WEBVTT - Grief During the Holidays with Omi Valdivia 

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome back to the Overcover Podcast. I'm your host Jennaka Lopez.

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<v Speaker 2>Thank you guys so much for choosing to watch and

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<v Speaker 2>listen to this week's episode.

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<v Speaker 1>This week's episode is We're gonna be on Vibes today.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm letting you guys know right now it is a

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<v Speaker 2>very sentimental, emotional.

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<v Speaker 1>Week or episode that we're gonna have today.

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<v Speaker 2>And if you guys don't know, if you know, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>If you don't, you don't. But my mom's twelve year

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<v Speaker 2>anniversary twelve yes right, twelve yees, twelve year anniversary is

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<v Speaker 2>was on Monday, yesterday, This today's Tuesday. But will you guys,

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<v Speaker 2>if you guys didn't know, Omi's mom also passed away

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<v Speaker 2>December eighth, no coincidence.

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<v Speaker 1>I always truly believe that it is.

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<v Speaker 2>A God given plan and his will that we are

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<v Speaker 2>best friends and my mom.

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<v Speaker 3>Why am I gonna cry?

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<v Speaker 1>Already?

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<v Speaker 2>My mom passed away a little bit before her mom,

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<v Speaker 2>and I'm able to.

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<v Speaker 3>Be here and to help her.

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<v Speaker 1>Because I love it. Oh why am I crying? It's

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<v Speaker 1>really hard.

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<v Speaker 2>It's really really really hard, and I don't think anyone

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<v Speaker 2>I love that I'm able to be that person for you.

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<v Speaker 2>But I don't think you know how much you are

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<v Speaker 2>that person in me that actually understands me and knows it.

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<v Speaker 2>And it's just a lot. And I'm grateful to be

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<v Speaker 2>have a best friend like her. That's it, but it's

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<v Speaker 2>on me.

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't even introduce her. It's oi. We have Oni.

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<v Speaker 4>Today.

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<v Speaker 2>We're gonna be talking about grief during the holidays, you guys,

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<v Speaker 2>because it gets really really hard. So get your tissues, okay,

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<v Speaker 2>but make sure the Mike is here. We have a

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<v Speaker 2>full room.

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<v Speaker 3>Today.

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<v Speaker 2>We're kind of just going on what we're feeling and

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<v Speaker 2>what we're yeah, what we're feeling because the holidays, and

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like any person that has ever lost anybody,

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<v Speaker 2>the holidays is always the worst.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, especially when November hits. I feel like because everyone's

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<v Speaker 4>with their family, you know, and like you see on Instagram,

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<v Speaker 4>they're all like all together, and like if you're missing

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<v Speaker 4>a grandparent somebody or somebody, like, I feel like it's

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<v Speaker 4>always like you're looking at people being happy, but it's

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<v Speaker 4>like you're happy, but you're missing that person with you celebrating.

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<v Speaker 4>So it's always very hard.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I think that, Yeah, it definitely is a lot.

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<v Speaker 2>It's it's it's heavy, and it's hard to be happy.

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<v Speaker 1>And I feel like.

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<v Speaker 2>We get into this at least I didn't mean I

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<v Speaker 2>used to, but now that I'm seeing only how many

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<v Speaker 2>years is it?

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<v Speaker 4>Three before? Three? Four before? Yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>Four years for only what was four?

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<v Speaker 3>It was?

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<v Speaker 4>It's gonna be four.

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<v Speaker 3>It's good.

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<v Speaker 4>Well, it's Tuesdays.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, look, no, you guys, so that you guys have context.

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<v Speaker 1>Today is a Saturday.

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<v Speaker 2>Today's Saturday, December seventh, seventh, Okay, tomorrow's Omie's mom's anniversary.

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<v Speaker 4>Uh huh.

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<v Speaker 2>And then my mom's is on Monday, and this episode

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<v Speaker 2>comes out Tuesday, so we're we're having a couple drinks.

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<v Speaker 1>We're having drinks.

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<v Speaker 2>If you guys celebrated my mom this weekend, thank you.

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<v Speaker 2>Please also celebrate Omi's mom. Shout out Maria, shout out,

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<v Speaker 2>Jenny shout out.

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<v Speaker 4>You know they're parting it up right now.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, have about everything and then I don't know, dude,

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<v Speaker 2>it is it does the holidays do get like very.

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<v Speaker 3>They're missing out on so.

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<v Speaker 4>Much, I know, but the I mean, they're happy. They

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<v Speaker 4>just it's true what they say, like even though we

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<v Speaker 4>miss them because they're gone and they're not here. The

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<v Speaker 4>ones who actually suffer is us because we live with

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<v Speaker 4>knowing they're not here and we will never see them

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<v Speaker 4>again and they're happy, pain free.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, four years later, what are you feeling now?

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<v Speaker 2>M Sorry, No, it's okay because I remember talking, like

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<v Speaker 2>I remember little things that I that I tell you,

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<v Speaker 2>and like now that I'm starting to see like it happened,

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<v Speaker 2>like you living a certain way, I'm like, damn, Like I.

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<v Speaker 4>Think it's harder as you get older because you realize,

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<v Speaker 4>like you know, even if like you want to think

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<v Speaker 4>of having kids or just your life in general, like

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<v Speaker 4>you don't have a mom, you know, I'm not close

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<v Speaker 4>to my aunts like that, so I can't say like

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<v Speaker 4>I have another, you know, mother figure. I mean I

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<v Speaker 4>I do have another person that's like a mother figure,

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<v Speaker 4>but your mom will always be your mom, like no

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<v Speaker 4>one would ever take that place. And I think, like

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<v Speaker 4>I said, you get older, like yeah, I have my dad,

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<v Speaker 4>but I think my dad's the best dad. But a

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<v Speaker 4>mom is different, like the love they give you, like

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<v Speaker 4>you know, even just to call them, like it's so different,

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<v Speaker 4>you know. And I think I think this wore years,

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<v Speaker 4>like I think I did my healing my third year,

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<v Speaker 4>but I think this year's where it's kind of weird.

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<v Speaker 4>I actually feel it more and I miss her more,

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<v Speaker 4>but I'm happier. I just don't know how to explain it.

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<v Speaker 4>It's weird.

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<v Speaker 3>It's like mixed feelings. Yeah, does it? Do you feel

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<v Speaker 3>wrong to feel that way?

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<v Speaker 4>Like happy? I do. Like Thanksgiving, I was so happy

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<v Speaker 4>and I didn't even spend it with my dad and

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<v Speaker 4>I was really happy and it was probably like the

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<v Speaker 4>best Thanksgiving I ever had, you know. But my last Thanksgiving,

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<v Speaker 4>I spent it with my dad, but obviously, like I

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<v Speaker 4>met his new girlfriend and stuff, so it was a

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<v Speaker 4>little different for me. So it's a little bit of everything.

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<v Speaker 4>You know.

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<v Speaker 1>Remember last episode we were talking about your.

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<v Speaker 4>Dad dating, I know, and I wasn't okay with their mother.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, so where are you at right now? Give us

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<v Speaker 3>an update?

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, the last episode, I was not talking to my dad.

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<v Speaker 4>He had a girlfriend and I didn't accept it. But

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<v Speaker 4>now I accept it. I met her last year and

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<v Speaker 4>he's been with her and he's happy and I'm happy

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<v Speaker 4>for him. I talk to her now. I have a

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<v Speaker 4>relationship with her daughter, my stepsister, and yeah, it's really good, honestly,

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<v Speaker 4>Like it makes me know that he's happy, and somebody's

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<v Speaker 4>taking care of him, Like I don't have time to

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<v Speaker 4>take care of him. You know, somebody's taking care of him.

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<v Speaker 4>He lives in Mexico. He comes back and forth. Sorry,

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<v Speaker 4>I get he's just vibe. He's just here, I know.

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<v Speaker 4>So I'm gonna, I'm gonna. I'm in a really I'm

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<v Speaker 4>in a really good place right now with my dad

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<v Speaker 4>and his girlfriend and all that. So I think, in

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<v Speaker 4>these what is it three years, I I could say

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<v Speaker 4>I grew a lot. It was hard, but I think

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<v Speaker 4>it was worth it. And he's happy that I accept

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<v Speaker 4>his relationship now, you know.

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<v Speaker 3>And I think you know it's needed.

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<v Speaker 1>And I'm happy you did.

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<v Speaker 3>Too, I know, because you know that took a matter

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<v Speaker 3>of time.

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<v Speaker 4>Like I know, a lot of people told me, like

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<v Speaker 4>you need to understand, but I'm a person that I

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<v Speaker 4>need to see it to believe it myself, even if

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<v Speaker 4>somebody tells me. I'm very like I'm a tourist. I'm stubborn,

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<v Speaker 4>so it takes for me to go through a lot

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<v Speaker 4>to be like, Okay, I get it now, I accept

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<v Speaker 4>it now, you know. But I also didn't want to

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<v Speaker 4>go back to the beginning of the part where you

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<v Speaker 4>have said that you know, I help you, but I

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<v Speaker 4>don't think you know that if I didn't have you,

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<v Speaker 4>I wouldn't be here because you know, you and your

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<v Speaker 4>sister that don't have your mom help me a lot

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<v Speaker 4>to understand. You know that it's okay that she's not here,

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<v Speaker 4>you know. And in that time that I lost my mom,

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<v Speaker 4>like you know, I didn't get it, and I don't

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<v Speaker 4>have anybody besides you guys that has lost the mom,

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<v Speaker 4>you know, and it's just weird how it's like a

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<v Speaker 4>day you know before or whatever. But you know, you

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<v Speaker 4>help me a lot, and you always teld me like, oh,

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<v Speaker 4>you gotta feel your pain. I would always ignore you, like,

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<v Speaker 4>oh no, I'm fine, I'm fine. You know, I was

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<v Speaker 4>keeping busy. But I think I understood that you have

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<v Speaker 4>to feel your pain, you know. And I think that's

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<v Speaker 4>the most important thing, you know, for anybody going through

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<v Speaker 4>any situation, whether it's a loss or whatever. It is,

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<v Speaker 4>like you have to feel your pain. If you don't

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<v Speaker 4>feel your pain, it adds up and then you just

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<v Speaker 4>blow up, yeah, and it just becomes worse. And you know,

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<v Speaker 4>sometimes being a lone lonely I think being lonely and

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<v Speaker 4>sad it's hard. It hurts, but once you get out

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<v Speaker 4>through that, you realize how much growth did it to yourself.

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<v Speaker 2>It hurts so much, Like it hurts so much to

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<v Speaker 2>have to like say that and I have and have

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<v Speaker 2>to do that, Like it's easier to.

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<v Speaker 1>Say it than do it, said than done, and I

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<v Speaker 1>think that, like.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't know, bro, Like that just sucks.

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<v Speaker 5>Bro.

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<v Speaker 1>I know, like I'm happy.

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<v Speaker 6>Like.

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<v Speaker 4>It's just hard. I just say, it's in a roller

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<v Speaker 4>coaster emotions like it is. You're okay right now, in

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<v Speaker 4>an hour you'll be crying, like no.

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<v Speaker 1>But that's what I mean.

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<v Speaker 2>It's like I'm so happy with my life, like thank God,

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<v Speaker 2>Like I'm so grateful. You know, I'm happy with where

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<v Speaker 2>you're at in your life too. But it's like, fuck, bro, like.

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<v Speaker 1>You're already thirty. I'm already going to thirty.

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<v Speaker 2>What I don't like, I'm it's like it's starting to

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<v Speaker 2>get to that point where it's like damn, like I'm

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<v Speaker 2>eventually gonna have to get married, I'm eventually gonna have

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<v Speaker 2>to have kids.

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<v Speaker 1>And it's like those are moments.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, you know, that's exactly why, Like you know, I

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<v Speaker 4>was telling you the other day, like I think about

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<v Speaker 4>having kids because it's like, who's gonna take care of

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<v Speaker 4>my kids? Like I have my dad. I mean, you know,

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<v Speaker 4>like but it's different having a dad, Like I see

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<v Speaker 4>the way my my mom raised my nieces and nephews

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<v Speaker 4>and was with them, gave them the love. And you know,

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<v Speaker 4>my other friend, like Melanie, how her mom raises her baby.

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<v Speaker 4>And I'm like, damn, like I'm never gonna.

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<v Speaker 3>Have that that opportunity.

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<v Speaker 4>I don't have that out even know I have a sister. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 4>I have you guys in my friend, but it's different,

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<v Speaker 4>you know, I don't have it. It's different with the mom.

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<v Speaker 2>Like it's so different, it is, And I think that

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of people take it for granted. Yeah, I

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<v Speaker 2>really think that they do. And I think it's just

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<v Speaker 2>during the holidays.

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<v Speaker 1>Bruh.

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<v Speaker 2>It's like and I know it, it's scientifically proven. Like

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<v Speaker 2>once those months, once.

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<v Speaker 4>You start fine, worry first, I'll be fine.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, No, We're gonna be fine on Tuesday, like we're

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<v Speaker 2>gonna be okay. Yeah, But it's just like it's the

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<v Speaker 2>dread of like this these days coming up, and it's

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<v Speaker 2>so annoying, Like I'm being so vulnerable and so honest

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<v Speaker 2>with you guys right now. But this shit is like

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<v Speaker 2>it's a drag. Holidays are so like the kids get older. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>like my brother had a baby on Christmas, Like what

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<v Speaker 2>the fuck? Like like those are moments where it's just

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<v Speaker 2>like fuck, Like there's so many things that they miss

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<v Speaker 2>out on.

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<v Speaker 3>And like that we can't ever share or.

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<v Speaker 2>That they can't be here for and it's just a

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<v Speaker 2>constant reminder all the time, and it's just it's annoying.

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<v Speaker 4>It's like.

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<v Speaker 2>People that like that don't even go see their parents

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<v Speaker 2>or see like go for the holidays.

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<v Speaker 4>It's like.

0:11:20.559 --> 0:11:24.040
<v Speaker 3>The time or the what what I would give.

0:11:25.400 --> 0:11:28.240
<v Speaker 2>In the world, Like I would literally beg god like

0:11:28.520 --> 0:11:32.120
<v Speaker 2>anything just to see one more time, like or have

0:11:32.320 --> 0:11:39.040
<v Speaker 2>one more like stupid Thingsgiving Like I loved I loved it.

