Speaker 1: We're back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth and
Speaker 1: coming in September a new site we have built together
Speaker 1: called Defect or Defector, and we're gonna have a new
Speaker 1: podcast to go with it, this very podcast which has
Speaker 1: the name The Distraction. It's out right now as available
Speaker 1: every rust. Get your podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go
Speaker 1: listen right now to The Distraction everywhere. It's out right now.
Speaker 1: Go listen to see you by. I've had several times
Speaker 1: in our relationship where being with you, I've always had
Speaker 1: to question if I was enough. Damn. I know you're
Speaker 1: gonna say that what that kind of hurt? What hurt?
Speaker 1: Because now I feel bad you were supposed to feel bad.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying that's what it was. What it is,
Speaker 1: I'll receive it dead ass. Hey, I'm Cadine and we're
Speaker 1: the Ellis. You may know us from posting funny videos
Speaker 1: with our boys and reading each other publicly as a
Speaker 1: form of therapy. Wait, I make you need most days.
Speaker 1: And one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir,
Speaker 1: we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about
Speaker 1: some of life's most taboo topics. Things most folks don't
Speaker 1: want to talk about through the lens of a millennium
Speaker 1: Mattie couple. Dead ass is a term that we say
Speaker 1: every day. Where we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts,
Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Speaker 1: We're about to take Phillow's off to a whole new level.
Speaker 1: Dead ask starts now. So being with an amazing man
Speaker 1: here you go, whose work ethic is through the roof
Speaker 1: super overachiever, and that is exactly why I fell in
Speaker 1: love with you. I've definitely had moments in our relationship
Speaker 1: where I just felt like I was not worthy of
Speaker 1: being with someone like you, and I had those moments
Speaker 1: where I out like, Damn, you are a forced cadean.
Speaker 1: You were doing so many things in your life, you
Speaker 1: have so many dreams, you have so many goals, but
Speaker 1: you just will never match DeVos intensity. And those moments
Speaker 1: made me feel like, Damn, I am just not enough
Speaker 1: in this moment. And the crazy part about it is
Speaker 1: that I had to really dig deep and figure out
Speaker 1: what the issue was. Because I knew that the issue
Speaker 1: wasn't you. It definitely had something to do with me
Speaker 1: deep down. So there's this one particular instance where we
Speaker 1: had moved back from Michigan. I had went out there
Speaker 1: with Devo to just kind of be there as a
Speaker 1: support system to him, but also start my career in broadcasting.
Speaker 1: So I figured, you know what, it's perfect. I'll go
Speaker 1: to a small market out in Michigan, get a job
Speaker 1: as a news reporter, be there for him while he's
Speaker 1: playing football, and we'll live happily ever after. But then
Speaker 1: life happened. We had to move back to Brooklyn, and
Speaker 1: I I would be lying if I said I wasn't
Speaker 1: mildly depressed, because I felt like the life that we
Speaker 1: were supposed to have, in the life that we dreamt
Speaker 1: of having, was no longer going to be. I was
Speaker 1: pretty much at home sulking in my own sorrows. And
Speaker 1: if I was like, hey, we're in this together. I'm
Speaker 1: going to support you are and ten percent, but what
Speaker 1: do you want to do? And I was like, I
Speaker 1: don't know. And that's when He's like, you act as
Speaker 1: if you have nothing left to give. You are super talented,
Speaker 1: you're a makeup artist. Get up and go down to
Speaker 1: the mall and see if you'll get hired at the
Speaker 1: mat counter. And I was like, you know what, alright, fine,
Speaker 1: and he was able to help me get dressed that morning,
Speaker 1: drove me down to the counter and that's where I
Speaker 1: applied for a job and ended up getting the job.
Speaker 1: But I can't say that in that moment, I still
Speaker 1: did not feel like I was not being able to
Speaker 1: live up to what he has effected of me as
Speaker 1: a wife, and that left me severely depressed. Hey, talking
Speaker 1: it like I talk it. Hey, this is she picked it.
Speaker 1: There's a reason why you picked walking like I talk it? Though?
Speaker 1: Why is that there's a reason Because we have the
Speaker 1: yoga queen of building today we do, which I feel
Speaker 1: like it's kind of weird, you know, just because like
Speaker 1: I started this episode saying, oh my god, I'm not worthy,
Speaker 1: I'm not worthy, and then we're talking about trap yok
Speaker 1: in the same breath. I'm going to tell you why
Speaker 1: I don't think it's weird though. Why all right? Because
Speaker 1: in order to find that sense of peace, right, you
Speaker 1: have to meditate, Yes, you know what I'm saying. You
Speaker 1: have to find you have to become one with yourself,
Speaker 1: become confident and one with your being in your body,
Speaker 1: and nobody has better bodies than yoga girls. I know
Speaker 1: this because I follow them on Instagram. He sure, girls,
Speaker 1: all of my group chats be like, did you see
Speaker 1: all of the queen listen? Yoga? Yoga is great. Yoga
Speaker 1: is great for a lot of reasons, for meditation, but
Speaker 1: also for bodies. For bodies, Yes, that's a good thing.
Speaker 1: Then centering yourself, you know, because a lot of that
Speaker 1: has to do with just like you said, you're being
Speaker 1: one with yourself and really that self care moment that
Speaker 1: I think most people always I always am an advocate for.
Speaker 1: And I feel like if I had taken maybe moments
Speaker 1: like that in my moments of feeling you know, not worthy,
Speaker 1: or just feeling like really down in the dumps and
Speaker 1: kind of taking care of myself, that might have empowered
Speaker 1: me to be a little bit more confident in myself now.
Speaker 1: And the reason why I'm excited about this guest is
Speaker 1: because you love trapped music. I do. You think you
Speaker 1: would thug it hard, but you're not. I do. I
Speaker 1: really wanted to pick a mega Stallion song, but you know,
Speaker 1: a big old yoga today. We can do yoga and
Speaker 1: you can work to that, absolutely, I do. You don't
Speaker 1: like to work out? What I found out too was
Speaker 1: a lot of people who do yoga, they don't like
Speaker 1: to work out, and they started doing yoga as a
Speaker 1: replacement of actually going to the gym. Well workout though too.
Speaker 1: It is. That's why I'm saying I'm excited, because you're
Speaker 1: gonna get introduced to a new type of type of workout.
Speaker 1: I'm not doing sprints and football drills like you're trying
Speaker 1: to put me to the trap music, twerking and yoga.
Speaker 1: I love it already. I'm just gonna time as Brittany
Speaker 1: Floyd Mayo up with a bow on top of her
Speaker 1: head and be like, Sis, give me all of the
Speaker 1: tools I need to succeed at this. We had writteny
Speaker 1: Floyd Mayo in the house, how are you? I am phenomenal,
Speaker 1: fresh off the plane from Oakland, just flying for us,
Speaker 1: for y'all. It was it was you. Honestly, my publicist
Speaker 1: when when the message came through from from your team
Speaker 1: was like, bitch, I love him, and I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: well so will I right and so um and so
Speaker 1: Honestly from my camp, there was a lot of incentive,
Speaker 1: a lot of like these are people did like that's
Speaker 1: your tribe, go find and so you know, we are
Speaker 1: fresh off the fresh off the plane from New York.
