker 1: when I feel suffocated or like, because I'm like I

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00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:09,280
Speaker 1: still love like my like freedom of like you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, what do you mean? I was like, I

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Speaker 1: went for a run and then I met you at

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Speaker 1: like the thing, and I'm like is that not enough?

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Speaker 1: So then I start to get like and the poor

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Speaker 1: guys like trying to be like I'm sorry I have

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Speaker 1: said that. Like I just was like, and I go,

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Speaker 1: if you thought I was being hot and cold, don't

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Speaker 1: passively throw something. Be like, hey, are you okay? I

354
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:29,360
Speaker 1: just want to check in with you. Just grab me

355
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Speaker 1: and like hug me and be like I just adore you. Yeah.

356
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Speaker 1: But that was like the only thing that has happened

357
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Speaker 1: in the last like I'd say, like two and a

358
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Speaker 1: half or some months that I've been like, is it

359
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:41,840
Speaker 1: hot and cold because you're not like doating or hanging

360
00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:45,680
Speaker 1: on him? Um? Yeah, I mean again, I'm just I'm

361
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Speaker 1: very like, alright, I'm like, no, but I like this.

362
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Speaker 1: But I'm just wondering if he feels like it's hot

363
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Speaker 1: and cold because it's not like super all over him

364
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Speaker 1: or something. I have so many thoughts. First of all,

365
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Speaker 1: I do not and gets a flag personally, I don't.

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Speaker 1: I think you'll are getting to know each other right now,

367
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:06,399
Speaker 1: and now you know that this is something I think

368
00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:08,680
Speaker 1: that he probably I'm gonna put words in his mouth.

369
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:11,320
Speaker 1: He probably in his mind was like, Hey, if you

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Speaker 1: can get ready by four thirty, that would be awesome.

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Speaker 1: But if you're running behind, it's fine if we leave

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Speaker 1: by five, But when you're taking your time and your

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Speaker 1: face time and you're not, he sees that, and you're

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Speaker 1: not doing your best to get ready by the time,

375
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Speaker 1: in his mind, would be the best time to leave.

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Speaker 1: That would have been if that were me and his

377
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:30,040
Speaker 1: That's what I would have met, and you would have

378
00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:35,919
Speaker 1: probably been annoyed, and I would why isn't she after Hey, Kramer,

379
00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:38,479
Speaker 1: we got five minutes hey Kramer, like, I would you know,

380
00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:40,320
Speaker 1: say something, but you are still getting to know each other.

381
00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:42,679
Speaker 1: So he's over here going do I say something? Do

382
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:45,320
Speaker 1: I not like you? After this episode he'll never say

383
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:47,680
Speaker 1: latest can say that's what That's what I'm saying. Yeah,

384
00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:49,560
Speaker 1: you probably shouldn't say it in that way, like just

385
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:51,639
Speaker 1: give the time, especially for you. You're going to be

386
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:54,119
Speaker 1: on time. So I just think you are getting to

387
00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:58,200
Speaker 1: know each other now. Then when two people get defensive,

388
00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:00,000
Speaker 1: we know that. Then it's just like you can't even

389
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:02,359
Speaker 1: they talk to each other. You're both being defensive. He's

390
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:05,200
Speaker 1: regretting saying anything any guy does once they say something

391
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:08,160
Speaker 1: and it becomes a fight. Well, he's so like noncombative.

392
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,600
Speaker 1: He's like, and I'm like, and when I've told him,

393
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:13,480
Speaker 1: I was just like, don't just say because then he's like,

394
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:16,560
Speaker 1: it's fine. It's not fine, So tell me how you feel, like,

395
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:19,560
Speaker 1: let's talk about it. So I'm a little I'm not

396
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Speaker 1: as I'm not as on board with cat. Okay, I'm

397
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:28,320
Speaker 1: a little flaggy about it. Okay, yellow flag maybe only

398
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:33,200
Speaker 1: because I feel because he is a self proclaimed fast faller,

399
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:38,600
Speaker 1: I feel like the hot and cold coma that part

400
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:41,960
Speaker 1: feels a little flaggy to me. It feels like if

401
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:46,760
Speaker 1: he's not really being super loved on, doated on that

402
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:50,600
Speaker 1: you're then it becomes that you're you're hot and cold. Actually,

403
00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:53,720
Speaker 1: it's just real life. What's happening is just real life.

404
00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:58,959
Speaker 1: And like I will say, like in that situation too,

405
00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:01,560
Speaker 1: and even with him, I'm very comfortable around him, so

406
00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:05,280
Speaker 1: I don't feel like I have to put on right

407
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:11,080
Speaker 1: like some like overly affectionate kind of but I'm at

408
00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:14,400
Speaker 1: I could be accused and have been accused of being

409
00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:17,160
Speaker 1: a little hot and cold as well. I think we

410
00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:19,919
Speaker 1: all can. That's just life. I just didn't like the

411
00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:23,000
Speaker 1: passive throw that's like because I'm like, that's that's the

412
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:25,320
Speaker 1: piece where like I kind of like it's flagged in

413
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:27,800
Speaker 1: my brain where I'm just like, but I also like

414
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:30,000
Speaker 1: he was frustrated, like you said, like he's been watching me,

415
00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:36,040
Speaker 1: and I'm sure there was something and I don't mean

416
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:37,520
Speaker 1: this in the bad way, but I'm sure there was

417
00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:39,600
Speaker 1: something passive in the way you said something. So I

418
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:41,280
Speaker 1: just think that like that is like kind of the

419
00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:44,399
Speaker 1: natural way some people like that we talk sometimes. I

420
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:47,240
Speaker 1: don't think it's as bad as but I was defensive

421
00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:49,080
Speaker 1: though when he said like, and I'm like, what do

422
00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:51,639
Speaker 1: you mean? But then it really doesn't feel like it

423
00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:53,840
Speaker 1: was about that anyways. It was about the hot and coldness,

424
00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:57,240
Speaker 1: which which is maybe which was his real issue. I

425
00:24:57,240 --> 00:24:59,760
Speaker 1: don't know, you've just been hot and cold? Well that's

426
00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:03,240
Speaker 1: just is like what I got thrown out. Say you're

427
00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:06,000
Speaker 1: frustrated about me getting ready versus like hot and cold

428
00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:10,040
Speaker 1: all day? Yeah, and just about that too, like say

429
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:15,520
Speaker 1: it all. But it's how they because he said you're

430
00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:17,120
Speaker 1: hot and cold and they were mad that he said

431
00:25:17,119 --> 00:25:19,720
Speaker 1: I'm hating hot and cold. That does scare me too.

432
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:22,320
Speaker 1: But he's a fast follower. He's kind of damned if

433
00:25:22,359 --> 00:25:25,320
Speaker 1: he does. Damned if he doesn't. I don't even know him,

434
00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:27,119
Speaker 1: but he's kind of damned if he does, damned if

435
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:29,359
Speaker 1: he doesn't. If that he's feeling that way because you're

436
00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:31,639
Speaker 1: already defensive, so him talking about it then kind of

437
00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:33,159
Speaker 1: no matter how he says it, you're going to be

438
00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:36,800
Speaker 1: on the defensive anyway. I don't know. Let's ask let's

439
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:38,760
Speaker 1: ask Nick. He's in the waiting room. Let's bring him on.

440
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:56,080
Speaker 1: Nick Grand Nick. I'm a big fan, um Nick and

441
00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:59,760
Speaker 1: I go away back and um I just I love you,

442
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:01,760
Speaker 1: I think for doing this. And I was reading your

443
00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:04,280
Speaker 1: book and we were going through some of the questions

444
00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:07,159
Speaker 1: too with my girls. But we did just have a

445
00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:10,600
Speaker 1: dating thing that kind of just happened, and I'm curious.

446
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:12,960
Speaker 1: Can can we just get your take on a situation

447
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:15,880
Speaker 1: that just kind of happened in my dating life? Love?

448
00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:18,119
Speaker 1: Love this? Yeah, let's do it. Okay, So do you

449
00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:20,840
Speaker 1: guys want to Can I I apologize? I can? I

450
00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:27,400
Speaker 1: I don't know everyone in the sorry, this is She's

451
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:30,159
Speaker 1: watched all of the episodes. Um, this is This is

452
00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:34,280
Speaker 1: Kristen my friend, and this is Catherine. Hi. Nice to me.

453
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:38,960
Speaker 1: They're part of the Queendom and wind down. So yeah,

454
00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:45,240
Speaker 1: and yes, so do you guys want to recap or yes?

455
00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:48,760
Speaker 1: Long story short, we're gonna long story short. She's hanging

456
00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:50,719
Speaker 1: out with a guy. She's trying to figure out if

457
00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:52,560
Speaker 1: this is a red flag or is just getting to

458
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:57,120
Speaker 1: know each other. Okay, he says be ready by four

459
00:26:57,280 --> 00:27:01,040
Speaker 1: thirty five at the latest, so she takes it as

460
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:03,920
Speaker 1: be ready by five, well about four or forty five.

