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Speaker 1: We're back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth and

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Speaker 1: coming in September a new site we have built together

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Speaker 1: called Defect or Defector, and we're gonna have a new

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Speaker 1: podcast to go with it, this very podcast which has

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Speaker 1: the name The Distraction. It's out right now as available

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Speaker 1: every rust. Get your podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go

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Speaker 1: listen right now to The Distraction everywhere. It's out right now.

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Speaker 1: Go listen to see you by. I've had several times

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Speaker 1: in our relationship where being with you, I've always had

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Speaker 1: to question if I was enough. Damn. I know you're

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Speaker 1: gonna say that what that kind of hurt? What hurt?

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Speaker 1: Because now I feel bad you were supposed to feel bad.

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Speaker 1: I'm just saying that's what it was. What it is,

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Speaker 1: I'll receive it dead ass. Hey, I'm Cadine and we're

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Speaker 1: the Ellis. You may know us from posting funny videos

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Speaker 1: with our boys and reading each other publicly as a

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Speaker 1: form of therapy. Wait, I make you need most days.

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Speaker 1: And one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir,

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Speaker 1: we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about

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Speaker 1: some of life's most taboo topics. Things most folks don't

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Speaker 1: want to talk about through the lens of a millennium

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Speaker 1: Mattie couple. Dead ass is a term that we say

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Speaker 1: every day. Where we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts,

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Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

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Speaker 1: We're about to take Phillow's off to a whole new level.

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Speaker 1: Dead ask starts now. So being with an amazing man

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Speaker 1: here you go, whose work ethic is through the roof

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Speaker 1: super overachiever, and that is exactly why I fell in

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Speaker 1: love with you. I've definitely had moments in our relationship

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Speaker 1: where I just felt like I was not worthy of

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Speaker 1: being with someone like you, and I had those moments

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Speaker 1: where I out like, Damn, you are a forced cadean.

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Speaker 1: You were doing so many things in your life, you

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Speaker 1: have so many dreams, you have so many goals, but

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Speaker 1: you just will never match DeVos intensity. And those moments

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Speaker 1: made me feel like, Damn, I am just not enough

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Speaker 1: in this moment. And the crazy part about it is

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Speaker 1: that I had to really dig deep and figure out

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Speaker 1: what the issue was. Because I knew that the issue

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Speaker 1: wasn't you. It definitely had something to do with me

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Speaker 1: deep down. So there's this one particular instance where we

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Speaker 1: had moved back from Michigan. I had went out there

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Speaker 1: with Devo to just kind of be there as a

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Speaker 1: support system to him, but also start my career in broadcasting.

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Speaker 1: So I figured, you know what, it's perfect. I'll go

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Speaker 1: to a small market out in Michigan, get a job

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Speaker 1: as a news reporter, be there for him while he's

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Speaker 1: playing football, and we'll live happily ever after. But then

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Speaker 1: life happened. We had to move back to Brooklyn, and

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Speaker 1: I I would be lying if I said I wasn't

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Speaker 1: mildly depressed, because I felt like the life that we

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Speaker 1: were supposed to have, in the life that we dreamt

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Speaker 1: of having, was no longer going to be. I was

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Speaker 1: pretty much at home sulking in my own sorrows. And

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Speaker 1: if I was like, hey, we're in this together. I'm

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Speaker 1: going to support you are and ten percent, but what

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Speaker 1: do you want to do? And I was like, I

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Speaker 1: don't know. And that's when He's like, you act as

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Speaker 1: if you have nothing left to give. You are super talented,

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Speaker 1: you're a makeup artist. Get up and go down to

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Speaker 1: the mall and see if you'll get hired at the

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Speaker 1: mat counter. And I was like, you know what, alright, fine,

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Speaker 1: and he was able to help me get dressed that morning,

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Speaker 1: drove me down to the counter and that's where I

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Speaker 1: applied for a job and ended up getting the job.

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Speaker 1: But I can't say that in that moment, I still

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Speaker 1: did not feel like I was not being able to

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Speaker 1: live up to what he has effected of me as

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Speaker 1: a wife, and that left me severely depressed. Hey, talking

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Speaker 1: it like I talk it. Hey, this is she picked it.

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Speaker 1: There's a reason why you picked walking like I talk it? Though?

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Speaker 1: Why is that there's a reason Because we have the

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Speaker 1: yoga queen of building today we do, which I feel

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Speaker 1: like it's kind of weird, you know, just because like

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Speaker 1: I started this episode saying, oh my god, I'm not worthy,

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Speaker 1: I'm not worthy, and then we're talking about trap yok

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Speaker 1: in the same breath. I'm going to tell you why

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Speaker 1: I don't think it's weird though. Why all right? Because

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Speaker 1: in order to find that sense of peace, right, you

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Speaker 1: have to meditate, Yes, you know what I'm saying. You

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Speaker 1: have to find you have to become one with yourself,

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Speaker 1: become confident and one with your being in your body,

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Speaker 1: and nobody has better bodies than yoga girls. I know

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Speaker 1: this because I follow them on Instagram. He sure, girls,

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Speaker 1: all of my group chats be like, did you see

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Speaker 1: all of the queen listen? Yoga? Yoga is great. Yoga

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Speaker 1: is great for a lot of reasons, for meditation, but

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Speaker 1: also for bodies. For bodies, Yes, that's a good thing.

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Speaker 1: Then centering yourself, you know, because a lot of that

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Speaker 1: has to do with just like you said, you're being

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Speaker 1: one with yourself and really that self care moment that

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Speaker 1: I think most people always I always am an advocate for.

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Speaker 1: And I feel like if I had taken maybe moments

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Speaker 1: like that in my moments of feeling you know, not worthy,

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Speaker 1: or just feeling like really down in the dumps and

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Speaker 1: kind of taking care of myself, that might have empowered

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Speaker 1: me to be a little bit more confident in myself now.

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Speaker 1: And the reason why I'm excited about this guest is

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Speaker 1: because you love trapped music. I do. You think you

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Speaker 1: would thug it hard, but you're not. I do. I

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Speaker 1: really wanted to pick a mega Stallion song, but you know,

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Speaker 1: a big old yoga today. We can do yoga and

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Speaker 1: you can work to that, absolutely, I do. You don't

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Speaker 1: like to work out? What I found out too was

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Speaker 1: a lot of people who do yoga, they don't like

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Speaker 1: to work out, and they started doing yoga as a

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Speaker 1: replacement of actually going to the gym. Well workout though too.

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Speaker 1: It is. That's why I'm saying I'm excited, because you're

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Speaker 1: gonna get introduced to a new type of type of workout.

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Speaker 1: I'm not doing sprints and football drills like you're trying

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Speaker 1: to put me to the trap music, twerking and yoga.

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Speaker 1: I love it already. I'm just gonna time as Brittany

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Speaker 1: Floyd Mayo up with a bow on top of her

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Speaker 1: head and be like, Sis, give me all of the

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Speaker 1: tools I need to succeed at this. We had writteny

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Speaker 1: Floyd Mayo in the house, how are you? I am phenomenal,

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Speaker 1: fresh off the plane from Oakland, just flying for us,

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Speaker 1: for y'all. It was it was you. Honestly, my publicist

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Speaker 1: when when the message came through from from your team

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Speaker 1: was like, bitch, I love him, and I'm like, okay,

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Speaker 1: well so will I right and so um and so

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Speaker 1: Honestly from my camp, there was a lot of incentive,

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Speaker 1: a lot of like these are people did like that's

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Speaker 1: your tribe, go find and so you know, we are

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Speaker 1: fresh off the fresh off the plane from New York.

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Speaker 1: I just finished teaching at Sacks fifth A fine, because

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Speaker 1: you know, coming in here we were talking about having

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Speaker 1: a drink or two on plane. How I could ease

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Speaker 1: you out yet, I mean just yesterday we were teaching

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Speaker 1: in Silicon Valley at Google. And so then I like,

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Speaker 1: wake up and I look at my house and I'm like, okay,

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Speaker 1: dis array, I gotta And the challenge was, when I'm

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Speaker 1: in l A, do I come home and get my

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Speaker 1: ship together or do I just go to the spot

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Speaker 1: for the night. I'm going home. I can go with

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Speaker 1: the ladder. I get it, though, I get it. Sometimes

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Speaker 1: that's before before we get into the conversation, we have

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Speaker 1: to formally welcome Brittany and introduce her so that everyone

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Speaker 1: knows her. So, Brittany is a passionate, certified Vinyasa Yoga

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Speaker 1: instructor Antwerque Officiant. She created a yoga persona Trapped Yoga Bay,

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Speaker 1: as an answer to feeling unwelcome in a standard yoga studio.

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Speaker 1: And you have to talk about that a little bit

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Speaker 1: as well. And she now tours the world the world

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Speaker 1: spreading trapped love to those who lack acceptance in wellness spaces,

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Speaker 1: bridging the gap between health care and cultural relevance. That

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Speaker 1: sounds like you create your I love that I found

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Speaker 1: the lane and I stayed in it. O no swerving,

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Speaker 1: No swerving. So tell us about your journey. How did

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Speaker 1: you get into yoga and then eventually become trapped yoga Bay? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and you know, when I was hearing you you talk

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Speaker 1: a little bit before about some of the experiences you

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Speaker 1: had in your life, it actually came from moments very

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Speaker 1: close to what you were experiencing. The difference was I

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Speaker 1: did not have an amazing partner at the time, so

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Speaker 1: I had actually discovered yoga when I was in college.

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Speaker 1: I went to Dillard University in New Orleans, and um,

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Speaker 1: I was angry, like I was disfighting West Oakland kind

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Speaker 1: of angry. And yeah, I mean honestly, and you know,

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Speaker 1: it cost me my ability to be my freshman class president.

