1
00:00:00,720 --> 00:00:03,440
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is John the og story

2
00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:05,400
Speaker 1: Time podcast host. Oh yeah, and we got some great

3
00:00:05,440 --> 00:00:06,200
Speaker 1: stories coming up.

4
00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:08,639
Speaker 2: But before that, we got a teeny two minute break

5
00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:11,600
Speaker 2: from the sponsors that keep the show propped up like

6
00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:12,280
Speaker 2: a little house.

7
00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:16,360
Speaker 3: Oh you, My mother ignored my spine injury, so.

8
00:00:16,239 --> 00:00:18,560
Speaker 1: I snapped, give me a break, mom.

9
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:22,640
Speaker 3: My mother fifty four, recently had a minor medical procedure done,

10
00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:27,360
Speaker 3: nothing invasive, but she did require stitches afterwards. She decided

11
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,480
Speaker 3: to get the procedure done while she was on family

12
00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:33,279
Speaker 3: responsibility leave due to the fact that I, sixteen female

13
00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:36,040
Speaker 3: was going for surgery to my hip, which fair enough,

14
00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:39,440
Speaker 3: I understand the logic behind that. However, this is where

15
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:43,120
Speaker 3: the story actually starts. By the way, this comes from

16
00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:45,560
Speaker 3: Lash of the Lambs thirteen and if you want to

17
00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:47,480
Speaker 3: smit your own stories, go to the r slash. Okay,

18
00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:51,600
Speaker 3: Storytime suburt it. I'm Sophia, I'm Keon, I'm Carly n

19
00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:56,240
Speaker 3: Op says four days after her procedure, I was five

20
00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:59,320
Speaker 3: days post surgery. At the stage she demanded that I

21
00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:02,000
Speaker 3: take out her stitches because they were bothering her.

22
00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:05,280
Speaker 1: I told her, no, yeah, you're not a doctor. And

23
00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:08,280
Speaker 1: if her doctor didn't say that keep those in it's gross,

24
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:09,280
Speaker 1: and yeah, keep those in.

25
00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:11,759
Speaker 3: That the stitches were not ready to come out yet,

26
00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:14,679
Speaker 3: and that the area had not healed enough. I have

27
00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:17,880
Speaker 3: no formal medical training, but as someone who's had stitches before,

28
00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:20,680
Speaker 3: I could tell also her stitches were in a place

29
00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:23,080
Speaker 3: that would require me to kneel to remove them. And

30
00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:27,160
Speaker 3: keep in mind, I was five days post surgery after

31
00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:31,240
Speaker 3: a hip surgery, so I physically wasn't able to do that.

32
00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:34,720
Speaker 3: I also told her I was uncomfortable removing her stitches

33
00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:37,360
Speaker 3: because we only had a pair of nail clippers and

34
00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:40,080
Speaker 3: a tweezer and nowhere we could do it safely.

35
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,399
Speaker 1: Those are even the right medical tools for that.

36
00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:43,000
Speaker 3: Bad.

37
00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:44,280
Speaker 2: That's bad.

38
00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:47,840
Speaker 3: Don't do that. You're gonna mess up your freaking stitches.

39
00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:51,400
Speaker 3: So fast forward. One day, she begrudgingly listened to me

40
00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:53,960
Speaker 3: for the time being, and I thought that was the

41
00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:57,640
Speaker 3: end of that. It was not. The next morning, I

42
00:01:57,680 --> 00:02:00,240
Speaker 3: am six days post surgery. Now the stitches I been

43
00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:03,760
Speaker 3: in for five days. Around ten am, I am woken

44
00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:06,560
Speaker 3: up by my mother calling for me. Naturally, I rushed

45
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:09,160
Speaker 3: to my parents' bathroom where she was calling me from.

46
00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:12,560
Speaker 3: I walk in and my mother has removed her stitches

47
00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:17,760
Speaker 3: ah with a pair of nail clippers and was having complications.

48
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,880
Speaker 3: Some of the thread from the stitches was still in place,

49
00:02:20,919 --> 00:02:24,359
Speaker 3: but the area was disturbed. She immediately demanded that I

50
00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:26,960
Speaker 3: fixed the situation. Oh, Pa is sixteen.

51
00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:32,280
Speaker 1: Also, she Opie's hip is not doing well. She just

52
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:35,400
Speaker 1: also had you know she's recovering from post surgery. Come

53
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:35,799
Speaker 1: on now.

54
00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:38,920
Speaker 3: I immediately started on doing that, helping to address the

55
00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:43,640
Speaker 3: situation and carefully removing the remaining stitches with tweezers. This

56
00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:47,079
Speaker 3: naturally required that I forced myself to kneel to do so,

57
00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:50,800
Speaker 3: and caused me severe pain and aggravated my own healing

58
00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:53,280
Speaker 3: area because while I was also supposed to be in

59
00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:56,320
Speaker 3: bed dress. So when I finished, I got back up.

60
00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:58,920
Speaker 3: And this might be an overaction for me, I don't know,

61
00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:02,360
Speaker 3: but I blew at her. I would too. You literally

62
00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:05,919
Speaker 3: said don't touch her stitches, and then she, like a child,

63
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,320
Speaker 3: took them out and then couldn't do that on her own,

64
00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:11,000
Speaker 3: and then got you to do it and hurt you.

65
00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:13,560
Speaker 3: I told her that I told her not to try

66
00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:15,920
Speaker 3: to take her own stitches out. I told her that

67
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:19,280
Speaker 3: I explicitly warned her they were not ready to come out.

68
00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:24,240
Speaker 3: I mean, I was pissed. She disregarded everything I said

69
00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:26,840
Speaker 3: to her, refused to accept my answer when I told

70
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:29,760
Speaker 3: her no, and forced me to kneel down in front

71
00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:32,240
Speaker 3: of her and hurt myself because she couldn't handle having

72
00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:35,520
Speaker 3: stitches for another day. Never mind that I had a

73
00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:37,960
Speaker 3: healing surgical sight on my hip, never mind that I

74
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,760
Speaker 3: had my own recovery to focus on. She wanted her

75
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:43,160
Speaker 3: stitches out, so I had to take them out because

76
00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:44,840
Speaker 3: it was the least I got a day after she

77
00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:46,760
Speaker 3: gave birth. The may shut up.

78
00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:48,240
Speaker 1: Oh she's pulling that card.

79
00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:50,400
Speaker 3: She's pulling the Oh, I gave garth to you, so

80
00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:52,400
Speaker 3: you have to do everything for me. I don't know

81
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:55,040
Speaker 3: if this truly belongs on her, but that feels kind

82
00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:59,560
Speaker 3: of entitled to me some of Opie's comments. Commoner says, oh, boys,

83
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:02,920
Speaker 3: she is issues. Not only could she have applied direct

84
00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:05,800
Speaker 3: pressure to wherever the incision was, but she decided to

85
00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:09,760
Speaker 3: go the most traumatic route versus putting some Benadryl cream

86
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:14,440
Speaker 3: around the stitches to stop the irritation. I hope you

87
00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:16,880
Speaker 3: went in to get seen after your wound started bleeding,

88
00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:19,520
Speaker 3: he says, I did, not, but I did call my

89
00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:21,760
Speaker 3: doctor and she said that it was fine unless the

90
00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:24,320
Speaker 3: staples bent. I could just change the bandage and iced

91
00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:27,440
Speaker 3: the wound, which I did and you know, actually use

92
00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:30,040
Speaker 3: some wound cream. And there is an update, But do

93
00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:30,880
Speaker 3: you any thoughts?

94
00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:34,880
Speaker 1: Good and honestly good on UOP for stepping up. And

95
00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:38,000
Speaker 1: you know, I know it's really annoying and you're like,

96
00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:40,440
Speaker 1: I have to do this, yeah, or it's just gonna

97
00:04:40,440 --> 00:04:44,040
Speaker 1: get into a bigger mess and you just grate your

98
00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:47,440
Speaker 1: teeth and like, I'm also in pain. Yeah, that's not

99
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:51,120
Speaker 1: fair to you. And I would first go get some

100
00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:54,040
Speaker 1: rest and then once you're fully recovered to be like, hey,

101
00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:57,480
Speaker 1: what she did was really dumb. Yeah, and uh, stop

102
00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:02,200
Speaker 1: stop gaslighting me because you had me. You're my mother, which.

103
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,560
Speaker 3: Just so frustrating that ops to parent her own mom.

104
00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:08,000
Speaker 1: Exactly, and she's like, I gave birth to you, so

105
00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:12,320
Speaker 1: you owe me this. Shut up. I hate when parents

106
00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:13,120
Speaker 1: say that me too.

107
00:05:13,839 --> 00:05:19,040
Speaker 3: Update five months from background post I seventeen female suffered

108
00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:22,120
Speaker 3: a back injury just over two years ago. My spinal

109
00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:25,000
Speaker 3: cord was damaged and it has left me physically disabled.

110
00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:27,960
Speaker 3: I can stand on my own and walk short distances.

111
00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:31,240
Speaker 3: But doing so often puts me in significant pain. Over

112
00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:33,680
Speaker 3: the last two years, I have had three surgeries to

113
00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:36,080
Speaker 3: try and repair the damage, and while they have helped

114
00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:39,640
Speaker 3: in some areas, the full injury cannot be repaired. My

115
00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:42,719
Speaker 3: mother of fifty five female refuses to accept this, and

116
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,680
Speaker 3: over the last two years, has pushed me into more

117
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:48,719
Speaker 3: and more treatments even if I didn't want them, claiming

118
00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:50,760
Speaker 3: every time that this would be the one that helped me.

119
00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:53,200
Speaker 3: Both I and my father have tried to tell her

120
00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,840
Speaker 3: that the nerve damage is permanent and that the best

121
00:05:55,839 --> 00:05:58,400
Speaker 3: course of action is to simply try and to preserve

122
00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:01,680
Speaker 3: my back so I return mobility as I get older,

123
00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:04,360
Speaker 3: which is what three separate doctors have advised.

124
00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:07,240
Speaker 1: Oh no, she doesn't listen to us.

125
00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:10,640
Speaker 3: This is so infuriating, and if I were her husband,

126
00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:13,280
Speaker 3: I would literally divorce her in take OPI. She's become

127
00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:15,800
Speaker 3: obsessed with trying to fix me and get me back

128
00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:18,360
Speaker 3: to my old self. She keeps signing me up for

129
00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:22,400
Speaker 3: treatments and programs without asking or after I've already said no.

130
00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:26,239
Speaker 3: These treatments are usually exercise based or based on holistic

131
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:31,040
Speaker 3: treatment and natural remedies, or even still experimental procedures, and

132
00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:33,440
Speaker 3: most of them have only ever left me uncomfortable, if

133
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:36,279
Speaker 3: not worse off. She also refuses to let me have

134
00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:40,160
Speaker 3: any accommodations. I can't use a cane, a wheelchair, or

135
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:43,400
Speaker 3: anything else around her, and often refuses to let me

136
00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:46,240
Speaker 3: sit or lay down when I'm in pain. Over the

137
00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:49,279
Speaker 3: last year and a half, my condition has been getting worse. Yeah,

138
00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:52,520
Speaker 3: because your mom's not letting you like rest. But my

139
00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:55,400
Speaker 3: mother acts like she hasn't noticed, but just keeps booking

140
00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:58,520
Speaker 3: my usual doctor's appointments. Now it's gotten to the point

141
00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:00,719
Speaker 3: where she insists on being in the doctor's office with

142
00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:03,440
Speaker 3: me because she believes that I won't give reliable information

143
00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:06,960
Speaker 3: about my symptoms if I go in alone. Tonight, I

144
00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:10,080
Speaker 3: just couldn't take it anymore and broke down crying, telling

145
00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:13,520
Speaker 3: her to strap to stop trying to fix me and

146
00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:14,160
Speaker 3: just help.

147
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:20,840
Speaker 1: That's insane that you've had you your father, uh doctors,

148
00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:24,880
Speaker 1: not one doctor, not multiple doctor, doctors telling her, Hey,

149
00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:29,080
Speaker 1: there's not much you can really do. Yeah, what's the

150
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:31,240
Speaker 1: point now, just seems like you're wasting money.

151
00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:34,360
Speaker 3: Genuinely, I like, genuinely need I think you need to

152
00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:36,800
Speaker 3: talk to your dad and say I need I need

153
00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:38,800
Speaker 3: to get out of here. I begged her to just

154
00:07:38,840 --> 00:07:41,360
Speaker 3: stop pushing me, to just try to accept that I'm

155
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:44,680
Speaker 3: not able bodied anymore, but she wasn't having it. She

156
00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:47,040
Speaker 3: told me that if Paralympic athletes could do it, so

157
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,960
Speaker 3: could I, that I had to stop making excuses, and

158
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:52,400
Speaker 3: that she only wanted what was best for me. I

159
00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:55,240
Speaker 3: understand that denial is part of the grieving process, but

160
00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:58,200
Speaker 3: I've already accepted it, and I just don't know what

161
00:07:58,280 --> 00:08:01,679
Speaker 3: to do anymore. I've tried be understanding, but she's really

162
00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:04,120
Speaker 3: driving me to the end of my rope. So am

163
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:06,400
Speaker 3: I the ale for snapping at her? And there is

164
00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:08,920
Speaker 3: an update? But what do you think? No?

165
00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:13,840
Speaker 1: You know, good on you for still like not you know,

166
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,720
Speaker 1: like I mean, yeah, following her and be like okay, yeah, mom,

167
00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:19,000
Speaker 1: you're right, it's no you know your body.

168
00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:20,720
Speaker 3: Stand up for yourself, stand up for your body. Don't

169
00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:24,040
Speaker 3: let her push you around and make choices when you

170
00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:27,480
Speaker 3: know what's right for you. Commenter one says, not the ale.

