Speaker 1: Nicky Glazer. Here's Nikki here. I am Hello everyone, I'm
Speaker 1: Nicky Glazer. It's the Nicky Glazer Podcast. It's Thursday here
Speaker 1: in St. Louis, MO. UM, how are you doing out there?
Speaker 1: I hope you are all well and um looking forward
Speaker 1: to the weekend. I know that I am. I'm in town.
Speaker 1: I'm in St. Louis. I'm doing UM doing a show
Speaker 1: at the Factory on Saturday night, which is a big,
Speaker 1: big old venue here in St. Louis. I sold it out.
Speaker 1: I'm so excited. Thank you to all the besties who
Speaker 1: are going to show up. UM. And it's so funny
Speaker 1: because before the shows, no, I always go like, I
Speaker 1: bring up Andrew Um and I say, you know, he's
Speaker 1: the co host of my podcast, Nickols Podcast. And then
Speaker 1: I get some wooves and I go like, who we
Speaker 1: got that some besties in the crowd, and people yell
Speaker 1: at like and you know whatever, Um, what else do
Speaker 1: they yell? They yelled up something else that has really
Speaker 1: made me laugh. But UM, I never know to say.
Speaker 1: I'm just like, like, it's because it's awkward because there
Speaker 1: are people there that like don't listen to the show,
Speaker 1: and I don't want them to feel alienated by my
Speaker 1: enthusiasm for the Besties. But I gotta be honest. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I always go, hey, I you know, if you don't
Speaker 1: listen to the podcast, what the funk is wrong with you?
Speaker 1: Like I kind of like do a joke where I
Speaker 1: lash at the at them, But um, the Besties are
Speaker 1: putting in the hours. Yeah, And I just feel I
Speaker 1: mean I've said this countless times, but I just feel
Speaker 1: like they're my friends and it's just a different, different
Speaker 1: connection than the people whom I have seen my Rose
Speaker 1: compilations or uh know me from Stern or what you know.
Speaker 1: Those are fans that I value as well. But um,
Speaker 1: the Besties, I'm like, oh my god, they're just here
Speaker 1: to like support their friends. They're they're almost there, like
Speaker 1: my parents are there, you know, like or you know
Speaker 1: my high school friends, where they're like, we know this girl,
Speaker 1: like this is an act, like we're we're going to
Speaker 1: see her in her dance recital. I almost feel like
Speaker 1: they see through it sometimes where I'm like, oh god,
Speaker 1: they know the real me, like, and I know they
Speaker 1: appreciate the jokes and like the craftsmanship and and I
Speaker 1: have to say, like my act has become more like
Speaker 1: the podcast than it ever has before in terms of
Speaker 1: just the stuff I want to talk about, the kind
Speaker 1: of topics wee I cover on stage. I say we
Speaker 1: like it's a but I mean I do feel like
Speaker 1: it's a weak thing. But anyway, I always feel a
Speaker 1: little bit awkward because I'm so excited about besties being there,
Speaker 1: and the rest of the crowd is like, wait, what
Speaker 1: is this thing that we're not a part of, And
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, I I don't want to say it. Well,
Speaker 1: anyone listening to this is a bestie, so and anyone
Speaker 1: who's not get on board, and I'll of you just
Speaker 1: as much as the rest. But they're my favorite fans,
Speaker 1: I have to say, you know. And then my favorite
Speaker 1: fans on top of that are once that bring me
Speaker 1: Taylor Swiss merchandise but uh no, not really but kind of.
Speaker 1: Um No, I don't need any gifts. Please don't feel obligated,
Speaker 1: but you um but just know that, like I'll never
Speaker 1: forget you if you do. Um no. Uh But anyway. St.
Speaker 1: Louis is gonna be so fun because obviously my parents
Speaker 1: are going, Um, I just have to drive down the road.
Speaker 1: I'm not flying there. I Uh, I don't. I feel
Speaker 1: a lot of pressure to have like local references and things,
Speaker 1: which I will have, but who knows. I' you know,
Speaker 1: there's just gonna be a lot of people from my
Speaker 1: life there and a lot of more pressure to be spectacular.
Speaker 1: But I feel really good, so I am going to
Speaker 1: be spectacular. So it'll be fine. So your your best
Speaker 1: friend from New York Anya in your hometown, that's not special.
Speaker 1: I don't think she's ever been here. That's a good point.
Speaker 1: Wait was she at my show? Maybe she was here
Speaker 1: for the pageant shows. Yes, she was right before we
Speaker 1: shut down. Um, last January. January, I did the pageant
Speaker 1: in St. Louis, which is a big deal for me
Speaker 1: because I had seen so many acts at the pageant
Speaker 1: who I loved growing up and everything. Um. But yeah,
Speaker 1: she'll be here and that'll be really fun. Kursten is
Speaker 1: coming into town, um from Kansas City to be here. Uh.
Speaker 1: And my friend Taylor is also in town, who we
Speaker 1: went out with the other night. I'm going to dinner
Speaker 1: with them tomorrow night. I'm so excited to just have
Speaker 1: like a girl's dinner. Um, and Andrew might show up
Speaker 1: to so a girl's dinner and yeah, it's gonna be
Speaker 1: a fun weekend. I'm just getting ready to you know,
Speaker 1: I can't wait to like actually talk about it. I
Speaker 1: just always am like when these people go you can't
Speaker 1: talk about this thing until we announced it, I'm like,
Speaker 1: are you gonna take it away from me if I
Speaker 1: talk about it? Like are you going to is a
Speaker 1: breach of you assume me? Like, what's going to happen?
Speaker 1: All I've been saying is that I'm having a lot
Speaker 1: of cameras following me around for the next eight weeks
Speaker 1: of my life ten hours a day. They're coming to
Speaker 1: hang lights today and making my whole apartment a studio
Speaker 1: and not cleaning up. Dude, I'm just I just got
Speaker 1: off the phone with my therapist face time to with
Speaker 1: her and I go, I am not doing anything different.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to try to present anything different than
Speaker 1: what I am. And it's a lesson for myself to
Speaker 1: be like, X up yourself, don't try to hide who
Speaker 1: you are. And she was like, oh my god, a
Speaker 1: year ago. If I pitched the show over a year ago.
Speaker 1: She was like, if this would have been happening to
Speaker 1: you a year ago, I would have been like, don't
Speaker 1: do this. You are not in the right state of
Speaker 1: mind to do this. And she was like, but you
Speaker 1: seem to have gotten to the right place because I
Speaker 1: was like, I'm not smoking pot it there's nothing I'm
Speaker 1: hiding really anything anymore. Um, which before I was just
Speaker 1: not that I was hiding pot but it was just
Speaker 1: like not something I would have wanted the public to see.
Speaker 1: But now I have nothing that I'm I want the
Speaker 1: public to not see. I was even like putting my
Speaker 1: like anal douche fucking thing away the other day, cleaning it,
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, what if they found this,
Speaker 1: And I was like, that would be hilarious. I'd just
Speaker 1: be like, here's what this is and how you use it,
Speaker 1: and hopefully this will help someone do it. I don't know.
Speaker 1: It was just interesting to hear my therapist say, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think this would have been a bad idea. But
Speaker 1: that's what I do, is like I put things into
Speaker 1: motion that I'm gonna have to get my ship together
Speaker 1: for so that when they finally happened, I go, oh, my,
Speaker 1: Like I I quit drinking because I got a pilot
Speaker 1: at MTV for Nicki and Sara Alive, and I realized, oh,
Speaker 1: I can't make a TV show if I'm hungover every day.
Speaker 1: So it just made me finally go, well, if I
Speaker 1: want this to succeed, I gotta quit drinking. And it
Speaker 1: like forced me, forced my hand. Um, I watched Dancing
Speaker 1: with the Stars last night a little bit of that.
Speaker 1: I'm finally able to revisit that show after um, you know,
Speaker 1: without a lot of resentments. But that's no, I still
Speaker 1: have resentments. I was angry the whole time I watched it,
Speaker 1: being like that Len guy, the old guy Len, you know,
Speaker 1: the old guy who looks like you know he uh
Speaker 1: is in a frame at the Haunted Mansion when you
Speaker 1: go up Disney. He's like the one that's like old
Speaker 1: men withers passed away and he's the one that haunts
Speaker 1: the place. That guy is one of the judges. I
Speaker 1: hate when old men who like, maybe we're ballroom dancers
Speaker 1: in the past, like it's like the all coroly thing,
Speaker 1: when like these old men yell at these little gymnasts
Speaker 1: like your foot did not lend perfectly on the map
Speaker 1: after you did that, you know double what like the
Speaker 1: thing I could never do, even in my wildest imagination,
Speaker 1: because I'm an old man I'm going to scream at you.
Speaker 1: It's just like, shut up. Why don't you try to
Speaker 1: do it, bitch. That's what I wanted to say to
Speaker 1: that lend guy God when he was mean to me.
Speaker 1: He goes because so I got done with my fucking
Speaker 1: dance when I was on Dancing with the Stars and
Speaker 1: I was just like, I can I'm a dancer, Like
Speaker 1: I just like exclaimed that because it was like a
Speaker 1: triumphant moment for me that like I danced on TV
Speaker 1: equals you're a dancer. I didn't really think I was
Speaker 1: a dancer. And he was like, no, you are not.
Speaker 1: That was awkward, and I'm just like, yeah, you dumb
Speaker 1: old man. I'm I'm a comedian, Like why don't you
Speaker 1: why don't you give me a lower the bar, like
Speaker 1: I would lower it for you if you know, if
Speaker 1: you if I put you up to any task that
Speaker 1: wasn't having a nurse wipe your ass. I really mad
Speaker 1: at him, and he was just such an asshole to
Speaker 1: me and so mean, and I know that's his like
Speaker 1: gimmick on the show, like he's supposed to be the
Speaker 1: mean one, but like kid, I wanted to kill him
Speaker 1: so hard. Everyone on that show was kind of kill um,
Speaker 1: but please have me back and I'll like totally be like, Lenn,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for my score. I really wish
Speaker 1: I would have gone harder on him, and I was
Speaker 1: going to I had plans on the second night after
Speaker 1: he said something mean, I was gonna say I had
Speaker 1: a really good line for him. I forget what it was,
Speaker 1: but if he said anything negative, I was just gonna
Speaker 1: I was gonna zing him with something. It was a
Speaker 1: jerk store moment you know from Seinfeld where George is eating.
Speaker 1: If you don't know the Seinfeld reference, I'm gonna explain it.
Speaker 1: But if you do know it, skip ahead thirty seconds.
Speaker 1: George is at a meeting with a bunch of people
Speaker 1: and he's um just stuffing shrimp in his face from
Speaker 1: like the shrimp cocktail that's in the middle of the table.
