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Speaker 1: Hello everybody. Hi, Hi, you're listening to Dear Chelsea. I'm Chelsea,

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Speaker 1: and oh oh wait, before we get started, I want

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Speaker 1: to talk about this book that my friend wrote. Her

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Speaker 1: name is Shelley to Gilski. I think that's how you

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Speaker 1: pronounced her last name, but quite honestly, I don't know

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Speaker 1: if I'm pronouncing it right. Anyway, she wrote this new book,

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Speaker 1: and I wrote the foreward for the book, and I

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Speaker 1: just got done reading the book so that I could

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Speaker 1: write the foreward for the book. And I just have

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Speaker 1: to say that it's I'm going to have her honest

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Speaker 1: soon as we can, because this is the person who

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Speaker 1: for me made meditation cool and made mindfulness cool, and like,

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Speaker 1: she drinks and she has fun and she laughs and

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Speaker 1: she's like she's not a serious meditation person. She's like

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Speaker 1: a fun, vibrant meditation person. And she's the one who

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Speaker 1: kind of turned me on too, understanding that, oh, there's

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Speaker 1: more than one group of people who meditate. There's a

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Speaker 1: whole panoply. So I'm really excited for you guys to

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Speaker 1: read her book. Be I'll have her on the podcast

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Speaker 1: soon and we can talk about our friendship. And she's

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Speaker 1: the one who started the pandemic of love. So this

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Speaker 1: organization that I've mentioned on this podcast on separate occasions,

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Speaker 1: and what she does is she matches a donor, and

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Speaker 1: she matches somebody in need, and she puts you in

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Speaker 1: touch so somebody will agree to, you know, help you

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Speaker 1: with your rent for six months and then you have

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Speaker 1: a direct line of communication with them. And she's helped

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Speaker 1: give over like fifty four million dollars during this pandemic

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Speaker 1: of financial transactions between people helping people, And it's so important.

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Speaker 1: It's all about just community and being there for your community,

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Speaker 1: and like, how are you going to show up in

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Speaker 1: your small way to make the small ripple effect in

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Speaker 1: your small life to have it ripple to bigger, bigger,

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Speaker 1: bigger ponds, Like how do we all do that? And

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Speaker 1: it just takes everybody being actively engaged with their community,

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Speaker 1: with their neighbors, kind of like it was in the

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Speaker 1: olden days, so that when somebody's falling, you're there to

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Speaker 1: pick them up, and when you're falling, they're there to

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Speaker 1: pick you up. So it was really profound and I

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Speaker 1: was a good reminder for me to read that book.

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Speaker 1: So it's called Sit Down to Rise Up. I don't

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Speaker 1: think it's out yet, but it will be coming out.

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Speaker 1: And if you want to be supportive of Pandemic of Love,

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Speaker 1: you can go to Pandemic of Love dot com and

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Speaker 1: sign up, register to be a donor, or register if

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Speaker 1: you're in need. And on that note, I'm already exhausted

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Speaker 1: from talking. What do we do now, Brandon? Today's episode

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Speaker 1: are all about bodies and sets to your favorite topics. Oh, okay,

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Speaker 1: is about body dysmorphia or not necessarily body morphia, just

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Speaker 1: about our anatomy? Okay, great, I'm a biologist. Well, and

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Speaker 1: let's get into the first submission. It comes from Kimberly

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Speaker 1: from Melbourne, Melbourne, Melbourne, Melbourne, Melbourne, Melbourne. She's thirty eight.

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Speaker 1: She writes, Dear Chelsea, I'm a thirty eight year old

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Speaker 1: lesbian from Melbourne, Australia, and I'm thirty eight weeks pregnant.

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Speaker 1: I'm pretty happy about it, as it took some effort

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Speaker 1: to get here, but as now I'm considered full term,

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Speaker 1: I find myself suddenly wondering how it's anatomically possible for

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Speaker 1: this thing to come out of my huha without causing

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Speaker 1: some kind of irreparable damage on both my mental and

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Speaker 1: physical health. Why do women do this? Do you have

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Speaker 1: any tips or advice on how to prepare for labor

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Speaker 1: and birth? She came to the right place. I have

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Speaker 1: any tips on how to prepare for labor. Yeah, don't

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Speaker 1: get pregnant. It's too late for you. I don't like

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Speaker 1: when people speak in weeks. As soon as they become pregnant,

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Speaker 1: they start talking about weeks in pregnant. What about when

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Speaker 1: they have the baby? And then it's like, I know,

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Speaker 1: I know, I know, don't It's so annoying. But anyway,

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Speaker 1: thirty eight weeks is what four into thirty eight is

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Speaker 1: almost she's eight months pregnant. Okay, eight months pregnant. Well,

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Speaker 1: the good news is is that people have been having

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Speaker 1: babies since the beginning of time. So while you may

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Speaker 1: feel like it's going to cause irreparable damage, I would

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Speaker 1: argue that you are panicking at the last stage of

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Speaker 1: your pregnancy, because that's probably what women do to once

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Speaker 1: they realize that a person is going to come out

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Speaker 1: of your Pikachu. It is a hard reckoning. It is

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Speaker 1: hard to think about that. But what you can use

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Speaker 1: to assuase your fears is the knowledge that this is

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Speaker 1: happening every day to millions of people. I mean, how

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Speaker 1: many babies are born a day? Yeah, I look that up.

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Speaker 1: I mean, you're in a big city with a real

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Speaker 1: hospital and people who have tons of experience laboring and

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Speaker 1: delivering babies. So I don't think you have a lot

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Speaker 1: to worry about except for your personal fears. And I

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Speaker 1: think you just have to kind of come to Jesus

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Speaker 1: with the idea that like, this is what becoming a

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Speaker 1: parent feels like. It's scary, and you're gonna be scared

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Speaker 1: after the baby is born at certain times. You're gonna

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Speaker 1: be scared during certain parts of their childhood. But the

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Speaker 1: important thing is that you're almost done. So that's a

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Speaker 1: victory in and of itself. And when you are done,

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Speaker 1: if anything happens to your Pikachu, they can fix that.

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Speaker 1: You can tell them in advance that you want them

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Speaker 1: to fix that. What's going to happen to you mentally,

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Speaker 1: You're going to go through so many different emotions and

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Speaker 1: hormonal incitements that it's going to be a very, very

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Speaker 1: probably blurry time being a new mother for the first time.

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Speaker 1: So how many babies are born every day? Approximately three

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Speaker 1: hundred according to the u n. That's a hundred and

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Speaker 1: forty million a year. That's too many. That is too

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Speaker 1: many people. Wow, that's so scary. A hundred and forty

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Speaker 1: million people a year are born. It's a lot of

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Speaker 1: people who shouldn't be having babies. Well, but let's focus

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Speaker 1: on the fact that this woman is having a baby.

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Speaker 1: She is and that's that's a glorious decision that you

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Speaker 1: made your lesbian right, So she you actually worked very

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Speaker 1: hard to figure this out. So you're in a great

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Speaker 1: position and you should be enjoying it. And if you

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Speaker 1: have moments of doubt and insecurity, that's normal. Well, and

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Speaker 1: I do think again, meditation just too mentally prepare for yeah,

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Speaker 1: for your integrating with the baby, and prepare yourself emotionally.

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Speaker 1: That's a great idea. I'm sure there's pregnancy meditations if

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Speaker 1: you look on Calm or headspace or Chopra, any of

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Speaker 1: those apps offer all those kinds of meditations. But you

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Speaker 1: should really start to get real focused on the labor

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Speaker 1: and delivery and know that you're gonna succeed and prevail

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Speaker 1: and it's all gonna work out and you're gonna be fine.

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Speaker 1: Because we're living in the year. So you know the

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Speaker 1: days of you going to the hospital having a baby

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Speaker 1: and something terrible happened. You know, that's not the way

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Speaker 1: we live in society these days. Just harness that strength

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Speaker 1: that you have. Yeah, you're a mama bear. You're a

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Speaker 1: mama bear. You gotta be strong for you and your

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Speaker 1: Oh that's exciting to have a baby if you're someone

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Speaker 1: other than me, Kimberly. Problem solved. Kimberly, thanks for calling

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Speaker 1: or writing and and good luck. Send us a picture

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Speaker 1: of you and your baby. Okay, we're gonna take a

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Speaker 1: quick break right now and we'll be right back with

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Speaker 1: more calls and calls and just love. Okay, I think

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Speaker 1: we need to get her some straight up birthing advice,

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Speaker 1: since neither of us can do that. Obviously, we're gonna

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Speaker 1: get my friend Carson Meyer on the phone. So this

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Speaker 1: is very exciting for me because I know Carson, but

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Speaker 1: I had no idea she was a dula. And this

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Speaker 1: is somebody who's going to talk to us about what

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Speaker 1: actually happens when you give birth. So to the woman

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Speaker 1: we just spoke to, and to all women out there

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Speaker 1: who are scared shitless of childbirth, count me in. Carson

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Speaker 1: is going to help us demystify I guess the entire situation.

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Speaker 1: Hi Carson, Hi, Oh my god, I love you. You

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Speaker 1: know what You're just what an adorable? I can't believe

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Speaker 1: you're a dula. Now I've been a duela for almost

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Speaker 1: five years, but I didn't even think you were nineteen

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Speaker 1: years old or how old? Are you? Almost eight? Oh?

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Speaker 1: My god? Are you back in l A I am.

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Speaker 1: I'm into Panga, the of the Duels. Oh, that's where

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Speaker 1: all duelas have to live of capital of the World. Carson,

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Speaker 1: really quick, can we get and explanate what is a duela?

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Speaker 1: For people listening who don't know or not familiar with

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Speaker 1: the profession, what exactly does a duela do? And maybe

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Speaker 1: how could they find a duel if they are interested. Yeah. So,

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Speaker 1: as a birth doul, I work with parents through pregnancy, birth,

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Speaker 1: and postpartum to help inform and educate them on all

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Speaker 1: of their choices in whatever setting they choose to give birth.

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Speaker 1: I'm helping to advocate for them, making sure their voices

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Speaker 1: are being heard, needs are being met, and that they

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Speaker 1: have all of the information they need to make empowered

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Speaker 1: decisions through the process. So, okay, So we had to

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Speaker 1: call her. How would you summarize her. She was very

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Speaker 1: far along in her pregnancy and it just dawned on

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Speaker 1: her that she's going to have to birth this child.

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Speaker 1: It's no longer just going to take up space in

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Speaker 1: her uterus. It's going to have to come out at

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Speaker 1: some point. So she needs she needs a little pep talk.

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Speaker 1: She needs advice and insight on what to expect to

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Speaker 1: get through it. She's freaking out and can't believe she's

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Speaker 1: about to give birth. I think just the process itself

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Speaker 1: is what's so scary to her, Like the idea, which

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Speaker 1: I think is very relatable, that it's very scary to

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Speaker 1: think about a human being coming out of your vagina,

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Speaker 1: what happens to your vagina, the pain that you experience,

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Speaker 1: and what happens if anything goes wrong, and how you

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Speaker 1: recover in the short term and probably in the long term.

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Speaker 1: You know. I saw TikTok video the other day of

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Speaker 1: a live childbirth, and I was disturbed, to say the

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Speaker 1: very least. And I just can't imagine something so violent

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Speaker 1: happening to my Pikachu. Yeah, I hear you. I hear you,

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Speaker 1: and I think we I feel this way. I felt like,

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Speaker 1: you know, we had sex, said, right. We were raised

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Speaker 1: to think get pregnant and die. Right, It's just the

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Speaker 1: most terrifying thing that can happen. Prefer that scene in

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Speaker 1: Mean Girls, right, or it's like have sex, get pregnant,

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Speaker 1: and die. And that's like the extent of our childbirth

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Speaker 1: education as young women. And so for me, it was

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Speaker 1: when I saw the business of being born in college

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Speaker 1: that I was like blown away by seeing depiction of

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Speaker 1: birth that wasn't just the Hollywood depiction of birth. It

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Speaker 1: wasn't flailing legs and blood and all these masked men

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Speaker 1: standing over you. It was powerful and in some cases

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Speaker 1: even pleasurable and very empowering for these women. And so

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Speaker 1: I was like, why haven't I seen these depictions of birth?