171
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:30,040
Speaker 3: Your dad needs to step up and tell your mom

172
00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:32,120
Speaker 3: to knock it off. Where is he in all of

173
00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:36,360
Speaker 3: this because he's apparently pushing back but not Actually he

174
00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:38,520
Speaker 3: needs to either make her listen or make her back

175
00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:41,760
Speaker 3: off and leave you alone. Rather than just throwing up

176
00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:45,679
Speaker 3: his hands and saying whoop, I tried. No, he needs

177
00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:48,800
Speaker 3: to say you are hurting our child because you refuse

178
00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:53,360
Speaker 3: to accept the advice of three different doctors.

179
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:54,440
Speaker 1: Insane.

180
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:58,240
Speaker 3: This stops now. Ope, he needs to be accommodated for

181
00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:01,480
Speaker 3: their injuries and allowed to use as stiff devices and

182
00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:05,720
Speaker 3: lay down when they hurt. Oh, he says, my dad's trying.

183
00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:08,680
Speaker 3: They've gotten into a lot of arguments about it, and

184
00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:10,839
Speaker 3: he's even refused to take me to the treatments she's

185
00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:14,080
Speaker 3: scheduled because I don't want to go. The problem is

186
00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:16,920
Speaker 3: just that my mom won't listen, and aside from removing

187
00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:19,120
Speaker 3: me from the house for short periods, there isn't much

188
00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:22,600
Speaker 3: he can do. He's gotten me accommodations behind my mom's back,

189
00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:24,760
Speaker 3: but we don't have all that many options. I feel

190
00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:26,560
Speaker 3: like that's kind of a cop out. What do you

191
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,040
Speaker 3: mean there's not much he can do?

192
00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:33,320
Speaker 1: Yeah? Why can't all he tried? Yeah, he's trying.

193
00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:37,360
Speaker 3: There absolutely is more that he can do. He can say, No,

194
00:09:37,679 --> 00:09:39,800
Speaker 3: I'm divorcing you. We're not doing that. I'm getting my

195
00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:43,360
Speaker 3: child away from you, yeah. Commenter says, not the ale.

196
00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:45,320
Speaker 3: I'd ask my dad to get a divorce so you

197
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:48,800
Speaker 3: can have peace. Oh P says he can't. Unfortunately, my

198
00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:51,720
Speaker 3: father is dependent on her too, can't physically take care

199
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:55,760
Speaker 3: of himself either. He also has a severe spinal cord injury,

200
00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:58,880
Speaker 3: and that's why this makes sense. So even if that

201
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:01,040
Speaker 3: did happen, he wouldn't be a to care for himself.

202
00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:04,560
Speaker 3: Never mind me. Cominer says, talk to a trusted adult

203
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:08,480
Speaker 3: at your school. Seriously, this is terrifying. Oh P says,

204
00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:12,480
Speaker 3: I'm homeschooled. Oh I don't have the physical capability to

205
00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:15,560
Speaker 3: attend regular schools, so I don't, so I do it online,

206
00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:19,680
Speaker 3: and I was homeschooled since way before the accident. Messaging

207
00:10:19,679 --> 00:10:22,840
Speaker 3: teachers personally is against school policy, so I unfortunately can't

208
00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:25,920
Speaker 3: do that. Gominer says, do you have a Lions Club nearby?

209
00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:29,000
Speaker 3: They have free wheelchairs? Opie says, I don't know what

210
00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:31,199
Speaker 3: that is. I don't know if they exist here. I'm

211
00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:34,280
Speaker 3: South Africa. Cominer says, did your mom have something to

212
00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:37,839
Speaker 3: do with your injury? Is she being this way because

213
00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:41,480
Speaker 3: of some sort of guilt? Opie says, no, she wasn't

214
00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:43,959
Speaker 3: even there when the accident happened. I was thrown off

215
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:47,600
Speaker 3: a horse. Oh oh, so there really wasn't anyone else involved.

216
00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:50,319
Speaker 3: To another commentary asking if mom paid for the horse,

217
00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:53,160
Speaker 3: Opie says, no, it was a riding school horse. I

218
00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:56,640
Speaker 3: led classes there. To another commoner, she didn't have anything

219
00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:58,760
Speaker 3: to do with the injury, but I feel like she

220
00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:01,080
Speaker 3: might be carrying some sort of guilt because she wasn't

221
00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:04,640
Speaker 3: there when it happened. I'm really not sure. My other

222
00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:08,480
Speaker 3: theory is her own internalized ableism. That's it. You know,

223
00:11:08,559 --> 00:11:11,160
Speaker 3: she expects you to be able to do certain things

224
00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:15,080
Speaker 3: and to be a certain way, and she can't deal

225
00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:17,680
Speaker 3: with the fact that you are not able bodied anymore.

226
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:20,880
Speaker 3: Cominer says, I will bet you that mom is resentful

227
00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:23,320
Speaker 3: because now she has two people to take care of.

228
00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:27,439
Speaker 3: She's probably burnt out. Opie says, I never considered that before.

229
00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:30,200
Speaker 3: Thank you. That makes a lot of sense. I'll talk

230
00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:32,400
Speaker 3: to her about it. Maybe we can figure something out.

231
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,679
Speaker 3: Commoner says, did you used to help your mom take

232
00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:38,240
Speaker 3: care of your dad? I don't particularly think that she's

233
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:40,559
Speaker 3: being fair to you, but I think that there might

234
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:43,360
Speaker 3: be some underlying feelings on her part. I'm not sure

235
00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:46,319
Speaker 3: she'll admit it to you, though. Opie says no. He

236
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:48,679
Speaker 3: was able to take care of himself before my injury,

237
00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:53,080
Speaker 3: but after my accident his condition started deteriorating. That's really

238
00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:56,160
Speaker 3: really tough, just tear out. Yeah, the timing of that

239
00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:57,200
Speaker 3: really really awful.

240
00:11:57,559 --> 00:12:00,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think I think again to that point,

241
00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:01,880
Speaker 1: she's getting scared.

242
00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:06,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, Yeah, she's seeing both you know, loved ones. Yeah,

243
00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:08,400
Speaker 3: not an excuse at all, but it does give us

244
00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:10,000
Speaker 3: a little bit of insight into her.

245
00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:13,560
Speaker 1: Thinking, why she's doing it and why she's so upfront

246
00:12:13,559 --> 00:12:13,960
Speaker 1: about it.

247
00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:17,720
Speaker 3: There is an update three days later, so I talked

248
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:19,560
Speaker 3: with my mother and showed her some of the comments.

249
00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:22,040
Speaker 3: She agreed that we could go to family therapy, and

250
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:24,760
Speaker 3: I am now allowed to use a cane and walk

251
00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:28,000
Speaker 3: her inside the house. We've also compromised that I could

252
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:29,800
Speaker 3: talk to doctors on my own for the most of

253
00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:32,360
Speaker 3: the appointments, then she could just come in the last

254
00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:34,360
Speaker 3: few minutes and have the doctor give her a rundown.

255
00:12:34,679 --> 00:12:37,040
Speaker 3: I've finally been able to explain the full extent of

256
00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:40,040
Speaker 3: my symptoms to a doctor, and I have tests scheduled

257
00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:44,600
Speaker 3: for later today that'll confirm my diagnosis. Any additional advice

258
00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:47,360
Speaker 3: would be welcomed and appreciated, and also thank you to

259
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,080
Speaker 3: all the wonderful people for your understanding and insights. But

260
00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:52,720
Speaker 3: there is a little bit left to the story. Any

261
00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:54,400
Speaker 3: final thoughts. Seems like we've had.

262
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:56,840
Speaker 1: Kind of a turnaround. I would have been like, Okay,

263
00:12:57,320 --> 00:13:01,320
Speaker 1: I love how you didn't listen to me the doctor's dad. Yeah,

264
00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:02,840
Speaker 1: but the Internet changed your.

265
00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:05,920
Speaker 3: Mind to Reddit because probably all the Reddit commoners were like,

266
00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:07,000
Speaker 3: this woman is insane.

267
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:10,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's amusing you. I guess you need strangers on

268
00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:12,319
Speaker 1: the internet to tell you and call you out. Yeah,

269
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:15,679
Speaker 1: but good, that's good job Reddit. I guess give job Reddit,

270
00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:19,280
Speaker 1: and good job OP for you know, fighting for what's

271
00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:23,040
Speaker 1: right and you know you living your life and yeah,

272
00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:24,840
Speaker 1: letting her know that it's gonna be okay.

273
00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:27,079
Speaker 3: What do you mean by saying you have test schedule

274
00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:29,560
Speaker 3: that will confirm your diagnosis? This whole time you've been

275
00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:33,240
Speaker 3: stating you have a known diagnosis and prognosis, Op says,

276
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:37,000
Speaker 3: I have several known diagnoses and prognoses. I am referring

277
00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:40,440
Speaker 3: specifically to ones that will on paper confirm the severity

278
00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:44,560
Speaker 3: of my nerve damage. Because while I've had doctors verbally confirment,

279
00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:47,240
Speaker 3: and I have prescribed medication to do with it. The

280
00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:50,640
Speaker 3: actual level of damage wasn't on paper anywhere before because

281
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:52,640
Speaker 3: my mother wouldn't let me ask for it since she

282
00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:53,720
Speaker 3: doesn't believe I have it.

283
00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:57,559
Speaker 1: Ah, She's like, you can't ask for it. If it's

284
00:13:57,600 --> 00:13:59,800
Speaker 1: not there on paper, then you don't have it.

285
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,000
Speaker 3: And I'm not letting you get it on paper either.

286
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:07,880
Speaker 3: It doesn't exist. Wait, I uh, good luck. I hope

287
00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:10,120
Speaker 3: that you're able to convince your mom to let you,

288
00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:14,200
Speaker 3: you know, have the accommodations that you need.

289
00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:16,640
Speaker 1: It looks like we're going on the right. I have

290
00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:19,640
Speaker 1: to see hopefully. I mean, I hope there's like an

291
00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:21,800
Speaker 1: update in a little bit and a little bit of time.

292
00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:25,880
Speaker 1: But yeah, it looks like she's agreeing to all these things,

293
00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:30,800
Speaker 1: which is great. Yeah, she needs to understand that you yourself

294
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:34,320
Speaker 1: aren't almost pretty much an adult, you're seventeen. But again,

295
00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:36,920
Speaker 1: she needs to understand, like you're gonna be okay.

296
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:38,560
Speaker 3: I agree.

297
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:41,320
Speaker 1: I banned my mother from staying in my house after

298
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:45,400
Speaker 1: she insulted my wedding get out. I twenty seven female,

299
00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:48,720
Speaker 1: got married in October twenty twenty four to my now husband,

300
00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:52,840
Speaker 1: twenty eight male. A military reservist. We had a small

301
00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:55,920
Speaker 1: mountain wedding after surviving a long deployment and it was

302
00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:58,960
Speaker 1: everything we'd hoped for. By the way, this comes from

303
00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:01,680
Speaker 1: user how. I'm gonna just say how because there's a

304
00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:03,480
Speaker 1: lot of underscores on that, And if you want to

305
00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:05,440
Speaker 1: submit your own stories, go to the r slash. Okay,

306
00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:07,280
Speaker 1: Storytime suppered it and I'm key.

307
00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:10,760
Speaker 3: On, I'm Sophia, I'm Carly, so Opie says.

308
00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:14,479
Speaker 1: Leading up to it, my mom, sixty one female, emotionally

309
00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:18,000
Speaker 1: blew up on us, crying, saying we didn't include her

310
00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:22,320
Speaker 1: and even told my husband he ruined our relationship. She

311
00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:27,040
Speaker 1: apologized to me, but never to him like she promised. Still,

312
00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:30,680
Speaker 1: we let her come. She even brought her sister, who

313
00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:33,160
Speaker 1: wasn't invited, and I didn't have the energy to say no.

314
00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:37,120
Speaker 1: Fast forward to my twin sister's destination wedding this spring.

315
00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:40,120
Speaker 1: I was the maid of honor. My mom was drinking

316
00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:43,240
Speaker 1: and at the rehearsal dinner, she told my sister in

317
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:49,160
Speaker 1: front of my husband their wedding was okay, but this

318
00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:52,120
Speaker 1: this is beautiful. My husband didn't tell me until later

319
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,320
Speaker 1: that night because he didn't want to ruin the day

320
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:58,320
Speaker 1: that comment crushed him. When we got home, we made

321
00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:02,280
Speaker 1: the hard decision. She she's no longer welcome to stay

322
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:05,480
Speaker 1: in our home. That was in April, it's now July.

323
00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:10,000
Speaker 1: She has no idea. Since then, We've only had vague

324
00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:12,040
Speaker 1: phone calls, and now she's saying she wants to come

325
00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:16,920
Speaker 1: visit to change up her scenery because it's okay. She

326
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:19,600
Speaker 1: can't drive anymore, so if she visits, she'd be fully

327
00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:22,600
Speaker 1: dependent on us to get around and would definitely expect

328
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:26,280
Speaker 1: to stay with us. I'm frozen. I don't know how

329
00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:29,120
Speaker 1: to say, you can come to dinner, but you're not

330
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:31,960
Speaker 1: staying here. You say it just like that, oh big.

331
00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:33,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like well, but you can even say it if

332
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:35,720
Speaker 3: you want to say it nicely. You can be like, hey,

333
00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:38,840
Speaker 3: we can't accommodate you right now. There's a hotel of

334
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:42,760
Speaker 3: Sisach in such reason. Ah, but like this great hotel,

335
00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:43,840
Speaker 3: we love Davy for dinner.

336
00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:44,680
Speaker 2: Yeah.

337
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:47,400
Speaker 1: I feel like I've been protecting everyone else's feelings for

338
00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:52,200
Speaker 1: years while mine got ignored. I love her, but I

339
00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:55,520
Speaker 1: am drained. Has anyone ever had to say something like

340
00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:57,920
Speaker 1: this to a parent? How do you set this kind

341
00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:00,800
Speaker 1: of boundary without feeling like a terrible dog. And we

342
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:02,200
Speaker 1: have some relevant comments with Sophia.

