WEBVTT - Heartbreak: Unpacking The Pain + Learning From It: with Tefi Pessoa 0:00:04.040 --> 0:00:08.119 Big things happen when you're pretty, pretty bold, pretty clever, 0:00:08.800 --> 0:00:12.320 pretty strong. I'm Danielle Robe and each week my guests 0:00:12.360 --> 0:00:15.640 and I have conversations that put a new spin on pretty. 0:00:17.120 --> 0:00:20.680 This is pretty smart, just like. 0:00:20.680 --> 0:00:24.880 Today that I'm nut Today I thought forever said I 0:00:25.040 --> 0:00:29.040 got your love, But that'll last when that first quod out, 0:00:29.880 --> 0:00:31.560 like will you walked up my life? 0:00:31.920 --> 0:00:33.479 Why you walk out my life? 0:00:37.280 --> 0:00:40.960 Today we are talking about heartbreak, just in time for 0:00:41.080 --> 0:00:44.640 Valentine's Day, right. I think there's a few different kinds 0:00:44.640 --> 0:00:49.000 of heartbreak. There's family heartbreak. Someone you love passing can 0:00:49.040 --> 0:00:53.520 cause heartbreak. There's romantic heartbreak. Sometimes you can even break 0:00:53.520 --> 0:00:57.040 your own heart. The first time I was really really 0:00:57.160 --> 0:01:01.000 heartbroken was when I was twenty eight. I've had boyfriends 0:01:01.000 --> 0:01:03.880 who hurt me in the past, or I've had family stuff. 0:01:04.640 --> 0:01:05.959 This was different. 0:01:06.520 --> 0:01:10.319 This was utter heartbreak. I couldn't decide which hurt more, 0:01:10.480 --> 0:01:12.760 going to bed at night or waking up in the morning. 0:01:13.760 --> 0:01:15.520 I think it was the morning because I would wake 0:01:15.600 --> 0:01:17.320 up and realize it all wasn't a dream and this 0:01:17.520 --> 0:01:21.000 was actually my life. Or worse, I woke up exhausted 0:01:21.120 --> 0:01:24.360 because he had been in my dreams. It sent me 0:01:24.480 --> 0:01:27.280 into what I look back on now as acute depression. 0:01:28.040 --> 0:01:30.600 I didn't know it at the time, and it wasn't 0:01:30.640 --> 0:01:32.520 really only the breakup, to be honest, It was a 0:01:32.600 --> 0:01:35.680 confluence of unfortunate events, that being one of them, and 0:01:35.720 --> 0:01:38.280 a big one, But it was also how the breakup 0:01:38.400 --> 0:01:40.840 was done. It was like I had dated one person 0:01:41.200 --> 0:01:44.000 and been dumped by a totally different person. There was 0:01:44.080 --> 0:01:47.920 no respect, no care, lots of insecurity and projection which 0:01:48.000 --> 0:01:50.280 I didn't see in him at the time, and then 0:01:50.280 --> 0:01:52.480 I found out about cheating stuff after the fact. 0:01:53.040 --> 0:01:53.680 It was a mess. 0:01:54.480 --> 0:01:56.360 Some of my friends would say to me, it's okay, 0:01:56.720 --> 0:01:58.840 like you can't trust him or you lost trust. It's 0:01:58.880 --> 0:02:02.120 only one person. But the truth was it was so 0:02:02.320 --> 0:02:06.480 much worse because I lost trust in my own instincts. 0:02:07.120 --> 0:02:10.679 How did I not see all of this stuff? I 0:02:10.800 --> 0:02:13.799 still look back on it and wonder how. It's a 0:02:13.880 --> 0:02:17.160 longer story for another podcast or honestly, maybe a book, 0:02:18.160 --> 0:02:23.320 but the heartbreak did something incredible for me. It changed 0:02:23.400 --> 0:02:27.320 me forever. It's no coincidence that so many of the 0:02:27.360 --> 0:02:30.399 world's best selling records are tethered by feelings of heartbreak. 0:02:31.000 --> 0:02:35.320 It's a universal experience. There's sad songs like Adele's someone 0:02:35.440 --> 0:02:35.640 Like You. 0:02:36.000 --> 0:02:44.880 Amma, sometimes Salus but sometimes it is. 0:02:45.200 --> 0:02:45.800 Since the. 0:02:47.720 --> 0:02:49.960 Boys to Men's End of the Road had an epic 0:02:50.080 --> 0:02:51.520 run on the Billboard charts. 0:02:55.160 --> 0:03:23.720 Time. Or how about a more recent song by Frank 0:03:23.800 --> 0:03:30.239 oshin I Will Always Love You? How I do? 0:03:33.480 --> 0:03:35.120 Let go a prayer for. 0:03:38.280 --> 0:03:39.480 Just a sweet one. 0:03:42.040 --> 0:03:44.240 The table is prepared. 0:03:43.920 --> 0:03:48.720 For That song always makes me cry. 0:03:49.440 --> 0:03:51.760 Do not play that song on Spotify for me, because 0:03:52.160 --> 0:03:57.120 tears will be shed. But there's also some empowering songs 0:03:57.160 --> 0:04:02.120 about heartbreaking. 0:04:00.560 --> 0:04:06.320 Love blast That's not what I ses, Look what I got, 0:04:07.240 --> 0:04:08.800 Look what you told me? 0:04:09.440 --> 0:04:13.800 Yeah, more than I like you. It's last Thank you, 0:04:15.480 --> 0:04:18.080 you must, you must. 0:04:19.839 --> 0:04:21.000 I haven't heard it. 0:04:22.600 --> 0:04:23.160 And I'm back. 0:04:23.320 --> 0:04:26.920 Help me here and let its pay bad You must, 0:04:28.400 --> 0:04:31.719 you must. This is a personal favorite. 0:04:36.120 --> 0:04:40.320 Didn't they hold out but you came home around three 0:04:43.640 --> 0:04:50.159 six yard one out? Then four of you are cheap? Yeah, 0:04:50.880 --> 0:04:54.000 because only two of you had dinner? Found a credit 0:04:54.200 --> 0:05:04.760 cop seed. It's not fine, but foolkay backy way that bad? 0:05:07.320 --> 0:05:08.600 Don't June that one? 0:05:09.640 --> 0:05:11.840 June? I love that line. 0:05:12.080 --> 0:05:13.800 If six of you went out, then four of you 0:05:13.880 --> 0:05:16.080 were really cheap because only two of you had dinner. 0:05:16.680 --> 0:05:20.520 I found your credit card receipt so good. When I 0:05:20.600 --> 0:05:23.640 think about heartbreak, I always think about this quote from 0:05:23.680 --> 0:05:27.120 author Elizabeth Gilbert. She wrote, the only guarantee if you 0:05:27.200 --> 0:05:30.320 live a brave life is you're going to experience heartbreak. 0:05:31.120 --> 0:05:33.719 But it allows you to understand humanity in a way 0:05:34.000 --> 0:05:38.320 you couldn't before having a broken heart. It means we've 0:05:38.360 --> 0:05:42.839 tried for something. Glennon Doyle writes something similar and Love Warrior. 0:05:43.200 --> 0:05:45.400 She says, I loved well, and this is the receipt 0:05:45.720 --> 0:05:46.240 that I paid. 0:05:46.240 --> 0:05:46.640 The price. 0:05:47.440 --> 0:05:50.640 Getting through heartbreak is something you should feel really proud of. 0:05:51.880 --> 0:05:55.280 The word crisis comes from the Greek root. It means 0:05:55.480 --> 0:05:59.960 to separate or to sift. There's an opportunity in every crisis, 0:06:00.800 --> 0:06:03.320 and the deeper the crisis, the better the opportunity can be. 0:06:04.360 --> 0:06:07.640 Heartbreak is a perfect time to sift, so only the 0:06:07.720 --> 0:06:10.680 important remains. And when you're in the think of it, 0:06:10.800 --> 0:06:13.400 that's the last thing you want to hear. You don't 0:06:13.440 --> 0:06:14.840 want to hear that you're going to be grateful for 0:06:14.920 --> 0:06:18.160 this time, because all it does is hurt. But when 0:06:18.200 --> 0:06:22.440 I tell you I am so grateful for my heartbreak, 0:06:23.360 --> 0:06:26.520 I mean it. That pain forced me to dig really 0:06:26.640 --> 0:06:29.760 deep within myself to ask a lot of tough questions 0:06:30.240 --> 0:06:34.560 and come to terms with even tougher answers. It broke 0:06:34.680 --> 0:06:38.720 me down, but ultimately I built myself back up and 0:06:38.880 --> 0:06:42.520 that gave me incredible confidence for the road ahead. Because 0:06:42.520 --> 0:06:44.960 once you've been through something hard, you know you can 0:06:45.080 --> 0:06:50.920 handle the hard stuff ahead. So instead of trying to 0:06:50.960 --> 0:06:54.400 get around it, we're going through it today with our guest, 0:06:54.839 --> 0:06:58.600 Tefi Pesoa. You might already be a member of Teffi's 0:06:58.600 --> 0:07:02.400 TikTok community, which is where she gives thoughtful and heartfelt 0:07:02.440 --> 0:07:06.320 advice to her one point six million followers. Tuffy's become 0:07:06.360 --> 0:07:09.720 a sort of confidant about pop culture, love, mental health, 0:07:10.080 --> 0:07:13.720 and heartbreak. The internet has deemed her their best friend, 0:07:14.320 --> 0:07:18.360 and after our conversation, I understand why. So today we 0:07:18.480 --> 0:07:22.160 are diving into the deep pain of heartbreak or unpacking it, 0:07:22.800 --> 0:07:32.000 accepting it, and ultimately learning from it. Okay, so before 0:07:32.040 --> 0:07:35.440 we jump into heartbreak, I need to know about your upbringing, 0:07:35.960 --> 0:07:37.880 who you were as a kid, where you grew up, 0:07:38.160 --> 0:07:38.760 all the things. 0:07:39.720 --> 0:07:44.120 So I grew up in Miami, small town. Not a 0:07:44.160 --> 0:07:46.680 lot happening there. It's only happened like once or twice 0:07:46.720 --> 0:07:52.280 I people were like, oh, Miami, Ohio. I'm like, no, No, Miami, Florida. 0:07:52.840 --> 0:07:55.880 And I think growing up there really kind of like 0:07:56.280 --> 0:07:58.320 truly molded me as a person in a way where 0:07:58.440 --> 0:08:02.760 I don't think people realize, because when people ask me 0:08:03.000 --> 0:08:08.320 about like being Latina, I'm like, you don't understand, like 0:08:08.840 --> 0:08:11.120 you come from a place. I kind of compare it 0:08:11.200 --> 0:08:14.120 to like when you see your teachers at the supermarket 0:08:14.160 --> 0:08:16.200 and you're like, what are you doing here? Get back 0:08:16.240 --> 0:08:19.080 home to school? You live there. So like for Miami, 0:08:19.640 --> 0:08:21.480 I was like, this is the whole that was my 0:08:21.560 --> 0:08:26.400 whole world. So I thought that the percentage of Latin 0:08:26.440 --> 0:08:29.840 people that was like all over the world. And so 0:08:30.400 --> 0:08:33.880 when I think about, you know, things I've experienced or 0:08:34.120 --> 0:08:40.959 like whether it be an anger, pride, disappointment, heartbreak, joy, 0:08:41.520 --> 0:08:45.480 I've only experienced it around and with Latin people. I 0:08:45.640 --> 0:08:47.920 just feel like growing up in Miami, there's a reason 0:08:48.600 --> 0:08:50.760 there are so many Cuban people. There's a reason there's 0:08:50.760 --> 0:08:52.920 so many Haitian people. There's a reason there's a lot 0:08:52.960 --> 0:08:55.760 of Guatemalan people. There's a reason there's a lot of 0:08:55.840 --> 0:08:58.440 Venezuelan people. So you're around a lot of people who 0:08:58.440 --> 0:09:01.079 have the courage to starting it. And I think that 0:09:01.440 --> 0:09:05.559 really was something really influential to me too, because the 0:09:05.720 --> 0:09:09.079 idea of starting over again and getting up again was 0:09:09.160 --> 0:09:11.959 not foreign to me, you know what I mean. So 0:09:12.480 --> 0:09:15.679 there's a courage there, and there's a there's a sense 0:09:15.720 --> 0:09:18.800 of I can do it too that I grew up around. 0:09:18.840 --> 0:09:22.840 That I think definitely influenced me more than I realized 0:09:22.880 --> 0:09:25.280 as a kid. You know, I love that so much. 0:09:26.000 --> 0:09:29.480 As I was watching your videos and reading your tweets. 