Speaker 1: And there's a guy across the thing that goes, hey, George, uh,
Speaker 1: the ocean called they're running out of They're running out
Speaker 1: of shrimp, and everyone laughs and he's like ha ha,
Speaker 1: and George feels stupid. And then on the everyone the
Speaker 1: meeting ends and George you see him have this epiphany
Speaker 1: of like, oh my god, and he goes and he
Speaker 1: sees Jaredy's like, I thought of the best line, the
Speaker 1: best comeback, but it was too late. So I'm gonna
Speaker 1: set it up again so I can do the comeback.
Speaker 1: And its comeback is So he goes to this meeting
Speaker 1: he he gets, he flies in these people to have
Speaker 1: this meeting again. He orders a bunch of shrimp cocktail.
Speaker 1: He's stuffing his face with it again, you know, over
Speaker 1: the top stuffing his face, and then finally this and
Speaker 1: he's this guy goes hey, George, and George is like
Speaker 1: and like stuffing his face and he looks up slow
Speaker 1: and he's like waiting for the guy to say the line.
Speaker 1: He goes. The Ocean called, and uh, they said, they're
Speaker 1: running out of shrimp, and George just takes out his
Speaker 1: napkin and like like settles himself in and finishes chewing
Speaker 1: and goes, well, the jerk store called, and they're running
Speaker 1: out of you. And then the guy goes, why would they,
Speaker 1: You're the top seller, and everyone laughs again and he's like,
Speaker 1: God damn it. So there's constantly moments in my life
Speaker 1: where I'm like, oh, work store, I thought of the
Speaker 1: perfect line, so I did that with this Len guy,
Speaker 1: and I was like, second night, if he's mean to me,
Speaker 1: I'm going to throw this line in his face. I
Speaker 1: forget what it was. It was really good, and then
Speaker 1: he was nice to me. He was nice because I
Speaker 1: think he sensed he knew because he knew I was
Speaker 1: getting voted off, and they can't be mean to the
Speaker 1: person who was getting voted off because it seems like
Speaker 1: a pylon. So so he was meaning the first night
Speaker 1: to justify that that was going to get voted off
Speaker 1: the second night. But the second night they all already
Speaker 1: knew because it's a fixed show, that I was going
Speaker 1: to get voted off. And there was I mean, there
Speaker 1: was no Like my mom was like, I knew you
Speaker 1: were getting voted off when they had the cameras in
Speaker 1: our face, like the whole time they had his front
Speaker 1: row very I mean you were there. Noah. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: felt I had no idea, oddly enough, no clue that
Speaker 1: I was getting voted off first. Anyway, I watched it
Speaker 1: last night and Glebs Gleb's partner's sporty spice. She looks amazing.
Speaker 1: I don't how old she is. Uh, you know what,
Speaker 1: it didn't even matter to me. I was just like, WHOA,
Speaker 1: I don't know wa to know that that's that's true.
Speaker 1: But I was just speculating, like her face looks so
Speaker 1: good whatever work she's had done me want um she dressed. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I nailed it, That's what I said. But she's a
Speaker 1: decade older than me, which is wild that when I
Speaker 1: was jamming out to Spice Girls, it was just a
Speaker 1: woman that was ten years older. I mean that's nothing. Um,
Speaker 1: but she uh, she's a dancer. Get out of here
Speaker 1: with this ship Loser's season. Let's bring every person that
Speaker 1: is lost first first eliminated back onto Dancing with the
Speaker 1: Stars and let's do it again, and I will have
Speaker 1: that whole tirade against Land wiped from the inn or not,
Speaker 1: even though he'll probably be dead by then because he's old.
Speaker 1: Burn I really got him, And you're old and you
Speaker 1: might die soon. AT's such a weak joke. Sorry, Lenn,
Speaker 1: I hope you live forever in our memories because you
Speaker 1: will die soon. Um. So Noah, you, speaking of gymnasts,
Speaker 1: would to go see the touring you West gymnastics team
Speaker 1: that came through there like traveling around America, not competing,
Speaker 1: but just like performing. Yeah, the Gold over America tour,
Speaker 1: that's what it's called. That must be so fun for
Speaker 1: them to have the pressure off of like a slight
Speaker 1: stumble that they don't have to do everything the like
Speaker 1: they They maybe can get their periods that week, or
Speaker 1: eat a couple more bites of food. They don't have
Speaker 1: to have their a tendril of hair might be able
Speaker 1: to slip out of their tight you know, top knot.
Speaker 1: And they won't like be deducted points by a bunch
Speaker 1: of people who have raged because they'll never be as
Speaker 1: tiny and as talented as these women. Um. Do I
Speaker 1: have anything against judges? Possibly? Yes? So was was there
Speaker 1: a spirit of te almost what it was like? Like
Speaker 1: you said I should go see it. I I think
Speaker 1: you would really enjoy it. Um. I had no idea
Speaker 1: going in what I like, what I should be expecting.
Speaker 1: It was just the USA Gymnastics tour um Uh. Jordan's
Speaker 1: childs Simone Biles uh and then like a bunch of
Speaker 1: mother to be Sorry, well I don't know the rest
Speaker 1: of their names because I'm just like Brett uh Morgan
Speaker 1: heard was there. I know she's a big deal. So
Speaker 1: it was just like it was exactly what you said,
Speaker 1: Simone Bile comes out and this and she's like, this
Speaker 1: is just for us to let loose and have a
Speaker 1: good time. And it was all about like girl power.
Speaker 1: There was all these like cute, sparkly outfits, mostly dancing,
Speaker 1: and then in the second part they kind of highlighted
Speaker 1: each gymnast um and there was a lot of like
Speaker 1: gymnastics and dancing at the same time. It was just
Speaker 1: so entertaining. I felt like when we went to see
Speaker 1: the Dancing with the Stars tour, yes, it was like
Speaker 1: all that pageantry was like so cool, it is so fun.
Speaker 1: And you said that you were really like inspired even
Speaker 1: yesterday you wore like a fun like kind of bright
Speaker 1: tank top and you were inspired because of all the
Speaker 1: like outfits that you had seen the day before. Tell
Speaker 1: me about that, Like, what did it? Does suck that
Speaker 1: only pop stars and gymnasts get to dress in these
Speaker 1: fun or dancers on Dancing with the Stars get to
Speaker 1: dress like this? What? What is is it going to
Speaker 1: change the way you look at your wardrobe? I think
Speaker 1: I'm going to have to color my hair pink again.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's so fun, it's so the pink hair.
Speaker 1: I missed that um trend I just feel like now
Speaker 1: I'm just it's like the nose ring thing. My friend
Speaker 1: Catherine says, when I wanted to get my nose pierced,
Speaker 1: I go, is it? Am I too old evan nose piercing?
Speaker 1: And she goes, you're not too old to have one,
Speaker 1: but you're too old to get one. And I was like,
Speaker 1: that's a good point. Um, So that's why I did
Speaker 1: the fake one. Maybe I'll do fake pink extensions because
Speaker 1: pink is so cute with blonde. I just love the
Speaker 1: color pink. But I also related to I really love
Speaker 1: Taylor Swift's era, uh lover era, which like if Swifty
Speaker 1: fans know her going through different eras, and my favorite
Speaker 1: one was Lover is just all pastels and pinks and
Speaker 1: like kind of inspired this studio look, Honestly, I just
Speaker 1: like purples and pinks and like, you know, the colors
Speaker 1: of the sunset. And I was running yesterday and I
Speaker 1: saw the sunset, and I go, why isn't everything that
Speaker 1: Like it's like the most beautiful thing ever. Why isn't
Speaker 1: And it's the most representative, like uh, you know, just
Speaker 1: uh example of like nature at its finest is a
Speaker 1: beautiful sunset like everything should be those colors to make
Speaker 1: us happy. I don't know, but I also feel like
Speaker 1: I have to like move on to my next era,
Speaker 1: Like I can't I can't be doing the colors from
Speaker 1: Taylor's Lover era, but like I just bought a ton
Speaker 1: of merch from that era because it's all fun, beautiful,
Speaker 1: tide eyed, bright colored things. Um and for my I'm
Speaker 1: planning my special and uh, what I'm gonna wear and stuff,
Speaker 1: and I just yeah, I want to dress like I
Speaker 1: want to dress in like a leotard, like almost like
Speaker 1: a pop star. And I think that's why I wanted
Speaker 1: to do a dance at the end of my special,
Speaker 1: to justify wearing something that fun. But why do I
Speaker 1: need to do that? Why can't I just do stand
Speaker 1: up in a lee it's heart. I would love that
Speaker 1: you have my full support for that. I mean, maybe
Speaker 1: it would be distracting, but it would be honestly, you
Speaker 1: know what, Like I hate that thing of like, don't
Speaker 1: dress sexy. It's distracting. Well, sorry that I there. Men
Speaker 1: have a d d or like people life is distracting.
Speaker 1: You also have TikTok on your phone in your purse
Speaker 1: and how are you not looking at that. When I'm
Speaker 1: on stage, there's women wearing nothing in your phone, yet
Speaker 1: you are still listening to me. So if I'm wearing something,
Speaker 1: who cares if it's distracting. I think there's so many
Speaker 1: rules with stand up, and I think they're being broken
Speaker 1: right now by us going back and watching Norm McDonald
Speaker 1: clips by Bo Burnham's special by you know, uh, you know,
Speaker 1: even many years a few years ago now at this point,
Speaker 1: but Nanette, which everyone was so angry about that, what
Speaker 1: a threat to stand up that was? Do you know?
Speaker 1: Just like you know, she actually was saying exactly what
Speaker 1: I wanted to do, and I didn't realize I was
Speaker 1: actually echoing the same sentiments. But like, there's always a
Speaker 1: punchline to get you out of the awkwardness of a
Speaker 1: real moment, and I resent that. I just want sometimes
Speaker 1: to just linger in the moment. And maybe that isn't comedy,
Speaker 1: but um, why does everything have to be funny? Yesterday
Speaker 1: I did an NPR interview, um, like the public radio
Speaker 1: here in St. Louis with this lovely woman who's so
Speaker 1: smart and such a good interview or a Sarah Femski,
Speaker 1: and you know she talks like this it's like NPR
Speaker 1: on air in St. Louis, like St. Louis, and it's just,
Speaker 1: you know, she had just talked to some Afghan refugee
Speaker 1: and I was talking to someone about a book about
Speaker 1: discrimination in college campuses. And then she's like, F Boy
Speaker 1: Island host Nikki Glazer is here in studio to talk.
Speaker 1: And we had this whole interview and then we did
Speaker 1: a piece afterwards for the last five minutes, and she
Speaker 1: was like, I don't know. I was watching F Boy
Speaker 1: Island and I just and she doesn't listen to the podcast.
Speaker 1: She goes, I just got the sense that you could
Speaker 1: be like the next Oprah, Like you have a lot
Speaker 1: more to say and can empower women. And I was like,
Speaker 1: that's so weird because I was just saying I want
Speaker 1: to brine brown out and she was like, oh, I
Speaker 1: should have used that reference. I'm so old. I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: the Oprah's obviously a great one, but you can't compare
Speaker 1: yourself to Oprah. It's like comparing yourself to Beyonce. People
Speaker 1: are like, excuse me, you think you're gonna be Beyonce?
