Speaker 1: The Craig Ferguson Fancy Rascal Stand Up Tour continues throughout
Speaker 1: twenty twenty four. For a full list of dates and tickets,
Speaker 1: go to the Craig Ferguson Show dot com slash tour.
Speaker 1: See you out there, the Greig Ferguson show dot com
Speaker 1: slash Tour. My name is Craig Ferguson. The name of
Speaker 1: this podcast is Joy. I talk to interest in people
Speaker 1: about what brings them happiness. Taylor Williamson was the youngest
Speaker 1: ever stand up comedian that I ever had on the
Speaker 1: Old Late Night Show. And yet even although I put
Speaker 1: him on the show, he's still working. Oh he's an
Speaker 1: old man now. I think he's like thirty seven or something.
Speaker 1: Let's have a chat, okay, So let me just say
Speaker 1: what the thing to you first, which is we're in
Speaker 1: Los Angeles, right, yes, right? And I was talking to
Speaker 1: my wife on the phone this morning because she's in Scotland,
Speaker 1: and she said, who are you talking to this one?
Speaker 1: And I said Taylor Williams And she went, I tell him.
Speaker 2: I said, I I'm like, what do you mean tell him?
Speaker 1: I said I She went, yeah, we're Instagram buddy, your
Speaker 1: Instagram buddies with my wife? Is that okay? I guess yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean, if it was okay, she wouldn't have said that.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I heard. But so where did that come about?
Speaker 1: What's going on? I don't know.
Speaker 3: I mean, I think she followed me on Instagram.
Speaker 1: She thinks you're funny. That's true, I do. I I
Speaker 1: mean so much to me. Oh you are funny. I'm grateful.
Speaker 1: You are great at being being comed Thank you. I wanted.
Speaker 3: I was wanting to me, may have met at your
Speaker 3: house one time I together. I think that's what happened.
Speaker 3: And then I probably like commented on one of your
Speaker 3: things like ha ha ha, you know, and she said, oh, do.
Speaker 1: You have a lot of airsots digital relationships that uh.
Speaker 3: With people's wives like me?
Speaker 1: A lot? I don't.
Speaker 3: I think it's because I think it's offensive. Actually, I
Speaker 3: think people's people feel comfortable with their partners being friends
Speaker 3: with me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what, I don't want to insult you,
Speaker 1: but I am kind of comfortable with it, like I
Speaker 1: don't want to be. But you know what, it's kind
Speaker 1: of weird because you know, if it was like I
Speaker 1: don't know, if she was Instagram friends with like some
Speaker 1: other people Drake, you don't want that. If she was
Speaker 1: Instagram Friends with Drake, I'd be like, what the hell
Speaker 1: are you? Yeah, Instagram friends with Drake for yeah.
Speaker 3: But Taylor Williamson, You're like, yeah, stay his house tonight.
Speaker 3: It's okay, that's all right.
Speaker 1: He can come over while I'm no here. That's fine.
Speaker 1: So listen. I wanted to talk to you a little
Speaker 1: bit about because years ago you were the youngest guy
Speaker 1: ever appeared on my late night show. You know that.
Speaker 3: I put that on my bio. I don't know if
Speaker 3: that's true, but I think it is.
Speaker 1: I think you were. I don't know if you were
Speaker 1: the youngest person. I mean there was sometimes there was
Speaker 1: babies on this stuff, but not doing stand up. You
Speaker 1: were the youngest stand up I think.
Speaker 3: It's the biggest. It was the biggest thing I ever got.
Speaker 3: It still is one of the most majoro things I
Speaker 3: ever got to do. Trulier like me too. You were
Speaker 3: a poor but you were there. You were the first
Speaker 3: major comedy icond of be like, hey, this guy is
Speaker 3: take a look at this guy.
Speaker 1: Really. I thought you did. I thought you did well
Speaker 1: in the I mean the America's goat Town. I was
Speaker 1: eight years later. Oh really Yeah. See Now it's interesting
Speaker 1: because I ask your wife. She followed me. But here's
Speaker 1: the thing, was, what was the first one you did?
Speaker 1: So you think you're phonny? Then was that? Though? No,
Speaker 1: I did last comic standing?
Speaker 3: That was I was, so, no I did?
Speaker 1: You didn't do so you think you can dance? Did
Speaker 1: you do that? I did?
Speaker 3: I did an America's Next Top Top Model, right, and when
Speaker 3: Tyro was hosting.
Speaker 1: Yeah, congratulations, you're still in the running to become America's
Speaker 1: next Top Model. Which I've got to say, much as
Speaker 1: I admire Tira, I think that's a terrible catchphrase. It
Speaker 1: it's wordy. It's a little busy, you know, I mean,
Speaker 1: congratulations she was still in the running to become America's
Speaker 1: next Top Models. It's too much? Is that really what
Speaker 1: she said? Yeah, that's the thing. That's the that's the
Speaker 1: bet when if you make it through the elimination round,
Speaker 1: what would be better one? Uh, you ain't dead? Yeah?
Speaker 1: How about like, hey, your face is still good in
Speaker 1: the fresh you're still pretty, You're still pretty? How about that?
Speaker 3: Remember that one woman from the show she married the
Speaker 3: guy from the Brady Bunch.
Speaker 1: I don't know about this.
Speaker 3: You got to pay attention to show business power.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, man, I've been busy.
Speaker 3: So listen, I did I started staying up in two thousand. No,
Speaker 3: wait a minute before we go, I'm answering your question. No,
Speaker 3: but yeah, I want you to answer the question.
Speaker 1: But when you told me about the model that married
Speaker 1: the Brady Bunch, what happened there?
Speaker 3: I think that I could be wrong, but like the
Speaker 3: first winner of the show, she married the middle Brady respectfully,
Speaker 3: Christopher Knight.
Speaker 1: Oh maybe it's a deep cup for me. I don't know.
Speaker 1: You're not an American? Did you have the bratty American? Oh?
Speaker 3: Excuse respect you are? You are what America is all about? Pal, Yeah,
Speaker 3: it's right. Yeah, listen, Can I tell you how this
Speaker 3: business goes. I'm mins for twenty years and like it's
Speaker 3: up and down, you know, but like I'm trying to
Speaker 3: get my next.
Speaker 1: Big like like big whoa like career thing, you know?
Speaker 3: Okay, And I know a couple of people have been
Speaker 3: canceled recently. Yeah you should killing it. Yeah, you should
Speaker 3: get cancel thriving. It's it's the new thing. You have
Speaker 3: a few months where you're like, oh, people. Maybe you
Speaker 3: should hide it, move to China for a few months,
Speaker 3: just to get away from the world, you know, But
Speaker 3: then like four years later you're selling a Madison Square garden.
Speaker 1: Well, I think it's it's a marginalized cancel that you're after.
Speaker 1: You want to be canceled by a certain group of people,
Speaker 1: but you do you want to be celebrated by the
Speaker 1: people who disagree with the people who canceled you, right,
Speaker 1: and so that that's kind of the way you go.
Speaker 1: But society is so fragmented though, Yes, but being canceled
Speaker 1: by one group can actually be a step forward with
Speaker 1: another group. Truly.
Speaker 3: I remember talking to big comedian from an older big comedian,
Speaker 3: I said, why don't you talk about politics?
Speaker 1: Speak out?
Speaker 3: He's like, I don't want to split my audience, you know,
Speaker 3: fifty to fifty of people.
Speaker 1: Whatever.
Speaker 3: But now it's like you could have one for this.
Speaker 3: Comedians who are like, I'm the nurse comedian. If you're not,
Speaker 3: you don't know what I'm talking about, your nurse. I'm
Speaker 3: really funny. They sell out big theaters. Well, there's a
Speaker 3: lot of nurses.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think I think what it is as well,
Speaker 1: is that everybody wants to have their own special thing
Speaker 1: that they're that they're upset about. Yeah, I get it.
Speaker 1: I'm upset about you know, I'm upset about a lot
Speaker 1: of things. But I never do politics in the act. Never. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but not because I don't want to split the audience.
Speaker 1: I'm so sick of it. Yeah, I'm sick of hearing it.
Speaker 1: I'm sick of hearing people I agree with like when
Speaker 1: they were when they talk. You know, when I had
Speaker 1: a conversation with Jim Gaffigan a couple of years ago,
Speaker 1: and Jim was saying, we were talking about how because
Speaker 1: he works clean, right, and he doesn't cuss in his
Speaker 1: act and stuff, and you like that too, Actually.
Speaker 3: Right, I'm I think, I'm I think I kind of
Speaker 3: I started cursing a little bit, but yeah, I happen
Speaker 3: to work clean.