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Speaker 1: And where's the class later on in life to say, Okay,

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Speaker 1: we're not scaring you into pregnancy anymore. Here are your choices,

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Speaker 1: here are your options, here is some let's work through

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Speaker 1: these fears that we kind of pushed on you for

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Speaker 1: so many years. Seeing the business of being born was

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Speaker 1: really eye opening to me. And so I think she

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Speaker 1: is not alone in that fear. I hear this all

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Speaker 1: the time, and part of what I do as a

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Speaker 1: birth duel is help parents work through these fears, demystify

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Speaker 1: some of the myths that they have been hearing around childbirth,

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Speaker 1: and then also know how to approach of what can

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Speaker 1: be a very difficult process and something that is a

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Speaker 1: huge life transformation. So what does our body naturally do

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Speaker 1: for us during this process? I think that's what people

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Speaker 1: have a hard time understanding. How does your vagina open

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Speaker 1: up big? And then what happens after? I mean that's

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Speaker 1: my first question obviously, that's but like, how does your

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Speaker 1: body internally ready you for this experience? Yes, so the

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Speaker 1: understanding the physiological process of what is happening in the

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Speaker 1: body during pregnancy and labor and postpartum is unbelievable and incredible,

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Speaker 1: and for me, it just gives me such a deeper

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Speaker 1: respect for the female body and nature and how brilliant

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Speaker 1: the whole process is. What happens in labor is the cervix,

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Speaker 1: which has remained closed and hard through pregnancy to keep

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Speaker 1: the baby inside, is starting to soften and open. And

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Speaker 1: so a process that we say, oh it takes so long, right, yeah,

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Speaker 1: first time leaver, it can be long, But really, what's

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Speaker 1: happening in a day or two Your cervix is going

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Speaker 1: from completely closed to ten centimeters open to allow for

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Speaker 1: the baby to come out. And this happens through the

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Speaker 1: contracting of ten centimes. Is that the limit or can

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Speaker 1: it go beyond that ten centimeters? It just goes to

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Speaker 1: ten centimes, I bet you some people go to twelve.

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Speaker 1: Well it does you know? It stretches and allows for

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Speaker 1: the baby to come through. Um. The cervix is what goes.

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Speaker 1: It's on the top of the birth canal right, the

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Speaker 1: vagina so okay, well that's good because I honestly didn't

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Speaker 1: know that that has to open for the baby to

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Speaker 1: come into the birth Okay, copy, that keep going. What's

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Speaker 1: happening in that process the contractions, which is the stimulation

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Speaker 1: of the uterus that is bringing the baby's head down

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Speaker 1: onto this cervix and lower into the pelvis. That happens

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Speaker 1: due to oxytocin. And some people know of oxytocin because

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Speaker 1: it's this potocin, which is very widely used in UH

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Speaker 1: labor as a drug, is a synthetic version of oxytocin.

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Speaker 1: But oxytocin is something we create in our bodies automat

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Speaker 1: to be confused with oxycotton. People this is a two.

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Speaker 1: These are two very separate items. They are, but they

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Speaker 1: also both feel good right a few chemical or hormones,

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Speaker 1: So oxytocin is known as the love hormone because it's

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Speaker 1: released in our bodies when we fall in love, when

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Speaker 1: we have sex or orgasm, when we are with our pets,

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Speaker 1: when we are in laughing amongst friends. It's what bonds

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Speaker 1: us to one another and makes us feel good and

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Speaker 1: like we belong. The highest surge of oxytocin that ever

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Speaker 1: happens in the body happens in labor, and this is

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Speaker 1: what is contracting the uterus. So I always say that

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Speaker 1: you know, feeling good having a dula, how the music,

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Speaker 1: having support, feeling safe, being in low lighting, having candles right,

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Speaker 1: the same way the baby comes in is the same

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Speaker 1: way the baby comes out. Having that oxytocin, and that

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Speaker 1: feel good is not just a nice experience for your birth,

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Speaker 1: but it's literally telling your body you are safe, you

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Speaker 1: are okay to bring baby out into the world. So

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Speaker 1: I think that's like the proof of how important it

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Speaker 1: is to work through fear before birth and to approach

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Speaker 1: it feeling empowered and supported, because when we stop the

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Speaker 1: flow of oxytocin, we stop the flow of labor. Oxytocin

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Speaker 1: is also what bonds you to your baby right away.

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Speaker 1: So when you look into your baby's eyes, when you

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Speaker 1: have skin to skin, what does oxytocin do. It tells

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Speaker 1: the uterus to continue contracting, and that's what helps stop

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Speaker 1: leading postpartum. It's what gets that uterus that has grown

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Speaker 1: to the size of a watermelon back to size. It's

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Speaker 1: also what tells your body to produce breast milk. So

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Speaker 1: it's really this brilliant hormone that is play. Wow. That

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Speaker 1: is you know what. This is a very helpful explanation

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Speaker 1: for someone who will never have a baby. You make

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Speaker 1: it sound beautiful. Now, I'm understanding the draw. If you

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Speaker 1: do it the right way, it can be beautiful. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and I think there's there's room for for it all.

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Speaker 1: It's beautiful and it's hard and it's messy, but I do.

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Speaker 1: My wish for all women who want to have kids

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Speaker 1: is that they can go into it feeling that and

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Speaker 1: knowing that feeling good is what's going to serve them. Yeah. Also,

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Speaker 1: you know my psychiatrist, he has a theory about being born.

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Speaker 1: Well not it's not his theory but there is a

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Speaker 1: theory out there, you know, about being born, about being

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Speaker 1: You're in the womb and it's safe, and it's you're

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Speaker 1: there for nine months and there's no noise, and and

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Speaker 1: you're being fed and you don't have to go to

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Speaker 1: the bathroom. And then you're thrust into fluorescent lighting, spanked

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Speaker 1: on the ass and having tubes shoved in you, and

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Speaker 1: all of a sudden you're in the world and you

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Speaker 1: have to communicate that you're hungry, and you have to

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Speaker 1: communicate that you have to go to the bathroom, and

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Speaker 1: that is a trauma in and of itself. Being born

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Speaker 1: is traumatic, yeah, and I, but I doesn't have to be.

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Speaker 1: And that's where we've done a big disservice in the

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Speaker 1: over medicalization of birth. Right. Birth is not a medical event,

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Speaker 1: and doctors and opis and hospitals are fantastic at dealing

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Speaker 1: with emergencies, and thank god we have them right, But overall,

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Speaker 1: we have kind of swung this pendulum for the past

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Speaker 1: really a hundred years almost two, taking away from this

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Speaker 1: physiological process and over medicalizing it. And we're learning now

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Speaker 1: through research and also, as you're saying, right, people who

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Speaker 1: are working through trauma that's starting from day one, is

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Speaker 1: that the more we can protect this environment, and that

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Speaker 1: means home, hospital, wherever you are, and support a gentle

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Speaker 1: birth for the mother, but also for the baby. Right

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Speaker 1: being born into dim lights, being born into hearing your

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Speaker 1: parents voice first, right right or two own skin to

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Speaker 1: skin with your parents, having that time to adjust to

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Speaker 1: the outside world, which is big, right. Yes, it's going

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Speaker 1: to be traumatic at a certain point to just be

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Speaker 1: human and and function in our our world today, but

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Speaker 1: protecting that space is so important for establishing healthy breastfeeding.

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Speaker 1: And then, like you say, I think it's something that

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Speaker 1: we store in our memory for years. Right. The way

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Speaker 1: that we perceived the world has a lot to do

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Speaker 1: with our first moments in it. I'm biased, but I

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Speaker 1: do think that having a doula is a wonderful way

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Speaker 1: to prepare for this process. You can find Dulah's through

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Speaker 1: word of mouth, Instagram, asking around yoga teachers in your

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Speaker 1: community acupuncturist. I think more and more everybody is learning

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Speaker 1: about the benefits that are actually evidence space of having

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Speaker 1: a dula. You can find me online at Carson dash

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Speaker 1: Meyer dot com and I teach childbirth education classes online

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Speaker 1: and also have a wonderful community of other recommendations, and

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Speaker 1: I'm happy to send your way. Well, that was very

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Speaker 1: well said. Thank you Carson. Thanks for your time today.

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Speaker 1: It's lovely to see your face as always, and you

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Speaker 1: know what your background looks to me like somewhere I

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Speaker 1: want to be, so just pretend I'm there with you. Okay,

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Speaker 1: Oh I love this. This is great. I mean, who

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Speaker 1: knew I would ever spend as much time talking about childbirth.

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Speaker 1: Now she's going to become a duel. Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: what if I become a duel? Like can you imagine

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Speaker 1: if you got bad to have birth and I'm by

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Speaker 1: your side. Well, let me tell you. You know what

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Speaker 1: helps oxytocin flow is laughter? Yeah, axy tie, you know

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Speaker 1: what helps laughter? Well, we'll talk about that later. I

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Speaker 1: love you, Carson, Thank you so much. And yeah, please

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Speaker 1: reach out to Carson for all of those of you

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Speaker 1: out there in this area that are looking for someone

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Speaker 1: qualified to teach you about all this stuff. It sounds

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Speaker 1: like we found our girl and get support. Don't be

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Speaker 1: afraid to ask for help. Yeah, definitely, Thank you by Carson. Well,

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Speaker 1: that was just delightful. I mean that was delightful. That

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Speaker 1: was the first time that I have paid attention to

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Speaker 1: a conversation about child birth that intricate I. Usually it's

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Speaker 1: almost like math. When people get too into the weeds

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Speaker 1: about childbirth or financial numbers, I tune out, and then

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Speaker 1: I need to take it edible. Well, she gave a

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Speaker 1: great explanation. It still doesn't make it seem like it's

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Speaker 1: going to be great. But if you can get that

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Speaker 1: set up to make it a little bit more enjoyable,

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Speaker 1: I mean more power to you. I'm glad that we

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Speaker 1: don't have a baby. Yes, you will never have a baby.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, I need to be more enthusiastic for

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Speaker 1: people who are having I feel like I'm such an asshole,

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Speaker 1: but I see you don't have a baby. I see

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Speaker 1: people who are pregnant, and I just think, why, why,

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Speaker 1: why would you do that? When we were traveling, when

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Speaker 1: we were at the airport, that's what Levi had said.

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Speaker 1: He just looked at me, goes, aren't you so fucking

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Speaker 1: glad we don't have to worry about a car seat

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Speaker 1: or a stroller. And you're any of that ship while

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Speaker 1: you're fires are cheer Rio's fucking everywhere driving around in

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Speaker 1: a smelly minivan that has fucking food stuck in yogurt

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Speaker 1: squirts and yogurts, those yogurt fucking squirt things. My sister's

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Speaker 1: cars give me so much anxiety. No one's going to

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Speaker 1: have to get in them, and then when I'm in them,

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Speaker 1: just I want to wipe everything. I know. I know

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Speaker 1: I have the same thing my sisters now, my sister Simone,

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Speaker 1: whose kids are older, so her car is a completely

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Speaker 1: different situation than it used to be when they were

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Speaker 1: growing up. I mean, it was so gross. I remember

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Speaker 1: when I moved to l A. I lived with my

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Speaker 1: aunt Gabby and uncle Terry on Beverly glenn And Boulevard,

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Speaker 1: and they had nine children, and I had to take

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Speaker 1: all nine children to school every day in a minivan,

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Speaker 1: and I listened to Howard Stern to watch that show

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Speaker 1: Actually you as a bus driver, I was such a count.

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Speaker 1: I would fucking scream and yell at them. But I

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Speaker 1: would also take them to Disneyland and go to Magic

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Speaker 1: Mountain if one of them didn't want to go to school.

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Speaker 1: So I was good sometimes, but I basically just had

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Speaker 1: to earn my keep at my aunt's house and my responsibility, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it was to take them to school every day, and

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Speaker 1: I just I fucking hated it. I hated the smell

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Speaker 1: of that van so much. It's like diapers, yogurt and

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00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:13,760
Speaker 1: cheerios stuck everywhere. Everything's tacky. Well, tacky isn't the right

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Speaker 1: word for me, Like the every like car seats have

387
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:24,600
Speaker 1: TACKI TACKI like sticky or TACKI isn't taste both? Well, No,

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Speaker 1: it's not feeling, because you can't have taste when you're

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Speaker 1: doing that, when you're running around with fucking children. It's

390
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Speaker 1: not like you have time to be like, oh, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna this is stylish. You know what else I'm never

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Speaker 1: gonna do is fucking share a hamburger with a child.