343
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:05,800
Speaker 3: Uh, I mean you're gonna feel guilty because it's your mom.

344
00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:07,800
Speaker 3: The only thing I will say is, have we had

345
00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:10,000
Speaker 3: a conversation about like her behavior, I would use It

346
00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:11,880
Speaker 3: feels like you like she said that, and you never

347
00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:14,280
Speaker 3: really confronted her about it. You were just like, she's

348
00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:15,240
Speaker 3: never coming over again.

349
00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:17,600
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, that's all I was gonna say. But I mean,

350
00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:20,640
Speaker 1: it seems like you guys had some trouble with your wedding. Sure, yeah,

351
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:23,919
Speaker 1: she was an issue, and then your sister's wedding. I

352
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:28,160
Speaker 1: feel like a genuine conversation before yeah, anything else.

353
00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:31,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, if she behaves badly, then you can be like, okay, perfect,

354
00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:32,119
Speaker 3: you know why you're not coming then?

355
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:34,520
Speaker 1: Yeah? I do like the what the three strike rule? Yeah,

356
00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:35,879
Speaker 1: I know that all the people are like one strike,

357
00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:38,520
Speaker 1: you're out. But she said that comment. I would have

358
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:41,240
Speaker 1: confronted her to be honest, like, why did you say that?

359
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:44,720
Speaker 1: Her comment may have been while wasted, but wasted people

360
00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:47,320
Speaker 1: will tell the truth, which is, sadly, how she feels

361
00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:51,680
Speaker 1: about you and your wedding and your marriage. Stop avoiding

362
00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:53,919
Speaker 1: it and finally tell her that he heard her comment

363
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,560
Speaker 1: and he doesn't want to host her in his home,

364
00:17:56,960 --> 00:18:00,080
Speaker 1: which is supposed to be his safety place. Agreed she

365
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,960
Speaker 1: would intrude that space and expect catering from people that

366
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:05,679
Speaker 1: she was mean to because you didn't tell her yet,

367
00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:08,520
Speaker 1: you are not supporting his feelings because you are scared

368
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:11,479
Speaker 1: to hurt hers. You are growing old with your husband,

369
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:16,000
Speaker 1: not her, Opi responds. I believe this is so true.

370
00:18:16,359 --> 00:18:18,560
Speaker 1: My husband and I have gone back and forth talking

371
00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:21,439
Speaker 1: about this topic, and he has been so supportive along

372
00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:25,000
Speaker 1: along the ride, at giving me time to think about

373
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,480
Speaker 1: what I want to say, and even offer to tell

374
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:29,960
Speaker 1: her for me or be there on speakerphone when I

375
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:32,959
Speaker 1: talk with her. I'm so so grateful for his support,

376
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:36,040
Speaker 1: and he always apologizes for putting me in a hard place,

377
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:39,520
Speaker 1: but he is trying to protect both him and Ey's piece,

378
00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:44,080
Speaker 1: especially in our safe space. Common number two, Hey, Opie,

379
00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:46,159
Speaker 1: you only briefly mention it, and I don't know if

380
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:48,520
Speaker 1: I actually oh. I don't know if it's actually a problem,

381
00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:50,600
Speaker 1: but it sounds like maybe your mom needs to think

382
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:54,440
Speaker 1: about her relationship with Booze. That can make this easier

383
00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:57,720
Speaker 1: and harder to deal with sometimes, especially if they are

384
00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:00,679
Speaker 1: not actually addicts. It makes it easier to blame the

385
00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:03,800
Speaker 1: poor behavior on drinking. For example, I have an aunt

386
00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:06,600
Speaker 1: who enjoyed being a heavy drinker through most of her life,

387
00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:09,399
Speaker 1: but when she reached around forty five to fifty, she

388
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:12,119
Speaker 1: became quite a nasty person when she was drinking, just

389
00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:16,680
Speaker 1: plain old mean, in sharing some very unnecessary, pointed opinions

390
00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:19,639
Speaker 1: that her sober self would have been quite embarrassed about

391
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:23,159
Speaker 1: and never allowed to escape her lips. Eventually, when she

392
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:26,399
Speaker 1: was about your mom's age, her son told her bluntly, Mom,

393
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:30,280
Speaker 1: I love you, but you are a witch when you drink,

394
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:32,560
Speaker 1: and you need to stop it. This wasn't a term

395
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:35,880
Speaker 1: he used often and certainly never about her specifically prior

396
00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:39,160
Speaker 1: to this moment, so it landed like a nuclear bomb

397
00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:42,840
Speaker 1: as intended. He listed out specific behaviors and words that

398
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:45,280
Speaker 1: came from her mouth that she knew had happened, and

399
00:19:45,359 --> 00:19:49,560
Speaker 1: her cheeks were hot and red. She was very angry

400
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:52,720
Speaker 1: and upset, and then she eventually realized that she could

401
00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:56,440
Speaker 1: continue being embarrassed and ashamed and upsetting her family and

402
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:59,159
Speaker 1: being the talk of the gossip chain after every event,

403
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:03,320
Speaker 1: or she could stop drinking like an a hole and

404
00:20:03,359 --> 00:20:06,400
Speaker 1: thankfully she chose the latter. She still had She still

405
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:08,840
Speaker 1: had a drink now and then, but she slowed down considerably,

406
00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:13,320
Speaker 1: both in quantity and type. Straight Crown Royale on ice

407
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:16,360
Speaker 1: became wine splitzers, and she never drank to the point

408
00:20:16,359 --> 00:20:18,320
Speaker 1: anymore where she wasn't able to watch her mouth and

409
00:20:18,359 --> 00:20:21,480
Speaker 1: filter her strident opinions because she wasn't getting anywhere near

410
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:25,520
Speaker 1: us nearest trash due to the drastic reduction in booze volume.

411
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:28,600
Speaker 1: Maybe your mother also needs a let's come to Jesus

412
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:32,760
Speaker 1: and discuss your wine moment, Opie says. I've tried for

413
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:36,879
Speaker 1: decades to get her to stop. Nothing changes, everyone in

414
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:37,680
Speaker 1: my family has.

415
00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:39,600
Speaker 3: You've tried to talk to her about it. She won't

416
00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:44,040
Speaker 3: change and keeps making these comments, you know, against you

417
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:46,879
Speaker 3: and your partner. Then yeah, I think of setting up

418
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:49,120
Speaker 3: those I mean, like, if you've had the conversations, then yeah,

419
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:53,040
Speaker 3: setting up those boundaries and the distance was probably.

420
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:55,000
Speaker 1: Gonna be helpful for you, yeah. Opie. On why her

421
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,320
Speaker 1: mother is not able to drive anymore at her age,

422
00:20:57,560 --> 00:21:01,200
Speaker 1: Opie says, no, she medically lost martial vision, so doctor

423
00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:04,359
Speaker 1: said she is not able to drive anymore. Dang, she

424
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,520
Speaker 1: had a stroke last year and it affected her vision.

425
00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:08,400
Speaker 1: So she is not able to drive because of it.

426
00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:11,119
Speaker 1: And as her peripheral vision is gone, and we have

427
00:21:11,119 --> 00:21:14,480
Speaker 1: an update, let's get straight into it. One month later,

428
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:18,199
Speaker 1: I finally called my mom to talk about it. She

429
00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:22,200
Speaker 1: immediately denied saying anything hurtful and essentially called my husband

430
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:25,040
Speaker 1: not a truther, yeah, but a liar.

431
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:26,800
Speaker 3: Well, at that point, you've had that, You've tried to

432
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:29,720
Speaker 3: have the conversation, and she's still proving that she's, you know,

433
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:32,879
Speaker 3: not able to have an adult relationship with you.

434
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:37,000
Speaker 1: So the fact that you hurt a military man's feelings,

435
00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:40,800
Speaker 1: yeah crazy. We went back and forth and she eventually

436
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:43,720
Speaker 1: agreed to call and apologized to him directly. She asked

437
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:46,240
Speaker 1: for his work schedule. I gave it to her and

438
00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:51,040
Speaker 1: she said she'd call him then. Instead of falling through ugh,

439
00:21:51,359 --> 00:21:53,800
Speaker 1: she texted saying she wanted a three way call instead,

440
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:58,680
Speaker 1: reframing the situation as a misunderstanding or really of communication.

441
00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:02,919
Speaker 1: I told her clearly, this wasn't about miscommunication. It was

442
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:06,879
Speaker 1: about words that were said and how they made us feel.

443
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:11,480
Speaker 1: What we needed first was ownership and an apology. Say

444
00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:16,840
Speaker 1: it with me, mom. Apologies, say you're sorry. Her reply

445
00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:21,760
Speaker 1: was that she's been accused of speaking without thinking and

446
00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:24,919
Speaker 1: now wants to talk with her sister, my aunt before

447
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:28,040
Speaker 1: speaking with us again. She said she'll let us know

448
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:30,439
Speaker 1: when she's ready. The day after my mom said she

449
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:32,560
Speaker 1: wanted to talk with my aunt before speaking out to

450
00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:35,000
Speaker 1: us again, my aunt texted me out of the blue,

451
00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:38,720
Speaker 1: Auntie says, call me when you have a minute to talk.

452
00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:41,760
Speaker 1: No one knows I'm reaching out to you, so please

453
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:45,119
Speaker 1: don't mention it. I called her and we had an

454
00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:49,920
Speaker 1: incredibly validating conversation. She's been through almost the exact same

455
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:54,400
Speaker 1: dynamic with their mom and with my mom, constant comparisons,

456
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:58,520
Speaker 1: disapproval of her spouse, judgment about her life choices. She

457
00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:01,960
Speaker 1: told me my mom has never taken genuine accountability or

458
00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:06,160
Speaker 1: given a real apology, and guess what, likely never will.

459
00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:10,480
Speaker 1: My aunt encouraged me to stop chasing approval, keep my

460
00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:13,199
Speaker 1: focus on my marriage, and keep any interactions with my

461
00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:16,040
Speaker 1: mom surface level and drama free.

462
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:17,080
Speaker 3: Yeah.

463
00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:19,240
Speaker 1: Later in the call, I told her that my mom

464
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:21,359
Speaker 1: had said she wanted to speak with her before reaching

465
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,680
Speaker 1: out to us again. The very next morning, my aunt

466
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:27,760
Speaker 1: texted me this, your mom talked to me when we

467
00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:30,200
Speaker 1: were having coffee this morning. I will call you later

468
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:33,600
Speaker 1: today to let you know what we discussed. I didn't

469
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:35,880
Speaker 1: tell her that you and I talked yesterday, nor did

470
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:39,560
Speaker 1: I start the conversation she did. When my aunt called later,

471
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:42,000
Speaker 1: she gave my husband the lowdown on what we discussed

472
00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:44,200
Speaker 1: the day before and shared what my mom had said.

473
00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:47,479
Speaker 1: At one point, my mom apparently asked my aunt if

474
00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:50,080
Speaker 1: she if she should apologize to us, and my aunt

475
00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:53,920
Speaker 1: told her no, but because she believed it wouldn't be

476
00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:54,760
Speaker 1: genuine anyway.

477
00:23:57,280 --> 00:23:58,520
Speaker 2: Oh, don't even bother.

478
00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:00,760
Speaker 3: It's not gonna be a good. Don't epology.

479
00:24:01,359 --> 00:24:03,280
Speaker 1: Don't even come over to me. I'm gonna come over

480
00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:06,520
Speaker 1: to my house. Despite my aunt's advice, my mom still

481
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:08,760
Speaker 1: texted both my husband and me in a group chat,

482
00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:11,080
Speaker 1: asking when my husband had time this week to talk

483
00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:15,919
Speaker 1: after putting us off with excuses multiple times. At that point,

484
00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:19,440
Speaker 1: my husband twenty eight mail was fully done. He doesn't

485
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:22,520
Speaker 1: want to keep going in circles, and I don't blame him.

486
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:25,200
Speaker 1: There's a little bit left the fact that your aunt

487
00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:29,320
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, you're validating everything you've said, and I.

488
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:32,040
Speaker 3: Don't think there's any save in your mom or any

489
00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:35,119
Speaker 3: changing that relationship dynamic. I think you gotta go like

490
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:37,680
Speaker 3: low contact with this woman.

491
00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:40,840
Speaker 1: You could be like, Okay, we'll listen to your apology

492
00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:42,240
Speaker 1: and you're still not coming over.

493
00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:44,520
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, but let's.

494
00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:47,320
Speaker 1: Go ahead and finish the story. For me, it's sad

495
00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:49,359
Speaker 1: to accept that my mom may never be the type

496
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:53,600
Speaker 1: to take real accountability or give a genuine apology. I

497
00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:55,359
Speaker 1: know it's going to take me some time to heal

498
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:58,240
Speaker 1: and move forward, but I also know that low contact,

499
00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:00,840
Speaker 1: at least for now, is best for my mental health

500
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:03,760
Speaker 1: and for my marriage. I'll be focusing on my life

501
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:06,639
Speaker 1: with my husband, keeping boundaries in place, and leading on

502
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:09,480
Speaker 1: my aunt and of course my husband for support when

503
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:13,240
Speaker 1: I need it. If anything changes, I'll update again, and

504
00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:15,879
Speaker 1: we have some comments here. Comment to one, I'm a

505
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:18,480
Speaker 1: little confused at the boundary. Why would you be happy

506
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:20,439
Speaker 1: to spend time with someone who says something like that

507
00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:23,400
Speaker 1: and instead just not want the person inside your home.

