WEBVTT - AutoImmune Diets as a Disguise 0:00:00.400 --> 0:00:04.960 I won't lend my body out out everything that I'm 0:00:04.960 --> 0:00:08.800 made do. Won't spend my life trying to change. I'm 0:00:08.880 --> 0:00:12.440 learning to love who I am. I get I'm strong, 0:00:12.840 --> 0:00:15.880 I feel free, I know who every part of me 0:00:16.440 --> 0:00:23.960 it is beautiful and I will always out way if 0:00:23.960 --> 0:00:26.800 you feel it with your eys in the air, She'll 0:00:26.840 --> 0:00:31.080 love to the moot there say good day and did 0:00:31.160 --> 0:00:37.120 you and die out? Welcome back to Outweigh. Today's episode 0:00:37.240 --> 0:00:41.159 is really exciting for me, Lisa, because I'm interviewing a 0:00:41.240 --> 0:00:44.599 long time internet friend of mine who we've never met 0:00:44.640 --> 0:00:47.000 in person. I don't think right, we have like a 0:00:47.040 --> 0:00:52.720 little special something happening over the years. It's my friend Madeleine. 0:00:52.840 --> 0:00:55.720 Mad about Food is her Instagram. I'm gonna put her 0:00:55.840 --> 0:00:59.240 amazing website in the show notes below as well because 0:00:59.360 --> 0:01:03.200 her recipe these are out of this world and her 0:01:03.240 --> 0:01:07.039 online presence is just such a dream. So today's episode 0:01:07.160 --> 0:01:11.360 is having Madeline on as a guest to talk about 0:01:11.360 --> 0:01:15.200 her relationship to dieting and what prompted this was a 0:01:15.200 --> 0:01:18.759 great newsletter that she put out that says, after twelve 0:01:18.840 --> 0:01:21.280 years as a chronic diet or, I decided to quit 0:01:21.360 --> 0:01:24.960 diets forever the ten things I learned since quitting dieting. 0:01:25.200 --> 0:01:28.440 So welcome, thanks for having me. So excited to have you, 0:01:28.640 --> 0:01:32.560 especially because you're one of those people and this is 0:01:32.600 --> 0:01:35.440 maybe a strange thing to say, but you're one of 0:01:35.480 --> 0:01:37.319 those people that I see that has so much going 0:01:37.360 --> 0:01:41.560 on professionally, so successful, so good at what you do, 0:01:42.000 --> 0:01:46.600 and also really confident in a relationship, all these things 0:01:46.680 --> 0:01:49.480 that I almost like, i'd never guessed that you were 0:01:49.560 --> 0:01:53.560 struggling with food. I get that response a lot with 0:01:53.560 --> 0:01:55.600 like any of the struggles I've had in life. So 0:01:56.040 --> 0:01:58.200 you mentioned I'm in a relationship, I'm in like a 0:01:58.360 --> 0:02:01.280 same sex relationship. So I'm marry to a woman, And 0:02:01.320 --> 0:02:04.200 I get that same response from people who ask me 0:02:04.200 --> 0:02:07.080 about my process coming out, because I have this like 0:02:07.480 --> 0:02:10.359 someone in your face confidence and it's a little bit 0:02:10.360 --> 0:02:12.120 of a mask, but I've always had it, Like I've 0:02:12.160 --> 0:02:15.520 always been speak up for myself. I'm always the kid 0:02:15.600 --> 0:02:18.440 in the classroom who like talks over the boys and 0:02:18.480 --> 0:02:21.400 tells them like you know what's up, because it's usually 0:02:21.440 --> 0:02:24.680 boys who when you're younger, are more talkative in class, 0:02:24.720 --> 0:02:27.120 I feel like, and so I've definitely been at like 0:02:27.160 --> 0:02:30.600 bossy little girl. I guess I should say. And so 0:02:31.000 --> 0:02:35.360 even with coming out and with this whole thing, I've 0:02:35.600 --> 0:02:38.440 definitely always been one of those people like easy for 0:02:38.480 --> 0:02:42.799 me to hide behind confidence, and it's a recurrent theme 0:02:42.840 --> 0:02:44.320 that people in my life say, like what, I just 0:02:44.360 --> 0:02:47.200 thought you were okay. So definitely not the first person 0:02:47.280 --> 0:02:49.040 to say that, And I don't know why I felt 0:02:49.080 --> 0:02:51.200 like including that, and I hope it doesn't like make 0:02:51.240 --> 0:02:54.040 you feel any other way. I think even more because 0:02:54.040 --> 0:02:56.959 we don't even have that like personal in person relationship. 