1
00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:09,560
Speaker 1: Welcome into a brand new episode of Levels to This

2
00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:13,680
Speaker 1: with Your Girl, Cheryl and Tarka Foster Rasby Cheryl.

3
00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:14,760
Speaker 2: What's going on? Man?

4
00:00:15,120 --> 00:00:15,600
Speaker 3: What's up?

5
00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:15,840
Speaker 2: Tea?

6
00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:20,200
Speaker 3: I am so excited to be here with you with

7
00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:24,520
Speaker 3: the new podcast, and it's gonna be some good.

8
00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:27,920
Speaker 1: Stuff you are preaching to the choir. I am so

9
00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:30,880
Speaker 1: excited about this podcast. It's been in the making for

10
00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:35,440
Speaker 1: quite a while. And I'm actually honored, right because if

11
00:00:35,479 --> 00:00:37,680
Speaker 1: Trump be told your girl wasn't supposed to be here, so.

12
00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:40,040
Speaker 2: You really you really looked out? You really did.

13
00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:42,879
Speaker 3: Oh no, no, no, no, you you are supposed to

14
00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:48,400
Speaker 3: be here. And I'm gonna say this because I always like,

15
00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:51,680
Speaker 3: I just believe we are where we're supposed to be

16
00:00:52,159 --> 00:00:54,800
Speaker 3: in that moment, So to say you're not supposed to

17
00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:57,760
Speaker 3: be here, You're exactly where you're supposed to be. I

18
00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:01,800
Speaker 3: you know, I watch you from Afar. I see what

19
00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:04,000
Speaker 3: you do. I know what you bring, I know what

20
00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:07,360
Speaker 3: you represent, I know what you're about. And you know,

21
00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:11,440
Speaker 3: when we initially started having this conversation with iHeart about

22
00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:14,520
Speaker 3: the podcast and kind of sort of what I wanted

23
00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:17,520
Speaker 3: it to be, there really weren't a lot of people

24
00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:19,959
Speaker 3: that I was like, oh, yeah, she's the one, She's

25
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:23,480
Speaker 3: the right fit. And you know why, because it's important

26
00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:28,440
Speaker 3: to me that this particular podcast is very real, right,

27
00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:33,520
Speaker 3: and it's not your typical podcast where we're two women

28
00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:36,920
Speaker 3: talking about sports. What I love about it, what excites

29
00:01:36,959 --> 00:01:40,639
Speaker 3: me about it, is like we're gonna we're gonna tackle

30
00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:43,000
Speaker 3: a lot, We're gonna talk about a lot of different things.

31
00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:46,560
Speaker 3: We're gonna keep it real and hopefully there are women

32
00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:50,160
Speaker 3: out there who will tune in to this podcast and

33
00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:53,880
Speaker 3: get something from it because we're going to talk about

34
00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:55,600
Speaker 3: just real life shit.

35
00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:57,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's real.

36
00:01:57,400 --> 00:02:00,760
Speaker 1: I think that's what drew me to wanting to be

37
00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:03,480
Speaker 1: a part of this podcast, outside of the fact that

38
00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:07,560
Speaker 1: you're freaking amazing and I have loved the relationship.

39
00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:09,960
Speaker 2: That we've built, but just because.

40
00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:13,880
Speaker 1: In my everyday regular life, like I have to censor

41
00:02:13,919 --> 00:02:14,480
Speaker 1: a lot of shit.

42
00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:19,760
Speaker 2: I have to be like Srika, if you say.

43
00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:22,680
Speaker 1: This, and when I get fired to Rika, if you

44
00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:25,400
Speaker 1: say this, your mentions are gonna blow up.

45
00:02:25,639 --> 00:02:28,480
Speaker 2: Rika, if you say this, your husband gonna say so down.

46
00:02:28,919 --> 00:02:33,960
Speaker 2: So I have to so I'll be tad, I'll be tired.

47
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:34,160
Speaker 2: I have.

48
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:37,680
Speaker 1: It's a sense of stuff, and I really reveled at

49
00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:40,520
Speaker 1: the opportunity to just be in a free space. And

50
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:42,840
Speaker 1: I think that's what we both really wanted, was to

51
00:02:42,919 --> 00:02:45,600
Speaker 1: have a place that could just really be a free.

52
00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:49,200
Speaker 3: Space, no doubt. And you know, te I think a

53
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:52,639
Speaker 3: lot of people like, yes, they know me from basketball,

54
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:58,440
Speaker 3: but I also think there's not necessarily a misconception, but

55
00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:05,000
Speaker 3: there's this idea of professional athletes, professional female athletes, like

56
00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,239
Speaker 3: that we just we got it easy, and we got

57
00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:11,720
Speaker 3: all we got all our shit together and life is great.

58
00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:15,800
Speaker 3: And like, I need people to know that's that's not

59
00:03:15,919 --> 00:03:20,120
Speaker 3: the real thing. And especially for me being a woman

60
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:23,440
Speaker 3: and being a black woman, and you know, a lot

61
00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:27,280
Speaker 3: of the struggles that we go through, we just don't

62
00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:30,240
Speaker 3: really have a space, like a safe space where we

63
00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:32,920
Speaker 3: can either go talk about it or even tune in

64
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,760
Speaker 3: and listen to And when I say just stuff that

65
00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:39,000
Speaker 3: that women go through everything from you know, I'll look

66
00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:41,760
Speaker 3: at my situation when the league first started, when I

67
00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:48,320
Speaker 3: started playing, but being pregnant, right, not having somewhere or

68
00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:50,880
Speaker 3: someone that I could go to and talk to about

69
00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:54,120
Speaker 3: just stuff I was experiencing. I'm pregnant, I'm an athlete,

70
00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:57,480
Speaker 3: I'm trying to play, but my body is doing some

71
00:03:57,560 --> 00:04:01,200
Speaker 3: things that I've never experienced before, or where can I

72
00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:04,360
Speaker 3: tune in to help? And that's the beginning, And now

73
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:07,120
Speaker 3: I'll go to the end in retirement and being older

74
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:12,080
Speaker 3: and going through menopause. Just an example, right, Like, who

75
00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:15,560
Speaker 3: can relate to me? Who can talk to me? Well,

76
00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:20,080
Speaker 3: that's what I hope levels to this will bring to

77
00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:24,119
Speaker 3: every single female out there, not just athletes, but every

78
00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:27,160
Speaker 3: woman out there who's just going through life stuff.