Speaker 1: I just finished teaching at Sacks fifth A fine, because
Speaker 1: you know, coming in here we were talking about having
Speaker 1: a drink or two on plane. How I could ease
Speaker 1: you out yet, I mean just yesterday we were teaching
Speaker 1: in Silicon Valley at Google. And so then I like,
Speaker 1: wake up and I look at my house and I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: dis array, I gotta And the challenge was, when I'm
Speaker 1: in l A, do I come home and get my
Speaker 1: ship together or do I just go to the spot
Speaker 1: for the night. I'm going home. I can go with
Speaker 1: the ladder. I get it, though, I get it. Sometimes
Speaker 1: that's before before we get into the conversation, we have
Speaker 1: to formally welcome Brittany and introduce her so that everyone
Speaker 1: knows her. So, Brittany is a passionate, certified Vinyasa Yoga
Speaker 1: instructor Antwerque Officiant. She created a yoga persona Trapped Yoga Bay,
Speaker 1: as an answer to feeling unwelcome in a standard yoga studio.
Speaker 1: And you have to talk about that a little bit
Speaker 1: as well. And she now tours the world the world
Speaker 1: spreading trapped love to those who lack acceptance in wellness spaces,
Speaker 1: bridging the gap between health care and cultural relevance. That
Speaker 1: sounds like you create your I love that I found
Speaker 1: the lane and I stayed in it. O no swerving,
Speaker 1: No swerving. So tell us about your journey. How did
Speaker 1: you get into yoga and then eventually become trapped yoga Bay? Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you know, when I was hearing you you talk
Speaker 1: a little bit before about some of the experiences you
Speaker 1: had in your life, it actually came from moments very
Speaker 1: close to what you were experiencing. The difference was I
Speaker 1: did not have an amazing partner at the time, so
Speaker 1: I had actually discovered yoga when I was in college.
Speaker 1: I went to Dillard University in New Orleans, and um,
Speaker 1: I was angry, like I was disfighting West Oakland kind
Speaker 1: of angry. And yeah, I mean honestly, and you know,
Speaker 1: it cost me my ability to be my freshman class president.
Speaker 1: And so they said, if you're gonna stay at this university,
Speaker 1: la girl, you're gonna need some therapy, right, And so
Speaker 1: I'm going through this process and in the school counselor says,
Speaker 1: have you ever tried yoga? So I go to a
Speaker 1: yoga class. Five classes later, I had this this kind
Speaker 1: of awakening, this this moment that I was like, Wow,
Speaker 1: this is something, so much so that I switched my
Speaker 1: major to social behavioral studies and positive psychology and did
Speaker 1: my senior thesis on how yoga could help people who
Speaker 1: are struggling during times of transition, because actually that's important
Speaker 1: and we're always in transition transitions. That's exactly what my
Speaker 1: story is about moving from one phase to another and
Speaker 1: being lost and exactly and and so so how do
Speaker 1: you reduce that anxiety and how do you continue to
Speaker 1: maintain your self worth? And so I had these realizations,
Speaker 1: but simultaneously I had also gotten married. So I got
Speaker 1: married to my my college sweetheart. Before I was twenty.
Speaker 1: I was popping out babies, so we had our first
Speaker 1: daughter when I was twenty. We had the second child,
Speaker 1: my son, who's now seven, when I was twenty four. Um,
Speaker 1: but shortly after we got married and started having baby ease,
Speaker 1: the relationship became very abusive and I lost myself entirely
Speaker 1: in it. Um, were you both abusive or he was abusive?
Speaker 1: He was abusive, I was an angel. That's how it is, okay, Um,
Speaker 1: But seriously, like it wasn't a two way situation UM
Speaker 1: in this case, UM, and so I had been moved
Speaker 1: from Oakland, where we had returned to after graduation, to Texas,
Speaker 1: which is closer to where he was from. And you know,
Speaker 1: just some some dirt came out and I confronted him
Speaker 1: and it became a really violent situation. And that moment,
Speaker 1: like literally I had got the sense knocked back into
Speaker 1: me to who I was and that I had been
Speaker 1: lost for six years, right, And so I hit him
Speaker 1: with the like I'm going to Walmart to get some milk.
Speaker 1: I'll be back, And I took our two children and
Speaker 1: put them in the back seat of our car, took
Speaker 1: the dirty clothes out of my um garage, and drove
Speaker 1: thirty two hours back to Oakland. And that was the
Speaker 1: very start of me realizing that I had been lost
Speaker 1: for a very long time and I needed to find myself.
Speaker 1: So you made you made a decision, and I think
Speaker 1: this is important. You made the decision that most people
Speaker 1: in abusive relationships can never make, and that was to
Speaker 1: choose you and yourself quote unquote love you, you, yourself
Speaker 1: and your children over quote unquote love. Which is funny
Speaker 1: because we've done an episode about toxic relationships and how
Speaker 1: we were able to like navigate that, and here you are.
Speaker 1: You took the power into your own hands yourself. You
Speaker 1: weren't waiting for him to remove himself. You removed yourself. Yeah,
Speaker 1: thank you. I like that cognitive reappraisal taking. So yeah,
Speaker 1: so that happened. And then you know, I was homeless, jobless.
Speaker 1: I left my job. I was a technical recruiter, I
Speaker 1: made great money, had a good you know, a good
Speaker 1: work life. Um, and was homeless, laying on the my
Speaker 1: grandmother's floor like crying every day like who am I?
Speaker 1: What am I doing? Here? Do I matter? And then
Speaker 1: it hit me that these are the quintence to a
Speaker 1: yogi questions and since need to go on some eat,
Speaker 1: pray love. So I actually called his parents and was like, UM,
Speaker 1: come get these kids. I like, I am lost. I
Speaker 1: am not being a good mother because I'm just not present,
Speaker 1: and I'm going to go find myself. I don't know
Speaker 1: how long it will take, but I promise when I do,
Speaker 1: I'm going to come back for west. We stopped for
Speaker 1: a second. Can we stop for a second. You know,
Speaker 1: I get emotional, I'm being honest. It takes a lot
Speaker 1: as a parent, and I'm the reason why I'm getting
Speaker 1: a little emotional now is because we had to drop
Speaker 1: my son, who's five what three to our daycare and
Speaker 1: I'm leaving and he's reaching out for me. This is
Speaker 1: the third day, and part of me just wanted to
Speaker 1: be like fun this daycare, you're coming with daddy. But
Speaker 1: having to know what's right for your kids and to
Speaker 1: hear you go through that and then have to do that.
Speaker 1: It's brave, though, and it's hitting me because I went
Speaker 1: through that this morning, like I really, I didn't tell
Speaker 1: my wife I want to turn on man. I don't
Speaker 1: even about his mindest story, school and what everybody think.
Speaker 1: I just want my son because I've seen him cry
Speaker 1: for you to do that, man, that that is first
Speaker 1: to drive to leave home then tell you God for
Speaker 1: sure that's no. I'm just absolutely thank you, thank you
Speaker 1: so much, Like I really received that, and I told
Speaker 1: you we was going to be family. There are um
Speaker 1: but but really it was a lot of times we
Speaker 1: have to be honest with ourselves and say I am
Speaker 1: not who I need to be right And if you
Speaker 1: like speaking about your situation with your son, if you
Speaker 1: continue to bring him where you were going, and to
Speaker 1: be honest, sometimes you know you have to slow down
Speaker 1: for your kids and they deserve that slow down. And
Speaker 1: even you bringing your child to this, even this podcast
Speaker 1: right now, would be a selfish act because you could
Speaker 1: not be who you needed him to who he needs
Speaker 1: you to be in this moment and be what what
Speaker 1: the legacy that you're building and what your future is.