0:02:57.000 --> 0:02:59.680 But more you run a food blog, you know your 0:02:59.760 --> 0:03:03.720 rest a piece. When I see them, they don't feel restrictive, 0:03:04.000 --> 0:03:07.880 they feel really balanced and beautiful. And you know, I'm 0:03:07.919 --> 0:03:10.160 somebody who kind of has like a trained eye for 0:03:10.720 --> 0:03:13.080 people that are struggling with food. And yet I just 0:03:13.120 --> 0:03:15.920 feel like you kind of would have slipped under my 0:03:16.080 --> 0:03:17.960 radar if we didn't have a little bit of a 0:03:17.960 --> 0:03:21.240 personal relationship where you've told me. And I guess the 0:03:21.240 --> 0:03:23.080 whole point of me even bringing it up is just 0:03:23.120 --> 0:03:26.120 to say that everybody struggles with something. But when it 0:03:26.120 --> 0:03:29.079 comes to weight and dieting and thinking about food or 0:03:29.160 --> 0:03:32.680 body image, there's so much that goes, you know, before 0:03:32.800 --> 0:03:35.320 what meets the eye, and you just never know what 0:03:35.400 --> 0:03:38.560 somebody's going through. So twelve years as a chronic dieter, 0:03:38.960 --> 0:03:42.080 let's just kind of start there. Yeah, So I guess 0:03:42.120 --> 0:03:44.920 I was like edging on thirteen, So I'm trying to 0:03:44.920 --> 0:03:49.160 do thirteen minus my age would be fifteen. I think 0:03:49.200 --> 0:03:51.840 it probably could say it started before that, But like 0:03:51.880 --> 0:03:55.280 I said, I will always have this like confident I've 0:03:55.280 --> 0:03:59.520 got everything under control of personality. And I think everything 0:03:59.560 --> 0:04:01.760 I've done in life, I've done it from like it 0:04:01.800 --> 0:04:03.640 comes from my own brain. I want to do it. 0:04:03.640 --> 0:04:06.480 It's my thing. And a lot of people have this 0:04:06.640 --> 0:04:09.280 history of like maybe they started dieting because they saw 0:04:09.320 --> 0:04:12.600 something their parents did, or they saw something a friended 0:04:12.720 --> 0:04:16.560 or an older sister or whatever. But I just I 0:04:16.600 --> 0:04:19.720 guess saw, like in news media or around that, like 0:04:20.320 --> 0:04:23.159 there was something to be done of like control what 0:04:23.279 --> 0:04:26.400 you eat. It's a big was always a big control 0:04:26.520 --> 0:04:29.840 thing for me. Everything in my life that's a struggle 0:04:29.960 --> 0:04:32.880 is somewhat related to like control and needing to control 0:04:32.880 --> 0:04:34.480 when I think a lot of women relate to that, 0:04:34.520 --> 0:04:37.920 whether it's dieting or other things in life. And so 0:04:38.040 --> 0:04:41.400 when I first started dieting as a fifteen year older. 0:04:41.400 --> 0:04:43.560 As a high schooler, I was going through S A 0:04:43.680 --> 0:04:48.919 t S and the college application process somewhat of a 0:04:49.120 --> 0:04:53.080 type over achiever teenager, and I was like, oh, this 0:04:53.160 --> 0:04:55.919 is something else that I could focus on, right, Like 0:04:55.960 --> 0:04:58.000 I could control a hundred and fifty percent of this. 0:04:58.120 --> 0:05:00.720 I can't control a hundred a deepercent of what I 0:05:00.760 --> 0:05:02.839 do on the S A T S. But this is 0:05:02.880 --> 0:05:06.240 like my own thing. Then. Since then, it's just been 0:05:06.640 --> 0:05:10.400 this arc of my life of like, when things get tough, 0:05:10.880 --> 0:05:15.320 I lean on or used to lean on, that form 0:05:15.360 --> 0:05:19.599 of restriction or control. And I have like a very 0:05:19.720 --> 0:05:24.320 like stocky, solid body. So I think a lot of 0:05:24.320 --> 0:05:26.719 people would have looked at me, even at my lowest 0:05:26.760 --> 0:05:31.120 point and been like, oh, she's fine, she's very healthy looking, 0:05:31.279 --> 0:05:33.560 or