79
00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:31,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like that's that's the biggest gifts that I think

80
00:04:31,279 --> 00:04:33,520
Speaker 1: we can give to people, is to give them a

81
00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:36,679
Speaker 1: space to feel like they are not alone, right, because

82
00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:38,719
Speaker 1: sometimes people feel like they're going through.

83
00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:41,159
Speaker 2: The shit alone and they are not. We all are.

84
00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:45,040
Speaker 1: And to your point, there is this pedestal that people

85
00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:49,160
Speaker 1: are put on that makes others feel that they don't.

86
00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:52,320
Speaker 2: Go through the same things that regular people go through.

87
00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:57,159
Speaker 1: Right, And so as someone who has really gone through

88
00:04:57,200 --> 00:05:00,520
Speaker 1: a lot and these forty years that I've been on Earth,

89
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:05,640
Speaker 1: there are levels to the various things that we encounter,

90
00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:10,719
Speaker 1: but on the surface, it's all still the same, right,

91
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:12,560
Speaker 1: And I think like that's what's really gonna be dope

92
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:15,320
Speaker 1: about this show. So I'm really looking forward to having

93
00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:17,800
Speaker 1: those conversations. I'm looking forward to the people that we're

94
00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:21,880
Speaker 1: gonna be having these conversations with because guys, this this

95
00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:24,279
Speaker 1: show is gonna be lit, and we have some amazing

96
00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:27,520
Speaker 1: guests who are gonna be joining us throughout this process

97
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:30,000
Speaker 1: to kind of help break these things down and talk

98
00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:33,480
Speaker 1: to us. And whether they're athletes, whether they're media personalities,

99
00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:36,640
Speaker 1: whether they're medical professionals, whether they don't do shit but

100
00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:38,760
Speaker 1: stay at home and baby say kids, that's what they do,

101
00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:41,080
Speaker 1: but you know what, they're awesome at what they do,

102
00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:44,080
Speaker 1: and so we feel it's important for us to have

103
00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:48,120
Speaker 1: those conversations with them. But also we want to make

104
00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:51,320
Speaker 1: sure that you guys are aware of what you can

105
00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:53,760
Speaker 1: expect when listening to our show. So we'll always open

106
00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:56,160
Speaker 1: the show with a very surface level conversation show len

107
00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:57,919
Speaker 1: I just gonna kick the shit. Let you know what

108
00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:00,440
Speaker 1: we're up to, what we're doing, and we want to

109
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:02,480
Speaker 1: take it to the next level, right. We want to

110
00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:04,800
Speaker 1: make sure that we give space to really delve into

111
00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:07,839
Speaker 1: whatever it is that we're gonna be talking about. And

112
00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:10,040
Speaker 1: then finally when it's time for us to level off

113
00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:13,159
Speaker 1: and close out the show, my girl Cheryl is gonna

114
00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:15,440
Speaker 1: make sure she's dropping some nuggets and some words of

115
00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:19,840
Speaker 1: encouragement and empowerment, you know, some of those things that

116
00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:22,920
Speaker 1: we just need to hear. So that's what you can

117
00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:24,240
Speaker 1: expect from us here at levels to.

118
00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:30,839
Speaker 2: This, Cheryl.

119
00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:33,720
Speaker 1: I really loved how you kind of got us into

120
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:36,120
Speaker 1: something without even knowing that you were getting us into something.

121
00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:39,240
Speaker 1: And I've been wanting to talk to you about this

122
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:42,039
Speaker 1: for a minute, but never really.

123
00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:45,120
Speaker 2: Seem to like have time to. So you know, I

124
00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:47,000
Speaker 2: know that what we all.

125
00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:49,120
Speaker 1: Do because it's pretty much documented, but not in the

126
00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:51,920
Speaker 1: way that you know, probably as intimately and as personally.

127
00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:53,800
Speaker 1: But we know that you are one of the first,

128
00:06:53,839 --> 00:06:57,279
Speaker 1: if not the first, to be pregnant as an athlete,

129
00:06:57,320 --> 00:06:59,560
Speaker 1: right and when we look at what's going on with

130
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:02,480
Speaker 1: Derek Handy, we look at what's going on you know,

131
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:05,120
Speaker 1: feed coming back after having a baby and having the

132
00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:08,279
Speaker 1: season that she had. You look at Adwana Bonner who

133
00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:12,600
Speaker 1: had twins and still out here balling. You look at

134
00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:15,200
Speaker 1: what your son is doing now, planning for the main

135
00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:17,360
Speaker 1: Celtics one of the dunk contests.

136
00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:19,120
Speaker 2: I think that it is.

137
00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:28,480
Speaker 1: I know, like she just just lit lit by a baby, Okay,

138
00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:34,120
Speaker 1: but it is there are so many people who find

139
00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:40,400
Speaker 1: difficulties balancing being a mom and being a professional at

140
00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:44,040
Speaker 1: whatever that is. Because the truth is, moms have a

141
00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:46,720
Speaker 1: very different level of expectation than dads.

142
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,720
Speaker 2: And I ain't to say that dads don't do shit.

143
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:52,560
Speaker 1: It's to say that there is a level of expectation

144
00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:56,679
Speaker 1: that comes with being a mom that you just don't

145
00:07:56,760 --> 00:07:59,480
Speaker 1: get when it comes to being any other.

146
00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:01,880
Speaker 3: Parent, right, no doubt.

147
00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:06,760
Speaker 1: How can you describe just what that feeling was like

148
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:09,320
Speaker 1: to try to say to yourself, I'm building a career

149
00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:12,560
Speaker 1: in a new lead that ain't ain't never been here before,

150
00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:14,880
Speaker 1: and by the way, I'm pregnant.

151
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:20,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, just like that, It's exactly how it happened. But

152
00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:24,440
Speaker 3: before we even get into that and me answering your question,

153
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:27,880
Speaker 3: let me just very quickly give a shout out to

154
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:32,240
Speaker 3: all of the mamas out there, whether you are a

155
00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:37,280
Speaker 3: single mom, you're a married mom, you're a step mom,

156
00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:40,240
Speaker 3: you're a bonus mom, because they are all different terminologies.