508
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:27,119
Speaker 1: She has no idea because you haven't demonstrated any consequences

509
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:30,400
Speaker 1: for her behavior, and you've probably caused yourself a problem

510
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:33,320
Speaker 1: because now when it does come up, she'll complain about

511
00:25:33,359 --> 00:25:35,320
Speaker 1: why it took you so long to say something. You

512
00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:37,199
Speaker 1: need to be stronger on boundaries and you need to

513
00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:41,760
Speaker 1: communicate them to her hope. He replies, Yes, I understand

514
00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:44,199
Speaker 1: that I grew up in a family dynamic that we

515
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:47,280
Speaker 1: never talked about our feelings or problems and just pushed

516
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:49,760
Speaker 1: everything to the side. So with that, I'm trying to

517
00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:52,640
Speaker 1: be better and voice my feelings. Is why it took

518
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:54,960
Speaker 1: me so long, because it was not easy for me

519
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:58,720
Speaker 1: at all. Commenter two hugs. One thing I have learned,

520
00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:01,800
Speaker 1: both through therapy and Reddit groups is that chasing my mom.

521
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:04,359
Speaker 1: Is that chasing my mom for a change just stress

522
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:06,600
Speaker 1: me out. The minute I learned to say she was

523
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:08,560
Speaker 1: the best mother she could be versus she is a

524
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:11,199
Speaker 1: good mother to me, or that I needed did my

525
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:14,159
Speaker 1: thinking change? You need to work in that she loves you,

526
00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:17,080
Speaker 1: but she doesn't know what you need and quite possibly

527
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,879
Speaker 1: can't give it to you. She will not change, but

528
00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:23,440
Speaker 1: you don't need to change either. Your expectations need to change.

529
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:26,320
Speaker 1: And I think this is the last comment comes to

530
00:26:26,359 --> 00:26:28,760
Speaker 1: your three. Sometimes letting go of the rope is the

531
00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:31,399
Speaker 1: only solution. Don't chase love from someone who has no

532
00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:34,720
Speaker 1: love to give. Do what you need to keep your peace,

533
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:38,639
Speaker 1: not your mother's. Your husband is your family now. No

534
00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:41,800
Speaker 1: need to have a confrontation, no yelling, no arguing, just

535
00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:45,600
Speaker 1: let everything fade away. Realize the one losing is your mother.

536
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:48,120
Speaker 1: You have so much more in common with your aunt

537
00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:51,800
Speaker 1: than Mom. Surround yourself with people that love you and

538
00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:55,480
Speaker 1: don't see you as less. Life is better without the stress. Wow.

539
00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:59,040
Speaker 1: That's a little bar little rhyme, thanks doctor Susan.

540
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:02,320
Speaker 3: That's words to live biop and you remember them because

541
00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:02,800
Speaker 3: they rhyme.

542
00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:05,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I feel like again, you need to tell

543
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:07,560
Speaker 1: her flat out, like, Hey, there's a reason why I'm

544
00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:10,080
Speaker 1: not talking to you. You suck, just as you suck,

545
00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:11,560
Speaker 1: and you don't own up to it.

546
00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:12,760
Speaker 3: Yeah.

547
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:15,240
Speaker 1: And you know what, even if I say this the truth,

548
00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:18,399
Speaker 1: you're still gonna disagree with me. And that's okay because

549
00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:20,760
Speaker 1: we're gonna. I'm gonna be happy without.

550
00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:21,480
Speaker 2: You, hie.

551
00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:25,720
Speaker 3: My father ruined his chance to walk me down the aisle,

552
00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:27,920
Speaker 3: and I finally snapped, you.

553
00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:29,200
Speaker 1: Get what you deserve, old man.

554
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:33,679
Speaker 3: Trigger warning, booze and emotional abose. As the title says,

555
00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:37,040
Speaker 3: I twenty four female snapped at a family dinner and

556
00:27:37,119 --> 00:27:40,199
Speaker 3: told my father fifty six mail that I'd rather let

557
00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:42,840
Speaker 3: a stranger walk me down the aisle than a hint

558
00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:45,520
Speaker 3: for a bit of context, my father always wanted my

559
00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:48,040
Speaker 3: brother and me to have a traditional wedding since I

560
00:27:48,119 --> 00:27:50,320
Speaker 3: was a child. He always told me how much he

561
00:27:50,359 --> 00:27:53,320
Speaker 3: looked forward to eventually walking me down the aisle, and

562
00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:56,280
Speaker 3: I too shared his excitement. By the way, this comes

563
00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:58,120
Speaker 3: from No Long two FI four and if you want

564
00:27:58,119 --> 00:27:59,720
Speaker 3: to spend your own stories, go to the r slash

565
00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:03,479
Speaker 3: Okay storytime, separate it. I'm Sophia, I'm Keon, I'm Carly,

566
00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:07,600
Speaker 3: and Op says. However, that changed the day I found

567
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:11,639
Speaker 3: out he had cheated on my mother. The affair was

568
00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:14,800
Speaker 3: a one time thing, however, he kept in contact with

569
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:17,360
Speaker 3: the woman for over a year before my mother caught him.

570
00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:21,320
Speaker 3: This completely changed my view of him, and although my

571
00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:24,399
Speaker 3: mother decided to forgive him, his behavior after the fact

572
00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:27,639
Speaker 3: only made me detest him more. He got more aggressive,

573
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:30,680
Speaker 3: would often turn to booze, and basically became a stranger.

574
00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:33,679
Speaker 3: He only got worse when I entered my teens, and

575
00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:35,520
Speaker 3: now that I'm in my twenties and I've put more

576
00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:38,280
Speaker 3: thought into my future marriage, I know for a fact

577
00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:40,680
Speaker 3: I do not want him walking me down the aisle,

578
00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:44,080
Speaker 3: even though I know how much this will hurt him. Instead,

579
00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:46,200
Speaker 3: both my brother and I agreed that he'd be the

580
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:48,200
Speaker 3: one walking me down the aisle, as he was the

581
00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:51,200
Speaker 3: father figure while I was growing up. So OPI's brother. Yeah,

582
00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:56,080
Speaker 3: now here's where the problem began. I no longer speak

583
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:59,040
Speaker 3: much to my father. However, every year or so, my

584
00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:02,240
Speaker 3: mother hosts a family dinner, since they're still together. My

585
00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:06,000
Speaker 3: father is always at these events. Unfortunately, he often uses

586
00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:09,200
Speaker 3: them to get twisted and complain about how upsetting it

587
00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:10,800
Speaker 3: is that we no longer speak to him.

588
00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:14,120
Speaker 1: I wonder why, Oh, my gosh, you have consequences from

589
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:14,640
Speaker 1: your action?

590
00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:15,400
Speaker 3: What?

591
00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:16,280
Speaker 2: Whaty?

592
00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:19,320
Speaker 3: The only reason I keep coming to these dinners is

593
00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:21,600
Speaker 3: because I love my mother and do not want to

594
00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:24,400
Speaker 3: make her feel like I'm abandoning her. I have tried

595
00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:28,080
Speaker 3: to organize outings with just my mother, However, my father

596
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:31,120
Speaker 3: always strong arms his way into these meetings, and in

597
00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:35,240
Speaker 3: my opinion, it isn't worth the fight. However, yesterday I

598
00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:39,120
Speaker 3: snapped During the dinner, the topic of marriage was brought up.

599
00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:42,640
Speaker 3: My brother recently proposed to his fiance and was talking

600
00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:45,560
Speaker 3: with my mother about some of their wedding plans. My father,

601
00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:48,720
Speaker 3: who was already wasted, piped up about how much he

602
00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:51,000
Speaker 3: was looking forward to walking me down the aisle when

603
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:54,920
Speaker 3: I eventually got married. I immediately apologized and told them

604
00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:58,600
Speaker 3: that I had already decided my brother was actually going

605
00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:01,200
Speaker 3: to be the one to walk me down there. I

606
00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:04,400
Speaker 3: added that instead of me, he could walk my mother

607
00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:06,920
Speaker 3: down the aisle before I entered, so that he could

608
00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:11,240
Speaker 3: still have his moment. Dang, man, this is a complicated situation.

609
00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:16,240
Speaker 3: After a long pause from him, my father started yelling.

610
00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:20,080
Speaker 3: He told me I was an ungrateful brat, how he

611
00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:22,320
Speaker 3: couldn't believe that this is how I repaid him after

612
00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:25,160
Speaker 3: all he had done for me growing up. I remained

613
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:27,760
Speaker 3: silent while he went off on me, but after he

614
00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:30,800
Speaker 3: told me I should be lucky he even still wanted

615
00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:34,400
Speaker 3: to walk me down the aisle after all I treated him,

616
00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:37,040
Speaker 3: I just snapped. I told him that I would rather

617
00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:40,520
Speaker 3: a stranger walk me down the aisle than him, and

618
00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:43,040
Speaker 3: he'd be lucky if he was even invited to the wedding.

619
00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:45,360
Speaker 3: I know my wording was harsh, but I was just

620
00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:47,920
Speaker 3: sick of him berating me. Once I had finished yelling,

621
00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:51,040
Speaker 3: my father broke down and started sobbing. He kept on

622
00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:54,400
Speaker 3: repeating that I was such a bad person for taking

623
00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:57,840
Speaker 3: this from him, and how could I do this to him?

624
00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:01,200
Speaker 3: After everything? I'm doing this because of everything.

625
00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:03,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm sorry. How can you do that to mom?

626
00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:07,040
Speaker 3: Yeah? I couldn't handle staying there, so I left the dinner.

627
00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:10,400
Speaker 3: Shortly after today, I was bombarded with text from my

628
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:13,160
Speaker 3: mother about how I shouldn't have said those things, that

629
00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:15,600
Speaker 3: I know my father is and what Booze does to him,

630
00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:18,920
Speaker 3: and that I should have just remained silent. I honestly

631
00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:22,160
Speaker 3: would have a conversation with my mom and be like,

632
00:31:22,200 --> 00:31:25,280
Speaker 3: why are you defending him? Because not only are you

633
00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:29,760
Speaker 3: putting yourself through just torment by staying with this terrible

634
00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:34,600
Speaker 3: guy and defending him, but also you're putting me, your

635
00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:38,920
Speaker 3: daughter through torment by making us interact with him because

636
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:41,840
Speaker 3: you can't leave. My brother is on my side, but

637
00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:43,280
Speaker 3: I know my mother is right.

638
00:31:43,560 --> 00:31:44,240
Speaker 2: She is not.

639
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:47,520
Speaker 3: I have experienced my father under the influence and know

640
00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:49,959
Speaker 3: that the best way to handle it is to stay silent.

641
00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:52,920
Speaker 3: You shouldn't have to stay silent. He shouldn't even be there.

642
00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:55,520
Speaker 1: He should that shouldn't be the case. In point what.

643
00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:58,000
Speaker 3: Still, when he said those things about me, I just

644
00:31:58,080 --> 00:32:01,480
Speaker 3: couldn't stop myself so am I the ale for telling

645
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:04,080
Speaker 3: my father I'd rather let a stranger walk me down

646
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:06,000
Speaker 3: the aisle and he'd be lucky if he was even

647
00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:10,400
Speaker 3: invited to the wedding. No, because that was the truth.

648
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:12,200
Speaker 3: And there are some comments.

649
00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:15,800
Speaker 1: But what do you think I mean? Is it harsh?

650
00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:16,600
Speaker 2: Yes?

651
00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:17,880
Speaker 1: Is it true?

652
00:32:18,320 --> 00:32:18,680
Speaker 3: Yes?

653
00:32:18,720 --> 00:32:21,920
Speaker 1: Also yes, yes, it's a harsh truth. I wop uh

654
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:23,280
Speaker 1: huh oh, well.

655
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:26,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, it sucks for him. Common one says, I grew

656
00:32:26,480 --> 00:32:28,360
Speaker 3: up with a heavy drinker father, and that is not

657
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:32,120
Speaker 3: an excuse for his behavior or lashing out. He screwed

658
00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:35,160
Speaker 3: up so badly over so many years. Your father needs

659
00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:37,600
Speaker 3: to get his act together. And he has not owed

660
00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:40,840
Speaker 3: anything by you or your brother. Oh, he says My

661
00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:42,720
Speaker 3: brother and I tried to convince him when he was

662
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:45,880
Speaker 3: sober to consider rehab. My mother doesn't want him to

663
00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:48,280
Speaker 3: go because that is where he met as a fair partner.

664
00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:50,920
Speaker 3: He doesn't want to go either, as he claims it

665
00:32:50,920 --> 00:32:54,640
Speaker 3: didn't help him the first time, helped to divorce him.

666
00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:57,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, it helped him cheat. Yeah, that's crazy.

667
00:32:57,840 --> 00:33:00,640
Speaker 3: I often find myself considering just cutting out of my life.

668
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:02,840
Speaker 3: Then I have no way of knowing if my mother

669
00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:06,000
Speaker 3: is safe. I don't trust my father with her. Common

670
00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:08,000
Speaker 3: two says you will have to cut your mother off too.

671
00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:11,680
Speaker 3: She chose to stay with a heavy drinker, emotionally harmful man.

672
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:15,160
Speaker 3: You don't have to. I have been no contact with

673
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:18,320
Speaker 3: my father for over ten years and it's okay. I'm

674
00:33:18,360 --> 00:33:20,600
Speaker 3: happier because I don't have to walk on eggshells and

675
00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:23,200
Speaker 3: I'm married with my own little family. You can love

676
00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:26,920
Speaker 3: people your mom from a very far distance. And there

677
00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:29,080
Speaker 3: is an update. But I would agree with that comment.

678
00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:32,200
Speaker 3: I don't think it's worth putting yourself through the trauma

679
00:33:32,240 --> 00:33:35,520
Speaker 3: of having to have a relationship with your father. Your

680
00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:39,160
Speaker 3: mom unfortunately she's not in a good relationship, but did

681
00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:42,480
Speaker 3: make her choice. And I think you can kind of say, hey,

682
00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:44,840
Speaker 3: I'm here for you if you ever want to be

683
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:47,680
Speaker 3: in my life. I cannot have dad in my life.

684
00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:48,000
Speaker 2: Yeah.

685
00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:50,480
Speaker 3: And if you want to hang out, he cannot be there.

686
00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:53,360
Speaker 1: And guess what, your brother's there. Your brother is there. Yeah,

687
00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:54,800
Speaker 1: and you guys have each other.

688
00:33:55,400 --> 00:33:55,600
Speaker 4: Yeah.

