Speaker 1: Welcome back to the Overcover Podcast. I'm your host Jennaka Lopez.
Speaker 2: Thank you guys so much for choosing to watch and
Speaker 2: listen to this week's episode.
Speaker 1: This week's episode is We're gonna be on Vibes today.
Speaker 2: I'm letting you guys know right now it is a
Speaker 2: very sentimental, emotional.
Speaker 1: Week or episode that we're gonna have today.
Speaker 2: And if you guys don't know, if you know, you know,
Speaker 2: If you don't, you don't. But my mom's twelve year
Speaker 2: anniversary twelve yes right, twelve yees, twelve year anniversary is
Speaker 2: was on Monday, yesterday, This today's Tuesday. But will you guys,
Speaker 2: if you guys didn't know, Omi's mom also passed away
Speaker 2: December eighth, no coincidence.
Speaker 1: I always truly believe that it is.
Speaker 2: A God given plan and his will that we are
Speaker 2: best friends and my mom.
Speaker 3: Why am I gonna cry?
Speaker 1: Already?
Speaker 2: My mom passed away a little bit before her mom,
Speaker 2: and I'm able to.
Speaker 3: Be here and to help her.
Speaker 1: Because I love it. Oh why am I crying? It's
Speaker 1: really hard.
Speaker 2: It's really really really hard, and I don't think anyone
Speaker 2: I love that I'm able to be that person for you.
Speaker 2: But I don't think you know how much you are
Speaker 2: that person in me that actually understands me and knows it.
Speaker 2: And it's just a lot. And I'm grateful to be
Speaker 2: have a best friend like her. That's it, but it's
Speaker 2: on me.
Speaker 1: I didn't even introduce her. It's oi. We have Oni.
Speaker 4: Today.
Speaker 2: We're gonna be talking about grief during the holidays, you guys,
Speaker 2: because it gets really really hard. So get your tissues, okay,
Speaker 2: but make sure the Mike is here. We have a
Speaker 2: full room.
Speaker 3: Today.
Speaker 2: We're kind of just going on what we're feeling and
Speaker 2: what we're yeah, what we're feeling because the holidays, and
Speaker 2: I feel like any person that has ever lost anybody,
Speaker 2: the holidays is always the worst.
Speaker 4: Yeah, especially when November hits. I feel like because everyone's
Speaker 4: with their family, you know, and like you see on Instagram,
Speaker 4: they're all like all together, and like if you're missing
Speaker 4: a grandparent somebody or somebody, like, I feel like it's
Speaker 4: always like you're looking at people being happy, but it's
Speaker 4: like you're happy, but you're missing that person with you celebrating.
Speaker 4: So it's always very hard.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that, Yeah, it definitely is a lot.
Speaker 2: It's it's it's heavy, and it's hard to be happy.
Speaker 1: And I feel like.
Speaker 2: We get into this at least I didn't mean I
Speaker 2: used to, but now that I'm seeing only how many
Speaker 2: years is it?
Speaker 4: Three before? Three? Four before? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Four years for only what was four?
Speaker 3: It was?
Speaker 4: It's gonna be four.
Speaker 3: It's good.
Speaker 4: Well, it's Tuesdays.
Speaker 1: Okay, look, no, you guys, so that you guys have context.
Speaker 1: Today is a Saturday.
Speaker 2: Today's Saturday, December seventh, seventh, Okay, tomorrow's Omie's mom's anniversary.
Speaker 4: Uh huh.
Speaker 2: And then my mom's is on Monday, and this episode
Speaker 2: comes out Tuesday, so we're we're having a couple drinks.
Speaker 1: We're having drinks.
Speaker 2: If you guys celebrated my mom this weekend, thank you.
Speaker 2: Please also celebrate Omi's mom. Shout out Maria, shout out,
Speaker 2: Jenny shout out.
Speaker 4: You know they're parting it up right now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, have about everything and then I don't know, dude,
Speaker 2: it is it does the holidays do get like very.
Speaker 3: They're missing out on so.
Speaker 4: Much, I know, but the I mean, they're happy. They
Speaker 4: just it's true what they say, like even though we
Speaker 4: miss them because they're gone and they're not here. The
Speaker 4: ones who actually suffer is us because we live with
Speaker 4: knowing they're not here and we will never see them
Speaker 4: again and they're happy, pain free.
Speaker 3: Okay, four years later, what are you feeling now?
Speaker 2: M Sorry, No, it's okay because I remember talking, like
Speaker 2: I remember little things that I that I tell you,
Speaker 2: and like now that I'm starting to see like it happened,
Speaker 2: like you living a certain way, I'm like, damn, Like I.
Speaker 4: Think it's harder as you get older because you realize,
Speaker 4: like you know, even if like you want to think
Speaker 4: of having kids or just your life in general, like
Speaker 4: you don't have a mom, you know, I'm not close
Speaker 4: to my aunts like that, so I can't say like
Speaker 4: I have another, you know, mother figure. I mean I
Speaker 4: I do have another person that's like a mother figure,
Speaker 4: but your mom will always be your mom, like no
Speaker 4: one would ever take that place. And I think, like
Speaker 4: I said, you get older, like yeah, I have my dad,
Speaker 4: but I think my dad's the best dad. But a
Speaker 4: mom is different, like the love they give you, like
Speaker 4: you know, even just to call them, like it's so different,
Speaker 4: you know. And I think I think this wore years,
Speaker 4: like I think I did my healing my third year,
Speaker 4: but I think this year's where it's kind of weird.
Speaker 4: I actually feel it more and I miss her more,
Speaker 4: but I'm happier. I just don't know how to explain it.
Speaker 4: It's weird.
Speaker 3: It's like mixed feelings. Yeah, does it? Do you feel
Speaker 3: wrong to feel that way?
Speaker 4: Like happy? I do. Like Thanksgiving, I was so happy
Speaker 4: and I didn't even spend it with my dad and
Speaker 4: I was really happy and it was probably like the
Speaker 4: best Thanksgiving I ever had, you know. But my last Thanksgiving,
Speaker 4: I spent it with my dad, but obviously, like I
Speaker 4: met his new girlfriend and stuff, so it was a
Speaker 4: little different for me. So it's a little bit of everything.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 1: Remember last episode we were talking about your.
Speaker 4: Dad dating, I know, and I wasn't okay with their mother.
Speaker 3: Okay, so where are you at right now? Give us
Speaker 3: an update?
Speaker 4: Yeah, the last episode, I was not talking to my dad.
Speaker 4: He had a girlfriend and I didn't accept it. But
Speaker 4: now I accept it. I met her last year and
Speaker 4: he's been with her and he's happy and I'm happy
Speaker 4: for him. I talk to her now. I have a
Speaker 4: relationship with her daughter, my stepsister, and yeah, it's really good, honestly,
Speaker 4: Like it makes me know that he's happy, and somebody's
Speaker 4: taking care of him, Like I don't have time to
Speaker 4: take care of him. You know, somebody's taking care of him.
Speaker 4: He lives in Mexico. He comes back and forth. Sorry,
Speaker 4: I get he's just vibe. He's just here, I know.
Speaker 4: So I'm gonna, I'm gonna. I'm in a really I'm
Speaker 4: in a really good place right now with my dad
Speaker 4: and his girlfriend and all that. So I think, in
Speaker 4: these what is it three years, I I could say
Speaker 4: I grew a lot. It was hard, but I think
Speaker 4: it was worth it. And he's happy that I accept
Speaker 4: his relationship now, you know.
Speaker 3: And I think you know it's needed.
Speaker 1: And I'm happy you did.
Speaker 3: Too, I know, because you know that took a matter
Speaker 3: of time.