157
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:46,080
Speaker 3: Being a mom is one of the toughest and most

158
00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:49,679
Speaker 3: important jobs in the world. So I want to make

159
00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:53,040
Speaker 3: sure that all the moms out there, I'm giving you

160
00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:56,640
Speaker 3: your flowers right now, because we see you, we hear you,

161
00:08:56,960 --> 00:09:00,640
Speaker 3: we feel you, and mamas are some of the baddest

162
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:05,199
Speaker 3: out there. Okay, so let me just do that before

163
00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:09,960
Speaker 3: we start. But yeah, tee, you know, I never, like,

164
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:14,800
Speaker 3: I never set out to get pregnant, especially right before

165
00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:18,560
Speaker 3: the w started in ninety seven. But when it happened,

166
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,400
Speaker 3: I don't know if anybody else out there can relate.

167
00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:23,800
Speaker 3: I don't know if the moms can relate. I took

168
00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:28,199
Speaker 3: six home pregnancy tests.

169
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:30,360
Speaker 2: See I know.

170
00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:32,200
Speaker 3: I couldn't stopped after the first one.

171
00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:34,240
Speaker 2: Denial.

172
00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:39,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, because you gotta understand, right, listen, listen. I did

173
00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:42,480
Speaker 3: six because after the first one, I was like, Okay,

174
00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:46,760
Speaker 3: I did something wrong, right, So I took the second one,

175
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:50,760
Speaker 3: same result, and I was like, now I know how

176
00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:54,480
Speaker 3: it happened, but it can't be real. It just can't

177
00:09:54,559 --> 00:09:58,400
Speaker 3: be real. So I really did. I took six home

178
00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:01,760
Speaker 3: pregnancy tests before I finally called my doctor and said

179
00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:05,079
Speaker 3: I need to make an appointment. I think I might

180
00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:08,800
Speaker 3: be pregnant. And he said, well, what do you mean

181
00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:12,280
Speaker 3: you think? I said, well, I took six home pregnancy

182
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,959
Speaker 3: test and they all came back positive. And he said, well, suerreyl,

183
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:16,640
Speaker 3: you could have stopped after the first one.

184
00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:17,720
Speaker 2: You really could have.

185
00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:21,880
Speaker 3: But let's okay, so let me tell you why I

186
00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:26,920
Speaker 3: did six. It wasn't because I wasn't excited about it.

187
00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:30,280
Speaker 3: It was the unknown, right, it was I was I

188
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:36,600
Speaker 3: was scared of I mean, hell, becoming a mom, like

189
00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:42,800
Speaker 3: that's scary. And also te the league was about to start, right,

190
00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:47,400
Speaker 3: I had signed contract to play, and now I'm pregnant.

191
00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:55,680
Speaker 3: So my first thought was now what yeah, yeah, right, like, now,

192
00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:58,040
Speaker 3: now what do I do? I've got to tell Like

193
00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,480
Speaker 3: for me, I had to tell my agent, and my

194
00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:02,840
Speaker 3: agent had to have a conversation with the league. She

195
00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:07,719
Speaker 3: also had to have a conversation with my different brands,

196
00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:12,720
Speaker 3: and so I was scared of what their response or

197
00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:16,000
Speaker 3: their reaction was going to be, and especially why.

198
00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:20,120
Speaker 1: The first right, But you know why, right, because at

199
00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:23,120
Speaker 1: that time, specifically, society made.

200
00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:26,480
Speaker 2: You feel like shit, no doubt about it if you.

201
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:29,280
Speaker 1: Got pregnant, because that's not a natural human thing that

202
00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:29,880
Speaker 1: women do.

203
00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:34,920
Speaker 2: It's yeah, that's not a natural thing. You have. You've

204
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:40,440
Speaker 2: broken the law because you yeah, according to society, right yep.

205
00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:44,160
Speaker 3: And when you say that, there were actually people who

206
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:50,080
Speaker 3: had lots to say, lots to say about me getting pregnant, like,

207
00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:52,880
Speaker 3: how dare she? How could she let the league down?

208
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,640
Speaker 3: And she should just stay home and take care of

209
00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:57,680
Speaker 3: her child and not try to come back and play.

210
00:11:57,840 --> 00:12:02,200
Speaker 3: And if you know me, that's all I needed to hear,

211
00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:05,160
Speaker 3: because I'm gonna show you and you and you and

212
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:10,160
Speaker 3: you that y'all really don't know me. And I bring

213
00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:14,720
Speaker 3: that up because as a working woman, right, you're a

214
00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:18,760
Speaker 3: step mom, you're a working mom. There's so many working women,

215
00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:23,160
Speaker 3: working moms out there who probably feel the same way.

216
00:12:23,679 --> 00:12:27,200
Speaker 3: Regardless of what your job is. And you get pregnant,

217
00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:33,319
Speaker 3: there's this this this thought of I can't do both right,

218
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:36,720
Speaker 3: Like I can't be a great successful mom and have

219
00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:39,720
Speaker 3: a successful career. I've got to make a sacrifice. And

220
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:43,400
Speaker 3: it was always important to me even though our fields

221
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:46,280
Speaker 3: are different, but I'm still a working mom. So it

222
00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:49,520
Speaker 3: was always important to me that I was able to

223
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:54,040
Speaker 3: show women like, oh, no buo, this is what we do.

224
00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:56,800
Speaker 3: We're built for this. And to your point, yeah, there

225
00:12:56,800 --> 00:13:00,920
Speaker 3: are totally there are different levels to being successful into

226
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:03,320
Speaker 3: being a great mom. But we ain't gonna make no

227
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:07,680
Speaker 3: sacrifices like we're going we don't have to choose. In

228
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:10,800
Speaker 3: other words, We're going to be great at both of these,

229
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:13,400
Speaker 3: being a mom and being a career woman.

230
00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:18,319
Speaker 1: Right right, right, And it is truly difficult when you

231
00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:22,960
Speaker 1: first find out because so I'm a stepmom or bonus mom,

232
00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:26,720
Speaker 1: and that in itself was interesting.

233
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:29,319
Speaker 2: My husband and I were getting married in.

234
00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:32,959
Speaker 1: Twenty sixteen, and my husband doesn't have the best relationship

235
00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:37,560
Speaker 1: with his child's mother. So quite literally, and I do

236
00:13:37,679 --> 00:13:43,479
Speaker 1: mean literally, thirty days before our wedding, we got our anniversary.

237
00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:48,480
Speaker 1: We got married April sixteenth, March sixteenth, my husband comes

238
00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:52,160
Speaker 1: in the house and tells me, hey, we've got to

239
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:53,160
Speaker 1: take care of our daughter.

