WEBVTT - Tupac, Ayahuasca & Marriage with Jada Pinkett Smith

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<v Speaker 1>Hi, Hi, cat Ra Hi. What a whirl?

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<v Speaker 2>Was that an echo? Is that my voice bouncing off

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<v Speaker 2>the walls right back into my throat where it belongs.

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<v Speaker 3>We were just like turning into the same person.

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<v Speaker 2>A whirlwind of a weekend.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh my gosh, you had an amazing show.

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<v Speaker 2>Thank you for coming. Two amazing shows. That's the Pantages

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<v Speaker 2>in La and everyone came out. It was so much fun.

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<v Speaker 2>I felt like I was I felt like my wedding.

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<v Speaker 3>Everyone was there.

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<v Speaker 2>I was at two nights of that though. The Haley

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<v Speaker 2>party was twice as long as the show night. And

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<v Speaker 2>then I had Phoenix on Saturday night and we're on

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<v Speaker 2>the plane there and I said to Carla, I'm like,

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<v Speaker 2>is there anyone coming backstage? She's like, not one single person.

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<v Speaker 3>I was like, beautiful.

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<v Speaker 2>We were in and out of there.

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<v Speaker 4>We grabbed our tacos and left. I was like, let's

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<v Speaker 4>get out all. Oh, that's so exciting. Yeah, there were

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<v Speaker 4>a lot of friends of the show. There, a lot

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<v Speaker 4>of people who have guested on the show, and it

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<v Speaker 4>was wonderful.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, my family came. I walked outside and said a

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<v Speaker 2>lobby for the after party, and my aunt was there.

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<v Speaker 2>She hates everybody she hates all social gatherings. She hates

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<v Speaker 2>the public. The fact that she came out to my

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<v Speaker 2>show and patages was so sweet. It brought tears to

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<v Speaker 2>my eyes. All my cousins came, all my friends from

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<v Speaker 2>Chelsea that my old show on Netflix were there. It

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<v Speaker 2>was so fun, such a nice Oh, it was really great. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>and I'm coming this weekend, you guys. Tickets are still available.

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<v Speaker 2>Cleveland is Friday night, Columbus is Saturday night, and Pittsburgh

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<v Speaker 2>is Sunday night. All three nights of those still have

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<v Speaker 2>tickets available, So if you're in the areas, come to

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<v Speaker 2>my show.

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<v Speaker 3>Very exciting. Yeah, it's a fantastic show.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, thank you so much. Yeah, so fun to perform.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm having the best time on the road. It's a

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<v Speaker 2>big party.

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<v Speaker 3>How's your energy level this tour?

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<v Speaker 2>It's good. I mean, as long as I have a

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<v Speaker 2>day where I can Just like last night, I went

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<v Speaker 2>to bed at around seven, I went to the Angel

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<v Speaker 2>City soccer game then so fun. Yeah, with Glenna Doyle

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<v Speaker 2>and Abbey and I brought Jamie makeup and we all

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<v Speaker 2>went and it was fucking awesome. They won. Yeah, and

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<v Speaker 2>now they're going to the championships. Or the playoffs or something. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know soccer jargon, but it was really fun

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<v Speaker 2>to be there.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, all my lesbian friends have like season passes to that.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, all the lesbians are get down to get me.

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<v Speaker 2>They know that it's a matter of time before I

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<v Speaker 2>transition into a lesbian and that I make my way

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<v Speaker 2>over to that world. I told them, like, I still

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<v Speaker 2>have like at least one hundred men left to exhaust

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<v Speaker 2>before I make a commitment, but clearly I'm on my way.

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<v Speaker 3>There you go.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, they're just waiting exactly exactly, waiting patiently.

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<v Speaker 3>Incredible. So our guest today is kind of everywhere right now.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, yes, yes, she's everywhere, and now she's here. Her

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<v Speaker 2>name is Jada Pinkett Smith and her book is called Worthy. Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>well we have lots to cover on this topic because

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<v Speaker 2>I just read this book in one day and everybody

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<v Speaker 2>is going to want to get their hands on it.

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<v Speaker 2>It's called Worthy by Jada Pinkett Smith and it is

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<v Speaker 2>her Well, it's her life story. And I have learned

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<v Speaker 2>so much about you that I did not know, And

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like, how did I not know that? And I

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<v Speaker 2>was like, well, I guess you don't know these things

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<v Speaker 2>about everybody. You know, you don't know everybody's per most

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<v Speaker 2>personal things. And but I think let's start at the beginning.

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<v Speaker 2>Because you grew up in the hood. Yeah, well partly

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<v Speaker 2>partly in the hut. Yeah, well you grew towards the hook.

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<v Speaker 1>I grew Yeah, it was like part of my life.