0:11:39.080 --> 0:11:42.120
<v Speaker 2>Thanksgiving was great, but it's again, it's never the same,

0:11:42.240 --> 0:11:45.559
<v Speaker 2>like there's always an empty space in the room. Yeah,

0:11:45.600 --> 0:11:47.800
<v Speaker 2>you know, and I feel like nobody really gets it

0:11:47.920 --> 0:11:50.800
<v Speaker 2>until until they go through it and it happens, and

0:11:50.840 --> 0:11:55.880
<v Speaker 2>it's like I have to remind myself, like in the holidays,

0:11:55.920 --> 0:11:58.480
<v Speaker 2>like and even when we were talking about it, like

0:11:58.720 --> 0:12:00.400
<v Speaker 2>we've been talking about what are we gonna do for.

0:12:00.360 --> 0:12:02.800
<v Speaker 3>Like our moms and whatever.

0:12:02.800 --> 0:12:04.600
<v Speaker 2>And that still trips me out till today that there

0:12:04.760 --> 0:12:07.120
<v Speaker 2>is just a day after another.

0:12:07.760 --> 0:12:10.320
<v Speaker 1>But like what are we gonna do for our moms

0:12:10.400 --> 0:12:10.720
<v Speaker 1>or whatever?

0:12:11.160 --> 0:12:14.480
<v Speaker 2>And I know what it means for you because it's

0:12:14.480 --> 0:12:17.800
<v Speaker 2>so fresh for you still, and like the difference with me,

0:12:17.920 --> 0:12:20.880
<v Speaker 2>like we've been not arguing, but we just like she's like, oh,

0:12:20.960 --> 0:12:21.360
<v Speaker 2>what do you.

0:12:21.280 --> 0:12:24.200
<v Speaker 1>Want to do? Like do you want to like get

0:12:24.280 --> 0:12:25.040
<v Speaker 1>drunk or whatever?

0:12:25.080 --> 0:12:28.920
<v Speaker 2>And it's probably not the best thing, but like I

0:12:28.960 --> 0:12:32.120
<v Speaker 2>know that that's that's healing for her, and I know

0:12:32.160 --> 0:12:33.000
<v Speaker 2>what it like for me.

0:12:33.040 --> 0:12:35.920
<v Speaker 3>It's a little bit different because it's like I'm just.

0:12:35.800 --> 0:12:38.960
<v Speaker 1>Gonna live any other day, any other you know whatever.

0:12:39.000 --> 0:12:41.040
<v Speaker 1>And when I mean, we'll see, we're gonna get drunk,

0:12:41.120 --> 0:12:42.640
<v Speaker 1>We're gonna get no.

0:12:42.720 --> 0:12:45.960
<v Speaker 2>But it's a Monday, imagine it's Monday.

0:12:46.320 --> 0:12:46.520
<v Speaker 1>No.

0:12:46.600 --> 0:12:50.360
<v Speaker 2>But but yeah, dude, I think that people take it

0:12:50.360 --> 0:12:52.439
<v Speaker 2>for granted, and even during the holidays.

0:12:52.120 --> 0:12:54.360
<v Speaker 4>I mean, and I think even like even me, like

0:12:54.400 --> 0:12:56.480
<v Speaker 4>when I did have my mom, Like I mean, I

0:12:56.559 --> 0:12:58.160
<v Speaker 4>now that I think of it, Like I mean, I

0:12:58.240 --> 0:12:59.760
<v Speaker 4>used to be the same like everybody else. I would

0:12:59.760 --> 0:13:02.160
<v Speaker 4>take my mom for granted. I wouldn't see little things

0:13:02.760 --> 0:13:05.360
<v Speaker 4>and now that like obviously she's not here, Like I'm

0:13:05.400 --> 0:13:08.360
<v Speaker 4>like wow, Like I took her for granted so much

0:13:08.720 --> 0:13:10.920
<v Speaker 4>and I didn't realize it, you know. And she would

0:13:10.960 --> 0:13:13.280
<v Speaker 4>always tell me, like when you have your kids, you

0:13:13.280 --> 0:13:16.400
<v Speaker 4>will understand yep. I mean I don't have kids now,

0:13:16.720 --> 0:13:18.959
<v Speaker 4>but I understand why she said.

0:13:18.679 --> 0:13:20.040
<v Speaker 1>That, Like you already get it, Like I.

0:13:20.040 --> 0:13:23.640
<v Speaker 4>Would hurt her unintentionally with little things, you know, And

0:13:23.679 --> 0:13:25.880
<v Speaker 4>now that you know obviously that she's not here, I'm like, damn,

0:13:25.960 --> 0:13:29.840
<v Speaker 4>like fuck, like I should have took the time to

0:13:29.880 --> 0:13:31.480
<v Speaker 4>do this, took the time to do that. But that's

0:13:31.480 --> 0:13:33.880
<v Speaker 4>the thing, Like that's why I always tell all my friends,

0:13:33.920 --> 0:13:36.280
<v Speaker 4>like spend the time with your parents, your dad, because

0:13:36.320 --> 0:13:38.880
<v Speaker 4>you don't. I don't want you. And it's crazy because

0:13:38.920 --> 0:13:41.280
<v Speaker 4>you will always tell me that, owe me go home,

0:13:41.679 --> 0:13:44.240
<v Speaker 4>go home, And you know, she would always tell me that.

0:13:44.320 --> 0:13:46.240
<v Speaker 4>Now I do that to other people. So it's like

0:13:46.640 --> 0:13:48.880
<v Speaker 4>it's like, you know, a pattern, Like I mean, she

0:13:49.000 --> 0:13:51.040
<v Speaker 4>did her part to help me. I'm doing my part

0:13:51.040 --> 0:13:53.240
<v Speaker 4>to help my friends that still have their family here,

0:13:53.280 --> 0:13:56.040
<v Speaker 4>because it's like you just never know, like one day

0:13:56.080 --> 0:13:57.040
<v Speaker 4>you're here, one day you're not.

0:13:57.240 --> 0:13:58.440
<v Speaker 3>It's because.

0:13:59.559 --> 0:14:02.840
<v Speaker 2>The pay that we feel is something that we wouldn't

0:14:02.880 --> 0:14:07.720
<v Speaker 2>ever wish on anybody else. Never, Like when I like

0:14:08.600 --> 0:14:14.800
<v Speaker 2>tell you that this is a this shit hurts, like

0:14:14.880 --> 0:14:20.240
<v Speaker 2>this is another type of like and I think and again,

0:14:20.280 --> 0:14:22.920
<v Speaker 2>I'm so grateful, like it's made me so strong, and

0:14:22.960 --> 0:14:24.880
<v Speaker 2>I know that it's made you strong. But it's just

0:14:24.920 --> 0:14:27.520
<v Speaker 2>like not even on my worst enemy.

0:14:27.680 --> 0:14:28.960
<v Speaker 1>Like I do not.

0:14:29.160 --> 0:14:32.800
<v Speaker 2>Wish this type of pain or grief in anybody's life.

0:14:32.840 --> 0:14:35.120
<v Speaker 2>And if you're going through this, I am.

0:14:34.760 --> 0:14:36.800
<v Speaker 1>Sorry, Like I am with you.

0:14:36.920 --> 0:14:37.520
<v Speaker 3>I hear you.

0:14:39.000 --> 0:14:41.160
<v Speaker 2>It is a pain in the ass to live every

0:14:41.240 --> 0:14:48.880
<v Speaker 2>single day knowing that your mom isn't here, Okay, for you,

0:14:51.000 --> 0:14:52.960
<v Speaker 2>it's I don't know, it's different for me because it's

0:14:52.960 --> 0:14:54.560
<v Speaker 2>a constant reminder every fucking day.

0:14:54.600 --> 0:14:57.400
<v Speaker 4>Bro, Yeah, I know. And it's probably like it's good

0:14:57.400 --> 0:14:59.520
<v Speaker 4>and bad because like if you tell me right now,

0:14:59.680 --> 0:15:02.080
<v Speaker 4>you remember your mom's voice. I don't. I don't remember

0:15:02.080 --> 0:15:04.920
<v Speaker 4>what my mom's voice sounds, like I remember unless I

0:15:04.920 --> 0:15:06.520
<v Speaker 4>go to a video and look at it. Like obviously

0:15:06.520 --> 0:15:08.960
<v Speaker 4>you know your mom's voice because you hear her everywhere.

0:15:09.120 --> 0:15:11.200
<v Speaker 4>So I think it could be good and bad, you know, Like,

0:15:12.000 --> 0:15:31.880
<v Speaker 4>but sorry, uh huh, I hate us so much, dude,

0:15:31.920 --> 0:15:35.680
<v Speaker 4>You guys, there's no I told there's people in the

0:15:35.760 --> 0:15:38.400
<v Speaker 4>room right now, like we have a full dad shout

0:15:38.440 --> 0:15:46.040
<v Speaker 4>out David, Nicole, Ye ye, Valerie, Like this was so

0:15:46.840 --> 0:15:49.640
<v Speaker 4>this is this is what my life is right now.

0:15:49.960 --> 0:15:52.960
<v Speaker 1>Like I'm with my best friend, and all we wanted

0:15:52.960 --> 0:15:54.440
<v Speaker 1>to do was talk about.

0:15:54.560 --> 0:15:58.120
<v Speaker 2>The pain that we feel and give the opportunity, like

0:15:58.680 --> 0:16:01.800
<v Speaker 2>you know, our friends in the room, our friend fortunately

0:16:02.080 --> 0:16:04.280
<v Speaker 2>all have their moms in their lives, which is beautiful.

0:16:04.560 --> 0:16:07.560
<v Speaker 1>It is I'm so happy both parents both parents.

0:16:08.560 --> 0:16:09.880
<v Speaker 3>Well yeah, because I know.

0:16:09.840 --> 0:16:13.600
<v Speaker 4>But that's why I'm like, yeah, you like honestly, honestly, honestly,

0:16:13.640 --> 0:16:15.720
<v Speaker 4>if I'm being real right now, if God want to

0:16:15.720 --> 0:16:18.760
<v Speaker 4>took my dad away with COVID as well with my mom,

0:16:18.880 --> 0:16:21.520
<v Speaker 4>like I would not be here. So I don't know

0:16:21.520 --> 0:16:24.600
<v Speaker 4>how you do it, bro, because luckily you have like

0:16:24.680 --> 0:16:27.120
<v Speaker 4>siblings that are like very close to you and they

0:16:27.160 --> 0:16:29.200
<v Speaker 4>support you. I mean my siblings do too, But I

0:16:29.200 --> 0:16:31.600
<v Speaker 4>feel like you guys have a tight ass love you

0:16:31.680 --> 0:16:32.160
<v Speaker 4>know what I mean?

0:16:32.360 --> 0:16:34.320
<v Speaker 3>You know why though, it's and I'm grateful that my

0:16:34.360 --> 0:16:38.160
<v Speaker 3>mom raised us that way though, because I feel like

0:16:38.200 --> 0:16:38.600
<v Speaker 3>there's so.

0:16:38.600 --> 0:16:41.520
<v Speaker 2>Many people that don't like they're not cool with, like

0:16:42.280 --> 0:16:43.800
<v Speaker 2>they're brothers and sisters.

0:16:43.440 --> 0:16:45.160
<v Speaker 4>And I'm always fighting with my brothers all the time.

0:16:45.240 --> 0:16:48.080
<v Speaker 2>No, but it's like I may and I'm grateful that

0:16:48.120 --> 0:16:48.920
<v Speaker 2>my mom raised.

0:16:48.800 --> 0:16:50.120
<v Speaker 3>Us that way though because I don't.

0:16:50.200 --> 0:16:50.680
<v Speaker 2>I can't.

0:16:51.040 --> 0:16:52.000
<v Speaker 3>There's nothing else.

0:16:52.080 --> 0:16:55.520
<v Speaker 1>Like imagine if I was an only child. Yeah, no, bro,

0:16:55.800 --> 0:16:57.640
<v Speaker 1>imagine like that.

0:16:57.600 --> 0:17:03.840
<v Speaker 2>Would be insane, like it would I probably would have not.

0:17:04.080 --> 0:17:07.040
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I wouldn't have been here. Yeah, we're gonna go on.

0:17:06.960 --> 0:17:09.280
<v Speaker 1>A quick break and we'll be right back. Welcome back,

0:17:09.320 --> 0:17:10.280
<v Speaker 1>you guys, So.

0:17:10.200 --> 0:17:11.840
<v Speaker 4>You know, you know what I also wanted to say,

0:17:12.000 --> 0:17:15.680
<v Speaker 4>like growing up, growing up being Mexican, and I'm saying

0:17:15.720 --> 0:17:17.920
<v Speaker 4>this for myself. I know people will probably related because

0:17:17.920 --> 0:17:19.320
<v Speaker 4>they always come in and tell me the same thing,

0:17:19.400 --> 0:17:23.800
<v Speaker 4>like we're shown not to show our pain, like whenever

0:17:23.840 --> 0:17:25.719
<v Speaker 4>I was going through to my mom and be like okay,

0:17:25.800 --> 0:17:27.520
<v Speaker 4>like you know you have to be strong this and

0:17:27.560 --> 0:17:29.600
<v Speaker 4>that we don't talk about this. We don't talk about that.

0:17:29.960 --> 0:17:32.080
<v Speaker 4>And even with my dad, like I will never even

0:17:32.200 --> 0:17:34.159
<v Speaker 4>if I'm on the floor, I would not call my

0:17:34.200 --> 0:17:37.520
<v Speaker 4>dad and say, hey, I aned help. But that's that's

0:17:37.560 --> 0:17:39.400
<v Speaker 4>just how we grew up, you know what I mean.

0:17:39.600 --> 0:17:41.480
<v Speaker 4>And I feel like even with with like grief and

0:17:41.520 --> 0:17:43.439
<v Speaker 4>stuff like if you ask me, like when have you

0:17:43.440 --> 0:17:45.080
<v Speaker 4>talked to your dad? Like you missed your mom? Never?

0:17:45.359 --> 0:17:46.080
<v Speaker 4>Like you never?

0:17:46.160 --> 0:17:46.640
<v Speaker 1>But you never?

0:17:46.840 --> 0:17:49.320
<v Speaker 4>Like sorry, not that he doesn't care. My dad cares

0:17:49.320 --> 0:17:52.040
<v Speaker 4>about me so much, don't you just.

0:17:51.960 --> 0:17:54.080
<v Speaker 1>Don't haven't talked about it like once with him.

