Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya Ren and I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio Podcast. Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in. In
Speaker 1: today's episode, we have a very special guests, our first
Speaker 1: in studio guests. I was like, I'm coming in. It's
Speaker 1: so much better and I am obsessed with you. This
Speaker 1: is the voice of Tracy Tutor. Everybody that is listening
Speaker 1: and doesn't know. Um, I'm like coming off of this
Speaker 1: high from Rihanna's super Bowl performance because I just feel
Speaker 1: like she showed us, she showed us that you can
Speaker 1: really do it all and have it all at the
Speaker 1: same time. And I feel like you're the perfect guest
Speaker 1: to have this week because I feel the same energy
Speaker 1: from you. I feel like you are such a badass
Speaker 1: in the workspace. I feel like you're constantly reinventing yourself
Speaker 1: in different ways. You are an author, you are like
Speaker 1: crushing it in your career, you have a relationship, you're
Speaker 1: a mom, You're doing all these things and you're doing
Speaker 1: it so well. And so I'm really excited to have
Speaker 1: Tracy Tutor on with us because you're just all thing
Speaker 1: this modern woman energy. Thank you. I'm so excited to
Speaker 1: be here. I haven't seen you in a long time,
Speaker 1: and it's so nice to meet you. I know, we
Speaker 1: well we were talking about this before you came in.
Speaker 1: You were um helping hand for Tanya while she was
Speaker 1: going through what we call the trigger of it and
Speaker 1: her breakup UM, and I remember there was she was
Speaker 1: just like she took me under her wing. There was
Speaker 1: like a like a sisterhood bond there of you just
Speaker 1: like totally helping her navigate it. Well, I remember when
Speaker 1: you came over to my house and we were having
Speaker 1: like a glass of wine in the backyard with Haley
Speaker 1: and like a couple of other friends. And obviously I
Speaker 1: had gone through the divorce and I was at that
Speaker 1: time probably three years out of it, out of it.
Speaker 1: I was like finally like on my two feet again.
Speaker 1: I had been dating, and I was like, girl, you
Speaker 1: got this, you can like you need to be out there.
Speaker 1: And then apparently you got set up. So two of
Speaker 1: your friends that were outso at your house that night. Yes,
Speaker 1: we know this guy. He's really great. He doesn't live here,
Speaker 1: but we want him to move da dada. So they
Speaker 1: were like showed me his Instagram and I was like, okay, cute.
Speaker 1: So we started like dm ng on Instagram and this
Speaker 1: guy we ended up scheduling like a Zoom day because
Speaker 1: it was I think still kind of quarantine e at times.
Speaker 1: But also he didn't live in l A. So it
Speaker 1: was like a zoom day, Like we were like going
Speaker 1: to have a drink on zoom together. Oh those were
Speaker 1: the days. Then this was like my only date that
Speaker 1: I went on when I was single. But it was
Speaker 1: so funny because he basically spent the entire I think
Speaker 1: we talked about an hour and a half. He talked
Speaker 1: about his hex girlfriend and like kind of why he
Speaker 1: was single and what happened in his relationship, and then
Speaker 1: I was talking about Robbie and my breakup and what
Speaker 1: all went down there. So we basically spent the entire
Speaker 1: date talking about our exes. It's great cut to cut
Speaker 1: to a year and a half later. I still follow
Speaker 1: him on Instagram. He got back together with that girl.
Speaker 1: They're engaged, Oh my god, and like fully so happy
Speaker 1: and he we both message each other now, like and
Speaker 1: when I remember when when Robbie I got back to
Speaker 1: he was like, oh my gosh, I'm so glad you
Speaker 1: got back together with your guy. You guys look so happy,
Speaker 1: And I was like, how funny that we both ended
Speaker 1: up back with our you know, like that that telltale
Speaker 1: sign of like the first date, when you spend the
Speaker 1: entire first date talking about your axes. It's not really
Speaker 1: a strong indicator that you guys are very each other. No,
Speaker 1: we were not for each other, but I just want
Speaker 1: it to be such a funny, funny and I still
Speaker 1: found like, at what point do I unfollow this guy? Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know if you're going to run into some date.
Speaker 1: It's not like you had like no no connectionever. Yeah
Speaker 1: that's okay. Yeah, but I do feel like this this
Speaker 1: connection to you because I really do feel like I
Speaker 1: was going through really tough time and I really felt
Speaker 1: like you extended your hand and we were total strangers
Speaker 1: and you were so lovely and kind and wonderful, and
Speaker 1: so I just love you came into my house and
Speaker 1: your energy was very similar even though you were going
Speaker 1: through a totally difficult time. I don't know, I just
Speaker 1: feel like that sisterhood of when you're going through a breakup,
Speaker 1: Like the most important thing is that your friends and
Speaker 1: girls rally behind in jail. I feel like that's the
Speaker 1: way I got through my divorce. I can't even fathom
Speaker 1: not having my girlfriends and my gaze, you know, around
Speaker 1: me during that time because and so I always whenever
Speaker 1: I know a girlfriend of mine or someone's going through
Speaker 1: something like that, I'm like, do we need to go
Speaker 1: have a glass of wine? Where are we having lunch?