0:09:29.960 --> 0:09:33.480 You are so comfortable with your feelings. Yeah, and it 0:09:33.760 --> 0:09:38.000 actually like pushes up against my fears in some way 0:09:38.080 --> 0:09:42.240 because I come from a family where they're not so 0:09:42.400 --> 0:09:46.480 comfortable with feelings. It's the exact opposite. And I look 0:09:46.520 --> 0:09:52.600 at you with simultaneous admiration and fright me too. 0:09:54.640 --> 0:09:59.080 It's amazing, Like, so, is it it's just natural for you? Yeah? 0:09:59.440 --> 0:10:01.199 I don't think it's it's natural. The way that I 0:10:01.360 --> 0:10:03.559 approach things. I think it's because because I was the 0:10:03.640 --> 0:10:06.760 oldest and my parents broke up when I was like 0:10:06.840 --> 0:10:10.800 in second grade. They immediately my mom immediately put me 0:10:10.840 --> 0:10:13.839 into therapy, and she put us all into therapy. But 0:10:13.920 --> 0:10:15.520 I think maybe I was the oldest that I like, 0:10:16.000 --> 0:10:19.880 I took to it. When it came to feelings, I 0:10:20.200 --> 0:10:22.959 realized that, like my feelings were getting hurt a lot 0:10:23.080 --> 0:10:26.240 as a kid, the only way to make me feel 0:10:26.320 --> 0:10:28.839 better was if I understood what somebody meant by that. 0:10:29.160 --> 0:10:33.679 And through like years going by, I understood that if 0:10:33.720 --> 0:10:35.600 I could get them to tell me what they meant 0:10:35.679 --> 0:10:38.319 in a way where they felt safe with me, that 0:10:38.440 --> 0:10:40.839 I would be able to navigate things better. And it 0:10:40.880 --> 0:10:43.360 started really really young for me, like really young, Like 0:10:43.400 --> 0:10:45.599 I remember being in fifth grade and being like, I 0:10:45.760 --> 0:10:48.480 know sometimes we get scared, but why did you scream 0:10:48.520 --> 0:10:50.280 at me during heads up seven up? 0:10:51.080 --> 0:10:54.480 So when you're in relationship, do you find yourself making 0:10:54.600 --> 0:10:59.000 excuses for your partner because you're really understanding where they're 0:10:59.000 --> 0:10:59.480 coming from. 0:11:00.160 --> 0:11:02.400 No, I've had people be like, not everything has to 0:11:02.480 --> 0:11:05.520 be such a deep dive. I'm the same people see 0:11:06.080 --> 0:11:07.959 me like everything not everything has to be such a 0:11:08.040 --> 0:11:10.000 deep dive, And for me, I'm just like, but you 0:11:10.080 --> 0:11:13.079 don't understand. If I don't understand, then I have to 0:11:13.160 --> 0:11:16.920 accept that you're an asshole. I don't know your why. 0:11:17.920 --> 0:11:19.719 I don't know why, and you have to tell me 0:11:19.800 --> 0:11:22.120 your why, because if you don't tell me your why. 0:11:22.720 --> 0:11:25.480 I have to accept that I've wasted a year on 0:11:25.600 --> 0:11:28.640 an asshole. It's only with age that I realized everybody 0:11:28.720 --> 0:11:33.599 has a why, but not everybody like shit. So that 0:11:33.840 --> 0:11:36.240 was really fucked up for me to think about. For 0:11:36.360 --> 0:11:38.240 a while. I was like, why would you come to 0:11:38.320 --> 0:11:39.800 that truth, Teffy? And I was like, I don't know. 0:11:39.800 --> 0:11:42.000 I'm really pissing myself off. But a lot of people 0:11:42.120 --> 0:11:45.160 have Nobody has a perfect story, right, Like, everybody has 0:11:45.520 --> 0:11:48.599 their issues, Like everybody has something in their lives that 0:11:49.000 --> 0:11:52.280 molded them, whether they liked it or not. We've all 0:11:52.360 --> 0:11:54.880 had terrible things. But I don't think I would ever 0:11:55.040 --> 0:11:56.960 be able to hurt somebody in the way that other 0:11:57.000 --> 0:11:59.040 people have chosen to like hurt me, you know what 0:11:59.120 --> 0:12:03.960 I mean. That's a really hard thing to accept. Yeah. 0:12:04.520 --> 0:12:07.599 I think also something that young people think, and I 0:12:07.720 --> 0:12:09.319 wish I could shake it out of them. What do 0:12:09.400 --> 0:12:11.320 you mean that you'll be the lesson and they'll treat 0:12:11.320 --> 0:12:14.480 the next person better. It is such a farce. It 0:12:14.600 --> 0:12:17.760 is such a lie. Yeah, there is one thing in 0:12:17.840 --> 0:12:22.400 a person that I believe is like a stain. It's 0:12:22.480 --> 0:12:26.600 like bleach on clothing, And no matter how much time 0:12:26.679 --> 0:12:31.280 has passed, that will always remain, especially the longer it's 0:12:31.400 --> 0:12:34.040 left to like fester. If you meet a man in 0:12:34.120 --> 0:12:38.880 their late twenties early thirties, that is selfish. You're looking 0:12:38.920 --> 0:12:41.800 at a selfish man. What age do you think that's? 0:12:41.880 --> 0:12:44.680 Because I agree with you, but I think when you're young, young, 0:12:44.760 --> 0:12:48.400 like eighteen nineteen, people are still growing into themselves. I 0:12:48.520 --> 0:12:53.120 think if you meet a man at thirty five, that's selfish. 0:12:53.520 --> 0:12:56.560 He is who he is. That is it that person 0:12:56.679 --> 0:12:59.800 is downloading. I want to say, because of the the 0:13:00.360 --> 0:13:03.680 brain development from a biological point of view, maybe twenty five. 0:13:04.200 --> 0:13:06.760 But if I met an agily young, it's really young. 0:13:06.840 --> 0:13:08.959 But that's when your friendtal lobe stops developing, right that 0:13:10.320 --> 0:13:11.360 I know. I googled it. 0:13:14.400 --> 0:13:19.120 I had like the breakup that like obliterated my heart, 0:13:20.240 --> 0:13:22.920 and I've learned through therapy it was really more about 0:13:23.280 --> 0:13:25.599 like the breakup, it wasn't so much him, It was 0:13:25.679 --> 0:13:27.680 like it broke It brought up a lot of inner 0:13:27.800 --> 0:13:30.360 child stuff for me that I hadn't known or worked on. 0:13:31.240 --> 0:13:36.199 But that breakup, he started dating a person living in 0:13:36.320 --> 0:13:37.840 my building, which was wild. 0:13:38.960 --> 0:13:41.160 Out of all the fucking people, out of all the 0:13:41.280 --> 0:13:44.079 and I live in like a small building. It was 0:13:44.200 --> 0:13:47.199 so I don't know. I literally say that. I'm like, 0:13:47.200 --> 0:13:49.079 there are so many people in the world. I don't know, 0:13:49.200 --> 0:13:50.200 you couldn't have picked one of them. 0:13:50.800 --> 0:13:53.840 Pick why in my sixteen person unit did you pick her? 0:13:53.920 --> 0:13:56.199 It was like a little too coincidental, but whatever. So 0:13:56.600 --> 0:13:59.040 the point is I said to my therapist, like, she 0:13:59.120 --> 0:14:01.400 seems like I've seen her in the elevator. She actually 0:14:01.480 --> 0:14:04.400 seems like young and really nice, Like I hope it 0:14:04.559 --> 0:14:09.080 changes for her. And my therapist was like, don't count 0:14:09.120 --> 0:14:09.319 on that. 0:14:10.200 --> 0:14:11.400 I was like, what do you mean. 0:14:11.840 --> 0:14:14.199 Maybe it was me, Maybe we brought out, you know, 0:14:14.480 --> 0:14:18.079 bad things in each other. And she was like, she 0:14:18.360 --> 0:14:25.680 just accepts whatever limitations he had her. Her limitations match 0:14:25.760 --> 0:14:26.760 up with his limitations. 0:14:26.800 --> 0:14:29.320 It just works for her. But nothing has changed. I 0:14:29.520 --> 0:14:33.440 was like, I always say that. I always say, like 0:14:33.760 --> 0:14:35.920 whenever I see somebody with like a younger person or 0:14:35.960 --> 0:14:38.840 a person least experienced, I'm like, it would take them. 0:14:39.280 --> 0:14:42.280 Like I always think about people who are with these 0:14:42.400 --> 0:14:47.040 like older stars, Right, there's a reason they go for 0:14:47.200 --> 0:14:50.760 these like twenty two year olds. One they won't say, 0:14:51.360 --> 0:14:54.760 oh my god, you have a fucking drinking problem. It 0:14:54.880 --> 0:14:57.920 is nine in the morning, where the fuck are you drinking? Like, 0:14:58.040 --> 0:15:00.520 why are you putting whiskey in your fuck and coffee? 0:15:01.120 --> 0:15:03.720 A nineteen year old three year old goes, he's so spontaneous, 0:15:03.760 --> 0:15:07.840 he's so fun and doesn't have enough experience to know 0:15:07.960 --> 0:15:10.360 that that's not right. That's not right, because if they 0:15:10.480 --> 0:15:13.160 did it when you said like, eighteen nineteen year olds 0:15:13.160 --> 0:15:15.440 are selfish, if I met an eighteen nineteen year old 0:15:15.480 --> 0:15:19.080 that wasn't, I would be so concerned. There is a 0:15:19.320 --> 0:15:21.640 there's a time in your life to be so selfish. 0:15:22.040 --> 0:15:24.280 But I feel like with a partner, there's a difference 0:15:24.320 --> 0:15:30.120 between being selfish and taking advantage or not suffering consequences. 0:15:30.240 --> 0:15:33.600 So being selfish, for example, you could have a boyfriend 0:15:33.840 --> 0:15:36.200 of a year in college, but I hope you go 0:15:36.320 --> 0:15:39.120 to that study abroad in Barcelona. That's selfish of you. 0:15:39.160 --> 0:15:40.960 You're not thinking of other people. You're thinking of yourself, 0:15:41.240 --> 0:15:43.200 and that's important. That's important, you know what I mean. 0:15:43.400 --> 0:15:47.160 I think there's a part of me that sees a 0:15:47.240 --> 0:15:50.520 little selfishness in other people, and I recognize it because 0:15:50.520 --> 0:15:54.040 of it within myself. I just don't think. I think 0:15:54.080 --> 0:15:56.680 as I get older, I'm starting to differentiate the kind 0:15:56.720 --> 0:15:59.880 of selfishness that I'm looking for, and the kind of 0:16:00.080 --> 0:16:04.560 selfishness that I'm looking for is for your own personal development, 0:16:04.960 --> 0:16:07.000 you know what I mean. And your peace of mind, 0:16:07.480 --> 0:16:08.720 you know what I mean. Like if I invite you 0:16:08.800 --> 0:16:10.800 to a party and you're like, no, I got to 0:16:10.800 --> 0:16:12.880 take care of myself. I have an early class tomorrow 0:16:12.960 --> 0:16:15.680 and I want to take care of me. Fine, be 0:16:15.760 --> 0:16:18.080 a stick in the mud whatever. I'll see you on Friday. 0:16:19.120 --> 0:16:22.720 But if it's something where it's like I if you're 0:16:22.720 --> 0:16:25.440 a man and I buy you a dress shirt and 0:16:25.560 --> 0:16:28.040 then you go on a date wearing it behind my 0:16:28.160 --> 0:16:31.040 back with somebody like that is a selfishness that like 0:16:31.160 --> 0:16:35.680 I can't unteach you. And I've had many exes that 0:16:35.800 --> 0:16:38.360 I've taken back. I'm never somebody to not give somebody 0:16:38.360 --> 0:16:41.120 a second chance, you know, Like I think that idea 0:16:41.240 --> 0:16:42.960 of like now he's going to be the person that 0:16:42.960 --> 0:16:45.040 I've always wanted him to be for somebody else has 0:16:45.080 --> 0:16:49.520 like plagued me a lot. And it's funny because they 0:16:49.640 --> 0:16:53.240 may have sworn up and down that they are different, 0:16:53.280 --> 0:16:55.520 and I might see some real differences. Maybe this person 0:16:55.600 --> 0:16:58.320 doesn't party anymore. Maybe this person doesn't drink anymore. Maybe 0:16:58.360 --> 0:17:00.960 this person you know has proven to me time and 0:17:01.000 --> 0:17:03.080 time again they deleted their dating apps, whatever the fuck 0:17:03.120 --> 0:17:05.680 it is, you know, But there are certain ways that 0:17:05.760 --> 0:17:09.440 like selfishness creeps up in ways that you could never erase, 0:17:09.760 --> 0:17:13.840 like like coming home with food and not asking you 0:17:13.920 --> 0:17:16.639 what you wanted. Oh you know what I mean. It 0:17:16.800 --> 0:17:21.720 looks like a bomb. It's abominable, Yeah it is, mom, Yeah, 0:17:21.920 --> 0:17:24.399 Or like I talked about it on TikTok, like ordering 0:17:25.040 --> 0:17:27.560 food for everybody, like for you and him, and then 0:17:27.720 --> 0:17:30.199 like them not cleaning up and being okay with your 0:17:30.240 --> 0:17:32.879 place being a mess, Like there are little things that 0:17:33.000 --> 0:17:37.239 I'm like, it's too deep rooted. Or and I've had 0:17:37.280 --> 0:17:40.040 friends also tell me like, oh my god, but like 0:17:40.200 --> 0:17:42.639 he's going to be this person, and I was like, 0:17:42.720 --> 0:17:45.600 you know, he might be terrible, but he deserves to 0:17:45.680 --> 0:17:48.080 be with somebody. Let's say he does change. He deserves 0:17:48.160 --> 0:17:50.560 to be with somebody that'll see him with fresh eyes. 0:17:51.040 --> 0:17:53.720 And you don't respect him anymore. You mom him, but 0:17:53.760 --> 0:17:56.600 you don't respect him. And I don't know if it's 0:17:56.680 --> 0:17:59.359 worth the paranoia of it, because for the rest of 0:17:59.440 --> 0:18:03.240 your life you're going to be wondering who is he 0:18:03.280 --> 0:18:05.680 at dinner with? Did he go to dinner? Why didn't 0:18:05.680 --> 0:18:07.240 he text me good night? Who is he with? Like 0:18:07.320 --> 0:18:10.560 those things are not worth it? So he could change, 0:18:10.640 --> 0:18:12.840 but he ruined it. It's you know what I mean, 0:18:12.920 --> 0:18:13.640 Like it doesn't matter. 