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Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space, feedback.

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Speaker 2: Doesn't define your worth.

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Speaker 1: It literally is highlighting the next opportunity for you to

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Speaker 1: grow right. And like you said, separating who I am

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Speaker 1: from what I did is a skill that keeps us

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Speaker 1: coachable so that we can take the feedback and realize, like,

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Speaker 1: this doesn't define me.

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Speaker 3: Hey lady, have you ever felt like the world just

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Speaker 3: doesn't get you?

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Speaker 4: Well, we do.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, the podcast dedicated to uplifting

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Speaker 1: and empowering women like you.

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Speaker 3: We're your hosts, doctor Dominique Brussard, and educator and psychologists.

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Speaker 1: And Terry Lomax, a techie and transformational speaker.

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Speaker 3: Join us every week for authentic conversations about everything from

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Speaker 3: fibroids to fake friends as we create space for black

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Speaker 3: women to just be.

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Speaker 1: Before we dive in, make sure you hit that fill

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Speaker 1: up button and leave us a quick five star review.

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Speaker 2: Lady.

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Speaker 1: We are black founded and black owned, and your support

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Speaker 1: will help us reach even more women like you.

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Speaker 3: Now, let's get into this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

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Speaker 1: If you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure of your next steps,

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Speaker 1: this is for you, Hey, lady. Is tea here, and

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Speaker 1: I just want to invite you to my free goal

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Speaker 1: map like a pro coaching workshop, where I'll share the

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Speaker 1: five proven steps to get unstuck and achieve your goals.

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Speaker 1: Whether you're feeling overwhelmed by all your ideas, juggling scattered ideas,

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Speaker 1: or maybe you just need confidence to start, this workshop

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Speaker 1: will give you the clarity, tools and the motivation to

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Speaker 1: take back control. Reserve your spot for free by visiting

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Speaker 1: her spacepodcast dot com and clicking on the goal map

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Speaker 1: like a pro webinar link. Lady, don't miss this chance

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Speaker 1: to build a roadmap that fits your life and set

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Speaker 1: you up for success.

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Speaker 2: I hope to see you there.

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Speaker 3: Our quote of the day, feedback is a gift and

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Speaker 3: it's okay to unwrap it slowly. All Right, I'm gonna

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Speaker 3: say that quote one more time for the folks in

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Speaker 3: the back. Make sure you really pay attention.

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Speaker 4: To this quote.

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Speaker 3: Feedback is a gift, and it's okay to unwrap it slowly.

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Speaker 3: A r T.

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Speaker 4: When you hear this quote. What comes to mind.

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Speaker 1: For you when I hear this quote? The first part

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Speaker 1: of it, feedback is a gift. Although I know that

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Speaker 1: to be true, sometimes it doesn't feel like a gift.

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Speaker 1: And I think at the same time, feedback can be

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Speaker 1: a mirror and it can reveal to us things that

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Speaker 1: we not things that we may not be able to

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Speaker 1: see about ourselves that can help us grow. So instead

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Speaker 1: of opening that feedback, that feedback gift like a Christmas

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Speaker 1: present that you're excited for. Or sometimes you have to

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Speaker 1: open it slowly because it might hurt your feelings, it

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Speaker 1: might make you feel the way. Sometimes you gotta ease

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Speaker 1: it open so you can take it, you know, and

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Speaker 1: process it at your speed. So that's what I think

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Speaker 1: of when I hear this quote.

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Speaker 3: What about you, Yes, I think it's similar for me,

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Speaker 3: right that, like, okay, so I don't have to hurry

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Speaker 3: up and open it right away and pull out all

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Speaker 3: the things and look at everything all at once. To me,

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Speaker 3: this quote is a reminder that it's okay to slow

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Speaker 3: that process all the way down, right that maybe today

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Speaker 3: all I do is take the wrapping off, right maybe

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Speaker 3: tomorrow it's I then open it and look and see

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Speaker 3: what's inside. And then the next day after that, I

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Speaker 3: come back and I pull out what's inside. And so

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Speaker 3: it's a reminder that it doesn't have to be resolved,

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Speaker 3: be dealt with all at once, right.

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Speaker 2: Best Lord?

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Speaker 1: Okay, So I guess we might as well just dig

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Speaker 1: right into this topic. So, Lady, today we're talking about

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Speaker 1: something that a lot of us say we're open to,

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Speaker 1: but in the moment, it can be hard to actually do.

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Speaker 1: And I'm guilty of this as well. Okay, it's receiving feedback.

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Speaker 1: Whether it's from your kids, our parents, our partner, or

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Speaker 1: someone we deeply respect. Feedback can bring up a lot

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Speaker 1: of feelings, and if we're honest, it can hit even

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Speaker 1: harder when it comes from someone you love and someone

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Speaker 1: you respect. Right, So today we're talking about o recive

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Speaker 1: feedback with grace, self awareness, and a little self compassion,

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Speaker 1: because that's important as well. We're also going to break

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Speaker 1: down what happens in the moment, how to respond instead

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Speaker 1: of reacting, and how to process what you've heard without

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Speaker 1: losing yourself in it. So let's get into it. I

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Speaker 1: feel we should talk about why this topic is important

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Speaker 1: because people may hear it, but I think that it's

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Speaker 1: a there's some context that should be late, I guess

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Speaker 1: before we dive in.

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Speaker 3: Yes, and I think part of that context is really

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Speaker 3: understanding that we have episodes where we talk about receiving

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Speaker 3: feedback in general, right, and what to do about feedback

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Speaker 3: in the workplace. But this particular topic about parents and

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Speaker 3: children and that relationship is such an important topic that

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Speaker 3: oftentimes we as in the community society at large, don't

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Speaker 3: talk about it from this perspective of how do you,

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Speaker 3: as the parent or the caregiver or the person in

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Speaker 3: that important person in a child's life, how do you

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Speaker 3: receive feedback from them? What do you do with that

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Speaker 3: feedback that you receive from them? I think for me

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Speaker 3: why this topic is so important right now is because

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Speaker 3: I think about the college students that I work with,

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Speaker 3: and oftentimes something that comes up in session is having conversations,

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Speaker 3: difficult conversations with their parents where they are trying to

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Speaker 3: give their parents some feedback and the parents just don't

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Speaker 3: want to hear it. And as I'm listening, I find

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Speaker 3: myself in the space of understanding both sides, right, recognizing

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Speaker 3: that there may be moments for the parent where it's

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Speaker 3: hard to receive that feedback, and also.

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Speaker 4: Having the moment of you're not grown enough.

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Speaker 3: Yet to give me feedback. Okay, what do you know?

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Speaker 3: What do you know about this? Right, and but then

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Speaker 3: also thinking about it from that college student's perspective of Okay,

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Speaker 3: I've been living away from home long enough now where

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Speaker 3: I can see some things with a different different lens. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: And I'm learning about myself and I'm looking at the

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Speaker 3: ways in which we grew up, the way I was raised,

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Speaker 3: and this ain't it. Y'all made some mistakes and.

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Speaker 4: Now want to let y'all know about it.

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Speaker 3: And it's a complicated thing, right, very much so, whether

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Speaker 3: you're whether you're that child giving the feedback or that

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Speaker 3: parent receiving it. And I'm speaking specifically of like working

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Speaker 3: with college students, but I also think about the littles.

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Speaker 3: So when I say the littles, I mean like the

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Speaker 3: you know, the the under eighteen, the under ten.

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Speaker 2: Right, because they have feedback too.

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Speaker 3: Oh yes, and some of their feedback has no filter.

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Speaker 3: It's just out there, right yea. And what do you

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Speaker 3: do with that? Right? Like your three year old is

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Speaker 3: giving you feedback like, and it's unfiltered. It's just it's

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Speaker 3: raw and you might not have been ready for it, right, yes,

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Speaker 3: Or you are grown grown, like you a full adult,

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Speaker 3: got kids of your own, and you're trying to give

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Speaker 3: your parents some feedback about how they parented you, and

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Speaker 3: how willing are they to receive that feedback, how open

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Speaker 3: are they to that feedback, And so it's a multi

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Speaker 3: generational conversation that we're going to be we're talking about today.

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Speaker 1: That was such a good overview, Dom. I couldn't agree more.

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Speaker 1: And I would say, also, it's important because how we

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Speaker 1: handle feedback it really does impact how our relationship with

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Speaker 1: people progresses, right. Like I think about for myself, you know,

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Speaker 1: trying to give my mom feedback as an adult when

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Speaker 1: I realized certain things and wanted to talk to about it,

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Speaker 1: and I was very tactful in the way that I

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Speaker 1: went to her with certain feedback, but there were certain

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Speaker 1: things that she just wasn't able to didn't have the

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Speaker 1: capacity to hold or handle, and a lot of that

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Speaker 1: has to do with why we are not in relationship today.