Speaker 4: Like I know, a lot of people told me, like
Speaker 4: you need to understand, but I'm a person that I
Speaker 4: need to see it to believe it myself, even if
Speaker 4: somebody tells me. I'm very like I'm a tourist. I'm stubborn,
Speaker 4: so it takes for me to go through a lot
Speaker 4: to be like, Okay, I get it now, I accept
Speaker 4: it now, you know. But I also didn't want to
Speaker 4: go back to the beginning of the part where you
Speaker 4: have said that you know, I help you, but I
Speaker 4: don't think you know that if I didn't have you,
Speaker 4: I wouldn't be here because you know, you and your
Speaker 4: sister that don't have your mom help me a lot
Speaker 4: to understand. You know that it's okay that she's not here,
Speaker 4: you know. And in that time that I lost my mom,
Speaker 4: like you know, I didn't get it, and I don't
Speaker 4: have anybody besides you guys that has lost the mom,
Speaker 4: you know, and it's just weird how it's like a
Speaker 4: day you know before or whatever. But you know, you
Speaker 4: help me a lot, and you always teld me like, oh,
Speaker 4: you gotta feel your pain. I would always ignore you, like,
Speaker 4: oh no, I'm fine, I'm fine. You know, I was
Speaker 4: keeping busy. But I think I understood that you have
Speaker 4: to feel your pain, you know. And I think that's
Speaker 4: the most important thing, you know, for anybody going through
Speaker 4: any situation, whether it's a loss or whatever. It is,
Speaker 4: like you have to feel your pain. If you don't
Speaker 4: feel your pain, it adds up and then you just
Speaker 4: blow up, yeah, and it just becomes worse. And you know,
Speaker 4: sometimes being a lone lonely I think being lonely and
Speaker 4: sad it's hard. It hurts, but once you get out
Speaker 4: through that, you realize how much growth did it to yourself.
Speaker 2: It hurts so much, Like it hurts so much to
Speaker 2: have to like say that and I have and have
Speaker 2: to do that, Like it's easier to.
Speaker 1: Say it than do it, said than done, and I
Speaker 1: think that, like.
Speaker 3: I don't know, bro, Like that just sucks.
Speaker 5: Bro.
Speaker 1: I know, like I'm happy.
Speaker 6: Like.
Speaker 4: It's just hard. I just say, it's in a roller
Speaker 4: coaster emotions like it is. You're okay right now, in
Speaker 4: an hour you'll be crying, like no.
Speaker 1: But that's what I mean.
Speaker 2: It's like I'm so happy with my life, like thank God,
Speaker 2: Like I'm so grateful. You know, I'm happy with where
Speaker 2: you're at in your life too. But it's like, fuck, bro, like.
Speaker 1: You're already thirty. I'm already going to thirty.
Speaker 2: What I don't like, I'm it's like it's starting to
Speaker 2: get to that point where it's like damn, like I'm
Speaker 2: eventually gonna have to get married, I'm eventually gonna have
Speaker 2: to have kids.
Speaker 1: And it's like those are moments.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, that's exactly why, Like you know, I
Speaker 4: was telling you the other day, like I think about
Speaker 4: having kids because it's like, who's gonna take care of
Speaker 4: my kids? Like I have my dad. I mean, you know,
Speaker 4: like but it's different having a dad, Like I see
Speaker 4: the way my my mom raised my nieces and nephews
Speaker 4: and was with them, gave them the love. And you know,
Speaker 4: my other friend, like Melanie, how her mom raises her baby.
Speaker 4: And I'm like, damn, like I'm never gonna.
Speaker 3: Have that that opportunity.
Speaker 4: I don't have that out even know I have a sister. Yeah,
Speaker 4: I have you guys in my friend, but it's different,
Speaker 4: you know, I don't have it. It's different with the mom.
Speaker 2: Like it's so different, it is, And I think that
Speaker 2: a lot of people take it for granted. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: really think that they do. And I think it's just
Speaker 2: during the holidays.
Speaker 1: Bruh.
Speaker 2: It's like and I know it, it's scientifically proven. Like
Speaker 2: once those months, once.
Speaker 4: You start fine, worry first, I'll be fine.
Speaker 2: Yes, No, We're gonna be fine on Tuesday, like we're
Speaker 2: gonna be okay. Yeah, But it's just like it's the
Speaker 2: dread of like this these days coming up, and it's
Speaker 2: so annoying, Like I'm being so vulnerable and so honest
Speaker 2: with you guys right now. But this shit is like
Speaker 2: it's a drag. Holidays are so like the kids get older. Yeah,
Speaker 2: like my brother had a baby on Christmas, Like what
Speaker 2: the fuck? Like like those are moments where it's just
Speaker 2: like fuck, Like there's so many things that they miss
Speaker 2: out on.
Speaker 3: And like that we can't ever share or.
Speaker 2: That they can't be here for and it's just a
Speaker 2: constant reminder all the time, and it's just it's annoying.
Speaker 4: It's like.
Speaker 2: People that like that don't even go see their parents
Speaker 2: or see like go for the holidays.
Speaker 4: It's like.
Speaker 3: The time or the what what I would give.
Speaker 2: In the world, Like I would literally beg god like
Speaker 2: anything just to see one more time, like or have
Speaker 2: one more like stupid Thingsgiving Like I loved I loved it.
Speaker 2: Thanksgiving was great, but it's again, it's never the same,
Speaker 2: like there's always an empty space in the room. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, and I feel like nobody really gets it
Speaker 2: until until they go through it and it happens, and
Speaker 2: it's like I have to remind myself, like in the holidays,
Speaker 2: like and even when we were talking about it, like
Speaker 2: we've been talking about what are we gonna do for.
Speaker 3: Like our moms and whatever.
Speaker 2: And that still trips me out till today that there
Speaker 2: is just a day after another.
Speaker 1: But like what are we gonna do for our moms
Speaker 1: or whatever?
Speaker 2: And I know what it means for you because it's
Speaker 2: so fresh for you still, and like the difference with me,
Speaker 2: like we've been not arguing, but we just like she's like, oh,
Speaker 2: what do you.
Speaker 1: Want to do? Like do you want to like get
Speaker 1: drunk or whatever?
Speaker 2: And it's probably not the best thing, but like I
Speaker 2: know that that's that's healing for her, and I know
Speaker 2: what it like for me.
Speaker 3: It's a little bit different because it's like I'm just.
Speaker 1: Gonna live any other day, any other you know whatever.
Speaker 1: And when I mean, we'll see, we're gonna get drunk,
Speaker 1: We're gonna get no.
Speaker 2: But it's a Monday, imagine it's Monday.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 2: But but yeah, dude, I think that people take it
Speaker 2: for granted, and even during the holidays.
Speaker 4: I mean, and I think even like even me, like
Speaker 4: when I did have my mom, Like I mean, I
Speaker 4: now that I think of it, Like I mean, I
Speaker 4: used to be the same like everybody else. I would
Speaker 4: take my mom for granted. I wouldn't see little things
Speaker 4: and now that like obviously she's not here, Like I'm
Speaker 4: like wow, Like I took her for granted so much
Speaker 4: and I didn't realize it, you know. And she would
Speaker 4: always tell me, like when you have your kids, you
Speaker 4: will understand yep. I mean I don't have kids now,
Speaker 4: but I understand why she said.
Speaker 1: That, Like you already get it, Like I.
Speaker 4: Would hurt her unintentionally with little things, you know, And
Speaker 4: now that you know obviously that she's not here, I'm like, damn,
Speaker 4: like fuck, like I should have took the time to
Speaker 4: do this, took the time to do that. But that's
Speaker 4: the thing, Like that's why I always tell all my friends,
Speaker 4: like spend the time with your parents, your dad, because
Speaker 4: you don't. I don't want you. And it's crazy because
Speaker 4: you will always tell me that, owe me go home,
Speaker 4: go home, And you know, she would always tell me that.
Speaker 4: Now I do that to other people. So it's like
Speaker 4: it's like, you know, a pattern, Like I mean, she
Speaker 4: did her part to help me. I'm doing my part
Speaker 4: to help my friends that still have their family here,
Speaker 4: because it's like you just never know, like one day
Speaker 4: you're here, one day you're not.
Speaker 3: It's because.
Speaker 2: The pay that we feel is something that we wouldn't
Speaker 2: ever wish on anybody else. Never, Like when I like
Speaker 2: tell you that this is a this shit hurts, like
Speaker 2: this is another type of like and I think and again,
Speaker 2: I'm so grateful, like it's made me so strong, and
Speaker 2: I know that it's made you strong. But it's just
Speaker 2: like not even on my worst enemy.
