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Speaker 1: Hey, alyssa sale and this is Joe. Welcome to the

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime podcast game show.

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Speaker 2: The show where you can hear the greatest stories on ours.

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Speaker 1: And luckily you've won the jackpot for listening to the

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Speaker 1: best stories your ears could listen to. All you have

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Speaker 1: to do is wait for two minutes through these messages

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Speaker 1: from our sponsors.

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Speaker 3: My boyfriend refuses to pay bills anymore.

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Speaker 2: He's taking all my money. No, he's taking all our money.

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Speaker 3: We met when I was nineteen and in my sophomore

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Speaker 3: year of college.

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Speaker 2: I didn't have a job, but I was a full

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Speaker 2: time student.

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Speaker 3: When my SSO and I started to see each other more,

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Speaker 3: I would spend more time at his apartment and didn't

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Speaker 3: move in. All of my stuff was still in my

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Speaker 3: dorm room, and I spent the majority of the day

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Speaker 3: on campus at least from eight am to seven pm.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from tired of doing everything.

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Speaker 3: And if you want to sumit your own stories, go

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Speaker 3: to the r slash Okay Storytime supperate it. So, even

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Speaker 3: though I couldn't really help out financially with MYESSO since

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Speaker 3: he had a job at the time, I helped where

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Speaker 3: I could bought lunch coffee, helped clean and I had

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Speaker 3: a monthly stipend I could spend in the university store,

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Speaker 3: and I'd use that to help him out with groceries.

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Speaker 2: I wasn't much at the time, but it was all

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Speaker 2: I could do.

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Speaker 3: I graduated last May, but I started working part time

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Speaker 3: when I was twenty one. In addition to my part

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Speaker 3: time job, I'm also helping a professor grade exams and

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Speaker 3: do little jobs for her, and I'm taking a class

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Speaker 3: studying for the GI All of this is important because

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Speaker 3: my ESSO feels that because I wasn't working for the

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Speaker 3: first two years of our relationship, he shouldn't have to

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Speaker 3: pay for anything for a while. He thinks the financial

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Speaker 3: situation should balance out.

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Speaker 4: Well, um u, that's one way to say, I would

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Speaker 4: like to mooch off of you indefinitely.

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Speaker 2: The thing.

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Speaker 3: Okay, so he was saying that he was paying for

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Speaker 3: a lot of things during college, But that's like, that's

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Speaker 3: like if my parents were like, hey, we paid we

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Speaker 3: helped you out in college, so now you have to

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Speaker 3: pay for everything for us, I'd.

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Speaker 2: Be like, wait, but I was broken. I don't have

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Speaker 2: like a crazy amount of money now.

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Speaker 4: Well, and Opie literally like helped still manage to help

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Speaker 4: with groceries.

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Speaker 3: Which is a pretty big deal for a college student, right,

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Speaker 3: like that huge. I don't know, I feel like he

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Speaker 3: made that kind of not to say that she shouldn't

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Speaker 3: be contributing.

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Speaker 2: She's what she is right now. But I don't think

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Speaker 2: he can just be like, well, I'm done working your

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Speaker 2: turn well and are when when does it become even? Then?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? When does his swing back around? He hasn't had

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Speaker 3: steady work. He'll be a bartender for a while, then

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Speaker 3: get bored of that. Then he'll work in retail or

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Speaker 3: food for a few months and go back to bartending.

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Speaker 3: He seems to have a new job every six to

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Speaker 3: seven months. He's able to find work easily because he's

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Speaker 3: so charismatic, but he'll eventually.

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Speaker 2: Get bored and want to do something different, which I'll

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Speaker 2: give him is kind of you.

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Speaker 3: Know and not so common, but you know, fairly normal

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Speaker 3: for a twenty one year old just at college.

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Speaker 2: Yeah I believe he's twenty one. Well, yeah, the jobs

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Speaker 2: being described aren't also yeah, high octane thrillers.

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Speaker 3: No, like he's because like, no one wants to work,

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Speaker 3: and you know, most people don't want to work at retail.

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Speaker 2: Yet in general the cab. This is where I'm gonna

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Speaker 2: stay forever. Wait to do this for the rest of

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Speaker 2: my life.

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Speaker 3: I will give him a lot of people, will, you know,

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Speaker 3: find jobs that will give them momentary you know, funds,

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Speaker 3: but not necessarily jobs that they're gonna stay with. He

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Speaker 3: no longer pays me half the rents. We've been living

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Speaker 3: together for a year now, but not paying rent wasn't

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Speaker 3: enough to balance things out for him. He only buys

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Speaker 3: groceries for us once or twice a month, which is

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Speaker 3: usually milk, adult sodas, and steaks.

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Speaker 2: Everything's groceries everything a man needs. That's actually not groceries.

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Speaker 4: That's just a cow, the milk of the animal, the

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Speaker 4: milk of the land, and then.

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Speaker 2: Also the body of the animal, stick, the body and

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Speaker 2: blood of the cow, and also be This has been

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Speaker 2: going on for about four months now, or about two

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Speaker 2: thousand dollars in rent, bro, Why are you let in

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Speaker 2: that slide? He's just saying, yeah, I'm not gonna pay anymore. No,

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Speaker 2: that's crazy. Yeah, I can barely afford this.

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Speaker 3: It's why I took a second job helping an old

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Speaker 3: professor out. She's paying me very well and it helped

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Speaker 3: me make ends meet. Not only is he not paying

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Speaker 3: for anything, all the cleaning, cooking, apartment maintenance, driving, planning,

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Speaker 3: date nights, et cetera.

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Speaker 2: All fall on me that you're a parent, you're parenting him.

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Speaker 2: This is a baby bowoy. He's drinking his milk. He's

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Speaker 2: got milk.

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Speaker 3: This makes me feel like I'm both the girlfriend and

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Speaker 3: the boyfriend because I do everything. I also feel like

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Speaker 3: his parent because he makes a mess of the apartment,

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Speaker 3: leaving trash on the ground, not cleaning up, his spills

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Speaker 3: on the counter, leaving dirty dishes out.

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Speaker 2: And I end up cleaning it up. I don't want to.

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Speaker 4: He's like, once, you know, once things are a little

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Speaker 4: more even, I'll clean up after myself. Yeah, but until then,

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Speaker 4: chop chop. Yeah, you have to do everything.

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Speaker 2: It's only fair. I've paid for some dinners back in college.

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Speaker 2: She's like, literally only fairs up.

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Speaker 3: I usually ask him to clean up, but I've waited

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Speaker 3: up to seven days before I relent and can't stand

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Speaker 3: the sight of the mess he's made and then clean

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Speaker 3: it up myself. Example, he spilled a large amount of

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Speaker 3: syrup on the kitchen counter and didn't clean it up.

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Speaker 2: Well, yeah, that's the counter syrup. Yeah, he's saving that

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Speaker 2: for later. I was saving that for a week from

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Speaker 2: now in case I was gonna dip something. It sat

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Speaker 2: there for about a week. Each day I asked him

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Speaker 2: to clean it up. I even laid out a sponge

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Speaker 2: and some cleaning spray by it. I got sick and

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Speaker 2: tired of it and clean it up myself. Ask him

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Speaker 2: to do simple chores while I'm out at work, like

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Speaker 2: take the garbage out. It's a two minute walk to

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Speaker 2: the dumpster in our apartment. He'll agree to do it.

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Speaker 2: When I come home from work, it will still be there.

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Speaker 2: I asked him to take it out. The next day,

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Speaker 2: I'll come home still there. Get again.

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Speaker 3: He'll get angry and say he's gonna do it. Girl,

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Speaker 3: break up with him.

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Speaker 4: Imagine he's like, that's the third time I've taken the

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Speaker 4: trash out, and it's justesticulous. How does it end up

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Speaker 4: back here?

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Speaker 2: It's probably all beer cans and bones from mistakes. Bones.

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Speaker 3: This keeps up until the garbage is effing disgusting. It's

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Speaker 3: leaking and smells bad. I have asthma, and garbage fumes

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Speaker 3: can sometimes make me wheeze, So I take out the garbage.

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Speaker 3: There was one time where the garbage pile grew to

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Speaker 3: about three bags. It smelled terrible. Crap was Lincoln. It

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Speaker 3: was probably a hazard. He didn't take it out, even

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Speaker 3: though he said he would every day.

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Speaker 2: I eventually had to take it out.

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Speaker 3: I know this sub doesn't like enabling, but I don't

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Speaker 3: think that most subscribers take into consideration the horridness of

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Speaker 3: liquids that eke out from a garbage bag. The thing

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Speaker 3: is that staying with him is the enabling, right.

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Speaker 2: No one's like, ah, you should have left that rancid

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Speaker 2: garbage in your apartment longer, Like No, It's just this

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Speaker 2: guy is the rancid.

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Speaker 3: He's the rancid garbage that you have to take out.

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Speaker 2: It's the final piece of the you know, chor chart.

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Speaker 2: Get rid of him.

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Speaker 3: He'll get mad at me for taking out the garbage

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Speaker 3: and claim but I was just about to do that.

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Speaker 2: Why didn't you let me take it out?

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Speaker 3: Sometimes I think he purposely does things to make the

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Speaker 3: bills higher than they should be. We've been having weird

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Speaker 3: weather in my regions, so it's been going back and

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Speaker 3: forth from cold to warm. He's turning the ac to

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Speaker 3: low temperatures. When it's warm, and turning the heat way

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Speaker 3: up when it's cold, like the AC will be on

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Speaker 3: sixty four and effing freezing when I get home. Sometimes

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Speaker 3: that's just terrible. That's terrible. And or he'll crank the

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Speaker 3: heat up to seventy four and it will feel like

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Speaker 3: an inferno in the apartment. He'll also just turn the

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Speaker 3: shower on when he goes to the bathroom because he

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Speaker 3: likes how it feels.

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Speaker 2: He just wants a sana. He just likes having company.

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Speaker 3: He's like, I don't know, it's kind of like like

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Speaker 3: rain noises, you know, like I used to put on

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Speaker 3: the white noise machine, but not gonna have three noises.

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Speaker 3: And also is kind of toasty in there, and the

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Speaker 3: steam is really good for my skins.

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Speaker 2: Like he's like the bitter patter of the shower, I

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Speaker 2: need it to lock in the warm steam.

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Speaker 3: I'll ask him repeatedly to keep the thermostat at a

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Speaker 3: reasonable temp to save money and to not waste water.

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Speaker 3: He usually responds by saying, the water bill is never

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Speaker 3: that high, yeah, because you never pay it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's always zero dollars for me.

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Speaker 3: And he wants to be comfortable temperature wise, which is

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Speaker 3: apparently either arctic or Magma.

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Speaker 2: I'll also say, okay, but to be fair, seventy four

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Speaker 2: is not meg. Seventy four sixty four, No, sixty four

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Speaker 2: is cool. Seventy four is not. Seventy four is not med.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, no, No, however, dump this guy. It's not.

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Speaker 2: None of these are the issues. The issues is that

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Speaker 2: this guy is using you as a bank bank yep.

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Speaker 3: He'll also take advantage of my kindness. Money is tight

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Speaker 3: right now, but I still want to go outside and

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Speaker 3: try to frugally have fun, which is possible. There is

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Speaker 3: a chain restaurant within walking distance of our apartment. If

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Speaker 3: I'm feeling rich, which is rare these days, we'll go

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Speaker 3: there for a snack and an adult soda. I tried

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Speaker 3: planning a date night for Valentine's Day to set restaurant.

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Speaker 3: I told him that we can go out, but only

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Speaker 3: if we just stick to an appetizer or an entree

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Speaker 3: under twelve dollars and only have one or two of

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Speaker 3: the adult sodas special that night. He ended up complaining

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Speaker 3: that it should be more romantic, we should have gone

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Speaker 3: to a nicer place, that we shouldn't have to stick

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Speaker 3: to such a low value venue.

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Speaker 2: Well, then maybe you should get a job. Yeah, maybe

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Speaker 2: you should do some some legwork for Valentine's Day.

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Speaker 3: I said, I was sorry, but I couldn't afford anything nice.

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Speaker 3: He ends up getting an app, the most expensive entree,

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Speaker 3: several top shelf lits, and a dessert.

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Speaker 2: I just had an app and one adult soda. What

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Speaker 2: is a top shelf lip? I have no idea how

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Speaker 2: I assume get a drink kind of liquor. Yes, that's

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Speaker 2: what I'm thinking.

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Speaker 5: I'll look it up.

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Speaker 3: The check came and it was more than I could afford.

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Speaker 3: I asked him to help out. He gave me about

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Speaker 3: twenty dollars and told me I had to get the rest.

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Speaker 2: What break up with him? Who is this guy? Break

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Speaker 2: up with him? Why are we with this man? How

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Speaker 2: do we not know? And you found him when you

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Speaker 2: were nineteen dollars? I mean nineteen dollars. You found him

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Speaker 2: when you were nineteen. You only had nineteen dollars when

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Speaker 2: you found this man. Yeah, he's taken every last, every

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Speaker 2: last penny.

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Speaker 5: Top shelf long island iced tea.

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Speaker 2: Oh man, is it gets wrong? Top shelf long Island

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Speaker 2: iced tea also psycho.

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Speaker 3: From what I know about a long Island iced tea.

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Speaker 3: There's a pretty powerful.

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Speaker 2: Thing to hangover a machine. Yes, so why would you that?

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Speaker 2: On Valentine? The point is is why is use all

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Speaker 2: of the garbage stuff? You put a bunch of garbage

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Speaker 2: in a cup. It's a Long Island iced tea.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you don't put all of the nice stuff in

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Speaker 4: the cup to make a Long Island iced tea.

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Speaker 2: He gets set to you. He called it a lit too.

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Speaker 5: He's like, I'll take another lit toy.

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Speaker 2: That's crazy.

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Speaker 3: That's a crazy amount of like adult beverages to get

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Speaker 3: when you're trying to have a nice evening out with

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Speaker 3: your partner.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: I don't think this guy cares about having a nice

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Speaker 4: anything with you.

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Speaker 2: Op.

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Speaker 3: I used the little cash I had on me and

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Speaker 3: my car to pay for it all. Every time I

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Speaker 3: bring up the money issue, he always goes back to

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Speaker 3: the point that when we first started to date, he

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Speaker 3: paid for almost everything, and that it's only fair that

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Speaker 3: he doesn't have to pay for anything now.

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Speaker 2: Is this right? For all?