Speaker 1: All right. So I was talking to Jim about it,
Speaker 1: and the Jem I've known for a long time, you know,
Speaker 1: and he cusses the way people do, you know, sometimes
Speaker 1: and other times. He's not a big cusser, but he's
Speaker 1: not a kind of Oh you've never heard Gym swear? Yeah,
Speaker 1: But I said, so, why don't you swear in the
Speaker 1: act if it's you know, and he said, he said
Speaker 1: it was a stylistic choice. It was a stylistic choice,
Speaker 1: and I wanted to see if I could do it,
Speaker 1: and and I went, okay, well that makes sense somehow
Speaker 1: I felt like, oh yeah, of course. And I made
Speaker 1: that same choice with politics. I'm like, I'm not going
Speaker 1: to do any I'm not even gonna mention those guys
Speaker 1: by name. I'm not even going to admit that politics exists.
Speaker 1: And I found that I enjoy doing the standout more
Speaker 1: because I don't not because of anything to do with
Speaker 1: the audience, just because I don't want to talk about that.
Speaker 1: It's boring. And if you don't want to talk about it,
Speaker 1: then you should.
Speaker 3: As an audience member. I feel the same way as you.
Speaker 3: Is like, even when I agree with you, I don't
Speaker 3: want to hear about this because it makes me sad
Speaker 3: and like, but the one of the things that makes
Speaker 3: me want to start cursing one on stage, yeh, is
Speaker 3: I get like low key rage if someone says to me,
Speaker 3: you know, my favorite thing about your comedy is your clean.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that would make me angry too, if I like.
Speaker 3: What, like, I will fight you my mom's friends, my
Speaker 3: mom's friend at this at this funeral, I will fight you.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Maybe not the best place. No, it's not the
Speaker 1: way to do it. Yeah, but you know, I remember
Speaker 1: because when people say, people who have no sense of
Speaker 1: humor or do I understand stand up comedy will sometimes
Speaker 1: say good comedian doesn't have to swear. Good comedian doesn't
Speaker 1: have to cuss, you know, and I go, well, Richard
Speaker 1: Pryor was a pretty good comedian. Yeah, And you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know if that's it. It's language, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. And if you work with the language,
Speaker 1: and if you decide not to use that, then that's fine.
Speaker 1: But if you do, then you do. It's just I
Speaker 1: don't know.
Speaker 3: And I've heard any views with great comics who I admire,
Speaker 3: and everyone has their own point of view.
Speaker 1: That's the answer to the story.
Speaker 3: But like, yeah, it's lazy to curse, and I used
Speaker 3: to think that, but then I have a couple of
Speaker 3: jokes now where I curse, and I'm like, it's not lazy.
Speaker 3: It's the word that's necessary for this joke to work.
Speaker 3: And also lazy gets a bad drap. Lazy is actually
Speaker 3: an okay thing. We got to stop, yes, stop shaming
Speaker 3: people for being lazy. I know some lazy people who
Speaker 3: were awesome. I think COVID made it okay to be late.
Speaker 3: We were told please be lazy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just relaxed. You stay home, don't go out
Speaker 1: there spreading the bug. Just stay home. Now. Listen. Tell
Speaker 1: me I did ask you at the beginning, but you
Speaker 1: getting started, and it was you started. You didn't start
Speaker 1: on an America stop model.
Speaker 3: I started on your show. Basically, that was the.
Speaker 1: Very first thing. So how come you go on my show?
Speaker 1: Because I thought somebody had seen you on a like
Speaker 1: the booker, I had seen you.
Speaker 3: She saw my tape. I did just for laughs festival.
Speaker 3: I got stuff early on.
Speaker 1: That's how I started just for laughs in America, certainly
Speaker 1: in Canada. In Canada, yeah, but they sold it in America.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, because I was, you know, but no, no
Speaker 1: tell me about you. It's not about me. So you
Speaker 1: were you like you were just for laughs festival.
Speaker 3: I started saying when I was seventeen, so.
Speaker 1: They had a kid's festival. Babies.
Speaker 3: I try to do like I tried and looking the
Speaker 3: kid thing, I was like, put me on a Disney
Speaker 3: Channel show. And I got a manager when I was young,
Speaker 3: and he wouldn't let me do any of that stuff.
Speaker 3: And like I'm kind of bitter, butrobably would have done
Speaker 3: drugs and stuff.
Speaker 1: So yeah, you would have. Yeah, I mean that's a
Speaker 1: but I wouldn't let my kids. I got the Disney
Speaker 1: Jon watch Disney, No listen. I I'm to be fair.
Speaker 1: I've worked a lot for the Disney organization over the years,
Speaker 1: and they've always been very nice to me. So I
Speaker 1: can't buy met them but my kids every time when
Speaker 1: my kids were young. Why this is not about me.
Speaker 3: I care about your family, but then for my friends,
Speaker 3: all right, so it's basically my family.
Speaker 1: It's your family, all right. So you weren't on, somebody
Speaker 1: saw you on just for laughs.
Speaker 3: Left, then booked my show and they had this new
Speaker 3: Faces showcase where they like the new breed of comedians
Speaker 3: of my my generator. My year was Adam Devine and
Speaker 3: Nikki Glazer and uh Hannibal and uh.
Speaker 1: That's a great year. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Then there's uh, there's a whole bunch of people and
Speaker 3: uh and then Reggie Watts was one of them. Is
Speaker 3: a funny group of people. And then like six months later,
Speaker 3: I got to do your show is February fourteenth, two
Speaker 3: thousandspen was my first time, and I was terrified. That
Speaker 3: was like when I see you, it's kind of triggering. Actually,
Speaker 3: it was a gnarly you get triggered. Oh yeah, you're scared.
Speaker 3: You're scared of the big bad man. Put you're on
Speaker 3: the TV show.
Speaker 1: I was so scared.
Speaker 3: It's terrifying, and like, yeah, it was scary at first.
Speaker 1: Stand up should be scary at first.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know when I tell young people now, if
Speaker 3: someone told us to me and just passing long wisdom,
Speaker 3: like I came up with it. But like when you
Speaker 3: have nerves, that means you care sure and it's a
Speaker 3: good thing. Like when you lose that, it's kind of
Speaker 3: sad a little bit.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't I don't have anymore. I
Speaker 1: don't get nervous about this.
Speaker 3: No, no theories, you're killing my theory.
Speaker 1: Well, I you know lesson I used to physically I
Speaker 1: threw up before it show. I was so nervous. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's terrifying, but I think you know you do it
Speaker 1: often enough. Look, I say this to audiences now as
Speaker 1: well when I go out. Look, I've been doing this
Speaker 1: for a long time. I've made a lot of money
Speaker 1: of won some awards have been very successful. So so
Speaker 1: if tonight, if this show sucks, it's it's it's you.
Speaker 1: It's not me, because I've proved myself here, so it's
Speaker 1: got to be you. So's see how you do? How
Speaker 1: you how long you've been an audience five minutes you
Speaker 1: don't even know what you're doing? Yeah, that's so good.
Speaker 1: But I think that I get a sense of I
Speaker 1: don't know if you get this, but right now and
Speaker 1: I will stop talking about me and a minute. I
Speaker 1: don't know I do today, but I got a sense
Speaker 1: of when I go on stage now it's where I'm
Speaker 1: meant to be. I got an absolute sense of peace,
Speaker 1: like I can do this. I know this. This is
Speaker 1: my world. And there's a lot of things I don't
Speaker 1: know how to do, but this I know how to do.
Speaker 1: I love that.
Speaker 3: I think very similar to that in this in this business,
Speaker 3: in life that's full of rejection and you're just self
Speaker 3: doubt and its internal doubt and external doubt upon me.
Speaker 3: And my biggest source of validation for what I'm doing
Speaker 3: with my life is when I go on stage and
Speaker 3: I go, Okay, you know what I got?
Speaker 1: I got this figured out?
Speaker 3: Like yeah, and I'm most I'm more comfortable there than
Speaker 3: I am in other places, which is a bizarre thing
Speaker 3: to do, but it's a thing I've worked.
Speaker 1: No, I just don't really understand it. So, but you
Speaker 1: wanted to be in stand up from being a very
Speaker 1: young kid. I mean it's like, to me, stand up
Speaker 1: is kind of like being a realtor. It's it's an
Speaker 1: okay job and you get your picture on a bus
Speaker 1: stop stuff, but nobody wants to really. It's just like
Speaker 1: you do something because you fail to other stuff. But
Speaker 1: that's not for you. You really wanted to do it, right.
Speaker 3: It's like porn and real estate and stand up comedy
Speaker 3: as you back up plan others.
Speaker 1: I noticed that when when actors got canceled, when people
Speaker 1: were getting canceled all the time, like actors, if they
Speaker 1: got canceled, they don't start doing stand up like it's
Speaker 1: okay to be a pair of stand up comedian. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like okay, yeah, I kind of like that.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, and they're taking my jobs.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's there's room for everybody. But so one I'm
Speaker 1: trying to get is do you have a very bad
Speaker 1: relationship with your parents?