Speaker 1: Like I do not.
Speaker 2: Wish this type of pain or grief in anybody's life.
Speaker 2: And if you're going through this, I am.
Speaker 1: Sorry, Like I am with you.
Speaker 3: I hear you.
Speaker 2: It is a pain in the ass to live every
Speaker 2: single day knowing that your mom isn't here, Okay, for you,
Speaker 2: it's I don't know, it's different for me because it's
Speaker 2: a constant reminder every fucking day.
Speaker 4: Bro, Yeah, I know. And it's probably like it's good
Speaker 4: and bad because like if you tell me right now,
Speaker 4: you remember your mom's voice. I don't. I don't remember
Speaker 4: what my mom's voice sounds, like I remember unless I
Speaker 4: go to a video and look at it. Like obviously
Speaker 4: you know your mom's voice because you hear her everywhere.
Speaker 4: So I think it could be good and bad, you know, Like,
Speaker 4: but sorry, uh huh, I hate us so much, dude,
Speaker 4: You guys, there's no I told there's people in the
Speaker 4: room right now, like we have a full dad shout
Speaker 4: out David, Nicole, Ye ye, Valerie, Like this was so
Speaker 4: this is this is what my life is right now.
Speaker 1: Like I'm with my best friend, and all we wanted
Speaker 1: to do was talk about.
Speaker 2: The pain that we feel and give the opportunity, like
Speaker 2: you know, our friends in the room, our friend fortunately
Speaker 2: all have their moms in their lives, which is beautiful.
Speaker 1: It is I'm so happy both parents both parents.
Speaker 3: Well yeah, because I know.
Speaker 4: But that's why I'm like, yeah, you like honestly, honestly, honestly,
Speaker 4: if I'm being real right now, if God want to
Speaker 4: took my dad away with COVID as well with my mom,
Speaker 4: like I would not be here. So I don't know
Speaker 4: how you do it, bro, because luckily you have like
Speaker 4: siblings that are like very close to you and they
Speaker 4: support you. I mean my siblings do too, But I
Speaker 4: feel like you guys have a tight ass love you
Speaker 4: know what I mean?
Speaker 3: You know why though, it's and I'm grateful that my
Speaker 3: mom raised us that way though, because I feel like
Speaker 3: there's so.
Speaker 2: Many people that don't like they're not cool with, like
Speaker 2: they're brothers and sisters.
Speaker 4: And I'm always fighting with my brothers all the time.
Speaker 2: No, but it's like I may and I'm grateful that
Speaker 2: my mom raised.
Speaker 3: Us that way though because I don't.
Speaker 2: I can't.
Speaker 3: There's nothing else.
Speaker 1: Like imagine if I was an only child. Yeah, no, bro,
Speaker 1: imagine like that.
Speaker 2: Would be insane, like it would I probably would have not.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I wouldn't have been here. Yeah, we're gonna go on.
Speaker 1: A quick break and we'll be right back. Welcome back,
Speaker 1: you guys, So.
Speaker 4: You know, you know what I also wanted to say,
Speaker 4: like growing up, growing up being Mexican, and I'm saying
Speaker 4: this for myself. I know people will probably related because
Speaker 4: they always come in and tell me the same thing,
Speaker 4: like we're shown not to show our pain, like whenever
Speaker 4: I was going through to my mom and be like okay,
Speaker 4: like you know you have to be strong this and
Speaker 4: that we don't talk about this. We don't talk about that.
Speaker 4: And even with my dad, like I will never even
Speaker 4: if I'm on the floor, I would not call my
Speaker 4: dad and say, hey, I aned help. But that's that's
Speaker 4: just how we grew up, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4: And I feel like even with with like grief and
Speaker 4: stuff like if you ask me, like when have you
Speaker 4: talked to your dad? Like you missed your mom? Never?
Speaker 4: Like you never?
Speaker 1: But you never?
Speaker 4: Like sorry, not that he doesn't care. My dad cares
Speaker 4: about me so much, don't you just.
Speaker 1: Don't haven't talked about it like once with him.
Speaker 4: Ever, he knows, he knows when I don't call him.
Speaker 4: He knows I'm sad and you know, like same with him.
Speaker 4: But he's just old, retired, and he's like, my job
Speaker 4: as a parent is not for I don't call you.
Speaker 4: You need to call me. If you want to know
Speaker 4: how I'm doing, you call me. So if I don't
Speaker 4: call my dad, that I'm not gonna know how he's doing.
Speaker 4: I'm like, and I get that now, Like it's true.
Speaker 2: Okay, but and everybody can opiniate, but the phone works
Speaker 2: both ways at the end of the day.
Speaker 4: Oh but he already yeah, but he already made his statement.
Speaker 4: If I don't if he doesn't call me, it's not
Speaker 4: that he don't care about me. You're I'm old, I'm retired,
Speaker 4: I'm living my life. You need to call me.
Speaker 1: That's just well, I don't know, I don't know what
Speaker 1: that's like.
Speaker 3: I don't know. I know that I have to be
Speaker 3: the one to call my siblings.
Speaker 4: You know that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like to put the effort in as well.
Speaker 2: But like he like your brothers too, you know you've
Speaker 2: never really talked about it with them.
Speaker 4: No, it's he too. It's a very tough situation.
Speaker 7: Like I have a question, wait for this is more
Speaker 7: for on me because I already know Jenica's response, because
Speaker 7: the reason I'm asking this question is because Jenica taught
Speaker 7: me this. But I want to know how you feel
Speaker 7: about it. Only do you feel like because of what
Speaker 7: you went through with your mom, it like helps you
Speaker 7: maneuver like current relationships in your life now, Like, for example,
Speaker 7: I've never lost anybody, right, Like I have my mom,
Speaker 7: my dad, my grandma, my grandpa, my cousin.
Speaker 4: I've never lost anybody, bitch, okay the dark joke.
Speaker 7: So when anything happens like even like the bare minimum
Speaker 7: in my life, whether even if it's like something as
Speaker 7: simple as an acquaintance, it hurts like bad, right because
Speaker 7: I'm not really used to losing anyone. So has what
Speaker 7: happened with your mom helped you maneuver the relationships in
Speaker 7: your life or view them any different?
Speaker 4: Yeah, Actually I'm not trying to be mean, but I
Speaker 4: really don't care about a lot of things like the pain,
Speaker 4: like like I could lose a friendship or whatever, and
Speaker 4: it's not gonna hurt me. Like I feel like the
Speaker 4: I already dealt with the pain, the worst pain.
Speaker 1: I tell you, literally, I told you that.
Speaker 4: I dealt with the worst pain in the way like
Speaker 4: I love my dad, but you know, I want my
Speaker 4: dad here, my whole I got to die before him.
Speaker 4: But if God was to say, like take my dad,
Speaker 4: I think I will. It's if it's different. It is
Speaker 4: because even though my mom, me and mama had a
Speaker 4: good relationship, but we always had like a little picky relationship,
Speaker 4: but like she was my mom, Like I would get
Speaker 4: home and she would be like, let me rub your feet. Okay,
Speaker 4: you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: Like okay, yeah, So I think what always trying to
Speaker 2: say is that, yeah, like and I've I've told you
Speaker 2: this is the same thing about like nothing scares me
Speaker 2: to lose anything anymore, like and that's probably too scary
Speaker 2: and maybe that's maybe that's a bad thing.
Speaker 1: Like I don't know, but.
Speaker 2: I'm not scared to lose any more, Like only said
Speaker 2: any more friendships any more. People like I mean obviously
Speaker 2: my siblings. The day the day one of my silf,
Speaker 2: I'm going, I'm done. I'm not joking, Okay, Like that
Speaker 2: is it of my life because this that they are,
Speaker 2: my my motivation, that is the reason why I'm alive. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, And it's it's it's different like when you
Speaker 2: lose something again, the pain is so unbearable. You guys
Speaker 2: like it is a dread.
Speaker 3: And I'm not saying it's.