689
00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:58,360
Speaker 3: I think you just need to put up really strong,

690
00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:03,360
Speaker 3: hard boundaries and hopefully your mom will realize that this

691
00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:06,520
Speaker 3: is a really bad situation. And there is an update.

692
00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:09,359
Speaker 3: It's been about two days since I told my heavy

693
00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:12,000
Speaker 3: drinker father, he wouldn't be the one walking me down

694
00:34:12,040 --> 00:34:15,040
Speaker 3: the aisle, and since then things have only got worse

695
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:17,760
Speaker 3: for me and my brother. Reading all of the comments

696
00:34:17,760 --> 00:34:21,000
Speaker 3: helped me realize my mother, although she shielded us from

697
00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:24,440
Speaker 3: most of the toxicity, was still an enabler and showed

698
00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:28,080
Speaker 3: no signs of ever stopping my father's behavior. However, she

699
00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:30,720
Speaker 3: is still my mother, and I didn't want to immediately

700
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:33,200
Speaker 3: jump to no contact. I talked it over with my

701
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:35,880
Speaker 3: brother and we decided it would be best to have

702
00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:40,600
Speaker 3: a final conversation with my mother alone. I finally answered

703
00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:44,399
Speaker 3: her texts, basically telling her we needed to talk without

704
00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:46,600
Speaker 3: my father present, and that if he did show up,

705
00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:49,720
Speaker 3: I'd even have to consider going no contact. She agreed

706
00:34:49,760 --> 00:34:52,440
Speaker 3: to the arrangement, and we decided to meet up at

707
00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:56,320
Speaker 3: a nearby cafe for lunch at my request. I arrived first,

708
00:34:56,400 --> 00:35:00,239
Speaker 3: and my mother came about fifteen minutes later with you

709
00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:03,080
Speaker 3: likely guessed it out my father and tell me and

710
00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:04,279
Speaker 3: then you leave, then leave.

711
00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:07,440
Speaker 1: You literally said, if he comes, I'm going no contact

712
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:07,759
Speaker 1: with you.

713
00:35:09,120 --> 00:35:11,799
Speaker 3: Yeah. Maybe I was still naive to think she would

714
00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:14,640
Speaker 3: follow through in our agreement, but I had truly trusted

715
00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:17,839
Speaker 3: her to come alone. I just got up and left

716
00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:20,840
Speaker 3: the cafe. Although it was hard, I followed through on

717
00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:23,600
Speaker 3: my threat and blocked her on everything. I thought that

718
00:35:23,640 --> 00:35:26,120
Speaker 3: would be the end of it. However, this morning she

719
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:29,520
Speaker 3: showed up at my doorstep, this time without my father.

720
00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:33,640
Speaker 3: She looked so disheveled and just so lost. I couldn't

721
00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:35,799
Speaker 3: close the door o hers, so I invited her in.

722
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:38,640
Speaker 3: We had a long talk. I told her about how

723
00:35:38,719 --> 00:35:41,759
Speaker 3: much hurt her behavior it has caused my brother and me,

724
00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:44,200
Speaker 3: how my father would still be cut out of our

725
00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:46,880
Speaker 3: lives until he was at least a year sober, and

726
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:49,880
Speaker 3: that she needed to finally start encouraging him to better

727
00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:54,120
Speaker 3: himself or leave him, otherwise we'd also be going no

728
00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:56,839
Speaker 3: contact with her. I told her that if she did

729
00:35:56,880 --> 00:35:59,919
Speaker 3: ultimately decide to divorce him, both me and my brother

730
00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:03,480
Speaker 3: would be there to financially and emotionally support her. We

731
00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:06,759
Speaker 3: ended up talking for about two hours, the majority of

732
00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:10,359
Speaker 3: which was spent mostly crying. During the talk, my mother

733
00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:13,839
Speaker 3: revealed the real reason she wouldn't leave my father. She

734
00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:15,400
Speaker 3: was the one who had an affair.

735
00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:16,080
Speaker 2: First ool.

736
00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:26,800
Speaker 3: Complicated. It was with a coworker at her old waitressing job.

737
00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:29,839
Speaker 3: Instead of dumping her. My father told her they could

738
00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:34,040
Speaker 3: stay together if she would follow his rules. Basically, it

739
00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:36,799
Speaker 3: was allowed to have at least one hall pass, she

740
00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:39,440
Speaker 3: couldn't talk to anyone of the opposite gender, and she

741
00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:41,560
Speaker 3: had to quit her job and give him full access

742
00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:42,560
Speaker 3: to her finances.

743
00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:45,440
Speaker 1: This is wow. This was literally the eye for an

744
00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:45,879
Speaker 1: eye thing.

745
00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:47,480
Speaker 3: I mean, he's controlling her completely.

746
00:36:48,160 --> 00:36:50,120
Speaker 1: This is all sorts of dabble.

747
00:36:50,400 --> 00:36:52,960
Speaker 3: This is a very, very harmful relationship.

748
00:36:53,040 --> 00:36:54,440
Speaker 1: I feel like this should have been explained to the

749
00:36:54,520 --> 00:37:00,839
Speaker 1: kids a long time ago. To I mean, she she.

750
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:02,040
Speaker 3: Was convince that she was the guilty party, and so

751
00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:05,200
Speaker 3: she let him do whatever. Yeah, so she's, you know, like,

752
00:37:05,239 --> 00:37:07,759
Speaker 3: I have to stay because it's my fault and he's

753
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:11,239
Speaker 3: getting away with so much because of that excuse for me.

754
00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:12,480
Speaker 4: No, no, not at all.

755
00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:16,680
Speaker 3: That's just her thinking, Oh yeah, I really hope that

756
00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:19,280
Speaker 3: she gets out of this relationship because it's so unhealthy.

757
00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:23,520
Speaker 1: It was, yeah, it's all, oh wow.

758
00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:26,640
Speaker 3: If she broke any one of his rules or tried

759
00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:29,920
Speaker 3: to leave, he'd tell her family, who were extremely against cheating,

760
00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:33,040
Speaker 3: what my mother had done and do everything in his

761
00:37:33,080 --> 00:37:35,759
Speaker 3: power to ruin her life. After she finished, I tried

762
00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:38,480
Speaker 3: again to convince her to just leave him, telling her

763
00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:41,040
Speaker 3: she still have my brother and me. The revelation that

764
00:37:41,040 --> 00:37:43,920
Speaker 3: my mother also cheated has hurt me deeply, but at

765
00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:47,360
Speaker 3: the moment, I still just want her to leave my father. However,

766
00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:50,600
Speaker 3: despite my best efforts, my mother apologized for everything she

767
00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:53,279
Speaker 3: had done to us, but still said she was going

768
00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:55,680
Speaker 3: to stay with my father. I have now lost both

769
00:37:55,719 --> 00:37:58,160
Speaker 3: of my parents and have been a sobbing wreck all day.

770
00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:01,319
Speaker 3: It's not what I wanted from this situation, but at

771
00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:04,400
Speaker 3: least I still love my brother. Hopefully I will eventually

772
00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:06,440
Speaker 3: be able to move on, but for now, I think

773
00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:09,879
Speaker 3: I just want to rest. Yeah, I mean, op, take

774
00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:13,759
Speaker 3: take your time. You know, you have your brother, but

775
00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:18,040
Speaker 3: it is really a really heartbreaking loss that you've just experienced,

776
00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:21,560
Speaker 3: and also just finding out all of this other information

777
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:24,040
Speaker 3: about your parents' relationship is devastating.

778
00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:26,120
Speaker 1: It's a that's a huge bomb.

779
00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:28,160
Speaker 3: Definitely therapy if you can.

780
00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:30,600
Speaker 1: For everyone, but everyone needs that.

781
00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:33,160
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, your father's terrible person.

782
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:36,839
Speaker 1: Yeah. Wow, Hey, it's Sean here og host of the show.

783
00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:38,360
Speaker 2: We're going to get back to these juicy stories, but

784
00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:40,640
Speaker 2: here's a quick three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

785
00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:43,880
Speaker 2: I refuse to have my father in law babysit for

786
00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:46,000
Speaker 2: me because he's careless.

787
00:38:46,239 --> 00:38:47,960
Speaker 4: I'm a twelve year old instead.

788
00:38:48,239 --> 00:38:51,399
Speaker 2: I don't know if I'm just being overprotective because I'm

789
00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:55,959
Speaker 2: a first time mom with hormones running wild, but I'm

790
00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:59,040
Speaker 2: really struggling with this situation. My father in law has

791
00:38:59,120 --> 00:39:01,120
Speaker 2: offered to look after my mind baby one day a

792
00:39:01,160 --> 00:39:04,040
Speaker 2: week when I return to work. He's in his sixties,

793
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:06,560
Speaker 2: single and overall a good person from what I've seen.

794
00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:10,280
Speaker 2: The problem is he's simply not good with the baby.

795
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:13,080
Speaker 2: He tries, and I believe his heart is in the

796
00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:17,719
Speaker 2: right place, but he constantly does things that are careless, unsafe,

797
00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:20,960
Speaker 2: and frankly dangerous. By the way, this comes from user

798
00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:23,319
Speaker 2: feud Department eighty five fifty two, and if you want

799
00:39:23,320 --> 00:39:25,360
Speaker 2: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

800
00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:26,880
Speaker 2: Okay storytime subreddit.

801
00:39:27,160 --> 00:39:29,720
Speaker 1: I'm Dakota, I'm Riley, and I'm Keon.

802
00:39:30,560 --> 00:39:34,560
Speaker 2: And Ope says, my baby is six months old now

803
00:39:34,600 --> 00:39:36,960
Speaker 2: and I'm not going back to work until she's won.

804
00:39:37,360 --> 00:39:40,200
Speaker 2: In theory, that gives him time to get better, but

805
00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:44,120
Speaker 2: I feel so anxious whenever he's around her. I don't

806
00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:47,640
Speaker 2: trust him. My husband thinks we should keep trying, maybe

807
00:39:47,680 --> 00:39:50,319
Speaker 2: train him with a written set of rules. But to me,

808
00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:53,359
Speaker 2: this isn't about rules. It's about common sense, and you

809
00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:57,520
Speaker 2: can't teach that. Okay, here's some examples of no common sense.

810
00:39:58,280 --> 00:40:00,919
Speaker 2: He tried to leave her alone in a karway, runs

811
00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:06,000
Speaker 2: an errand okay, automatically, no, no more sorry. He never

812
00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:09,400
Speaker 2: puts the brake on her pram and wanders away, leaving

813
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:12,880
Speaker 2: it unsecured. He let a neighbor, a stranger to me,

814
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:15,880
Speaker 2: hold her without our consent, without checking basic hygiene, and

815
00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:18,920
Speaker 2: despite our clear rules about no kissing, before she was

816
00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:22,080
Speaker 2: even fully vaccinated. He put her in her seat on

817
00:40:22,120 --> 00:40:25,799
Speaker 2: the lawn and then ran a trimmer right next to her.

818
00:40:26,239 --> 00:40:29,360
Speaker 2: She was panicking and hyperventilating while flying debris could have

819
00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:32,360
Speaker 2: seriously hurt her, and he didn't even notice. He's using

820
00:40:32,480 --> 00:40:36,960
Speaker 2: power tools around the baby. The guy's doing lawn maintenance.

821
00:40:37,640 --> 00:40:39,640
Speaker 4: They got to learn someday.

822
00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:43,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think all these are so far, very reasonable.

823
00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:46,600
Speaker 2: Whenever we're out he takes the pram and wanders off,

824
00:40:46,760 --> 00:40:49,480
Speaker 2: I'll hear him screaming in the distance and find him

825
00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:53,520
Speaker 2: just awkwardly rocking the pram, and by then she's distraught

826
00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:56,720
Speaker 2: She's usually a calm baby, so for her to get

827
00:40:56,800 --> 00:40:59,439
Speaker 2: like that means she's been crying a while without him

828
00:40:59,480 --> 00:41:02,799
Speaker 2: calling us. He told me I should let her cry

829
00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:05,080
Speaker 2: it out, even though we've made clear we don't want

830
00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:08,359
Speaker 2: to parent that way. I'm concerned about how he might

831
00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:12,520
Speaker 2: handle disciplinary situations since we have very different parenting philosophies

832
00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:15,600
Speaker 2: from his generation. All of this happened while I was

833
00:41:15,680 --> 00:41:18,759
Speaker 2: nearby to step in, presumably if this is him on

834
00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:21,520
Speaker 2: his best behavior, I dread to think what he'd do

835
00:41:21,640 --> 00:41:24,800
Speaker 2: if I wasn't around, and honestly, how would I focus

836
00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:27,920
Speaker 2: at work knowing he was in charge. I even started

837
00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:31,239
Speaker 2: writing a manual for him, but it feels ridiculous. What

838
00:41:31,320 --> 00:41:34,239
Speaker 2: am I supposed to include? Don't run power tools next

839
00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:36,880
Speaker 2: to my baby's head, don't leave the baby in a

840
00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:41,440
Speaker 2: hot car. I can't possibly anticipate every dangerous lapse in judgment.

841
00:41:41,920 --> 00:41:43,960
Speaker 2: I asked my husband if he would trust anyone else

842
00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:46,480
Speaker 2: who acted like this with our child, and he admitted no.

843
00:41:47,239 --> 00:41:50,200
Speaker 2: But he still insists we should give his dad a chance.

844
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:53,400
Speaker 2: He says, if I'm uncomfortable, we won't do it. But

845
00:41:53,480 --> 00:41:56,359
Speaker 2: at the same time, father in law keeps asking when

846
00:41:56,440 --> 00:41:59,200
Speaker 2: he can buy a changing table for his house, and

847
00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:01,800
Speaker 2: I feel like we're stringing him along when I already

848
00:42:01,800 --> 00:42:03,239
Speaker 2: know it's a hard no from me.

