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Speaker 1: Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and

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Speaker 1: I'm Meela.

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Speaker 2: Happy Wednesday, Happy meda fucking Wednesday.

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Speaker 3: How you doing bo I'm doing good.

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Speaker 2: I'm doing good. How are you?

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Speaker 3: I'm good.

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Speaker 4: I'm good. It's the last week of September. I'm ready

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Speaker 4: to get the fuck out of September.

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Speaker 2: I am except finally, oddly, the weather in la is changing,

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Speaker 2: and I'm offended as fuck. It's like been gloomy for

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Speaker 2: two days. I'm like, who the fuck do you think

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Speaker 2: you are?

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Speaker 1: I'm happy because it's been too goddamn hot. We live

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Speaker 1: in the valley, y'all, and it's disrespectful when it comes

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Speaker 1: to the heat. There was like a mini fire the

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Speaker 1: other day. I was like, oh shit, here we go

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Speaker 1: again every year, every year.

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Speaker 4: But yeah, other than that, I feel good.

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Speaker 2: I'm feeling like there's I mean, obviously the seasons are changing,

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Speaker 2: but it's just me that I feel like when the

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Speaker 2: seasons changed, something is always like conjuring up a shift,

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Speaker 2: and the energy too. I feel like shits, pop it off.

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Speaker 2: And we've been busy. Erica was blind yesterday. She's had

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Speaker 2: a hard week.

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Speaker 3: I was legally blind.

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Speaker 2: She came in today. She's like, yeah, yesterday I was blind.

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Speaker 3: I was like, oh real, I was. I got it.

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Speaker 1: I woke up and I couldn't see shit. It was

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Speaker 1: like blurry, and I was like, what the fuck is

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Speaker 1: going on? And then I put I drops in and

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Speaker 1: I was like, this will for sure work.

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Speaker 3: Nope.

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Speaker 1: Then I got in the car and I was like, bitch,

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Speaker 1: I can't see. And then I had to looked it

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Speaker 1: up on Google. Could barely see the Google and it

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Speaker 1: said that you probably have dry eyes. So then I

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Speaker 1: went to the store. I got the lubricant. That shit

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Speaker 1: didn't work.

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Speaker 4: I drove to my friend near Lynd shout out to

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Speaker 4: Nearland's Bridal Shower.

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Speaker 3: I barely got there, and then.

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Speaker 4: I yeah, I just had to just submit to the

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Speaker 4: fact that I couldn't see all day.

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Speaker 1: My mom won't me to have dinner with her last night.

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Speaker 1: I was like, Mom, I can't drive to you, like

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Speaker 1: I need to go close my eyes. Erica's had a

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Speaker 1: hard week, so my body's breaking down.

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Speaker 4: Guys.

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Speaker 2: I went to the whiz Kid concert over the weekend,

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Speaker 2: and at first I told Erica, but then I was like,

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Speaker 2: she's having a hard week. Let me just tell Ashley.

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Speaker 2: I was like, you know, Ashley, she's having.

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Speaker 4: A heart week.

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Speaker 2: You should come to Like, I've been waiting all week

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Speaker 2: for you to call me. She's like I called in

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Speaker 2: the morning. She's like, I hope you're calling me to

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Speaker 2: tell me we have tickets. I'm like, yes, i am.

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Speaker 2: And we had a good time. Wiz Kid in concert

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Speaker 2: with a live band.

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Speaker 4: Bitch.

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Speaker 2: First of all, all the blacks were at the fucking

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Speaker 2: Wilturn in line. It was beautiful Africans and the African

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Speaker 2: car black people.

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Speaker 3: I was like, oh my god, this is where.

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Speaker 2: I belong at the wiz Kid concert. I saw all

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Speaker 2: my friends there.

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Speaker 3: I was even jealous. I was like, you know what,

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Speaker 3: I knew you were. I was like, it was so Spotify.

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Speaker 3: It was so much fun.

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Speaker 4: I dance.

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Speaker 2: We took a little little mushroom chocolate. Thanks Alana. That

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Speaker 2: mushroom chocolate was hitting, so we gave me a little piece.

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Speaker 2: Right when Essence came on and I shit hit. I

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Speaker 2: was like, thank you God, thank you God, Oh my God.

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Speaker 2: And then on the way there, you know, shout out

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Speaker 2: to Cashley. She's always ordering the luxe the luxe lived.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I was like, wow, this is so classy.

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Speaker 2: Anyway, the driver was talking to us, and I don't

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Speaker 2: know what are we talking about. We're talking about open relationships,

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Speaker 2: and like, I just I want a main nigga who

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Speaker 2: also lets me sometimes sleep with other people. What the

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Speaker 2: fuck is so hard about that? He's like, well, me

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Speaker 2: and my girl have been together for five years. It's

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Speaker 2: the best relationship I've ever had, and we sleep with

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Speaker 2: other people all the time.

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Speaker 3: It's healthy competition.

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Speaker 2: After she goes and sleeps with someone, I'm always like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: let me bust it down so she knows who's daddy.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, that's right. Blue.

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Speaker 2: He's like, he's like, let me tell you where you

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Speaker 2: go if you want to find more open minded people.

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Speaker 2: We're like where He's like, Bar Sinister. Here goes Ashley.

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Speaker 2: I put it in my notes. I'm like, well, he's like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: there's a girl there with blue hair. I'm let me

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Speaker 2: show you her Instagram asked for her till I blue

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Speaker 2: scent you. I was like, thank you, fucking Blue. Guess

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Speaker 2: where we went after the wiz K concert, Bar Sinister. Yes,

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Speaker 2: we did go to Bar Sinister.

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Speaker 3: What are they doing there?

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Speaker 2: Okay, well there's a long line on the other side.

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Speaker 2: But I went in the back and there's a clear door.

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Speaker 2: And back there they're doing like a BDSM demo through

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Speaker 2: a clear door.

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Speaker 3: Wait, wait, my bad, Like I'm getting the babysitter next weekend.

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Speaker 3: Let's go bar sinister, bitch. Thank ye apparently right in

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Speaker 3: bar sinister. What the fuck? So I'm I had a

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Speaker 3: really good night.

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Speaker 2: It was fun. I wasn't super hung over the next day,

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Speaker 2: but I just yeah, I've had a good weekend.

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Speaker 3: It's been a whild week.

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Speaker 2: We've been busy, which brings me to our tarot card.

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Speaker 2: Today we pulled the eight of brooms, and the eight

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Speaker 2: of brooms means I actually pulled another one and I

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Speaker 2: didn't like that one, But then I pulled this one,

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Speaker 2: and it's very accurate. Movement, fast paced change, action, alignment,

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Speaker 2: and air travel. This one says that the eight of

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Speaker 2: ones it can mark significant delays, particularly concerning travel or

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Speaker 2: fast moving plans. Despite having a lot of energy enthusiasm

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Speaker 2: to progress things forward, you now face multiple obstacles in

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Speaker 2: your course.

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Speaker 3: Wait, did I pick up the wrong one? This that

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Speaker 3: was reversed? Oh okay, okay, that we did not reverse.

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Speaker 3: We need it regularly.

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Speaker 2: That was regular Wait, sorry, we regularly It wasn't reverse.

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Speaker 2: It invites you to be laser focused with your intentions

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Speaker 2: and actions, determine what you want to manifest, and then

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Speaker 2: align all of your resources and energy to folks becus

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Speaker 2: on the singular goal, remove all distractions and devote yourself

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Speaker 2: to the task with total concentration, determination, and will. This

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Speaker 2: experience can be highly productive, allowing you to accomplish a

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Speaker 2: lot in a short time. The other one that I

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Speaker 2: picked up that it said it said the eight of

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Speaker 2: Wance represents rapid movement forward applied to your career. This

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Speaker 2: principle can mean rapid movement in the literal or figurative

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Speaker 2: sense physically. The card can sometimes indicate that you're about

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Speaker 2: to take a business triph. Eric and I are about

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Speaker 2: to go to New York. It's mostly pleasure, but we're

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Speaker 2: going to do some business and we're going to the

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Speaker 2: Hardersoft podcast, So shout out to them for their show.

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Speaker 2: So hopefully we see people. And we've been really feeling

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Speaker 2: super busy and so I feel like that card was

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Speaker 2: pretty accurate.

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Speaker 3: Amen.

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Speaker 2: Amen.

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Speaker 1: Well, I would love to introduce you guys to this

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Speaker 1: week's guest. We have Brittany Floyd Mayo aka Trap yoga

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Speaker 1: bay that flows off the tong a little easier for me.

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Speaker 1: She is a four break yoga instructor, mindset coach.

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Speaker 4: Masters holders that the way you say, you know, bitch

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Speaker 4: is master's level educating.

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Speaker 3: Master's level educated.

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Speaker 1: She's smarter than us, bitches. That's why she's here for

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Speaker 1: her back to school month.

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Speaker 3: Okay, teach, teach us your ways.

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Speaker 4: He just britain A.

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Speaker 3: Please, welcome to the show.

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Speaker 4: Thank you for having me. I'm super excited.

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Speaker 3: I'm so excited.

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Speaker 1: I've been stalking you and I'm like, oh my god.

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Speaker 1: She has a class coming up in LA on October

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Speaker 1: nineteenth through the twenty third. I think yeah, And I

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Speaker 1: was like, a bitch needs to go to work and

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Speaker 1: do some yoga asap.

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Speaker 3: I wish the shit was like this week.

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Speaker 4: Okay, you know what, Oddly enough, I got you on

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Speaker 4: the virtual side. I was teaching a virtual class on

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Speaker 4: the thirtieth of September. And it's fun because you get

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Speaker 4: to choose if you want to be on screen or

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Speaker 4: if you want to be off and the people on

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Speaker 4: screen I actually interact with. So there will be hundreds

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Speaker 4: of people in the class, but maybe like fifty and

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Speaker 4: like when they give up. I'll be like, bitch, get

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Speaker 4: your ass up AND's work. Throw that ass and hill

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Speaker 4: of circle? What are you doing?

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Speaker 3: I throw that circle? What are you doing?

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Speaker 4: So?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that. Wow, that's amazing. Well, thank you

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Speaker 1: for coming onto this show.

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Speaker 3: I know that you have.

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Speaker 1: You know, we always ask our guests to share an affirmation.

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Speaker 1: I know you have your ratchet affirmations, so I would

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Speaker 1: love for you to share one with our with our people.

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Speaker 4: It's so hard to pick one. I think with like

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Speaker 4: with the way y'all's podcast works, A cute, simple one

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Speaker 4: like I am a priority in my beautiful ass life.

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Speaker 4: You know it really works and something that's resonating with

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Speaker 4: me right now. You ask for one, but I'm extra

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Speaker 4: as fuck. I'm gonna give you two. It's you can

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Speaker 4: accept someone for who they are and not fuck with

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Speaker 4: them for the very same reason. Yes, as we enter

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Speaker 4: this retrograde and you know what I mean.

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Speaker 3: Both of those speak to me. Both of those. Wait,

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Speaker 3: what was the first one?

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Speaker 4: It was I am a priority and it's beautiful in

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Speaker 4: my ownership, it's yours in my beautiful ass life.

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Speaker 1: I am a priority in my beautiful ass life.

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Speaker 3: Yes, like a.

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Speaker 1: Choir that speaks to me because I've like been not

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Speaker 1: feeling like a priority and yeah, and like literally the

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Speaker 1: past week, my body has been betraying me. Yeah, but

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Speaker 1: in the blindness, and it has been been like, bitch,

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Speaker 1: we can't do this anymore.

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Speaker 3: Like this no longer.

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Speaker 4: I heard your story. You know sometimes what you're experiencing

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Speaker 4: with your eyes. Because I'm also a mid school drop out,

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Speaker 4: it might be a migraine. Migraines can cause.

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Speaker 3: My head was really hurting.

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Speaker 4: You're not always really Sometimes it's orbs. Sometimes it's temporary blindness.

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Speaker 4: So just something to see.

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Speaker 3: I told you I was temporary blind. She was laughed.

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Speaker 3: She always laughs at my pain. Laughed at you. You're like,

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Speaker 3: I'm like, bitch.

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Speaker 4: I was like, really not, but I'm devastated. I don't

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Speaker 4: feel good.

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Speaker 3: I'm awkward.

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Speaker 2: I don't know how to if that's not me laughing

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Speaker 2: at your pain, it's everything awkward. I just laugh my

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Speaker 2: natural response to things. I care about. Your temporary blind.

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Speaker 1: I was like, bitch, I'm legally blind. I was like,

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Speaker 1: is this what it feels like when people need glasses?

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Speaker 3: Yes, bitch, it's not fun.

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Speaker 2: That's how I feel if I don't have a contact

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Speaker 2: in I'm probably gonna get robbed. I see anything, can't identify.

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Speaker 4: I lost my glasses once and went six months without them.

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Speaker 4: And when I got new glasses because I couldn't drive

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Speaker 4: I have a stigmatism, I put them on and I

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Speaker 4: like cried. I was like wow. I was like, the

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Speaker 4: world is an age? Did you like this?

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Speaker 3: Shit is beautiful?

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Speaker 4: It's crazy?

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Speaker 3: Oh my god.

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Speaker 2: I value my vision so much that I don't even

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Speaker 2: really like wearing sunglasses. If I'm in a beautiful place,

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Speaker 2: I'm wearing sunglasses, like, bitch, take them off.

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Speaker 1: You gotta see this. I got to see it for

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Speaker 1: what it actually looks like. I can't see it through this.

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Speaker 1: I will never take my vision for granted again. But

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Speaker 1: their affirmation is something that I This week, I was like, okay,

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Speaker 1: this week, I'm after you leave today, I am going

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Speaker 1: to go through my calendar for the week and really

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Speaker 1: block off time for myself, specifically in the day, even

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Speaker 1: if it's just twenty minutes. I don't give a fuck

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Speaker 1: what I'm doing. I have to stop and do something

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Speaker 1: for myself because I don't know how to.

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Speaker 3: I'm I don't mean doing that, I don't be doing that.

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Speaker 3: I just like work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work,

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Speaker 3: And I wake up and I'm like, work work work.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you get into those bathroom You're like, I think

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Speaker 4: I cuddled my laptop last night.

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Speaker 3: Literally it's more.

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Speaker 4: Heat.

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Speaker 3: It was hard, hard, hard, new day.

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Speaker 4: And I'm an accountability partner. That's a lot of what

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Speaker 4: I do. So I'm gonna follow up with you ask okay,

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Speaker 4: please do please.

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Speaker 2: What was the second one? The second infirmation?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you can accept someone for who they are and

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Speaker 4: not funk with them for the very same reason.

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Speaker 2: You can accept someone for who they are and not

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Speaker 2: fuck with them for the same reason that mine might be.

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Speaker 2: For me, it'sating deep because I love everybody.

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Speaker 3: I'm a cancer.

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Speaker 2: I be loving everybody, and yeah, I get attached to

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Speaker 2: people for no reason.

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Speaker 4: I forgot to say bye to that girl.

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Speaker 3: She's like who the crime made? Met in the bathroom,

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Speaker 3: So you don't know her. I'm like, I do, but

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Speaker 3: I do.

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Speaker 4: Oh, I looked in her eyes.

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Speaker 3: We made friends her Instagram. She told me about her

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Speaker 3: dead grandma. Now I have to check in on her.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, oh lord, oh, that's a lot of energy output.

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Speaker 3: That is a lot of.

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Speaker 2: Energetical I am trying to manage my energetic output and

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Speaker 2: be more like conscious of it because I just do

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Speaker 2: it so naturally. And then I'm like, bitch, what's wrong

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Speaker 2: with you? That's what's wrong with you. You're doing a lot

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Speaker 2: of energetic output.

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Speaker 3: Do some input.

