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Speaker 1: Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda Land Audio

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Speaker 1: in partnership with I Heart Radio. Hi everyone, and welcome

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Speaker 1: back to Katie's Crib. This week, I'm rereleasing one of

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Speaker 1: my early interviews back from and for those who don't know,

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Speaker 1: Parents Day was July and I thought this conversation with

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Speaker 1: actress Gabrielle Union would be perfect for the occasion. She

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Speaker 1: and I talked quite a bit about the importance of

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Speaker 1: self care for us parents and soon to be parents.

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Speaker 1: We also talk about her own family and her surrogacy journey.

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Speaker 1: We'll have a brand new episode up for you next week.

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Speaker 1: Enjoy the conversation. Bye, Hi guys, and welcome back to

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Speaker 1: Katie's Crib. Today, I am talking to one of the

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Speaker 1: moms that I've known for a long time, and she

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Speaker 1: inspires me so, so, so so much. I can't wait

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Speaker 1: to share all of her stories and brilliance and genius

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Speaker 1: with you. We've got Gabrielle Union on the podcast today. Um.

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Speaker 1: If you guys follow Gabrielle, and if you don't, you should.

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Speaker 1: She has been very open about her surrogacy and we

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Speaker 1: were really lucky in this episode that she goes even

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Speaker 1: deeper into her fertility struggles, into her experience of surrogacy

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Speaker 1: and the impact that Kavia has made on her life.

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Speaker 1: And I think it's going to speak to so many

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Speaker 1: of you, guys. Um. There's a few things to note

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Speaker 1: about this week's episode, and that's that we actually recorded

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Speaker 1: it like two days before the shutdown, so keep that

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Speaker 1: in mind. Also, she talks about her book, Welcome to

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Speaker 1: the Party, which is now out and if you don't

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Speaker 1: have it, go get it. It's wonderful. She also brings

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Speaker 1: up in the interview that surrogacy is not legal in

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Speaker 1: all states, and since the recording of this episode, the

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Speaker 1: State of New York has made gestational surrogacy legal. Finally, Okay, guys,

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Speaker 1: let's get to the interview. She is an actor, she

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Speaker 1: is a producer, She is an act this she is

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Speaker 1: a New York Times best selling author. She is my

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Speaker 1: woman crush every day and day. Please welcome the one,

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Speaker 1: the only Gabrielle Union. And I feel like there needs

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Speaker 1: to be sound that's like, that's just me, yes, but

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Speaker 1: that's when it sounds like should follow. You are such

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Speaker 1: an inspiration to me as a mom. I feel like

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Speaker 1: to so many women out there, Um, you recently celebrated

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Speaker 1: your daughter, Covey james first birthday. I saw on Instagram

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Speaker 1: it was Whiz themed. That was incredible. Congratulations on making

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Speaker 1: it to one, by the way, Like, come on, don't

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Speaker 1: you feel like you need to like pat yourself on

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Speaker 1: the back and just be like, oh my god, I

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Speaker 1: just I'm happy that I survived bad time. Yes, that's it.

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Speaker 1: I had no idea what battles I would be facing

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Speaker 1: every day that no one would ever like count as

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Speaker 1: battles except other mothers. Yeah. So have you always wanted

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Speaker 1: to be a mom? Like no, no, no, if you

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Speaker 1: were one of those little girls that like wished for that, no, no,

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Speaker 1: not at all. I didn't really have dolls like that,

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Speaker 1: Like I made my mom get me a cabbage patch

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Speaker 1: at all, but only because like to be like a

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Speaker 1: part of the frenzy. I wanted my mom to be

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Speaker 1: trampled um, you know, at the local department store a

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Speaker 1: cabbage patch all. What changed? You know what? I think

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Speaker 1: becoming a stepmother and really finding being a caregiver incredibly rewarding. Again,

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Speaker 1: these like these little battles that unless you're doing it,

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Speaker 1: they don't feel like much. But just feeling such such

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Speaker 1: such a sense of accomplishment, you know, after you know,

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Speaker 1: studying with kids or or practicing with them, and you

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Speaker 1: watch them thrive and you watch them be happy, and

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Speaker 1: you you you survived the first breakup or you survived

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Speaker 1: the first heartache or or whatever. You came into being

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Speaker 1: their stepmom when they were already I mean, they weren't

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Speaker 1: babies anymore right now, they were. I feel like, to me,

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Speaker 1: that scares a ship out of me. I mean for

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Speaker 1: you to come in dealing with kids who are already

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Speaker 1: sort of who they are, and they're dealing with like

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Speaker 1: big emotional things like oh my god. So you come

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Speaker 1: to this decision You're like, I've really enjoyed being a stepmom. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And it's like, well, maybe maybe were the other women

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Speaker 1: in your life becoming moms, Like were they like was

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Speaker 1: it was it something that you were like, everyone's doing

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Speaker 1: that and I'm sort of interested or were close friends

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Speaker 1: of yours doing it? And I was like, looks tough.

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Speaker 1: It looks exactly like it is. It looks tough. Um. Yeah, Like,

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Speaker 1: and you know, when you're around enough, you're not just

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Speaker 1: seeing the social media moments that that parents tend to

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Speaker 1: post to watching the full on meltdowns. You're watching illness,

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Speaker 1: you're watching like how it tests marriages and relationships, you're saying,

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Speaker 1: you're saying what it really is, um. But for us

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Speaker 1: in our household, it just felt like maybe we could

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Speaker 1: do this. And so it started off with maybe we

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Speaker 1: could do this, to let's go for it, and then

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Speaker 1: each time it felt like we were getting closer, but

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Speaker 1: the the carrot kept moving, you know, with our fertility journey.

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Speaker 1: But we're like, no, we're doing this, no one, you know. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so it starts to become this thing that it's like, wait,

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Speaker 1: we're working really hard for a goal and now it's

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Speaker 1: becoming a parent that we really want this. I kind

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Speaker 1: of had a similar situation because I had a miscarrot.

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Speaker 1: Like the first time I got pregnant, I was like,

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Speaker 1: I think I want to do this, I think, but

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Speaker 1: I'm also absolutely terrified. And then it was until I

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Speaker 1: got pregnant and lost that pregnancy where I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh no, like I really wanted this, like this is

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Speaker 1: oh God, Now I feel like I really really, really

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Speaker 1: really want this, and I didn't know it was also

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Speaker 1: you want to conquer your body totally, Like if you're

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Speaker 1: used to you work hard. Then X happened and it's like, okay,

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Speaker 1: so I've worked hard and when is your birthday? October?

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Speaker 1: I'm a scorpio. Are my favorite women on the planet

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Speaker 1: by the way, full on scorpio. So I was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lose, right, So you're it's all kind

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Speaker 1: of mixed in right at this desire to expand the family,

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Speaker 1: but also I'm not losing. I'm working too hard. I'm

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Speaker 1: not going to lose it this and my body was

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Speaker 1: like was it like paint? Like? So you got diagnosed

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Speaker 1: with I'm going to pronounce this incorrectly, but You've told

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Speaker 1: me there's multiple ways your pronounces. I've heard it pronounced

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Speaker 1: de meosis and I say adamo miosis, adam myosis. Yes,

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Speaker 1: are are IVF? Doctor you know pronounces it slightly different um,

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Speaker 1: but I pronounce it ad noo miosis. But it's endometriosis

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Speaker 1: of the muscle. How did you know you had that? Was?

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Speaker 1: I went undiagnosed for through multiple rounds of IVF with

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Speaker 1: different leading doctors in the field around the country. I

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Speaker 1: went to dark Are you kidding? You? Went through multiple

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Speaker 1: rounds of IVF and no one was like, this is

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Speaker 1: the issue, not until the last doctor, Dr Kelly back

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Speaker 1: in California, UM that you know. First first ultrasound, she

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Speaker 1: was like, oh, so you have ad noo miosis And

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, what's that? And she was like

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Speaker 1: you excuse me, yeah, she was like ready pronounced um.

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Speaker 1: I doubt this just arrived. I don't know why no

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Speaker 1: one would have noticed this. This is really you know

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Speaker 1: now you have because I guess you can have varying

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Speaker 1: degrees of how bad your case is it, which is

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Speaker 1: similar in endometriosis as well. But also I'm reading these

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Speaker 1: statistics that like one in ten women have a dnomosis

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Speaker 1: and that's and they probably don't know it. They don't

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Speaker 1: know it. And the first and only person i'd heard

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Speaker 1: address it publicly was Lena Dunham. So a second I

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Speaker 1: heard you know that word. I didn't know her. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I know who she is, but I just d m

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Speaker 1: her and I was like, hey, I just got this diagnosis.

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Speaker 1: You've been pretty open about your journey, like what is like?

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Speaker 1: What is this like? Can you help connect me to

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Speaker 1: know other women who never felt pain or anything? No,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't I mean to me, it didn't feel anything normal.

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Speaker 1: I've had it. Yeah, yeah, forever long I've had it,

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Speaker 1: and it was a different experience than Lena's. So then

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Speaker 1: it was like, well, it's not one thing. It's not

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Speaker 1: one way of of of manifesting in one's body, and

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Speaker 1: every woman is not going to experience the same thing.

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Speaker 1: I would have never probably known had I not been

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Speaker 1: on this fertility journey. So going back, so when my

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Speaker 1: doctor started at when doctor Beck started asking me more

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Speaker 1: questions going back to my periods, um and what my

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Speaker 1: my experience was like with my periods as a you know,

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Speaker 1: as a younger woman. And I explained that I ended

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Speaker 1: up getting on the pill not for birth control reasons,

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Speaker 1: but because my periods were lasting like a third of

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Speaker 1: the month and I was bleeding like I had been

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Speaker 1: shot in the vagina. I have goose bumps when I

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Speaker 1: hear stuff like this because I feel like we do

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Speaker 1: a terrible job like just teaching women. I don't know

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Speaker 1: whose fault that is, but I'm going to point finger.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I just I we do a really bad

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Speaker 1: job of knowing our bodies and knowing when we need

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Speaker 1: to ask for help, like because the period. We don't

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Speaker 1: talk about our periods and everything, so like private and

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Speaker 1: embarrassing and shame is circling all of these things. And

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Speaker 1: I remember like when I was trying to I didn't

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Speaker 1: get a period for six months after I had a

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Speaker 1: miscarriage because I had a d n C. And it

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Speaker 1: took me a long time to get regular. So I

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Speaker 1: ended up going to a fertility acupuncturist who was like

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Speaker 1: teaching me for the first time, like what my body

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Speaker 1: does every month of when you would be fertile. Like

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Speaker 1: she's like, well, is your discharge? Yeah, guys, I said

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Speaker 1: it discharge like this or like that, and what's the

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Speaker 1: fluid and where's your service? And I was like, I've

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Speaker 1: never had this conversation with anybody ever, and I don't

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Speaker 1: know like if we're supposed to be having that with

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Speaker 1: our daughters or mothers, or like how long is your

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Speaker 1: period because if it's one third of the month, like

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Speaker 1: that's too long, or if like you have to cancel

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Speaker 1: your life because you're in that much pain every time

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Speaker 1: you get it, like we need to see somebody. Well,

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Speaker 1: when we use words like the curse, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: you know, or or the woman's burden or whatever, it

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Speaker 1: kind of it kind of conditions you to think periods

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Speaker 1: equal bad, right, And and to say that, you know,

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Speaker 1: having a period that's extremely long or extremely heavy isn't normal.