Speaker 1: Sunday morning? We're going for a walk. Let's get out
Speaker 1: of it now. Yeah. I wanted to talk to you
Speaker 1: about this because I had listened to an interview I
Speaker 1: think it was on a UM like Serious XIM. I
Speaker 1: don't know if it's a podcast or radio show, but
Speaker 1: this was I think in October of last year. But
Speaker 1: you're talking about your divorce and UM on Monday's episode
Speaker 1: last week. We were talking about how men get so
Speaker 1: comfortable or get such an ego that they're with these
Speaker 1: incredible women and they feel comfortable enough to cheat. UM.
Speaker 1: And I didn't know if you were comfortable talking about it,
Speaker 1: but I was listening to how Jeff lewis yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah yeah. And and Jeff's a friend of mine, and
Speaker 1: we had had drinks and before and we were chatting,
Speaker 1: and of course it came up and he was like,
Speaker 1: would you be okay talking about it? I go you
Speaker 1: know what, I've never really spoken about it before, and
Speaker 1: I finally feel like I'm on the other side of
Speaker 1: it where I can like impart some wisdom and not
Speaker 1: just like vicious hate because I went through all those spaces,
Speaker 1: you know, so um, yeah, I'm comfortable talking about it.
Speaker 1: So yeah, we were. We were just talking about the
Speaker 1: fact that there's men and I don't know anything about
Speaker 1: your ex, but knowing that, knowing just what I know
Speaker 1: about you and the boss that you are, You're successful,
Speaker 1: you're studying, like you have what your a ten out
Speaker 1: of ten? And I don't know your ex, but the
Speaker 1: fact that he even felt comfortable enough to cheat in
Speaker 1: front of people, knowing that there was a chance that
Speaker 1: could get back to you. What is it? Is it? Ego?
Speaker 1: What is that? Like? What do you gather from that?
Speaker 1: You know? I mean, I think, listen, we had been
Speaker 1: together for by the time we got divorced, seventeen and
Speaker 1: a half years and a lot of growth to kids,
Speaker 1: a career, a TV show, him, you know, him changing
Speaker 1: careers as well as like, I think there's a part
Speaker 1: of us that grew apart, you know, probably five years
Speaker 1: prior to that happening, and you know, you push through
Speaker 1: and you're committed to the marriage and and that's something
Speaker 1: that you sort of stick with it. But at the
Speaker 1: same time, I wasn't acknowledging neither was he, that we
Speaker 1: were both just in this lull. And the lull eventually
Speaker 1: turned into you know, him wanting connection and really you know,
Speaker 1: approval from other women. And it started with you know,
Speaker 1: sometimes conversations with women and I'd be like, why are
Speaker 1: you talking to that person? And a lot but like
Speaker 1: no physical connection. Um. But he he really required that
Speaker 1: like constant approval, and I wasn't giving it to him anymore.
Speaker 1: I was, you know, I was sort of one foot
Speaker 1: out and so that's you know, the affair happened. I
Speaker 1: don't blame myself for it. I think, you know, initially Lee,
Speaker 1: he kind of did you know that was that's always
Speaker 1: the excuse. Well you wouldn't, you know, you weren't giving
Speaker 1: me what I needed, so I went elsewhere, which is
Speaker 1: such a cop out. Um. You know, there's a little
Speaker 1: ego involved as well. I think being successful and being
Speaker 1: financially completely free from him, I didn't rely on him
Speaker 1: for anything, so I was able to make my own decisions.
Speaker 1: I think that made him feel less and less in control,
Speaker 1: which traditionally in relationships, you know, it's the other way around.
Speaker 1: I mean it's callused bad spade, wage gap, whatever it is.
Speaker 1: More often than not, the man can make more money
Speaker 1: and be more successful or maybe further along in their career.
Speaker 1: And in this case, it was the flip, which I
Speaker 1: think was you know a little bit. It's it's a
Speaker 1: shock to the ego and it's something that I have
Speaker 1: dealt with even post marriage, you know, dating. I feel
Speaker 1: like that's an interesting it isn't interesting dynamic because I
Speaker 1: do think as much as again we hate it and
Speaker 1: we want to say that it doesn't it's not an
Speaker 1: affecting actor. It really is. Oh absolutely, Like I had
Speaker 1: dated a few different guys before being in the current
Speaker 1: relationship you know that I was in and I was
Speaker 1: finding kind of the same problem. And I think what
Speaker 1: I found in my relationship now with Eric is it
Speaker 1: was something younger and freer about you know, he grew
Speaker 1: up in a different generation, so you know, someone in
Speaker 1: their late twenties or early thirties, which tended to be
Speaker 1: the direction that my dating life was going at the time.