0:17:54.119 --> 0:17:57.320
<v Speaker 4>Ever, he knows, he knows when I don't call him.

0:17:57.359 --> 0:17:59.880
<v Speaker 4>He knows I'm sad and you know, like same with him.

0:17:59.880 --> 0:18:03.600
<v Speaker 4>But he's just old, retired, and he's like, my job

0:18:03.640 --> 0:18:05.920
<v Speaker 4>as a parent is not for I don't call you.

0:18:05.920 --> 0:18:07.119
<v Speaker 4>You need to call me. If you want to know

0:18:07.119 --> 0:18:09.320
<v Speaker 4>how I'm doing, you call me. So if I don't

0:18:09.359 --> 0:18:10.960
<v Speaker 4>call my dad, that I'm not gonna know how he's doing.

0:18:11.080 --> 0:18:12.920
<v Speaker 4>I'm like, and I get that now, Like it's true.

0:18:12.840 --> 0:18:17.440
<v Speaker 2>Okay, but and everybody can opiniate, but the phone works

0:18:17.480 --> 0:18:18.960
<v Speaker 2>both ways at the end of the day.

0:18:19.000 --> 0:18:21.760
<v Speaker 4>Oh but he already yeah, but he already made his statement.

0:18:21.840 --> 0:18:23.720
<v Speaker 4>If I don't if he doesn't call me, it's not

0:18:23.760 --> 0:18:26.959
<v Speaker 4>that he don't care about me. You're I'm old, I'm retired,

0:18:27.000 --> 0:18:28.879
<v Speaker 4>I'm living my life. You need to call me.

0:18:29.600 --> 0:18:32.520
<v Speaker 1>That's just well, I don't know, I don't know what

0:18:32.560 --> 0:18:33.040
<v Speaker 1>that's like.

0:18:33.160 --> 0:18:35.600
<v Speaker 3>I don't know. I know that I have to be

0:18:35.640 --> 0:18:37.000
<v Speaker 3>the one to call my siblings.

0:18:37.400 --> 0:18:37.800
<v Speaker 4>You know that.

0:18:38.080 --> 0:18:40.960
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I like to put the effort in as well.

0:18:41.040 --> 0:18:45.640
<v Speaker 2>But like he like your brothers too, you know you've

0:18:45.680 --> 0:18:47.280
<v Speaker 2>never really talked about it with them.

0:18:47.600 --> 0:18:50.760
<v Speaker 4>No, it's he too. It's a very tough situation.

0:18:50.960 --> 0:18:53.000
<v Speaker 7>Like I have a question, wait for this is more

0:18:53.040 --> 0:18:55.480
<v Speaker 7>for on me because I already know Jenica's response, because

0:18:55.480 --> 0:18:58.640
<v Speaker 7>the reason I'm asking this question is because Jenica taught

0:18:58.640 --> 0:19:00.480
<v Speaker 7>me this. But I want to know how you feel

0:19:00.480 --> 0:19:02.520
<v Speaker 7>about it. Only do you feel like because of what

0:19:02.560 --> 0:19:05.639
<v Speaker 7>you went through with your mom, it like helps you

0:19:05.720 --> 0:19:09.880
<v Speaker 7>maneuver like current relationships in your life now, Like, for example,

0:19:11.280 --> 0:19:13.360
<v Speaker 7>I've never lost anybody, right, Like I have my mom,

0:19:13.400 --> 0:19:15.040
<v Speaker 7>my dad, my grandma, my grandpa, my cousin.

0:19:15.080 --> 0:19:20.280
<v Speaker 4>I've never lost anybody, bitch, okay the dark joke.

0:19:21.960 --> 0:19:24.520
<v Speaker 7>So when anything happens like even like the bare minimum

0:19:24.560 --> 0:19:26.560
<v Speaker 7>in my life, whether even if it's like something as

0:19:26.560 --> 0:19:29.440
<v Speaker 7>simple as an acquaintance, it hurts like bad, right because

0:19:29.720 --> 0:19:33.760
<v Speaker 7>I'm not really used to losing anyone. So has what

0:19:33.920 --> 0:19:37.480
<v Speaker 7>happened with your mom helped you maneuver the relationships in

0:19:37.520 --> 0:19:39.080
<v Speaker 7>your life or view them any different?

0:19:39.720 --> 0:19:42.239
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, Actually I'm not trying to be mean, but I

0:19:42.240 --> 0:19:45.160
<v Speaker 4>really don't care about a lot of things like the pain,

0:19:45.280 --> 0:19:47.600
<v Speaker 4>like like I could lose a friendship or whatever, and

0:19:47.640 --> 0:19:50.159
<v Speaker 4>it's not gonna hurt me. Like I feel like the

0:19:50.400 --> 0:19:52.840
<v Speaker 4>I already dealt with the pain, the worst pain.

0:19:53.320 --> 0:19:55.400
<v Speaker 1>I tell you, literally, I told you that.

0:19:55.359 --> 0:19:56.960
<v Speaker 4>I dealt with the worst pain in the way like

0:19:57.000 --> 0:19:59.280
<v Speaker 4>I love my dad, but you know, I want my

0:19:59.320 --> 0:20:01.840
<v Speaker 4>dad here, my whole I got to die before him.

0:20:01.840 --> 0:20:04.160
<v Speaker 4>But if God was to say, like take my dad,

0:20:04.720 --> 0:20:07.679
<v Speaker 4>I think I will. It's if it's different. It is

0:20:07.800 --> 0:20:09.359
<v Speaker 4>because even though my mom, me and mama had a

0:20:09.359 --> 0:20:12.160
<v Speaker 4>good relationship, but we always had like a little picky relationship,

0:20:12.720 --> 0:20:16.680
<v Speaker 4>but like she was my mom, Like I would get

0:20:16.720 --> 0:20:19.600
<v Speaker 4>home and she would be like, let me rub your feet. Okay,

0:20:19.920 --> 0:20:20.440
<v Speaker 4>you know what I mean.

0:20:20.440 --> 0:20:24.399
<v Speaker 2>Like okay, yeah, So I think what always trying to

0:20:24.400 --> 0:20:27.480
<v Speaker 2>say is that, yeah, like and I've I've told you

0:20:27.680 --> 0:20:29.760
<v Speaker 2>this is the same thing about like nothing scares me

0:20:29.800 --> 0:20:33.679
<v Speaker 2>to lose anything anymore, like and that's probably too scary

0:20:33.680 --> 0:20:35.440
<v Speaker 2>and maybe that's maybe that's a bad thing.

0:20:35.600 --> 0:20:37.480
<v Speaker 1>Like I don't know, but.

0:20:37.560 --> 0:20:40.920
<v Speaker 2>I'm not scared to lose any more, Like only said

0:20:40.960 --> 0:20:44.680
<v Speaker 2>any more friendships any more. People like I mean obviously

0:20:44.760 --> 0:20:47.880
<v Speaker 2>my siblings. The day the day one of my silf,

0:20:47.960 --> 0:20:52.320
<v Speaker 2>I'm going, I'm done. I'm not joking, Okay, Like that

0:20:52.480 --> 0:20:56.439
<v Speaker 2>is it of my life because this that they are,

0:20:56.760 --> 0:21:00.760
<v Speaker 2>my my motivation, that is the reason why I'm alive. Yeah,

0:21:00.840 --> 0:21:04.320
<v Speaker 2>you know, And it's it's it's different like when you

0:21:04.359 --> 0:21:09.600
<v Speaker 2>lose something again, the pain is so unbearable. You guys

0:21:10.160 --> 0:21:12.800
<v Speaker 2>like it is a dread.

0:21:13.960 --> 0:21:14.960
<v Speaker 3>And I'm not saying it's.

0:21:14.800 --> 0:21:16.800
<v Speaker 1>A dread to wake up every day, but it was

0:21:16.840 --> 0:21:17.320
<v Speaker 1>a dread.

0:21:17.640 --> 0:21:22.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, Like I'm sure only wakes up every day still

0:21:22.400 --> 0:21:23.560
<v Speaker 2>dreading that she's alive.

0:21:23.880 --> 0:21:26.399
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I forget. Sometimes Sometimes it's like I'm doing something

0:21:26.400 --> 0:21:28.520
<v Speaker 4>and like I think earlier, I was sending a picture

0:21:29.080 --> 0:21:31.439
<v Speaker 4>or Orlando showed me a picture my brother posted and

0:21:31.480 --> 0:21:33.560
<v Speaker 4>it was my two brothers when they were little, and

0:21:33.600 --> 0:21:35.080
<v Speaker 4>I was gonna send it to my brother, but I

0:21:35.119 --> 0:21:37.600
<v Speaker 4>type in mom and I was like, we're literally eating.

0:21:37.640 --> 0:21:39.560
<v Speaker 4>I'm like, wait, why am I sending it to my mom?

0:21:39.920 --> 0:21:41.880
<v Speaker 1>Do you have text messages with your I do?

0:21:41.960 --> 0:21:44.359
<v Speaker 4>I still have herund my favorites. I have not changed it.

0:21:44.359 --> 0:21:44.960
<v Speaker 4>It's still there.

0:21:45.240 --> 0:21:48.280
<v Speaker 2>You're like that one you're lucky because when I'm being

0:21:48.359 --> 0:21:50.359
<v Speaker 2>for real, because when my mom passed away, she.

0:21:50.280 --> 0:21:51.880
<v Speaker 3>Had her back, I don't have anything.

0:21:52.040 --> 0:21:54.159
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, but sometimes I feel back because I can't go

0:21:54.200 --> 0:21:56.359
<v Speaker 4>back to my messages with my mom because there's a

0:21:56.400 --> 0:21:59.160
<v Speaker 4>lot of messages that, like, you regret, I would I

0:21:59.160 --> 0:22:02.560
<v Speaker 4>ignore because I was busier. I wouldn't, but I would

0:22:02.640 --> 0:22:04.480
<v Speaker 4>call her all the time. But I was in a

0:22:04.520 --> 0:22:07.040
<v Speaker 4>textter with her and she would send me pictures. Oh yes,

0:22:07.080 --> 0:22:09.119
<v Speaker 4>that canna be at Lista. And sometimes I'm like, fuck,

0:22:09.280 --> 0:22:12.160
<v Speaker 4>Like so now when my dad texted me, my dad

0:22:12.160 --> 0:22:15.200
<v Speaker 4>tex tends me a freaking coffee cup of Jenny Devena

0:22:15.280 --> 0:22:18.480
<v Speaker 4>every day. What is bread? And I'm like, oh my god,

0:22:18.480 --> 0:22:19.920
<v Speaker 4>my dad. But I reply, I'm like, you know what,

0:22:20.160 --> 0:22:22.880
<v Speaker 4>I'm gonna regret this. I am typing away on that.

0:22:23.000 --> 0:22:25.000
<v Speaker 4>You know you have to, it's it's it sucks, but

0:22:25.400 --> 0:22:30.240
<v Speaker 4>you literally, like you literally torture yourself for the rest

0:22:30.280 --> 0:22:33.080
<v Speaker 4>of your life. Absolutely, And that's what I do with

0:22:33.080 --> 0:22:35.240
<v Speaker 4>with my dad because I'm like, the day my dad's

0:22:35.280 --> 0:22:38.040
<v Speaker 4>not here, like he's my last thing. If something was

0:22:38.040 --> 0:22:39.480
<v Speaker 4>to happen to him, I don't know what's gonna happen

0:22:39.520 --> 0:22:39.679
<v Speaker 4>to me.

0:22:41.000 --> 0:22:43.000
<v Speaker 1>I don't think people really understand it.

0:22:43.560 --> 0:22:47.800
<v Speaker 7>Yeah, and it sucks, but that's whole point, Like.

0:22:48.160 --> 0:22:50.280
<v Speaker 4>I think, I mean, I feel like there's it's good

0:22:50.320 --> 0:22:52.720
<v Speaker 4>to talk about this because, like I'm telling you, like

0:22:52.720 --> 0:22:54.440
<v Speaker 4>a lot of people don't talk about this because it's

0:22:54.480 --> 0:22:57.520
<v Speaker 4>like something so like like taboo, like you don't talk

0:22:57.520 --> 0:23:00.520
<v Speaker 4>about this, but I wanted it to be. But there's

0:23:00.520 --> 0:23:02.320
<v Speaker 4>so many people dealing with this. Like when I post

0:23:02.440 --> 0:23:04.080
<v Speaker 4>sometimes I don't even want to post it and I

0:23:04.119 --> 0:23:05.840
<v Speaker 4>feel it and I'm like, I don't want people think

0:23:05.840 --> 0:23:08.439
<v Speaker 4>I'm crying on fucking TikTok, but I feel it and

0:23:08.480 --> 0:23:10.159
<v Speaker 4>I post it. In the comments I get. I'm like

0:23:11.080 --> 0:23:13.159
<v Speaker 4>someone says, my mom just died a week ago, my

0:23:13.200 --> 0:23:15.359
<v Speaker 4>mom just died a month ago, and I'm like, fuck,

0:23:15.480 --> 0:23:19.200
<v Speaker 4>like that's fucking crazy, like every day moms are dying

0:23:19.520 --> 0:23:21.679
<v Speaker 4>or in general anybody. But it's like for me, I

0:23:21.680 --> 0:23:23.720
<v Speaker 4>see it hard because it's like it's your mom. Like

0:23:23.800 --> 0:23:26.360
<v Speaker 4>no one replaces that. No, not even a dad either,

0:23:26.359 --> 0:23:27.960
<v Speaker 4>But I feel like a mom she birth to you,

0:23:28.040 --> 0:23:29.439
<v Speaker 4>She gave birth to you, so it's different.

0:23:29.640 --> 0:23:33.879
<v Speaker 7>I have another question, what ah, the interviewer.

0:23:35.600 --> 0:23:36.840
<v Speaker 1>What well both of.

0:23:36.800 --> 0:23:40.240
<v Speaker 7>You answer you okay, okay, what was more like, well,

0:23:40.240 --> 0:23:41.960
<v Speaker 7>I don't want to say more little because I don't

0:23:41.960 --> 0:23:44.680
<v Speaker 7>want to like belittle any moment and your guys's process,

0:23:44.800 --> 0:23:47.879
<v Speaker 7>But what would you say was like the hardest moment,

0:23:48.080 --> 0:23:52.040
<v Speaker 7>like when you first found out the funeral, or like

0:23:52.400 --> 0:23:54.879
<v Speaker 7>adjusting to living life without her? Like what would you

0:23:54.920 --> 0:23:58.879
<v Speaker 7>say in that order? Was like hard the simplest.