461
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:06,119
Speaker 1: He's kind of huffing and puffin, moving around and it

462
00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:09,600
Speaker 1: getting frustrated. Whatever. This is the first second third date

463
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:17,520
Speaker 1: where weird, like, um, it's not a first. It's definitely

464
00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:20,120
Speaker 1: not a first. I would say, like, let's just say

465
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:24,120
Speaker 1: it's a seventh. Hang. But we've been talking for like

466
00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:28,119
Speaker 1: a month and a half with text too, because he

467
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:33,440
Speaker 1: was like not living here. Okay. Yeah, So he gets

468
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:37,399
Speaker 1: a little frustrated. Are you about ready? She gets defensive

469
00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:41,480
Speaker 1: because I'm like, you told me five latest, Okay, all

470
00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:43,960
Speaker 1: the defenses are up, and he she wants to prove

471
00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:46,679
Speaker 1: obviously that he said five lates and he said no,

472
00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:48,879
Speaker 1: I said four thirty And I go, no, no, you

473
00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:51,159
Speaker 1: said four thirty five latest, Like, I'm not going to

474
00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:53,919
Speaker 1: forget the time in which you told me to be

475
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:57,080
Speaker 1: ready by I just I don't. I don't forget a

476
00:27:57,240 --> 00:28:00,520
Speaker 1: much men say anyways. So like it's a it's a

477
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:03,840
Speaker 1: it's a it's a vault, and so, um, you're a

478
00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:06,600
Speaker 1: punctual person. I'm very punctual person and so and I

479
00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:09,000
Speaker 1: don't like to feel rushed. But I also this is

480
00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:12,560
Speaker 1: something an event that he invited me to and I

481
00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:16,000
Speaker 1: think it's go ahead. Yeah. So then he's like this

482
00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:18,040
Speaker 1: is important to me, like blah blah blah. I'm wondering

483
00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:20,119
Speaker 1: if he's just not feeling like you're making it a priority.

484
00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:23,480
Speaker 1: But anyway, so then he makes kind of a passive

485
00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:26,240
Speaker 1: aggressive comment that I just think you've been hot and

486
00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:29,280
Speaker 1: cold all day, but she's already you know, defensive, and

487
00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:31,439
Speaker 1: then you know there's all that. So it's like me,

488
00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:34,760
Speaker 1: so do you think that's a flag saying that I've

489
00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:38,360
Speaker 1: been like being frustrated and then throwing why just like

490
00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:40,920
Speaker 1: you've been like hot even so hot and cold today.

491
00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:43,160
Speaker 1: I'd like to also say this guy is an admitted

492
00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:48,040
Speaker 1: fast faller in relationships. He loves a good like instick.

493
00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:52,840
Speaker 1: He acknowledged yes, yes, yes, and he is trying hard

494
00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:55,560
Speaker 1: not to do that. And I've acknowledged that I'm a

495
00:28:55,560 --> 00:29:00,400
Speaker 1: fast fall archer. So we are literally like like baby baby, baby,

496
00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:03,600
Speaker 1: baby baby steps seeing that like because I'm like, I'm

497
00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:07,760
Speaker 1: not gonna relationship until And to be clear, how many

498
00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:10,880
Speaker 1: dates have you been on in person? Well? The hard

499
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:14,640
Speaker 1: so like we we we texted for like two weeks

500
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:17,880
Speaker 1: every day, all day whatever on the phone FaceTime, and

501
00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:22,720
Speaker 1: then we had like five dates and then we then

502
00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:26,000
Speaker 1: FaceTime texted for two weeks straight again because he was gone,

503
00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:28,400
Speaker 1: and then that was our next kind of hang sash

504
00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:32,440
Speaker 1: like that, like weekend dish. Yeah, it sounds like you

505
00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:35,760
Speaker 1: both are falling trapped to what you've already acknowledged that

506
00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:41,400
Speaker 1: you're both guilty of. Um, So there's that. I would

507
00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:45,440
Speaker 1: say you're probably both justified for considering if the other

508
00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:50,240
Speaker 1: person is showing these red flags right, Like, it sounds

509
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:54,800
Speaker 1: like this is just it's these are it's it's a

510
00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:59,840
Speaker 1: lack of good communication and heightened expectation and unfair expectations

511
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:02,680
Speaker 1: of both of you, and you're both kind of playing

512
00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:06,760
Speaker 1: games in a sense, right, Like he could have said,

513
00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:10,920
Speaker 1: you know, also like you know the four thirty five o'clock, Yeah,

514
00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:14,120
Speaker 1: what is that's very confusing? Is it four thirty or five? Now?

515
00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:19,040
Speaker 1: Everyone like and and being late is a is a

516
00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:21,720
Speaker 1: huge pet peeve of mine, right, not being late, but

517
00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:24,040
Speaker 1: like not just saying not get not giving me the

518
00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:26,080
Speaker 1: heads up before running late, Like the people who are

519
00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:28,080
Speaker 1: just like I'm on my way and they're like not

520
00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:30,640
Speaker 1: even in the shower, right, But like that if there's

521
00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:34,600
Speaker 1: a spectrum of like people's personal preferences here of what

522
00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:39,640
Speaker 1: annoys people, what doesn't annoy people, And he just assumed

523
00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:44,880
Speaker 1: that saying four thirty five meant like a that you're

524
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:47,800
Speaker 1: someone who is on time all the time, and like, well, yeah,

525
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:49,680
Speaker 1: are you giving me options? Do you want me to

526
00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:51,960
Speaker 1: be ready at four thirty or five? That's a thirty

527
00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:54,880
Speaker 1: minute difference. Well, I don't know everything about women. I

528
00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:58,640
Speaker 1: do know that like getting ready takes sometimes for some

529
00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:02,200
Speaker 1: people a lot, and thirty minutes could be critical between

530
00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:05,000
Speaker 1: Like listen, if if I tell you four thirty and

531
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:07,240
Speaker 1: you show up at five, you're thirty minutes late. But

532
00:31:08,080 --> 00:31:11,000
Speaker 1: but if if if you told me five, I'm like,

533
00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:14,000
Speaker 1: it's also worth noting. At some point Janna's facetiming her

534
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:16,520
Speaker 1: mom during this period that she's also I mean, but

535
00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:19,720
Speaker 1: I heard five. That's besides the point she's in the

536
00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:24,440
Speaker 1: house watching her Why is the house? Well, Nick, he's

537
00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:27,440
Speaker 1: a fast follower. No, no, no, no, no, no. We

538
00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:29,440
Speaker 1: were still. We were a bit of information that I

539
00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:31,200
Speaker 1: did not give. You know, we were we went on

540
00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:35,560
Speaker 1: a little getaway together. All right, So you're already playing house.

541
00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:40,240
Speaker 1: No it wasn't. It was a no, it's not playing house,

542
00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:42,960
Speaker 1: playing house. I don't mean like you're moving in together.

543
00:31:43,680 --> 00:31:45,560
Speaker 1: He wasn't at my house. I wasn't at his house.

544
00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:51,080
Speaker 1: We went, Yeah, I think at the end of the day,

545
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:54,280
Speaker 1: you guys have like you said, FaceTime every day for

546
00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:56,720
Speaker 1: two weeks, you had multiple dates, then he was out

547
00:31:56,760 --> 00:32:00,360
Speaker 1: of town, and then you face time again, and like

548
00:32:00,440 --> 00:32:03,600
Speaker 1: I've been like, those are fun and they're great because

549
00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:06,120
Speaker 1: you can connect and like when you're forced to like

550
00:32:06,200 --> 00:32:08,800
Speaker 1: face time and talk, you're forced to actually have conversations,

551
00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:10,800
Speaker 1: which in person people are often are bad at doing

552
00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:13,160
Speaker 1: because you know, it's awkward. Let's make out things like that,

553
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:16,400
Speaker 1: and so that can maximize an intensity and a relationship,

554
00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:20,360
Speaker 1: and that can maximize chemistry in a relationship. But it

555
00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:23,160
Speaker 1: still doesn't mean that you guys know each other. You

556
00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:26,000
Speaker 1: don't know, like your little idedeo syncrencies of like what

557
00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:29,120
Speaker 1: annoys you guys, or what what triggers you guys? You know,

558
00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:31,720
Speaker 1: And all of a sudden he's watching you get ready

559
00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:33,920
Speaker 1: face time with your mom, and he's thinking like and

560
00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:36,400
Speaker 1: last girlfriend did this and things like that, and then

561
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:38,560
Speaker 1: all of a sudden he projects his frustrations of past

562
00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:41,520
Speaker 1: relationships onto you. You do the same thing where you're

563
00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:43,600
Speaker 1: just like, how about you just like give me a

564
00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:47,920
Speaker 1: straight answer and and and so I think you guys,

565
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:50,000
Speaker 1: it sounds like it's good for you for acknowledging that

566
00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:52,080
Speaker 1: you're both fast followers. But I don't think you know,

567
00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:55,080
Speaker 1: I don't think you guys are hold. I don't think

568
00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:58,560
Speaker 1: you're making it easy on each other to not fall fast.

569
00:32:58,840 --> 00:33:01,800
Speaker 1: It's like what you're doing is saying you're just like, hey,

570
00:33:01,960 --> 00:33:05,040
Speaker 1: I have this really bad habit, and you're like, I

571
00:33:05,080 --> 00:33:07,160
Speaker 1: have this bad habit too. All right, Well, let's put

572
00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:12,360
Speaker 1: ourselves in situation immediately to see if we can, like,

573
00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:16,400
Speaker 1: you know, not do the thing that we're so, you know,

574
00:33:16,480 --> 00:33:18,320
Speaker 1: it's just like, hey, I'm not a good swimmer. Me neither.

575
00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:19,720
Speaker 1: All right, Let's go to the middle of ocean and

576
00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:23,440
Speaker 1: jump in. Let see what happens, you know. And so

577
00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:26,840
Speaker 1: it's one thing to recognize your difference, is I think

578
00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:29,840
Speaker 1: you we have to, like, especially if you're communicating in

579
00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:31,880
Speaker 1: any stage of relationship. This is early on, so you

580
00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:34,120
Speaker 1: guys don't know each other about each other, but like,

581
00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:37,760
Speaker 1: don't test your partner. Support your partner, you know, like

582
00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:40,320
Speaker 1: make it easy for them to make you happy, like

583
00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:42,960
Speaker 1: I'd always talk about, like you With Natalie. The one

584
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:45,040
Speaker 1: thing she does in this my relationship with her that

585
00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:48,840
Speaker 1: I've never experienced is that she makes it so easy

586
00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:51,600
Speaker 1: for me to be successful. She's just like, this is

587
00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:54,640
Speaker 1: what will make me happy, and it's a very clear directive.