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Speaker 3: I know he did pay for a lot the first

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Speaker 3: two years we were together, but that didn't include him

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Speaker 3: paying for my rent, utilities, groceries, et cetera. He also

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Speaker 3: started smoke in the backage. Yeah, he didn't pay for

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Speaker 3: your bills. He's also started to smoke in the bathroom,

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Speaker 3: but didn't I know he's smoking there because whenever I

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Speaker 3: take a shower, I see beads of tar on the

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Speaker 3: once white walls, which are now starting to yellow. Girl,

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Speaker 3: you are not going to get your You're not gonna

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Speaker 3: get your deposit bag at all.

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Speaker 2: Smoke does not come out of walls. It comes out

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Speaker 2: of mouths. Well, not really stays in there, reading your

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Speaker 2: teeth and your lungs. This is true.

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Speaker 3: I can see ash in the toilet trash can and saying, oh,

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Speaker 3: it also smells like sig smoke in there, and I'm asthmatic.

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Speaker 4: So you have asthma, and the sky smokes cigarettes. That's

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Speaker 4: already just a sign from the universe right there.

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Speaker 2: That you should just leave ee. So it's now hard

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Speaker 2: for me to breathe in the bathroom. Is there anything

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Speaker 2: good about him? No.

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Speaker 3: I've pointed out all the proof I've seen to him,

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Speaker 3: and he has an excuse for all of it. He

273
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Speaker 3: was just emptying out the ashtray from the porch into

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Speaker 3: this trash cran and some of it accidentally gone into

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Speaker 3: the toilet or sink. He claims that the beads of

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Speaker 3: tar I see on the walls are just from cheap paint,

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Speaker 3: and that it's actually the steam from the shower that's

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Speaker 3: making the walls start to yell.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's our shower that's yellow. Babe, don't worry about it.

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Speaker 2: You don't understand. He just needs to be like, Babe,

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Speaker 2: you don't understand ripping a dart. Sitting on the toilet.

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Speaker 2: It just feels different. You know what. He's probably putting

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Speaker 2: the shower on when he's going to the bathroom so

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Speaker 2: that the smoke is less obvious, which is like, is

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Speaker 2: not It doesn't do anything, No, but like I feel

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Speaker 2: like that's what he's doing. Yeah, He's like, if the steam,

287
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Speaker 2: if this, if the steam it looks like it's smoke,

288
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Speaker 2: then you won't know that I'm smoking in there. Cancels out.

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Speaker 3: He'll also try to convince me that the bathroom walls

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Speaker 3: have always been painted a light yellow.

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Speaker 2: Yes, my favorite color. Give me the little kind of

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Speaker 2: gross off white yellow hue, please for my walls. Thank you.

293
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Speaker 3: The hair that broke the Camel's back was our most

294
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Speaker 3: recent arguments. We were talking about our future wedding. Please

295
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Speaker 3: don't marry this man. Two friends of mine got married

296
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Speaker 3: a few months ago, and we started to talk about

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Speaker 3: how nice their wedding was and now they were able.

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Speaker 2: To pay for it.

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Speaker 3: He told me, you know, the bride's parents traditionally pay

300
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Speaker 3: for everything. The comment blew me away. Dude, you know

301
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Speaker 3: why the bride's parents traditionally pay for for everything because

302
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Speaker 3: the man then would pay for everything else.

303
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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's almost like you're not holding up

304
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Speaker 4: your end of that bargain.

305
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Speaker 3: I responded with, that may be traditional, but it's not

306
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Speaker 3: common anymore. My parents can't afford a wedding. Bob and

307
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Speaker 3: Jane paid for most of their wedding, and their parents

308
00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:20,000
Speaker 3: chipped in. You got mad at this statement and said

309
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Speaker 3: his mom isn't going to pay for our wedding and

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Speaker 3: that the cause should be on me and my parents'

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Speaker 3: shoulders to bear.

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Speaker 2: I don't know what to do. I feel like it's balanced. Now.

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Speaker 3: He's been living for free, eating for free, using water

314
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Speaker 3: and electricity for free, hasn't had to drive us anywhere,

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Speaker 3: and he's had my free made service and chef service

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Speaker 3: for four months.

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Speaker 2: Now. Girl, quit it, get it? So you go?

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Speaker 4: So this arrangement is concluded, we're gonna have I mean,

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Speaker 4: I guess so fifty to fifty would be fair. But

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Speaker 4: like at this point, it's just the fair thing is

321
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Speaker 4: to leave him because he's not gonna this comes from

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Speaker 4: a place of disrespect.

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Speaker 2: Oh, big time, big So.

324
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Speaker 4: That's gonna affect all aspects of your relationship, not just

325
00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:00,160
Speaker 4: the financial Forever.

326
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Speaker 3: Forever is if this is how he's acting now, this

327
00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:05,480
Speaker 3: is not you know, maybe he'll get a job, but

328
00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:07,360
Speaker 3: he already knows that you're gonna pay for him for

329
00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:10,839
Speaker 3: you know, without kind of if he just doesn't do

330
00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:12,240
Speaker 3: stuff long enough, then you'll do.

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Speaker 2: It for him.

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00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:15,720
Speaker 3: Everything was great before he decided to do this. We

333
00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:18,000
Speaker 3: rarely fought until he felt the need to not pay

334
00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:20,760
Speaker 3: for anything. And I know he has a job because

335
00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:23,920
Speaker 3: I've visited him multiple times while he's working. He'll invite

336
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:26,080
Speaker 3: a coworker of his over to our place on occasion

337
00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:26,480
Speaker 3: as well.

338
00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:29,600
Speaker 2: And there isn't edit. I hope to goodness gracious.

339
00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:33,120
Speaker 3: That Ope got tons and tons of common saying girl leave.

340
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:37,560
Speaker 2: Yeah. I gotta assume that like most comments were just that.

341
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:42,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, just just get out tons and tons of commons

342
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:46,520
Speaker 3: saying why are you in this relationship with this baby.

343
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, it doesn't seem like there's anything redeeming in it,

344
00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:52,440
Speaker 2: and it seems like aship imply shifted to I am

345
00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:56,040
Speaker 2: baby and you are mummy. Exactly. You're in a relationship

346
00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:58,000
Speaker 2: with a smoking baby. Smoking baby.

347
00:14:58,040 --> 00:15:02,520
Speaker 4: That's funny, good baby, that's classic funny. Classically everybody knows.

348
00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:05,120
Speaker 4: Smoking baby's classic funny. Not what I went on to

349
00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:05,880
Speaker 4: be in a relationship with.

350
00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:07,600
Speaker 2: Though. No, you don't want to be in a relationship

351
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:08,240
Speaker 2: with smoking baby.

352
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:11,239
Speaker 4: You just want to see it like watch show vaudeville

353
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:12,320
Speaker 4: show of some kind.

354
00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:15,160
Speaker 2: You know, Hey, I'm smoke a baby, and he goes, oh,

355
00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:19,520
Speaker 2: bab baby, smoking baby. Baby. Can't smoke baby. You can't

356
00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:21,960
Speaker 2: do that at the walls. You're gonna make me yellow. Yeah,

357
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:25,120
Speaker 2: that's what they say in the vaudeville show. He goes, Google,

358
00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:30,720
Speaker 2: got guy, baby, baby, give me your money now, and

359
00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:33,560
Speaker 2: then that's that's our new sketch show. Yeah, so don't

360
00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:37,160
Speaker 2: stay with smoking babies. Don't stay with smoking baby. Edit.

361
00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:39,920
Speaker 3: Thank you to everyone I responded or sent me a

362
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:43,240
Speaker 3: private message. I read everything. A lot of what everyone

363
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:45,520
Speaker 3: has been saying is exactly what I've been thinking in

364
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:48,280
Speaker 3: the back of my head. But I felt emotionally drained

365
00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:51,240
Speaker 3: and physically exhausted since all of this happened, so it's

366
00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:54,000
Speaker 3: been hard to think clearly. I've come to realize I'm

367
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:57,280
Speaker 3: in a crappy situation and I'm a little scared many

368
00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:59,640
Speaker 3: at the comments blow hit close to home and made

369
00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:02,360
Speaker 3: me realize how effed up everything is. Right now, I'm

370
00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:03,400
Speaker 3: going to plan an.

371
00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:07,040
Speaker 2: Escape, so to speak. I feel that simply saying we're

372
00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:10,680
Speaker 2: done to him won't work. Say we're done. Oh, you're

373
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:16,480
Speaker 2: making it too complicated. Just say I'm leaving and leave. Yes,

374
00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:17,760
Speaker 2: that's all it needs.

375
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,080
Speaker 3: I've already talked to my parents and they've agreed to

376
00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:22,200
Speaker 3: let me live with them for a while. This is

377
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:24,920
Speaker 3: an ideal, but it will allow me to save up money.

378
00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:27,840
Speaker 3: I've spoken to my future ex SOO. I tried it

379
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,080
Speaker 3: lightly and told him that since I'm planning on going

380
00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:32,800
Speaker 3: to grad school, I've decided to enroll in a summer

381
00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:36,680
Speaker 3: class or two before I've officially accepted this is true,

382
00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:39,240
Speaker 3: The university have planned to attend will allow you to

383
00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:39,600
Speaker 3: do this.

384
00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:41,560
Speaker 2: I told him I'd have to move back in with

385
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:42,880
Speaker 2: my parents for a while.

386
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:45,440
Speaker 3: He wasn't happy about this, and I could see the

387
00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:48,440
Speaker 3: gears starting to turn in his head. He's like, this

388
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:51,400
Speaker 3: is ridiculous. I don't want to live with your parents.

389
00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:55,280
Speaker 3: And she's like, ah, it's good you're not. You're not

390
00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:59,280
Speaker 3: going to be all yeah. He just you got me

391
00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:01,680
Speaker 3: with that want to live with your parents?

392
00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:06,480
Speaker 2: Aw shucks. Well looks like you're not living with me

393
00:17:07,119 --> 00:17:11,919
Speaker 2: ex boyfriend. Bye. But there is an update.

394
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:15,280
Speaker 3: Folks and I have the same thoughts, so we're gonna

395
00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:16,840
Speaker 3: barrel right into this.

396
00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:20,120
Speaker 2: I have a thought though. Someone commented something, hold.

397
00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:24,520
Speaker 4: I said it twice, really about the smoking baby, Go up,

398
00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:25,040
Speaker 4: go up?

399
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:28,200
Speaker 2: It was baby herman, it was no, it was Katara

400
00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:30,879
Speaker 2: Rain said. Smoking baby is in charge of painting the

401
00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:36,080
Speaker 2: gender neutral nursery yellow. He paints him with Marlboroughs.

402
00:17:36,119 --> 00:17:39,960
Speaker 6: She's like, uh, you know, I don't believe in gender norms.

403
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:43,440
Speaker 2: I'm smoking baby, smoking baby. I do things my way.

404
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:45,000
Speaker 2: Like the government wants you.

405
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:49,000
Speaker 6: To think this smoking's bad for you and that gender

406
00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:52,600
Speaker 6: isn't the social construct. But I'm gonna tell you that

407
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:55,399
Speaker 6: I like smoking and I hate gender.

408
00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:59,040
Speaker 2: I'm a vague them smoking baby. Out of ten doctors

409
00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:00,600
Speaker 2: agree I shouldn't be doing this.

410
00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:05,560
Speaker 3: She's like really woke, but also hormendously taking care of herself.

411
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,000
Speaker 2: Smoking baby.

412
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:12,879
Speaker 3: He's like super socially liberal but also has like this

413
00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:14,000
Speaker 3: lung health terrible.

414
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:19,360
Speaker 2: He's basically he's a libertarian. Yeah. Yeah.

415
00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:21,679
Speaker 3: I talked to my mom some more about what has

416
00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:24,240
Speaker 3: been going on. I wasn't too open with my parents

417
00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:26,680
Speaker 3: about how bad it was. She basically wanted to get

418
00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:30,320
Speaker 3: me out asap after I revealed more to her. Yeah,

419
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,159
Speaker 3: because she's like, oh, you're paying for what.

420
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:34,439
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm sure anyone who cares about you would be

421
00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:36,239
Speaker 4: immediately concerned upon hearing all of this.

422
00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:37,920
Speaker 3: And then and then he's like, well, no, no, no,

423
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:40,240
Speaker 3: like it's fair because like he paid for me in college,

424
00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:43,760
Speaker 3: And she's probably h no, oh, oh we paid in college.

425
00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:47,439
Speaker 2: Oh so he paid for your college. Yeah, no he didn't. No,

426
00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:47,960
Speaker 2: we did.

427
00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:51,800
Speaker 3: We did that apartment. It's in my name. The lease

428
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,920
Speaker 3: is up in May. I talked to my landlord about

429
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:56,520
Speaker 3: the situation a bit. Basically, they can't force him out

430
00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:58,880
Speaker 3: because there's no officially reported criminal activity.

431
00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:00,600
Speaker 2: But he's smoking in the house.

432
00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:03,719
Speaker 3: I feel like that probably would go against the rules

433
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:04,560
Speaker 3: of the apartment.

434
00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:07,399
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know, maybe it's smoking. Baby's apartment. He

435
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:08,920
Speaker 2: has thirty days to leave.

436
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:12,119
Speaker 3: Oh okay, so they can a victim or but he

437
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:14,000
Speaker 3: has thirty days so they just can't like kick him

438
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:14,359
Speaker 3: out right now.

439
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:16,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, which is good. That's a good thing.

440
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:19,280
Speaker 3: It would also be more expensive for me to break

441
00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:21,440
Speaker 3: the lease than to pay out for the next two months,

442
00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:25,119
Speaker 3: which really sucks. March's rent has already been paid leaving

443
00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:28,000
Speaker 3: April and May left. The penalty charge is three months

444
00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:31,000
Speaker 3: rent and they can't do anything else. However, I did

445
00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:33,800
Speaker 3: choose an option to put my apartment on market, which

446
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,960
Speaker 3: basically means they can start showing my apartment after dip

447
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:40,280
Speaker 3: craps thirty days are up, so he'll have no choice.

448
00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:40,840
Speaker 2: But to leave after that.

449
00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:43,160
Speaker 3: If they've happened to find someone to take the apartment

450
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:45,960
Speaker 3: before May first, I don't have to pay that month's rent.

451
00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:48,680
Speaker 3: They did copy all the documents and everything I signed,

452
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:51,280
Speaker 3: and a note for him about getting out in thirty days.

453
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:54,000
Speaker 3: I left that in the apartment for him. Since his

454
00:19:54,119 --> 00:19:56,920
Speaker 3: name wasn't on anything, he didn't need to sign anything

455
00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:59,160
Speaker 3: or be present. I hope that you can get any

456
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:00,120
Speaker 3: if your deposit.