Speaker 1: And so the best thing for your son is to say, Hey,
Speaker 1: I'm putting you in the care of people who I
Speaker 1: know will take care of you, who I know will
Speaker 1: teach you, who I know will help you grow. I'm
Speaker 1: going to go do these things that make me feel
Speaker 1: like a man, that makes me feel like a human,
Speaker 1: that progresses whatever I believe my purpose is. And then
Speaker 1: I promise I'm going to come back for you, because
Speaker 1: Daddy always comes back. So is this a conversation you
Speaker 1: had with your children. Yeah, My daughter was five, my
Speaker 1: son was too, so they were just like right and
Speaker 1: and and to tell them like, you're gonna go play
Speaker 1: with pigs and all that because you're gonna be in
Speaker 1: the country right um, and you'll have your own room
Speaker 1: there and and so so there was that conversation. So
Speaker 1: then what I decided to do was go on this eat,
Speaker 1: pray love journey. I went to China, India, Brazil. It
Speaker 1: took me three months to find brittany Um. I stayed
Speaker 1: at an ashram in Reshakesh, India, which is where I've
Speaker 1: got my certification. I danced the night away in real
Speaker 1: dejon Narrow. I navigated human kindness in Shanghai, and I
Speaker 1: really figured out who I was. Question how did you
Speaker 1: do all of this? You have? You said you have
Speaker 1: no resources, you left your job, you moved back on
Speaker 1: your homeless. How did you do this? Human kindness? Human kindness?
Speaker 1: I had to humble myself right and and go and say, hey,
Speaker 1: like I'm going to be using my my savings and
Speaker 1: instead of just trying to hurry up and put my
Speaker 1: life back together because that's what looks good, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: use that to to fully break down everything I have.
Speaker 1: And when I put myself together, I will be fortified
Speaker 1: and and pushed through you know, like gold, right, like
Speaker 1: to purify myself. So the the initial response was to
Speaker 1: take all of my resources into just like get me
Speaker 1: an apartment and get a new job, and get back
Speaker 1: popping and and see that revenge and be like, look
Speaker 1: what you missed out on, but like I didn't. The
Speaker 1: reason why I left him wasn't because I wanted him
Speaker 1: to suffer. The reason why I left because I wanted
Speaker 1: to stop suffering. So all of that would have been
Speaker 1: you putting a band aid on the situation from that
Speaker 1: exactly listening to her story, right, think about how we
Speaker 1: were forced to think about her story and her having
Speaker 1: to go through that time where she didn't have much
Speaker 1: and had to go to her savings. We literally went
Speaker 1: through the same thing when I got cut from the
Speaker 1: NFL and she wasn't working. We had to humble ourselves,
Speaker 1: come back to Brooklyn living my grandmother's apartment where she
Speaker 1: hadn't lived in for years. It was old. We didn't
Speaker 1: we weren't making any money. I used my savings to
Speaker 1: start my business. She she was taking a bus. Like,
Speaker 1: I feel what you're saying, because that brings you into
Speaker 1: an awakening of of like self, like I have to
Speaker 1: do these things absolutely and going through the same thing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I just I guess it requires a level of
Speaker 1: strength to just be like, you know what, I need
Speaker 1: to do this for me, Yeah, because it could have
Speaker 1: been easy for you to stay here there. So you
Speaker 1: had a good job, you had a husband, your kid,
Speaker 1: you could it could have been so easy for you
Speaker 1: to be you know what, I'm a grant and Barrett
Speaker 1: because my kids are good. Here I'm making money, oh
Speaker 1: my god. And it looked good. Yeah, because because we're
Speaker 1: so concerned in the social media and the social media area.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, so so so all of those things. Um,
Speaker 1: and I've said, okay, well what do you want to do? Be?
Speaker 1: And I came back. I actually started med school. So
Speaker 1: I went back to school. I was in a medical
Speaker 1: program and I had about a year left. And one
Speaker 1: of my really good friends who oddly actually happened to
Speaker 1: be my tenth grade Spanish teacher. And she was like
Speaker 1: twenty one when I was seventeen. So we just like
Speaker 1: really bonded and stuck together. Um. She had quick teaching
Speaker 1: to open up a dance studio. So she calls me
Speaker 1: and she says, hey, I remember when you invited me
Speaker 1: over to your house to do yoga. And he was
Speaker 1: like really ridiculous with it. What did you like to
Speaker 1: come and teach your class however you want at my studio?
Speaker 1: And I was like, nah, I'm good, Like I don't
Speaker 1: really like people, I didn't really go to school to
Speaker 1: become a yoga instructor, Like I just went because I
Speaker 1: was on some like let me figure my shot out.
Speaker 1: And so she was like, well, you could keep half
Speaker 1: of what you make. And I was like it she
Speaker 1: was talking about a girl. I'm like, I'm I'm a
Speaker 1: single mom in school, Like okay, So I did this
Speaker 1: like little twerky flow thing and I was like, just
Speaker 1: like he said about you. I was like, we're gonna
Speaker 1: call it trap yoga because I'm a motherfucking thugs. I
Speaker 1: was like, no, you're not. You know you're not. But uh,
Speaker 1: let's run with it, right, like the exact same. Doesn't
Speaker 1: it like totally make sense? Like doesn't it catch your attention?
Speaker 1: She's like, look look at your excitedness, like there's no
Speaker 1: thug there, but just happen. Don't don't even get me started,
Speaker 1: like this was made. We have a similar voice, like
Speaker 1: that gravel and the like that's not a rock rob,
Speaker 1: that's the tread wanted to come out. Both of you
Speaker 1: want to brow you away. You're not invited to this
Speaker 1: part of the conversation. Okay, you'll both say the end
Speaker 1: of your words. You're too intelligent. Okay, both of you too. Well,
Speaker 1: now that you said that, I want to be clear.
Speaker 1: I want to be clear on how I feel. Absolutely.
Speaker 1: So we talk about like mental wellness, like you talked
Speaker 1: about you having to find that journey to find out
Speaker 1: who Brittany is, right, and then you talk about physical
Speaker 1: fitness as two separate things. But yoga in essence combines
Speaker 1: the two. Right, So why do you think it's important
Speaker 1: for people, specifically people of color to practice yoga? Yeah?
Speaker 1: And I don't know if you guys know that yoga
Speaker 1: actually translates to yok which is to bond the mind
Speaker 1: and the body like that. So I don't know if
Speaker 1: you're just intuitively saying that or you knew so, so
Speaker 1: now now we all know now, Yes, And so I
Speaker 1: think one of the biggest things UM, they and part
Speaker 1: of the story that I skipped, which is why it
Speaker 1: was so important for me to do UM what I
Speaker 1: call a culturally relevant yoga class, because I came back
Speaker 1: from India and I'm in San Francisco and Berkeley, California
Speaker 1: going to these yoga classes and I am largely feeling inadequate,
Speaker 1: I'm largely feeling unwelcome. I'm feeling like my ass jig
Speaker 1: a little too much. I want to hear different sort
Speaker 1: of music? Are these pans the right pans? And so
Speaker 1: I stopped practicing in studios because I was like, I'm
Speaker 1: not I'm not inadequate, Like I studied this. You know
Speaker 1: where they got it from right after they stole it
Speaker 1: from Africa, So I know, right I cannot be come
Speaker 1: on now, Core power the originator please so UM. So
Speaker 1: I think it's really important, UM, and part of my
Speaker 1: messages self care looks like you because too often, UM,
Speaker 1: as women of color, we glorify modernization, you know, and
Speaker 1: so we we really take so much pride in being
Speaker 1: martyrs and in killing ourselves in the name of love.