Speaker 1: A dread to wake up every day, but it was
Speaker 1: a dread.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like I'm sure only wakes up every day still
Speaker 2: dreading that she's alive.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I forget. Sometimes Sometimes it's like I'm doing something
Speaker 4: and like I think earlier, I was sending a picture
Speaker 4: or Orlando showed me a picture my brother posted and
Speaker 4: it was my two brothers when they were little, and
Speaker 4: I was gonna send it to my brother, but I
Speaker 4: type in mom and I was like, we're literally eating.
Speaker 4: I'm like, wait, why am I sending it to my mom?
Speaker 1: Do you have text messages with your I do?
Speaker 4: I still have herund my favorites. I have not changed it.
Speaker 4: It's still there.
Speaker 2: You're like that one you're lucky because when I'm being
Speaker 2: for real, because when my mom passed away, she.
Speaker 3: Had her back, I don't have anything.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but sometimes I feel back because I can't go
Speaker 4: back to my messages with my mom because there's a
Speaker 4: lot of messages that, like, you regret, I would I
Speaker 4: ignore because I was busier. I wouldn't, but I would
Speaker 4: call her all the time. But I was in a
Speaker 4: textter with her and she would send me pictures. Oh yes,
Speaker 4: that canna be at Lista. And sometimes I'm like, fuck,
Speaker 4: Like so now when my dad texted me, my dad
Speaker 4: tex tends me a freaking coffee cup of Jenny Devena
Speaker 4: every day. What is bread? And I'm like, oh my god,
Speaker 4: my dad. But I reply, I'm like, you know what,
Speaker 4: I'm gonna regret this. I am typing away on that.
Speaker 4: You know you have to, it's it's it sucks, but
Speaker 4: you literally, like you literally torture yourself for the rest
Speaker 4: of your life. Absolutely, And that's what I do with
Speaker 4: with my dad because I'm like, the day my dad's
Speaker 4: not here, like he's my last thing. If something was
Speaker 4: to happen to him, I don't know what's gonna happen
Speaker 4: to me.
Speaker 1: I don't think people really understand it.
Speaker 7: Yeah, and it sucks, but that's whole point, Like.
Speaker 4: I think, I mean, I feel like there's it's good
Speaker 4: to talk about this because, like I'm telling you, like
Speaker 4: a lot of people don't talk about this because it's
Speaker 4: like something so like like taboo, like you don't talk
Speaker 4: about this, but I wanted it to be. But there's
Speaker 4: so many people dealing with this. Like when I post
Speaker 4: sometimes I don't even want to post it and I
Speaker 4: feel it and I'm like, I don't want people think
Speaker 4: I'm crying on fucking TikTok, but I feel it and
Speaker 4: I post it. In the comments I get. I'm like
Speaker 4: someone says, my mom just died a week ago, my
Speaker 4: mom just died a month ago, and I'm like, fuck,
Speaker 4: like that's fucking crazy, like every day moms are dying
Speaker 4: or in general anybody. But it's like for me, I
Speaker 4: see it hard because it's like it's your mom. Like
Speaker 4: no one replaces that. No, not even a dad either,
Speaker 4: But I feel like a mom she birth to you,
Speaker 4: She gave birth to you, so it's different.
Speaker 7: I have another question, what ah, the interviewer.
Speaker 1: What well both of.
Speaker 7: You answer you okay, okay, what was more like, well,
Speaker 7: I don't want to say more little because I don't
Speaker 7: want to like belittle any moment and your guys's process,
Speaker 7: But what would you say was like the hardest moment,
Speaker 7: like when you first found out the funeral, or like
Speaker 7: adjusting to living life without her? Like what would you
Speaker 7: say in that order? Was like hard the simplest.
Speaker 4: Hm hmm.
Speaker 2: I couldn't wait for the funeral to be over soon,
Speaker 2: for sure. And it's a lot harder that it's public
Speaker 2: because it was different with my dad because obviously, you know,
Speaker 2: my dad was my dad. No one really you know,
Speaker 2: knew him.
Speaker 1: Funeral was a dread that I wanted to and I
Speaker 1: know the same for you.
Speaker 4: I was with you that day.
Speaker 2: But I think the hardest thing is living without them.
Speaker 7: Like.
Speaker 2: It's harder navigating life and trying to figure out if
Speaker 2: you are like I've I've chosen not to live by what.
Speaker 3: My mom would do, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: It's like and it's hard in the beginning to separate
Speaker 2: that like am I how am I? It's that pressure,
Speaker 2: like am I disappointing her? If I'm living a certain way?
Speaker 4: You know, it's harder because your mom was a public figure.
Speaker 2: No, but it's also like like even as a as
Speaker 2: a daughter, like you know, I only had my mom
Speaker 2: for fifteen years, and there was so much of life
Speaker 2: that I like missed out on.
Speaker 4: See'. That's another thing where like like sometimes when I
Speaker 4: when I'm mad at God, I thank God because I mean,
Speaker 4: I got twenty eight years with my mom, and you know,
Speaker 4: you got that many years, and there's people that get
Speaker 4: less years and there's people that get more years. So
Speaker 4: sometimes I'm like when I I mean, it's not good
Speaker 4: to do because my therapist is that you can't do
Speaker 4: that to yourself. Like, but I'm like, you know what,
Speaker 4: thank you God, I got twenty eight years, like Ida
Speaker 4: got fifteen. I could have got six to seven, you
Speaker 4: know what I mean. So it's like, I don't know,
Speaker 4: it's hard, but I agree with you. It's to me.
Speaker 4: It was walking into my house. It was cold because
Speaker 4: the funeral, like I'm not gonna be lie. My mom
Speaker 4: was like Jennica, she's a Libra. She hated people that
Speaker 4: Jenika don't hate people, but they don't like being around people.
Speaker 4: And my mom always said, like the day, the day
Speaker 4: something happens to me, I don't want to no one there,
Speaker 4: I don't want the casket open, so to me, like that,
Speaker 4: my mom had to pass away in COVID where no
Speaker 4: one could get close to her, Like people were scared
Speaker 4: to go to her funeral because they were scared to
Speaker 4: get sick. Like there was literally we have a big
Speaker 4: ass family, I'm telling when we have funerals, that sounds
Speaker 4: really weird when there's funerals in a family. In our family,
Speaker 4: like there's literally like three hundred top people. Like my
Speaker 4: mom's funeral, like you saw, Jenika, it was literally like
Speaker 4: twenty people because everyone was so scared. And I literally
Speaker 4: laughed and I'm like, fuck, my mom is funny, because
Speaker 4: this is exactly what she wanted. Yeah, she didn't want
Speaker 4: no one there at the time. That yeah, and you
Speaker 4: know that's exactly what happened. And but yeah, for me,
Speaker 4: it was just walking into my house knowing my mom
Speaker 4: wasn't there and it was just a cold house, just
Speaker 4: my dad, my brothers, and that's it.
Speaker 3: That was hard coming home too, Like I remember staying
Speaker 3: at like my grandma's for like two.
Speaker 1: Weeks, bro, Like.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and that's exactly why I had to move out
Speaker 4: of my house that same year because I couldn't go
Speaker 4: to my room and I would just wait for her
Speaker 4: to knock. Yeah, And in those times, I would always
Speaker 4: be so much like, fuck, why is she not going
Speaker 4: to again? Like why is she coming in my room?
Speaker 1: I would be on the phone with you.
Speaker 4: I would be so I'm like, oh my god, what
Speaker 4: is my mom want to get in now? I'm like fuck,
Speaker 4: Like I'm just waiting for that, dude.
Speaker 1: And one of the things that I like, I think
Speaker 1: about all the time is like.
Speaker 2: Waking up at five am, six am every day and
Speaker 2: it's like, get ready, let's go, let's go work out.
Speaker 2: And although like to the day, like obviously that that
Speaker 2: little shit affects me, but.
Speaker 3: I miss it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, the things you hate, you're gonna miss. It's just
Speaker 4: how it is.
Speaker 1: Literally, I it's waking up like.
Speaker 2: At six in the morning, going on a walk with
Speaker 2: her and then her taking me to school.
Speaker 1: That's sorry. It yeah, breakfast in the morning and that's it.
Speaker 4: Like, yeah, that's what I always say. It's it's the
Speaker 4: meals for me, it's the food.