Speaker 3: Well, it comes down to mommy issues.
Speaker 1: Mom. Yeah, that's what Megan, my wife, who you know
Speaker 1: very well, says. She says, it's all about let me
Speaker 1: just turn my everyone else sorry, because she'd probably call me.
Speaker 1: She'll call me to tuma. Yeah as well. She Megan
Speaker 1: says that all stand ups are the same. Mom. I've
Speaker 1: talked to a bunch of stand ups about this cold
Speaker 1: with bad boundaries. That's what she says.
Speaker 3: I love my mom and we've been through a lot
Speaker 3: and we're we're in a good, healthy place now, but
Speaker 3: we have had a lot of stuff, and she has
Speaker 3: a lot of stuff from her mom. And it's a
Speaker 3: nice generational trauma that's passed down as a tradition in
Speaker 3: my family.
Speaker 1: Yeah. You know what's funny about it. I was a
Speaker 1: Hollywood party once a famous actor guy and his kid
Speaker 1: came over. The mom brought the kid over and he
Speaker 1: was about thirteen. She went, this is our son. He
Speaker 1: really wants to be a stand up comedian. I was like,
Speaker 1: you're a terrible mother. Terrible.
Speaker 3: I don't encourage that, I know, but my mom is
Speaker 3: part of my trigger for seeing you is because I
Speaker 3: was twenty doing Latelateshit and I'm trying to be a
Speaker 3: good person. So I hear the all the stories you got.
Speaker 3: You bring your mom. You got to bring your mom,
Speaker 3: and like, so I invited my mom from San Diego
Speaker 3: to come up. And but we don't have like we
Speaker 3: didn't have like a close we had a lot of stuff, right,
Speaker 3: And but she came and she rides you sent like
Speaker 3: a nice car to come pick me up.
Speaker 1: And I got with you, Taylor. I didn't personally say.
Speaker 3: I know you don't ily don't do it, but yes,
Speaker 3: let's just take credit. Yeah, and then, uh, you drove,
Speaker 3: you were not driving.
Speaker 1: I was driving. That's when I used to wear the
Speaker 1: little show for uniform Welcome to the Lately, Drive Yet
Speaker 1: full Serves?
Speaker 3: I was thinking this three Stages episode where he goes
Speaker 3: full serves fully service.
Speaker 1: Do you ever read fuel Service by Scottie Bauers. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, I'll tell you about that a minute.
Speaker 3: All right, So, so my mom came and then she
Speaker 3: I hadn't it's silly talking about.
Speaker 1: All right? Right? Yeah, really I can't remember what was
Speaker 1: it you say. It'd be weird if you remember.
Speaker 3: My cue card was there's all jokes in context making
Speaker 3: fun of people for using these words. You know, I'm
Speaker 3: still proud of what it was. You know, are you
Speaker 3: scared to say the worst? No?
Speaker 1: Well I said that they said gay. Okay, that's a
Speaker 1: that's an okay word, but.
Speaker 3: Making for people say gay. But then I then our
Speaker 3: word whatever that is?
Speaker 1: You now they are right?
Speaker 3: That was the punchline, making fun of like, you know,
Speaker 3: these kids everything call everything gay, you know, you know,
Speaker 3: but the way.
Speaker 1: They talk, it's so all right, right right, right, comedy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: let's get the hall away from this. And then I
Speaker 1: shoo to move on.
Speaker 3: And then uh, horror I talked about.
Speaker 1: Like poor, I think horror is fine. Is a word
Speaker 1: I call myself a horror all the time. It's one
Speaker 1: of those words that, yeah, it depends on how you
Speaker 1: use it and where you use context.
Speaker 3: But just financial these words on TV. And then I
Speaker 3: did show six months later and they wouldn't let me
Speaker 3: say anything because don I miss happened in between and
Speaker 3: there's a whole big difference. But anyways, but like I'm
Speaker 3: a good person, but so so my mom sents a fact.
Speaker 3: The next day she sent a fax to my manager.
Speaker 3: It's just two thousand and seven, the facts. My mom
Speaker 3: sent a fax to my man. It was after faxes
Speaker 3: were not seeing you still had factes on your website,
Speaker 3: but you're like, who does this? Yeah, she sent a
Speaker 3: fact She wrote a letter to him saying, thank you
Speaker 3: so much for taking care of my son's career. He
Speaker 3: speaks so highly of you. I never told her anything
Speaker 3: about this is all like made up in here, right.
Speaker 3: And then here's some things that could help him out.
Speaker 3: Please take him somewhere to get a nice haircut.
Speaker 1: Please.
Speaker 3: He has a great singing voice and maybe that's something
Speaker 3: you can use. And also he held the microphone over
Speaker 3: his face the entire time. Please train him to not
Speaker 3: do that anymore.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 3: And I'm just like boundary, See.
Speaker 1: There you go, tick with the bad boundaries right there.
Speaker 1: You know, it's funny. I talked to you know, Lewis Black. Yeah,
Speaker 1: of course he's great coming And I was talking to
Speaker 1: him about his mom and I said that thing about
Speaker 1: cold with bad boundaries, the Megan theory, and he went,
Speaker 1: oh my god, because his mom had died about six
Speaker 1: months previously at the age one hundred and four. And
Speaker 1: he said, you know, I think the first time we
Speaker 1: looked at each other in the eye was underneath. I'm like,
Speaker 1: that's why he's a good comic.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 1: You know, but I don't know if it's true for everyone.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's just true for male stand ups. I don't
Speaker 1: Maybe for female stand ups it's with their daughter or
Speaker 1: there more. I don't know.
Speaker 3: Interesting here, like Seinfeld gets really like offended. It's brought
Speaker 3: up to him, like, so do you think comedians come
Speaker 3: from UH traumas or impoverished backgrounds or not enough neglect
Speaker 3: or not enough attention from their parents whatever. He's just like,
Speaker 3: I like making people laugh. I'm like, can you just
Speaker 3: be the guy who likes making people laugh and just
Speaker 3: know that everyone else you.
Speaker 1: Can do that? I think that's a fair argument. It's like, no,
Speaker 1: I just like making people laugh. I mean, if you
Speaker 1: talk to Lano about it, he's like that too. I
Speaker 1: just hate it. But then at the same time, if
Speaker 1: you dig deeper with Jay because I love j you know,
Speaker 1: he's my guy, but you dig deeper with him, he's
Speaker 1: like he doesn't eat hot liquids. Yeah, and his and
Speaker 1: he's a very against any form of diet, so soup
Speaker 1: is like makes him angry, and if soup makes you angry,
Speaker 1: you're not a normal person. And also his mom was
Speaker 1: Scottish and if your mom's Scottish, You're not a more
Speaker 1: normal person Donald Trump's mother Scottish. Oh wow.
Speaker 3: That.
Speaker 1: I've always got sympathy for him. I know what it's like.
Speaker 3: But the other thing, like Jaylaen not respect the hell
Speaker 3: out of him. But I remember him saying, don't say crap.
Speaker 3: I was, so, what's the word? I was like a
Speaker 3: sponge for like people like great comics saying these are
Speaker 3: the rules of comedy. Like I listened to all these
Speaker 3: interviews like the Deep Cuts and like JNS just don't
Speaker 3: say crap.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: Then then recently heard him say he hasn't had a
Speaker 3: vegetable in forty years. Yeah, And I'm like, wait, I
Speaker 3: shouldn't take advice from this guy.
Speaker 1: No, you shouldn't. Like that's the thing.
Speaker 2: It's like, you're gonna be a little selective about what
Speaker 2: you're doing because you know, there are people who I
Speaker 2: really respect what they do as comedians, but you know,
Speaker 2: I wouldn't let them look after my dog or like that.
Speaker 1: The Craig Ferguson Fancy Rascals stand up to He continues
Speaker 1: throughout the United States in twenty twenty four. For a
Speaker 1: full list of dates and tickets, go to the Craig
Speaker 1: Ferguson show dot com slash tour. So you are there
Speaker 1: if you still got your little dog. I have a
Speaker 1: tiny dog. I love that. You know that. Yeah, Betty right.
Speaker 3: This is honestly the greatest thing that can ever happen
Speaker 3: that you say my dog's name. No, stop, this is
Speaker 3: I thought about bringing her here, but I didn't know
Speaker 3: what the vibe was.
Speaker 1: Well, you would be not the first person in Hollywood
Speaker 1: have turned up here with a little dog for your podcast.
Speaker 1: It's uh happens.
Speaker 3: I became that guy during COVID I got a tiny dog,
Speaker 3: and I'm that guy that brings a tiny dog.
Speaker 1: You know Gaby Glazier, He's got little dogs all over
Speaker 1: the place. Yeah, he's a sweet man. You ever worked
Speaker 1: with him?