588
00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:56,920
Speaker 1: And I'm like, Okay, I'm gonna go do that thing

589
00:33:57,200 --> 00:33:59,600
Speaker 1: or not do the thing, you know, or whatever it is.

590
00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:04,760
Speaker 1: And you know, testing people or putting themselves in situations

591
00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:07,680
Speaker 1: to prove that they can get over the weaknesses isn't

592
00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:11,600
Speaker 1: showing love. It's just you know, it's I know, we

593
00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:13,440
Speaker 1: do that because we want to be surprised, and if

594
00:34:13,520 --> 00:34:15,600
Speaker 1: we do that, then that means they then we're worth it.

595
00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:17,920
Speaker 1: But like sometimes you know, when we're getting to know

596
00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:20,839
Speaker 1: easchach other, we're just like trying to like figure out

597
00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:23,239
Speaker 1: whether like we enjoy their company, and so like I

598
00:34:23,239 --> 00:34:24,920
Speaker 1: think we should just make it easy for people to

599
00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:28,680
Speaker 1: enjoy our company. And then he made like you should say.

600
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:31,279
Speaker 1: I would say to him, like, listen, I want to

601
00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:32,960
Speaker 1: be on time for you and I and I want

602
00:34:32,960 --> 00:34:35,040
Speaker 1: to I want to make things a priority that are

603
00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:37,480
Speaker 1: a prayer to you. It would really be helpful to me.

604
00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:39,279
Speaker 1: And I say this a lot in my relationship now,

605
00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:43,479
Speaker 1: I'll say, it would be really helpful if you could

606
00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:45,640
Speaker 1: do this for me. I have this bad habit and

607
00:34:45,640 --> 00:34:48,160
Speaker 1: it would really help me to work in this bad habit.

608
00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:53,200
Speaker 1: If you could do X Y or z oh, shoot,

609
00:34:53,719 --> 00:34:56,640
Speaker 1: I can, I can, I can wait to speak. I

610
00:34:56,640 --> 00:35:01,200
Speaker 1: can be forgetful, you know, things like that. You know, so, um,

611
00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:05,200
Speaker 1: what's another thing I know Natalie will ask me about, um, well,

612
00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:07,320
Speaker 1: like I won't pay attention to right, So, like I

613
00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:09,560
Speaker 1: think it's a very common right, men do this all

614
00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:12,720
Speaker 1: the time. Uh we're zoning out. I can be aloof.

615
00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:15,000
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about what am I talking on my Knox podcast?

616
00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:17,319
Speaker 1: Or what show? What TikTok should I make? Or blah

617
00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:21,439
Speaker 1: blah blah or whatever whatever bullshit, And and then she'll

618
00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:24,160
Speaker 1: be telling me a story, and and then I won't

619
00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:26,080
Speaker 1: be paying attention and she'll get frustrated, like oh what

620
00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:28,080
Speaker 1: do you say? And like there's nothing more annoying than

621
00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:31,920
Speaker 1: repeating yourself. I repeating myself. So I asked her. I

622
00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:34,000
Speaker 1: was like, hey, I know I can be aloof, but

623
00:35:34,120 --> 00:35:37,400
Speaker 1: can if you see me like zoning out, can you

624
00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:41,359
Speaker 1: just like kind of just say, hey, I really want

625
00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:44,320
Speaker 1: your attention right now? Can you plead? You know? And

626
00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:46,799
Speaker 1: that can be annoying sometimes, but it's it's still better

627
00:35:46,840 --> 00:35:48,839
Speaker 1: than me just fled out annoying her. So like it

628
00:35:48,920 --> 00:35:51,960
Speaker 1: was me asking for her help to help me with

629
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:54,200
Speaker 1: a weakness that I know I have, And so like,

630
00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:56,160
Speaker 1: I think those little things that we have to do

631
00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:58,279
Speaker 1: to say it's like it's one thing to be like

632
00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:01,080
Speaker 1: I am not good at that. Well, yeah, I don't

633
00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:03,000
Speaker 1: know how old your person you're hanging out with this,

634
00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:05,440
Speaker 1: But am I guessing he's an adult man who hasn't

635
00:36:05,480 --> 00:36:08,319
Speaker 1: figured out how to do this thing yet. So like

636
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:10,360
Speaker 1: he's not going to do it on his own, and

637
00:36:10,360 --> 00:36:11,920
Speaker 1: he's not going to do it without help, and he's

638
00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:13,880
Speaker 1: not going to do without someone who has the patience

639
00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:17,080
Speaker 1: to like work with them also like say how how

640
00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:19,640
Speaker 1: can I how can I help you work on this

641
00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:21,600
Speaker 1: bad habit? And this is how you can help me

642
00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:23,359
Speaker 1: work on this bad habit. I think people don't do

643
00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:26,719
Speaker 1: that enough. We just want people to just change for us,

644
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:30,439
Speaker 1: because that means we're special. We've done that a lot.

645
00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:34,239
Speaker 1: So I've been I've been married for yeah, like for

646
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:37,080
Speaker 1: fifteen years and we separated for a couple of months

647
00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:39,280
Speaker 1: and we are back together. We did not get divorced,

648
00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:41,600
Speaker 1: but we do that all the time. Now, what do

649
00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:44,160
Speaker 1: you mean, Like I'll be like, hey, I need you

650
00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:47,040
Speaker 1: to do X Y, and Z because I know that

651
00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:49,120
Speaker 1: this is a bad habit of mine and this will

652
00:36:49,120 --> 00:36:50,880
Speaker 1: help me. And then, like the other day, I got

653
00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:53,400
Speaker 1: frustrated because I was still dealing with the kids and cleaning,

654
00:36:53,400 --> 00:36:55,280
Speaker 1: and he got in bed and I was like, Hey,

655
00:36:55,719 --> 00:36:58,719
Speaker 1: what frustrates me is when you know I'm still doing

656
00:36:58,719 --> 00:37:00,600
Speaker 1: stuff and so if you could help me, okay, thanks

657
00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:02,520
Speaker 1: for letting me know. So the next day he stayed

658
00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:04,640
Speaker 1: up helping me do stuff, like and I mean, it

659
00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:07,960
Speaker 1: took fifteen years for us to like start doing that

660
00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:10,080
Speaker 1: and like making it a habit, but gosh, it helps

661
00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:13,680
Speaker 1: a lot. Yeah, it helps a ton, and it's yeah,

662
00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:17,560
Speaker 1: I think I think it's by far the norm not

663
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:21,120
Speaker 1: to do what we just described. It's and it's I

664
00:37:21,160 --> 00:37:23,279
Speaker 1: think it's weird and like it's it feels it's such

665
00:37:23,280 --> 00:37:26,719
Speaker 1: an uncommon feeling to say can you help me to

666
00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:29,400
Speaker 1: your partner who you've been living with or dating for

667
00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:32,160
Speaker 1: some period of time, because we just want them to

668
00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:34,759
Speaker 1: like know us, you know, and we want us to

669
00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:37,040
Speaker 1: figure it out. But I think sometimes this is okay

670
00:37:37,080 --> 00:37:39,239
Speaker 1: to say I am bad at this and it would

671
00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:41,319
Speaker 1: be really helpful if you could do this for me,

672
00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:43,960
Speaker 1: and I will do my part. Too, Like sometimes we

673
00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:45,919
Speaker 1: can't make the mistake of saying I need your help,

674
00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:49,080
Speaker 1: and that ask for help is like you doing someone

675
00:37:49,080 --> 00:37:51,120
Speaker 1: else doing the work for you. You know, you have

676
00:37:51,200 --> 00:37:54,040
Speaker 1: to be willing to do that, because I have to.

677
00:37:54,680 --> 00:37:57,359
Speaker 1: I have to be willing to, you know, if I'm

678
00:37:57,400 --> 00:38:00,160
Speaker 1: if I'm in my thoughts, to pay attention of my

679
00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:03,239
Speaker 1: surroundings and not be so aloof and be present, you know,

680
00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:05,359
Speaker 1: and things like that. So like she doesn't have to

681
00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:08,720
Speaker 1: ask me every time to say, hey, hey, i'm talking

682
00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:12,120
Speaker 1: you know, um, because and it's my job to be

683
00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:14,680
Speaker 1: mindful of that, because like no one wants to keep

684
00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:19,200
Speaker 1: asking that. So it's a balance. But um, in your situation, Jenna,

685
00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:21,200
Speaker 1: it's like you guys know, you don't know. You have

686
00:38:21,239 --> 00:38:24,560
Speaker 1: no baseline, you have no foundation. You have a couple

687
00:38:24,600 --> 00:38:26,440
Speaker 1: of weeks and a handful of dates and hours of

688
00:38:26,440 --> 00:38:29,520
Speaker 1: face time saying all the things that you you know,

689
00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:32,879
Speaker 1: and being very open and vulnerable and and and now

690
00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:37,680
Speaker 1: you're both expecting each other to just be a certain

691
00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:42,080
Speaker 1: type of person because you've communicated things. But yet you're

692
00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:45,600
Speaker 1: expecting this person who their entire life they've struggled with

693
00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:48,000
Speaker 1: this thing or and you too, I'm sure you have

694
00:38:48,080 --> 00:38:50,319
Speaker 1: a lot of your saying bad habits right, like don't

695
00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:53,440
Speaker 1: just go away, you know, like I just I am