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Speaker 2: You need to chield the fuck out input. But it's

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Speaker 2: just like it's so in my nature. But I'm you know,

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Speaker 2: reprogramming as an adult is really really, really hard, but

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Speaker 2: I'm learning. That's my back to school lesson. Bitch, you

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Speaker 2: can be always lessons outside of yourself. The lessons really

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Speaker 2: start and end with yourself.

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Speaker 4: That is the answer, right, right, So how did you

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Speaker 4: get into where you are now and your purpose and

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Speaker 4: walking in purpose?

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Speaker 3: So I did some I did do a little bit

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Speaker 3: of research on you and listen to.

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Speaker 1: A few podcasts and learned about your history with violence

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Speaker 1: as a young girl and child, and like having to

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Speaker 1: unlearn those things, like Jamila said, like un learning things

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Speaker 1: after like a certain age can feel really challenging. It's

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Speaker 1: really impossible at times. So can you just share kind

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Speaker 1: of like you know, your journey to trap Yoka Bay.

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Speaker 3: Yes, in a nutshell in a shell.

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Speaker 4: Right, boom, bullet points. So what happened was in the

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Speaker 4: year was twenty twelve. Seriously, it was twenty fifteen. I

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Speaker 4: was married, I have two children. We were living in Austin, Texas.

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Speaker 3: You were married, brother young?

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Speaker 4: Right, Yeah, I got married at nineteen doors at twenty seven.

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Speaker 4: Honestly I heard that's the way to do it, because

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Speaker 4: now I'm thirty three, and I'm like, you know, but

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Speaker 4: I had gotten to an argument with my husband, which

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Speaker 4: wasn't unlike us, but was unlike him was to put

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Speaker 4: his hands on me, and that day he like snapped

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Speaker 4: and brutally beat me, and I like didn't like, I

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Speaker 4: was in shock, went to sleep, had this like crazy

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Speaker 4: dream and woke up and was like, nah, like this

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Speaker 4: just thing they say, what like what God has planned

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Speaker 4: for me? So I was like hit him with the YO,

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Speaker 4: I'm going to Walmart R. I put the kids in

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Speaker 4: the car, I grabbed my dirty clothes out of the garage,

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Speaker 4: and I drove thirty two hours from Austin, Texas back

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Speaker 4: home to Oakland, California, where I had When I left,

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Speaker 4: I was like, yeah, I'm a Christian now and like

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Speaker 4: I just don't do this secular stuff. My friend was like, oh,

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Speaker 4: mich when I came back and was like yeah, he

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Speaker 4: wasn't that great? Was he was?

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Speaker 3: Oh? Was he was? He like religious?

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Speaker 4: Oh? We were Pentecostal, hardcore or I didn't curse. I

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Speaker 4: didn't wear pants.

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Speaker 3: You didn't wear pants. It was from that. Wow.

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Speaker 2: Okay, well did you grow did you grow up that way?

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Speaker 2: And then you met him and.

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Speaker 4: The Jesus as your Lord and savior? Okay, that is

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Speaker 4: some demon dick, demon dick. Yes, two kids, Come on,

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Speaker 4: I came.

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Speaker 3: You were wearing pants. You weren't wearing pants.

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Speaker 4: I wasn't wearing pain, not cursing. That's I wasn't listening

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Speaker 4: to the secular music. That's what I called it, like

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Speaker 4: Beyonce what, I don't know what it was. It was

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Speaker 4: at Ordeal. It was yes, very cult like life. And

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Speaker 4: so I was laying on my grandmother's floor and me

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Speaker 4: and my grandma don't even get along. She was like, yo,

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Speaker 4: what the fuck like when you're gonna get the fuck

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Speaker 4: out of here? And I had had some savings from

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00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:12,840
Speaker 4: my job. I was in tech, so I was in recruiting,

340
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:15,000
Speaker 4: had made me good money and was like, I need

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Speaker 4: to find myself and I am not being a good mom.

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Speaker 4: I am just like sitting these kids in front of

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Speaker 4: the TV. I'm just feeding them. I'm lost. God, I'm

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Speaker 4: about to dip and I let y'all know when I

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Speaker 4: fucking find me. And so I booked a flight China, India, Brazil.

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Speaker 4: I was gone. Yeah. So I studied at the how

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Speaker 4: do You Own? School of Vinyasin Rashikasha, India, where I

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Speaker 4: became a certified yoga instructor. Then I went on to Shanghai.

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Speaker 4: Then I went on to Brazil and once I like

350
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Speaker 4: was like, I found me and can nobody tell me shit?

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Speaker 4: I came back home and was basically like yo yo, yo,

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Speaker 4: yo yo. So that person you thought you knew the

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Speaker 4: bitch is dead.

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Speaker 3: Where your kids like, mama.

355
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Speaker 4: Oh, it's probably why. Yeah, No, I came back different, different,

356
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:02,920
Speaker 4: But what was They were two and six? Okay, so

357
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Speaker 4: my son doesn't have My son was two. He doesn't

358
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Speaker 4: have as much recollection my daughter did. But the thing

359
00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:11,760
Speaker 4: was there was some For a moment, I put her

360
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Speaker 4: in therapy and that was really really good for her.

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Speaker 4: And then when I became happier, I noticed my kids

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Speaker 4: were changing. And that was what the dream was. It

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00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:23,200
Speaker 4: was that my kids felt like they grew up and

364
00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:25,760
Speaker 4: they didn't know me because I was too busy trying

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Speaker 4: to appease and trying to be accepted that I wasn't myself.

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Speaker 4: So as I became more of me, my kids they

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Speaker 4: became like happier kids. And then I was like, damn,

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Speaker 4: this is kind of lonely being this like evolved bitch

369
00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:40,240
Speaker 4: who don't give a fuck no more. Let me create

370
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Speaker 4: like a tribe of women. And I had a friend

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Speaker 4: who had a dance studio in San Francisco. She offered

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Speaker 4: me the opportunity to teach. The class took off. Two

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00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:52,880
Speaker 4: weeks later, two chains called. Three weeks later, Erica Baidu called,

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Speaker 4: and then I'm on tour with Sheila Marie as Hood's

375
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Speaker 4: now wife. And somehow I went out for yoga but

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Speaker 4: ended up crossing over into like the entertainment industry. Then

377
00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:07,400
Speaker 4: three years later, we're a million dollar company and I'm

378
00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:09,720
Speaker 4: in my high rise looking like a villain in downtown

379
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:14,240
Speaker 4: l Right, I'll be looking out like I wonder what

380
00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:17,120
Speaker 4: the peasants are doing. I'm getting I'm.

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Speaker 3: Kidding going down there.

382
00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:21,480
Speaker 2: Wait, you have a question, how long were you gone?

383
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,200
Speaker 2: How long was that Eat Prey love trip?

384
00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:26,280
Speaker 4: Almost four months? And then when I came back, I

385
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:29,520
Speaker 4: literally would like find every excuse to go. So since

386
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:32,360
Speaker 4: then I have traveled like the whole world. Like, we

387
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,200
Speaker 4: won't have time today, so you gotta to invite me back

388
00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:35,720
Speaker 4: so I can say about the one time Dick got

389
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Speaker 4: me put in jail in Singapore.

390
00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:40,840
Speaker 3: Oh, I've seen my hotel.

391
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:44,200
Speaker 2: That you found in Singapore that put you in jail.

392
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:47,880
Speaker 4: That ain't the I was wild, girl. I wasn't cursing.

393
00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:49,760
Speaker 2: I wasn't really Oh yeah, you had to you had

394
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:54,360
Speaker 2: to relate this. Yeah, you had like seven years.

395
00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:56,200
Speaker 3: Jail and Singapore. I'm thinking of what's that broke down Palace?

396
00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:59,360
Speaker 4: That is the movie? So that is the movie that

397
00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:02,720
Speaker 4: made me lose my mind in jail. And they're like,

398
00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:05,160
Speaker 4: I'm a good girl. I'm a good girl. I'm good

399
00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:07,399
Speaker 4: forgive me Jesus. Yeah, okay. Bullet points told the man

400
00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:10,199
Speaker 4: not to can't take niggas nowhere nowhere, and I was like,

401
00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:11,679
Speaker 4: oh you got good Dick, Like, why don't you just

402
00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:12,240
Speaker 4: come to Singapore?

403
00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:17,960
Speaker 3: He bring weed lord.

404
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:22,600
Speaker 4: And they ran through the bag and I called my friend,

405
00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:24,720
Speaker 4: was like, girl, I wasn't attached to my girl. He

406
00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:26,720
Speaker 4: about to go to motherfucking jail. I ain't saying no,

407
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:30,719
Speaker 4: Bill like like you with him and I was like

408
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:34,160
Speaker 4: not really, and then they took you like oh yeah you.

409
00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:37,399
Speaker 4: And so I went to jail for five days and

410
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:39,440
Speaker 4: I was in there like losing my ship so much

411
00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:43,040
Speaker 4: that they were like maybe psychiatry evaluation, and they sent

412
00:17:43,119 --> 00:17:44,920
Speaker 4: me to the psych unit and I was like that's fine.

413
00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:47,320
Speaker 4: I got there and was like, actually, I like jail better.

414
00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:50,439
Speaker 4: Can I go back to jail all of that ordeal?

415
00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:52,080
Speaker 4: And they were just like, give us five thousand dollars

416
00:17:52,119 --> 00:17:52,760
Speaker 4: and don't come back.

417
00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:54,960
Speaker 2: And I was like, so you can never go to

418
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:55,960
Speaker 2: Singapore ever again.

419
00:17:56,560 --> 00:18:01,120
Speaker 4: I got six years left. Oh is he still him?

420
00:18:01,119 --> 00:18:01,960
Speaker 2: I don't know where he at.

421
00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:05,520
Speaker 4: Wait, you haven't changed his lines under the jail. You

422
00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:07,960
Speaker 4: didn't google or anything, gonna cause family, his mom. This

423
00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:10,040
Speaker 4: was a safe space. I hear a little judgment, A

424
00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:11,560
Speaker 4: little judgment I don't really get.

425
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:12,720
Speaker 3: I think it's fine.

426
00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:14,840
Speaker 4: I got kids. It's a cancer in me, Like you

427
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:16,840
Speaker 4: didn't check this? He still like that, don't give He

428
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:22,040
Speaker 4: was seutarious. He's all right, oh yeah, yeah, I'm furious.

429
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,440
Speaker 4: It's well within my nature to be like, oh I

430
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:27,520
Speaker 4: don't like that detached to detach yuh, that's sad. Everybody's

431
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:28,120
Speaker 4: doing what they're doing.

432
00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:32,960
Speaker 2: Let this be a testament to everyone. Don't ship no niggas,

433
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:37,920
Speaker 2: So don't ship no no imports to any form really anywhere.

434
00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:39,040
Speaker 3: Don't ship them in period.

435
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,879
Speaker 1: Okay, if they can't get them fucking cells there. If

436
00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:43,240
Speaker 1: the shoe was on the other foot, and this was

437
00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:44,600
Speaker 1: Jamila's cancer ass.

438
00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:47,600
Speaker 4: She'd been like, is he okay? Let me go check

439
00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:47,840
Speaker 4: on him.

440
00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:52,920
Speaker 5: Actually gotta fly back his court case or maybe probably right,

441
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:56,000
Speaker 5: But first of all, after five days in Singapore and jail,

442
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:58,400
Speaker 5: that would be my first step into not giving a fuck.

443
00:18:58,480 --> 00:19:01,240
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm like, don't care, don't ever call me for real.

444
00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:04,000
Speaker 4: Cancer's guide to not giving a funk go to jail

445
00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:06,480
Speaker 4: was singing part for five days. And when I saw

446
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:07,640
Speaker 4: him in past and he was like.

447
00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:11,840
Speaker 3: Nobody told you to bring marijuana.

448
00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:14,600
Speaker 4: Everything specifically told you don't bring shit here, like and

449
00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:16,680
Speaker 4: if you can't leave your house with ill weed, you

450
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:20,679
Speaker 4: got a problem. Not everybody gets come shit happened.

451
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:22,520
Speaker 3: That's so.

452
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,680
Speaker 4: With circle back, what was talking about.

453
00:19:27,359 --> 00:19:29,000
Speaker 3: I'm just so inspired by this story.

454
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:31,359
Speaker 2: I want to know. I'm you know, we're personally beginning

455
00:19:31,359 --> 00:19:35,520
Speaker 2: everybody's business. Was that the okay, minus the arguing. Was

456
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:37,119
Speaker 2: that the first time he ever put his hands on you,

457
00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:38,800
Speaker 2: and that was like, that's what that was, Like, you're

458
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:39,760
Speaker 2: the cam.

459
00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:41,800
Speaker 3: What is the straw that broke the camel's back.

460
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:45,399
Speaker 4: M It was the first time he was like looking

461
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:47,480
Speaker 4: at me, and I was like, I'm from the hood,

462
00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:49,119
Speaker 4: Like I've been in tons of his fights, and so

463
00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:51,080
Speaker 4: it's not like I was like, oh my god, he's

464
00:19:51,119 --> 00:19:53,560
Speaker 4: hitting me. I was just like, for real, nigga, for real,

465
00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:55,399
Speaker 4: you know, like I started cursing again, and he's just

466
00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:57,840
Speaker 4: like body shots. So we had got like he was

467
00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:00,439
Speaker 4: like taking pride. It was like a lot of it.

468
00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:03,200
Speaker 4: There had been an argument that we'd gotten into before,

469
00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:05,639
Speaker 4: and he slammed me in a car door and he

470
00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:08,680
Speaker 4: was very like apologetic, and so I was like, eh,

471
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:10,600
Speaker 4: you know, and then young love, I'll take him back.

472
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,200
Speaker 4: But that was the first time that I had really

473
00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:16,000
Speaker 4: just like you know, like Bruce clavical face swollen.

474
00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:17,680
Speaker 2: Like oh, I'm in a lifetime movie type shit.

475
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:21,240
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, Like it was one of those, and so yeah,

476
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:24,280
Speaker 4: I'm happy that I walked away, and I think, you know,

477
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:26,160
Speaker 4: let that be a testament. A lot of times people

478
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:27,760
Speaker 4: think like that was the worst day of my life

479
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,840
Speaker 4: and the worst day of your life is a springboard

480
00:20:30,119 --> 00:20:32,680
Speaker 4: for the best life that you could ever live. Walk

481
00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:34,960
Speaker 4: the fuck away. I'm suggested.

482
00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:39,960
Speaker 1: I was listening to you on highway and another jumla. Yeah,

483
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,760
Speaker 1: I was listening and you said something that really stuck

484
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:45,280
Speaker 1: with me, and it was the prerequisite for joy is

485
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:48,600
Speaker 1: basically experiencing the other end of that. And I was like, damn,

486
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:50,720
Speaker 1: like it's show it's so true, and I feel like,

487
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:53,679
Speaker 1: I mean, obviously that's your testament to that. How do

488
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:56,080
Speaker 1: you now navigate in that space because obviously your I

489
00:20:56,119 --> 00:20:58,640
Speaker 1: don't know if your kids are you know, if he's

490
00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:00,640
Speaker 1: so involved with your kids, and like, how do you

491
00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:06,120
Speaker 1: navigate co parenting essentially with your abuser in some capacity,

492
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:09,680
Speaker 1: Like yeah, like how do you navigate that space? And like,

493
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:11,520
Speaker 1: I'm sure you guys have come a long way since

494
00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:12,119
Speaker 1: that moment.

495
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:16,200
Speaker 3: Maybe I don't know. I don't know. I trust me, amen,

496
00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:17,000
Speaker 3: I know how you feel.