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<v Speaker 5>I think once I turned about thirteen and my grandmother

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<v Speaker 5>passed and it was just me and my mom, and

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<v Speaker 5>that's when things took a turn.

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<v Speaker 2>Things took a turn. Yeah, your mother for you, yep.

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<v Speaker 2>And your dad rob sul rop suol robool Okay, okay,

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<v Speaker 2>really ropsul, but he would say rough stool rub school. Okay.

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<v Speaker 2>But I had no idea that you grew up in

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<v Speaker 2>that environment that you were a heroin dealer.

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<v Speaker 1>No, it was cocaine.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, it was cocaine.

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<v Speaker 1>It was cocaine. My mother was a heroin addict. But

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<v Speaker 1>I was selling cocaine.

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<v Speaker 5>Oh.

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<v Speaker 2>I was kind of hoping it was a heroin dealer.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not sure why, probably because I once dated a

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<v Speaker 2>heroin dealer and I was confusing the two. But okay,

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<v Speaker 2>so you were a cocaine dealer and that was what age?

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<v Speaker 2>What age were you when you did.

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<v Speaker 5>That from about fifteen to seventeen, and that was a

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<v Speaker 5>way for you to make things right in your neighborhood.

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<v Speaker 2>You were being pretty neglected at home, right, and you

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<v Speaker 2>were just basically a survivalist, but not even a survivalist.

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<v Speaker 2>You you were into that lifestyle of living there, like

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<v Speaker 2>you wanted to stay in Baltimore. You were going to

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<v Speaker 2>the Baltimore School of Arts Arts.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I was going to Baltimore School for the Arts. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. And so talk to me about the headspace of

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<v Speaker 2>that little girl.

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<v Speaker 5>Well, she, as you can see, she was living many lives.

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<v Speaker 5>And I think for me at that particular point of time,

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<v Speaker 5>considering like where my mom was, like, I had no

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<v Speaker 5>idea if she was gonna make it or that, you know.

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<v Speaker 1>And so for me it was.

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<v Speaker 2>Talking about Gammy every ye you know, from red Table.

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<v Speaker 5>To talk, and I just wanted to find a way

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<v Speaker 5>to find my own security, find my own power, my

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<v Speaker 5>own sense of worth, right right. And so I got

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<v Speaker 5>some of that from going to Baltimore School for the

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<v Speaker 5>Arts and being able to really kind of just be

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<v Speaker 5>in this creat.

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<v Speaker 1>Of world that I loved so much.

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<v Speaker 5>But at the same time, I was like, yo, I

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<v Speaker 5>need to make money, I need to have security, I

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<v Speaker 5>need to have stability. And so I was also in

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<v Speaker 5>the streets. So and then I auditioned for North Carolina

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<v Speaker 5>School for the Arts and got in, got robbed, had

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<v Speaker 5>some pretty bad too, pretty bad experiences that my mom

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<v Speaker 5>found out about, and then she was like, oh, no,

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<v Speaker 5>you're getting up out of here. You will be going

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<v Speaker 5>to college because I wasn't expecting to go to school.

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<v Speaker 5>I was like, no, I'm gonna stay in Baltimore and

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<v Speaker 5>I'm going to try to be a queen pin.

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<v Speaker 2>And you wanted to state you that's what you wanted

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<v Speaker 2>to pursue, and that state of mind, you were like,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm going to make it here and do what these

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<v Speaker 2>guys on the streets are doing as a woman, because

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<v Speaker 2>you were a tough ass bitch. Yeah, and you weren't

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<v Speaker 2>to be fucked with, and you believed that you could

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<v Speaker 2>do that. I did, and you did do it for

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<v Speaker 2>a while, for a moment, until I got.

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<v Speaker 1>A little till it got a little dicey.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. There's a couple of stories in this book where

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<v Speaker 2>she was really very close to while probably getting shot,

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<v Speaker 2>losing or losing your life. But I love the juxtaposition

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<v Speaker 2>of being that talented because everybody knew you were talented

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<v Speaker 2>at that age. People were spotting your talent, and it

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<v Speaker 2>was came easily to you.

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<v Speaker 1>I would say it did.

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<v Speaker 2>It came easily, whether it was dancing, acting. Maybe the

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<v Speaker 2>singing wasn't as easy.

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<v Speaker 6>The singing wasn't as easy, for sure, But to get

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<v Speaker 6>to get you know, recognized for that at an early

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<v Speaker 6>age while also having this kind of other side, you know,

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<v Speaker 6>it's it's very human the story, thank you.

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<v Speaker 2>And it's and it's not one dimensional at all, which

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<v Speaker 2>is the way really all of our true stories are.

