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Speaker 1: Sometimes the reason we've disconnected from people, or we've distanced

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Speaker 1: ourselves from people, is that we're protecting ourselves from unwanted drama.

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Speaker 1: Maybe we haven't had the uncomfortable or awkward discussion, and

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Speaker 1: we realize, if I just stay far away from this,

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Speaker 1: I never have to have it. Now, the challenge here

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Speaker 1: is you're missing out on a potentially amazing relationship. But

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Speaker 1: what we've done is, instead of setting a boundary, we've

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Speaker 1: set a barrier. The Number one Health and Wellness Podcast,

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Speaker 1: Jay Setty Jay Shetty set Hey, everyone, welcome back to

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Speaker 1: On Purpose. I am so grateful that you are back

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Speaker 1: with me here right now, whether you're walking your dog,

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Speaker 1: whether you're cooking, whether you're driving, whether you're just hanging out,

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Speaker 1: or whether you're at work. Thank you so much for

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Speaker 1: lending me your time, investing your energy and your presence

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Speaker 1: and your focus here on Purpose Now. Something I've been

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Speaker 1: thinking about a lot late, Lee, is just as we

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Speaker 1: grow older, as another year goes by, we start to

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Speaker 1: reflect more deeply about the friendships that matter, the people

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Speaker 1: around us, the people at work, the people we spend

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Speaker 1: the most time with. How many of you have found

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Speaker 1: yourself in that situation where you're starting to be much

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Speaker 1: more observant about who you give your energy to, who

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Speaker 1: you spend time with, how you connect with people, and

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Speaker 1: to what level. And how many of you are at

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Speaker 1: this point where you're just tired of small talk. You're

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Speaker 1: tired of all the quick chats, the superficial, surface level conversation,

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Speaker 1: and you're craving a much deeper, a much more meaningful interaction. Now,

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Speaker 1: that doesn't mean that you don't want to have fun.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that you don't want to laugh, It

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Speaker 1: doesn't mean that you don't just want to have a

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Speaker 1: great time. Of course you want all of that, but

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Speaker 1: you want it to mean more. You want it to

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Speaker 1: matter more, You want it to to lead to more

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Speaker 1: in that relationship rather than less. And I think a

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Speaker 1: lot of us are feeling distant, feeling further away, feeling

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Speaker 1: disconnected from people that we were once close with. How

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Speaker 1: many of you have a friend in your life that

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Speaker 1: you know used to talk to every day but now

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Speaker 1: you rarely talk. How many of you have someone in

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Speaker 1: your life that used to feel it was so easy

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Speaker 1: to connect with, but recently you've just started to find

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Speaker 1: it more and more difficult to open up and how

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Speaker 1: many of you are struggling to find someone to be

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Speaker 1: vulnerable with. I think we're hearing a lot about the

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Speaker 1: loneliness epidemic. We're hearing a lot about the disconnectedness of humanity,

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Speaker 1: especially since the pandemic. I think we've all found it

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Speaker 1: harder and harder to kind of go back to what

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Speaker 1: we had before, and we haven't really found where we're

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Speaker 1: heading now. And I think a lot of people are

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Speaker 1: feeling this where you're in a different emotional maturity and

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Speaker 1: state than the people in your life, right, how many

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Speaker 1: of you have felt that where you're like, well, I'm

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Speaker 1: on this emotional track and I thought this person was

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Speaker 1: with me, but actually they're on a completely different track.

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Speaker 1: And it may have even taken you a while to

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Speaker 1: even let that settle and to understand it. At the

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Speaker 1: core of it, what a lot of us feel is

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Speaker 1: that we don't have people around us who really understand us,

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Speaker 1: who really see us, and who really hear us. Right,

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Speaker 1: have you felt that recently where you're like, I think

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Speaker 1: I'm talking to a wall, I think I'm talking right

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Speaker 1: through people. Or maybe you're feeling, oh, I don't want

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Speaker 1: to trouble someone with this I know that they've got

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Speaker 1: enough on, but we all have that feeling, that need

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Speaker 1: of yearning for connection, of yearning for understanding. The first

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Speaker 1: thing I'm going to ask you to focus on, as