0:24:01.920 --> 0:24:06.520
<v Speaker 4>Hm hmm.

0:24:09.560 --> 0:24:12.520
<v Speaker 2>I couldn't wait for the funeral to be over soon,

0:24:14.720 --> 0:24:19.480
<v Speaker 2>for sure. And it's a lot harder that it's public

0:24:21.359 --> 0:24:25.000
<v Speaker 2>because it was different with my dad because obviously, you know,

0:24:25.080 --> 0:24:27.840
<v Speaker 2>my dad was my dad. No one really you know,

0:24:27.920 --> 0:24:32.000
<v Speaker 2>knew him.

0:24:32.200 --> 0:24:36.000
<v Speaker 1>Funeral was a dread that I wanted to and I

0:24:36.040 --> 0:24:36.720
<v Speaker 1>know the same for you.

0:24:36.760 --> 0:24:37.920
<v Speaker 4>I was with you that day.

0:24:40.040 --> 0:24:47.040
<v Speaker 2>But I think the hardest thing is living without them.

0:24:45.640 --> 0:24:45.800
<v Speaker 7>Like.

0:24:48.359 --> 0:24:53.600
<v Speaker 2>It's harder navigating life and trying to figure out if

0:24:53.640 --> 0:24:58.720
<v Speaker 2>you are like I've I've chosen not to live by what.

0:24:58.600 --> 0:25:01.160
<v Speaker 3>My mom would do, you know what I mean.

0:25:01.200 --> 0:25:04.080
<v Speaker 2>It's like and it's hard in the beginning to separate

0:25:04.119 --> 0:25:08.680
<v Speaker 2>that like am I how am I? It's that pressure,

0:25:08.720 --> 0:25:12.240
<v Speaker 2>like am I disappointing her? If I'm living a certain way?

0:25:12.560 --> 0:25:15.600
<v Speaker 4>You know, it's harder because your mom was a public figure.

0:25:15.840 --> 0:25:19.199
<v Speaker 2>No, but it's also like like even as a as

0:25:19.240 --> 0:25:22.680
<v Speaker 2>a daughter, like you know, I only had my mom

0:25:22.720 --> 0:25:24.760
<v Speaker 2>for fifteen years, and there was so much of life

0:25:24.760 --> 0:25:26.200
<v Speaker 2>that I like missed out on.

0:25:26.480 --> 0:25:30.600
<v Speaker 4>See'. That's another thing where like like sometimes when I

0:25:30.920 --> 0:25:34.960
<v Speaker 4>when I'm mad at God, I thank God because I mean,

0:25:35.000 --> 0:25:37.199
<v Speaker 4>I got twenty eight years with my mom, and you know,

0:25:37.400 --> 0:25:39.240
<v Speaker 4>you got that many years, and there's people that get

0:25:39.320 --> 0:25:41.679
<v Speaker 4>less years and there's people that get more years. So

0:25:41.720 --> 0:25:44.400
<v Speaker 4>sometimes I'm like when I I mean, it's not good

0:25:44.400 --> 0:25:46.240
<v Speaker 4>to do because my therapist is that you can't do

0:25:46.320 --> 0:25:48.640
<v Speaker 4>that to yourself. Like, but I'm like, you know what,

0:25:48.960 --> 0:25:50.880
<v Speaker 4>thank you God, I got twenty eight years, like Ida

0:25:50.920 --> 0:25:52.520
<v Speaker 4>got fifteen. I could have got six to seven, you

0:25:52.560 --> 0:25:55.320
<v Speaker 4>know what I mean. So it's like, I don't know,

0:25:55.359 --> 0:25:57.399
<v Speaker 4>it's hard, but I agree with you. It's to me.

0:25:57.640 --> 0:26:09.240
<v Speaker 4>It was walking into my house. It was cold because

0:26:09.240 --> 0:26:11.560
<v Speaker 4>the funeral, like I'm not gonna be lie. My mom

0:26:11.680 --> 0:26:14.720
<v Speaker 4>was like Jennica, she's a Libra. She hated people that

0:26:14.920 --> 0:26:17.280
<v Speaker 4>Jenika don't hate people, but they don't like being around people.

0:26:17.880 --> 0:26:20.160
<v Speaker 4>And my mom always said, like the day, the day

0:26:20.200 --> 0:26:22.040
<v Speaker 4>something happens to me, I don't want to no one there,

0:26:22.080 --> 0:26:25.480
<v Speaker 4>I don't want the casket open, so to me, like that,

0:26:25.600 --> 0:26:27.240
<v Speaker 4>my mom had to pass away in COVID where no

0:26:27.280 --> 0:26:29.800
<v Speaker 4>one could get close to her, Like people were scared

0:26:29.840 --> 0:26:31.359
<v Speaker 4>to go to her funeral because they were scared to

0:26:31.359 --> 0:26:33.720
<v Speaker 4>get sick. Like there was literally we have a big

0:26:33.720 --> 0:26:36.960
<v Speaker 4>ass family, I'm telling when we have funerals, that sounds

0:26:36.960 --> 0:26:40.000
<v Speaker 4>really weird when there's funerals in a family. In our family,

0:26:40.080 --> 0:26:42.240
<v Speaker 4>like there's literally like three hundred top people. Like my

0:26:42.280 --> 0:26:44.480
<v Speaker 4>mom's funeral, like you saw, Jenika, it was literally like

0:26:44.480 --> 0:26:47.720
<v Speaker 4>twenty people because everyone was so scared. And I literally

0:26:47.800 --> 0:26:50.560
<v Speaker 4>laughed and I'm like, fuck, my mom is funny, because

0:26:50.560 --> 0:26:53.000
<v Speaker 4>this is exactly what she wanted. Yeah, she didn't want

0:26:53.080 --> 0:26:55.560
<v Speaker 4>no one there at the time. That yeah, and you

0:26:55.600 --> 0:26:58.720
<v Speaker 4>know that's exactly what happened. And but yeah, for me,

0:26:58.760 --> 0:27:00.880
<v Speaker 4>it was just walking into my house knowing my mom

0:27:00.960 --> 0:27:03.359
<v Speaker 4>wasn't there and it was just a cold house, just

0:27:03.440 --> 0:27:05.040
<v Speaker 4>my dad, my brothers, and that's it.

0:27:06.760 --> 0:27:11.960
<v Speaker 3>That was hard coming home too, Like I remember staying

0:27:11.960 --> 0:27:13.800
<v Speaker 3>at like my grandma's for like two.

0:27:13.560 --> 0:27:15.240
<v Speaker 1>Weeks, bro, Like.

0:27:17.160 --> 0:27:19.040
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, and that's exactly why I had to move out

0:27:19.080 --> 0:27:22.199
<v Speaker 4>of my house that same year because I couldn't go

0:27:22.280 --> 0:27:27.160
<v Speaker 4>to my room and I would just wait for her

0:27:27.160 --> 0:27:32.359
<v Speaker 4>to knock. Yeah, And in those times, I would always

0:27:32.400 --> 0:27:34.080
<v Speaker 4>be so much like, fuck, why is she not going

0:27:34.119 --> 0:27:35.680
<v Speaker 4>to again? Like why is she coming in my room?

0:27:36.080 --> 0:27:37.399
<v Speaker 1>I would be on the phone with you.

0:27:37.640 --> 0:27:38.879
<v Speaker 4>I would be so I'm like, oh my god, what

0:27:39.000 --> 0:27:40.640
<v Speaker 4>is my mom want to get in now? I'm like fuck,

0:27:40.720 --> 0:27:43.800
<v Speaker 4>Like I'm just waiting for that, dude.

0:27:44.000 --> 0:27:45.639
<v Speaker 1>And one of the things that I like, I think

0:27:45.680 --> 0:27:46.800
<v Speaker 1>about all the time is like.

0:27:50.720 --> 0:27:55.479
<v Speaker 2>Waking up at five am, six am every day and

0:27:55.520 --> 0:27:58.840
<v Speaker 2>it's like, get ready, let's go, let's go work out.

0:27:58.880 --> 0:28:01.199
<v Speaker 2>And although like to the day, like obviously that that

0:28:01.240 --> 0:28:04.400
<v Speaker 2>little shit affects me, but.

0:28:04.440 --> 0:28:05.080
<v Speaker 3>I miss it.

0:28:05.680 --> 0:28:08.399
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, the things you hate, you're gonna miss. It's just

0:28:08.440 --> 0:28:08.920
<v Speaker 4>how it is.

0:28:09.000 --> 0:28:11.160
<v Speaker 1>Literally, I it's waking up like.

0:28:14.400 --> 0:28:17.200
<v Speaker 2>At six in the morning, going on a walk with

0:28:17.240 --> 0:28:19.639
<v Speaker 2>her and then her taking me to school.

0:28:20.840 --> 0:28:26.440
<v Speaker 1>That's sorry. It yeah, breakfast in the morning and that's it.

0:28:26.680 --> 0:28:30.520
<v Speaker 4>Like, yeah, that's what I always say. It's it's the

0:28:30.560 --> 0:28:32.800
<v Speaker 4>meals for me, it's the food.

0:28:32.960 --> 0:28:35.800
<v Speaker 2>And people know it's just like and it's maybe it's

0:28:35.800 --> 0:28:38.840
<v Speaker 2>hard to understand through the camera through audio, but it's

0:28:38.840 --> 0:28:39.160
<v Speaker 2>like you.

0:28:39.120 --> 0:28:39.680
<v Speaker 4>Guys like.

0:28:41.200 --> 0:28:42.280
<v Speaker 1>It's the little thing.

0:28:42.360 --> 0:28:44.160
<v Speaker 4>And I know a lot of people that have gone

0:28:44.160 --> 0:28:45.600
<v Speaker 4>through that is gonna relate to us and be like

0:28:45.600 --> 0:28:48.360
<v Speaker 4>fuck and they know exactly what I mean, because when

0:28:48.360 --> 0:28:50.280
<v Speaker 4>I see people talk about it, I'm like, fuck, somebody

0:28:50.360 --> 0:28:52.760
<v Speaker 4>understands me. And it's just a whole other world of

0:28:52.840 --> 0:28:57.760
<v Speaker 4>people that, Oh, I have another question.

0:29:00.120 --> 0:29:01.960
<v Speaker 7>Now, because I know people are gonna want I know

0:29:02.000 --> 0:29:03.840
<v Speaker 7>people are going to wonder that way because all these

0:29:03.880 --> 0:29:05.600
<v Speaker 7>questions I already know the answers to. It's more for

0:29:05.640 --> 0:29:10.040
<v Speaker 7>the public. Thank you, guys, think we later no, butfro

0:29:10.560 --> 0:29:13.320
<v Speaker 7>and if it feels like belittling to your emotions, also

0:29:13.400 --> 0:29:16.000
<v Speaker 7>let me know. But do you think maybe only you

0:29:16.000 --> 0:29:18.720
<v Speaker 7>can answer it? Do you feel like it was easier

0:29:19.000 --> 0:29:21.320
<v Speaker 7>that you kind of knew your mom was going through

0:29:21.320 --> 0:29:24.960
<v Speaker 7>something rather than it being random, Because I don't Again,

0:29:24.960 --> 0:29:25.720
<v Speaker 7>I don't want to say.

0:29:25.600 --> 0:29:26.480
<v Speaker 4>I would assume.

0:29:26.760 --> 0:29:29.520
<v Speaker 7>Yeah. Do you feel like maybe if it was like.

0:29:31.200 --> 0:29:36.800
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, a question, but I was like she was.

0:29:37.200 --> 0:29:40.120
<v Speaker 8>And was going to pass away. Jennika just woke up

0:29:40.160 --> 0:29:41.520
<v Speaker 8>one day and her mom was not here.

0:29:41.720 --> 0:29:44.760
<v Speaker 1>Well, my dad also was sick, yeah, and he passed away.

0:29:45.640 --> 0:29:47.520
<v Speaker 7>Well, technically, hold on, I want to ask something only

0:29:47.560 --> 0:29:49.320
<v Speaker 7>didn't know her mom was going to pass away because

0:29:50.080 --> 0:29:51.280
<v Speaker 7>like we kind of were prepared.

0:29:51.360 --> 0:29:53.600
<v Speaker 1>It was prepared, were away, but.

0:29:53.960 --> 0:29:56.200
<v Speaker 7>We had a lot of hope though, Like let's be real, Like, yeah,

0:29:56.320 --> 0:29:58.600
<v Speaker 7>I at least I remember I was. I lived those

0:29:58.640 --> 0:30:02.080
<v Speaker 7>moments with me. I was like almost one hundred percent

0:30:02.160 --> 0:30:04.760
<v Speaker 7>convinced that God was gonna do a miracle, and he didn't,

0:30:04.800 --> 0:30:07.480
<v Speaker 7>but he's still good, right, But like I didn't think

0:30:07.480 --> 0:30:08.800
<v Speaker 7>that something was gonna happen to her.

0:30:09.720 --> 0:30:14.240
<v Speaker 4>Honestly, I don't know, because it's I feel like I

0:30:14.280 --> 0:30:17.240
<v Speaker 4>feel like I think it's easier to know when I mean,

0:30:17.240 --> 0:30:19.520
<v Speaker 4>even though I had a lot of hope for my mom,

0:30:19.720 --> 0:30:21.320
<v Speaker 4>like I knew how sick she was, and I know

0:30:22.240 --> 0:30:24.680
<v Speaker 4>that she wasn't gonna come out, I already knew him

0:30:24.680 --> 0:30:26.520
<v Speaker 4>deep in my heart. Like to this day, I know

0:30:27.000 --> 0:30:27.520
<v Speaker 4>she was not here.

0:30:27.600 --> 0:30:28.560
<v Speaker 1>You could say that you knew.

0:30:28.640 --> 0:30:30.200
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I knew she was not going to come out

0:30:30.200 --> 0:30:32.920
<v Speaker 4>of this. And even if if that one percent of

0:30:33.000 --> 0:30:34.600
<v Speaker 4>hope I had, I know she was going to live

0:30:34.640 --> 0:30:37.160
<v Speaker 4>her life miserable and she wasn't gonna be happy. So

0:30:37.200 --> 0:30:38.680
<v Speaker 4>I already knew that she wasn't gonna make it. So

0:30:38.720 --> 0:30:42.400
<v Speaker 4>I feel like in those It was like a month

0:30:42.480 --> 0:30:44.640
<v Speaker 4>fifteen days that she was in the hospital, and I

0:30:44.720 --> 0:30:46.960
<v Speaker 4>was like, I feel like it helped me because it

0:30:47.000 --> 0:30:49.440
<v Speaker 4>helped me prepare. Like fifteen days I didn't talk to

0:30:49.480 --> 0:30:52.120
<v Speaker 4>my mom. She was literally intubated. I didn't talk to her.