Speaker 3: No, I just hear the most wonderful thing about what.
Speaker 1: A terrific dude. Yeah, I mean just just lovely. But
Speaker 1: again with a.
Speaker 3: Weird mom though, I got to say weird mom's Yeah.
Speaker 3: I had a thought on all the I don't know anyway.
Speaker 1: So I'll tell you then. All right, we're talking about
Speaker 1: the stand up. Yeah, and I watched a little bit.
Speaker 1: I haven't watched all of it. I'll be honest with
Speaker 1: you of the stand up special that you did at
Speaker 1: the Comedy sort of recently. Oh, thank you for taking
Speaker 1: a look. It took a look. That's you know, the
Speaker 1: sensibility of it. If you, I hope you don't mind
Speaker 1: me say so. It feels very late nighty. It feels
Speaker 1: like a kind of hey, welcome to my thing. It's
Speaker 1: it's like the track and show and the kind of
Speaker 1: club and all that like is know, it felt like
Speaker 1: a late night show.
Speaker 3: It's a great compliment.
Speaker 1: That's what you were going for.
Speaker 3: I don't know, it's going for old school kind of vibe.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it definitely vibed like that. Yeah, I feel like,
Speaker 1: thank you. I love that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Taylor Williams and Live at the Comedy stor Its
Speaker 3: on YouTube for free, and I'd love it that people
Speaker 3: take a look and it happens to be clean, if
Speaker 3: anyone cares about that. But my best jokes I've ever told,
Speaker 3: that's the most important, my best standing.
Speaker 1: I should you should have called the special the best
Speaker 1: jokes I've ever told.
Speaker 3: I think maybe I should have. I could change it,
Speaker 3: but I it's funny, like this business full of rejection,
Speaker 3: trying to sell sh and trying to get people to
Speaker 3: believe in me whatever, and like, and I see a
Speaker 3: lot of like scummy scumbag comedians are blowing up right now,
Speaker 3: and that's what people want. And I forgot who said
Speaker 3: this to me. It was just the great simplest advice
Speaker 3: or just like thought, like I couldn't beat one of
Speaker 3: these filthy guys and that does whatever on stage if
Speaker 3: I wanted to. It's just that it's not I'd bomb
Speaker 3: would authentic for you. Well, I can just be me right,
Speaker 3: And I had this joy for like old school kind
Speaker 3: of like like I'm Jewish but like I guess low
Speaker 3: kind of self effaced a little bit self deprecating Jewish humor.
Speaker 3: I don't know, and that's who I am. I don't
Speaker 3: know there are in the industry. It's not happening a
Speaker 3: lot anymore. But all I can do is be me
Speaker 3: at one hundred percent. And I'm more proud of it
Speaker 3: myself as an artist than I've ever been. So I'm like,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna keep putting this out there, and it's not
Speaker 3: what everyone wants, but it's what I do and I'm
Speaker 3: really good at it.
Speaker 1: And I don't know, no, I think that that that's
Speaker 1: the only way the mental health. I mean, look, I
Speaker 1: if you When I first came in Hollywood, they every
Speaker 1: every single casting director, every single person I met, said
Speaker 1: can you do can you drop the accent for a role?
Speaker 1: And I was like, uh why, They're like, because then
Speaker 1: we can put you up for stuff. We're putting other
Speaker 1: people up for it, and I'm like, yeah, but but
Speaker 1: there's you know, I mean, only one of all of
Speaker 1: these people is getting that job, And why the fuck
Speaker 1: would i want to put myself in a pool where
Speaker 1: I'm already you know, on the back foot. I'm just
Speaker 1: too I fucking am right. And occasionally I would, you know,
Speaker 1: I met who uh Drew Carey and Bruce helf would
Speaker 1: actually who were like, they said, just can you do
Speaker 1: an English accent? I went yes, of cool, Like, all right,
Speaker 1: just do that. But it is an odd thing that
Speaker 1: people want you to be something else. But but really
Speaker 1: the only thing you can do properly is for a
Speaker 1: stand up comedy. I think you have to be yourself.
Speaker 3: I think for any artists or people trying to do
Speaker 3: things like I was always told you're too this is
Speaker 3: the feedback off from industry, you're too alternative. Then I
Speaker 3: told your two mainstream like a joke like those are
Speaker 3: the things I was told you now and then like
Speaker 3: a last comic standing. The way they cast it was
Speaker 3: they did very bizarre, like it was clearly cast before.
Speaker 1: So there's like two rounds and then the top ten, right.
Speaker 3: And it was before voting, so it was just casting
Speaker 3: producers casting, and the semi finals. There's forty of us
Speaker 3: and there's two tapings where they pick two tapes of
Speaker 3: twenty people and they picked.
Speaker 1: Five of each. This is a math problem, I'm sorry.
Speaker 3: But the first episode, the first taping, they picked five already,
Speaker 3: so we're already they're the casting, so they're not going
Speaker 3: to have ten people who are this similar. You know,
Speaker 3: but I wore a hoodie during my thing.
Speaker 1: Well that's very you were like in the the white
Speaker 1: stripes or something.
Speaker 3: It's like, oh no, but I I remember me and
Speaker 3: fortunate with the ones who are like stand outs on
Speaker 3: that show, right, they didn't get put through and they
Speaker 3: told me some yeah, we already had two alternative guys
Speaker 3: in the first round, so we didn't put you.
Speaker 1: I'm like, what is this. We've already go to Scottish guys,
Speaker 1: so now have you.
Speaker 3: Have you had that happen like I would imagine I.
Speaker 1: Failed the audition when I came here to read the
Speaker 1: audiobook of the movie Braveheart, and the casting director said,
Speaker 1: we don't feel your accent is authentic in the in
Speaker 1: the casting session, Like, I don't know what the fuck
Speaker 1: to tell you. I'm sorry. Yeah, And now Scottish people
Speaker 1: get mad at me because they say that I sound
Speaker 1: like an America Like I've put on an American accent
Speaker 1: to be successful in America, And I'm like, I gotta
Speaker 1: be honest with you fuckers. Just being able to dampen
Speaker 1: your Scottish accent isn't enough to make you do well
Speaker 1: in America. You have to do a wee bit more
Speaker 1: than that. But you know, I don't know where are
Speaker 1: you from originally San Diego. I'm from San Diego. You
Speaker 1: ever go there? Yeah, you know, I have been there
Speaker 1: a couple of times. Yeah, about a boat there?
Speaker 3: Once you bought a boat in San Diego? Did you
Speaker 3: leave it there? No? I sailed it around a little
Speaker 3: bit and then I seld it around the world.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I sailed a boat around the world. I don't know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't have a boat. Yeah, you don't have a boat.
Speaker 1: And you lived in San Diego? What the hell did
Speaker 1: you do?
Speaker 3: I heard the smart rich people move respectfully. Yeah, is
Speaker 3: you borrow other people's boats? And Jed, I say, I
Speaker 3: still own a boat. I was gonna ask to borrow
Speaker 3: your boat, but yeah, you can't. I don't have a
Speaker 3: boat anymore.
Speaker 1: Would you sell it to? Oh? I don't know. I
Speaker 1: think it was a realtor rectly, I think a real a.
Speaker 3: Failed stand up who became a realtor.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he failed it stand up became a realtor or.
Speaker 1: He succeeded being a realtor, so he didn't have to
Speaker 1: be a standup. So you come up in San Diego
Speaker 1: and like, were you good at school? Were you?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 1: No? Right, okay, my.
Speaker 3: Essat score was so bad that like, I don't it
Speaker 3: was like it was so I was really good at English,
Speaker 3: and I was really good.
Speaker 1: At That's about it. I think, you know, well, that
Speaker 1: would make sense. Language would be attractive to you if
Speaker 1: you were drawing a stand up? How did you get
Speaker 1: how did you get tried to the stand up? Who
Speaker 1: did you watch when you were a kid?
Speaker 3: I wasn't a fan of stand up when I was little.
Speaker 3: It was just this dumb sibling rival everything. My brother
Speaker 3: would listen to like Adam Sandler albums and like and uh,
Speaker 3: and it was who I should have loved. I loved later,
Speaker 3: but I want to be the opposite of him, So
Speaker 3: I was like, to annoy your brother just for my
Speaker 3: own dumb ego. I remember being like, I don't like
Speaker 3: music because he likes music.
Speaker 1: I still got lot with my brother. My brother's sixty
Speaker 1: five years old, I still like, yeah, I don't like that.
Speaker 1: For years, I didn't listen to led Zeppelin because he
Speaker 1: liked led Zebbe oh for sure, which is crazy because
Speaker 1: led Zevlin and here a great bad Yeah. I brother
Speaker 1: would listen to Nirvana.