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Speaker 1: I think about my dad on the other hand, when

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Speaker 1: I would give him feedback and he was open, right like,

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Speaker 1: he responded in a certain way, and so we've been

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Speaker 1: able to have a healthy dialogue about some of those things.

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Speaker 1: And then, like you said, my four year old who

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Speaker 1: gives me feedback as well, and I want to hold

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Speaker 1: space for the feedback that she has because I want

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Speaker 1: to keep that feedback loop going in our relationship. And

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Speaker 1: then the last thing I want to share is dom

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Speaker 1: you talked about the parentals. You talked about like the

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Speaker 1: different generational I guess the generational connections that we have

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Speaker 1: when it comes to feedback, but I also think about

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Speaker 1: some of us who were perentified children, who our younger

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Speaker 1: siblings kind of look at us like parents at or

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Speaker 1: at some point in their lives, they looked at us

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Speaker 1: as parents.

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Speaker 2: And now that my younger siblings.

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Speaker 1: Who I raise are older, they've had feedback for me,

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Speaker 1: and I've held space to have that conversation with them

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Speaker 1: and receive that feedback in again, it's all. It's so

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Speaker 1: impactful and it really does it really does matter, right

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Speaker 1: because we want to keep these relationships healthy and growing.

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Speaker 1: So that is why this conversation is important, lady, as

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Speaker 1: you're listening, it may not be the easiest conversation to have,

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Speaker 1: but it's something necessary if you are on the growth journey.

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Speaker 2: So let's get into it.

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Speaker 3: So when I think about the feedback that like if

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Speaker 3: someone if you are the parent, you are the adult,

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Speaker 3: and you are receiving the feedback.

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Speaker 4: Right, One of the.

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Speaker 3: Things that immediately comes up for me is.

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Speaker 4: What do you do in that moment? Right, like you're.

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Speaker 3: Because oftentimes when I think about it, and we'll have

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Speaker 3: a whole part too where we talk about the steps

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Speaker 3: to take if you're the person delivering the feedback, right, yeah,

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Speaker 3: but this episode is about the person receiving it.

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Speaker 4: So one of the.

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Speaker 3: Things that I often talk to my students about is

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Speaker 3: if you're going to be if you're going to give

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Speaker 3: the feedback, like, invite that person in for a conversation,

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Speaker 3: don't blind side them, yes, because I think about so

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Speaker 3: if you are that person who is blindsided, like your

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Speaker 3: child comes up to you and says, hey, I got it.

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Speaker 3: We you know, I want to talk to you, And

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Speaker 3: it's not a when do you when it would be

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Speaker 3: a good time for us to talk, it's I got

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Speaker 3: some feedback for you, right, And in reality, oftentimes it's

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Speaker 3: not even they don't even preface it. Yeah, they might

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Speaker 3: dive right in to giving you that feedback.

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Speaker 4: And so what tends to happen in that moment?

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Speaker 3: Oftentimes it's a bodily reaction, right, Like I think about

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Speaker 3: like your body like physically, like all of your muscles

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Speaker 3: kind of like tensing up, like you're prepared for warfare, right, Yes,

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Speaker 3: And because you're you might be feeling attacked and so

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Speaker 3: your body tenses up. Maybe you find yourself like holding

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Speaker 3: your breath.

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Speaker 2: And you don't.

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Speaker 3: Even realize it, right, And then like you're bracing. It's

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Speaker 3: like you're bracing yourself for impact and you're on the defense.

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Speaker 3: And maybe maybe you might also be feeling embarrassed. There

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Speaker 3: might be some hurt, there might be some shame, there

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Speaker 3: might be some shock because it may be like, where

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Speaker 3: the hell is this coming from.

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Speaker 1: I was just gonna say, I, Okay, So we're talking

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Speaker 1: about receiving the feedback, right, I think many of us

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Speaker 1: can agree that it's you. Even though it can be

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Speaker 1: difficult to get feedback, I think that usually it's more

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Speaker 1: uncomfortable to receive it, at least in my opinion, it

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Speaker 1: is for me.

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Speaker 3: Yes.

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Speaker 1: And the thing about it, too, dom is I think

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Speaker 1: that as I've developed my communication skills and I have

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Speaker 1: learned how to tactfully bring up sensitive conversations, sometimes there's

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Speaker 1: the expectation that other people have that same skill set

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Speaker 1: or they've developed and done that same work. And that's

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Speaker 1: not always the case, and so I think a lot

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Speaker 1: of times in these situations, if you're receiving feedback, it's

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Speaker 1: likely coming in a way that isn't I deal like,

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Speaker 1: unless you're you know, you're the person coming to you,

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Speaker 1: they've done some work, they've done some studying, they've been

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Speaker 1: intentional about getting tools to.

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Speaker 2: Give the feedback.

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Speaker 1: So I think that when that, I think those bodily

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Speaker 1: responses that you share are so accurate, and especially because

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Speaker 1: it does depend on how the person approaches you. If

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Speaker 1: someone comes and they're like, hey, you know, do you

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Speaker 1: have space for this? I want to talk to you

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Speaker 1: about something, and they kind of prepare you and you

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Speaker 1: feel like you're eased into it, that's going to probably

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Speaker 1: give you a very different response as opposed to I

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Speaker 1: didn't like when this happened when I was five, and

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Speaker 1: this this whatever it.

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Speaker 2: Might be, right, it's a different response.

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Speaker 1: I'm talking like, I know for me, you feel flushed,

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Speaker 1: like your face feels red, your shoulders might tense up,

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Speaker 1: like you just really feel like you said, like you're

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Speaker 1: ready for war, you feel that in your body. And

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Speaker 1: so I think those are the things that can happen.

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Speaker 1: And I think a couple questions that you can ask

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Speaker 1: yourself when someone does come to you for feedback or

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Speaker 1: with feedback, is just paying attention to how your body feels.

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Speaker 1: How do you how does your body feel? And where

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Speaker 1: do you feel it in your body? That's a good

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Speaker 1: question to ask yourself. And then also do you tend

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Speaker 1: to get defensive or shut down completely? I think that

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Speaker 1: sometimes in my experience of giving constructive feedback, it either

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Speaker 1: people are open and sometimes they feel so bad and

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Speaker 1: like damn near beat themselves up about it, or it

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Speaker 1: could be totally defensive and just I mean belligerent, like

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Speaker 1: it could be you know. That's my experience has been

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Speaker 1: those two sort of ends of the spectrum. So I

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Speaker 1: think that's what comes up for me in the moment

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Speaker 1: when I think about that. Dom'd you have a specific example,

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Speaker 1: by any chance, because I'm trying to think of one

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Speaker 1: in my life where maybe I've gotten feedback and how

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Speaker 1: I took it.

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Speaker 3: So I can give you one where I didn't do

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Speaker 3: well right, Because I think the thing is is that

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Speaker 3: you know, as a therapist, like I'm I'm general like

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Speaker 3: you said, I'm generally well equipped with all of the

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Speaker 3: h that still doesn't mean that I do it right

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Speaker 3: all the time. Yes, So I can think I can

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Speaker 3: think of an instant recently where it was a family

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Speaker 3: family time and we were we were playing a card

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Speaker 3: game or something. We were having family fun time, and

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Speaker 3: I don't remember exactly what it was. I don't even

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Speaker 3: remember what game it was that we were playing, but

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Speaker 3: it was something on the card and it prompted my

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Speaker 3: nieces to say.

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Speaker 4: That I can't hold secrets, right.

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Speaker 2: That offends me in a moment, like you secrets? Okay, okay,

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Speaker 2: And that.

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Speaker 3: Was my exact response, right, I was like, what's your mean?

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Speaker 3: And and then they proceeded to say like, yeah, there

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Speaker 3: there have been times where you haven't held and so

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Speaker 3: in that moment, my initial gut reaction was that, well

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Speaker 3: what what what the heck like.

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Speaker 4: If you knew, if you.

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Speaker 2: Only knew okay, right, yeah.

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Speaker 3: And so then I paused and I said okay, like

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Speaker 3: I felt myself tense up, yeah, and I felt myself.

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Speaker 4: Wanting to go on the defense.

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Speaker 3: And then in that moment, I was able to take

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Speaker 3: a breath and say and say to myself, you know what,

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Speaker 3: hear them out and I didn't ask for any like

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Speaker 3: specific examples, but you know, for me, it was Okay,

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Speaker 3: this is the feedback that they're giving me that they

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Speaker 3: for them their experiences, that I don't hold their secrets.

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Speaker 3: And so then I walked away from it and got

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Speaker 3: reflective of Okay, one, my job as a therapist is

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Speaker 3: the whole secrets. So I'm like, I know I know

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Speaker 3: how to do this. But then I'm like, but then,

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Speaker 3: what it reminded me is that even though I know

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Speaker 3: that I can do this, it made me ask, am

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Speaker 3: I able to do this?