Speaker 1: But I'm always challenging people to be like, do you
Speaker 1: understand that love is like understanding that you are your heart?
Speaker 1: You are the heart beating your body, and and the
Speaker 1: heart is like cool, bed, I'm gonna give blood love
Speaker 1: to everybody, but first it has to come through me. First.
Speaker 1: I have to to receive this and filter it and
Speaker 1: oxidize it and make it best for for everything around me.
Speaker 1: And so I think if we're trying to move from
Speaker 1: this point of um, black women laying ourselves on the
Speaker 1: cross in the name of love, to saying you know what,
Speaker 1: I am going to love you after I've loved myself
Speaker 1: more holy because if we're talking about you know what
Speaker 1: that looks like with my kids. My kids are thriving now.
Speaker 1: They are so happy, they are so they're doing so well.
Speaker 1: They have reconciled so much that they saw even in
Speaker 1: their early years because now they've got to meet their mother.
Speaker 1: They finally met their mom. They understand mommy is she
Speaker 1: and happy. And too many times I think of moms
Speaker 1: and us trying to pour and poor and poor because
Speaker 1: there's a hero's hero ethos and say that moms have
Speaker 1: We want to save the day all the time because
Speaker 1: that's just what we innately want to do. But it's like,
Speaker 1: how are we re feeling? How are we refeeling? And
Speaker 1: you know the oxygen mask, you know, first you put
Speaker 1: it on yourself and then you help others, So so really,
Speaker 1: you know, just bridging all of that. So, like what
Speaker 1: I'm always saying is yoga, is this really awesome opportunity
Speaker 1: to get into your body, especially as a mother, when
Speaker 1: you loaned that body out and they babies gave it
Speaker 1: back it was never the way you gave like this
Speaker 1: little these little aliens invaded my body and just wrecked
Speaker 1: the whole joy, the whole joy. So it's it's me
Speaker 1: really trying to help um people. But if I have
Speaker 1: to be super specific, women of color rebridge that that
Speaker 1: relationship with their body and their mind. And then once
Speaker 1: you get those two together, empower yourself to never ever
Speaker 1: separate from your true north or who you actually are again.
Speaker 1: But I know it's so hard to get our people
Speaker 1: to take care of ourselves, So I cloak it. I
Speaker 1: disguise it as a day party as um, you know,
Speaker 1: come meet with me, or we're gonna throw that ass
Speaker 1: in a healing circle, you know, and they don't know,
Speaker 1: you know, and and and be a torqueficionado in that way.
Speaker 1: And so whatever you're looking for, if you're wanting to
Speaker 1: try self care and and be bridged, I'm there for you.
Speaker 1: If you're just coming looking for a ratchet yoga day
Speaker 1: parties some self care because you look too old for
Speaker 1: the club, then I got you. Sis. If you're here
Speaker 1: because you are a yogi and you want to finally
Speaker 1: experience a safe space that bridges you know, um that mindfulness,
Speaker 1: self actualization culture with who you are as a trapped
Speaker 1: music lover thug at so I'm pointing back and forth.
Speaker 1: So then I got you and so I and and
Speaker 1: and to put all of those different type of black
Speaker 1: women in a room, right, I got, I get this.
Speaker 1: The fister ratchets like you should. I've got to show
Speaker 1: you guys the story or people have to go online
Speaker 1: and see, um what it looks like to make Google yesterday,
Speaker 1: this like super blaque experience. And so one of the
Speaker 1: like also that was a little more. Yeah, that was
Speaker 1: that was a whole another beast. Okay, you know one
Speaker 1: girl worked out. She was, like I called by day,
Speaker 1: it's worked by night. That's not funny, right. You know
Speaker 1: what's funny when when I heard you talk about getting
Speaker 1: back to your origins and the fact that black women
Speaker 1: have embraced the fact that we have to be martyrs
Speaker 1: in order to be accepted and we have to kill ourselves.
Speaker 1: But then you spoke about going back to the origins.
Speaker 1: That speaks about what we see in mainstream media right
Speaker 1: in order to be a black woman and be accepted,
Speaker 1: you have to kill yourself. But when you think about
Speaker 1: going back to the origin where everything started. Everything started
Speaker 1: with black women and starting to embrace that as our history,
Speaker 1: as opposed to the Black American version of our history
Speaker 1: is that we were just slaves. And in order to
Speaker 1: in order for your loved ones to move on, you
Speaker 1: have to die. I think that we have to uh
Speaker 1: lose that indoctrination and talk to indoctrinate and our young
Speaker 1: women and women like yourselves that no, we don't have
Speaker 1: to die, we have to live in order to pass
Speaker 1: on to our young ones and the people after. So
Speaker 1: I think it's great what you're doing outside of just
Speaker 1: the working and the yoga, but the indoctrination of self care.
Speaker 1: You talk about self care so much, and I learned,
Speaker 1: you know, as a as a husband, how important self
Speaker 1: care is because she's a better version of herself when
Speaker 1: she takes care of herself. She's a better mom, she's
Speaker 1: a better wife, she's a better actor, she's better at
Speaker 1: everything when she takes care of her first. So I
Speaker 1: think that is important, you know, absolutely, and even you
Speaker 1: know because we keep talking about kids, speaking to that piece.
Speaker 1: When my children come home and they want to talk
Speaker 1: about slaves, that say, stop, they were not slaves. They
Speaker 1: were enslaved. People, right like, we are the children of
Speaker 1: enslaved people. But that is not their title, that is
Speaker 1: not in their DNA, that is not who they were.
Speaker 1: And they want you confused, right and you know that,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, and to be honest, there there are
Speaker 1: still people who are enslaved today. What are we going
Speaker 1: to do? Right like? Not even you know in our
Speaker 1: minds and our relationships, um, even with deep but even
Speaker 1: that small change makes it different. No, my grandma, great
Speaker 1: grandparents weren't slaves. They were for I didn't. You don't
Speaker 1: choose slavery like you choose being a doctor or a lawyer,
Speaker 1: a teacher. You don't wake up people like I'd be
Speaker 1: best served as a slave. That's true, though, I mean
Speaker 1: those little changes in verbage will really change a young
Speaker 1: person's mind and how they view themselves. Think about verbage
Speaker 1: and talking about verbage and viewing themselves your ratchet affirmations. Yes,
Speaker 1: I just need I need to hear because we love
Speaker 1: some Can you share a couple with us really and
Speaker 1: let people know what this term is, what they are,
Speaker 1: how often or when you know you say them? And
Speaker 1: how do you know that you need to hear this
Speaker 1: on a daily basis absolutely so. A ratchet affirmation is
Speaker 1: real world advice, but it sounds like your favorite rap lyrics.