240
00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:55,559
Speaker 2: She's coming up here to live with us. She'll be

241
00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:56,400
Speaker 2: here in two days.

242
00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:57,920
Speaker 3: And how old was she?

243
00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:00,240
Speaker 2: She was nine, she was going on nine, and she

244
00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:03,720
Speaker 2: was eight going on nine. That okay, she's seventeen now.

245
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:07,199
Speaker 1: But had I I had known this little it was

246
00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:09,719
Speaker 1: my husband for years before, you know, at the time

247
00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:12,600
Speaker 1: he was my fiance boyfriend, so I'd seen her.

248
00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:14,640
Speaker 2: She's a pretty little girl, cute little girl.

249
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:18,080
Speaker 1: But it's one thing when you playing with a little

250
00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:20,440
Speaker 1: four year old kid for a weekend.

251
00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:23,760
Speaker 3: Right because we know she's going back home.

252
00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:25,480
Speaker 2: Because you know you're going back to your mom right,

253
00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:26,480
Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying.

254
00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:30,560
Speaker 1: It is a totally different situation when you are quite

255
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:34,040
Speaker 1: literally thirty days from a wedding that you're planning because

256
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:36,680
Speaker 1: you can't afford a wedding planner. So you're thirty days

257
00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:39,800
Speaker 1: away from your wedding. You are in a one bedroom

258
00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:42,480
Speaker 1: apartment and a crib that you've lived in for only

259
00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:45,720
Speaker 1: a year, still trying to figure things out.

260
00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:47,440
Speaker 2: You are at a new job.

261
00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:51,200
Speaker 1: I was working at ESPN at the time, and I'm

262
00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:54,280
Speaker 1: trying to get promoted, so I'm trying to like show

263
00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:56,560
Speaker 1: my best and do my best and do everything.

264
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:57,600
Speaker 2: My husband's an up.

265
00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:00,680
Speaker 1: And coming chef, so he's working twelve thirteen our days,

266
00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:03,400
Speaker 1: and we were just dropped that we got to now

267
00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:05,800
Speaker 1: raise this eight year old kid that we don't know

268
00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:08,160
Speaker 1: where she about to stay because we got a one

269
00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:09,680
Speaker 1: bedroom so that yeah, we got to put her in

270
00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:11,400
Speaker 1: a bet movement. We got to sleep in the living

271
00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:14,640
Speaker 1: room on the couch, or I got to find a school.

272
00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:18,280
Speaker 1: I've got to find after school programs because who gonna

273
00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:21,240
Speaker 1: watch her when I'm working midday shifts. I've now got

274
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:23,560
Speaker 1: to go to my boss and say, hey, boss, I

275
00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:25,680
Speaker 1: know when you hired me. I was a single person,

276
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:28,120
Speaker 1: but now I'm a whole married woman with a kid,

277
00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:32,200
Speaker 1: and my whole schedule has to change. So and why

278
00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:37,120
Speaker 1: I relate to the expectations is because and my husband

279
00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:40,320
Speaker 1: and I battled about this for years, right, for years.

280
00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:41,480
Speaker 2: But why that was.

281
00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:46,920
Speaker 1: Different was because the expectation to make adjustments wasn't on him, right,

282
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:50,800
Speaker 1: the expectations to make adjustments were on me.

283
00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:53,680
Speaker 2: I didn't birth this kid. I mean, this is what

284
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,240
Speaker 2: she said in your mind. I didn't bring this kid.

285
00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:57,840
Speaker 2: I didn't ask to be a mom. Right now, I'm

286
00:15:57,880 --> 00:15:59,960
Speaker 2: shilling true.

287
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:03,560
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter when you are attached to the name mom.

288
00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:08,440
Speaker 1: All of those expectations now fall on you. So it's

289
00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:10,400
Speaker 1: up to me to find school. It's up to me

290
00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:12,600
Speaker 1: to find healthcare. It's up to me to adjust my

291
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:15,360
Speaker 1: life and my schedule to make sure that this one

292
00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:16,800
Speaker 1: is taken care of. It's up to me to pack

293
00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:18,720
Speaker 1: the lunch, and it's up to me to make dinner.

294
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:21,880
Speaker 3: Listen, it's up to you. It's up to you to

295
00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:27,640
Speaker 3: do all of those things, all of those things and continue, yes,

296
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:30,760
Speaker 3: to be a wife, to be a mom, to take

297
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:33,720
Speaker 3: care of the house, to do the laundry, to wash

298
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:37,440
Speaker 3: the dishes, to go grocery shopping, to keep the house clean.

299
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:39,520
Speaker 3: And if you got pets, you got to take care

300
00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:42,560
Speaker 3: of the pets too, and go to work and and oh,

301
00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:46,680
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, work and don't complain. Don't complain, don't complain,

302
00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:49,680
Speaker 3: you just be mad.

303
00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:54,680
Speaker 2: Do it? Like, just do it?

304
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:57,600
Speaker 3: God, like such great points and I know where we're

305
00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:01,240
Speaker 3: laughing about it, but I actually, like, I actually have

306
00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:05,400
Speaker 3: tears in my eyes right now because tee, that shit

307
00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:11,080
Speaker 3: gets overwhelming at times, it does. And who and you

308
00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:14,200
Speaker 3: know what, who do we talk to? Like I don't

309
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:18,000
Speaker 3: I don't know. I'm sure there are women out there

310
00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:21,200
Speaker 3: who have their girlfriends and you know who they can

311
00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:24,800
Speaker 3: go talk to. But God, I'm really crying about this.

312
00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:33,560
Speaker 3: But until you, yeah, until you have really truly experienced it,

313
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:37,960
Speaker 3: you can't relate to what we're talking about. And we

314
00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:42,280
Speaker 3: always worry about are we gonna be good enough? Are

315
00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:45,520
Speaker 3: we gonna be good enough at being a mom? Are

316
00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:48,200
Speaker 3: we gonna be good enough at doing our job? Are

317
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:52,120
Speaker 3: we gonna be good enough at being a housewife? Whatever

318
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:56,920
Speaker 3: whatever that role is or that title is, We we

319
00:17:56,960 --> 00:18:01,160
Speaker 3: do it, but we always questioned, is this good enough?

320
00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:05,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you know what, I got something to add

321
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:08,879
Speaker 1: to that. But we're going to take a quick break

322
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:10,960
Speaker 1: and when we come back, we are definitely going to

323
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,120
Speaker 1: continue to take this conversation to the next level.