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Speaker 1: And so they said, if you're gonna stay at this university,

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Speaker 1: la girl, you're gonna need some therapy, right, And so

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Speaker 1: I'm going through this process and in the school counselor says,

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Speaker 1: have you ever tried yoga? So I go to a

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Speaker 1: yoga class. Five classes later, I had this this kind

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Speaker 1: of awakening, this this moment that I was like, Wow,

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Speaker 1: this is something, so much so that I switched my

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Speaker 1: major to social behavioral studies and positive psychology and did

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Speaker 1: my senior thesis on how yoga could help people who

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Speaker 1: are struggling during times of transition, because actually that's important

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Speaker 1: and we're always in transition transitions. That's exactly what my

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Speaker 1: story is about moving from one phase to another and

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Speaker 1: being lost and exactly and and so so how do

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Speaker 1: you reduce that anxiety and how do you continue to

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Speaker 1: maintain your self worth? And so I had these realizations,

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Speaker 1: but simultaneously I had also gotten married. So I got

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Speaker 1: married to my my college sweetheart. Before I was twenty.

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Speaker 1: I was popping out babies, so we had our first

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Speaker 1: daughter when I was twenty. We had the second child,

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Speaker 1: my son, who's now seven, when I was twenty four. Um,

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Speaker 1: but shortly after we got married and started having baby ease,

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Speaker 1: the relationship became very abusive and I lost myself entirely

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Speaker 1: in it. Um, were you both abusive or he was abusive?

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Speaker 1: He was abusive, I was an angel. That's how it is, okay, Um,

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Speaker 1: But seriously, like it wasn't a two way situation UM

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Speaker 1: in this case, UM, and so I had been moved

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Speaker 1: from Oakland, where we had returned to after graduation, to Texas,

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Speaker 1: which is closer to where he was from. And you know,

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Speaker 1: just some some dirt came out and I confronted him

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Speaker 1: and it became a really violent situation. And that moment,

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Speaker 1: like literally I had got the sense knocked back into

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Speaker 1: me to who I was and that I had been

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Speaker 1: lost for six years, right, And so I hit him

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Speaker 1: with the like I'm going to Walmart to get some milk.

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Speaker 1: I'll be back, And I took our two children and

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Speaker 1: put them in the back seat of our car, took

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Speaker 1: the dirty clothes out of my um garage, and drove

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Speaker 1: thirty two hours back to Oakland. And that was the

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Speaker 1: very start of me realizing that I had been lost

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Speaker 1: for a very long time and I needed to find myself.

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Speaker 1: So you made you made a decision, and I think

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Speaker 1: this is important. You made the decision that most people

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Speaker 1: in abusive relationships can never make, and that was to

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Speaker 1: choose you and yourself quote unquote love you, you, yourself

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Speaker 1: and your children over quote unquote love. Which is funny

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Speaker 1: because we've done an episode about toxic relationships and how

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Speaker 1: we were able to like navigate that, and here you are.

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Speaker 1: You took the power into your own hands yourself. You

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Speaker 1: weren't waiting for him to remove himself. You removed yourself. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: thank you. I like that cognitive reappraisal taking. So yeah,

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Speaker 1: so that happened. And then you know, I was homeless, jobless.

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Speaker 1: I left my job. I was a technical recruiter, I

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Speaker 1: made great money, had a good you know, a good

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Speaker 1: work life. Um, and was homeless, laying on the my

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Speaker 1: grandmother's floor like crying every day like who am I?

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Speaker 1: What am I doing? Here? Do I matter? And then

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Speaker 1: it hit me that these are the quintence to a

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Speaker 1: yogi questions and since need to go on some eat,

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Speaker 1: pray love. So I actually called his parents and was like, UM,

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Speaker 1: come get these kids. I like, I am lost. I

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Speaker 1: am not being a good mother because I'm just not present,

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Speaker 1: and I'm going to go find myself. I don't know

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Speaker 1: how long it will take, but I promise when I do,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to come back for west. We stopped for

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Speaker 1: a second. Can we stop for a second. You know,

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Speaker 1: I get emotional, I'm being honest. It takes a lot

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Speaker 1: as a parent, and I'm the reason why I'm getting

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Speaker 1: a little emotional now is because we had to drop

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Speaker 1: my son, who's five what three to our daycare and

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Speaker 1: I'm leaving and he's reaching out for me. This is

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Speaker 1: the third day, and part of me just wanted to

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Speaker 1: be like fun this daycare, you're coming with daddy. But

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Speaker 1: having to know what's right for your kids and to

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Speaker 1: hear you go through that and then have to do that.

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Speaker 1: It's brave, though, and it's hitting me because I went

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Speaker 1: through that this morning, like I really, I didn't tell

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Speaker 1: my wife I want to turn on man. I don't

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Speaker 1: even about his mindest story, school and what everybody think.

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Speaker 1: I just want my son because I've seen him cry

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Speaker 1: for you to do that, man, that that is first

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Speaker 1: to drive to leave home then tell you God for

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Speaker 1: sure that's no. I'm just absolutely thank you, thank you

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Speaker 1: so much, Like I really received that, and I told

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Speaker 1: you we was going to be family. There are um

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Speaker 1: but but really it was a lot of times we

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Speaker 1: have to be honest with ourselves and say I am

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Speaker 1: not who I need to be right And if you

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Speaker 1: like speaking about your situation with your son, if you

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Speaker 1: continue to bring him where you were going, and to

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Speaker 1: be honest, sometimes you know you have to slow down

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Speaker 1: for your kids and they deserve that slow down. And

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Speaker 1: even you bringing your child to this, even this podcast

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Speaker 1: right now, would be a selfish act because you could

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Speaker 1: not be who you needed him to who he needs

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Speaker 1: you to be in this moment and be what what

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Speaker 1: the legacy that you're building and what your future is.

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Speaker 1: And so the best thing for your son is to say, Hey,

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Speaker 1: I'm putting you in the care of people who I

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Speaker 1: know will take care of you, who I know will

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Speaker 1: teach you, who I know will help you grow. I'm

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Speaker 1: going to go do these things that make me feel

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Speaker 1: like a man, that makes me feel like a human,

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Speaker 1: that progresses whatever I believe my purpose is. And then

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Speaker 1: I promise I'm going to come back for you, because

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Speaker 1: Daddy always comes back. So is this a conversation you

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Speaker 1: had with your children. Yeah, My daughter was five, my

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Speaker 1: son was too, so they were just like right and

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Speaker 1: and and to tell them like, you're gonna go play

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Speaker 1: with pigs and all that because you're gonna be in

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Speaker 1: the country right um, and you'll have your own room

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Speaker 1: there and and so so there was that conversation. So

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Speaker 1: then what I decided to do was go on this eat,

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Speaker 1: pray love journey. I went to China, India, Brazil. It

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Speaker 1: took me three months to find brittany Um. I stayed

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Speaker 1: at an ashram in Reshakesh, India, which is where I've

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Speaker 1: got my certification. I danced the night away in real

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Speaker 1: dejon Narrow. I navigated human kindness in Shanghai, and I

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Speaker 1: really figured out who I was. Question how did you

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Speaker 1: do all of this? You have? You said you have

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Speaker 1: no resources, you left your job, you moved back on

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Speaker 1: your homeless. How did you do this? Human kindness? Human kindness?

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Speaker 1: I had to humble myself right and and go and say, hey,

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Speaker 1: like I'm going to be using my my savings and

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Speaker 1: instead of just trying to hurry up and put my

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Speaker 1: life back together because that's what looks good, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: use that to to fully break down everything I have.

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Speaker 1: And when I put myself together, I will be fortified

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Speaker 1: and and pushed through you know, like gold, right, like

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Speaker 1: to purify myself. So the the initial response was to

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Speaker 1: take all of my resources into just like get me

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Speaker 1: an apartment and get a new job, and get back

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Speaker 1: popping and and see that revenge and be like, look

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Speaker 1: what you missed out on, but like I didn't. The

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Speaker 1: reason why I left him wasn't because I wanted him

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Speaker 1: to suffer. The reason why I left because I wanted

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Speaker 1: to stop suffering. So all of that would have been

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Speaker 1: you putting a band aid on the situation from that

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Speaker 1: exactly listening to her story, right, think about how we

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Speaker 1: were forced to think about her story and her having

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Speaker 1: to go through that time where she didn't have much

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Speaker 1: and had to go to her savings. We literally went

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Speaker 1: through the same thing when I got cut from the

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Speaker 1: NFL and she wasn't working. We had to humble ourselves,

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Speaker 1: come back to Brooklyn living my grandmother's apartment where she

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Speaker 1: hadn't lived in for years. It was old. We didn't

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Speaker 1: we weren't making any money. I used my savings to

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Speaker 1: start my business. She she was taking a bus. Like,

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Speaker 1: I feel what you're saying, because that brings you into

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Speaker 1: an awakening of of like self, like I have to

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Speaker 1: do these things absolutely and going through the same thing. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and I just I guess it requires a level of

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Speaker 1: strength to just be like, you know what, I need

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Speaker 1: to do this for me, Yeah, because it could have

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Speaker 1: been easy for you to stay here there. So you

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Speaker 1: had a good job, you had a husband, your kid,

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Speaker 1: you could it could have been so easy for you

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Speaker 1: to be you know what, I'm a grant and Barrett

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Speaker 1: because my kids are good. Here I'm making money, oh

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Speaker 1: my god. And it looked good. Yeah, because because we're

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Speaker 1: so concerned in the social media and the social media area.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, so so so all of those things. Um,

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Speaker 1: and I've said, okay, well what do you want to do? Be?

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Speaker 1: And I came back. I actually started med school. So

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Speaker 1: I went back to school. I was in a medical

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Speaker 1: program and I had about a year left. And one

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Speaker 1: of my really good friends who oddly actually happened to

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Speaker 1: be my tenth grade Spanish teacher. And she was like

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Speaker 1: twenty one when I was seventeen. So we just like

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Speaker 1: really bonded and stuck together. Um. She had quick teaching

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Speaker 1: to open up a dance studio. So she calls me

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Speaker 1: and she says, hey, I remember when you invited me

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Speaker 1: over to your house to do yoga. And he was

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Speaker 1: like really ridiculous with it. What did you like to

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Speaker 1: come and teach your class however you want at my studio?