Speaker 1: I started to realize, like, why is that happening, Like
Speaker 1: why are younger men more attractive? And one might say, oh,
Speaker 1: because she has money, or you know, he's uh, you
Speaker 1: know that type of guy or whatever, And and the
Speaker 1: fact of the matter was, even the younger guys that
Speaker 1: I had been dating prior to Eric, we're successful, you know,
Speaker 1: early thirties, you know, made plenty of money. But there's
Speaker 1: something different about the men of his generation and the
Speaker 1: men that are of my generation. It's a lot, a
Speaker 1: lot tougher pale for them to swallow. And even Eric,
Speaker 1: I think, from time to time struggles with it, you know,
Speaker 1: like he's a co star or a guest appearance, right,
Speaker 1: Like it's not it doesn't always feel equal, and I've
Speaker 1: had to really examine that and not tow myself down.
Speaker 1: But in a way also sort of contribute to them feeling.
Speaker 1: The men in my life feeling, you know, like they
Speaker 1: add value in many ways, like you have to kind
Speaker 1: of overcompensate, which is not something a man is used
Speaker 1: to doing, but as a successful woman in business, like
Speaker 1: I feel like that's something that I do still to
Speaker 1: this day. It's so you're it's so crazy to me
Speaker 1: because I also feel like you're in you are in
Speaker 1: like a male dominated working world. Were you always this
Speaker 1: confident in your working world as you are now? I mean, listen,
Speaker 1: I felt on my face so many times, and I
Speaker 1: think I learned to be confident by virtue of just
Speaker 1: continuing to get up and keep going. Um. I think
Speaker 1: that that fear that we all have is we're scared
Speaker 1: of the Yeah, on Amazon, we'll talk about the book, No,
Speaker 1: but I think that that's such a big part of
Speaker 1: it that we're you know, so terrified of, like the
Speaker 1: falling down piece that we can't get out of our
Speaker 1: own way. And I think what makes a woman confident
Speaker 1: is how many times she's fallen down, gotten back up
Speaker 1: and become successful again. So you know, obviously I'm forty seven. Um,
Speaker 1: I didn't learn it overnight. Um. But that's kind of
Speaker 1: why I wrote the book, because I wanted I wanted
Speaker 1: to speak to actually younger women about that path, because
Speaker 1: I think so many women come out of college and
Speaker 1: you know, you know, we all grew up with this
Speaker 1: traditional ideology that like maybe you meet the love of
Speaker 1: your life in college and you'll you know, have the
Speaker 1: white picket fence and like a beautiful little traditional house
Speaker 1: with two kids in private school and then maybe you'll
Speaker 1: retire and be a stay at home mom and all
Speaker 1: these things, which is a beautiful thing, but it's not
Speaker 1: the only way, right And and you know, I think
Speaker 1: breaking away from those patterns and and young like twenty
Speaker 1: something women having a woman to look up to that's
Speaker 1: maybe twenty years their senior, but they actually relate to
Speaker 1: um is something I didn't have. I feel like, so
Speaker 1: the book she's talking about, it's called Fears, just a
Speaker 1: four letter word, and I feel like your book, to me,
Speaker 1: it felt like some like you were writing to your
Speaker 1: younger self something that you wish you would have known prior.
Speaker 1: And I think to me, those types of books are
Speaker 1: so valuable because we all, especially as women, like we
Speaker 1: learn from each other, you know, like we've all gone
Speaker 1: through different things. And if you can just learn one
Speaker 1: thing from somebody else, you can teach somebody so they
Speaker 1: don't make the same mistake or maybe don't go or
Speaker 1: don't feel as alone going through these certain things. It's
Speaker 1: such a blessing. So if you do want to get
Speaker 1: her book, you can get an Amazon or anywhere a
Speaker 1: major book retailer. Yeah. Fellow author over here, Yeah. Gratulations
Speaker 1: on that, but so happy for you. Writing a book
Speaker 1: is wild. It's a it's a I had no idea
Speaker 1: what I was up agains, you know, like I, first
Speaker 1: of all not a great writer, and I was like,
Speaker 1: we're gonna have to do this like my way. It's
Speaker 1: going to be a little bit more conversational than you know,
Speaker 1: my daughter writes something and I'm like, wow, you're talented,
Speaker 1: you know, but I you know, I was a theater
Speaker 1: major for crying out loud. So but it turned out
Speaker 1: for the best because I think it's totally my voice
Speaker 1: and and you know, it obviously spoke to like a
Speaker 1: younger generation of women. And and that's the thing right now,
Speaker 1: is I feel like on social media and like that's
Speaker 1: why I love what you guys do and your show,
Speaker 1: and how like supportive of women you are and how
Speaker 1: light and bright and positive you are, because so much
Speaker 1: of what we're talking about, half the haters and half
Speaker 1: the people that keep us down or other women, it's
Speaker 1: not it's not just men like like that that the
Speaker 1: ideologies I was talking about earlier, and these traditions and
Speaker 1: the way we're supposed to do it. You know, there's
Speaker 1: a lot of women that are still sort of stuck
Speaker 1: in that you know, mindset, and I feel like it
Speaker 1: just makes me want to Like the more hate I
Speaker 1: get or the more you should wear this or you
Speaker 1: should wear that, the more I want to wear it
Speaker 1: because I'm like, I'm going to continue to do this
Speaker 1: until you realize that I can be a boss in
Speaker 1: real estate, I can be on a TV show, I
Speaker 1: can be sexy. I can also be a mom, you know,
Speaker 1: like why do we have to be defined? And why
Speaker 1: do women not want to elevate? Like it's it's beyond me.