324
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:25,320
Speaker 3: You really got me crying over here.

325
00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:30,600
Speaker 1: So you talk about like you have to be asking

326
00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:32,040
Speaker 1: yourself are you good enough?

327
00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:32,480
Speaker 2: Right?

328
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,600
Speaker 1: Because you know, when you're a kid, you grow up

329
00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:37,600
Speaker 1: and you say to yourself, Oh, I.

330
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:40,320
Speaker 2: Got all these baby dolls. I can't wait till like

331
00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:42,120
Speaker 2: I'm a mom and I have children.

332
00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:44,119
Speaker 1: Like that's what you say to yourself right when you're

333
00:18:44,119 --> 00:18:46,840
Speaker 1: a kid, because it looks cute and it feels glamorous.

334
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:47,160
Speaker 2: Right.

335
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:52,280
Speaker 1: There was a moment after having to deal with that

336
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:56,600
Speaker 1: overwhelming feeling where real life Cheryl I was like, I

337
00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:57,919
Speaker 1: don't even know if I own kid.

338
00:18:57,800 --> 00:18:58,320
Speaker 2: Is no more.

339
00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:04,479
Speaker 1: And that cause a really big grift in my marriage

340
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:09,119
Speaker 1: between my husband and I for two things. Number One,

341
00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:11,400
Speaker 1: all of the years that we spent together, the one

342
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:15,040
Speaker 1: conversation that we never had was family planning. We never

343
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:20,159
Speaker 1: genuinely talked about did we want to have children, about

344
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:22,240
Speaker 1: what time did we want to have children, how our

345
00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:24,520
Speaker 1: family would grow, how many we wanted to have. We

346
00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:27,520
Speaker 1: never had and that's a real conversation. Any couples out

347
00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:30,760
Speaker 1: there listening, that's a real lass conversation that you genuinely

348
00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:34,200
Speaker 1: need to have. We never had that conversation. It was

349
00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:38,159
Speaker 1: in my mind, I wanted to be career set. I

350
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:40,040
Speaker 1: wanted to make sure that I was good, that I

351
00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:42,000
Speaker 1: had a place to live, that had like I wanted

352
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:44,560
Speaker 1: to have all of that. In his mind, who comes

353
00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:49,200
Speaker 1: from a very different background, very different household than I did,

354
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:51,120
Speaker 1: it was more time centered.

355
00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:54,000
Speaker 2: So it was more I'm thirty three or I'm thirty two.

356
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:55,840
Speaker 1: I need to have blah blah blah blah blah, and

357
00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:58,560
Speaker 1: I'm just like So we were on different places. But

358
00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:03,919
Speaker 1: also I was so overwhelmed from what it meant to

359
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:07,680
Speaker 1: be a step mom, from feeling that I was doing

360
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:09,639
Speaker 1: it on my own. And that's not to say that

361
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:13,399
Speaker 1: my husband wasn't because again, in his mind, I go

362
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:16,480
Speaker 1: to work every day, I bring home the money, I help,

363
00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:19,200
Speaker 1: I pay the bills, like I ain't taking care of

364
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:22,879
Speaker 1: my family that and so so you cannot fault that

365
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:27,359
Speaker 1: man for thinking that way, because that's how most men think.

366
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:30,000
Speaker 2: This is how I take care of my family.

367
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:34,320
Speaker 1: Yes, Whereas for me, it was I don't need you

368
00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:38,080
Speaker 1: to go work twelve fifteen hour days to make money

369
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:41,000
Speaker 1: because I ain't balling, but I ain't broke, like right,

370
00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:45,080
Speaker 1: like golf, I got my half, you feel me.

371
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:47,359
Speaker 2: What I need you to do is to help with

372
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:48,200
Speaker 2: this homework.

373
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:50,640
Speaker 1: What I need you to do is to take this

374
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:53,120
Speaker 1: basketball practice, like that's what I need.

375
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:55,360
Speaker 2: What I needs you to do is bust these.

376
00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:58,399
Speaker 1: Sons, because like we do, I don't need that right

377
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:02,000
Speaker 1: and because of feely what I say says, I would

378
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:05,080
Speaker 1: literally I will never forget sitting in the living room

379
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:07,600
Speaker 1: and our daughter came in and we're both sitting on

380
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:10,200
Speaker 1: the couch and we came in. She came in the

381
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:13,000
Speaker 1: room and she was like, hey T, can you help

382
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:13,800
Speaker 1: me with my homework?

383
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:17,159
Speaker 2: And I'm like, yo, Daddy's sitting right here. Ask me

384
00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:20,120
Speaker 2: like it was, hey T, you think I could go outside?

385
00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:21,840
Speaker 2: Hey T, you think you can take me to it?

386
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:24,520
Speaker 1: And it got to the point where it was like,

387
00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:28,920
Speaker 1: how did I become the primary parent when your.

388
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:38,240
Speaker 2: Whole lass father is sitting right here, daddy right here.

389
00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:39,640
Speaker 2: But I'm gonna ask me.

390
00:21:40,119 --> 00:21:44,000
Speaker 3: But T, But I think that's just as women just

391
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:49,160
Speaker 3: naturally we're we're givers and we're nurturers, and we're teachers,

392
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:53,680
Speaker 3: and we're caregivers. We're all of that. But I just think,

393
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:58,600
Speaker 3: just as a woman, it's almost it's almost a given

394
00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:02,160
Speaker 3: that this is what you go and ask your mom

395
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:04,120
Speaker 3: to do, and this is what you go and ask

396
00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:04,880
Speaker 3: your dad to do.

397
00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:05,360
Speaker 2: Right.

398
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:08,760
Speaker 3: But I have a question for you. And I know

399
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:11,720
Speaker 3: some people call it step mom or stepparents, some people

400
00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:16,560
Speaker 3: call it bonus mom. As a step mom, did you

401
00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:22,920
Speaker 3: ever or do you ever feel like you can't really

402
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:27,359
Speaker 3: be a mom, meaning you can't discipline her, or you

403
00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:30,320
Speaker 3: can't get on her, or you like you gotta be

404
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:36,639
Speaker 3: a certain way because you're not her biological mom. Yeah,

405
00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:38,120
Speaker 3: do you ever feel that way?

406
00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:43,440
Speaker 1: There were moments where I did right. There were moments

407
00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:48,520
Speaker 1: where I did feel that how I would discipline my

408
00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:50,920
Speaker 1: biological child would be different.