497
00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:22,280
Speaker 4: No, it's a good question. So for the first ten

498
00:21:22,359 --> 00:21:25,359
Speaker 4: months when I left, he was very much like fuck

499
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:27,399
Speaker 4: you and them kids, like if I can't have you,

500
00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:30,439
Speaker 4: I will start over. And then one day he popped

501
00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:33,960
Speaker 4: up at my new home and like had like broken

502
00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:36,480
Speaker 4: girl had put his tooth firsh for my tooth first, wooh,

503
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:40,080
Speaker 4: what tattoo of my face on his hands? I had

504
00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:43,840
Speaker 4: lost his fucking mind. And what was I was coming

505
00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:47,600
Speaker 4: back from a speaking engagement with the homeboy and he

506
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:49,720
Speaker 4: just assumed I was sleeping with the homeboy and was like,

507
00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:52,639
Speaker 4: I knew it so biblical people. So he was waiting

508
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:56,920
Speaker 4: at the wait walked in with the dew. When you

509
00:21:57,040 --> 00:21:59,160
Speaker 4: sleeping with the dow? Walked in with the dow. And

510
00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:01,680
Speaker 4: what's funny is like church folk call you a harlet.

511
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:07,080
Speaker 4: He was like you harlot, and he was like, you'd

512
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:09,680
Speaker 4: be letting these men fuck on you. And I was like, correction,

513
00:22:10,119 --> 00:22:13,359
Speaker 4: I fucked them back, fuck each other. We be fucking

514
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:15,560
Speaker 4: each other, not this one. And he like went to

515
00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:17,560
Speaker 4: lunch at me and the guy friend like beat the

516
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:18,159
Speaker 4: shit out of it.

517
00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:19,520
Speaker 3: He imagine that man.

518
00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:21,760
Speaker 4: And I was watching very calmly, and eventually I got

519
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:23,960
Speaker 4: over it and like called my brother and was like, yo,

520
00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:26,560
Speaker 4: can you just can come with these niggas off my floor?

521
00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:28,800
Speaker 4: You know this is my lanm broke. It's a little

522
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:32,520
Speaker 4: bit much. And so the divorce was gnarly. It was nasty,

523
00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:36,240
Speaker 4: It was very, very hard. And then when my company

524
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:39,600
Speaker 4: took off, that is when he was like, oh, I

525
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:41,720
Speaker 4: want to make your life live in hell. We went

526
00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:44,080
Speaker 4: through child support. There was a point where I was

527
00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:48,080
Speaker 4: paying six thousand dollars a month in child support. You ladies,

528
00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:50,800
Speaker 4: if you have an LLC, make sure you separate your

529
00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:53,320
Speaker 4: shit because they can pierce your veil. And all of

530
00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:56,200
Speaker 4: the income from trap Yoga Bay got assigned to me

531
00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:57,480
Speaker 4: and they was like, pay that man.

532
00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:00,120
Speaker 2: So because there was it wasn't separate enterity.

533
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:03,399
Speaker 4: Yeah, it wasn't like it wasn't it wasn't LLC, but

534
00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:05,200
Speaker 4: I was co mingling funds. I didn't know what the

535
00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:07,240
Speaker 4: fuck I was doing, like my first year, and I

536
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,359
Speaker 4: think people should be more transparent about this. My first year,

537
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:11,000
Speaker 4: I made over three hundred thousand dollars. I know what

538
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:11,480
Speaker 4: the fuck was.

539
00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:14,960
Speaker 3: I was like money, right, right, right, And.

540
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:18,040
Speaker 4: Then you'd be like, actually, it's not that rich. But

541
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:20,199
Speaker 4: the divorce took almost two and a half years. I

542
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,320
Speaker 4: had to get a lawyer and the n we ended

543
00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:25,040
Speaker 4: up with fifty to fifty custody and then there was

544
00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:29,240
Speaker 4: a lot of contention. But I quickly just like reframed

545
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:31,919
Speaker 4: my mindset around it and like he knows it. He

546
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,480
Speaker 4: listens to the podcast, like he'll hear this one. I

547
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:37,840
Speaker 4: affectionately now call him my baby mama. I'm like my

548
00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:41,160
Speaker 4: baby mama, bad bitch. You know, he's beautiful. He like

549
00:23:41,359 --> 00:23:43,760
Speaker 4: our dynamic is very much like he treats me like

550
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:46,960
Speaker 4: the baby daddy. And so this school year, or when

551
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:49,040
Speaker 4: I up and moved to la during the pandemic, it

552
00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:51,879
Speaker 4: was fine because the kids had virtual school. But now

553
00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:54,879
Speaker 4: they're back in school and my daughter has a lot

554
00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:56,159
Speaker 4: of say in her life. So she was like, I

555
00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:57,520
Speaker 4: want to go back to my old school. I want

556
00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:59,160
Speaker 4: to see my old friends. And I was like, oh,

557
00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:02,800
Speaker 4: so you're gonna go back to Oakland. Hmmm, all right,

558
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:08,000
Speaker 4: well I'm gonna miss you. Call me and so jokingly

559
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:09,359
Speaker 4: because I see my kids all the time and I

560
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:10,760
Speaker 4: call them, but I'm like, this is the year of

561
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:13,679
Speaker 4: the dead beat mom, Like this is the year. This

562
00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:16,240
Speaker 4: is the year beat mom, you know, like it is

563
00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:18,520
Speaker 4: what it is. This is I've had kids since I

564
00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:21,760
Speaker 4: was twenty. I've never been an adult woman without children.

565
00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:24,520
Speaker 4: This is the longest stint and it's been five weeks.

566
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:28,360
Speaker 4: This is the longest stint where I've been like in

567
00:24:28,359 --> 00:24:33,760
Speaker 4: love with myself, financially stable, happy, joyful and finest, fuck

568
00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:37,600
Speaker 4: childless what I'm out? You know?

569
00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:38,760
Speaker 3: So so you're winning.

570
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:42,560
Speaker 4: So yeah. So now because he's like taking over the

571
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:45,600
Speaker 4: parenting thing, Like he'll be like the son is eating groceries.

572
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:47,520
Speaker 4: I'll be like, damn, okay, here's like five hundred dollars,

573
00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:49,199
Speaker 4: Like what the fuck? Like, can I order y'all some

574
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:49,760
Speaker 4: Hello Fresh?

575
00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:51,080
Speaker 3: Like what you mean you need pee too?

576
00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:52,800
Speaker 2: I mean to deliver pictures to Hype, right, I'd be like.

577
00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:54,399
Speaker 4: She got my uber east the count, Like tell that

578
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:57,840
Speaker 4: girl order some pizza, don't order. Don't be doing too much.

579
00:24:57,880 --> 00:24:59,760
Speaker 4: Don't be doing too much, like call your daddy. So

580
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:03,359
Speaker 4: this is a very interesting and unique time where I

581
00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:08,040
Speaker 4: am now thirty three, fully navigating womanhood without children. So

582
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:10,320
Speaker 4: I don't know if that resonates with anybody, but it's

583
00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:11,160
Speaker 4: it's a different day.

584
00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:13,080
Speaker 3: That's amazing.

585
00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:15,080
Speaker 1: I mean, I think I think that that's a story

586
00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:17,160
Speaker 1: that you don't hear often, right, Like you hear that,

587
00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:20,600
Speaker 1: you know, you know, the kid is always supposed to

588
00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:21,840
Speaker 1: be with the mother, Like that's.

589
00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:22,800
Speaker 4: What mom's amazing to be.

590
00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:25,000
Speaker 1: But I have a question though, because because of the

591
00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:26,760
Speaker 1: history that you have with him. Do you ever con

592
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:29,080
Speaker 1: because this is always my fear because I mean we're

593
00:25:29,119 --> 00:25:32,080
Speaker 1: both single parents, and for me, like I don't really

594
00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:34,680
Speaker 1: know what kind of parenting is happening on the other side,

595
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,399
Speaker 1: Like I just don't. He doesn't care to share with me,

596
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:39,440
Speaker 1: he doesn't care to co parent with me. Really, yeah,

597
00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:43,119
Speaker 1: and we're not it's not a team effort. So do

598
00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:46,119
Speaker 1: you ever get concerned about like, you know, how how

599
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:49,359
Speaker 1: how being real? Yeah, if you're going to have to

600
00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:51,879
Speaker 1: do a lot of unprogramming.

601
00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:55,560
Speaker 4: Oh, absolutely definitely there's reprogramming. I mean things as simple

602
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:59,360
Speaker 4: as you know, the way my son in him interact

603
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:02,840
Speaker 4: versus like what I allow is different. So they come over,

604
00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:04,879
Speaker 4: you know, and it's just like day one is always

605
00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:07,200
Speaker 4: like transitions. Day two is like, all right, so we're here.

606
00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:09,240
Speaker 4: Let me tell y'all, y'all might have forgot the rules

607
00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:11,840
Speaker 4: the same datty house. You know, it's not his house.

608
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:15,080
Speaker 4: So I think, you know, there is that. But if

609
00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:18,800
Speaker 4: we can start focusing on only controlling what we can, right,

610
00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:23,240
Speaker 4: and I think it illuminates the differences in parenting styles

611
00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:25,680
Speaker 4: when you guys are parenting separate. But if you think

612
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:28,320
Speaker 4: about it, if you guys. Ever, you know, cohabitated with

613
00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:31,120
Speaker 4: the children, there was still that contention, there was still

614
00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:33,960
Speaker 4: that difference in how you parented. And you know, I

615
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:36,920
Speaker 4: remember when you know, we were doing the crowdout method

616
00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:39,440
Speaker 4: to sleep train my daughter and I was very much

617
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:42,840
Speaker 4: like not tripping when she was crying, and he was like,

618
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:45,960
Speaker 4: damn you a monster, and no, she'll figure it out,

619
00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:48,640
Speaker 4: and we would have those moments of this is how

620
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:50,320
Speaker 4: I want a parent, This is how I want a parent.

621
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:52,760
Speaker 4: So when I can remember that, this is no different

622
00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:55,840
Speaker 4: than when we were in one household, and you know,

623
00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:59,679
Speaker 4: what's my ideal situation outside of us being married is,

624
00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:02,960
Speaker 4: you know, eventually I move forward and find a person

625
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:04,760
Speaker 4: who loves me and loves the kids, and he does

626
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:07,359
Speaker 4: the same. And now these children have four parents. And

627
00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:10,480
Speaker 4: typically I like his girlfriends more than I like him

628
00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:12,800
Speaker 4: like and that's one thing I'll give him. He was

629
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:14,520
Speaker 4: not a good husband to me. He show know how

630
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:17,280
Speaker 4: to pick some good women, and he's an amazing father,

631
00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:20,879
Speaker 4: and so I trust his process and I ask a

632
00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:24,639
Speaker 4: lot of questions, which I think it sometimes puts undue

633
00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:28,000
Speaker 4: pressure on my daughter to like report because you get

634
00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:29,840
Speaker 4: in and I'll be like, all right, snitch to me,

635
00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:33,439
Speaker 4: what's going on over there, you know, And so I

636
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:36,320
Speaker 4: acknowledge that, but it's out of our you know, it's

637
00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:38,480
Speaker 4: out of my control. And as long as I'm never

638
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:41,919
Speaker 4: hearing things that feel alarming like abuse because he has

639
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:45,760
Speaker 4: a history of abusing women or you know, heavy patriarchal

640
00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:49,280
Speaker 4: things that I'm like, yeah, we're not gonna be putting

641
00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:51,520
Speaker 4: that on my daughter, then then I kind of just

642
00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:54,439
Speaker 4: gotta let him do his things. I picked him, and

643
00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:57,400
Speaker 4: sometimes I apologize to myself and other people, like, I'm sorry,

644
00:27:57,480 --> 00:28:01,600
Speaker 4: that's who I chose. He was mine. I did not

645
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:04,320
Speaker 4: stick beside him, but I him.

646
00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:06,400
Speaker 3: Do you think you get married again? Do you think

647
00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:07,120
Speaker 3: you get married again?

648
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:10,960
Speaker 4: Girl? Did you see my mission?

649
00:28:12,119 --> 00:28:12,800
Speaker 3: What do you speak of?

650
00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:15,240
Speaker 4: I felt like you jumped in my over. I felt

651
00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:17,280
Speaker 4: like you proposed to me. It's a little quick for

652
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:20,959
Speaker 4: that ship. I believe in commitment and I believe in

653
00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:24,760
Speaker 4: deep connection and joy, and that is what I prioritize

654
00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:29,480
Speaker 4: over titles in time, and so I think at best

655
00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:31,040
Speaker 4: I could I could do a commitment ceremony.

656
00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:32,399
Speaker 3: Best.

657
00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:34,280
Speaker 4: At best I can do I can let everybody know,

658
00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:36,800
Speaker 4: like I'm fucking with this person. We rocking steady.

659
00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:41,880
Speaker 3: Are you in a relationship right now? Okay, it comes

660
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:42,320
Speaker 3: maybe a.

661
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:45,160
Speaker 2: Little bit, it's not even it's not complicated, Like do

662
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:47,400
Speaker 2: you not believe like maybe not marriage. Do you believe

663
00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:49,520
Speaker 2: in saying, oh, this is my partner or not that's

664
00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:49,880
Speaker 2: even a.

665
00:28:50,080 --> 00:28:52,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, No, I believe I believe in saying like, this

666
00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:56,000
Speaker 4: is my partner. I think the variety is important, and

667
00:28:56,480 --> 00:29:00,000
Speaker 4: I have someone that I cherish and I love spending

668
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:03,360
Speaker 4: in time with. But I'm also like, yeah.

669
00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:05,000
Speaker 2: There's a lot there's a lot of fish.

670
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:06,960
Speaker 4: Inc there's a lot of fish in the sea, and

671
00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:08,720
Speaker 4: you know, I go on a date over there, like

672
00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:10,880
Speaker 4: it ain't so great, and then I'm like, yeah, I

673
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:12,840
Speaker 4: didn't have a good time, like you hungry? Hell yeah,

674
00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:14,960
Speaker 4: I'm hungry, Like you know what I need? My bad

675
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:16,520
Speaker 4: I don't even know. Let me just go ahead and

676
00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:18,400
Speaker 4: send all my friends call me the hr hoe because

677
00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:22,440
Speaker 4: I send hr messages when I break it off with people, which, oh,

678
00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:24,720
Speaker 4: thank you so much for your time and your effort.

679
00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:27,560
Speaker 4: After careful consideration, I do not think that it sads

680
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:29,800
Speaker 4: for us to move forward with this. However, I wish

681
00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:30,680
Speaker 4: you're messing your future.

682
00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:32,160
Speaker 3: It may afford me that time.

683
00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:36,000
Speaker 1: H you are hr I feel I've been doing that

684
00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:38,239
Speaker 1: ship too. I recently did that with somebody and he

685
00:29:38,360 --> 00:29:40,240
Speaker 1: just could not believe it. He could not believe that

686
00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:42,720
Speaker 1: this was happening. And then I find that when you

687
00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:44,479
Speaker 1: do that, though they respect it, they act that they

688
00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:46,600
Speaker 1: respect it, and then they always they think you're they

689
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:47,520
Speaker 1: think you're joking.

690
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:50,080
Speaker 2: No, they want to they want to prove to you

691
00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:51,440
Speaker 2: that you you're wrong.

692
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:54,040
Speaker 3: Well, they just they don't want to believe you have boundaries.

693
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:55,440
Speaker 4: And that's what it is.

694
00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:57,200
Speaker 1: And I know that, like you know, I know that

695
00:29:57,200 --> 00:29:59,960
Speaker 1: you talk a lot about boundaries and like how importan

696
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:02,440
Speaker 1: in a jam, yeah, and how important they are, and

697
00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:05,120
Speaker 1: like how do you what is your biggest I guess

698
00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:09,960
Speaker 1: tip for starting to implement boundaries in your life? Because

699
00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:11,480
Speaker 1: I know there's a lot of people listening to that,

700
00:30:11,520 --> 00:30:13,000
Speaker 1: like they don't even know where to start for.

701
00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:15,720
Speaker 4: Sure, for sure, because it's not easy. I would say,

702
00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:17,360
Speaker 4: people don't know where to start where They're like, I

703
00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:19,840
Speaker 4: don't even know where, like where that boundary line is?

704
00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:21,840
Speaker 4: And I said, or when I need to implement them?