Speaker 1: And so some of my favorite ones is, you know,
Speaker 1: talk about self care. My goal in life is to
Speaker 1: be there for everyone else, but to never leave my
Speaker 1: motherfucking self behind. Love that. Or we'll say something like
Speaker 1: you can accept someone for who they are and not
Speaker 1: funk with them for the very same reason. I like
Speaker 1: that one. Like that one because we would just talk
Speaker 1: about yesterday. You know who that person is. Leave them
Speaker 1: on regg Oh yeah, don't even don't even answer that.
Speaker 1: You know who that is, you know what it is,
Speaker 1: you know what it is. You just don't don't do
Speaker 1: it because people doesn't need fixing. It's not your business
Speaker 1: to fix. You're just like, you know, don't you over
Speaker 1: here trying to fix everybody else? Like sucking up they
Speaker 1: carm and let them get there. Maybe, I yo, that's
Speaker 1: not funny. I love that, right. We need to wratch
Speaker 1: you affirmations, baby, Shoot, you got a lot of ratchet affirmations.
Speaker 1: You just can't think of one right now, but you
Speaker 1: say every day you say that, well, dead ass is
Speaker 1: a ratchet affirmation, and I'll have to show you guys,
Speaker 1: UM have a move that has the word dead ass
Speaker 1: in and I'm going to have to show it to you.
Speaker 1: You're going to have to. It's called the Twerking Chataranga, right,
Speaker 1: sounds like becausa, but I call it chataranga dead assena.
Speaker 1: So that's yes, you know, I'm gonna tell you that tonight.
Speaker 1: I need to chat that. I'm gonna need that you
Speaker 1: set up a success. Okay, I'm with it. I'm with it.
Speaker 1: Let me ask a question, though, were you able to
Speaker 1: find love again after healing and then going through this
Speaker 1: whole journey, because now you're you're not the same person
Speaker 1: you are, right Andreiado, So I'm sure you'd make any
Speaker 1: person heavy you got. Yeah. So one of the most
Speaker 1: amazing things about going through this Yogi journey me is forgiveness.
Speaker 1: I don't know, like it's it's not only forgiving what
Speaker 1: the person who did some foul ship to you, but
Speaker 1: more often than not, we don't remind people that you
Speaker 1: need to forgive yourself because we'll be piste off at
Speaker 1: ourselves for allowing that to happen. And so definitely had
Speaker 1: a period of fun where I was like relationship marriage
Speaker 1: and just drop your draws. Okay, like do I talk
Speaker 1: about none of that? Um? And then I've had the
Speaker 1: opportunity to find love again and and honestly the most
Speaker 1: unexpected place are you guys asking me? It's a loaded
Speaker 1: question because you already know that, like my DJ is
Speaker 1: my life partner or okay, but so so yeah, I
Speaker 1: had been just working, working in all of that and
Speaker 1: having fun. And I was in New York. New York
Speaker 1: is actually a magical place from New York, from New York,
Speaker 1: but yeah, but SERI asleep. So so I was not
Speaker 1: looking for love but working on forgiveness and vulnerability so
Speaker 1: that I could receive it in whatever form it came
Speaker 1: back towards me. But I was securing my bag and
Speaker 1: having fun. And so it actually had been a year
Speaker 1: and a half of my DJ who's our DJ now
Speaker 1: who's now also CEO of Trapioga Bay DJ True Star,
Speaker 1: where like we were just I was just in a
Speaker 1: situation in New York and she was like president as
Speaker 1: she always was, and I looked at her and I
Speaker 1: was like, oh shit, I've never even like dealt with
Speaker 1: a chick before, but I think I love you and
Speaker 1: we should be together. It is it is and so
Speaker 1: you know, we've been in relationship for almost two years,
Speaker 1: and when I say, it has been the most restorative,
Speaker 1: amazing relationship that I have ever had, like with another
Speaker 1: healthy human being. And I get to watch her grow
Speaker 1: and her flourish and the same for me, and to
Speaker 1: to be able to have that level of like, this
Speaker 1: is who I am and and I'm accepted and and
Speaker 1: but also not need that. So for some to be
Speaker 1: a person who's like, I'm good, but I also am
Speaker 1: good with you and we're better together and such a
Speaker 1: good feeling, it's you know because on the contrary of
Speaker 1: Deval and I, we met when we were well, we
Speaker 1: started dating when we were like eighteen nineteen. So we've
Speaker 1: talked in prior episodes about having to work through that
Speaker 1: together because we weren't the whole people at the time.
Speaker 1: And it's like, you know, now I understand the meaning
Speaker 1: of I'm not looking for you to complete me. I
Speaker 1: want to be complete within myself and then if you
Speaker 1: happen to ride along, they were good. So that's kind
Speaker 1: of the space that you're in with your significant other now,
Speaker 1: which is amazing. Yeah, I love it, and like, yeah,
Speaker 1: as an aquarian woman, I'm like, Hey, I'm all out
Speaker 1: in Norbid. Yeah, do you want to? Like? And she
Speaker 1: rolls with the punches. So you met her in New York,
Speaker 1: which is funny because I met her, but I fell
Speaker 1: in love with her in New Okay, So that's a
Speaker 1: magical place, like we said, which is funny because I
Speaker 1: had the question, Um, I was wondering, since you're taking
Speaker 1: it to so many different cities your trap bay like
Speaker 1: all over the world, do you find that these stresses
Speaker 1: and things that people bring to the yoga experience are
Speaker 1: different depending on the place or the area that you're in.
Speaker 1: I've never been to two classes at the same time.
Speaker 1: Are two classes twice or one class twice? And I
Speaker 1: don't know how you ever say it that makes it
Speaker 1: sounds all secretary and but but but yeah, every every
Speaker 1: city has its own vibe, um and and I do
Speaker 1: love the New York go quick little side thing about that.
Speaker 1: Because of the way my voice sounds, people have always
Speaker 1: assumed I was from New York, even though I was like,
Speaker 1: but I'm so Oakland, like for real and so uh.
Speaker 1: People always be like, yo, you're from Brooklyn, Like you
Speaker 1: seem like Brooklyn. I was like, I ain't never been,
Speaker 1: but when I get there, like it don't be all
Speaker 1: thank you. And I got there and New York is
Speaker 1: a beast okay, And you know, I was like having
Speaker 1: a hard time, Like I was like sig like trying
Speaker 1: to navigate like all of these energy, ease and attitudes.
Speaker 1: And I literally got into a bathroom and saw a
Speaker 1: sign that said, l A, it's for quitters. And I
Speaker 1: was like, my black ass back there. But in the
Speaker 1: same way that you know, um, New York is has
Speaker 1: this huge energetic pool, it also has this magnetic you know,
Speaker 1: um transformative power where you have to for me, you know,
Speaker 1: in New York manage my vulnerability but also my optimism
Speaker 1: all at the same time, um and and and deal
Speaker 1: with that exterior. But the students are funny because they
Speaker 1: come in like kind of aggressive but full of love.
Speaker 1: And so they walk in there like, yo, I fucking
Speaker 1: love you. I love everything about you. And I be like, bitch,
Speaker 1: are we about to fight? I'm right right, But they'll
Speaker 1: give you all the energy, all the energy. They sell
Speaker 1: out my classes. Actually, New York is my number one demographic.