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Speaker 1: And I was like, nah, I'm good, Like I don't

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Speaker 1: really like people, I didn't really go to school to

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Speaker 1: become a yoga instructor, Like I just went because I

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Speaker 1: was on some like let me figure my shot out.

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Speaker 1: And so she was like, well, you could keep half

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Speaker 1: of what you make. And I was like it she

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Speaker 1: was talking about a girl. I'm like, I'm I'm a

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Speaker 1: single mom in school, Like okay, So I did this

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Speaker 1: like little twerky flow thing and I was like, just

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Speaker 1: like he said about you. I was like, we're gonna

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Speaker 1: call it trap yoga because I'm a motherfucking thugs. I

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Speaker 1: was like, no, you're not. You know you're not. But uh,

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Speaker 1: let's run with it, right, like the exact same. Doesn't

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Speaker 1: it like totally make sense? Like doesn't it catch your attention?

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Speaker 1: She's like, look look at your excitedness, like there's no

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Speaker 1: thug there, but just happen. Don't don't even get me started,

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Speaker 1: like this was made. We have a similar voice, like

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Speaker 1: that gravel and the like that's not a rock rob,

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Speaker 1: that's the tread wanted to come out. Both of you

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Speaker 1: want to brow you away. You're not invited to this

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Speaker 1: part of the conversation. Okay, you'll both say the end

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Speaker 1: of your words. You're too intelligent. Okay, both of you too. Well,

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Speaker 1: now that you said that, I want to be clear.

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Speaker 1: I want to be clear on how I feel. Absolutely.

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Speaker 1: So we talk about like mental wellness, like you talked

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Speaker 1: about you having to find that journey to find out

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Speaker 1: who Brittany is, right, and then you talk about physical

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Speaker 1: fitness as two separate things. But yoga in essence combines

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Speaker 1: the two. Right, So why do you think it's important

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Speaker 1: for people, specifically people of color to practice yoga? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: And I don't know if you guys know that yoga

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Speaker 1: actually translates to yok which is to bond the mind

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Speaker 1: and the body like that. So I don't know if

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Speaker 1: you're just intuitively saying that or you knew so, so

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Speaker 1: now now we all know now, Yes, And so I

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Speaker 1: think one of the biggest things UM, they and part

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Speaker 1: of the story that I skipped, which is why it

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Speaker 1: was so important for me to do UM what I

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Speaker 1: call a culturally relevant yoga class, because I came back

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Speaker 1: from India and I'm in San Francisco and Berkeley, California

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Speaker 1: going to these yoga classes and I am largely feeling inadequate,

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Speaker 1: I'm largely feeling unwelcome. I'm feeling like my ass jig

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Speaker 1: a little too much. I want to hear different sort

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Speaker 1: of music? Are these pans the right pans? And so

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Speaker 1: I stopped practicing in studios because I was like, I'm

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Speaker 1: not I'm not inadequate, Like I studied this. You know

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Speaker 1: where they got it from right after they stole it

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Speaker 1: from Africa, So I know, right I cannot be come

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Speaker 1: on now, Core power the originator please so UM. So

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Speaker 1: I think it's really important, UM, and part of my

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Speaker 1: messages self care looks like you because too often, UM,

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Speaker 1: as women of color, we glorify modernization, you know, and

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Speaker 1: so we we really take so much pride in being

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Speaker 1: martyrs and in killing ourselves in the name of love.

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Speaker 1: But I'm always challenging people to be like, do you

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Speaker 1: understand that love is like understanding that you are your heart?

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Speaker 1: You are the heart beating your body, and and the

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Speaker 1: heart is like cool, bed, I'm gonna give blood love

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Speaker 1: to everybody, but first it has to come through me. First.

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Speaker 1: I have to to receive this and filter it and

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Speaker 1: oxidize it and make it best for for everything around me.

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Speaker 1: And so I think if we're trying to move from

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Speaker 1: this point of um, black women laying ourselves on the

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Speaker 1: cross in the name of love, to saying you know what,

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Speaker 1: I am going to love you after I've loved myself

399
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Speaker 1: more holy because if we're talking about you know what

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Speaker 1: that looks like with my kids. My kids are thriving now.

401
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:31,840
Speaker 1: They are so happy, they are so they're doing so well.

402
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Speaker 1: They have reconciled so much that they saw even in

403
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Speaker 1: their early years because now they've got to meet their mother.

404
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:42,040
Speaker 1: They finally met their mom. They understand mommy is she

405
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:46,359
Speaker 1: and happy. And too many times I think of moms

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Speaker 1: and us trying to pour and poor and poor because

407
00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:52,159
Speaker 1: there's a hero's hero ethos and say that moms have

408
00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:54,320
Speaker 1: We want to save the day all the time because

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Speaker 1: that's just what we innately want to do. But it's like,

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Speaker 1: how are we re feeling? How are we refeeling? And

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Speaker 1: you know the oxygen mask, you know, first you put

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Speaker 1: it on yourself and then you help others, So so really,

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Speaker 1: you know, just bridging all of that. So, like what

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Speaker 1: I'm always saying is yoga, is this really awesome opportunity

415
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Speaker 1: to get into your body, especially as a mother, when

416
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:19,480
Speaker 1: you loaned that body out and they babies gave it

417
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Speaker 1: back it was never the way you gave like this

418
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:26,600
Speaker 1: little these little aliens invaded my body and just wrecked

419
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Speaker 1: the whole joy, the whole joy. So it's it's me

420
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:33,800
Speaker 1: really trying to help um people. But if I have

421
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:38,080
Speaker 1: to be super specific, women of color rebridge that that

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00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:41,160
Speaker 1: relationship with their body and their mind. And then once

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00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:44,880
Speaker 1: you get those two together, empower yourself to never ever

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00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:49,240
Speaker 1: separate from your true north or who you actually are again.

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Speaker 1: But I know it's so hard to get our people

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Speaker 1: to take care of ourselves, So I cloak it. I

427
00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:02,240
Speaker 1: disguise it as a day party as um, you know,

428
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:04,040
Speaker 1: come meet with me, or we're gonna throw that ass

429
00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:07,119
Speaker 1: in a healing circle, you know, and they don't know,

430
00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:13,080
Speaker 1: you know, and and and be a torqueficionado in that way.

431
00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:16,000
Speaker 1: And so whatever you're looking for, if you're wanting to

432
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:19,280
Speaker 1: try self care and and be bridged, I'm there for you.

433
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:22,040
Speaker 1: If you're just coming looking for a ratchet yoga day

434
00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:24,560
Speaker 1: parties some self care because you look too old for

435
00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:26,960
Speaker 1: the club, then I got you. Sis. If you're here

436
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:30,320
Speaker 1: because you are a yogi and you want to finally

437
00:23:30,359 --> 00:23:35,720
Speaker 1: experience a safe space that bridges you know, um that mindfulness,

438
00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:39,800
Speaker 1: self actualization culture with who you are as a trapped

439
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:42,800
Speaker 1: music lover thug at so I'm pointing back and forth.

440
00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:46,720
Speaker 1: So then I got you and so I and and

441
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:49,560
Speaker 1: and to put all of those different type of black

442
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:51,159
Speaker 1: women in a room, right, I got, I get this.

443
00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:54,280
Speaker 1: The fister ratchets like you should. I've got to show

444
00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:56,480
Speaker 1: you guys the story or people have to go online

445
00:23:56,480 --> 00:24:00,000
Speaker 1: and see, um what it looks like to make Google yesterday,

446
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:03,359
Speaker 1: this like super blaque experience. And so one of the

447
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:09,760
Speaker 1: like also that was a little more. Yeah, that was

448
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:12,080
Speaker 1: that was a whole another beast. Okay, you know one

449
00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:14,080
Speaker 1: girl worked out. She was, like I called by day,

450
00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:22,680
Speaker 1: it's worked by night. That's not funny, right. You know

451
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:25,159
Speaker 1: what's funny when when I heard you talk about getting

452
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:27,680
Speaker 1: back to your origins and the fact that black women

453
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:29,600
Speaker 1: have embraced the fact that we have to be martyrs

454
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:32,360
Speaker 1: in order to be accepted and we have to kill ourselves.

455
00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:34,560
Speaker 1: But then you spoke about going back to the origins.

456
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:37,080
Speaker 1: That speaks about what we see in mainstream media right

457
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:39,800
Speaker 1: in order to be a black woman and be accepted,

458
00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:42,200
Speaker 1: you have to kill yourself. But when you think about

459
00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:44,520
Speaker 1: going back to the origin where everything started. Everything started

460
00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:48,040
Speaker 1: with black women and starting to embrace that as our history,

461
00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:50,800
Speaker 1: as opposed to the Black American version of our history

462
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:53,080
Speaker 1: is that we were just slaves. And in order to

463
00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:54,960
Speaker 1: in order for your loved ones to move on, you

464
00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:58,119
Speaker 1: have to die. I think that we have to uh

465
00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:01,600
Speaker 1: lose that indoctrination and talk to indoctrinate and our young

466
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:04,640
Speaker 1: women and women like yourselves that no, we don't have

467
00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:07,280
Speaker 1: to die, we have to live in order to pass

468
00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:09,800
Speaker 1: on to our young ones and the people after. So

469
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:11,560
Speaker 1: I think it's great what you're doing outside of just

470
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:15,560
Speaker 1: the working and the yoga, but the indoctrination of self care.