Speaker 1: I sometimes get in these dm like back and force
Speaker 1: with women, like like you've got to really consider, like
Speaker 1: why you're coming from this place, like your own insecurity
Speaker 1: issues clearly to me Sometimes like when I get a
Speaker 1: negative methode or comment from a man, I'm literally unbothered
Speaker 1: by it, But when it comes from another woman, I'm like, wait,
Speaker 1: a sect totally, we're not supposed to do this to
Speaker 1: each other, Like we're not supposed to. And also like
Speaker 1: because you're right now for a million dollar listening l A,
Speaker 1: you're like the girl you're holding it down, and I
Speaker 1: just think it's so like I don't know, just to me,
Speaker 1: I look at you, and I just I'm so inspired
Speaker 1: and motivated by you, and so I feel like it
Speaker 1: makes me sad that you get attacked for certain things. Well,
Speaker 1: I it's almost like and I used to take it
Speaker 1: a lot more seriously. The only time I get actually
Speaker 1: upset by it is when it has anything to do
Speaker 1: with my kids. But candidly, I need to do it
Speaker 1: more like it makes me like people are like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, we're dressed appropriately or stop getting plastic surgery
Speaker 1: or whatever the hell people want to say. And when
Speaker 1: it comes from a woman, I just want to like
Speaker 1: be even more authentic online and tell people what I've
Speaker 1: done and say and you know, yeah I do. I
Speaker 1: work out. I worked out hour and forty five minutes
Speaker 1: this morning. I didn't have surgery to get the body
Speaker 1: that I have, right, Like, I'm forty seven. I worked really,
Speaker 1: really hard. I'm not as It just makes me want
Speaker 1: to be more transparent and work my ass off at
Speaker 1: the same time so that I can sort of dispel
Speaker 1: more of this idea that we have to be like
Speaker 1: men or conservative to be successful in business. It's just nonsense.
Speaker 1: You know you have two daughters, right do I have
Speaker 1: a seventeen year old Juliette and a fourteen year old
Speaker 1: named Scarlett. What is it like parenting two girls with
Speaker 1: the TikTok world? And like, what's it's so different than
Speaker 1: it was even for us, like when we were in
Speaker 1: high school. I mean, both my girls are on social media,
Speaker 1: of course, but I don't so much have a problem
Speaker 1: with the TikTok. It's the snapchat that I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: what's happening on Snapchat? Like they send the snaps and
Speaker 1: then they go away where the TikTok lives. You know,
Speaker 1: they're pretty transparent on social media. They don't post a ton.
Speaker 1: They're like of that younger generation. They're like Instagram's like done,
Speaker 1: you know, they're like the slame you know, but um,
Speaker 1: they scroll. I just I try to get them to
Speaker 1: be both busy. So I think when they're busy, they're
Speaker 1: on it less and they're more engaging. Um, you know.
Speaker 1: I just feel like social media really screws with our
Speaker 1: ability to like connect with people. And so luckily, I
Speaker 1: think because I've they have busy schedules that when they
Speaker 1: sit down in their room and they don't come out
Speaker 1: for three hours, and I'm like, what's going on in there?
Speaker 1: Like I know, like being a teenager, you want to
Speaker 1: be in your bed a lot, but like if it
Speaker 1: makes you feel any better, I can sit on my
Speaker 1: phone on TikTok and scroll for three hours. Are still developing,
Speaker 1: you know, like they're not five yet, that full frontal
Speaker 1: lobe situation and men too, like Eric's twenty eight and
Speaker 1: I'm like this, this whole social media thing is really
Speaker 1: going to screw you up, Like you just finished this
Speaker 1: is this could be bad. It is true though, like
Speaker 1: between social media and then also with the pandemic, it
Speaker 1: was like we kind of lost ability like how to
Speaker 1: connect with people face to face of like how to
Speaker 1: have conversations, how to ask questions about someone else and
Speaker 1: learn about people's interests. We kind of just like we're
Speaker 1: relying on the screen to occupy that space. Luckily, I
Speaker 1: they I've seen a lot worse. And like I said,
Speaker 1: like my daughter, my little one, she rides horses all
Speaker 1: the time. Like if she could quit school and just
Speaker 1: ride full time, she would, but because she's so engaged
Speaker 1: in that, it kind of keeps her away from it,
Speaker 1: and she's like doing I think there's a balance, you know,
Speaker 1: it's like you can't take it fully away, they exist
Speaker 1: in it. I have family friends and parents that are like,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to let my kid on it, and
Speaker 1: that you know they're eventually going there no matter what.