849
00:42:03,719 --> 00:42:07,880
Speaker 4: Well, then tell your husband not comfortable with it and

850
00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:12,320
Speaker 4: give him the hard truth. I don't know. Sometimes beating

851
00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:14,880
Speaker 4: around the bush to save other people's feelings is something

852
00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:17,560
Speaker 4: you gotta do in this case, for your child's safety.

853
00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:20,240
Speaker 4: I don't really think you should beat around the bush.

854
00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:23,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'd happily pay out of pocket for an extra

855
00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:26,960
Speaker 2: day of nursery if that's the issue. What hurts is

856
00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:29,799
Speaker 2: that it feels like my husband wants this more for

857
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:34,439
Speaker 2: his dad's happiness than for our baby's safety. I don't

858
00:42:34,520 --> 00:42:38,120
Speaker 2: understand how sparing his dad's feelings comes before keeping our

859
00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:41,040
Speaker 2: daughter safe. I've been stressed about it for months, and

860
00:42:41,080 --> 00:42:43,799
Speaker 2: I'll be stressed about it until it's resolved. Rather than

861
00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:46,080
Speaker 2: telling his dad we changed our minds, he lets me

862
00:42:46,160 --> 00:42:48,960
Speaker 2: panic and cry and stress for a year time I

863
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:51,320
Speaker 2: never get back, time I want to spend with my

864
00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:55,040
Speaker 2: baby being happy. So am I being unreasonable for refusing

865
00:42:55,120 --> 00:42:56,879
Speaker 2: to let my father in law baby sit at all?

866
00:42:57,400 --> 00:42:59,960
Speaker 2: He's genuinely excited about the idea, and I know saying

867
00:43:00,160 --> 00:43:02,200
Speaker 2: no will crush him. But I just don't believe you

868
00:43:02,239 --> 00:43:05,000
Speaker 2: can train someone into having common sense, and I cannot

869
00:43:05,080 --> 00:43:07,240
Speaker 2: risk my baby's safety for the sake of not hurting

870
00:43:07,239 --> 00:43:10,839
Speaker 2: his feelings. We have an update. Just talk to them,

871
00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:15,920
Speaker 2: sit down and talk. You're not explain why. Yeah, And

872
00:43:15,960 --> 00:43:18,000
Speaker 2: if he's like I can change and be better, you're

873
00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:19,400
Speaker 2: gonna be like yeah, and I have to prove it.

874
00:43:19,600 --> 00:43:23,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're not cutting the father in law out of

875
00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:28,320
Speaker 4: the family or seeing your daughter. You just you're around,

876
00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:31,080
Speaker 4: you see the kid. You're not cut him out completely.

877
00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:33,960
Speaker 2: I sent my husband this text. I don't want to

878
00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:37,280
Speaker 2: give your dad a chance. Things he does go against

879
00:43:37,360 --> 00:43:40,040
Speaker 2: common sense, and we can't teach him common sense. And

880
00:43:40,120 --> 00:43:42,320
Speaker 2: if there's even a chance he will do some stupid

881
00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:45,680
Speaker 2: crap to endanger her, that's not a risk I'm willing

882
00:43:45,719 --> 00:43:48,560
Speaker 2: to take. Just because he's excited and his heart is

883
00:43:48,600 --> 00:43:51,880
Speaker 2: in the right place, his head isn't. I will spend

884
00:43:51,960 --> 00:43:54,760
Speaker 2: every moment she's with him terrified. And I have already

885
00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:57,840
Speaker 2: spent months stressing about this. I made up my mind

886
00:43:58,120 --> 00:44:00,560
Speaker 2: it's a no. If you don't want to tell him,

887
00:44:00,760 --> 00:44:03,120
Speaker 2: I will. I can be the bad guy. If that's

888
00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:06,520
Speaker 2: what it's about. I can pay for the extra nursery myself.

889
00:44:06,600 --> 00:44:09,040
Speaker 2: If that's what it's about, I'm not risking her well

890
00:44:09,040 --> 00:44:11,880
Speaker 2: being in my peace of mind over this. We spoke

891
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:14,880
Speaker 2: after he is upset and says he disagrees with me.

892
00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:17,680
Speaker 2: He says, maybe he didn't know it was that bad

893
00:44:17,719 --> 00:44:19,440
Speaker 2: to leave a baby in a car. We just have

894
00:44:19,560 --> 00:44:20,960
Speaker 2: to tell him and he will learn.

895
00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:22,160
Speaker 1: I tried to.

896
00:44:22,080 --> 00:44:25,400
Speaker 2: Explain that we can't do that for every scenario. He said,

897
00:44:25,480 --> 00:44:28,000
Speaker 2: if we do this, it will be no going back,

898
00:44:28,280 --> 00:44:30,480
Speaker 2: that it will cause issues we cannot mend, and that

899
00:44:30,560 --> 00:44:33,480
Speaker 2: it will break trust, and that it's about respect.

900
00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:37,040
Speaker 4: All right, let's do a pros and cons list? What

901
00:44:37,040 --> 00:44:39,840
Speaker 4: are the cons? What are the pros? Hey, and I

902
00:44:39,880 --> 00:44:43,440
Speaker 4: can tell you one pro that will conquer all those cons. Hmmm,

903
00:44:44,440 --> 00:44:46,840
Speaker 4: what my child's safe safety?

904
00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:48,160
Speaker 1: Right, it's the baby safety.

905
00:44:48,719 --> 00:44:52,160
Speaker 2: I feel really alone right now. I will pass away

906
00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:54,879
Speaker 2: on this hill alone if I have to, because I'd

907
00:44:54,960 --> 00:44:57,400
Speaker 2: rather it be me than her. But I don't know

908
00:44:57,440 --> 00:44:59,600
Speaker 2: what to do or what this will do to my

909
00:44:59,600 --> 00:45:03,640
Speaker 2: relationship with my husband or father in law. My husband

910
00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:05,920
Speaker 2: told me all along that if I wasn't comfortable, we

911
00:45:05,960 --> 00:45:07,799
Speaker 2: wouldn't do it, and he would back me up. But

912
00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:10,400
Speaker 2: now he seems so angry with me, Like he says,

913
00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:13,680
Speaker 2: it's my choice, but when I choose different than he wanted,

914
00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:17,799
Speaker 2: he is angry. Update two, Yeah, your husband is being

915
00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:22,480
Speaker 2: a big baby googoo gaga. I'm afraid that my daddy's

916
00:45:22,520 --> 00:45:25,520
Speaker 2: going to be mad that I don't want him using

917
00:45:25,560 --> 00:45:26,880
Speaker 2: power tools around the child.

918
00:45:27,280 --> 00:45:29,399
Speaker 1: You got three babies to take care of right now.

919
00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:31,520
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, poor woman.

920
00:45:32,160 --> 00:45:35,200
Speaker 2: Update number two. My husband is still a bit upset

921
00:45:35,239 --> 00:45:37,120
Speaker 2: that I don't want to give it a chance and

922
00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:41,000
Speaker 2: try to train his sixty year old father, but he

923
00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:43,880
Speaker 2: has agreed and says he will support my decision. We

924
00:45:43,960 --> 00:45:46,280
Speaker 2: will try to break it to father in law without

925
00:45:46,400 --> 00:45:49,359
Speaker 2: hurting his feelings. Any ideas on how to word that.

926
00:45:49,760 --> 00:45:51,480
Speaker 2: I liked what some of you said about framing it

927
00:45:51,480 --> 00:45:53,600
Speaker 2: as being a matter of her having routines at the

928
00:45:53,680 --> 00:45:56,760
Speaker 2: nursery and my wanting to spend more time with her. Myself,

929
00:45:57,280 --> 00:45:59,759
Speaker 2: I feel a massive weight lifted from my shoulders, not

930
00:45:59,800 --> 00:46:02,799
Speaker 2: how this looming over me. Thank you to everyone who

931
00:46:02,840 --> 00:46:05,600
Speaker 2: commented and helped me be more assertive about this, as

932
00:46:05,640 --> 00:46:08,560
Speaker 2: it's something I usually struggle with. I mean, I already

933
00:46:08,560 --> 00:46:10,880
Speaker 2: said what I would say. You guys have any I

934
00:46:10,920 --> 00:46:12,919
Speaker 2: don't think you should like lie. I think you should

935
00:46:13,040 --> 00:46:13,800
Speaker 2: just be honest.

936
00:46:14,480 --> 00:46:18,239
Speaker 4: Be honest. The routine thing could help, So say you

937
00:46:18,280 --> 00:46:20,359
Speaker 4: don't leave the kid in the car. I get mad.

938
00:46:20,400 --> 00:46:22,200
Speaker 4: I get mama, Bear, Mama, Bear up.

939
00:46:22,719 --> 00:46:24,840
Speaker 2: Update three, I feel like I need to defend my

940
00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:27,680
Speaker 2: husband and father in law a bit. Some of you

941
00:46:27,840 --> 00:46:30,120
Speaker 2: seem to go at them quite harshly, and I don't

942
00:46:30,120 --> 00:46:32,880
Speaker 2: think that's fair. My husband is an amazing father and

943
00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:35,919
Speaker 2: partner and I couldn't ask for anyone better. Yes, father

944
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:38,040
Speaker 2: in law did stupid things, but I know it wasn't

945
00:46:38,040 --> 00:46:41,239
Speaker 2: malicious in any way. He's the nicest person you can

946
00:46:41,280 --> 00:46:43,759
Speaker 2: think of. He couldn't do enough for you, and he

947
00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:47,520
Speaker 2: loves his granddaughter fiercely. And that's what makes this so hard,

948
00:46:47,680 --> 00:46:50,440
Speaker 2: because we wanted this to work so badly. We agreed

949
00:46:50,560 --> 00:46:53,960
Speaker 2: on this arrangement before the baby was ever born because

950
00:46:53,960 --> 00:46:56,200
Speaker 2: we trust father in law so much and we knew

951
00:46:56,200 --> 00:46:58,480
Speaker 2: he would be good to her. But we couldn't predict

952
00:46:58,520 --> 00:47:02,759
Speaker 2: that he would be just playing bad at babies. It's

953
00:47:02,760 --> 00:47:05,480
Speaker 2: his first grandchild and his own kids are all over thirty,

954
00:47:05,760 --> 00:47:07,839
Speaker 2: so it's been a while for him having to look

955
00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:11,360
Speaker 2: after a baby, and even then he had help. He

956
00:47:11,480 --> 00:47:14,320
Speaker 2: is now on his own. I know it sounds ridiculous,

957
00:47:14,320 --> 00:47:16,359
Speaker 2: but I really do believe he just didn't understand it

958
00:47:16,400 --> 00:47:18,360
Speaker 2: was a bad thing, leaving a baby in a car,

959
00:47:18,719 --> 00:47:22,640
Speaker 2: and that is what scares me. We can't We can

960
00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:24,680
Speaker 2: tell him not to do dangerous things, but if he

961
00:47:24,719 --> 00:47:27,680
Speaker 2: can't work out what is a dangerous thing, then that's

962
00:47:27,719 --> 00:47:30,560
Speaker 2: not really helpful. We don't want to hurt his feelings

963
00:47:30,600 --> 00:47:33,120
Speaker 2: and we don't want to fall out. So yeah, I

964
00:47:33,120 --> 00:47:35,440
Speaker 2: can just imagine this being like even like later on

965
00:47:35,480 --> 00:47:37,440
Speaker 2: the road, it's like maybe the kid is like three,

966
00:47:37,960 --> 00:47:39,840
Speaker 2: and it's like, yeah, I just like took him to

967
00:47:39,880 --> 00:47:42,640
Speaker 2: the skate park, gave him a helmet. They were riding

968
00:47:42,680 --> 00:47:46,239
Speaker 2: their scooter, and it's like I get it, But it's

969
00:47:46,280 --> 00:47:49,000
Speaker 2: like that's not a situation where a man in his

970
00:47:49,120 --> 00:47:52,680
Speaker 2: sixties can actively and properly look after the kid at

971
00:47:52,680 --> 00:47:53,399
Speaker 2: the skate park.

972
00:47:54,080 --> 00:47:54,239
Speaker 4: You know.

973
00:47:54,280 --> 00:47:57,080
Speaker 2: It's like stuff like that where it's like there becomes

974
00:47:57,080 --> 00:47:59,040
Speaker 2: a level where it's like, you know, if you can't

975
00:47:59,080 --> 00:48:03,480
Speaker 2: be actively constantly making sure they're you know, doing some stuff,

976
00:48:03,480 --> 00:48:05,399
Speaker 2: writers saying might just be like, well I thought it'd

977
00:48:05,400 --> 00:48:05,800
Speaker 2: be fun.

978
00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:07,040
Speaker 3: It's all the neighborhood.

979
00:48:07,520 --> 00:48:07,880
Speaker 1: Whatever.

980
00:48:08,160 --> 00:48:10,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, we don't want to hurt his feelings and we

981
00:48:10,160 --> 00:48:13,200
Speaker 2: don't want to fall out. I have left a request

982
00:48:13,200 --> 00:48:15,279
Speaker 2: with work to ask if I can go back part time.

983
00:48:15,400 --> 00:48:18,360
Speaker 2: That way, we can at least say it's because I

984
00:48:18,360 --> 00:48:20,480
Speaker 2: want to spend more time with the baby when she's little,

985
00:48:20,840 --> 00:48:23,680
Speaker 2: and that we don't want to confuse her routine, so

986
00:48:23,800 --> 00:48:26,200
Speaker 2: it will be just me and the nursery for now.

987
00:48:26,760 --> 00:48:28,480
Speaker 2: If I don't get the time off, it will be

988
00:48:28,520 --> 00:48:30,600
Speaker 2: harder to explain why we decided to pay for another

989
00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:33,600
Speaker 2: day of nursery rather than leave her with him. He

990
00:48:33,680 --> 00:48:35,919
Speaker 2: is so excited about it. It's breaking my heart having

991
00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:38,800
Speaker 2: to tell him no. But I don't have a choice.