people would compliment me even that I was maybe 0:05:33.839 --> 0:05:36.160 thinner than I had been in the past. And so 0:05:36.200 --> 0:05:39.200 I think that's where like I even got more inspired 0:05:39.240 --> 0:05:42.120 to share more of it, because, like you said, everyone's 0:05:42.120 --> 0:05:45.360 struggling and we all are trained to be like, let 0:05:45.360 --> 0:05:47.279 me look at your body and let me see what 0:05:47.320 --> 0:05:49.599 your body looks like, and then I'll judge your health 0:05:49.680 --> 0:05:52.000 based on that, right, And it was such an eye 0:05:52.000 --> 0:05:54.360 opening process for me to like go back and look 0:05:54.400 --> 0:05:56.800 at moments in my life where I'm like, Okay, that 0:05:56.880 --> 0:06:00.280 was my thinnest way ever, my most miserable, And then 0:06:00.279 --> 0:06:02.880 I see myself in pictures with friends and friends who 0:06:02.880 --> 0:06:06.080 I know like don't give a hoot about what they eat, 0:06:06.120 --> 0:06:08.400 and I look bigger than them in the photos. Right, 0:06:08.920 --> 0:06:12.200 So it's just this crazy thing that like it's been 0:06:12.720 --> 0:06:16.560 twelve years of dieting and twelve years of somewhat silent 0:06:16.640 --> 0:06:20.560 suffering because of how my body looks compared to other 0:06:20.560 --> 0:06:26.200 women and because of my personality of everything is all good, 0:06:26.760 --> 0:06:29.360 Everything's good. Look at these super healthy meals I share 0:06:29.400 --> 0:06:32.440 on Instagram, whether I'm eating them or not. It's like 0:06:32.600 --> 0:06:35.440 the other layer of it. But like that was the 0:06:35.520 --> 0:06:39.080 ark of my life. And the other piece of it 0:06:39.120 --> 0:06:41.040 that I'm we could talk about more is that I 0:06:41.080 --> 0:06:45.880 have two autoimmune diseases, and unfortunately the world told me 0:06:46.040 --> 0:06:49.080 that like what I was doing and controlling my food 0:06:49.640 --> 0:06:53.160 was rewarded in that community, right, Like the less you eat, 0:06:53.200 --> 0:06:56.680 the more you cut out, the better autoimmune warrior you are. 0:06:57.120 --> 0:07:01.200 And that has been like the biggest change in the 0:07:01.279 --> 0:07:04.840 last year for me to be like that is so toxic. 0:07:05.320 --> 0:07:09.840 That is so misleading a because everybody's body is different. 0:07:09.920 --> 0:07:12.920 So right, So like you're told to be vegan, keto, 0:07:13.000 --> 0:07:17.080 paleo whatever to be to curire autoimmune disease, but doesn't 0:07:17.120 --> 0:07:19.080 mean like one of those things it's gonna work for everyone. 0:07:19.680 --> 0:07:23.400 And doing those things puts an immense amount of stress 0:07:23.440 --> 0:07:26.880 on your body, especially if you jump from standard American 0:07:26.880 --> 0:07:30.320 diet to one of them, or from vegan to keta. Who, right, Like, 0:07:30.360 --> 0:07:33.800 whatever you're doing, it's not always gonna be this like 0:07:34.360 --> 0:07:37.280 amazing transformation that people make it seem like in the 0:07:37.280 --> 0:07:39.680 autoimmune disease community. And I don't want to shame anyone 0:07:39.720 --> 0:07:42.800 who I walk a really fine line between shaming people 0:07:42.840 --> 0:07:45.720 who find relief from these kinds of diets, right, and 0:07:45.880 --> 0:07:48.760 my journey, But that was a really big piece of 0:07:48.760 --> 0:07:52.480 my diet journey and what stopped me eventually because of 0:07:52.480 --> 0:07:57.280 that constant pedonic treadmill of keep cutting things out. I 0:07:57.320 --> 0:08:00.200 was on the carnivore diet so literally, like that was 0:08:00.200 --> 0:08:02.760 the last thing I did, and I was eating red 0:08:02.840 --> 0:08:05.600 meat and water for a month, and like there is 0:08:05.680 --> 0:08:09.360 nowhere to go from their? Right, Okay, got it is 0:08:09.360 --> 0:08:13.400 it possible that having to autoimmune diseases also very much 0:08:13.440 --> 0:08:17.040 