457
00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:02,720
Speaker 2: By thoughts, thoughts and prayers for your deposit.

458
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:06,040
Speaker 3: Jobs First, job. I talked to my manager. She was

459
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:08,720
Speaker 3: very understanding and was able to start a transfer to

460
00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:11,679
Speaker 3: a different store near where my parents live. My parents

461
00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:14,480
Speaker 3: live an hour away from the apartment. By the way,

462
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:16,840
Speaker 3: I still have to show up to work in my

463
00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:19,840
Speaker 3: old town a few more times until the transfer is chance.

464
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:22,359
Speaker 3: It may not be accepted, but my manager and I

465
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,479
Speaker 3: were able to work out a light schedule and there

466
00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:26,560
Speaker 3: will be at least three other people in the store

467
00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:29,760
Speaker 3: with me during the times I'm scheduled second job. I

468
00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:33,840
Speaker 3: called my old professor, who was also super understanding. We

469
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:37,240
Speaker 3: had an under the table cash only agreement, so it

470
00:20:37,359 --> 00:20:40,520
Speaker 3: was easy to end that working relationship. It sucked, but

471
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,720
Speaker 3: she understood. A lot of people mentioned that this was

472
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:45,760
Speaker 3: a harmful relationship. I did a lot of research on

473
00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:48,720
Speaker 3: signs you're in a harmful relationship, and he checked off

474
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:51,320
Speaker 3: a lot of boxes. There was a lot of other

475
00:20:51,359 --> 00:20:53,720
Speaker 3: red flags. I didn't even mention it in my last

476
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:56,520
Speaker 3: post about how horrible he is. This was a huge

477
00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:58,800
Speaker 3: eye opener for me, and I realized the level of

478
00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:01,040
Speaker 3: danger I was in by being near him.

479
00:21:01,119 --> 00:21:02,359
Speaker 2: Thank God, yay.

480
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:05,879
Speaker 3: I mean, oh, that sucks, but I'm glad you're realizing it.

481
00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:10,280
Speaker 3: That's the first step eyes open. Unfortunately, the revelation I've

482
00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:14,160
Speaker 3: had has also caused me to feel incredibly depressed. Oh

483
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:18,080
Speaker 3: that's not cool, dang, even more so than I felt before.

484
00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:20,520
Speaker 3: I'm trying not to blame myself for how horrible things

485
00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:23,000
Speaker 3: have gotten, but it's really hard. I mean, it's not

486
00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:26,680
Speaker 3: your fault. You were being gas lit and you know, manipulated.

487
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:30,160
Speaker 3: You're dates guy, and you're young, you're twenty one. That's

488
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:33,080
Speaker 3: like prime manipulation time. I can't help but think that

489
00:21:33,119 --> 00:21:35,800
Speaker 3: I shouldn't have gotten this far in the relationship and

490
00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:39,880
Speaker 3: that I permanently damaged myself. No, but that's a discussion

491
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:44,120
Speaker 3: for another SUBSI. As I mentioned earlier, my mom wanted

492
00:21:44,119 --> 00:21:47,199
Speaker 3: me to get the f out of my apartment asap.

493
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:49,919
Speaker 3: I had to convince her not to drive down and

494
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:53,040
Speaker 3: take me away in that moment. Dip crap worked last

495
00:21:53,119 --> 00:21:56,040
Speaker 3: night and would be out of the apartment after five pm.

496
00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:56,800
Speaker 2: Deep crap.

497
00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:00,360
Speaker 3: My mom, dad, and uncle arrived at the apartment at

498
00:22:00,359 --> 00:22:02,960
Speaker 3: five point thirty pm. I told my best friend what

499
00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:05,240
Speaker 3: was happening, who lives close to me, and she came

500
00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:07,639
Speaker 3: by the apartment as well. Five of us were able

501
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:10,320
Speaker 3: to pack up pretty much everything I own and put

502
00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:11,760
Speaker 3: it in all of our cars.

503
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:12,520
Speaker 2: So I'm now.

504
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:16,560
Speaker 3: Home hooray, huzza, and then a few loose ends. I

505
00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:19,200
Speaker 3: still have a few GRI classes to attend, but it's

506
00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:22,120
Speaker 3: only once a week. Hopefully the transfer will be approved

507
00:22:22,119 --> 00:22:24,320
Speaker 3: for my old job. I'm still scheduled to work a

508
00:22:24,359 --> 00:22:26,680
Speaker 3: few days for the next two weeks in my old town,

509
00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:30,480
Speaker 3: but it's extremely light and as I mentioned, multiple people

510
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:32,600
Speaker 3: will be in the store with me. I won't be

511
00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:35,600
Speaker 3: alone at any point. Anything else I need to discuss

512
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:38,840
Speaker 3: with my landlord can be handled over the phone or email.

513
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:41,280
Speaker 3: I've signed the appropriate documents. I'll likely have to pay

514
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:43,640
Speaker 3: damages after the lease has officially ended.

515
00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:44,440
Speaker 2: Probably.

516
00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:47,440
Speaker 3: Dip Crap called me late last night after he got

517
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:51,000
Speaker 3: off work and was obviously confused and angry. I refused

518
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:53,800
Speaker 3: to tell him where I was, which pissed him off

519
00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:56,879
Speaker 3: even more. I told him that because he was financially

520
00:22:57,119 --> 00:23:00,439
Speaker 3: hurting me as well as emotionally hurting me and scarring

521
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:03,960
Speaker 3: me on a regular basis by yelling throwing things, that

522
00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:05,280
Speaker 3: I couldn't take it anymore.

523
00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:07,960
Speaker 2: Wow, Yep, you were definitely in a bad relationship. That

524
00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:09,719
Speaker 2: baby throws tantrums.

525
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:12,879
Speaker 3: That I deserved better, that he was a horrible person,

526
00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:15,640
Speaker 3: that I didn't love him anymore. Well, he stopped being

527
00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:19,640
Speaker 3: angry and turned on the waterworks. He apologized profusely. He

528
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:21,639
Speaker 3: begged me to come back to him. He said he

529
00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:24,040
Speaker 3: could change, and that he was only acting out because

530
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:26,520
Speaker 3: he was depressed, and I should give him another chance.

531
00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:33,479
Speaker 2: He's manipulator, poor, poor baby, poor smoking baby needs to

532
00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:36,040
Speaker 2: manipulate people to keep them in his life. He doesn't

533
00:23:36,119 --> 00:23:40,080
Speaker 2: understand I ran out of parliaments. I didn't mean it

534
00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:43,240
Speaker 2: when I said those things. I was just upset. You

535
00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:47,159
Speaker 2: ran out of Parloramento. There's a it's a, it's a

536
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:49,440
Speaker 2: I was saying, an obscure brand.

537
00:23:51,119 --> 00:23:54,480
Speaker 4: I didn't know it was parliament, Parliament, parliament? What is

538
00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:56,200
Speaker 4: this great?

539
00:23:56,680 --> 00:23:59,560
Speaker 2: What is this the UK? Are you the prime minister?

540
00:23:59,600 --> 00:23:59,719
Speaker 3: Now?

541
00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:03,720
Speaker 2: I minis a smoking babies on the scene. That's just Churchill.

542
00:24:05,359 --> 00:24:08,000
Speaker 4: Who put this baby in charge of the Gallipoli offensive.

543
00:24:08,119 --> 00:24:09,960
Speaker 2: He even claimed that he was just about it.

544
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:12,280
Speaker 3: Told me that we were financially even now, what are

545
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:12,920
Speaker 3: the odds?

546
00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:16,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, just like no, no, just the same thing with

547
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:18,520
Speaker 2: the garbage where it's like, Babe, I was just about

548
00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:21,200
Speaker 2: to tell you that everything was fine, We're even again.

549
00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:24,639
Speaker 3: It was the most surreal conversation I've ever had in

550
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:28,840
Speaker 3: my life. I feel absolutely nothing for him. His tears

551
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:32,040
Speaker 3: didn't upset me, his anger didn't upset me. I was

552
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:35,760
Speaker 3: just cold and numb throughout the entire conversation. I felt

553
00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:38,159
Speaker 3: like I was getting bored just talking to him and

554
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:41,399
Speaker 3: wanted the conversation to end ASIP so I.

555
00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:44,280
Speaker 2: Could watch Netflix. Oh he is over this man.

556
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:47,359
Speaker 3: She's like, wow, I'm just realizing right now that you suck.

557
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:51,760
Speaker 2: You're like, what a sweet moment to be, Like wow, literally,

558
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:54,560
Speaker 2: anything I could possibly choose to do would be better

559
00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:55,560
Speaker 2: than spending time with you.

560
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:59,919
Speaker 3: It is kind of a releasing feeling, or I don't know,

561
00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:02,760
Speaker 3: comforting maybe, I don't know. I think maybe a release

562
00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:05,560
Speaker 3: when you realize that this person that you've been giving

563
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:09,439
Speaker 3: a lot of your emotional time and effort or just

564
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:12,320
Speaker 3: like your brain space too, Like you find something out

565
00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:13,359
Speaker 3: about them and they're.

566
00:25:13,119 --> 00:25:16,600
Speaker 2: Like, oh wow, I don't care about you at all.

567
00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:18,480
Speaker 2: Like it is. It is a nice moment.

568
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:21,639
Speaker 3: I literally started to glaze over other things he was saying.

569
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:24,800
Speaker 3: He was going back and forth from being sad to angry, and.

570
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:27,359
Speaker 2: I was just on the phone like, uh huh.

571
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:31,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, sure no. Eventually he got on that I stopped

572
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:34,240
Speaker 3: paying attention to him. He snapped at me and asked

573
00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:36,480
Speaker 3: when I was gonna stop this bs I was pulling.

574
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:39,960
Speaker 3: He started to rage about something. I interrupted him and

575
00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:41,919
Speaker 3: said I don't want to talk to him anymore, that

576
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,040
Speaker 3: he was horrible and it was bet thousands of dollars

577
00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:45,680
Speaker 3: and I never want to see him again. And then

578
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:47,560
Speaker 3: I hung up on him just as he was about

579
00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:49,080
Speaker 3: to put on the water works again.

580
00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:52,159
Speaker 2: Good job, will Pee love that? Gotta love him, saying,

581
00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:54,840
Speaker 2: you stopped paying attention to me, Yeah, even though you

582
00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:55,879
Speaker 2: were being his mom.

583
00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:59,680
Speaker 3: Yep, I think yeah, no crazy. He called and texted

584
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:03,000
Speaker 3: a lot. I haven't responded. He's been continuing to call

585
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:05,880
Speaker 3: me today as well. My next step is to get

586
00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:08,840
Speaker 3: a new number. Thanks to everyone who commented in my

587
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:11,560
Speaker 3: previous post. I wasn't able to get back to everyone,

588
00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:13,879
Speaker 3: but I did read everything. The next few months are

589
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:15,639
Speaker 3: going to be rough, but at least I won't be

590
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:17,440
Speaker 3: with that a hole anymore.

591
00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:21,200
Speaker 2: Let's go. We did it.

592
00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:25,159
Speaker 3: Yes, we love to see it, and there is an edit, folks,

593
00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:26,480
Speaker 3: to finish this story off.

594
00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:27,000
Speaker 2: Edit.

595
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:30,160
Speaker 3: Wow, I didn't expect my post to blow up like this,

596
00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:32,520
Speaker 3: and thanks to whomever sent me the gold. It's been

597
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:37,360
Speaker 3: an emotional rollercoaster. I've cried, laughed, felt scared, felt confused,

598
00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:39,800
Speaker 3: and angered. I now want to go to counseling, which

599
00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:41,960
Speaker 3: I'm planning on doing as soon as I'm able to

600
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:44,119
Speaker 3: do so. I've managed to block him on my phone,

601
00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:45,960
Speaker 3: so I don't think i'll have to change my number

602
00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:49,439
Speaker 3: after all. But you don't have to change any of

603
00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:52,400
Speaker 3: the settings on your phone if you want to listen

604
00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:54,920
Speaker 3: to full episodes of stories just like this.

605
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:57,240
Speaker 2: Right, unless your volumes all the way down, then you.

606
00:26:57,280 --> 00:27:00,880
Speaker 3: Might have to change that setting because we've got sixty

607
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:05,119
Speaker 3: days worth of full episodes if you go to Spotify,

608
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:08,679
Speaker 3: Apple Podcasts, I Art Radio and search up Okay, storytime.

609
00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:11,480
Speaker 2: That's right, it's all. That's all it takes. That's all

610
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:14,840
Speaker 2: it takes, Folks. Easy is that yours will sing? But

611
00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:18,800
Speaker 2: I'm sweet South. That's we're reaching the end of the story.

612
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:21,359
Speaker 2: But do you have any final thoughts? Yeah, good job.

613
00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:25,240
Speaker 4: I guess abusing your you know, the people around you

614
00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:26,240
Speaker 4: to kind of gauge that.

615
00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:29,919
Speaker 2: Oh, this guy is terrible, bad guy, bad guy. Sometimes

616
00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:32,639
Speaker 2: when we're young and we you know, we're in love

617
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:36,320
Speaker 2: with a piece of crap person. We can't tell that.

618
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:41,080
Speaker 3: That's some situations sometimes we think that we're a little

619
00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:43,720
Speaker 3: dung beetle and we're like, oh, this piece.

620
00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:46,440
Speaker 2: Of crap is is gonna be my life. But it's

621
00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:48,719
Speaker 2: just a piece of crap. I'm gonna be a human person.

622
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:53,480
Speaker 2: This piece of crap's gonna sustain my family for generation. Yeah,

623
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:56,560
Speaker 2: and can't do that if you're a human. Yeah, you

624
00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:58,840
Speaker 2: can only do that if you're a dung beetle. It's true,

625
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:03,879
Speaker 2: the humble, dung beetle, the humble. But we've got a

626
00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:05,360
Speaker 2: little bit left to the stories.

627
00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:07,679
Speaker 3: I called my apartment this morning to see if they

628
00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:10,119
Speaker 3: could grab the router and cables from my place and

629
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:12,720
Speaker 3: hang on to it until they can be retrieved. They

630
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:14,879
Speaker 3: were happy to at least do that for me.

631
00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:17,200
Speaker 2: So now he doesn't have internet woo.

632
00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:19,800
Speaker 3: I did listen to a few voicemails he left for me.

633
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:22,240
Speaker 3: In one message, he was calling me by my pet

634
00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:24,680
Speaker 3: name and literally talking in a cutesye.

635
00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:25,119
Speaker 2: Baby voice to me.

636
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:30,160
Speaker 3: It's smoking baby, smoking baby. A truth, it's smoking baby.