0:18:14.000 --> 0:18:16.159 Well, I want to ask you actually about you just 0:18:16.240 --> 0:18:19.840 said you mom meet him, I give my mommy everybody. 0:18:20.160 --> 0:18:23.600 I mean, it's something that I've seen you talk about 0:18:23.880 --> 0:18:26.879 a lot you've said. I want to read the exact thing. 0:18:27.000 --> 0:18:29.720 It says one of your deep posts on TikTok, you wrote, 0:18:30.040 --> 0:18:32.680 women are forced to face themselves, They're forced to parent 0:18:32.720 --> 0:18:35.080 their partners, and you feel like that's actually why a 0:18:35.160 --> 0:18:36.840 lot of your past partners have resented you. 0:18:37.880 --> 0:18:41.720 Yeah, I want to understand better what you mean. I 0:18:41.880 --> 0:18:45.320 think there is a moment in time where men think 0:18:45.480 --> 0:18:48.560 I want a woman just like my mom. I think 0:18:48.560 --> 0:18:52.520 that they almost all do subconsciously. Yeah, even IF's a hater, 0:18:53.240 --> 0:18:56.000 Even if a hater, it's just a case of familiarity. 0:18:56.240 --> 0:18:59.480 Like maybe how people say, like you find your father 0:18:59.720 --> 0:19:02.920 and everyone. I don't know if that's necessarily true, but 0:19:03.000 --> 0:19:05.680 there are traits about my dad that I definitely look for. 0:19:06.000 --> 0:19:08.440 Don't You would never have to babysit my dad, for example, 0:19:08.520 --> 0:19:11.680 at a party, like you can leave him to do 0:19:11.800 --> 0:19:14.000 his own thing, and people come back and they're like, what, 0:19:14.280 --> 0:19:15.960 he's so funny, you know what I mean? Like, my 0:19:16.080 --> 0:19:18.520 dad's that kind of guy. So I do look for 0:19:18.600 --> 0:19:22.120 that in other people. But I feel like there will 0:19:22.200 --> 0:19:25.119 always be a sense of she'll take care of it. 0:19:25.960 --> 0:19:28.840 And I feel like when I start, especially at a 0:19:28.960 --> 0:19:31.560 young age, if you start dating really young, you find 0:19:31.600 --> 0:19:34.280 yourself kind of falling into that, saying like how much 0:19:34.440 --> 0:19:36.520 Look how much easier your life could be if I 0:19:36.680 --> 0:19:40.159 was with you, Like, look how comfortable you are. And 0:19:40.280 --> 0:19:43.159 what I didn't realize is that men didn't see that 0:19:44.280 --> 0:19:46.280 as like, oh, I have to take care of this. 0:19:46.760 --> 0:19:48.920 Men saw that as a starting point where it's like, 0:19:49.800 --> 0:19:52.639 oh I don't even have to try, and look how 0:19:52.680 --> 0:19:56.360 good she is to me. Like, men did not see 0:19:56.400 --> 0:19:59.119 that as something that they had to, like, something precious 0:19:59.359 --> 0:20:02.200 that they had to like water and nurture. I just 0:20:02.280 --> 0:20:06.320 feel like that's important for them absolutely. Who doesn't want 0:20:06.359 --> 0:20:10.080 to be excused, who doesn't want to be like viciously 0:20:11.000 --> 0:20:14.480 babied viciously? I remember one time this person said to me, 0:20:15.080 --> 0:20:16.920 Oh my god, you're just like my fucking mom. And 0:20:17.000 --> 0:20:18.800 I said, who the fuck wants to fuck their son? 0:20:20.200 --> 0:20:24.520 Like shut the fuck up? You know so? And it's 0:20:24.560 --> 0:20:27.760 also like I'm also a fucking kid. I'm the same 0:20:27.840 --> 0:20:30.080 age as you, or maybe like two years less. You 0:20:30.119 --> 0:20:33.359 don't think I want to be fucking babied beyond like 0:20:33.600 --> 0:20:36.879 taking me to dinner, Like I can take me to dinner, right, 0:20:36.960 --> 0:20:39.240 I've shown time and time again how like comfortable I 0:20:39.280 --> 0:20:43.119 can make your life. You've shown me only the ways 0:20:43.160 --> 0:20:47.760 you've made my life harder. Yeah, you know so when 0:20:47.800 --> 0:20:52.159 I say, like mommying somebody, I mean like, are you okay? 0:20:52.600 --> 0:20:55.600 What do you need? See? I remembered, oh I love that. 0:20:56.240 --> 0:21:00.159 See I've remembered oh, you can count on me. And 0:21:00.560 --> 0:21:04.480 for some reason, I don't know if dependability is also 0:21:04.560 --> 0:21:06.320 like a muscle. I like to say confidence is like 0:21:06.320 --> 0:21:09.639 a muscle. I don't know if dependability or being a 0:21:09.760 --> 0:21:14.000 reliability is a muscle, but I for sure I think 0:21:14.080 --> 0:21:17.119 it is. It's a habit. It is a habit. That 0:21:17.320 --> 0:21:19.280 that quote how you do one thing is how you 0:21:19.320 --> 0:21:22.840 do everything drives me fucking nuts because if I showed 0:21:22.840 --> 0:21:24.960 you my apartment right now, you would think I'm squatting 0:21:25.240 --> 0:21:28.280 I have so many packages that a delivery guy, my 0:21:28.400 --> 0:21:31.160 Uber Eats driver said, happy moving. I've been here for two. 0:21:31.119 --> 0:21:35.760 Years, so I sort of feel like that quote haunts 0:21:35.800 --> 0:21:39.240 me as well, because I do you're a person of excellence. 0:21:40.040 --> 0:21:43.120 I strive for Yeah, we all. I strive for excellence too. 0:21:44.280 --> 0:21:48.200 My life is not excellent in every area there's it's impossible, right, 0:21:48.880 --> 0:21:50.000 So I hate that quote too. 0:21:50.200 --> 0:21:52.680 Did you also have an eating disorder? Yeah, when I 0:21:52.800 --> 0:21:56.919 was younger. Yeah, And afectionism is a drug. Perfect. If 0:21:56.960 --> 0:22:00.960 I could put control into a pipe, I would book 0:22:01.000 --> 0:22:04.440 it to the filter. Okay, but that's something else that 0:22:04.720 --> 0:22:08.280 my therapist told me about people who have EDS. Instead 0:22:08.280 --> 0:22:11.280 of nourishing ourselves, we nourish others because at least then 0:22:11.320 --> 0:22:14.280 we're busy, you know, And that really fucked me up. 0:22:15.520 --> 0:22:19.560 I know, it's like I'd rather avoid. And also dating 0:22:19.720 --> 0:22:22.359 gives us an excuse to be in control of our appearance, 0:22:22.760 --> 0:22:26.000 you know. So no, what do you mean, like getting dressed, 0:22:26.040 --> 0:22:28.200 getting ready to going to the gym looking cute, you know, 0:22:28.480 --> 0:22:31.120 like putting an extra effort or whatever. There's certain ways 0:22:31.119 --> 0:22:33.040 that people with EDS like we cover things, you know, 0:22:33.200 --> 0:22:34.960 Like I used to tell people all the time I 0:22:35.040 --> 0:22:37.359 was training for a marathon, and that's why, you know, 0:22:37.480 --> 0:22:39.800 I wasn't doing that, or I was doing too much 0:22:39.840 --> 0:22:42.440 of this or whatever. I used to tell people I 0:22:42.600 --> 0:22:45.159 enjoyed just walking to work, but I had, like, you know, 0:22:45.280 --> 0:22:47.840 my calorie counters and stuff. We all cover things up. 0:22:47.880 --> 0:22:50.720 So when people are like, like taking care of my body, 0:22:51.000 --> 0:22:53.120 like working out too much, I'm like, well, I'm dating again. 0:22:53.119 --> 0:22:54.680 I don't want to gain the extra way, you know, 0:22:54.800 --> 0:22:57.200 Like for me, like dating was something that I could hide. 0:22:57.320 --> 0:23:01.159 I could hide behind my partner instead of talking about me. 0:23:01.400 --> 0:23:04.359 I could talk about how exciting dating was, you know, 0:23:04.560 --> 0:23:07.480 how I met somebody. Everything you don't like talking about 0:23:07.520 --> 0:23:11.880 you if I'm actively like avoiding nourishment or like taking 0:23:11.920 --> 0:23:14.160 care of my body, like if I'm not if I'm 0:23:14.160 --> 0:23:17.000 slipping into old habits, yeah, I'm talking to you about 0:23:17.000 --> 0:23:21.600 everything else or fascinating. My friends will know when I'm 0:23:21.640 --> 0:23:25.320 avoiding them, because people that you don't know, you could 0:23:25.320 --> 0:23:27.800 talk about whatever and they think this is just you. Right, 0:23:29.600 --> 0:23:32.160 you sit down like, bitch, what the fuck is happening? 0:23:32.480 --> 0:23:34.280 Like you, what's going on? 0:23:34.480 --> 0:23:34.720 They know? 0:23:34.880 --> 0:23:37.640 You sit down, You're like yeah, and they're like, what's 0:23:37.720 --> 0:23:40.000 going on? You know, and I'm like, I'm losing control. 0:23:40.800 --> 0:23:43.240 I'm losing control. So there's a part of me also 0:23:43.320 --> 0:23:47.280 where I think with dating it's hard because you tell 0:23:47.320 --> 0:23:50.439 people these things, like you share your hurt with people 0:23:51.119 --> 0:23:53.399 you know, and then they hurt you, and you're like, 0:23:53.520 --> 0:23:57.480 I told you, like I told you, and so like 0:23:58.040 --> 0:24:02.399 for men, whatever, for your partner, if they told you 0:24:02.560 --> 0:24:04.680 like a trigger of theirs, you know, like let's say 0:24:05.240 --> 0:24:09.960 they got cheated on with their exes coworker, Yeah, me, 0:24:10.200 --> 0:24:12.000 I would make it an extra effort that they met 0:24:12.040 --> 0:24:15.439 all my coworkers that they knew all the office gossip. 0:24:15.520 --> 0:24:17.800 I wanted them to feel as comfortable as possible. Right 0:24:18.520 --> 0:24:20.480 for men, you could say, you know, like my ex 0:24:20.600 --> 0:24:23.560 was always on dating apps, and they're like, they'll go 0:24:23.640 --> 0:24:27.200 home and download Tinder. They're just so far removed from like, 0:24:28.800 --> 0:24:32.480 I don't know what investment means to men, or like 0:24:32.600 --> 0:24:34.600 to there's a lot of selfish women and a lot 0:24:34.640 --> 0:24:36.800 of selfish but non binary people too. It's just that 0:24:36.880 --> 0:24:39.520 the only people truly broken my heart are just men, right, 0:24:39.600 --> 0:24:40.439 you know, I. 0:24:40.480 --> 0:24:44.080 Also think potentially they're wired differently because it is a 0:24:44.160 --> 0:24:47.600 whole different level. Even good hearted people. I think men 0:24:47.680 --> 0:24:50.359 are just a little bit more selfish. They comme at 0:24:50.400 --> 0:24:51.800 it from a different angle to begin with. 0:24:51.960 --> 0:24:54.720 Yeah, I agree with you. It's a selfish angle. It's 0:24:54.720 --> 0:24:58.600 a selfish angle. I'm trying to share myself with somebody, 0:24:59.320 --> 0:25:01.040 you know what I mean. I'm trying to share a 0:25:01.119 --> 0:25:02.600 life with you. I want you to meet my family. 0:25:02.640 --> 0:25:04.800 I want you to share memes with my brother. I 0:25:04.920 --> 0:25:07.560 want you to, you know, read my birthday cards from 0:25:07.600 --> 0:25:09.880 my grandfather. You know, I want you to. I want 0:25:09.920 --> 0:25:12.440 my aunt to make her famous charcuterie board for you. 0:25:12.520 --> 0:25:16.600 It's fantastic, you know. But men are just like you know, 0:25:16.960 --> 0:25:20.080 they want to make sure that they are still validated. 