Speaker 2: And people know it's just like and it's maybe it's
Speaker 2: hard to understand through the camera through audio, but it's
Speaker 2: like you.
Speaker 4: Guys like.
Speaker 1: It's the little thing.
Speaker 4: And I know a lot of people that have gone
Speaker 4: through that is gonna relate to us and be like
Speaker 4: fuck and they know exactly what I mean, because when
Speaker 4: I see people talk about it, I'm like, fuck, somebody
Speaker 4: understands me. And it's just a whole other world of
Speaker 4: people that, Oh, I have another question.
Speaker 7: Now, because I know people are gonna want I know
Speaker 7: people are going to wonder that way because all these
Speaker 7: questions I already know the answers to. It's more for
Speaker 7: the public. Thank you, guys, think we later no, butfro
Speaker 7: and if it feels like belittling to your emotions, also
Speaker 7: let me know. But do you think maybe only you
Speaker 7: can answer it? Do you feel like it was easier
Speaker 7: that you kind of knew your mom was going through
Speaker 7: something rather than it being random, Because I don't Again,
Speaker 7: I don't want to say.
Speaker 4: I would assume.
Speaker 7: Yeah. Do you feel like maybe if it was like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, a question, but I was like she was.
Speaker 8: And was going to pass away. Jennika just woke up
Speaker 8: one day and her mom was not here.
Speaker 1: Well, my dad also was sick, yeah, and he passed away.
Speaker 7: Well, technically, hold on, I want to ask something only
Speaker 7: didn't know her mom was going to pass away because
Speaker 7: like we kind of were prepared.
Speaker 1: It was prepared, were away, but.
Speaker 7: We had a lot of hope though, Like let's be real, Like, yeah,
Speaker 7: I at least I remember I was. I lived those
Speaker 7: moments with me. I was like almost one hundred percent
Speaker 7: convinced that God was gonna do a miracle, and he didn't,
Speaker 7: but he's still good, right, But like I didn't think
Speaker 7: that something was gonna happen to her.
Speaker 4: Honestly, I don't know, because it's I feel like I
Speaker 4: feel like I think it's easier to know when I mean,
Speaker 4: even though I had a lot of hope for my mom,
Speaker 4: like I knew how sick she was, and I know
Speaker 4: that she wasn't gonna come out, I already knew him
Speaker 4: deep in my heart. Like to this day, I know
Speaker 4: she was not here.
Speaker 1: You could say that you knew.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I knew she was not going to come out
Speaker 4: of this. And even if if that one percent of
Speaker 4: hope I had, I know she was going to live
Speaker 4: her life miserable and she wasn't gonna be happy. So
Speaker 4: I already knew that she wasn't gonna make it. So
Speaker 4: I feel like in those It was like a month
Speaker 4: fifteen days that she was in the hospital, and I
Speaker 4: was like, I feel like it helped me because it
Speaker 4: helped me prepare. Like fifteen days I didn't talk to
Speaker 4: my mom. She was literally intubated. I didn't talk to her.
Speaker 4: So I felt during that time it helped me know
Speaker 4: that my mom's not here no more, like she wasn't
Speaker 4: really here, she was on a machine.
Speaker 1: Do you remember the last time you talked to her? Yeah,
Speaker 1: like before she was intubated.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because I never I never.
Speaker 4: Actually have a screenshot of our FaceTime call. I was
Speaker 4: so sick too, oh, because you guys, dude.
Speaker 2: The thing is is that only and her, literally her
Speaker 2: whole family were in separate rooms in the same hospital.
Speaker 4: Yeah, except my mom. She was at killer Kaiser. It's true.
Speaker 2: Let's not address Kaiser permanente.
Speaker 1: No, but no, but but.
Speaker 4: No, Like, I mean, I don't think I've ever said
Speaker 4: this before, but that's the last FaceTime call I had
Speaker 4: with my mom. Mind you, Like, I was so sick
Speaker 4: with COVID too, Like I hardly remember anything. But that's
Speaker 4: one thing I never forget, is it's a screenshot I have,
Speaker 4: And I mean I'll share with jennikaf she wants to
Speaker 4: add a part of the podcast. But she literally told me,
Speaker 4: and I'm like, what do you mean. She's like see
Speaker 4: that And I'm like, no, mom, like and she's like,
Speaker 4: it's because no one here understands you like you like
Speaker 4: and you had COVID. You had to be there alone.
Speaker 4: Like my mom spoke English but not really, but she understands.
Speaker 4: And and in.
Speaker 1: The hospital it was crime prime.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was prime COVID and like it was just
Speaker 4: crazy like and that's those were her last words after that.
Speaker 4: She was intubated and we try not to get her intubated,
Speaker 4: but I mean, there's nothing we can do. And those
Speaker 4: were her last words. And I do believe that happened
Speaker 4: because once we started seeking more things to help her live,
Speaker 4: they started kind of like rejecting and getting mad at us.
Speaker 4: And yeah, when she got to the funeral home, they
Speaker 4: told us that her belongings were just thrown on her.
Speaker 4: And I was like, what do you mean crazy? It
Speaker 4: was just crazy, like it was just like insane, like
Speaker 4: you know I could be in that moment, like I
Speaker 4: just chose to, you know what. My mom like had
Speaker 4: a lot of sicknesses, like she lived very depressed after
Speaker 4: my brother passed away. Like my mom was basically dead
Speaker 4: since my brother passed away, so she always ever week,
Speaker 4: I would hear my mom say, I want to die.
Speaker 4: I want to die. I want to die because my
Speaker 4: mom was so depressed she lost my brother, like it
Speaker 4: really affected her. So, like I know, if anyone wanted
Speaker 4: to go to heaven and be with her son, it
Speaker 4: was my mom. That's what she wanted, that's all. That's
Speaker 4: all she wanted. She wasn't happy living here. She was
Speaker 4: just living here for us. So I I know she's happier.
Speaker 4: I don't. I don't think there's one doubt in her
Speaker 4: mind that she wants to be here in this world
Speaker 4: right now.
Speaker 2: And I would have, honestly, at this point, I wouldn't
Speaker 2: want them to come back.
Speaker 1: Let them, let them be happy, let them live there.
Speaker 3: Like it's just.
Speaker 1: This world is so ugly and it's like, oh, it's
Speaker 1: just annoying, bro, it's annoying.
Speaker 4: Sometimes I swear to God, like I don't know if
Speaker 4: you dream of your mom, but my mom is so
Speaker 4: present in my dreams, like when I miss her, it's weird,
Speaker 4: Like I hate it because I don't like it. But
Speaker 4: like the other. I was like, you know, we can
Speaker 4: have a gos having really weird thoughts and you know,
Speaker 4: I was talking to her and I went to sleep.
Speaker 4: I want to sleep that night and she picked. She
Speaker 4: was trying to pick me up in the car and
Speaker 4: I'm like, can I go with you? And she's like no,
Speaker 4: And I was like, come on, I want to go
Speaker 4: with you. Just take me to the mall. She's like, no,
Speaker 4: you can't come with me. And the driver the passenger
Speaker 4: side was my aunt that passed away, which was like
Speaker 4: her best friend two years after, and she didn't want
Speaker 4: to take me. I was so mad because she didn't
Speaker 4: want to take me with her to the store. Obviously
Speaker 4: later later on, did I look at this. I'm like, okay,
Speaker 4: like I see the bigger picture. My cousin calls me
Speaker 4: a day after. She's like, I had a dream of you,
Speaker 4: and I said, well, she goes, bitch, she would try
Speaker 4: to take me to the mall with our mom up mad,
Speaker 4: I say, you're lying. She goes.
Speaker 1: Always have something similar.
Speaker 4: And she's like, you're trying to take me to the
Speaker 4: mall and I kept telling you no because we're not
Speaker 4: going to come back, and you're like no, no, let's go.
Speaker 4: Let's go. And I was like, and I told her
Speaker 4: the truth. I was like, honestly, like I've been feeling
Speaker 4: really weird. And I said and I told her my
Speaker 4: dream and she started tripping. Now I was like, I
Speaker 4: don't know why we I she doesn't dream her mom.