Speaker 1: Know I'm like, no, I mean I'm gonna be Um.
Speaker 1: Like Michelle Williams Prosperity. Let's get Andrew in here. Andrew
Speaker 1: Andrew Howe impression of our toilet. Yeah, I know you did,
Speaker 1: I know. I know when I know, I know you,
Speaker 1: I could I know him when I know too much
Speaker 1: about you. It's weird. I but I know when you poop.
Speaker 1: I know when you go in your room to poop
Speaker 1: um and then I hear through the wall, and that's
Speaker 1: that's that's just me practicing my stand up how just
Speaker 1: Lee bust I slept good last night? Uh yeah, trying
Speaker 1: to think. No, not recently. I haven't had too many
Speaker 1: midnight bouks. I think I'm a little bit I don't
Speaker 1: know what it is. I don't know what it is.
Speaker 1: But I haven't been pooping in the middle of the night,
Speaker 1: which is nice, Which is all. I just haven't been
Speaker 1: getting up to yes, okay, I've just been shipping in
Speaker 1: the bed. Were those eminem's in your bed or a
Speaker 1: little tiny? Well? What Seth didn't bring up yesterday is
Speaker 1: that they put sardines under my med I mean he
Speaker 1: didn't bring up a lot. We got we got off
Speaker 1: track with Seth. I wanted to just have stories about you.
Speaker 1: I like that he came in with like a plan,
Speaker 1: like how he was going to tell things. He had
Speaker 1: a couple of stories and wanted to get out. Um,
Speaker 1: he's a great guy. He's the best dude. I love
Speaker 1: him talking to him a decent amount, especially because he's
Speaker 1: so and I'm sober, and what are you talking about?
Speaker 1: Usually sobriety and like he's so we talk about, you know,
Speaker 1: shallow things, exports in the well. Yeah, we just talked
Speaker 1: about girls, pussies, you know. No, No, we talked about
Speaker 1: like it's funny with him because he was as silly
Speaker 1: as he was a little less silly to me, but
Speaker 1: we were always competitive about being funny. So now he's
Speaker 1: eight years sober, I'm three years and I feel like
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna catch up. Okay, Well that's that's
Speaker 1: the funny thing about sobriety, Like you can never get
Speaker 1: more years than or you helped to never get more
Speaker 1: years than you, fellow sober brothers and sisters. Um, but
Speaker 1: hopefully he falls off and then I'm three years ahead.
Speaker 1: I guess that's so funny. But no, he's just he's
Speaker 1: like a different person now and he wasn't bad before.
Speaker 1: He was just self sabotaging. He does hearing him talk
Speaker 1: about it. Uh yeah. He seems to have a good
Speaker 1: a good head on his shoulders, A big head. He
Speaker 1: you know what, he has a little it looked bigger.
Speaker 1: It looks big on the thing. Yeah, he has a pinhead.
Speaker 1: He has a smaller head than me. That's crazy. I know,
Speaker 1: it's weird. It really looks big. A lot of gel,
Speaker 1: a lot of hair gel. That's it's the way alone
Speaker 1: that you know, the human head weighs eight pounds, but
Speaker 1: sets weighs fourteen with all the depth and two pounds
Speaker 1: without it, which is weird. Yeah, it was great having
Speaker 1: them on. I appreciate you. It is, of course it's
Speaker 1: fun to have friends on, and I think that our
Speaker 1: listeners enjoy that as well, like having people that we
Speaker 1: really know and who know us, and that just represents
Speaker 1: the the common person that isn't maybe a I think
Speaker 1: that's why people like us, because we don't talk like
Speaker 1: we're famous, I hope, or like not famous, but like
Speaker 1: like we're in the biz. Maybe I do. I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I was watching a Norm McDonald, Oh
Speaker 1: my god, the Norm clips Andrew sent me last night
Speaker 1: or the clip was wild you guys, what do you
Speaker 1: have to google to get that YouTube? Red car bit
Speaker 1: Norm McDonald Jenny? Yeah, it was. It was a YouTube
Speaker 1: Comedy Awards and it was Norm McDonald hosting with two
Speaker 1: other people. One of them is Jenny Slide. One of
Speaker 1: them some idiots. Sorry to you, sir, but I even
Speaker 1: went to it. I mean, this was seven years ago,
Speaker 1: but I went to this guy's instagram. He was so
Speaker 1: cringe and I hate saying it's so cringe, but dude,
Speaker 1: you sent me the clip being like, I go, Oh.
Speaker 1: I didn't say was cringe or anything. I just thought,
Speaker 1: he's he's perfectly mean. No, can I just say what
Speaker 1: you said about him? Because I go, I go, Andrew,
Speaker 1: what are you doing in your bedroom? Because he was
Speaker 1: just in there and I was like, come out and
Speaker 1: he was like, oh, I'm watching Norm clips. And I
Speaker 1: said what are you learning? What you learn? And he said,
Speaker 1: be a horrible person, be a horrible personable person until
Speaker 1: you die. I said horrible. He said, I mean he
Speaker 1: was quite mean in the best way. And I said example,
Speaker 1: and he sent me this clip and I go, which
Speaker 1: part because it's a long thing, and you go the
Speaker 1: whole thing. So then I was like, okay, I'll just
Speaker 1: watch the whole thing. I Norm is so funny. He
Speaker 1: calls the Lonely Island. He goes, the Lonely Island is
Speaker 1: coming up next to they're interviewing people as they go
Speaker 1: in this comedy red carpet and they're like, the Lonely
Speaker 1: Island's coming up next door, as I call them Andy
Speaker 1: Samberg and the other two guys. It's not it's honest,
Speaker 1: it's not mean. It's a joke. This is a comedy. Obviously.
Speaker 1: I know that I'm not moron. I know that he's
Speaker 1: being funny, but it's still mean because two guys are
Speaker 1: not happy about this. Child should have been happy. It's
Speaker 1: Norm McDonald. I'm just saying that they got a little
Speaker 1: butt hurt. Was really like not cool to me when
Speaker 1: they were just kind of like, um, all right, yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: because it's mean, but it's funny comedy. They should have
Speaker 1: been like, I don't know, Norm McDonald, maybe we're I'm
Speaker 1: watching this through the lens of like he's dead in
Speaker 1: a legend and everyone's just said what a legend he is,
Speaker 1: and before he died he wasn't maybe as talked about
Speaker 1: like such reverence, But um, I was a little bit like,
Speaker 1: come on, guys, of course was making a joke, but
Speaker 1: they were like not happy, and it made me awkward
Speaker 1: that they were not happy just laugh along when someone
Speaker 1: insults you. He was the guy who I think Andy
Speaker 1: was kind of trying to be like, oh like for
Speaker 1: the guys. I mean, and Andy does get it and
Speaker 1: he seems cool, But is there a comedian that you
Speaker 1: guys would want would like feel so happy to be
Speaker 1: roasted by, like, um, you know, like, honestly, I avoided
Speaker 1: Patrise O'Neil before he died because I I mean, obviously
Speaker 1: I've avoided him after he died too, but before he died,
Speaker 1: I would never want to run into him because he
Speaker 1: was someone that could just he wouldn't say Lonely Island
Speaker 1: and the other two guys. He might say that, but
Speaker 1: that was that would be low level Patrese roasting. Patrese
Speaker 1: could like see your deepest insecurity right like right away
Speaker 1: and call it out in such a specific way that
Speaker 1: you It would be like, you know, when I've been
Speaker 1: roasted before and they've said things that I go, oh
Speaker 1: my god, people, I thought that they were gonna make
Speaker 1: fun of my flat ass and the fact that no
Speaker 1: one knows who I am and I'm a whore, not
Speaker 1: that like I'm deeply insecure and I look like Owen Wilson.
Speaker 1: Like those kinds of things are like, Oh no, I
Speaker 1: thought I was the only one that thought that. That's
Speaker 1: what I never wanted. I missed out on meeting Patrice
Speaker 1: because I actively avoided him because I thought he'd be like,
Speaker 1: look at you over there, look quiet, like you know
Speaker 1: you're not as funny as everyone, and that's why you're
Speaker 1: sitting there quiet because you somehow tricked your way into
Speaker 1: like he would call me up for my being an
Speaker 1: impostor that I think I am, which everyone goes, you're
Speaker 1: not an impostor, you are funny. I think he would
Speaker 1: be like, no, you're not, you are an impostor or
Speaker 1: something like he would confirm my deta'sphere. Yeah, there's a
Speaker 1: different there's a there's a certain tact to being roasted
Speaker 1: and being made fun of. I think for me, I
Speaker 1: like getting made fun of, usually by people that can
Speaker 1: take it back, like or it's like it's in good
Speaker 1: Like you could tell when someone's roasting where they're just
Speaker 1: being mean, you like, like not being I don't know,
Speaker 1: I feel like Patrese when he got made fun of.
Speaker 1: He he loved it too, even though no on the
Speaker 1: roast of oh well, yes that was Charlie Sheen. When
Speaker 1: Amy went after Patrese and said, it's not only a
Speaker 1: roast of Charlie Sheen, but it's a it's a um,
Speaker 1: it's a funeral for Patrese's foot, she was like, he's
Speaker 1: like gonna die of diabetes. And she was like, um,
Speaker 1: she said something of like God, I have to find
Speaker 1: it because she went after him hard and he he
Speaker 1: got up. He's sitting there mumbling to himself while she's
Speaker 1: doing the jok and he goes, this bitch just sit
Speaker 1: next to me all night being nice. What the funk? Like?
Speaker 1: He's not laughing. He's very confused by it. He's kind
Speaker 1: of like, wait, she was jokes that night were about
Speaker 1: him like dying and dying of diabetes. Yeah, but that's
Speaker 1: what like, that's what you're supposed to do. The obviously,
Speaker 1: I just think that he thought is proply like a
Speaker 1: little but that's how he worked. Was calling out like
Speaker 1: the most honest stuff. And in the thing is she
Speaker 1: she was calling he would that's what he does. So
Speaker 1: he was He's to me an example of someone who
Speaker 1: couldn't take it. But oftentimes comedians who are brilliant at
Speaker 1: calling out other people's things, they they see other people's
Speaker 1: things because they are so self aware of their own things,
Speaker 1: and because of that, they don't want to be called
Speaker 1: out for it. And you know that's I The guy
Speaker 1: on the red carpet that was doing so is Jenny
Speaker 1: slates some fucking guy, and that guy was so fucking cringe.
Speaker 1: At one point he has a Hannibal Buriss and he
Speaker 1: goes and well, when did you know you were funny?