705
00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:25,200
Speaker 4: My biggest step one advice is if you feel like

706
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:27,400
Speaker 4: I have to choose between loving you and loving me.

707
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:30,520
Speaker 4: Then the boundary is I need to love myself, and

708
00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:33,960
Speaker 4: that's in compromising. A lot of times you're like, oh,

709
00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:36,200
Speaker 4: you know, I found out he's talking to somebody else,

710
00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:37,960
Speaker 4: but we're in a close relationship.

711
00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:39,600
Speaker 3: Oh you know.

712
00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:42,000
Speaker 4: If I stay, I'm low key gonna hate myself and

713
00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:45,240
Speaker 4: it's gonna change the dynamic. Then it's time for a boundary,

714
00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:48,400
Speaker 4: because now if I proceed with this, I'm gonna feel

715
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:51,000
Speaker 4: some kind of way about me and to me. That's

716
00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:54,120
Speaker 4: at least the starting point of like, now, let's be

717
00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:57,160
Speaker 4: aware that we don't like that. So I've got an

718
00:30:57,280 --> 00:30:59,160
Speaker 4: hr message for you. Oh my god, I can't wait

719
00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:02,600
Speaker 4: tear this please, So I said, was this reason? Yes, yes,

720
00:31:02,720 --> 00:31:04,479
Speaker 4: and it actually is the hotel that I was going

721
00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:10,120
Speaker 4: to tell you about. So I said, stink, you already

722
00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:13,600
Speaker 4: had a nickname for this nigga. No, No, that that's general.

723
00:31:13,760 --> 00:31:14,680
Speaker 3: It's okay.

724
00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:19,080
Speaker 4: I have to make this very clear. I cannot participate

725
00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:20,960
Speaker 4: in this. I do not want to be a part

726
00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:23,080
Speaker 4: of your life. I would never suggest that you meet

727
00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:24,600
Speaker 4: a meeting, miss a meeting. He was like, he was

728
00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:25,760
Speaker 4: gonna miss a meeting to come talk to me. I

729
00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:28,600
Speaker 4: don't want to talk miss a meeting for someone who

730
00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:31,160
Speaker 4: is not interested in moving forward. I appreciate you for

731
00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:34,560
Speaker 4: your transparency and for giving me a genuine try. I

732
00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:37,520
Speaker 4: will not be responding to any calls or text beyond

733
00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:39,840
Speaker 4: this message. Please take care of yourself.

734
00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:46,680
Speaker 3: I for I didn't stop. So, wait, what are the

735
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:47,600
Speaker 3: links he's sending?

736
00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:48,240
Speaker 4: What is that link?

737
00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:49,160
Speaker 3: Review of what?

738
00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:49,479
Speaker 2: So?

739
00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:53,000
Speaker 4: He told me that I was giving him cardiomyopathy, being

740
00:31:53,040 --> 00:32:00,200
Speaker 4: responded heart palpitations, bullshit no. So then he me a

741
00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:02,680
Speaker 4: video of how I like. If you watch my Instagram,

742
00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:04,280
Speaker 4: you notice I make my bed every day and I

743
00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:05,920
Speaker 4: show people how I felt close. And then he showed

744
00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:08,920
Speaker 4: me how he folds close like me. Now, oh but here,

745
00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:10,720
Speaker 4: here's boundaries. You see all of these?

746
00:32:11,080 --> 00:32:13,720
Speaker 3: Wait? Was he sending you tomor Braxton music music?

747
00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:14,040
Speaker 4: Yes?

748
00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:14,360
Speaker 3: Stop?

749
00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:18,120
Speaker 4: What does his voice know? What is his signa? Crazy?

750
00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:19,160
Speaker 3: Crazy?

751
00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:23,000
Speaker 4: Wow? We should tell this story.

752
00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:23,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm trying to.

753
00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:28,400
Speaker 2: Remember he was aries, he was I don't know anything

754
00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:30,160
Speaker 2: about them, their fiery.

755
00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:31,880
Speaker 4: And it ended with like, look, can I just bring

756
00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:33,680
Speaker 4: you some money? And I'm just like, I'm not moves

757
00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:36,560
Speaker 4: my money money not. The last message was like, look

758
00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:38,800
Speaker 4: I have somebody who can bring you four thousand dollars

759
00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:40,560
Speaker 4: right now needs you to respond?

760
00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:44,200
Speaker 3: Why need he's a con artist?

761
00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:46,680
Speaker 4: He wasn't, so I'm like, oh, if this man find

762
00:32:46,720 --> 00:32:49,960
Speaker 4: he gonna kill me. He like, I don't do thugs.

763
00:32:50,040 --> 00:32:51,080
Speaker 4: I don't, I don't.

764
00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:53,320
Speaker 2: Is that a thug sending your tamar b was a thug?

765
00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:57,040
Speaker 4: Was a thug? I don't do thugs? So oh shit,

766
00:32:57,120 --> 00:33:00,160
Speaker 4: what happened? What happened was I was out here an

767
00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:02,760
Speaker 4: event and I had met a guy right, and I

768
00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:05,720
Speaker 4: was like, ooh, I like him, right, but he lived

769
00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:07,920
Speaker 4: in New York. He had to fly out, and so

770
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:09,479
Speaker 4: we were talking on the phone and he was just

771
00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:11,800
Speaker 4: like I can't take it, Like can you come see

772
00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:13,880
Speaker 4: me in New York? And I was like, yeah, I

773
00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:15,320
Speaker 4: guess I can come see you in New York. Be like,

774
00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:16,880
Speaker 4: you know, I can't stay with you. Get me a

775
00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:19,280
Speaker 4: hotel room, all that shit, and he's like, okay, cool,

776
00:33:19,680 --> 00:33:21,520
Speaker 4: I got you. So he gets me my flight, he

777
00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:24,280
Speaker 4: gives me my hotel room. I'm on my way. I

778
00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:27,080
Speaker 4: text him and I'm like, are you excited to see me?

779
00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:29,560
Speaker 4: And he's like yeah, but I have to be honest

780
00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:31,600
Speaker 4: with you. I'm a little tired, so I won't be

781
00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:33,520
Speaker 4: able to pick you up from the airport, and I'm

782
00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:36,840
Speaker 4: like the problem. So then what he forgot to do

783
00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:39,320
Speaker 4: was blocking me from his Instagram stories.

784
00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:44,480
Speaker 1: I got my box from like a Kitten. You might

785
00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:47,720
Speaker 1: have seen me post it on Instagram. I'm fucking obsessed.

786
00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:52,520
Speaker 1: Not only did I get beautiful jewelry like handcuffs, I

787
00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:57,120
Speaker 1: got sattin restraints, I got a bomb ass vibrator, I

788
00:33:57,160 --> 00:33:59,040
Speaker 1: got a beautiful silk robe.

789
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:01,720
Speaker 2: It really is. I mean, sometimes going into a sex

790
00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:05,000
Speaker 2: shop can be super overwhelming. There's so much shit, but like,

791
00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:07,800
Speaker 2: just reminding to keep your sexy in a subscription box

792
00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:11,040
Speaker 2: every month is just like the perfect gift, surprise gift

793
00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:13,799
Speaker 2: to keep it sexy literally every month without having to

794
00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:15,840
Speaker 2: get in a car go to a shop. It just

795
00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:18,640
Speaker 2: comes right to your fucking front door and it's sexy

796
00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:19,440
Speaker 2: time exactly.

797
00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:21,480
Speaker 1: And this month they're helping you choose your own adventure

798
00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:25,480
Speaker 1: with their byob Box aka build your own box, so

799
00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:27,920
Speaker 1: you can pick out whatever you want and put it

800
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:29,920
Speaker 1: in that box. And what's amazing is that this box

801
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:33,120
Speaker 1: is only sixty nine dollars. Some of the vibrators alone

802
00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:35,440
Speaker 1: retail for more than sixty nine. Oh the old neglige

803
00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:37,640
Speaker 1: a little pink, sexy, little teddy. As soon as I

804
00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:39,040
Speaker 1: came to my front door, I put that shit on.

805
00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:40,839
Speaker 1: I was by myself, and I was like, damn, I'm

806
00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:43,239
Speaker 1: a bad bit. Well right now, Like a Kitten is

807
00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:46,000
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808
00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:48,359
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809
00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:52,600
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810
00:34:52,719 --> 00:34:56,640
Speaker 1: promo code GMBC, and the link is in this episode's description.

811
00:34:57,560 --> 00:35:01,200
Speaker 2: Oh my god, wash day in my house is crazy.

812
00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:07,160
Speaker 2: Luna screams like I'm beating her. It's literally insane every

813
00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:07,960
Speaker 2: time we do it.

814
00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:11,000
Speaker 3: Every time, it's like, girl, you've been had this hair.

815
00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:14,400
Speaker 2: So I'm super excited because I got a new product

816
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:18,359
Speaker 2: from Talia Wajid, and it's perfect to entangle her hair.

817
00:35:18,400 --> 00:35:20,880
Speaker 2: It's perfect for kinky, curly hair, and it makes the

818
00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:23,000
Speaker 2: screaming and the crying mute.

819
00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:23,520
Speaker 3: You know what.

820
00:35:23,640 --> 00:35:25,680
Speaker 1: And our kids have different textured hair, and that's why

821
00:35:25,719 --> 00:35:27,920
Speaker 1: I know this shit actually works because both of our

822
00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:30,160
Speaker 1: kids their hair is a little bit different. And I

823
00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:32,080
Speaker 1: called Mila and I was like, girl, did you try

824
00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:34,960
Speaker 1: this shit? Because I got through washed egg with no

825
00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:38,160
Speaker 1: tears none. A miracle and.

826
00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:42,680
Speaker 2: It smells delicious. Snaw apple and Allo ingredients smells so good.

827
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:45,319
Speaker 2: It doesn't flake, it keeps it moisturized all day, and

828
00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:46,800
Speaker 2: it has great curl definition.

829
00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:48,799
Speaker 1: I also love it because I only needed to use

830
00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:51,320
Speaker 1: three products to achieve the look and it lasted all

831
00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:55,120
Speaker 1: week long. And this week we are giving our listeners

832
00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:58,480
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833
00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:02,000
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834
00:36:02,239 --> 00:36:04,480
Speaker 1: g MBC thirty at checkout.

835
00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:08,600
Speaker 2: Stupid.

836
00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:10,400
Speaker 4: I watched his Instagram stories and he ain't at no

837
00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:14,920
Speaker 4: motherfucking gang bitchy at Barclay's, sleep at Barclay's with another bitch,

838
00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:16,240
Speaker 4: like while you got.

839
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:19,000
Speaker 2: Me in transit to New York, So why didn't you

840
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:19,719
Speaker 2: take me out of your story?

841
00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:23,400
Speaker 3: You're a dumb asshole, oh dumb as fuck? Right, and

842
00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:26,400
Speaker 3: so why are you? Like, hey, thanks for the free trip.

843
00:36:26,239 --> 00:36:28,000
Speaker 4: Right, So I'm on my way in here. I'm pissed,

844
00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:31,920
Speaker 4: and so randomly I get another long ass text message

845
00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:35,839
Speaker 4: and it's like, yo, Brittany, like I saw in your

846
00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:37,600
Speaker 4: story that you were on your way to New York.

847
00:36:37,640 --> 00:36:39,239
Speaker 4: Because I have posts like hey, you know anybody else

848
00:36:39,239 --> 00:36:40,720
Speaker 4: for some fun? Out my way in New York was popping,

849
00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:42,680
Speaker 4: and I'm just like, who is this? He tells me

850
00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:44,400
Speaker 4: who it is. It's somebody that I knew from like

851
00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:47,120
Speaker 4: way bit I'm talking like middle school. He's like, I've

852
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:50,640
Speaker 4: been watching your journey. I think it's you're amazing. I

853
00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:53,040
Speaker 4: want to see you when you get to New York.

854
00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:55,680
Speaker 4: And typically I'd be like, nah, hell no like you

855
00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:57,840
Speaker 4: being we like you. You sound like a fan, and

856
00:36:57,880 --> 00:37:00,319
Speaker 4: I've had fans and I've had stalkers, so like, but

857
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:00,839
Speaker 4: I was like.

858
00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:03,160
Speaker 3: The Spike, let me do some ho shit.

859
00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:08,400
Speaker 4: I'm available, absolutely, absolutely, And he's like, oh, where you staying.

860
00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:10,400
Speaker 4: I'm like, oh, I'm at this hotel, nice hotel in

861
00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:12,560
Speaker 4: Brooklyn's like no, like you're a Manhattan gir, I'm gonna

862
00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:13,480
Speaker 4: put you up in a different hotel.

863
00:37:13,520 --> 00:37:19,720
Speaker 3: Man like these a lot. So then so then.

864
00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:21,880
Speaker 4: He's like, here's the restaurants. I can take you to,

865
00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:24,560
Speaker 4: my strolls whatever, whatever. My driver is gonna pick you up.

866
00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:27,919
Speaker 4: So I'm just like, okay, I'm doing middle school. He's

867
00:37:27,960 --> 00:37:30,319
Speaker 4: been doing big things this middle school right. So now

868
00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:33,759
Speaker 4: he's like he's like deals in weed. He like does

869
00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:35,879
Speaker 4: like a whisked leaf. And then when they like buy

870
00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:38,240
Speaker 4: weed and they white label it. So he white labels

871
00:37:38,239 --> 00:37:41,120
Speaker 4: weed for celebrities. So I'm like, okay, all right to

872
00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:44,520
Speaker 4: talk about it. So we get there, like he's sitting

873
00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:46,560
Speaker 4: in my hotel and I'm like, okay, like you're talking

874
00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:49,200
Speaker 4: to me to the sun come up. I'm like, he's like,

875
00:37:49,239 --> 00:37:51,400
Speaker 4: you know, I was really hoping something. I was like,

876
00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:53,560
Speaker 4: let me tell someth about this pussy sir, Like you

877
00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:56,440
Speaker 4: don't seem stable enough, like I just I don't recommend it,

878
00:37:56,480 --> 00:37:57,480
Speaker 4: like you could smell.

879
00:37:57,200 --> 00:38:00,680
Speaker 2: It, like look, I love it, don't for my child's

880
00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:01,280
Speaker 2: after that.

881
00:38:01,239 --> 00:38:02,920
Speaker 4: Right, And so I was like I'm gonna take a shower,

882
00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:04,640
Speaker 4: like maybe you should go. So took a shower and

883
00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:06,200
Speaker 4: came back. He's like I thought about it. I don't care.

884
00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:08,000
Speaker 4: You can ruin my life. And I was like, no, seriously,

885
00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:09,600
Speaker 4: the most you can do is smell upussy like.

886
00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:13,160
Speaker 3: And I just let him snip it just a little bit.

887
00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:15,799
Speaker 3: You're my hero. You didn't even look it.

888
00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:20,800
Speaker 2: No, you're no, because I was like, you're gonna go.

889
00:38:21,520 --> 00:38:24,319
Speaker 4: We're gonna cry, right, And so then the next day

890
00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:25,799
Speaker 4: I was like, still, there're supposed to be there for

891
00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:28,400
Speaker 4: four days. But then I was like like we went shopping,

892
00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:30,640
Speaker 4: had a great time, but there was something a little

893
00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:33,439
Speaker 4: like a little too possessive about it. So then y'all,

894
00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:36,879
Speaker 4: his driver looks at me in the rear view mirror. Oh,

895
00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:41,239
Speaker 4: slightly lustfully he does. He was looking like and this

896
00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:43,920
Speaker 4: guy says, what the fuck you're looking at? My bitch

897
00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:46,840
Speaker 4: for reaches forward and slaps his driver.

898
00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:51,560
Speaker 3: I'm like, wait, hold the fuck up.

899
00:38:54,200 --> 00:38:57,719
Speaker 4: He slaps the dog ship out of his driver for

900
00:38:58,040 --> 00:38:59,200
Speaker 4: looking at open.