471
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:19,000
Speaker 1: You talk about self care so much, and I learned,

472
00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:20,840
Speaker 1: you know, as a as a husband, how important self

473
00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:23,840
Speaker 1: care is because she's a better version of herself when

474
00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:26,600
Speaker 1: she takes care of herself. She's a better mom, she's

475
00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:29,399
Speaker 1: a better wife, she's a better actor, she's better at

476
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:31,639
Speaker 1: everything when she takes care of her first. So I

477
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:34,960
Speaker 1: think that is important, you know, absolutely, and even you

478
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,680
Speaker 1: know because we keep talking about kids, speaking to that piece.

479
00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:39,880
Speaker 1: When my children come home and they want to talk

480
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:42,679
Speaker 1: about slaves, that say, stop, they were not slaves. They

481
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:46,280
Speaker 1: were enslaved. People, right like, we are the children of

482
00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:48,919
Speaker 1: enslaved people. But that is not their title, that is

483
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:50,960
Speaker 1: not in their DNA, that is not who they were.

484
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:55,600
Speaker 1: And they want you confused, right and you know that,

485
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:57,240
Speaker 1: and I'm like, and to be honest, there there are

486
00:25:57,280 --> 00:25:59,600
Speaker 1: still people who are enslaved today. What are we going

487
00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:03,360
Speaker 1: to do? Right like? Not even you know in our

488
00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:08,160
Speaker 1: minds and our relationships, um, even with deep but even

489
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:11,520
Speaker 1: that small change makes it different. No, my grandma, great

490
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:16,760
Speaker 1: grandparents weren't slaves. They were for I didn't. You don't

491
00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:19,080
Speaker 1: choose slavery like you choose being a doctor or a lawyer,

492
00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:21,520
Speaker 1: a teacher. You don't wake up people like I'd be

493
00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:25,200
Speaker 1: best served as a slave. That's true, though, I mean

494
00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:29,320
Speaker 1: those little changes in verbage will really change a young

495
00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:32,800
Speaker 1: person's mind and how they view themselves. Think about verbage

496
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:36,359
Speaker 1: and talking about verbage and viewing themselves your ratchet affirmations. Yes,

497
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:38,560
Speaker 1: I just need I need to hear because we love

498
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:41,639
Speaker 1: some Can you share a couple with us really and

499
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:44,200
Speaker 1: let people know what this term is, what they are,

500
00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:48,000
Speaker 1: how often or when you know you say them? And

501
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:49,440
Speaker 1: how do you know that you need to hear this

502
00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:52,840
Speaker 1: on a daily basis absolutely so. A ratchet affirmation is

503
00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:57,639
Speaker 1: real world advice, but it sounds like your favorite rap lyrics.

504
00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:01,600
Speaker 1: And so some of my favorite ones is, you know,

505
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:04,760
Speaker 1: talk about self care. My goal in life is to

506
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:08,520
Speaker 1: be there for everyone else, but to never leave my

507
00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:14,640
Speaker 1: motherfucking self behind. Love that. Or we'll say something like

508
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:18,959
Speaker 1: you can accept someone for who they are and not

509
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:22,159
Speaker 1: funk with them for the very same reason. I like

510
00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:25,400
Speaker 1: that one. Like that one because we would just talk

511
00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:28,640
Speaker 1: about yesterday. You know who that person is. Leave them

512
00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:32,520
Speaker 1: on regg Oh yeah, don't even don't even answer that.

513
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:35,239
Speaker 1: You know who that is, you know what it is,

514
00:27:35,359 --> 00:27:38,159
Speaker 1: you know what it is. You just don't don't do

515
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:40,840
Speaker 1: it because people doesn't need fixing. It's not your business

516
00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:43,680
Speaker 1: to fix. You're just like, you know, don't you over

517
00:27:43,720 --> 00:27:45,560
Speaker 1: here trying to fix everybody else? Like sucking up they

518
00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:49,800
Speaker 1: carm and let them get there. Maybe, I yo, that's

519
00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:54,240
Speaker 1: not funny. I love that, right. We need to wratch

520
00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:58,280
Speaker 1: you affirmations, baby, Shoot, you got a lot of ratchet affirmations.

521
00:27:58,320 --> 00:27:59,680
Speaker 1: You just can't think of one right now, but you

522
00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:02,960
Speaker 1: say every day you say that, well, dead ass is

523
00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:07,040
Speaker 1: a ratchet affirmation, and I'll have to show you guys,

524
00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:10,560
Speaker 1: UM have a move that has the word dead ass

525
00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:12,199
Speaker 1: in and I'm going to have to show it to you.

526
00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:15,920
Speaker 1: You're going to have to. It's called the Twerking Chataranga, right,

527
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:20,440
Speaker 1: sounds like becausa, but I call it chataranga dead assena.

528
00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:26,879
Speaker 1: So that's yes, you know, I'm gonna tell you that tonight.

529
00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:32,399
Speaker 1: I need to chat that. I'm gonna need that you

530
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:35,560
Speaker 1: set up a success. Okay, I'm with it. I'm with it.

531
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:38,120
Speaker 1: Let me ask a question, though, were you able to

532
00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:43,160
Speaker 1: find love again after healing and then going through this

533
00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:46,120
Speaker 1: whole journey, because now you're you're not the same person

534
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:49,560
Speaker 1: you are, right Andreiado, So I'm sure you'd make any

535
00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:56,000
Speaker 1: person heavy you got. Yeah. So one of the most

536
00:28:56,160 --> 00:29:02,480
Speaker 1: amazing things about going through this Yogi journey me is forgiveness.

537
00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:07,280
Speaker 1: I don't know, like it's it's not only forgiving what

538
00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:10,280
Speaker 1: the person who did some foul ship to you, but

539
00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:12,880
Speaker 1: more often than not, we don't remind people that you

540
00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:15,959
Speaker 1: need to forgive yourself because we'll be piste off at

541
00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:20,040
Speaker 1: ourselves for allowing that to happen. And so definitely had

542
00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:23,880
Speaker 1: a period of fun where I was like relationship marriage

543
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:26,840
Speaker 1: and just drop your draws. Okay, like do I talk

544
00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:30,720
Speaker 1: about none of that? Um? And then I've had the

545
00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:34,520
Speaker 1: opportunity to find love again and and honestly the most

546
00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:37,640
Speaker 1: unexpected place are you guys asking me? It's a loaded

547
00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:39,480
Speaker 1: question because you already know that, like my DJ is

548
00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:43,920
Speaker 1: my life partner or okay, but so so yeah, I

549
00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:47,480
Speaker 1: had been just working, working in all of that and

550
00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:51,760
Speaker 1: having fun. And I was in New York. New York

551
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:57,480
Speaker 1: is actually a magical place from New York, from New York,

552
00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:01,840
Speaker 1: but yeah, but SERI asleep. So so I was not

553
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:05,360
Speaker 1: looking for love but working on forgiveness and vulnerability so

554
00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:08,000
Speaker 1: that I could receive it in whatever form it came

555
00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:11,360
Speaker 1: back towards me. But I was securing my bag and

556
00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:14,640
Speaker 1: having fun. And so it actually had been a year

557
00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:17,080
Speaker 1: and a half of my DJ who's our DJ now

558
00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:20,160
Speaker 1: who's now also CEO of Trapioga Bay DJ True Star,

559
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:22,200
Speaker 1: where like we were just I was just in a

560
00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:25,240
Speaker 1: situation in New York and she was like president as

561
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:26,800
Speaker 1: she always was, and I looked at her and I

562
00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:29,120
Speaker 1: was like, oh shit, I've never even like dealt with

563
00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:32,280
Speaker 1: a chick before, but I think I love you and

564
00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:38,000
Speaker 1: we should be together. It is it is and so

565
00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:41,400
Speaker 1: you know, we've been in relationship for almost two years,

566
00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:44,960
Speaker 1: and when I say, it has been the most restorative,

567
00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:49,400
Speaker 1: amazing relationship that I have ever had, like with another

568
00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:52,960
Speaker 1: healthy human being. And I get to watch her grow

569
00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:56,400
Speaker 1: and her flourish and the same for me, and to

570
00:30:56,400 --> 00:30:59,000
Speaker 1: to be able to have that level of like, this

571
00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:02,600
Speaker 1: is who I am and and I'm accepted and and

572
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:06,000
Speaker 1: but also not need that. So for some to be

573
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:09,920
Speaker 1: a person who's like, I'm good, but I also am

574
00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:13,840
Speaker 1: good with you and we're better together and such a

575
00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:16,600
Speaker 1: good feeling, it's you know because on the contrary of

576
00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:19,400
Speaker 1: Deval and I, we met when we were well, we

577
00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:21,800
Speaker 1: started dating when we were like eighteen nineteen. So we've

578
00:31:21,840 --> 00:31:24,480
Speaker 1: talked in prior episodes about having to work through that

579
00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:27,280
Speaker 1: together because we weren't the whole people at the time.

580
00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:29,760
Speaker 1: And it's like, you know, now I understand the meaning

581
00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:32,320
Speaker 1: of I'm not looking for you to complete me. I

582
00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:34,960
Speaker 1: want to be complete within myself and then if you

583
00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:37,800
Speaker 1: happen to ride along, they were good. So that's kind

584
00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:40,080
Speaker 1: of the space that you're in with your significant other now,

585
00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:42,880
Speaker 1: which is amazing. Yeah, I love it, and like, yeah,

586
00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:45,280
Speaker 1: as an aquarian woman, I'm like, Hey, I'm all out

587
00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:51,240
Speaker 1: in Norbid. Yeah, do you want to? Like? And she

588
00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:53,320
Speaker 1: rolls with the punches. So you met her in New York,

589
00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:56,000
Speaker 1: which is funny because I met her, but I fell

590
00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:57,880
Speaker 1: in love with her in New Okay, So that's a

591
00:31:57,920 --> 00:31:59,880
Speaker 1: magical place, like we said, which is funny because I

592
00:31:59,880 --> 00:32:02,640
Speaker 1: had the question, Um, I was wondering, since you're taking

593
00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:04,680
Speaker 1: it to so many different cities your trap bay like

594
00:32:04,720 --> 00:32:07,720
Speaker 1: all over the world, do you find that these stresses

595
00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:10,240
Speaker 1: and things that people bring to the yoga experience are

596
00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:12,680
Speaker 1: different depending on the place or the area that you're in.