637
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:33,000
Speaker 3: The next voicemail he was just yelling at me, they've

638
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,880
Speaker 3: made me laugh, but also made me well afraid of him.

639
00:28:36,119 --> 00:28:39,360
Speaker 3: I've taken everyone's advice, and I will be extremely careful

640
00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:41,680
Speaker 3: for the next few months. I have pepper spray, i

641
00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:44,080
Speaker 3: won't be traveling alone, and I'll be using campus or

642
00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:47,280
Speaker 3: police escorts. Went possible. YEA very smart.

643
00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:51,360
Speaker 2: And folks, that's the end of that story. Dang wow.

644
00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:52,080
Speaker 2: Be careful.

645
00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:55,000
Speaker 3: If someone's, you know, trying to take advantage of you financially,

646
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:56,520
Speaker 3: don't let them.

647
00:28:56,920 --> 00:29:00,480
Speaker 2: Don't let them do that, because it's hard to be

648
00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:03,040
Speaker 2: in a position where you don't know you're being yeah,

649
00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:06,520
Speaker 2: absolutely screwed over, but you just kind of have like

650
00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:08,720
Speaker 2: a vague sense that you are like.

651
00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:11,400
Speaker 3: This seems unfair, but I don't have anything to like

652
00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:16,480
Speaker 3: compare it to, so it must be okay. Especially watch

653
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:17,760
Speaker 3: out for the people who are like, oh, no, you

654
00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:20,280
Speaker 3: owe me, You actually owe me, you know, paying for

655
00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:21,120
Speaker 3: my entire life.

656
00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:23,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, and they're like, remember that time I got you

657
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:25,600
Speaker 4: dinner when you were in college.

658
00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:27,920
Speaker 2: Now you have to pay my rent for four months? Yeah,

659
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:31,959
Speaker 2: but no, Yeah, there were other signs too. What is

660
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:33,400
Speaker 2: it is the uh oh.

661
00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:36,959
Speaker 4: Shoot, I can't think of the phrase for this, for

662
00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:39,760
Speaker 4: this thing I'm thinking, So I'm going to let it go.

663
00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:43,720
Speaker 2: But yeah, just a rule of thumb. If if you're

664
00:29:43,760 --> 00:29:46,440
Speaker 2: young in a relationship and you feel like I shouldn't

665
00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:49,200
Speaker 2: or I can't talk about what's going on in my

666
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:52,160
Speaker 2: relationship with other people, then maybe if you feel like

667
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:54,880
Speaker 2: you have to be isolated, that's a big warning sign.

668
00:29:55,160 --> 00:29:55,440
Speaker 2: I think.

669
00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:58,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think if you're like, oh, if I told

670
00:29:58,280 --> 00:30:01,760
Speaker 3: my friends or family problems and I'm having a relationship,

671
00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:03,680
Speaker 3: they would tell me to leave this partner.

672
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:06,200
Speaker 2: Yeah. If if a lot of the counsel in your

673
00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:09,800
Speaker 2: life are all being like, well, this is bad and

674
00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:13,200
Speaker 2: it needs to change, maybe maybe consider that.

675
00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:15,360
Speaker 3: But I think it's also like even when you don't

676
00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:17,080
Speaker 3: tell them, you know, like when you have that thing,

677
00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:19,000
Speaker 3: you're like, well, I can't tell people that because they

678
00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:20,120
Speaker 3: will break my partner.

679
00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:22,520
Speaker 4: Well yeah, or right er it's like, oh, my partner

680
00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:24,840
Speaker 4: would be mad because it paints them in a bad light.

681
00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:25,680
Speaker 2: Or it's like.

682
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:28,600
Speaker 3: Okay, then what you know, what is it that's been

683
00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:30,920
Speaker 3: and that's painting them in that light. But we've got

684
00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:36,200
Speaker 3: another story, folks, that's right. They Oh, she's your emotional

685
00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:36,840
Speaker 3: support dog.

686
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:40,080
Speaker 2: Now watch out, she's her head down, her head is

687
00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:44,840
Speaker 2: on your mic. It's Okay, oh so sweet. All right, folks,

688
00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:46,280
Speaker 2: we're gonna get into this next story.

689
00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:48,080
Speaker 1: Hey it's Sam. We're gonna get back to the stories.

690
00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:50,080
Speaker 2: But here's three minutes of bads from our sponsors.

691
00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:54,040
Speaker 3: My boyfriend has been lying our whole relationship. He has

692
00:30:54,280 --> 00:30:57,760
Speaker 3: one chance to fix things. You only get one shot.

693
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:01,200
Speaker 3: I met John in June of this year on We

694
00:31:01,280 --> 00:31:04,080
Speaker 3: hit it off instantly, basically being the same person but

695
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:07,280
Speaker 3: in different bodies. We have the same education, work in

696
00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:10,040
Speaker 3: the same field, and have an equal appreciation for the

697
00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:13,040
Speaker 3: important things that truly matter in a relationship. We said

698
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:15,640
Speaker 3: I love you about two weeks ago and things were

699
00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:19,840
Speaker 3: going great. Way they've been dating for How when was

700
00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:21,920
Speaker 3: this posted? I need to know when they said I

701
00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:24,240
Speaker 3: love you? We said I love Yeah. How long into

702
00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:25,480
Speaker 3: their relationship did they say.

703
00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:28,160
Speaker 2: I love you? Three days? By the way, this comes

704
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:29,600
Speaker 2: from L. E. Jr.

705
00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:31,400
Speaker 3: Three two one, and if you want to smit your

706
00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:33,880
Speaker 3: own stories, go to the r slash Okay, storytime Separate

707
00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:36,560
Speaker 3: at keon. Can you find out when the story is posted? Lately,

708
00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:39,040
Speaker 3: John and I have been spending a ton of time together.

709
00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:41,120
Speaker 3: I joke that we should just move in together because

710
00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:44,480
Speaker 3: we basically lived together already. When John began staying over

711
00:31:44,520 --> 00:31:48,280
Speaker 3: a lot, I began noticing some unusual behaviors. For one,

712
00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:50,680
Speaker 3: he's always at home, despite the fact that he claims

713
00:31:50,680 --> 00:31:52,720
Speaker 3: to be working. He says he can work from only

714
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:55,360
Speaker 3: on his work fair enough, that's entirely possible in our

715
00:31:55,400 --> 00:31:57,920
Speaker 3: line of work. However, the few times I've come home early,

716
00:31:58,080 --> 00:32:00,640
Speaker 3: he's playing a video game or surfing the internet. He

717
00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:03,760
Speaker 3: had his card denied, had a checkout once and paid cash,

718
00:32:03,840 --> 00:32:06,760
Speaker 3: saying it was probably due to some credit protection since

719
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:08,400
Speaker 3: he was staying with me a lot lately.

720
00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:11,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, He's like, no, they're keeping tabs on my bank

721
00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:15,160
Speaker 2: accounts because they got so much money in them. Yeah,

722
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:16,280
Speaker 2: that's not a good sign.

723
00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:19,600
Speaker 5: Also, feel this is ope, this from ten years ago.

724
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:21,960
Speaker 2: But do we know, like the month sh.

725
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:24,600
Speaker 5: Does not say, I'm keep interest keep investigating for you,

726
00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:25,160
Speaker 5: dang it.

727
00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:27,400
Speaker 2: I just want to know how long they've been dating.

728
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:30,280
Speaker 3: I live two towns over, so it's not entirely out

729
00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:32,720
Speaker 3: of the realm of possibility that he was flagged.

730
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:33,520
Speaker 2: Yes it is.

731
00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:35,840
Speaker 3: It's out of the realm of possibility. My friend who

732
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:38,240
Speaker 3: town's over, you're in the same country. Out of a

733
00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:41,000
Speaker 3: desire just to ease my nerves. I've searched for him

734
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:44,280
Speaker 3: at the company he said he worked at. I found

735
00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:47,000
Speaker 3: his name instantly, but the last time he's mentioned is

736
00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:49,800
Speaker 3: in twenty fourteen, so that would have been a year.

737
00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:52,440
Speaker 3: Probably because this was ten years ago, it's a cool

738
00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:55,040
Speaker 3: little gap year. I'd checked to see if his work

739
00:32:55,040 --> 00:32:58,800
Speaker 3: email was still active, but it bounced back as being inactive.

740
00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:02,160
Speaker 3: Things weren't making sense to me. He had his own apartment,

741
00:33:02,280 --> 00:33:05,640
Speaker 3: so clearly he pays rent. He pays for himself ninety

742
00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:07,880
Speaker 3: percent of the time, so what was the deal. I

743
00:33:08,040 --> 00:33:10,960
Speaker 3: finally approached him. He admitted to me the truth that

744
00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:15,760
Speaker 3: he had been working but became clinically depressed. He tried

745
00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:17,400
Speaker 3: to get help, but the few places that took his

746
00:33:17,440 --> 00:33:20,440
Speaker 3: insurance were booked for two months. Eventually he couldn't get

747
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:22,920
Speaker 3: out of bed anymore and lost his job. He's been

748
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:24,600
Speaker 3: out of work for a year and has been living

749
00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:27,120
Speaker 3: with the help of his family. He was ashamed he

750
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:29,320
Speaker 3: didn't tell me because he was afraid I wouldn't give

751
00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:31,200
Speaker 3: him a chance, or we to leave him. I don't

752
00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:34,560
Speaker 3: know what to think. I'm someone who was always stressed honesty.

753
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:38,440
Speaker 3: There shouldn't be secrets between partners especially ones this huge.

754
00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:42,200
Speaker 3: There should be privacy, sure, but not secrets. In addition,

755
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:45,200
Speaker 3: if anyone would understand, it would be me. I'm vocal

756
00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:47,000
Speaker 3: to my friends in him that I battle my own

757
00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:50,120
Speaker 3: mental disorder. I don't try to hide it. He apologized.

758
00:33:50,280 --> 00:33:52,640
Speaker 3: I kept stressing that I didn't appreciate being lied to.

759
00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:54,840
Speaker 3: We went to bed, but not before I told him

760
00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:58,040
Speaker 3: that he was never to lie to me again, and

761
00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:00,560
Speaker 3: that I was okay with the situation now, but if

762
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:03,600
Speaker 3: this continued into the next year, I would not. He

763
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:06,600
Speaker 3: said that was fair and apologized. I really would love

764
00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:09,399
Speaker 3: because they said they were dating since June, so it's

765
00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:13,600
Speaker 3: clearly like under a year, I would guess, and they're

766
00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:15,719
Speaker 3: already at the I love you part. But like, if

767
00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:19,040
Speaker 3: you were dating someone for under a year and found

768
00:34:19,120 --> 00:34:22,279
Speaker 3: out that they completely lied to you about their finances

769
00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:24,480
Speaker 3: and also didn't have a job and lie to you

770
00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:26,799
Speaker 3: about that, are you staying with them? You've already said

771
00:34:26,840 --> 00:34:27,319
Speaker 3: I love you.

772
00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:28,399
Speaker 5: That could have been a lie too.

773
00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:32,040
Speaker 4: It just depends. It would all depend I gotta say

774
00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:36,960
Speaker 4: probably not, yeah, but it would depend.

775
00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:38,680
Speaker 2: Would depend how much you love them?

776
00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:41,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like how good is everything else outside of the

777
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:43,839
Speaker 4: facul It's like Okay, so you've lied to me this

778
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:46,719
Speaker 4: old time about your finances out of fear that I

779
00:34:46,719 --> 00:34:47,440
Speaker 4: would leave you.

780
00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:50,200
Speaker 2: So what else?

781
00:34:50,320 --> 00:34:50,600
Speaker 5: Though?

782
00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:54,239
Speaker 4: You ha and you cook pretty good maybe or like

783
00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:58,319
Speaker 4: your benefits to you have absurdly talented, and also you

784
00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:02,359
Speaker 4: are very caring, But you did lie entirely about an

785
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:03,880
Speaker 4: whole element of your life.

786
00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:07,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, he said that was fair and apologized, though I

787
00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:09,839
Speaker 3: did feel like the apology didn't measure up to what

788
00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:12,520
Speaker 3: it should have been, like a child forced to say

789
00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:15,640
Speaker 3: sorry rather than someone who really regretted it. The next

790
00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:18,160
Speaker 3: day we worked on applications, and he did make his

791
00:35:18,239 --> 00:35:21,120
Speaker 3: best effort. When we were through, we went to run errands.

792
00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:23,360
Speaker 3: I had just rented a new place, so I needed

793
00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:25,880
Speaker 3: to pay a deposit for a service. I explained that

794
00:35:25,960 --> 00:35:29,000
Speaker 3: my credit is pretty much nonexistent because I don't have

795
00:35:29,080 --> 00:35:30,920
Speaker 3: a credit card yet. Since I just got out of

796
00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:33,040
Speaker 3: grad school, you should get a credit card.

797
00:35:33,320 --> 00:35:35,080
Speaker 2: Why don't you have a credit card? Parents' credit card?

798
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:37,160
Speaker 2: Give me the three numbers on the back.

799
00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:39,200
Speaker 3: That doesn't even make sense though, since I just got

800
00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:41,160
Speaker 3: out of grad school, you should get a credit card.

801
00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:43,480
Speaker 3: That means like your grad school means you're like older

802
00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:45,279
Speaker 3: than you know you're in your mid twenties or something,

803
00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:47,279
Speaker 3: or like at the very least like older. Really for

804
00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:49,400
Speaker 3: a credit card, hold on for a credit card. Also,

805
00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:52,600
Speaker 3: you know, a little PSA or not PSA, but little

806
00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:55,080
Speaker 3: tip pro tip for all you gamers out there, and

807
00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:57,600
Speaker 3: by gamers I mean people live in life.

808
00:35:57,600 --> 00:35:58,359
Speaker 2: The game of life.

809
00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:01,040
Speaker 3: Hey, for your loans with your card if you can,

810
00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:05,160
Speaker 3: your student loans, because it's a good way to get

811
00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:07,400
Speaker 3: good credit. By a little pro tip for you, I

812
00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:09,840
Speaker 3: off the cough mentioned that my credit score will probably

813
00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:11,640
Speaker 3: be better due to the fact that I don't have

814
00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:15,279
Speaker 3: student loans scholarships, whereas he does not necessarily if you're

815
00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:17,520
Speaker 3: paying off your loans, it looks really good on your

816
00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:20,319
Speaker 3: credit score on time at least. He agreed, but did

817
00:36:20,320 --> 00:36:22,200
Speaker 3: it in the same tone of voice that made me

818
00:36:22,239 --> 00:36:25,279
Speaker 3: suspicious before I asked him if he had credit debt.