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<v Speaker 2>So you go from the Baltimore School for the Arts,

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<v Speaker 2>I think, right, and then a mentor of yours kind

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<v Speaker 2>of basically made you audition for this university in North Carolina.

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<v Speaker 1>Donald Hicken.

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<v Speaker 5>He was my theater He was the theater department head,

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<v Speaker 5>and he was like, you need to go and audit.

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<v Speaker 5>Because I was like, I'm not, I'm not going to

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<v Speaker 5>North Carolina, Like that's just not happening.

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<v Speaker 1>He's like, listen, you're going to go in here audition.

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<v Speaker 1>This is going to be good for you.

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<v Speaker 5>And so I went in and I got accepted, and

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<v Speaker 5>you know, even once I got accepted, I was still

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<v Speaker 5>like I'm not going, you know. And then life took

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<v Speaker 5>a turn at my mother. Even though my mother had

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<v Speaker 5>her drug abuse problems, her substance abuse problems, when it

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<v Speaker 5>was really time for her to step up, she always

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<v Speaker 5>seemed to find a way to do that. And she

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<v Speaker 5>was not taking no for an answer about getting me

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<v Speaker 5>out of Baltimore once she found out that I had

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<v Speaker 5>been dealing drugs and I almost lost my life and

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<v Speaker 5>she was like you're getting up out of here. I

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<v Speaker 5>don't care what you say.

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<v Speaker 2>Mmm. And then there's a really poignant story in the

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<v Speaker 2>book without giving away all of the book, but these

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<v Speaker 2>are just such rich stories in here, like it's such

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<v Speaker 2>a full life that you've led, right. And there's a

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<v Speaker 2>point in the story in the book where she calls

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<v Speaker 2>her mom after a year of school and you're like

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<v Speaker 2>fuck this shit, Like I got this. You have two choices.

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<v Speaker 2>I can either become a lawyer and go to law school.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm going to Hollywood and I'm going to try and

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<v Speaker 2>make it happen.

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<v Speaker 7>And she's like, get your ass to Hollywood.

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<v Speaker 1>She sure was yup.

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<v Speaker 5>She flew out with me to get me set up

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<v Speaker 5>in La.

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<v Speaker 2>It's so funny. I have like there's a similar When

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<v Speaker 2>I was nineteen years old, I went to a year

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<v Speaker 2>of community college, or sorry, a semester of community college,

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<v Speaker 2>and I was a hot mess as a teenager. My

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<v Speaker 2>parents were just sick of me, and I remember after

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<v Speaker 2>one semester, I said to them, I go, I just

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<v Speaker 2>think this is a waste of everyone's time. I said,

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<v Speaker 2>I think it's time for me to go to California.

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<v Speaker 2>My father goes, please go, Please get away from us

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<v Speaker 2>and go right, And once you get away from the

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<v Speaker 2>people that you have taken for granted or you feel

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<v Speaker 2>have mistreated you or haven't been available to you, that

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<v Speaker 2>is the first time you gain appreciation for that kind

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<v Speaker 2>of familial love.

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<v Speaker 1>Absolutely right, Yeah, absolutely.

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<v Speaker 2>Another fascinating thing about this book is your relationship with

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<v Speaker 2>Chupac from the age of fourteen. YEPM and you guys

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<v Speaker 2>were friends for the rest of his life.

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<v Speaker 7>Yep.

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<v Speaker 2>And close friends, really close friends. And there were a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of rumors that you guys were a couple. But

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<v Speaker 2>that's not true.

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<v Speaker 5>That is so not true. As you could see from

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<v Speaker 5>the book, that was not true.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it sounds like he wanted to be a couple. More.

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<v Speaker 2>It's funny though, because when you talk about your relationship

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<v Speaker 2>with him, of course, when you're reading about you know,

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<v Speaker 2>a man and a woman coming of age at that time,

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<v Speaker 2>you're like, well, there's got to have something romantic happening.

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<v Speaker 2>And you even say in the book that you tried,

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<v Speaker 2>like you tried to kiss him, and I was like,

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<v Speaker 2>this is not.

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<v Speaker 1>For both of us, right, for both of us, that's

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<v Speaker 1>the thing.

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<v Speaker 5>And I think, you know, even in that moment in

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<v Speaker 5>the book where he thinks he wants to marry me,

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<v Speaker 5>I think it was just based out of a really

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<v Speaker 5>extreme circumstance because he was at Rikers and he was

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<v Speaker 5>a He was in a really bad way, and he

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<v Speaker 5>knew I was a rock for him, and I think

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<v Speaker 5>at that time he just really needed a tether.

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<v Speaker 1>But I promise I tell everybody, as soon as he

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<v Speaker 1>would have walked out of those gates, he would have

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<v Speaker 1>divorced my ass. For sure. He did not want me

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<v Speaker 1>as a wife.