597
00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:15,600
Speaker 1: I've never been to two classes at the same time.

598
00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:18,560
Speaker 1: Are two classes twice or one class twice? And I

599
00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:19,720
Speaker 1: don't know how you ever say it that makes it

600
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:24,880
Speaker 1: sounds all secretary and but but but yeah, every every

601
00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:30,040
Speaker 1: city has its own vibe, um and and I do

602
00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:32,840
Speaker 1: love the New York go quick little side thing about that.

603
00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:34,960
Speaker 1: Because of the way my voice sounds, people have always

604
00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:37,600
Speaker 1: assumed I was from New York, even though I was like,

605
00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:41,479
Speaker 1: but I'm so Oakland, like for real and so uh.

606
00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:43,680
Speaker 1: People always be like, yo, you're from Brooklyn, Like you

607
00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:45,560
Speaker 1: seem like Brooklyn. I was like, I ain't never been,

608
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:50,000
Speaker 1: but when I get there, like it don't be all

609
00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:53,240
Speaker 1: thank you. And I got there and New York is

610
00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:56,520
Speaker 1: a beast okay, And you know, I was like having

611
00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:58,320
Speaker 1: a hard time, Like I was like sig like trying

612
00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:00,920
Speaker 1: to navigate like all of these energy, ease and attitudes.

613
00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:04,040
Speaker 1: And I literally got into a bathroom and saw a

614
00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:07,760
Speaker 1: sign that said, l A, it's for quitters. And I

615
00:33:07,840 --> 00:33:12,719
Speaker 1: was like, my black ass back there. But in the

616
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:15,320
Speaker 1: same way that you know, um, New York is has

617
00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:20,600
Speaker 1: this huge energetic pool, it also has this magnetic you know,

618
00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:26,320
Speaker 1: um transformative power where you have to for me, you know,

619
00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:30,240
Speaker 1: in New York manage my vulnerability but also my optimism

620
00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:33,400
Speaker 1: all at the same time, um and and and deal

621
00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:36,800
Speaker 1: with that exterior. But the students are funny because they

622
00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:39,240
Speaker 1: come in like kind of aggressive but full of love.

623
00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:42,360
Speaker 1: And so they walk in there like, yo, I fucking

624
00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:44,840
Speaker 1: love you. I love everything about you. And I be like, bitch,

625
00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:49,960
Speaker 1: are we about to fight? I'm right right, But they'll

626
00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:52,960
Speaker 1: give you all the energy, all the energy. They sell

627
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:56,040
Speaker 1: out my classes. Actually, New York is my number one demographic.

628
00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:59,360
Speaker 1: Only only next down to that is Atlanta, which makes

629
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:02,640
Speaker 1: sense because that's the track capital. UM but but yeah,

630
00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:05,760
Speaker 1: like New York is and you could feel that catharsis,

631
00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:08,720
Speaker 1: Like I can feel that released in the room every

632
00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:11,160
Speaker 1: time I'm in New York. And so if I'm talking

633
00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:13,319
Speaker 1: about um, if there's a day where I'm having a

634
00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:15,720
Speaker 1: low day where I'm like, I need to feel my purpose,

635
00:34:16,160 --> 00:34:18,520
Speaker 1: I need to feel like I make change in the world,

636
00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:20,919
Speaker 1: I will tell my coordinator put me in New York

637
00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:25,160
Speaker 1: because I feel the most power and change happened when

638
00:34:25,160 --> 00:34:27,400
Speaker 1: I'm rocking with my New York people. I love you,

639
00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:34,759
Speaker 1: l A, And yeah, that takes me to you know,

640
00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:36,600
Speaker 1: because we're wrapping up a round the time. We don't

641
00:34:36,680 --> 00:34:40,000
Speaker 1: to keep you all day. I need three things that

642
00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:43,239
Speaker 1: you would tell people because we get takeaways from people,

643
00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:45,000
Speaker 1: you know, for the episodes. People can say, what's something

644
00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:47,400
Speaker 1: tangible I can walk away with and I probably implement

645
00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:49,480
Speaker 1: in my life that can help me other than taking

646
00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:54,680
Speaker 1: the class that was number one. We get listener letters

647
00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:57,200
Speaker 1: all the time where people would just kind of seem lost, like,

648
00:34:57,440 --> 00:34:59,600
Speaker 1: you know, the situation you were in, my wife was in,

649
00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:02,560
Speaker 1: I've really been in. What would you tell people three

650
00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:05,000
Speaker 1: things to help find themselves sent to themselves so that

651
00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:07,040
Speaker 1: they can kind of bring it all in and say,

652
00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:09,319
Speaker 1: let me restart my life to get on the right

653
00:35:09,360 --> 00:35:14,319
Speaker 1: back right, to come back stress anxiety, that, um, it's

654
00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:18,279
Speaker 1: okay to be broken mhm. Recognizing that it's okay to

655
00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:20,440
Speaker 1: be broken, right, we feel like we always got to

656
00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:24,160
Speaker 1: hold ourselves together. Sometimes you need to separate from from

657
00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:26,440
Speaker 1: the world and from everyone who keeps telling you who

658
00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:29,719
Speaker 1: you are and fall the funk apart and that's okay.

659
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:35,560
Speaker 1: Um that self care is not a crime. You don't

660
00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:39,319
Speaker 1: have to tell people why you need to take care

661
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:41,640
Speaker 1: of yourself or how you need to take care of yourself.

662
00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:45,400
Speaker 1: You can just do it. That's number two. That's number two.

663
00:35:45,920 --> 00:35:50,359
Speaker 1: Look at he's taking copious notes. I'm not. And then

664
00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:59,320
Speaker 1: number three, no, is a full last motherfucking sentence affirmation.

665
00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:03,880
Speaker 1: That is a because you can you can feel the rehearsals, right. Yeah.

666
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:07,120
Speaker 1: I felt like that came from a place of all

667
00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:09,920
Speaker 1: of my wratchet affirmations are not just me sitting there saying, oh,

668
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:12,400
Speaker 1: ship like that would be cool for Let people know this.

669
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:15,560
Speaker 1: These are things that I have endured in my life.

670
00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:18,440
Speaker 1: I call them departments of hell that I have taken

671
00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:22,719
Speaker 1: up residency for in have found my way out and

672
00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:25,640
Speaker 1: now can identify that in other people. And if if

673
00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:28,799
Speaker 1: these ratchet affirmations you know, resonate with anyone, you can

674
00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:31,400
Speaker 1: text me right eight oh five five five six for

675
00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:38,560
Speaker 1: eight six Yes good, because it's it's my trap, lie,

676
00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:43,560
Speaker 1: because I know everybody like I see so many mirrors,

677
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:46,120
Speaker 1: and I see myself in so many people. And when

678
00:36:46,160 --> 00:36:49,440
Speaker 1: you were going through that friend, you felt alone, you

679
00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:52,080
Speaker 1: felt inadequate, You felt like you were the only person

680
00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:55,560
Speaker 1: experiencing that. But if you had someone who you could

681
00:36:55,600 --> 00:36:58,719
Speaker 1: be vulnerable enough with, who you knew wasn't going to

682
00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:01,840
Speaker 1: judge you, who you knew could tell you, asked you're strong,

683
00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:04,600
Speaker 1: you got this, and give you quirky little things and

684
00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:07,600
Speaker 1: and and and ratchet affirmations to keep you going, then

685
00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:09,759
Speaker 1: maybe you're suffering, right because you still have to go

686
00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:11,120
Speaker 1: through what you have to go through to figure out

687
00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:13,640
Speaker 1: where you are. But maybe you're suffering would have been

688
00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:16,640
Speaker 1: a little bit easier if you had a friend called

689
00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:22,200
Speaker 1: It was just gonna make it that much easie. And

690
00:37:22,239 --> 00:37:24,879
Speaker 1: so I send out ratchet affirmations, you know, every couple

691
00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:27,600
Speaker 1: of days, like literally, I'll wake up and like I spid,

692
00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:29,080
Speaker 1: I wake up at four am, I spend two to

693
00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:32,200
Speaker 1: three hours in meditation, and I will send out a

694
00:37:32,360 --> 00:37:34,120
Speaker 1: vibe to be like, what the fund is my tribe

695
00:37:34,160 --> 00:37:36,719
Speaker 1: going through? And then randomly, while you living your life,

696
00:37:36,719 --> 00:37:39,440
Speaker 1: thinking you were alone in your darkness, you will get

697
00:37:39,440 --> 00:37:42,360
Speaker 1: a message from me. The latest one was about revenge.

698
00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:45,200
Speaker 1: It was like, spend no time, seekret, revenge. Fuck them,

699
00:37:45,239 --> 00:37:48,239
Speaker 1: they get no time, no love, no energy. Get back

700
00:37:48,239 --> 00:37:57,480
Speaker 1: on you. Yeah you so New York came. I think

701
00:37:57,480 --> 00:37:59,960
Speaker 1: that's like Black Panther and me. They have their anniverse

702
00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:03,000
Speaker 1: three yesterday and you're still feeling I'm feeling it. I'm

703
00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:06,960
Speaker 1: feeling the black love, Brittany. It was so good to

704
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:08,799
Speaker 1: have you here. Like I almost didn't know what I

705
00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:10,839
Speaker 1: was stumbling upon when I first saw I was like,

706
00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:13,160
Speaker 1: trapp Yoga Bay, I was like, what episode is this?