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Speaker 1: Have you ever seen that? Like parents who eat things

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Speaker 1: that their children have left there? Yeah, chicken nuggets. That's

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Speaker 1: the only reason I would have kids, so that I

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00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:48,320
Speaker 1: could have all the chicken nuggets. Not after they slob no, No,

397
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Speaker 1: but I will chicken a stricter threshold of what they

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Speaker 1: will allow. I had a friend who's going through a

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Speaker 1: really difficult thing because her daughter is sexually active, and

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Speaker 1: my friend is like freaking out about it, and her

401
00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:09,600
Speaker 1: daughter is younger than she would hope to be is

402
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Speaker 1: actually active, but she's having responsible sex. But it was

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Speaker 1: I talked to her this morning and she was a

404
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Speaker 1: hot mess about it, and I didn't. I just you

405
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Speaker 1: have a baby, and you have your little pal, and

406
00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:24,720
Speaker 1: they look up to you and they love you, and

407
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:27,320
Speaker 1: they're devoted to you, and they hang on your every word,

408
00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:30,479
Speaker 1: and then they fucking turn on you. You know, they

409
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:33,760
Speaker 1: become adolescents, and I know it's part of them individuating

410
00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:36,600
Speaker 1: and they have to develop their own identity. But it's

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Speaker 1: really hard to see a mom go through that. What

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00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:42,800
Speaker 1: is their communication like regarding this new I think the

413
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Speaker 1: communication could be better, and we talked about that this morning,

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Speaker 1: and yeah, she just has to handle She has to

415
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:53,160
Speaker 1: create some more boundaries because she didn't and so things

416
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:55,359
Speaker 1: have gotten a little bit out of control and she

417
00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:57,840
Speaker 1: just needs to instill those boundaries a little bit more,

418
00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:01,359
Speaker 1: kind of like having the kid over and then being

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Speaker 1: sexual in the house. She doesn't have to allow that,

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00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:07,560
Speaker 1: but it's gotten a little too carried away. And do

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Speaker 1: you think you would handle that as a parent? I

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Speaker 1: feel like there has to be a certain level of

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Speaker 1: acceptance that a parent must have because there's no undoing it.

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Speaker 1: Once this has happened. Once the road is open, there's

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Speaker 1: no turning back. Once you start getting sex, you're gonna

426
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:25,320
Speaker 1: want more of it. If it's the right kind of sex,

427
00:23:25,359 --> 00:23:28,000
Speaker 1: and with somebody that cares about you, you're gonna want

428
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:30,359
Speaker 1: more of it. But I don't know how I would

429
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:33,119
Speaker 1: handle it. But I I'm trying to What advice did

430
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:34,960
Speaker 1: you give her? I said, you know, you have to

431
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:37,639
Speaker 1: create boundaries where there are none. You know, you can't

432
00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:40,440
Speaker 1: take it back. She's not going to stop having sex.

433
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:44,640
Speaker 1: She's being responsible, she's not sick, she's not dying. It's

434
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:46,040
Speaker 1: not the end of the world. You have to look

435
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:48,720
Speaker 1: at the macro instead of the micro. No one wants

436
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:52,600
Speaker 1: to hear about their child becoming sexually active. No one.

437
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:54,840
Speaker 1: No one wants to hear about that. And I get that.

438
00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:57,080
Speaker 1: I don't. I was having sex when I was fourteen

439
00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:59,320
Speaker 1: years old. We also have to remove the shame from

440
00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:02,480
Speaker 1: sex and the way that people have sex where it

441
00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:05,160
Speaker 1: has to be so quiet and hidden. Well, if you're

442
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:09,800
Speaker 1: in your parents house, it shouldn't be andoous, but even

443
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:12,919
Speaker 1: in conversation, the acknowledging it and the acceptance of it,

444
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:15,440
Speaker 1: and the education component of being able to have those

445
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:17,959
Speaker 1: conversations where what you're doing is not wrong. There's an

446
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:21,639
Speaker 1: appropriate way to have sex and to communicate about that

447
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:25,280
Speaker 1: with your partner, with your family. But acting as if

448
00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:27,879
Speaker 1: it's not happening, that doesn't really be no. And I

449
00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:30,440
Speaker 1: think sometimes people they don't want to say the thing

450
00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:32,880
Speaker 1: that's going to push the kid away, so they kind

451
00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:35,920
Speaker 1: of ignore it, and then it comes back to bite

452
00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:38,480
Speaker 1: them in the ass because the boundaries haven't been created.

453
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:42,280
Speaker 1: So the kid keeps pushing and pushing until the parents says, hey, hey,

454
00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:45,439
Speaker 1: this is not acceptable. Like she has no right to

455
00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:47,959
Speaker 1: say you can't have sex anymore because that's not going

456
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:50,080
Speaker 1: to work, But she has every right to say, this

457
00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:52,679
Speaker 1: is my house and these are the rules and you

458
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:55,359
Speaker 1: have to follow them. Yeah, I mean that seems appropriate.

459
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:57,920
Speaker 1: Don't have sex on the kitchen counter. Well, nobody's having

460
00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:01,399
Speaker 1: sex on the kitchen counter yet. I don't ever want

461
00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:04,199
Speaker 1: to have sex on a kitchen counter if I ever

462
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:06,560
Speaker 1: have sex again. I mean, the way things are going,

463
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:10,000
Speaker 1: men are just so repulsive. To give us all an update,

464
00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:15,280
Speaker 1: what has been going on? Anyone know? I've been writing

465
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:17,360
Speaker 1: stand up material. I've been focused on my stand up.

466
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:19,600
Speaker 1: That's what I'm fucking focused on I'm not focused on

467
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:24,280
Speaker 1: trying to get penetration. Well, we have to wait till

468
00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:27,360
Speaker 1: this probation time for men is over and when they

469
00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:33,159
Speaker 1: proved to us that they're done sexually assaulting everybody. Because

470
00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:35,120
Speaker 1: not all men are bad, but there are enough bad

471
00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:37,080
Speaker 1: ones that we need to focus on making sure that

472
00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:40,760
Speaker 1: you guys all step it up a notch. What's next?

473
00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:44,280
Speaker 1: We don't Our next submission comes from Kelsey. She's Kelsey

474
00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:47,520
Speaker 1: us with Chelsea out of Nashville. She writes, Dear Chelsea,

475
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:50,840
Speaker 1: for basically my entire life, I've only received mediocre dick.

476
00:25:51,040 --> 00:25:53,760
Speaker 1: I still come, but only to move the process along

477
00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:56,400
Speaker 1: a bit quicker. How do I manifest good dick without

478
00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:59,719
Speaker 1: subjecting myself to being in a porn film? How can

479
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:01,320
Speaker 1: I know if a guy is good in bed before

480
00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:03,360
Speaker 1: sleeping with him. I don't want to waste any more

481
00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:09,600
Speaker 1: of my time. Well that's unfortunate. I'm sorry to hear that, Kelsey. Well,

482
00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:13,040
Speaker 1: it is depressing, but that's depressing outlook even I don't

483
00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:16,320
Speaker 1: have that outlook like mediocre dick. First of all, you

484
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:18,240
Speaker 1: can't find out how somebody is in bed until you

485
00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:20,880
Speaker 1: have sex with them, So they're not going to represent.

486
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:22,640
Speaker 1: It's not like you can ask somebody are you good

487
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:24,320
Speaker 1: in bed? And they're going to tell you. They're all

488
00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:27,080
Speaker 1: going to say yes, and the ones that are going

489
00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:29,240
Speaker 1: to say no, you don't want to have sex. It's

490
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:31,960
Speaker 1: just this is maybe they're setting reasonable expectations and you

491
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:34,159
Speaker 1: should have sex with them, because at least they're not

492
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:38,200
Speaker 1: overselling it. I personally believe having sex with someone is

493
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:41,240
Speaker 1: a great introduction to find out if there's anything more

494
00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:45,280
Speaker 1: worth talking about. I think sex should come first because

495
00:26:45,359 --> 00:26:47,879
Speaker 1: I need to know your body and if we have

496
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:51,200
Speaker 1: chemistry and if all of the stuff is working together,

497
00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:53,280
Speaker 1: and then I can decide if I want to date you.

498
00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:58,000
Speaker 1: So it's a little backwards for me because I need

499
00:26:58,040 --> 00:26:59,879
Speaker 1: to know that that's going to be like a good

500
00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:03,000
Speaker 1: portion of the relationship and that that's going to be

501
00:27:03,119 --> 00:27:08,640
Speaker 1: where the fun is. Getting to know somebody sexually sounds

502
00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:11,880
Speaker 1: so boring. Okay, So I'm I'm obviously not a woman,

503
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:16,840
Speaker 1: not yet anyway, and I would say reading this that

504
00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:20,000
Speaker 1: she should be more vocal in what she does or

505
00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:22,640
Speaker 1: does not like with this part. But but do women

506
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:24,360
Speaker 1: feel comfortable in that saying so, say you were meeting

507
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:26,480
Speaker 1: up with someone for you know it was a riot date.

508
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:29,080
Speaker 1: He came over to have sex. Would you be comfortable

509
00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:31,680
Speaker 1: in that initial and to actually to tell him like, hey, no,

510
00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:34,640
Speaker 1: I'm not into this, or hey do this right? Right? Right? Yeah.

511
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:36,399
Speaker 1: I think that's a great question because this has come

512
00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:38,479
Speaker 1: up before. I was talking to Ben Bruno, my trainer

513
00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:41,560
Speaker 1: got Dynamo. I was talking to him about, you know,

514
00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:43,920
Speaker 1: women faking orgasms because I said, you know, we fake

515
00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:46,280
Speaker 1: orgasms all the time, and you guys just like either

516
00:27:46,359 --> 00:27:48,359
Speaker 1: don't care or don't know. And he's like, we know,

517
00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:50,919
Speaker 1: And I go, well, then you don't care and you

518
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:53,240
Speaker 1: guys are coming and yet we're fake, Like you can't

519
00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:56,080
Speaker 1: fake an orgasm? How's our guys supposed to fake coming?

520
00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:58,480
Speaker 1: And he was like, yeah, but we know when you're

521
00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:00,320
Speaker 1: doing it. I go, but if you know when we're

522
00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:02,560
Speaker 1: doing it, why are you accepting of that right? Why

523
00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:05,360
Speaker 1: would you not fulfill us? And on that note, I

524
00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:08,000
Speaker 1: have had a hard time sometimes being vocal with a

525
00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:10,800
Speaker 1: guy in bed about what I like, like I will

526
00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:14,040
Speaker 1: fake an orgasm before I have one to get it

527
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:16,159
Speaker 1: over with. I will do that. I have done it,

528
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:20,159
Speaker 1: every woman probably has. And for me to be really

529
00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:23,480
Speaker 1: comfortable with somebody in bed. I have to know them,

530
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:25,160
Speaker 1: you know. So I'm not going to have an orgasm

531
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:26,880
Speaker 1: the first time. I mean, it'd be great if I did,

532
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:29,359
Speaker 1: but it's unlikely and I don't have my hopes up

533
00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:32,760
Speaker 1: at this point. Well, for someone who is vocal as

534
00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:37,000
Speaker 1: you are with what you want and need in other aspects,

535
00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:39,080
Speaker 1: why would you not feel comfortable doing that in the

536
00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:41,320
Speaker 1: first interaction, Like women need to take that power in

537
00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:43,760
Speaker 1: their voice back if they're not enjoying sex. And again,

538
00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:45,480
Speaker 1: I'm not a woman, so it's I understand that I

539
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:47,880
Speaker 1: will never know this positioning, but you need to say, like, hey,

540
00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:49,960
Speaker 1: I'm actually not into this, or I'm I'd actually like

541
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:52,000
Speaker 1: to wrap this up, like I'm not enjoying myself. You

542
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:54,040
Speaker 1: shouldn't have to just lie there and take it. Well,

543
00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:56,840
Speaker 1: it's years and years of conditioning where we think that,

544
00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:59,400
Speaker 1: you know, like even someone like me, who you would

545
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:02,160
Speaker 1: argue as wrong minded and strong wills, it's like, no,

546
00:29:02,680 --> 00:29:05,480
Speaker 1: it's hard to say, listen, if if I don't like something,

547
00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:07,240
Speaker 1: I have no problem saying that, But I have a

548
00:29:07,280 --> 00:29:10,760
Speaker 1: problem asking for what I want from someone unless I

549
00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:13,320
Speaker 1: know them, you know, Like I don't want a stranger

550
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:15,320
Speaker 1: to go down on me, I'd rather have sex with them,

551
00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:17,240
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. If I'm meeting somebody and

552
00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:19,520
Speaker 1: I'm hooking up, that's too intimate for me. I want

553
00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:21,760
Speaker 1: to do that other stuff with somebody when I care

554
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:24,920
Speaker 1: about them and when I'm into them. So when you

555
00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:27,880
Speaker 1: created that kind of space and you have chemistry and

556
00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:31,400
Speaker 1: then there's intimacy, you know, there can't be intimacy right away.