0:30:52.200 --> 0:30:55.160
<v Speaker 4>So I felt during that time it helped me know

0:30:55.280 --> 0:30:57.520
<v Speaker 4>that my mom's not here no more, like she wasn't

0:30:57.560 --> 0:30:59.240
<v Speaker 4>really here, she was on a machine.

0:30:59.360 --> 0:31:03.120
<v Speaker 1>Do you remember the last time you talked to her? Yeah,

0:31:03.520 --> 0:31:04.840
<v Speaker 1>like before she was intubated.

0:31:05.000 --> 0:31:07.240
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, because I never I never.

0:31:07.880 --> 0:31:10.400
<v Speaker 4>Actually have a screenshot of our FaceTime call. I was

0:31:10.440 --> 0:31:13.240
<v Speaker 4>so sick too, oh, because you guys, dude.

0:31:13.280 --> 0:31:15.880
<v Speaker 2>The thing is is that only and her, literally her

0:31:15.920 --> 0:31:18.520
<v Speaker 2>whole family were in separate rooms in the same hospital.

0:31:18.600 --> 0:31:23.320
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, except my mom. She was at killer Kaiser. It's true.

0:31:23.880 --> 0:31:28.560
<v Speaker 2>Let's not address Kaiser permanente.

0:31:31.200 --> 0:31:32.440
<v Speaker 1>No, but no, but but.

0:31:32.600 --> 0:31:34.880
<v Speaker 4>No, Like, I mean, I don't think I've ever said

0:31:34.880 --> 0:31:39.520
<v Speaker 4>this before, but that's the last FaceTime call I had

0:31:39.600 --> 0:31:41.880
<v Speaker 4>with my mom. Mind you, Like, I was so sick

0:31:41.920 --> 0:31:44.720
<v Speaker 4>with COVID too, Like I hardly remember anything. But that's

0:31:44.760 --> 0:31:48.040
<v Speaker 4>one thing I never forget, is it's a screenshot I have,

0:31:48.200 --> 0:31:50.000
<v Speaker 4>And I mean I'll share with jennikaf she wants to

0:31:50.000 --> 0:31:52.680
<v Speaker 4>add a part of the podcast. But she literally told me,

0:31:54.280 --> 0:31:56.000
<v Speaker 4>and I'm like, what do you mean. She's like see

0:31:56.760 --> 0:31:59.080
<v Speaker 4>that And I'm like, no, mom, like and she's like,

0:31:59.120 --> 0:32:01.960
<v Speaker 4>it's because no one here understands you like you like

0:32:02.880 --> 0:32:05.080
<v Speaker 4>and you had COVID. You had to be there alone.

0:32:05.280 --> 0:32:08.720
<v Speaker 4>Like my mom spoke English but not really, but she understands.

0:32:08.760 --> 0:32:10.040
<v Speaker 4>And and in.

0:32:09.920 --> 0:32:11.920
<v Speaker 1>The hospital it was crime prime.

0:32:12.000 --> 0:32:15.000
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, it was prime COVID and like it was just

0:32:15.080 --> 0:32:17.280
<v Speaker 4>crazy like and that's those were her last words after that.

0:32:17.400 --> 0:32:20.360
<v Speaker 4>She was intubated and we try not to get her intubated,

0:32:20.400 --> 0:32:24.560
<v Speaker 4>but I mean, there's nothing we can do. And those

0:32:24.560 --> 0:32:26.800
<v Speaker 4>were her last words. And I do believe that happened

0:32:26.840 --> 0:32:31.760
<v Speaker 4>because once we started seeking more things to help her live,

0:32:31.840 --> 0:32:34.440
<v Speaker 4>they started kind of like rejecting and getting mad at us.

0:32:34.480 --> 0:32:38.120
<v Speaker 4>And yeah, when she got to the funeral home, they

0:32:38.160 --> 0:32:41.120
<v Speaker 4>told us that her belongings were just thrown on her.

0:32:41.120 --> 0:32:43.120
<v Speaker 4>And I was like, what do you mean crazy? It

0:32:43.160 --> 0:32:45.280
<v Speaker 4>was just crazy, like it was just like insane, like

0:32:45.440 --> 0:32:47.560
<v Speaker 4>you know I could be in that moment, like I

0:32:47.680 --> 0:32:51.120
<v Speaker 4>just chose to, you know what. My mom like had

0:32:51.120 --> 0:32:54.000
<v Speaker 4>a lot of sicknesses, like she lived very depressed after

0:32:54.000 --> 0:32:56.600
<v Speaker 4>my brother passed away. Like my mom was basically dead

0:32:56.600 --> 0:33:00.239
<v Speaker 4>since my brother passed away, so she always ever week,

0:33:00.280 --> 0:33:01.880
<v Speaker 4>I would hear my mom say, I want to die.

0:33:01.960 --> 0:33:03.440
<v Speaker 4>I want to die. I want to die because my

0:33:03.480 --> 0:33:05.640
<v Speaker 4>mom was so depressed she lost my brother, like it

0:33:05.680 --> 0:33:10.959
<v Speaker 4>really affected her. So, like I know, if anyone wanted

0:33:11.000 --> 0:33:13.280
<v Speaker 4>to go to heaven and be with her son, it

0:33:13.400 --> 0:33:15.960
<v Speaker 4>was my mom. That's what she wanted, that's all. That's

0:33:15.960 --> 0:33:18.600
<v Speaker 4>all she wanted. She wasn't happy living here. She was

0:33:18.600 --> 0:33:22.120
<v Speaker 4>just living here for us. So I I know she's happier.

0:33:22.160 --> 0:33:23.840
<v Speaker 4>I don't. I don't think there's one doubt in her

0:33:23.840 --> 0:33:25.240
<v Speaker 4>mind that she wants to be here in this world

0:33:25.360 --> 0:33:25.760
<v Speaker 4>right now.

0:33:25.840 --> 0:33:29.520
<v Speaker 2>And I would have, honestly, at this point, I wouldn't

0:33:29.520 --> 0:33:30.440
<v Speaker 2>want them to come back.

0:33:30.720 --> 0:33:33.280
<v Speaker 1>Let them, let them be happy, let them live there.

0:33:33.320 --> 0:33:35.040
<v Speaker 3>Like it's just.

0:33:36.480 --> 0:33:40.960
<v Speaker 1>This world is so ugly and it's like, oh, it's

0:33:41.000 --> 0:33:43.400
<v Speaker 1>just annoying, bro, it's annoying.

0:33:43.440 --> 0:33:46.000
<v Speaker 4>Sometimes I swear to God, like I don't know if

0:33:46.000 --> 0:33:48.120
<v Speaker 4>you dream of your mom, but my mom is so

0:33:48.200 --> 0:33:50.880
<v Speaker 4>present in my dreams, like when I miss her, it's weird,

0:33:50.920 --> 0:33:53.600
<v Speaker 4>Like I hate it because I don't like it. But

0:33:53.720 --> 0:33:56.040
<v Speaker 4>like the other. I was like, you know, we can

0:33:56.160 --> 0:34:05.240
<v Speaker 4>have a gos having really weird thoughts and you know,

0:34:05.320 --> 0:34:08.919
<v Speaker 4>I was talking to her and I went to sleep.

0:34:09.239 --> 0:34:12.680
<v Speaker 4>I want to sleep that night and she picked. She

0:34:12.760 --> 0:34:13.920
<v Speaker 4>was trying to pick me up in the car and

0:34:13.960 --> 0:34:16.600
<v Speaker 4>I'm like, can I go with you? And she's like no,

0:34:18.600 --> 0:34:20.040
<v Speaker 4>And I was like, come on, I want to go

0:34:20.080 --> 0:34:22.080
<v Speaker 4>with you. Just take me to the mall. She's like, no,

0:34:22.160 --> 0:34:24.640
<v Speaker 4>you can't come with me. And the driver the passenger

0:34:24.680 --> 0:34:28.520
<v Speaker 4>side was my aunt that passed away, which was like

0:34:28.520 --> 0:34:31.880
<v Speaker 4>her best friend two years after, and she didn't want

0:34:31.920 --> 0:34:33.560
<v Speaker 4>to take me. I was so mad because she didn't

0:34:33.560 --> 0:34:37.280
<v Speaker 4>want to take me with her to the store. Obviously

0:34:37.360 --> 0:34:40.040
<v Speaker 4>later later on, did I look at this. I'm like, okay,

0:34:40.080 --> 0:34:42.799
<v Speaker 4>like I see the bigger picture. My cousin calls me

0:34:42.840 --> 0:34:45.000
<v Speaker 4>a day after. She's like, I had a dream of you,

0:34:45.040 --> 0:34:46.640
<v Speaker 4>and I said, well, she goes, bitch, she would try

0:34:46.640 --> 0:34:50.040
<v Speaker 4>to take me to the mall with our mom up mad,

0:34:50.080 --> 0:34:51.320
<v Speaker 4>I say, you're lying. She goes.

0:34:52.840 --> 0:34:55.160
<v Speaker 1>Always have something similar.

0:34:54.800 --> 0:34:56.279
<v Speaker 4>And she's like, you're trying to take me to the

0:34:56.320 --> 0:34:57.719
<v Speaker 4>mall and I kept telling you no because we're not

0:34:57.760 --> 0:34:59.440
<v Speaker 4>going to come back, and you're like no, no, let's go.

0:34:59.520 --> 0:35:01.400
<v Speaker 4>Let's go. And I was like, and I told her

0:35:01.400 --> 0:35:03.120
<v Speaker 4>the truth. I was like, honestly, like I've been feeling

0:35:03.320 --> 0:35:05.360
<v Speaker 4>really weird. And I said and I told her my

0:35:05.400 --> 0:35:07.360
<v Speaker 4>dream and she started tripping. Now I was like, I

0:35:07.400 --> 0:35:09.839
<v Speaker 4>don't know why we I she doesn't dream her mom.

0:35:09.920 --> 0:35:11.719
<v Speaker 4>She dreams my mom, and I always dream both of

0:35:11.800 --> 0:35:14.600
<v Speaker 4>them together all the time. So it's like it's just crazy,

0:35:14.640 --> 0:35:16.760
<v Speaker 4>Like my mom's always in my dreams and I always

0:35:16.800 --> 0:35:18.120
<v Speaker 4>see her. Like it's weird.

0:35:18.360 --> 0:35:21.080
<v Speaker 2>I never dream I've never dreamt of my dad. Yeah,

0:35:21.400 --> 0:35:23.960
<v Speaker 2>I maybe dreamt of my mom like once, but I never.

0:35:25.200 --> 0:35:25.640
<v Speaker 4>I never.

0:35:26.200 --> 0:35:29.000
<v Speaker 2>And maybe that's better for me though, because makes it

0:35:29.120 --> 0:35:31.960
<v Speaker 2>like bad. Yeah, and I feel like I would be

0:35:31.960 --> 0:35:34.280
<v Speaker 2>in my head about it. Yeah, like I start thinking

0:35:34.360 --> 0:35:37.360
<v Speaker 2>things and like yeah, I don't know knowing me.

0:35:38.239 --> 0:35:42.439
<v Speaker 1>But it's like, Okay, we're gonna want a quick break

0:35:42.440 --> 0:35:44.520
<v Speaker 1>because I want toother shot. I will be right back.

0:35:45.040 --> 0:35:47.480
<v Speaker 1>Welcome back, you guys. We took a little quick shot.

0:35:47.600 --> 0:35:50.520
<v Speaker 1>I just look, you guys. This is this very special

0:35:50.600 --> 0:35:51.920
<v Speaker 1>special episode.

0:35:51.520 --> 0:35:57.080
<v Speaker 4>We're celebrating Jenny Rivera. So everybody, no, if you're watching

0:35:57.080 --> 0:36:00.480
<v Speaker 4>this right now, take a shot. Listen to Jenny and

0:36:00.520 --> 0:36:01.759
<v Speaker 4>post a TikTok right now.

0:36:01.840 --> 0:36:05.280
<v Speaker 2>But yes, you guys, it is our mother's anniversaries.

0:36:05.360 --> 0:36:08.880
<v Speaker 1>We are grieving. This is how life is. If you

0:36:08.920 --> 0:36:10.560
<v Speaker 1>guys don't like.

0:36:10.480 --> 0:36:12.600
<v Speaker 2>That we're drinking, I'm sorry. This is the way we're

0:36:12.640 --> 0:36:14.360
<v Speaker 2>coping for today.

0:36:14.680 --> 0:36:15.640
<v Speaker 1>This is what we do.

0:36:15.800 --> 0:36:19.680
<v Speaker 2>This is how I wanted to just be comfortable and

0:36:19.760 --> 0:36:23.839
<v Speaker 2>safe and with my friends and be able to Yeah, I.

0:36:23.800 --> 0:36:27.960
<v Speaker 4>Have a question. What Okay, obviously you know we all

0:36:28.080 --> 0:36:30.160
<v Speaker 4>like you know, before I met you, I was a

0:36:30.160 --> 0:36:32.960
<v Speaker 4>big fan of your mom. I went everywhere she went.

0:36:33.239 --> 0:36:34.160
<v Speaker 4>She knew who I are.

0:36:35.400 --> 0:36:40.719
<v Speaker 2>Okay, she, you know, just rub it in everybody's face because.

0:36:40.440 --> 0:36:42.480
<v Speaker 4>She loved me. You know, I'm dark, but she used

0:36:42.480 --> 0:36:45.120
<v Speaker 4>to call me, of course my mom.

0:36:45.560 --> 0:36:48.560
<v Speaker 1>Yes, Nicole, you don't know. Omi was like the biggest fan.

0:36:48.719 --> 0:36:52.720
<v Speaker 4>Like, let me tell you honey, Staples Center, September third.

0:36:53.320 --> 0:36:54.920
<v Speaker 4>I gave her a hat. She took off her hat

0:36:54.960 --> 0:37:01.120
<v Speaker 4>and gave me her hat. Yep, you know what. One thing.