707
00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:14,880
Speaker 1: They they were talking about me being enough, for not

708
00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:16,880
Speaker 1: being enough and doubting yourself and how did the too

709
00:38:16,960 --> 00:38:22,720
Speaker 1: correlated shout out to our producers. Sure, yes, absolutely you

710
00:38:22,040 --> 00:38:26,800
Speaker 1: may divine appointment. Absolutely absolutely nothing happens for by mistake.

711
00:38:27,320 --> 00:38:29,520
Speaker 1: So um tell everybody where they can find you before

712
00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:31,760
Speaker 1: you don't. You can find me on all social media.

713
00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:34,320
Speaker 1: Trapp Yoga Bay t r A p y o G

714
00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:39,680
Speaker 1: A B A E trapiogobay dot com like literally google me,

715
00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:46,160
Speaker 1: oh you with the Google me trap deformation, Google ratchet affirmation,

716
00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:51,799
Speaker 1: don't forget, don't forget the building, you don't stand the cheese.

717
00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:54,080
Speaker 1: I don't right. They almost jumped me trying to jump

718
00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:56,920
Speaker 1: me off. I got jumped by trapped yoga Bay and

719
00:38:57,000 --> 00:39:00,440
Speaker 1: my wife. You're so silly. So we have let's letters

720
00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:02,200
Speaker 1: coming up after this. I'm not sure if they don't

721
00:39:02,200 --> 00:39:05,000
Speaker 1: necessarily apply, but usually we invite our guests to stay

722
00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:07,160
Speaker 1: so you can give your you know, a little take

723
00:39:07,239 --> 00:39:13,160
Speaker 1: on you know, people asking us advice and not listening

724
00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:16,840
Speaker 1: to letters. Today it's called ask not asked, bay, ask

725
00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:20,799
Speaker 1: Bay asked. That's what I say, you know, pronounced the

726
00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:23,879
Speaker 1: end as. Now you're not being a ratchet. Now you're

727
00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:27,799
Speaker 1: being intelligent, intellectual, you know, that's what it is. So

728
00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:29,320
Speaker 1: we're gonna take a quick break and we're going to

729
00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:32,440
Speaker 1: move into listening letters after we get into some ads.

730
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:44,640
Speaker 1: So stay close by this for the record, there it is.

731
00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:52,280
Speaker 1: Tiger Woods is one of our most inspiring sports icons.

732
00:39:52,719 --> 00:39:56,399
Speaker 1: In his story, it comes with many chapters. I am

733
00:39:56,440 --> 00:40:01,680
Speaker 1: deeply sorry for my irresponsible and self behavior, but here

734
00:40:01,719 --> 00:40:09,560
Speaker 1: it is the return to glory. This is All American,

735
00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:13,520
Speaker 1: a new series from Stitcher, hosted by me Jordan Bell.

736
00:40:14,040 --> 00:40:16,279
Speaker 1: You realize Tiger Wus doesn't know who he is best

737
00:40:16,920 --> 00:40:19,640
Speaker 1: in the history of golf, no question in my mind.

738
00:40:21,400 --> 00:40:24,000
Speaker 1: And this season, with the help of journalist Albert Chen,

739
00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:28,759
Speaker 1: we're asking what if the story of Tiger Woods that

740
00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:34,040
Speaker 1: the media has been telling, what if it's been completely wrong?

741
00:40:34,520 --> 00:40:38,480
Speaker 1: All American Tiger is out now Listen and Stitcher, Apple Podcasts,

742
00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:46,480
Speaker 1: or your favorite podcast app. We're back within the listener

743
00:40:46,520 --> 00:40:48,520
Speaker 1: letters and we asked Brittany to stick around so she

744
00:40:48,560 --> 00:40:50,480
Speaker 1: can give us, you know, her take on some things.

745
00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:52,440
Speaker 1: It always helps, you know, three heads are better than

746
00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:55,319
Speaker 1: one to actually too, because it's normally two of us. Yes,

747
00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:58,239
Speaker 1: all right, you want to read, babe. This is a long,

748
00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:01,080
Speaker 1: healthy one where cold long listening to let us all right,

749
00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:03,560
Speaker 1: they have to give us the whole story. You know.

750
00:41:05,080 --> 00:41:07,879
Speaker 1: I am twenty three and my boyfriend of one year

751
00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:11,280
Speaker 1: and seven months have a hard time with communicating, mainly

752
00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:13,719
Speaker 1: on my behalf. At the moment, we're about to move

753
00:41:13,719 --> 00:41:16,560
Speaker 1: into our first house together and money is very tight.

754
00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:19,319
Speaker 1: It's been stressful, but we've got together. We've got each

755
00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:21,960
Speaker 1: other to get out of our heads and focus. But

756
00:41:22,040 --> 00:41:25,120
Speaker 1: my main part is my anxiety and depression. And I

757
00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:27,720
Speaker 1: get to the point where I can't speak or uncontrollably

758
00:41:27,760 --> 00:41:30,520
Speaker 1: crying or stopped on ConTroll be crying for hours, and

759
00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:33,080
Speaker 1: he gets frustrated that I don't say what is going on.

760
00:41:33,560 --> 00:41:35,800
Speaker 1: I listened to your podcast and the one that spoke

761
00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:38,319
Speaker 1: out the most to me was the vows still big

762
00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:40,880
Speaker 1: mad about that stroller? Yeah, I'm still big mad about that.

763
00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:43,760
Speaker 1: You guys talked about how communication was hard at first

764
00:41:43,760 --> 00:41:46,200
Speaker 1: and the different childhoods. It made me think about mine

765
00:41:46,239 --> 00:41:48,920
Speaker 1: and how I showed my emotions or shared my issues,

766
00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:52,920
Speaker 1: and honestly, it wasn't easy. It's kind of like Cadine's childhood.

767
00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:55,080
Speaker 1: It didn't have an open opinion, or I didn't have

768
00:41:55,120 --> 00:41:57,880
Speaker 1: an open opinion. I was wrong. Every time I expressed myself,

769
00:41:58,040 --> 00:42:00,239
Speaker 1: I would get in trouble for having emotions. I was

770
00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:02,879
Speaker 1: a cry baby and I always grew up. I grew

771
00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:06,319
Speaker 1: into a team. I just bottled everything up. So it

772
00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:09,040
Speaker 1: does affect my relationship a lot, because, for one, I

773
00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:11,840
Speaker 1: shut down every time something happens, and even if it

774
00:42:11,880 --> 00:42:14,840
Speaker 1: doesn't have to do with him. But since I'm shutting

775
00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:17,480
Speaker 1: him out. He thinks that he's doing something wrong. Okay,

776
00:42:17,520 --> 00:42:19,920
Speaker 1: I get that. I know I can tell him what

777
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:22,080
Speaker 1: I feel and why I'm crying. I just don't want

778
00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:24,480
Speaker 1: to seem like the bad person for seeing how I feel.

779
00:42:24,760 --> 00:42:27,240
Speaker 1: I guess my question from all of this is for Codeine,

780
00:42:27,640 --> 00:42:30,000
Speaker 1: how did you start opening up to Devot and how

781
00:42:30,040 --> 00:42:33,759
Speaker 1: long did it take? Wow? Alright, so so opening up

782
00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:36,759
Speaker 1: is something you definitely have to do. Yes, Um, I

783
00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:38,880
Speaker 1: think the thing that helped me with opening up to

784
00:42:38,920 --> 00:42:43,040
Speaker 1: Devot was Devot kind of being relentless with asking me

785
00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:47,000
Speaker 1: and genuinely wanting to know what was wrong. So I'm

786
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:49,960
Speaker 1: not sure if that she says, say if her her

787
00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:53,799
Speaker 1: boyfriend was asking word, she didn't give much insight. Say

788
00:42:53,840 --> 00:42:57,680
Speaker 1: he gets frustrated, frustrated when going on, so he may ask,

789
00:42:57,840 --> 00:42:59,319
Speaker 1: you know, and at that point, I think says, you

790
00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:01,600
Speaker 1: just need to kind of open up. And like I said,

791
00:43:01,600 --> 00:43:03,719
Speaker 1: you know, you've referenced my childhood and me feeling like

792
00:43:04,239 --> 00:43:06,759
Speaker 1: I wasn't from a family where communication was a big thing.

793
00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:09,239
Speaker 1: But I know how much I cared for Devlo and

794
00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:12,279
Speaker 1: I cared for our relationship, So it didn't take a

795
00:43:12,280 --> 00:43:15,560
Speaker 1: long time because I think I realized by slowly being

796
00:43:15,600 --> 00:43:17,319
Speaker 1: able to have those moments where I did have to

797
00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:19,480
Speaker 1: cry them out, and I had the moments where I

798
00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:22,000
Speaker 1: cried often and Devo would just be like, just open

799
00:43:22,120 --> 00:43:24,239
Speaker 1: up to me. I think feeling the sincerity in his

800
00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:27,440
Speaker 1: voice and his tone and his approach definitely helped me

801
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:29,680
Speaker 1: to open up. Um. What do you think, Brittany, do

802
00:43:29,719 --> 00:43:31,799
Speaker 1: you have any tips for someone like this who's going

803
00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:34,359
Speaker 1: through the you know, the anxiety and the depression um

804
00:43:34,360 --> 00:43:41,560
Speaker 1: that she's experiencing. Yeah, meditation um to to to realize.

805
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:44,360
Speaker 1: I think what's amazing is she sees that she gets triggered,

806
00:43:44,719 --> 00:43:47,960
Speaker 1: and she knows what her trigger is, and so before

807
00:43:48,080 --> 00:43:50,520
Speaker 1: stepping into something or even when you're in that muck,

808
00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:53,320
Speaker 1: to back up, and even if it's a mindful second,

809
00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:56,799
Speaker 1: which is like practicing a breathing exercise to to help

810
00:43:57,080 --> 00:43:59,719
Speaker 1: just calm your nervous system, because what's happening is that

811
00:43:59,760 --> 00:44:02,279
Speaker 1: you're went back into the past and bringing it like

812
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:05,759
Speaker 1: right here, even though it's not you know, it's it's

813
00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:08,880
Speaker 1: not happening, and those feelings have anxiety she's triggering from

814
00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:11,000
Speaker 1: her younger self and then she's bringing it to the forefront.