557
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:34,720
Speaker 1: So I like sex more in the beginning, and then

558
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:36,240
Speaker 1: when you get to know somebody, you can get into

559
00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:38,720
Speaker 1: other things because that is more intimate in my opinion,

560
00:29:39,720 --> 00:29:42,280
Speaker 1: but women have It's not our fault that we don't

561
00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:45,200
Speaker 1: stand up for ourselves more and that we aren't more vocal,

562
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:48,280
Speaker 1: but we should all practice doing that, you know, I

563
00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:52,320
Speaker 1: think that that's the advice for its Just stand strong

564
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:54,520
Speaker 1: in your voice and what you want sexually. You can

565
00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:56,840
Speaker 1: set that expectation up front if you if you know

566
00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:59,120
Speaker 1: there are things that will or will not turn you on,

567
00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:01,400
Speaker 1: or things you do or do not like, you shouldn't

568
00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:04,520
Speaker 1: have to worry about relaying that information now and what

569
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:07,160
Speaker 1: you say on your clothing line Kelsey saying, I just

570
00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:09,160
Speaker 1: don't want to waste my time anymore. It feels like

571
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:11,000
Speaker 1: that's a sentence that says you're at the end of

572
00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:12,640
Speaker 1: your rope and you're at the point where you can

573
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:15,280
Speaker 1: say right away, this is what I'm into, and you

574
00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:17,479
Speaker 1: know what, do it for every fucking woman in your

575
00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:19,480
Speaker 1: life that you care about, because when you stand up

576
00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:22,560
Speaker 1: for yourself, you're standing up for all women. Problem solved,

577
00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:27,200
Speaker 1: Ding ding ding the next one. It's always hard for

578
00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:32,720
Speaker 1: me to give my thoughts on these very female focused submissions,

579
00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:34,880
Speaker 1: but it's that's okay, that's what I'm here for, sweetheart,

580
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:37,200
Speaker 1: I'm a female. It's hard when I hear women who

581
00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:41,880
Speaker 1: feel like they just can't um you can't come certainly,

582
00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:46,280
Speaker 1: but can't vocalize what they're w y, their their needs.

583
00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:48,120
Speaker 1: It's not even a once like hey, like I need

584
00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:51,680
Speaker 1: this to be able to be aroused. Like like, guys

585
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:53,880
Speaker 1: are just so self centered, they're so self service, but

586
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:56,240
Speaker 1: they're not. You know, some guys are really not like that.

587
00:30:56,360 --> 00:30:58,040
Speaker 1: Some guys are very giving and as soon as you

588
00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:00,120
Speaker 1: tell them, they all do what you tell them to do.

589
00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:03,560
Speaker 1: Like yeah, you know, I mean if I've become intimate

590
00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:06,440
Speaker 1: or if I'm dating somebody after a few times, no problem,

591
00:31:06,440 --> 00:31:09,320
Speaker 1: no problem saying hey, do this, do that, but right

592
00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:11,560
Speaker 1: off the bat, it's like, I don't know. It's just

593
00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:13,760
Speaker 1: like a guy saying, hey, like I don't want him

594
00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:16,400
Speaker 1: telling me what to do either. You know, that's kind

595
00:31:16,400 --> 00:31:18,720
Speaker 1: of what chemistry is, being able to feel each other

596
00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:21,160
Speaker 1: out and wanting to please each other. Have you had

597
00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:24,080
Speaker 1: like a sexual sleep or cell where it wasn't good

598
00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:25,840
Speaker 1: the first couple of times and then you're like, oh,

599
00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:27,280
Speaker 1: I don't think I want to do this again. You

600
00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:29,160
Speaker 1: do it again and then it became good or maybe

601
00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:31,200
Speaker 1: like you had gotten to know them better. So you're

602
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:34,240
Speaker 1: because you're saying that basically, the sex for you upfront

603
00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:36,440
Speaker 1: is how you're going to know if there's any any

604
00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:39,760
Speaker 1: reason to continue that relationship. But has that ever happened

605
00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:43,240
Speaker 1: where that wasn't the case? Like you you made the mistake.

606
00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:46,640
Speaker 1: I'm sure. I'm sure there's been. Yeah, but it came background.

607
00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:48,120
Speaker 1: You're like, oh, I'm glad that I love this go

608
00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:50,560
Speaker 1: a little longer. Yeah, I think because people are need

609
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:53,000
Speaker 1: to get comfortable with each other. People need to find

610
00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:55,480
Speaker 1: a comfort level. So obviously it gets better the more

611
00:31:55,520 --> 00:31:58,280
Speaker 1: you get to know somebody. Like I used to have

612
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:00,440
Speaker 1: this guy in my twenties that I would call and

613
00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:02,440
Speaker 1: hook up with when I was drunk at night and

614
00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:04,600
Speaker 1: I go to his house and he'd called me and

615
00:32:04,800 --> 00:32:07,880
Speaker 1: we had crazy, crazy, fun sex, but we had nothing

616
00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:10,720
Speaker 1: in common. We never hung out sober. We tried to

617
00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:13,640
Speaker 1: one night and it was awful and awkward. Like that

618
00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:16,280
Speaker 1: was just a sexual relationship and that's all it was.

619
00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:19,000
Speaker 1: But when you combine the two and you want to

620
00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:21,360
Speaker 1: have like I mean, I do just kind of want sex,

621
00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:25,640
Speaker 1: you know, at this point, but I'm also like looking

622
00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:29,320
Speaker 1: for people that I can spend time with along with

623
00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:32,160
Speaker 1: the sex. Along with the sex, that would be a bonus.

624
00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:35,120
Speaker 1: I mean, it's not a given that that's going to happen,

625
00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:38,280
Speaker 1: but wanting to hang out with somebody helps you become

626
00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:41,800
Speaker 1: very attractive. So what I like about what you're saying

627
00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:46,280
Speaker 1: is that you want the not romantic aspect, but the

628
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:49,640
Speaker 1: more the more intimate I guess, the lounging and the

629
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:53,120
Speaker 1: cuddling to some degree, But after sex, you're also fully

630
00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:55,840
Speaker 1: on board with them leaving you're like, yes, I don't

631
00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:58,080
Speaker 1: like you don't need to say yeah, I don't need

632
00:32:58,120 --> 00:33:01,320
Speaker 1: that in my life right out. That's for somebody that

633
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:04,040
Speaker 1: you know, you have a real connection with and on

634
00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:08,480
Speaker 1: special occasions. I'm just way too independent and I'm I

635
00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:11,400
Speaker 1: like the way that I sleep with Bert in my arms.

636
00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:14,400
Speaker 1: You know what would happen to Bert if someone came

637
00:33:14,440 --> 00:33:18,000
Speaker 1: in like birt to me? Like falling asleep with bird

638
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:20,920
Speaker 1: in my arms, with his body and his weight against

639
00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:25,200
Speaker 1: my chest and his breath on my face is the

640
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:27,240
Speaker 1: happiest that I could ever be. Can you imagine that

641
00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:32,320
Speaker 1: body being squeezed between you? And Bert doesn't like men

642
00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:35,120
Speaker 1: in that way, and that's lame. I don't want to say, like, oh,

643
00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:37,520
Speaker 1: I don't I like my dog better than men? But

644
00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:41,360
Speaker 1: I do. Well serves a different purpose. I know it's

645
00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:43,640
Speaker 1: too bad Burt and I can't just have sex, but

646
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:47,640
Speaker 1: I can't do that either. And he's a virgin, hopefully,

647
00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:49,400
Speaker 1: and I want to keep him that way because I'm

648
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:51,880
Speaker 1: an overprotective helicopter parent. Well, now we know how you

649
00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:53,920
Speaker 1: would parent. There would be no sex in your house.

650
00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:58,760
Speaker 1: That's our next mission comes from Claire. She's in her

651
00:33:58,800 --> 00:34:02,040
Speaker 1: thirties from Utah. I love when people right in from Utah.

652
00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:05,520
Speaker 1: That's like your sweet spot, Utah. I love you, I

653
00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:08,560
Speaker 1: love I hope their Mormon. She writes, Dear Chelsea, I've

654
00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:11,040
Speaker 1: been with my husband for fourteen years, Mary twelve. We

655
00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:13,440
Speaker 1: have two children. Our marriage is beautiful and something that

656
00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:16,840
Speaker 1: has never been easy, but I definitely appreciate all the

657
00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:19,360
Speaker 1: opportunities to learn and grow. That is a very healthy

658
00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:22,680
Speaker 1: outlook on our relationship. Wait say that part again. Our

659
00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:25,520
Speaker 1: marriage is beautiful and something that has never been easy,

660
00:34:25,680 --> 00:34:28,920
Speaker 1: but I definitely appreciate all the opportunities to learn and grow.

661
00:34:29,719 --> 00:34:32,520
Speaker 1: What a stance. Yeah, people don't set you up for

662
00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:34,839
Speaker 1: that sort of mentality when you're little, so that's nice.

663
00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:37,160
Speaker 1: My husband and I have always been extremely sexual. We

664
00:34:37,239 --> 00:34:39,640
Speaker 1: have sex often, and I personally feel like we have

665
00:34:39,719 --> 00:34:41,880
Speaker 1: more sex than anyone I know. He still turns me

666
00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:45,239
Speaker 1: on and knows exactly what he is doing. I feel

667
00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:48,120
Speaker 1: like he would say the same. The problem is he

668
00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:50,799
Speaker 1: thinks I control our sex life because sometimes I'm too

669
00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:53,360
Speaker 1: tired or just want to go to bed. So because

670
00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:55,480
Speaker 1: I say I'm not into it one time out of

671
00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:58,560
Speaker 1: five nights in a row, he feels like I have control.

672
00:34:58,640 --> 00:35:00,880
Speaker 1: He'll be upset enough that it will ruin our entire

673
00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:03,400
Speaker 1: next day. What's the best way to tell him not

674
00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:06,960
Speaker 1: tonight without offending him? Okay, these are all good questions,

675
00:35:07,239 --> 00:35:09,200
Speaker 1: and she on the phone. She on a zoom. Oh great,

676
00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:14,040
Speaker 1: Hi Claire. Hello, Hi, nice to meet you. Nice to

677
00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:17,360
Speaker 1: meet you. You both are beautiful, so are you? Are you?

678
00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:21,840
Speaker 1: Thank you? Thank you? Well, this is a circle jerk. Basically,

679
00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:25,279
Speaker 1: this is one big circle jerk. I love what you're

680
00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:28,359
Speaker 1: saying about the complexities of your relationship and just kind

681
00:35:28,360 --> 00:35:31,279
Speaker 1: of accepting all the pain points and knowing that you

682
00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:34,959
Speaker 1: can redirect those into growth. So that's a really nice

683
00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:39,520
Speaker 1: outlook on relationships. That's refreshing. Yeah. I mean, the best

684
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:42,799
Speaker 1: way is to be positive about it, and I think

685
00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:47,040
Speaker 1: talking about it it's very taboo from my perspective. But

686
00:35:47,239 --> 00:35:50,160
Speaker 1: can I ask, because you're from Utah, are you or

687
00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:53,919
Speaker 1: were you Mormon? I was Mormon. Yeah, okay, well that's

688
00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:57,080
Speaker 1: your personal decision. Let's talk about your sex life. So

689
00:35:57,200 --> 00:36:00,319
Speaker 1: how often do you guys have sex? I would say

690
00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:06,080
Speaker 1: out of the seven days, about five to six times.

691
00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:10,080
Speaker 1: Maybe it's kind of hard because we always have the

692
00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:14,480
Speaker 1: planet for nighttime, so but yeah, it's tiring. It's so

693
00:36:15,719 --> 00:36:20,239
Speaker 1: it's so hard. No, I know, the kids and how

694
00:36:20,320 --> 00:36:24,319
Speaker 1: how old are you kids? Or and eight? Yeah, that

695
00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:30,120
Speaker 1: is really tiring. Okay, So no, I know, listen and

696
00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:31,480
Speaker 1: let me just tell you right now, Claire, that is

697
00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:34,280
Speaker 1: a lot. I don't know anyone who's having sex that often,

698
00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:38,319
Speaker 1: anyone that's married, no way. My girlfriends and I ask

699
00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:41,439
Speaker 1: all of them, on average, they have sex with their husband,

700
00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:44,439
Speaker 1: especially when there are small children, once a week. Some

701
00:36:44,480 --> 00:36:47,359
Speaker 1: people are like, oh, yeah, twice a week, but not

702
00:36:47,480 --> 00:36:50,000
Speaker 1: most people. Most people are like, oh funk, I try

703
00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:52,480
Speaker 1: and throw them a bone on Sundays, you know. Or

704
00:36:52,880 --> 00:36:55,040
Speaker 1: my friends are like, oh, you know, I'll try. I mean,

705
00:36:55,160 --> 00:36:57,520
Speaker 1: half of them fake going to sleep early, and some

706
00:36:57,560 --> 00:36:59,440
Speaker 1: of them don't have to fake it because they're exhausted.

707
00:36:59,760 --> 00:37:02,120
Speaker 1: But even my friends who are really into their husbands

708
00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:04,719
Speaker 1: are not having sex more than twice a week. And

709
00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:10,080
Speaker 1: I like, full penetration sex is this fooling around, Like

710
00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:13,319
Speaker 1: what how how are you classifying sex? It's like full on,

711
00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:18,239
Speaker 1: full on sex sometimes if it's that time of the month.

712
00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:20,360
Speaker 1: I mean, people do that, that's great. I don't. It

713
00:37:20,360 --> 00:37:24,400
Speaker 1: doesn't bother me, but like it will just be sometimes

714
00:37:24,400 --> 00:37:27,640
Speaker 1: like a blow job and then he'll get me off

715
00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:31,880
Speaker 1: or whatever. It's never like just one side of it.