0:37:01.280 --> 0:37:02.680
<v Speaker 4>Let me tell you one thing about her mom. She

0:37:02.760 --> 0:37:05.560
<v Speaker 4>appreciate people who support her, like through thick and thin.

0:37:05.880 --> 0:37:08.560
<v Speaker 4>I would go to every fucking not every countrict because

0:37:08.560 --> 0:37:10.960
<v Speaker 4>my dad wouldn't allow me because I was young, and

0:37:11.000 --> 0:37:12.600
<v Speaker 4>because she used to cuss a lot, he'd be like no,

0:37:12.840 --> 0:37:14.680
<v Speaker 4>but then he got used to it. And I used

0:37:14.680 --> 0:37:16.120
<v Speaker 4>to go to thank with Talento. My mom used to

0:37:16.200 --> 0:37:18.279
<v Speaker 4>lie for me that I went to college, but I

0:37:18.320 --> 0:37:21.560
<v Speaker 4>was really a thing with Lento seeing her, Yeah, and

0:37:21.560 --> 0:37:22.440
<v Speaker 4>my mom would be in the car.

0:37:22.800 --> 0:37:25.000
<v Speaker 1>And the day my mom passed away, she quit her

0:37:25.040 --> 0:37:25.960
<v Speaker 1>Smart and Final drop.

0:37:26.000 --> 0:37:28.640
<v Speaker 4>Oh my god, no one knows that one. Yep, the

0:37:28.719 --> 0:37:31.200
<v Speaker 4>day that I used to be a cash register. I

0:37:31.239 --> 0:37:36.719
<v Speaker 4>was really devastated. I had to quit Smart Final and

0:37:36.960 --> 0:37:43.960
<v Speaker 4>I you know what, No, you know what, I I'm tired.

0:37:45.160 --> 0:37:49.000
<v Speaker 4>I'm serious. I'm serious, Like I was. Really, I was

0:37:49.040 --> 0:37:52.040
<v Speaker 4>really devastated because I didn't even know Jennica at then.

0:37:52.080 --> 0:37:54.320
<v Speaker 4>I don't even know like Jenny and I met Cheek's

0:37:54.360 --> 0:37:56.799
<v Speaker 4>like twice. But I used to go Jenny was at

0:37:56.800 --> 0:37:59.080
<v Speaker 4>the radio station. I would go, she was here, I

0:37:59.080 --> 0:38:01.160
<v Speaker 4>would go, we would go. So she already knew like

0:38:01.200 --> 0:38:03.480
<v Speaker 4>her loyal fans like that were always there. The ticket

0:38:03.520 --> 0:38:05.920
<v Speaker 4>thin and that's one thing that she appreciate them. So

0:38:05.960 --> 0:38:08.920
<v Speaker 4>that September Staple Center show, she gifted me my ticket

0:38:08.960 --> 0:38:12.520
<v Speaker 4>because Mikey was going through court and we went to

0:38:12.560 --> 0:38:15.480
<v Speaker 4>the court to support. So she gave everybody that went there,

0:38:15.480 --> 0:38:19.360
<v Speaker 4>she gave them a ticket for the concert. Yeah, so so,

0:38:19.920 --> 0:38:22.200
<v Speaker 4>and then that concert, we were first role. She gave

0:38:22.239 --> 0:38:25.080
<v Speaker 4>us first role, and I gave her my hat and

0:38:25.160 --> 0:38:27.840
<v Speaker 4>she gave me her hat and I still have that.

0:38:28.040 --> 0:38:28.920
<v Speaker 3>So it was your question.

0:38:29.560 --> 0:38:33.280
<v Speaker 4>What was my question? Okay, Okay, here's my question. Like, obviously,

0:38:33.320 --> 0:38:36.520
<v Speaker 4>like your mom is jen Like how do you feel

0:38:37.640 --> 0:38:40.279
<v Speaker 4>knowing your mom is your mom? But obviously, like there's

0:38:40.320 --> 0:38:42.600
<v Speaker 4>so many people that admire her and love her, but

0:38:42.760 --> 0:38:46.840
<v Speaker 4>like she's your mom, like besides the artist's name, besides

0:38:47.520 --> 0:38:49.400
<v Speaker 4>you know, everybody loving her like at the end of

0:38:49.400 --> 0:38:51.759
<v Speaker 4>the day, like she's your mom, your m om, Like

0:38:51.880 --> 0:39:00.000
<v Speaker 4>I can't imagine. She said, no, you know what, because

0:39:00.000 --> 0:39:03.080
<v Speaker 4>it's like like like like my mom's my mom, but

0:39:03.120 --> 0:39:05.600
<v Speaker 4>I can't imagine like everybody loving my mom.

0:39:05.800 --> 0:39:06.960
<v Speaker 1>You have to share your.

0:39:07.160 --> 0:39:08.200
<v Speaker 4>Exactly what I mean?

0:39:09.040 --> 0:39:12.120
<v Speaker 3>Okay, because it's beautiful and.

0:39:12.120 --> 0:39:15.279
<v Speaker 4>Both because let me tell you so many, let me

0:39:15.320 --> 0:39:18.520
<v Speaker 4>tell you so many artists have passed away, but no

0:39:18.560 --> 0:39:23.879
<v Speaker 4>one celebrates the way they celebrate December ninth. On TikTok

0:39:24.120 --> 0:39:27.239
<v Speaker 4>everyone's posting videos, Oh it's December. I hate to hear

0:39:27.239 --> 0:39:31.200
<v Speaker 4>that audio of you know, the whole thing. But people

0:39:31.280 --> 0:39:34.280
<v Speaker 4>use that audio to be like, I'm gonna celebrate Jenny,

0:39:34.320 --> 0:39:36.719
<v Speaker 4>like you don't be sent ade. I love he sent

0:39:36.880 --> 0:39:41.440
<v Speaker 4>fore he's a fucking icon legend, but no one celebrates

0:39:41.480 --> 0:39:45.320
<v Speaker 4>the way they celebrate Jenny. That's what I'm saying.

0:39:47.080 --> 0:39:51.040
<v Speaker 8>Okay, how do you feel it's okay to be selfish

0:39:51.120 --> 0:39:53.399
<v Speaker 8>because you're her daughter? At the end of the day,

0:39:53.480 --> 0:39:57.000
<v Speaker 8>she's your m O M and you look exactly like her. Like,

0:39:58.520 --> 0:40:01.520
<v Speaker 8>so what are your feelings? I was gonna say how

0:40:01.520 --> 0:40:03.080
<v Speaker 8>do you feel? But I don't know, Like what are

0:40:03.160 --> 0:40:05.000
<v Speaker 8>your feelings? What are your thoughts? When you know that

0:40:05.440 --> 0:40:08.359
<v Speaker 8>your mom is your mom? But like you also have

0:40:08.400 --> 0:40:10.400
<v Speaker 8>to share her because of who she was with everyone,

0:40:10.440 --> 0:40:13.400
<v Speaker 8>because she's so important to so many people's lives, and

0:40:13.480 --> 0:40:16.280
<v Speaker 8>like the way she they learned from her, they affected

0:40:16.320 --> 0:40:19.960
<v Speaker 8>her life. Like do you ever feel like kind of

0:40:20.040 --> 0:40:22.160
<v Speaker 8>like damn, like that's my mom, Like I only want

0:40:22.160 --> 0:40:25.720
<v Speaker 8>her to be my mom, like, or what are your feelings.

0:40:25.920 --> 0:40:26.560
<v Speaker 1>As a daughter?

0:40:26.640 --> 0:40:29.360
<v Speaker 2>Sometimes I just wish that I was able to grief

0:40:29.400 --> 0:40:34.920
<v Speaker 2>in private, like I'm able to, you know, I honestly,

0:40:34.960 --> 0:40:37.399
<v Speaker 2>sometimes I wish I can be an Omi's position, where

0:40:37.480 --> 0:40:38.600
<v Speaker 2>I don't.

0:40:38.360 --> 0:40:42.719
<v Speaker 3>Need that constant reminder. You know what I mean. It's beautiful.

0:40:42.800 --> 0:40:43.480
<v Speaker 3>I'm grateful.

0:40:43.560 --> 0:40:46.120
<v Speaker 1>I love it, thank you, like I love that people

0:40:46.200 --> 0:40:46.920
<v Speaker 1>love my mom.

0:40:47.040 --> 0:40:50.319
<v Speaker 3>I genuinely, genuinely, genuinely.

0:40:49.760 --> 0:40:55.200
<v Speaker 2>Do like I like it's it's beautiful, like and twelve

0:40:55.239 --> 0:40:58.480
<v Speaker 2>years later is insane.

0:40:58.640 --> 0:40:59.839
<v Speaker 1>But do I wish?

0:41:00.360 --> 0:41:02.759
<v Speaker 3>I don't, like I.

0:41:02.080 --> 0:41:04.759
<v Speaker 2>Could live a normal day without being reminded that my

0:41:04.800 --> 0:41:09.239
<v Speaker 2>mom is dead. Yes, A thousand person like that, Like.

0:41:09.920 --> 0:41:10.640
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, that's hard.

0:41:12.000 --> 0:41:14.320
<v Speaker 3>That's like like if.

0:41:13.920 --> 0:41:17.719
<v Speaker 8>I see people like like, oh, like r I P

0:41:18.120 --> 0:41:19.239
<v Speaker 8>like I miss you so much?

0:41:19.280 --> 0:41:19.520
<v Speaker 2>Do you have?

0:41:20.440 --> 0:41:22.239
<v Speaker 8>I would be like you don't miss her as much

0:41:22.280 --> 0:41:23.520
<v Speaker 8>as I miss It's.

0:41:23.520 --> 0:41:26.920
<v Speaker 2>Worse when like people start like now right now is

0:41:26.960 --> 0:41:29.400
<v Speaker 2>the time, like this weekend and like the holidays and

0:41:29.400 --> 0:41:31.719
<v Speaker 2>stuff where people start coming with the coming up with

0:41:31.760 --> 0:41:34.040
<v Speaker 2>their bullshit like she's still alive.

0:41:35.320 --> 0:41:36.600
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, that's what makes me.

0:41:36.640 --> 0:41:40.600
<v Speaker 1>They killed her, They this, this and that, and it's like.

0:41:42.440 --> 0:41:47.160
<v Speaker 2>It's because I wish, like I wish that I wish

0:41:47.280 --> 0:41:51.080
<v Speaker 2>that she maybe for her to knock on my fucking door,

0:41:51.360 --> 0:41:55.279
<v Speaker 2>Like that would be insane, Like that would literally be

0:41:55.440 --> 0:41:57.200
<v Speaker 2>like my dream.

0:41:57.440 --> 0:42:01.520
<v Speaker 4>Yeah yeah, but it's like I get what you mean,

0:42:01.520 --> 0:42:04.320
<v Speaker 4>But it's also beautiful to see like that they still

0:42:04.640 --> 0:42:07.600
<v Speaker 4>fucking love her so much. There's so many artists in

0:42:07.640 --> 0:42:09.759
<v Speaker 4>the world that people forget about, but I feel like

0:42:09.800 --> 0:42:12.720
<v Speaker 4>your mom, Like people don't forget about her. Why because

0:42:12.719 --> 0:42:15.040
<v Speaker 4>she was such a legend and obviously the way happened,

0:42:15.080 --> 0:42:19.319
<v Speaker 4>it happened so tragically, but also we all know your mom.

0:42:19.760 --> 0:42:22.080
<v Speaker 4>If she was gonna go down the way, that's the

0:42:22.080 --> 0:42:24.359
<v Speaker 4>way she was gonna go down, Like.

0:42:24.320 --> 0:42:26.880
<v Speaker 2>She had to let very razy, I know, but she

0:42:27.000 --> 0:42:29.400
<v Speaker 2>also like literally someone asked me the other day, They're.

0:42:29.239 --> 0:42:31.440
<v Speaker 1>Like, you know what it is?

0:42:31.960 --> 0:42:33.719
<v Speaker 2>You know what I hate though, And I'm gonna be

0:42:33.760 --> 0:42:38.080
<v Speaker 2>so honest. It's like explaining it to people. Bro, oh

0:42:38.440 --> 0:42:45.600
<v Speaker 2>my god, yeah, yes, like I love it, like I

0:42:45.640 --> 0:42:49.319
<v Speaker 2>love people knowing not knowing me. But then it's also like,

0:42:50.120 --> 0:42:54.440
<v Speaker 2>this is the uncomfortable part of my life that people

0:42:54.480 --> 0:42:58.319
<v Speaker 2>don't understand and that scares them, yeah, you know, Like

0:42:59.440 --> 0:43:01.759
<v Speaker 2>and it's it's just like when people ask me, like, oh, so,

0:43:01.760 --> 0:43:05.200
<v Speaker 2>how did your mom pass away in a plane.

0:43:04.880 --> 0:43:08.160
<v Speaker 1>Crash, it's like fucking crazy.

0:43:07.880 --> 0:43:11.240
<v Speaker 2>Like what a quick you know, like, and it's harder

0:43:11.280 --> 0:43:15.040
<v Speaker 2>to explain, and it's just like it puts this pressure

0:43:15.239 --> 0:43:18.080
<v Speaker 2>and sometimes it gives me anxiety, like I don't know

0:43:18.120 --> 0:43:20.520
<v Speaker 2>how to explain to people like my mom passed away

0:43:20.520 --> 0:43:22.839
<v Speaker 2>in a plane crash because she's a singer and because

0:43:22.880 --> 0:43:27.800
<v Speaker 2>she does this and whatever, and like well, well.

0:43:27.719 --> 0:43:29.600
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, well not I see what you mean. But I

0:43:29.640 --> 0:43:33.320
<v Speaker 4>feel like they also like that also affects you because

0:43:33.400 --> 0:43:36.040
<v Speaker 4>I've been on a plane before with you and there's

0:43:36.040 --> 0:43:38.359
<v Speaker 4>been turbulence and I have seen the way you get

0:43:38.360 --> 0:43:41.439
<v Speaker 4>and it's like like as a friend, like I can't

0:43:41.440 --> 0:43:44.359
<v Speaker 4>do nothing about it, but it's scary, Like obviously we're

0:43:44.360 --> 0:43:47.080
<v Speaker 4>in a plane, there's turbulence, Like you freak the hell out,

0:43:47.080 --> 0:43:48.880
<v Speaker 4>and I feel like people don't know that, you know,

0:43:49.040 --> 0:43:51.359
<v Speaker 4>Like it's scary to see how you get. But it's

0:43:51.360 --> 0:43:54.520
<v Speaker 4>like I can't help you. Only you can help yourself,

0:43:54.520 --> 0:43:56.680
<v Speaker 4>you know what I mean. And it's scary, but that's

0:43:56.680 --> 0:43:59.120
<v Speaker 4>something that you have to live with forever. Yeah, you

0:43:59.160 --> 0:43:59.640
<v Speaker 4>know what I mean.