696
00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:55,000
Speaker 1: who I am, you know what I'm saying. All I

697
00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:57,640
Speaker 1: can do is just try to like fix them a

698
00:38:57,640 --> 00:38:59,239
Speaker 1: little bit and ask for my partner to help me

699
00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:00,880
Speaker 1: along the way. I think one of the things that

700
00:39:00,920 --> 00:39:03,719
Speaker 1: I learned too is and I feel bad, you know,

701
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:05,759
Speaker 1: um with like my ex husband and where it's like

702
00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:09,360
Speaker 1: I wanted him to read my mind and I've learned

703
00:39:09,480 --> 00:39:12,959
Speaker 1: like that men just can't read women's minds and they

704
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:16,040
Speaker 1: he doesn't know what I need and I coming, you know,

705
00:39:16,040 --> 00:39:18,000
Speaker 1: I didn't know what he needed. And so like having

706
00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:20,920
Speaker 1: expressing like your needs is huge, and I think that's

707
00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:24,000
Speaker 1: when I in that, you know, dating nowadays, I'm just

708
00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:26,560
Speaker 1: like this is what I need, and like what do

709
00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:28,799
Speaker 1: you need? How can I help you? Or because it's

710
00:39:28,800 --> 00:39:31,479
Speaker 1: like because you can't read my mind and I can't

711
00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:33,520
Speaker 1: read your So like if you need me to be

712
00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:35,279
Speaker 1: ready at four thirty, I'm going to be ready at

713
00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:37,799
Speaker 1: four thirty, but I can't read I cannot read your

714
00:39:37,800 --> 00:39:41,319
Speaker 1: mind that you want me ready at that time, well

715
00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:42,520
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So it's like it's like

716
00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:44,960
Speaker 1: it's just I think it's just being very clear and like, yeah,

717
00:39:45,040 --> 00:39:46,799
Speaker 1: asking for the needs and that's why I like and

718
00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:49,120
Speaker 1: I love that you Nick are doing that too. Um

719
00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:52,399
Speaker 1: that's the check in. I mean that was the most

720
00:39:52,440 --> 00:39:53,880
Speaker 1: helpful thing in my marriage is we would do a

721
00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:55,239
Speaker 1: check and at the end of the night being like

722
00:39:55,280 --> 00:39:56,759
Speaker 1: this is what I need and like, hey, I need

723
00:39:56,840 --> 00:39:58,120
Speaker 1: you to be a little softer because I'm having a

724
00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:00,680
Speaker 1: hard time. I need you to listen or but sometimes

725
00:40:00,680 --> 00:40:02,440
Speaker 1: it's hard, and I know this is where I failed.

726
00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:05,240
Speaker 1: I'm like, why do I have to tell you to listen?

727
00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:08,239
Speaker 1: You know? And in my past that's like that's where

728
00:40:08,239 --> 00:40:10,799
Speaker 1: I would I mean, that's unhealthy of me to have

729
00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:13,719
Speaker 1: that mindset where it's like I'm like, my feelings that

730
00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:18,160
Speaker 1: hurt because he didn't listen. Well, you know whatever. But yeah,

731
00:40:18,239 --> 00:40:21,000
Speaker 1: I mean I think it's a balance, you know, because yeah,

732
00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:23,480
Speaker 1: like I said, like, sometimes you want your partner to

733
00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:25,360
Speaker 1: be present and you don't have to want to always

734
00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:32,400
Speaker 1: say can you listen, Yeah, listen to me. And we

735
00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:34,920
Speaker 1: were in our thoughts a lot, right, you know, and

736
00:40:34,960 --> 00:40:38,759
Speaker 1: I think we're I think we have to forget, uh,

737
00:40:38,800 --> 00:40:42,880
Speaker 1: we have to remind ourselves that ah, as much as

738
00:40:42,920 --> 00:40:45,120
Speaker 1: it's in our brains and what we're worried about, so

739
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:49,000
Speaker 1: is everyone else around us too. Like a quote that's

740
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:50,720
Speaker 1: really stuck with me that I saw on a TV

741
00:40:50,840 --> 00:40:55,400
Speaker 1: show was we're never the villains in our own story. Um,

742
00:40:55,440 --> 00:40:57,600
Speaker 1: And I really you know that. I think that's a

743
00:40:57,640 --> 00:41:00,759
Speaker 1: great thing for us to remind ourselves and dating relationships, Like,

744
00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:03,520
Speaker 1: whatever you're feeling, whatever, no matter how right you think

745
00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:08,319
Speaker 1: you are, just take a moment and just consider how

746
00:41:08,400 --> 00:41:10,200
Speaker 1: would I feel if I put myself in your shoes,

747
00:41:10,320 --> 00:41:13,359
Speaker 1: even if I feel like I'm right, Like if I

748
00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:16,920
Speaker 1: just thought for a moment before I respond, before I

749
00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:19,879
Speaker 1: really get worked up, before I get mad, how might

750
00:41:19,920 --> 00:41:22,840
Speaker 1: you be seeing the situation? And that's helped me a

751
00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:26,120
Speaker 1: lot to just like bring myself back down to like

752
00:41:26,920 --> 00:41:30,319
Speaker 1: not reacting to like feeling triggered, or feeling insecure, or

753
00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:33,000
Speaker 1: feeling frustrated with my partner. That's a good one. I

754
00:41:33,080 --> 00:41:35,400
Speaker 1: like that a lot. Um One of the questions in

755
00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:38,080
Speaker 1: your book, because what I was telling the girls and

756
00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:40,959
Speaker 1: the listeners is, um, this this book is great because

757
00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:42,279
Speaker 1: there's a lot of questions, and you do a lot

758
00:41:42,320 --> 00:41:44,600
Speaker 1: of questions and answer on your Instagram and we were

759
00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:47,680
Speaker 1: going through some of them, and the girls actually wanted

760
00:41:47,719 --> 00:41:51,880
Speaker 1: to debate this one with you because he's like great, great.

761
00:41:52,680 --> 00:41:55,280
Speaker 1: So the question was why do men tell women things

762
00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:58,600
Speaker 1: just because women want to hear it? And you said,

763
00:41:58,640 --> 00:42:01,960
Speaker 1: because they want short term gratification, and the girls want

764
00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:05,560
Speaker 1: to debate that with you and go, well, I'm just curious,

765
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:09,319
Speaker 1: is that for the guys short term gratification or the

766
00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:13,600
Speaker 1: girls short term gratification or both? I mean that particular

767
00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:15,879
Speaker 1: part of the book is obviously the Q and as

768
00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:17,279
Speaker 1: I've done over the years that are like at the

769
00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:20,359
Speaker 1: end of every chapter, and so, um, you know, that

770
00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:23,600
Speaker 1: question was probably probably my guesses came from like a

771
00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:27,360
Speaker 1: data you know, dealing with you know, boys and situation ships,

772
00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:30,439
Speaker 1: because I honestly think you know, as a as a

773
00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:33,359
Speaker 1: as a heterosexual male who's often like you know, has

774
00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:35,400
Speaker 1: an audience of women, Like I really think most of

775
00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:37,200
Speaker 1: the things I talked about are just they're not like

776
00:42:37,280 --> 00:42:40,919
Speaker 1: gender based like people to your point, people do that, right,

777
00:42:41,480 --> 00:42:45,080
Speaker 1: And so she was asking from the perspective as a

778
00:42:45,120 --> 00:42:48,279
Speaker 1: woman dating men, and yeah, I think we often will

779
00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:51,400
Speaker 1: say things that we don't really mean, but in the

780
00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:54,280
Speaker 1: moment it gets us what we want. And the scary

781
00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:57,040
Speaker 1: part about that is we're just very convincing of ourselves.

782
00:42:57,440 --> 00:43:00,000
Speaker 1: So when we tell people we BELLI, they believe us.

783
00:43:00,520 --> 00:43:02,720
Speaker 1: You know. It's you know, it's like when our exes

784
00:43:02,760 --> 00:43:05,880
Speaker 1: come back, you know, and we're just like, you know,

785
00:43:05,920 --> 00:43:08,320
Speaker 1: and unless there's exceptions every rule. I think that's awesome

786
00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:10,360
Speaker 1: that you and your partner took some time apart and

787
00:43:10,360 --> 00:43:12,400
Speaker 1: now you have a great marriage, you know. But lots

788
00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:14,600
Speaker 1: of times in relationships where people break up and their

789
00:43:14,600 --> 00:43:16,320
Speaker 1: exes come back, you're like, well, why are you back?

790
00:43:16,920 --> 00:43:18,400
Speaker 1: Just like, well, I had to make a mistake and

791
00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:21,600
Speaker 1: I realized how special you were, and and a lot

792
00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:24,400
Speaker 1: of times, you know, and and they sound so convincing,

793
00:43:24,480 --> 00:43:26,520
Speaker 1: and then you get back together and three months go

794
00:43:26,600 --> 00:43:28,560
Speaker 1: by and you haven't done any work, you haven't asked

795
00:43:28,560 --> 00:43:30,600
Speaker 1: the questions. You were just so excited that they're back

796
00:43:30,680 --> 00:43:32,680
Speaker 1: because you spent three months is to big being sad

797
00:43:32,719 --> 00:43:35,680
Speaker 1: about it. And the truth is like they just like

798
00:43:35,760 --> 00:43:37,400
Speaker 1: they broke up with you thinking well, you know what,

799
00:43:37,480 --> 00:43:39,640
Speaker 1: there's something missing here. I could do better, not like

800
00:43:39,719 --> 00:43:41,879
Speaker 1: not better than you, but they just they thought something

801
00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:44,319
Speaker 1: might be more fulfilling. So they started dating. They went

802
00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:45,560
Speaker 1: out there they got on the dating apps. All of

803
00:43:45,600 --> 00:43:49,239
Speaker 1: the sudden, they're like this dating seems sucks, you know,

804
00:43:50,239 --> 00:43:52,319
Speaker 1: and and all of a sudden, and no one wants

805
00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:54,800
Speaker 1: to convince themselves. No one wants to think that they settled.