716
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:34,439
Speaker 1: But my husband and I did not have sex after

717
00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:37,040
Speaker 1: my son was born because of postpartum depression. And all

718
00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:40,480
Speaker 1: of that. So but before kids, it was like that,

719
00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:44,200
Speaker 1: but that was back a long time ago, So I

720
00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:46,560
Speaker 1: don't know. And when you say you kind of deny

721
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:48,880
Speaker 1: your husband or you're not in the mood or whatever, like,

722
00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:52,200
Speaker 1: how does that go down? What happens? I don't know.

723
00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:56,080
Speaker 1: It sounds kind of weird because we're older, but or like,

724
00:37:56,239 --> 00:37:58,879
Speaker 1: I'm in my thirties, but I'm like texting him. I'll

725
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:02,040
Speaker 1: text him and say, you know, I'm just I'm really tired.

726
00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:04,640
Speaker 1: Can we, you know, do it tomorrow or whatever? Just

727
00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:07,279
Speaker 1: because of the day or I've had about day. Can

728
00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:09,800
Speaker 1: we can we do it tomorrow? And then he'll he'll

729
00:38:09,880 --> 00:38:13,920
Speaker 1: either like text back and um, he'll say sure or

730
00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:16,200
Speaker 1: like a one word a dancer or whatever because he's

731
00:38:16,239 --> 00:38:18,760
Speaker 1: not he's not happy, and then he'll just go straight

732
00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:21,640
Speaker 1: to bed and be mad. You can just tell that

733
00:38:21,719 --> 00:38:25,279
Speaker 1: he's upset. Thing, Yeah, his egos is hurting. And are

734
00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:28,120
Speaker 1: most of your interactions are they I understand with kids

735
00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:30,080
Speaker 1: that there does have to be some sort of planning,

736
00:38:30,120 --> 00:38:32,719
Speaker 1: but are any of these spontaneous? If you're texting to

737
00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:35,440
Speaker 1: kind of set up or set the expectation that's not

738
00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:39,520
Speaker 1: happening tonight, It seems like it's very structured. Yes, very

739
00:38:39,880 --> 00:38:42,319
Speaker 1: it has to be structured. So and is that just

740
00:38:42,400 --> 00:38:45,960
Speaker 1: because of the kids. Yeah, yeah, because I feel like

741
00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:48,759
Speaker 1: kids are always around, and so I don't want to

742
00:38:48,800 --> 00:38:51,440
Speaker 1: like just say it out loud, like hey, you want

743
00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:53,640
Speaker 1: to you wanna go bone? You know, I don't know,

744
00:38:54,120 --> 00:38:56,319
Speaker 1: it's just weird. And so we'll we'll text a lot

745
00:38:56,360 --> 00:38:58,120
Speaker 1: of the time, and so it is planned out, and

746
00:38:58,160 --> 00:39:01,880
Speaker 1: he he has shownrustration with that just because he's like,

747
00:39:01,920 --> 00:39:04,360
Speaker 1: I want it spontaneous, and you know, every once in

748
00:39:04,360 --> 00:39:06,839
Speaker 1: a while we'll do that, but it's very very rare.

749
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:09,960
Speaker 1: It's always planned and I don't like it either, but

750
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:11,680
Speaker 1: I don't I don't know what else to do. Yeah.

751
00:39:11,719 --> 00:39:13,640
Speaker 1: I think the first thing is that you you need

752
00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:17,839
Speaker 1: to communicate directly. Texting is not not You're married, so

753
00:39:17,920 --> 00:39:20,279
Speaker 1: you don't need to be texting him about sex. And

754
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:22,920
Speaker 1: I think he might bear the bad news of not

755
00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:26,799
Speaker 1: getting laid every single night a little bit better when

756
00:39:26,840 --> 00:39:30,600
Speaker 1: you're holding his hand and just kind of treating him

757
00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:33,440
Speaker 1: like a baby, because that's how he's acting. He shouldn't

758
00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:36,160
Speaker 1: be mad that you don't want to have sex with him,

759
00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:39,560
Speaker 1: but he's obviously his ego is bruised, and that's all

760
00:39:39,600 --> 00:39:41,759
Speaker 1: he's able to focus on. So you kind of have

761
00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:45,400
Speaker 1: to treat him with kid gloves around this issue, you know,

762
00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:48,480
Speaker 1: and you kind of have to cajole him into understanding

763
00:39:48,800 --> 00:39:51,080
Speaker 1: that's not the right word, but hold his hand and

764
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:54,520
Speaker 1: understanding like this is there's no loss of love, there's

765
00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:57,640
Speaker 1: This doesn't mean you're not attracted to him. It's totally

766
00:39:57,719 --> 00:39:59,839
Speaker 1: understandable that you have a feign an eight year old.

767
00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:01,720
Speaker 1: And if you can say these things while you're holding

768
00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:03,759
Speaker 1: his hand, or while you give him a kiss or

769
00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:06,040
Speaker 1: you're hugging him, I think it will have a much

770
00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:08,560
Speaker 1: different impact than you're texting him that you're not in

771
00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:12,040
Speaker 1: the mood. Yeah, I do. You are completely right. Texting

772
00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:15,040
Speaker 1: is just a very sterile response to a very intimate act.

773
00:40:15,239 --> 00:40:18,000
Speaker 1: So if if that's the way you're communicating this, it

774
00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:21,320
Speaker 1: could seem not that you are disregarding it, but maybe

775
00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:27,120
Speaker 1: that you are not as interested in the intimacy aspect

776
00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:31,560
Speaker 1: of the act. And so even by having like some

777
00:40:31,560 --> 00:40:34,239
Speaker 1: some silent cues, you know, little things that after this

778
00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:35,960
Speaker 1: long tether, you guys should be able to read one

779
00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:38,920
Speaker 1: another where you can give him a look or some

780
00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:42,759
Speaker 1: sort of signal. Everything is through the phone now, so

781
00:40:43,040 --> 00:40:44,719
Speaker 1: even being able to look at him across the room

782
00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:47,040
Speaker 1: so he knows like, oh, she's interested. I think would

783
00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:49,800
Speaker 1: do you guys a great service because again, it just

784
00:40:49,880 --> 00:40:53,600
Speaker 1: kind of forces communication in a different way that then

785
00:40:53,640 --> 00:40:56,080
Speaker 1: maybe it does feel more spontaneous again, even if it's

786
00:40:56,239 --> 00:40:59,359
Speaker 1: you know, you have certain windows of opportunity where it's

787
00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:01,680
Speaker 1: not as struck shirt and set up like an appointment

788
00:41:02,280 --> 00:41:05,439
Speaker 1: might help. Yeah, I think I think there's probably room

789
00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:08,040
Speaker 1: for spontaneity in your life, even though you do have

790
00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:10,359
Speaker 1: a four and an eight year old, right, I mean,

791
00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:12,440
Speaker 1: does the eight year old have play dates? Do they?

792
00:41:12,440 --> 00:41:16,919
Speaker 1: Are they ever out of the house? Yeah? Usually, Like

793
00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:19,759
Speaker 1: everybody has been going through this, but COVID has made

794
00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:25,080
Speaker 1: it really difficult because he is he's a he stays

795
00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:27,279
Speaker 1: at home and works and then I'm now working from

796
00:41:27,320 --> 00:41:30,360
Speaker 1: home and so we're always together. But now they're you know,

797
00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:32,319
Speaker 1: things are going back to normal, so we're able to

798
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:35,759
Speaker 1: be alone every now and then. So and you do

799
00:41:35,880 --> 00:41:38,720
Speaker 1: like having sex with your husband when you do, right, Okay,

800
00:41:38,880 --> 00:41:41,200
Speaker 1: that's good to know because you're not a sex slave.

801
00:41:41,320 --> 00:41:43,640
Speaker 1: He can't treat you like that. You're not obligated to

802
00:41:43,680 --> 00:41:46,040
Speaker 1: have sex with him every single night. But I don't

803
00:41:46,080 --> 00:41:49,040
Speaker 1: think that he deserves any sort of ire or anger

804
00:41:49,080 --> 00:41:51,719
Speaker 1: because he's clearly operating out of ego and he just

805
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:54,480
Speaker 1: has his he he feelings hurt. You know, that's it

806
00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:56,960
Speaker 1: sounds like. But you know, she also said something interesting

807
00:41:57,040 --> 00:42:01,279
Speaker 1: earlier that if the option is not available for penetration,

808
00:42:01,320 --> 00:42:03,799
Speaker 1: that if there's another sort of sexual act, that he

809
00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:05,720
Speaker 1: takes care of her. And this is something we actually

810
00:42:05,719 --> 00:42:07,880
Speaker 1: have just spoken about, Claire, that there needs to be

811
00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:10,400
Speaker 1: an equitable exchange with men and women to make a

812
00:42:10,440 --> 00:42:12,680
Speaker 1: man needs to make sure that the woman also feels

813
00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:15,799
Speaker 1: fulfilled sexually. So it seems like your husband is doing that,

814
00:42:15,800 --> 00:42:18,360
Speaker 1: that that's a priority to him. If if sex is

815
00:42:18,400 --> 00:42:21,840
Speaker 1: not an option and you know there's oral sex and available,

816
00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:24,840
Speaker 1: that he does take care of you, So it seems

817
00:42:24,880 --> 00:42:27,320
Speaker 1: like he wants to make sure that you feel good

818
00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:30,759
Speaker 1: in that act as well. Right, Oh yeah, yeah, um.

819
00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:33,960
Speaker 1: And that also I think over time just being married,

820
00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:36,440
Speaker 1: we've learned a lot because at the first of our

821
00:42:36,440 --> 00:42:40,080
Speaker 1: relationship that's not how it was, but we've definitely talked

822
00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:43,120
Speaker 1: and communicated and it's you know, it's not fair for

823
00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:45,319
Speaker 1: one just to do and I know that a lot

824
00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:48,520
Speaker 1: of women go through that where they are just like,

825
00:42:49,239 --> 00:42:53,160
Speaker 1: you know, yes, and then a guy just like goes

826
00:42:53,239 --> 00:42:55,640
Speaker 1: and you know, just I just don't like. Well, I

827
00:42:55,640 --> 00:42:57,439
Speaker 1: think if you can, I think if you've been able

828
00:42:57,480 --> 00:42:59,600
Speaker 1: to talk through those things, this should be an easy

829
00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:03,279
Speaker 1: conversation ation to have because you need to vocalize. And again,

830
00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:05,239
Speaker 1: this is something I have all sisters and I talked

831
00:43:05,239 --> 00:43:08,480
Speaker 1: about this a lot. Is women need to stand like

832
00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:11,400
Speaker 1: in their power and have a voice and they need

833
00:43:11,480 --> 00:43:13,600
Speaker 1: to be heard. So if that means you need to

834
00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:15,800
Speaker 1: have a sit down with him like, hey, I'm feeling

835
00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:19,960
Speaker 1: like a utility to you when I'm not in the

836
00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:21,600
Speaker 1: mood for sex, like I do also have to be

837
00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:23,920
Speaker 1: in the mood for this where partners in this. If

838
00:43:23,960 --> 00:43:25,400
Speaker 1: I'm not in the mood like, I don't need you

839
00:43:25,680 --> 00:43:28,160
Speaker 1: getting upset or taking it personally like sometimes it is

840
00:43:28,160 --> 00:43:30,600
Speaker 1: about me, it is not about you. And if you've

841
00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:32,520
Speaker 1: been able to communicate all these other things, and for

842
00:43:32,520 --> 00:43:34,319
Speaker 1: a lot of people like that's the hardest thing is

843
00:43:34,360 --> 00:43:37,560
Speaker 1: communicating what you are into sexually or not into. So

844
00:43:37,680 --> 00:43:41,719
Speaker 1: just positioning it to him in person that hey, like

845
00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:44,160
Speaker 1: this is how you're making me feel like I want

846
00:43:44,200 --> 00:43:45,799
Speaker 1: sex to make us feel this way. I don't want

847
00:43:45,840 --> 00:43:47,560
Speaker 1: it to feel like a burden. And if I'm not

848
00:43:48,120 --> 00:43:50,600
Speaker 1: ready for it or in the mood for it, I

849
00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:52,080
Speaker 1: don't want to feel like there's always going to be

850
00:43:52,120 --> 00:43:55,600
Speaker 1: negative repercussion. Yeah, because that's really unfair of him to

851
00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:57,759
Speaker 1: be in a bad mood the whole next day. You're

852
00:43:57,760 --> 00:43:59,960
Speaker 1: a mother, you have two children. It's a lot different

853
00:44:00,040 --> 00:44:02,200
Speaker 1: being a mother than it is being a father, and

854
00:44:02,239 --> 00:44:04,160
Speaker 1: you know, maybe he needs to understand that a little

855
00:44:04,160 --> 00:44:06,719
Speaker 1: bit more too. That might be something you want to communicate.