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Speaker 1: I always do, is yourself. Do you understand where you're

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Speaker 1: at and can you articulate it effectively? I think for

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Speaker 1: so many of us, we're wanting other people to understand us,

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Speaker 1: other people to read our minds. We assume that they

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Speaker 1: should know, We assume that they should be able to adapt,

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Speaker 1: that they should recognize, that acknowledge, value, whatever it is

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Speaker 1: that we need. But I really want you to sit

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Speaker 1: with this. Do you understand where you're at and can

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Speaker 1: you articulate it? I think this is such an important

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Speaker 1: point in order for you to consider, because the better

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Speaker 1: you are at communicating, sharing how you feel, why you

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Speaker 1: feel that way, what you're going through, you're actually increasing

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Speaker 1: the list ability to also comprehend your thoughts. Now, the

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Speaker 1: second point I wanted to make today is from a

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Speaker 1: writer named Brian A. Chalker, and this writer wrote this

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Speaker 1: beautiful poem called Season Reason or a Lifetime. This has

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Speaker 1: been such a big reflection point in my life, and

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Speaker 1: as the author says, everyone comes into our life for

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Speaker 1: a season, a reason, or a lifetime. And I want

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Speaker 1: to ask you to think about a list of people

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Speaker 1: that came to your mind when I started this episode,

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Speaker 1: and ask yourself, is that a seasonal person? Is that

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Speaker 1: someone who came in for one season and that was it?

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Speaker 1: Or are they someone who shows up seasonally but then

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Speaker 1: they aren't as relevant, important, consistent at other times? You

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Speaker 1: think about certain things, Right, you don't need ice cream

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Speaker 1: all ly around, But it's really fun when you can

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Speaker 1: eat ice cream when it's hot outside and it's warm

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Speaker 1: and you're feeling like it, but you don't have to

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Speaker 1: eat it every day to appreciate it. I think we

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Speaker 1: often feel like, oh, if someone's seasonal, they're not good.

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Speaker 1: If someone's seasonal or just for a season, then they're

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Speaker 1: not a great person. The truth is they can play

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Speaker 1: their role. They can play their part, and you play

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Speaker 1: your part and your role in their life and things

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Speaker 1: go on. It's when we expect to be able to

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Speaker 1: eat ice cream all ly around that we have the issue. Right,

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Speaker 1: we don't have an issue with the fact that we

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Speaker 1: like enjoying ice cream at a certain time of year,

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Speaker 1: but to think I need it all lyae around that's

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Speaker 1: where the challenge arises. So who in your life is

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Speaker 1: like that. Maybe they're back every summer, Maybe they turn

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Speaker 1: up at the beginning of the year or the end

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Speaker 1: of the year, or they're amazing during the holidays. Maybe

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Speaker 1: they're a family member, but they're not someone that you

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Speaker 1: can hang out with all the time. They're not someone

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Speaker 1: who resonates all the time. It's okay, And what we're

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Speaker 1: doing is we're almost compartmentalizing for ourselves that that is

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Speaker 1: a season or a seasonal person, and that's their role.

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Speaker 1: We're not expecting more of them, and we're not expecting

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Speaker 1: less of them. We recognize what they want to do

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Speaker 1: in our life. And what I've realized is when you

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Speaker 1: can accept what someone shows you is who they want

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Speaker 1: to be and how they show up for you, you

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Speaker 1: can now share moments and memories with them without what

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Speaker 1: they should have been, what they could have been, what

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Speaker 1: they should have been for you by now, right, So

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Speaker 1: wee need to recognize that. Chalker also talks about people

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Speaker 1: who come into your life for a reason. These are

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Speaker 1: often the most difficult people that we meet. Right. This

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Speaker 1: could be someone who actually caused a challenge or an

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Speaker 1: issue they came in our life to teach us something

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Speaker 1: that was painful. And if you went through this a

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Speaker 1: while ago, you can now see the reason. But if

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Speaker 1: you went through it recently, the reason is the last

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Speaker 1: thing you want. So if you're going through pain right

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Speaker 1: now now, if you're going through stress right now, if

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Speaker 1: you're going through pressure right now because someone just came in,

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Speaker 1: created a whirlwind and then left and you can't see

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Speaker 1: the reason right now because you're just dealing with the

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Speaker 1: debris that's cascaded all over your life, then that's okay.