Speaker 1: And by that, I don't mean like your sense of humor,
Speaker 1: like the way you look, and it was just like
Speaker 1: what it was so uncomfortable. It just said it just
Speaker 1: like sat there and die like. And then Norm McDonald
Speaker 1: told a joke about his doctor calling him ugly, like
Speaker 1: it was a self deficating joke, and the guy goes, yeah,
Speaker 1: I can see how he would say that, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean you're really ug like he just it was just
Speaker 1: so awkward. He's so bad at he That guy was
Speaker 1: like funny for YouTube pranks, you know, like yeah, that's
Speaker 1: why he got the job. And he didn't know he's
Speaker 1: never I think, probably been around someone that's actually funny.
Speaker 1: Like in his world, he's probably the like, oh he
Speaker 1: got him. He said he's ugly, and everyone's like, dude,
Speaker 1: you're fucking great. And that guy was probably told he
Speaker 1: was great until that day, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like that guy was probably like, dude, you're the funniest.
Speaker 1: Oh no, they're fucking He's gonna prankers, dude, that's the fun.
Speaker 1: And then he gets there and he's never put it
Speaker 1: together that ensemble. Either it's a genius or or like
Speaker 1: didn't really think, I mean retrospect, it was like, it's
Speaker 1: glorious because norm is just so on fire with all
Speaker 1: the stars are here tonight and he started reading creating
Speaker 1: all these YouTube stars that no one's ever heard of,
Speaker 1: and um, yeah, he's just like he. But I thought,
Speaker 1: what I liked about Norman that is that he laughed
Speaker 1: when people made fun of him. He actually was like
Speaker 1: enjoying it. He would give people good laughs. He was encouraging.
Speaker 1: He wasn't one of these comics that like thinks. I mean,
Speaker 1: he had the ability to sit back and never laugh
Speaker 1: at anything anyone else does because he was so funny.
Speaker 1: He's so much funnier than everyone else. He could sit
Speaker 1: on his throne and be like but he was generous
Speaker 1: with laughter. Well, the video is also watching last night
Speaker 1: to him he was talking about to allude back to
Speaker 1: like hopefully we just talked like regular people, because we
Speaker 1: are just regular people at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: everyone's the same, We're regular, were regular. Yeah, where all
Speaker 1: those things I'm ladded and um, I think like I think,
Speaker 1: Like he said something about like no one wants the
Speaker 1: guy that's the smart the smartest comic, like the guy
Speaker 1: that's like you know, I don't know. It was just interesting,
Speaker 1: like he was saying, like I I go after being
Speaker 1: like playing the smart dumb guy essentially. But you know,
Speaker 1: people love George Carlin because he was so brilliant with
Speaker 1: his takes. I mean, obviously there's a way to do
Speaker 1: smart comedy where it's still impressive, but it could come
Speaker 1: off preachy, I think, And that was what he was
Speaker 1: saying last night in his video about because he was brilliant.
Speaker 1: I mean, he do that kind of comedy where it's
Speaker 1: like this is but I don't think he could because
Speaker 1: he wasn't like that normally. George Carlin was like that.
Speaker 1: He was very intense and talked like that. You see
Speaker 1: him an interview, he talks like this, Norm, It's about consistency,
Speaker 1: It's about being the person you are off stage on stage.
Speaker 1: And for everyone that says talk to Norm like that
Speaker 1: knew him personally. He was pretty much the same on
Speaker 1: and off stage. And I think that those are the
Speaker 1: best comedians and those are the ones that aren't. And
Speaker 1: the Edge he's coming in later today. I can't wait
Speaker 1: for Edge to show up if he is. I mean,
Speaker 1: I know he's really busy with everything he has going
Speaker 1: on a lot of pussy downtown, but he might stop
Speaker 1: by in between. Yeah, it's just um, you know. I
Speaker 1: have to always stop myself from proselytizing and like getting
Speaker 1: on my soapbox and being like I know better. But
Speaker 1: at the same time, I admit I read thirds of books.
Speaker 1: I admit I don't have I'm I don't know certain
Speaker 1: Like while I'm saying things, I'll be like, also I'm dumb.
Speaker 1: Like I throw in that constantly because I want to.
Speaker 1: I want to make people aware that even though I'm
Speaker 1: acting like I know what I'm talking about, I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily know the other day, my sister goes you,
Speaker 1: you talk like it's just like that's the way it
Speaker 1: is and there's no other way. And I go, I know,
Speaker 1: because I think that it's that way, and so I
Speaker 1: do think that. But you're entitled to have that's your
Speaker 1: problem if you if you disagree with me, disagree with me.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna see what happens if I disagree with you,
Speaker 1: And sometimes I'll go, I'll I'm a good arguer, for sure,
Speaker 1: I'm a good debater. But if you are right, debate me,
Speaker 1: and like, let's have it to debate you this morning
Speaker 1: about the two weeks O off thing. And I looked
Speaker 1: it up and you're you're I I think there's uh,
Speaker 1: we're both kind of in the in the middle, but
Speaker 1: there is a thing. I get what you're I get
Speaker 1: what you're saying, because how you were saying. Sometimes what
Speaker 1: um if you shoot it in your cock, it makes
Speaker 1: no I know when you zof takes two weeks to
Speaker 1: like work, and so whatever you're feeling from the zolof
Speaker 1: today is the zoloft you took two weeks ago. So
Speaker 1: if you if you miss a dose two weeks ago,
Speaker 1: it's not you're not gonna feel it today. You're gonna
Speaker 1: feel it in two weeks at least. That's what my
Speaker 1: psychiatrist used to tell me, which is interesting because so
Speaker 1: I'm whatever. I went and googled it obviously because I
Speaker 1: was just like, I don't because you know, you take Adville.
Speaker 1: So there's shelf life of drugs and you, so it's
Speaker 1: like twenty half life. Yeah, half life and shelf shelf
Speaker 1: half life. There's a That's why I can't debate with you.
Speaker 1: I can't even say two words without I just don't
Speaker 1: want no. I know I'm sucking around, but no. But like,
Speaker 1: so it could be twenty six hours later it's fifty
Speaker 1: in you, and then another six hours a quarter a
Speaker 1: half of that is in you. And then it says
Speaker 1: you can have withdrawal symptom within two to three days
Speaker 1: from not taking your dose because it is actually out
Speaker 1: of your system. But I see how it could be
Speaker 1: confusing because it does take two weeks to start. I
Speaker 1: was told specifically that when you skip a dose, don't worry,
Speaker 1: it's going to be a two weeks later that you're
Speaker 1: going to feel like I was told that by a
Speaker 1: psych like a psychiatrist, like a doctor. So that's why
Speaker 1: I thought that that there are some drugs that stay
Speaker 1: in you. Some SSR I said, actually have longer half lives.
Speaker 1: I guess it then, is actually one of the quickest ones.
Speaker 1: I think paxel is zoft is actually one of the
Speaker 1: longest ones. But we could look that up. I think
Speaker 1: Zoloft is actually on the extreme side of like the
Speaker 1: longer half life, but I could be wrong. The thing
Speaker 1: is like, I didn't have it for three days though,
Speaker 1: and I think I was just tired from the road
Speaker 1: and the thing that I looked up it's called withdrawals. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because I was like, I don't know that I'm right,
Speaker 1: and then um, I got distracted and didn't tell you.
Speaker 1: But I wasn't gonna like, oh, I'm not right. I'm
Speaker 1: not going to tell him. I know, I didn't think
Speaker 1: that I looked it up and I was not fully right.
Speaker 1: But but you're all the symptims you described as from
Speaker 1: someone not taking their medicine. Yeah, I think it's a
Speaker 1: mixture of that. And we did travel a lot. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: you get travel hangovers and you had that long ass
Speaker 1: travel day. I mean, like it makes sense, but you
Speaker 1: know you were shutting yourself in your room for a
Speaker 1: couple of days and I was like, is he depressed?
Speaker 1: Well yesterday I was like, really fucked up? What does
Speaker 1: that mean? No, like meant like I couldn't concentrate on
Speaker 1: anything and my brain felt like very hazy, and I
Speaker 1: don't know. I just in the past, I would probably
Speaker 1: get a time. I'd probably have a panic attack yesterday
Speaker 1: if I didn't have so of what would have cost it? Know?
Speaker 1: You noticed times when I just think over I just
Speaker 1: think tiredness and then wanting to get so sometimes what
Speaker 1: happens is I'll get so tired, my body will feel tired.
Speaker 1: I'll feel bad for being tired, and then I go, well,
Speaker 1: why can't I think straight? Think straight? Andre and like
Speaker 1: try to tell myself because is I mean? I'll be
Speaker 1: completely I get jealous of how like yesterday you're like
Speaker 1: out there talking and you're like and like you don't
Speaker 1: get affected by like travel, you don't get affected by
Speaker 1: certain things. And it's like, I'm like, why am I
Speaker 1: fucking so tired? And then I think you might judge
Speaker 1: me for that? And then I judge myself for that,
Speaker 1: and then I'm like, well just then be better, be
Speaker 1: be be aware, And so then that's when the panic
Speaker 1: would set in of being like get back on track.
Speaker 1: So it's like the guilt over the the anxiety over
Speaker 1: the judgment, both from externally and inside yourself of like you, yeah,
Speaker 1: you can't just let yourself be sad or yet or
Speaker 1: not be lazy or be low. I was really depressed
Speaker 1: on Monday night, like because I, uh, yeah, I traveled
Speaker 1: all day and then I get back and I was
Speaker 1: trying to fulfill the void of like feeling restless and
Speaker 1: feeling like lonely and just feeling all these things where
Speaker 1: I filled it with like masturbation and then filled it
Speaker 1: with trying to watch TV. Then that didn't work, and
Speaker 1: I was just like I need to take a melotonein
Speaker 1: and get out of this. And I also I I
Speaker 1: texted a bunch of friends being like I'm really depressed
Speaker 1: right now, but it's because of A, B and C,
Speaker 1: Like there's this isn't me being a bad person or
Speaker 1: like weak. It's like there's reasons for it and it'll
Speaker 1: be different tomorrow. That's the last sentences where I can
Speaker 1: get to now where I couldn't get to before. Is
Speaker 1: a day from now or two days from now, you're
Speaker 1: gonna be fine, just wait and be patient. I also
Speaker 1: have a trouble enjoying the fine times sometimes though, because
Speaker 1: I'm like, it's gonna get bad again, like nothing's ever
Speaker 1: gonna last, Like don't get to it because I think
Speaker 1: I think that that is part of the depression, is
Speaker 1: when you get so excited about I'm never gonna be
Speaker 1: fat again, I'm always going to be in shape, I'm
Speaker 1: always going to have a zest for life. Everything is
Speaker 1: always going to be great when you are again, the
Speaker 1: disappointment is so big. So even when I'm having a
Speaker 1: great time where I feel like I'm so attractive, my
Speaker 1: waist is so tiny and I'm tan and my skin
Speaker 1: is clear, don't get fucking wrapped up in that stuff.