Speaker 4: She dreams my mom, and I always dream both of
Speaker 4: them together all the time. So it's like it's just crazy,
Speaker 4: Like my mom's always in my dreams and I always
Speaker 4: see her. Like it's weird.
Speaker 2: I never dream I've never dreamt of my dad. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I maybe dreamt of my mom like once, but I never.
Speaker 4: I never.
Speaker 2: And maybe that's better for me though, because makes it
Speaker 2: like bad. Yeah, and I feel like I would be
Speaker 2: in my head about it. Yeah, like I start thinking
Speaker 2: things and like yeah, I don't know knowing me.
Speaker 1: But it's like, Okay, we're gonna want a quick break
Speaker 1: because I want toother shot. I will be right back.
Speaker 1: Welcome back, you guys. We took a little quick shot.
Speaker 1: I just look, you guys. This is this very special
Speaker 1: special episode.
Speaker 4: We're celebrating Jenny Rivera. So everybody, no, if you're watching
Speaker 4: this right now, take a shot. Listen to Jenny and
Speaker 4: post a TikTok right now.
Speaker 2: But yes, you guys, it is our mother's anniversaries.
Speaker 1: We are grieving. This is how life is. If you
Speaker 1: guys don't like.
Speaker 2: That we're drinking, I'm sorry. This is the way we're
Speaker 2: coping for today.
Speaker 1: This is what we do.
Speaker 2: This is how I wanted to just be comfortable and
Speaker 2: safe and with my friends and be able to Yeah, I.
Speaker 4: Have a question. What Okay, obviously you know we all
Speaker 4: like you know, before I met you, I was a
Speaker 4: big fan of your mom. I went everywhere she went.
Speaker 4: She knew who I are.
Speaker 2: Okay, she, you know, just rub it in everybody's face because.
Speaker 4: She loved me. You know, I'm dark, but she used
Speaker 4: to call me, of course my mom.
Speaker 1: Yes, Nicole, you don't know. Omi was like the biggest fan.
Speaker 4: Like, let me tell you honey, Staples Center, September third.
Speaker 4: I gave her a hat. She took off her hat
Speaker 4: and gave me her hat. Yep, you know what. One thing.
Speaker 4: Let me tell you one thing about her mom. She
Speaker 4: appreciate people who support her, like through thick and thin.
Speaker 4: I would go to every fucking not every countrict because
Speaker 4: my dad wouldn't allow me because I was young, and
Speaker 4: because she used to cuss a lot, he'd be like no,
Speaker 4: but then he got used to it. And I used
Speaker 4: to go to thank with Talento. My mom used to
Speaker 4: lie for me that I went to college, but I
Speaker 4: was really a thing with Lento seeing her, Yeah, and
Speaker 4: my mom would be in the car.
Speaker 1: And the day my mom passed away, she quit her
Speaker 1: Smart and Final drop.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, no one knows that one. Yep, the
Speaker 4: day that I used to be a cash register. I
Speaker 4: was really devastated. I had to quit Smart Final and
Speaker 4: I you know what, No, you know what, I I'm tired.
Speaker 4: I'm serious. I'm serious, Like I was. Really, I was
Speaker 4: really devastated because I didn't even know Jennica at then.
Speaker 4: I don't even know like Jenny and I met Cheek's
Speaker 4: like twice. But I used to go Jenny was at
Speaker 4: the radio station. I would go, she was here, I
Speaker 4: would go, we would go. So she already knew like
Speaker 4: her loyal fans like that were always there. The ticket
Speaker 4: thin and that's one thing that she appreciate them. So
Speaker 4: that September Staple Center show, she gifted me my ticket
Speaker 4: because Mikey was going through court and we went to
Speaker 4: the court to support. So she gave everybody that went there,
Speaker 4: she gave them a ticket for the concert. Yeah, so so,
Speaker 4: and then that concert, we were first role. She gave
Speaker 4: us first role, and I gave her my hat and
Speaker 4: she gave me her hat and I still have that.
Speaker 3: So it was your question.
Speaker 4: What was my question? Okay, Okay, here's my question. Like, obviously,
Speaker 4: like your mom is jen Like how do you feel
Speaker 4: knowing your mom is your mom? But obviously, like there's
Speaker 4: so many people that admire her and love her, but
Speaker 4: like she's your mom, like besides the artist's name, besides
Speaker 4: you know, everybody loving her like at the end of
Speaker 4: the day, like she's your mom, your m om, Like
Speaker 4: I can't imagine. She said, no, you know what, because
Speaker 4: it's like like like like my mom's my mom, but
Speaker 4: I can't imagine like everybody loving my mom.
Speaker 1: You have to share your.
Speaker 4: Exactly what I mean?
Speaker 3: Okay, because it's beautiful and.
Speaker 4: Both because let me tell you so many, let me
Speaker 4: tell you so many artists have passed away, but no
Speaker 4: one celebrates the way they celebrate December ninth. On TikTok
Speaker 4: everyone's posting videos, Oh it's December. I hate to hear
Speaker 4: that audio of you know, the whole thing. But people
Speaker 4: use that audio to be like, I'm gonna celebrate Jenny,
Speaker 4: like you don't be sent ade. I love he sent
Speaker 4: fore he's a fucking icon legend, but no one celebrates
Speaker 4: the way they celebrate Jenny. That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 8: Okay, how do you feel it's okay to be selfish
Speaker 8: because you're her daughter? At the end of the day,
Speaker 8: she's your m O M and you look exactly like her. Like,
Speaker 8: so what are your feelings? I was gonna say how
Speaker 8: do you feel? But I don't know, Like what are
Speaker 8: your feelings? What are your thoughts? When you know that
Speaker 8: your mom is your mom? But like you also have
Speaker 8: to share her because of who she was with everyone,
Speaker 8: because she's so important to so many people's lives, and
Speaker 8: like the way she they learned from her, they affected
Speaker 8: her life. Like do you ever feel like kind of
Speaker 8: like damn, like that's my mom, Like I only want
Speaker 8: her to be my mom, like, or what are your feelings.
Speaker 1: As a daughter?
Speaker 2: Sometimes I just wish that I was able to grief
Speaker 2: in private, like I'm able to, you know, I honestly,
Speaker 2: sometimes I wish I can be an Omi's position, where
Speaker 2: I don't.
Speaker 3: Need that constant reminder. You know what I mean. It's beautiful.
Speaker 3: I'm grateful.
Speaker 1: I love it, thank you, like I love that people
Speaker 1: love my mom.
Speaker 3: I genuinely, genuinely, genuinely.
Speaker 2: Do like I like it's it's beautiful, like and twelve
Speaker 2: years later is insane.
Speaker 1: But do I wish?
Speaker 3: I don't, like I.
Speaker 2: Could live a normal day without being reminded that my
Speaker 2: mom is dead. Yes, A thousand person like that, Like.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's hard.
Speaker 3: That's like like if.
Speaker 8: I see people like like, oh, like r I P
Speaker 8: like I miss you so much?
Speaker 2: Do you have?
Speaker 8: I would be like you don't miss her as much
Speaker 8: as I miss It's.
Speaker 2: Worse when like people start like now right now is
Speaker 2: the time, like this weekend and like the holidays and
Speaker 2: stuff where people start coming with the coming up with
Speaker 2: their bullshit like she's still alive.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's what makes me.
Speaker 1: They killed her, They this, this and that, and it's like.
Speaker 2: It's because I wish, like I wish that I wish
Speaker 2: that she maybe for her to knock on my fucking door,
Speaker 2: Like that would be insane, Like that would literally be
Speaker 2: like my dream.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, but it's like I get what you mean,
Speaker 4: But it's also beautiful to see like that they still
Speaker 4: fucking love her so much. There's so many artists in
Speaker 4: the world that people forget about, but I feel like
Speaker 4: your mom, Like people don't forget about her. Why because
Speaker 4: she was such a legend and obviously the way happened,
Speaker 4: it happened so tragically, but also we all know your mom.
Speaker 4: If she was gonna go down the way, that's the
Speaker 4: way she was gonna go down, Like.