0:25:20.280 --> 0:25:23.159 They're obsessed with validation. But I think it's really like we. 0:25:23.359 --> 0:25:26.600 I think we have really multi pronged wants and needs, 0:25:26.680 --> 0:25:33.640 and for them it feels like it's sex, food and ego. Yeah. 0:25:33.720 --> 0:25:36.440 And then and then they wonder why we think about 0:25:36.480 --> 0:25:42.000 them so like prehistorically, and I'm like, well, yeah, but 0:25:42.160 --> 0:25:44.760 also like how would you it would It would hurt 0:25:44.840 --> 0:25:49.439 my heart to live my life knowing that you were 0:25:49.480 --> 0:25:53.440 this multi dimensional person and I just never did know. 0:25:54.040 --> 0:25:57.520 And I and you didn't find me either worthy or 0:25:58.000 --> 0:26:00.880 you know, you didn't share that with me. But then 0:26:01.480 --> 0:26:04.560 I go to sleep and I'm like, I think we 0:26:04.600 --> 0:26:06.200 always think about the things that we could have done. 0:26:06.240 --> 0:26:07.840 Like I had a boyfriend once that used to come 0:26:07.880 --> 0:26:10.520 home at like seven in the morning, and he used 0:26:10.520 --> 0:26:12.359 to come home so fucked up, and I would like 0:26:12.520 --> 0:26:15.400 scream and scream at him and be a huge fight. 0:26:15.520 --> 0:26:18.240 And I look back and I'm like, why didn't I 0:26:18.359 --> 0:26:21.720 bolt the door? Why why didn't I let that motherfucker 0:26:21.760 --> 0:26:26.600 sleep outside like a consequence because I thought the consequence 0:26:26.880 --> 0:26:29.680 was disappointing me. That didn't mean anything to him, you 0:26:29.720 --> 0:26:32.760 know what I mean. And then I also tell myself, 0:26:32.800 --> 0:26:36.240 because that's not you. You would never let anybody sleep 0:26:36.280 --> 0:26:39.240 outside with nowhere to go in the winter. That's just 0:26:39.400 --> 0:26:41.840 not within. And is that something you like about yourself? 0:26:42.119 --> 0:26:45.000 I love that about me. That's why relationships. You're not 0:26:45.040 --> 0:26:47.840 going to change that about me. That's the key, right, 0:26:48.440 --> 0:26:50.320 you know. I would go on these days after these 0:26:50.359 --> 0:26:53.720 like tremendous heartbreaks. I've had like three tremendous heartbreaks in 0:26:53.800 --> 0:26:57.280 my life and like, you're so brave, you know, Like 0:26:57.480 --> 0:26:59.280 one of my relationships didn't work out, and I'm like, 0:26:59.320 --> 0:27:03.080 I wonder who, Like I look just like him, you know. 0:27:03.240 --> 0:27:05.040 And she's like, and I was never brave enough to 0:27:05.080 --> 0:27:07.720 get back out there, really, and you just really pick 0:27:07.800 --> 0:27:10.359 yourself up and you go out and I'm like, I 0:27:10.520 --> 0:27:12.359 leave before they take that for me. I know a 0:27:12.400 --> 0:27:14.159 lot of people who are really bitter. I know a 0:27:14.240 --> 0:27:16.960 lot of people. But you can always get it back. 0:27:17.520 --> 0:27:21.040 You can always get it back. But it's expensive, yes, 0:27:21.280 --> 0:27:21.520 it is. 0:27:21.640 --> 0:27:25.720 It's expensive emotionally and financially potentially, Babe. 0:27:25.760 --> 0:27:28.719 You can be like, I could date somebody for a year. 0:27:28.720 --> 0:27:30.440 Who's to say they won't date somebody in my building. 0:27:30.480 --> 0:27:34.159 I'm not doing that shit again. Do you really have 0:27:34.240 --> 0:27:37.200 control over it? Exactly? But the only thing I have 0:27:37.320 --> 0:27:39.520 control of, the only thing that I have control of 0:27:39.600 --> 0:27:42.600 in my life is how I make people. It's how 0:27:42.680 --> 0:27:45.280 I love people, you know what I mean. Yeah, So 0:27:45.720 --> 0:27:48.560 I have had heartbreaks in my life where I have 0:27:48.920 --> 0:27:57.240 walked around Central Park in a robe and slippers, open mouths, crying. Yeah, 0:27:57.880 --> 0:28:02.560 I looked like SpongeBob's grandma. Oh no, that's real heartbreak 0:28:03.200 --> 0:28:06.080 on the phone my mom, And she says later I 0:28:06.080 --> 0:28:08.160 would talk to her like every hour on the hour 0:28:08.359 --> 0:28:12.240 for days. And my mom later told me I didn't 0:28:12.280 --> 0:28:15.240 understand a word that you were saying. It was hysterical. 0:28:15.520 --> 0:28:19.200 I've had heartbreaks where my cousins have to fly in 0:28:19.880 --> 0:28:21.960 to ensure that I'm eating, you know what I mean. 0:28:22.320 --> 0:28:25.399 I've had heartbreaks where I leave the country for like months, 0:28:25.880 --> 0:28:30.080 you know, and I but I've always, even though it 0:28:30.200 --> 0:28:33.520 broke my fucking heart, I was always the one to 0:28:33.600 --> 0:28:36.640 say so, even even though they said, you know, I'll 0:28:36.640 --> 0:28:40.080 never love you this way. You know, technically, technically I'm 0:28:40.120 --> 0:28:43.360 always the one to leave. But it's not out of nowhere, 0:28:43.440 --> 0:28:46.040 you know, Like I'm not like this mysterious, like I'm 0:28:46.080 --> 0:28:47.760 not this person with that leaves like a letter on 0:28:47.840 --> 0:28:50.320 the bed saying like you know, I'll see you in 0:28:50.360 --> 0:28:53.120 a dream or something. No, you know, I leave right before. 0:28:53.160 --> 0:28:56.200 I feel like you're about to imprint on me, like 0:28:56.280 --> 0:28:59.680 you're about to mold me into somebody fearful. And I 0:28:59.720 --> 0:29:02.880 can't that because if you take that for me, I 0:29:02.920 --> 0:29:04.760 can't be happy for my friends who fall in love. 0:29:05.240 --> 0:29:06.880 I can't be happy for my siblings. You know nice 0:29:06.880 --> 0:29:08.720 it is to see your siblings in love like that, 0:29:09.440 --> 0:29:12.400 to see somebody love your siblings, or see them not 0:29:12.520 --> 0:29:15.400 the way that you see them, but cherish them or 0:29:15.440 --> 0:29:18.400 feel like they're irreplaceable. The way that you feel that's 0:29:18.480 --> 0:29:20.560 such a gift. I say it to my siblings all 0:29:20.600 --> 0:29:24.560 the time. I love seeing you guys in love. I see. However, 0:29:25.440 --> 0:29:27.160 to my brother, I'm like, I see, however, you got 0:29:27.240 --> 0:29:29.240 her a glass of water. Whenever she asks that kind 0:29:29.240 --> 0:29:30.480 of hurt a little bit. I've been asking you for 0:29:30.520 --> 0:29:32.600 thirty two years. But that's okay, you know what I mean. 0:29:32.880 --> 0:29:36.160 But like, there's a there's a point about loving love 0:29:36.720 --> 0:29:39.680 because people I know and we go through it when 0:29:39.680 --> 0:29:42.160 we're going to breakups too, where you see people in 0:29:42.240 --> 0:29:44.240 love and you're like, he's cheating on her. I don't 0:29:44.280 --> 0:29:46.920 want to be like that, No, it's going to end. 0:29:47.000 --> 0:29:48.600 Or like you see an old guy and you're like 0:29:49.000 --> 0:29:51.280 I'm getting flowers, you know, and like it's probably for 0:29:51.400 --> 0:29:53.200 his mistress. I've had friends like that, and I'm like, 0:29:53.360 --> 0:29:57.560 you need to talk to somebody. Yeah, well, I guess 0:29:57.600 --> 0:29:58.480 you bring up two things. 0:29:58.560 --> 0:30:00.760 One is it sounds like you refuse to betray yourself, 0:30:00.800 --> 0:30:07.240 which I think is really valuable. But two, you refuse 0:30:07.320 --> 0:30:09.760 to let someone bend your spirit. 0:30:11.600 --> 0:30:14.520 I just feel like I fought so hard for it. 0:30:15.080 --> 0:30:16.360 The reason I am the way that I am is 0:30:16.400 --> 0:30:19.200 because at one point I was not, you know. And 0:30:19.320 --> 0:30:24.040 there are ways every day that we betray ourselves. There 0:30:24.080 --> 0:30:26.720 are little ways every day that we don't act to 0:30:26.920 --> 0:30:29.280 our best interests, you know what I mean. But I 0:30:29.400 --> 0:30:32.680 will say, maybe it's because I'm a cancer, maybe it's 0:30:32.720 --> 0:30:35.000 because I'm Latin, maybe it's because I'm a woman. But 0:30:35.120 --> 0:30:37.760 I do believe in the idea of a tribe, of 0:30:37.840 --> 0:30:40.760 a village, of a community. Rain. Yeah. I always tell 0:30:40.800 --> 0:30:42.560 people it's the people who love you the most and 0:30:42.680 --> 0:30:46.080 have nothing to gain from your unhappiness are telling you 0:30:46.280 --> 0:30:48.800 that you can do better. I think you should listen. 0:30:49.120 --> 0:30:51.120 They have nothing to gain, you know what I mean. 0:30:51.320 --> 0:30:53.320 So with it. When it comes to my mom or 0:30:53.440 --> 0:30:55.640 like my exes, when I'm ready to break up with somebody, 0:30:55.720 --> 0:30:58.480 I tell them everything. I sit down and I'm like, 0:30:58.520 --> 0:31:00.480 you have to help me leave this man. You have 0:31:00.600 --> 0:31:03.320 to help me whoever it is. Oh, you tell your people. 0:31:03.720 --> 0:31:05.720 I tell my people because you can't. Oh, that's so 0:31:05.960 --> 0:31:09.480 hard because there's no unwinding that. There's no unwinding that. 0:31:10.080 --> 0:31:12.480 So it gets to the point then where if I 0:31:12.600 --> 0:31:15.080 see them again, and of course I have, I have 0:31:15.200 --> 0:31:17.520 to sit with that feeling of I betrayed them. I 0:31:17.600 --> 0:31:19.520 betrayed the people who were on the phone with me 0:31:19.840 --> 0:31:23.000 when they could understand me, I got my head's exploding down. 0:31:23.560 --> 0:31:26.440 I betrayed them. So because it's easy to betray ourselves, 0:31:26.480 --> 0:31:28.560 we can forgive ourselves, you know what I mean, over 0:31:28.640 --> 0:31:31.520 and over again. But when your mom calls and she's like, 0:31:31.560 --> 0:31:35.760 how is your weekend? I miss you, and you know that, 0:31:35.840 --> 0:31:39.520 you're like I. This woman has done every This woman 0:31:39.600 --> 0:31:41.600 has listened to me, She was there for me, she 0:31:41.760 --> 0:31:45.239 did everything. I can't tell her or and my mom 0:31:45.320 --> 0:31:47.000 does this thing too. It's a little mafio so but 0:31:47.120 --> 0:31:49.840 it really works where she'll sit me down. She's done 0:31:49.840 --> 0:31:51.520 it in a couple of different ways, but the most 0:31:51.600 --> 0:31:54.360 recent way was I want you to know it could 0:31:54.400 --> 0:31:57.320 be ten years down the line. You could get back 0:31:57.360 --> 0:31:59.240 with this man. You could have children with this man. 0:31:59.640 --> 0:32:02.160 Will ever see those grandchilds. I will never see those grandchildren. 0:32:02.200 --> 0:32:04.040 I will never speak to you again. I cannot bear 0:32:04.520 --> 0:32:06.800 to see you with somebody who doesn't know what you do. 0:32:08.520 --> 0:32:11.840 And I'm like, bitch, it is day two of the breakup. Yeah, 0:32:13.680 --> 0:32:16.600 not day one hundred and two, you know, but it's 0:32:16.640 --> 0:32:19.200 also important for me too. That she comes here and 0:32:19.320 --> 0:32:22.040 she sees me because she reminds me. She's like, do 0:32:22.080 --> 0:32:25.840 you know what you were? Like, Yeah, well, I don't 0:32:25.880 --> 0:32:28.800 see ourselves when we're in that state. I look at 0:32:28.800 --> 0:32:31.240 the pictures of myself and I'm like, you look like 0:32:31.280 --> 0:32:32.720 a white walker. Uh huh. 0:32:33.720 --> 0:32:37.720 I know it always shows up physically always. Owis you 0:32:37.840 --> 0:32:40.800 said you've had three heartbreaks. I think there's different kinds 0:32:40.800 --> 0:32:44.920 of heartbreak. You can break your own heart, there's family heartbreak, 0:32:45.040 --> 0:32:46.320 there's romantic heartbreak. 0:32:46.560 --> 0:32:49.800 When I say heartbreak, what comes up for you immediately? 0:32:50.640 --> 0:32:54.760 I think heartbreak. I think being in love is feeling 0:32:54.800 --> 0:32:58.000 like a kid again, and being a kid again feels vulnerable. 