806
00:43:55,080 --> 00:43:57,520
Speaker 1: They would you know, we're not good at admitting we're wrong,

807
00:43:57,560 --> 00:43:59,239
Speaker 1: but you know, when we're really good admitting we're wrong

808
00:44:00,120 --> 00:44:02,520
Speaker 1: when we when the alternative is to think that we

809
00:44:02,600 --> 00:44:05,600
Speaker 1: settled or or you know. So it's like when you know, what,

810
00:44:05,680 --> 00:44:07,919
Speaker 1: I did make a mistake, because I would rather tell

811
00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:10,360
Speaker 1: my ego I made a mistake and be like, you

812
00:44:10,400 --> 00:44:12,879
Speaker 1: know what, honestly, like it's like I thought I could

813
00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:15,000
Speaker 1: do better, but like this is better than nothing, you know,

814
00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:17,480
Speaker 1: Like we don't want a thing that you know, and

815
00:44:17,560 --> 00:44:21,960
Speaker 1: so we can just be so convincing of ourselves. And

816
00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:24,959
Speaker 1: so yeah, I think that's why, especially early in dating

817
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:28,680
Speaker 1: situations where we we hear something from someone that sounds

818
00:44:28,680 --> 00:44:31,560
Speaker 1: really good and the really validates us, especially when a

819
00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:35,799
Speaker 1: stranger validates us, I think it's really important to ask why.

820
00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:39,040
Speaker 1: You know, we're always we're so quick to be like,

821
00:44:39,520 --> 00:44:41,600
Speaker 1: you know, when people don't want to date us anymore

822
00:44:41,680 --> 00:44:44,759
Speaker 1: or hurt us, we were like why, But why why, why?

823
00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:46,800
Speaker 1: Why does this want to end? And that's when we

824
00:44:46,840 --> 00:44:49,400
Speaker 1: should accept it. But like when when strangers validated us,

825
00:44:49,400 --> 00:44:51,200
Speaker 1: we're just like, yeah, I know I am, Yeah, I

826
00:44:51,239 --> 00:44:54,520
Speaker 1: love me too. Yeah yeah, like honestly, like thank you.

827
00:44:54,600 --> 00:44:56,400
Speaker 1: I I thought I looked good too, you know. And

828
00:44:56,440 --> 00:44:58,799
Speaker 1: so I think it's just really important to you know,

829
00:44:58,800 --> 00:45:00,520
Speaker 1: not to be a buzz killer in a moment, but

830
00:45:00,680 --> 00:45:03,360
Speaker 1: just say, oh, it's thank you for saying that. That

831
00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:05,640
Speaker 1: means a lot. But like why do you feel that

832
00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:09,000
Speaker 1: way about? You know, like what you know? And and

833
00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:12,359
Speaker 1: get people to explain their feelings they claim to have,

834
00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:14,840
Speaker 1: because it's easy to stay to feeling it's much harder

835
00:45:14,880 --> 00:45:17,560
Speaker 1: to articulate what And I think early in dating we

836
00:45:17,600 --> 00:45:21,360
Speaker 1: can protect ourselves by asking the people who who state

837
00:45:21,480 --> 00:45:24,920
Speaker 1: these kind of big proclamations of love or like to

838
00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:27,719
Speaker 1: just explain how they feel. And I think you can

839
00:45:27,719 --> 00:45:30,239
Speaker 1: get a lot more clarity about someone's true intentions when

840
00:45:30,239 --> 00:45:33,040
Speaker 1: you start doing that. I also like how you go

841
00:45:33,160 --> 00:45:36,600
Speaker 1: through um like training the pickers, where it's like five

842
00:45:36,640 --> 00:45:38,400
Speaker 1: hallmarks of a player. They have a history of cheating,

843
00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:40,560
Speaker 1: lots of people warning about them, they gas like you,

844
00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:42,000
Speaker 1: they love bomb you, and then you're going to go

845
00:45:42,040 --> 00:45:45,080
Speaker 1: into detail, but I'm like, yep, check, check, check, tringeck

846
00:45:45,120 --> 00:45:49,400
Speaker 1: of all was like so many check I gotta go. Um,

847
00:45:49,440 --> 00:45:52,680
Speaker 1: But I'm curious, like when you because if you're a picker,

848
00:45:52,719 --> 00:45:57,920
Speaker 1: obviously you've had um relationships, public relationships, and what was

849
00:45:58,160 --> 00:46:01,799
Speaker 1: different with Natalie that you realized from the other women

850
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:05,560
Speaker 1: you dated. I mean, there's a lot of different things,

851
00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:11,000
Speaker 1: but I think more than anything, um, she she truly

852
00:46:11,160 --> 00:46:14,840
Speaker 1: has a true sense of self and self worth and

853
00:46:15,360 --> 00:46:18,439
Speaker 1: who she is. And you know, when we met, we met,

854
00:46:18,480 --> 00:46:21,800
Speaker 1: you know, I uh, she was living across the country.

855
00:46:21,920 --> 00:46:23,719
Speaker 1: It was a long distance relationship. I had a lot

856
00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:26,080
Speaker 1: of you know, questions about our compatibility. I was like,

857
00:46:26,120 --> 00:46:28,560
Speaker 1: you know, you're you're beautiful, and you're fun and and

858
00:46:28,719 --> 00:46:31,359
Speaker 1: nice and smart, but like, I don't know, And again

859
00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:33,160
Speaker 1: I would I've been single for a long time, so

860
00:46:33,200 --> 00:46:34,799
Speaker 1: I think I had a lot of cold feet. But

861
00:46:35,120 --> 00:46:37,520
Speaker 1: the more I got to know her, the more she

862
00:46:37,680 --> 00:46:40,440
Speaker 1: was just always very clear with how she was feeling.

863
00:46:41,280 --> 00:46:44,759
Speaker 1: Um And a lot of times people will say, well

864
00:46:44,760 --> 00:46:48,600
Speaker 1: what are we and and you know, I felt like

865
00:46:49,840 --> 00:46:52,520
Speaker 1: I felt resistant to a relationship and I knew that,

866
00:46:53,120 --> 00:46:54,759
Speaker 1: you know, we were both kind of catching feelings, and

867
00:46:54,800 --> 00:46:57,200
Speaker 1: she was open to it. And instead of doing the

868
00:46:57,239 --> 00:47:00,319
Speaker 1: typical well what are we you know, what should we do?

869
00:47:00,480 --> 00:47:04,279
Speaker 1: What are you thinking? She was just more Okay, I

870
00:47:04,280 --> 00:47:05,759
Speaker 1: want to tell you how I am feeling. I want

871
00:47:05,760 --> 00:47:07,880
Speaker 1: to tell you why. I just I just want you

872
00:47:07,920 --> 00:47:11,080
Speaker 1: to listen and and and to me, I found that

873
00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:13,640
Speaker 1: to be an incredibly attractive quality that was really carried

874
00:47:13,719 --> 00:47:17,880
Speaker 1: into our relationship because she's such a good communicator about

875
00:47:17,920 --> 00:47:20,399
Speaker 1: how she is feeling. You know, we can it's so

876
00:47:20,440 --> 00:47:23,920
Speaker 1: easy for us to be passive aggressive, and because like

877
00:47:24,000 --> 00:47:26,600
Speaker 1: those conversations can be awkward to have even with the

878
00:47:26,600 --> 00:47:29,239
Speaker 1: people we say we love the most, and so she

879
00:47:29,320 --> 00:47:31,840
Speaker 1: has always just been able to make it very clear.

880
00:47:32,560 --> 00:47:36,719
Speaker 1: She's always communicated with me her self worth in a

881
00:47:36,760 --> 00:47:39,760
Speaker 1: way that was easy for me to receive that didn't

882
00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:43,400
Speaker 1: sound cocky or and it wasn't passive aggressive. It was

883
00:47:43,480 --> 00:47:45,759
Speaker 1: just this is what I expect from you, this is

884
00:47:45,760 --> 00:47:47,319
Speaker 1: what I want, this is how I feel about you.

885
00:47:47,400 --> 00:47:49,520
Speaker 1: And I'm not afraid to say that because I'm confident

886
00:47:49,560 --> 00:47:51,880
Speaker 1: in my feelings and I feel like that has carried

887
00:47:51,920 --> 00:47:54,640
Speaker 1: over to us having really good trust and communication with

888
00:47:54,960 --> 00:47:58,880
Speaker 1: you know, any struggles or concerns we have, and uh,

889
00:47:58,960 --> 00:48:02,160
Speaker 1: that's something that I haven't really had in the past.