815
00:44:11,040 --> 00:44:13,040
Speaker 1: And then it's bubbling over right, which means that there's

816
00:44:13,080 --> 00:44:16,200
Speaker 1: some some healing in the past that has to happen.

817
00:44:16,640 --> 00:44:19,399
Speaker 1: And you know, even if we can't get to that

818
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:23,640
Speaker 1: space breathing, a breathing exercise, I would highly recommend, like

819
00:44:24,040 --> 00:44:27,120
Speaker 1: a six phase meditation where you go through compassion for

820
00:44:27,200 --> 00:44:30,959
Speaker 1: yourself and others, forgiveness, all that kind of stuff. Yeah,

821
00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:33,120
Speaker 1: that's a I would I would agree. How do you

822
00:44:33,160 --> 00:44:35,680
Speaker 1: feel in those moments? When I was, it was frustrating.

823
00:44:36,040 --> 00:44:37,880
Speaker 1: It was frustrating, But part of it was frustrating too

824
00:44:37,920 --> 00:44:39,560
Speaker 1: because I grew up in a household where all we

825
00:44:39,600 --> 00:44:42,640
Speaker 1: did was communicate. So when you think everyone's community, you

826
00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:45,239
Speaker 1: think everybody in the world exists like your family, you know,

827
00:44:45,280 --> 00:44:47,719
Speaker 1: as part of the egocentrism where you just feel like

828
00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:50,800
Speaker 1: my family is the epicenter of everything in the world

829
00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:54,320
Speaker 1: and everything we do everyone else does. So he probably

830
00:44:54,320 --> 00:44:56,200
Speaker 1: feels the same way. Why doesn't she talk to me?

831
00:44:56,400 --> 00:44:58,560
Speaker 1: That's how I felt. I was like, why doesn't Cadine

832
00:44:58,600 --> 00:45:00,759
Speaker 1: talk to me? What's wrong with me? Normal for him?

833
00:45:00,920 --> 00:45:02,839
Speaker 1: It was, and I thought something was wrong with me.

834
00:45:03,480 --> 00:45:05,920
Speaker 1: And then um, I had learned, like you said, when

835
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:08,840
Speaker 1: things started to happen I knew what triggered me. And

836
00:45:08,840 --> 00:45:11,560
Speaker 1: then rather than saying, okay, I'm getting upset a code

837
00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:13,400
Speaker 1: because something that triggered me from before, I used to

838
00:45:13,400 --> 00:45:16,040
Speaker 1: be like, you know what, let me take a step back. Yeah,

839
00:45:16,080 --> 00:45:18,000
Speaker 1: I think it also helps. I'm sorry not to cut

840
00:45:18,040 --> 00:45:19,759
Speaker 1: you off. Um, I think what also helped you, And

841
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:23,879
Speaker 1: that instance was realizing after being around my family as well,

842
00:45:24,120 --> 00:45:26,280
Speaker 1: so being around my brother and my sister, my parents

843
00:45:26,520 --> 00:45:29,560
Speaker 1: and seeing how we communicated or didn't communicate, it gave

844
00:45:29,560 --> 00:45:31,440
Speaker 1: me a great understanding, had a better understanding for all.

845
00:45:31,480 --> 00:45:33,680
Speaker 1: This is why she is and this is deep rooted.

846
00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:36,040
Speaker 1: It's not that she's just trying to blow me off

847
00:45:36,160 --> 00:45:38,680
Speaker 1: or she just wants to be sulked into this depression

848
00:45:38,680 --> 00:45:40,239
Speaker 1: on her own. It's just that this this is a

849
00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:43,160
Speaker 1: something that was learned behavior in a sense. And Britney

850
00:45:43,160 --> 00:45:46,520
Speaker 1: makes a good point though, Um, understanding what your triggers are,

851
00:45:46,719 --> 00:45:49,040
Speaker 1: and you made a good point understanding what your partner's

852
00:45:49,040 --> 00:45:51,719
Speaker 1: triggers are allow you to take, you know, take some

853
00:45:51,760 --> 00:45:54,040
Speaker 1: time back and say she may be responding to this

854
00:45:54,080 --> 00:45:56,879
Speaker 1: because of something that happened prior, so let me not

855
00:45:57,440 --> 00:45:59,080
Speaker 1: you know, address it the same way before I used

856
00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:01,319
Speaker 1: to nack, because why don't you tell me? Now? She'll

857
00:46:01,320 --> 00:46:04,160
Speaker 1: tell me when she's ready to open up, right, And

858
00:46:04,200 --> 00:46:06,080
Speaker 1: I think you know, they'll learn each other if they

859
00:46:06,160 --> 00:46:10,560
Speaker 1: if they're both invested in your sis like you. And

860
00:46:10,600 --> 00:46:12,040
Speaker 1: when I said when he said twenty three, I saw

861
00:46:12,040 --> 00:46:14,480
Speaker 1: Britney's face like, Okay, well you're you know, like that

862
00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:17,239
Speaker 1: just means that you have a whole lot to still

863
00:46:17,360 --> 00:46:20,560
Speaker 1: learn about yourself. Well, remember remember what we said fifteen,

864
00:46:20,600 --> 00:46:23,560
Speaker 1: it's twenty you think you know everything. Twenty to twenty

865
00:46:23,640 --> 00:46:27,760
Speaker 1: five you know you know everything. To thirty you start realizing,

866
00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:30,560
Speaker 1: like him, I ain't know shit. And then thirty is

867
00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:32,680
Speaker 1: when you start to try to fix all of those

868
00:46:32,719 --> 00:46:35,240
Speaker 1: things that you've been doing wrong in its twenties. So

869
00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:38,520
Speaker 1: she's just in that process. Stick with the sis for sure,

870
00:46:39,120 --> 00:46:41,759
Speaker 1: all right, listen to let her Number two. Let me

871
00:46:41,800 --> 00:46:44,080
Speaker 1: start off by saying, I absolutely love you guys, love

872
00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:47,279
Speaker 1: you too. Love story is very similar to that of

873
00:46:47,320 --> 00:46:49,960
Speaker 1: me and my husband's. We started dating at eighteen. We've

874
00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:52,600
Speaker 1: been together for thirteen years. I have two young boys,

875
00:46:52,640 --> 00:46:56,120
Speaker 1: ages ten months and three. With that being said, my

876
00:46:56,200 --> 00:46:59,080
Speaker 1: question is for Codeine today. Everybody wants to talk to me.

877
00:47:00,200 --> 00:47:02,600
Speaker 1: How do you juggle being a bomb as wife and

878
00:47:02,640 --> 00:47:05,000
Speaker 1: a bomb as mother and still have time to take

879
00:47:05,040 --> 00:47:09,200
Speaker 1: care of yourself. It's hard and I'm trying. Well, she

880
00:47:09,239 --> 00:47:11,640
Speaker 1: said that it's hard and I'm trying, But I agree this, um,

881
00:47:11,800 --> 00:47:13,879
Speaker 1: and I would love to know your secret. I feel

882
00:47:13,880 --> 00:47:15,680
Speaker 1: as though I'm so busy taking care of my husband

883
00:47:15,680 --> 00:47:17,840
Speaker 1: and my kids that I hardly ever have time for myself,

884
00:47:17,880 --> 00:47:20,200
Speaker 1: and I'm always too tired. This is perfect for y'all

885
00:47:20,239 --> 00:47:23,719
Speaker 1: to like, this is exactly what y'all talk about doing

886
00:47:23,719 --> 00:47:26,120
Speaker 1: all the time. It's funny because just recently, Devot was

887
00:47:26,200 --> 00:47:29,880
Speaker 1: just like, you're tired again. I don't understand because we

888
00:47:29,880 --> 00:47:31,799
Speaker 1: were traveling a lot. Like you said, you travel a lot,

889
00:47:31,840 --> 00:47:34,319
Speaker 1: You're going from coast to coast. I'm you know, part

890
00:47:34,400 --> 00:47:37,960
Speaker 1: jet lag, part just had this residual mom tiredness. I

891
00:47:37,960 --> 00:47:40,799
Speaker 1: think every mom inherits somebody got to explain that to him.

892
00:47:41,320 --> 00:47:45,640
Speaker 1: I don't give it really is, and it starts from

893
00:47:45,680 --> 00:47:48,040
Speaker 1: like when the baby is conceived, because it's like you

894
00:47:48,120 --> 00:47:50,040
Speaker 1: anticipate the lack of sleep that you're about to not

895
00:47:50,080 --> 00:47:51,399
Speaker 1: have for the rest of your life, and the moment

896
00:47:51,440 --> 00:47:53,800
Speaker 1: you can't lay on your stomach again, right, so forget

897
00:47:53,800 --> 00:47:55,440
Speaker 1: it because the sleep is not even so it was

898
00:47:55,480 --> 00:47:57,319
Speaker 1: from ten months of not sleeping that for the rest

899
00:47:57,320 --> 00:48:01,360
Speaker 1: of your life. Tired because yesterday, I'm gonna tell you,

900
00:48:01,400 --> 00:48:04,080
Speaker 1: we're happy. Yesterday. We both get up early with the kids.