0:32:59.160 --> 0:33:01.920 So whenever I think of heartbreak, I think of being 0:33:01.960 --> 0:33:05.200 a teenager, because that's really what love feels like. You 0:33:05.240 --> 0:33:08.560 know what I mean. I hate the reason I love. 0:33:08.680 --> 0:33:12.280 I love astrology. I love all of the occult. I 0:33:12.360 --> 0:33:13.640 love all of it, you know what I mean. I 0:33:13.720 --> 0:33:16.200 love prayer. I love when people are like, oh, I 0:33:16.240 --> 0:33:18.760 don't believe in God or whatever. I'm like, I don't care. 0:33:18.920 --> 0:33:21.160 My sister's atheist. I rock with that, bitch. I think 0:33:21.160 --> 0:33:22.800 we're going to go to the same place. But it 0:33:22.800 --> 0:33:25.680 would just be lonely for me, you know. And I 0:33:25.920 --> 0:33:30.040 like the idea of life having magic to it, little things, 0:33:30.320 --> 0:33:32.440 little things like being in the mood for ice cream 0:33:32.520 --> 0:33:34.840 and then you are walking and you see an ice 0:33:34.880 --> 0:33:36.720 cream shop. You're like, oh my god. You know, like 0:33:37.240 --> 0:33:39.880 things like that. I like the magic in life. And 0:33:40.520 --> 0:33:46.160 when you're in love, life does feel magical. What a 0:33:46.440 --> 0:33:50.960 beautiful way of describing it. It feels like a gift, 0:33:51.280 --> 0:33:53.360 it really does. You talk to people about heartbreak and 0:33:53.400 --> 0:33:56.200 love and the same thing. No, this is different. Yeah, 0:33:56.440 --> 0:33:57.680 you know what I mean, Like you feel like it's 0:33:57.760 --> 0:34:02.440 so it's someone could pass understand. Yeah, it's unique. It's 0:34:02.480 --> 0:34:06.240 like like like I understand even heartbroken. Like I look 0:34:06.280 --> 0:34:08.759 at my mom and she's like and I'm like, no, 0:34:08.840 --> 0:34:12.440 you don't understand. She's like, I had three children, I 0:34:12.520 --> 0:34:14.840 was married, and I was like, yeah, that's cute, but 0:34:14.960 --> 0:34:19.120 you don't that's sweet. You don't understand what I'm going through. 0:34:19.800 --> 0:34:22.279 You don't understand. So there's that thing where it's like 0:34:23.080 --> 0:34:27.399 you and the people, the people that you are during 0:34:27.440 --> 0:34:30.279 those like three like three four hundred heartbreaks or whatever, 0:34:30.960 --> 0:34:34.560 they're different people. And I told my ex, like I 0:34:34.719 --> 0:34:37.880 miss her, I miss the person that I was. I 0:34:38.480 --> 0:34:41.480 like who I am, But that girl, I'm never going 0:34:41.560 --> 0:34:43.080 to know her again because you put me through things 0:34:43.120 --> 0:34:45.520 that I probably didn't have to learn, you know what 0:34:45.560 --> 0:34:48.960 I mean. You never heard anybody talk about that. She 0:34:49.120 --> 0:34:53.160 was so protective of me. She waited to date, you know, 0:34:53.480 --> 0:34:56.240 like she found the guy she really liked, she waited 0:34:56.280 --> 0:34:58.680 to sleep with him. She like love. She was really 0:34:58.800 --> 0:35:01.200 really confident. She that she was smart and that she 0:35:01.360 --> 0:35:04.040 was funny. And you took her from me, you know, 0:35:04.560 --> 0:35:05.960 you took her from me. So now i have to 0:35:06.040 --> 0:35:08.600 do that all over again. But I'm never going to 0:35:08.640 --> 0:35:11.000 be that person again ever. I'll never be that little 0:35:11.120 --> 0:35:14.520 twenty seven year old girl so excited to meet up 0:35:14.520 --> 0:35:18.440 with you because because I felt something and I thought, okay, 0:35:18.640 --> 0:35:21.879 like he's really nice, he taught, he calls his mom 0:35:21.920 --> 0:35:24.160 all the time. Like that person that was so that 0:35:24.320 --> 0:35:27.160 person was trying to protect me and I let her down. 0:35:28.440 --> 0:35:31.120 I'm like so emotional hearing you say that. There's like, 0:35:31.320 --> 0:35:34.000 I think so much grief wrapped around that. It is grief, 0:35:34.600 --> 0:35:37.520 it's mourning, but people are like everybody mourns a relationship. 0:35:37.560 --> 0:35:42.719 I'm like, no, I'm mourning the hope I had the 0:35:42.880 --> 0:35:47.120 hope and the version of yourself. I think I wanted 0:35:47.200 --> 0:35:51.680 magic so bad that I or I was so used 0:35:51.680 --> 0:35:54.960 to everybody having a little bit of magic, that I 0:35:55.120 --> 0:35:57.480 may have made it up for you a little bit 0:35:57.480 --> 0:35:59.400 where you were lacking, you know what I mean? And 0:35:59.560 --> 0:36:02.120 that and I love that she did that for like 0:36:02.120 --> 0:36:03.600 I'll look at somebody like, I love that she did 0:36:03.680 --> 0:36:06.000 that for you. But another thing that you took from 0:36:06.040 --> 0:36:08.240 me when you cheat on somebody or when you betray 0:36:08.360 --> 0:36:11.680 somebody is I've never met a woman that I didn't 0:36:11.680 --> 0:36:13.799 want to be fucking friends with. I meet a woman 0:36:13.880 --> 0:36:16.160 and I'm just like, this could be my friend. And 0:36:16.320 --> 0:36:18.080 now for the next few months, I'm going to meet 0:36:18.120 --> 0:36:20.080 new people and wonder if they're your fucking type. You 0:36:20.600 --> 0:36:24.520 turned you turned women. You made me turn my back 0:36:24.640 --> 0:36:26.560 a little bit for women, so I can heal when 0:36:26.560 --> 0:36:30.960 I can even like question my friends, Yeah, were you 0:36:31.040 --> 0:36:33.080 at talk to to my friends? Did you flirt with 0:36:33.200 --> 0:36:35.040 my friends? And I feel like there are some friends 0:36:35.080 --> 0:36:38.360 that there are some partners that definitely did and some 0:36:38.640 --> 0:36:41.920 partners that definitely did not. And my friends would never 0:36:42.640 --> 0:36:45.600 but they, you know, my friends say something, They're like, 0:36:45.719 --> 0:36:49.480 we trusted him with you and That really hurt me, Yeah, 0:36:49.719 --> 0:36:54.239 because I trusted him with me too. The way that 0:36:54.320 --> 0:36:56.680 they treat their friends, the way that they treat their family, 0:36:56.760 --> 0:36:58.759 the way that they talk about their friends, the way 0:36:58.760 --> 0:37:01.160 they talk about their exes. When you're young, you just 0:37:01.239 --> 0:37:04.920 think it's so nuanced, and it's not. He's not nuanced. 0:37:05.040 --> 0:37:07.960 It is those people are just normal everyday people, you 0:37:08.040 --> 0:37:10.680 know what I mean. Like the way that this guy, 0:37:10.960 --> 0:37:13.160 like one of my partners, would talk about all his 0:37:13.600 --> 0:37:17.200 friend's success almost like they didn't deserve it. I'll never 0:37:17.280 --> 0:37:19.799 forget that because one day he woke up. We were 0:37:19.880 --> 0:37:22.600 sleeping together and he woke up and he said, I 0:37:22.680 --> 0:37:24.640 had a nightmare. And I was like, what was your nightmare? 0:37:24.719 --> 0:37:26.080 And he was like, I had a nightmare that you 0:37:26.160 --> 0:37:30.399 were on SNL and I was like, that's a weird thing. 0:37:31.040 --> 0:37:33.399 And then when I got signed to UTA and there 0:37:33.520 --> 0:37:36.560 was an announcement on Variety, he messaged it to me 0:37:36.840 --> 0:37:39.680 on what's up? And we haven't spoken in years. Yeah, 0:37:40.440 --> 0:37:42.279 look at where you are now. Remember how poor you 0:37:42.360 --> 0:37:45.200 were And I was like, I was never special. I 0:37:45.400 --> 0:37:48.360 was just not successful and that made me perfect for you. 0:37:48.760 --> 0:37:51.000 You were always the one that was more successful than 0:37:51.040 --> 0:37:53.880 me At that point, Oh, I went off. I texted 0:37:53.920 --> 0:37:55.560 my mom that she goes say this. I'm like, Mom, 0:37:55.600 --> 0:37:58.040 I can't say that. Oh so you were never poor, 0:37:58.160 --> 0:38:01.800 you were baby broke exactly. I was. I was beginning. 0:38:02.000 --> 0:38:05.320 I was beginning, you know. And he now I realized, 0:38:05.400 --> 0:38:07.800 Oh my god, I wasn't special. I was in a 0:38:07.840 --> 0:38:12.239 safe place. I was just, oh my god, comfortable. I 0:38:12.360 --> 0:38:15.359 was easy, and I was younger, and I just moved 0:38:15.360 --> 0:38:17.040 to New York and he had been here his whole life, 0:38:17.080 --> 0:38:19.320 so like he could show me things he loved. I 0:38:19.360 --> 0:38:21.200 always say it to girls when they're going on dates. 0:38:21.280 --> 0:38:24.840 Just let him teach you something. Ask him about his interests, 0:38:24.840 --> 0:38:27.160 and then ask one thing about it and let him talk, 0:38:27.200 --> 0:38:28.800 and he'll be obsessed with you and then love to 0:38:28.880 --> 0:38:30.680 teach you things, you know what I mean, and to 0:38:30.800 --> 0:38:35.520 show you new stuff. Oh, they love it, they really do. Like, Oh, 0:38:35.640 --> 0:38:38.960 this restaurant is incredible. I've never been here. Have you 0:38:39.000 --> 0:38:43.600 heard of this vegetable? It's called eggplant? No? Like, oh 0:38:43.680 --> 0:38:45.440 my god, like it's so. But if you were to 0:38:45.520 --> 0:38:50.200 do something better, I feel it's weird because this one, 0:38:50.440 --> 0:38:52.600 this one person I dated for a little bit. I 0:38:52.640 --> 0:38:54.759 would show him things and then I went through his 0:38:54.880 --> 0:38:58.759 phone and he would send girls the songs I would 0:38:58.800 --> 0:39:00.920 send him and the memes I would send him, and 0:39:01.080 --> 0:39:03.160 I was like, I was like, this girl doesn't even 0:39:03.200 --> 0:39:05.239 know she's dating me, and. 0:39:05.320 --> 0:39:08.239 It's because he had no originality. He took on your 0:39:08.320 --> 0:39:10.000 personality nothing. 0:39:10.200 --> 0:39:14.200 I've also dated people who, oh, were intimidated by me 0:39:14.280 --> 0:39:16.359 and I didn't realize and they thought the only way 0:39:16.400 --> 0:39:18.239 that they could hold my attention was fighting with me. 0:39:19.160 --> 0:39:21.200 So I would sit down and be like, I'm a 0:39:21.320 --> 0:39:23.560 terrible perer, like I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. 0:39:23.840 --> 0:39:25.960 And then it took like my friend to sit me 0:39:26.000 --> 0:39:28.239 down and be like the only time he has your 0:39:28.239 --> 0:39:32.279 full attention you're so busy is when you guys are 0:39:32.320 --> 0:39:35.800 fighting and he's ringing it in other than talking about it. 0:39:36.120 --> 0:39:37.759 And I would go through our conversations. I'm like, oh 0:39:37.800 --> 0:39:40.600 my god, this guy is a fucking vampire, you know, 0:39:40.719 --> 0:39:42.080 And no wonder I don't want to talk to him 0:39:42.120 --> 0:39:44.000 all the time because I felt bad. I was like, 0:39:44.120 --> 0:39:46.040 I want to resolve with him, but I just don't 0:39:46.040 --> 0:39:48.040 want to talk to him. She's like, he's programmed you 0:39:48.239 --> 0:39:49.480 that every time you talk to him, he's going to 0:39:49.520 --> 0:39:52.279 be unhappy about something, and that way you dedicate your 0:39:52.280 --> 0:39:55.640 whole life, your whole day to making him feel better 0:39:55.719 --> 0:39:59.319 and apologizing. Heartbreak is normal and heartbreak is part of life. 0:40:00.360 --> 0:40:04.719 I get it, But I think in the future your 0:40:04.840 --> 0:40:09.719 standards change. Every fucking heartbreak, your standards change. I always say, 0:40:09.760 --> 0:40:14.240 standards are your neighborhood, and boundaries are your fencing. Standards 0:40:14.239 --> 0:40:18.040 are where you live, and the fencing to your house 0:40:18.160 --> 0:40:21.640 are your boundaries. So you know what I mean. Like, 0:40:23.040 --> 0:40:25.960 a standard for me is I'm monogamous. That's a standard 0:40:25.960 --> 0:40:27.400 for me. I don't want to be in a poly thing, 0:40:27.480 --> 0:40:29.480 and everybody who wants that should be with somebody that 0:40:29.560 --> 0:40:31.279 wants the same thing. And I don't want to get 0:40:31.280 --> 0:40:32.640 in the way of you finding that, you. 0:40:32.680 --> 0:40:34.320 Know, But also, don't lie to me and tell me 0:40:34.440 --> 0:40:37.080 you want want to be monogamous, or don't lie to 0:40:37.160 --> 0:40:38.600 me and tell me you just don't want me to 0:40:38.640 --> 0:40:39.280 see anybody. 