856
00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:09,400
Speaker 1: It's a lot more trying on women than it is

857
00:44:09,440 --> 00:44:11,919
Speaker 1: on men to be a mother. There's a maternal thing

858
00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:15,440
Speaker 1: going on that they don't even know about, So that's exhausting.

859
00:44:15,560 --> 00:44:18,200
Speaker 1: You know, every care or every worry that your child

860
00:44:18,320 --> 00:44:22,759
Speaker 1: experiences is yours because of their maternal instinct, and men

861
00:44:22,800 --> 00:44:26,320
Speaker 1: don't seem to understand that. So it's a lot to ask,

862
00:44:26,480 --> 00:44:28,680
Speaker 1: you know, six nights a week, but you're you're definitely

863
00:44:28,719 --> 00:44:30,879
Speaker 1: doing it way more than the average person. I'm sure

864
00:44:30,880 --> 00:44:33,439
Speaker 1: there's a lot of exceptions out there, but you're doing

865
00:44:33,440 --> 00:44:35,920
Speaker 1: it way more than the average couple. From I, I

866
00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:37,839
Speaker 1: have tons of girlfriends and we talked about this ship

867
00:44:37,920 --> 00:44:42,160
Speaker 1: all the time, so you're definitely sexually active enough for

868
00:44:42,239 --> 00:44:44,600
Speaker 1: him to be pleased. I mean, having sex more than

869
00:44:44,640 --> 00:44:46,560
Speaker 1: once a week is a gift for any married man

870
00:44:46,600 --> 00:44:50,200
Speaker 1: with small children. Okay, do you feel like you have

871
00:44:50,440 --> 00:44:54,279
Speaker 1: the conversation set up in your head? Oh? Yeah, it's

872
00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:57,000
Speaker 1: he's a capgorn and I'm an aries and so I'm

873
00:44:57,120 --> 00:45:01,279
Speaker 1: very outspoken and you know, like it doesn't bother me

874
00:45:01,360 --> 00:45:03,359
Speaker 1: to talk about it, but it's more of like the

875
00:45:03,440 --> 00:45:07,120
Speaker 1: private you know, he doesn't want to. I don't know,

876
00:45:07,280 --> 00:45:09,520
Speaker 1: he has a hard time just even announcing that he

877
00:45:09,600 --> 00:45:13,759
Speaker 1: does anything Like this whole thing even is like hard

878
00:45:13,800 --> 00:45:16,600
Speaker 1: for him because he just doesn't like it to be

879
00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:18,800
Speaker 1: talked about. And I'm like, I talk about it, you know,

880
00:45:18,840 --> 00:45:21,960
Speaker 1: I've talked about with my friends before, and it's just,

881
00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:24,279
Speaker 1: I don't know, not easier for me. So I know

882
00:45:24,360 --> 00:45:27,120
Speaker 1: I can talk to him about it. And maybe you know,

883
00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:30,480
Speaker 1: we were talking about doing therapy for a marriage anyways,

884
00:45:30,600 --> 00:45:34,719
Speaker 1: just because it would help drastically in anybody's marriage. So

885
00:45:35,920 --> 00:45:38,279
Speaker 1: I think that will probably be our next step. I

886
00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:40,839
Speaker 1: just wanted to do there are people for and then

887
00:45:41,160 --> 00:45:45,080
Speaker 1: do marriage, So I done that. Now marriage is the

888
00:45:45,400 --> 00:45:48,080
Speaker 1: next part. Yeah, if you can afford counseling, then you

889
00:45:48,080 --> 00:45:50,319
Speaker 1: should definitely do that. Therapy is never going to be

890
00:45:50,360 --> 00:45:53,000
Speaker 1: a bad move, you know, even if you find you know,

891
00:45:53,040 --> 00:45:54,719
Speaker 1: if it takes a couple of therapists, you get the

892
00:45:54,800 --> 00:45:57,120
Speaker 1: right one like that is a great investment into your

893
00:45:57,120 --> 00:46:00,840
Speaker 1: marriage and into your future. So definitely do at. And also,

894
00:46:00,920 --> 00:46:03,360
Speaker 1: you know, with men, when you're saying he doesn't like

895
00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:06,080
Speaker 1: to express himself in that way or discuss these kinds

896
00:46:06,080 --> 00:46:08,920
Speaker 1: of you know, maybe taboo things, he thinks of them

897
00:46:08,920 --> 00:46:12,759
Speaker 1: as taboo. You know. Really physical touch while you're having

898
00:46:12,840 --> 00:46:15,640
Speaker 1: those conversations has a big impact on people like that,

899
00:46:16,320 --> 00:46:19,000
Speaker 1: so that they're constantly being reassured. You know, you kind

900
00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:20,640
Speaker 1: of maybe have to look at it. I know, you

901
00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:22,600
Speaker 1: don't want to think of him as your child, because

902
00:46:22,600 --> 00:46:26,560
Speaker 1: that's not hot at all, But men can act like that,

903
00:46:26,680 --> 00:46:28,560
Speaker 1: you know, and they needed sometimes to be treated like

904
00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:32,799
Speaker 1: little kids because for all the reasons that, yeah, they

905
00:46:32,800 --> 00:46:35,000
Speaker 1: have that temperament. So as loving as you can be

906
00:46:35,080 --> 00:46:38,480
Speaker 1: while you're giving him the news that you're not up

907
00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:40,080
Speaker 1: for it every night, and that it would be a

908
00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:42,080
Speaker 1: lot easier on you if you didn't have to deal

909
00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:46,000
Speaker 1: with him sulking about it. You know, that's taking away

910
00:46:46,040 --> 00:46:48,360
Speaker 1: from your parenting, that's taking away from your work, and

911
00:46:48,400 --> 00:46:50,719
Speaker 1: that's taking away from your marriage. Clara. I also want

912
00:46:50,719 --> 00:46:52,399
Speaker 1: to give you one other thing. I just realized, I

913
00:46:52,440 --> 00:46:57,560
Speaker 1: did you just call her Clara Claire. I realized I

914
00:46:57,560 --> 00:46:59,480
Speaker 1: just had this conversation with one of my best friends.

915
00:46:59,640 --> 00:47:02,480
Speaker 1: And something that she did that seemed to be really

916
00:47:02,480 --> 00:47:06,040
Speaker 1: effective was instead of waiting until after the fact, she

917
00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:08,400
Speaker 1: would address it right in that moment about how he

918
00:47:08,480 --> 00:47:11,480
Speaker 1: was making her feel or if he did something that

919
00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:13,400
Speaker 1: she really liked it and and made her feel good in

920
00:47:13,520 --> 00:47:15,800
Speaker 1: terms of like the setup that you know, he was

921
00:47:15,840 --> 00:47:17,520
Speaker 1: rubbing her feet on the couch before they started to

922
00:47:17,520 --> 00:47:19,560
Speaker 1: full around and the kids were in their bedroom, so

923
00:47:19,600 --> 00:47:21,799
Speaker 1: it was again a little bit more spontaneous for a parent,

924
00:47:21,840 --> 00:47:22,960
Speaker 1: like oh my god, we're in the middle of the

925
00:47:22,960 --> 00:47:26,040
Speaker 1: living room, like anyone could walk out. But she got

926
00:47:26,040 --> 00:47:28,080
Speaker 1: in the habit of telling him those things immediately so

927
00:47:28,120 --> 00:47:30,000
Speaker 1: he didn't have to try and reflect back on what

928
00:47:30,080 --> 00:47:32,880
Speaker 1: you were referencing. And it's really helped them so in

929
00:47:32,920 --> 00:47:35,359
Speaker 1: the in the times where she's like, Hey, I've been

930
00:47:35,360 --> 00:47:37,120
Speaker 1: here all day with four kids, like I need to

931
00:47:37,160 --> 00:47:39,680
Speaker 1: get out you're making me feel like I'm not being

932
00:47:39,719 --> 00:47:42,040
Speaker 1: heard or being seen when she would do it right then,

933
00:47:42,040 --> 00:47:43,680
Speaker 1: even though it was a little bit more uncomfortable, he

934
00:47:43,719 --> 00:47:46,439
Speaker 1: really started to internalize that more like, Oh, I now

935
00:47:46,640 --> 00:47:49,160
Speaker 1: I am very aware of how she's feeling in this moment,

936
00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:51,360
Speaker 1: and so he could change his behavior and he has,

937
00:47:51,960 --> 00:47:54,040
Speaker 1: so I maybe give that a try as well as

938
00:47:54,080 --> 00:47:57,040
Speaker 1: don't wait to give him that feedback, tell him like, hey,

939
00:47:57,200 --> 00:48:00,480
Speaker 1: right now, you're making me feel very small that this

940
00:48:00,600 --> 00:48:02,960
Speaker 1: is I'm just being used for this thing, and I

941
00:48:03,000 --> 00:48:04,680
Speaker 1: don't want to feel that way, So like, how can

942
00:48:04,719 --> 00:48:09,040
Speaker 1: we adjust? Yeah, there should be no punitiveness or punitivity,

943
00:48:09,280 --> 00:48:14,160
Speaker 1: punitive punish Yeah, I don't know the right sense of

944
00:48:14,160 --> 00:48:15,880
Speaker 1: what I'm trying to say, but you know it shouldn't

945
00:48:15,880 --> 00:48:18,160
Speaker 1: be punitive, like you denying him sex should not be

946
00:48:18,239 --> 00:48:21,680
Speaker 1: like then you get punished. That's not acceptable, right, you know,

947
00:48:22,200 --> 00:48:24,799
Speaker 1: you are really right. I've not ever thought about it

948
00:48:24,840 --> 00:48:28,359
Speaker 1: in that way, but you nailed it. Because a lot

949
00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:30,880
Speaker 1: of the times, like you said, when you talk about

950
00:48:30,920 --> 00:48:33,200
Speaker 1: something that happened earlier, they're like, I have no idea

951
00:48:33,239 --> 00:48:35,719
Speaker 1: what you're even talking about, Like I don't remember this

952
00:48:35,800 --> 00:48:39,560
Speaker 1: happening or whatever. Are very dense. Men are very dense.

953
00:48:40,280 --> 00:48:43,480
Speaker 1: Another word for that is dumb. Dumb. Yeah, so you

954
00:48:43,520 --> 00:48:46,759
Speaker 1: do have to treat them a little bit differently. I

955
00:48:46,840 --> 00:48:48,759
Speaker 1: love it. I love it because both of you just

956
00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:51,560
Speaker 1: like say it from your heart too. So I love that. Well,

957
00:48:51,600 --> 00:48:53,520
Speaker 1: we want you to thrive, We want you to have

958
00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:56,080
Speaker 1: good things in life and love and happiness and all

959
00:48:56,120 --> 00:48:58,360
Speaker 1: that stuff. So and we would like to know what happened,

960
00:48:58,400 --> 00:49:00,840
Speaker 1: So please keep us posted, report back, and let us

961
00:49:00,880 --> 00:49:08,480
Speaker 1: know how that conversation went. Okay, sounds great. Thanks, Another

962
00:49:08,480 --> 00:49:12,960
Speaker 1: problem solved, Brandon, she was really sweet. I felt at

963
00:49:12,960 --> 00:49:16,480
Speaker 1: the beginning like she was almost slightly depressed, but then

964
00:49:16,520 --> 00:49:18,920
Speaker 1: as she's talked, I just realized she's just lower energy.

965
00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:21,480
Speaker 1: That's her. You know. I think these conversations, even though

966
00:49:21,480 --> 00:49:23,239
Speaker 1: when people want to have them, it's like where to begin.