409
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:52,320
Speaker 2: What I can.

410
00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:56,960
Speaker 1: Also say is that, thankfully, thankfully, I have been the

411
00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:00,760
Speaker 1: only woman that she had ever seen her father with.

412
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:02,679
Speaker 1: I met her when she was four, she came to

413
00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:05,160
Speaker 1: live with me when she was eight, so and she's

414
00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:06,040
Speaker 1: seventeen now.

415
00:23:06,359 --> 00:23:08,040
Speaker 2: So what that meant to me.

416
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:12,400
Speaker 1: Is that I had already instilled a level of respect

417
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:15,600
Speaker 1: that I demanded as a grown up number one, but

418
00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:17,320
Speaker 1: number two, I was raised by grandparents.

419
00:23:17,359 --> 00:23:19,800
Speaker 2: And you know what that means, Honey, we snatched a

420
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:23,840
Speaker 2: kid up quick. They're real fast, real real quick.

421
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:26,920
Speaker 1: Snatch your kid up real quick, she would would.

422
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:28,040
Speaker 2: It's the face.

423
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:30,399
Speaker 1: It's the face where it's like, look, I don't know

424
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:33,159
Speaker 1: who get what my favorite little I realized I'm so

425
00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:35,680
Speaker 1: much like my mama AND's scary as hell because I'm

426
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:36,439
Speaker 1: definitely one of them.

427
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:38,840
Speaker 2: I ain't one of your little friends but at all.

428
00:23:39,119 --> 00:23:41,600
Speaker 1: And my stepdaughter is well, I called her. I ain't

429
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:44,000
Speaker 1: started to call her my bonus daughter. Because to your point,

430
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:46,240
Speaker 1: Mother's Day would come around, I would be like, you

431
00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:48,919
Speaker 1: don't have to, I'm not your mom, like do something

432
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:52,320
Speaker 1: for your mother. Or when other people would say happy

433
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:56,320
Speaker 1: Mother's Day asreka, and I'd be like, okay, sure, because

434
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:59,920
Speaker 1: it didn't feel really I really didn't feel I really

435
00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:02,920
Speaker 1: didn't feel it. And it took to my husband saying

436
00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:05,760
Speaker 1: to me, like, you closed this, you clothed this girl,

437
00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:07,920
Speaker 1: you raise this girl, you take this girl. She living

438
00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:10,280
Speaker 1: in your house, You making sure everything that a mother

439
00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:12,720
Speaker 1: is supposed to do because her mother wasn't absent, you

440
00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:13,160
Speaker 1: know what I mean?

441
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:15,720
Speaker 2: Like yeah, It wasn't like she didn't her mother wasn't absent.

442
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:19,080
Speaker 1: But it took a lot for me to start to

443
00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:23,880
Speaker 1: accept that I was indeed a mom. It just felt

444
00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:26,080
Speaker 1: like I was doing in the beginning, It felt like

445
00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:28,600
Speaker 1: I was just doing the right thing. But it took

446
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:31,080
Speaker 1: a while to get there. And discipline was one of

447
00:24:31,119 --> 00:24:33,040
Speaker 1: those things. There were some things where out you know,

448
00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:35,920
Speaker 1: you in my house, helly, yeah, I'm gonna take this iPad.

449
00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:38,240
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, you want punishment.

450
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:41,240
Speaker 3: And I have rules and I have and I have

451
00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:42,080
Speaker 3: rules in my house.

452
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:45,840
Speaker 2: Yeah. And she's six feet so I'm five eight.

453
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:48,679
Speaker 1: She's six feet, so you know, I didn't want her

454
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:50,560
Speaker 1: to get too big for her bridges because she's tall.

455
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:51,720
Speaker 2: I'm not sure. I had to be like I.

456
00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:54,280
Speaker 3: Still top you down.

457
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:56,280
Speaker 2: I will still get you, ma'am.

458
00:24:56,600 --> 00:25:02,480
Speaker 3: No, ma'am no, ma'am. Yeah. You know I was gonna

459
00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:05,040
Speaker 3: say before the break, right like I did, I got

460
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:09,040
Speaker 3: emotional and I started thinking, like my son's twenty seven

461
00:25:09,119 --> 00:25:11,440
Speaker 3: years old, like I've been doing this for a minute.

462
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:15,320
Speaker 3: Why am I emotional? And you know why? Because I

463
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:20,600
Speaker 3: feel all of these things, but I very rarely talk

464
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:26,000
Speaker 3: about it. I don't talk about it, like even my

465
00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:28,600
Speaker 3: son's twenty seven, right, and for me, one of the

466
00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:33,440
Speaker 3: toughest things as a parent as a mom has always

467
00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:40,280
Speaker 3: been having a line between being his mom and being

468
00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:44,560
Speaker 3: his friend, you know, because and I tell them all

469
00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:47,120
Speaker 3: the time, I'm like, listen, I'm not your friend. I'm

470
00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:50,560
Speaker 3: not one of your homeboys. I am your mom, and

471
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:56,080
Speaker 3: being your mom, I'm a protector. I'm a provider, and

472
00:25:56,119 --> 00:26:00,440
Speaker 3: I always worry about if I'm protecting him to much?

473
00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:04,200
Speaker 3: Am I not protecting him enough? Even at the age

474
00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:07,480
Speaker 3: of twenty seven, I am still very protective.

475
00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:10,080
Speaker 2: When trying to protect him from.

476
00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:15,720
Speaker 3: The world life, trying to prepare him for you know.

477
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:20,640
Speaker 3: And I don't want him to make I know he's

478
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:22,440
Speaker 3: gonna make mistakes because he has to live, but I

479
00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:24,600
Speaker 3: don't want him to make the mistakes that I made.

480
00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:26,920
Speaker 3: So there are certain things where I'm like, no, don't

481
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:30,560
Speaker 3: do that. And my husband's like, Babe, he's twenty seven

482
00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:32,760
Speaker 3: and he's a boy, he's a man. Let him go.

483
00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:38,000
Speaker 3: That's so hard for me at times, and I'm like,

484
00:26:38,359 --> 00:26:40,679
Speaker 3: he ain't called me last night, like you should be

485
00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:44,320
Speaker 3: calling me every night, just checking in making sure you're right. Tea.