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Speaker 1: We can't confuse the words you know, not normal with

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Speaker 1: not common. Right, that's very true, that's very true. Right.

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Speaker 1: So it's actually quite common to have your regular period,

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Speaker 1: of course, but using you know, a lot of doctors

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Speaker 1: will say I'm going to put you on birth control

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Speaker 1: to regulate your period. But what they're not saying is

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Speaker 1: being on birth control is the absence of a period.

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Speaker 1: You're not actually having a period. What you're experiencing m

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Speaker 1: is breakthrough breakthrough bleeding due to taking the bliss Cebo

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Speaker 1: in the last week. But if no one spells that

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Speaker 1: out for you, so you think you're controlling or you're

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Speaker 1: regulating your period and you're treating or whatever it is

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Speaker 1: what is causing these long periods or painful periods or

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Speaker 1: heavy periods, when you're not. It's just masking whatever the

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Speaker 1: issue is for however long you're on birth control, right,

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Speaker 1: and you might not know there is something and whether

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Speaker 1: or not you have an uncommon cycle. That can be

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Speaker 1: totally your body doing its thing, or it might be

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Speaker 1: something in your case that was something that needed to

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Speaker 1: be more looked at, And especially when I read these

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Speaker 1: statistics that like it's one intent, like that's that's normal, guys,

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Speaker 1: turns out like one intent, like that's not one in

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Speaker 1: five hundred. That's like a lot of people are dealing

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Speaker 1: with things and either masking them with birth control or

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Speaker 1: not seeking help or feeling embarrassed not to talk about

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Speaker 1: it or something like that. So Dr Beck, Yeah, Dr

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Speaker 1: Kelly Back. Dr Kelly Back, She's amazing, amazing. She tells

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Speaker 1: you she has this, And does she say to you,

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Speaker 1: You're not gonna be able to get pregnant, Like what

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Speaker 1: does she say? No, she just is honest for the

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Speaker 1: first time that like, my road will be extremely challenging,

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Speaker 1: and the only way that I would be able to

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Speaker 1: physically carry my baby myself is if I use this

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Speaker 1: drug called lupron. And I remember Lena Donna mentioned lupron.

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Speaker 1: But what lupron does is it creates kind of like

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Speaker 1: brittle bones. So like I don't know if you guys

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Speaker 1: remember Lena was walking her dog and I think stepped

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Speaker 1: off the curb and broke like Baker broker like ankle

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Speaker 1: or something. And I live an active lifestyle. The roles

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Speaker 1: I'm playing are very as and it only gives you, like,

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Speaker 1: I think, it's like a thirty percent chance. So do

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Speaker 1: I run the risk of causing greater harm to my

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Speaker 1: body for a thirty percent chance? And she was one

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Speaker 1: of the first people to really like be honest about surregacy,

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Speaker 1: you know, and also anomyosis, you know, affects your ovarian reserve,

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Speaker 1: so doing you know, if you're if you're going to

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Speaker 1: a fertility clinic where they're charging you per round a

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Speaker 1: you know, if you're going in and no one's diagnosing

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Speaker 1: you correctly, and what is that per round? It's gun

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Speaker 1: or something. It's expensive. Well, it varies from you know,

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Speaker 1: place to place, but a lot of places will offer

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Speaker 1: older women or women who have you know, these conditions

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Speaker 1: that have been diagnosed rounds to basically bundle almost like bundling,

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Speaker 1: you know, cycles. So you you might do um three

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Speaker 1: round for this price. Yeah, for this price, because you're

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Speaker 1: not going to get a ton of eggs. And even

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Speaker 1: if you do get a ton of eggs, which of

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Speaker 1: those eggs would be viable? You know, it's just not

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Speaker 1: that many. So but no one's super clear or honest

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Speaker 1: because that affects your your business right, um um. And

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Speaker 1: she was the first person that was just honest, so

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Speaker 1: kind of you know. Immediately when she says surrogacy, I

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Speaker 1: took that as failure. You are a failure. And so

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Speaker 1: I was like, I think I could do some lupron.

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Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure I can film being Mary Jane and

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Speaker 1: and might be able to break some bones. And Mary

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Speaker 1: Jane could break okay, you know. And my husband was like, Babe,

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Speaker 1: I want you. I want you as much as we

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Speaker 1: want this baby. I want you, Like, but let's let's

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Speaker 1: pump the brakes and think about this um and make

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Speaker 1: a family decision. Um. And it was just like you know,

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Speaker 1: and so we really do take that on as women though,

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Speaker 1: like we really feel that failure thing like pretty hard.

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Speaker 1: But also, yeah, no, you're not a woman. Your body

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Speaker 1: has failed you and you're not You're not woman enough.

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Speaker 1: You think, what did I do wrong? How can I

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Speaker 1: fix this? My body has failed me and I'm basically

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Speaker 1: in nothing, and if there's a chance I'll take it,

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Speaker 1: I'll quit work, you know, like the thing that I

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Speaker 1: love to do, Like you will sacrifice all of those

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Speaker 1: things in order to prove yourself, you know. Just so

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Speaker 1: yea Dwayne, yea and yea you for coming around to

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Speaker 1: the idea and then going down this surrogacy path, which

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Speaker 1: this is amazing, Like we haven't spoken to anybody, I

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Speaker 1: don't think yet on Katie's cript that's had to surget

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Speaker 1: even though I've had a few friends go down the

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Speaker 1: journey and it's unbelievable once you wrapped your head around,

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Speaker 1: now this is part of my fertility journey and this

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Speaker 1: is part of our story to get CoV Like how

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Speaker 1: did you find a part? Like what did you do well?

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Speaker 1: You know, as a scorpio am super tie a. I'd

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Speaker 1: like to control as much of any given situation as

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Speaker 1: I can control. So imagine me having to figure out

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Speaker 1: a who to trust and then trusting someone for ten months.

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Speaker 1: For ten months, that's not living in your house that

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Speaker 1: you don't control. You don't know what they're doing, you know, Um,

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Speaker 1: you don't know if they are eating a cheetah or

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Speaker 1: a or a cucumber or like if that would have

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Speaker 1: been your call anyway, Like who knows? Or they're doing

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Speaker 1: their prenatal yoga classes. I mean, whatever the thing is

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Speaker 1: that you're harping on you, I'm a control freak. Also

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Speaker 1: that would keep me up at night. So, I mean,

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Speaker 1: luckily we found a surrogate who had been a surrogate before,

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Speaker 1: who also had her own children and and a very

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Speaker 1: supportive husband and a and a really flexible job. And

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Speaker 1: the thing that let me know that this was the

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Speaker 1: right was a right woman. We were reading the same books,

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Speaker 1: so you can rest your head on the pillow knowing

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Speaker 1: that your caste is similar and your maybe your values

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Speaker 1: or a line if you're reading the same books. Wow, um,

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Speaker 1: how the journey? How was this sure? Other people? For

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Speaker 1: every reason, because I was like, look, she's obviously done

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Speaker 1: this before, she's she's had healthy babies. I'm not going

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Speaker 1: to micromanage somebody who's honey lesson. I got this. But

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Speaker 1: the thing that gave me peace, and what gives every

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Speaker 1: family piece is obviously different. For my husband, what gave

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Speaker 1: him peace was her husband being so supportive of her

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Speaker 1: and them wanting us to know their whole family right.

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Speaker 1: And for me, it was that we had similar taste

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Speaker 1: in books, and I was like, that means a lot,

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Speaker 1: It's just it's just one of those weird things. And

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Speaker 1: for me, that was the thing that allowed me to sleep.

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Speaker 1: And you know, I also feel like it would be

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Speaker 1: so like I I'm feeling such a relief by knowing

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Speaker 1: she had done it before, you know what I mean

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Speaker 1: like that like she was sort of like I got this,

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Speaker 1: I know how it works. Like we're good. How was

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Speaker 1: the forty weeks? Was? Can you have been? Surrogacy are closer?

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Speaker 1: Like is it something where like you're texting all the

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Speaker 1: time and checking in or maybe some people want to

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Speaker 1: keep it more you know, more like not that personal.

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Speaker 1: Every every surrogacy journey is different. I've come to learn

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Speaker 1: like most people don't say like and our baby like

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Speaker 1: and like kind of really be more transparent about the

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Speaker 1: whole process, because again, there's so much shame involved with

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Speaker 1: not carrying you know, your child and the birth journey.

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Speaker 1: There's just a lot of shame you know for you know,

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Speaker 1: it's and it's sad, and it's super unfortunate and it's unnecessary,

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Speaker 1: which is why we wanted to show people a different

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Speaker 1: way and that your baby is still going to be

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Speaker 1: celebrated in your birth journey is still going to be celebrating,

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Speaker 1: your family is still going to be celebrated. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: we had a group chat. So it's me and my husband,

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Speaker 1: her her husband, and we went we all all four

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Speaker 1: of us went to all of the doctor's appointments um together.

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Speaker 1: You know, we might exchange a group text about like

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Speaker 1: what we're binge watching because she was on bed rest

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Speaker 1: for a bit in the first trimester and the pregnancy

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Speaker 1: was a bit in jeopardy due to you know, something

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Speaker 1: happening with her cervix, and so we were all kind

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Speaker 1: of binging, you know, same shows. We could have something

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Speaker 1: to talk about. Like she's stuck, you know, like she's

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Speaker 1: stuck at home, and it's like, you know, the least

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Speaker 1: we can do is have a common interest. Yeah, but

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Speaker 1: we were we would just stayed connected through the whole time,

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Speaker 1: and they weren't physically that like far and and again,

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Speaker 1: Like if you're listening in a state where surrogacy is

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Speaker 1: is outlawed um, like like in New York or in Arizona,

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Speaker 1: and that that kind of thing. Everyone's surrogacy journey is different.