0:43:59.760 --> 0:44:02.440
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, And it's literally what I have, Like I have

0:44:02.480 --> 0:44:04.200
<v Speaker 2>to deal with it every day. But yeah, to answer

0:44:04.280 --> 0:44:06.680
<v Speaker 2>your question, like it gets a little bit, it's hard,

0:44:07.160 --> 0:44:10.640
<v Speaker 2>but it's specifically in this time period.

0:44:11.520 --> 0:44:13.800
<v Speaker 9>Like you your healing process because your mom.

0:44:13.719 --> 0:44:17.080
<v Speaker 3>Is absolutely, absolutely.

0:44:16.640 --> 0:44:19.879
<v Speaker 4>Honestly coming from my mom. I'm not saying my mom

0:44:19.960 --> 0:44:22.040
<v Speaker 4>is nobody. My mom's my mom.

0:44:22.560 --> 0:44:25.560
<v Speaker 1>Shout out Maria, Maria the Homier.

0:44:25.760 --> 0:44:33.440
<v Speaker 4>Honestly, I missed your girl. But anyway, no, yeah, like.

0:44:34.440 --> 0:44:36.800
<v Speaker 9>I always think, like, like what am I gonna do?

0:44:36.840 --> 0:44:39.480
<v Speaker 9>My mom prosses to call her. I would think of

0:44:39.480 --> 0:44:43.560
<v Speaker 9>her all the time and then scrolling through like TikTok. Yeah, Mom,

0:44:43.560 --> 0:44:45.160
<v Speaker 9>I take a constant reminder, like.

0:44:45.120 --> 0:44:47.520
<v Speaker 4>Do you think that that just affected me? Absolutely? Yeah,

0:44:47.560 --> 0:44:48.080
<v Speaker 4>because you.

0:44:48.040 --> 0:44:49.839
<v Speaker 2>Know every day and I and I have to tell

0:44:50.200 --> 0:44:51.759
<v Speaker 2>and I don't know if you've noticed, but I have

0:44:51.840 --> 0:44:53.920
<v Speaker 2>to tell val I have to tell you guys like

0:44:54.239 --> 0:44:56.759
<v Speaker 2>turn it off, yeah, you know, like.

0:44:58.200 --> 0:44:59.480
<v Speaker 3>Because I don't want to like.

0:45:00.120 --> 0:45:03.839
<v Speaker 4>Even hearing her. Yes, yeah, honestly, it.

0:45:03.760 --> 0:45:07.280
<v Speaker 2>Wouldn't be like and I'm trying, and I try every damn.

0:45:07.200 --> 0:45:08.040
<v Speaker 1>Like let me just try.

0:45:08.160 --> 0:45:13.080
<v Speaker 2>Let me just look at it, let me like I try.

0:45:13.320 --> 0:45:14.479
<v Speaker 4>Maybe today we will try.

0:45:14.840 --> 0:45:19.360
<v Speaker 2>No, but like no, but like it's hard, like and

0:45:20.239 --> 0:45:23.040
<v Speaker 2>I and I'm sorry, like I'm sorry to you guys,

0:45:23.040 --> 0:45:24.880
<v Speaker 2>like because I know you guys are fans and you

0:45:24.880 --> 0:45:26.719
<v Speaker 2>guys love her and you guys want to hear her

0:45:26.800 --> 0:45:31.400
<v Speaker 2>music and like all this stuff, like it's beautiful and

0:45:30.760 --> 0:45:34.560
<v Speaker 2>I appreciate it so much, like from the bottom of

0:45:34.600 --> 0:45:37.719
<v Speaker 2>my heart. But it's like it's harder when you listen

0:45:37.840 --> 0:45:41.360
<v Speaker 2>to the music. But that's the thing that took her away,

0:45:42.160 --> 0:45:45.560
<v Speaker 2>you know, Like, and that's what people don't really understand.

0:45:45.719 --> 0:45:51.080
<v Speaker 2>Like I'm grateful for who my mom is, like I do,

0:45:52.320 --> 0:45:53.239
<v Speaker 2>but I wish I.

0:45:53.280 --> 0:45:56.239
<v Speaker 6>Just had my mom, you know, Like I wish I

0:45:56.360 --> 0:45:59.880
<v Speaker 6>just had her a little bit more because she shared

0:46:00.120 --> 0:46:03.360
<v Speaker 6>so much of her life with all of you guys,

0:46:04.360 --> 0:46:07.960
<v Speaker 6>you know, like and always able to have those memories

0:46:08.000 --> 0:46:11.080
<v Speaker 6>of like her mom cooking for her and like this,

0:46:11.080 --> 0:46:14.360
<v Speaker 6>this and that, and I don't have that many memories,

0:46:14.400 --> 0:46:16.279
<v Speaker 6>Like I love when my mom cooked for me.

0:46:16.360 --> 0:46:19.120
<v Speaker 1>Like I did. Those are like the ones that I remember,

0:46:19.600 --> 0:46:19.799
<v Speaker 1>you know.

0:46:20.160 --> 0:46:22.719
<v Speaker 2>But she was always working and I appreciate it, and

0:46:22.920 --> 0:46:25.880
<v Speaker 2>I learned from that, Like I'm a hard working woman

0:46:25.960 --> 0:46:29.279
<v Speaker 2>because of her, Like I learned how to I work

0:46:29.400 --> 0:46:33.239
<v Speaker 2>hard because she was a single mom that had to

0:46:33.320 --> 0:46:37.520
<v Speaker 2>raise five crazy ass fucking kids on her own.

0:46:38.239 --> 0:46:39.200
<v Speaker 1>All by herself.

0:46:40.239 --> 0:46:43.960
<v Speaker 2>But do I wish that it was just her, Absolutely,

0:46:44.480 --> 0:46:47.000
<v Speaker 2>but more because I wish that my sister got her

0:46:47.080 --> 0:46:50.240
<v Speaker 2>life back a little bit, you know, like it wasn't

0:46:50.280 --> 0:46:54.719
<v Speaker 2>fair for my sister to raise four other kids by herself,

0:46:56.280 --> 0:46:58.279
<v Speaker 2>not by herself, but you know what I mean, Like

0:46:58.440 --> 0:47:01.040
<v Speaker 2>my sister had had a lot of weight on her

0:47:01.120 --> 0:47:04.040
<v Speaker 2>back and a lot of her life was taken like

0:47:04.680 --> 0:47:08.120
<v Speaker 2>I think people take for granted or like they don't understand,

0:47:08.200 --> 0:47:11.799
<v Speaker 2>like we had to live all on our own too,

0:47:13.080 --> 0:47:15.239
<v Speaker 2>Like we didn't have a lot of people, Like my

0:47:15.320 --> 0:47:17.520
<v Speaker 2>sister had to do it by herself, and so did

0:47:17.560 --> 0:47:18.000
<v Speaker 2>my mom.

0:47:18.200 --> 0:47:20.360
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, and you have your dad either, So I didn't

0:47:20.400 --> 0:47:21.080
<v Speaker 4>have my dad.

0:47:21.120 --> 0:47:22.440
<v Speaker 1>They don't have their dad.

0:47:22.320 --> 0:47:24.200
<v Speaker 4>Like that's what I'm saying, Like even though like obviously

0:47:24.200 --> 0:47:27.680
<v Speaker 4>your dad passed away and stuff like it's crazy how

0:47:28.160 --> 0:47:29.719
<v Speaker 4>And I always saw your sister that the same thing,

0:47:29.760 --> 0:47:32.279
<v Speaker 4>like it's crazy how you're here, like you've gone through

0:47:32.320 --> 0:47:34.920
<v Speaker 4>all that. You don't have your mom here, you don't

0:47:34.960 --> 0:47:37.719
<v Speaker 4>have your dad like I luckily have my dad and

0:47:37.760 --> 0:47:40.160
<v Speaker 4>sometimes like I'm like I'm here, but I can't imagine

0:47:40.160 --> 0:47:41.279
<v Speaker 4>how you guys feel, like.

0:47:41.280 --> 0:47:45.239
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's crazy, it's crazy, but I'm grateful, Like you know,

0:47:45.280 --> 0:47:48.960
<v Speaker 2>I'm grateful for the fans. I'm grateful for my mom's music.

0:47:49.080 --> 0:47:52.080
<v Speaker 2>She's touched and she's changed people's lives, Like I just

0:47:52.120 --> 0:47:55.600
<v Speaker 2>filmed the podcast, the episode with SB right now, Like

0:47:55.719 --> 0:47:57.600
<v Speaker 2>she's telling me like about her mom and like how

0:47:57.640 --> 0:48:00.960
<v Speaker 2>they connect. And I'm grateful, Like my mom had a story,

0:48:01.080 --> 0:48:04.920
<v Speaker 2>like everyone has a story to share, and like she

0:48:05.040 --> 0:48:05.560
<v Speaker 2>changed it.

0:48:05.640 --> 0:48:07.200
<v Speaker 1>She changed she changed it.

0:48:07.080 --> 0:48:09.480
<v Speaker 2>For everybody, and I'm happy and I'm so grateful, like

0:48:10.080 --> 0:48:12.760
<v Speaker 2>you know, like that was the purpose of her life

0:48:13.520 --> 0:48:17.120
<v Speaker 2>and she fulfilled it. And you know, God did what

0:48:17.200 --> 0:48:19.520
<v Speaker 2>he had to do and that's it, you know. But yeah,

0:48:19.600 --> 0:48:22.319
<v Speaker 2>it does get a lot harder. It gets harder, and

0:48:22.360 --> 0:48:24.400
<v Speaker 2>even it gets harder as I get older, Like I

0:48:24.400 --> 0:48:27.359
<v Speaker 2>think it gets oh my god, like I thought it

0:48:27.400 --> 0:48:29.680
<v Speaker 2>was gonna be fine, but it just it gets harder

0:48:29.719 --> 0:48:30.359
<v Speaker 2>as you get older.

0:48:30.360 --> 0:48:32.680
<v Speaker 1>And I always tell omm like the grief never ends.

0:48:32.920 --> 0:48:33.120
<v Speaker 4>Never.

0:48:33.560 --> 0:48:33.920
<v Speaker 1>It never.

0:48:34.200 --> 0:48:36.160
<v Speaker 4>Even when I feel fine, I feel like, oh my god,

0:48:36.200 --> 0:48:39.239
<v Speaker 4>Like you know what's weird, Like I feel guilty of

0:48:39.280 --> 0:48:42.400
<v Speaker 4>my life being peaceful and not being sad. And I

0:48:42.400 --> 0:48:43.879
<v Speaker 4>think it was like a month ago because I haven't

0:48:43.880 --> 0:48:46.440
<v Speaker 4>talked to my therapist. I'm sorry for hearing this, but

0:48:47.040 --> 0:48:48.480
<v Speaker 4>you know, like I told her, I said, you know what,

0:48:48.520 --> 0:48:51.000
<v Speaker 4>I'm really happy. It feels really weird, Like I feel

0:48:51.040 --> 0:48:53.680
<v Speaker 4>really fine, like there's nothing, and she's like, why do

0:48:53.719 --> 0:48:56.080
<v Speaker 4>you feel guilty. I'm like, because like there's always something

0:48:56.120 --> 0:48:59.040
<v Speaker 4>wrong in my life and she's like, that's how life

0:48:59.080 --> 0:49:01.239
<v Speaker 4>is supposed to be. And I'm like, yeah, but I'm

0:49:01.320 --> 0:49:03.799
<v Speaker 4>used to something going wrong, but then when I think

0:49:03.840 --> 0:49:06.359
<v Speaker 4>of it, something goes wrong. So I'm like, it's like

0:49:06.440 --> 0:49:08.799
<v Speaker 4>it's like weird, you know what I mean. And it's

0:49:08.840 --> 0:49:11.839
<v Speaker 4>like sometimes I feel guilty for not being sad, but

0:49:12.320 --> 0:49:14.239
<v Speaker 4>now when I see pictures of my mom, I don't

0:49:14.239 --> 0:49:17.520
<v Speaker 4>get sad. Now I'm going through the videos, I can't

0:49:17.520 --> 0:49:19.840
<v Speaker 4>hear the voice. If I hear the voice, it messes

0:49:19.880 --> 0:49:20.160
<v Speaker 4>me up.

0:49:20.760 --> 0:49:23.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, the voice, That's what I'm saying.

0:49:23.040 --> 0:49:24.719
<v Speaker 4>I don't know how you hear your mom's voice because

0:49:24.719 --> 0:49:26.480
<v Speaker 4>I was like, I skip it.

0:49:26.800 --> 0:49:27.640
<v Speaker 1>I skip it.

0:49:27.760 --> 0:49:32.600
<v Speaker 4>Maybe because Johnny and your sister Jackie different. They all

0:49:32.719 --> 0:49:35.319
<v Speaker 4>liked it all. You're the only one that it's hard

0:49:35.360 --> 0:49:35.919
<v Speaker 4>because I can't.

0:49:36.760 --> 0:49:39.400
<v Speaker 2>I can't, And maybe that's something like I have to

0:49:39.760 --> 0:49:42.440
<v Speaker 2>heal and grow on my own, like the fact that

0:49:43.440 --> 0:49:46.880
<v Speaker 2>and maybe maybe I'm just discovering that now, like because

0:49:47.800 --> 0:49:51.320
<v Speaker 2>my mom chose this career, it's what took her away

0:49:51.320 --> 0:49:51.600
<v Speaker 2>from me.

0:49:51.760 --> 0:49:54.720
<v Speaker 4>That's I think that's why something you hold on to you. Yeah,

0:49:54.760 --> 0:49:57.200
<v Speaker 4>but it's okay, it's it's it's on your own terms

0:49:57.239 --> 0:49:57.960
<v Speaker 4>and times.

0:49:58.120 --> 0:49:59.680
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and it's the same.

0:50:00.040 --> 0:50:01.840
<v Speaker 2>It was the same for Mikey too, and it's like

0:50:02.320 --> 0:50:05.759
<v Speaker 2>I'm I'm like, I'm grateful that, like, you.