819
00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:30,520
Speaker 2: He said a little bit, a little bit bit like

820
00:36:31,160 --> 00:36:32,360
Speaker 2: how much how much are you.

821
00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:35,400
Speaker 4: Saying, man, That'll be anywhere from like five thousand to

822
00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:36,560
Speaker 4: one hundred.

823
00:36:36,239 --> 00:36:39,160
Speaker 3: Grand I looked at John and asked if it was

824
00:36:39,320 --> 00:36:40,879
Speaker 3: really a little bit, and he.

825
00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:43,040
Speaker 2: Replied there was nothing. A year of work and couldn't

826
00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:44,360
Speaker 2: fix what.

827
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:50,880
Speaker 3: I don't know, dude, your credit, Your credit is pretty

828
00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:53,719
Speaker 3: hard to fix if it's you know, he seemed to

829
00:36:53,760 --> 00:36:56,680
Speaker 3: be irritated by my prodding, so I left.

830
00:36:56,400 --> 00:36:57,120
Speaker 2: It at that.

831
00:36:58,040 --> 00:37:00,319
Speaker 4: It's just crazy that his vibe is like, I just

832
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:02,719
Speaker 4: am a fan of hard work, so I like to

833
00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:05,040
Speaker 4: destroy my credit score so I can build it back.

834
00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:07,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I usually I just want to spend all my

835
00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:08,680
Speaker 2: life rebuilding my credit.

836
00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:11,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like that when the monks make the mandola

837
00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:12,840
Speaker 4: and then blow it away.

838
00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:17,080
Speaker 2: What Yeah, the mandola or mandola where they you know,

839
00:37:17,160 --> 00:37:19,520
Speaker 2: the you know the monks where they scratch the stuff.

840
00:37:19,600 --> 00:37:23,000
Speaker 2: I have no idea they make, the Tibetan monks, they

841
00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:26,719
Speaker 2: make the big, crazy masterpiece of art, and then they

842
00:37:26,719 --> 00:37:30,160
Speaker 2: blow it away because it's there to see.

843
00:37:30,239 --> 00:37:33,440
Speaker 4: It's that nothing is permanent, no matter how beautiful or

844
00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:36,600
Speaker 4: painstaking or time consuming it was, It's going to.

845
00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:39,120
Speaker 2: Go, so you might as well just blow it away. Sure,

846
00:37:39,480 --> 00:37:41,480
Speaker 2: he's doing that to his credit score anyway.

847
00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:44,960
Speaker 3: And maybe I was wrong to prod because we are

848
00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:48,520
Speaker 3: still in a very young relationship to be discussing finances.

849
00:37:48,719 --> 00:37:51,680
Speaker 3: But now I'm looking into every little conversation. Will he

850
00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:54,919
Speaker 3: always lie about our finances? Will he lose his job

851
00:37:54,960 --> 00:37:57,359
Speaker 3: and not tell me. Is this just a result of

852
00:37:57,520 --> 00:38:00,960
Speaker 3: the depression or is his dishonesty due to something in

853
00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:02,600
Speaker 3: his character. I don't know what to do.

854
00:38:02,840 --> 00:38:03,040
Speaker 2: Edit.

855
00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:06,439
Speaker 3: I'm reading all replies, but unfortunately I cannot answer them

856
00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:09,440
Speaker 3: at the moment. I will say this because there seems

857
00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:12,360
Speaker 3: to be confusion. He did tell me he had depression

858
00:38:12,360 --> 00:38:15,640
Speaker 3: early in the relationship. I didn't quite grasp the severity

859
00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:17,320
Speaker 3: at the time, as he seemed to be a fully

860
00:38:17,360 --> 00:38:19,839
Speaker 3: functioning person by the time I met him. He wasn't

861
00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:22,480
Speaker 3: sure what to bring up the conversation, and he had

862
00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:24,799
Speaker 3: hoped that he would have a new job before it

863
00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:27,719
Speaker 3: became problem. As far as moving in together, no, we

864
00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:31,120
Speaker 3: are not doing that. Don't do that, definitely, no do that.

865
00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:32,160
Speaker 2: To do that?

866
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:36,319
Speaker 3: Yeah, neither of us feels comfortable, and I especially won't

867
00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:37,920
Speaker 3: be comfortable with that until he had a.

868
00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:40,960
Speaker 2: Job and I knew more about his finances. Update there

869
00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:42,160
Speaker 2: is an update, folks.

870
00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:45,919
Speaker 4: Any thoughts, Yeah, you cannot move in with someone if

871
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:47,600
Speaker 4: you like, don't.

872
00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:50,640
Speaker 3: If they keep lying to you no other finances? Income

873
00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:53,399
Speaker 3: is or that like we doesn't have an income? Right

874
00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:56,000
Speaker 3: that they don't have a job. Yeah, Like, yes, he

875
00:38:56,120 --> 00:38:59,040
Speaker 3: is being subsidized by his family but doesn't have a

876
00:38:59,160 --> 00:39:03,399
Speaker 3: job that has seemingly a large amount of credit card debt.

877
00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:05,120
Speaker 2: And I feel like it would be different if you

878
00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:08,960
Speaker 2: didn't lie about it. I think I'm just being bankrolled.

879
00:39:09,120 --> 00:39:12,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, And it's like, okay, okay, show you, you know, if.

880
00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:14,359
Speaker 2: You're ashamed of it to that degree where you get

881
00:39:14,360 --> 00:39:17,799
Speaker 2: to lie about it, just go get a job, baby. Yeah. Well,

882
00:39:17,840 --> 00:39:18,880
Speaker 2: I mean I think that.

883
00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:21,920
Speaker 3: Is very fair to be like, I am so like

884
00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:26,680
Speaker 3: some people do experience like, like just so much depression.

885
00:39:26,719 --> 00:39:30,680
Speaker 3: They're you know, very depressed. They are not mentally able

886
00:39:30,719 --> 00:39:33,320
Speaker 3: to go get a job at that moment. That's fine,

887
00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:36,719
Speaker 3: but that does not excuse the lying and does not

888
00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:39,000
Speaker 3: mean that And maybe that also means that you aren't

889
00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:40,040
Speaker 3: in like the.

890
00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:41,719
Speaker 2: Best headspace for a relationship.

891
00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:44,040
Speaker 3: If you are that, you know, like, if you're gonna

892
00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:46,279
Speaker 3: lie to your partner, then maybe it's like, Okay, I

893
00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:48,759
Speaker 3: need to take a break from from dating until I

894
00:39:48,840 --> 00:39:52,120
Speaker 3: get myself into a healthier mindset. And there is an update,

895
00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:55,640
Speaker 3: so let's get into it. Things have changed drastically. I'll

896
00:39:55,680 --> 00:39:58,120
Speaker 3: admit the week after I discover the lie, I let

897
00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:00,520
Speaker 3: myself get out of hand. You decide to take a

898
00:40:00,520 --> 00:40:03,319
Speaker 3: week apart to evaluate things. I ended up calling him

899
00:40:03,320 --> 00:40:06,520
Speaker 3: three times, each time pointing out how his behavior had

900
00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:09,200
Speaker 3: been appalling, how he had gas lit me, how he

901
00:40:09,239 --> 00:40:12,759
Speaker 3: wasn't just lying to me once but every day, how

902
00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:15,480
Speaker 3: I feel he wasn't taking this as seriously as he should,

903
00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:17,640
Speaker 3: and it was as though he didn't feel anything about

904
00:40:17,680 --> 00:40:20,040
Speaker 3: the fact that he lied. He didn't say much during

905
00:40:20,080 --> 00:40:23,600
Speaker 3: those phone calls, just accepted them. Finally, after the third one,

906
00:40:23,719 --> 00:40:26,480
Speaker 3: he wrote me an email where he detailed what was

907
00:40:26,520 --> 00:40:29,040
Speaker 3: going on, that he was afraid, afraid of losing me,

908
00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:32,040
Speaker 3: of losing his friends, of losing his family, that he

909
00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:34,960
Speaker 3: hid what he was because he was ashamed of himself

910
00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:37,120
Speaker 3: and it was easier to believe his own lie and

911
00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:39,400
Speaker 3: pretend it was true than face the reality.

912
00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:41,719
Speaker 2: Are you sure about that? Are you sure? Does it

913
00:40:41,719 --> 00:40:45,239
Speaker 2: still feel easy? Because this is all the consequence of

914
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:45,760
Speaker 2: the lie.

915
00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:48,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, The why is not going to you know, go away,

916
00:40:49,160 --> 00:40:53,480
Speaker 3: and all the little kind of branches that come out

917
00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:55,680
Speaker 3: from this lie are just going to make things harder

918
00:40:55,760 --> 00:40:58,520
Speaker 3: and harder. He confessed a lot to me, including how

919
00:40:58,560 --> 00:41:00,560
Speaker 3: much he loved me and didn't want to lose me,

920
00:41:00,719 --> 00:41:03,360
Speaker 3: and he was willing to make amends. He admitted he

921
00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:05,480
Speaker 3: didn't know why I was with them, implying that I

922
00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:07,640
Speaker 3: could do so much better, and now he's guilting you.

923
00:41:07,840 --> 00:41:10,480
Speaker 3: That is a tactic that people use. I mean, like

924
00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:13,800
Speaker 3: you hear it. I think the most easy, easiest example

925
00:41:13,840 --> 00:41:15,959
Speaker 3: that you could use is like when a mom is.

926
00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:17,919
Speaker 2: Like, oh, like you just get a new mom.

927
00:41:17,960 --> 00:41:20,120
Speaker 3: Oh, like, I'm such a terrible mom, Like you should

928
00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:21,760
Speaker 3: just yeah, I'm the worst mom in the world.

929
00:41:21,800 --> 00:41:23,279
Speaker 2: You should just get an their mother. And it's like

930
00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:25,680
Speaker 2: it's a guilty tactic, so that you go back and

931
00:41:25,719 --> 00:41:29,560
Speaker 2: you say no, no, you're a good boyfriend, Like you're

932
00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:32,319
Speaker 2: not the worst boyfriend in the world. I love you,

933
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:33,960
Speaker 2: Like that's what he wants you to do, so you

934
00:41:33,960 --> 00:41:37,040
Speaker 2: should just tell him that he is, and you're like, yeah, no.

935
00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:41,520
Speaker 3: On advice from onegmeter, I set up parameters for our

936
00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:45,560
Speaker 3: relationship to continue. He needed a job by January first.

937
00:41:46,239 --> 00:41:48,759
Speaker 2: Hi, you're still putting the timeline together right now.

938
00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:52,000
Speaker 3: I'm wondering if this update came after the second June

939
00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:55,960
Speaker 3: or if this whole relationship has been six months.

940
00:41:56,280 --> 00:41:58,640
Speaker 2: I'd bet that you think it's been sad. I'm betting

941
00:41:58,719 --> 00:42:00,359
Speaker 2: on that which you know, that's a.

942
00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:02,480
Speaker 3: Normal time, you know, like they probably said I love you,

943
00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:04,080
Speaker 3: like maybe four or five months in.

944
00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:08,279
Speaker 2: But wow, for him to like lie yeah a lot.

945
00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:12,520
Speaker 3: And he was to never ever lie to me again. Wow,

946
00:42:12,600 --> 00:42:15,480
Speaker 3: I wonder how long that will last. Well, today is

947
00:42:15,520 --> 00:42:17,440
Speaker 3: the first day of his new job. He found it

948
00:42:17,520 --> 00:42:19,680
Speaker 3: mostly on his own. Did be fact checked that this

949
00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:22,680
Speaker 3: job exists. He asked me for help on his resume

950
00:42:22,719 --> 00:42:24,920
Speaker 3: in terms of formatting and wordplay, but the rest of

951
00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:27,319
Speaker 3: it was through his own hard work. I can't say

952
00:42:27,360 --> 00:42:30,000
Speaker 3: everything has been perfect, but it's been better. At first,

953
00:42:30,040 --> 00:42:32,719
Speaker 3: I asked him a question and he started to spin

954
00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:37,640
Speaker 3: a tail, but caught himself and stopped. WHOA, I mean,

955
00:42:37,760 --> 00:42:41,040
Speaker 3: like good, but like the fact that his default is

956
00:42:41,080 --> 00:42:41,720
Speaker 3: to lie.

957
00:42:42,280 --> 00:42:44,520
Speaker 2: He's like hey, He's like, oh sorry, I was about

958
00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:46,319
Speaker 2: to lie to you. My bad. He just stopped talking.

959
00:42:46,320 --> 00:42:48,319
Speaker 2: He goes, I gotta be real. Everything I just said.

960
00:42:48,480 --> 00:42:50,640
Speaker 2: He's like, that lie, that was all a lie, But

961
00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:53,319
Speaker 2: my bad, that's the truth. That's the truth. You're well

962
00:42:53,440 --> 00:42:56,400
Speaker 2: uss canceling out the lie. He's like, it's just a habit.

963
00:42:56,680 --> 00:42:59,600
Speaker 3: I just I've always I've been lying to the whole relationship,

964
00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:02,000
Speaker 3: so I'd just have to break that habit. Sorry, as

965
00:43:02,040 --> 00:43:04,600
Speaker 3: far as therapy, it will be ninety days until his

966
00:43:04,680 --> 00:43:07,000
Speaker 3: insurance punts in, and then he is going to go in.

967
00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:09,560
Speaker 3: At first, he was resistant to the idea. He didn't

968
00:43:09,560 --> 00:43:11,839
Speaker 3: see how it would help, but after I explained how

969
00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:14,200
Speaker 3: much his depression has hurt me and how I would

970
00:43:14,239 --> 00:43:17,279
Speaker 3: not go through this again, he agreed. He hasn't specified

971
00:43:17,320 --> 00:43:19,040
Speaker 3: his debt, but he said it was just a few

972
00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:21,560
Speaker 3: months until he paid off his credit card debt, leading

973
00:43:21,560 --> 00:43:25,160
Speaker 3: me to believe it's somewhere around three K. His student

974
00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:27,960
Speaker 3: loans would take longer, but this is to be expected.

975
00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:30,359
Speaker 3: We talked about moving in, but we both agreed it

976
00:43:30,400 --> 00:43:33,000
Speaker 3: was too soon and to reevaluate sometime in the spring.