Speaker 1: Don't feel like that's your identity and a reason to
Speaker 1: be happy, because it will go away, all of it
Speaker 1: will and if and that's that's I just want to
Speaker 1: balance of like accepting when I'm good, accepting when I'm bad,
Speaker 1: and not having it mean who I am? Um? And
Speaker 1: let's get to the news. So true, So tellst the
Speaker 1: weekend is here. Boy. I hope you have it all
Speaker 1: the swells out there, and I hope you checked out
Speaker 1: a video on YouTube. This is my no on inact
Speaker 1: down in the French quarter. You have the h the
Speaker 1: accent that comes out when we go to the baseball
Speaker 1: game and a foul ball gets it and you go, oh,
Speaker 1: come on down, down down now, every town ball end
Speaker 1: up in my lap. He can't say it's so far.
Speaker 1: It's the thing that maybe you can do that makes
Speaker 1: me laugh harder than anything. Isn't it's because it's it
Speaker 1: doesn't even seem like he's meditated, Like it's not premeditated
Speaker 1: to scream now, no go I'm down now. It just
Speaker 1: is a it's a reflex that a ball shoots up
Speaker 1: and he just goes, oh, now come down on down now, now, now,
Speaker 1: come on down now. Now. I love it so much
Speaker 1: because like a sneeze, like you can't help it, because
Speaker 1: when it's like especially when it's like two hundred feet
Speaker 1: away just looking to my left and right of people
Speaker 1: going this kind of thing is gonna. But yet you
Speaker 1: get embarrassed with me when I picked up Luigi ship
Speaker 1: on the street with some leaves. But why are you
Speaker 1: not embarrassed of that beautiful To walk away from the people,
Speaker 1: you have to sit there and sit with them. That's
Speaker 1: the beautiful of sports that you could yell anything. You
Speaker 1: could yell cheta cheese, come on down there on the
Speaker 1: mouth chetta of the harmarty and everyone goes, what yeah,
Speaker 1: har party sounds like a picture it is? He played
Speaker 1: for the carbon. He lives in our built, Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: there's one. There's one guy on the Cardinals team who
Speaker 1: lives in our building. And I always see him on
Speaker 1: a Lime scooter. So when we went to the Cardinals game,
Speaker 1: my sister and I were when he went up to
Speaker 1: about we were like, write that love, you'll write that love.
Speaker 1: People were just like what but they didn't care because
Speaker 1: you can shout anything. I mean, a person like that
Speaker 1: in my life. Yet that because because he's always writing
Speaker 1: it be the press. Don't you going right to mardel
Speaker 1: down now you'll be okay boy, okay, news al right.
Speaker 1: I love birds getting in on a car getting this
Speaker 1: is about love? Actual love birds? Or is this about
Speaker 1: two people? People? People that two people dressed as lovebirds
Speaker 1: getting it on in a car had to be rescued
Speaker 1: by cops after releasing the Toyota Yars hard handbrake, rolling
Speaker 1: down a hill and the car rolling on its side.
Speaker 1: The police report says the couple were strengthening their relationship.
Speaker 1: So this couple be fucking in a jaris. I was
Speaker 1: picturing her like putting the E break inside of her
Speaker 1: and strengthening her pussy. I've always there's something sexual about
Speaker 1: that E break that sometimes I do just want to
Speaker 1: sit on it because dude, when it's it's hard to
Speaker 1: push down, there's something about like I think I will
Speaker 1: do that in my life. I want a relationship where
Speaker 1: a guy gets in the car and I'm like just like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm looking for something and I have like my skirt
Speaker 1: over it so they don't know, and I'm like, um,
Speaker 1: I might just have the break inside me and they'll go,
Speaker 1: what the fuck is wrong? I love doing weird sex
Speaker 1: things and having guys go what is wrong with you?
Speaker 1: And I'm just like, isn't this hilarious? This is in me?
Speaker 1: And then it's like the hand break though it's like
Speaker 1: a strong construction man with tough things, like tough hands,
Speaker 1: Like that's how it feels like when you pull it up.
Speaker 1: I don't mean the ones that are like, you know,
Speaker 1: like the old school ones right where it's a manual
Speaker 1: like car where you're having to like I mean the
Speaker 1: break it's almost like skinnier than a deck. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: but it makes that sound. It gives you like that
Speaker 1: really like you gotta pull it those last that last inches.
Speaker 1: It's literally like you're stopping the car from going down
Speaker 1: the hill with just your hands. Some girls can't getting
Speaker 1: really aroused by the way a man drives. I didn't
Speaker 1: know that about myself, but I can be really unattracted
Speaker 1: to someone by how they drive and then really horned up.
Speaker 1: I think it's about feeling safe and feeling like they
Speaker 1: take chances and they're just like badass, and like I
Speaker 1: want to feel safe but also be like a little
Speaker 1: bit like, oh my god, he's like kind of going fast,
Speaker 1: Like that's my like zone of arousal is like feeling
Speaker 1: like I'm protected and he's worried about me and like
Speaker 1: he's buckled up and like he's not gonna put me
Speaker 1: in harm's way, but we're gonna like he's gonna get
Speaker 1: me there like an old stick shift, Like does that
Speaker 1: turn you on? I don't care what you drive. I
Speaker 1: just like the vibe of like your your your vibe
Speaker 1: on the road, but that there's a thin line between
Speaker 1: that and being right like driving too fast and too erratic. No,
Speaker 1: I don't want him to do it for show. I
Speaker 1: want him to do it so we get there fast,
Speaker 1: and like he's just like God, these people don't like
Speaker 1: it's kind of like me, Like I drive in a
Speaker 1: way that's like I'm Everyone around me is probably thinks
Speaker 1: I'm a crazy driver, but what I'm doing is like
Speaker 1: I know where I'm going and I'm more spatially aware,
Speaker 1: and people are just kind of like and I'm just like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna cut in front of you because you're slow,
Speaker 1: and I know you're not going to speed up erratically
Speaker 1: because I've been seeing you for a half mile now
Speaker 1: driving thirty in a forty, So I'm gonna I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna go in front of you, even though I know
Speaker 1: there's like two car lengths for me to weave in
Speaker 1: front of before I hit the car in front of me.
Speaker 1: It seems crazy, but I know there's no way this
Speaker 1: guy is gonna all of a sudden speed up and
Speaker 1: block me. Yes, but that does happen now, I have
Speaker 1: I've been in one wreck when I was sixteen, i
Speaker 1: hit a garbage man, but since then, I've never been
Speaker 1: in line that canna be a line from Clueless. That's
Speaker 1: such a funny line. But when you're sixteen, you get
Speaker 1: a pass. When you get first get your license, I
Speaker 1: gotta wreck my first month every Like any parents out
Speaker 1: there do, do not let your children just get a
Speaker 1: license and just go willy nilly. They don't know what
Speaker 1: they're wing. When you're sixteen and you like pulling, I
Speaker 1: would pull into like another lane and like completely like
Speaker 1: run a guy off the road, and then he'd get
Speaker 1: up in me and go, what the funk man? Fuck you?
Speaker 1: And I'd be like a sorry about when people run
Speaker 1: like get in my lane and they don't see me,
Speaker 1: I don't go what's wrong with you? I'm just like
Speaker 1: they didn't see me, Like it's okay, just slow down
Speaker 1: and go oh, like you protect them from themselves, Like
Speaker 1: don't I hate people that see someone making an error
Speaker 1: and then they speed up so that the error is
Speaker 1: even worse. It is opposed to just seeing someone making
Speaker 1: the error and giving them room to make the error
Speaker 1: like it's okay, Like you've done that too. Wouldn't you
Speaker 1: want someone to give you space as opposed to like,
Speaker 1: actually I'm going to speed up to show them that
Speaker 1: that was so dangerous, Like now you're making it a
Speaker 1: thing when really they're not going to learn from that.
Speaker 1: Just give them space and make the road a safer place.
Speaker 1: My brother's like, we're in Florida, like that guy could
Speaker 1: have a gun, and I'm like, exactly, that's the thing.
Speaker 1: It's like these beg men out there. Stop when if
Speaker 1: I accidentally don't see you in my blind spot and
Speaker 1: I start to veer over, honk gently, but then don't
Speaker 1: speed up so that it's more dangerous. And if you
Speaker 1: can break enough so that this dumb idiot that didn't
Speaker 1: check all of her rear view mirrors enough can just
Speaker 1: ease into the road because you know you can do that.
Speaker 1: But if you're trying. But this goes back to your
Speaker 1: first thing. If I see something, I squeeze in and
Speaker 1: I know they're not, but then that behavior probably leads
Speaker 1: to you eventually cutting someone off. That's that's why I
Speaker 1: don't know. It's not I don't cut people off. I
Speaker 1: just get in front of them in a way that
Speaker 1: they might be like, wow, that's going faster than me,
Speaker 1: and got in front of me. I'm not going cutting
Speaker 1: them off so that they have to break they don't
Speaker 1: they can keep going. I do everything so that everything
Speaker 1: can stay the way it was. There's no me making
Speaker 1: someone have to go what But oftentimes they do that
Speaker 1: because they're crazy and they're they're too anxious, and that's
Speaker 1: not my fault, but I do, but I do. You know. Anyway,
Speaker 1: sex in a car is so hot, so people like,
Speaker 1: uh the jarus. I love a guy that drives the
Speaker 1: rus is getting laid. I love um that. The cops
Speaker 1: reported it as them strengthening their relationship and gave him
Speaker 1: kind of a pass on that. I think yards a
Speaker 1: small car to fucking you. Yeah. Yeah, like at the
Speaker 1: back of a land cruiser with the seats are down.
Speaker 1: That's like a full lunch. Yeah, like a studio bedroom. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's pretty How did it work out? It was just
Speaker 1: like me and my ex boyfriend were both living with
Speaker 1: our parents at the time. It was like over like
Speaker 1: a no. Actually we were both living with their parts
Speaker 1: and so we didn't have a place to go, and
Speaker 1: we were both broke, so we couldn't get a hotel room,
Speaker 1: and so I was what music was playing was the
Speaker 1: a c on was the windows. When I would hook
Speaker 1: up in a car, you fogged out no, I would not.
Speaker 1: I would turn off the car. But you know my dad,
Speaker 1: My dad has taught me to not nothing hotter than
Speaker 1: a girl being like, we gotta turn the car off.
Speaker 1: And number one waste of energy is when you have
Speaker 1: a car that's just turned on and just running as
Speaker 1: it's parked. So you should have the a. I mean
Speaker 1: you're sitting there. It was in the winter, so like
Speaker 1: it would get cold and then we would heat it
Speaker 1: up with our body heat and it was kind of fun. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's hard. It's hard too, like those positions. It's not.
Speaker 1: It's not it's not a set like in movies. It's like, oh,
Speaker 1: my first time I'm going to be in a bag
Speaker 1: scene and you know there's always that scene. I mean,
Speaker 1: what kind of guy. I just want to get fingered
Speaker 1: while the guy drives and I'm in the passenger seat. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's one time my ex boyfriend and I we were
Speaker 1: driving across the country and he hooked up. He had
Speaker 1: a He brought in one of those boxes that has
Speaker 1: plugs in it so that we could plug in the
Speaker 1: wand which was our the third party of our relationship.