Speaker 3: I'd be like, oh, you know, but then yeah, but
Speaker 3: like I have a little bit of what Jay has
Speaker 3: for soup and stuff. You know, it's you, but it's
Speaker 3: but I fixed. It was like twenty five, you know.
Speaker 3: But I was like, I don't like these things because whatever.
Speaker 3: Then I tried the message. I'm like, oh, this is
Speaker 3: actually pretty good he had. Oh here's my theory. Can
Speaker 3: I share my theory on that stuff? I ain't going anywhere,
Speaker 3: but I don't anymore. But I think you get I
Speaker 3: don't know, this is his thing. I don't, but like
Speaker 3: a lot of people get stunted, you know, child stars,
Speaker 3: they say that the age that they become famous is
Speaker 3: the age of their majority. I've seen I think for men,
Speaker 3: maybe comedians or people i've met, the age where they
Speaker 3: become really famous, it's kind of like the age where
Speaker 3: they go, I don't have to wear a suit when
Speaker 3: I go on a late night show, you know, or
Speaker 3: I don't have to change diapers.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm I'm you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: I think there's kind of that like if you were
Speaker 3: like famous the fifty you're still going to change diapers
Speaker 3: for your kid or something.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you don't, you don't have make kids, don't Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't change diapers. Yeah, because if you just like,
Speaker 1: if you're going to run change diapers and people are
Speaker 1: like asking you or is not your kids? There's your
Speaker 1: cancel right there. That Oh that's pretty good. Yeah. Oh yeah.
Speaker 1: Did you hear Taylor was like changing kids diapers? That's
Speaker 1: kind of that's too, I think. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3: But anyway, but like so I got into comedy in
Speaker 3: the bizarre way because I was watching I'm pro wrestling
Speaker 3: a lot. Okay, I was really in the prog wrestling
Speaker 3: and I hear the laughter there, lack of respect I
Speaker 3: hear from you, No.
Speaker 1: Not at all. I'm just I was what I was
Speaker 1: laughing at. It was the transition from pro wrestling to
Speaker 1: stand up comedy. I don't see it, so I'm looking
Speaker 1: forward to. So it's a laughter of anticipation. We're rowdy ready, Piper, Well,
Speaker 1: we don't all know each other. Plus he was Canadian, but.
Speaker 3: He but he must have been part of IM sure, yeah,
Speaker 3: most Canadians of that generation. So uh but Andy co
Speaker 3: I watched this documentary and Andy Kaufman on Comedy Central.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, and like that was the first me thinking like, oh,
Speaker 3: comedy that's cool, you know. Yeah, And then I listened
Speaker 3: Jeff Foxworthy in like seventh grade. I thought that was
Speaker 3: really cool. Folks Worthy is a great comic and he
Speaker 3: was great, so great. And also like for a kid,
Speaker 3: he's quotable. Yeah, Like I could go to school and
Speaker 3: be like, hey, you might be a rightneck if there's
Speaker 3: some kids laughing, they think I'm funny. Yeah, like that
Speaker 3: was always loved jokes you can quot because I can't
Speaker 3: remember a street joke that saved my life.
Speaker 1: No, I'm bout at you. I have one joke that
Speaker 1: I tell in the act. The rest of it's just bullshit.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but do you remember like street jokes, like from
Speaker 3: back in the day, like a street joke or like
Speaker 3: what do you call like a joke that like like
Speaker 3: I do like Jewish benefits sometimes and there's always something
Speaker 3: like old Jewish guys like, hey, want to hear a joke?
Speaker 1: And I was standing there for like seven years. They
Speaker 1: tell you the joke and there's one laugh movie at
Speaker 1: the end of it. It's like, I don't get that
Speaker 1: joke structure that is told by people who say you
Speaker 1: want to hear a joke, and then a long story,
Speaker 1: then nothing funny happens and at the end a sort
Speaker 1: of funny thing maybe happens, or maybe just a shit
Speaker 1: thing happens.
Speaker 3: And especially these like private events, you try to be
Speaker 3: extra extra polite, you know, because you're getting paid to
Speaker 3: hang out kind of and then like she's start like
Speaker 3: polite laughing halfway through, but you think that's the punchline,
Speaker 3: and it's no.
Speaker 1: I know, you have to keep going. Hey, I was
Speaker 1: wondering why I hadn't done a little of Jewish events recently,
Speaker 1: so you're doing them all. I'm listening. I'm going for it.
Speaker 1: Do you get those things? I've done a few of them. Yeah,
Speaker 1: how do you?
Speaker 3: How do you get that? That's like Roddy Piper being Scottish.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess. I don't know. I don't know. I
Speaker 1: just that kind of ended up doing a couple of
Speaker 1: things I did. I did once. The I was the
Speaker 1: comic relief at the Holocaust Memorial Dinner. Oh that sounds fine.
Speaker 1: You know it's a much coveted spot. It's not an
Speaker 1: easy gig, I'll tell you. Wow. Yeah it was. It
Speaker 1: was pretty hard. That's wild. Yeah. But if you got
Speaker 1: asked to do it, you can't say no, can you?
Speaker 1: You can't say no, I'm not going to do it. No.
Speaker 3: It's an honor too. But and I'm sure it pays
Speaker 3: something nice.
Speaker 1: No, there's no money in it.
Speaker 3: You did it for free. Yeah, wow, you're a real
Speaker 3: friend of the Jews. Stop it shalone?
Speaker 1: You do you?
Speaker 3: What what joke do you say to transition?
Speaker 1: I don't remember how I did it. I think I
Speaker 1: I don't know. It was it was bad because it
Speaker 1: was really kind of a very tough video played beforehand,
Speaker 1: and then I had to go out. I think what
Speaker 1: I said was, well, I'm the guy who won the
Speaker 1: most coveted spot in show business, the relief, and I
Speaker 1: think I started with that and then we we uh,
Speaker 1: you know, I got through it. It was it was tough.
Speaker 1: What's the toughest gig you've done?
Speaker 3: Well, I've done. I mean, I remember opening This is
Speaker 3: not the toughest, but I remember opening for doing a
Speaker 3: show of Sorority at cal State Northridge. And then they go,
Speaker 3: one of our sorority sisters died last night in a
Speaker 3: car accident, so we just want to make sure that
Speaker 3: you know that I.
Speaker 1: Don't have any jokes about that that happened, and went
Speaker 1: ahead with the event.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then oh, I've done a whole bunch of
Speaker 3: terrible things, Like I remember did a show out at
Speaker 3: college and the lights didn't work and they're like, yeah,
Speaker 3: so we're not I was like, ice, get my paycheck.
Speaker 3: This is great, and they're like, no, no, no, you
Speaker 3: we'll have you come back another time. I'm not plying
Speaker 3: back to Florida. I mean, I did me the money.
Speaker 3: They're like, well, we can do the show on the
Speaker 3: sidewalk if you weren't, And I was like Okay, I guess,
Speaker 3: so that's on the sidewalk. And and uh so when
Speaker 3: the kids all six crisscross apple sauce.
Speaker 1: You know what that is?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, And then it was little kids. Oh they're
Speaker 3: like twenty you know, okay, and then they sit in
Speaker 3: the grass and then but they're cicadas. And so every
Speaker 3: time I told her joke, it just handed like crickets chirping,
Speaker 3: like I'm bombing.
Speaker 1: For an hour. You know, you did an hour of
Speaker 1: sight to crickets. Yeah. Oh man, well you ran your stripes.
Speaker 1: That's good, you know. Yeah, you go to bomb. No,
Speaker 1: you have to. It's a real thing because if you're
Speaker 1: a stand up and you don't bomb, then a certain
Speaker 1: point you're going to find out you're not a stand up. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because only stand ups will walk through that fire. Only
Speaker 1: only a real stand up will go on a stage
Speaker 1: bomb completely, come off the stage and go, well, better
Speaker 1: do that again.
Speaker 3: You know, it is on it. It is terribly unhealthy.
Speaker 3: Like I analyze it all the time. I'm like, it's
Speaker 3: like touching a hot the whole business in general. It's
Speaker 3: like for me, it's like touching a hot stove and
Speaker 3: I burned myself four hundred and ninety nine out of
Speaker 3: five hundred times. But then the five hundred times ice
Speaker 3: cream comes out right, and I'm like, oh, I should
Speaker 3: try that again, you know, like.
Speaker 1: Are you? Are you in therapy now? You guys?
Speaker 3: I just signed up for therapy, did Yeah? And hr
Speaker 3: you know I'm thirty seven. Yeah, and I should have
Speaker 3: studied it twenty years ago.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know. I mean, it's like
Speaker 1: you don't study the Kabbala until you're forty. I think,
Speaker 1: is that when you started? That's when you start? Yeah?