Speaker 1: And so it's just about finding a balance, I think.
Speaker 1: And you'd rather than feel comfortable to be able to
Speaker 1: use it and be open with you than hundred speaking
Speaker 1: it around if you take it away. Yeah, And they're
Speaker 1: kind of at the age where at this point all
Speaker 1: the kids are on it, but um, they have some
Speaker 1: pretty decent boundaries around. It's so cool to have like
Speaker 1: you as a mom, because I feel like, do you
Speaker 1: instill the way that you treat your life in your
Speaker 1: career in the in them as well? A you know,
Speaker 1: in the last couple of years, I think post COVID
Speaker 1: working from home as much as I was during that
Speaker 1: and I was promoting the book at that time and
Speaker 1: doing a lot of Zoom interviews, and the kids were
Speaker 1: home and so they were seeing you work a lot more,
Speaker 1: and I think kind of grew a little bit of
Speaker 1: a better understanding of what I do and what and
Speaker 1: how hard I work, and in turn like had a
Speaker 1: lot more respect for me, I think as like a
Speaker 1: working mom, And so they get I mean, my older
Speaker 1: one gets uber defense in defense of me, like on
Speaker 1: social media, should be like you don't know what you're
Speaker 1: but she says it like with the most eloquent voice
Speaker 1: that like the trolls are like gone, They're like, we're
Speaker 1: so sorry Julia because she's just you know, she has
Speaker 1: the ability. But you know, I was really strict with
Speaker 1: them when they were young. Um. You know, I taught
Speaker 1: them right from wrong. I taught them manners. They look
Speaker 1: people in the eye when they speak to them. Um.
Speaker 1: And now they've just developed into these like little mini feminists,
Speaker 1: but like the right kind of feminists, you know, not
Speaker 1: like the judge feminists. Um. And so it's great. They're
Speaker 1: like flourished ng And I mean, I'm like, they make
Speaker 1: me so proud. I can't even stand it. I know
Speaker 1: that Jeff Lewis interview, you talked about the relationship between
Speaker 1: you and I guess their step mom. Now, Oh oh yes, um,
Speaker 1: my ex husband's new wife, Amanda. So yeah, we've had,
Speaker 1: you know, a roller coaster of a time, um, getting
Speaker 1: to like where we are today. But the amazing thing
Speaker 1: about it is I looked at her a couple of
Speaker 1: weekends ago, or actually I guess it was. That was
Speaker 1: a couple of weeks end of January. We had dinner
Speaker 1: and I go, you know, it's so crazy, Like in
Speaker 1: another life, I think we would have been like friends
Speaker 1: outside of this. Like now we are and we're in
Speaker 1: this sort of scenario together where she's married to my
Speaker 1: ex husband is really good to my girls, and you know,
Speaker 1: we've wrapped our head around that and we're like in
Speaker 1: a really mature, like healthy, good place, um, which I
Speaker 1: think is like the greatest story to tell, which I
Speaker 1: had to explain to my ex husband because he sat
Speaker 1: me down after the Jeff Lewis thing, so he's gonna
Speaker 1: be like, you did it again, you know, But but
Speaker 1: the truth is, I was like, you know, I'm less
Speaker 1: worried about talking about what happened in our marriage and
Speaker 1: that you know, there was cheating or whatever. What I
Speaker 1: like talking about is that we recovered from it. I
Speaker 1: like talking about the fact and I'm proud of the
Speaker 1: fact that I'm friends with his new wife and that
Speaker 1: I've gotten to a place as like a parent, that
Speaker 1: I have recovered from all of that and we've come
Speaker 1: a long way as like, you know, this very different
Speaker 1: kind of family. You should be proud of that. There's
Speaker 1: not a lot of people that could do that, and
Speaker 1: I now that I've sort of have that, I wish that,
Speaker 1: you know, I want to talk about it primarily because
Speaker 1: I think you can get to that place and it's
Speaker 1: such a healthier lace to be. Yeah, you should be
Speaker 1: proud of it. Actually, I don't know if you saw
Speaker 1: the Miranda kur and Katie Perry stuff that happened a
Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago. Miranda kurt was getting some award.