contributed to the dieting that you've done over the last 0:08:17.080 --> 0:08:20.280 twelve years, not just the desire to want to change 0:08:20.280 --> 0:08:23.720 your body physically. Yeah, so I think it's layered for 0:08:23.760 --> 0:08:25.720 me personally, and this is work I've done on my 0:08:25.760 --> 0:08:30.240 own with the therapist. Of Unfortunately for me and unfortunately 0:08:30.280 --> 0:08:33.959 for our society, I was able to use autommune disease 0:08:34.000 --> 0:08:38.120 as a disguise. Right, I'm dieting because I'm this healthy 0:08:38.160 --> 0:08:42.440 autoimmune warrior, when really, if I'm in my most honest, 0:08:42.600 --> 0:08:46.520 like vulnerable state, I say it's all about drinking my body. 0:08:47.000 --> 0:08:50.680 That final diet was I'm gonna go the most extreme 0:08:50.920 --> 0:08:55.280 this thing that apparently cures everyone's arthritis. Right, And not 0:08:55.320 --> 0:08:57.160 only am I going to be the healthiest person in 0:08:57.160 --> 0:08:59.560 the world, I'm going to have the smallest, fittest body 0:08:59.600 --> 0:09:05.240 in America. Huh. And it was so mentally draining that 0:09:05.240 --> 0:09:07.320 that's the thing that pushed me over the edge to 0:09:07.360 --> 0:09:09.640 look in the mirror after those thirty days and be like, Okay, 0:09:09.679 --> 0:09:11.800 so I just drank water and eat meat for thirty days. 0:09:11.800 --> 0:09:13.400 I feel the worst I've ever felt in my life. 0:09:13.440 --> 0:09:15.760 I have the worst social relationships I've ever had in 0:09:15.800 --> 0:09:18.400 my life. We're in the middle of the pandemic, right, 0:09:18.480 --> 0:09:21.400 So not only is my social life this tiny circle, 0:09:21.480 --> 0:09:25.320 I've lessened it too. I can only this very simple, 0:09:25.400 --> 0:09:29.360 simple thing. And my body looks kind of the same 0:09:29.400 --> 0:09:33.080 as it did thirty days ago, I hear you. So, yeah, 0:09:33.120 --> 0:09:35.560 I think, just to expand out for a second, you know, 0:09:35.640 --> 0:09:37.880 for anybody who has an autoimmune disease and you've found 0:09:37.920 --> 0:09:40.960 the diet that works for you, and your symptoms are alleviated, 0:09:41.000 --> 0:09:44.000 and it works fantastic, you know, just so that we 0:09:44.160 --> 0:09:48.480 you know, speak to everybody here and and value your journey. Great. 0:09:48.840 --> 0:09:52.600 But what you're saying, Maddie is that even though the 0:09:52.640 --> 0:09:54.680 dieting may have stemmed from a place of wanting to 0:09:54.720 --> 0:09:57.880 get your symptoms under control, there was for you that 0:09:57.960 --> 0:10:00.920 other layer of also really wanting to change your body, 0:10:01.240 --> 0:10:05.599 feeling some sort of control, and doing really extreme things 0:10:05.640 --> 0:10:09.080 that impacted your quality of life. It sounds like they 0:10:09.080 --> 0:10:11.719 didn't improve your symptoms, but let's just say that they did. 0:10:11.760 --> 0:10:14.480 Even if they didn't prove your symptoms, they were still 0:10:14.559 --> 0:10:19.480 causing stress for you mentally and therefore not working for you. Yeah, 0:10:19.559 --> 0:10:21.400 and I think the biggest thing I say to people 0:10:21.520 --> 0:10:24.120 is like, it's totally about a mindset, right, So if 0:10:24.120 --> 0:10:26.559 you're in it with the mindset of like doing X 0:10:26.679 --> 0:10:28.720 y Z helps me and I feel so much better. 0:10:29.160 --> 0:10:32.679 But I also like live a very source normal social life. 0:10:32.880 --> 0:10:36.280 I also eat the proper amount of calories to fuel 0:10:36.360 --> 0:10:39.600 my body. Right for me, there was no being on 0:10:39.640 --> 0:10:43.120 a diet and fueling my body properly. As soon as 0:10:43.160 --> 0:10:46.160 I went to the let's cut certain food groups out, 0:10:46.400 --> 0:10:48.319 and probably because of my history of dieting, I went 0:10:48.480 --> 0:10:50.520 to not only do we cut food groups out, but 0:10:50.559 --> 0:10:53.520 we cut down on calorie consumption. And that's where you 0:10:53.679 --> 0:10:57.600 really hit that decrease in happiness and quality of life 0:10:57.600 --> 0:11:01.200 because you just aren't fueled. Yeah you're I mean, most 0:11:01.200 --> 0:11:03.520 of your body isn't fueled, but your brain isn't fueled. 