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Speaker 1: But at one point, with some distance, you'll be able

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Speaker 1: to recognize the reason. And when we recognize the reason,

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Speaker 1: it changes us. When we recognize the reason that someone

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Speaker 1: came into our life with, we now protect ourself from

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Speaker 1: that experience in the future, and we prepare ourself to

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Speaker 1: know these two points are really important. We prepare ourself

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Speaker 1: for future relationships, and we protect ourself for future relationships.

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Speaker 1: And this is something that I really want you to

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Speaker 1: hone in on and value and deeply deeply recognize of

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Speaker 1: where in your life have you not understood the reason

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Speaker 1: someone came in with. Maybe there was someone long long

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Speaker 1: ago that you've even hidden a way that you feel

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Speaker 1: triggered by an uncomfortable bringing up in a safe space,

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Speaker 1: maybe with a therapist, with a friend, maybe when you've

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Speaker 1: created some distance, reflect on it and ask yourself, when

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Speaker 1: they did that, what did I learn from it? What

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Speaker 1: was the reason? And the third part that your talks

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Speaker 1: about is people who are there for a lifetime. There

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Speaker 1: are some people who may not have the biggest impact

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Speaker 1: on you, they may not do the most for you,

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Speaker 1: but they're always around, They're always there, They're loyalty even

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Speaker 1: when it's tested, proves to be true, it proves to

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Speaker 1: be real, it proves to be powerful. And that person

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Speaker 1: you realize who's with you for a lifetime is someone

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Speaker 1: that you continue to invest in. So I want you

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Speaker 1: to think about who in your life is a season,

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Speaker 1: who in your life is a reason, and who in

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Speaker 1: your life came in and has stayed for a lifetime,

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Speaker 1: and start understanding that it's okay that people play different

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Speaker 1: roles in your life and you play different roles in

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Speaker 1: their life. And I think when we expect everyone to

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Speaker 1: play the same role, or we expect everyone to behave

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Speaker 1: the same or we expect everyone to respect us the

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Speaker 1: same or respond with us the same or connect with

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Speaker 1: us the same. That's when our challenges occur. That's when

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Speaker 1: our issues occur. Now, maybe you're thinking that there are

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Speaker 1: certain friends you want to rebuild with, and I want

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Speaker 1: to do a reflection exercise with you. You can even

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Speaker 1: journal about this. I want to ask you what has broken?

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Speaker 1: So when I asked you earlier like, oh, maybe there's

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Speaker 1: someone in your life that you used to talk to

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Speaker 1: you don't talk with anymore, or someone you used to

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Speaker 1: be open with, but now you can't imagine anything but

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Speaker 1: being closed with. If you want to fix it, if

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Speaker 1: you want to repair it, the first question is why,

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Speaker 1: Why is it worth repairing? Do we really believe that

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Speaker 1: that person has something to offer us? Do we really

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Speaker 1: believe that we need some closure? We have to get

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Speaker 1: really intentional and clear about why we would revisit an

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Speaker 1: old relationship, And then we have to ask ourselves what broke?

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Speaker 1: Was it trust? Was it connection? And on a scale

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Speaker 1: of one to ten, how bad was it? How truly

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Speaker 1: bad was that disconnect? And ask yourself what in your

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Speaker 1: current state of that relationship makes you feel uncomfortable or

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Speaker 1: devalued that you've let it go. Is it too big?

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Speaker 1: Is it too much? To bear, to have to reconnect,

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Speaker 1: putting aside how devalued you feel, or is the relationship

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Speaker 1: worth more to you? And I think that's the question

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Speaker 1: we have to ask ourselves if we're trying to repair

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Speaker 1: a relationship. Is repairing this relationship worth more to me

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Speaker 1: than the pain caused when trying to repair it. Repairing

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Speaker 1: anything will be uncomfortable, it will be hard, it will

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Speaker 1: be challenging, but sometimes the belief that I want to

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Speaker 1: do the right thing, I want to have this conversation.