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Speaker 1: There is no one right way or wrong way. I

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Speaker 1: think for some families who don't have as much contact,

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Speaker 1: it's just a heart. It's just a hard sometimes odd

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Speaker 1: thing to kind of wrap your brain around. Yeah, so

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Speaker 1: everyone kind of copes in different sitting here thinking like

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Speaker 1: how important it is the work you do, and that

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Speaker 1: how open you are with this stuff, and how wonderful

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Speaker 1: it was that Lena was so open about her endometrios

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Speaker 1: is because you can see the direct line of help,

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Speaker 1: you know, like you reached out to her and now

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Speaker 1: like people will look to you for surrogate, you know,

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Speaker 1: for surgacy support, Like that's you know, if you've been

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Speaker 1: in the mix of a surrogacy challenge. I don't know,

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Speaker 1: it's I don't know how exactly it all happens or

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Speaker 1: who kind of puts the word out there is like

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Speaker 1: a fertility I feel like I can say this underground

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Speaker 1: railroad if you will, of women who are completely connected

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Speaker 1: to doctors, acupuncturist, therapists, other women. But it's like shrouded

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Speaker 1: in secrecy because again, everyone moves through this fertility journey differently,

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Speaker 1: and for so many there is so much shame about

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Speaker 1: your body betraying you, and you just don't want people

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Speaker 1: to know. But there's this amazing network of women working

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Speaker 1: low key um to help you through the process. And

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Speaker 1: once I went through the process and was vocal about it,

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Speaker 1: I get at least a few times a week, people

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Speaker 1: wanting I know someone who's and you make the connections.

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Speaker 1: That's just how I like the idea of paying it

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Speaker 1: forward because it's hard and certain parts of it just

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Speaker 1: freaking suck. Whereas there ever a time that you were

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Speaker 1: like your biggest fears about not being able to control

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Speaker 1: the pregnancy and the way you would have Was there

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Speaker 1: anything that came up that would like you were so

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Speaker 1: freaked out? Was she when she was on bed rest?

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Speaker 1: Or was there anything? I think by that time, I

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Speaker 1: had suffered so much loss, you're almost expecting it. You

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Speaker 1: start to just, well, this is going to work for

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Speaker 1: the worst case scenario, like, well, this is one more

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Speaker 1: thing that didn't work, you know, like the first miss,

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Speaker 1: my first miscarriage was by far the most traumatizing and

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Speaker 1: just destructive to my soul. It broke me in a

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Speaker 1: different kind of way. So the ones that followed after,

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Speaker 1: like they're like, how many do you have? Like, I

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Speaker 1: don't know. I kind of lost track because it's you're

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Speaker 1: just conditioned to like, I'm going to keep trying, because

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Speaker 1: that's what that's what winners do. But it didn't hit

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Speaker 1: like that first one, and and having to call back

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Speaker 1: all those people and say it's not happening, and and

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Speaker 1: for me, like I have a real fear of public humiliation,

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Speaker 1: I mean in any part of my life, and the

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Speaker 1: humiliation I felt when miscarriage is so common, but the

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Speaker 1: humiliation I felt having to call those people who were

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Speaker 1: like literally in tears that we've gotten this far, and

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Speaker 1: and to have to call them back and be like,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's not it's not happening. That was like

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Speaker 1: like excruciating, excruciating. I remember when we were first pregnant,

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Speaker 1: and I was like taking videos of when I told

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Speaker 1: people I was pregnant, like my grandparents and my parents

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Speaker 1: and almost of and I still have those videos somewhere,

404
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:02,840
Speaker 1: and I just told that him. I was like delete,

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Speaker 1: like I can, because and then the next time you

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Speaker 1: get pregnant, you're like horrified and you're like, I'm not

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Speaker 1: telling anyone until they're in college, because I'm yeah, like

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Speaker 1: you that first month of surrogacy, you were just like, well,

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Speaker 1: I've already I mean, this has been fucking impossible. It

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Speaker 1: wasn't until the fifth month where we were like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: at month five, I should probably tell my job. Right

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Speaker 1: month five, I suppose we can tell people. We didn't that.

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Speaker 1: So I told my job and thank god, I mean

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Speaker 1: I have part of being the boss is you know,

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Speaker 1: like and Jessica being so clear when she took the job,

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Speaker 1: like I am breast fading. This is what it is, like,

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Speaker 1: I'm a mom My kids are going to be around

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Speaker 1: like they were like perfect and we're not nothing. No

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Speaker 1: part of us being active mothers or you know, other

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Speaker 1: people in our production being active parents slows us down.

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Speaker 1: You know what I mean, we are probably the most

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Speaker 1: efficient production because we value parenthood. I was like, okay, no, okay, cool.

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Speaker 1: You know, so at what point can should we tell

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Speaker 1: the network spectrum or whoever? And I was like I

425
00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:10,360
Speaker 1: guess no, I don't know because I've never gotten this far.

426
00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:13,239
Speaker 1: And then as it started getting like closer to the

427
00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:17,560
Speaker 1: do date, I started freaking out, like, oh, this is

428
00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:22,920
Speaker 1: actually happening. Like I've been so prepared for loss. I

429
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:26,200
Speaker 1: was not ready for like Cobb to be a thing.

430
00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:28,879
Speaker 1: And I was like, when she was born, it was like,

431
00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:30,639
Speaker 1: tell me about that, did you Were you all in

432
00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:33,639
Speaker 1: the hospital together? Yeah? Yeah, So it was It's like

433
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:35,840
Speaker 1: a weird out of body experience. But for me, it

434
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:38,880
Speaker 1: kind of lasted for months and months and months, like

435
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:42,040
Speaker 1: because it's a it's happening outside of your body, so

436
00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:46,000
Speaker 1: you don't have that physical change happening. That kind of

437
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:49,040
Speaker 1: helps to sort of, I guess, prepare you that something's

438
00:23:49,119 --> 00:23:51,720
Speaker 1: going to leave your body and stuff. You're kind of

439
00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:54,760
Speaker 1: just sort of like watching it and then there she

440
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:58,800
Speaker 1: is and it's like, oh my god, you're overjoyed and

441
00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:04,200
Speaker 1: this is like wow. But like imposter syndrome hits quick,

442
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:07,520
Speaker 1: like hits I mean for me, it hits like, how

443
00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:10,520
Speaker 1: do I even announce this? Are they going to say,

444
00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:13,000
Speaker 1: I'm super Hollywood and I didn't want to mess up

445
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:15,119
Speaker 1: my body? Are they going to say, like you waited

446
00:24:15,119 --> 00:24:17,119
Speaker 1: too longer? They did you have people? Again? Like when

447
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:19,679
Speaker 1: you started to announce? So did you not announce to

448
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:23,440
Speaker 1: the world that you were using a surrogate during the surrogacy?

449
00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:26,080
Speaker 1: I can't remember. So it wasn't until she was there. No,

450
00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:28,120
Speaker 1: I mean and and because like we're you know, we're

451
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:32,560
Speaker 1: cool with with with Kim Kardashian and watching her surrogate

452
00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:35,440
Speaker 1: be hunted um which you know puts the baby, and

453
00:24:36,359 --> 00:24:38,200
Speaker 1: we yea not again, that was we only needed the

454
00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:40,960
Speaker 1: one time to see that happening. We're like, yeah, no, um.

455
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:43,159
Speaker 1: But we were very clear we as a family, that

456
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:46,280
Speaker 1: we were going to be very transparent once she arrived safely,

457
00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:50,239
Speaker 1: that she came via surrogate, and what our journey looked like.

458
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:52,720
Speaker 1: And thankfully Oprah was like I would like to be

459
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:55,440
Speaker 1: a part of telling this story, you know, like we

460
00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:57,160
Speaker 1: want to try to help as many people as possible,

461
00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:58,760
Speaker 1: and so we you know, we were able to to

462
00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:02,000
Speaker 1: do the two parters who sohul Sunday with with Oprah,

463
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:04,840
Speaker 1: But even that it was like I'm holding CoV and

464
00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:07,879
Speaker 1: I'm like, they're gonna come take her, like they're going

465
00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:10,680
Speaker 1: to figure out that even then like a fraud like

466
00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:13,960
Speaker 1: that I didn't do it, like I didn't, I didn't

467
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:16,919
Speaker 1: birth her, like I don't know what I'm doing, Like

468
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:20,680
Speaker 1: I'm not ready, like I don't I'm not prepared, even

469
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:23,840
Speaker 1: though I'm nutty about preparation. Had you already done the baby?

470
00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:26,280
Speaker 1: Like was her room ready? You? That was like that,

471
00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:29,359
Speaker 1: like did you have a shower? Did you? Like was

472
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:30,920
Speaker 1: all that stuff? You were like, I don't want any

473
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:34,680
Speaker 1: of that stuff because I'm superstitious. Like people you were

474
00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:37,879
Speaker 1: nervous about having a shower because then it could be

475
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:40,879
Speaker 1: out there and you can't trust every person to just

476
00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:43,560
Speaker 1: keeping what they think is sharing good news is like

477
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:47,200
Speaker 1: putting our circuit in danger. So we had a shower,

478
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:50,520
Speaker 1: if you will. After she was born. It was welcome

479
00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:54,439
Speaker 1: to the party, CoV um, you know, a celebration of life,

480
00:25:54,480 --> 00:26:07,640
Speaker 1: like you know, introducing her to everybody beautiful aside from

481
00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:10,280
Speaker 1: like personally, once people knew you were going about the

482
00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:13,920
Speaker 1: surregacy route and of course there's all those stupid horrible

483
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:16,560
Speaker 1: Hollywood like she just didn't want to blah blah blah.

484
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:20,040
Speaker 1: What about in your personal life? Were there anybody that

485
00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:23,080
Speaker 1: was like friends of yours or work people who were

486
00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:26,680
Speaker 1: like judgmental or no. I mean, I mean I think

487
00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:30,359
Speaker 1: partly because people had been on this long year's long

488
00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:34,480
Speaker 1: journey and had, like most of them had probably suggested

489
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:38,080
Speaker 1: probably around year two, like you know there's other ways,

490
00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:40,919
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, They had been through the

491
00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:44,200
Speaker 1: phone calls of miscarriages, so everyone was just so happy.

492
00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:48,320
Speaker 1: Even before I was diagnosed correctly, they were like, you know,

493
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:51,440
Speaker 1: there's another way, like you don't have to keep doing this,

494
00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:54,560
Speaker 1: And I was like sabotage, you know what I I mean,

495
00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:58,679
Speaker 1: to win, you know, like totally yeah, But no, they

496
00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:03,520
Speaker 1: were so so so understanding. My my father was and

497
00:27:04,119 --> 00:27:08,879
Speaker 1: to this day still confused how she looks like us

498
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:14,960
Speaker 1: and not like the surrogate. Yeah, she looks like you guys,

499
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:20,760
Speaker 1: your but he just doesn't understand that that our surrogate.