977
00:43:33,160 --> 00:43:35,279
Speaker 3: He wanted to get his finances in order so his

978
00:43:35,360 --> 00:43:37,799
Speaker 3: credit score is better, and I want to see about

979
00:43:37,800 --> 00:43:40,000
Speaker 3: breaking my lease. My place is very small and his

980
00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:43,960
Speaker 3: place's roommates. Meanwhile, he started jogging and contributed around the

981
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:46,560
Speaker 3: apartment to make things easier on me. A few weeks ago,

982
00:43:46,680 --> 00:43:49,080
Speaker 3: I got into a car accident and he was there

983
00:43:49,120 --> 00:43:51,440
Speaker 3: for me. He took care of me while I recovered,

984
00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:54,359
Speaker 3: showing a great deal of concern and holding me when

985
00:43:54,400 --> 00:43:57,480
Speaker 3: my anxiety started peeking. He took care of my dogs,

986
00:43:57,640 --> 00:44:00,359
Speaker 3: made sure they were fed, watered, and walked. They now

987
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:02,840
Speaker 3: whine whenever he leaves. I took him to Thanksgiving with

988
00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:05,319
Speaker 3: my family and he helped cook the meal. But you

989
00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:09,160
Speaker 3: guys can cook your meals while listening to full episodes

990
00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:10,040
Speaker 3: of stories.

991
00:44:09,920 --> 00:44:10,480
Speaker 2: Just like this.

992
00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:14,000
Speaker 3: You can just go to Spotify, Apple Podcast, or iHeartRadio

993
00:44:14,080 --> 00:44:17,200
Speaker 3: and search up. Okay, storytime you should and there is

994
00:44:17,239 --> 00:44:21,720
Speaker 3: a little bit left this story, there is any final thoughts.

995
00:44:22,120 --> 00:44:31,000
Speaker 2: I am wow, that was just I was just trying

996
00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:32,920
Speaker 2: to stick to the theme. I appreciate it.

997
00:44:33,440 --> 00:44:37,600
Speaker 4: Huge red flag that after you said, don't lie to me,

998
00:44:37,719 --> 00:44:40,839
Speaker 4: he goes, Okay, well I basically just lied to you.

999
00:44:40,960 --> 00:44:43,240
Speaker 2: But I stop, but I stop.

1000
00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:44,719
Speaker 3: I stopt. He's like I was about to lie. I

1001
00:44:44,800 --> 00:44:47,080
Speaker 3: was in I was halfway through the line. Let's walk

1002
00:44:47,120 --> 00:44:49,919
Speaker 3: it back all of that before not true, starting from

1003
00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:50,840
Speaker 3: now true.

1004
00:44:51,040 --> 00:44:54,000
Speaker 4: I can't tell if that's more like half progress or

1005
00:44:54,120 --> 00:44:55,840
Speaker 4: half immediate regression.

1006
00:44:56,320 --> 00:44:59,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can't tell which one it is. Be a

1007
00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:01,680
Speaker 2: bigger red flag for if I knew that his default

1008
00:45:01,719 --> 00:45:04,960
Speaker 2: was lying. That's also the thing. Yeah, oh you went

1009
00:45:05,040 --> 00:45:06,880
Speaker 2: to get down, baby, I'll get her back up.

1010
00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:07,799
Speaker 4: Get down there.

1011
00:45:08,040 --> 00:45:11,959
Speaker 2: In one minute, little baby, he's over there.

1012
00:45:12,640 --> 00:45:15,120
Speaker 3: See Nicki Bordeouza's guys, I'm finally moving in with my

1013
00:45:15,160 --> 00:45:17,040
Speaker 3: boyfriend after two and a half years. He brought me.

1014
00:45:17,239 --> 00:45:19,080
Speaker 3: He bought me a wardrobe for my birthday for when

1015
00:45:19,120 --> 00:45:20,400
Speaker 3: I move in. I have a couple days to.

1016
00:45:20,400 --> 00:45:21,400
Speaker 2: Pack and I have so much stuff.

1017
00:45:21,400 --> 00:45:23,960
Speaker 3: See that's exciting. Well, that sounds like a healthy relationship.

1018
00:45:23,960 --> 00:45:26,360
Speaker 3: You've taken the time to see if you guys work together,

1019
00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:29,600
Speaker 3: and now we're, you know, moving in. That's pretty cool. Here,

1020
00:45:29,719 --> 00:45:31,919
Speaker 3: it seems like we've got about six months. He lied

1021
00:45:31,960 --> 00:45:33,919
Speaker 3: to the whole relationship and he's still lying.

1022
00:45:34,200 --> 00:45:36,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, six months and he can't buy a wardrobe. He

1023
00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:37,960
Speaker 2: can't buy a wardrobe in come.

1024
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:40,440
Speaker 3: He's got three K and debt plus all of the

1025
00:45:40,480 --> 00:45:43,000
Speaker 3: student loans. And if he also went to grad school,

1026
00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:45,080
Speaker 3: he's got a lot of student loans. Wait a minute,

1027
00:45:45,080 --> 00:45:47,040
Speaker 3: how does she not have student loans? She went to

1028
00:45:47,080 --> 00:45:49,000
Speaker 3: grad school and she doesn't have any student loans.

1029
00:45:49,160 --> 00:45:52,799
Speaker 2: She's got bootstraps, she got shelf up by sure, she's

1030
00:45:52,800 --> 00:45:56,600
Speaker 2: got money. She sold those bootstraps. That's crazy. You know

1031
00:45:56,760 --> 00:45:59,360
Speaker 2: how even if you have bootstraps, what you got to

1032
00:45:59,400 --> 00:46:01,319
Speaker 2: tell heps.

1033
00:46:01,719 --> 00:46:04,239
Speaker 3: But usually when you got bootstraps, you're taking out a

1034
00:46:04,280 --> 00:46:07,120
Speaker 3: lot of student loans. It's the people that don't have bootstraps.

1035
00:46:07,320 --> 00:46:09,880
Speaker 2: Oh don't have He has so many bootstraps and circles

1036
00:46:09,920 --> 00:46:15,319
Speaker 2: all the other bots. That's crazy, though, Bootstrap Bill. But

1037
00:46:15,960 --> 00:46:18,319
Speaker 2: there's a little bit left to this story. Oh yeah, hey,

1038
00:46:18,320 --> 00:46:18,600
Speaker 2: it's Sam.

1039
00:46:18,640 --> 00:46:20,359
Speaker 1: We're going to get back to these stories. But here's

1040
00:46:20,400 --> 00:46:21,920
Speaker 1: three minutes of ads for our sponsors.

1041
00:46:22,840 --> 00:46:25,040
Speaker 2: Oh boy, so let's get into it.

1042
00:46:25,320 --> 00:46:27,359
Speaker 3: Last night we had a date night where he made

1043
00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:30,799
Speaker 3: my favorite food, bought me some pink wine that's just

1044
00:46:30,840 --> 00:46:34,040
Speaker 3: like rose yes, and we watched Mad Men and talked

1045
00:46:34,040 --> 00:46:35,600
Speaker 3: about rearranging my furniture.

1046
00:46:35,800 --> 00:46:36,040
Speaker 2: Cool.

1047
00:46:36,239 --> 00:46:37,960
Speaker 3: We talked about how long we were going to live

1048
00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:41,359
Speaker 3: where we were. This morning he left super early for

1049
00:46:41,400 --> 00:46:44,560
Speaker 3: his orientation, waking up on his first alarm. I'm hoping

1050
00:46:44,560 --> 00:46:46,560
Speaker 3: this will be the end of it. In a few months,

1051
00:46:46,560 --> 00:46:49,759
Speaker 3: I may give an update on his mental status. I

1052
00:46:49,800 --> 00:46:52,520
Speaker 3: don't expect everything to be perfect right away, but he's

1053
00:46:52,520 --> 00:46:54,080
Speaker 3: already done so much in such.

1054
00:46:53,960 --> 00:46:56,640
Speaker 2: A short period of time. And folks, that's the end

1055
00:46:56,680 --> 00:46:57,600
Speaker 2: of that story.

1056
00:46:57,719 --> 00:46:59,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's the thing is is that it's not about

1057
00:46:59,719 --> 00:47:01,759
Speaker 4: how she does in the short period of time.

1058
00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:04,040
Speaker 2: It's what happens in a long period.

1059
00:47:04,040 --> 00:47:06,920
Speaker 3: Do we have any sort of update, because this is

1060
00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:09,480
Speaker 3: ten years old, we have update?

1061
00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:12,799
Speaker 2: Any update? Are they still together? Does she break up

1062
00:47:12,840 --> 00:47:13,120
Speaker 2: with him?

1063
00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:14,880
Speaker 5: We do not have an update.

1064
00:47:15,239 --> 00:47:16,719
Speaker 2: That is yeah, bummer.

1065
00:47:17,239 --> 00:47:19,480
Speaker 3: And we're about to get into this last story. Folks,

1066
00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:22,680
Speaker 3: My in laws are ruining my marriage. We're not even

1067
00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:23,840
Speaker 3: on speaking terms.

1068
00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:26,040
Speaker 2: They gotta have a talent for that if they can

1069
00:47:26,040 --> 00:47:27,040
Speaker 2: do it without talking.

1070
00:47:27,320 --> 00:47:29,960
Speaker 3: I love my husband very much, but his family is

1071
00:47:30,000 --> 00:47:35,080
Speaker 3: a total nightmare. Or background, My husband was a parentified child.

1072
00:47:35,280 --> 00:47:38,960
Speaker 3: His mom became disabled due to cardiac sinkable episodes that

1073
00:47:39,080 --> 00:47:42,040
Speaker 3: started after his younger twin brothers were born. By the way,

1074
00:47:42,120 --> 00:47:44,120
Speaker 3: this comes from my heads in the clouds and if

1075
00:47:44,120 --> 00:47:45,520
Speaker 3: you want to spit your own stories, go to the

1076
00:47:45,600 --> 00:47:48,839
Speaker 3: r slash Okay storytime separate. So, at just five years old,

1077
00:47:49,080 --> 00:47:52,600
Speaker 3: he was changing diapers, cooking meals, feeding the twins formula,

1078
00:47:52,840 --> 00:47:55,239
Speaker 3: making sure his mother was okay, and trying to be

1079
00:47:55,280 --> 00:47:58,640
Speaker 3: a kid himself. He'd regularly pass out from exhaustion while

1080
00:47:58,680 --> 00:48:01,640
Speaker 3: doing homework. His dad worked seventy plus hours a week,

1081
00:48:01,840 --> 00:48:06,040
Speaker 3: sometimes working seven twelve hour days, so he wasn't much help.

1082
00:48:06,239 --> 00:48:08,839
Speaker 3: His maternal grandparents would come by when he called, but

1083
00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:11,880
Speaker 3: by the time they arrived everything was already taken care of.

1084
00:48:12,200 --> 00:48:14,360
Speaker 3: His grandmother confirmed to me that all the things my

1085
00:48:14,440 --> 00:48:17,560
Speaker 3: husband described were true. She even added that he was

1086
00:48:17,560 --> 00:48:20,399
Speaker 3: cooking chicken and rice for dinner at just five years old,

1087
00:48:20,520 --> 00:48:21,959
Speaker 3: which is like, so so.

1088
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:24,279
Speaker 2: Hard and so unfair to him.

1089
00:48:24,480 --> 00:48:27,640
Speaker 3: But also it seems like, you know, just the way

1090
00:48:27,680 --> 00:48:30,960
Speaker 3: that that family was operating, like there wasn't a lot

1091
00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:33,360
Speaker 3: of options for them, because it seems like the mom.

1092
00:48:33,360 --> 00:48:36,880
Speaker 2: Was Yeah, I mean she was you know, silver lining.

1093
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:38,160
Speaker 2: Kid knows how to make chicken and rice.

1094
00:48:38,200 --> 00:48:40,120
Speaker 3: Now the rest of your yeah, I mean, the mom's disabled,

1095
00:48:40,120 --> 00:48:43,120
Speaker 3: the dad's working twelve hour days every day of the week.

1096
00:48:43,320 --> 00:48:45,920
Speaker 2: Like, clearly this isn't just a situation.

1097
00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:48,720
Speaker 3: You know, where the parents are neglect full on purpose

1098
00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:52,839
Speaker 3: or you know, for no reason, which does not excuse it.

1099
00:48:52,880 --> 00:48:54,759
Speaker 3: Of course, no child should have to go through this,

1100
00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:56,440
Speaker 3: but I do want to like point that out. It

1101
00:48:56,480 --> 00:48:59,920
Speaker 3: seems like this family was operating under very tough conditions.

1102
00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:02,600
Speaker 3: His paternal grandparents hated my mother in law more on

1103
00:49:02,640 --> 00:49:04,799
Speaker 3: this later. So my husband had basically no one to

1104
00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:06,799
Speaker 3: help him as a child. He would find ways to

1105
00:49:06,920 --> 00:49:09,480
Speaker 3: escape his living situation, whether by staying over at his

1106
00:49:09,520 --> 00:49:11,880
Speaker 3: best friend's house or his maternal grandparents' house.

1107
00:49:11,920 --> 00:49:13,399
Speaker 2: That's oh so hard.

1108
00:49:13,560 --> 00:49:16,880
Speaker 3: That changed when his grandfather oh took his own life,

1109
00:49:17,000 --> 00:49:19,640
Speaker 3: leaving him with only his best friend for support. Then

1110
00:49:19,719 --> 00:49:22,239
Speaker 3: his best friend's mother passed and my husband was the

1111
00:49:22,280 --> 00:49:24,799
Speaker 3: one who founder, Oh my god, your husband has had

1112
00:49:24,800 --> 00:49:25,880
Speaker 3: a really hard life.

1113
00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:29,000
Speaker 2: That is a tremendous set of circumstances.

1114
00:49:29,239 --> 00:49:32,400
Speaker 3: As a teenager, he turned to substances and other troubles.

1115
00:49:32,440 --> 00:49:34,000
Speaker 3: You know what, Also, we're going to put at the

1116
00:49:34,000 --> 00:49:37,800
Speaker 3: beginning of this episode very warning for mention of substance abuse,

1117
00:49:38,160 --> 00:49:41,839
Speaker 3: self harm, and death and so any if anyone is

1118
00:49:41,840 --> 00:49:44,719
Speaker 3: not okay listening to that, maybe come back.

1119
00:49:44,520 --> 00:49:45,280
Speaker 2: For the next story.

1120
00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:48,560
Speaker 3: Even after struggling to care for the children they already had,

1121
00:49:48,640 --> 00:49:52,440
Speaker 3: his parents got pregnant again in their forties, which is

1122
00:49:52,840 --> 00:49:57,240
Speaker 3: again that's you know, on their part, pretty not maybe

1123
00:49:57,239 --> 00:49:59,880
Speaker 3: a little irresponse and very irresponsible. When you're already in

1124
00:49:59,920 --> 00:50:02,360
Speaker 3: the situation where you cannot afford to take care of

1125
00:50:02,400 --> 00:50:05,160
Speaker 3: your own children, maybe don't bring another child into that situation.