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Speaker 1: And this applies to current relationships. I know that there's

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Speaker 1: someone I'm building a friendship with right now, and we're

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Speaker 1: growing in our trust, we're growing in our loyalty. And

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Speaker 1: I had to call them last week and have a

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Speaker 1: really uncomfortable conversation with them about something that I thought

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Speaker 1: could negatively affect our relationship, and actually it positively improved it.

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Speaker 1: Hey guys, it's Jay Shetty here and I couldn't be

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Speaker 1: more excited to share this exciting news you asked. We

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Speaker 1: delivered Junie Sparkling tea with adapto gens made by my

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Speaker 1: wife and I are now available in all Sprout locations

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Speaker 1: across the country. Juni is the perfect midday pick me up.

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Speaker 1: With only one third of the caffeine found in Brood

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Speaker 1: Green Tea, it provides a gentle energy boost without the crash.

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Speaker 1: It only has five calories and zero grams of sugar,

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Speaker 1: making it the perfect drink. Plus, it's made with the

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Speaker 1: delicious blend of adaptogens and neotropics that may help boost

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Speaker 1: your metabolism, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and

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Speaker 1: stimulate brain function. Head over to your local Sprouts of

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Speaker 1: visits sprouts dot com to find the closest location near you. Now,

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Speaker 1: I didn't call with the expectation that me being honest

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Speaker 1: and vulnerable and transparent would improve the relationship. I didn't

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Speaker 1: call with the intention or the belief that they would

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Speaker 1: turn around and say, Jay, I really respect you. Because

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Speaker 1: when we act in a way in order to gain

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Speaker 1: a certain reaction, we often leave feeling quite reduced and disappointed.

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Speaker 1: What I mean by that is, if we behave in

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Speaker 1: a certain way or act in a certain way because

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Speaker 1: we are predicting, expecting, or wanting a particular type of response,

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Speaker 1: we're setting ourselves up for failure. We've got to have

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Speaker 1: the conversation because we believe it's the right thing to do.

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Speaker 1: We have to have the conversation because we believe that

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Speaker 1: it's the honest thing to do. We have to be

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Speaker 1: the one to have a conversation because we think to ourselves,

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Speaker 1: this is how I'd like people to treat me, this

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Speaker 1: is how i'd like to be led, this is how

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Speaker 1: I'd like to connect. And when we do it with

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Speaker 1: that reason, whatever the response is, whether it's positive or

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Speaker 1: whether it's not what we were looking for, we can

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Speaker 1: hold our head high and still move forward. If you're

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Speaker 1: trying to reconnect with someone too, I would ask yourself

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Speaker 1: when was the last time you deeply checked in with them?

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Speaker 1: I find that our society has become a lot more

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Speaker 1: self centered. We're always like, why is not one checking

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Speaker 1: in with me? Why do people treat me like that?

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Speaker 1: Why did they say that to me? And sometimes I

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Speaker 1: find and by the way, I'm prone to this as well,

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Speaker 1: where I don't have the self awareness, like I don't

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Speaker 1: see myself behaving in the same way as I don't

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Speaker 1: like someone else behaving. Right, Does that make sense? Does

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Speaker 1: that resonate? Like I remember someone I knew was telling

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Speaker 1: someone else that, Like I can't believe you go to

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Speaker 1: your boring job every day, And in mind, I'm thinking, wow, Like,

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Speaker 1: if you're making a person feel boring and that's the

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Speaker 1: job they have to go to every day, imagine how

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Speaker 1: bad they're gonna feel. But the same person was saying

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Speaker 1: they can't believe people say to them, Oh, I can't

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Speaker 1: believe you're deciding to do that. That sounds scary, that

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Speaker 1: sounds like the wrong thing. So often we don't even

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Speaker 1: have the self awareness to deduce that what we're saying

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Speaker 1: to others is what we don't like people saying to us.

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Speaker 1: The way we behave with others is a behavior that

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Speaker 1: we don't appreciate in the way people behave with us.

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Speaker 1: That to me is a really subtle and nuanced point,

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Speaker 1: but it can truly save or break relationships. Now I

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Speaker 1: have to acknowledge that not every friendship has to have

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Speaker 1: a future. Just because you had a past, just because

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Speaker 1: you have memories, just because you have nostalgia, doesn't mean

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Speaker 1: you have to force a future with a friend. It

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Speaker 1: is okay to let it go. It's okay to let

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Speaker 1: them go or let them let you go. It's okay.