992
00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:42,759
Speaker 2: I think that's the difference. My husband thinks it's a

993
00:48:42,840 --> 00:48:45,840
Speaker 2: choice I'm making, but for me, it's not. I couldn't

994
00:48:45,920 --> 00:48:48,239
Speaker 2: leave her with him. It's not a choice I could make.

995
00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:50,359
Speaker 2: If something happened to her, I would never be able

996
00:48:50,360 --> 00:48:52,600
Speaker 2: to live with myself, knowing I knew better and ignored

997
00:48:52,640 --> 00:48:54,799
Speaker 2: all my instincts screaming at me for the sake of

998
00:48:54,840 --> 00:48:56,080
Speaker 2: not hurting someone's feelings.

999
00:48:57,000 --> 00:49:01,400
Speaker 4: Ope, you're waking up, You're seeing what needs to happen.

1000
00:49:02,160 --> 00:49:05,319
Speaker 4: I will say, it's easier reading a Reddit story, not

1001
00:49:05,440 --> 00:49:07,879
Speaker 4: knowing what these people are and having interactions with them

1002
00:49:07,920 --> 00:49:10,960
Speaker 4: daily to make these decisions because we're on the very

1003
00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:13,239
Speaker 4: other side of it. If we're in the midst of it,

1004
00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:17,080
Speaker 4: films are complicated, and I lose sight of that a

1005
00:49:17,120 --> 00:49:18,920
Speaker 4: lot when we read these stories because I get a

1006
00:49:18,920 --> 00:49:21,279
Speaker 4: Reddit story that happens in my life. My dude, if

1007
00:49:21,280 --> 00:49:24,080
Speaker 4: I was on the podcast, I would totally say this

1008
00:49:24,200 --> 00:49:27,400
Speaker 4: and say something like this. But since they're a family

1009
00:49:27,440 --> 00:49:30,400
Speaker 4: member of mine or a friend of mine, it's gonna act.

1010
00:49:30,239 --> 00:49:34,480
Speaker 2: Like, yeah, there is There is always a level of

1011
00:49:35,320 --> 00:49:37,960
Speaker 2: looking the other way at stuff.

1012
00:49:37,960 --> 00:49:39,560
Speaker 1: So I get that side.

1013
00:49:40,520 --> 00:49:42,239
Speaker 4: If I was a mom. This is the thing though,

1014
00:49:42,280 --> 00:49:45,200
Speaker 4: If I was a mom, my, Mama bear, oh, you

1015
00:49:45,239 --> 00:49:47,680
Speaker 4: did what to my job? You left my child where

1016
00:49:47,719 --> 00:49:50,800
Speaker 4: you put you turned, you plugged what into an outlet

1017
00:49:50,880 --> 00:49:53,799
Speaker 4: and made it run near my child. I don't know,

1018
00:49:54,400 --> 00:49:55,400
Speaker 4: Mama bearon stinks.

1019
00:49:56,120 --> 00:49:56,400
Speaker 3: Uh.

1020
00:49:56,440 --> 00:50:00,080
Speaker 2: And furthermore, it's not just the safety risk even and

1021
00:50:00,080 --> 00:50:02,160
Speaker 2: if we could somehow fix that. He's just not good

1022
00:50:02,200 --> 00:50:04,919
Speaker 2: with her. He can't read her at all. He didn't

1023
00:50:04,960 --> 00:50:07,360
Speaker 2: see she was scared when he was running the trimmer

1024
00:50:07,400 --> 00:50:10,600
Speaker 2: next to her, and she was hyperventilating and panicked because

1025
00:50:10,680 --> 00:50:13,200
Speaker 2: she wasn't crying yet, And I guess to him she

1026
00:50:13,320 --> 00:50:16,200
Speaker 2: was fine because she wasn't crying. And there have been

1027
00:50:16,320 --> 00:50:18,920
Speaker 2: time she's been so tired she can barely keep her

1028
00:50:18,960 --> 00:50:22,400
Speaker 2: eyes open, and he keeps messing with her, playing with

1029
00:50:22,600 --> 00:50:26,080
Speaker 2: high energy and tickling. She is getting more and more

1030
00:50:26,160 --> 00:50:28,279
Speaker 2: upset because she's tired and wants to sleep, and he

1031
00:50:28,360 --> 00:50:31,640
Speaker 2: just stomps around and waves toys at her, so she cries,

1032
00:50:32,080 --> 00:50:34,640
Speaker 2: and then he thinks he needs to be even more

1033
00:50:34,760 --> 00:50:38,160
Speaker 2: entertaining because she is now upset, so he just escalates

1034
00:50:38,200 --> 00:50:41,360
Speaker 2: the play. It's not fair on her. She can't communicate

1035
00:50:41,400 --> 00:50:44,960
Speaker 2: in a way he understands, and so she just has

1036
00:50:45,040 --> 00:50:47,279
Speaker 2: to put up with it until someone steps in and

1037
00:50:47,280 --> 00:50:50,359
Speaker 2: stops it. And if we aren't there, we can't help her.

1038
00:50:50,400 --> 00:50:53,440
Speaker 2: It's like, dude, you can't read the baby. I'm sorry,

1039
00:50:53,680 --> 00:50:56,839
Speaker 2: father in law. You don't speak baby. Yeah, so you

1040
00:50:56,880 --> 00:51:00,120
Speaker 2: can't watch baby because you don't speak baby.

1041
00:51:00,640 --> 00:51:04,160
Speaker 4: Can't, by the way, you can learn when baby needs poop,

1042
00:51:04,360 --> 00:51:06,960
Speaker 4: and you can maybe once take a bathroom.

1043
00:51:07,200 --> 00:51:08,200
Speaker 2: Yeah exactly.

1044
00:51:09,040 --> 00:51:09,360
Speaker 3: Sam.

1045
00:51:09,360 --> 00:51:11,160
Speaker 1: Here we're gonna get back to the stories, but here's

1046
00:51:11,160 --> 00:51:12,920
Speaker 1: three of its bads. From our sponsors.

1047
00:51:13,360 --> 00:51:17,360
Speaker 3: My sister in law isolated my brother, and I'm finally

1048
00:51:17,520 --> 00:51:18,360
Speaker 3: done trying.

1049
00:51:18,560 --> 00:51:21,720
Speaker 2: Ay sometimes that's what happens.

1050
00:51:22,239 --> 00:51:22,439
Speaker 1: Hi.

1051
00:51:22,800 --> 00:51:25,720
Speaker 3: I love listening to your stories and this comes directly

1052
00:51:25,800 --> 00:51:28,560
Speaker 3: from the r slash. Okay, Storytime severed it. You guys

1053
00:51:28,600 --> 00:51:31,359
Speaker 3: helped me so much with my mental health. Keep it up.

1054
00:51:31,560 --> 00:51:33,840
Speaker 3: Some of the stories make me feel like my life

1055
00:51:33,880 --> 00:51:38,840
Speaker 3: is pretty normal after all. Lol. I'm thirty three female

1056
00:51:38,840 --> 00:51:41,600
Speaker 3: with only one brother thirty one male. We grew up

1057
00:51:41,719 --> 00:51:45,040
Speaker 3: really close, only being eighteen months apart. We literally did

1058
00:51:45,160 --> 00:51:49,200
Speaker 3: everything together. As we matured, we distance ourselves, but I

1059
00:51:49,200 --> 00:51:52,000
Speaker 3: think we always viewed each other as our confidence or

1060
00:51:52,120 --> 00:51:55,520
Speaker 3: most trusted other human when time's got tough. By the way,

1061
00:51:55,560 --> 00:51:58,239
Speaker 3: this comes from Courageous Ram four ninety seven. And if

1062
00:51:58,239 --> 00:52:00,520
Speaker 3: you want to smit your own stories, go to the arts. Okay,

1063
00:52:00,520 --> 00:52:01,400
Speaker 3: Storytime separate it.

1064
00:52:01,680 --> 00:52:05,120
Speaker 1: I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, and I'm Keon and Op.

1065
00:52:05,120 --> 00:52:09,680
Speaker 3: Says our parents' relationship was and still is one of

1066
00:52:09,680 --> 00:52:12,960
Speaker 3: the most toxic ones I've ever seen in my life,

1067
00:52:13,440 --> 00:52:16,200
Speaker 3: So learning what a healthy relationship is was a struggle

1068
00:52:16,239 --> 00:52:19,280
Speaker 3: for me and clearly him. He met his now wife,

1069
00:52:19,280 --> 00:52:22,439
Speaker 3: thirty female, about eight years ago. They have been through

1070
00:52:22,480 --> 00:52:25,080
Speaker 3: some lows and highs in their relationship. But I've seen

1071
00:52:25,160 --> 00:52:31,720
Speaker 3: this woman literally fly every red flag in the book

1072
00:52:32,200 --> 00:52:35,960
Speaker 3: short of unliving someone. Despite knowing this and literally warning

1073
00:52:36,040 --> 00:52:38,200
Speaker 3: him about it, I stood up for him at their

1074
00:52:38,200 --> 00:52:42,400
Speaker 3: wedding as he requested. Here is some massive red flags

1075
00:52:42,480 --> 00:52:45,520
Speaker 3: I've witnessed over the years. She had a drinking problem

1076
00:52:45,560 --> 00:52:48,799
Speaker 3: early in the relationship. Talks about every single person she

1077
00:52:48,880 --> 00:52:53,600
Speaker 3: interacts with behind their backs, extremely controlling behaviors, especially with

1078
00:52:53,640 --> 00:52:57,400
Speaker 3: my brother. Treats dogs like garbage. Pushed kids on my

1079
00:52:57,400 --> 00:52:59,960
Speaker 3: brother when he wasn't ready and they weren't even married yet.

1080
00:53:00,440 --> 00:53:05,520
Speaker 3: Accused my mother of being incestuous with my brother because

1081
00:53:05,520 --> 00:53:07,719
Speaker 3: she and my bro had a close relationship and she

1082
00:53:07,760 --> 00:53:11,680
Speaker 3: helped him start up his extremely successful business. That's crazy.

1083
00:53:12,080 --> 00:53:15,800
Speaker 3: She has made inappropriate and possessive common stems, saying things

1084
00:53:15,840 --> 00:53:19,200
Speaker 3: like you belong to me and only me. I was

1085
00:53:19,239 --> 00:53:21,319
Speaker 3: out to lunch with him once and she texted him

1086
00:53:21,360 --> 00:53:24,840
Speaker 3: asking what's taking so long? Are you flirting with the waitress?

1087
00:53:25,560 --> 00:53:29,080
Speaker 3: She listens to all of his phone calls. He is

1088
00:53:29,160 --> 00:53:32,080
Speaker 3: not allowed to go anywhere for very long without her company.

1089
00:53:32,640 --> 00:53:35,560
Speaker 3: My brother told me she has been caught emotionally cheating,

1090
00:53:36,560 --> 00:53:41,040
Speaker 3: mixting other dudes at least twice that I know of. Well,

1091
00:53:41,680 --> 00:53:43,680
Speaker 3: at least we know that all of her behavior is

1092
00:53:43,680 --> 00:53:49,280
Speaker 3: her projecting wild Yeah, big facts. I could keep going,

1093
00:53:49,360 --> 00:53:52,440
Speaker 3: but these are just some massive red flags. To be clear,

1094
00:53:52,560 --> 00:53:56,000
Speaker 3: I literally told my bro that these are super toxic behaviors.

1095
00:53:56,520 --> 00:53:58,799
Speaker 3: He's young. I wouldn't choose to marry her if it

1096
00:53:58,840 --> 00:54:01,760
Speaker 3: were me, but he did it anyway out of fear

1097
00:54:01,800 --> 00:54:04,400
Speaker 3: of being alone. I always try to get along with

1098
00:54:04,480 --> 00:54:07,399
Speaker 3: sister in law despite her red flags, as they didn't

1099
00:54:07,400 --> 00:54:09,840
Speaker 3: want to give her any reasons to cut contact with me.

1100
00:54:10,239 --> 00:54:12,799
Speaker 3: For the most part, we got along even though I

1101
00:54:12,840 --> 00:54:16,120
Speaker 3: disagreed with her behaviors a lot of the time. Slowly

1102
00:54:16,280 --> 00:54:19,000
Speaker 3: she has been distancing me in him, and actually him

1103
00:54:19,120 --> 00:54:22,560
Speaker 3: from my entire side of the family. I believe she

1104
00:54:22,640 --> 00:54:25,640
Speaker 3: is isolating him for more control. When I found out

1105
00:54:25,719 --> 00:54:28,400
Speaker 3: they were pregnant less than a year after they got married,

1106
00:54:28,800 --> 00:54:32,359
Speaker 3: I grieved so hard because I knew I would never

1107
00:54:32,480 --> 00:54:35,440
Speaker 3: see this kid and it was a lifetime of commitment

1108
00:54:35,520 --> 00:54:39,000
Speaker 3: for my brother to this woman. I was absolutely terrified

1109
00:54:39,040 --> 00:54:42,279
Speaker 3: for him. As predicted, this was the case. I've only

1110
00:54:42,320 --> 00:54:44,959
Speaker 3: seen their kid maybe three times, and he'll be two

1111
00:54:45,120 --> 00:54:48,400
Speaker 3: in December. Most times have been at funerals or Christmas

1112
00:54:48,520 --> 00:54:52,279
Speaker 3: or birthdays. I never get invited to their house. My

1113
00:54:52,360 --> 00:54:54,600
Speaker 3: partner and I bought a new house last year, and

1114
00:54:54,680 --> 00:54:57,719
Speaker 3: I've invited bless you, and I've invited my brother over

1115
00:54:57,760 --> 00:55:00,360
Speaker 3: to see it, but he hasn't come. It's been almost

1116
00:55:00,360 --> 00:55:02,640
Speaker 3: a year and a half. Blow is the story of

1117
00:55:02,680 --> 00:55:05,120
Speaker 3: the last straw for me and this woman. I am

1118
00:55:05,239 --> 00:55:08,520
Speaker 3: at my absolute wits end with her. I don't know

1119
00:55:08,520 --> 00:55:11,040
Speaker 3: what to do. I'm afraid if I just let it go,

1120
00:55:11,200 --> 00:55:14,080
Speaker 3: I'll lose my brother and never have any kind of

1121
00:55:14,120 --> 00:55:17,000
Speaker 3: relationship with his kids. On the other hand, I can't

1122
00:55:17,040 --> 00:55:19,880
Speaker 3: stand her, and I don't want to subject myself to

1123
00:55:19,920 --> 00:55:23,080
Speaker 3: her chaos. I want to protect my peace. I am

1124
00:55:23,120 --> 00:55:25,560
Speaker 3: eleven weeks pregnant as I write this, and I don't

1125
00:55:25,560 --> 00:55:28,920
Speaker 3: want my kids being exposed to toxic relationships like I was.