Speaker 2: She had to let very razy, I know, but she
Speaker 2: also like literally someone asked me the other day, They're.
Speaker 1: Like, you know what it is?
Speaker 2: You know what I hate though, And I'm gonna be
Speaker 2: so honest. It's like explaining it to people. Bro, oh
Speaker 2: my god, yeah, yes, like I love it, like I
Speaker 2: love people knowing not knowing me. But then it's also like,
Speaker 2: this is the uncomfortable part of my life that people
Speaker 2: don't understand and that scares them, yeah, you know, Like
Speaker 2: and it's it's just like when people ask me, like, oh, so,
Speaker 2: how did your mom pass away in a plane.
Speaker 1: Crash, it's like fucking crazy.
Speaker 2: Like what a quick you know, like, and it's harder
Speaker 2: to explain, and it's just like it puts this pressure
Speaker 2: and sometimes it gives me anxiety, like I don't know
Speaker 2: how to explain to people like my mom passed away
Speaker 2: in a plane crash because she's a singer and because
Speaker 2: she does this and whatever, and like well, well.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well not I see what you mean. But I
Speaker 4: feel like they also like that also affects you because
Speaker 4: I've been on a plane before with you and there's
Speaker 4: been turbulence and I have seen the way you get
Speaker 4: and it's like like as a friend, like I can't
Speaker 4: do nothing about it, but it's scary, Like obviously we're
Speaker 4: in a plane, there's turbulence, Like you freak the hell out,
Speaker 4: and I feel like people don't know that, you know,
Speaker 4: Like it's scary to see how you get. But it's
Speaker 4: like I can't help you. Only you can help yourself,
Speaker 4: you know what I mean. And it's scary, but that's
Speaker 4: something that you have to live with forever. Yeah, you
Speaker 4: know what I mean.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's literally what I have, Like I have
Speaker 2: to deal with it every day. But yeah, to answer
Speaker 2: your question, like it gets a little bit, it's hard,
Speaker 2: but it's specifically in this time period.
Speaker 9: Like you your healing process because your mom.
Speaker 3: Is absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 4: Honestly coming from my mom. I'm not saying my mom
Speaker 4: is nobody. My mom's my mom.
Speaker 1: Shout out Maria, Maria the Homier.
Speaker 4: Honestly, I missed your girl. But anyway, no, yeah, like.
Speaker 9: I always think, like, like what am I gonna do?
Speaker 9: My mom prosses to call her. I would think of
Speaker 9: her all the time and then scrolling through like TikTok. Yeah, Mom,
Speaker 9: I take a constant reminder, like.
Speaker 4: Do you think that that just affected me? Absolutely? Yeah,
Speaker 4: because you.
Speaker 2: Know every day and I and I have to tell
Speaker 2: and I don't know if you've noticed, but I have
Speaker 2: to tell val I have to tell you guys like
Speaker 2: turn it off, yeah, you know, like.
Speaker 3: Because I don't want to like.
Speaker 4: Even hearing her. Yes, yeah, honestly, it.
Speaker 2: Wouldn't be like and I'm trying, and I try every damn.
Speaker 1: Like let me just try.
Speaker 2: Let me just look at it, let me like I try.
Speaker 4: Maybe today we will try.
Speaker 2: No, but like no, but like it's hard, like and
Speaker 2: I and I'm sorry, like I'm sorry to you guys,
Speaker 2: like because I know you guys are fans and you
Speaker 2: guys love her and you guys want to hear her
Speaker 2: music and like all this stuff, like it's beautiful and
Speaker 2: I appreciate it so much, like from the bottom of
Speaker 2: my heart. But it's like it's harder when you listen
Speaker 2: to the music. But that's the thing that took her away,
Speaker 2: you know, Like, and that's what people don't really understand.
Speaker 2: Like I'm grateful for who my mom is, like I do,
Speaker 2: but I wish I.
Speaker 6: Just had my mom, you know, Like I wish I
Speaker 6: just had her a little bit more because she shared
Speaker 6: so much of her life with all of you guys,
Speaker 6: you know, like and always able to have those memories
Speaker 6: of like her mom cooking for her and like this,
Speaker 6: this and that, and I don't have that many memories,
Speaker 6: Like I love when my mom cooked for me.
Speaker 1: Like I did. Those are like the ones that I remember,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: But she was always working and I appreciate it, and
Speaker 2: I learned from that, Like I'm a hard working woman
Speaker 2: because of her, Like I learned how to I work
Speaker 2: hard because she was a single mom that had to
Speaker 2: raise five crazy ass fucking kids on her own.
Speaker 1: All by herself.
Speaker 2: But do I wish that it was just her, Absolutely,
Speaker 2: but more because I wish that my sister got her
Speaker 2: life back a little bit, you know, like it wasn't
Speaker 2: fair for my sister to raise four other kids by herself,
Speaker 2: not by herself, but you know what I mean, Like
Speaker 2: my sister had had a lot of weight on her
Speaker 2: back and a lot of her life was taken like
Speaker 2: I think people take for granted or like they don't understand,
Speaker 2: like we had to live all on our own too,
Speaker 2: Like we didn't have a lot of people, Like my
Speaker 2: sister had to do it by herself, and so did
Speaker 2: my mom.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you have your dad either, So I didn't
Speaker 4: have my dad.
Speaker 1: They don't have their dad.
Speaker 4: Like that's what I'm saying, Like even though like obviously
Speaker 4: your dad passed away and stuff like it's crazy how
Speaker 4: And I always saw your sister that the same thing,
Speaker 4: like it's crazy how you're here, like you've gone through
Speaker 4: all that. You don't have your mom here, you don't
Speaker 4: have your dad like I luckily have my dad and
Speaker 4: sometimes like I'm like I'm here, but I can't imagine
Speaker 4: how you guys feel, like.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's crazy, it's crazy, but I'm grateful, Like you know,
Speaker 2: I'm grateful for the fans. I'm grateful for my mom's music.
Speaker 2: She's touched and she's changed people's lives, Like I just
Speaker 2: filmed the podcast, the episode with SB right now, Like
Speaker 2: she's telling me like about her mom and like how
Speaker 2: they connect. And I'm grateful, Like my mom had a story,
Speaker 2: like everyone has a story to share, and like she
Speaker 2: changed it.
Speaker 1: She changed she changed it.
Speaker 2: For everybody, and I'm happy and I'm so grateful, like
Speaker 2: you know, like that was the purpose of her life
Speaker 2: and she fulfilled it. And you know, God did what
Speaker 2: he had to do and that's it, you know. But yeah,
Speaker 2: it does get a lot harder. It gets harder, and
Speaker 2: even it gets harder as I get older, Like I
Speaker 2: think it gets oh my god, like I thought it
Speaker 2: was gonna be fine, but it just it gets harder
Speaker 2: as you get older.
Speaker 1: And I always tell omm like the grief never ends.
Speaker 4: Never.
Speaker 1: It never.
Speaker 4: Even when I feel fine, I feel like, oh my god,
Speaker 4: Like you know what's weird, Like I feel guilty of
Speaker 4: my life being peaceful and not being sad. And I
Speaker 4: think it was like a month ago because I haven't
Speaker 4: talked to my therapist. I'm sorry for hearing this, but
Speaker 4: you know, like I told her, I said, you know what,
Speaker 4: I'm really happy. It feels really weird, Like I feel
Speaker 4: really fine, like there's nothing, and she's like, why do
Speaker 4: you feel guilty. I'm like, because like there's always something
Speaker 4: wrong in my life and she's like, that's how life
Speaker 4: is supposed to be. And I'm like, yeah, but I'm
Speaker 4: used to something going wrong, but then when I think
Speaker 4: of it, something goes wrong. So I'm like, it's like
Speaker 4: it's like weird, you know what I mean. And it's
Speaker 4: like sometimes I feel guilty for not being sad, but
Speaker 4: now when I see pictures of my mom, I don't
Speaker 4: get sad. Now I'm going through the videos, I can't
Speaker 4: hear the voice. If I hear the voice, it messes
Speaker 4: me up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the voice, That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 4: I don't know how you hear your mom's voice because
Speaker 4: I was like, I skip it.