486
00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:48,720
Speaker 3: It's listen, I said this at the beginning. Throughout my

487
00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:51,520
Speaker 3: entire career, I've had a lot of challenges. I've had

488
00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:54,160
Speaker 3: a lot of ups and downs. I've had really great

489
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:56,680
Speaker 3: things happen. I've had some not so great things happen,

490
00:26:56,800 --> 00:27:00,879
Speaker 3: and it's been a challenge. But the thief I worry

491
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:04,560
Speaker 3: about the most, that I've always worried about the most,

492
00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:06,160
Speaker 3: it's being a good mom.

493
00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:07,640
Speaker 2: That's it.

494
00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:14,000
Speaker 1: That's a real feeling, like a real fit is because

495
00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:20,000
Speaker 1: if you're if you feel that you have done anything

496
00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:23,479
Speaker 1: that could tear from your child having the kind of

497
00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:26,160
Speaker 1: life that you feel they deserve or that you've worked

498
00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:28,639
Speaker 1: for them to have, you feel guilty, yep.

499
00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:31,800
Speaker 2: And it's like and there's nothing that you can do

500
00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:32,360
Speaker 2: about it.

501
00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:34,880
Speaker 1: And I have come to learn that as well, because

502
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:37,040
Speaker 1: I look at my step baby and I'm like, you

503
00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:39,480
Speaker 1: got on my nerves when you was nine, but at seventeen,

504
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:42,560
Speaker 1: you are my baby, and I want you to pick

505
00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:45,000
Speaker 1: a good college and I want you to do something

506
00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:47,240
Speaker 1: like you know, I want to feed you the keys

507
00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:50,360
Speaker 1: to be successful, right, But we got.

508
00:27:50,119 --> 00:27:54,200
Speaker 2: To let them live sis And that's the hardest thing.

509
00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:57,960
Speaker 3: I know, It is the hardest thing. I'm like this

510
00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:01,280
Speaker 3: and I have a son. Imagine what I would be

511
00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:02,200
Speaker 3: like if I had a girl.

512
00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:08,360
Speaker 1: Girl baby Jesus is almost best difference.

513
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:11,160
Speaker 2: It's a huge difference.

514
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:15,080
Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, Yeah, I don't know. I don't know God

515
00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:17,440
Speaker 3: exactly what he was doing when he gave me a boy.

516
00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:19,880
Speaker 1: But you know what, I will say this, it has

517
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:25,240
Speaker 1: made me like, this experience has truly made me a

518
00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:30,040
Speaker 1: stronger person. It's tested my boundaries on what I thought

519
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:30,959
Speaker 1: I was capable of.

520
00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:34,639
Speaker 2: It has brought so much validation.

521
00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:38,760
Speaker 1: And it has really shown me that I'm actually good

522
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:43,200
Speaker 1: at something. Right, Like you think when you look at,

523
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:47,320
Speaker 1: you know, quantifying your success as an athlete, you judge

524
00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:50,760
Speaker 1: that by championships. You judge that by you know, records,

525
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:54,680
Speaker 1: you judge that by metals. That's how you quantify, you know,

526
00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:55,840
Speaker 1: how good you.

527
00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:57,080
Speaker 2: Were as an athlete.

528
00:28:57,200 --> 00:29:00,400
Speaker 1: And sometimes if you're a parent that maybe has a

529
00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:03,640
Speaker 1: child that has been in jail or has you know

530
00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:06,000
Speaker 1: something or whatever, you say to yourself like, damn, was

531
00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:08,360
Speaker 1: I a good parent because my kid made a bad

532
00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:10,640
Speaker 1: decision or because this didn't turn.

533
00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:11,320
Speaker 2: Out to you?

534
00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:14,960
Speaker 1: You often try to find ways to quantify how you've done.

535
00:29:15,040 --> 00:29:18,120
Speaker 1: But I look back now and I say, you know,

536
00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:21,920
Speaker 1: and you can say the same. You know, my kid's alive.

537
00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:26,719
Speaker 1: Number one. My kid has good sense of morals. Number two,

538
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:29,880
Speaker 1: My kid knows how to do right by people. Number three,

539
00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:34,560
Speaker 1: my kid has respect. Number four and number five. As

540
00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:37,200
Speaker 1: much as I don't want to let go, I do

541
00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:41,120
Speaker 1: understand that in the world that at the end of

542
00:29:41,160 --> 00:29:44,040
Speaker 1: the day, you can come back to me like you

543
00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:46,640
Speaker 1: can come to me, And I think that is the

544
00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:50,200
Speaker 1: biggest thing. My kid could have all of the accolades

545
00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:52,760
Speaker 1: in the world. But if they feel if I felt

546
00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:55,000
Speaker 1: like they couldn't come talk to me, or they couldn't

547
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:57,640
Speaker 1: come back to me, or they don't want to acknowledge.

548
00:29:57,080 --> 00:29:59,719
Speaker 2: Me, then it don't matter how well they've done. I

549
00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:00,520
Speaker 2: feel like I.

550
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:03,840
Speaker 1: Would have failed as a parent because the relationship that

551
00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:08,520
Speaker 1: you should have mother to daughter, mother to son, that's important,

552
00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:13,080
Speaker 1: right And so if Jordan calling you every night says

553
00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:18,640
Speaker 1: you've done your job.

554
00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:20,479
Speaker 3: And I know he does, but I just feel like,

555
00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:24,320
Speaker 3: and if there is any body out there, any moms

556
00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:31,280
Speaker 3: who can relate, I just always feel like I didn't

557
00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:35,160
Speaker 3: do enough. And even though I see the success of

558
00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:38,720
Speaker 3: my son. He graduated from college, he has a bachelor's,

559
00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:42,040
Speaker 3: he even has a master's. Right did his singing, basketball,

560
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:45,120
Speaker 3: he's trying out for the Chicago Bulls G League team,

561
00:30:45,280 --> 00:30:49,160
Speaker 3: and he's very respectful. Like I see all those things

562
00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:53,080
Speaker 3: and I know it. But there's still a part of me, though,

563
00:30:54,560 --> 00:31:01,240
Speaker 3: that always questions did I do enough? And I don't

564
00:31:01,280 --> 00:31:04,080
Speaker 3: know if that answer will ever be yes, right, because

565
00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:08,040
Speaker 3: because I'm always gonna feel like I could have or

566
00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:11,360
Speaker 3: should have done something different or done a little bit more.

567
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:16,960
Speaker 3: I think that's just part of how we are as women,

568
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:20,280
Speaker 3: how we're built as women, how we're built as moms.