0:11:03.520 --> 0:11:05.920 You you're going to feel awful if you're not eating 0:11:06.000 --> 0:11:09.360 enough calories. And I don't think we're loud enough about that. 0:11:09.920 --> 0:11:12.640 And I don't know for me, calories like has become 0:11:12.720 --> 0:11:14.880 not a foreign word, but a foreign word in the 0:11:14.920 --> 0:11:19.240 concept of calories are bad, you know, but it's not 0:11:19.320 --> 0:11:21.800 a big part of my life anymore. But I forget 0:11:21.840 --> 0:11:24.840 that for so many people. That's where it always comes 0:11:24.840 --> 0:11:27.760 back to, and it's so ingrained, and we really have 0:11:27.840 --> 0:11:32.160 to ngo in that by recognizing that, like you said, 0:11:32.240 --> 0:11:35.760 like that's where the misery really really really comes from. 0:11:35.800 --> 0:11:38.080 So this last diet that you went on that you 0:11:38.120 --> 0:11:42.839 mentioned this was June of corect Yeah, so I think, 0:11:42.920 --> 0:11:46.240 like what I've said before and what we said about 0:11:46.280 --> 0:11:50.160 control and about my health both are like this was 0:11:50.240 --> 0:11:53.120 the peak of it. So I was working part time 0:11:53.400 --> 0:11:57.480 as a freelance social media worker and it's a also 0:11:57.720 --> 0:12:00.520 for myself on my business. In March with twent twenty 0:12:00.559 --> 0:12:03.520 when the world changed, and by June I had lost 0:12:03.559 --> 0:12:06.240 so much income that I had to go back to 0:12:06.440 --> 0:12:09.600 corporate full time. And not only was that a problem, 0:12:09.640 --> 0:12:13.240 I was under so much stress because of the COVID virus. 0:12:13.280 --> 0:12:15.280 My wife is a nurse, so she was going to 0:12:15.280 --> 0:12:18.040 the hospital every day. I felt like not every day, 0:12:18.080 --> 0:12:20.160 but three times a week, and I felt like I 0:12:20.200 --> 0:12:23.080 was worried about her, my family, myself. You know, if 0:12:23.080 --> 0:12:25.640 you're an automy and disease, we don't know exactly what 0:12:25.800 --> 0:12:27.960 you know what could happen, but you could be affected 0:12:27.960 --> 0:12:32.360 worse by viruses. So the stress of that the stress 0:12:32.400 --> 0:12:34.120 of having to go back to a job full time 0:12:34.160 --> 0:12:36.600 where I had to be an in person worker in 0:12:36.640 --> 0:12:39.320 an office full time, running my own business that was 0:12:39.679 --> 0:12:42.960 seriously running into the ground out of my own control. 0:12:43.440 --> 0:12:45.440 I know some food bloggers who had their best years 0:12:45.440 --> 0:12:47.680 of their life in COVID, just wasn't me. I wasn't 0:12:47.720 --> 0:12:50.160 set up that way, and I learned so much, but 0:12:50.400 --> 0:12:51.800 I had to go back to corporate and I was 0:12:51.840 --> 0:12:53.679 so lucky that I had a job waiting for me. 0:12:53.920 --> 0:12:56.400 But this was a breaking point for me under the 0:12:56.480 --> 0:12:59.160 control and health umbrella of Like, my health was the 0:12:59.160 --> 0:13:01.360 worst it's ever been. I had no control over my life. 0:13:02.000 --> 0:13:05.800 And I was like, Oh, the cardboard diet. It's the 0:13:05.800 --> 0:13:07.920 most extreme diet I could ever go on. Why don't 0:13:07.960 --> 0:13:10.280 I try that right now? The week I go back 0:13:10.320 --> 0:13:13.120 to a new job. It's like literally brought cold steaks 0:13:13.120 --> 0:13:14.840 in a lunch box. I don't know if that sounds 0:13:14.920 --> 0:13:17.960 like good to other people, but to to me, I'm 0:13:18.000 --> 0:13:21.040 just like, I love like salad instead before it's like 0:13:21.080 --> 0:13:24.800 my favorite food. Like I'm all for any sort of 0:13:24.880 --> 0:13:27.120 protein that you want to add. But was there ever 0:13:27.200 --> 0:13:29.360 a moment we were like, hmmm, I like steak this 0:13:29.480 --> 0:13:32.679 sounds good. It's so sad to say like this because 0:13:32.720 --> 0:13:35.520 I love food so much, but I had lost sight 0:13:35.640 --> 0:13:38.240 of like what I loved to eat totally right, Like 0:13:38.400 --> 0:13:42.840 I didn't know what I loved anymore. So I now 0:13:42.880 --> 0:13:46.160 today sitting here, like if you take every ingredient from 0:13:46.160 --> 0:13:48.480 my fridge and put it in a salad bowl over lattice, 0:13:48.600 --> 0:13:51.000 like that is my jam, Like I will eat that 0:13:51.080 --> 0:13:54.520 every day. But I also do love like proteins, so 0:13:54.559 --> 0:13:57.720 it's not all steak like not I don't. I would 0:13:57.720 --> 0:13:59.320 assume the people who are in the carnobarde I aren't 0:13:59.320 --> 0:14:01.960 listening down way, but maybe they are. But it's like, 0:14:02.920 --> 0:14:05.720 but it's like, um, you can eat eggs. I love eggs, 0:14:05.840 --> 0:14:07.880 like it's a huge part of like what I saw today. 0:14:08.160 --> 0:14:10.600 But if I'm like in my most honest moments, I'm 0:14:10.600 --> 0:14:12.840 not eating an egg without any sour dough bread these days, 0:14:12.880 --> 0:14:14.800 you know, like there's not a day where I'm just 0:14:14.840 --> 0:14:16.840 eating an egg alone. But there were lots of days 0:14:16.920 --> 0:14:18.760 during this time when I was just eating an egg alone. 0:14:19.160 --> 0:14:22.320 So does it sound particularly appealing to me right now? No, 0:14:22.880 --> 0:14:26.000 but probably more appealing than for some other people. I 0:14:26.040 --> 0:14:28.760 hear you. I hear you. So this newsletter that you 0:14:28.840 --> 0:14:33.400 put out was really I waited for it. I waited 0:14:33.520 --> 0:14:35.200 like two weeks for it, and then it came in 0:14:35.280 --> 0:14:36.960 my inbox. The second I saw it, I was like, 0:14:37.000 --> 0:14:39.200 I'm clicking this. I can't wait to read it. And 0:14:39.240 --> 0:14:42.400 I was shocked because I didn't realize that the last 0:14:42.440 --> 0:14:45.040 diet that you did was about a year ago. And 0:14:45.520 --> 0:14:48.320 I love the framing of this piece ten things you 0:14:48.480 --> 0:14:51.560 learned since you quit dieting, So I'd love if we 0:14:51.600 --> 0:14:55.640 could just like list through them and then just see 0:14:55.720 --> 0:14:58.720 kind of where that takes us. So point number one, 0:14:59.000 --> 0:15:01.720 what did What's the first thing you learned? So I 0:15:01.760 --> 0:15:04.400 book ended this with like my top two so number one, 0:15:04.480 --> 0:15:07.280 number ten or like my most important but number one 0:15:07.440 --> 0:15:09.480 is I have so much brain space for more brain 0:15:09.480 --> 0:15:11.880 space for other things. And that's something that you don't 0:15:11.880 --> 0:15:14.400 realize until you're out of the woods of it. And 0:15:14.840 --> 0:15:17.760 even today, like I just went out to lunch with 0:15:17.760 --> 0:15:21.280 a friend, there was no like checking the menu ahead 0:15:21.320 --> 0:15:25.720 of time, double checking the menu, long conversation with the waitress, 0:15:26.200 --> 0:15:29.360 or like long internal battle in my mind right about 0:15:29.360 --> 0:15:31.600 what to order or what am I going to eat 0:15:31.600 --> 0:15:33.800 for breakfast? So that for lunch, I can eat whatever 0:15:33.840 --> 0:15:36.400 I want and look quote unquote normal to my friend, 0:15:37.000 --> 0:15:38.720 what am I going to do after the lunch? Like 0:15:39.360 --> 0:15:42.520 so much, I'm exhausted just listing all those things, right, 0:15:42.920 --> 0:15:46.000 and so now you just kind of live and like 0:15:46.360 --> 0:15:49.120 even going to the grocery store is so much more 0:15:49.160 --> 0:15:52.000 of