Speaker 1: I skip it.
Speaker 4: Maybe because Johnny and your sister Jackie different. They all
Speaker 4: liked it all. You're the only one that it's hard
Speaker 4: because I can't.
Speaker 2: I can't, And maybe that's something like I have to
Speaker 2: heal and grow on my own, like the fact that
Speaker 2: and maybe maybe I'm just discovering that now, like because
Speaker 2: my mom chose this career, it's what took her away
Speaker 2: from me.
Speaker 4: That's I think that's why something you hold on to you. Yeah,
Speaker 4: but it's okay, it's it's it's on your own terms
Speaker 4: and times.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's the same.
Speaker 2: It was the same for Mikey too, and it's like
Speaker 2: I'm I'm like, I'm grateful that, like, you.
Speaker 3: Know, it just makes me sad for them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're gonna go on a quick break and we'll
Speaker 1: be right back. Welcome back, you guys.
Speaker 2: Like I could think about myself, I could think about
Speaker 2: like what I'm going through, but at the end of
Speaker 2: the day, like I have.
Speaker 1: Four other people to worry about.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, like.
Speaker 2: It's different for all of them, and it's like it's
Speaker 2: it's just hard, ruh. It's really hard, and it's hard
Speaker 2: for people to understand. And like, I mean, it is
Speaker 2: what it is. At the end of the day, it
Speaker 2: is what it is. And I'm like, like I choose
Speaker 2: to live my life day by day. And I'm again,
Speaker 2: I'm so so so grateful, like because I wouldn't even
Speaker 2: be here if she wasn't who she was and who
Speaker 2: she made herself be by herself, you know, because it
Speaker 2: wasn't anybody else.
Speaker 3: That did it.
Speaker 5: So first woman to set out, No, but I think
Speaker 5: I like whatever, bro, Like I don't even want to
Speaker 5: I don't want to fuck cry anymore.
Speaker 1: I'm done. No, I'm done.
Speaker 2: But like I love, I love, I love all my
Speaker 2: friends here right now, you guys, I'm gonna I'm gonna
Speaker 2: be so like honest, like I'm so grateful for like
Speaker 2: literally every single person in this room right now, and
Speaker 2: every single person that was in my.
Speaker 4: Life, like God has at the time at the.
Speaker 2: Time, you know, No, that's literally it, like, and I
Speaker 2: was talking to the call about this, like literally God
Speaker 2: puts people in your life for a reason, and I'm
Speaker 2: a strong.
Speaker 1: Believer in that.
Speaker 2: Like I don't care what anybody says. I don't care
Speaker 2: if anybody doesn't fuck with anybody, And like I'm just
Speaker 2: grateful for you guys, Like you guys really have been
Speaker 2: so important and pivotal in my life, like on me,
Speaker 2: like I know, like it is a god given relationship.
Speaker 2: It is a reason why we connected and we're friends.
Speaker 2: And the same with Lando, and the same with Nicole,
Speaker 2: and the same with val and Glory and everybody else,
Speaker 2: like everybody that's come into my life and even fucking David,
Speaker 2: like stupid ass. But I'm just grateful like I'm grateful
Speaker 2: that I have a safe space and you guys have
Speaker 2: welcomed me and loved me and like made me feel okay, yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, like and loved me, like just love me,
Speaker 2: not like for anybody else, but just you know me,
Speaker 2: and like fuck with me and write with me, and like,
Speaker 2: because I know it's been it's been long, and I
Speaker 2: thank you more than anybody knows, like the journey that
Speaker 2: it's been.
Speaker 4: So I'm just.
Speaker 2: Thankful and I love you guys so much, and even
Speaker 2: to everybody watching and listening, like, I'm so grateful and
Speaker 2: if you love my mom and if you love my family,
Speaker 2: thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart,
Speaker 2: because this wouldn't be what it is without you guys,
Speaker 2: you know, and life happens. And if there's anything that
Speaker 2: you guys can take from this episode is just to
Speaker 2: love yours, love your family with all your heart, you know,
Speaker 2: and cherish every little single woman. I don't mean to
Speaker 2: sound corny, but it is literally it is that simple,
Speaker 2: like yeah, to love and to be kind and to
Speaker 2: be there for your family and you're more importantly, you know,
Speaker 2: shout out to all the mamas, the mamas that are single,
Speaker 2: single moms, people that did it by themselves.
Speaker 4: Like dad, single dads, single dads.
Speaker 1: Like it isn't easy.
Speaker 2: It isn't easy at all at all, and for any
Speaker 2: person that's grieving too, Like I promise you, I promise you.
Speaker 2: I know we've been crying this whole episode, but it
Speaker 2: is gonna be okay.
Speaker 4: It won't be easy, but you'll learn to live with
Speaker 4: the pain. It's a growing pain, that's literally what it is.
Speaker 1: You grow with it, You grow with the page.
Speaker 4: And you learn to live with it.
Speaker 2: You grow with it, you grow and it'll change you
Speaker 2: to be a better person.
Speaker 1: And you know, like just cherish it. Just cherish yours.
Speaker 2: And I don't know if there's anything you want to
Speaker 2: say about grief or whatever or whatever you know, but
Speaker 2: I'm done because I don't want to cry anymore.
Speaker 1: I'm done.
Speaker 4: I just want to say, like, you know, obviously we
Speaker 4: all deal with grief, either if it's a grandparent, a sister, brother, mom,
Speaker 4: or dad, whatever, maybe your dog, it doesn't matter. Like
Speaker 4: I feel like, grief is grief, Like you feel it,
Speaker 4: you got to go through it. You just got to
Speaker 4: deal with it. Like it's not gonna get easy. I
Speaker 4: hate when people tell me it's gonna get better. It's
Speaker 4: not gonna get better. It's not.
Speaker 1: It may feel a little bit, just give me a.
Speaker 4: Hug, don't but don't tell me it's gonna get better,
Speaker 4: because it's not, like we just it's just a pain.
Speaker 4: You learn to live with and you learn to get
Speaker 4: used to in your life. I think for myself like
Speaker 4: I just learned to live with it. And you know,
Speaker 4: it's hard when you reminded so much of how happy
Speaker 4: people are having that person that we don't have here.
Speaker 4: But you know what, the train's been leaving so much
Speaker 4: and then left again.
Speaker 1: They're left again. You lost to trade. We're done you guys,
Speaker 1: We're done. We're done.
Speaker 2: But at the end of the day, just love your family,
Speaker 2: love your friends. We never know when is the last time.
Speaker 1: Be kind.
Speaker 4: You know, I have one more appreciate Be patient. Be patient.
Speaker 4: Patient with your parents. I never used to understand my
Speaker 4: mom or my dad, and I would get mad at
Speaker 4: my mom have so many things, and now I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 4: I get her. But sometimes we don't understand our parents
Speaker 4: or why they're like that with us. But as we
Speaker 4: grow older, I'm like, Okay, Dad, I get that, Mom,
Speaker 4: I get that I understand that now that I'm older.
Speaker 4: So even though you think they're being mean to you,
Speaker 4: they're not being mean to you. They're doing it for
Speaker 4: a reason, and as you grow older, you're understanding you. Like, Okay,
Speaker 4: I understand now why your parents are the only person
Speaker 4: in the world. I love my friends, I love my friends,
Speaker 4: but the parents, your parents are the only person in
Speaker 4: the world that will never hurt you ever. That's all
Speaker 4: I gotta say. Mike drop, Mic drop.
Speaker 1: And with that, you guys, we're gonna end this episode because.
Speaker 3: We're just gonna show.
Speaker 1: We're gonna go hard, we're gonna celebrate. If you guys
Speaker 1: are celebrating, please enjoy. Take a shot for me, take
Speaker 1: a shot for Omi's mom. Shout out to them, Shout.
Speaker 4: Out to Shout.
Speaker 1: Out to all the people that have left us. We
Speaker 1: love you, we miss you. Thank you guys so much again.
Speaker 3: For watching and listening.
Speaker 2: Make sure you guys tune in to next week and
Speaker 2: I will see you next Tuesday. Overcome for Podcast is
Speaker 2: a production of iHeart Podcast Network.