890
00:48:02,600 --> 00:48:04,799
Speaker 1: I felt like a sense of competing with people, not

891
00:48:04,880 --> 00:48:08,240
Speaker 1: necessarily like we're both trying to win, but like there's

892
00:48:08,400 --> 00:48:11,600
Speaker 1: we would trigger insecurities with each other. Instead of communicating

893
00:48:11,600 --> 00:48:14,560
Speaker 1: about that, we would project that by you know, maybe

894
00:48:14,600 --> 00:48:17,200
Speaker 1: kind of passively aggressively hurting their feelings of these little

895
00:48:17,239 --> 00:48:19,480
Speaker 1: digs and things like that. And I think I've been

896
00:48:19,480 --> 00:48:21,759
Speaker 1: guilty of that. People I've dated have been guilty of

897
00:48:21,760 --> 00:48:24,200
Speaker 1: that with me, And you know, I think with Nally,

898
00:48:24,239 --> 00:48:27,200
Speaker 1: a big reason why I have the opposite is her

899
00:48:27,239 --> 00:48:43,239
Speaker 1: confidence and her belief in her self worth. Following you

900
00:48:43,440 --> 00:48:46,440
Speaker 1: anytime you guys ever go somewhere, I'm always thinking it's

901
00:48:46,480 --> 00:48:48,479
Speaker 1: going to be an engagement photo. Like it's like because

902
00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:50,040
Speaker 1: I just feel like you guys went together for a

903
00:48:50,080 --> 00:48:53,520
Speaker 1: minute now, and I'm like and I just keep I'm like,

904
00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:56,279
Speaker 1: I'm waiting for the for that because it's like, because

905
00:48:56,320 --> 00:48:58,880
Speaker 1: you guys have like these beautiful photos and the backdrops

906
00:48:58,880 --> 00:49:01,080
Speaker 1: and stud I'm like, oh this is in there. Oh no, no, yeah,

907
00:49:01,160 --> 00:49:06,080
Speaker 1: But I was like, but I just uh, over two

908
00:49:06,160 --> 00:49:10,319
Speaker 1: years now, things are going great, you know, Um, you're

909
00:49:10,360 --> 00:49:12,600
Speaker 1: not the only person who who's who has said that

910
00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:16,399
Speaker 1: to me. I think we're really just enjoying her. So yeah,

911
00:49:16,480 --> 00:49:19,360
Speaker 1: I mean again when she does a great job of

912
00:49:19,400 --> 00:49:23,720
Speaker 1: making me, make it easy for me to be successful. Um,

913
00:49:23,840 --> 00:49:27,319
Speaker 1: and you know, like I want to know enough of

914
00:49:27,360 --> 00:49:30,000
Speaker 1: what she wants to be happy, but I also wanted

915
00:49:30,040 --> 00:49:32,520
Speaker 1: to be kind of a surprise moment, a special moment.

916
00:49:33,040 --> 00:49:35,719
Speaker 1: I'm grateful that we've both been super busy with our

917
00:49:35,760 --> 00:49:37,959
Speaker 1: careers and our lives. And obviously I have the book

918
00:49:37,960 --> 00:49:40,320
Speaker 1: coming out and and so like I want to, I

919
00:49:40,360 --> 00:49:43,239
Speaker 1: want to make sure it has its own moment, you know,

920
00:49:43,320 --> 00:49:45,640
Speaker 1: so to speak to that it's not sandwiched in with

921
00:49:45,800 --> 00:49:48,840
Speaker 1: you know, other things we have going on. And I

922
00:49:48,880 --> 00:49:51,080
Speaker 1: will say though that you know, we are excited about

923
00:49:51,080 --> 00:49:54,360
Speaker 1: our future, and who knows when it can happen, maybe

924
00:49:54,360 --> 00:50:00,479
Speaker 1: tomorrow or you know, who knows, But like I do think,

925
00:50:00,640 --> 00:50:03,440
Speaker 1: you know, we we're really happy with how it is.

926
00:50:03,719 --> 00:50:13,760
Speaker 1: And and okay, you're I can tell by his answer

927
00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:16,120
Speaker 1: that's all I need to know. Be a smart guy, Nick,

928
00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:18,040
Speaker 1: I plan on spending the rest of my life with her,

929
00:50:18,040 --> 00:50:21,239
Speaker 1: and hopefully that that that comes to fruition. But we'll see.

930
00:50:21,239 --> 00:50:25,200
Speaker 1: I'm calling it, and it's it's one month. In one month,

931
00:50:25,239 --> 00:50:28,880
Speaker 1: that's happening. I can just call it right, I'm sorry, Um, well,

932
00:50:30,080 --> 00:50:32,279
Speaker 1: and he doesn't want it sandwiched. So so it's gonna

933
00:50:32,280 --> 00:50:35,359
Speaker 1: before the holiday is spring? No, not not happening. It's

934
00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:38,600
Speaker 1: going to be he's got a book in holiday before Christmas.

935
00:50:38,640 --> 00:50:40,799
Speaker 1: It's happening. I can call it. Let's think about right now,

936
00:50:40,840 --> 00:50:44,680
Speaker 1: how much Well, I guess we'll find out. Okay. I

937
00:50:44,719 --> 00:50:47,479
Speaker 1: have a question, a dating question. If a guy goes

938
00:50:47,520 --> 00:50:51,200
Speaker 1: see you, let's say, let's just hypothetically say you were

939
00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:55,759
Speaker 1: hanging out for three or so months. It was you know,

940
00:50:55,800 --> 00:50:58,960
Speaker 1: he was still on dating apps, so was I, um,

941
00:50:59,400 --> 00:51:05,200
Speaker 1: but had some lovely time spent together, and the person

942
00:51:05,280 --> 00:51:08,759
Speaker 1: just straight up like ghosts, you does the person come

943
00:51:08,880 --> 00:51:10,879
Speaker 1: Do you think that person comes back around? Or now

944
00:51:11,080 --> 00:51:13,880
Speaker 1: are they gone? Why do you want? That's what doesn't say.

945
00:51:13,920 --> 00:51:16,960
Speaker 1: The bigger question is why you just I'm not saying

946
00:51:16,960 --> 00:51:22,680
Speaker 1: it's me. I'm just saying hypothetically, like ghosts come back.

947
00:51:23,760 --> 00:51:27,280
Speaker 1: Of course they always come back from the dead. Yeah,

948
00:51:27,320 --> 00:51:29,120
Speaker 1: they don't. And what do you what do you tell

949
00:51:29,160 --> 00:51:31,319
Speaker 1: to the person when the ghoster comes back? Because you

950
00:51:31,360 --> 00:51:34,000
Speaker 1: know that you probably shouldn't be with the Ghoster god.

951
00:51:34,160 --> 00:51:36,239
Speaker 1: Well kind of like I talked about earlier about why

952
00:51:36,280 --> 00:51:39,720
Speaker 1: people come back in general, you know, like any anyone

953
00:51:39,760 --> 00:51:42,279
Speaker 1: who goes for any reason, and I listen, everyone has

954
00:51:42,320 --> 00:51:45,319
Speaker 1: their reasons for certain things. But like, I'm sorry, Like

955
00:51:45,960 --> 00:51:50,719
Speaker 1: you're a bad communicator. You know, under under stressful situations,

956
00:51:50,960 --> 00:51:54,640
Speaker 1: you you choose the easy way out, which is not

957
00:51:54,719 --> 00:51:57,640
Speaker 1: to communicate at all. And I don't like you don't

958
00:51:57,640 --> 00:52:01,160
Speaker 1: need me or any other person talks about relationships, like

959
00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:04,279
Speaker 1: everyone knows that the number one most important thing for

960
00:52:04,320 --> 00:52:08,960
Speaker 1: a successful relationship is good communication. So you are, you

961
00:52:09,040 --> 00:52:13,480
Speaker 1: are investing in people who are proving more than like

962
00:52:13,520 --> 00:52:15,960
Speaker 1: you know nothing about these people sometimes and then they

963
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:18,080
Speaker 1: ghost to you and you're like so willing to take

964
00:52:18,120 --> 00:52:19,759
Speaker 1: them back. And the only reason really take them back

965
00:52:19,880 --> 00:52:22,719
Speaker 1: is because them ghost to you makes you feel less.

966
00:52:22,760 --> 00:52:25,320
Speaker 1: Then it makes you feel like a loser. You judge

967
00:52:25,360 --> 00:52:27,480
Speaker 1: yourself like how could you ghost me? Like it's like

968
00:52:27,520 --> 00:52:29,520
Speaker 1: how could you cheat on me? Like we we make

969
00:52:29,880 --> 00:52:33,960
Speaker 1: their actions a reflection of our self worth, which is terrible,

970
00:52:34,040 --> 00:52:37,040
Speaker 1: but like you know that's our egos. And if whoever

971
00:52:37,040 --> 00:52:41,120
Speaker 1: this person is, I suspect and I say this with

972
00:52:41,239 --> 00:52:44,040
Speaker 1: love because I also have a massive ego. I would

973
00:52:44,040 --> 00:52:47,040
Speaker 1: suspect this person might have just a fairly inflated sense

974
00:52:47,080 --> 00:52:52,600
Speaker 1: of self uh. And and that ego has allowed this

975
00:52:52,719 --> 00:52:57,000
Speaker 1: person to do all these amazing things and probably take

976
00:52:57,080 --> 00:53:00,319
Speaker 1: some risks and and have careers that people dream to have.

977
00:53:00,880 --> 00:53:03,200
Speaker 1: But we have to be able to like check ourselves

978
00:53:03,320 --> 00:53:07,440
Speaker 1: and remember that like when people wrong us, that's because

979
00:53:07,600 --> 00:53:10,080
Speaker 1: they chose to wrong us with there their choices and

980
00:53:10,080 --> 00:53:12,319
Speaker 1: and and we can't let our egos make it our

981
00:53:12,480 --> 00:53:15,200
Speaker 1: problem and our self worth. And then we spend all

982
00:53:15,239 --> 00:53:18,719
Speaker 1: this time trying to convince someone who's showing us how

983
00:53:18,800 --> 00:53:22,560
Speaker 1: unworthy they are of us all these opportunities to come back,

984
00:53:22,600 --> 00:53:25,759
Speaker 1: because all we want is their validation. So would you

985
00:53:25,800 --> 00:53:28,560
Speaker 1: say the biggest red flag then in a in in

986
00:53:28,760 --> 00:53:32,440
Speaker 1: dating or a man is why are you lefting it? Well,

987
00:53:32,480 --> 00:53:38,839
Speaker 1: I'm busy making my nick for president shirts. But the

988
00:53:38,840 --> 00:53:41,000
Speaker 1: biggest red flag in dating? Would you say someone that

989
00:53:41,120 --> 00:53:46,080
Speaker 1: isn't good at communicating? Uh? I mean sure, yeah, if

990
00:53:46,120 --> 00:53:48,759
Speaker 1: you can, if you're dating someone and you know, for

991
00:53:48,840 --> 00:53:51,960
Speaker 1: whatever reason, they're a bad communicator, or if yeah, I

992
00:53:52,000 --> 00:53:58,279
Speaker 1: don't know, see if the latest you can work on that?