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Speaker 4: Do I truly do this with them?

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Speaker 3: Because just because I can do it in general doesn't

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Speaker 3: mean that they are getting that same experience. But that

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Speaker 3: initial like that I had that initial gut like got

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Speaker 3: rule like defense.

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Speaker 1: I just know it now that was okay. First of all,

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Speaker 1: that was such a good example. Thank you so much

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Speaker 1: for sharing that too. I appreciate your transparency as a

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Speaker 1: therapist and someone who does this work like you have

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Speaker 1: a whole PhD in this, like you do this work right,

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Speaker 1: especially when it comes to it's just the work with

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Speaker 1: your clients and things that you do with the university.

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Speaker 1: So I appreciate you being transparent and letting us us

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Speaker 1: now on PhDs and non therapy folks, you don't mean

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Speaker 1: to let us know, like, okays together.

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Speaker 2: I appreciate that.

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Speaker 1: But that was a really good example, and I'm just

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Speaker 1: processing one of the things.

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Speaker 2: My hunch is here is that.

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Speaker 1: There's and we don't have to get into the weeds

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Speaker 1: of it, but my hunch is that there's probably some

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Speaker 1: stuff that they share it with you, and it's like,

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Speaker 1: I need to I feel inclined to tell your parent

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Speaker 1: about this thing because of the nature of what it

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Speaker 1: may have been.

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Speaker 2: So that's what I was, That's what I was going to.

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Speaker 2: It's like, you got a whole secret is of course

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Speaker 2: of course.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes he's like, I gotta tell your mama. I can't

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Speaker 2: just be leating you. Yeah, So.

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Speaker 4: Of course.

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Speaker 2: That was a good one.

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Speaker 1: Let me see, is there anything else we should talk

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Speaker 1: about when it comes to what comes up in the moment.

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Speaker 4: I think those are the main things.

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Speaker 3: Is like, pay attention to your body so quick recap

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Speaker 3: on that. Yeah, pay attention to what's what's coming up

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Speaker 3: in your body, Pay attention to that initial verbal vomit that.

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Speaker 4: Might come out.

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Speaker 3: Like like I explained in my real life example, right

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Speaker 3: that these are the things that this is real life,

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Speaker 3: This is what happens in the moment, and it's okay

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Speaker 3: for you to have those reactions. However, that doesn't have

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Speaker 3: to be the end of the process. It doesn't have

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Speaker 3: to stop there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that. And I think the next sort

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Speaker 1: of topic we're going to dive into is around responding

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Speaker 1: versus reacting. And I think this is such a good

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Speaker 1: one because, like you said, it's so easy. I think

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Speaker 1: many of us, it's probably the ego. We just we

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Speaker 1: want to protect ourselves, we want to get defensive. Like

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Speaker 1: even if it's even sometimes what it is true, is

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Speaker 1: you still like no, I don't like I know, I've

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Speaker 1: been there for sure. Yeah, and now I reflect it,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, wait a second, you're right. But sometimes that,

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Speaker 1: like you said, that initial gut reaction is to do that.

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Speaker 1: I think that when it comes to responding versus reacting,

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Speaker 1: in most cases, I do believe that responding is more

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Speaker 1: well thought out. It's you pausing to take some breaths,

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Speaker 1: choosing words to keep the conversation open, been and not

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Speaker 1: just being quick, defensive and ego led right, Like an

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Speaker 1: example of that will be will you do it too well?

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Speaker 2: You don't keep my.

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Speaker 1: Secrets either, or like you do the same thing and

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Speaker 1: in most cases, because the person that we're likely getting

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Speaker 1: feedback from it is probably not going to say it

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Speaker 1: in the most tactfully and responsible way. Right, it may

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Speaker 1: come across, it may come out like you said for

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Speaker 1: the kiddo, it's like unfiltered, and it may stink a

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Speaker 1: little bit, and I think a lot of times in

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Speaker 1: those cases we want to offer a couple of simple

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Speaker 1: scripts for a pause, because a lot of times when

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Speaker 1: that feedback comes out that way, we kind of have

380
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Speaker 1: to bypass how it came out initially, or bypassed how

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Speaker 1: it came out and think about what is what is

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Speaker 1: that the essence at the core? What's that the crux

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Speaker 1: of what they're trying to tell me right now, right?

384
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Speaker 1: And we can address the response based on how we

385
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Speaker 1: you know, based on the relationship that we have with

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Speaker 1: this person. But there's something there likely right, they're not

387
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Speaker 1: just saying it to say it, And so something you

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Speaker 1: could potentially say in that moment is I need a

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Speaker 1: moment to think about what you said. Thank you for

390
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Speaker 1: sharing this, but you need time to process it. And

391
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Speaker 1: it's okay to set that boundary and let them know that,

392
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Speaker 1: you know, I want to be intentional with how I

393
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Speaker 1: respond to you, and I want to make sure that

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Speaker 1: I respond in a way where you feel heard and

395
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Speaker 1: you feel as though I'm actually taking it in. But

396
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Speaker 1: I'm having some reactions right now and I need a moment,

397
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Speaker 1: but I do appreciate it. Something else you could say

398
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Speaker 1: is thank you for telling me I want to sit

399
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Speaker 1: with this before I respond, so you can have some

400
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:31,480
Speaker 1: space and separation to get yourself ready for whatever they

401
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Speaker 1: won't share.

402
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Speaker 3: I love those, and I think you know in general,

403
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Speaker 3: like with the example that I shared, sometimes it's hard

404
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:46,520
Speaker 3: to do that in that moment, right, Like ideally, yes,

405
00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:53,320
Speaker 3: you want to take that pause and you can come

406
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Speaker 3: back from that. Right So let's say that you do

407
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Speaker 3: have that immediate, quick defensive reaction like I had, like

408
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Speaker 3: I said, I was able to I had that quick

409
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Speaker 3: reaction and then I paused, and so you can still

410
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Speaker 3: come back from that and you can say.

411
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Speaker 4: You know, okay, I.

412
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Speaker 3: Had my initial reaction, and now I do want to

413
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Speaker 3: take a moment and truly think about what it was

414
00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:33,320
Speaker 3: that you shared what you just shared. And something else

415
00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:37,719
Speaker 3: that you can do also in helping you to respond

416
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Speaker 3: and not react, is to ask for if they didn't

417
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:49,840
Speaker 3: already provided specific examples. Right, So you know my niece

418
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:53,920
Speaker 3: is saying that I don't hold their secrets. Okay, can

419
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Speaker 3: you give me an example of a time when I

420
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Speaker 3: didn't hold the secret you wanted me to, right? Because

421
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:05,720
Speaker 3: I think what that does is that allows for clarification. Yes,

422
00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:13,080
Speaker 3: and because sometimes what may happen is if we stick

423
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Speaker 3: with this example, let's say that they shared something with

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Speaker 3: me and they didn't tell me that they wanted it

425
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Speaker 3: held in confidence, and I shared it out with their

426
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Speaker 3: mom in conversation, not I brought it up in conversation

427
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:34,880
Speaker 3: not realizing that that was something that they didn't want

428
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Speaker 3: their mom to know. So if they provide that example,

429
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Speaker 3: then my response to them is, I'm sorry that I

430
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Speaker 3: did not hold that. However, I was not aware that

431
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Speaker 3: that was something you wanted me to hold in confidence. Perhaps,

432
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Speaker 3: moving forward, when there are things you truly don't want

433
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Speaker 3: me to share, can you let me know that up front?

434
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Speaker 2: I love that so much.

435
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:10,240
Speaker 1: It's so good, And I was gonna actually say that

436
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:13,119
Speaker 1: leaning into curiosity is key as well, Like if you

437
00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:15,800
Speaker 1: are in a space where you do feel calm and

438
00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:17,560
Speaker 1: it was presented in a way where you can your

439
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:19,960
Speaker 1: body isn't having those responses, and maybe you don't need space.

440
00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:21,760
Speaker 1: You can just simply say, I'm kind of think of

441
00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:23,560
Speaker 1: an example for me, because I know my siblings have

442
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:27,760
Speaker 1: given me feedback over the years. Probably that I was

443
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:29,879
Speaker 1: talking to my brother recently. He was just saying how

444
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:31,920
Speaker 1: when he was young, like we I have a different

445
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:34,160
Speaker 1: relationship with my siblings now that they're older, because when

446
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:35,640
Speaker 1: I was young, when they were younger, I was more

447
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:37,120
Speaker 1: like a parent, So they didn't come to me about

448
00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:37,640
Speaker 1: certain things.

449
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:39,320
Speaker 2: I was like, they just saw all me.