Speaker 1: Only only next down to that is Atlanta, which makes
Speaker 1: sense because that's the track capital. UM but but yeah,
Speaker 1: like New York is and you could feel that catharsis,
Speaker 1: Like I can feel that released in the room every
Speaker 1: time I'm in New York. And so if I'm talking
Speaker 1: about um, if there's a day where I'm having a
Speaker 1: low day where I'm like, I need to feel my purpose,
Speaker 1: I need to feel like I make change in the world,
Speaker 1: I will tell my coordinator put me in New York
Speaker 1: because I feel the most power and change happened when
Speaker 1: I'm rocking with my New York people. I love you,
Speaker 1: l A, And yeah, that takes me to you know,
Speaker 1: because we're wrapping up a round the time. We don't
Speaker 1: to keep you all day. I need three things that
Speaker 1: you would tell people because we get takeaways from people,
Speaker 1: you know, for the episodes. People can say, what's something
Speaker 1: tangible I can walk away with and I probably implement
Speaker 1: in my life that can help me other than taking
Speaker 1: the class that was number one. We get listener letters
Speaker 1: all the time where people would just kind of seem lost, like,
Speaker 1: you know, the situation you were in, my wife was in,
Speaker 1: I've really been in. What would you tell people three
Speaker 1: things to help find themselves sent to themselves so that
Speaker 1: they can kind of bring it all in and say,
Speaker 1: let me restart my life to get on the right
Speaker 1: back right, to come back stress anxiety, that, um, it's
Speaker 1: okay to be broken mhm. Recognizing that it's okay to
Speaker 1: be broken, right, we feel like we always got to
Speaker 1: hold ourselves together. Sometimes you need to separate from from
Speaker 1: the world and from everyone who keeps telling you who
Speaker 1: you are and fall the funk apart and that's okay.
Speaker 1: Um that self care is not a crime. You don't
Speaker 1: have to tell people why you need to take care
Speaker 1: of yourself or how you need to take care of yourself.
Speaker 1: You can just do it. That's number two. That's number two.
Speaker 1: Look at he's taking copious notes. I'm not. And then
Speaker 1: number three, no, is a full last motherfucking sentence affirmation.
Speaker 1: That is a because you can you can feel the rehearsals, right. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I felt like that came from a place of all
Speaker 1: of my wratchet affirmations are not just me sitting there saying, oh,
Speaker 1: ship like that would be cool for Let people know this.
Speaker 1: These are things that I have endured in my life.
Speaker 1: I call them departments of hell that I have taken
Speaker 1: up residency for in have found my way out and
Speaker 1: now can identify that in other people. And if if
Speaker 1: these ratchet affirmations you know, resonate with anyone, you can
Speaker 1: text me right eight oh five five five six for
Speaker 1: eight six Yes good, because it's it's my trap, lie,
Speaker 1: because I know everybody like I see so many mirrors,
Speaker 1: and I see myself in so many people. And when
Speaker 1: you were going through that friend, you felt alone, you
Speaker 1: felt inadequate, You felt like you were the only person
Speaker 1: experiencing that. But if you had someone who you could
Speaker 1: be vulnerable enough with, who you knew wasn't going to
Speaker 1: judge you, who you knew could tell you, asked you're strong,
Speaker 1: you got this, and give you quirky little things and
Speaker 1: and and and ratchet affirmations to keep you going, then
Speaker 1: maybe you're suffering, right because you still have to go
Speaker 1: through what you have to go through to figure out
Speaker 1: where you are. But maybe you're suffering would have been
Speaker 1: a little bit easier if you had a friend called
Speaker 1: It was just gonna make it that much easie. And
Speaker 1: so I send out ratchet affirmations, you know, every couple
Speaker 1: of days, like literally, I'll wake up and like I spid,
Speaker 1: I wake up at four am, I spend two to
Speaker 1: three hours in meditation, and I will send out a
Speaker 1: vibe to be like, what the fund is my tribe
Speaker 1: going through? And then randomly, while you living your life,
Speaker 1: thinking you were alone in your darkness, you will get
Speaker 1: a message from me. The latest one was about revenge.
Speaker 1: It was like, spend no time, seekret, revenge. Fuck them,
Speaker 1: they get no time, no love, no energy. Get back
Speaker 1: on you. Yeah you so New York came. I think
Speaker 1: that's like Black Panther and me. They have their anniverse
Speaker 1: three yesterday and you're still feeling I'm feeling it. I'm
Speaker 1: feeling the black love, Brittany. It was so good to
Speaker 1: have you here. Like I almost didn't know what I
Speaker 1: was stumbling upon when I first saw I was like,
Speaker 1: trapp Yoga Bay, I was like, what episode is this?
Speaker 1: They they were talking about me being enough, for not
Speaker 1: being enough and doubting yourself and how did the too
Speaker 1: correlated shout out to our producers. Sure, yes, absolutely you
Speaker 1: may divine appointment. Absolutely absolutely nothing happens for by mistake.
Speaker 1: So um tell everybody where they can find you before
Speaker 1: you don't. You can find me on all social media.
Speaker 1: Trapp Yoga Bay t r A p y o G
Speaker 1: A B A E trapiogobay dot com like literally google me,
Speaker 1: oh you with the Google me trap deformation, Google ratchet affirmation,
Speaker 1: don't forget, don't forget the building, you don't stand the cheese.
Speaker 1: I don't right. They almost jumped me trying to jump
Speaker 1: me off. I got jumped by trapped yoga Bay and
Speaker 1: my wife. You're so silly. So we have let's letters
Speaker 1: coming up after this. I'm not sure if they don't
Speaker 1: necessarily apply, but usually we invite our guests to stay
Speaker 1: so you can give your you know, a little take
Speaker 1: on you know, people asking us advice and not listening
Speaker 1: to letters. Today it's called ask not asked, bay, ask
Speaker 1: Bay asked. That's what I say, you know, pronounced the
Speaker 1: end as. Now you're not being a ratchet. Now you're
Speaker 1: being intelligent, intellectual, you know, that's what it is. So
Speaker 1: we're gonna take a quick break and we're going to
Speaker 1: move into listening letters after we get into some ads.
Speaker 1: So stay close by this for the record, there it is.
Speaker 1: Tiger Woods is one of our most inspiring sports icons.
Speaker 1: In his story, it comes with many chapters. I am
Speaker 1: deeply sorry for my irresponsible and self behavior, but here
Speaker 1: it is the return to glory. This is All American,
Speaker 1: a new series from Stitcher, hosted by me Jordan Bell.
Speaker 1: You realize Tiger Wus doesn't know who he is best
Speaker 1: in the history of golf, no question in my mind.
Speaker 1: And this season, with the help of journalist Albert Chen,
Speaker 1: we're asking what if the story of Tiger Woods that
Speaker 1: the media has been telling, what if it's been completely wrong?
Speaker 1: All American Tiger is out now Listen and Stitcher, Apple Podcasts,
Speaker 1: or your favorite podcast app. We're back within the listener
Speaker 1: letters and we asked Brittany to stick around so she
Speaker 1: can give us, you know, her take on some things.
Speaker 1: It always helps, you know, three heads are better than
Speaker 1: one to actually too, because it's normally two of us. Yes,
Speaker 1: all right, you want to read, babe. This is a long,
Speaker 1: healthy one where cold long listening to let us all right,
Speaker 1: they have to give us the whole story. You know.