967
00:49:23,480 --> 00:49:26,359
Speaker 1: I know how I would have them. And with strangers,

968
00:49:26,160 --> 00:49:29,600
Speaker 1: it's very courageous for people. Anyone listening, if you've been

969
00:49:29,640 --> 00:49:31,840
Speaker 1: a caller or going to write in, it's very courageous

970
00:49:31,840 --> 00:49:34,640
Speaker 1: to do that. And now strangers for advice on ship

971
00:49:34,719 --> 00:49:37,560
Speaker 1: we may know nothing about, but it's just important to

972
00:49:37,600 --> 00:49:40,440
Speaker 1: get that conversation started. Like, take value in yourself and

973
00:49:40,480 --> 00:49:42,719
Speaker 1: have the confidence to ask question whatever it is and

974
00:49:42,920 --> 00:49:44,719
Speaker 1: at all. So I just read this book I was

975
00:49:44,760 --> 00:49:46,640
Speaker 1: talking about, you know how the how the first step

976
00:49:46,680 --> 00:49:49,239
Speaker 1: is so important. You know, when you have something ahead

977
00:49:49,280 --> 00:49:53,799
Speaker 1: of you and it feels almost insurmountable, and people vacillate

978
00:49:53,880 --> 00:49:55,520
Speaker 1: about what they're gonna say and when they're going to

979
00:49:55,640 --> 00:49:57,680
Speaker 1: say it, or there what's the thing where you wait

980
00:49:57,760 --> 00:50:01,879
Speaker 1: until the last minute? Um, procrastin, ecrastinate, that's a that's

981
00:50:01,920 --> 00:50:04,200
Speaker 1: the word. I think it's so important to just take

982
00:50:04,239 --> 00:50:07,200
Speaker 1: that first step because all the other steps become easier

983
00:50:07,280 --> 00:50:09,200
Speaker 1: once you take the first one. I'm reading a book

984
00:50:09,200 --> 00:50:11,839
Speaker 1: about that as well. What's your book called. It's called

985
00:50:11,880 --> 00:50:14,560
Speaker 1: Dream First, Details Later. It's by Ellen Marie Bennett, and

986
00:50:14,600 --> 00:50:17,239
Speaker 1: it's basically just about taking the first step that you

987
00:50:17,640 --> 00:50:20,040
Speaker 1: there's no sent in overplanning anything because it's all going

988
00:50:20,080 --> 00:50:21,759
Speaker 1: to be trial and error. You just have to put

989
00:50:22,719 --> 00:50:25,600
Speaker 1: that thought out there, yes, for that act, Yeah, you

990
00:50:25,640 --> 00:50:27,799
Speaker 1: have to put it out there, and and things that

991
00:50:27,920 --> 00:50:29,839
Speaker 1: seem like, oh how am I ever going to get

992
00:50:29,880 --> 00:50:32,480
Speaker 1: this done? It's like you take the first step and

993
00:50:32,480 --> 00:50:34,800
Speaker 1: getting it done. It tends to have a domino effect,

994
00:50:34,880 --> 00:50:36,960
Speaker 1: and you know, once it's in motion, Yeah, once you

995
00:50:37,000 --> 00:50:39,839
Speaker 1: set something in motion, it becomes much easier. So that's

996
00:50:39,840 --> 00:50:42,200
Speaker 1: a good piece of advice for everybody really when they're

997
00:50:42,200 --> 00:50:45,239
Speaker 1: whether it's about sex or anything else. You know. I

998
00:50:45,320 --> 00:50:47,239
Speaker 1: was just starting to write my stand up remember, and

999
00:50:47,280 --> 00:50:49,040
Speaker 1: I was like, I can't sit down and write. I

1000
00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:51,240
Speaker 1: can't sit down and write. I can't And just because

1001
00:50:51,239 --> 00:50:53,520
Speaker 1: I have a deadline, I just sat down and you know,

1002
00:50:53,640 --> 00:50:55,680
Speaker 1: took that first step and then it started to flow.

1003
00:50:56,320 --> 00:50:59,400
Speaker 1: So it is about once you made that choice. Yeah,

1004
00:50:59,800 --> 00:51:02,080
Speaker 1: it is about the choice that you make. That's exactly right.

1005
00:51:02,080 --> 00:51:04,920
Speaker 1: There's actually a really great quote in the book I'm reading,

1006
00:51:05,440 --> 00:51:09,280
Speaker 1: whatever has happened to you in life, whatever hardship, whatever pain,

1007
00:51:09,680 --> 00:51:12,319
Speaker 1: they pale in comparison to the power you have to

1008
00:51:12,400 --> 00:51:15,319
Speaker 1: choose what to do. Now, that's really nice. That was

1009
00:51:15,440 --> 00:51:18,279
Speaker 1: from a book it's called Effortless by Greg McEwen. He

1010
00:51:18,320 --> 00:51:22,360
Speaker 1: had written that book Essentialism that I really like that. Yeah,

1011
00:51:22,400 --> 00:51:25,799
Speaker 1: and I don't like this book as much there it

1012
00:51:25,840 --> 00:51:29,319
Speaker 1: feels more business focused. You don't have that since you're

1013
00:51:29,320 --> 00:51:32,040
Speaker 1: such a business gal. I know, don't say gal's sweetheart.

1014
00:51:32,040 --> 00:51:34,360
Speaker 1: I'm not a gal. I'm a girl or a woman.

1015
00:51:34,880 --> 00:51:37,160
Speaker 1: But anyway, yeah, he writes in this there's there's some

1016
00:51:37,239 --> 00:51:39,359
Speaker 1: good things in this book. But I just I don't

1017
00:51:39,400 --> 00:51:42,000
Speaker 1: know if I can give a full throated endorsement. Well,

1018
00:51:42,000 --> 00:51:43,480
Speaker 1: why don't you let us know when you get through it?

1019
00:51:43,719 --> 00:51:46,000
Speaker 1: Well I did I finish. Yeah, it looks like it's

1020
00:51:46,320 --> 00:51:48,920
Speaker 1: I read it on the plane in the middle. Really No,

1021
00:51:49,040 --> 00:51:52,640
Speaker 1: I just I just, oh, I'm earmarked this another great quote.

1022
00:51:53,000 --> 00:51:55,319
Speaker 1: When you focus on what you lack, you lose what

1023
00:51:55,440 --> 00:51:58,319
Speaker 1: you have. When you focus on what you have, you

1024
00:51:58,360 --> 00:52:01,279
Speaker 1: get what you lack. I mean that's pretty basic, but

1025
00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:03,440
Speaker 1: I liked it anyway because some people just really need

1026
00:52:03,440 --> 00:52:07,000
Speaker 1: a basic reminder and that's easy to remember. Yeah, that's

1027
00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:09,239
Speaker 1: the good thing about always switching your thought. Like if

1028
00:52:09,239 --> 00:52:11,040
Speaker 1: you have a negative thought and you go, oh, no,

1029
00:52:11,160 --> 00:52:13,200
Speaker 1: I got to think of something I'm grateful for that

1030
00:52:13,239 --> 00:52:17,040
Speaker 1: habit gets gets easy and and becomes a habit very quickly.

1031
00:52:17,600 --> 00:52:20,319
Speaker 1: I speak from experience. So that's a good You know

1032
00:52:20,480 --> 00:52:23,040
Speaker 1: you are in control of your destiny in that sense.

1033
00:52:23,120 --> 00:52:24,920
Speaker 1: I know a lot of people think that destiny is

1034
00:52:24,960 --> 00:52:26,880
Speaker 1: in control of them, but I like to think that

1035
00:52:26,880 --> 00:52:28,879
Speaker 1: we have something to say about it. I think it's

1036
00:52:28,880 --> 00:52:31,000
Speaker 1: a path that you can dictate, Like there may be

1037
00:52:31,080 --> 00:52:35,840
Speaker 1: an over arching theme. But you have people have control. Yeah,

1038
00:52:35,960 --> 00:52:37,919
Speaker 1: you do have control over your life, and you also

1039
00:52:37,960 --> 00:52:41,720
Speaker 1: have Yeah, it's the power of your conviction and the Yeah,

1040
00:52:41,920 --> 00:52:45,200
Speaker 1: we need to empower everybody. Everyone needs to be emboldened

1041
00:52:45,200 --> 00:52:48,640
Speaker 1: and empowered to say yes, no, thank you, sir, get

1042
00:52:48,640 --> 00:52:50,640
Speaker 1: out of me. Well, and so in this book she

1043
00:52:50,680 --> 00:52:52,799
Speaker 1: talks about it in terms of kind of like your

1044
00:52:52,840 --> 00:52:55,240
Speaker 1: own personal piggy bank, where when you make a choice

1045
00:52:55,280 --> 00:52:58,399
Speaker 1: that makes you uncomfortable, but you do it regardless, you're

1046
00:52:58,440 --> 00:53:00,560
Speaker 1: investing yourself. And that's like your com it in spank.

1047
00:53:00,680 --> 00:53:02,359
Speaker 1: So every time you do that, doesn't matter how small

1048
00:53:02,360 --> 00:53:05,080
Speaker 1: it is, trying something new on the menu that you

1049
00:53:05,400 --> 00:53:08,799
Speaker 1: may not necessarily gravitate towards an interaction with someone like

1050
00:53:08,880 --> 00:53:11,400
Speaker 1: you are reinvesting that into yourself and building up your

1051
00:53:11,400 --> 00:53:13,960
Speaker 1: own confidence. So if you just make that effort on

1052
00:53:14,000 --> 00:53:16,480
Speaker 1: a daily basis to make choices that might make you

1053
00:53:16,480 --> 00:53:19,560
Speaker 1: a little uncomfortable, when the big one comes, you're going

1054
00:53:19,600 --> 00:53:22,320
Speaker 1: to feel able in a way that you may not otherwise,

1055
00:53:22,360 --> 00:53:25,239
Speaker 1: just on you know, your daily choices. Yeah, right, you

1056
00:53:25,280 --> 00:53:27,120
Speaker 1: feel a little bit more competent when you have a

1057
00:53:27,160 --> 00:53:29,520
Speaker 1: pattern of making decisions. Well, I would like to know

1058
00:53:29,600 --> 00:53:32,799
Speaker 1: what happens with her, so hopefully clear. Six nights a

1059
00:53:32,800 --> 00:53:34,600
Speaker 1: week to have sex is a lot, like I don't

1060
00:53:34,640 --> 00:53:37,040
Speaker 1: even want to do that, and I'm single and horny,

1061
00:53:37,200 --> 00:53:39,040
Speaker 1: like I don't want to have sex six nights a week.

1062
00:53:39,840 --> 00:53:42,359
Speaker 1: That's just un reasonable. I mean, no, wonder it is

1063
00:53:42,480 --> 00:53:46,200
Speaker 1: unenjoyable to some degree, Like that's like if you maybe,

1064
00:53:46,239 --> 00:53:50,480
Speaker 1: if you're on vacation, maybe maybe, but probably not for me.

1065
00:53:51,360 --> 00:53:53,840
Speaker 1: Our next sumission comes from Nancy. She's in her forties.

1066
00:53:53,960 --> 00:53:56,560
Speaker 1: She writes, from one big breasted gal to another, what's

1067
00:53:56,600 --> 00:53:59,120
Speaker 1: your favorite brand of bra to hold these girls up?

1068
00:53:59,560 --> 00:54:01,600
Speaker 1: I don't even to know what kind of bra this is, Brandon,

1069
00:54:02,280 --> 00:54:06,040
Speaker 1: Can you see the label? I changed bras all the

1070
00:54:06,080 --> 00:54:08,279
Speaker 1: time because I go through phases where I like the

1071
00:54:08,280 --> 00:54:13,920
Speaker 1: way certain one looks, and then I liked to minimize

1072
00:54:13,920 --> 00:54:16,200
Speaker 1: how do you spell it? And A T O R. I.

1073
00:54:16,280 --> 00:54:18,560
Speaker 1: So I like this bra because it keeps my breasts

1074
00:54:18,680 --> 00:54:22,319
Speaker 1: up and bouncy, like it's not. I used to wear

1075
00:54:22,360 --> 00:54:26,040
Speaker 1: bras that would minimize my boobs so that they look smaller,

1076
00:54:26,920 --> 00:54:28,920
Speaker 1: and but they end up cutting you in different weird

1077
00:54:29,000 --> 00:54:32,000
Speaker 1: places and then you have little like cleavage coming out

1078
00:54:32,040 --> 00:54:35,080
Speaker 1: of your bras. That isn't cute, and then you boobs

1079
00:54:35,120 --> 00:54:38,520
Speaker 1: can look pointy. So this is a round bra and

1080
00:54:38,560 --> 00:54:43,000
Speaker 1: it's a padded it's not it's got a very thin lining.

1081
00:54:43,080 --> 00:54:47,000
Speaker 1: It's not padded because I don't need padding obviously. And yes,

1082
00:54:47,000 --> 00:54:50,520
Speaker 1: there's got to be underwire, because yes, I mean we're

1083
00:54:50,560 --> 00:54:53,719
Speaker 1: not teenagers. But this is my favorite bra. And then

1084
00:54:53,760 --> 00:54:55,759
Speaker 1: do you remember the brand, the one that I sent

1085
00:54:55,800 --> 00:55:01,279
Speaker 1: Sarah Silverman A bunch of the brand? Oh, Chantarelle, Chantel.

1086
00:55:01,440 --> 00:55:05,200
Speaker 1: I think it's Chantrell. I think our mushrooms. Oh, so

1087
00:55:05,320 --> 00:55:08,399
Speaker 1: that's the minimizer bra that I used that makes your

1088
00:55:08,440 --> 00:55:11,720
Speaker 1: breasts like more contained, if that's what you're looking for.