450
00:25:39,359 --> 00:25:40,679
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, we can't talk to her about that,

451
00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:42,919
Speaker 1: But now that now they can since they're older, And

452
00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:45,320
Speaker 1: so maybe being strict or something may have been one

453
00:25:45,880 --> 00:25:49,080
Speaker 1: and so leaning into curiosity like you said, well, wait,

454
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:51,480
Speaker 1: what do you mean by that? Ask for examples? What

455
00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:54,480
Speaker 1: do you mean by that? And another thing I wrote

456
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:58,280
Speaker 1: down was what would you prefer me doing that situation?

457
00:25:58,320 --> 00:25:59,879
Speaker 2: Like kind of getting an ideal outcome?

458
00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:01,720
Speaker 1: Because we're going to give you another We're going to

459
00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:04,959
Speaker 1: have another section in this conversation, lady, where we do

460
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:07,199
Speaker 1: a bit more processing, and you can use what you

461
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:10,119
Speaker 1: have or what you talk about with them in this

462
00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:13,160
Speaker 1: responding versus reacting section. You can use that for the processing.

463
00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:16,920
Speaker 1: So understanding the clear examples and I personally I want

464
00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:18,600
Speaker 1: a pattern. I want to give me a laundry list

465
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:20,880
Speaker 1: if you have it. Sometimes people do sometimes they don't

466
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:22,760
Speaker 1: have any examples, right, I forgot, but I just know

467
00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:25,679
Speaker 1: you do this thing right, And so if you do

468
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:27,680
Speaker 1: have the feedback, you can write that down and then

469
00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:29,639
Speaker 1: also understand, like, well, how would you like me to

470
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:31,440
Speaker 1: show up because I want to see not saying that

471
00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:33,400
Speaker 1: it's going to happen because it may not be reasonable, right,

472
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:35,800
Speaker 1: but to get clarity what is the ideal so you

473
00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:36,719
Speaker 1: know what you're working with?

474
00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:38,240
Speaker 2: I think that's also important.

475
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:41,760
Speaker 3: Yes, I love that, like asking, yes, asking what is

476
00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:45,639
Speaker 3: what are you needing from me going forward? So that

477
00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:51,080
Speaker 3: you can because then that helps improve the dynamic.

478
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:51,920
Speaker 2: Yep.

479
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:55,760
Speaker 4: So this takes us to the next section.

480
00:26:55,920 --> 00:27:01,000
Speaker 3: Right, So now you've gotten the feedback and whether you

481
00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:04,639
Speaker 3: want it the feedback, whether you like the feedback, agree

482
00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:11,240
Speaker 3: with it or not. Part of this process of navigating

483
00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:14,439
Speaker 3: feedback is to find a way for you to self

484
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:20,840
Speaker 3: soothe and take care of that fragile ego. Yes, So

485
00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:26,080
Speaker 3: the key here is to remind yourself that you are

486
00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:33,840
Speaker 3: receiving feedback. And this is not an attack, right, I

487
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:38,159
Speaker 3: want to acknowledge that there are instances in which you

488
00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:40,960
Speaker 3: are being attacked, right, Like, I want to make that

489
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:44,520
Speaker 3: clear that that can happen. That's a whole different conversation

490
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:48,959
Speaker 3: for a different episode. What we are referring to is

491
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:52,639
Speaker 3: those times when it is clear that the person is

492
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:59,840
Speaker 3: offering trying to offer constructive feedback for you. And typically

493
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:05,199
Speaker 3: once we've taken that pause, we can clearly tell the

494
00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:13,320
Speaker 3: difference between feedback and an attack. Because with feedback, if

495
00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:18,520
Speaker 3: you've done these previous steps, if you have asked clarifying questions,

496
00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:22,359
Speaker 3: and you've asked what they want, how they want you

497
00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:25,760
Speaker 3: to show up differently, and they've been able to give

498
00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:31,760
Speaker 3: you answers to that, you're getting feedback. If you ask

499
00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:36,640
Speaker 3: clarifying questions, you ask how they want you to show

500
00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:42,680
Speaker 3: up differently, and then they get defensive, chances.

501
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:43,480
Speaker 4: Are your being attacked.

502
00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:44,520
Speaker 2: That's good.

503
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:51,200
Speaker 3: And so when you realize that this truly is about feedback,

504
00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:57,760
Speaker 3: the next step in your self soothing is to identify

505
00:28:57,880 --> 00:29:04,040
Speaker 3: some grounding practices that are benefit you. So whether that's

506
00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:10,280
Speaker 3: taking multiple deep breaths, whether that's touching something that's grounding,

507
00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:15,520
Speaker 3: So that might be planting your feet on the floor

508
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:20,480
Speaker 3: so that you are getting connected with earth. Maybe it's

509
00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:27,080
Speaker 3: holding a finger, folding your hands in your lap, maybe

510
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:31,040
Speaker 3: it's your hand on your chest, but you are finding

511
00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:37,080
Speaker 3: something that allows you to slow your heart rate back down,

512
00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:43,160
Speaker 3: to come to a space of not being elevated, but

513
00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:47,440
Speaker 3: a sense of calmness. And then the other thing that

514
00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:56,600
Speaker 3: you can do affirmations so you can remind yourself I

515
00:29:56,640 --> 00:30:01,240
Speaker 3: can hear this and still be enough. I can receive

516
00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:06,880
Speaker 3: feedback in order to grow. So identifying a couple of

517
00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:12,040
Speaker 3: affirmations that will help you get grounded, but.

518
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:13,000
Speaker 4: Then also.

519
00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:20,960
Speaker 3: Separating your identity from the behavior that's being discussed. That

520
00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:26,920
Speaker 3: behavior does not define you. That behavior is not the

521
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:31,040
Speaker 3: totality of who you are. And so it's important to

522
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:32,520
Speaker 3: remember those things.

523
00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:35,480
Speaker 1: And I love that we're touching on this because I

524
00:30:35,520 --> 00:30:39,680
Speaker 1: think sometimes when you get feedback, depending on not everyone

525
00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:41,640
Speaker 1: is this way, Because I know some people they get feedback,

526
00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:43,800
Speaker 1: they have a whole different reaction and they don't give

527
00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:45,440
Speaker 1: it up. They're just like, I don't care, I don't

528
00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:48,360
Speaker 1: do that. That's not true. And some of us we do.

529
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:51,200
Speaker 1: We may beat ourselves up a little bit right based

530
00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:53,240
Speaker 1: on what the feedback is it's easy to kind of

531
00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:56,160
Speaker 1: go into the spiraling based on what that is. And

532
00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:57,960
Speaker 1: so I love that recovering this And I think another

533
00:30:57,960 --> 00:30:59,600
Speaker 1: thing to keep in mind, like you were saying, doms

534
00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:03,440
Speaker 1: that doesn't define your worth. It literally is highlighting the

535
00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:06,480
Speaker 1: next opportunity for you to grow right. And like you said,

536
00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:10,120
Speaker 1: separating who I am from what I did is a

537
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:12,360
Speaker 1: skill that keeps us coachable so that we can take

538
00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:15,080
Speaker 1: the feedback and realize, like this doesn't define me. And

539
00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:16,959
Speaker 1: I wanted to also circle back to something else, Tom,

540
00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:20,239
Speaker 1: you mentioned constructive feedback versus criticism. I feel like there

541
00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:22,800
Speaker 1: was a time where we would use criticism a lot

542
00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:27,280
Speaker 1: in feedback conversations, and then it changed, maybe years back,

543
00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:30,520
Speaker 1: it changed to more constructive feedback, especially when I think

544
00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:34,400
Speaker 1: about being in corporate and we'd have performance reviews. Sometimes

545
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:36,880
Speaker 1: there was language around criticism versus constructive feedback. And I

546
00:31:36,960 --> 00:31:40,560
Speaker 1: think that constructive feedback it does. It's usually more specific,

547
00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:42,920
Speaker 1: like you said, it has examples. It's more based on

548
00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:46,760
Speaker 1: the behavior, and it helps to improve, and it's also

549
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:51,200
Speaker 1: grounded in care, whereas criticism often vague. It's focused on

550
00:31:51,320 --> 00:31:54,200
Speaker 1: faults and it can feel like an attack of your person,

551
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:56,280
Speaker 1: right like, it feels like, well, damn like, it just

552
00:31:56,280 --> 00:31:58,640
Speaker 1: feels kind of You can sense sometimes when something said

553
00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:01,600
Speaker 1: and a nasty and mean or it's like you you've

554
00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:03,640
Speaker 1: said that because you were trying to make me feel

555
00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:05,680
Speaker 1: a certain way, right Like, you can sense that, So

556
00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:07,920
Speaker 1: I think it's important to remember that as well. And

557
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:10,360
Speaker 1: then just a couple quick questions that you can think

558
00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:14,040
Speaker 1: about as you are kind of in this self soothing space.