901
00:38:59,080 --> 00:39:01,960
Speaker 3: Hand, driving lustily.

902
00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:08,520
Speaker 4: Yes, bitch, waits you got girl, I'm pussy smell like girl.

903
00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:11,480
Speaker 4: Have you ever seen my recipe for pussy juice? I

904
00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:12,560
Speaker 4: highly recommend it.

905
00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:13,960
Speaker 3: Oh wow, get that one.

906
00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:17,120
Speaker 4: Yes, it's all my stories, It's in my highlights.

907
00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:19,360
Speaker 3: It's like, shit, what did you do?

908
00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:22,759
Speaker 4: Bitch? Bitch? I was like, I got a meeting. I

909
00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:23,799
Speaker 4: gotta get the body.

910
00:39:24,440 --> 00:39:26,840
Speaker 3: My meeting just came up and just came up back and.

911
00:39:26,719 --> 00:39:30,200
Speaker 4: Back in la. All right. I got stuck. I am

912
00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:32,839
Speaker 4: not about to see this through my boy. So so

913
00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:35,120
Speaker 4: I'm like, for real, I gotta go. I like text

914
00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:38,359
Speaker 4: my assist and was like call me act soberly, like

915
00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:40,800
Speaker 4: just run with it, and she like she knows sometimes

916
00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:41,960
Speaker 4: I'll be on my whole shop. So she knows.

917
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:42,719
Speaker 3: She like she got me.

918
00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:45,400
Speaker 4: She got me. So I get my bags. My assistant

919
00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:47,520
Speaker 4: like books my flight and I'm like, yo, you know,

920
00:39:47,640 --> 00:39:48,720
Speaker 4: like you don't got to take me to the airport.

921
00:39:48,760 --> 00:39:51,279
Speaker 4: He's like, oh, but I will. So he leaves. The

922
00:39:51,360 --> 00:39:53,799
Speaker 4: driver comes back, takes me to the airport. Y'all. I

923
00:39:53,840 --> 00:39:56,680
Speaker 4: get to the motherfucking airport. The driver takes out my bag.

924
00:39:57,400 --> 00:40:01,640
Speaker 4: The driver takes out another bag and I'm like, what's

925
00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:05,440
Speaker 4: that stuffing? What's that? And he's like, I can't live

926
00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:05,960
Speaker 4: without you.

927
00:40:06,239 --> 00:40:09,080
Speaker 3: The driver, no dude.

928
00:40:11,320 --> 00:40:14,839
Speaker 4: To get killed. And he's like, I'm coming with you

929
00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:18,399
Speaker 4: back to California. And I'm like like, no, the fuck,

930
00:40:18,480 --> 00:40:18,799
Speaker 4: you're not.

931
00:40:19,239 --> 00:40:19,880
Speaker 3: I'm scared.

932
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:21,200
Speaker 4: No the but I'm scared.

933
00:40:21,280 --> 00:40:24,640
Speaker 3: You're scared, but I am fright, tend right.

934
00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:28,279
Speaker 4: And so he's like he's like, I know you, I

935
00:40:28,320 --> 00:40:30,480
Speaker 4: know you, and mind you. He was like, I've been

936
00:40:30,520 --> 00:40:33,000
Speaker 4: checking for you throughout the years. I'm like spilling all

937
00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:35,160
Speaker 4: the tea. So I went to high school with an

938
00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:37,759
Speaker 4: actor who's like super famous now yeah tea, and I

939
00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:38,440
Speaker 4: had a crustion on him.

940
00:40:38,440 --> 00:40:47,399
Speaker 3: Back a tell him I'm looking for I've been It's

941
00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:48,359
Speaker 3: my man. It's my man.

942
00:40:48,600 --> 00:40:51,279
Speaker 4: Well, well maybe can we both can we can we

943
00:40:51,280 --> 00:40:54,440
Speaker 4: just maybe for both variety, Maybe we can both go

944
00:40:54,520 --> 00:40:59,760
Speaker 4: for careful you know dudes together, baby, we might politic

945
00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:04,000
Speaker 4: my yoga post together. And but like, let me be transparent, right,

946
00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:07,839
Speaker 4: he ain't fucking with me, like like like we were

947
00:41:07,840 --> 00:41:10,680
Speaker 4: supposed to be in Australia. It ain't work out, and

948
00:41:10,719 --> 00:41:14,239
Speaker 4: like he ain't really been he ain't really like so

949
00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:17,399
Speaker 4: but we all went to school together and he was like, yeah,

950
00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:18,839
Speaker 4: I know you'd be trying to fuck on yah y'ah.

951
00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:20,640
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, got that right.

952
00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:22,600
Speaker 4: He's like I did that. And I was like, oh,

953
00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:25,319
Speaker 4: so you why I can't get yah yah? Draws you

954
00:41:25,440 --> 00:41:27,799
Speaker 4: the reason? You the reason he said he did what

955
00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:29,439
Speaker 4: he did, like I did it that ship.

956
00:41:29,800 --> 00:41:31,400
Speaker 3: He's a crazy lady.

957
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:35,000
Speaker 4: So anyway, so I'm like, he's like, I know you

958
00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:38,239
Speaker 4: you're a runner and if now let you get on

959
00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:40,799
Speaker 4: this flight, I will never see you again. And I

960
00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:42,640
Speaker 4: was like, you don't know what's gonna happen, Like this

961
00:41:42,719 --> 00:41:44,640
Speaker 4: plane could crash and I could die. And he was like.

962
00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:48,160
Speaker 3: And I was like, yo, let me get this is

963
00:41:48,239 --> 00:41:49,320
Speaker 3: all happening at the airport.

964
00:41:50,480 --> 00:41:54,240
Speaker 4: A report at JFK just walking around in the wild

965
00:41:54,280 --> 00:41:57,480
Speaker 4: and people he knows, God, I'm scared. Yeah, so I

966
00:41:57,520 --> 00:42:01,000
Speaker 4: needed to say his full name. People women watch watch clubs.

967
00:42:01,360 --> 00:42:04,400
Speaker 4: So I get on the flight and he like and

968
00:42:04,600 --> 00:42:07,279
Speaker 4: he was just like you left me, and I was

969
00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:11,920
Speaker 4: just like yo, yo do. And so then that's where

970
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:13,719
Speaker 4: the HR message comes from.

971
00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:16,320
Speaker 3: Like oh, okay, this is wow.

972
00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:21,480
Speaker 4: And then all those messages yeah, and so I'm like whoa.

973
00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:24,400
Speaker 4: And so maybe the more of the story is like,

974
00:42:24,480 --> 00:42:28,200
Speaker 4: don't do spiteful ship. I would have never ever hung

975
00:42:28,239 --> 00:42:31,640
Speaker 4: out with this man unless I had gotten that odd

976
00:42:31,880 --> 00:42:33,799
Speaker 4: And when the odd thing happened with the other dude, like,

977
00:42:33,840 --> 00:42:35,920
Speaker 4: I sent one cryptic DM and I was like, I

978
00:42:35,960 --> 00:42:37,879
Speaker 4: just want to know, did your team win?

979
00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:41,200
Speaker 3: Not a cryptic DM from you?

980
00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:43,000
Speaker 4: No, he didn't respond that day. He didn't and then

981
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:44,080
Speaker 4: he was like blowing me up.

982
00:42:44,239 --> 00:42:44,759
Speaker 3: The whole trip.

983
00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:46,640
Speaker 4: And I'm like, no, I'm good, I'm good.

984
00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:47,840
Speaker 3: I didn't have no hotels.

985
00:42:47,880 --> 00:42:49,560
Speaker 4: I never spoke to him again. I don't play that

986
00:42:49,600 --> 00:42:51,239
Speaker 4: boundaries boundaries.

987
00:42:51,960 --> 00:42:54,879
Speaker 2: Wow, that's an epic psycho crazy.

988
00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:56,480
Speaker 3: That's an epic story on boundaries.

989
00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:59,279
Speaker 2: Wait, okay, so I have a question about boundaries. So

990
00:42:59,560 --> 00:43:03,319
Speaker 2: like we talked about your experience and how you've like

991
00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:06,960
Speaker 2: made this drastic change and like that like upstarted all

992
00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:10,560
Speaker 2: this other amazing shit. But like, how would you say, Like,

993
00:43:10,640 --> 00:43:12,960
Speaker 2: because I also stopped you a little bit, did some research.

994
00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:15,520
Speaker 2: I know you've had like you know, family history traumas

995
00:43:15,560 --> 00:43:16,120
Speaker 2: and shit like.

996
00:43:16,080 --> 00:43:16,480
Speaker 4: We all have.

997
00:43:16,680 --> 00:43:19,239
Speaker 2: But obviously like you have this abusive relationship with this

998
00:43:19,320 --> 00:43:22,440
Speaker 2: very Christian baby daddy, and then like I think women

999
00:43:22,520 --> 00:43:25,440
Speaker 2: have a hard time setting boundaries with men because we'd

1000
00:43:25,480 --> 00:43:28,520
Speaker 2: be getting digmatized and were all were so programmed to

1001
00:43:28,520 --> 00:43:30,640
Speaker 2: be like you need a partner, you need this person

1002
00:43:30,719 --> 00:43:33,160
Speaker 2: and like the comfort almost even if you're unhappy you

1003
00:43:33,280 --> 00:43:37,120
Speaker 2: come from like toxic ast relationships and me personally, I'm

1004
00:43:37,120 --> 00:43:39,759
Speaker 2: all always talking about childhood trauma and how to like

1005
00:43:39,840 --> 00:43:42,799
Speaker 2: heal from it because that's that's your whole adult life

1006
00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:46,680
Speaker 2: if you're if you care about growing, it's all about yeah, right,

1007
00:43:47,120 --> 00:43:50,600
Speaker 2: So how would you say, like, you've your experience has

1008
00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:54,640
Speaker 2: really like in both ways who you've attracted, because how

1009
00:43:54,680 --> 00:43:56,440
Speaker 2: the fuck did you? First of all, you chose your

1010
00:43:56,440 --> 00:44:00,239
Speaker 2: baby daddy, as we all show, But like I think

1011
00:44:00,239 --> 00:44:02,399
Speaker 2: women have a hard time shifting that, Like it's one

1012
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:04,520
Speaker 2: thing to recognize that you have some things that you

1013
00:44:04,560 --> 00:44:06,360
Speaker 2: need to work on. It's a whole different thing to

1014
00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:09,480
Speaker 2: act on them and then choose a partner based on

1015
00:44:09,640 --> 00:44:11,920
Speaker 2: the choices and the changes that you've made. I think

1016
00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:16,560
Speaker 2: when you've grown up in like abusive situations trauma, it's

1017
00:44:16,600 --> 00:44:20,439
Speaker 2: easy to attract relationships and partners like that because it's familiar, right,

1018
00:44:20,760 --> 00:44:23,040
Speaker 2: But like, how do you like first to recognize that,

1019
00:44:23,080 --> 00:44:25,400
Speaker 2: like until like maybe it's not you getting hit in

1020
00:44:25,480 --> 00:44:27,680
Speaker 2: the face or whatever, even though that's the case for

1021
00:44:27,719 --> 00:44:31,480
Speaker 2: a lot of women, Like what really made you start

1022
00:44:31,880 --> 00:44:34,640
Speaker 2: acting on those boundaries and the people you choose, people

1023
00:44:34,760 --> 00:44:36,719
Speaker 2: who share your energy, because that's hard for me.

1024
00:44:37,120 --> 00:44:39,799
Speaker 4: Yeah, And I think, like you said that, childhood trauma,

1025
00:44:39,880 --> 00:44:42,040
Speaker 4: it permeates every facet of your life, how you show

1026
00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:44,239
Speaker 4: up in corporate how you show up in friendships, how

1027
00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:46,600
Speaker 4: you show up as a parent. In a lot of ways,

1028
00:44:46,719 --> 00:44:48,920
Speaker 4: what we end up being led by is fear instead

1029
00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:52,719
Speaker 4: of love, fear of loss, fear of judgment, fear of abandonment.

1030
00:44:52,800 --> 00:44:54,879
Speaker 4: Instead of I give from a place of love, It's

1031
00:44:54,880 --> 00:44:57,040
Speaker 4: like I give from a place of like, please love

1032
00:44:57,120 --> 00:45:01,080
Speaker 4: me back. And I think that is where mindfulness becomes

1033
00:45:01,200 --> 00:45:03,919
Speaker 4: very important and a lot of times people are telling

1034
00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:05,839
Speaker 4: me like, I don't like to meditate because I can't

1035
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:09,000
Speaker 4: quiet my mind. The point isn't ever to quiet your mind.

1036
00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:11,480
Speaker 4: It's to create some separation so that you can then

1037
00:45:11,560 --> 00:45:15,759
Speaker 4: observe yourself so that then you can say, Hm, why

1038
00:45:15,800 --> 00:45:19,080
Speaker 4: did I make that decision? And it's how bothered am

1039
00:45:19,080 --> 00:45:22,080
Speaker 4: I by the outcome of that? And so I think

1040
00:45:22,320 --> 00:45:25,799
Speaker 4: for me since my ex husband, you know, and like

1041
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:28,560
Speaker 4: these three random stories I told you, those are times

1042
00:45:28,560 --> 00:45:32,000
Speaker 4: where I know that I fucking chose chaos. Like I

1043
00:45:32,160 --> 00:45:35,319
Speaker 4: kid you not, I was like, mindful moment, Brittany, what

1044
00:45:35,360 --> 00:45:38,160
Speaker 4: are we doing? How do we feel violence?

1045
00:45:38,960 --> 00:45:39,160
Speaker 3: Right?

1046
00:45:39,920 --> 00:45:42,520
Speaker 4: Because for a little razzle dazzle. But outside of like

1047
00:45:42,640 --> 00:45:45,759
Speaker 4: those scenarios that I told you about, which I feel

1048
00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:49,000
Speaker 4: like I'm mindfully chose, I come across some of the

1049
00:45:49,040 --> 00:45:52,239
Speaker 4: most amazing and phenomenal you know, and I date men

1050
00:45:52,320 --> 00:45:56,080
Speaker 4: and women, amazing phenomenal women and men who cherish me

1051
00:45:56,160 --> 00:45:59,319
Speaker 4: and treat me great. And I think it's not just

1052
00:46:00,680 --> 00:46:03,400
Speaker 4: what you'll tolerate from other people, but it's the boundaries

1053
00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:06,800
Speaker 4: that you set with yourself, which is which is your habits,

1054
00:46:06,880 --> 00:46:10,759
Speaker 4: which is you know, deciding who you are and not

1055
00:46:11,080 --> 00:46:14,759
Speaker 4: wavering from that. So when I tell somebody like, oh, no,

1056
00:46:15,040 --> 00:46:18,200
Speaker 4: like I cannot go on a date with you because

1057
00:46:18,239 --> 00:46:20,800
Speaker 4: I have to wake up at five am to meditate.

1058
00:46:21,239 --> 00:46:23,520
Speaker 4: I can't hang out tonight because it's a full moon

1059
00:46:23,640 --> 00:46:26,640
Speaker 4: and I need to ritualize some things. Those little things

1060
00:46:26,680 --> 00:46:29,480
Speaker 4: like that teaches people that like, oh, she's got boundaries,

1061
00:46:29,719 --> 00:46:33,719
Speaker 4: Oh she's got routines, and I don't get the opportunity

1062
00:46:33,760 --> 00:46:36,120
Speaker 4: to take over her life. I get to integrate in it.

1063
00:46:36,480 --> 00:46:40,399
Speaker 4: And that's how I approach relationships and partners is to say, hey,

1064
00:46:40,480 --> 00:46:43,759
Speaker 4: I'm whole and complete, and I like the variety of

1065
00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:46,840
Speaker 4: other humans. Are you also that? Because if so, do

1066
00:46:46,880 --> 00:46:49,760
Speaker 4: you want to orbit around each other for a time

1067
00:46:51,160 --> 00:46:54,440
Speaker 4: and so so? Yeah, I think for that it's really important.