993
00:54:00,200 --> 00:54:06,000
Speaker 1: Kidding or reactive like I would you know, how do

994
00:54:06,200 --> 00:54:08,280
Speaker 1: also how do people react to stress? Which is interesting

995
00:54:08,320 --> 00:54:10,560
Speaker 1: going back to how this whole conversation started. I think

996
00:54:10,560 --> 00:54:14,160
Speaker 1: this this can be an opportunity for you in this person, Janna,

997
00:54:14,640 --> 00:54:17,080
Speaker 1: because what you are is you guys are testing one's

998
00:54:17,120 --> 00:54:19,680
Speaker 1: ability to deal with some sort of conflict. It's too

999
00:54:19,680 --> 00:54:22,200
Speaker 1: early to deal with this type of conflict. But maybe

1000
00:54:22,760 --> 00:54:26,160
Speaker 1: maybe you go to him and say, listen, um, I

1001
00:54:26,239 --> 00:54:28,640
Speaker 1: know that was really important to you, so like I'm

1002
00:54:28,719 --> 00:54:33,000
Speaker 1: sorry that I wasn't ready and that because like I

1003
00:54:33,040 --> 00:54:34,520
Speaker 1: know that was important to you, and I don't want

1004
00:54:34,520 --> 00:54:37,000
Speaker 1: you to feel like you're important. Things are important to me.

1005
00:54:37,520 --> 00:54:40,799
Speaker 1: It would help me in the future that if if

1006
00:54:40,840 --> 00:54:43,800
Speaker 1: something is really a priority, just give me one time,

1007
00:54:44,400 --> 00:54:47,560
Speaker 1: and I promise you I will be ready by that time.

1008
00:54:48,200 --> 00:54:50,160
Speaker 1: If you give me two times, I'm telling you what

1009
00:54:50,280 --> 00:54:52,000
Speaker 1: I'm going to receive it. I'm going to receive it

1010
00:54:52,040 --> 00:54:57,520
Speaker 1: by saying like, yeah, I'm on time, I'm not early.

1011
00:54:57,800 --> 00:55:00,200
Speaker 1: So like, if you want me to be early, then

1012
00:55:00,239 --> 00:55:02,680
Speaker 1: give me a different time, give me give me that

1013
00:55:03,640 --> 00:55:07,279
Speaker 1: communicate that. See how he responds to that, because like

1014
00:55:07,480 --> 00:55:09,680
Speaker 1: the only real response to that would be like he

1015
00:55:09,719 --> 00:55:13,960
Speaker 1: should he should also say, you know what, You're right,

1016
00:55:14,320 --> 00:55:17,319
Speaker 1: I made that confusing. I am sorry. So that's what

1017
00:55:17,400 --> 00:55:20,640
Speaker 1: he did, and I loved that. That's handsome because I'm

1018
00:55:20,680 --> 00:55:23,200
Speaker 1: the ride there. He's like, I was kind of quiet,

1019
00:55:23,200 --> 00:55:25,040
Speaker 1: and he goes, can we talk? I need a minute

1020
00:55:25,080 --> 00:55:27,319
Speaker 1: because I felt like my defense and I know when

1021
00:55:27,320 --> 00:55:30,960
Speaker 1: I'm defensive, I shouldn't communicate, and so then once I

1022
00:55:31,000 --> 00:55:34,080
Speaker 1: was like okay, and then he did say, like, you know,

1023
00:55:34,120 --> 00:55:37,280
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I could see how that was confusing, and

1024
00:55:37,440 --> 00:55:39,760
Speaker 1: you know, he's like, I just was, you know, really

1025
00:55:39,800 --> 00:55:42,439
Speaker 1: like blah blah blah. So he like he definitely owned

1026
00:55:42,480 --> 00:55:44,600
Speaker 1: his part and then which made me then feel comfortable

1027
00:55:44,680 --> 00:55:46,399
Speaker 1: to go and you know, I'm sorry. I was very

1028
00:55:46,440 --> 00:55:49,080
Speaker 1: defensive back because I got triggered with like, you know,

1029
00:55:49,160 --> 00:55:51,480
Speaker 1: feeling rushed or whatever from blah blah blah. So I

1030
00:55:51,520 --> 00:55:54,799
Speaker 1: think you're right. Like it's almost like that was a

1031
00:55:54,840 --> 00:55:57,880
Speaker 1: good little tester to see how we deal with potential

1032
00:55:57,880 --> 00:56:02,520
Speaker 1: conflict and in future conversations, because I mean, other than communication,

1033
00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:05,440
Speaker 1: I think there's no better indicator than people's ability to

1034
00:56:05,520 --> 00:56:08,840
Speaker 1: be successful is like how do they deal with conflict?

1035
00:56:08,880 --> 00:56:12,239
Speaker 1: Because it just if you and I've been there, if

1036
00:56:12,680 --> 00:56:15,399
Speaker 1: if you're in a relationship with someone, no matter how

1037
00:56:15,480 --> 00:56:18,719
Speaker 1: much fun they are, how much chemistry you have, when

1038
00:56:18,719 --> 00:56:21,239
Speaker 1: it gets bad, it's bad and you guys can't get

1039
00:56:21,239 --> 00:56:23,520
Speaker 1: on the same page and it takes like a freaking

1040
00:56:23,520 --> 00:56:26,960
Speaker 1: week to get over anything Like this is not sustainable,

1041
00:56:27,560 --> 00:56:29,960
Speaker 1: you know, Like it just wears you down, you know,

1042
00:56:30,320 --> 00:56:33,279
Speaker 1: and it just it won't matter how fun it is

1043
00:56:33,280 --> 00:56:37,719
Speaker 1: when it's good. So um, you know, that's why. Like,

1044
00:56:38,120 --> 00:56:40,319
Speaker 1: that's why I think people should be less resistant to

1045
00:56:40,520 --> 00:56:45,480
Speaker 1: communicating their frustrations and less resistant to conflict early on

1046
00:56:45,560 --> 00:56:47,200
Speaker 1: or just hearing something you don't want to hear it,

1047
00:56:47,280 --> 00:56:51,200
Speaker 1: because all you are is figuring out fairly early, like

1048
00:56:51,280 --> 00:56:53,880
Speaker 1: how you can work through issues with someone, because if

1049
00:56:53,880 --> 00:56:56,719
Speaker 1: you can't do that, like it doesn't matter. Like the

1050
00:56:56,760 --> 00:56:59,760
Speaker 1: honeymoon foods phases great, But the longer the honeymoon phases

1051
00:57:00,040 --> 00:57:03,680
Speaker 1: phase last without any conflict, you still have a lot

1052
00:57:03,719 --> 00:57:06,400
Speaker 1: to learn, you know. Until you have that first fight,

1053
00:57:06,480 --> 00:57:09,480
Speaker 1: whatever that fight is, and and and figure out is

1054
00:57:09,520 --> 00:57:11,680
Speaker 1: this someone I can work through issues for? Then you

1055
00:57:11,719 --> 00:57:14,520
Speaker 1: still don't really know them, you know. So just be

1056
00:57:14,600 --> 00:57:17,280
Speaker 1: careful how much you're willing to promise yourself and what

1057
00:57:17,360 --> 00:57:20,600
Speaker 1: feelings you're willing to express to someone before you truly

1058
00:57:20,680 --> 00:57:23,760
Speaker 1: know someone. And I'm not saying pick a fight early on,

1059
00:57:24,320 --> 00:57:34,680
Speaker 1: but just you and listen. We want to romanticize things

1060
00:57:34,720 --> 00:57:36,600
Speaker 1: all the time. And it's just like I feel like

1061
00:57:36,640 --> 00:57:38,880
Speaker 1: I've known you and like, you know, as if you're

1062
00:57:38,960 --> 00:57:41,240
Speaker 1: someone I used to make this mistake, right. I thought

1063
00:57:41,240 --> 00:57:44,840
Speaker 1: I was gonna be married with kids at and then

1064
00:57:44,880 --> 00:57:46,800
Speaker 1: I wasn't. And then I was in a relationship at

1065
00:57:46,800 --> 00:57:49,200
Speaker 1: twenty seven that failed, So then I'm two years behind

1066
00:57:49,280 --> 00:57:51,280
Speaker 1: that plan. Then you know, I was in another relationship

1067
00:57:51,320 --> 00:57:52,800
Speaker 1: that failed before I was thirty, and then I was

1068
00:57:52,880 --> 00:57:55,280
Speaker 1: five years behind that plan, and I started like comparing

1069
00:57:55,720 --> 00:57:58,880
Speaker 1: all my success or failures of this artificial deadline. So

1070
00:57:59,000 --> 00:58:01,360
Speaker 1: instead of like wanting to get to know someone and

1071
00:58:01,360 --> 00:58:03,919
Speaker 1: trying to figure out if we're really compatible, I would

1072
00:58:03,960 --> 00:58:07,240
Speaker 1: just be like, nah, we're in love, right. I didn't

1073
00:58:07,280 --> 00:58:09,200
Speaker 1: want to like wait, I didn't want to wait at

1074
00:58:09,200 --> 00:58:12,480
Speaker 1: the time to be like, you know, no, I love you,

1075
00:58:12,560 --> 00:58:14,720
Speaker 1: I have feelings of love for you. I love everything

1076
00:58:14,760 --> 00:58:17,760
Speaker 1: I know so far, but like you know, and I

1077
00:58:17,800 --> 00:58:20,560
Speaker 1: know what we'll see you know, I you know, I

1078
00:58:20,800 --> 00:58:24,480
Speaker 1: truly believe that every relationship you have to wake up

1079
00:58:24,520 --> 00:58:27,320
Speaker 1: every day and choose to be in a relationship, you know,

1080
00:58:27,440 --> 00:58:29,760
Speaker 1: because I didn't, I think, and I don't believe in fit.