569
00:31:20,360 --> 00:31:23,680
Speaker 3: And you know, I think all we ever want is

570
00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:28,320
Speaker 3: the best for our kids, and so I'm always gonna

571
00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:30,400
Speaker 3: question myself as his mom.

572
00:31:30,880 --> 00:31:33,680
Speaker 1: We gonna find a way at some point. Now you

573
00:31:33,760 --> 00:31:35,400
Speaker 1: might be seventy five eighty years.

574
00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:35,720
Speaker 2: Old by.

575
00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:38,240
Speaker 3: I don't know that long.

576
00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:43,240
Speaker 1: It don't be that longing when you find it, like lord,

577
00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:46,600
Speaker 1: but yeah, no, being a mom is everything, but it's tough,

578
00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:49,240
Speaker 1: and so all we can do is keep doing our best,

579
00:31:49,320 --> 00:31:52,720
Speaker 1: right and and for for anybody listening that feels that

580
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:54,840
Speaker 1: same way, all you can do is keep doing your best,

581
00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:57,920
Speaker 1: like thats it, Just keep doing your best. When we

582
00:31:58,040 --> 00:31:59,960
Speaker 1: come back, we're gonna level out a little bit, sure,

583
00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:03,400
Speaker 1: and just close this thing out, and I know you've

584
00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:06,080
Speaker 1: got something good for the people, So we'll be right back.

585
00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:17,440
Speaker 2: All right, guys, welcome back.

586
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:21,760
Speaker 1: Into levels to this with Cheryl spoopsin THREEA frossor Brasby.

587
00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:24,520
Speaker 2: And we are at the end of the show.

588
00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:28,960
Speaker 1: However, we just gotta number one, just take the time

589
00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:31,960
Speaker 1: to say thank you all for tuning in, but more importantly,

590
00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:34,120
Speaker 1: like we really hope that this episode is giving you

591
00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:39,080
Speaker 1: all an opportunity to understand the kind of conversations that

592
00:32:39,120 --> 00:32:42,800
Speaker 1: we look to have on this podcast and in this space.

593
00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:46,520
Speaker 2: And so Cheryl, thank you again.

594
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:49,160
Speaker 1: For not only giving me this opportunity, but to be

595
00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:51,840
Speaker 1: able to be vulnerable, right because I think that's the

596
00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:54,680
Speaker 1: one thing that we want to make sure that we

597
00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:57,400
Speaker 1: can do. And with the guests who come on this show,

598
00:32:57,520 --> 00:32:59,400
Speaker 1: with those who'll be with us, we're gonna have a

599
00:32:59,400 --> 00:32:59,720
Speaker 1: space to.

600
00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:05,760
Speaker 3: Be absolutely tee. This was even better than I thought

601
00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:09,560
Speaker 3: it would be. And I had no idea that I

602
00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:12,320
Speaker 3: needed this conversation. So when I sit there and I'm like, dang,

603
00:33:12,320 --> 00:33:14,040
Speaker 3: why were you crying, Well, I know why I was

604
00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:19,280
Speaker 3: crying because I really needed this conversation. And my hopes

605
00:33:19,360 --> 00:33:23,800
Speaker 3: are that every time we record an episode and people

606
00:33:23,840 --> 00:33:28,040
Speaker 3: tune in, and in particular, women tune in. There's something

607
00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:30,920
Speaker 3: that we're going to give them that they can take

608
00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:34,719
Speaker 3: away from and hopefully they'll leave the show feeling better

609
00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:37,720
Speaker 3: than they felt when they came in. There's a saying

610
00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:41,400
Speaker 3: that says, check on your strong friends, because so many

611
00:33:41,480 --> 00:33:46,200
Speaker 3: times we are that strong friend and we're not allowed

612
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:49,360
Speaker 3: to be vulnerable. So I thank you for this episode

613
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:53,600
Speaker 3: for giving me the space to be vulnerable. And every episode,

614
00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:57,320
Speaker 3: I want to leave you all with something positive, whether

615
00:33:57,360 --> 00:34:02,080
Speaker 3: that's a positive quote, a positive thought, and although this

616
00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:06,240
Speaker 3: segment is called leveling off, I want to leave you

617
00:34:06,320 --> 00:34:09,359
Speaker 3: all with something positive so that you can level up.

618
00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:14,120
Speaker 3: And today, because our topic was about moms and step moms,

619
00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:20,400
Speaker 3: bonus moms, here is Cheryl's positive thought for today. In

620
00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:29,160
Speaker 3: case no one has told you lately. You are amazing, strong, brave, wonderful, kind, loved, worthy,

621
00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:33,799
Speaker 3: and there is absolutely no one like you and the

622
00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:35,200
Speaker 3: world needs you.

623
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:41,520
Speaker 2: And I needed that identity you. I needed that Thank you.

624
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:45,440
Speaker 1: Thank you all right, fans, Well, that's going to do

625
00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:49,759
Speaker 1: it for us today. Absolutely loved having this conversation and

626
00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:52,680
Speaker 1: we hope that you guys continue to tune in and

627
00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:55,680
Speaker 1: check us out. Please make sure that you rate, review,

628
00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:58,920
Speaker 1: and subscribe to the podcast. You can find us on

629
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:04,320
Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio at. You can also follow us on social media.

630
00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:08,480
Speaker 1: I am at she Knows Sports Underscore on Instagram. Cheryl,

631
00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:10,680
Speaker 1: let the people know where they can find you.

632
00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:13,440
Speaker 3: You can find me I am at Air Swoops twenty

633
00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:16,920
Speaker 3: two on both X. I was about to say Twitter

634
00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:20,400
Speaker 3: and Instagram.

635
00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:22,000
Speaker 2: And please don't forget that.

636
00:35:22,239 --> 00:35:25,160
Speaker 1: You can also keep up with all of the women's

637
00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:29,080
Speaker 1: sports network on the iHeart Women's Sports page on Instagram.

638
00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:32,040
Speaker 2: And by the way, don't think that we forgot that.

639
00:35:32,239 --> 00:35:36,400
Speaker 1: The WNBA Finals start two days so make sure you

640
00:35:36,440 --> 00:35:38,800
Speaker 1: guys continue to tune in because of course, Cheryl and

641
00:35:38,880 --> 00:35:40,799
Speaker 1: I are gonna have a lot to say about how

642
00:35:40,800 --> 00:35:45,240
Speaker 1: these finals playoffs. So until next week, keep being awesome,

643
00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:48,959
Speaker 1: keeping you and level up with us next time