Speaker 1: And I had the wand we're driving across the country.
Speaker 1: We're doing like a road trip that girl just got
Speaker 1: murdered on kind of thing. It was the same kind
Speaker 1: of road trip of like all the national parks driving
Speaker 1: to l A from New York, and um yeah, I
Speaker 1: would just be like getting it in the front seat
Speaker 1: and he would just be driving and like it was
Speaker 1: so that was so hot. I love that. I just
Speaker 1: love being uh yeah. And then you ever get think
Speaker 1: you got caught. Sometimes I just to jerk off when
Speaker 1: I drive and I feel like, no, I never no.
Speaker 1: I would put up like a T shirt in the window.
Speaker 1: I didn't want anyone to see it. I don't like
Speaker 1: people seeing me having sex. I'm not like one of
Speaker 1: those unless people want to watch. That's different. But subjecting
Speaker 1: the public to that it's not good. It's you end
Speaker 1: up having to have road ahead. I've gotten road ahead.
Speaker 1: I don't love it because I have to remember a
Speaker 1: joke that I used to do about this. What about it? Um?
Speaker 1: I used to have a joke that I don't want
Speaker 1: to do it because I think I might put in
Speaker 1: my special it's really good, But I used to do
Speaker 1: it all the time. I liked it giving RoadHead because
Speaker 1: first of all, it's That's why I think I have
Speaker 1: like I'm I'm always turned on by someone when they're driving,
Speaker 1: and I kind of want to, Like I like when
Speaker 1: a guy has to like do something like focus and
Speaker 1: like it's trying not to come kind of thing. I
Speaker 1: like doing it when like when a girl trying to
Speaker 1: perform surgery and I go down on like something like
Speaker 1: like hard transplant. Yeah serious, Oh my god, that's that's
Speaker 1: got to be a porn genre where it's like, can
Speaker 1: you save my dad's Like this family is just begging,
Speaker 1: Like the surgery is very intricate, and if she's not
Speaker 1: totally focused and the guy's going down on her, that
Speaker 1: would be so hot. I know that there's a lot
Speaker 1: of porn where the girls talking to her friends and
Speaker 1: a guy's going down and she's just like yeah. Like
Speaker 1: that's where like I like Biden giving a presidential address,
Speaker 1: and I think we had a president that actually was big.
Speaker 1: Clinton definitely got a blow job, stay to the unions
Speaker 1: talking about domestic terrorism or okay, next story, um let's
Speaker 1: see here. Oh another yards no, that would be Apple
Speaker 1: is working on an algorithm that looks like user users
Speaker 1: health information such as physical activity levels, sleep patterns, of
Speaker 1: mobility and effort to create software that could diagnose depression.
Speaker 1: So they're gonna make like an app to actually be
Speaker 1: called duh, Like you don't need to look at my
Speaker 1: heart Set's just am I an American who has Instagram
Speaker 1: diagnosis depressed? Everyone is depressed? Can I just say that?
Speaker 1: Stop acting like you're too good for depression? Who do
Speaker 1: you know that's not depressed? If you do know someone,
Speaker 1: it's someone who doesn't have a smartphone or theirs. It's
Speaker 1: just like everyone's kind of deprised. It's not it's it's
Speaker 1: okay to admit it, but that is a computer being
Speaker 1: like based off this and this and this, and like
Speaker 1: it's like shut the funk up, Like I like, no,
Speaker 1: it's like, do you follow em Rada and Alexis reren Um, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you have severe depression? You followed Dan Blizzarian. Yeah you might.
Speaker 1: You're probably suicidal and we should just admit you to
Speaker 1: a hospital right now. Like and then you're like thanks Apple,
Speaker 1: like I would have never known, and like Apple gives
Speaker 1: a fuck about our mental No, they want to know
Speaker 1: because you'll buy more when you're depressed, and then they'll
Speaker 1: give you more ads during that time because now they
Speaker 1: know yeah, now it's all and they probably are in
Speaker 1: with pharmaceutical companies to like okay. Well, the the other day,
Speaker 1: I I cannot believe this app that was that was
Speaker 1: you know, marketed to me on my stories. I'm watching
Speaker 1: Instagram stories flips to one and it was like, do
Speaker 1: you not understand your emotions? Are your emotions blocked? Do
Speaker 1: you have trouble cry? I was like, this motherfucker, how
Speaker 1: did it know my specific thing that I don't cry
Speaker 1: that I've blocked you in your bathroom right now? Are
Speaker 1: you looking in the mirror? Are you telling yourself so specific?
Speaker 1: How did someone make an app or program that this
Speaker 1: cater to my needs? It felt it felt like a
Speaker 1: bot made it, you know, like a bot made an
Speaker 1: app that's going to reroute me to an app like
Speaker 1: it like it's it's just it's what. I don't trust
Speaker 1: anything anymore. I can't. I'm just like, how did that?
Speaker 1: It really felt? It didn't feel good, but you didn't
Speaker 1: feel seen. Sometimes with with you know, Posh Mark or
Speaker 1: like some of the shopping sides are going to they'll
Speaker 1: they'll really nail my needs where I go. This person
Speaker 1: knows me better than anyone but no, I felt seen
Speaker 1: for sure. I mean that is interesting that our phones
Speaker 1: know us better than our partners, Like our phones will
Speaker 1: suggest presence for us to get ourselves. That your your
Speaker 1: husband would never buy you. Yeah, your wife, And it's like, motherfucker,
Speaker 1: I wanted a new PlayStation. I didn't want to Pandora
Speaker 1: like jewelry, like shitty charm bracelet with a martini glass on,
Speaker 1: like you know, I wanted a divorce. Yeah, my app
Speaker 1: somehow new that. All right, let's take a quick break
Speaker 1: and we'll be back with our weekly sports Alright, we're back. Okay,
Speaker 1: let's do it Weekly sports Gears Andrew's Weekly sports Moment. Man,
Speaker 1: she's gonna kill me one day. Okay, A better turned
Speaker 1: a promotional bet into you said better and I was
Speaker 1: better A better? No one, Okay, I wish I wish
Speaker 1: you were a better man. I wish you. Yeah, waiting
Speaker 1: watching the clock. It's got to stop her. Okay, take
Speaker 1: that a bet tour. No, it's a better, but it's
Speaker 1: just not the best way to say it. What do
Speaker 1: you say someone who a guy who plays bets? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't write you can you can rewrite them in
Speaker 1: your brain to present them so that I don't want
Speaker 1: to make no upset. If I was reading that, I
Speaker 1: would say, oh, a better, and I could read it like,
Speaker 1: but if I'm hearing it, you got to sometimes change
Speaker 1: a man who bets or a person who turned a
Speaker 1: promotional a one who promotes dollar which iss bet into
Speaker 1: a hundred thirty three thousand via a sixteen NFL parlay
Speaker 1: and hit fifteen consecutive picks. Okay, well, you're gonna have
Speaker 1: to tell me about parlay is when you football? Uh no,
Speaker 1: it's a so you bet you have to each game
Speaker 1: has to win, like each game you have to hit.
Speaker 1: So let's say you bet the forty nine ers they
Speaker 1: gotta win, and then connected to that, the Dolphins also
Speaker 1: have to win. That's a two game parlay. If and
Speaker 1: then you bet, I'm not going to get it. It
Speaker 1: doesn't matter. Okay, So this guy and just he won
Speaker 1: fifteen out of fifteen picks. He picked correctly, and then
Speaker 1: it was up to the sixteenth. He would have made
Speaker 1: seven free promotional bet by the way, so he didn't
Speaker 1: put dollars or he did, he did, but he got
Speaker 1: that free from the casino, which is just Now I
Speaker 1: wonder how much this guy is spent in his lifetime betting,
Speaker 1: Like that's what I always go. Is this really a
Speaker 1: guy that just wandered in and was there with some
Speaker 1: friends doesn't usually bet. That's a great story. This guy
Speaker 1: is gonna now turn this dred three thousand into a
Speaker 1: bunch of losses. His family hasn't eaten for three months
Speaker 1: because he did a forty eight game parlay, which he
Speaker 1: just felt good on sports. I mean, how does not
Speaker 1: everyone do it that it cares about sports? I mean,
Speaker 1: if you feel like it would make you care so
Speaker 1: much more. I mean there's a whole there's a billion
Speaker 1: dollar industry. Because I did this one day, I did.
Speaker 1: I go, oh, you know what I'll do. I'll figure
Speaker 1: it out. I'll just do a lot of small bets,
Speaker 1: but a lot of games. And I bet fifty games
Speaker 1: at like fifty dollars a game, and I lost forty
Speaker 1: eight of them. So I had a forty eight negative
Speaker 1: parlay or whatever. I don't know. I didn't connect them all,
Speaker 1: but I just lost, and I lost and just going
Speaker 1: and take you gotta go get cash because that was
Speaker 1: before Venmo and when you feel cash being turned over,
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, I'm gambling sites and things must
Speaker 1: have benefits so much from digital because you just don't
Speaker 1: feel like you're spending actual money. Um and chips, you know,
Speaker 1: like chips don't feel like money. That's why they use chips,
Speaker 1: I feel like. And also did you know that the
Speaker 1: carpet on a casino floor is so erratic so that
Speaker 1: if you drop a chip, you will not see it,
Speaker 1: and they and they can if they can have it
Speaker 1: as a gain and there that's why the carpet looks insane.
Speaker 1: It's not because they're fun. And I think it's also
Speaker 1: a mental thing of keeping you more awake, like more
Speaker 1: things happening in your eye. And that's why it's so
Speaker 1: cold in there as well, because it keeps you awake,
Speaker 1: so then you could bet longer, because the longer you bet,
Speaker 1: the more chance you have to lose. I'm so grateful
Speaker 1: that and you should be too as well. That you
Speaker 1: had that loss and it felt so bad that you go,
Speaker 1: I don't want to do that again. Like that's the
Speaker 1: way some people feel after they drink and they have
Speaker 1: a hangover there, like that was stupid and not worth it.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to do that again, Whereas I was
Speaker 1: like that was worth the good feeling that I had
Speaker 1: on the on top of that, you know, or McDonald
Speaker 1: gambled away his life's fortune three times. I heard, Yeah,
Speaker 1: he was talking about how he would gamble and I
Speaker 1: and I get this too. So when you're like addicted
Speaker 1: to being like being a spender and you're spending your
Speaker 1: money and you make like two d tho dollars right,
Speaker 1: and you spend let's say you spend a hundred fifty
Speaker 1: of it, then you have fifty thousand left, you don't
Speaker 1: see it as like I got a hold. You're like,
Speaker 1: I might as well just get rid of this too.
Speaker 1: Like there's a weird mental thing. And that's what he
Speaker 1: was talking about on WTF where he lost like a
Speaker 1: few hundred grand and markets like how did you keep playing?