Speaker 1: You you and you don't I think psychotherapy is you know,
Speaker 1: I'm very valuable. I've gone through tons of it, but
Speaker 1: I didn't get much of early on. Mindui, I was
Speaker 1: a black hair drummer and I nearly died, So maybe
Speaker 1: I shouldn't got to it early on. I don't know.
Speaker 1: Did you ever feel the call of the chemicals and
Speaker 1: the and that kind of lifestyle, the booze and the.
Speaker 3: No I was one of those guys who I didn't
Speaker 3: even I've never smoked a cigarette and I didn't even
Speaker 3: drink alcohol like a sip until I was like thirty two.
Speaker 1: What did you think when you first writed it. I
Speaker 1: don't get it. Why fuck you?
Speaker 3: Well, well can't say who was always nice to me
Speaker 3: about it is people who were like sober in the
Speaker 3: program respectfully you know, I've been sober thirty two years
Speaker 3: with respect amazing, bless you. And my first you know,
Speaker 3: my first joke on Craig Ferguson show, I was like,
Speaker 3: I was like, also, I was like, he has to
Speaker 3: say I'm twenty years old. Like that was my intro.
Speaker 3: I had you have to say he's twenty, so then
Speaker 3: my or my joke doesn't work, you know. So then
Speaker 3: I walked on stage and my opener was, it's kind
Speaker 3: of hard for me to talk about, but I'm gonna
Speaker 3: let you guys know that I've been cleaning sober now
Speaker 3: for twenty years. And then I make a joke how
Speaker 3: people are like mean to me, and then but yeah,
Speaker 3: I don't know if I say he's twenty yeah you
Speaker 3: set me up? Yeah yeah yeah, and and and I
Speaker 3: remember stop doing the joke, and someone's like, what if
Speaker 3: you're like when you're forty, you're gonna have people still
Speaker 3: saying like you have to you know, when you.
Speaker 1: Start out, you think tell the jokes forever, you know,
Speaker 1: you wish that that was something I'm envious ofly. I
Speaker 1: remember talking to Rickles about that. Do you ever meet Reckles?
Speaker 1: I got to be him once. It's so special. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, what a what a guy. But he did
Speaker 1: basically the same act for about forty years. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: was so jealous because you know, you can't do that. No, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean if you do an act for two years,
Speaker 1: you're pushing it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you at least won't get the respect of your
Speaker 3: peers for sure. Oh no, it's I don't. It's weird.
Speaker 3: I like the Chris Rock model, which is you wait
Speaker 3: till you have your great act. You live your life,
Speaker 3: you take some time off from stand up, you live
Speaker 3: your life, and then you have a killer special. It's
Speaker 3: a special, and you put out your special every six
Speaker 3: years maybe or whatever. There's no time limit, you know, right,
Speaker 3: And then I remember there's this document there's special on
Speaker 3: HBO's like Luis cy K and Seinfeld and Chris Rock
Speaker 3: and Ricky Gervase and discussing like are.
Speaker 1: They coming to see you? Are they coming to see
Speaker 1: the act?
Speaker 3: And then everyone just thinks each other is crazy because
Speaker 3: Seinfeld did the same act forever and uh right or
Speaker 3: he used to at least, and like the greatest are
Speaker 3: they come to see? Greatest hits? Are they coming to see?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it depends on who you are, says I think
Speaker 1: if you're playing, like, what's the biggest gig you've done?
Speaker 3: Probably I'm guessing Radio City Musical for America's Got Talent
Speaker 3: is like, yeah, of course there's like ninety seconds, right, but.
Speaker 1: It's still cunts. It's a big gig. It's six thousand
Speaker 1: and six, I've played it. So you did your own show,
Speaker 1: and yeah I did. But that's the thing though, I
Speaker 1: mean you, I what I quite admire about you is
Speaker 1: that you went at these comedy competition shows where I
Speaker 1: don't know if I would have done that. I don't
Speaker 1: know if I if I could have done that, I
Speaker 1: think I think I would have felt I don't know
Speaker 1: if I would have been able to manufacture a stand
Speaker 1: up in that environment. I'd have felt frightened or not frightened.
Speaker 1: But what was it? I just didn't didn't feel it
Speaker 1: was conducive to to stand up. But you made it work.
Speaker 1: I've seen you do it. Yeah.
Speaker 3: By today, I don't think I could. I was just
Speaker 3: desperate as right. A curse on the show. No, I
Speaker 3: was desperate, as frick buddy, No you can, I was
Speaker 3: fucking desperate.
Speaker 1: I was like I was.
Speaker 3: I was ten years in and my career was like
Speaker 3: I was about to I never had to have a
Speaker 3: day job, like I was really lucky. I was able
Speaker 3: to live in Squalor. I was always my ego. I'm
Speaker 3: professional comedian.
Speaker 1: Right I live.
Speaker 3: I live with twelve people, and I can't afford more
Speaker 3: than peanut butter stand, which is a professional comedian. I
Speaker 3: should have had a day job, but then I was
Speaker 3: broke and and my jokes were proved for Conan, and
Speaker 3: there was like a year of just like waiting to
Speaker 3: get on. Yeah, and like it, it's funny. If I
Speaker 3: had gotten on that, I wouldn't have done America's Got Talent.
Speaker 3: But I don't think I think I would have still
Speaker 3: had a good day job, you know, like it just
Speaker 3: didn't change your life like it used to.
Speaker 1: You know, I don't think it did. I mean I
Speaker 1: remember booking comedians on late night and when I was
Speaker 1: doing it, and they it even then watching them dot.
Speaker 1: I don't know how I could do that. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know how you can come out and just
Speaker 1: like in the space of five ten minutes, get them
Speaker 1: on your side. It's I guess, I guess you do.
Speaker 1: I guess I've done it.
Speaker 3: My stand up is like quick jokes. I always wrote,
Speaker 3: I never I wish. I always wanted to do Late
Speaker 3: Night all the time for whatever reason, like the Gatekeeper
Speaker 3: Bookers never wanted me.
Speaker 1: I did late Still a thing? Stand up in late night?
Speaker 3: Is it?
Speaker 1: I mean, I do. I never watched Late Night before
Speaker 1: I did it. I never watched I was doing it,
Speaker 1: and I don't watch it, so I don't really It's
Speaker 1: I have a weird disconnect understood.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like I think Jimmy Fallon is the only one
Speaker 3: to even seth Myers and Jimmy Fallen are the only
Speaker 3: one ones to do really like yeah, but I did
Speaker 3: your show twice in two thousand and seven, right and
Speaker 3: then like Nick Cannon asked me to do his talk
Speaker 3: daytime talk show like two years ago. I haven't done
Speaker 3: stand up on a talk show before after and all
Speaker 3: I did was write clean, quick jokes. But for whatever reason,
Speaker 3: I submitted like fifty five times. I was always told.
Speaker 1: You, this is broadcast television even a thing? I mean?
Speaker 1: And Instagram like TikTok.
Speaker 3: Yeah, the gatekeepers now are comedians in the algorithm.
Speaker 1: The algorithm. Yeah, it's a nightmare that that's kind of
Speaker 1: creepy though, isn't it. Yeah? But I talked to a
Speaker 1: guy at YouTube.
Speaker 3: This is this really kind guy who just cares about
Speaker 3: comedians and wants to help. And he happens to be
Speaker 3: an executive at YouTube and I and I talked to him.
Speaker 3: I was like putting on the special, like what can
Speaker 3: we do here, buddy? You know, like you like me,
Speaker 3: I like you people to put a little finger on
Speaker 3: the on the scale, you know. Yeah, And he's like,
Speaker 3: that doesn't that doesn't happen and uh and uh. He
Speaker 3: says that the algorithm is he really is his perspective
Speaker 3: is it really is fair?
Speaker 1: It really?
Speaker 3: I don't experience this, but his experiences. It gives people
Speaker 3: what they want. They couldn't guess. People want to watch
Speaker 3: watch unboxing videos, you know. That's a big thing, is
Speaker 3: people opening with packages of videos and ASMR is like,
Speaker 3: who have thought people would love just woman whispering and
Speaker 3: clicking things? So, you know, and but the algorithm sends
Speaker 3: people what do they want?
Speaker 1: And see, I don't know if it's good for you
Speaker 1: to get what you want all the time. I think,
Speaker 1: I agree. I I mean I I had instant I
Speaker 1: have professionally, I have Instagram, and of course it's me
Speaker 1: on it all the time. I never I have either
Speaker 1: there's a company I pay them. Yeah, don't even that's
Speaker 1: healthy because I went on it. And then when that
Speaker 1: little search engine, like the little magnifying glass, yeah, you
Speaker 1: start scrolling through, that's that. Shit's crazy. It's like you get,
Speaker 1: you know, a war atrocity, kitten playing with a ball
Speaker 1: of wool. Someone uh, tightrope walking, volcano explode, that's Pandora's box. Man.