0:40:40.200 --> 0:40:42.200 Yeah, you know what I mean. That's usually what it is. 0:40:43.000 --> 0:40:44.640 And oh my god, you know how many times I've 0:40:44.640 --> 0:40:46.680 met a guy that's like, I'm in an open relationship 0:40:46.760 --> 0:40:47.400 and she isn't. 0:40:48.440 --> 0:40:52.640 I'm like, no, yes, say that to you. It's happened 0:40:52.640 --> 0:40:55.480 to me a bunch, but not like they don't say 0:40:55.520 --> 0:40:56.760 it on Riah. 0:40:57.120 --> 0:40:59.560 I'm like, all of you motherfuckers are married, a lot 0:40:59.640 --> 0:40:59.920 of them. 0:41:00.480 --> 0:41:04.800 There's a whole thing with girlfriends, all of them. My 0:41:05.120 --> 0:41:07.520 ex was on Riya like the whole time we were 0:41:07.560 --> 0:41:08.239 in a relationship. 0:41:08.239 --> 0:41:12.120 I had no idea it was for friends and networking. No, 0:41:12.320 --> 0:41:15.399 I didn't even know, like he was on it. People 0:41:15.480 --> 0:41:18.520 swear people. That's my mom has a saying. To light 0:41:18.600 --> 0:41:20.640 in my face is to call me an idiot. And 0:41:20.760 --> 0:41:23.000 I like, i'd be like, why are you on this app? 0:41:23.040 --> 0:41:26.000 And they're like, oh, I'm looking for casting. For that, 0:41:26.440 --> 0:41:31.520 you're looking for casting, but it's part of the casting process, 0:41:31.600 --> 0:41:36.080 showing them your dick and in an apartment you don't 0:41:36.120 --> 0:41:39.600 pay rent for. It's like my apartment, Like, I get it. 0:41:39.640 --> 0:41:43.600 The lighting's great. But no, Well, I read that you 0:41:43.760 --> 0:41:44.759 said hurt people. 0:41:44.880 --> 0:41:47.480 Hurt people, which is a common phrase, but you said 0:41:47.520 --> 0:41:49.840 that sometimes the only way people know they exist is 0:41:49.840 --> 0:41:50.720 if they hurt people. 0:41:51.320 --> 0:41:53.799 There's a moment where people realize that they're not going 0:41:53.880 --> 0:41:57.200 to be, that they're not special, you know, And I 0:41:57.280 --> 0:42:00.239 think it happens with me me. There's a moment where 0:42:00.239 --> 0:42:02.040 a man realizes he's not going to be a rock star. 0:42:03.239 --> 0:42:05.120 He's not going to be the Wolf of Wall Street. 0:42:05.719 --> 0:42:08.400 He's not going to be this pro athlete. He's just 0:42:08.640 --> 0:42:12.040 a person. And I feel like women, for us, it's different. 0:42:12.200 --> 0:42:16.359 It's like the the friends we have, where we live, 0:42:16.600 --> 0:42:19.120 the clothes we wear, like those things are more statusy, 0:42:19.880 --> 0:42:23.160 you know what I mean, oh than men. Men. It's 0:42:23.239 --> 0:42:25.800 like an ego thing, Like the status for men is different. 0:42:26.320 --> 0:42:30.160 It's different, and there is a moment where men realize 0:42:30.280 --> 0:42:32.680 I'm not going to be I'm not special, you know. 0:42:32.840 --> 0:42:35.719 I'm just a regular guy with a regular job, with 0:42:35.880 --> 0:42:39.880 a regular apartment. And I think that's fine, but for 0:42:40.000 --> 0:42:42.960 them it's not. And I think there are people in 0:42:43.040 --> 0:42:45.799 the world, including women. I know a lot of women 0:42:45.920 --> 0:42:49.279 who go this route too, for different reasons. But they 0:42:49.400 --> 0:42:51.680 realize that if they are the main character in their 0:42:51.760 --> 0:42:54.640 movie and no one's going to watch it, they rather 0:42:54.760 --> 0:42:57.719 be the villain, or they rather be the victim, They 0:42:57.880 --> 0:43:00.480 rather be pitied, and they rather be hated, not be 0:43:00.600 --> 0:43:04.359 seen at all. And those people are the people where 0:43:04.480 --> 0:43:07.839 we confuse and we're like, oh my god, he's mean 0:43:07.920 --> 0:43:10.600 to everybody but me, or like I'm the only one 0:43:10.640 --> 0:43:13.120 that understands her. I'm the only one that's there for her. 0:43:13.239 --> 0:43:17.680 They designed it that way. You're now the supporting character 0:43:17.719 --> 0:43:20.600 in their movie that they've been writing for years, like 0:43:21.200 --> 0:43:26.760 the person that you know runs away, traveling everywhere alone, 0:43:26.880 --> 0:43:30.640 posts about like being alone and whatever. They want it 0:43:30.719 --> 0:43:33.000 that way. They knew that he or they were just 0:43:33.080 --> 0:43:36.400 a regular person, but they had to create this idea 0:43:36.560 --> 0:43:39.840 of them, so they carved this out. They're a voyager, 0:43:40.440 --> 0:43:43.080 you know what I mean, They're brave. They're or a 0:43:43.200 --> 0:43:46.160 girl who just like she just she just can't get 0:43:46.200 --> 0:43:49.080 it together and like poor. Have you ever met somebody 0:43:49.120 --> 0:43:52.920 that can't stop dating shitty people? If they didn't date 0:43:52.960 --> 0:43:58.279 shitty people, who wouldn't job? Sorry, what do they talk 0:43:58.320 --> 0:44:01.799 about at dinner? How somebody fucked them over? Oh I've 0:44:01.840 --> 0:44:05.040 never thought about this. This is interesting. I think there's 0:44:05.200 --> 0:44:10.480 courage in being normal. There's courage in normalcy. There's a 0:44:10.600 --> 0:44:14.600 lot of courage in normalcy and consistency. The courage to 0:44:14.760 --> 0:44:18.120 be who you are. I think people think, like, oh, 0:44:18.200 --> 0:44:20.759 the courage to be a star, to be who you are, 0:44:20.840 --> 0:44:22.680 they mean, like the courage to draw attention to myself. 0:44:23.600 --> 0:44:26.799 What if you're not that person? Are you brave enough 0:44:26.880 --> 0:44:29.279 to face that and be okay with that. What if 0:44:29.280 --> 0:44:31.359 you're not that person that doesn't make and what if 0:44:31.440 --> 0:44:35.520 that's actually weak? I think there's this a Real Housewives 0:44:35.640 --> 0:44:39.439 quote Lisam where she says quarters in a money box 0:44:39.520 --> 0:44:42.480 make a lot of noise, but dollars are quiet. And 0:44:42.960 --> 0:44:45.440 I think that way about confidence sometimes, and everybody has 0:44:45.480 --> 0:44:47.000 confidence differently, right. 0:44:47.160 --> 0:44:51.680 Right, So I saw on Twitter in September of twenty 0:44:51.760 --> 0:44:54.120 one you said you went through a pretty public breakup 0:44:54.200 --> 0:44:56.560 and you said, I'm trying so hard to be graceful 0:44:56.600 --> 0:44:59.640 about this. This is the worst heartbreak of my life yet, 0:45:00.280 --> 0:45:05.279 dming me and all this other stuff. I first of all, 0:45:05.520 --> 0:45:07.319 kudos to you. I don't know how you went through 0:45:07.320 --> 0:45:11.400 a public breakup. I have like so much love for you. 0:45:12.400 --> 0:45:13.840 It's so hard to go through it. 0:45:13.840 --> 0:45:16.840 At all, let alone publicly thank you. How did the 0:45:16.920 --> 0:45:17.800 heartbreak leave you? 0:45:17.880 --> 0:45:20.759 Because I think it manifests differently depending on what your 0:45:20.840 --> 0:45:24.759 childhood wounds are. I think it can leave you feeling unlovable, 0:45:25.080 --> 0:45:27.520 It can leave you feeling insecure, it can leave you 0:45:27.600 --> 0:45:31.360 feeling empowered. Like there's all these different ways heartbreak can 0:45:31.480 --> 0:45:31.680 leave you. 0:45:32.520 --> 0:45:36.279 There is something that a lot of people don't know. 0:45:36.719 --> 0:45:39.720 And the reason, a big reason that I was quiet 0:45:39.760 --> 0:45:42.319 about it was because it was there was a lot 0:45:42.400 --> 0:45:45.560 of stuff that was pretty private. It wasn't my story 0:45:45.640 --> 0:45:50.000 to tell the reason why we had really not worked 0:45:50.080 --> 0:45:54.360 for so long, and it was rooted in like addiction 0:45:54.680 --> 0:45:56.800 and like substance abuse. I thought it would be tacky 0:45:57.520 --> 0:45:59.840 to like talk about that when it affects like some 0:46:00.080 --> 0:46:03.080 one's whole family and like all this stuff and whatever. 0:46:03.840 --> 0:46:06.560 And but second of all, there was a point in 0:46:06.680 --> 0:46:12.080 my relationship where it got very cloud chasy, so I 0:46:12.239 --> 0:46:15.040 didn't want to I didn't want to drive any traffic. 0:46:16.360 --> 0:46:19.359 I wasn't gonna do it. So there was a there 0:46:19.480 --> 0:46:22.680 was a point where I was like, this person loves 0:46:22.760 --> 0:46:27.560 being my partner, but I don't think they love me necessarily. 0:46:27.600 --> 0:46:29.359 They love the way that I love them. They love 0:46:29.400 --> 0:46:31.000 the way that I show them off. They love that 0:46:31.160 --> 0:46:33.680 people who support me and interact with me and follow 0:46:33.760 --> 0:46:37.080 me view us, but I don't. But we would be 0:46:37.360 --> 0:46:39.400 in a room together and he wouldn't speak to me. 0:46:39.480 --> 0:46:42.600 He'd be like on his phone the whole time, going 0:46:42.640 --> 0:46:45.920 through his dms, going through like you know, his photos, 0:46:45.960 --> 0:46:48.160 seeing what he could post a lot of selfies and 0:46:48.400 --> 0:46:50.400 so when we broke up, I was like, I'm not 0:46:50.560 --> 0:46:54.319 driving any traffic too, I'm not telling anybody anything. I'm 0:46:54.360 --> 0:46:57.400 gonna be really really quiet about it. I'm not gonna 0:46:57.600 --> 0:46:59.799 I'm not gonna do you any favors. I'm not gonna 0:46:59.800 --> 0:47:01.840 give you a platform because the last thing I'm going 0:47:01.920 --> 0:47:04.000 to do is give a man a platform where he 0:47:04.080 --> 0:47:07.640 can talk about me. Yeah, but what does it feel 0:47:07.760 --> 0:47:10.720 like to feel like I actually don't think I've. 0:47:12.640 --> 0:47:14.600 I did feel that once where I dated somebody and 0:47:14.640 --> 0:47:19.040 I didn't feel like they actually loved me m after 0:47:19.200 --> 0:47:21.439 because you guys were together for a good amount of time. 0:47:21.960 --> 0:47:24.239 We were we were and some of it was good 0:47:24.400 --> 0:47:27.160 and some of it was nightmare on Elm Street, but 0:47:27.320 --> 0:47:31.279 it was like it was just a lot of there 0:47:31.360 --> 0:47:33.520 was a lot of stuff that I was unprepared for. 0:47:33.760 --> 0:47:35.279 There's a lot of stuff I was unprepared for. There 0:47:35.320 --> 0:47:38.320 was a lot of stuff that I didn't have experience with. 0:47:38.760 --> 0:47:41.160 And I guess when somebody says, oh, I'm only like 0:47:41.239 --> 0:47:43.360 this when I'm fucked up, and then you're like, but 0:47:43.480 --> 0:47:46.560 you're fucked up all the time, So I think this 0:47:46.760 --> 0:47:51.000 might be you, And I think that they liked that 0:47:51.200 --> 0:47:54.560 I I don't have anything like that in my family, 0:47:54.719 --> 0:47:57.080 So they knew that I was. They knew I was 0:47:57.120 --> 0:47:59.719 going to if I had now if that happened to me, 0:48:00.480 --> 0:48:03.600 I would say either get help or leave. But at 0:48:03.640 --> 0:48:06.320 that point I had to have no experience in that. 0:48:06.440 --> 0:48:09.759 So I was like, come in, you know, let's talk 0:48:09.800 --> 0:48:12.800 about it, what's going on whatever. I was just more empathetic, 0:48:13.000 --> 0:48:16.480 even hard to identify. Sometimes. No, there's a point where 0:48:16.520 --> 0:48:20.000 I was like, ah, I'm fucked. Yeah really, yeah, there 0:48:20.080 --> 0:48:23.879 was no And I think in the beginnings of things, 0:48:23.960 --> 0:48:25.359 like you're just getting sucked up all the time, you're 0:48:25.360 --> 0:48:27.160 going to dinner, you're having a bottle of wine, you're 0:48:27.200 --> 0:48:28.920 doing this, you're doing that, you're going out all the 0:48:28.960 --> 0:48:33.520 time Friday night. But I remember just it was like 0:48:33.840 --> 0:48:37.719 getting in the way of someone and their vice was 0:48:37.760 --> 0:48:40.080 like being called by like a tiger. Like there was 0:48:40.120 --> 0:48:42.799 an anger there, Like there was like a like there's 0:48:42.840 --> 0:48:46.279 a switch that happened, like if you were to deny them, 0:48:46.640 --> 0:48:49.399 or if you were to restrict them in any way, 0:48:49.640 --> 0:48:53.480 or even the word sobriety gets popped up, it was 0:48:53.640 --> 0:48:57.440 like it was like a tiger. I think that relationship 0:48:57.520 --> 0:49:01.160 taught me, taught me a lot about how much I'm 0:49:01.200 --> 0:49:04.080 willing to take. And I'm really proud of myself that 0:49:04.200 --> 0:49:07.920 I had the patience to love someone like that, and 0:49:08.040 --> 0:49:10.920 I'm I'm happy to have seen my bandwidth, but I 0:49:11.040 --> 0:49:13.799 don't I don't ever want to be stretched that far 0:49:13.960 --> 0:49:19.560 ever again, and publicly. You know, it was hard because 0:49:21.520 --> 0:49:24.239 there were people who were supporting me, and then I 0:49:24.280 --> 0:49:26.239 would go through his phone and they'd be like, hit 0:49:26.320 --> 0:49:28.680 me up when you and Teffie breakup, So I don't 0:49:28.719 --> 0:49:31.480 think I'm ever Yeah, And I went on my page 0:49:31.600 --> 0:49:33.320 and I DM them and I was like, I know 0:49:33.440 --> 0:49:37.760 what you're sending this person. You're disgusting, You're like vile, 0:49:38.360 --> 0:49:40.680 and I blocked them. But I think that was one 0:49:40.760 --> 0:49:45.400 thing too, where it's like the support, the support that 0:49:45.400 --> 0:49:47.000 I would get if I talked about it, I could 0:49:47.000 --> 0:49:49.480 go I could go viral for that. I could talk about, 0:49:49.600 --> 0:49:52.520 you know, a bunch of different topics within that breakup. 