500
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:25,680
Speaker 1: And with different surrogacy stories, it might be a donor

501
00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:28,280
Speaker 1: sperm or a donor egg or you know, like it

502
00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:31,399
Speaker 1: could be any combination of things. Each person's is different

503
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:34,200
Speaker 1: every and everyone's is the right way for them. Um,

504
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:36,600
Speaker 1: but my dad does not get that there is no

505
00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:42,520
Speaker 1: biological connection to the curroguit. They're like, it's it's it's crazy.

506
00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:47,080
Speaker 1: She's she's so brown, Like, is it because her parents

507
00:27:47,119 --> 00:27:50,359
Speaker 1: are black? Like? Dad like, I don't, So, it's just

508
00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:54,159
Speaker 1: so it's a crazy weird of like, oh, this is

509
00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:57,680
Speaker 1: like possible. And he'll say things like deal, do you

510
00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:00,679
Speaker 1: let her see her kid? And we're like, are you

511
00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:03,560
Speaker 1: being wilfully ignorant or just to hurt me? Or like

512
00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:09,200
Speaker 1: are you legit still confused about how this works. Wow, Um,

513
00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:13,679
Speaker 1: when she was born, did you feel an immediate connection?

514
00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:17,080
Speaker 1: Because I did not to my son. I for weeks,

515
00:28:17,119 --> 00:28:19,720
Speaker 1: I was like, this is a stranger in my house

516
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:23,040
Speaker 1: who has disrupted everything. Did you feel did you take

517
00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:25,240
Speaker 1: one look at her? And no, did you take one

518
00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:28,840
Speaker 1: look at her? And it was completely complicated, was it? No?

519
00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:31,000
Speaker 1: I mean not with the her of it all. Like

520
00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:33,560
Speaker 1: I think when she immediately came out, I was like,

521
00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:37,320
Speaker 1: she looks like my husband, like like from Jump and

522
00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:40,360
Speaker 1: so I'm not to sound like a weird sap, but

523
00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:44,719
Speaker 1: like I'm so in love with my husband. Her looking

524
00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:48,080
Speaker 1: like him was just like oh dope, Like I love

525
00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:50,840
Speaker 1: his face, yeah, like I love this is great. Yeah,

526
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:53,560
Speaker 1: Like so it was like I love him, I love

527
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:57,160
Speaker 1: her Like it was more of like I didn't. I

528
00:28:57,200 --> 00:29:00,120
Speaker 1: never even had like dolls, Like I never baby sat,

529
00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:02,720
Speaker 1: like I was more inclined to most someone's lawn or

530
00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:05,760
Speaker 1: walk their dogs than and we always had animals. This

531
00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:07,280
Speaker 1: is nothing like when people like you, it's the same

532
00:29:07,280 --> 00:29:09,680
Speaker 1: as a puppet. No, no, it's actually not. I can

533
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:11,800
Speaker 1: stick my dogs in a kennel for a minute, you know,

534
00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:14,760
Speaker 1: I can't do that with a kid. So I just

535
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:19,000
Speaker 1: felt like I'm so ill equipped sure, like I'm not

536
00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:21,160
Speaker 1: knowledgeable enough, Like I don't know what the hell is

537
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:23,080
Speaker 1: there a test I'm supposed to take, Like they're just

538
00:29:23,120 --> 00:29:24,920
Speaker 1: going to drop her off and no one's coming back

539
00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:28,280
Speaker 1: to check like this is insane. Why are why is

540
00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:30,880
Speaker 1: anyone trusting his dude, we're good with babies. He had

541
00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:33,200
Speaker 1: been through I know you became a stepmom later, and

542
00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:36,200
Speaker 1: he started off as a teen mom um, so he

543
00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:39,160
Speaker 1: was a teen parent. So he's been a parent more

544
00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:42,959
Speaker 1: than half his life. So he's, oh, yeah, he's like

545
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:45,600
Speaker 1: a vet, you know, like he's the old gul. Would

546
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:47,880
Speaker 1: love to see that, Like what a role reversal of

547
00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:50,280
Speaker 1: like him teaching you, Like that's not how you do

548
00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:54,040
Speaker 1: a good swaddle. I mean like he's he's old hat,

549
00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:56,640
Speaker 1: like has done this, you know, so many times. And

550
00:29:56,680 --> 00:30:00,480
Speaker 1: because he was not super wealthy, you know, to and parents,

551
00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:02,920
Speaker 1: you know, like him and his ex wife, you know

552
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:05,560
Speaker 1: when they were teen parents. You know, he was an

553
00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:08,520
Speaker 1: athlete on scholarship, so they were on you know, they

554
00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:10,840
Speaker 1: used social services, they were on with you know, like

555
00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:14,120
Speaker 1: that there. It was a different experience, but he figured

556
00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:16,720
Speaker 1: it out and he had to be out of necessity

557
00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:21,360
Speaker 1: because they couldn't afford daycare, hands on, like school practice

558
00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:27,680
Speaker 1: home she you know his so he had to learn

559
00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:30,560
Speaker 1: as at a very young age. So yeah, he was

560
00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:34,680
Speaker 1: super and you're like, I don't I didn't take this test.

561
00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:36,560
Speaker 1: This I can I don't know what to do well.

562
00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:39,360
Speaker 1: And he took this you know, paternity leave in the

563
00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:43,120
Speaker 1: middle of an NBA season, which had not happened. I'm

564
00:30:43,160 --> 00:30:46,000
Speaker 1: you know, I love him, yeah, like during his his

565
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:50,520
Speaker 1: farewell tour, you know, he took this two weeks and

566
00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:53,960
Speaker 1: and then he was gone. And now I'm like alone

567
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:56,080
Speaker 1: because he's back in Miami. Were in l A because

568
00:30:56,080 --> 00:31:00,840
Speaker 1: I'm filming in l A. And I'm like, and luckily,

569
00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:03,440
Speaker 1: we have a ton of you know, help in our village,

570
00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:06,280
Speaker 1: all like descended like locusts, which is a whole different

571
00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:08,840
Speaker 1: thing that parents don't really talk about, like trying to

572
00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:13,480
Speaker 1: manage a newborn, and also extended families expectations about what

573
00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:16,720
Speaker 1: they need in your time of need. Like it's that's whole,

574
00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:19,680
Speaker 1: a whole different the worst Like you need to know

575
00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:22,240
Speaker 1: we have like in your you know, people have these

576
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:24,400
Speaker 1: like plans of what it's going to look like. And

577
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:26,920
Speaker 1: I'm always like, well, who are your who are who's

578
00:31:26,920 --> 00:31:29,880
Speaker 1: your village that's actually helpful and like washes dishes, and

579
00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:31,840
Speaker 1: who's the village that sits on the couch and now

580
00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:33,920
Speaker 1: you're making them meals and taking care of your kid,

581
00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:39,760
Speaker 1: because that those people you don't want around and offering

582
00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:43,600
Speaker 1: NonStop commentary about everything you're doing wrong, Like no, thank you?

583
00:31:43,680 --> 00:31:49,240
Speaker 1: How is your work life balance shift, identity crisis? Did

584
00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:53,440
Speaker 1: you have one? Did you? How do we feel? It's all?

585
00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:56,440
Speaker 1: Do you feel better now? Was it a shock at first?

586
00:31:56,600 --> 00:31:59,760
Speaker 1: Like it's the same when people ask about balance. I

587
00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:02,320
Speaker 1: was like, I'm always like the balance is no balt

588
00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:05,400
Speaker 1: is understanding. There is no balance. There's just isn't There's

589
00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:09,240
Speaker 1: just there's this It's it's physically impossible. I have too

590
00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:14,320
Speaker 1: many things going on in any given day. Something is

591
00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:16,760
Speaker 1: it always says, She's like, no, the day I'm an

592
00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:19,080
Speaker 1: amazing mom is the day I'm a failure as a writer.

593
00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:22,600
Speaker 1: And the day I'm at like Sandro's last day on

594
00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:24,480
Speaker 1: Gray's Anatomy, is the day that I'm not showing up

595
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:26,640
Speaker 1: to my daughter's piano recital and I'm fucking failing as

596
00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:29,120
Speaker 1: a mom. So like, you make choices and maybe it

597
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:30,800
Speaker 1: evens out at an end of a certain year, but

598
00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:33,520
Speaker 1: like who knows, well, yeah, no, I mean and and

599
00:32:33,600 --> 00:32:39,120
Speaker 1: the mom guilt right is real. But it's also like

600
00:32:39,560 --> 00:32:41,640
Speaker 1: because i'd heard it, you know, like I've been around

601
00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:45,040
Speaker 1: mother's and and reading and seeing in media and you know,

602
00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:50,000
Speaker 1: and entertainment. The mom guilt, Mom get mom guilt. I

603
00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:53,040
Speaker 1: felt guilty for not feeling guilty, And I was like,

604
00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:56,040
Speaker 1: well what happens when a mom doesn't feel guilty? But

605
00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:57,880
Speaker 1: other moms are talking about mom guilt? And I'm like,

606
00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:00,600
Speaker 1: I feel but yeah, you're like, I feel fucking great.

607
00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:03,400
Speaker 1: Where h one of the gym No. My friend Liz

608
00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:05,440
Speaker 1: Astro wrote this book that was like the stay at

609
00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:08,760
Speaker 1: work Mom. She's the mom that's like staying in her

610
00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:11,360
Speaker 1: car because she's delivering a script. She's a very fancy

611
00:33:11,360 --> 00:33:13,400
Speaker 1: comedy writer, and she's like, I think I'll just make

612
00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:14,920
Speaker 1: it for the last few minutes before they go to bed,

613
00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:20,600
Speaker 1: and she loves it. She's like it takes all. Also,

614
00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:25,440
Speaker 1: you might this is a long journey, and I feel

615
00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:28,400
Speaker 1: like there might be certain My husband like say, like,

616
00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:31,040
Speaker 1: there might be certain years you just prefer than others,

617
00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:33,560
Speaker 1: Like you might just not be like so into the

618
00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:36,280
Speaker 1: baby ship. You might be really into seven year old.

619
00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:38,720
Speaker 1: You might be really down for the twelve year old.

620
00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:41,000
Speaker 1: Like you just don't know, And that can change week

621
00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:42,920
Speaker 1: to week, that can change year to year. But this

622
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:46,360
Speaker 1: is like a long asshole that we are on and

623
00:33:46,640 --> 00:33:51,160
Speaker 1: it's okay to feel guilt Monday zero Tuesday, Like it

624
00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:53,440
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be your thing. It doesn't have to

625
00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:55,640
Speaker 1: be part of your identity. Is where you're always like,

626
00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:59,200
Speaker 1: oh my god, you know, I feel so guilty because

627
00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:01,360
Speaker 1: then people are like, oh, that's the kind of mom

628
00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:04,840
Speaker 1: she is, and you kind of established this identity that

629
00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:08,160
Speaker 1: you you're like, well, it doesn't always apply. Like it's

630
00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:11,240
Speaker 1: okay to like be whoever you are in any given moment.