Speaker 1: I think it was like some I don't know what
Speaker 1: it was, as like Australian award, and um, Katy Perry
Speaker 1: is the one who like gave it to her and
Speaker 1: was like speaking about her and gave her the award,
Speaker 1: and Miranda Kurr was talking about how like she couldn't
Speaker 1: have picked a better step mom for her kid, and
Speaker 1: I was like, that is such a beautiful example of
Speaker 1: like two women that know themselves and are mature and
Speaker 1: can fantastic. Yeah, like it makes me emotional, you know,
Speaker 1: like it's like because not everybody has it that way,
Speaker 1: and so I think that's something that you should be
Speaker 1: really proud about and talk about. And it goes you know,
Speaker 1: it goes back to what we were talking about earlier,
Speaker 1: is like this idea that like we can either be
Speaker 1: like this incredible tribe and figure each other out and
Speaker 1: be supportive of each other, or we can be our
Speaker 1: greatest enemy and we can be very defeatist about it.
Speaker 1: And I just feel like by virtue of getting through
Speaker 1: that and coming on the other side of it, I'm
Speaker 1: like happy to talk about. And then it landed with
Speaker 1: Chason and he is like, okay, yeah, He's like, well not,
Speaker 1: you know, don't talk about it that much. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: but the bottom line is I am proud of it.
Speaker 1: And I was damning her, you know, this weekend about
Speaker 1: just dogs or something, and you know, we chat all
Speaker 1: the time, and the more I get to know her,
Speaker 1: the more I realize why he fell in love with
Speaker 1: her and why they're together, and had it not happened,
Speaker 1: all of this crazy, you know, I I wouldn't be
Speaker 1: as happy as I am today. I probably would still
Speaker 1: be in the marriage. You know. Yeah, well I was
Speaker 1: gonna yeah that was That was My biggest takeaway from
Speaker 1: the interview was the fact that y'all have come full
Speaker 1: circle to a point where you were saying I'm able
Speaker 1: to go to dinner with her and she is wonderful
Speaker 1: for my girls. And I was like, wow, that takes.
Speaker 1: I mean, that takes. And obviously the bad stuff is
Speaker 1: part of the journey that leads you to that point,
Speaker 1: as part of the story and what you tell. But
Speaker 1: it's such a beautiful like ending for for you to
Speaker 1: have percent Like I like, it's like a you know,
Speaker 1: a way. It's been lifted off my chest, you know
Speaker 1: where for five years, and it took me that long,
Speaker 1: you know, to get to get to the other side
Speaker 1: of it. And I'm glad I never spoke about it,
Speaker 1: not once and never never, never, and the kids obviously know.
Speaker 1: So it's we're at a different place now and it's
Speaker 1: I think, a healthy and good thing to talk about.
Speaker 1: And it's actually positive. Yeah, I think sometimes having those
Speaker 1: hard conversations with kids, like sometimes I feel like our
Speaker 1: parents try to protect us from anything bad and sometimes
Speaker 1: you like I get older and I'm like, wait, what
Speaker 1: actually happened there? Right? Do I have all the information
Speaker 1: about because I mean the way we all grew up
Speaker 1: and you guys are obviously younger than me, but even
Speaker 1: your generation, they didn't talk about their problems in their marriage.
Speaker 1: You know, you really hit on something because I deal
Speaker 1: with it in therapy all the time. It's like this
Speaker 1: this this reality that we all had or these expectations
Speaker 1: we had for our lives, um and life isn't perfect,
Speaker 1: you know, like things happen in a different way than
Speaker 1: you expected. And I think that we can internalize those
Speaker 1: things and get and get really down on ourselves, like
Speaker 1: you know, when I started doing my boyfriend has two kids,
Speaker 1: and you know, it's a it's crazy thing to step into,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like you don't know how
Speaker 1: to handle it. You don't know what you're getting yourself into,
Speaker 1: and your real reality is different than you thought it
Speaker 1: would be. It's amazing in so many ways, but it's
Speaker 1: also challenging in certain ways. And so I think that,
Speaker 1: you know, you can get really hard on yourself because
Speaker 1: it's like this isn't the way you know, I dreamed
Speaker 1: of it to be, but this is my story totally. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's hard to kind of shake that because it's been
Speaker 1: ingrained in us for so many years that you just
Speaker 1: feel like a failure if you if if you're anything
Speaker 1: other than what that that path. Yeah, I think a
Speaker 1: lot of people that listen to this podcast, there are
Speaker 1: They are independent women, They are fierce, they want to
Speaker 1: Maybe some people are wanting to start their own companies,
Speaker 1: but like don't know how if you like just because
Speaker 1: you have, I feel like learned so much, and you've
Speaker 1: been in such a crazy career path. Um, what's something
Speaker 1: that you've learned that you wish you would have known
Speaker 1: ten years ago? Professionally, embrace your feminine energy. UM. I
Speaker 1: remember when I was first starting off in real estate
Speaker 1: and I was working really hard, and it was a
Speaker 1: few it was a rough five years just trying to
Speaker 1: like find my my feet in a new industry. UM.