0:49:52.600 --> 0:49:55.600 I could talk about, you know, dealing with somebody's angry, 0:49:55.680 --> 0:49:58.080 dealing with somebody who's like has substance abuse, or dealing 0:49:58.120 --> 0:50:00.640 with heartbreak in general, dealing with like some cheating on you, 0:50:00.760 --> 0:50:02.480 like whatever. There's a lot of stuff I could have 0:50:03.160 --> 0:50:08.400 talked about. But the support would be so cheap, The 0:50:08.440 --> 0:50:12.279 support would be so cheap, it just wouldn't be It 0:50:12.400 --> 0:50:14.160 just that's not what I want to be supported for. 0:50:14.360 --> 0:50:17.279 I'm not like this weak person. I know what I'm doing. 0:50:17.560 --> 0:50:20.600 I can I can handle it. And there are things 0:50:20.640 --> 0:50:22.880 that I learned that relationship that I can tell you 0:50:23.000 --> 0:50:26.279 about without having to tell you about it. You know, 0:50:27.719 --> 0:50:30.319 I actually think this is tangential. 0:50:30.440 --> 0:50:33.520 But I often think about like the longevity and health 0:50:33.600 --> 0:50:38.400 of influencers, and that distinction you made, is it because 0:50:38.640 --> 0:50:42.600 it's so beautiful when you like, the whole point of 0:50:42.640 --> 0:50:45.400 a great speech is somebody teaches you something without. 0:50:45.200 --> 0:50:46.720 You having to learn the lesson yourself. 0:50:46.880 --> 0:50:48.560 Like that is the mark of a great book, a 0:50:48.640 --> 0:50:51.320 great speech, a great something, like a great podcast. 0:50:52.520 --> 0:50:56.279 But if you're processing it while we're learning with you, 0:50:56.719 --> 0:51:01.200 there's no lesson there. No, it's just it's performative. Do 0:51:01.320 --> 0:51:06.640 you think that women experience heartbreak differently than men? Yeah? 0:51:06.800 --> 0:51:10.120 I literally when I was going through my last breakup, 0:51:10.160 --> 0:51:12.080 I said, I have to say goodbye to these children 0:51:12.120 --> 0:51:15.080 I've imagined in my mind. I have to say bye 0:51:15.120 --> 0:51:18.320 to them, you know, And for a woman, there is 0:51:18.480 --> 0:51:21.359 this timer now we have like all these advancements whatever, 0:51:21.400 --> 0:51:23.600 but I don't want to freeze my eggs. I don't 0:51:23.640 --> 0:51:26.239 want to, you know, like, and it sounds fantastic and 0:51:26.400 --> 0:51:29.600 maybe you know, I think that women can have babies later, 0:51:29.920 --> 0:51:32.680 But there is a when we broke up, I was like, 0:51:33.280 --> 0:51:34.960 I'm probably not going to have kids, so I'm like 0:51:35.120 --> 0:51:38.439 thirty seven now maybe if I do, And there's that clock. 0:51:38.560 --> 0:51:42.759 Men can be seventy something. But you're saying goodbye to 0:51:43.040 --> 0:51:46.279 like an era in your life that only fits like 0:51:46.320 --> 0:51:49.120 a certain thing if you want children. That's how I 0:51:49.200 --> 0:51:51.400 know I'm in love too, Like right now, if children 0:51:51.480 --> 0:51:54.160 happen for me, that's amazing, what a blessing. And if 0:51:54.200 --> 0:51:56.920 they don't, that's okay, you know what I mean, Like, 0:51:57.320 --> 0:52:00.200 I don't think it would be detrimental to me. When 0:52:00.200 --> 0:52:03.280 I'm in love, I want I want to give somebody 0:52:03.320 --> 0:52:06.160 a baby really bad, you know. So there was that 0:52:06.239 --> 0:52:07.759 point where I looked at him and I was like, 0:52:09.160 --> 0:52:11.839 it's hard of like you wanted a family so bad, 0:52:11.920 --> 0:52:13.799 and you want a family for the first time ever, 0:52:13.920 --> 0:52:16.240 like a functional family, and my family is very functional 0:52:16.320 --> 0:52:19.080 and like very normal and boring in the best way. 0:52:20.120 --> 0:52:22.279 So I was like I gave you something that you 0:52:22.400 --> 0:52:25.759 were looking for and you used it against me, you 0:52:25.840 --> 0:52:28.640 know what I mean. Like you you took the normalcy 0:52:28.840 --> 0:52:32.120 and the foundation that you were looking for some in 0:52:32.239 --> 0:52:35.440 someone for and you jumped on it. You wanted to 0:52:35.480 --> 0:52:38.840 see if he could crack. And I told you, and 0:52:38.960 --> 0:52:41.920 I say to all my partners, I will leave. You 0:52:42.000 --> 0:52:44.120 think I won't, And I know there's going to be 0:52:44.160 --> 0:52:46.800 a point where you think, oh, she can handle anything. 0:52:47.080 --> 0:52:49.839 I will leave. I will go, and then they never 0:52:49.920 --> 0:52:52.200 believe me when it's when I'm like, no, it's done, 0:52:52.760 --> 0:52:57.160 you know. So there's I think that's actually a gender difference. 0:52:57.200 --> 0:53:00.800 I think women will like they'll are a lot, but 0:53:00.920 --> 0:53:02.399 once they're gone, they're gone. 0:53:03.239 --> 0:53:06.560 Maybe there's a part of us too where, even if 0:53:06.600 --> 0:53:09.480 we have children or not, the idea of having to 0:53:09.600 --> 0:53:14.600 protect a child from someone doesn't do me anymore, you know, 0:53:15.360 --> 0:53:18.880 Like it's that like instinctual thing for me. Also, I 0:53:19.040 --> 0:53:20.920 have to be with someone i'm proud of. If I 0:53:21.040 --> 0:53:23.360 if I'm no longer proud of you, I can't do it. 0:53:24.200 --> 0:53:26.120 And it's not an admiration thing. You could be a 0:53:26.200 --> 0:53:28.720 fucking carpenter, I don't care. You could be a cashier, 0:53:28.800 --> 0:53:31.600 a target, I don't give a fuck. But it's something 0:53:31.640 --> 0:53:34.960 about character, about doing the right thing. My mom says, 0:53:35.040 --> 0:53:37.880 kind people are so kind even when it's hard, you know. 0:53:38.200 --> 0:53:40.399 Like that's something that I really really admire in people, 0:53:40.480 --> 0:53:43.160 because it's so easy for me to be nice to you. 0:53:43.320 --> 0:53:45.440 But if you looked at me and you were like, well, 0:53:45.480 --> 0:53:48.840 everybody thinks you're really stupid, I can look at you like, 0:53:48.880 --> 0:53:52.120 I'd be so and but I would need need to 0:53:52.239 --> 0:53:54.200 like dig deep and be like, I'm really sorry you 0:53:54.239 --> 0:53:55.640 feel that way, you know what I mean? Like that 0:53:55.880 --> 0:53:57.720 was something that's something I admire in people. 0:53:58.239 --> 0:54:05.320 My friend is a divorce attorney and she got married 0:54:05.680 --> 0:54:08.880 and her husband they were at the altar and her husband, 0:54:09.200 --> 0:54:11.600 like previously, had asked her, she put this in her vows. 0:54:11.640 --> 0:54:14.120 Her husband asked her, like, you see all these people 0:54:14.160 --> 0:54:16.480 for years getting divorced or in the thick of it 0:54:16.600 --> 0:54:16.920 with them. 0:54:17.480 --> 0:54:19.319 What have you garnered? What have you learned? Like, well, 0:54:19.520 --> 0:54:22.520 what advice can you give us as we move towards marriage? 0:54:23.360 --> 0:54:26.080 And she said the one thing that she said to 0:54:26.200 --> 0:54:29.839 him was you need to marry somebody who not only 0:54:29.920 --> 0:54:31.799 does the right thing for you, but does the right 0:54:31.880 --> 0:54:35.560 thing for everybody. Yeah, when I was deeven heartbreak, I 0:54:35.560 --> 0:54:37.719 would find myself googling like how to feel better? And 0:54:37.760 --> 0:54:39.560 I knew I wasn't going to find anything, but I 0:54:39.680 --> 0:54:42.040 just like I was doing all the things. I trained 0:54:42.080 --> 0:54:45.319 for a triathlon, I did therapy, like I was being 0:54:45.440 --> 0:54:47.200 so proactive about the heartbreak. 0:54:48.280 --> 0:54:49.200 I didn't want to sit in it. 0:54:50.000 --> 0:54:55.520 No, And I'm wondering if you have found anything that 0:54:55.680 --> 0:54:58.040 you can share that you think actually helps. 0:54:59.640 --> 0:55:02.400 You got sit in the ship. I've been avoiding it. 0:55:02.600 --> 0:55:06.080 I avoided all the time. I dove into work, and 0:55:06.760 --> 0:55:11.280 my mom said, everywhere you go, you will follow. Your 0:55:11.320 --> 0:55:16.640 mom sounds so wise. She is so annoying enough stop stop. 0:55:16.440 --> 0:55:20.640 It with that being right's mom, I mean, like, you know, 0:55:20.840 --> 0:55:22.799 there was a there was this movie with j Loo 0:55:23.120 --> 0:55:25.360 and Robert Redford on Netflix, and my mom came to 0:55:25.480 --> 0:55:25.880 visit me. 0:55:26.000 --> 0:55:27.919 I forget I think I was moving, and she kept 0:55:28.080 --> 0:55:30.480 she came and helped me move and we were in 0:55:30.640 --> 0:55:33.080 bed together and we left and I had to leave 0:55:33.120 --> 0:55:34.560 for an appointment, and she was like, I'm going to 0:55:34.640 --> 0:55:36.440 keep watching the movie. And I was like, okay, rude. 0:55:36.920 --> 0:55:40.040 And she's watching the movie and she's text me and 0:55:40.120 --> 0:55:42.680 she's like, call me after your meeting. And I said okay, 0:55:42.880 --> 0:55:44.360 and I called her. I'm like, hey, I'm on my 0:55:44.440 --> 0:55:46.240 way back. She's like, you know, I finished the movie. 0:55:46.520 --> 0:55:49.560 She's like, you know, j Loo in this movie she 0:55:49.680 --> 0:55:52.440 was in an abusive relationship, and my mom was like, 0:55:52.520 --> 0:55:57.360 you know, Robert Redford asked Jlo why she stayed with 0:55:57.480 --> 0:56:01.640 a man that hit her and she's, you know, I 0:56:01.760 --> 0:56:03.400 know that he was bad, but I didn't think I 0:56:03.440 --> 0:56:07.320 could do better. And I was quiet, and she's like, 0:56:07.360 --> 0:56:10.040 did you hear me? She stayed with somebody that she 0:56:10.200 --> 0:56:11.960 knew she was better than, but she didn't think that 0:56:12.040 --> 0:56:15.919 she could do better. And I was like, I heard you, mother. 0:56:16.400 --> 0:56:20.359 I'm like on sixth Avenue, like I cannot cry right now. 0:56:20.440 --> 0:56:22.960 But she was like, and we're watching. She's like and 0:56:23.080 --> 0:56:25.359 we watch her and we're like, she is so kind, 0:56:25.520 --> 0:56:28.440 she's so generous, she loves her daughter, she deserves the world. 