Speaker 1: I am twenty three and my boyfriend of one year
Speaker 1: and seven months have a hard time with communicating, mainly
Speaker 1: on my behalf. At the moment, we're about to move
Speaker 1: into our first house together and money is very tight.
Speaker 1: It's been stressful, but we've got together. We've got each
Speaker 1: other to get out of our heads and focus. But
Speaker 1: my main part is my anxiety and depression. And I
Speaker 1: get to the point where I can't speak or uncontrollably
Speaker 1: crying or stopped on ConTroll be crying for hours, and
Speaker 1: he gets frustrated that I don't say what is going on.
Speaker 1: I listened to your podcast and the one that spoke
Speaker 1: out the most to me was the vows still big
Speaker 1: mad about that stroller? Yeah, I'm still big mad about that.
Speaker 1: You guys talked about how communication was hard at first
Speaker 1: and the different childhoods. It made me think about mine
Speaker 1: and how I showed my emotions or shared my issues,
Speaker 1: and honestly, it wasn't easy. It's kind of like Cadine's childhood.
Speaker 1: It didn't have an open opinion, or I didn't have
Speaker 1: an open opinion. I was wrong. Every time I expressed myself,
Speaker 1: I would get in trouble for having emotions. I was
Speaker 1: a cry baby and I always grew up. I grew
Speaker 1: into a team. I just bottled everything up. So it
Speaker 1: does affect my relationship a lot, because, for one, I
Speaker 1: shut down every time something happens, and even if it
Speaker 1: doesn't have to do with him. But since I'm shutting
Speaker 1: him out. He thinks that he's doing something wrong. Okay,
Speaker 1: I get that. I know I can tell him what
Speaker 1: I feel and why I'm crying. I just don't want
Speaker 1: to seem like the bad person for seeing how I feel.
Speaker 1: I guess my question from all of this is for Codeine,
Speaker 1: how did you start opening up to Devot and how
Speaker 1: long did it take? Wow? Alright, so so opening up
Speaker 1: is something you definitely have to do. Yes, Um, I
Speaker 1: think the thing that helped me with opening up to
Speaker 1: Devot was Devot kind of being relentless with asking me
Speaker 1: and genuinely wanting to know what was wrong. So I'm
Speaker 1: not sure if that she says, say if her her
Speaker 1: boyfriend was asking word, she didn't give much insight. Say
Speaker 1: he gets frustrated, frustrated when going on, so he may ask,
Speaker 1: you know, and at that point, I think says, you
Speaker 1: just need to kind of open up. And like I said,
Speaker 1: you know, you've referenced my childhood and me feeling like
Speaker 1: I wasn't from a family where communication was a big thing.
Speaker 1: But I know how much I cared for Devlo and
Speaker 1: I cared for our relationship, So it didn't take a
Speaker 1: long time because I think I realized by slowly being
Speaker 1: able to have those moments where I did have to
Speaker 1: cry them out, and I had the moments where I
Speaker 1: cried often and Devo would just be like, just open
Speaker 1: up to me. I think feeling the sincerity in his
Speaker 1: voice and his tone and his approach definitely helped me
Speaker 1: to open up. Um. What do you think, Brittany, do
Speaker 1: you have any tips for someone like this who's going
Speaker 1: through the you know, the anxiety and the depression um
Speaker 1: that she's experiencing. Yeah, meditation um to to to realize.
Speaker 1: I think what's amazing is she sees that she gets triggered,
Speaker 1: and she knows what her trigger is, and so before
Speaker 1: stepping into something or even when you're in that muck,
Speaker 1: to back up, and even if it's a mindful second,
Speaker 1: which is like practicing a breathing exercise to to help
Speaker 1: just calm your nervous system, because what's happening is that
Speaker 1: you're went back into the past and bringing it like
Speaker 1: right here, even though it's not you know, it's it's
Speaker 1: not happening, and those feelings have anxiety she's triggering from
Speaker 1: her younger self and then she's bringing it to the forefront.
Speaker 1: And then it's bubbling over right, which means that there's
Speaker 1: some some healing in the past that has to happen.
Speaker 1: And you know, even if we can't get to that
Speaker 1: space breathing, a breathing exercise, I would highly recommend, like
Speaker 1: a six phase meditation where you go through compassion for
Speaker 1: yourself and others, forgiveness, all that kind of stuff. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a I would I would agree. How do you
Speaker 1: feel in those moments? When I was, it was frustrating.
Speaker 1: It was frustrating, But part of it was frustrating too
Speaker 1: because I grew up in a household where all we
Speaker 1: did was communicate. So when you think everyone's community, you
Speaker 1: think everybody in the world exists like your family, you know,
Speaker 1: as part of the egocentrism where you just feel like
Speaker 1: my family is the epicenter of everything in the world
Speaker 1: and everything we do everyone else does. So he probably
Speaker 1: feels the same way. Why doesn't she talk to me?
Speaker 1: That's how I felt. I was like, why doesn't Cadine
Speaker 1: talk to me? What's wrong with me? Normal for him?
Speaker 1: It was, and I thought something was wrong with me.
Speaker 1: And then um, I had learned, like you said, when
Speaker 1: things started to happen I knew what triggered me. And
Speaker 1: then rather than saying, okay, I'm getting upset a code
Speaker 1: because something that triggered me from before, I used to
Speaker 1: be like, you know what, let me take a step back. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it also helps. I'm sorry not to cut
Speaker 1: you off. Um, I think what also helped you, And
Speaker 1: that instance was realizing after being around my family as well,
Speaker 1: so being around my brother and my sister, my parents
Speaker 1: and seeing how we communicated or didn't communicate, it gave
Speaker 1: me a great understanding, had a better understanding for all.
Speaker 1: This is why she is and this is deep rooted.
Speaker 1: It's not that she's just trying to blow me off
Speaker 1: or she just wants to be sulked into this depression
Speaker 1: on her own. It's just that this this is a
Speaker 1: something that was learned behavior in a sense. And Britney
Speaker 1: makes a good point though, Um, understanding what your triggers are,
Speaker 1: and you made a good point understanding what your partner's
Speaker 1: triggers are allow you to take, you know, take some
Speaker 1: time back and say she may be responding to this
Speaker 1: because of something that happened prior, so let me not
Speaker 1: you know, address it the same way before I used
Speaker 1: to nack, because why don't you tell me? Now? She'll
Speaker 1: tell me when she's ready to open up, right, And
Speaker 1: I think you know, they'll learn each other if they
Speaker 1: if they're both invested in your sis like you. And
Speaker 1: when I said when he said twenty three, I saw
Speaker 1: Britney's face like, Okay, well you're you know, like that
Speaker 1: just means that you have a whole lot to still
Speaker 1: learn about yourself. Well, remember remember what we said fifteen,
Speaker 1: it's twenty you think you know everything. Twenty to twenty
Speaker 1: five you know you know everything. To thirty you start realizing,
Speaker 1: like him, I ain't know shit. And then thirty is
Speaker 1: when you start to try to fix all of those
Speaker 1: things that you've been doing wrong in its twenties. So
Speaker 1: she's just in that process. Stick with the sis for sure,
Speaker 1: all right, listen to let her Number two. Let me
Speaker 1: start off by saying, I absolutely love you guys, love
Speaker 1: you too. Love story is very similar to that of
Speaker 1: me and my husband's. We started dating at eighteen. We've
Speaker 1: been together for thirteen years. I have two young boys,
Speaker 1: ages ten months and three. With that being said, my
Speaker 1: question is for Codeine today. Everybody wants to talk to me.