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Speaker 1: Trying to force a friendship into the future will actually

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Speaker 1: cost you more than you realize, because if someone doesn't

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Speaker 1: want to be in your life, or if you've realized

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Speaker 1: that you no longer want to be in theirs, you're

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Speaker 1: simply wasting time and energy. Let's celebrate something for what

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Speaker 1: it was. Let's revel in what it was at the

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Speaker 1: time when it served us, it nourished us, and it's okay,

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Speaker 1: hey if it doesn't anymore. You had a lunch box

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Speaker 1: that you took to school every day. You don't use

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Speaker 1: the same lunch box anymore. You wore clothes that you

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Speaker 1: loved and felt really cool in. You don't wear the

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Speaker 1: same clothes anymore. You lived in an apartment that you've outgrown.

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Speaker 1: It's okay, And we don't have to do it with bitterness.

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Speaker 1: We don't have to do it pain. We can do

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Speaker 1: it with love, celebration, and a positive outlook. One of

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Speaker 1: the reasons why we feel distant from our friends is

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Speaker 1: because our best memory with them is an old one.

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Speaker 1: The last time our relationship achieved something or we did

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Speaker 1: something was an old one. And one of the biggest

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Speaker 1: things I found with friendships and why they felt shallow

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Speaker 1: and not deep, was I found myself, Especially because I've

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Speaker 1: left London now, I found myself. Whenever I went back home,

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Speaker 1: I would often spend time with big groups of people,

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Speaker 1: and I found a lot of my friends do that too. Right,

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Speaker 1: we run out of time, we have less and less time.

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Speaker 1: We can't see everyone, couples, friends individually, and so we go, Okay,

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Speaker 1: let's just invite everyone over once a month and we'll

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Speaker 1: see everyone. And what ends up happening is you have

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Speaker 1: this really small, short, short conversation, this small talk exchange

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Speaker 1: with each and every person. Right, you know what it

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Speaker 1: feels like, you've hosted before. You just about get to Oh,

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Speaker 1: how was your last week? How's the weekend? Oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: you went to that place? Oh great, Okay, let me

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Speaker 1: move on. Oh yeah, how's your week been? Oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: your new job? Congrats? Okay, let's move on. When we're

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Speaker 1: connecting with lots of people in a fast, shallow and

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Speaker 1: simple way, when naturally making our relationship less and less

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Speaker 1: deep and less and less meaningful. If we're always spending

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Speaker 1: time with people in large groups, well we have to

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Speaker 1: move on from conversations quickly. We have to figure out

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Speaker 1: if you're hosting, obviously you've got to do all the

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Speaker 1: hosting stuff, and you're not getting that time and space.

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Speaker 1: Your relationship will always depend on how you close you

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Speaker 1: were back in the day. I have a friend that

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Speaker 1: we invested in deeply with probably over ten years ago,

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Speaker 1: and now if I see him, it's easy for me

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Speaker 1: to reconnect with him and kick it off from where

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Speaker 1: we left off. But that's what we're doing. We're kicking

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Speaker 1: off from over ten years ago because we don't have

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Speaker 1: a dynamic, live relationship right now, and so I have

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Speaker 1: to ask myself, is this a relationship I want? Is

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Speaker 1: this a relationship I care about? Is this a relationship

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Speaker 1: that I value? Then let me make sure I'm having

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Speaker 1: these one to one conversations with I've noticed this because

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Speaker 1: I've got friends back in London that I do talk

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Speaker 1: to on the phone one on one. I've noticed that

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Speaker 1: those are the relationships that satisfy me the most. Those

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Speaker 1: are the relationships that mean the most to me. And

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Speaker 1: so really figure out how much of your time are

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Speaker 1: you spending in groups and how much are your time

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Speaker 1: are you spending one to one? And I would argue,

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Speaker 1: to really make sense of it, I would say seventy

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Speaker 1: five percent of our time should be spent one on

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Speaker 1: one with the people we care about and twenty five