1068
00:46:54,480 --> 00:46:57,319
Speaker 4: And the boundary setting, I think a lot of it,

1069
00:46:57,360 --> 00:46:59,520
Speaker 4: and nobody wants to hear it. Is you gotta And

1070
00:46:59,560 --> 00:47:01,840
Speaker 4: this is like Christian work. You got to consecrate yourself.

1071
00:47:02,120 --> 00:47:05,200
Speaker 4: You have to step back and figure out who you

1072
00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:08,640
Speaker 4: are when people aren't telling you who you are. And

1073
00:47:08,680 --> 00:47:11,160
Speaker 4: that's what traveling got to do for me. I got

1074
00:47:11,200 --> 00:47:13,600
Speaker 4: to to test my identity and see how I show

1075
00:47:13,680 --> 00:47:15,560
Speaker 4: up in the world. Who are people telling you were

1076
00:47:15,600 --> 00:47:20,160
Speaker 4: before people were telling me that I was anxious, that

1077
00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:25,319
Speaker 4: I was too much. I was told that that I

1078
00:47:25,400 --> 00:47:28,560
Speaker 4: was smart and would do well in corporate, that I

1079
00:47:28,600 --> 00:47:32,439
Speaker 4: wasn't an entrepreneur, that because I decided to be a mother,

1080
00:47:32,520 --> 00:47:36,480
Speaker 4: that my life was over, that I was too bubbly,

1081
00:47:36,520 --> 00:47:40,239
Speaker 4: too friendly, and so I really would pack that on.

1082
00:47:40,320 --> 00:47:43,480
Speaker 4: And again it's not just partners. I remember I used

1083
00:47:43,480 --> 00:47:46,160
Speaker 4: to have anxiety so bad that I would faint, Like

1084
00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:48,520
Speaker 4: I would just get upset and boom, I'm like on

1085
00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:52,680
Speaker 4: the ground, face red. And it was either that or

1086
00:47:52,719 --> 00:47:55,600
Speaker 4: like physical violence. And I remember when I came back

1087
00:47:55,600 --> 00:47:58,279
Speaker 4: and I had told everybody like like, I'm not who

1088
00:47:58,360 --> 00:47:59,799
Speaker 4: y'all thought I was. And I was on the phone

1089
00:47:59,800 --> 00:48:01,920
Speaker 4: with my mom and she's like, ooh, that sounds like

1090
00:48:01,960 --> 00:48:04,400
Speaker 4: a frustrating thing. You know. Don't don't go doing what

1091
00:48:04,400 --> 00:48:06,760
Speaker 4: you're doing, fighting or fainting. And I was like, actually,

1092
00:48:06,800 --> 00:48:08,520
Speaker 4: I don't. I don't do that anymore. That's not who

1093
00:48:08,520 --> 00:48:10,239
Speaker 4: I am. And she was like mm hm. And so

1094
00:48:10,320 --> 00:48:13,319
Speaker 4: from that moment on, I started telling people, Hey, I

1095
00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:16,200
Speaker 4: cannot control who you think I am or how you

1096
00:48:16,280 --> 00:48:18,359
Speaker 4: see me, but I'm telling you that that's not who

1097
00:48:18,440 --> 00:48:20,320
Speaker 4: I am. And you can say whatever the fuck you

1098
00:48:20,360 --> 00:48:22,520
Speaker 4: want to say about me behind my back, but don't

1099
00:48:22,560 --> 00:48:24,480
Speaker 4: bring that shit to my face. Do not tell me

1100
00:48:24,520 --> 00:48:27,160
Speaker 4: who I am to my face. And when they did,

1101
00:48:27,239 --> 00:48:29,919
Speaker 4: it was a two year stint where I would be like, Hey,

1102
00:48:30,160 --> 00:48:32,480
Speaker 4: you're on that bullshit. You're telling me something that I'm

1103
00:48:32,480 --> 00:48:35,080
Speaker 4: telling you I'm not, and I would be like, I'm disengaging,

1104
00:48:35,120 --> 00:48:37,120
Speaker 4: and that's where the hr HO probably came from. I started,

1105
00:48:37,160 --> 00:48:38,320
Speaker 4: I called it this again. I'm like, I'm going to

1106
00:48:38,360 --> 00:48:40,880
Speaker 4: disengage in this conversation. Please don't call me for two weeks,

1107
00:48:40,920 --> 00:48:43,719
Speaker 4: and I will hang up anybody's face, mother, anybody, and

1108
00:48:43,760 --> 00:48:45,759
Speaker 4: I'll call back in two weeks and say, hey, I

1109
00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:48,040
Speaker 4: really love you and I want to move forward, and

1110
00:48:48,080 --> 00:48:49,480
Speaker 4: I think the best way is for us to talk

1111
00:48:49,480 --> 00:48:51,680
Speaker 4: about what happened two weeks ago. Are you ready to

1112
00:48:51,719 --> 00:48:54,879
Speaker 4: have that conversation? Which is really hard thing to do,

1113
00:48:55,239 --> 00:48:57,879
Speaker 4: but when you have fell to the depths of hell

1114
00:48:58,280 --> 00:49:00,839
Speaker 4: and you're like, I clearly don't love mine and I've

1115
00:49:00,880 --> 00:49:05,000
Speaker 4: clearly chosen love and all of these other titles and

1116
00:49:05,040 --> 00:49:10,600
Speaker 4: accolades over my authentic self. And you know how sad

1117
00:49:10,640 --> 00:49:14,360
Speaker 4: and how dark and how how like lonely. That darkness

1118
00:49:14,440 --> 00:49:17,160
Speaker 4: is what you were like. I will never go back

1119
00:49:17,160 --> 00:49:18,960
Speaker 4: there again, and I will do whatever it takes. And

1120
00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:21,719
Speaker 4: so now my journey is every day, how do I

1121
00:49:21,760 --> 00:49:24,799
Speaker 4: become more me? More me? How do I continue to

1122
00:49:24,880 --> 00:49:29,360
Speaker 4: test who I am and what I say and believe

1123
00:49:29,400 --> 00:49:32,560
Speaker 4: in that and what I've been able to accomplish with

1124
00:49:32,719 --> 00:49:37,120
Speaker 4: that finding of self has sometimes I cry because I'm

1125
00:49:37,160 --> 00:49:39,600
Speaker 4: just like, I cannot believe that I've been able to

1126
00:49:39,880 --> 00:49:43,040
Speaker 4: reprogram my mind and recreate this life in such a

1127
00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:47,279
Speaker 4: way that I'm almost unrecognizable. I look younger now than

1128
00:49:47,320 --> 00:49:48,919
Speaker 4: I did in pictures when I was twenty three.

1129
00:49:49,320 --> 00:49:50,840
Speaker 3: It's insane that shit will aige you.

1130
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:53,839
Speaker 2: Not being happy, not living as yourself, showing up as

1131
00:49:53,880 --> 00:49:56,520
Speaker 2: yourself will damn the fuck out of you, Like you

1132
00:49:56,560 --> 00:49:59,000
Speaker 2: will start looking like a different person. And that's shit,

1133
00:49:59,120 --> 00:50:02,239
Speaker 2: is true. I've seen like pictures of myself an unhappy relationship.

1134
00:50:02,239 --> 00:50:04,279
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, bitch, you're not doing well. Yeah, you

1135
00:50:04,280 --> 00:50:05,000
Speaker 3: weren't doing well.

1136
00:50:05,120 --> 00:50:06,359
Speaker 4: Yeah you weren't doing well.

1137
00:50:06,360 --> 00:50:07,560
Speaker 3: Who would you say you are now?

1138
00:50:09,239 --> 00:50:13,520
Speaker 4: I would say now, I'm free, I am free, I

1139
00:50:13,560 --> 00:50:20,000
Speaker 4: am authentic, I lean into that. I'm a nurturer and

1140
00:50:20,320 --> 00:50:25,239
Speaker 4: I am discerning. I think that I am wise. I

1141
00:50:25,280 --> 00:50:28,520
Speaker 4: think that wise enough to know that I don't know

1142
00:50:28,560 --> 00:50:32,120
Speaker 4: shit that kind of way. And I think that I

1143
00:50:32,120 --> 00:50:33,799
Speaker 4: think that I'm a lover. I think I'm a lover

1144
00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:37,400
Speaker 4: of humanity. And before I was afraid of humanity, I

1145
00:50:37,480 --> 00:50:39,680
Speaker 4: was I was. I was scared of people and scared

1146
00:50:39,680 --> 00:50:42,799
Speaker 4: of interactions and scared of either they would take something

1147
00:50:42,840 --> 00:50:45,239
Speaker 4: from me or reject me. And now I live my

1148
00:50:45,320 --> 00:50:49,520
Speaker 4: life not requiring acceptance of anyone, but also not denying that.

1149
00:50:49,960 --> 00:50:52,360
Speaker 4: And I think that, like I'm like, damn, okay, cool,

1150
00:50:53,800 --> 00:50:57,200
Speaker 4: let's go, you know, yeah, and I'm myself.

1151
00:50:58,040 --> 00:51:00,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what a beautiful journey.

1152
00:51:00,080 --> 00:51:03,920
Speaker 1: I mean, I mean, I feel like this conversation is

1153
00:51:03,960 --> 00:51:06,279
Speaker 1: so necessary, I think for both of us, and I

1154
00:51:06,280 --> 00:51:08,759
Speaker 1: think for the people listening too, like knowing that like

1155
00:51:08,960 --> 00:51:12,800
Speaker 1: it really it's sometimes it's just taking the smallest step

1156
00:51:13,360 --> 00:51:17,120
Speaker 1: to finding who you are. And like I know, for

1157
00:51:17,360 --> 00:51:19,920
Speaker 1: especially for moms, like you know, some moms, like we

1158
00:51:19,920 --> 00:51:22,239
Speaker 1: don't have the luxury of like leaving our kids for

1159
00:51:22,280 --> 00:51:25,000
Speaker 1: four months to go find ourselves, you know, Like so

1160
00:51:25,160 --> 00:51:25,839
Speaker 1: moms are like.

1161
00:51:25,840 --> 00:51:27,880
Speaker 4: Well, how the fuck do I do that? How the

1162
00:51:27,880 --> 00:51:29,920
Speaker 4: fuck do I mean, I know, don't. I can't leave

1163
00:51:29,920 --> 00:51:30,719
Speaker 4: my child for four months.

1164
00:51:30,719 --> 00:51:33,280
Speaker 3: I don't know. If I don't, I couldn't.

1165
00:51:33,480 --> 00:51:35,520
Speaker 1: But I know that they're like even me, like today

1166
00:51:35,560 --> 00:51:38,640
Speaker 1: saying like, Okay, I need to create space in my life.

1167
00:51:38,680 --> 00:51:39,120
Speaker 4: I've been it.

1168
00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:41,600
Speaker 1: I have to create space in my life. I have

1169
00:51:41,680 --> 00:51:43,560
Speaker 1: to make it a priority, even if I have to

1170
00:51:43,600 --> 00:51:44,879
Speaker 1: fucking schedule it.

1171
00:51:44,840 --> 00:51:46,680
Speaker 4: In my goddamn Google calendar.

1172
00:51:47,640 --> 00:51:49,239
Speaker 3: And you will to do that.

1173
00:51:49,320 --> 00:51:52,640
Speaker 1: I think that that's really really important, And because we

1174
00:51:52,640 --> 00:51:56,960
Speaker 1: do ourselves such a disservice and suffer so much, like

1175
00:51:57,360 --> 00:52:01,760
Speaker 1: just avoiding ourselves and avoiding the work and not setting

1176
00:52:01,840 --> 00:52:05,759
Speaker 1: the boundaries. And sometimes boundaries can feel I don't know

1177
00:52:05,800 --> 00:52:07,799
Speaker 1: that word, and I think sometimes it gets a bad

1178
00:52:07,840 --> 00:52:12,960
Speaker 1: connotation of like negativity or coldness or heartlessness. But I

1179
00:52:13,000 --> 00:52:15,799
Speaker 1: think you create so much more space for love and

1180
00:52:15,920 --> 00:52:17,680
Speaker 1: light when you have those boundaries.

1181
00:52:17,719 --> 00:52:20,640
Speaker 4: Absolutely. And one of the things that and I love

1182
00:52:20,680 --> 00:52:22,800
Speaker 4: what you said. A quote come to mind is like

1183
00:52:22,800 --> 00:52:24,960
Speaker 4: everywhere you go, there you are, and people got to

1184
00:52:24,960 --> 00:52:27,799
Speaker 4: so we gott to stop running from ourselves. But when

1185
00:52:27,840 --> 00:52:31,520
Speaker 4: it comes to that boundary setting, I think it's when

1186
00:52:31,560 --> 00:52:34,000
Speaker 4: you first start boundaries, you're like, ah, I get away

1187
00:52:34,040 --> 00:52:36,759
Speaker 4: from me because you're just like pent up aggression and

1188
00:52:36,800 --> 00:52:38,879
Speaker 4: anger and you're trying to protect yourself. But I think

1189
00:52:38,920 --> 00:52:41,440
Speaker 4: the deeper you get in your boundaries, the softer you

1190
00:52:41,480 --> 00:52:43,680
Speaker 4: can be, and the more you can say, like, it

1191
00:52:43,680 --> 00:52:45,440
Speaker 4: doesn't have to be this big blowout, it can just

1192
00:52:45,480 --> 00:52:48,240
Speaker 4: be you know, actually this doesn't work for me. Actually

1193
00:52:48,280 --> 00:52:53,120
Speaker 4: I'm gonna unsubscribe to this interaction. And you know, learning

1194
00:52:53,239 --> 00:52:56,160
Speaker 4: that is the game changer. So one of the things

1195
00:52:56,400 --> 00:52:59,080
Speaker 4: that I mean, this is years of therapy and work,

1196
00:52:59,239 --> 00:53:02,799
Speaker 4: but I learned that it's okay to be used. I

1197
00:53:02,880 --> 00:53:05,360
Speaker 4: want to be used. I want to be used in

1198
00:53:05,400 --> 00:53:08,279
Speaker 4: the way that I prescribed I can be used for.

1199
00:53:08,680 --> 00:53:11,600
Speaker 4: And so when I can say this is how you could,

1200
00:53:11,640 --> 00:53:15,560
Speaker 4: you can empty my vessel right and everything else is

1201
00:53:15,600 --> 00:53:18,160
Speaker 4: off limits, then I don't have to feel like a

1202
00:53:18,200 --> 00:53:21,960
Speaker 4: bad person for upholding boundaries because you just were out

1203
00:53:21,960 --> 00:53:25,000
Speaker 4: of my wheelhouse. So when it comes to you know,

1204
00:53:25,719 --> 00:53:28,600
Speaker 4: people wanting to tell me their life story as I'm

1205
00:53:28,600 --> 00:53:31,000
Speaker 4: walking down the street because something about me just does that,

1206
00:53:31,400 --> 00:53:34,240
Speaker 4: you know, And so then it's like, well, I feel

1207
00:53:34,239 --> 00:53:36,440
Speaker 4: bad because I like, I'm a good person and I

1208
00:53:36,480 --> 00:53:38,760
Speaker 4: want to help and I actually get invested in people's story.

1209
00:53:38,960 --> 00:53:40,720
Speaker 4: But a couple of things. You get invested in people's

1210
00:53:40,719 --> 00:53:43,239
Speaker 4: story and their success, and they aren't always invested in

1211
00:53:43,320 --> 00:53:46,680
Speaker 4: their own Yes, and so now you've depleted your energy

1212
00:53:46,760 --> 00:53:49,480
Speaker 4: and you could have helped somebody who is actually ready.