Speaker 1: He's like, well, I already lost that. I might as well.
Speaker 1: That's a weird like mental thing. I heard this thing
Speaker 1: from my brother in law who now has a retail shop.
Speaker 1: He was like doing some research about just like pricing
Speaker 1: and what people do, and he told us that, you know,
Speaker 1: if there was some ski shop story of a guy
Speaker 1: that had a ski shop and there was a coat
Speaker 1: that was like twenty dollars, you know, it's uh, some
Speaker 1: kind of special coat. The person bought brings it up
Speaker 1: to the counter. It's like, I want this coat, and
Speaker 1: they go, actually, the hood is not the hood. I
Speaker 1: have to unzip this. The liner actually is an extra
Speaker 1: ten that doesn't come with the coat. And the person
Speaker 1: goes and they just go, okay, you'll throw it in.
Speaker 1: They do that because they know they put the liner
Speaker 1: in the coat knowing it's going to be an add on,
Speaker 1: because if you're willing to part with for a coat,
Speaker 1: you're willing to part with thirty dollars for the whole coat.
Speaker 1: So it's like it's psychologs. Initial was the French fry
Speaker 1: is like the number one add on thing and that
Speaker 1: and that changed everything. So like when when you buy
Speaker 1: a cheese beer meal, like and you're like, oh, well
Speaker 1: when we have some fries with that, and you're like,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, yeah, that makes sense, you know, Like they
Speaker 1: don't even think about it and they're like, well, here's
Speaker 1: another dollar. It's it's like already bought. That's why movie
Speaker 1: places make a small soda two dollars, a medium soda
Speaker 1: five dollars, and at large six dollars, because why would
Speaker 1: you spend an extra dollar to get the large, when
Speaker 1: really the markup is from the small to large. You're
Speaker 1: not even looking at the small because you want a lot.
Speaker 1: You're looking at the medium, and you go, well, what
Speaker 1: a deal that is based on the large. It's all
Speaker 1: fast forward to that guy having diabetes and getting his
Speaker 1: feet cut off and losing two million dollars of medical bills.
Speaker 1: He's like, yeah, but I saved that Amy Schumer, offending
Speaker 1: him at the roast. All right, let's get to our
Speaker 1: weekly m segment where we go through listeners mail. It's
Speaker 1: time for fan trax fan tracks. It's time. All right,
Speaker 1: let's listen. Do we have voice memos? Do we have emails?
Speaker 1: What are we what are we going through this week? No,
Speaker 1: all right, today we're going to get some voice smails
Speaker 1: because we've just been having unbelievable uh fan tracks. I
Speaker 1: just want to thank everyone and sorry if we're not
Speaker 1: getting it on the show, but uh, but we feel
Speaker 1: from them. And Noah goes through all of those and
Speaker 1: you go through some of them to and do it.
Speaker 1: I used to. I did. I checked them out just
Speaker 1: if there's so many where now it's like it's like insane,
Speaker 1: and I think, yeah, it might even be down because
Speaker 1: there's so many I don't know. No, it's not down.
Speaker 1: It's worth spreaking. Just fine. This one came in seventeen
Speaker 1: hours ago from Christine Ready. Yes, Hello, Nikki, No uh,
Speaker 1: and Andrew, I hope you're having all the swells. Um,
Speaker 1: I'm calling in with a dating app success story because
Speaker 1: you guys were talking about the apps not too long
Speaker 1: ago in one of your episodes. And have a little
Speaker 1: tip for the besties, and that is to let someone
Speaker 1: know you're a bestie. Um. I met someone recently. We
Speaker 1: had a phone date before our actual date, and we
Speaker 1: were talking about different comedians we like. I said, I'm
Speaker 1: a Nikki Glazer. Stand I listened to all her episodes
Speaker 1: of her podcast. He's like, no way, me too, and
Speaker 1: right off the bat, so not awkward at all. We're
Speaker 1: talking all the funny things we like about you guys.
Speaker 1: And Um. After a few glasses of wine, I decided
Speaker 1: to be super vulnerable, as Nikki does recommend um and
Speaker 1: I told him that the thing I relate to you
Speaker 1: most about you, Nikki, is when you talk about being
Speaker 1: a stained person. I used to be addicted to spray tans.
Speaker 1: Many of my clothes are orange. I keep a bottle
Speaker 1: of hot sauce by my bed and not sure why
Speaker 1: it makes me feel safe. Anyways, just wanted to let
Speaker 1: the other besties know that it's a great conversation starter
Speaker 1: and it's a quick way to see if they can hang.
Speaker 1: So anyways, don't be cut and thanks so much for
Speaker 1: your podcast. Everyone loves you. You're the tits By. I
Speaker 1: can't take it. And this is why I can't. I
Speaker 1: can't handle like, oh my god, I'm just like so,
Speaker 1: I just I'm so touched. I can't even I'm kind
Speaker 1: of speechless because that's just um. First of all, I
Speaker 1: just you just sound so cool and I'm like, I
Speaker 1: want to be friends with you, and like, just someone
Speaker 1: that sounds that cool that likes me. It's just like
Speaker 1: and just is so funny and cute and just kind.
Speaker 1: It just is very very makes me feel so good.
Speaker 1: And the fact that people can connect over the stuff
Speaker 1: we talked about and that you could share that with
Speaker 1: someone that you felt stained and you knew that he
Speaker 1: would know what it kind of meant because I had
Speaker 1: described it, and that you know, obviously he likes someone
Speaker 1: that me being me who is staying described herself a
Speaker 1: stained so that it makes her feel more comfortable, like, oh,
Speaker 1: he's not going to reject me, NICKI thinks she stained
Speaker 1: and he listens to her stuff and she's been a
Speaker 1: while since I have felt so good in my heart
Speaker 1: the bed like I always have things by the bed,
Speaker 1: popcorn ready to go. I was listening to her voice,
Speaker 1: and remember that actress from like Mall Rats. She was
Speaker 1: like really big back in. She had like short blonde hair.
Speaker 1: She was so cute. She was in like all those
Speaker 1: oh yeah Jennifer Tilly, Yeah, she like this and she
Speaker 1: was in Liar, Liar, Yeah. And I kept picturing this girl. Yes,
Speaker 1: I oh my god, that girl was so sweet. I
Speaker 1: hope it works out with you in that guy, and
Speaker 1: even if you just are just friends, like I think
Speaker 1: that's I feel the same way about the shows I
Speaker 1: listened to. When I meet someone who likes Howard Stern,
Speaker 1: I'm like, yes, we already have something in common. We
Speaker 1: speak a similar language. Um God, that made me feel great.
Speaker 1: Holy shit, I can't this. This segment's uncomfortable for me
Speaker 1: because it's a lot of compliments and um, but I'm
Speaker 1: really grateful, Thank you so much. Her name is Christine. Yeah, Christine,
Speaker 1: thank you so much. Okay, um, how about one from Allison?
Speaker 1: I hope you guys fucking a youris soon. Okay, Alison,
Speaker 1: what do you got to say? Hey? Nikki Andrew Noah.
Speaker 1: I was listening to today's episode and I just had
Speaker 1: to come leave a voice message when Nikki said that
Speaker 1: she didn't pick up a paycheck from a job and
Speaker 1: they were emailing her. I did a similar thing years ago,
Speaker 1: and I've always thought that that was just like the
Speaker 1: weirdest behavior I was. I bartended at this place for
Speaker 1: only like a month and then quit because I got
Speaker 1: a job actually in my field, and they had like
Speaker 1: cash there for me, and they were emailing me, like
Speaker 1: you need to come get this cash. And it was
Speaker 1: like months later. I don't know why. I was like
Speaker 1: so embarrassed to go pick it up. I'd like, I
Speaker 1: can't explain it. Yeah, and like eventually they were like, Okay,
Speaker 1: if you don't pick it up by next week, we're
Speaker 1: gonna like buy the staff pizza. And then I went
Speaker 1: and got it and just felt so weird, Like I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm just so happy to hear someone else say that
Speaker 1: they did that, Like, dude, this pod really like makes
Speaker 1: me feel like normal about a lot of like random things,
Speaker 1: and I love it so much. You guys are the best. Okay, bye,
Speaker 1: thank you so much Ellison. Like, dude, I used to
Speaker 1: be so ashamed of that thing of not picking up
Speaker 1: the check, and I remember my parents being like, what
Speaker 1: is wrong with you? And I'm like, I mean I
Speaker 1: still do stuff like that where I mean even reading people.
Speaker 1: When people give me letters on the road that are
Speaker 1: just all I know, the ones gonna give me a
Speaker 1: letter to say they hate me. I mean maybe, but
Speaker 1: like generally these I meet these people and they're like
Speaker 1: giving me gifts and then there's a letter with the
Speaker 1: gift and I can't read it even though it's literally
Speaker 1: is the it's like money. It's just only nice things.
Speaker 1: And I just feel, I, why can't I do good
Speaker 1: things for myself? Why do I? What's also the embarrassment
Speaker 1: of going back to a job that you on even
Speaker 1: were at for a month? I think for her probably,
Speaker 1: you know, just waiting so long the first time that
Speaker 1: people are like, why then they've had to call you
Speaker 1: three times and now you're gonna you're gonna have to dress?
Speaker 1: Why you didn't pick up the phone for three times.
Speaker 1: But listen, everyone does this. Ship I it made me
Speaker 1: feel so good to hear Alison say that she did it.
Speaker 1: But I've learned that everyone does this where it's like
Speaker 1: other people some people just not everyone does it. Some
Speaker 1: people truly don't understand how you could ever not go
Speaker 1: pick up a check. But I'll tell you there's a
Speaker 1: lot of people that really relate to not doing something
Speaker 1: that we could also be like not deserving, not feeling
Speaker 1: like you deserved that money because you quit, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like like or like I'll have a
Speaker 1: check for this show downstairs in the mailbox and I
Speaker 1: won't go get it because part of me, I think,
Speaker 1: probably feels like I don't deserve. What are you doing, dude?
Speaker 1: I also threatened me with someone's gonna have a pizza party.
Speaker 1: Fuck that, Like she was gonna go, yeah, let him
Speaker 1: have it. I would be like, good, it's going to
Speaker 1: a good cause. I'm proud of her for going to
Speaker 1: get it. Love it. But I do that all the
Speaker 1: time of like just avoiding things I want. I was
Speaker 1: just thought of an example that was so like recent. Oh,
Speaker 1: I mean, we've all felt this way. When let's say
Speaker 1: someone texts us and then we don't get back to
Speaker 1: it right away. We go, we'll get to it tomorrow.
Speaker 1: Then we don't get to it tomorrow. Then then it's
Speaker 1: a week later and they and you go, you know what,
Speaker 1: I can get back to this. There's an excuse for
Speaker 1: why I didn't you have oh shit, But then you
Speaker 1: wait on that one, then follow up a third time,
Speaker 1: and at that point you could just go, I'll just
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna not know this person anymore. I'm just
Speaker 1: never gonna I'm gonna I should just end this friendship.