Speaker 1: And I remember being competitive with men um, going out
Speaker 1: for listing appointments or pitches or whatever. Um, even in
Speaker 1: negotiations against an agent on another deal. UM. And I
Speaker 1: would find myself being like in my masculine body, you know,
Speaker 1: like I've got to be like super tough, like show
Speaker 1: zero vulnerability. UM. And I think what I learned now
Speaker 1: is that showing those vulnerabilities, embracing sort of my feminine energy,
Speaker 1: which actually is like change for me probably in the
Speaker 1: last few years. I think it's catapulted, like my relationships, um, my,
Speaker 1: my business relationships and personal relationships, and I would like
Speaker 1: take away that idea that, particularly in the corporate world,
Speaker 1: that you have to be like demand, if anything, be
Speaker 1: the opposite, be vulnerable, be accessible, um be feminine because
Speaker 1: you can be as strong in your feminine body as
Speaker 1: you can be sort of trying to play at their level.
Speaker 1: That's interesting because I think there's um a perspective that's
Speaker 1: like being vulnerable and embracing your feminine energy is like
Speaker 1: a sign of weakness, you know, like people assume that
Speaker 1: that means you're weak. But I think people underestimate the
Speaker 1: power and vulnerability and being you're like feminine energy and
Speaker 1: like the power you have using that. It's not a
Speaker 1: weakness at all, but it's perceived that way sometimes, Like
Speaker 1: if you're not acting tough like one of the guys,
Speaker 1: then you're weak or your lesson, you know, as opposed
Speaker 1: to being like using it to your advantage. Well, it's
Speaker 1: all about connection, right, you know, in business, So if
Speaker 1: you walk into a room and your walls are up
Speaker 1: and you have zero vulnerability, then you have zero ability
Speaker 1: to connect with the person that's sitting across from you,
Speaker 1: even like talking about what we're talking about today, like
Speaker 1: I have to like remind myself it's okay to be vulnerable.
Speaker 1: It's okay to talk about you know, your divorce or
Speaker 1: you know what happened in your marriage, etcetera. Um, because
Speaker 1: people relate to that. And the more you put yourself
Speaker 1: out there and and you know you wouldn't necessarily do
Speaker 1: that interview, I'm not. I'm not telling you guys to
Speaker 1: do but but but being I think vulnerable allows you
Speaker 1: the ability to connect with people. And that's ultimately why
Speaker 1: we hire who we hire. It's not resume only takes
Speaker 1: you so far. It's it's when you're in the room
Speaker 1: with somebody is what gets you ultimately the job. And
Speaker 1: so um, that would be the advice that I would
Speaker 1: give to like young women starting out or even women
Speaker 1: that are getting back into the workforce. Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1: That's really good advice. I think a lot of people
Speaker 1: feel like they're just competing with the like in male
Speaker 1: dominated spaces that they have to do, and it's okay
Speaker 1: to feel those things. It's okay to feel like I
Speaker 1: blew it, and like live in that moment and live
Speaker 1: in that space. But also don't pretend that it wasn't
Speaker 1: a failure. Oh it's fine. I don't know. I just
Speaker 1: didn't get a good night's sleep. It wasn't a good interview,
Speaker 1: or wasn't a great pitch. I just was off. It
Speaker 1: was okay, I'm sure it'll be fine, or I didn't
Speaker 1: really want it. Then why do you go in on it? Right? So,
Speaker 1: like we kind of tell ourselves these lies that we
Speaker 1: can like put shout the failure, when in fact, if
Speaker 1: we were just embracing the fact that it went because
Speaker 1: we didn't show up like as ourselves a prepared, be
Speaker 1: ready to connect and be vulnerable and you know, see
Speaker 1: walk into the room and look people in the eye
Speaker 1: and and be confident what you're talking about. Um, if
Speaker 1: you can't have all those things aligned, then you weren't
Speaker 1: ready to walk in the door in the first place.
Speaker 1: M wow, you know, preparation. How do you balance it all?
Speaker 1: I don't really I'm tired a lot. Really, Um, I
Speaker 1: get up really early. I really try to, Like I'm
Speaker 1: good in the mornings by like six seven o'clock. I
Speaker 1: am tapped out. Um yeah, yeah, yeah about it, like three.
Speaker 1: But like I'm my most creative, my my best energy,
Speaker 1: my best ideas all come in the morning and and
Speaker 1: so for me, that's like waking up and spending some
Speaker 1: time with myself, exercising, doing me you know, before like
Speaker 1: entering like you know, right around seven thirty, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm working. So I'm up at typically five thirty, UM
Speaker 1: and in the gym by six sep at what time
Speaker 1: last night? Didn't go to bed until like eleven thirty.
Speaker 1: I was watching you. Really it's sucked into that tragic stuff. Um.
Speaker 1: But typically I'm in bed by like eight thirty, nine o'clock.