Speaker 1: Human brain isn't built for that. It's crazy.
Speaker 3: The only things I try to like now, or like
Speaker 3: if my friends have something happening, like a career thing,
Speaker 3: or if it's two animals from different species snuggling each other.
Speaker 1: Okay, see that can't come no familiar. But but like.
Speaker 3: You know, like a little cat, like riding a turtle,
Speaker 3: you know, or like a monkey, a chimpanzee, respectfully, like
Speaker 3: holding like a puppy.
Speaker 1: Wait a minute, why did you see chimpanzee? And then
Speaker 1: respectfully to me, like the hell is that meant to me? No?
Speaker 3: Just I wanted to use the right term, like it
Speaker 3: might not be a monkey, you know, in case they're listening.
Speaker 1: Oh you mean like it could be a gorilla and no,
Speaker 1: a chimpanzee. Right, I believe it was.
Speaker 3: I don't get canceled on that one.
Speaker 1: Well, I don't know if if primates are canceling people
Speaker 1: yet on social media. I don't know.
Speaker 3: There was that monkey who sued the guy who took
Speaker 3: the picture.
Speaker 1: Remember that thing? A monkey suited somewhere. I think maybe
Speaker 1: an adventurous lawyer decided to work on a retainer. No retainer,
Speaker 1: I should say, yeah, a contingency law, because I don't
Speaker 1: I don't think a monkey's like you don't want to
Speaker 1: fuck him. I've had enough of this ship.
Speaker 3: There was a monkey type thing that took a self
Speaker 3: the first selfie in the jungle or something. But then
Speaker 3: they went that you don't own the picture because they
Speaker 3: took the picture. Then there's a whole lawsuit. You know, Oh.
Speaker 1: America, you're an Americans is your country? Baby? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: know there's a lot of lawsuit going on. You ever
Speaker 1: to be sued?
Speaker 3: I had, I had a threat of a lawsuit. I
Speaker 3: got hit by a drunk driver a few years ago,
Speaker 3: and they they threatened to sue me.
Speaker 1: It's a whole like insurance scam.
Speaker 3: They look, I learned a lot about this. It's a
Speaker 3: whole thing. They sue to make your insurance. Just settle it.
Speaker 1: They just want to settle it. They want to make
Speaker 1: it go away. Yeah. It actually, I think over the
Speaker 1: years you've been soon. Yeah, you know, I've been here
Speaker 1: for a while. You know, yeah happens.
Speaker 3: Have you ever been done a stand up show? And
Speaker 3: then they would they don't want to give you your paycheck.
Speaker 1: I take no part in any of that. Oh wow,
Speaker 1: I take no part in it. I have. I'm very
Speaker 1: lucky that when I go here is true story. I
Speaker 1: have a lawyer who's I don't know if I should
Speaker 1: say their name. No, I don't think I will. But
Speaker 1: when I first got to America, I had no money
Speaker 1: and I added this and I met this guy who's
Speaker 1: still my lawyer with him and one of the partners.
Speaker 1: So it's a man and a woman and they're terrific
Speaker 1: lawyers and they're super successful lawyers. And I had no
Speaker 1: money at all. But I was talking to them and
Speaker 1: they said, well, we will be your lawyers, and like
Speaker 1: they represent really really big people and they did back then,
Speaker 1: like giant titans of the industry shit. And I said,
Speaker 1: I got no money. I can't pay you. They said, no, no,
Speaker 1: we'll We'll take a percentage. And it's not a big percentage,
Speaker 1: he said. I said, but you can't have you know,
Speaker 1: five percent or nothing is still nothing. And they said, eah,
Speaker 1: we have a feeling. And they're still my lawyers. Yes, fantastic,
Speaker 1: that's amazing, very very lucky. And we've been through some
Speaker 1: real adventures. Yeah, so yeah, I'm very So who represents you?
Speaker 1: Was like, do you have the same manager you had
Speaker 1: at the beginning and stuff?
Speaker 3: No. I heard a sentence from somebody a few months
Speaker 3: ago at this party, and then he came up to me.
Speaker 3: He's like, I brought my wife to your show, and
Speaker 3: she don't take this wrong way, but she said, he's
Speaker 3: excited to say this. He means it as a compliment,
Speaker 3: but she's she said, oh my god, Taylor's so funny.
Speaker 3: Why isn't he famous? And then I'm just like.
Speaker 1: Do you feel you're not famous enough?
Speaker 3: No? But I'm just saying this is my representative to me,
Speaker 3: and I'm just like, do you not want to come
Speaker 3: up with a game plan with me. Do you not
Speaker 3: see any part of what would be a game plan
Speaker 3: for you?
Speaker 1: What do you want? I want? It's hard.
Speaker 3: I mean a lot of my dreams don't exist anymore.
Speaker 3: This as this industry changes so much. Like I started
Speaker 3: in two thousand and three, I wanted to be like
Speaker 3: I wanted to not to kiss your bike. I wanted
Speaker 3: to be like you. I wanted to be on a
Speaker 3: stitcom like that. Yeah, I thought you sitcom. Then you
Speaker 3: become like people know you as a comedian, you know.
Speaker 3: Then I swore my kissing. We were pitched a show
Speaker 3: several years ago that meant the world to me. I
Speaker 3: wanted to host a talk a talk show, yeah, like that,
Speaker 3: and then it doesn't really happening, you know, yeah, and
Speaker 3: like it's it's just all these like huge dreams that
Speaker 3: work so hard for like, oh that does that's not
Speaker 3: really a thing, multi game kind of thing.
Speaker 1: Talk shows not a thing. Well, it's no, it's been changing.
Speaker 1: Everybody has a talk show right right now, I can
Speaker 1: have a talk show. You can talk to your buddy
Speaker 1: at YouTube. I mean, it's right, but you're right, it's different.
Speaker 1: It's definitely different. I was just having a conversation with
Speaker 1: Landom about it. He was like, yeah, I feel like
Speaker 1: we got the laughter, that kind of thing, you know
Speaker 1: for sure? Does he do your voice when he talks
Speaker 1: about you? I hope so yeah he does. I think
Speaker 1: he does. But I want to be I want to.
Speaker 3: I want my comedy to be seeing by lots of
Speaker 3: people and enjoyed by lots of people. And I'd like to.
Speaker 3: I still want to create shows and have my friends
Speaker 3: in them, and I want to write movies.
Speaker 1: What about my personal stuff? What about your life outside
Speaker 1: of comedy? What do you do? Is it just you
Speaker 1: and Betty? Got Betty? I got a wonderful girlfriend. How
Speaker 1: long have you guys been together? Two years? Okay, so
Speaker 1: and you're about thirty seven? Thirty seven? Yeah yeah so
Speaker 1: yeah good.
Speaker 3: And she's been on your show yeah yeah yeah, Ginger Gonzaga.
Speaker 1: Yeah I remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she was on your show.
Speaker 1: She adores you.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, she's more of an actress superstar. Yeah, but
Speaker 3: she didn't stand up for a while. Yeah yeah, and
Speaker 3: uh yeah, like I'm I think, I'm like, I'm excited
Speaker 3: about my life and my COVID mess things up a lot.
Speaker 1: That was like I didn't care for it. I don't
Speaker 1: think that's to say, but it's true.
Speaker 3: But it's weird, Like I feel like I aged. I
Speaker 3: don't know, there's like an age I don't know, like
Speaker 3: you know, in your twenties it like nothing matters, kind
Speaker 3: of like you can make mistakes whatever. The early thirties
Speaker 3: is kind of that. But then like later three is like, oh,
Speaker 3: I got to make decisions in my life. Like yeah,
Speaker 3: and I feel like I missed a few years of
Speaker 3: of like chilling a little bit more, you know, because
Speaker 3: the last few years has been catching up on opportunities
Speaker 3: that were taking away and stuff, you know. But right
Speaker 3: now I feel so excited about my art and career
Speaker 3: stuff coming up and uh, personal life stuff, and I
Speaker 3: feel like I'm figuring out who I am and what
Speaker 3: I'm about. And I'm not in a hurry. I spend
Speaker 3: too much time trying to do things by a certain age.
Speaker 3: It's like a dumb thing that happened. It's starting out.
Speaker 1: So yeah, no, I think everybody does that. I remember, yeah,
Speaker 1: because I remember saying, like when I was a kid,
Speaker 1: you know, Orson Welles made Citizen kme by the time
Speaker 1: he was like twenty five or he did that too. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then but you gotta look at the whole picture.