1126
00:50:05,280 --> 00:50:07,479
Speaker 3: And his sister, who was highly autistic, was born.

1127
00:50:07,680 --> 00:50:10,359
Speaker 2: Ooh ooh, when you.

1128
00:50:10,440 --> 00:50:12,920
Speaker 3: Already can't take care of a child, and then you

1129
00:50:13,040 --> 00:50:16,320
Speaker 3: have a child that needs like so much more help

1130
00:50:16,440 --> 00:50:17,080
Speaker 3: and focus.

1131
00:50:18,040 --> 00:50:21,279
Speaker 2: Uh trigger warning for hard knock life. That's where we're

1132
00:50:21,320 --> 00:50:21,680
Speaker 2: at right.

1133
00:50:21,960 --> 00:50:25,239
Speaker 3: My husband was fourteen at the time. Through adulthood, he

1134
00:50:25,280 --> 00:50:28,480
Speaker 3: bailed his parents out of situations and supported them financially.

1135
00:50:28,560 --> 00:50:29,759
Speaker 2: Many times, he.

1136
00:50:29,719 --> 00:50:31,840
Speaker 3: Felt that because he had the money to help, he

1137
00:50:31,960 --> 00:50:33,840
Speaker 3: should help. They did pay for him to go to

1138
00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:36,440
Speaker 3: rehab eleven years ago, and his life turned around. He

1139
00:50:36,520 --> 00:50:39,560
Speaker 3: met me shortly after rehab and we started dating almost

1140
00:50:39,600 --> 00:50:41,960
Speaker 3: a year after he finished. At first, I thought his

1141
00:50:42,040 --> 00:50:45,840
Speaker 3: family was cool, the exact opposite of mine. We party together,

1142
00:50:46,000 --> 00:50:48,960
Speaker 3: they were supportive, and they included me in everything. I

1143
00:50:49,000 --> 00:50:51,800
Speaker 3: felt like I had the family experience I had always wanted,

1144
00:50:52,320 --> 00:50:54,480
Speaker 3: especially since I wasn't close to a lot of my

1145
00:50:54,600 --> 00:50:57,440
Speaker 3: own family. But things started to go downhill as my

1146
00:50:57,560 --> 00:51:01,440
Speaker 3: husband and I got more serious. His parents freaked out when,

1147
00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:04,640
Speaker 3: after five years of dating, we wanted our own place,

1148
00:51:05,200 --> 00:51:08,319
Speaker 3: especially since we were freshly engaged. Well, I think, I mean,

1149
00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:10,680
Speaker 3: either they're very religious or traditional and they're like, oh,

1150
00:51:10,719 --> 00:51:13,799
Speaker 3: you're living together, or they see the prog you know,

1151
00:51:13,840 --> 00:51:16,520
Speaker 3: they see the what's happened? What this what the train

1152
00:51:16,640 --> 00:51:19,520
Speaker 3: tracks you guys are on look like, because they're like, oh,

1153
00:51:19,520 --> 00:51:23,440
Speaker 3: we're gonna lose our son's, you know, caretaker status, that

1154
00:51:23,560 --> 00:51:25,120
Speaker 3: we're not going to have him paying for all our

1155
00:51:25,120 --> 00:51:26,839
Speaker 3: bills because he's probably gonna pay for his own.

1156
00:51:26,840 --> 00:51:29,160
Speaker 4: Family were seeing that train and they're like, we're gonna

1157
00:51:29,239 --> 00:51:30,640
Speaker 4: lay down in front of it to stop it.

1158
00:51:31,280 --> 00:51:33,799
Speaker 3: His mother cried and picked up a shift at work

1159
00:51:33,880 --> 00:51:36,040
Speaker 3: so she wouldn't have to see him move out. Wedding

1160
00:51:36,120 --> 00:51:40,040
Speaker 3: planning was a disaster. My mother in law was controlling

1161
00:51:40,120 --> 00:51:42,919
Speaker 3: and regularly rude to my maid of honor and my mom.

1162
00:51:43,000 --> 00:51:45,600
Speaker 3: She even planned to ambush me with a party bus

1163
00:51:45,600 --> 00:51:49,279
Speaker 3: of spicy dancers, even though I had explicitly said I

1164
00:51:49,320 --> 00:51:50,520
Speaker 3: didn't want anything like that.

1165
00:51:51,160 --> 00:51:53,279
Speaker 4: Maybe she was just trying to, you know, blow past

1166
00:51:53,320 --> 00:51:54,560
Speaker 4: that with exposure therapy.

1167
00:51:55,040 --> 00:51:57,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, she said she doesn't want one. What if

1168
00:51:57,200 --> 00:51:59,279
Speaker 2: I got a bus for a bunch of them, my

1169
00:51:59,280 --> 00:52:01,160
Speaker 2: best friend told me, and my mother in law was

1170
00:52:01,440 --> 00:52:02,319
Speaker 2: furious with her.

1171
00:52:02,520 --> 00:52:06,120
Speaker 3: The wedding itself was cringe. She was sobbing belligerently during

1172
00:52:06,160 --> 00:52:08,560
Speaker 3: the ceremony, to the point that I heard my great

1173
00:52:08,640 --> 00:52:11,560
Speaker 3: grandmother in law yell stop it and smack my mother

1174
00:52:11,600 --> 00:52:14,880
Speaker 3: in law's hand. Yeah, things got really terrible once I

1175
00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:17,440
Speaker 3: was pregnant with our oldest. My mother in law and

1176
00:52:17,480 --> 00:52:20,080
Speaker 3: I had never once hung out one on one, but

1177
00:52:20,239 --> 00:52:23,320
Speaker 3: suddenly she was talking about us going shopping for baby clothes,

1178
00:52:23,480 --> 00:52:26,759
Speaker 3: acting like my best friend. She didn't respect boundaries from

1179
00:52:26,840 --> 00:52:30,919
Speaker 3: the very beginning. She overshared information we didn't explicitly tell

1180
00:52:30,920 --> 00:52:33,120
Speaker 3: her to share. She tried to throw a baby shower

1181
00:52:33,160 --> 00:52:35,920
Speaker 3: for us with just her friends, which we declined. She

1182
00:52:36,040 --> 00:52:38,440
Speaker 3: got gifts she never gave us. She just kept saying

1183
00:52:38,480 --> 00:52:40,880
Speaker 3: weird things. He told me she had a dream that

1184
00:52:40,920 --> 00:52:43,040
Speaker 3: we went to the beach, I gave birth in the

1185
00:52:43,080 --> 00:52:46,080
Speaker 3: back of her car. The whole family was there, including

1186
00:52:46,080 --> 00:52:48,360
Speaker 3: my mom and brother, and she held the baby first.

1187
00:52:48,520 --> 00:52:50,360
Speaker 2: That's nice dream anyway. Nice.

1188
00:52:50,640 --> 00:52:54,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, at nine months pregnant, she knowingly exposed us to

1189
00:52:55,080 --> 00:52:58,279
Speaker 3: the VID because she insisted on seeing my husband for

1190
00:52:58,320 --> 00:52:58,840
Speaker 3: his birthday.

1191
00:52:59,080 --> 00:53:02,319
Speaker 2: That's not very cool. Yes, that's very bad. That's very bad.

1192
00:53:02,400 --> 00:53:04,440
Speaker 2: That's the whole point for the vaccine, so then we

1193
00:53:04,440 --> 00:53:07,720
Speaker 2: don't expose people who were at risk, like pregnant women,

1194
00:53:07,880 --> 00:53:08,200
Speaker 2: to this.

1195
00:53:08,440 --> 00:53:10,960
Speaker 3: We gave her a list of our boundaries regarding the baby,

1196
00:53:11,000 --> 00:53:14,400
Speaker 3: and she completely ignored the text. Instead, we got a

1197
00:53:14,400 --> 00:53:17,200
Speaker 3: message from his grandmother saying we broke her heart, that

1198
00:53:17,239 --> 00:53:19,960
Speaker 3: we were cold and cruel for having boundaries. I had

1199
00:53:19,960 --> 00:53:22,160
Speaker 3: a rough labor with our oldest, very traumatic, with a

1200
00:53:22,239 --> 00:53:25,600
Speaker 3: vacuum assisted birth. My husband told his mother on speakerphone

1201
00:53:25,640 --> 00:53:29,080
Speaker 3: not to post pictures of the baby, and she was

1202
00:53:29,160 --> 00:53:31,080
Speaker 3: upset but said, okay.

1203
00:53:30,920 --> 00:53:33,520
Speaker 2: Five hundred dollars on pictures of the baby being posted.

1204
00:53:33,640 --> 00:53:36,960
Speaker 3: She's like, okay, fine, I won't post pictures of the

1205
00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:38,000
Speaker 3: baby today.

1206
00:53:38,400 --> 00:53:38,440
Speaker 5: No.

1207
00:53:38,680 --> 00:53:40,799
Speaker 4: She just like gets the post ready and then she

1208
00:53:40,920 --> 00:53:42,560
Speaker 4: just finds a stranger at the library.

1209
00:53:42,640 --> 00:53:44,960
Speaker 2: She's like, will you press the post button on this please?

1210
00:53:45,239 --> 00:53:49,040
Speaker 2: I didn't post it. Someone else did. That was Regina

1211
00:53:49,200 --> 00:53:50,080
Speaker 2: from the library.

1212
00:53:50,120 --> 00:53:55,400
Speaker 3: She posted I didn't do anything. She posted pictures several

1213
00:53:55,480 --> 00:53:58,480
Speaker 3: times anyway, and had to be begged to delete them.

1214
00:53:58,560 --> 00:54:00,560
Speaker 3: She even went on Facebook to tell her everyone.

1215
00:54:00,360 --> 00:54:02,600
Speaker 2: How she wished she could share pictures but we wouldn't

1216
00:54:02,640 --> 00:54:04,560
Speaker 2: let her yet, and how it was breaking her heart

1217
00:54:04,600 --> 00:54:06,759
Speaker 2: that her granddaughter was already a week old and she

1218
00:54:06,800 --> 00:54:10,280
Speaker 2: had only facetimed twice when they visited. It was a nightmare.

1219
00:54:10,520 --> 00:54:13,239
Speaker 3: No boundaries were respected. It got to the point where

1220
00:54:13,280 --> 00:54:16,520
Speaker 3: all the visits were unpleasant, so we stopped them all together.

1221
00:54:16,760 --> 00:54:21,080
Speaker 3: Even when we FaceTime, she screenshotted pictures and kept posting them.

1222
00:54:21,440 --> 00:54:24,280
Speaker 2: Stop FaceTime call, regular call. Yeah.

1223
00:54:24,440 --> 00:54:26,840
Speaker 3: My husband told her that if she could respect our wishes,

1224
00:54:26,840 --> 00:54:29,840
Speaker 3: we could do another visit. She declined because things weren't

1225
00:54:29,920 --> 00:54:32,880
Speaker 3: how she wanted them to be, so we went no contact.

1226
00:54:33,040 --> 00:54:35,600
Speaker 3: She started bashing me on Facebook, saying I was a

1227
00:54:35,680 --> 00:54:38,839
Speaker 3: bad mom, that I was a witch. The VID paranoia

1228
00:54:38,920 --> 00:54:41,840
Speaker 3: and the fear of digital kidnapping had ruined her relationship

1229
00:54:41,840 --> 00:54:44,200
Speaker 3: with her granddaughter. She claimed I had poisoned her son

1230
00:54:44,239 --> 00:54:46,000
Speaker 3: against her and even threatened to go to court to

1231
00:54:46,040 --> 00:54:48,680
Speaker 3: force the letter see the baby. No contact was broken

1232
00:54:48,680 --> 00:54:52,480
Speaker 3: almost a year later when my husband's paternal grandfather passed away.

1233
00:54:52,760 --> 00:54:56,160
Speaker 3: His paternal family hates my in laws. My mother in

1234
00:54:56,239 --> 00:54:59,000
Speaker 3: law got into it with my husband's parents, causing issues

1235
00:54:59,000 --> 00:55:00,839
Speaker 3: with the rest of the family, so they don't speak

1236
00:55:00,880 --> 00:55:03,520
Speaker 3: to my husband's family at all. At the funeral, things

1237
00:55:03,560 --> 00:55:06,600
Speaker 3: were okay at first. The rest of the family welcomed us.

1238
00:55:06,760 --> 00:55:08,800
Speaker 3: My mother in law wouldn't look at me, but hugged

1239
00:55:08,800 --> 00:55:11,760
Speaker 3: my husband. My sister in law, who's only sixteen, hugged

1240
00:55:11,760 --> 00:55:13,920
Speaker 3: me a few times and said she missed me. I

1241
00:55:13,960 --> 00:55:16,320
Speaker 3: told her I missed her too, if he hadn't directly

1242
00:55:16,360 --> 00:55:19,040
Speaker 3: done anything wrong. One of the twins hugged my husband,

1243
00:55:19,120 --> 00:55:21,479
Speaker 3: while the other ignored him. We both told my father

1244
00:55:21,520 --> 00:55:23,640
Speaker 3: in law we were sorry for his loss, and my

1245
00:55:23,719 --> 00:55:26,600
Speaker 3: husband hugged him. I was six months pregnant at the time.

1246
00:55:26,680 --> 00:55:29,040
Speaker 3: Things took a nosedive when my mother in law and

1247
00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:31,759
Speaker 3: grandmother in law asked when I was due. I told

1248
00:55:31,840 --> 00:55:34,279
Speaker 3: him I wasn't going to discuss that with them. My

1249
00:55:34,360 --> 00:55:37,680
Speaker 3: husband went to hug his mom goodbye, and she shoved him.

1250
00:55:37,960 --> 00:55:40,680
Speaker 3: After the funeral, he got a few nasty texts from them.

1251
00:55:40,840 --> 00:55:43,960
Speaker 3: He responded to his mom once, but otherwise hasn't spoken

1252
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:44,279
Speaker 3: to them.

1253
00:55:44,400 --> 00:55:46,040
Speaker 2: His grandmother even called his.

1254
00:55:46,080 --> 00:55:49,160
Speaker 3: Work asking if the baby was born yet, and I

1255
00:55:49,200 --> 00:55:52,000
Speaker 3: hope your work said hmm, no, we can't tell you that,

1256
00:55:52,280 --> 00:55:55,680
Speaker 3: ma'am your baby crazy. My husband mostly doesn't talk to

1257
00:55:55,719 --> 00:55:57,920
Speaker 3: them because of me. I told him I found it

1258
00:55:58,000 --> 00:56:01,520
Speaker 3: insulting that he could even want a relationship with them.