901
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:06,520
Speaker 1: But in order to help her with her tiredness, I

902
00:48:06,640 --> 00:48:11,920
Speaker 1: take the kids. It's a condition. It definitely helps. I

903
00:48:11,920 --> 00:48:14,759
Speaker 1: took the kids to school right we were going to

904
00:48:14,840 --> 00:48:16,840
Speaker 1: work out. She said, can we work out later? So fine,

905
00:48:17,280 --> 00:48:20,040
Speaker 1: she took a nap. I picked the kids up from school,

906
00:48:20,239 --> 00:48:22,680
Speaker 1: she took a three hour nap, came back. It was

907
00:48:25,040 --> 00:48:28,200
Speaker 1: dropped two kids to basketball practice. She was still at

908
00:48:28,200 --> 00:48:30,800
Speaker 1: home sleep though I was taking to taking care of

909
00:48:30,840 --> 00:48:33,000
Speaker 1: household stuff. All I'm saying is that I was out

910
00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:34,919
Speaker 1: doing all this stuff to make sure she gets home. Right.

911
00:48:35,400 --> 00:48:37,480
Speaker 1: We get home, we get we get done working out.

912
00:48:37,560 --> 00:48:40,880
Speaker 1: She comes so tired. I'm like, what the fund did

913
00:48:40,920 --> 00:48:44,799
Speaker 1: you do all day? I literally did everything, But you're

914
00:48:44,840 --> 00:48:48,600
Speaker 1: Tired's not even a physical tiredness. It's like a mental tiredness,

915
00:48:48,760 --> 00:48:54,360
Speaker 1: and that too can totally. It's exhausting. So Sis, to

916
00:48:54,440 --> 00:48:57,319
Speaker 1: answer your question, there are days when I am not

917
00:48:57,440 --> 00:49:00,799
Speaker 1: a bomb as wife and I am not Bombs's mother,

918
00:49:01,080 --> 00:49:02,880
Speaker 1: and it goes back to my story in the beginning

919
00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:04,720
Speaker 1: where I have those moments where I don't feel worthy

920
00:49:04,760 --> 00:49:06,440
Speaker 1: and I don't feel adequate, and I don't feel like

921
00:49:06,480 --> 00:49:11,200
Speaker 1: I'm doing enough. But God is good and trying to

922
00:49:11,280 --> 00:49:15,200
Speaker 1: be perfect is exhausting. To stop trying to be the

923
00:49:15,239 --> 00:49:19,200
Speaker 1: best of everything to everyone all the fucking time, and

924
00:49:19,320 --> 00:49:25,000
Speaker 1: maybe you won't be so tired. And I say that absolutely.

925
00:49:25,400 --> 00:49:27,319
Speaker 1: And you need time for yourself. It's so important. I

926
00:49:27,320 --> 00:49:28,719
Speaker 1: know you hardly ever have time for it, but you

927
00:49:28,800 --> 00:49:30,640
Speaker 1: kind of have to like carve that out because if

928
00:49:30,680 --> 00:49:33,080
Speaker 1: you don't have the time to just take care of yourself.

929
00:49:33,239 --> 00:49:34,880
Speaker 1: I mean, there's those moments when I just said, you

930
00:49:34,880 --> 00:49:37,920
Speaker 1: know what, I'm going to the supermarket. I enjoy going

931
00:49:37,920 --> 00:49:39,560
Speaker 1: to the supermarket, but I'll take like a good ten

932
00:49:39,600 --> 00:49:42,640
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes and just sit in the car in silence

933
00:49:42,840 --> 00:49:44,839
Speaker 1: like that that will be my moment, just like you said,

934
00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:48,120
Speaker 1: sometimes meditate, sometimes just sit and collect my thoughts. It's

935
00:49:48,120 --> 00:49:50,400
Speaker 1: amazing what that time can do. So the way you

936
00:49:50,440 --> 00:49:53,000
Speaker 1: prioritize everything else trying to be Bomba's wife and bomb

937
00:49:53,040 --> 00:49:55,920
Speaker 1: As mother, be Bombas whoever you are too, you know,

938
00:49:56,000 --> 00:49:58,480
Speaker 1: it's it's very important and hopefully your husband. Let you

939
00:49:58,480 --> 00:50:04,560
Speaker 1: get a nap every now may maybe maybe keep at it,

940
00:50:04,600 --> 00:50:06,200
Speaker 1: says all right. If you want to be featured as

941
00:50:06,239 --> 00:50:08,600
Speaker 1: one of our listener letters, email us at dead as

942
00:50:08,640 --> 00:50:14,000
Speaker 1: Advice at gmail dot dot com. Awesome, yes, all right.

943
00:50:14,080 --> 00:50:16,560
Speaker 1: Moment moment of truth? What did I learned today? What

944
00:50:16,600 --> 00:50:18,600
Speaker 1: did you learn today? So, Brittany, we don't always do

945
00:50:18,640 --> 00:50:20,839
Speaker 1: a moment of truth, so that pretty much sums up

946
00:50:20,840 --> 00:50:25,200
Speaker 1: the episode, and you know that one takeaway for the audience. Um,

947
00:50:25,600 --> 00:50:28,480
Speaker 1: what's your takeaway, babe, what's your moment of truth? My

948
00:50:28,640 --> 00:50:31,680
Speaker 1: moment of truth today is that there is an unspoken

949
00:50:31,719 --> 00:50:35,759
Speaker 1: pressure on women that I've learned to say about being

950
00:50:35,800 --> 00:50:38,000
Speaker 1: martyrs and feeling like you have to kill yourself in

951
00:50:38,120 --> 00:50:40,400
Speaker 1: order for your family and the people around you in

952
00:50:40,480 --> 00:50:42,840
Speaker 1: order to exist and be great moving forward. And I

953
00:50:42,920 --> 00:50:45,040
Speaker 1: learned that we have to get rid of that idea

954
00:50:45,600 --> 00:50:48,520
Speaker 1: and start letting our women know in our communities that

955
00:50:48,560 --> 00:50:51,719
Speaker 1: it's okay to take care of yourself first before you

956
00:50:51,760 --> 00:50:54,439
Speaker 1: take care of everyone else. That's my moment of truth

957
00:50:54,480 --> 00:50:58,839
Speaker 1: for today, listening to Brittany's story, knowing your story, and

958
00:50:58,840 --> 00:51:01,399
Speaker 1: then um, just feeling that as a as a dad

959
00:51:01,440 --> 00:51:05,200
Speaker 1: as well, that you know, the whole oxygen mask thing.

960
00:51:05,560 --> 00:51:08,160
Speaker 1: You gotta put your oxygen mask on first before you

961
00:51:08,160 --> 00:51:10,680
Speaker 1: put them my oxygen masks on your child. So that's

962
00:51:10,719 --> 00:51:12,640
Speaker 1: my moment of truth. Man. You you women need to

963
00:51:12,640 --> 00:51:15,279
Speaker 1: take care of yourselves. If you really want to take

964
00:51:15,280 --> 00:51:17,000
Speaker 1: care of the people you love, take care yourself first.

965
00:51:17,120 --> 00:51:19,279
Speaker 1: And I learned that it's okay to be sophistic watch it.

966
00:51:20,480 --> 00:51:22,319
Speaker 1: It's okay to do that, you know what I mean.

967
00:51:22,360 --> 00:51:24,160
Speaker 1: It's okay to have all your stuff together and then

968
00:51:24,200 --> 00:51:26,000
Speaker 1: not have it together and then if you need to

969
00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:29,160
Speaker 1: twork your way through it, do it. I'll second that.

970
00:51:29,800 --> 00:51:35,640
Speaker 1: All right, We're both going to benefit from that. Brittany,

971
00:51:35,640 --> 00:51:38,880
Speaker 1: any last words and you take away any moment of

972
00:51:38,920 --> 00:51:42,399
Speaker 1: truth I know, Um, I wouldn't say that. It's been

973
00:51:42,640 --> 00:51:46,799
Speaker 1: very amazing and therapeutic to to witness you all, um,

974
00:51:46,840 --> 00:51:53,600
Speaker 1: specifically UM, to see a man in his divine masculinity

975
00:51:53,719 --> 00:51:58,239
Speaker 1: and the level of vulnerability and honesty that is permeating

976
00:51:58,360 --> 00:52:03,120
Speaker 1: in this room fully filled my cup and is giving

977
00:52:03,160 --> 00:52:11,200
Speaker 1: me more grace. Azing. We had the reciprocity in this room, Okay,

978
00:52:10,440 --> 00:52:14,439
Speaker 1: So it was awesome. It was awesome, your sophisticated nous

979
00:52:14,440 --> 00:52:20,000
Speaker 1: and your Wretchedness has been great today. Trap Yoga bay By,

980
00:52:20,320 --> 00:52:23,799
Speaker 1: Follow me I am Devout, Follow my wife Caden. I

981
00:52:23,960 --> 00:52:26,439
Speaker 1: am And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure

982
00:52:26,480 --> 00:52:34,160
Speaker 1: to rate with you and subscribe. Absolutely Dead as dead

983
00:52:34,200 --> 00:52:36,800
Speaker 1: Ass is a production of Stitcher. It's produced by T

984
00:52:36,960 --> 00:52:41,120
Speaker 1: Square and Dinora Penia. Our chief content Officer is Chris Bannon.

985
00:52:41,320 --> 00:52:45,360
Speaker 1: Our associate producers are Kristin Torres and Trouble, our studio

986
00:52:45,440 --> 00:52:48,720
Speaker 1: engineer and original music is by Brendan Burns and mixed

987
00:52:48,719 --> 00:52:59,400
Speaker 1: by Andy Christine's daughter. For Fact, I'm Drew McCarry and

988
00:52:59,400 --> 00:53:01,719
Speaker 1: I'm David uh. We have a podcast going on right

989
00:53:01,760 --> 00:53:04,520
Speaker 1: now as part of the Stitchen Everywhere called Substraction that's

990
00:53:04,520 --> 00:53:08,760
Speaker 1: available everywhere. We get to the podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple,

991
00:53:08,960 --> 00:53:11,480
Speaker 1: Go listen right now to the Distraction right now, it's out.

992
00:53:11,680 --> 00:53:12,239
Speaker 1: Do it please,