a non issue. It's just shopping even on a 0:15:52.000 --> 0:15:53.520 food blogger and like a lot of it's a very 0:15:53.600 --> 0:15:56.760 detailed list of recipes I'm making. It's not like an 0:15:56.760 --> 0:15:59.960 obsessive process. Obsessive is like one of the only word, 0:16:00.120 --> 0:16:02.240 like say, for this, and I think most people gonna 0:16:02.240 --> 0:16:05.560 read to that like it's all consuming and you don't 0:16:05.560 --> 0:16:07.800 even realize it till you're not fully consumed by it. 0:16:09.080 --> 0:16:10.760 And I'm so glad you said the last part, because 0:16:10.760 --> 0:16:12.200 that's what I was going to kind of harp on 0:16:12.480 --> 0:16:16.640 for anyone listening that is like unable to understand what 0:16:16.800 --> 0:16:21.320 that means. It's the most shocking realization that only happens 0:16:21.480 --> 0:16:24.600 once you liberate your brain and start doing other things. 0:16:25.000 --> 0:16:28.040 Do you realize how confined you are by the obsessive 0:16:28.520 --> 0:16:32.520 compulsive thoughts about food control, thinking about it, feeling guilty 0:16:32.560 --> 0:16:35.440 about it, planning for it, all you know just how 0:16:35.480 --> 0:16:37.720 small it is. So I feel like that's all the 0:16:37.720 --> 0:16:40.040 one that you only understand once you're on the other 0:16:40.080 --> 0:16:42.920 side and you're like, Wow, what else does this world 0:16:42.960 --> 0:16:45.720 have to offer me? And there's so much possibility on 0:16:45.760 --> 0:16:48.160 that side. So I love that one. What's number two? 0:16:48.680 --> 0:16:50.360 A lot of them, I think would say like on 0:16:50.400 --> 0:16:51.840 the other side of it, I noticed, or just why 0:16:51.840 --> 0:16:54.320 I wanted to share them? Right? So number two is 0:16:54.680 --> 0:16:56.880 even if every human at the exact same thing, so 0:16:56.920 --> 0:16:58.880 we would all look completely different. And I think a 0:16:58.880 --> 0:17:02.440 lot of this goes back to systematic issues of diet culture. 0:17:02.920 --> 0:17:05.280 We all have different bodies because of where we came from. 0:17:05.359 --> 0:17:07.960 We all have different bodies because of who our families are. 0:17:08.320 --> 0:17:10.760 We all have different bodies because of like how we're 0:17:10.800 --> 0:17:12.879 raised or if we have an illness or if we don't, 0:17:13.040 --> 0:17:16.359 or anything like that. And it's so funny because I 0:17:16.480 --> 0:17:18.280 jokingly say to my wife all the time, like, you 0:17:18.320 --> 0:17:20.200 see my grandma, That's who I'm going to be, because 0:17:20.200 --> 0:17:22.080 when I look at pictures of her in my age, 0:17:22.320 --> 0:17:25.960 we have the exact same body type and like she 0:17:26.119 --> 0:17:29.480 just is a more plump woman, Like it's just how 0:17:29.520 --> 0:17:32.560 she's built and she's never once been one of those 0:17:32.600 --> 0:17:35.800 like dieting Grandma's like I'm going to eat grape grapefruit 0:17:35.840 --> 0:17:38.560 and cottage. She's a way like those foods, So I 0:17:38.600 --> 0:17:40.960 hate that they're like pumping on that. But she's not. 0:17:41.200 --> 0:17:43.399 She's not the diet in Grandma. And so this was 0:17:43.440 --> 0:17:45.080 a huge thing for me. We could all eat the 0:17:45.119 --> 0:17:47.639 exact same, perfect paleo diet today and look different in 0:17:47.640 --> 0:17:49.439 a year. And I think this is an important one 0:17:49.480 --> 0:17:53.800 to harp on subconsciously on a subconscious level, because I think, 0:17:54.040 --> 0:17:57.640 especially with social media, with a lot of still photos 0:17:57.640 --> 0:18:00.600 and images of influencers that we've taken that we admire 0:18:00.680 --> 0:18:05.320 for whatever reason, even if we know that, you know, 0:18:05.440 --> 0:18:07.399 we're never gonna look like them, I think there is 0:18:07.440 --> 0:18:11.119 that subconscious belief that if I just do what they're doing, 