Speaker 1: When really, let's just start being okay with not getting
Speaker 1: back to people, because because you you if someone did
Speaker 1: that to you, you would understand it wouldn't be because
Speaker 1: I've done it to people that I love. But get
Speaker 1: back to them, and don't be okay with getting back
Speaker 1: okay with getting back late and go and listen. I
Speaker 1: am such listen. I don't know why I couldn't do it,
Speaker 1: but I have. I have some sort of weird thing
Speaker 1: where I once I you know, missed three of your calls.
Speaker 1: I just got scared of even writing you ever. I've
Speaker 1: done this in my life. Could you play how they're
Speaker 1: going to react when you finally right back. Oh, I
Speaker 1: guess you do finally right back? You know what? Sometimes
Speaker 1: they do fine, you know, but my dad did. He goes,
Speaker 1: how is the weekend? Two days ago? And then yesterday
Speaker 1: Row fears firs bueller anyone, bueller bueller bueller, and and
Speaker 1: then I was like, funk, I can't write back, And
Speaker 1: then I just wrote back. He was okay, cool, get
Speaker 1: some like. It was like such like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's like whatever. Just if people don't forgive you, they're
Speaker 1: in the wrong. You would forgive someone if they go
Speaker 1: sted you for three weeks when you're following up. It's
Speaker 1: just and don't take it personally if someone does that
Speaker 1: to you, because realize that you've done it to them,
Speaker 1: and it doesn't mean you don't like that person. It's
Speaker 1: just like bad timing. Okay, let's get to the next one.
Speaker 1: But in this case, I hate my father. Oh yeah, okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's different. But no, I'm just kidding Dad. I love you.
Speaker 1: You can't wait to play golf with you in a
Speaker 1: few weeks. Okay. From Taylor Taylor, Hey, guys, I'm a
Speaker 1: huge fan of the podcast. A mispronunciation story. I was
Speaker 1: substitute teaching for fourth grade, and um, I was supposed
Speaker 1: to read this passage this to the students and it
Speaker 1: was about crocheting, and so that's proct crocheting. I pronounced
Speaker 1: it as crotchetting. And I said it probably fifteen times.
Speaker 1: It wasn't just like once. It's all about and literally
Speaker 1: one of the students had to correct me. It was
Speaker 1: really embarrassing. But okay, crotcheting, Oh my god, that I
Speaker 1: mean that that is I think you made that's that
Speaker 1: kid that corrected you really got a bump to his
Speaker 1: self esteem that day. And he'll never forget that. He'll
Speaker 1: always tell the story of the teacher that said. I
Speaker 1: hope he always tells it, because that's a great story
Speaker 1: that my teacher repeatedly said crotcheting. Yeah. Um, and that's
Speaker 1: a that's an easy one. Fun that's a fun word
Speaker 1: to mess up, especially if you're in third and hear that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know that fourth grade is no crotch. Maybe
Speaker 1: that's kind of a more adult term, but any mispronunciation
Speaker 1: is so hilarious. Final thought, when any time a teacher
Speaker 1: messes up, it's the funniest thing ever told. Never forget
Speaker 1: the time at an assembly where we had a speaker come,
Speaker 1: a woman come to give us like a motivational talk
Speaker 1: to the senior and fucking Ryan Blanner yelled at Slut
Speaker 1: at one point because she said she had a male roommate.
Speaker 1: He just goes. I mean they we were out of
Speaker 1: control that we did not No one respected this woman.
Speaker 1: I wasn't. I was fortified because she was just like
Speaker 1: because it was senioritis. They didn't know what to do
Speaker 1: with seniors anymore. We didn't care about school. It was
Speaker 1: like a free period that we all like because the
Speaker 1: teachers had a planning thing. They threw us into this
Speaker 1: the theater to go watch this woman give this weird
Speaker 1: kind of like dumb motivational talk. The woman stopped and
Speaker 1: was like I'm not doing this anymore and and just
Speaker 1: walked off stage. And it was so and I remember
Speaker 1: him doing that and being like you asshole, like that
Speaker 1: is just so out of line. But everyone laughed, you know,
Speaker 1: and I just remember being really embarrassed for but are
Speaker 1: are are uh senior class principal who wasn't the real principle,
Speaker 1: but each class had a principle. Mr Pittman walked up
Speaker 1: onto the stage and he was feure like you tell
Speaker 1: he was mad and he just stood there and where
Speaker 1: it's silent in the auditorium and he's just shaking his
Speaker 1: head and the woman's gone. At this point is he's
Speaker 1: like is she gone? And everyone's like, yeah, she's gone.
Speaker 1: It's so dead quiet, and he's like, uh ms, Nixon,
Speaker 1: will you go get me a dictionary please? And so
Speaker 1: we're all just like kind of like what all right?
Speaker 1: And so she goes to get a dictionary. It's still quiet.
Speaker 1: We're all kind of like snickers are starting to happen,
Speaker 1: you know, people are starting to be like a little bit.
Speaker 1: It takes too long. She goes and gets a dictionary.
Speaker 1: Finally brings on stage and he's like this very like
Speaker 1: um uh uh, what's the word formidable? Like man, he's
Speaker 1: like kind of like he's a bigger guy, stern, angry,
Speaker 1: and he's so like he's sweating with rage for us,
Speaker 1: so embarrassing, and he just goes embarrassment. I'm gonna look
Speaker 1: up the word embarrassment because that's what I'm feeling. And
Speaker 1: he flips through and it takes him like kind of
Speaker 1: too long to find it, and he's like, Akada has
Speaker 1: to go back a couple of pages and then forward
Speaker 1: one and then finally finds he goes embarrassment, the state
Speaker 1: of being embarrassed. He packed the wrong word, wrong word
Speaker 1: to look up. He should have looked up embarrassed, you know,
Speaker 1: but he he who goes the state of being embarrassed.
Speaker 1: And it's like, no, no one really understood. I understood
Speaker 1: the irony of it, and like how funny was because
Speaker 1: I remember at the time my best friend Halla, her
Speaker 1: dad was our actual principal principle. He wasn't there for this,
Speaker 1: but I like was kind of the comic, like one
Speaker 1: of the comic reliefs of our group of friends. And
Speaker 1: Dr Holly, who was our principle, was a really funny guy,
Speaker 1: and like really loved the funny person. And we were
Speaker 1: always fighting to be like does Dr Holly like he's
Speaker 1: my his favorite friend of Laura's. And I remember he
Speaker 1: I told him the story of embarrassment the state of
Speaker 1: being embarrassed, and he thought it was the He has
Speaker 1: me tell it to this day. It was the first
Speaker 1: time I did performed comedy. When the guy said it
Speaker 1: was he like, I think he then went went and
Speaker 1: looked up embarrassed, you know, And I was like, like,
Speaker 1: I think, but I don't think anyone caught how funny
Speaker 1: it was except me, because I remember that was the
Speaker 1: first time I can look back and go oh. I
Speaker 1: was like kind of thinking comedically of like I'm going
Speaker 1: to tell that story because it's so it's the stakes
Speaker 1: were so high and the tangible dictionary like it was
Speaker 1: different then and it was just so but just and
Speaker 1: I saw it coming to because when I go embarrassed,
Speaker 1: I was just like, I don't know if that's or
Speaker 1: like you know, but saying the state of being and
Speaker 1: I remember just going oh no, like the cringe of
Speaker 1: like he's about to stay embarrassed. I remember a teacher,
Speaker 1: my senior hearn. He was our Spanish teacher, and he
Speaker 1: was he hated me, especially me, and because we were
Speaker 1: not good students, we were very like loud and just
Speaker 1: doing dumb things like we would weird things like I
Speaker 1: don't rest you with like we might have to take
Speaker 1: this out. But he would get a boner and his
Speaker 1: pants and then like move his bone, mean move his
Speaker 1: boner in his in his khakis with just the might
Speaker 1: of his Okay, that's the kind of thing you were
Speaker 1: doing instead of learning spit worked. Anyways, there was a
Speaker 1: rat in a sombrero and he went to grab the
Speaker 1: sombrero off. You mean there was a stuffed animal rat, No,
Speaker 1: like a real rat somehow got into sombrero. And when
Speaker 1: he pulled the sombrero, wait, why do you have a
Speaker 1: rat in a sombrero in your class? What it's happening?
Speaker 1: I don't know why I was in there. I don't know. Okay,
Speaker 1: there was a live rat in your classroom that had
Speaker 1: a squirrel. It might have been a squirrel and it
Speaker 1: was There was no reason for it to be in there.
Speaker 1: And he went to a dream you had. Maybe Rusty
Speaker 1: never was hard. I mean, this doesn't make anything, confusing
Speaker 1: them better. So there's a squirrel embarrassment and he pulls
Speaker 1: it off. He goes kno, which means fucking Spanish, and
Speaker 1: we when he said, because the squirrel jumped at his
Speaker 1: head or rat whatever it was, somebody with four legs
Speaker 1: with a tail. I can't believe the setup to this
Speaker 1: was Rusty gets boners that he can move. Why was
Speaker 1: there a rat? Caro? I mean I literally I thought
Speaker 1: you were insane to present that and not say a like.
Speaker 1: I had to talk us through and be like it
Speaker 1: was a stuffed animal rat. I should have said he
Speaker 1: went to grab the sombrero and a fucking rat was
Speaker 1: in there. That's how he should have done it. Oh so, yes,
Speaker 1: he was going to grab a sombrero that was on
Speaker 1: the top of the shelf and there was some kind
Speaker 1: of rodent that had made a nest in it, and
Speaker 1: it fell out, and then your teacher goes cone, did
Speaker 1: you guys know that meant fuck? Yes, and we were dying.
Speaker 1: Teachers are real, yeah, and he got scared. You never
Speaker 1: see a teacher scared, you know, because they're always in control.
Speaker 1: I remember a teacher saying funk for the first time
Speaker 1: when he was like, um, I want to fuck you,
Speaker 1: and I was like, whoa, that's crazy, you said fuck. Yeah.
Speaker 1: It wasn't about anything else that he said. It was
Speaker 1: just like whoa. Really to the point, yeah, no, no
Speaker 1: teachers wanted to suck me. I was not that cute.
Speaker 1: You could always go back and I will, all right.
Speaker 1: Thank you guys listening, Thank you guys listening, Thank you
Speaker 1: guys listening the act of hearing. Yes, thank you for
Speaker 1: listening to the podcast all week long. And yes we
Speaker 1: do have video up on our YouTube channel. Go find
Speaker 1: it at the link in our bio. Thank you for
Speaker 1: all the fan tracks, Thank you all for coming to shows.
Speaker 1: We'll see you this weekend in St. Louis and we'll
Speaker 1: be back on Monday with shows. And I watch us
Speaker 1: on YouTube. Spread the word, uh, don't py kt and
Speaker 1: did you some barrel m