1081
00:58:29,840 --> 00:58:32,960
Speaker 1: I believe in that. But like that takes work, and

1082
00:58:32,960 --> 00:58:35,120
Speaker 1: the things are going to change, and you're gonna get stressed.

1083
00:58:35,120 --> 00:58:37,040
Speaker 1: They're gonna get stressed. You're gonna have bad days, you

1084
00:58:37,080 --> 00:58:39,919
Speaker 1: might have bad weeks. You know, we're and it's really

1085
00:58:39,960 --> 00:58:42,080
Speaker 1: easy to go back on Ryan and see what's prettier

1086
00:58:42,080 --> 00:58:44,080
Speaker 1: and shinier, But you're gonna have the same issues with

1087
00:58:44,160 --> 00:58:47,080
Speaker 1: the same shinier person, you know. You know, there's that

1088
00:58:47,080 --> 00:58:52,040
Speaker 1: whole section of my book called Everyone's annoying. Yeah they are.

1089
00:58:53,960 --> 00:58:56,720
Speaker 1: And if you're someone Jenna for someone who in you too,

1090
00:58:56,760 --> 00:59:02,000
Speaker 1: if you met your you fall fast. Don't forget to

1091
00:59:02,000 --> 00:59:05,680
Speaker 1: remind yourself just how you know, gross men can be,

1092
00:59:05,800 --> 00:59:09,439
Speaker 1: you know, like or or just how obnoxious people can be,

1093
00:59:10,040 --> 00:59:12,480
Speaker 1: you know, and so like eventually you're going to find

1094
00:59:12,480 --> 00:59:15,600
Speaker 1: out that they like leave every cabinet door open, or

1095
00:59:15,640 --> 00:59:18,400
Speaker 1: that they sometimes put like you know, cereal in the

1096
00:59:18,440 --> 00:59:20,640
Speaker 1: fridge because I'm not paying attention, and that can be

1097
00:59:20,680 --> 00:59:24,439
Speaker 1: really annoying sometimes. And so when you have the rose

1098
00:59:24,440 --> 00:59:27,120
Speaker 1: color glasses on, just don't be afraid to know that. Like,

1099
00:59:27,680 --> 00:59:29,960
Speaker 1: I gotta figure out what annoys me about you, and

1100
00:59:29,960 --> 00:59:31,920
Speaker 1: I gotta figure out if I can love that. Until

1101
00:59:31,960 --> 00:59:34,200
Speaker 1: I love that about you, then I'm still figuring it

1102
00:59:34,200 --> 00:59:37,240
Speaker 1: out for sure. Everybody, go by don't text your ex

1103
00:59:37,280 --> 00:59:42,240
Speaker 1: Happy Birthday. Other sex advice love dating um by Nick,

1104
00:59:42,280 --> 00:59:44,400
Speaker 1: But seriously, thank you so much for coming on and

1105
00:59:44,560 --> 00:59:48,320
Speaker 1: uh walking us through some dating things. And um, I'm

1106
00:59:48,480 --> 00:59:50,440
Speaker 1: so happy for you, Natalie, and I can't wait to

1107
00:59:50,440 --> 00:59:54,439
Speaker 1: send a little engagement present before Christmas. It's I can't

1108
00:59:54,480 --> 00:59:57,600
Speaker 1: wait to celebrate you guys in the spring. NT wonderful. Well,

1109
00:59:57,760 --> 01:00:03,520
Speaker 1: I I can't wait for either exciting. Thank you ladies

1110
01:00:03,560 --> 01:00:05,400
Speaker 1: for giving me the opportunity to talk with you. And

1111
01:00:05,600 --> 01:00:09,040
Speaker 1: it's always really happy for you. I can I can

1112
01:00:09,080 --> 01:00:11,320
Speaker 1: see the you know, just the joy and the love

1113
01:00:11,400 --> 01:00:13,400
Speaker 1: and in both of you all. And I think I'm

1114
01:00:13,440 --> 01:00:15,680
Speaker 1: happy that everything that you know you're got going on.

1115
01:00:15,760 --> 01:00:18,560
Speaker 1: So keep doing it and I'll see you soon. I

1116
01:00:18,600 --> 01:00:25,840
Speaker 1: really appreciate it. Okay, alright, some good advice right there, lady.

1117
01:00:25,880 --> 01:00:27,760
Speaker 1: I like that there's a person like Nick in the

1118
01:00:27,800 --> 01:00:31,760
Speaker 1: world as a male advocate for communication. I like that

1119
01:00:31,800 --> 01:00:33,720
Speaker 1: he has a following. I like that he's using the

1120
01:00:33,720 --> 01:00:38,080
Speaker 1: following for good. That feels good. But there's one of

1121
01:00:38,120 --> 01:00:40,520
Speaker 1: him in the session. I like it. Yeah, how old

1122
01:00:40,560 --> 01:00:43,840
Speaker 1: is Nick? He seems young? Um? I like that. I

1123
01:00:43,840 --> 01:00:48,439
Speaker 1: wanted to just plays like thirties six. Okay, maybe Nick

1124
01:00:48,600 --> 01:00:55,080
Speaker 1: by our age? Um, he's forty two? Do what? What

1125
01:00:55,160 --> 01:00:58,600
Speaker 1: did you just show his Instagram? Thanks taller in person?

1126
01:01:00,000 --> 01:01:01,720
Speaker 1: I didn't know he's forty two. I like that, and

1127
01:01:01,760 --> 01:01:03,840
Speaker 1: I know that there was some he doesn't look for

1128
01:01:04,000 --> 01:01:06,320
Speaker 1: you too, But I just like that he's using his

1129
01:01:06,400 --> 01:01:09,240
Speaker 1: influence to like really just say the things that need

1130
01:01:09,280 --> 01:01:11,440
Speaker 1: to be said. I know that. Oh there, it goes

1131
01:01:11,480 --> 01:01:13,360
Speaker 1: through the whole thing. Like Natalie Joy age. So there's

1132
01:01:13,400 --> 01:01:17,200
Speaker 1: the couple has an eighteen year age difference. Um, Natalie

1133
01:01:17,360 --> 01:01:21,040
Speaker 1: is uh three? Can I see her? But she's I

1134
01:01:21,080 --> 01:01:26,760
Speaker 1: mean it sounds like she's way you know, she's cute, stunning. Yeah, um,

1135
01:01:26,840 --> 01:01:29,480
Speaker 1: but I mean I know that probably comes up, but

1136
01:01:29,520 --> 01:01:31,560
Speaker 1: it's like, you know, I think if I don't really

1137
01:01:31,600 --> 01:01:33,280
Speaker 1: think that much matters. To be honest, he just just

1138
01:01:33,320 --> 01:01:37,080
Speaker 1: a number. I've hated older and they were, but communicates

1139
01:01:37,160 --> 01:01:40,760
Speaker 1: really well. Yeah. I like I feel like probably that

1140
01:01:40,840 --> 01:01:44,640
Speaker 1: generation like her three. It's it's like the middies that

1141
01:01:44,680 --> 01:01:48,080
Speaker 1: are like where I would say like actually because they

1142
01:01:48,200 --> 01:01:50,360
Speaker 1: they're all they're all in the therapy and the talk

1143
01:01:50,400 --> 01:01:53,240
Speaker 1: and that like communicating and telling their feelings. I feel

1144
01:01:53,280 --> 01:01:56,280
Speaker 1: like the ones maybe between like and something maybe I

1145
01:01:56,320 --> 01:02:14,400
Speaker 1: don't know, ye on this episode all the way down. Okay, well, ladies,

1146
01:02:14,480 --> 01:02:17,120
Speaker 1: that was that was a fun episode. And I really

1147
01:02:17,160 --> 01:02:20,200
Speaker 1: like Nick. What a sweet man. On another day, and

1148
01:02:20,240 --> 01:02:23,360
Speaker 1: I guess we'll just continue on putting the flags on

1149
01:02:23,440 --> 01:02:26,280
Speaker 1: the on the white board and and um bringing it

1150
01:02:26,280 --> 01:02:28,000
Speaker 1: to the table. And I just want to go to

1151
01:02:28,000 --> 01:02:29,560
Speaker 1: the record. I want to go on the record because

1152
01:02:29,560 --> 01:02:31,800
Speaker 1: I really do like this guy. And I know he'll listen,

1153
01:02:31,880 --> 01:02:33,520
Speaker 1: and if he does listen, I just want him to

1154
01:02:33,560 --> 01:02:35,280
Speaker 1: know that I do really like him. I was the

1155
01:02:35,320 --> 01:02:37,280
Speaker 1: one that defended him. I'm just saying, well, I'm not

1156
01:02:37,320 --> 01:02:41,000
Speaker 1: defending him, but I do like that's just that situation. Okay, okay,

1157
01:02:41,040 --> 01:02:41,680
Speaker 1: all right, guys,