Speaker 1: Like my kids are like, good night, Bob, and they're
Speaker 1: like up doing homework until ten thirty eleven, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm like lights out by ten. Typically I did see
Speaker 1: So you're right now you're on You're on Million Dollar
Speaker 1: Listening l A, which is on Bravo, which we love,
Speaker 1: and I love that you are holding it down. Also,
Speaker 1: I love Heather Altman. Yes, she's great, so great. So
Speaker 1: I just I love that show. Everybody should stream it,
Speaker 1: watch it, support Tracy. Um. But I think I saw
Speaker 1: a rumor that they're recording you for the Real Housewives
Speaker 1: of Beverly Hills. Is that a rumor? I got true?
Speaker 1: It's not a rumor. Um. I wouldn't say, they wouldn't
Speaker 1: say they were according me, but I was when I
Speaker 1: did watch What Happens that fans have sort of yeah,
Speaker 1: and fans have mentioned this for a bit and it
Speaker 1: was asked and then Andy kind of looked at me
Speaker 1: and said, would you ever do that? And I just
Speaker 1: looked at miss had a hundred percent and he was
Speaker 1: like floored, and it like started a whole thing about
Speaker 1: she shot a hundred percent to it and has become
Speaker 1: like a thing. Yeah, got it. So I love that show.
Speaker 1: I think those I think it's fantastic and fun to
Speaker 1: watch and you know, like I mean, I am a
Speaker 1: Bravo holic, like I watch all these shows. So for me,
Speaker 1: it's like a fun escape. And um, it's interesting because
Speaker 1: I feel like, to me, your show, you embody just
Speaker 1: like this powerful modern woman that's doing anything that housewives
Speaker 1: need a little bit more. And I feel like the
Speaker 1: housewives are the opposite. Like I feel like the housewives
Speaker 1: are very catty and fight with each other, and like
Speaker 1: there's that sense of of kind of where women were
Speaker 1: ten twenty years ago, you know what I mean. And
Speaker 1: so I don't I don't see you in that, but well,
Speaker 1: and a lot of people have said that too, like,
Speaker 1: you know, it's it's not your lane really, like you're
Speaker 1: above that or whatever. I'm not above anything. I'm about
Speaker 1: getting paid, okay. But what I think is cool is
Speaker 1: that energy on that show is very much one note
Speaker 1: and it can be catty, and it can be all
Speaker 1: those things, but it's also super entertaining, and it'd be
Speaker 1: nice to have some energy in there with someone that's
Speaker 1: running a business, that actually lives in Beverly Hills and
Speaker 1: you know, can also hold around and not be bullied by,
Speaker 1: you know, someone else on the show that maybe has
Speaker 1: a louder or bigger voice or is obviously more comfortable
Speaker 1: in front of the camera. I'm friends with a few
Speaker 1: of the girls. I mean, Crystal is a good friend.
Speaker 1: I love Garcella as well. I know Kyle Um. I've
Speaker 1: meant to read eat Um. That's all I'll say. Well,
Speaker 1: the other two I've never met, Erica or Lisa, Well,
Speaker 1: I do feel like you being on TV, there's not
Speaker 1: that need, like there wouldn't be that need to prove
Speaker 1: yourself with someone because you're kind of like established for viewers,
Speaker 1: like people already know you were on the Housewives. I'd
Speaker 1: watch it too. I don't watch, but I would watch
Speaker 1: it because, Yeah, we're gonna class it up. I love
Speaker 1: that so much. Well, where can people follow you and
Speaker 1: keep in touch with what you're doing and watch you
Speaker 1: and learn all about you? Um? I'm on all social
Speaker 1: media channels, although I'm probably most present on Instagrams. You
Speaker 1: can find me at Tracy tudor UM. My website for
Speaker 1: any real estate inquiries is Tracy Tutor dot com. And
Speaker 1: then of course the book UM anywhere we mentioned earlier,
Speaker 1: and then it's just a four letter word. And then
Speaker 1: I also have a wine called Unsweet which is a vegan,
Speaker 1: zero sugar um wine, and we have that's available online
Speaker 1: and we're gonna be coming a store soon. Oh that's
Speaker 1: very set. And that's unsweet Wine dot com. Unsweet wine
Speaker 1: dot com and Million Dollar Listening l A And every
Speaker 1: Thursday night at nine eight Central you can watch a
Speaker 1: Million Dollar Listening Los Angeles. Perfect. We're about to enter
Speaker 1: like the last few episodes, so it's kind of crazy Vegas.
Speaker 1: It's oh yeah, oh yeah, what did you want a
Speaker 1: Vegas for? We had a big listing opportunity there, so
Speaker 1: we went for like three days and it just turned
Speaker 1: into a show. The producers are like, they were like this,
Speaker 1: they knew what they're doing. Yeah, well, thanks for being
Speaker 1: our first guys. I'm so glad I came in. Everybody
Speaker 1: by purchased the wine by the book follow follow Oh
Speaker 1: we love Tracy and we just love you so much.
Speaker 1: I love you too. M