0:56:28.920 --> 0:56:31.320 But it doesn't matter because she didn't think that she 0:56:31.400 --> 0:56:33.279 could do better than a man who beat the fuck 0:56:33.320 --> 0:56:35.640 out of her. And I think about that all the. 0:56:35.680 --> 0:56:40.680 Time when you think about it, because I think that 0:56:41.440 --> 0:56:45.520 that idea does not discriminate between women with confidence or without. 0:56:45.560 --> 0:56:48.000 It's not this. It's not the lack of confidence that. 0:56:49.480 --> 0:56:56.040 Spurs that. Like, there's women I've interviewed offline, like they're powerhouses, 0:56:56.120 --> 0:56:58.440 and they tell me about these like horrible relationships he's 0:56:58.480 --> 0:56:59.600 been in where men steal. 0:56:59.440 --> 0:57:01.320 Money from them, like things you would never think of. 0:57:02.960 --> 0:57:07.640 What gets us there? I mean, love is hopeful. You 0:57:07.960 --> 0:57:10.680 always love the person that you feel like they're loading 0:57:10.920 --> 0:57:13.759 to be, you know what I mean, there's a person 0:57:13.840 --> 0:57:15.839 that they are. The person that you fell in love 0:57:15.920 --> 0:57:19.200 with is rarely the person that you end up with. 0:57:19.680 --> 0:57:22.840 It's as hopefully love grows together as you guys discover 0:57:22.920 --> 0:57:26.920 each other, but it's rare, especially when you're with insecure 0:57:27.040 --> 0:57:31.160 men you know, or an insecure partner. I think heartbreaks 0:57:31.240 --> 0:57:34.160 like a really important part of love. So I have 0:57:34.240 --> 0:57:37.880 a few temporary temporary that's the thing that fucks you up. 0:57:38.840 --> 0:57:40.440 Yeah, when you're in it, you don't feel like it 0:57:40.560 --> 0:57:44.120 is and it's very temporary. So I have a few 0:57:44.400 --> 0:57:45.880 rapid fire questions for you. 0:57:46.080 --> 0:57:47.240 Okay, let's hear it. 0:57:47.760 --> 0:57:51.240 Okay, A movie you put on when you're sad, the holiday. 0:57:51.760 --> 0:57:57.160 The worst betrayal is the worst betrayal is a mission. 0:57:59.040 --> 0:58:00.960 O mission is a form of a lie. 0:58:01.080 --> 0:58:04.200 I think I hate a person that lives on technicalities. Yes, 0:58:04.760 --> 0:58:08.440 I technically wasn't disrespectful. I technically didn't lie. I was like, well, 0:58:08.480 --> 0:58:09.600 you're technically a coward. 0:58:09.840 --> 0:58:15.840 So yeah, a celebrity couple that you like that you're 0:58:15.920 --> 0:58:19.440 rooting for Goldie Han and Kurt Russell love. 0:58:20.080 --> 0:58:24.560 Grand, romantic gesture, intimate romantic moment. I'm a Leo Moon. 0:58:25.760 --> 0:58:29.000 I need I need both me too. When I read that, 0:58:29.120 --> 0:58:31.760 I was like, yeah, saying both your favorite date spot 0:58:31.800 --> 0:58:35.800 in New York, Oh, my favorite date spot in New 0:58:35.920 --> 0:58:40.480 York Central Park. I'm pretty, I'm pretty pretty? Uh. I 0:58:40.600 --> 0:58:43.280 love I love an outdoorsy picnic moment. But we have 0:58:43.400 --> 0:58:46.760 to be near the bathrooms. The bathrooms have to be 0:58:46.920 --> 0:58:48.960 like an eye distance. And please don't make me do that. 0:58:49.040 --> 0:58:51.040 I have a very weak bladder. We can't I can't 0:58:51.120 --> 0:58:55.480 piss myself in the bushes. Second, especially if we're drinking wine. 0:58:55.920 --> 0:58:58.640 Like, please, what's something that you see in yourself that 0:58:58.720 --> 0:58:59.920 you haven't shown the world yet? 0:59:00.440 --> 0:59:04.880 I think maybe how mean I can be? I can be? 0:59:05.040 --> 0:59:08.640 Will you show us? Well? People are like, what do 0:59:08.680 --> 0:59:11.040 you mean? I'm like, I'm a big sister. I can 0:59:11.120 --> 0:59:13.000 get creative. You know what? I mean, but I can 0:59:13.080 --> 0:59:16.720 definitely very I can definitely be vengeful. I can be vengeful. 0:59:16.760 --> 0:59:18.640 It's not something I'm proud of, but it is something 0:59:18.680 --> 0:59:20.320 where like I'm not going to let you walk around. 0:59:20.600 --> 0:59:22.600 I'm always going to get my lick back, you know 0:59:22.640 --> 0:59:24.040 what I mean. Like that's what I mean by that. 0:59:24.200 --> 0:59:27.080 I also feel like that's Miami of you. Yeah, no, 0:59:27.160 --> 0:59:29.240 I mean it in the best way. A quality that 0:59:29.280 --> 0:59:29.919 you always look. 0:59:29.840 --> 0:59:33.680 For in a friend. Inclusion, Like if we're with other 0:59:33.720 --> 0:59:35.720 people and there's an inside joke and you turn to 0:59:35.800 --> 0:59:38.560 me like it's funny because I like that. I like 0:59:39.400 --> 0:59:42.360 that right now. Yeah. A book that changed your life, 0:59:42.440 --> 0:59:47.280 something you think everyone should read. Fantastic, mister Fox. It's 0:59:47.360 --> 0:59:51.400 my first chapter book. I have like thirteen different versions 0:59:51.440 --> 0:59:53.240 of it. I love that book so much. It was 0:59:53.360 --> 0:59:55.720 my first first like chapter book. I was like seven 0:59:55.840 --> 0:59:58.000 years old, and I think I've read it like a 0:59:58.120 --> 1:00:01.920 million times. I just love that care. I love solution 1:00:02.080 --> 1:00:05.280 based thinking, you know what I mean? I agree? Have 1:00:05.360 --> 1:00:07.640 you ever thought about becoming a therapist? Like, does it 1:00:07.800 --> 1:00:11.440 like every day of my life? Yeah? In your mind, 1:00:12.160 --> 1:00:14.120 I just be able to not get involved, and I 1:00:14.200 --> 1:00:17.040 think that's where that stops. I would love to be 1:00:17.120 --> 1:00:19.320 like a teacher, like a professor of something, Like I'd 1:00:19.360 --> 1:00:22.040 love to like teach something and that way I can 1:00:22.080 --> 1:00:24.200 get a little bit more involved. But like a therapist can't, 1:00:24.320 --> 1:00:27.160 like you know, like you can't hug your clients like 1:00:27.320 --> 1:00:30.480 unless but like I would be like to Bosom. 1:00:30.240 --> 1:00:34.680 Come here, Yeah, okay, card game fifty two questions. So 1:00:34.840 --> 1:00:36.800 because we're virtual, just tell me when to stop. 1:00:38.160 --> 1:00:43.040 Stop? What expert do you want lessons from? What expert 1:00:43.360 --> 1:00:47.520 do I want lessons from? There are a couple people 1:00:48.040 --> 1:00:50.800 that I have in my mind. One is Rita Moreno, 1:00:51.240 --> 1:00:53.640 who's like, you want to learn how to be an egot. 1:00:54.440 --> 1:00:58.760 I just feel like she was around in Hollywood where 1:00:59.520 --> 1:01:03.040 I'm sure or a lot happened and there's a Latin 1:01:03.120 --> 1:01:05.640 point of view that I really look for, you know 1:01:05.680 --> 1:01:10.040 what I mean. And Michelle Levon Robinson Obama mm hm. 1:01:10.880 --> 1:01:14.120 I love her a lot, and I would love to 1:01:14.200 --> 1:01:17.200 talk to sad Mahayek for a while. I feel like 1:01:17.280 --> 1:01:19.720 she's just someone that tells you like it is, you 1:01:19.800 --> 1:01:22.240 know what I mean, and she's great enough to do 1:01:22.320 --> 1:01:25.520 it whatever comes to your mind. First, the smartest decision 1:01:25.600 --> 1:01:32.120 you've ever made, the smartest decision I've ever made was 1:01:32.600 --> 1:01:36.840 to go to that audition. The reason I'm on TikTok 1:01:37.000 --> 1:01:40.760 is because I went to this audition for YouTube. This 1:01:40.880 --> 1:01:43.800 company was like starting their own channels. They were looking 1:01:43.840 --> 1:01:47.240 for talent, and I was a receptionist. I was like 1:01:47.280 --> 1:01:50.880 twenty eight and I wasn't an actress. I'd never done anything. 1:01:51.080 --> 1:01:54.120 And everybody that was going were like food critics and 1:01:54.240 --> 1:01:58.520 bloggers and podcasters, and I was just like a receptionist. 1:01:58.960 --> 1:02:00.880 And I went and out of like one hundred people, 1:02:00.920 --> 1:02:02.160 I'm the only one that got the job. So I 1:02:02.200 --> 1:02:03.760 think that's the smartest thing I ever did. Was Like, 1:02:03.880 --> 1:02:06.960 I think you could do that, or people love to 1:02:07.000 --> 1:02:09.040 make things so complicated, like the training of it, the 1:02:09.120 --> 1:02:13.280 broadcast journalism of it, like the speech, how you talk 1:02:13.400 --> 1:02:16.320 or whatever. But there's an it for people that people 1:02:16.400 --> 1:02:19.320 look for, and I think it's like Zendea has it. 1:02:19.360 --> 1:02:20.800 I'm not saying that I have that, but I think 1:02:20.840 --> 1:02:23.080 I know how to make people feel comfortable and I 1:02:23.160 --> 1:02:24.680 knew that I could do it. I knew that I 1:02:24.720 --> 1:02:26.080 could do it, and I just wasn't going to let 1:02:26.120 --> 1:02:30.600 people technicality my way out of thinking that way. So 1:02:30.640 --> 1:02:32.160 I think that's the smartest thing I ever did was 1:02:32.160 --> 1:02:34.680 like bet on myself that one time. And once you 1:02:34.800 --> 1:02:37.400 win that bet, you know what I mean, You're just like, 1:02:37.480 --> 1:02:39.320 what if I did this? So if it wasn't for that, 1:02:39.520 --> 1:02:42.640 I would have never uploaded my first TikTok if I didn't, 1:02:42.920 --> 1:02:44.640 if I was if I wasn't, like, let's roll the 1:02:44.680 --> 1:02:47.440 dice one more time. You did well the first time? 1:02:48.360 --> 1:02:51.000 You know, you listen to the whisper whatever it was 1:02:51.120 --> 1:02:55.240 right here, the whisper. Oh yeah, I call it my 1:02:55.320 --> 1:02:59.360 weeping willow like in Pocahontas. I like that well because 1:02:59.800 --> 1:03:02.520 I was a Disney girl. Yeah, and that was like 1:03:02.600 --> 1:03:06.840 the nicest fucking tree anyone ever fucking seen. I think. 1:03:06.880 --> 1:03:09.919 Sometimes not Sometimes every week I go and I visit 1:03:10.080 --> 1:03:13.640 teenage meet in our childhood bedroom and I tell her 1:03:13.720 --> 1:03:17.720 what we did that week. You do yeah, sublatively, it's 1:03:17.760 --> 1:03:21.160 like a yes, yes actively actively. I sit and I 1:03:21.240 --> 1:03:24.800 make time for it and I pretend cool. And sometimes 1:03:24.840 --> 1:03:26.680 at the end of it, she'll be like, are we happy? 1:03:27.360 --> 1:03:30.800 And I know that if I say no, then she's 1:03:30.800 --> 1:03:32.360 gonna beig them What the fuck is the point of 1:03:32.440 --> 1:03:34.200 me going through all that shit for? Because she hasn't 1:03:34.240 --> 1:03:37.640 done it yet, like telling somebody what like a what 1:03:37.760 --> 1:03:39.680 a racetrack is, what a marathon is going to look like, 1:03:39.760 --> 1:03:42.880 you know, like the uphills, the downhills, whatever. So I 1:03:43.040 --> 1:03:45.840 have to make it worthwhile for her to keep going 1:03:46.040 --> 1:03:49.360 because she's been dreaming, dreaming about me her whole life. 1:03:49.800 --> 1:03:52.240 She she like what I'm doing now, She's been thinking 1:03:52.280 --> 1:03:55.680 about her whole life, you know. So I think that's 1:03:56.000 --> 1:03:59.120 something too. Where I carry fifteen year old me around 1:03:59.200 --> 1:04:01.280 with me, so when it comes to the audition, I 1:04:01.320 --> 1:04:04.400 can hear her say like, fucket, who cares? You know? 1:04:10.160 --> 1:04:13.360 May our broken hearts fuel us? And now I'm about 1:04:13.400 --> 1:04:15.520 to play the most cliche song of all time. 1:04:16.240 --> 1:04:18.480 But don't tell me you don't love it. Today's a 1:04:18.520 --> 1:04:20.600 good day to have a good day, Go get it. 1:04:22.120 --> 1:04:23.480 At first I was afraid. 1:04:23.960 --> 1:04:28.840 I was petrified, kept thinking I could never live without you, Baysa. 1:04:29.680 --> 1:04:32.680 But then I spent so many nights thinking how you're 1:04:32.720 --> 1:04:33.400 getting your own? 1:04:33.520 --> 1:04:37.440 And I was wrong, and I learned how to get along. 1:04:37.720 --> 1:04:38.680 A Sorry about