1213
00:53:49,840 --> 00:53:52,320
Speaker 4: So that's why that boundary is important, because your energy

1214
00:53:52,360 --> 00:53:56,080
Speaker 4: is finite. So instead of listening to people's stories, I

1215
00:53:56,080 --> 00:53:58,440
Speaker 4: have a set of questions, and I'm like, if you

1216
00:53:58,520 --> 00:54:01,640
Speaker 4: really want help, you can book a free fifteen minute call,

1217
00:54:01,880 --> 00:54:03,399
Speaker 4: and then after that, I'm going to try to sell

1218
00:54:03,440 --> 00:54:07,399
Speaker 4: you something a very expensive coaching program, and so very

1219
00:54:07,480 --> 00:54:09,920
Speaker 4: like it just is what it is. So then now

1220
00:54:10,120 --> 00:54:12,680
Speaker 4: I know that I can live in my purpose because

1221
00:54:12,760 --> 00:54:16,040
Speaker 4: I'm not being out of order by constantly being pulled

1222
00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:19,479
Speaker 4: to help other people. Because if we went to help

1223
00:54:19,560 --> 00:54:21,520
Speaker 4: everyone who needed us, we would never make it out

1224
00:54:21,560 --> 00:54:23,600
Speaker 4: of our front door. So we have to learn to

1225
00:54:23,600 --> 00:54:26,640
Speaker 4: put our blinders on and to decide who and what

1226
00:54:26,719 --> 00:54:30,480
Speaker 4: it is that we pour out to and under what circumstances,

1227
00:54:30,719 --> 00:54:33,360
Speaker 4: so that we can then be fruitful in how we

1228
00:54:33,400 --> 00:54:35,279
Speaker 4: show up in the world and how we give back.

1229
00:54:35,360 --> 00:54:39,560
Speaker 4: So boundaries isn't about shutting people out. It's about walking

1230
00:54:39,600 --> 00:54:43,040
Speaker 4: in your purpose and in a way that will actually

1231
00:54:43,120 --> 00:54:45,799
Speaker 4: make a difference in the world, and that is that's

1232
00:54:45,800 --> 00:54:48,120
Speaker 4: where my mindset coaching comes in, and that's where I'm like, no,

1233
00:54:48,239 --> 00:54:50,680
Speaker 4: let's just reframe that. It's not no, I don't want

1234
00:54:50,680 --> 00:54:54,160
Speaker 4: to help my mom pay her mortgage. It's I'm using

1235
00:54:54,239 --> 00:54:57,759
Speaker 4: this money to send to Haiti because I believe that

1236
00:54:58,320 --> 00:55:01,200
Speaker 4: those kids are important and what they need. You know,

1237
00:55:01,440 --> 00:55:05,320
Speaker 4: there is that I love my mom. That's just not it.

1238
00:55:05,400 --> 00:55:08,439
Speaker 4: That's not what it is. So so I think that's also

1239
00:55:08,480 --> 00:55:10,880
Speaker 4: like boundary set setting, you know, one on two one

1240
00:55:10,920 --> 00:55:11,360
Speaker 4: one o.

1241
00:55:11,440 --> 00:55:14,120
Speaker 3: Two one o two. Yeah.

1242
00:55:14,440 --> 00:55:17,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's important too, like because listening to

1243
00:55:17,760 --> 00:55:20,040
Speaker 2: your story and listening to what you're talking about. I

1244
00:55:20,080 --> 00:55:23,040
Speaker 2: remember when I first took the steps to like leave

1245
00:55:23,040 --> 00:55:25,520
Speaker 2: my baby daddy. It was something like traumatic and big

1246
00:55:25,560 --> 00:55:28,400
Speaker 2: like that, and I went went played taughter what you

1247
00:55:28,520 --> 00:55:31,960
Speaker 2: taughttered that line a lot. But when I first finally

1248
00:55:32,000 --> 00:55:34,160
Speaker 2: got out of it and finally got powered and like

1249
00:55:34,160 --> 00:55:36,520
Speaker 2: like okay, I'm here. I took a long time to

1250
00:55:36,520 --> 00:55:37,919
Speaker 2: get I knew for a long time it was wrong.

1251
00:55:37,960 --> 00:55:39,800
Speaker 2: I took a long time to get here. I remember

1252
00:55:39,800 --> 00:55:41,040
Speaker 2: I went out with a guy and he like said

1253
00:55:41,040 --> 00:55:42,680
Speaker 2: something crazy to me and my baby Daddy used to

1254
00:55:42,719 --> 00:55:44,239
Speaker 2: talk crazy to me, so I was kind of used

1255
00:55:44,239 --> 00:55:46,680
Speaker 2: to it, but I was so not in that place anymore.

1256
00:55:46,760 --> 00:55:48,759
Speaker 2: I was like, my fangs must have come out. I

1257
00:55:48,760 --> 00:55:50,160
Speaker 2: was like, get the fuck out. I'm like, I don't

1258
00:55:50,160 --> 00:55:51,719
Speaker 2: know who the fuck. But I was just like, you're

1259
00:55:51,760 --> 00:55:54,640
Speaker 2: not gonna send me back to that place by any means.

1260
00:55:55,040 --> 00:55:57,440
Speaker 2: But I think sometimes in life, when you are programmed

1261
00:55:57,480 --> 00:56:00,279
Speaker 2: a certain way into certain things, you forget you'll get

1262
00:56:00,320 --> 00:56:01,960
Speaker 2: in new relationships that are a little bit different. They

1263
00:56:01,960 --> 00:56:03,640
Speaker 2: don't look just like that, so you're kind of like

1264
00:56:03,680 --> 00:56:06,560
Speaker 2: relaxed in it, but they still like cross your boundaries

1265
00:56:06,600 --> 00:56:08,480
Speaker 2: in other way other ways, and you have to be

1266
00:56:08,640 --> 00:56:12,840
Speaker 2: like constantly exercising and reevaluating because you can grow, but

1267
00:56:12,920 --> 00:56:15,799
Speaker 2: if you let yourself get comfortable, you can still kind

1268
00:56:15,800 --> 00:56:18,040
Speaker 2: of totter and teeter into those things that are still

1269
00:56:18,360 --> 00:56:20,520
Speaker 2: not quite this but not quite what you need either.

1270
00:56:20,880 --> 00:56:21,680
Speaker 3: So I think it's important.

1271
00:56:21,680 --> 00:56:25,440
Speaker 2: I'm so happy that you came like reminding, reigniting that fire,

1272
00:56:25,640 --> 00:56:28,120
Speaker 2: like there was a place that that stemmed from, and

1273
00:56:28,160 --> 00:56:30,799
Speaker 2: that work has to continue to happen and continue to happen,

1274
00:56:30,920 --> 00:56:34,200
Speaker 2: or else you can easily fall back into old even

1275
00:56:34,239 --> 00:56:36,320
Speaker 2: if it doesn't look just like it. You're being abused,

1276
00:56:36,400 --> 00:56:38,360
Speaker 2: or you be allowing some inneverbally abused you, or you

1277
00:56:38,440 --> 00:56:40,440
Speaker 2: being so miserable you look ugly, but.

1278
00:56:42,560 --> 00:56:43,560
Speaker 4: You were speaking for both of them.

1279
00:56:43,640 --> 00:56:45,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was talking.

1280
00:56:46,560 --> 00:56:49,560
Speaker 2: It's still it's still always lingering, and you have to

1281
00:56:49,600 --> 00:56:53,040
Speaker 2: constantly be evaluating the people you keep and why.

1282
00:56:53,480 --> 00:56:56,000
Speaker 4: Absolutely, thank you so much. I needed.

1283
00:56:56,040 --> 00:56:58,480
Speaker 2: I needed to hear all your information today and definitely

1284
00:56:58,480 --> 00:57:01,359
Speaker 2: that crazy ass story about that crazy ass nigga. Don't

1285
00:57:01,440 --> 00:57:04,399
Speaker 2: answer dms from niggas from Junior High, don't do it, don't.

1286
00:57:04,760 --> 00:57:07,000
Speaker 1: I was going back to read my HR message and

1287
00:57:07,000 --> 00:57:09,040
Speaker 1: it was not as direct as that. I was like, wow,

1288
00:57:09,040 --> 00:57:10,560
Speaker 1: I really could have fine tuned this more.

1289
00:57:10,640 --> 00:57:13,640
Speaker 4: It was not as actually love crafting those messages.

1290
00:57:14,280 --> 00:57:17,040
Speaker 1: It sounded like if you took joy in that, and

1291
00:57:17,120 --> 00:57:19,440
Speaker 1: can tell I'm sure everywhere was spelled correctly.

1292
00:57:19,760 --> 00:57:22,760
Speaker 4: Yes it was my and my you know, like I'm

1293
00:57:22,760 --> 00:57:24,760
Speaker 4: a thing for words, But it's not just I don't

1294
00:57:24,760 --> 00:57:25,240
Speaker 4: take joy in.

1295
00:57:25,200 --> 00:57:27,800
Speaker 3: It joy, but but you do take joy and setting.

1296
00:57:27,520 --> 00:57:30,800
Speaker 4: Your boundary and also being a good person about it.

1297
00:57:30,840 --> 00:57:32,400
Speaker 4: Because I could do I could do like all these

1298
00:57:32,440 --> 00:57:34,560
Speaker 4: other bitches I heard like, I could I could block

1299
00:57:34,640 --> 00:57:36,120
Speaker 4: you I could take your money.

1300
00:57:36,160 --> 00:57:37,480
Speaker 3: I could do all of that, but you could pick

1301
00:57:37,520 --> 00:57:38,400
Speaker 3: up that four thousand dollars.

1302
00:57:38,480 --> 00:57:41,360
Speaker 4: I could have picked up that kish But like I

1303
00:57:41,400 --> 00:57:44,680
Speaker 4: was like, again, every day, when you're faced with these things,

1304
00:57:44,720 --> 00:57:47,560
Speaker 4: this is the opportunity for you to say who you

1305
00:57:47,600 --> 00:57:49,920
Speaker 4: are and show up as that. And so I'm like,

1306
00:57:50,000 --> 00:57:52,680
Speaker 4: I am a good human I have boundaries. I respect

1307
00:57:52,720 --> 00:57:55,760
Speaker 4: other people's boundaries, and I respect other people's humanity. Clearly,

1308
00:57:55,880 --> 00:57:59,000
Speaker 4: this nigga is in way over his head with me, right,

1309
00:57:59,280 --> 00:58:01,120
Speaker 4: and I called it. I was like, Nah, you could

1310
00:58:01,120 --> 00:58:04,400
Speaker 4: just sniff the pussy, not you. You can't see.

1311
00:58:06,200 --> 00:58:08,440
Speaker 3: He slapped the goddamn driver.

1312
00:58:08,640 --> 00:58:11,439
Speaker 4: He has zero motherfucking boundaries.

1313
00:58:13,040 --> 00:58:14,320
Speaker 3: The driver beat his ass.

1314
00:58:14,920 --> 00:58:17,560
Speaker 4: Driver react with the no, the driver just took it.

1315
00:58:17,680 --> 00:58:20,080
Speaker 3: Oh my god, poor baby. That was not the first time.

1316
00:58:20,240 --> 00:58:24,560
Speaker 4: I don't think so oh no, but him. It's also

1317
00:58:24,720 --> 00:58:27,680
Speaker 4: it's also like I want to learn, right, and there

1318
00:58:27,680 --> 00:58:29,800
Speaker 4: are things that I learned from that, right, we learned

1319
00:58:29,840 --> 00:58:32,000
Speaker 4: from every interaction I learned. I do like it when

1320
00:58:32,000 --> 00:58:34,000
Speaker 4: somebody's driver picks me up, just not when they slapped

1321
00:58:34,000 --> 00:58:37,400
Speaker 4: the driver, right. I do like when someone is very

1322
00:58:37,560 --> 00:58:40,440
Speaker 4: attentive and you know, those sort of things. But not

1323
00:58:40,520 --> 00:58:43,560
Speaker 4: when they're possessive, and so you learn something from every

1324
00:58:43,600 --> 00:58:46,880
Speaker 4: single interaction. And that's why everyone is like, it's all good,

1325
00:58:47,240 --> 00:58:49,120
Speaker 4: you know there there I have no no, no heart

1326
00:58:49,160 --> 00:58:52,160
Speaker 4: feelings or anything. But it's also like I have a model.

1327
00:58:52,280 --> 00:58:55,760
Speaker 4: I leave everything better than I found it, even crazy niggas,

1328
00:58:55,840 --> 00:58:57,800
Speaker 4: I will still leave you better than I found you.

1329
00:58:58,160 --> 00:59:00,880
Speaker 4: And I want you to know that, like your behavior

1330
00:59:01,240 --> 00:59:04,680
Speaker 4: will chase away the woman of your dreams, and so

1331
00:59:04,960 --> 00:59:07,680
Speaker 4: to be able to do that and get your words

1332
00:59:07,720 --> 00:59:09,840
Speaker 4: across so that they hear the words. Because I used

1333
00:59:09,840 --> 00:59:12,160
Speaker 4: to be very angry, very screaming, and then people like,

1334
00:59:12,200 --> 00:59:14,280
Speaker 4: don't talk to me like that. You're yelling, and I'm like,

1335
00:59:14,360 --> 00:59:17,080
Speaker 4: but you're not listening. And so I've learned that if

1336
00:59:17,120 --> 00:59:21,000
Speaker 4: I can maintain my composure and take the anger, because

1337
00:59:21,000 --> 00:59:23,360
Speaker 4: anger is not even a real emotions, it's an emotion

1338
00:59:23,440 --> 00:59:27,440
Speaker 4: that hides fear or jealousy or anguish. If I can

1339
00:59:27,440 --> 00:59:30,000
Speaker 4: take the emotion out and just put it on the table,

1340
00:59:30,520 --> 00:59:32,720
Speaker 4: I've been authentic to who I am. And if you

1341
00:59:32,800 --> 00:59:35,840
Speaker 4: are open to learning, you just learn acting crazy go

1342
00:59:35,840 --> 00:59:36,680
Speaker 4: and lose a real bad.

1343
00:59:36,560 --> 00:59:39,080
Speaker 3: Bitch fast fast.

1344
00:59:39,320 --> 00:59:45,440
Speaker 4: Right. So yeah, it's boundaries, it's not easy. It's not easy,

1345
00:59:45,440 --> 00:59:47,360
Speaker 4: and if I can take two seconds. One of my

1346
00:59:47,480 --> 00:59:50,320
Speaker 4: biggest pieces of advice for people who are starting who

1347
00:59:50,360 --> 00:59:52,400
Speaker 4: can't say no, I said, I teach the yes and

1348
00:59:52,920 --> 00:59:53,480
Speaker 4: have you guys.

1349
00:59:53,360 --> 00:59:55,720
Speaker 3: Ever heard of the yes and yes? And I will

1350
00:59:55,760 --> 00:59:57,800
Speaker 3: do this for you.

1351
00:59:57,480 --> 01:00:01,600
Speaker 4: Right like you set the parameter, you know, like can

1352
01:00:01,680 --> 01:00:05,520
Speaker 4: I borrow your car? Yes? And you will need to

1353
01:00:05,520 --> 01:00:07,760
Speaker 4: pay my car note for six months. And people be like,

1354
01:00:07,920 --> 01:00:09,600
Speaker 4: well I only need to borrow your car for twenty minutes.

1355
01:00:09,640 --> 01:00:12,000
Speaker 3: Okay, Well I guess you don't need it.

1356
01:00:12,120 --> 01:00:14,080
Speaker 4: I guess you don't need it. Like it's low key

1357
01:00:14,120 --> 01:00:15,560
Speaker 4: game of like how bad do you want it? But

1358
01:00:15,600 --> 01:00:18,840
Speaker 4: it's it's it's boundary setting for beginners. It's saying like,

1359
01:00:19,480 --> 01:00:22,560
Speaker 4: I don't want to be displeased, but let me tell

1360
01:00:22,600 --> 01:00:26,520
Speaker 4: you at what level I will be comfortable with you

1361
01:00:26,640 --> 01:00:29,160
Speaker 4: using me in the way that you want to use me? Yes,

1362
01:00:29,280 --> 01:00:29,520
Speaker 4: you can?