559
00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:17,400
Speaker 1: You can hold on one second month there, Okay, cool,

560
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:19,120
Speaker 1: I got the question. So we talked about in the affirmation,

561
00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:21,920
Speaker 1: so getting clear on what your specific affirmation is, right,

562
00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:25,160
Speaker 1: what's one affirmation that you can remind yourself of to

563
00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:26,960
Speaker 1: remind yourself that you're still enough and you gave a

564
00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:29,640
Speaker 1: great one dom And the other one could be just

565
00:32:29,880 --> 00:32:34,360
Speaker 1: understanding what is your like having your own self self

566
00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:37,160
Speaker 1: soothing toolkit, because we all have different things that make

567
00:32:37,240 --> 00:32:39,200
Speaker 1: us feel okay. I know there are some people who

568
00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:41,640
Speaker 1: love to meditate or who love to work out, and

569
00:32:41,640 --> 00:32:43,160
Speaker 1: the other people are like, I don't need to do that.

570
00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:45,720
Speaker 1: I want to do I want to go for a drive. Right, So,

571
00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:48,960
Speaker 1: understanding like what is in your self soothing toolbox so

572
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:50,800
Speaker 1: that you can kind of refer to that when these

573
00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:54,000
Speaker 1: moments do come up, because chances are, as we keep living,

574
00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:56,160
Speaker 1: we're going to get feedback from somebody, so might as

575
00:32:56,160 --> 00:32:57,160
Speaker 1: well prepare in advance.

576
00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:03,480
Speaker 3: Yes, So then that takes us to this next phase

577
00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:09,360
Speaker 3: of this journey of feedback seeking support. All right, So

578
00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:11,480
Speaker 3: I'm sticking with my example of.

579
00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:12,800
Speaker 4: My nieces, and.

580
00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:18,560
Speaker 3: In this particular example, I didn't feel the need to

581
00:33:18,680 --> 00:33:23,520
Speaker 3: seek support. However, if I if I found myself in

582
00:33:23,520 --> 00:33:30,200
Speaker 3: a space where I needed support, then chances are I'm

583
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:34,320
Speaker 3: seeking support if I receive this feedback and maybe one

584
00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:39,040
Speaker 3: I don't agree with it, or two I'm still unclear

585
00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:47,840
Speaker 3: after getting some clarity from them, or three I am

586
00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:52,640
Speaker 3: feeling soft and tender and maybe hurt. Hell, maybe I

587
00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:55,920
Speaker 3: got all maybe I got clarifying information and I'm pissed off,

588
00:33:56,040 --> 00:34:01,240
Speaker 3: right like I'm still I've tried myself soothing and I'm

589
00:34:01,520 --> 00:34:07,040
Speaker 3: still having an emotional reaction, or for.

590
00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:11,880
Speaker 4: I am unsure of what to do next.

591
00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:17,600
Speaker 3: Like I've gotten like I said, got the clarity, and

592
00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:21,759
Speaker 3: I don't know what to do. So then this is

593
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:27,160
Speaker 3: when you seek support. Right. So support could mean that

594
00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:30,720
Speaker 3: you find a therapist or a coach, So you're seeking

595
00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:36,120
Speaker 3: someone who has the particular skill set to address whatever

596
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:37,120
Speaker 3: the feedback was.

597
00:34:37,080 --> 00:34:42,960
Speaker 4: That you received, Right, maybe maybe.

598
00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:47,359
Speaker 3: It's to the level that you need mediation. So perhaps

599
00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:53,879
Speaker 3: it's something financial. So maybe you receive feedback from your

600
00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:58,480
Speaker 3: child about how you all are managing property that you

601
00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:01,759
Speaker 3: own together, and your child is like, I'm ready to

602
00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:04,799
Speaker 3: sell and you're like, nah, no, we're not, and it's

603
00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:08,719
Speaker 3: in both of your names. Maybe that's when you might

604
00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:12,600
Speaker 3: need to bring in a mediator. Or perhaps it's a

605
00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:18,080
Speaker 3: conversation that you got this feedback and you know that

606
00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:24,920
Speaker 3: in order to respond based on what your perspective is

607
00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:30,160
Speaker 3: and what you want to say in return, it may

608
00:35:30,239 --> 00:35:35,040
Speaker 3: be beneficial to have a third party there to help

609
00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:40,440
Speaker 3: neutralize how things get communicated between you.

610
00:35:41,040 --> 00:35:42,040
Speaker 2: That is a good one.

611
00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:46,400
Speaker 3: Maybe you talk to a trusted family member or friend,

612
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:53,920
Speaker 3: someone that you know can offer some sound unbiased to

613
00:35:54,040 --> 00:35:55,680
Speaker 3: this and thick hand because if it's a friend or

614
00:35:55,719 --> 00:36:00,360
Speaker 3: family member, they're not completely objective but to but you

615
00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:07,759
Speaker 3: trust what they will offer you. Or if this is

616
00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:11,600
Speaker 3: your preference and your typical go to a spiritual or

617
00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:16,160
Speaker 3: community leader so you know that what they tend to

618
00:36:16,320 --> 00:36:20,680
Speaker 3: offer you is an additional level of grounding.

619
00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:21,839
Speaker 4: That you need.

620
00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:25,719
Speaker 3: The key to remember here as you're seeking support is

621
00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:29,439
Speaker 3: that support is not the same thing as a yes

622
00:36:29,560 --> 00:36:36,839
Speaker 3: person or that amen chorus. Your your support is one

623
00:36:36,840 --> 00:36:43,319
Speaker 3: who can give you that honest insight like, well, yeah, girl,

624
00:36:43,360 --> 00:36:46,920
Speaker 3: you wasn't keeping no secrets from them children, like no

625
00:36:46,960 --> 00:36:49,360
Speaker 3: wonder they no wonder they're giving they're giving you that

626
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:52,040
Speaker 3: feedback because about time they gave you that feedback because

627
00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:54,360
Speaker 3: you ain't you been, ain't doing right by.

628
00:36:54,200 --> 00:37:00,479
Speaker 1: Them, damn and so and and and it may suck

629
00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:02,240
Speaker 1: for you to hear this, but I mean.

630
00:37:03,560 --> 00:37:04,440
Speaker 4: The kids was right.

631
00:37:05,400 --> 00:37:08,040
Speaker 3: So what you're gonna do about it? Like, I know it,

632
00:37:08,080 --> 00:37:12,239
Speaker 3: I know it hurts. I know, But what you're gonna

633
00:37:12,280 --> 00:37:14,120
Speaker 3: do about it now? Because you want you want to

634
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:17,520
Speaker 3: keep that relationship with them? Yeah all right, well let's

635
00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:21,120
Speaker 3: figure out how to do that, how to better keep

636
00:37:21,160 --> 00:37:22,560
Speaker 3: those children's secrets.

637
00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:26,400
Speaker 1: Mm hm oh girl. And I think another thing to

638
00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:29,080
Speaker 1: keep in mind here is that there may be levels

639
00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:33,280
Speaker 1: to your support process, right, so you know how, sometimes

640
00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:34,759
Speaker 1: something happens and you're like.

641
00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:38,520
Speaker 2: Fuck that. I don't want no solutions right now.

642
00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:42,840
Speaker 1: I want to talk to someone invent Okay, I just

643
00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:44,359
Speaker 1: want to invent to somebody and you might call off

644
00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:46,000
Speaker 1: that person and maybe this is the guest person, right,

645
00:37:46,080 --> 00:37:48,040
Speaker 1: but you call them up and the purpose of that

646
00:37:48,120 --> 00:37:49,719
Speaker 1: is to get it out of your system and to

647
00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:51,399
Speaker 1: vent to the person who you know, what's gonna listen,

648
00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:53,919
Speaker 1: black girl, you damn right. They are very tripping because

649
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:56,160
Speaker 1: you kept my secret and whatever it might be. Right,

650
00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:59,160
Speaker 1: So you have your venting person, and then usually after

651
00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:01,399
Speaker 1: the venting, at least for me, then I get into

652
00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:03,680
Speaker 1: the more like, okay, let's be action oriented, and then

653
00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:05,520
Speaker 1: you might have another level of support where this is

654
00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:06,839
Speaker 1: where you're getting into.

655
00:38:06,880 --> 00:38:08,160
Speaker 2: Okay, what was true?

656
00:38:08,719 --> 00:38:12,000
Speaker 1: What can I actually identify from what they shared with

657
00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:12,920
Speaker 1: me as the truth?

658
00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:13,160
Speaker 3: Right?

659
00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:16,000
Speaker 1: And then you process that with that person. And also,

660
00:38:16,440 --> 00:38:18,879
Speaker 1: you know, not every sounding board is going.

661
00:38:18,880 --> 00:38:20,480
Speaker 2: To help you hear the truth.