1089
00:55:12,000 --> 00:55:14,960
Speaker 1: But I'm a thirty four D. I think, Brandon, what

1090
00:55:15,040 --> 00:55:17,680
Speaker 1: am I doing? Double D? I don't know. They're big,

1091
00:55:17,840 --> 00:55:22,760
Speaker 1: but they're not gargantuan. Yeah, so I hope that helps

1092
00:55:23,000 --> 00:55:24,920
Speaker 1: uh be good? I know, brad shopping is such a

1093
00:55:24,920 --> 00:55:26,800
Speaker 1: fucking pain in the ask. And the other thing about

1094
00:55:26,800 --> 00:55:28,879
Speaker 1: bras is is sometimes you can put on a bra

1095
00:55:29,040 --> 00:55:31,680
Speaker 1: and it looks and feels great, and then twenty minutes

1096
00:55:31,760 --> 00:55:34,399
Speaker 1: later it looks like you're wearing two pancakes on your chest.

1097
00:55:34,640 --> 00:55:37,279
Speaker 1: Once it wears in, you have to test out a

1098
00:55:37,320 --> 00:55:39,960
Speaker 1: bra for an entire day to give you those like

1099
00:55:40,040 --> 00:55:43,640
Speaker 1: conical breasts. Yeah, you had one of those. I will

1100
00:55:43,680 --> 00:55:45,440
Speaker 1: never forget it. You put a dress on and I

1101
00:55:45,440 --> 00:55:48,160
Speaker 1: can't remember actually you put it on. You're just like,

1102
00:55:48,239 --> 00:55:53,280
Speaker 1: why do my breasts look so cony? Yeah, like forties

1103
00:55:53,360 --> 00:55:55,799
Speaker 1: breasts where they used to wear those bras. I didn't

1104
00:55:55,800 --> 00:55:57,680
Speaker 1: know it could make that shape. So the bra that

1105
00:55:57,719 --> 00:55:59,239
Speaker 1: I used to wear, I did that, but it's like,

1106
00:55:59,320 --> 00:56:00,680
Speaker 1: you know what, and then it gives me that under

1107
00:56:00,760 --> 00:56:03,080
Speaker 1: armed fat Like this, The best thing to do is

1108
00:56:03,120 --> 00:56:05,640
Speaker 1: just to hold your breasts. The bra should just hold

1109
00:56:05,640 --> 00:56:07,520
Speaker 1: your breasts and not cut any of your skin off,

1110
00:56:07,920 --> 00:56:10,560
Speaker 1: which is hard and that it requires doing a lot

1111
00:56:10,600 --> 00:56:12,000
Speaker 1: of bra fittings. But if you go to one of

1112
00:56:12,040 --> 00:56:14,960
Speaker 1: those specialty stores, they usually those women they're like bra

1113
00:56:15,160 --> 00:56:17,719
Speaker 1: specialty stores usually know what they're talking about. Do your

1114
00:56:17,719 --> 00:56:21,040
Speaker 1: favorite sports bra brand? I don't know what my favorite

1115
00:56:21,040 --> 00:56:24,440
Speaker 1: sports bra is. I do love wearing sports bras, though,

1116
00:56:24,480 --> 00:56:27,200
Speaker 1: because that really keeps everything in check and nice and rounded,

1117
00:56:27,200 --> 00:56:30,040
Speaker 1: because then you're I mean, I wear like Nike, Adidas,

1118
00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:33,040
Speaker 1: all those and then there's that what's up in Texas

1119
00:56:33,120 --> 00:56:37,040
Speaker 1: that I like that girl from Austin Outdoor Voices. They

1120
00:56:37,080 --> 00:56:40,560
Speaker 1: have good bras. Well, you did it one time a

1121
00:56:40,640 --> 00:56:46,640
Speaker 1: Lulu Lemon because the straps were hardier. Yeah, Lemon always

1122
00:56:46,680 --> 00:56:48,879
Speaker 1: has good stuff. Yeah, they have good stuff for it's

1123
00:56:48,920 --> 00:56:51,040
Speaker 1: just a matter of like where you carry your fat, right,

1124
00:56:51,080 --> 00:56:53,520
Speaker 1: if you carry it under your arms and like side boob,

1125
00:56:53,640 --> 00:56:55,440
Speaker 1: all of that is an issue. So you really have

1126
00:56:55,520 --> 00:56:58,359
Speaker 1: to like it's curated. Each person needs to like get

1127
00:56:58,360 --> 00:57:02,480
Speaker 1: their own bespoke brasitch suation going, I'm so glad I

1128
00:57:02,480 --> 00:57:05,359
Speaker 1: don't have boobs. Well, sweetheart, if you keep working out

1129
00:57:05,400 --> 00:57:07,799
Speaker 1: at the pace you're working out, you're gonna outpace me.

1130
00:57:08,719 --> 00:57:11,080
Speaker 1: Then I can borrow one of your bras. I don't

1131
00:57:11,120 --> 00:57:13,439
Speaker 1: know what the bra question had to do with the sex. Oh,

1132
00:57:13,480 --> 00:57:17,640
Speaker 1: these are body carts and I should just send her

1133
00:57:17,680 --> 00:57:20,640
Speaker 1: a couple of bras. What size is she? Nancy? Nancy.

1134
00:57:20,760 --> 00:57:22,480
Speaker 1: We'll get in touch with Nancy. We'll find out and

1135
00:57:22,520 --> 00:57:25,520
Speaker 1: we'll send some bra options. Okay, we are going to

1136
00:57:25,600 --> 00:57:27,440
Speaker 1: take a break right now, so I can go gas

1137
00:57:27,520 --> 00:57:30,400
Speaker 1: up my electric car and see then how it runs.

1138
00:57:32,160 --> 00:57:35,800
Speaker 1: I'm a mess right now. I'll tell you what happened recently. Well,

1139
00:57:35,880 --> 00:57:38,960
Speaker 1: this weekend, my bell she put a chocolate, you know,

1140
00:57:39,000 --> 00:57:42,120
Speaker 1: those little chocolates, which, in my defense, are not wrapped.

1141
00:57:42,160 --> 00:57:45,200
Speaker 1: They're all a cart so it's just the chocolate on

1142
00:57:45,320 --> 00:57:47,600
Speaker 1: my pillow. And I woke up and there was a

1143
00:57:47,800 --> 00:57:51,160
Speaker 1: huge chocolate stain on my pillow because of the chocolate melted.

1144
00:57:55,000 --> 00:57:57,200
Speaker 1: And then she yells at me that it's fucking dirty

1145
00:57:57,240 --> 00:58:00,240
Speaker 1: in the morning. It's like, bitch and fucking melted. But

1146
00:58:00,320 --> 00:58:02,440
Speaker 1: I can't say anything. I just have to take her ship,

1147
00:58:02,600 --> 00:58:07,560
Speaker 1: you know. Uh. And I was video messaging with my

1148
00:58:07,640 --> 00:58:09,680
Speaker 1: girlfriend and I showed her and she's like, you are

1149
00:58:09,720 --> 00:58:11,960
Speaker 1: one of the most disgusting human beings ever. She's like,

1150
00:58:12,000 --> 00:58:14,040
Speaker 1: how can you sleep in a bed with chocolate on

1151
00:58:14,080 --> 00:58:16,320
Speaker 1: the sheets. I'm like, well, it's on the pillow case

1152
00:58:16,320 --> 00:58:18,280
Speaker 1: and I have like four pillows, so who gives a ship?

1153
00:58:18,960 --> 00:58:21,560
Speaker 1: I'm just, you know, not a teetotal or like that, sweetheart.

1154
00:58:22,160 --> 00:58:24,200
Speaker 1: I had to have a housekeeping when I was on

1155
00:58:24,240 --> 00:58:26,880
Speaker 1: my trip, changed the sheets almost daily because I was

1156
00:58:26,960 --> 00:58:29,840
Speaker 1: eating in bed and because I go had gone off.

1157
00:58:32,360 --> 00:58:35,680
Speaker 1: And on this night specifically, I had woken up with

1158
00:58:35,840 --> 00:58:38,640
Speaker 1: the white sheets covered in protein bar I was dipping

1159
00:58:38,680 --> 00:58:43,720
Speaker 1: it in almond butter. Oh my god, sweetheart, butter and

1160
00:58:44,240 --> 00:58:46,680
Speaker 1: video message. Did you videotape yourself so you could send

1161
00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:48,880
Speaker 1: that to your nutritionist? I didn't. I didn't want anyone

1162
00:58:48,880 --> 00:58:51,000
Speaker 1: to see that sort of shame. What about LEVI, how

1163
00:58:51,000 --> 00:58:53,680
Speaker 1: does he react to that? Oh, he's disgusted by me.

1164
00:58:53,920 --> 00:58:56,000
Speaker 1: I mean there are always crumbs in bed, and he's

1165
00:58:56,000 --> 00:58:58,840
Speaker 1: constantly he has to do one of like the full

1166
00:58:58,960 --> 00:59:02,720
Speaker 1: size floor or limp rollers in bed because there are

1167
00:59:02,760 --> 00:59:06,800
Speaker 1: constantly crumbs just in every little cranny. Wow. Sweet, maybe

1168
00:59:06,840 --> 00:59:08,840
Speaker 1: we should be sleeping together. That sounds like what it's

1169
00:59:08,840 --> 00:59:10,600
Speaker 1: happening in my neck of the one you would have.

1170
00:59:11,640 --> 00:59:14,680
Speaker 1: I love a snack in bed. I just love it.

1171
00:59:14,760 --> 00:59:17,240
Speaker 1: You know those little blueberry bars that I eat? Those

1172
00:59:17,280 --> 00:59:20,800
Speaker 1: like cookies crumb? Oh those are good. What are they called?

1173
00:59:21,000 --> 00:59:23,280
Speaker 1: I don't know. They're from Whole Foods. Oh, they're so delicious.

1174
00:59:23,280 --> 00:59:26,360
Speaker 1: The fridge. They have chocolate chip ones, they have blueberry ones.

1175
00:59:26,400 --> 00:59:28,440
Speaker 1: You keep them in the fridge and then nut. You

1176
00:59:28,440 --> 00:59:30,200
Speaker 1: don't like that one, but I do. Oh I haven't

1177
00:59:30,200 --> 00:59:32,640
Speaker 1: tried that one. Maybe because you're hoarding them. Probably I

1178
00:59:32,680 --> 00:59:34,600
Speaker 1: pop them in the microwave for thirty seconds, though, because

1179
00:59:34,600 --> 00:59:36,680
Speaker 1: then it's like a hot treat. I know. You don't

1180
00:59:36,680 --> 00:59:39,000
Speaker 1: eat cereal. But that's one of my favorite snacks in bed,

1181
00:59:39,240 --> 00:59:41,960
Speaker 1: right before I go to sleep, a fucking big bowl

1182
00:59:42,040 --> 00:59:44,959
Speaker 1: of cereal. There is nothing better than going to sleep

1183
00:59:45,000 --> 00:59:48,640
Speaker 1: with a full belly. No, it's the best. Okay, So

1184
00:59:49,280 --> 00:59:52,400
Speaker 1: what did we learn today? That a lot of bodies,

1185
00:59:52,560 --> 00:59:54,920
Speaker 1: a lot of body stuff, a lot of sex. Sex.

1186
00:59:55,000 --> 00:59:57,840
Speaker 1: I like talking about sex. I like talking about marital sex.

1187
00:59:57,880 --> 01:00:00,840
Speaker 1: I like giving advice on marital sex because I meant,

1188
01:00:01,600 --> 01:00:04,480
Speaker 1: well no, and and I like the idea that I

1189
01:00:04,640 --> 01:00:06,880
Speaker 1: have anything to say about it. I think, I think

1190
01:00:06,920 --> 01:00:12,640
Speaker 1: that's fun. And there you have a problem solved. Okay, Well,

1191
01:00:12,680 --> 01:00:15,040
Speaker 1: this was wonderful. Thank you for being with us, and

1192
01:00:15,080 --> 01:00:17,240
Speaker 1: we will be back again next week to discuss more

1193
01:00:17,280 --> 01:00:20,320
Speaker 1: of your problems and hopefully solve them as a lama

1194
01:00:20,400 --> 01:00:24,280
Speaker 1: likeum baby. If you need help with any of your issues,

1195
01:00:24,560 --> 01:00:27,280
Speaker 1: you can write into Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot

1196
01:00:27,320 --> 01:00:31,160
Speaker 1: com Again Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com. Also,

1197
01:00:31,320 --> 01:00:34,120
Speaker 1: I am on tour. My tickets are officially on sale.

1198
01:00:34,120 --> 01:00:36,200
Speaker 1: We've added a couple of extra shows. We're going to

1199
01:00:36,280 --> 01:00:39,360
Speaker 1: be announcing dates as we go. You can buy tickets

1200
01:00:39,360 --> 01:00:42,760
Speaker 1: a ticket master for my shows and tickets are available

1201
01:00:42,840 --> 01:00:45,720
Speaker 1: and I can't fucking wait. It's called vaccinated and a horny,

1202
01:00:45,760 --> 01:00:49,640
Speaker 1: So make sure that you bring your vaccinations and your

1203
01:00:49,640 --> 01:00:52,600
Speaker 1: horny nows and then keep them to yourself, please,