Speaker 1: Look at orson Wales that like, you know, and there's
Speaker 1: sixties doing commercials for frozen peace. That's the wrong with
Speaker 1: doing a commercial for frozen peas. But you know, it's
Speaker 1: not a kind of linear thing. It's very naive I
Speaker 1: think to think, oh, well, once I get this, everything's
Speaker 1: gonna be okay, you know. Yeah, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: think the longer I survive physically, the more I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: health is the only thing that fucking mars man is
Speaker 1: the only thing that mars Yeah, health, health in your family,
Speaker 1: That's the only thing. Am I ever? Show business? The
Speaker 1: fuck please? Show business, I feel is like the Internet.
Speaker 1: It's only dangerous if you take it seriously. You don't
Speaker 1: take it seriously, doesn't fucking it doesn't matter at all. Right,
Speaker 1: it is crazy. You know, Hey, look he did this. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's right. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it's it's a funny journey. And like even
Speaker 3: just being alive still, I feel like I'm doing well,
Speaker 3: you know, like it's just.
Speaker 1: The ahead of the game. Ninety percent of people on.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's so many people that like I used to
Speaker 3: try to impress this business or like wanted their validation,
Speaker 3: or like wanted them to work with me.
Speaker 1: Whatever.
Speaker 3: They're not in the business anymore. They're not alive anymore.
Speaker 1: Some of them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like it's funny how it resets. I've noticed that,
Speaker 3: Like the people almost had tons, I mean with late Night.
Speaker 1: I remember people who I had idolized, who became I
Speaker 1: became friendly with, I went for dinner with, who came
Speaker 1: in my house, and then you know, and now they've
Speaker 1: had a lot of them have died and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: I mean, time fuckings. Man, It's not like you get
Speaker 1: to a point you're going to sit there forever. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's fun.
Speaker 3: What's your healthy thing you do outside of the business.
Speaker 1: I take no part in it. It's what I do.
Speaker 1: I take no part in the business. I hang with,
Speaker 1: you know, my family, and I do that. I I
Speaker 1: don't have like hobbies are in it. I don't like
Speaker 1: have a warehouse full of cars or you know. But
Speaker 1: I bought a boat. I can fly airplanes. I can
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Like you just casually say I can
Speaker 1: fly a plane. Yeah, I can't fly plane, fly multiple planes,
Speaker 1: but not at the same time. I'm not an octopus.
Speaker 1: I don't know what that an octopus could do that,
Speaker 1: but you would need at least like you need a
Speaker 1: lot of limbs, That's what I'm saying. But of course
Speaker 1: you would need more than just limbs to fly a plane.
Speaker 1: It's not like an octopus can go I can fly
Speaker 1: eight plane. That's not true.
Speaker 3: What's the longest flight you've done well as me as
Speaker 3: the pilot?
Speaker 1: Yeah, a couple hours, I guess.
Speaker 3: And like, so do you need to explain it to me?
Speaker 3: Is it hard to fly a plane or they just
Speaker 3: need to make sure that you're not an asshole?
Speaker 1: Well, you can be an asshole on fly a plane. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but it's learned experience. I mean you you don't. You don't.
Speaker 1: You don't get to fly a plane on your first
Speaker 1: day learning about it. Yeah, it's kind of like stand up.
Speaker 1: The difference is the difference is when you fail at
Speaker 1: stand up, you walk away with hurt feelings. You fail
Speaker 1: at aviation, Hey, you don't walk away at all. That's wow,
Speaker 1: that's that's beautiful. Yeah. What I like about it and
Speaker 1: what it what drew me to it is that it's
Speaker 1: a very It's the same thing Leno says about cars. You.
Speaker 1: It's very scientific. It's very cause and effect. There's no
Speaker 1: why does that guy do well and I don't do well?
Speaker 1: Or why do people like there's no ambiguity to it.
Speaker 1: It's like you follow the rules and it will work. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you don't follow the rules, it will not work. Right,
Speaker 1: And that that kind of appeals to me because show
Speaker 1: business is not like that. You can follow all the
Speaker 1: like you were discussing your frustration, you know, like following
Speaker 1: certain rules and it not working out for you, and
Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, it's show business is mercurial, but aviation
Speaker 1: is scientific.
Speaker 3: Wow, that's so thoughtful. That's really fascinating. Well, no, but
Speaker 3: I heard your interview with Jyleno talking about that too,
Speaker 3: and like I get it more now, Like, yeah, you
Speaker 3: know John Cena says control the controllable.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what John Cena says. John Cena is a
Speaker 1: very wise man. I think it's been said before. It
Speaker 1: is the serenity to accept the things you cannot change,
Speaker 1: courage to change the things that can, and the wisdom
Speaker 1: to know the difference. Oh, they stole that from John Cena.
Speaker 1: That was John Cena who first came up with it.
Speaker 1: I think he was the first stoic. Yes did.
Speaker 3: I was just in Fort Wayne, Indiana, and there was
Speaker 3: a sister that it's a great place.
Speaker 1: Have you been there?
Speaker 3: There was this fancy bar there that Harrison Ford would
Speaker 3: fly there and then I think it's a soda bar
Speaker 3: or something like that. I don't know, but he would
Speaker 3: go there and have a cocktail like that and then
Speaker 3: he would fly home like that was I imagine he
Speaker 3: was sleep or may he crashed maybe he.
Speaker 1: Would No, no, no, he's fine.
Speaker 3: Respect respect to Harrison, But have you ever done that?
Speaker 3: You fly to a place, then you just like hang
Speaker 3: out and fly home like yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've done it a lot of times. I've done
Speaker 1: it with Harris support, but I've done it with other people.
Speaker 1: And yeah, you go to a cocktail. That would be.
Speaker 3: Bad if I flew saying he flew trunk, I did.
Speaker 3: I made a joke saying I don't know. That's a
Speaker 3: good cancel. By the way, what's a cute can.
Speaker 1: You were canceled for saying that.
Speaker 3: Hey, I heard Harrison Ford. This helps you with listeners too.
Speaker 1: No, I don't want any help with listeners. Yeah no, No,
Speaker 1: What I mean is I you know, whenever you do
Speaker 1: an interview and they say, why should people come to
Speaker 1: your show? I'm like, I don't fucking know. Come if
Speaker 1: they won't. You know your dad. If you don't want
Speaker 1: to come, don't come. I'm not going to force you.
Speaker 1: You know who I am. If you if you want
Speaker 1: to see me, come see me. If you don't, don't,
Speaker 1: it's okay. Yeah, you're not going to try and sell
Speaker 1: you anything. Do you know what the business is now for?
Speaker 3: Like you're you're locked in as like comedy icon and
Speaker 3: people different generations know you and like you're in a
Speaker 3: special thing like the things that meetings are doing now
Speaker 3: to get famous. It's not about I'm sure never was
Speaker 3: about just being a great artist. Has always been a business,
Speaker 3: you know. Sure, But there's people who sell out because
Speaker 3: they they're promoters, right, and they get agents because the
Speaker 3: agents are like, well they're selling out everything. I guess
Speaker 3: we'll book them, like the big agencies are signing these like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, well that's always.
Speaker 3: Been the case, has there always been?
Speaker 1: Like people? Sure? Yet, look, you think an agent gives
Speaker 1: out fuck what you do you think an agent, any
Speaker 1: agent in Hollywood gives out fly and fuck what your
Speaker 1: act is?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 1: It's how much money it makes. That's the business they were.
Speaker 3: That's something for me to figure out in therapy is
Speaker 3: like I'm always looking for, Like, like I'm twenty years in.
Speaker 3: I still think I'm like, they're gonna be my friend.
Speaker 3: You're like there's like a mother figure, a father figure
Speaker 3: I have.
Speaker 1: I have no my agents and people I work with
Speaker 1: I've been with for a very long time that they
Speaker 1: are friends but their friends. No, because I don't really
Speaker 1: give a shit but what I'm working at right But
Speaker 1: I don't know. If you're in the you're in the
Speaker 1: heat right now, you're in the in the thirty your thirties,
Speaker 1: your forties, that's like, you know, it's like making your
Speaker 1: balloons time. Yeah, you know it's hard to be friends
Speaker 1: in the Yeah, what do I do? I don't fucking know. Man,
Speaker 1: it's different for everybody. Will will you be my dad? Uh? Yeah?
Speaker 1: All right?
Speaker 3: Kind of allowance, how much do you want? Like one
Speaker 3: hundred bucks a week? No? Not.
Speaker 1: If I give you a hundred bucks a week, then
Speaker 1: I have to give the other kids one hundred bucks
Speaker 1: a week.
Speaker 3: I think the other guess Jesse Tyler Ferguson has to
Speaker 3: get a hundred bucks a week.
Speaker 1: No, are your actual kids? Yeah, my actual kids. I
Speaker 1: don't want them coming at me for money. Oh I understand.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but if you didn't have them, you would give
Speaker 3: me a hundred bucks a week.
Speaker 1: Sure, let's say, yeah, okay, get the fuck out of it.
Speaker 1: Thank you,