662
00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:22,120
Speaker 1: So that is really I love that you said a

663
00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:25,760
Speaker 1: trusted source because sometimes I've known some people. I'm trying,

664
00:38:26,719 --> 00:38:28,000
Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure how I want to work this,

665
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:29,879
Speaker 1: but some people who they'll go to certain folks who

666
00:38:29,920 --> 00:38:33,680
Speaker 1: have a vested interest in a certain outcome, so they're

667
00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:36,440
Speaker 1: not they're not unbiased, right, and so they're leading this

668
00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:39,719
Speaker 1: person to do something specific based on what they want

669
00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:42,320
Speaker 1: them to do. So it is important to be mindful

670
00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:44,520
Speaker 1: of who you're choosing to support you. And this could be,

671
00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:47,160
Speaker 1: like you said, individual support or collective support with you

672
00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:51,920
Speaker 1: and the person who's giving you feedback. So let's get

673
00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:56,879
Speaker 1: into this is our second to last one, processing and

674
00:38:56,960 --> 00:38:59,040
Speaker 1: implementing feedback.

675
00:39:00,160 --> 00:39:00,480
Speaker 2: Steps.

676
00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:03,520
Speaker 1: Ago we talked about how you're collecting feedback you're getting

677
00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:06,080
Speaker 1: curious about, Well, give me some examples of when I

678
00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:07,759
Speaker 1: did X, Y Z right and how would you like

679
00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:10,160
Speaker 1: me to show up? So when it comes to processing

680
00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:12,160
Speaker 1: and implementing the feedback, this is when you really sit

681
00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:15,240
Speaker 1: with what was shared and you give yourself permission to

682
00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:18,440
Speaker 1: step away and really think about it. What was objectively right?

683
00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:20,600
Speaker 1: That's the goal to do objectively from what they shared,

684
00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:21,920
Speaker 1: what is actually true?

685
00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:22,600
Speaker 2: Right.

686
00:39:23,200 --> 00:39:25,520
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's a little fluff, right, Sometimes people put a

687
00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:27,600
Speaker 1: little extra on it, and you're like, all right, this

688
00:39:27,760 --> 00:39:30,480
Speaker 1: right here, Like I heard what they said, but we're

689
00:39:30,520 --> 00:39:31,359
Speaker 1: gonna put this over word.

690
00:39:31,719 --> 00:39:35,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, that was that wasn't real.

691
00:39:35,560 --> 00:39:36,439
Speaker 2: That wasn't real, Okay.

692
00:39:36,480 --> 00:39:38,200
Speaker 1: And I'm thinking of a like a it might be

693
00:39:38,239 --> 00:39:40,360
Speaker 1: a simple or silly example, but I'm thinking about if

694
00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:44,000
Speaker 1: your child is coming to you with feedback about their bedtime,

695
00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:47,239
Speaker 1: for instance, right, and maybe you spoke to them a

696
00:39:47,239 --> 00:39:49,560
Speaker 1: certain way, and maybe you could change the tone up right,

697
00:39:50,200 --> 00:39:52,000
Speaker 1: but the bedtime is not going to change to the

698
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:54,400
Speaker 1: bedtime part. Okay, we heard, we heard the feedback, but

699
00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:57,160
Speaker 1: we're not we're not changing, We're not implementing that particular feedback.

700
00:39:57,200 --> 00:39:59,360
Speaker 1: But I will work on my approach. That could be

701
00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:01,960
Speaker 1: an example. And this is also where you could potentially

702
00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:05,680
Speaker 1: journal or a voice note to explore again what's true here?

703
00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:08,960
Speaker 1: What can I take action on? What's not mine to carry?

704
00:40:09,040 --> 00:40:11,520
Speaker 1: That is a very important one as well. Yes, it's

705
00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:15,080
Speaker 1: not mine to carry. Right, Let's sit with that for

706
00:40:15,120 --> 00:40:15,560
Speaker 1: a second.

707
00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:16,920
Speaker 2: We're going to add something to that.

708
00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:19,160
Speaker 3: Really, Yes, I was going to go with your example

709
00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:22,239
Speaker 3: of the child not you know, in the bedtime, right,

710
00:40:22,239 --> 00:40:25,799
Speaker 3: and the child even feedback about the bedtime, it's not

711
00:40:25,880 --> 00:40:28,719
Speaker 3: yours to carry that. The child doesn't like that bedtime,

712
00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:33,480
Speaker 3: that's not the fact that they don't. Them not liking

713
00:40:34,239 --> 00:40:36,040
Speaker 3: their bedtime is not.

714
00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:36,960
Speaker 4: Yours to hold.

715
00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:43,879
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like their feelings about bedtime is for them to hold. Yep,

716
00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:49,520
Speaker 3: you as a parent might help them navigate those feelings,

717
00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:52,560
Speaker 3: but their feelings are not yours to hold.

718
00:40:52,920 --> 00:40:54,960
Speaker 1: This is true and It's so important to make that

719
00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:57,120
Speaker 1: distinction so we don't get caught up in oh, whatever

720
00:40:57,160 --> 00:40:59,400
Speaker 1: they said, whatever they gave me feedback, and I have

721
00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:02,160
Speaker 1: to implement every right, all feedback doesn't need to be implemented.

722
00:41:02,719 --> 00:41:05,279
Speaker 1: And the other thing is, even though small changes based

723
00:41:05,320 --> 00:41:08,759
Speaker 1: on feedback can have big ripple effects, and following up

724
00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:12,240
Speaker 1: after implementing the feedback can also show growth and build trust.

725
00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:16,160
Speaker 1: I remember this is probably at this point, like thirteen

726
00:41:16,239 --> 00:41:20,960
Speaker 1: years ago and my previous relationship. My partner used to

727
00:41:20,960 --> 00:41:24,600
Speaker 1: give me feedback about my communication. And the thing about

728
00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:26,799
Speaker 1: it is I would communicate. I could communicate well with

729
00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:30,200
Speaker 1: my friends and with people, you know, colleagues, But when

730
00:41:30,239 --> 00:41:33,040
Speaker 1: we got because of the dynamic and you know, how

731
00:41:33,080 --> 00:41:36,359
Speaker 1: conversations were going at this time, I was like, no,

732
00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:39,400
Speaker 1: Like I was not a very good communicator in that

733
00:41:39,440 --> 00:41:42,759
Speaker 1: particular time in my life in that season, and I

734
00:41:42,800 --> 00:41:46,520
Speaker 1: had a habit of interrupting him and I wouldn't take

735
00:41:46,560 --> 00:41:50,080
Speaker 1: responsibility for things that I did. And what I learned

736
00:41:50,280 --> 00:41:52,759
Speaker 1: over time is that was a pattern. And as we

737
00:41:52,800 --> 00:41:56,160
Speaker 1: began to progress in our relationship, we would often have

738
00:41:56,239 --> 00:41:58,480
Speaker 1: disagreements about these certain things that would come up for

739
00:41:58,520 --> 00:42:00,640
Speaker 1: both of us and then to a point where I

740
00:42:00,680 --> 00:42:03,080
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, wait a minute, I'm getting this feedback.

741
00:42:03,120 --> 00:42:05,960
Speaker 1: I want to grow and develop. It can't just come

742
00:42:06,040 --> 00:42:08,120
Speaker 1: up every time we have a disagreement. I need to

743
00:42:08,120 --> 00:42:10,600
Speaker 1: start doing something to implement the feedback. So I began

744
00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:13,200
Speaker 1: to take it seriously. I wrote it down. I wrote

745
00:42:13,239 --> 00:42:16,800
Speaker 1: down ways that I could do better. Right, so instead

746
00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:18,640
Speaker 1: of interrupting, what I started doing is when we have

747
00:42:18,760 --> 00:42:22,799
Speaker 1: these deep discussions, I would get a note pad and

748
00:42:22,840 --> 00:42:26,000
Speaker 1: I would write down my thoughts to prevent me from interrupting.

749
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:28,319
Speaker 1: So I'm still listening, but I'm also jotting down quickly, Okay,

750
00:42:28,360 --> 00:42:30,040
Speaker 1: this is what I want to say next because the

751
00:42:30,040 --> 00:42:31,920
Speaker 1: thought came up. I don't want to lose it. But

752
00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:33,960
Speaker 1: I also don't want to interrupt. So there were actually

753
00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:36,239
Speaker 1: things that I had to do, actions I had to

754
00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:38,520
Speaker 1: take to show that this is important to me, This

755
00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:41,680
Speaker 1: relationship is important, and I want to be better in communicating.

756
00:42:41,680 --> 00:42:44,240
Speaker 1: And when I tell you that my communication has grown

757
00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:48,120
Speaker 1: so much through those efforts that I took. But it

758
00:42:48,239 --> 00:42:51,040
Speaker 1: starts with being aware and then actually doing the work.