631
00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:13,920
Speaker 1: And also really like working and I'm like sweating, like

632
00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:17,080
Speaker 1: I'm in the like I'm on the stand. You're beautiful

633
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:19,400
Speaker 1: and it's a glow. I can tell you guys, all right,

634
00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:25,000
Speaker 1: now get really sweat. She glows. Now. How was the introduction?

635
00:34:25,680 --> 00:34:29,799
Speaker 1: Like did your blended family know the insides and outs

636
00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:32,880
Speaker 1: of the surrogacy situation or where were we not filling

637
00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:34,920
Speaker 1: everyone in because they were kids and like who knows

638
00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:36,440
Speaker 1: that they'll to have of friends and friends And I

639
00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:41,000
Speaker 1: don't know how everyone everyone knew in your immediate family

640
00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:43,920
Speaker 1: and how was the introduction like this is the way

641
00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:47,319
Speaker 1: our family looks now? Has everyone been on board? Well?

642
00:34:47,360 --> 00:34:51,719
Speaker 1: I think because it's been such a long journey for

643
00:34:51,760 --> 00:34:57,279
Speaker 1: our family and the people who took that first miscarriage

644
00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:03,160
Speaker 1: the hardest after me, we're the kids, like when you

645
00:35:03,239 --> 00:35:08,960
Speaker 1: get so excited about something and then it's the idea

646
00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:12,000
Speaker 1: of something you were excited about is not happening, and

647
00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:17,479
Speaker 1: then explaining the concept of miscarriage and like they take

648
00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:20,160
Speaker 1: it as like death, you know what I mean in

649
00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:24,040
Speaker 1: wrapping your brain around that with children who have never

650
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:26,760
Speaker 1: really experienced like a grandparent dying or you know, anyone

651
00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:29,600
Speaker 1: sort of close to them in that kind of way dying,

652
00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:34,759
Speaker 1: So explaining all of that was brutal for them. So

653
00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:37,440
Speaker 1: we wanted them to be a part of this, of

654
00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:42,080
Speaker 1: this journey. We told them after the first trimester and

655
00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:46,400
Speaker 1: really started sharing more of the pictures after the fifth month,

656
00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:51,000
Speaker 1: so sonograms, so in case they slipped up and wanted

657
00:35:51,040 --> 00:35:53,319
Speaker 1: to share with somebody, at least we were kind of

658
00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:57,319
Speaker 1: past a certain of course point, but they didn't. Our

659
00:35:57,400 --> 00:36:01,960
Speaker 1: kids are freaking dope, and they're so family it seems so.

660
00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:04,640
Speaker 1: And I know there's differences between what we put out

661
00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:06,120
Speaker 1: there and not. And I do think you're one of

662
00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:10,480
Speaker 1: the most incredible follows, not only in its honesty and

663
00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:14,640
Speaker 1: your openness, but I just feel like your blended family

664
00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:18,839
Speaker 1: is very supportive of each other and looks it just

665
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:20,520
Speaker 1: is like can I get in that? Like I'm just

666
00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:23,000
Speaker 1: like this is the best, Like your parties look at

667
00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:26,040
Speaker 1: me just like of course everything is about a party doing,

668
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:29,919
Speaker 1: but it just seems like everyone's really supportive of each other,

669
00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:32,800
Speaker 1: and like what else do you guys want? Like come on, everybody,

670
00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:36,120
Speaker 1: get on in our house, Like our kids only know

671
00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:39,800
Speaker 1: like their most conscious memories are with a famous father.

672
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:43,279
Speaker 1: And then when I join in, it's like it's and

673
00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 1: they see because they have phones, they have friends who

674
00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:49,040
Speaker 1: can't wait to tell them all the negative stuff. So

675
00:36:49,080 --> 00:36:53,200
Speaker 1: they see the attacks, they see all the negative, any negative,

676
00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:55,200
Speaker 1: they're like, maybe they missed it. Nope, they didn't miss it.

677
00:36:56,239 --> 00:36:58,640
Speaker 1: They'll go down a rabbit hole about you know us,

678
00:36:58,680 --> 00:37:00,360
Speaker 1: and they'll have these like random question and it is like,

679
00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:03,399
Speaker 1: oh baby, you know everything on a blog isn't actually real,

680
00:37:04,120 --> 00:37:07,600
Speaker 1: those kind of things. So they've seen all the negative,

681
00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:10,240
Speaker 1: and then when they got to a certain age, they

682
00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:15,759
Speaker 1: started adults taking shots at them, wanting the worst for them.

683
00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:18,440
Speaker 1: So you you was like, who can you turn to

684
00:37:18,560 --> 00:37:23,760
Speaker 1: who understands what this is? But family? So we're very

685
00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:26,719
Speaker 1: like protective of each other, very supportive of each other,

686
00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:30,400
Speaker 1: because if not us, we know what's out there, you know,

687
00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:32,279
Speaker 1: and we know that we have, you know, a lot

688
00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:35,200
Speaker 1: of people that love us, but they're just very conscious

689
00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:39,240
Speaker 1: and even there their their support systems that are outside

690
00:37:39,239 --> 00:37:42,440
Speaker 1: of our family, their friend group. They haven't quite figured

691
00:37:42,440 --> 00:37:45,840
Speaker 1: out that you're not being a great friend sharing every

692
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:49,360
Speaker 1: negative thing that has ever said or written or done

693
00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:53,799
Speaker 1: about children, certainly children. Like when they share things about us,

694
00:37:53,840 --> 00:37:56,799
Speaker 1: it's like that's still not cool, still not great. But

695
00:37:56,840 --> 00:38:00,400
Speaker 1: when they share the things about them, you know, especially

696
00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:05,239
Speaker 1: you know our preteen, it's terrified, terrified. It's it's you.

697
00:38:05,239 --> 00:38:09,360
Speaker 1: Your physical safety feels scary. Look, I think social media,

698
00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:11,759
Speaker 1: like did you and Dwayne have a conversation about like

699
00:38:11,840 --> 00:38:15,680
Speaker 1: when obviously you guys are cool. Kavia has her own Instagram.

700
00:38:15,719 --> 00:38:20,120
Speaker 1: It's also an incredible follower, but like, how did you

701
00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:23,759
Speaker 1: guys decide that you guys were going to be posting her?

702
00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:26,560
Speaker 1: What about CoV in this? Like? What about a one

703
00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:29,520
Speaker 1: year old in this? Yeah? And I think because so

704
00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:33,080
Speaker 1: much of our fertility journey was kind of you know,

705
00:38:33,200 --> 00:38:36,120
Speaker 1: out there, and especially when I was on being Mary Jane,

706
00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:38,399
Speaker 1: people assume we are the same person. So when Mary

707
00:38:38,480 --> 00:38:41,279
Speaker 1: Jane was on her fertility journey and I actually also

708
00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:46,640
Speaker 1: was on my fertility journey, they're people want what is

709
00:38:46,680 --> 00:38:49,240
Speaker 1: that I want to I've been on this damn journey

710
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:53,040
Speaker 1: with you, I need to say, And so it becomes

711
00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:56,799
Speaker 1: a It can create a weird frenzy. If you withhold

712
00:38:57,200 --> 00:39:00,920
Speaker 1: there is almost worse. It's almost worse for us because

713
00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:04,520
Speaker 1: we are such an open family, whether we're like at

714
00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:08,160
Speaker 1: a kid's game or a recital, or at target or wherever.

715
00:39:09,160 --> 00:39:12,239
Speaker 1: We didn't want to create a whirlwind where there hasn't

716
00:39:12,239 --> 00:39:14,560
Speaker 1: been pictures of collage, yeah, where it's like this thing.

717
00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:17,040
Speaker 1: And we also wanted to give hope, and that's what

718
00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:20,480
Speaker 1: she we kind of recognized rather quickly. We wanted to

719
00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:23,719
Speaker 1: give people hope that there is some because I'm not

720
00:39:23,680 --> 00:39:26,760
Speaker 1: going to lie and say every fertility journey ins and baby,

721
00:39:26,800 --> 00:39:29,279
Speaker 1: but for people who said, oh, you're too old, or

722
00:39:29,280 --> 00:39:32,040
Speaker 1: it can't happen, or you know, give up, let it go,

723
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:35,200
Speaker 1: she has become a symbol of hope for a number

724
00:39:35,200 --> 00:39:36,840
Speaker 1: of people for a number of different reasons. Come to

725
00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:39,719
Speaker 1: find out, because people are like shady, baby has just

726
00:39:39,760 --> 00:39:41,520
Speaker 1: gotten me through the worst time in my life and

727
00:39:41,560 --> 00:39:44,600
Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, that's amazing, and we just I love

728
00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:47,279
Speaker 1: that she give zero fox, like like this girl is

729
00:39:47,320 --> 00:39:51,640
Speaker 1: like she's the She is such an example of hope

730
00:39:51,719 --> 00:39:56,640
Speaker 1: and where your determination and your your beautiful like need

731
00:39:56,719 --> 00:39:59,880
Speaker 1: to win and beat this thing has really like she's incredible.

732
00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:02,000
Speaker 1: Also her face is just like yeah and then what

733
00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:07,239
Speaker 1: and well, we didn't want to create an Instagram for

734
00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:11,080
Speaker 1: her about her cuteness or that leans into beauty or

735
00:40:11,160 --> 00:40:15,040
Speaker 1: lens into stuff or outfits or whatever. At times she

736
00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:17,160
Speaker 1: wears cute ones um, but we didn't want it to

737
00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:22,840
Speaker 1: be about that specifically. We wanted people to be okay

738
00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:26,279
Speaker 1: with liking a little black girl because she's got a

739
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:30,399
Speaker 1: great personality and she has been very clear with her

740
00:40:30,440 --> 00:40:34,600
Speaker 1: personality from one the beginning. I truly believe I was

741
00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:37,480
Speaker 1: in nanny for like ten years and I've met a

742
00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:40,479
Speaker 1: lot of babies as they've come out, and it's really

743
00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:43,680
Speaker 1: interesting the nature nurture thing, because they are who they are,

744
00:40:43,719 --> 00:40:46,959
Speaker 1: like these spirits and Kavia James so much so like

745
00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:49,399
Speaker 1: if you go on a deep dive on her, I mean,

746
00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:52,880
Speaker 1: her attitude of of how she walks this world is

747
00:40:52,880 --> 00:40:56,640
Speaker 1: hers and like it's it's so wonderful that you guys

748
00:40:56,680 --> 00:41:01,399
Speaker 1: celebrate and just like yeah, we're just call Larry and right.