0:18:11.280 --> 0:18:14.960 I will get some of that. And I think that's 0:18:14.960 --> 0:18:17.040 a hard one to break down, all right, So let's 0:18:17.040 --> 0:18:19.880 move into point number three. Al Right, So this one 0:18:20.000 --> 0:18:22.720 other people were hyper aware of my dietary needs. So 0:18:22.800 --> 0:18:25.439 this was one another one that I guess I knew 0:18:25.480 --> 0:18:27.640 and when I was in it, but way more after 0:18:27.680 --> 0:18:31.320 the fact, which was that like friends, family, even people 0:18:31.359 --> 0:18:33.600 I hadn't seen a really long time would like double 0:18:33.720 --> 0:18:36.880 check with me before we went to do anything, like hey, 0:18:36.920 --> 0:18:39.199 what are you not eating right now? And it was 0:18:39.600 --> 0:18:43.240 really hard for me every single time. For like months, 0:18:43.240 --> 0:18:45.800 this went on to be like I'm eating everything, like 0:18:45.880 --> 0:18:48.679 I truly am, Like I'll figure it out there. I 0:18:48.720 --> 0:18:51.480 eat everything now, So people trying to be considerate of 0:18:51.520 --> 0:18:55.119 your needs, but like it was such a focus about 0:18:55.160 --> 0:18:57.440 you that always came up. Yeah, and it made me 0:18:57.480 --> 0:19:00.320 almost feel like I was like it was like a 0:19:00.320 --> 0:19:02.359 little bit of like shame of like I was that person. 0:19:02.560 --> 0:19:04.359 I'm lucky that a lot of my friends in life 0:19:04.359 --> 0:19:06.600 are so normal with food and I hate that word, 0:19:06.640 --> 0:19:08.639 but they're so normal with food that like I was 0:19:08.640 --> 0:19:11.399 the difficult one. And so it took a while to 0:19:11.520 --> 0:19:14.040 like make it through my whole rotation of people I 0:19:14.080 --> 0:19:17.000 know and I eat meals with to be like, yeah, 0:19:17.240 --> 0:19:22.280 I'm any restaurants, good gluten cheese, meats, not meats whatever. 0:19:22.960 --> 0:19:25.119 I love that. I feel like I guess me because 0:19:25.160 --> 0:19:27.639 like I'm a registered dietitian too, because it's been a 0:19:27.680 --> 0:19:29.560 long time since I've kind of been in you know, 0:19:29.600 --> 0:19:32.120 my things that I eat don't eat and I could 0:19:32.160 --> 0:19:34.840 eat anywhere as well. But I feel like I'm still 0:19:34.880 --> 0:19:37.560 gootting through the people of oh, you know, there's nothing 0:19:37.600 --> 0:19:39.680 for you to eat at my house, and it's kind 0:19:39.720 --> 0:19:42.440 of fun to be like to show them, no, I eat, 0:19:42.560 --> 0:19:45.400 I eat everything. You know, but you didn't even realize 0:19:45.400 --> 0:19:48.359 what a focus your diet was for other people. Yeah, 0:19:48.560 --> 0:19:50.800 that was the thing. I was like, cool, people really 0:19:51.280 --> 0:19:53.320 like knew me as the girl who was on some 0:19:53.400 --> 0:19:55.160 kind of a diet. I feel like if Amy were here, 0:19:55.240 --> 0:19:58.399 she would be saying that relates because she has a 0:19:58.400 --> 0:20:00.560 lot of people in her life too that I just 0:20:00.560 --> 0:20:03.760 saw her as eating so differently, and now we're like, wow, 0:20:03.760 --> 0:20:06.440 you're so much more fun to be around, even relatives 0:20:06.480 --> 0:20:10.080 like we do very consistently, like summer summer dinner, my 0:20:10.119 --> 0:20:13.680 grandmother's Sunday night dinner. She's a big Italian and there 0:20:13.720 --> 0:20:17.040 was always like zotos or something for me. And it's 0:20:17.080 --> 0:20:21.920 like somewhat pains me now to like realize that. But 0:20:22.000 --> 0:20:24.680 that's why I wanted to emphasize it's been a year, 0:20:24.760 --> 0:20:28.160 because we're finally one full summer from when I did 0:20:28.160 --> 0:20:30.320 the carn Aboard diet, and it's like I show up 0:20:30.359 --> 0:20:32.760 now when no one even mentions what I eat or 0:20:32.800 --> 0:20:36.280 don't eat. I love point number five. I still have 0:20:36.359 --> 0:20:39.680