0:50:05.680 --> 0:50:07.719
<v Speaker 3>Know, it just makes me sad for them.

0:50:08.120 --> 0:50:10.399
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, we're gonna go on a quick break and we'll

0:50:10.440 --> 0:50:12.280
<v Speaker 1>be right back. Welcome back, you guys.

0:50:12.560 --> 0:50:14.880
<v Speaker 2>Like I could think about myself, I could think about

0:50:14.920 --> 0:50:16.560
<v Speaker 2>like what I'm going through, but at the end of

0:50:16.560 --> 0:50:17.600
<v Speaker 2>the day, like I have.

0:50:17.600 --> 0:50:19.760
<v Speaker 1>Four other people to worry about.

0:50:20.080 --> 0:50:21.160
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, you know, like.

0:50:22.960 --> 0:50:27.560
<v Speaker 2>It's different for all of them, and it's like it's

0:50:27.640 --> 0:50:31.040
<v Speaker 2>it's just hard, ruh. It's really hard, and it's hard

0:50:31.040 --> 0:50:35.759
<v Speaker 2>for people to understand. And like, I mean, it is

0:50:35.800 --> 0:50:37.960
<v Speaker 2>what it is. At the end of the day, it

0:50:38.000 --> 0:50:40.160
<v Speaker 2>is what it is. And I'm like, like I choose

0:50:40.239 --> 0:50:43.080
<v Speaker 2>to live my life day by day. And I'm again,

0:50:43.160 --> 0:50:46.799
<v Speaker 2>I'm so so so grateful, like because I wouldn't even

0:50:46.840 --> 0:50:50.279
<v Speaker 2>be here if she wasn't who she was and who

0:50:50.320 --> 0:50:56.319
<v Speaker 2>she made herself be by herself, you know, because it

0:50:56.360 --> 0:50:57.759
<v Speaker 2>wasn't anybody else.

0:50:58.960 --> 0:51:00.719
<v Speaker 3>That did it.

0:51:01.120 --> 0:51:09.000
<v Speaker 5>So first woman to set out, No, but I think

0:51:09.000 --> 0:51:11.400
<v Speaker 5>I like whatever, bro, Like I don't even want to

0:51:11.440 --> 0:51:12.720
<v Speaker 5>I don't want to fuck cry anymore.

0:51:12.840 --> 0:51:15.960
<v Speaker 1>I'm done. No, I'm done.

0:51:18.520 --> 0:51:22.279
<v Speaker 2>But like I love, I love, I love all my

0:51:22.280 --> 0:51:24.879
<v Speaker 2>friends here right now, you guys, I'm gonna I'm gonna

0:51:24.920 --> 0:51:28.040
<v Speaker 2>be so like honest, like I'm so grateful for like

0:51:28.200 --> 0:51:31.520
<v Speaker 2>literally every single person in this room right now, and

0:51:31.600 --> 0:51:33.120
<v Speaker 2>every single person that was in my.

0:51:33.080 --> 0:51:38.839
<v Speaker 4>Life, like God has at the time at the.

0:51:38.840 --> 0:51:42.920
<v Speaker 2>Time, you know, No, that's literally it, like, and I

0:51:42.960 --> 0:51:45.239
<v Speaker 2>was talking to the call about this, like literally God

0:51:45.280 --> 0:51:48.040
<v Speaker 2>puts people in your life for a reason, and I'm

0:51:48.160 --> 0:51:49.040
<v Speaker 2>a strong.

0:51:48.760 --> 0:51:49.560
<v Speaker 1>Believer in that.

0:51:49.719 --> 0:51:52.239
<v Speaker 2>Like I don't care what anybody says. I don't care

0:51:52.280 --> 0:51:57.319
<v Speaker 2>if anybody doesn't fuck with anybody, And like I'm just

0:51:57.360 --> 0:52:00.279
<v Speaker 2>grateful for you guys, Like you guys really have been

0:52:00.880 --> 0:52:05.120
<v Speaker 2>so important and pivotal in my life, like on me,

0:52:05.320 --> 0:52:08.760
<v Speaker 2>like I know, like it is a god given relationship.

0:52:08.880 --> 0:52:11.680
<v Speaker 2>It is a reason why we connected and we're friends.

0:52:11.680 --> 0:52:13.920
<v Speaker 2>And the same with Lando, and the same with Nicole,

0:52:14.000 --> 0:52:17.560
<v Speaker 2>and the same with val and Glory and everybody else,

0:52:17.680 --> 0:52:22.680
<v Speaker 2>like everybody that's come into my life and even fucking David,

0:52:22.880 --> 0:52:26.440
<v Speaker 2>like stupid ass. But I'm just grateful like I'm grateful

0:52:26.440 --> 0:52:29.480
<v Speaker 2>that I have a safe space and you guys have

0:52:29.640 --> 0:52:33.880
<v Speaker 2>welcomed me and loved me and like made me feel okay, yeah,

0:52:33.920 --> 0:52:37.480
<v Speaker 2>you know, like and loved me, like just love me,

0:52:38.880 --> 0:52:41.759
<v Speaker 2>not like for anybody else, but just you know me,

0:52:41.880 --> 0:52:43.799
<v Speaker 2>and like fuck with me and write with me, and like,

0:52:45.400 --> 0:52:49.120
<v Speaker 2>because I know it's been it's been long, and I

0:52:49.160 --> 0:52:52.600
<v Speaker 2>thank you more than anybody knows, like the journey that

0:52:52.920 --> 0:52:53.359
<v Speaker 2>it's been.

0:52:53.960 --> 0:52:54.480
<v Speaker 4>So I'm just.

0:52:54.440 --> 0:52:57.080
<v Speaker 2>Thankful and I love you guys so much, and even

0:52:57.080 --> 0:53:01.319
<v Speaker 2>to everybody watching and listening, like, I'm so grateful and

0:53:01.360 --> 0:53:03.760
<v Speaker 2>if you love my mom and if you love my family,

0:53:04.040 --> 0:53:06.720
<v Speaker 2>thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart,

0:53:06.880 --> 0:53:11.160
<v Speaker 2>because this wouldn't be what it is without you guys,

0:53:11.640 --> 0:53:15.640
<v Speaker 2>you know, and life happens. And if there's anything that

0:53:15.680 --> 0:53:18.120
<v Speaker 2>you guys can take from this episode is just to

0:53:18.239 --> 0:53:22.520
<v Speaker 2>love yours, love your family with all your heart, you know,

0:53:22.640 --> 0:53:25.759
<v Speaker 2>and cherish every little single woman. I don't mean to

0:53:25.840 --> 0:53:28.800
<v Speaker 2>sound corny, but it is literally it is that simple,

0:53:29.280 --> 0:53:31.960
<v Speaker 2>like yeah, to love and to be kind and to

0:53:32.040 --> 0:53:35.239
<v Speaker 2>be there for your family and you're more importantly, you know,

0:53:35.320 --> 0:53:37.600
<v Speaker 2>shout out to all the mamas, the mamas that are single,

0:53:38.120 --> 0:53:41.240
<v Speaker 2>single moms, people that did it by themselves.

0:53:40.640 --> 0:53:43.600
<v Speaker 4>Like dad, single dads, single dads.

0:53:43.239 --> 0:53:44.759
<v Speaker 1>Like it isn't easy.

0:53:44.880 --> 0:53:47.200
<v Speaker 2>It isn't easy at all at all, and for any

0:53:47.239 --> 0:53:50.960
<v Speaker 2>person that's grieving too, Like I promise you, I promise you.

0:53:51.320 --> 0:53:54.239
<v Speaker 2>I know we've been crying this whole episode, but it

0:53:54.320 --> 0:53:55.320
<v Speaker 2>is gonna be okay.

0:53:55.520 --> 0:53:58.520
<v Speaker 4>It won't be easy, but you'll learn to live with

0:53:58.560 --> 0:54:00.920
<v Speaker 4>the pain. It's a growing pain, that's literally what it is.

0:54:00.960 --> 0:54:03.120
<v Speaker 1>You grow with it, You grow with the page.

0:54:02.880 --> 0:54:03.880
<v Speaker 4>And you learn to live with it.

0:54:04.000 --> 0:54:07.319
<v Speaker 2>You grow with it, you grow and it'll change you

0:54:07.360 --> 0:54:09.400
<v Speaker 2>to be a better person.

0:54:09.880 --> 0:54:14.480
<v Speaker 1>And you know, like just cherish it. Just cherish yours.

0:54:14.520 --> 0:54:16.600
<v Speaker 2>And I don't know if there's anything you want to

0:54:16.600 --> 0:54:19.640
<v Speaker 2>say about grief or whatever or whatever you know, but

0:54:19.680 --> 0:54:21.800
<v Speaker 2>I'm done because I don't want to cry anymore.

0:54:22.040 --> 0:54:23.600
<v Speaker 1>I'm done.

0:54:24.560 --> 0:54:27.600
<v Speaker 4>I just want to say, like, you know, obviously we

0:54:27.640 --> 0:54:32.080
<v Speaker 4>all deal with grief, either if it's a grandparent, a sister, brother, mom,

0:54:32.160 --> 0:54:34.839
<v Speaker 4>or dad, whatever, maybe your dog, it doesn't matter. Like

0:54:35.239 --> 0:54:37.640
<v Speaker 4>I feel like, grief is grief, Like you feel it,

0:54:38.239 --> 0:54:40.400
<v Speaker 4>you got to go through it. You just got to

0:54:40.440 --> 0:54:43.560
<v Speaker 4>deal with it. Like it's not gonna get easy. I

0:54:43.600 --> 0:54:45.920
<v Speaker 4>hate when people tell me it's gonna get better. It's

0:54:45.960 --> 0:54:47.279
<v Speaker 4>not gonna get better. It's not.

0:54:48.520 --> 0:54:50.080
<v Speaker 1>It may feel a little bit, just give me a.

0:54:50.040 --> 0:54:51.879
<v Speaker 4>Hug, don't but don't tell me it's gonna get better,

0:54:51.920 --> 0:54:54.439
<v Speaker 4>because it's not, like we just it's just a pain.

0:54:54.480 --> 0:54:57.560
<v Speaker 4>You learn to live with and you learn to get

0:54:58.520 --> 0:55:02.520
<v Speaker 4>used to in your life. I think for myself like

0:55:03.320 --> 0:55:05.319
<v Speaker 4>I just learned to live with it. And you know,

0:55:05.400 --> 0:55:09.040
<v Speaker 4>it's hard when you reminded so much of how happy

0:55:09.360 --> 0:55:12.440
<v Speaker 4>people are having that person that we don't have here.

0:55:13.600 --> 0:55:16.080
<v Speaker 4>But you know what, the train's been leaving so much

0:55:16.120 --> 0:55:16.960
<v Speaker 4>and then left again.

0:55:17.160 --> 0:55:20.400
<v Speaker 1>They're left again. You lost to trade. We're done you guys,

0:55:20.440 --> 0:55:21.640
<v Speaker 1>We're done. We're done.

0:55:21.680 --> 0:55:24.040
<v Speaker 2>But at the end of the day, just love your family,

0:55:24.600 --> 0:55:28.160
<v Speaker 2>love your friends. We never know when is the last time.

0:55:28.320 --> 0:55:28.960
<v Speaker 1>Be kind.

0:55:29.440 --> 0:55:33.920
<v Speaker 4>You know, I have one more appreciate Be patient. Be patient.

0:55:34.719 --> 0:55:37.880
<v Speaker 4>Patient with your parents. I never used to understand my

0:55:38.000 --> 0:55:41.960
<v Speaker 4>mom or my dad, and I would get mad at

0:55:42.000 --> 0:55:44.280
<v Speaker 4>my mom have so many things, and now I'm like, Okay,

0:55:44.320 --> 0:55:47.000
<v Speaker 4>I get her. But sometimes we don't understand our parents

0:55:47.040 --> 0:55:48.840
<v Speaker 4>or why they're like that with us. But as we

0:55:48.880 --> 0:55:51.959
<v Speaker 4>grow older, I'm like, Okay, Dad, I get that, Mom,

0:55:52.000 --> 0:55:54.120
<v Speaker 4>I get that I understand that now that I'm older.

0:55:54.680 --> 0:55:56.360
<v Speaker 4>So even though you think they're being mean to you,

0:55:56.360 --> 0:55:58.319
<v Speaker 4>they're not being mean to you. They're doing it for

0:55:58.320 --> 0:56:01.280
<v Speaker 4>a reason, and as you grow older, you're understanding you. Like, Okay,

0:56:01.400 --> 0:56:04.360
<v Speaker 4>I understand now why your parents are the only person

0:56:04.400 --> 0:56:06.800
<v Speaker 4>in the world. I love my friends, I love my friends,

0:56:07.080 --> 0:56:08.960
<v Speaker 4>but the parents, your parents are the only person in

0:56:08.960 --> 0:56:12.400
<v Speaker 4>the world that will never hurt you ever. That's all

0:56:12.400 --> 0:56:15.440
<v Speaker 4>I gotta say. Mike drop, Mic drop.

0:56:15.960 --> 0:56:19.880
<v Speaker 1>And with that, you guys, we're gonna end this episode because.

0:56:20.080 --> 0:56:20.919
<v Speaker 3>We're just gonna show.

0:56:21.000 --> 0:56:25.719
<v Speaker 1>We're gonna go hard, we're gonna celebrate. If you guys

0:56:25.719 --> 0:56:29.399
<v Speaker 1>are celebrating, please enjoy. Take a shot for me, take

0:56:29.440 --> 0:56:34.560
<v Speaker 1>a shot for Omi's mom. Shout out to them, Shout.

0:56:34.360 --> 0:56:40.360
<v Speaker 4>Out to Shout.

0:56:37.719 --> 0:56:39.400
<v Speaker 1>Out to all the people that have left us. We

0:56:39.560 --> 0:56:43.680
<v Speaker 1>love you, we miss you. Thank you guys so much again.

0:56:43.440 --> 0:56:44.560
<v Speaker 3>For watching and listening.

0:56:44.760 --> 0:56:47.040
<v Speaker 2>Make sure you guys tune in to next week and

0:56:47.080 --> 0:56:52.520
<v Speaker 2>I will see you next Tuesday. Overcome for Podcast is

0:56:52.520 --> 0:56:55.440
<v Speaker 2>a production of iHeart Podcast Network.