Speaker 1: How do you juggle being a bomb as wife and
Speaker 1: a bomb as mother and still have time to take
Speaker 1: care of yourself. It's hard and I'm trying. Well, she
Speaker 1: said that it's hard and I'm trying, But I agree this, um,
Speaker 1: and I would love to know your secret. I feel
Speaker 1: as though I'm so busy taking care of my husband
Speaker 1: and my kids that I hardly ever have time for myself,
Speaker 1: and I'm always too tired. This is perfect for y'all
Speaker 1: to like, this is exactly what y'all talk about doing
Speaker 1: all the time. It's funny because just recently, Devot was
Speaker 1: just like, you're tired again. I don't understand because we
Speaker 1: were traveling a lot. Like you said, you travel a lot,
Speaker 1: You're going from coast to coast. I'm you know, part
Speaker 1: jet lag, part just had this residual mom tiredness. I
Speaker 1: think every mom inherits somebody got to explain that to him.
Speaker 1: I don't give it really is, and it starts from
Speaker 1: like when the baby is conceived, because it's like you
Speaker 1: anticipate the lack of sleep that you're about to not
Speaker 1: have for the rest of your life, and the moment
Speaker 1: you can't lay on your stomach again, right, so forget
Speaker 1: it because the sleep is not even so it was
Speaker 1: from ten months of not sleeping that for the rest
Speaker 1: of your life. Tired because yesterday, I'm gonna tell you,
Speaker 1: we're happy. Yesterday. We both get up early with the kids.
Speaker 1: But in order to help her with her tiredness, I
Speaker 1: take the kids. It's a condition. It definitely helps. I
Speaker 1: took the kids to school right we were going to
Speaker 1: work out. She said, can we work out later? So fine,
Speaker 1: she took a nap. I picked the kids up from school,
Speaker 1: she took a three hour nap, came back. It was
Speaker 1: dropped two kids to basketball practice. She was still at
Speaker 1: home sleep though I was taking to taking care of
Speaker 1: household stuff. All I'm saying is that I was out
Speaker 1: doing all this stuff to make sure she gets home. Right.
Speaker 1: We get home, we get we get done working out.
Speaker 1: She comes so tired. I'm like, what the fund did
Speaker 1: you do all day? I literally did everything, But you're
Speaker 1: Tired's not even a physical tiredness. It's like a mental tiredness,
Speaker 1: and that too can totally. It's exhausting. So Sis, to
Speaker 1: answer your question, there are days when I am not
Speaker 1: a bomb as wife and I am not Bombs's mother,
Speaker 1: and it goes back to my story in the beginning
Speaker 1: where I have those moments where I don't feel worthy
Speaker 1: and I don't feel adequate, and I don't feel like
Speaker 1: I'm doing enough. But God is good and trying to
Speaker 1: be perfect is exhausting. To stop trying to be the
Speaker 1: best of everything to everyone all the fucking time, and
Speaker 1: maybe you won't be so tired. And I say that absolutely.
Speaker 1: And you need time for yourself. It's so important. I
Speaker 1: know you hardly ever have time for it, but you
Speaker 1: kind of have to like carve that out because if
Speaker 1: you don't have the time to just take care of yourself.
Speaker 1: I mean, there's those moments when I just said, you
Speaker 1: know what, I'm going to the supermarket. I enjoy going
Speaker 1: to the supermarket, but I'll take like a good ten
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes and just sit in the car in silence
Speaker 1: like that that will be my moment, just like you said,
Speaker 1: sometimes meditate, sometimes just sit and collect my thoughts. It's
Speaker 1: amazing what that time can do. So the way you
Speaker 1: prioritize everything else trying to be Bomba's wife and bomb
Speaker 1: As mother, be Bombas whoever you are too, you know,
Speaker 1: it's it's very important and hopefully your husband. Let you
Speaker 1: get a nap every now may maybe maybe keep at it,
Speaker 1: says all right. If you want to be featured as
Speaker 1: one of our listener letters, email us at dead as
Speaker 1: Advice at gmail dot dot com. Awesome, yes, all right.
Speaker 1: Moment moment of truth? What did I learned today? What
Speaker 1: did you learn today? So, Brittany, we don't always do
Speaker 1: a moment of truth, so that pretty much sums up
Speaker 1: the episode, and you know that one takeaway for the audience. Um,
Speaker 1: what's your takeaway, babe, what's your moment of truth? My
Speaker 1: moment of truth today is that there is an unspoken
Speaker 1: pressure on women that I've learned to say about being
Speaker 1: martyrs and feeling like you have to kill yourself in
Speaker 1: order for your family and the people around you in
Speaker 1: order to exist and be great moving forward. And I
Speaker 1: learned that we have to get rid of that idea
Speaker 1: and start letting our women know in our communities that
Speaker 1: it's okay to take care of yourself first before you
Speaker 1: take care of everyone else. That's my moment of truth
Speaker 1: for today, listening to Brittany's story, knowing your story, and
Speaker 1: then um, just feeling that as a as a dad
Speaker 1: as well, that you know, the whole oxygen mask thing.
Speaker 1: You gotta put your oxygen mask on first before you
Speaker 1: put them my oxygen masks on your child. So that's
Speaker 1: my moment of truth. Man. You you women need to
Speaker 1: take care of yourselves. If you really want to take
Speaker 1: care of the people you love, take care yourself first.
Speaker 1: And I learned that it's okay to be sophistic watch it.
Speaker 1: It's okay to do that, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It's okay to have all your stuff together and then
Speaker 1: not have it together and then if you need to
Speaker 1: twork your way through it, do it. I'll second that.
Speaker 1: All right, We're both going to benefit from that. Brittany,
Speaker 1: any last words and you take away any moment of
Speaker 1: truth I know, Um, I wouldn't say that. It's been
Speaker 1: very amazing and therapeutic to to witness you all, um,
Speaker 1: specifically UM, to see a man in his divine masculinity
Speaker 1: and the level of vulnerability and honesty that is permeating
Speaker 1: in this room fully filled my cup and is giving
Speaker 1: me more grace. Azing. We had the reciprocity in this room, Okay,
Speaker 1: So it was awesome. It was awesome, your sophisticated nous
Speaker 1: and your Wretchedness has been great today. Trap Yoga bay By,
Speaker 1: Follow me I am Devout, Follow my wife Caden. I
Speaker 1: am And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure
Speaker 1: to rate with you and subscribe. Absolutely Dead as dead
Speaker 1: Ass is a production of Stitcher. It's produced by T
Speaker 1: Square and Dinora Penia. Our chief content Officer is Chris Bannon.
Speaker 1: Our associate producers are Kristin Torres and Trouble, our studio
Speaker 1: engineer and original music is by Brendan Burns and mixed
Speaker 1: by Andy Christine's daughter. For Fact, I'm Drew McCarry and
Speaker 1: I'm David uh. We have a podcast going on right
Speaker 1: now as part of the Stitchen Everywhere called Substraction that's
Speaker 1: available everywhere. We get to the podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple,
Speaker 1: Go listen right now to the Distraction right now, it's out.
Speaker 1: Do it please,