749
00:41:01,440 --> 00:41:03,799
Speaker 1: I mean, but it becomes like another job, like trying

750
00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:07,240
Speaker 1: to figure out like funny captions, like it was supposed

751
00:41:07,239 --> 00:41:09,080
Speaker 1: to be a job that me and Duane shared. And

752
00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:11,880
Speaker 1: then his first and only time on the job, he

753
00:41:11,920 --> 00:41:17,320
Speaker 1: did a tribute to himself congratulations daddy on a great game,

754
00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:19,600
Speaker 1: and it was like a picture of him and his

755
00:41:19,640 --> 00:41:21,799
Speaker 1: stat line. I'm like, this doesn't count now, and go

756
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:23,719
Speaker 1: if you go to her instagram and go all the

757
00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:25,200
Speaker 1: way to the beginning and be like, oh, this was

758
00:41:25,239 --> 00:41:27,080
Speaker 1: the one she's talking about and that was the first

759
00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:28,600
Speaker 1: and last time, Like this is supposed to be funny,

760
00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:31,759
Speaker 1: not a weird tribute. You're hilarious. Turns out you should

761
00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:34,719
Speaker 1: think about writing. So now let's segue into your your

762
00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:38,439
Speaker 1: amazing kid's book, Welcome to the Party that I don't

763
00:41:38,440 --> 00:41:39,759
Speaker 1: know if you can tell us much about it, because

764
00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:41,319
Speaker 1: I don't think is it out yet? No, No, it'll

765
00:41:41,320 --> 00:41:46,600
Speaker 1: come out May five. Yea, look out, guys, I mean

766
00:41:46,640 --> 00:41:48,880
Speaker 1: we need to. That is a great gift. I have

767
00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:52,680
Speaker 1: so many new and expecting parents in my life, So

768
00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:54,759
Speaker 1: can you tell us a little bit about the book. Yeah,

769
00:41:54,800 --> 00:41:57,080
Speaker 1: it's it's really for us. We wanted to do a

770
00:41:57,120 --> 00:42:03,719
Speaker 1: book about celebrating families, however they arrive, right, however they

771
00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:08,000
Speaker 1: come to be however you define that right. So for us,

772
00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:10,480
Speaker 1: welcoming Cob to the party, and we said it in

773
00:42:10,560 --> 00:42:15,839
Speaker 1: her original post, you know, like, welcome to the party. Um,

774
00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:19,280
Speaker 1: but like my mom, My mom is seventy two. At sixty,

775
00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:23,839
Speaker 1: she adopted her first child and she subsequently adopted, you know,

776
00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:27,440
Speaker 1: she has three children as a senior, as a single senior,

777
00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:29,360
Speaker 1: My parents got divorced, you know, after almost thirty of

778
00:42:29,440 --> 00:42:32,399
Speaker 1: years of marriage. And this is what her her her

779
00:42:32,440 --> 00:42:36,040
Speaker 1: life is, and those families should be support. Welcome to

780
00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:39,719
Speaker 1: the family, my new siblings, to my senior citizen mother.

781
00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:43,080
Speaker 1: Like it's it doesn't have to all be the same

782
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:46,600
Speaker 1: birth story and family creation story. For a lot of people,

783
00:42:46,640 --> 00:42:52,000
Speaker 1: their work family is their most consistent, reliable family. Welcome

784
00:42:52,040 --> 00:42:55,080
Speaker 1: to the party. You know, your chosen family can be

785
00:42:55,280 --> 00:42:58,319
Speaker 1: your most you know, um, for a lot of loving

786
00:42:58,320 --> 00:43:00,600
Speaker 1: and reliable family. I watched I'm a Day to Depose,

787
00:43:00,840 --> 00:43:05,280
Speaker 1: So like, chosen family for a lot of communities is

788
00:43:06,160 --> 00:43:09,160
Speaker 1: the family. And we wanted to celebrate all all of

789
00:43:09,160 --> 00:43:13,279
Speaker 1: that blended families. So however, you are welcoming people in,

790
00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:17,960
Speaker 1: whether they are grown as adults or newborn babies or

791
00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:22,719
Speaker 1: foster children that are coming in, you know, midstream, welcome,

792
00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:25,239
Speaker 1: Welcome to the party. And that's really what it's a

793
00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:27,759
Speaker 1: celebration of. I can't wait to read it. I was

794
00:43:27,800 --> 00:43:30,279
Speaker 1: the cover. I've seen the cover. It was incredible. It's

795
00:43:30,400 --> 00:43:35,000
Speaker 1: um Ashley Evans, right, incredible. So tell me your memoir.

796
00:43:35,080 --> 00:43:37,480
Speaker 1: We're going to need more wine. So you're just your

797
00:43:37,520 --> 00:43:41,319
Speaker 1: writer as well as all these things. So a lot

798
00:43:41,360 --> 00:43:46,920
Speaker 1: has changed. Do we need like a part? Part two

799
00:43:47,080 --> 00:43:51,680
Speaker 1: is happening. I'm working on that now. I don't want

800
00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:54,879
Speaker 1: to say. I don't know if it's luckily or fortunately unfortunately.

801
00:43:55,040 --> 00:43:57,520
Speaker 1: I had a lot of chapters that didn't make it

802
00:43:57,560 --> 00:44:01,080
Speaker 1: into the first memoir because I wasn't ready. Because to me,

803
00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:03,359
Speaker 1: I what I don't like is I do a deep

804
00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:07,480
Speaker 1: dive on a memoir or you know, an autobiography and

805
00:44:07,520 --> 00:44:09,520
Speaker 1: then you you can't wait to see these people on

806
00:44:09,560 --> 00:44:11,239
Speaker 1: these talk shows or you want to go to their

807
00:44:11,239 --> 00:44:13,120
Speaker 1: book tour and they're like, oh, I'm not talking about

808
00:44:13,120 --> 00:44:16,439
Speaker 1: that that's in the book, because really, what what you're saying,

809
00:44:16,480 --> 00:44:18,560
Speaker 1: is I haven't really made peace with some of the show.

810
00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:21,240
Speaker 1: I was sharing it in a way that can be helpful.

811
00:44:21,760 --> 00:44:24,120
Speaker 1: I wanted to make sure everything I put in wasn't

812
00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:26,800
Speaker 1: just salacious for salacious sake. I wasn't knarking on people

813
00:44:26,840 --> 00:44:28,799
Speaker 1: just to be knarking on them. I wanted to be

814
00:44:28,840 --> 00:44:31,880
Speaker 1: able to really talk about everything in my book in

815
00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:34,720
Speaker 1: a way that can make people feel like they're not drowning,

816
00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:36,960
Speaker 1: like they're not on an island by themselves, like they're

817
00:44:36,960 --> 00:44:38,799
Speaker 1: not screaming into a hurricane and no one can hear them.

818
00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:41,920
Speaker 1: I wanted to truly be able to talk about everything.

819
00:44:42,239 --> 00:44:44,120
Speaker 1: And if I wasn't going to be able to be transparent,

820
00:44:45,239 --> 00:44:47,719
Speaker 1: may I don't put it in the d because you

821
00:44:47,840 --> 00:44:51,239
Speaker 1: have to go around and publicize it. So yeah, so

822
00:44:51,520 --> 00:44:53,919
Speaker 1: some of those chapters that I saved, I have been

823
00:44:54,360 --> 00:44:57,120
Speaker 1: going to therapy diligently. Um, But I'm also one of

824
00:44:57,160 --> 00:45:01,680
Speaker 1: those people that's like traditional using my finger quotes traditional therapy,

825
00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:06,319
Speaker 1: you know, spiritual healers, shamans. I mean, like, listen, if

826
00:45:06,320 --> 00:45:10,759
Speaker 1: there's like a lady like in New Orleans on a

827
00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:25,440
Speaker 1: must her, yes, I agree, I'm so with you. I

828
00:45:25,480 --> 00:45:27,719
Speaker 1: just feel like it's been so like wonderful having on

829
00:45:27,800 --> 00:45:29,799
Speaker 1: Katie's crib because you struck such a chord to me,

830
00:45:29,880 --> 00:45:31,920
Speaker 1: like screen, I feel like Katie's crib. Really, That's what

831
00:45:31,960 --> 00:45:33,919
Speaker 1: we're trying to do here too, is just like make

832
00:45:34,520 --> 00:45:37,360
Speaker 1: moms feel like they're not by themselves. And I know

833
00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:39,280
Speaker 1: we have a lot of listeners all over the country

834
00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:42,560
Speaker 1: and aren't lucky to have like a strong village or

835
00:45:42,600 --> 00:45:45,680
Speaker 1: a strong support system or and so I feel like

836
00:45:45,719 --> 00:45:48,879
Speaker 1: this is so it's just been so helpful to hear

837
00:45:49,400 --> 00:45:52,440
Speaker 1: from you. Um, what advice would you give to somebody

838
00:45:52,560 --> 00:45:58,239
Speaker 1: who maybe has ADAM? I don't know. And what's the

839
00:45:58,280 --> 00:46:00,919
Speaker 1: other version of the of the pronunci didn't I don't

840
00:46:00,920 --> 00:46:02,640
Speaker 1: even know how to pronounce it the way they're pronouncing it,

841
00:46:02,680 --> 00:46:05,759
Speaker 1: but it's it's it's like A D A D E

842
00:46:05,920 --> 00:46:08,160
Speaker 1: N O M Y O S I S as long

843
00:46:08,200 --> 00:46:12,120
Speaker 1: as you can spell it. Kids, Like, what does advice

844
00:46:12,200 --> 00:46:17,759
Speaker 1: for women who have been diagnosed with this? Well? One

845
00:46:17,760 --> 00:46:21,239
Speaker 1: of the biggest helps again being connected once you once

846
00:46:21,280 --> 00:46:24,080
Speaker 1: you claim it and say it. I've been very fortunate

847
00:46:24,080 --> 00:46:26,279
Speaker 1: that people have come forward with more help so I

848
00:46:26,360 --> 00:46:28,839
Speaker 1: once I started talking about it. Hannah Brofman, a friend

849
00:46:28,840 --> 00:46:30,640
Speaker 1: of mine from New York. She said, oh my god,

850
00:46:30,760 --> 00:46:33,040
Speaker 1: I just did I think she did a podcast or

851
00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:37,560
Speaker 1: a or a taping with a Lisa Vitti, who is

852
00:46:37,560 --> 00:46:40,880
Speaker 1: a hormone specialist and who can you know? So I

853
00:46:40,920 --> 00:46:46,560
Speaker 1: got linked with ALSA and she was like, cut out gluten, dairy, caffeine,

854
00:46:46,640 --> 00:46:50,719
Speaker 1: and alcohol from your diet. Girl. I mean, my book

855
00:46:50,760 --> 00:46:52,439
Speaker 1: was called We're going to need more wine? At least

856
00:46:52,480 --> 00:46:54,239
Speaker 1: done with that, and the next day after you need

857
00:46:54,280 --> 00:46:58,120
Speaker 1: more wine, I'm gonna name more. Um so all of

858
00:46:58,160 --> 00:47:01,040
Speaker 1: and who doesn't love freaking gluten and I love real

859
00:47:01,080 --> 00:47:04,200
Speaker 1: butter like So the idea of giving these things up

860
00:47:04,600 --> 00:47:07,319
Speaker 1: to see if any of these things was sort of

861
00:47:07,440 --> 00:47:11,600
Speaker 1: um exacerbating my symptoms and how I am experiencing I

862
00:47:11,640 --> 00:47:14,640
Speaker 1: don't know my ousis. And it had a massive effect.