1126
00:55:29,560 --> 00:55:31,440
Speaker 3: I want them to know from a young age what

1127
00:55:31,560 --> 00:55:35,600
Speaker 3: is healthy and what is not. I literally have one sibling,

1128
00:55:36,320 --> 00:55:39,480
Speaker 3: so this is terrible. My husband and I decided that

1129
00:55:39,520 --> 00:55:42,040
Speaker 3: we would host a simple Christmas to show our families

1130
00:55:42,080 --> 00:55:44,520
Speaker 3: what work we had accomplished on the house in six months.

1131
00:55:45,120 --> 00:55:48,400
Speaker 3: We literally busted our butts preparing for this occasion, with

1132
00:55:48,520 --> 00:55:52,080
Speaker 3: new flooring on the main level, painting, et cetera. It

1133
00:55:52,160 --> 00:55:55,120
Speaker 3: was a ton of work. We are hard workers, though,

1134
00:55:55,200 --> 00:55:58,040
Speaker 3: and we're super proud of our progress. Since I knew

1135
00:55:58,040 --> 00:56:00,520
Speaker 3: my sister in law was pregnant with their second I

1136
00:56:00,600 --> 00:56:03,280
Speaker 3: informed them back in October that we would be hosting

1137
00:56:03,320 --> 00:56:06,839
Speaker 3: a Christmas potluck, dinner, games gift exchange and she could

1138
00:56:06,880 --> 00:56:08,640
Speaker 3: pick the time to do it, as they live two

1139
00:56:08,680 --> 00:56:11,720
Speaker 3: hours away and they have a little one. She wanted

1140
00:56:11,760 --> 00:56:15,160
Speaker 3: it at one thirty pm. Kind of weird for a

1141
00:56:15,239 --> 00:56:17,600
Speaker 3: dinner time, but if that meant my bro could come

1142
00:56:17,640 --> 00:56:20,799
Speaker 3: and I could see their kids, sure, so be it.

1143
00:56:21,400 --> 00:56:25,040
Speaker 3: We made the plan they committed. Fast forward to a

1144
00:56:25,080 --> 00:56:28,280
Speaker 3: week before Christmas. My bro calls me out of the blue.

1145
00:56:28,800 --> 00:56:30,759
Speaker 3: He asks if they can just stop in for the

1146
00:56:30,800 --> 00:56:34,480
Speaker 3: gift exchange and leave before dinner. I can hear sister

1147
00:56:34,520 --> 00:56:36,920
Speaker 3: in law talking over him in the background and telling

1148
00:56:37,000 --> 00:56:39,400
Speaker 3: him what to say, though we didn't mention that she

1149
00:56:39,520 --> 00:56:42,160
Speaker 3: was on this call. I say, can we move the

1150
00:56:42,160 --> 00:56:44,480
Speaker 3: time to accommodate you better, since we're all prepared to

1151
00:56:44,480 --> 00:56:47,279
Speaker 3: bring enough food for everyone. I also say that I

1152
00:56:47,400 --> 00:56:49,480
Speaker 3: never get to see them, so it might be nice

1153
00:56:49,520 --> 00:56:52,280
Speaker 3: to spend some time with them. Sister in law starts

1154
00:56:52,320 --> 00:56:55,560
Speaker 3: listing a bunch of excuses about how kids have a

1155
00:56:55,719 --> 00:56:59,000
Speaker 3: certain bed time, it's far to drive, blah blah blah.

1156
00:56:59,280 --> 00:57:02,520
Speaker 3: I can hear so in law say, fine, let's just

1157
00:57:02,640 --> 00:57:05,040
Speaker 3: go and get it over with. This is what she

1158
00:57:05,160 --> 00:57:09,759
Speaker 3: says after I tried to accommodate you guys, that's it.

1159
00:57:10,480 --> 00:57:13,719
Speaker 3: I was pissed. I said, you know, sister in law,

1160
00:57:13,760 --> 00:57:15,319
Speaker 3: if you don't want to come, why don't you just

1161
00:57:15,360 --> 00:57:17,360
Speaker 3: say it to my face instead of making a bunch

1162
00:57:17,400 --> 00:57:20,400
Speaker 3: of excuses. I also said, it's really weird that she's

1163
00:57:20,440 --> 00:57:22,680
Speaker 3: telling my brother what to say when this conversation was

1164
00:57:22,720 --> 00:57:25,479
Speaker 3: supposed to be him and I. All she could say

1165
00:57:25,560 --> 00:57:28,880
Speaker 3: was you're really weird, like a four year old child.

1166
00:57:29,040 --> 00:57:31,800
Speaker 3: They never showed up for dinner or anything. It was

1167
00:57:31,920 --> 00:57:35,080
Speaker 3: extremely awkward, as we all had purchase gifts for everyone,

1168
00:57:35,120 --> 00:57:37,760
Speaker 3: but they weren't there to do the exchange. To add

1169
00:57:37,760 --> 00:57:40,440
Speaker 3: insult to injury, we all spent two hundred and fifty

1170
00:57:40,520 --> 00:57:44,200
Speaker 3: dollars on one gift for one person. At the gift exchange,

1171
00:57:44,240 --> 00:57:49,440
Speaker 3: everyone received a gift eventually worth approximately this much, except me,

1172
00:57:50,240 --> 00:57:53,240
Speaker 3: I was sent an Amazon package with twenty dollars worth

1173
00:57:53,280 --> 00:57:57,320
Speaker 3: of pajamas in it. Nice. My brother had drawn my name,

1174
00:57:57,400 --> 00:58:00,880
Speaker 3: by the way, your brother. That's so I thought maybe

1175
00:58:00,880 --> 00:58:02,880
Speaker 3: it was her and she just kind of like gave

1176
00:58:02,920 --> 00:58:05,600
Speaker 3: you a terrible gift. It probably was her, though, well, yeah,

1177
00:58:05,640 --> 00:58:06,360
Speaker 3: she probably did it.

1178
00:58:06,960 --> 00:58:09,880
Speaker 2: This is this is like a convo with your brother

1179
00:58:09,920 --> 00:58:15,080
Speaker 2: where you like, she's so unbelievably toxic. Yeah, towards you

1180
00:58:15,120 --> 00:58:18,080
Speaker 2: know me, seems like opia has tried that, and like,

1181
00:58:18,720 --> 00:58:22,840
Speaker 2: for that reason, I don't really see myself having a

1182
00:58:22,920 --> 00:58:26,440
Speaker 2: relationship with either of y'all. Yeah, because she seems.

1183
00:58:26,160 --> 00:58:28,760
Speaker 3: To be invading every part of our relationship.

1184
00:58:29,040 --> 00:58:32,760
Speaker 2: She's she's sort of managing your whole life and hates me.

1185
00:58:33,360 --> 00:58:36,640
Speaker 2: So if you're okay with that, then I guess that

1186
00:58:36,720 --> 00:58:37,840
Speaker 2: I have to make my peace with it.

1187
00:58:38,120 --> 00:58:40,760
Speaker 3: Double insult to injuries. Sister in law drove all the

1188
00:58:40,760 --> 00:58:43,600
Speaker 3: way to my town on Boxing Day with her mother.

1189
00:58:44,320 --> 00:58:48,360
Speaker 3: They stayed way past one thirty pm in town. WTF

1190
00:58:48,920 --> 00:58:51,200
Speaker 3: confirm for me that she just didn't want to come

1191
00:58:51,240 --> 00:58:54,520
Speaker 3: to our home. Then sister in law had the audacity

1192
00:58:54,560 --> 00:58:56,920
Speaker 3: to invite me to their kid's birthday at their place

1193
00:58:56,960 --> 00:58:59,840
Speaker 3: on December twenty ninth. If I say no, that I'm

1194
00:58:59,880 --> 00:59:02,880
Speaker 3: the bad guy, so my husband convinced me to go.

1195
00:59:03,720 --> 00:59:06,520
Speaker 3: I honestly was grieving my bros in my relationship so

1196
00:59:06,720 --> 00:59:08,840
Speaker 3: bad that I could hardly keep it together when we

1197
00:59:08,840 --> 00:59:12,760
Speaker 3: were there. I was so sad and hurt pless. I

1198
00:59:12,800 --> 00:59:16,520
Speaker 3: felt unwelcome the entire time we were there. It was awful.

1199
00:59:17,160 --> 00:59:19,360
Speaker 3: The kid only turned one, so it's not like he

1200
00:59:19,400 --> 00:59:23,200
Speaker 3: could remember anything anyway. So now approaching almost a year later,

1201
00:59:23,640 --> 00:59:25,680
Speaker 3: I feel like my brother won't stand up to her

1202
00:59:25,800 --> 00:59:28,520
Speaker 3: so we can maintain a relationship. So I'm just left

1203
00:59:28,520 --> 00:59:32,560
Speaker 3: feeling completely isolated from my bro I can't talk to

1204
00:59:32,600 --> 00:59:34,880
Speaker 3: my brother about it because he just denies that there's

1205
00:59:34,920 --> 00:59:39,280
Speaker 3: a problem. He's so overwhelmed with work obligations and childcare

1206
00:59:39,280 --> 00:59:43,880
Speaker 3: obligations that he's not prioritizing any relationship with me. I

1207
00:59:43,920 --> 00:59:46,400
Speaker 3: don't know what to do. I've been no contact with

1208
00:59:46,480 --> 00:59:49,120
Speaker 3: sister in law after this episode, but I know it

1209
00:59:49,160 --> 00:59:52,880
Speaker 3: will just push us away even more. Any advice and

1210
00:59:52,920 --> 00:59:56,320
Speaker 3: there are some comments, folks, but do you have any comments?

1211
00:59:56,960 --> 00:59:57,120
Speaker 4: Yeah?

1212
00:59:57,240 --> 00:59:59,960
Speaker 2: No, I already said it. Yeah you can't really I agree,

1213
01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:00,720
Speaker 2: he's not you know.

1214
01:00:01,360 --> 01:00:04,360
Speaker 3: I think you've tried literally everything in your power to

1215
01:00:04,480 --> 01:00:07,600
Speaker 3: convince your brother that she's a problem. And then you've

1216
01:00:07,600 --> 01:00:11,760
Speaker 3: tried everything in your power to be like kind and

1217
01:00:12,720 --> 01:00:15,960
Speaker 3: you know, not cross problems and just kind of go

1218
01:00:16,120 --> 01:00:19,560
Speaker 3: with the flow with these people and instill she's causing issues.

1219
01:00:19,600 --> 01:00:22,160
Speaker 3: So yeah, there's really not much that you can do

1220
01:00:22,240 --> 01:00:25,000
Speaker 3: on your end. Common one says, sounds like you already

1221
01:00:25,080 --> 01:00:27,600
Speaker 3: tried hard to stay connected and patient with both your

1222
01:00:27,600 --> 01:00:30,000
Speaker 3: brother and sister in law, but you're hitting a wall

1223
01:00:30,040 --> 01:00:33,160
Speaker 3: where protecting your own piece, especially now that you're expecting,

1224
01:00:33,760 --> 01:00:36,640
Speaker 3: might need to come first. At this point, the best

1225
01:00:36,680 --> 01:00:39,400
Speaker 3: thing you can do is focus on maintaining a door

1226
01:00:39,880 --> 01:00:43,480
Speaker 3: open for your brother without draining yourself on his wife's behavior.

1227
01:00:44,080 --> 01:00:46,880
Speaker 3: I think that a short, kind message for him directly

1228
01:00:47,120 --> 01:00:50,360
Speaker 3: not her, can keep a line of communication alive without

1229
01:00:50,440 --> 01:00:54,400
Speaker 3: you chasing or overextending. If your brother continues to deny

1230
01:00:54,440 --> 01:00:57,080
Speaker 3: there is a problem. Would you be open to building

1231
01:00:57,120 --> 01:00:59,800
Speaker 3: a relationship just with your nieces and nephews over time,

1232
01:01:00,080 --> 01:01:02,720
Speaker 3: even if it means keeping things very minimal with your

1233
01:01:02,760 --> 01:01:06,160
Speaker 3: sister in law and that is the end of that story.

1234
01:01:08,120 --> 01:01:11,640
Speaker 3: I feel like the problem with the building relationship with

1235
01:01:11,720 --> 01:01:15,439
Speaker 3: nieces and nephews is I don't know if the sister

1236
01:01:15,480 --> 01:01:17,840
Speaker 3: in law would allow that, you know, I think she

1237
01:01:17,880 --> 01:01:21,440
Speaker 3: would try. And if she's already getting involved with private

1238
01:01:21,480 --> 01:01:24,080
Speaker 3: calls between you and your brother, I don't know how

1239
01:01:24,160 --> 01:01:26,760
Speaker 3: much she would allow you to have contact with your Yeah,

1240
01:01:26,760 --> 01:01:28,320
Speaker 3: it's sort of like a nephew.

1241
01:01:29,000 --> 01:01:32,720
Speaker 2: He married my number one up bro. What what what's

1242
01:01:32,800 --> 01:01:35,520
Speaker 2: that all about? What's that all doing that?

1243
01:01:35,760 --> 01:01:38,400
Speaker 3: But folks, that's the end of that story.