759
00:42:52,200 --> 00:42:58,920
Speaker 3: Yes, I love that, like having the awareness and then implementing, yeah,

760
00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:05,520
Speaker 3: the strategies to actually make the necessary change, right, And

761
00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:12,359
Speaker 3: so I think it's important within that too. When you

762
00:43:12,560 --> 00:43:15,840
Speaker 3: are trying to implement, you've processed all the you process

763
00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:19,319
Speaker 3: all the feedback, you've sought counsel on. Okay, well what

764
00:43:19,360 --> 00:43:24,279
Speaker 3: do I do with this information? And going back to

765
00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:31,080
Speaker 3: our quote of the day, sometimes it's you receive feedback

766
00:43:31,760 --> 00:43:36,160
Speaker 3: and in order to make long lasting change, it's gonna

767
00:43:36,320 --> 00:43:43,440
Speaker 3: take multiple steps. You don't have to implement all of

768
00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:49,600
Speaker 3: those steps right away. If it feels overwhelming, you can

769
00:43:49,640 --> 00:43:55,600
Speaker 3: slow that process down. The key with that is to

770
00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:58,719
Speaker 3: circle back to the person who gave you the feedback,

771
00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:03,240
Speaker 3: let them know about the changes you are hoping to make,

772
00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:10,920
Speaker 3: and then ask for patients as you try to implement

773
00:44:10,960 --> 00:44:13,440
Speaker 3: the changes. Because the thing that we all know is

774
00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:19,120
Speaker 3: that change is hard, and you may there may be

775
00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:22,719
Speaker 3: five steps in the process. You might get all five

776
00:44:22,800 --> 00:44:28,320
Speaker 3: steps down and then six months later you find yourself

777
00:44:28,320 --> 00:44:30,480
Speaker 3: for getting all of those changes that you said you

778
00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:35,520
Speaker 3: were going to make and you backslide. It doesn't mean

779
00:44:36,920 --> 00:44:44,719
Speaker 3: that all is lost. You acknowledge that you messed up,

780
00:44:45,840 --> 00:44:50,920
Speaker 3: you take accountability, and you run through those steps again. Now,

781
00:44:51,560 --> 00:44:54,759
Speaker 3: this last piece, this is the one that I think

782
00:44:54,880 --> 00:44:58,839
Speaker 3: people will struggle with the most What do you do

783
00:44:59,719 --> 00:45:06,239
Speaker 3: when you disagree with the feedback? So that person that

784
00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:10,680
Speaker 3: you love and respect has share that feedback with you,

785
00:45:12,160 --> 00:45:21,399
Speaker 3: and your initial reaction was that's some bullshit, And you

786
00:45:21,480 --> 00:45:26,800
Speaker 3: went and you saw counsel, and you saw multiple council

787
00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:28,440
Speaker 3: because again, you want to make sure that you're not

788
00:45:28,840 --> 00:45:36,880
Speaker 3: you weren't getting that amen chorus, and everybody else was like, nah,

789
00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:40,080
Speaker 3: we don't agree with that either. How do you handle

790
00:45:40,120 --> 00:45:45,080
Speaker 3: that well in the moment, you take some deep breaths

791
00:45:45,520 --> 00:45:49,759
Speaker 3: because the nah, that's some bullshit is not going to

792
00:45:49,880 --> 00:45:55,120
Speaker 3: get you anywhere in your relationship with that person. Right.

793
00:45:55,920 --> 00:45:59,880
Speaker 4: So the one thing that you can say.

794
00:45:59,880 --> 00:46:05,160
Speaker 3: Is I didn't experience it that way, but I really

795
00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:08,239
Speaker 3: appreciate you sharing your perspective with me. And I'm gonna

796
00:46:08,239 --> 00:46:10,560
Speaker 3: say that one one more time because I know that

797
00:46:10,560 --> 00:46:14,680
Speaker 3: that's not one that easily rolls off our tone. I

798
00:46:14,880 --> 00:46:19,920
Speaker 3: didn't experience it that way, but I really appreciate you

799
00:46:20,040 --> 00:46:25,000
Speaker 3: sharing your perspective with me. Now that particular statement, saying it.

800
00:46:25,000 --> 00:46:28,759
Speaker 4: That way is helpful.

801
00:46:29,800 --> 00:46:37,840
Speaker 3: Because you're letting them know one that you don't agree.

802
00:46:38,239 --> 00:46:40,880
Speaker 3: That's the kind way of saying that you don't agree

803
00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:48,240
Speaker 3: without invalidating what they experienced, and that's the key.

804
00:46:48,920 --> 00:46:49,480
Speaker 2: When you.

805
00:46:51,520 --> 00:46:59,959
Speaker 3: Are engaging in uncomfortable, difficult dialogue, conversation, interaction, the key

806
00:47:00,239 --> 00:47:05,040
Speaker 3: to keep it from escalating into something worse is to

807
00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:13,120
Speaker 3: make sure that you honor where you are and acknowledge

808
00:47:13,200 --> 00:47:17,160
Speaker 3: what they are saying, because at the end of the day,

809
00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:23,680
Speaker 3: every single one of us wants to be seen, heard

810
00:47:24,360 --> 00:47:29,480
Speaker 3: and valued. And when you hit them right out the

811
00:47:29,520 --> 00:47:33,960
Speaker 3: gate with nah, that's some bullshit. I don't agree with

812
00:47:34,080 --> 00:47:35,080
Speaker 3: nothing you just said.

813
00:47:37,239 --> 00:47:39,640
Speaker 5: Now you're telling them that you don't see them, you

814
00:47:39,680 --> 00:47:42,280
Speaker 5: don't hear them, and you don't value what they share

815
00:47:42,360 --> 00:47:47,959
Speaker 5: with you, and that is what leads to the conflict.

816
00:47:48,160 --> 00:47:50,640
Speaker 1: Okay, So when you first went into this, I thought

817
00:47:50,640 --> 00:47:52,719
Speaker 1: of an example. I can't get too many details, but

818
00:47:52,800 --> 00:47:54,759
Speaker 1: I think I may have shared this with you offline,

819
00:47:55,200 --> 00:48:01,000
Speaker 1: but oh, this one. So disagreement doesn't mean and doesn't

820
00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:04,680
Speaker 1: have to mean disrespect. Right, there was a situation. All

821
00:48:04,680 --> 00:48:08,319
Speaker 1: I'm going to say is someone thought that I was

822
00:48:08,400 --> 00:48:13,239
Speaker 1: being malicious in something that I said to them, and

823
00:48:14,120 --> 00:48:16,120
Speaker 1: that almost lost my shit because I was like, you

824
00:48:16,160 --> 00:48:18,080
Speaker 1: have got to be kidding me, because literally I don't

825
00:48:18,120 --> 00:48:21,000
Speaker 1: even move that way. That's not like, that's not my

826
00:48:21,120 --> 00:48:23,080
Speaker 1: vibe and my spirit. I don't go around doing something.

827
00:48:23,719 --> 00:48:28,400
Speaker 3: I remember what you're talking about, and yes that yeah.

828
00:48:27,719 --> 00:48:29,800
Speaker 1: And so I think another thing to keep in mind

829
00:48:29,880 --> 00:48:35,239
Speaker 1: is that sometimes now I know we're talking about, you know,

830
00:48:35,280 --> 00:48:39,120
Speaker 1: the parent child dynamic, but shoot, sometimes if you got

831
00:48:39,120 --> 00:48:42,520
Speaker 1: grown kids, sometimes it happens too. Sometimes people can be manipulative, right,

832
00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:47,200
Speaker 1: and they can present gaslight, present something that may not

833
00:48:47,239 --> 00:48:49,200
Speaker 1: be the case. But the other thing to remember is

834
00:48:49,440 --> 00:48:51,680
Speaker 1: we it's okay to disagree with people, right, And sometimes

835
00:48:51,680 --> 00:48:56,839
Speaker 1: feedback says more about the other person's lens than your reality, right,

836
00:48:56,840 --> 00:48:59,160
Speaker 1: So all feedback is in fact, sometimes it's literally a

837
00:48:59,200 --> 00:49:01,960
Speaker 1: reflection of how they see the world, how they experienced

838
00:49:01,960 --> 00:49:06,160
Speaker 1: it whatever, whatever glasses or lens they're looking at, it

839
00:49:06,200 --> 00:49:08,400
Speaker 1: may be tanked it, right, and so it shows up

840
00:49:08,400 --> 00:49:09,960
Speaker 1: in a certain way. And so I think that what

841
00:49:10,120 --> 00:49:12,840
Speaker 1: was powerful for me in that moment dom where the

842
00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:15,640
Speaker 1: person I was talking to thought that I had malicious

843
00:49:15,680 --> 00:49:19,440
Speaker 1: intent when I did not, It was still important for

844
00:49:19,520 --> 00:49:21,239
Speaker 1: us to have the conversation. And so this was one

845
00:49:21,239 --> 00:49:23,920
Speaker 1: of those situations where I used the I hear you

846
00:49:24,520 --> 00:49:26,680
Speaker 1: and I see how you got there. That was not

847
00:49:26,840 --> 00:49:29,920
Speaker 1: my intention, although it may have been the impact, And

848
00:49:29,960 --> 00:49:32,200
Speaker 1: I think that something like that can be really helpful

849
00:49:32,239 --> 00:49:35,120
Speaker 1: because a lot of times our intentions it will not

850
00:49:35,239 --> 00:49:38,160
Speaker 1: match the impact just because humans were all different, right,

851
00:49:38,160 --> 00:49:40,799
Speaker 1: We'll all come from different vantage points, and so that's

852
00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:43,080
Speaker 1: something else to keep in mind as well when you disagree.