863
00:47:14,719 --> 00:47:16,439
Speaker 1: So one of the things that I would experience would

864
00:47:16,440 --> 00:47:19,239
Speaker 1: be bloating that made me look like I was in

865
00:47:19,239 --> 00:47:22,080
Speaker 1: my second trimester, which is fun because people are like,

866
00:47:22,120 --> 00:47:25,400
Speaker 1: she's bregnant. So it was like this constant bump watch.

867
00:47:25,440 --> 00:47:27,839
Speaker 1: But I'm like, why am I so? Like? I mean,

868
00:47:27,880 --> 00:47:30,440
Speaker 1: the blow was extreme. It was not even like normal

869
00:47:30,800 --> 00:47:35,719
Speaker 1: like noon, no bloat four pm. I look like like

870
00:47:35,800 --> 00:47:39,080
Speaker 1: I'm I'm six months pregnant. It was weird, insane, couldn't

871
00:47:39,080 --> 00:47:42,480
Speaker 1: figure it out at least it was like cut out gluten, dairy,

872
00:47:42,560 --> 00:47:45,520
Speaker 1: d da da da. So I cut it out and

873
00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:49,600
Speaker 1: listen that full disclosure. I've pretty I pretty much stick

874
00:47:49,719 --> 00:47:52,919
Speaker 1: to certainly during the week during my work week. Uh

875
00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:57,920
Speaker 1: no gluten, no dairy. Um, the alcohol, we can't. I'm sorry,

876
00:47:58,120 --> 00:48:02,200
Speaker 1: but it Saturday, like I need it. What I did

877
00:48:02,400 --> 00:48:05,959
Speaker 1: definitely noticed was my skin cleared up. I was having

878
00:48:06,080 --> 00:48:09,440
Speaker 1: hair loss. So let's okay, let's get into it. Hair loss.

879
00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:15,960
Speaker 1: That was insane. I have that right now. Hormonal Yeah, yeah,

880
00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:18,600
Speaker 1: it's a good time. So you noticed that totally stopped

881
00:48:18,640 --> 00:48:24,160
Speaker 1: from dietary. So what started happening after my first round

882
00:48:24,160 --> 00:48:28,160
Speaker 1: of IVF like years ago, usually about three months after

883
00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:32,560
Speaker 1: my last you know, after my egg retrieval, like a

884
00:48:32,680 --> 00:48:36,120
Speaker 1: dime size bald spot which just open up on my

885
00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:39,520
Speaker 1: scalp right. Luckily, the first few were kind of in

886
00:48:39,600 --> 00:48:42,319
Speaker 1: the back right and on. Being Mary Jane, I would

887
00:48:42,360 --> 00:48:45,680
Speaker 1: wear you know, wigs and stuff. So it's like they're like,

888
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:48,319
Speaker 1: did you notice there's a bald spot? I'm like where where?

889
00:48:48,360 --> 00:48:50,080
Speaker 1: You know, mostly like you're not looking at the top

890
00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:53,279
Speaker 1: of your head, so I didn't. I hadn't noticed. So then,

891
00:48:53,520 --> 00:48:56,960
Speaker 1: you know, a couple more rounds. A few months go by,

892
00:48:57,040 --> 00:48:59,439
Speaker 1: they started popping up towards the front, and what would

893
00:48:59,480 --> 00:49:02,640
Speaker 1: happen is the dime size bald spots would connect. So

894
00:49:02,680 --> 00:49:05,880
Speaker 1: now they're freaking ovals at the front of my head.

895
00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:11,160
Speaker 1: So even wig placement became there's nothing to pin it to.

896
00:49:11,400 --> 00:49:13,520
Speaker 1: And then there's no there's no little hair to kind

897
00:49:13,560 --> 00:49:16,800
Speaker 1: of like blend it in with in the front. Can't

898
00:49:16,920 --> 00:49:22,240
Speaker 1: use adhesive. Develop this your emergency. It became this whole

899
00:49:22,520 --> 00:49:26,120
Speaker 1: thing with my hair, and I'm launching a hairline. God,

900
00:49:26,200 --> 00:49:30,000
Speaker 1: I can't wear my natural hair because I've got whole

901
00:49:30,239 --> 00:49:35,400
Speaker 1: all spots all over my head. Somebody was having a

902
00:49:35,520 --> 00:49:38,560
Speaker 1: major crazy and IVF and all the drugs and horn.

903
00:49:38,840 --> 00:49:43,239
Speaker 1: I started having these weird like cystic like mound you know,

904
00:49:43,280 --> 00:49:47,120
Speaker 1: those cistic acne that feel like they're painful, like these

905
00:49:47,239 --> 00:49:50,600
Speaker 1: eruptions that are happening underneath and then they rise, but

906
00:49:50,640 --> 00:49:52,759
Speaker 1: there's no head to pop like. You just got to

907
00:49:52,760 --> 00:49:56,560
Speaker 1: live with these things anyway. So when I changed, she said,

908
00:49:56,680 --> 00:49:59,200
Speaker 1: you'll probably see a difference with the bloating and your

909
00:49:59,239 --> 00:50:02,040
Speaker 1: skin and it will. Let's just see what happens with

910
00:50:02,080 --> 00:50:05,359
Speaker 1: Like with your hair, hair started growing back. The blow

911
00:50:05,480 --> 00:50:09,799
Speaker 1: was immediate, like immediately the bloat go gone. The skin

912
00:50:10,120 --> 00:50:12,040
Speaker 1: it took a little bit more time, but it started

913
00:50:12,080 --> 00:50:14,359
Speaker 1: clearing up. But I didn't guys anymore. For those I

914
00:50:14,360 --> 00:50:17,160
Speaker 1: am the lucky person sitting across from Ms. Gallion right now,

915
00:50:17,160 --> 00:50:21,000
Speaker 1: your skin is absurd. I don't even understand what's happening

916
00:50:21,080 --> 00:50:23,520
Speaker 1: right now. It's like I have to wear sunglasses because

917
00:50:23,520 --> 00:50:27,000
Speaker 1: it's so glowy and stunning. And this is diet, so

918
00:50:27,040 --> 00:50:30,080
Speaker 1: we recommend. So like people who are dealing with major

919
00:50:30,280 --> 00:50:33,239
Speaker 1: hormonal certainly hormonal like this, you think that if you

920
00:50:33,480 --> 00:50:36,520
Speaker 1: could maybe talk to a hormonal specialist. Luckily, she has

921
00:50:36,520 --> 00:50:40,319
Speaker 1: a book Alsa VITTI v I T T I T

922
00:50:40,320 --> 00:50:44,120
Speaker 1: T I, and she's got websites books, and she literally

923
00:50:44,200 --> 00:50:47,520
Speaker 1: changed my life. Um you know, I'm I'm on I'm

924
00:50:47,560 --> 00:50:50,040
Speaker 1: on her book, you know, talking about like how amazing

925
00:50:50,040 --> 00:50:52,520
Speaker 1: this book is because it legit made a massive difference,

926
00:50:53,000 --> 00:50:55,760
Speaker 1: you know. And again like like learning to pay attention

927
00:50:55,760 --> 00:50:58,120
Speaker 1: to your body and what your normal is and if

928
00:50:58,160 --> 00:51:00,520
Speaker 1: you come to that realization like I did at you know,

929
00:51:00,520 --> 00:51:02,680
Speaker 1: in my forties, that I have no idea what my

930
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:06,759
Speaker 1: normal is because i've my body has never been I

931
00:51:06,760 --> 00:51:08,840
Speaker 1: don't say it's never been normal, but I didn't know

932
00:51:08,880 --> 00:51:11,160
Speaker 1: what to look forward to figure it out. I just thought, well,

933
00:51:11,200 --> 00:51:14,759
Speaker 1: this is what happened, just like very misinformed and very

934
00:51:14,920 --> 00:51:18,280
Speaker 1: uneducated when it comes to our own female bodies. It sucks.

935
00:51:18,440 --> 00:51:20,960
Speaker 1: I don't know why that is. It's a cultural thing,

936
00:51:21,080 --> 00:51:22,920
Speaker 1: it's a I don't know religious that. I mean, it's

937
00:51:22,960 --> 00:51:26,200
Speaker 1: like a lot of different things, but it's terrible. Well,

938
00:51:26,200 --> 00:51:29,520
Speaker 1: I mean, and for younger women, right, if your periods

939
00:51:30,040 --> 00:51:34,920
Speaker 1: are extremely long, or extremely painful, or extremely heavy or irregular,

940
00:51:35,800 --> 00:51:38,800
Speaker 1: these things should be these there's some follow up questions

941
00:51:38,800 --> 00:51:40,680
Speaker 1: you need to ask your your o B or your

942
00:51:40,719 --> 00:51:44,120
Speaker 1: your primary care physician, or go to plant parenthood and

943
00:51:44,120 --> 00:51:46,600
Speaker 1: and ask for you know, you know, help, a lot

944
00:51:46,640 --> 00:51:48,680
Speaker 1: of low and no costs, you know, um plant parenthoods

945
00:51:48,680 --> 00:51:52,160
Speaker 1: are out there around the country. But ask follow up questions.