1363
01:00:30,120 --> 01:00:32,360
Speaker 1: Why Because this is what it's gonna calls people who

1364
01:00:32,360 --> 01:00:35,640
Speaker 1: don't have problems setting boundaries yes as part of it's

1365
01:00:35,760 --> 01:00:39,280
Speaker 1: just part of their every day intuitive dialogue.

1366
01:00:39,400 --> 01:00:42,720
Speaker 3: So the and is where? But that and is? It's

1367
01:00:42,800 --> 01:00:46,040
Speaker 3: hard even then even with the yes, if you're scared,

1368
01:00:46,160 --> 01:00:49,360
Speaker 3: like yes, and can you pay my car? Not for right?

1369
01:00:49,560 --> 01:00:51,760
Speaker 4: Right, And so when I when I'm coaching my people,

1370
01:00:51,840 --> 01:00:54,080
Speaker 4: I'm like, and after you say your and bitch, don't

1371
01:00:54,120 --> 01:00:57,600
Speaker 4: say shit, ain't nothe necessary, don't explain nothing, nothing to explain.

1372
01:00:57,720 --> 01:00:59,920
Speaker 4: And and that's another one my ratchet affirmations. Noah is

1373
01:00:59,920 --> 01:01:03,600
Speaker 4: a full last motherfucking sentence. But yes, yes you can

1374
01:01:04,000 --> 01:01:06,800
Speaker 4: do this right. And when it comes to like dating,

1375
01:01:06,880 --> 01:01:09,080
Speaker 4: and guys typically wanting to be able to date other women,

1376
01:01:09,120 --> 01:01:10,480
Speaker 4: but they don't want the women to do that, and

1377
01:01:10,520 --> 01:01:12,240
Speaker 4: I'm very quick to be like, yes, you can fuck

1378
01:01:12,280 --> 01:01:19,160
Speaker 4: other bitches and I will too. The paulse nothing else

1379
01:01:19,200 --> 01:01:21,880
Speaker 4: to say, and then they can make that decision. But

1380
01:01:21,920 --> 01:01:24,280
Speaker 4: when you make that and what feels good for you,

1381
01:01:24,360 --> 01:01:26,479
Speaker 4: and I do it in business, yes I can teach

1382
01:01:26,520 --> 01:01:29,640
Speaker 4: this class and even when you know, I'm so excited

1383
01:01:29,680 --> 01:01:31,560
Speaker 4: to be here, but I also have a life. Yes

1384
01:01:31,600 --> 01:01:34,320
Speaker 4: I can come, and these are the times that I'm available.

1385
01:01:34,480 --> 01:01:36,960
Speaker 4: So that way, when I walk away from this, I

1386
01:01:37,000 --> 01:01:39,520
Speaker 4: feel invigorated, I feel excited, and I don't feel like

1387
01:01:39,560 --> 01:01:42,840
Speaker 4: anyone took something from me that I wasn't giving. Yes,

1388
01:01:43,080 --> 01:01:46,680
Speaker 4: you can have what you want and this is the price.

1389
01:01:46,720 --> 01:01:49,840
Speaker 4: And most of the time, you realize that people make

1390
01:01:49,880 --> 01:01:51,560
Speaker 4: you feel like you were their last resort. And here

1391
01:01:51,560 --> 01:01:53,920
Speaker 4: comes another ratch of affirmation. You were not that suckers

1392
01:01:54,000 --> 01:01:56,800
Speaker 4: last resort. You were only the most convenient one. Make

1393
01:01:56,840 --> 01:01:58,480
Speaker 4: it not so convenient to use the fuck out of

1394
01:01:58,520 --> 01:02:00,800
Speaker 4: you as No, but.

1395
01:02:00,920 --> 01:02:02,800
Speaker 3: I needed all of those but thank you.

1396
01:02:02,720 --> 01:02:03,000
Speaker 4: You know.

1397
01:02:05,320 --> 01:02:07,720
Speaker 2: I would pass. You have all my money, all the

1398
01:02:07,760 --> 01:02:09,240
Speaker 2: cash I got, you got memo.

1399
01:02:11,680 --> 01:02:12,680
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh.

1400
01:02:12,760 --> 01:02:16,160
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, we usually end our episodes with our guests

1401
01:02:16,320 --> 01:02:17,360
Speaker 1: in a horri.

1402
01:02:17,680 --> 01:02:19,760
Speaker 3: And I feel like that ship was the horror.

1403
01:02:19,760 --> 01:02:21,040
Speaker 4: I mean I gave that was the horror.

1404
01:02:25,400 --> 01:02:27,120
Speaker 1: I just feel like you are a plethora of story,

1405
01:02:27,240 --> 01:02:29,920
Speaker 1: so I'm going to drain all of you.

1406
01:02:30,640 --> 01:02:36,080
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, we want more, well do you? But Jamila,

1407
01:02:36,160 --> 01:02:38,760
Speaker 2: you said you have a horri Why the fuck do

1408
01:02:38,760 --> 01:02:41,520
Speaker 2: you remember my my common volunteered.

1409
01:02:41,760 --> 01:02:43,080
Speaker 3: It's a quick one, so it'll be quick.

1410
01:02:47,360 --> 01:02:48,800
Speaker 4: Who stories.

1411
01:02:49,800 --> 01:02:53,680
Speaker 2: I was on Priman, which is a popular hiking mountain

1412
01:02:53,840 --> 01:02:56,160
Speaker 2: here in l A. And I was with the guy

1413
01:02:56,280 --> 01:02:57,720
Speaker 2: and we went on I was like going on the back,

1414
01:02:57,960 --> 01:03:01,040
Speaker 2: the back trail because I'm from LA.

1415
01:03:00,960 --> 01:03:03,800
Speaker 3: I know the back trail. And then we were like buy.

1416
01:03:03,680 --> 01:03:05,080
Speaker 2: A tree, and I was like, you want to eat

1417
01:03:05,120 --> 01:03:09,400
Speaker 2: my pussy and he's like, okay, so you got to ask.

1418
01:03:10,080 --> 01:03:11,640
Speaker 2: And then he just sat me up on a very

1419
01:03:11,680 --> 01:03:14,760
Speaker 2: convenient tree and I just scooted my biker shorts down

1420
01:03:15,040 --> 01:03:17,720
Speaker 2: at my pussy a. I was like looking at looking

1421
01:03:17,720 --> 01:03:20,040
Speaker 2: at the view, and I was like trying to Matt

1422
01:03:20,080 --> 01:03:21,480
Speaker 2: like I was feeling good. I was trying to like

1423
01:03:21,520 --> 01:03:23,280
Speaker 2: manifest a house in the hills, but I was getting

1424
01:03:23,280 --> 01:03:25,040
Speaker 2: a pissya and it was great. And then I was like,

1425
01:03:25,080 --> 01:03:27,200
Speaker 2: this is so nice. I love asking for what I want.

1426
01:03:28,200 --> 01:03:29,760
Speaker 2: And then I got down and as soon as I

1427
01:03:29,760 --> 01:03:31,600
Speaker 2: put my pants up, a guy walked by and I

1428
01:03:31,640 --> 01:03:32,680
Speaker 2: was like, look at God.

1429
01:03:33,680 --> 01:03:35,880
Speaker 3: And that's it. That was That was the story.

1430
01:03:36,400 --> 01:03:40,080
Speaker 2: Asked for what you want, even if it's getting ahead. Yeah,

1431
01:03:40,760 --> 01:03:42,440
Speaker 2: I hate that word if it's used towards me. But

1432
01:03:42,480 --> 01:03:46,880
Speaker 2: he was obedient, right, So good.

1433
01:03:46,720 --> 01:03:47,080
Speaker 4: Thank you?

1434
01:03:48,280 --> 01:03:49,439
Speaker 3: Yeah that's what I did.

1435
01:03:49,800 --> 01:03:50,640
Speaker 4: Thank you for sharing.

1436
01:03:51,120 --> 01:03:54,960
Speaker 2: You're welcome. So you want to tell all of our

1437
01:03:55,000 --> 01:03:58,120
Speaker 2: listeners where they can find all this amazingness.

1438
01:03:57,560 --> 01:03:59,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, well they won't find these kind of stories. Pay

1439
01:04:00,160 --> 01:04:02,440
Speaker 4: I typically stay away from relationships. I think I've been

1440
01:04:02,480 --> 01:04:03,440
Speaker 4: holding this for.

1441
01:04:04,080 --> 01:04:06,200
Speaker 3: I'm so grateful we got the exclusive drop y'all.

1442
01:04:06,480 --> 01:04:08,080
Speaker 4: Y'all have heard you said you heard a lot of podcasts.

1443
01:04:08,080 --> 01:04:10,880
Speaker 4: You've never heard any of these things. No, the energy

1444
01:04:10,920 --> 01:04:12,760
Speaker 4: in this room, I'm like, let me just tell my

1445
01:04:12,800 --> 01:04:13,720
Speaker 4: hotels to my roof.

1446
01:04:14,240 --> 01:04:15,840
Speaker 2: Can we put this can be on a group chat

1447
01:04:15,880 --> 01:04:17,680
Speaker 2: because now I need to know all of your ship.

1448
01:04:20,240 --> 01:04:24,360
Speaker 4: Last night when but yes, thank you so much. I

1449
01:04:24,400 --> 01:04:26,840
Speaker 4: can be found on Instagram as trap yoga bay that's

1450
01:04:26,920 --> 01:04:29,640
Speaker 4: t R A P y O G A B A

1451
01:04:29,840 --> 01:04:33,480
Speaker 4: E and really on all platforms that way. And if

1452
01:04:33,520 --> 01:04:37,240
Speaker 4: you get confused, like google me bitch. And if you

1453
01:04:37,240 --> 01:04:40,240
Speaker 4: guys are in La, make sure you come to her

1454
01:04:40,640 --> 01:04:43,800
Speaker 4: class on October nineteenth through the twenty third, and then

1455
01:04:43,840 --> 01:04:47,320
Speaker 4: I'll be in Philadelphia on the eleven through the six

1456
01:04:47,600 --> 01:04:50,760
Speaker 4: of November. And if you so happened to be in Cali,

1457
01:04:50,840 --> 01:04:53,560
Speaker 4: Colombia or Cabo, hit me up because I'll be teaching

1458
01:04:53,600 --> 01:04:54,760
Speaker 4: at some private events there.

1459
01:04:54,800 --> 01:04:58,040
Speaker 3: But I can always Oh wait, Colombia. Do I need

1460
01:04:58,080 --> 01:04:58,800
Speaker 3: to go to Colombia?

1461
01:04:58,880 --> 01:04:59,439
Speaker 4: Yes you do?

1462
01:04:59,520 --> 01:05:02,960
Speaker 2: She I want to go to Columbia for a variety

1463
01:05:03,000 --> 01:05:06,000
Speaker 2: of ratchet and wellness reasons.

1464
01:05:05,880 --> 01:05:08,160
Speaker 4: Like, honestly, I should just start traveling with y'all, because honestly,

1465
01:05:08,160 --> 01:05:10,200
Speaker 4: I have not learned my lesson about important dick. I

1466
01:05:10,240 --> 01:05:12,000
Speaker 4: still do not. You know what.

1467
01:05:12,280 --> 01:05:14,960
Speaker 2: Everywhere I go still Erica has taught me bring a

1468
01:05:15,080 --> 01:05:18,320
Speaker 2: vibrator like travel essentials, bring a vibrator.

1469
01:05:18,360 --> 01:05:21,360
Speaker 4: Even if even if you never hooked up overseas, what

1470
01:05:21,480 --> 01:05:24,200
Speaker 4: you'd just be bringing them in. Yeah, we didn't learn

1471
01:05:24,200 --> 01:05:28,160
Speaker 4: your lesson from rotating never hood bit. I've never hooked

1472
01:05:28,160 --> 01:05:30,560
Speaker 4: that I'm going to empower you. I've always just.

1473
01:05:30,680 --> 01:05:32,120
Speaker 3: Tried some foreign dick.

1474
01:05:32,440 --> 01:05:34,600
Speaker 4: It is because my best friend said, thorn dick, don't.

1475
01:05:34,400 --> 01:05:37,240
Speaker 2: Count it, don't it does out of state lines.

1476
01:05:37,360 --> 01:05:39,840
Speaker 4: Thorn dick might make you stay in the foreign country

1477
01:05:39,840 --> 01:05:43,280
Speaker 4: that you're at being gonea like fuck y'all a.

1478
01:05:43,320 --> 01:05:44,200
Speaker 3: Prince far.

1479
01:05:47,960 --> 01:05:52,480
Speaker 2: Also speaking of going on trips and finding yourself, we

1480
01:05:52,720 --> 01:05:58,120
Speaker 2: are doing our retreat in Costa Rica, and by the

1481
01:05:58,120 --> 01:06:00,320
Speaker 2: time this comes out, we will have put out the

1482
01:06:00,360 --> 01:06:04,880
Speaker 2: first round of people who we've invited to come. So

1483
01:06:05,760 --> 01:06:08,280
Speaker 2: be sure to look out for that email and put

1484
01:06:08,320 --> 01:06:10,959
Speaker 2: your money's in to reserve your spot, because we would

1485
01:06:11,000 --> 01:06:13,760
Speaker 2: love to grow and get well with you on the

1486
01:06:13,800 --> 01:06:16,760
Speaker 2: coast of Caribbean, Costa Rica.

1487
01:06:16,960 --> 01:06:18,920
Speaker 4: Maybe a little trap yoga and I'll promise I won't

1488
01:06:18,920 --> 01:06:19,480
Speaker 4: bring them dick.

1489
01:06:19,720 --> 01:06:21,640
Speaker 2: Oh there's all women, so you can't bring dick, but

1490
01:06:21,640 --> 01:06:22,360
Speaker 2: we do encourage you.

1491
01:06:22,920 --> 01:06:26,160
Speaker 3: Ton't find the locals, there's the local dick I found some.

1492
01:06:26,920 --> 01:06:30,720
Speaker 4: Leave it to Erica scavenger hunt I found.

1493
01:06:30,720 --> 01:06:33,120
Speaker 2: What if we tell our community, like, invite your nick

1494
01:06:33,160 --> 01:06:34,200
Speaker 2: us to Coasta Rica during this time.

1495
01:06:34,200 --> 01:06:35,680
Speaker 3: You can only see them during these days.

1496
01:06:38,280 --> 01:06:41,120
Speaker 4: No, there's plenty of dick on.

1497
01:06:43,160 --> 01:06:45,880
Speaker 2: Please please come with us trap yoga bay I know,

1498
01:06:45,920 --> 01:06:47,000
Speaker 2: Oh my god, it'll be so fun.

1499
01:06:47,080 --> 01:06:49,440
Speaker 1: Love to But you guys know where to find us.

1500
01:06:49,480 --> 01:06:51,640
Speaker 1: Good Mom's Bad Choices on all platforms. Make sure you

1501
01:06:51,680 --> 01:06:54,280
Speaker 1: follow us on Instagram at Good Mom's Underscore Bad Choices.

1502
01:06:55,000 --> 01:06:56,240
Speaker 3: Check out our Patreon.

1503
01:06:56,400 --> 01:06:58,600
Speaker 4: I've been like uploading little blog posts up there because

1504
01:06:58,600 --> 01:07:00,440
Speaker 4: I've been in my fields all week. So I've been

1505
01:07:00,440 --> 01:07:03,600
Speaker 4: like crying on Patreon. So you know, gosh with your

1506
01:07:03,600 --> 01:07:06,400
Speaker 4: girls in love on Patreon. That's patreon dot com. Backslash

1507
01:07:06,440 --> 01:07:10,080
Speaker 4: Good Mom's Bad Choices and have a good day.

1508
01:07:10,080 --> 01:07:21,960
Speaker 3: Bye bye