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Speaker 1: percent should be spending groups. Group time is amazing, it's exciting,

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Speaker 1: it's fun, it's it's helpful in different ways, it's healing

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Speaker 1: in different ways. But it's so important to have that

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Speaker 1: one to one time. Sometimes the reason we've disconnected from

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Speaker 1: people or we've distanced ourselves from people is that we're

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Speaker 1: protecting ourselves from unwanted drama or unwanted anxiety. So we

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Speaker 1: stay distanced, right like, maybe we didn't have a closer conversation,

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Speaker 1: maybe we didn't figure out a relationship conversation, maybe we

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Speaker 1: haven't had the uncomfortable or awkward discussion, and we realize,

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Speaker 1: if I just stay far away from this and never

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Speaker 1: have to have it. How many of you have felt

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Speaker 1: that way? Well, you actually want to be close to someone,

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Speaker 1: but you stay away from them because you know it

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00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:57,520
Speaker 1: requires a really painful conversation. Now, the challenge here is

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Speaker 1: you're missing out on a potentially a amazing relationship. That

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Speaker 1: person might be sitting there wondering what's going wrong as well,

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Speaker 1: and what's happened to that relationship as well, And we

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Speaker 1: almost miss out on the depth of connection. But I

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Speaker 1: understand it. I understand it. But what we've done is

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Speaker 1: instead of setting a boundary, we've set a barrier. This

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Speaker 1: is a really important point I want you to listen to.

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Speaker 1: So often when we're trying to set boundaries, we end

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Speaker 1: up setting barriers. Barriers keep others out, Boundaries keep us

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Speaker 1: safe from ourselves. Barriers make us believe the problem is

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Speaker 1: the way someone treats us. Boundaries are us understanding and

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Speaker 1: accepting that we need to treat ourselves better. Don't get

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Speaker 1: so busy building a barrier that you lose out on

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Speaker 1: a relationship or a friendship because you were actually meant

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Speaker 1: to set a boundary. What I mean by this is

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Speaker 1: if I reached out to someone and said, hey, you

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Speaker 1: know what, I know, we haven't talked in a while,

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Speaker 1: and I always felt and by the way I did

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Speaker 1: this last year, I remember talking to a friend and

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Speaker 1: just saying, hey, man, like I think we got distant

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Speaker 1: a while ago, and this was the reason I got distant,

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Speaker 1: and this is why I felt we got distant. And

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Speaker 1: I'd love to hear your thoughts now. I've lifted the

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Speaker 1: barrier that I've placed, and I'm allowing to hear this now.

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Speaker 1: Once that person has shared how they feel with me,

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Speaker 1: which they did we can now set a healthier boundary

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Speaker 1: of how we'd like to deal with that moving forward together.

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Speaker 1: And so a boundary is often something you can both build.

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Speaker 1: And maybe it's not even a boundary. Maybe it's a bridge.

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Speaker 1: Maybe it's a bridge you're building and say this is

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Speaker 1: when we cross it, and this is when we don't.

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Speaker 1: And I think that building a bridge back to someone

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Speaker 1: with a conversation is a really healthy way to restart, rekindle,

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Speaker 1: or re spark something that was meaningful to us before. Now,

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Speaker 1: the biggest point I want to make today is this

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Speaker 1: one a sign that you feel like you don't fit in.

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Speaker 1: The sign that you don't feel disconnected is also a

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Speaker 1: sign that you're growing. It's a sign that you're evolving.

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Speaker 1: It's a sign that you're moving forward and you're finding

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Speaker 1: your way. The difference to know this, to know whether

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Speaker 1: you're growing up or whether you're growing apart, is whether

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Speaker 1: you're bitter or not. If you're growing up, you won't

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Speaker 1: be bitter. You'll realize that person was a season, that

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Speaker 1: person was a reason, right, and then you'll grow up.