946
00:51:52,200 --> 00:51:55,640
Speaker 1: If the immediate response is birth control and you are

947
00:51:55,680 --> 00:51:59,839
Speaker 1: not actively trying to not have a baby, understand that

948
00:52:00,239 --> 00:52:04,520
Speaker 1: you're just masking whatever the issue actually is. And and

949
00:52:04,640 --> 00:52:06,560
Speaker 1: for a lot of us, that's enough, Like we just

950
00:52:06,600 --> 00:52:08,879
Speaker 1: want this to stop. Whatever, go away, but we don't

951
00:52:08,920 --> 00:52:10,880
Speaker 1: want to do the work. But when you are if

952
00:52:11,040 --> 00:52:13,760
Speaker 1: and when you are actually ready to have a baby,

953
00:52:13,880 --> 00:52:17,360
Speaker 1: understand that not treating whatever the actual root causes of

954
00:52:17,400 --> 00:52:21,360
Speaker 1: these irregular periods could factor into your fertility journey. So

955
00:52:21,400 --> 00:52:24,480
Speaker 1: it's better to at least have the information as young

956
00:52:24,520 --> 00:52:27,319
Speaker 1: as you possibly can know if it's manifesting itself at

957
00:52:27,320 --> 00:52:30,560
Speaker 1: a younger age, to at least know what's happening with

958
00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:35,080
Speaker 1: your body so you can make conscious, educated choices. And

959
00:52:35,120 --> 00:52:37,160
Speaker 1: it sounds like the I think this is my last

960
00:52:37,160 --> 00:52:39,640
Speaker 1: mental thing, but it also sounds like just from listening

961
00:52:39,640 --> 00:52:42,399
Speaker 1: to talk for the last bit, I just feel like

962
00:52:43,000 --> 00:52:45,320
Speaker 1: there's a thing about asking follow up questions and holding

963
00:52:45,320 --> 00:52:48,600
Speaker 1: yourself accountable for demanding more and knowing more. And then

964
00:52:48,600 --> 00:52:53,000
Speaker 1: there's also this thing about getting over your own shame

965
00:52:53,040 --> 00:52:55,800
Speaker 1: and ego and things like that. And if you tell

966
00:52:55,840 --> 00:52:58,360
Speaker 1: a few people, they might know someone who can help you.

967
00:52:58,680 --> 00:53:00,680
Speaker 1: And that has been a mother who thing for me

968
00:53:00,920 --> 00:53:04,200
Speaker 1: like whenever I suck at something or I don't understand something,

969
00:53:04,239 --> 00:53:07,400
Speaker 1: instead of just staying quiet, if I just bring it

970
00:53:07,440 --> 00:53:09,439
Speaker 1: up to a few people who I think I might think,

971
00:53:09,560 --> 00:53:11,560
Speaker 1: I think they might know better, they can connect me

972
00:53:11,600 --> 00:53:13,600
Speaker 1: to someone who does. And that's really the thing we

973
00:53:13,640 --> 00:53:16,840
Speaker 1: have to get over, is like using your voice asking

974
00:53:16,880 --> 00:53:19,000
Speaker 1: the questions, because it will most likely lead you to

975
00:53:19,040 --> 00:53:21,040
Speaker 1: someone who has the answers. It might not be the

976
00:53:21,040 --> 00:53:22,960
Speaker 1: first person you ask, it might not be the third,

977
00:53:23,239 --> 00:53:25,240
Speaker 1: but if you don't give up, they're going to direct

978
00:53:25,239 --> 00:53:28,400
Speaker 1: you to the right person. Right. And if you're okay

979
00:53:28,440 --> 00:53:32,600
Speaker 1: with sort of dismantling the mirage, right, if you're okay

980
00:53:32,600 --> 00:53:36,000
Speaker 1: to like allow yourself to be an act that dismantle

981
00:53:36,040 --> 00:53:39,279
Speaker 1: the mirage that if you allow yourself to be be

982
00:53:39,360 --> 00:53:43,680
Speaker 1: presented as anything less than perfect, people will actually give

983
00:53:43,719 --> 00:53:46,719
Speaker 1: you grace. People extend that grace, the same grace that

984
00:53:46,800 --> 00:53:49,279
Speaker 1: you want. People will extend it to you. And it's

985
00:53:49,360 --> 00:53:55,040
Speaker 1: okay to not have everything retouched or filtered, or or

986
00:53:55,200 --> 00:53:58,200
Speaker 1: the outfits don't match. If your kid makes it through

987
00:53:58,239 --> 00:54:00,719
Speaker 1: the day, it's a damn success. They don't have to

988
00:54:00,800 --> 00:54:04,319
Speaker 1: make it through the day with perfect everything. Whatever, you know,

989
00:54:04,440 --> 00:54:07,359
Speaker 1: like whatever, Like my husband is like, are we gonna

990
00:54:07,360 --> 00:54:10,240
Speaker 1: do anything with coffs hair? I'm like, not today, probably

991
00:54:10,239 --> 00:54:12,439
Speaker 1: not tomorrow either. I like him the mom that doesn't

992
00:54:12,440 --> 00:54:14,120
Speaker 1: brush her kids hair because he hates it, and he

993
00:54:14,160 --> 00:54:15,680
Speaker 1: fights me and he cries, and I'm like, I don't care.

994
00:54:17,120 --> 00:54:18,360
Speaker 1: I don't care. She loves it, but you know what,

995
00:54:18,719 --> 00:54:20,600
Speaker 1: I have not mastered the art of all those damn

996
00:54:20,719 --> 00:54:25,920
Speaker 1: freaking snaps. Like the zipper makes me feel like I'm

997
00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:29,440
Speaker 1: zipping up her skin. The snaps, and I'm like, listen,

998
00:54:29,480 --> 00:54:32,680
Speaker 1: I got about two of the fourteen snaps. Um, how

999
00:54:32,680 --> 00:54:35,319
Speaker 1: about just you and this this diaper. At least then

1000
00:54:35,360 --> 00:54:37,040
Speaker 1: I don't have to take the thing off to check

1001
00:54:37,080 --> 00:54:40,160
Speaker 1: the stripe to see if you pee, like like listen, yeah,

1002
00:54:40,200 --> 00:54:42,360
Speaker 1: we're gonna keep the house at about seventy four degrees, so,

1003
00:54:42,400 --> 00:54:45,879
Speaker 1: you know, so when it's just me and mommy time,

1004
00:54:45,920 --> 00:54:48,840
Speaker 1: we're all just kind of naked because Mommy can't handle

1005
00:54:48,880 --> 00:54:52,320
Speaker 1: the damn pajama or anything that requires buttons or snaps

1006
00:54:52,400 --> 00:54:54,840
Speaker 1: or zippers. And well, this one's really easygain you know

1007
00:54:54,840 --> 00:54:58,560
Speaker 1: what's easy terrible And I'm like, clearly I'm not in

1008
00:54:58,640 --> 00:55:00,719
Speaker 1: mensa because I can't put my baby. And also I'm

1009
00:55:00,719 --> 00:55:04,040
Speaker 1: like really on set all like arthritis because my fingers

1010
00:55:04,040 --> 00:55:06,720
Speaker 1: like aren't nimble enough to really handle all the baby clothes.

1011
00:55:08,080 --> 00:55:11,239
Speaker 1: A little shaking, oh for sure, like and it's I

1012
00:55:11,239 --> 00:55:14,480
Speaker 1: don't know if it's shaking from stress or just it's

1013
00:55:14,480 --> 00:55:17,480
Speaker 1: probably most like, I don't know what came first, the

1014
00:55:17,800 --> 00:55:21,000
Speaker 1: shaking or the or my age or or my anxiety

1015
00:55:21,040 --> 00:55:25,799
Speaker 1: about freaking bathtime pajamas like it's impossible. And then when

1016
00:55:25,800 --> 00:55:27,720
Speaker 1: they don't want to get dressed. Is there anything else

1017
00:55:28,080 --> 00:55:30,920
Speaker 1: you want to add before we say goodbye? You know what,

1018
00:55:31,320 --> 00:55:35,520
Speaker 1: We're super conditioned to not center ourselves in our own stories,

1019
00:55:36,120 --> 00:55:40,759
Speaker 1: and because anything less than giving everything, every part of

1020
00:55:40,760 --> 00:55:45,000
Speaker 1: ourselves to other people, we're that self is bitch. We're

1021
00:55:45,040 --> 00:55:48,760
Speaker 1: the bad mom, We're the bad wife, We're the bad friend.

1022
00:55:49,520 --> 00:55:52,400
Speaker 1: When you don't give every piece of yourself to everyone

1023
00:55:52,440 --> 00:55:55,680
Speaker 1: else whenever they feel like they need it, it is

1024
00:55:55,719 --> 00:55:58,800
Speaker 1: okay to center yourself and your needs and advocate for yourself,

1025
00:55:58,800 --> 00:56:00,960
Speaker 1: and be the center of your own story and be

1026
00:56:01,080 --> 00:56:04,799
Speaker 1: your best self for yourself so you can offer, in

1027
00:56:05,000 --> 00:56:09,320
Speaker 1: reasonable doses as you see fit parts of you to

1028
00:56:09,480 --> 00:56:12,719
Speaker 1: other people. We say in our family, you know, and

1029
00:56:12,800 --> 00:56:15,319
Speaker 1: in our crew, we all we got, but that that

1030
00:56:15,320 --> 00:56:19,520
Speaker 1: that includes the in the like start with you first, right.

1031
00:56:19,960 --> 00:56:23,319
Speaker 1: I love it so much for coming on Katie's crib.

1032
00:56:23,400 --> 00:56:26,719
Speaker 1: This was so special. I learned a ton. I know

1033
00:56:26,760 --> 00:56:31,080
Speaker 1: our listeners did too, and you guys, please line up

1034
00:56:31,080 --> 00:56:33,719
Speaker 1: for Welcome to the Party. Yes, you can pre order now.

1035
00:56:33,840 --> 00:56:37,279
Speaker 1: Pre order now. I will be doing that for sure,

1036
00:56:37,280 --> 00:56:39,080
Speaker 1: and we will link to it on Katie's Crib. Thank

1037
00:56:39,120 --> 00:56:41,799
Speaker 1: you so much. I want to say thank you again

1038
00:56:41,800 --> 00:56:44,719
Speaker 1: to Gabriel Union for coming on the show and I'm

1039
00:56:44,719 --> 00:56:46,920
Speaker 1: going to take it with me. Give yourself some grace.

1040
00:56:47,000 --> 00:56:48,840
Speaker 1: I'm saying that to myself and I'm saying that to

1041
00:56:48,880 --> 00:56:52,680
Speaker 1: all you guys listening. Thank you so much. Tell your friends,

1042
00:56:52,719 --> 00:56:56,280
Speaker 1: subscribe to the podcast Katie's Crib, follow us on social

1043
00:56:56,360 --> 00:56:59,960
Speaker 1: channels at Katie's Crib, everywhere you get social, and if

1044
00:57:00,000 --> 00:57:02,680
Speaker 1: you have any thoughts or questions or comments, please email

1045
00:57:02,760 --> 00:57:06,080
Speaker 1: me at Katie's Crib at Shonda land dot com. I

1046
00:57:06,160 --> 00:57:17,040
Speaker 1: love you, guys. Katie's Crib is a production of Shonda

1047
00:57:17,120 --> 00:57:19,920
Speaker 1: land Audio in partnership with I Heart Radio. For more

1048
00:57:19,960 --> 00:57:22,720
Speaker 1: podcasts from Shonda land Audio, visit the I Heart Radio app,

1049
00:57:22,800 --> 00:57:27,480
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

1050
00:57:28,640 --> 00:57:31,920
Speaker 1: I Want You Want to Want