853
00:49:43,239 --> 00:49:46,040
Speaker 1: But again, especially if you want to maintain the relationship,

854
00:49:46,080 --> 00:49:48,840
Speaker 1: it's important to let the person know that they are seeing.

855
00:49:50,120 --> 00:49:52,720
Speaker 2: They're heard. Did you say valued?

856
00:49:53,280 --> 00:49:53,480
Speaker 4: Yes?

857
00:49:54,080 --> 00:49:59,000
Speaker 1: Okay, I guess we'll value them as well, so yes, yes, yes, sure.

858
00:50:00,640 --> 00:50:04,560
Speaker 3: I think the thing too to remember, particularly from this

859
00:50:04,680 --> 00:50:09,839
Speaker 3: perspective of you are the parents receiving the feedback. I'm

860
00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:17,719
Speaker 3: a firm believer that if you are, if you are

861
00:50:17,719 --> 00:50:24,440
Speaker 3: the elder in that situation, yeah, it is your responsibility

862
00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:34,880
Speaker 3: to show up with more maturity and more space and

863
00:50:34,960 --> 00:50:39,040
Speaker 3: grace for what that person is coming to you with.

864
00:50:39,280 --> 00:50:41,359
Speaker 4: Right now, let me.

865
00:50:41,320 --> 00:50:44,120
Speaker 3: Be clear, I am not that is that is not

866
00:50:44,160 --> 00:50:51,200
Speaker 3: an excuse for abuse, okay, But as the parents or

867
00:50:51,239 --> 00:50:57,240
Speaker 3: the elder it I stand on it is your responsibility

868
00:50:57,320 --> 00:51:03,520
Speaker 3: to be to take care of two parents that person,

869
00:51:03,560 --> 00:51:10,880
Speaker 3: no matter their age. So you could be eighty five

870
00:51:12,400 --> 00:51:15,799
Speaker 3: and your sixty year old child is coming to you

871
00:51:17,080 --> 00:51:23,920
Speaker 3: with remember fifty years ago. Hold space for that. Again,

872
00:51:24,040 --> 00:51:27,280
Speaker 3: you don't have to agree with it, but hold space

873
00:51:27,440 --> 00:51:29,400
Speaker 3: because at the end of the day, no matter how

874
00:51:29,440 --> 00:51:32,560
Speaker 3: old you are, they're still your child.

875
00:51:32,760 --> 00:51:34,880
Speaker 1: I'm glad you made that distinction down that this is

876
00:51:35,080 --> 00:51:39,000
Speaker 1: because I can hear people now, well, this person's a narcissist,

877
00:51:39,080 --> 00:51:41,719
Speaker 1: they're abusive. We're not talking about those situations. Those are

878
00:51:41,920 --> 00:51:46,520
Speaker 1: definitely extreme situations where an outside support person should ideally

879
00:51:46,560 --> 00:51:48,520
Speaker 1: be involved. And we're not saying to put up with

880
00:51:48,560 --> 00:51:51,880
Speaker 1: any abuse. This is for a different scenario. So I'm

881
00:51:51,920 --> 00:51:54,160
Speaker 1: glad that you brought that up. Another thing to keep

882
00:51:54,160 --> 00:51:56,279
Speaker 1: in mind is that a lot of us were not

883
00:51:56,320 --> 00:52:01,880
Speaker 1: taught the skills to handle right difficult conversations receive feedback.

884
00:52:01,920 --> 00:52:07,760
Speaker 1: So another thing you can do is seek out tools, books, podcasts, articles,

885
00:52:07,760 --> 00:52:11,000
Speaker 1: seek out resources so that you can develop yourself and

886
00:52:11,040 --> 00:52:13,120
Speaker 1: your skill set so that you can hold space for

887
00:52:13,120 --> 00:52:15,839
Speaker 1: those things because a lot of us, especially I think

888
00:52:15,840 --> 00:52:20,000
Speaker 1: about the older generation, like my parents and grandparents, like

889
00:52:20,000 --> 00:52:22,280
Speaker 1: that age group, and we weren't taught. We were supposed

890
00:52:22,280 --> 00:52:26,239
Speaker 1: to be seen, not heard, and you're not allowed to

891
00:52:26,239 --> 00:52:28,000
Speaker 1: have had no feedback. So I think for many of us,

892
00:52:28,000 --> 00:52:30,040
Speaker 1: we're in a new era now, and so we may

893
00:52:30,080 --> 00:52:32,560
Speaker 1: have to up level our tooling and our resources so

894
00:52:32,600 --> 00:52:34,800
Speaker 1: that we can hold space for some of these difficult

895
00:52:34,800 --> 00:52:38,160
Speaker 1: conversations that or other generations did not have the privilege

896
00:52:38,239 --> 00:52:39,680
Speaker 1: or luxury to discuss.

897
00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:45,520
Speaker 3: I love that that is a great reminder now, lady,

898
00:52:45,560 --> 00:52:50,439
Speaker 3: as you're listening today, we talked about what to do

899
00:52:50,600 --> 00:52:55,879
Speaker 3: how to navigate being on the receiving end of feedback

900
00:52:56,160 --> 00:53:01,160
Speaker 3: as the parent, the elder, the caregiver. Stay tuned for

901
00:53:01,400 --> 00:53:06,439
Speaker 3: a part two where we talk about how you can

902
00:53:06,560 --> 00:53:15,920
Speaker 3: deliver that feedback in a way that is healthy and

903
00:53:17,120 --> 00:53:21,839
Speaker 3: helps the relationship not harms it. It's doctor dom here

904
00:53:21,880 --> 00:53:25,960
Speaker 3: from the Cultivating her Space podcast. Are you currently a

905
00:53:26,040 --> 00:53:30,160
Speaker 3: resident of the state of California and contemplating starting your

906
00:53:30,200 --> 00:53:34,319
Speaker 3: therapy journey? Well, if so, please reach out to me

907
00:53:34,600 --> 00:53:39,880
Speaker 3: at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com. That's d R D

908
00:53:40,080 --> 00:53:45,080
Speaker 3: O M I N I q U E B R

909
00:53:45,239 --> 00:53:50,000
Speaker 3: O U S s ar D dot com to schedule

910
00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:54,200
Speaker 3: a free fifteen minute consultation. I look forward to hearing

911
00:53:54,200 --> 00:53:59,840
Speaker 3: from you. Thanks for tuning into Cultivating her Space. Remember

912
00:54:00,160 --> 00:54:04,600
Speaker 3: that while this podcast is all about healing, empowerment, and resilience,

913
00:54:05,160 --> 00:54:09,160
Speaker 3: it's not a substitute for therapy. If you or someone

914
00:54:09,280 --> 00:54:13,120
Speaker 3: you know need support, check out resources like Therapy for

915
00:54:13,200 --> 00:54:17,799
Speaker 3: Black Girls or Psychology Today. If you love today's episode,

916
00:54:18,080 --> 00:54:20,080
Speaker 3: do us a favor and share it with a friend

917
00:54:20,120 --> 00:54:24,120
Speaker 3: who needs some inspiration, or leave us a quick five

918
00:54:24,160 --> 00:54:27,719
Speaker 3: star review. Your support means the world to us and

919
00:54:27,840 --> 00:54:29,640
Speaker 3: helps keep this space thriving.

920
00:54:30,160 --> 00:54:32,840
Speaker 2: And before we meet again, repeat after me.

921
00:54:34,120 --> 00:54:38,799
Speaker 1: I honor my journey by balancing effort and rest to

922
00:54:38,920 --> 00:54:43,879
Speaker 1: achieve my goals. Keep thriving, Lady, and tune in next

923
00:54:43,920 --> 00:54:48,839
Speaker 1: Friday for more inspiration from cultivating her Space. In the meantime,

924
00:54:49,160 --> 00:54:52,080
Speaker 1: be sure to connect with us on Instagram at her

925
00:54:52,160 --> 00:54:53,120
Speaker 1: Space Podcast