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Speaker 1: But if you're growing apart or growing bitter, that's when

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Speaker 1: you're thinking, oh yeah, gosh, they're not the same. You're complaining,

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00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:50,920
Speaker 1: you're finding faults. You're like, oh, yeah, like they did

397
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Speaker 1: this to me, they did that to me, They should

398
00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:53,720
Speaker 1: have done this to me, they should have done that

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Speaker 1: to me. And now we're not growing, we're is growing

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Speaker 1: apart from them. So it'd ask you and encourage you

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00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:01,080
Speaker 1: to think about the fact that if you don't fit

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00:24:01,119 --> 00:24:04,840
Speaker 1: in anymore, that's okay. We all go through growth spurts,

403
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:06,960
Speaker 1: we go through growth phrases. I know the plants in

404
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:09,720
Speaker 1: my house are out growing their pots all the time,

405
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:11,879
Speaker 1: right They've got to say bye bye to that soil.

406
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Speaker 1: I know nothing about plants, but I know that much

407
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:17,879
Speaker 1: that they definitely outgrow some of the pots that they

408
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:21,199
Speaker 1: were planted in. And that's okay, and you might be

409
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Speaker 1: going through that right now. But what we've got to

410
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Speaker 1: be careful of is don't let growing up become growing bitter,

411
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Speaker 1: because growing bitter creates an environment of gossip, of fault finding,

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Speaker 1: of complaining, and when we start complaining and fault finding,

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Speaker 1: we find ourselves stuck in that space for much longer

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Speaker 1: than we ever ever imagined. I hope that these themes

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00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:53,159
Speaker 1: help you today to repair friendships that are important to you.

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Speaker 1: I hope they help you deepen your relationships with the

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00:24:57,080 --> 00:25:03,240
Speaker 1: people around you, and I often find that our best

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00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:07,639
Speaker 1: relationships with people are when we do difficult things together.

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Speaker 1: What I mean by that is the reason why some

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00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:13,879
Speaker 1: of our older relationships are our strongest ones, is because

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00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:16,960
Speaker 1: those people stuck with us through our greatest growth periods,

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00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:22,720
Speaker 1: our first breakup, our first job, our first redundancy, our

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Speaker 1: first child, our first divorce. Those relationships because they helped

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Speaker 1: you survive a pain point for you, or you help

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Speaker 1: them survive a pain point for them, is the reason

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Speaker 1: why they're so strong. Strong relationships are not built because

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00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:41,720
Speaker 1: you went to the movies together. Strong relationships are not

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00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:45,240
Speaker 1: built because you message each other on social media. Strong

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00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:48,520
Speaker 1: relationships are not built because you went to a concert together.

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Speaker 1: They're built because you helped each other do hard things.

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Speaker 1: So don't shy away when your friends need help. Don't

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Speaker 1: shy away when you need help to ask for help,

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Speaker 1: because that's when our best bonds are created. And stop

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Speaker 1: looking at what people can do for you, and start

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Speaker 1: focusing on how much you do for them when they

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Speaker 1: need it, and how available you are to others as well.

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Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening. To On Purpose. I

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Speaker 1: hope you're listening every day. I hope you're listening multiple

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Speaker 1: times a day. Remember, we have over five hundred episodes

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Speaker 1: of interviews and solos for you to go back to.

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Speaker 1: This was on Purpose. Thank you for choosing us to listen,

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Speaker 1: learn and grow, and I'll see you soon. If you

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Speaker 1: love this episode, you'll love my interview with Dr Gabor

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Speaker 1: Matte on understanding your trauma and how to heal emotional

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Speaker 1: wounds to start moving on from the past. Everything in

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Speaker 1: nature goes only where it's vulnerable. So a tree doesn't

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00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:48,520
Speaker 1: grow o where it's hard and thick, does it. It

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00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:52,440
Speaker 1: goes where it's soft and green and vulnerable. Mental health

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Speaker 1: has now talked about more than ever, which is awesome.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I don't have to tell you that it's

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Speaker 1: a primary focus of on Purpose, but on a day

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Speaker 1: to day baby, many people don't know where to turn

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Speaker 1: or which tools can help. Over the past couple of years,

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Speaker 1: I've been working with Calm to make mental wellness accessible

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Speaker 1: and enjoyable, or as I like to say, fun and easy.

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Speaker 1: Calm has all sorts of content to help you reduce

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Speaker 1: seven minute daily series to help you live more mindfully

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Speaker 1: each and every day. Right now, listeners of On Purpose

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Speaker 1: your Life,