1259
00:56:01,680 --> 00:56:04,120
Speaker 3: But again, this man has been parentified his whole life,

1260
00:56:04,200 --> 00:56:06,880
Speaker 3: obviously as a very complicated relationship with his family.

1261
00:56:07,080 --> 00:56:09,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, don't take this personally. This has literally nothing to

1262
00:56:09,960 --> 00:56:14,120
Speaker 4: do with you. Yeah, it's clearly about him and his parents.

1263
00:56:14,360 --> 00:56:16,719
Speaker 2: But the other day he told me he resents me

1264
00:56:16,840 --> 00:56:19,439
Speaker 2: because I don't want him to have a relationship with them.

1265
00:56:19,520 --> 00:56:21,319
Speaker 2: He said he won't talk to them for me, but

1266
00:56:21,360 --> 00:56:24,000
Speaker 2: he misses them every day. Man needs therapy.

1267
00:56:24,120 --> 00:56:26,120
Speaker 3: Man needs to go to therapy to realize that these

1268
00:56:26,160 --> 00:56:29,000
Speaker 3: people are taking advantage of him. He said that they're

1269
00:56:29,040 --> 00:56:32,320
Speaker 3: missing their granddaughters. Growing up, his mom kept sending gifts

1270
00:56:32,360 --> 00:56:34,759
Speaker 3: to our old home and wouldn't stop, which was a

1271
00:56:34,760 --> 00:56:37,719
Speaker 3: big part of why we moved. His grandmother even said,

1272
00:56:37,840 --> 00:56:40,799
Speaker 3: I'm only a good cat mom, not a good human mom.

1273
00:56:41,040 --> 00:56:43,480
Speaker 3: I feel like my in laws are ruining my marriage

1274
00:56:43,520 --> 00:56:46,760
Speaker 3: without us even speaking to them. They haven't seen our oldest,

1275
00:56:46,760 --> 00:56:48,880
Speaker 3: who is now almost two and a half, since she

1276
00:56:49,040 --> 00:56:52,040
Speaker 3: was seven months old. They haven't met are three month old.

1277
00:56:52,160 --> 00:56:55,400
Speaker 3: They don't even know her name or birthday. By the way,

1278
00:56:55,640 --> 00:56:57,600
Speaker 3: you should know that you can listen to full episodes

1279
00:56:57,640 --> 00:57:00,760
Speaker 3: of stories just like this. Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts,

1280
00:57:00,840 --> 00:57:03,120
Speaker 3: or iHeartRadio in search of focus start time. But there

1281
00:57:03,200 --> 00:57:06,120
Speaker 3: is a little bit left to the story. Any final thoughts.

1282
00:57:06,400 --> 00:57:12,399
Speaker 2: I feel confused. He feels confused, Folks, Why because would

1283
00:57:12,400 --> 00:57:16,080
Speaker 2: it be more or less strife an annoyance to just

1284
00:57:16,320 --> 00:57:20,080
Speaker 2: let them see that their grandkids versus just like trying

1285
00:57:20,160 --> 00:57:24,520
Speaker 2: to play goalie and prevent them from seeing their grandkids forever.

1286
00:57:24,920 --> 00:57:27,080
Speaker 2: I think what's the easier path for you?

1287
00:57:27,400 --> 00:57:29,240
Speaker 3: The thing is, I think it's only I think it's

1288
00:57:29,280 --> 00:57:32,840
Speaker 3: causing so much strife because they're only going halfway with them.

1289
00:57:32,880 --> 00:57:34,600
Speaker 3: You know, either you need to keep them in your

1290
00:57:34,640 --> 00:57:37,200
Speaker 3: life and then your husband's happy, but then you have

1291
00:57:37,320 --> 00:57:40,560
Speaker 3: more problems because they're causing issues, or you, you know,

1292
00:57:41,320 --> 00:57:44,800
Speaker 3: go much much more limited contact with them or no

1293
00:57:44,880 --> 00:57:46,960
Speaker 3: contact with them. But make sure that your husband is

1294
00:57:46,960 --> 00:57:49,400
Speaker 3: on your side, because right now your husband is in

1295
00:57:49,480 --> 00:57:52,440
Speaker 3: the middle and he doesn't like you know, like he's like,

1296
00:57:52,480 --> 00:57:54,560
Speaker 3: I want to see my family blah blah blah blah blah,

1297
00:57:54,600 --> 00:57:56,760
Speaker 3: and that's causing problems in your relationship.

1298
00:57:56,840 --> 00:57:58,959
Speaker 2: So you have to get on. You can't like stay

1299
00:57:58,960 --> 00:57:59,400
Speaker 2: in the middle.

1300
00:57:59,400 --> 00:58:01,080
Speaker 3: I think you have to talk about it and figure

1301
00:58:01,120 --> 00:58:03,200
Speaker 3: out a compromise that works for both of you.

1302
00:58:03,400 --> 00:58:05,280
Speaker 2: Yeah. I just also don't I don't.

1303
00:58:05,360 --> 00:58:07,200
Speaker 4: I don't like the vibe that it's like this is

1304
00:58:07,520 --> 00:58:10,080
Speaker 4: the in laws or the ones doing this, because it's

1305
00:58:10,120 --> 00:58:13,920
Speaker 4: really more that like op was like, you can't you

1306
00:58:13,920 --> 00:58:16,120
Speaker 4: can't be talking to them, You can't be doing this

1307
00:58:16,160 --> 00:58:19,800
Speaker 4: because I'm insulted that you'd even want to, which is like, not,

1308
00:58:20,080 --> 00:58:23,320
Speaker 4: that's not crazy, like that makes sense, but also like

1309
00:58:23,720 --> 00:58:27,040
Speaker 4: it's really not a you problem. You feel like it's

1310
00:58:27,080 --> 00:58:32,000
Speaker 4: a you problem because you are like married to your husband,

1311
00:58:32,280 --> 00:58:35,880
Speaker 4: but really this would be happening to anyone, regardless of

1312
00:58:36,000 --> 00:58:39,080
Speaker 4: it being you or like another woman or another for anyone.

1313
00:58:39,240 --> 00:58:41,640
Speaker 2: It's like, so, I think it's coming from the wrong place.

1314
00:58:41,720 --> 00:58:43,880
Speaker 3: I think soap Jay says the husband can visit them

1315
00:58:43,920 --> 00:58:46,160
Speaker 3: without the children, just him. Yeah, if he wants to

1316
00:58:46,160 --> 00:58:48,960
Speaker 3: have a relationship with them, that's his decision to make, right,

1317
00:58:49,200 --> 00:58:51,320
Speaker 3: But I think also as a parent, your decision can

1318
00:58:51,360 --> 00:58:52,880
Speaker 3: be like I don't want them to see the kid.

1319
00:58:53,120 --> 00:58:56,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, well it's yeah, the decisions needs should come from

1320
00:58:56,320 --> 00:58:59,040
Speaker 4: like this is what's best for for the kid, for us,

1321
00:58:59,160 --> 00:59:01,120
Speaker 4: or like for the family, instead of like this is

1322
00:59:01,160 --> 00:59:03,200
Speaker 4: what makes me feel the best.

1323
00:59:03,240 --> 00:59:05,200
Speaker 3: I agree, Uh, there is a little bit more. I

1324
00:59:05,240 --> 00:59:07,880
Speaker 3: can't have them in my life or my children's lives.

1325
00:59:07,920 --> 00:59:11,160
Speaker 3: They ruined my husband's childhood, Yet he still feels loyalty

1326
00:59:11,200 --> 00:59:13,000
Speaker 3: to them because they were there for him when no

1327
00:59:13,000 --> 00:59:15,560
Speaker 3: one else was. Well, I mean they had to. They

1328
00:59:15,560 --> 00:59:17,680
Speaker 3: were your parents. This should have been there for you.

1329
00:59:18,080 --> 00:59:20,360
Speaker 3: And because they paid for him to go to rehab,

1330
00:59:20,600 --> 00:59:25,080
Speaker 3: which they kind of caused that. So yeah, I have

1331
00:59:25,200 --> 00:59:28,240
Speaker 3: constant nightmares of them coming back into our lives and

1332
00:59:28,280 --> 00:59:30,919
Speaker 3: it hurts me that my husband would welcome them back

1333
00:59:31,000 --> 00:59:34,680
Speaker 3: after everything. And there are some comments. Comment one, did

1334
00:59:34,720 --> 00:59:37,280
Speaker 3: your husband keep going to therapy after rehab? I'd be

1335
00:59:37,320 --> 00:59:39,480
Speaker 3: a good idea to look into, hope, He says no.

1336
00:59:39,560 --> 00:59:42,040
Speaker 3: He told me he doesn't want medication or therapy to

1337
00:59:42,080 --> 00:59:45,360
Speaker 3: deal with this. Man needs therapy. He doesn't want side

1338
00:59:45,360 --> 00:59:47,840
Speaker 3: effects for medication and feels a therapist. We'll just tell

1339
00:59:47,920 --> 00:59:50,920
Speaker 3: him stuff he already knows, literally, not literally he doesn't know.

1340
00:59:51,160 --> 00:59:53,320
Speaker 3: I think for him, he needs to accept his child

1341
00:59:53,320 --> 00:59:55,520
Speaker 3: that is toxic and be able to work through it

1342
00:59:55,560 --> 00:59:58,320
Speaker 3: without blaming me for not talking to his parents. Comment

1343
00:59:58,360 --> 01:00:00,840
Speaker 3: to your in laws suck. You really don't get to

1344
01:00:00,840 --> 01:00:03,280
Speaker 3: be insulted that he wants a relationship with them. That's

1345
01:00:03,320 --> 01:00:05,800
Speaker 3: his family, so it's his choice, Yeah, which is what

1346
01:00:05,840 --> 01:00:08,120
Speaker 3: you were saying. His relationship with them can be wholly

1347
01:00:08,160 --> 01:00:11,400
Speaker 3: separate from his relationship with you. It feels to him

1348
01:00:11,480 --> 01:00:13,800
Speaker 3: like you're the reason he's not seeing his parents.

1349
01:00:13,880 --> 01:00:16,840
Speaker 2: Resentment will build. Is he in therapy at all? If not,

1350
01:00:16,960 --> 01:00:18,440
Speaker 2: he should be we alred. He know he's not. He

1351
01:00:18,520 --> 01:00:20,320
Speaker 2: needs to work through his child the trauma to help

1352
01:00:20,360 --> 01:00:23,320
Speaker 2: him realize you aren't the problem they are. But until

1353
01:00:23,320 --> 01:00:25,600
Speaker 2: he can work through that, he's going to be confused,

1354
01:00:25,920 --> 01:00:28,000
Speaker 2: knowing he shouldn't see his parents, but not being able

1355
01:00:28,000 --> 01:00:30,600
Speaker 2: to remember why, Knowing all the bad crap, but feeling

1356
01:00:30,640 --> 01:00:33,120
Speaker 2: like it's normal because it is normal to him. Op

1357
01:00:33,160 --> 01:00:35,840
Speaker 2: he says, he refuses the therapy. Unfortunately, I've told him

1358
01:00:35,880 --> 01:00:38,480
Speaker 2: many times it would help. He doesn't consider his childhood

1359
01:00:38,520 --> 01:00:41,000
Speaker 2: to be wholly traumatic. That he did what he had to.

1360
01:00:41,120 --> 01:00:43,680
Speaker 3: It's very sad, and folks, that's the end of that

1361
01:00:43,760 --> 01:00:46,240
Speaker 3: story and the end of this episode.

1362
01:00:46,320 --> 01:00:49,160
Speaker 2: But do you any final but is that very sad?

1363
01:00:49,320 --> 01:00:49,840
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?

1364
01:00:49,920 --> 01:00:52,280
Speaker 4: Like to have had like a traumatic childhood and then

1365
01:00:52,320 --> 01:00:53,760
Speaker 4: you look back at it and you're like, I mean, yeah,

1366
01:00:53,800 --> 01:00:55,240
Speaker 4: I just kind of like thugged it out and like

1367
01:00:55,240 --> 01:00:56,200
Speaker 4: took care of everybody.

1368
01:00:56,480 --> 01:00:57,840
Speaker 2: I think you.

1369
01:00:57,800 --> 01:01:01,520
Speaker 3: Are imagining it much differently than it actually is.

1370
01:01:02,000 --> 01:01:05,200
Speaker 2: It is indicative of a problem that should be you know,

1371
01:01:05,240 --> 01:01:08,880
Speaker 2: you should be going to therapy. For sure, should be

1372
01:01:09,320 --> 01:01:10,080
Speaker 2: going to therapy.

1373
01:01:10,240 --> 01:01:12,760
Speaker 4: But I think it's more of like Op's perspective is

1374
01:01:12,800 --> 01:01:16,240
Speaker 4: it's like you're thinking about your trauma wrong and that

1375
01:01:16,440 --> 01:01:17,000
Speaker 4: hurts me.

1376
01:01:17,640 --> 01:01:19,120
Speaker 2: Yes, it's.

1377
01:01:20,480 --> 01:01:23,280
Speaker 4: You're pressing this is an issue that's like a relationship

1378
01:01:23,400 --> 01:01:25,640
Speaker 4: issue between you and your husband, and it's really just

1379
01:01:26,120 --> 01:01:27,280
Speaker 4: an issue between.

1380
01:01:27,200 --> 01:01:27,920
Speaker 2: Him and his family.

1381
01:01:28,320 --> 01:01:31,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, like the issue where when it comes too you,

1382
01:01:31,160 --> 01:01:32,760
Speaker 3: like when you have to see them and you have to,

1383
01:01:32,840 --> 01:01:34,960
Speaker 3: like your children have to see them, then it's like, yes.

1384
01:01:35,120 --> 01:01:38,440
Speaker 2: But you can't be like it's insane that my grandparents,

1385
01:01:38,640 --> 01:01:42,840
Speaker 2: that my child's grandparents want to know her. It's like,

1386
01:01:42,880 --> 01:01:46,240
Speaker 2: of course they do, they're the grandparents. Yeah, but folks,

1387
01:01:46,240 --> 01:01:48,040
Speaker 2: that's the end of that story and the end of

1388
01:01:48,040 --> 01:01:50,960
Speaker 2: this episode. So if you love us, make sure to

1389
01:01:50,960 --> 01:01:54,640
Speaker 2: subscribe We love You. And seeing them all