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<v Speaker 2>But you were thinking about it.

0:10:10.880 --> 0:10:13.400
<v Speaker 5>I was because I really felt like, well, maybe this

0:10:13.520 --> 0:10:16.200
<v Speaker 5>is something I should do to get him through time.

0:10:16.400 --> 0:10:18.640
<v Speaker 5>He wanted somebody to do time with him, and I

0:10:18.679 --> 0:10:20.600
<v Speaker 5>was going to do time with him, you know, I

0:10:20.640 --> 0:10:22.520
<v Speaker 5>was going to do that time with him, but I

0:10:22.640 --> 0:10:24.800
<v Speaker 5>was like, man like, and then I asked him, I

0:10:24.840 --> 0:10:29.360
<v Speaker 5>was like, psychological wife, conjugal wife, like what And he

0:10:29.480 --> 0:10:31.480
<v Speaker 5>was like, nah, like you're gonna be my wife?

0:10:31.520 --> 0:10:33.560
<v Speaker 1>Like I was like, now, Pagna, you know this is

0:10:33.600 --> 0:10:35.760
<v Speaker 1>not gonna work. I was like, I can't do that.

0:10:36.040 --> 0:10:36.560
<v Speaker 5>I'm not no.

0:10:37.400 --> 0:10:38.640
<v Speaker 1>And so we worked through that.

0:10:38.960 --> 0:10:42.480
<v Speaker 5>We got through that passage and you know, brought it

0:10:42.520 --> 0:10:43.720
<v Speaker 5>back to where it needed to be.

0:10:43.960 --> 0:10:45.439
<v Speaker 2>And what are your some of the words that you

0:10:45.480 --> 0:10:46.920
<v Speaker 2>would use to describe.

0:10:46.520 --> 0:10:53.880
<v Speaker 5>Him, Oh, man really passionate, very charismatic, and he really

0:10:54.080 --> 0:10:55.240
<v Speaker 5>wore his heart on his sleeve.

0:10:56.080 --> 0:10:58.240
<v Speaker 1>He's really a deeply feeling person.

0:10:58.640 --> 0:11:01.720
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, I'm really highly sensitive, you know, And I think

0:11:01.760 --> 0:11:07.040
<v Speaker 5>that probably is the part that got overlooked a lot because,

0:11:07.800 --> 0:11:11.000
<v Speaker 5>you know, his public persona a lot of times you

0:11:11.040 --> 0:11:15.400
<v Speaker 5>would see him, you know, depicted as this like rageful angry.

0:11:15.760 --> 0:11:18.559
<v Speaker 1>But that just had to do with like he had that.

0:11:18.520 --> 0:11:24.560
<v Speaker 5>Existential heartbrokenness that we all kind of suffer from, and

0:11:24.720 --> 0:11:27.600
<v Speaker 5>he just, you know, he had a difficult time dealing

0:11:27.640 --> 0:11:31.280
<v Speaker 5>with what is what was you know, the suffering of

0:11:31.400 --> 0:11:35.319
<v Speaker 5>people and the unfairness of life and those kinds of things.

0:11:35.640 --> 0:11:38.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's fascinating to hear about all of the different

0:11:38.400 --> 0:11:42.080
<v Speaker 2>seminal relationships that you've had with all of these people

0:11:42.720 --> 0:11:45.720
<v Speaker 2>kind of and it was something I loved reading about

0:11:46.000 --> 0:11:50.280
<v Speaker 2>particularly was the acknowledgment from people like heroes that you

0:11:50.320 --> 0:11:52.040
<v Speaker 2>looked up to as soon as you came on the

0:11:52.040 --> 0:11:54.560
<v Speaker 2>scene in La that knew like this girl's got it,

0:11:54.679 --> 0:11:55.440
<v Speaker 2>like Debbie Allen.

0:11:55.520 --> 0:11:57.040
<v Speaker 1>Debbie Allen Number one.

0:11:57.320 --> 0:11:59.520
<v Speaker 2>Great story in the book about Debbie Allen the meeting

0:11:59.640 --> 0:12:03.720
<v Speaker 2>Jada an audition for a role and that you know

0:12:03.760 --> 0:12:06.719
<v Speaker 2>you didn't weren't right for, but she's like, forget about that,

0:12:06.840 --> 0:12:09.000
<v Speaker 2>You're so special, Like I'm going to write you a role.

0:12:09.240 --> 0:12:09.800
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:12:09.920 --> 0:12:12.599
<v Speaker 5>She made me a series regular in the Room and

0:12:12.760 --> 0:12:16.520
<v Speaker 5>then created Lena James from the Story of my Life.

0:12:16.520 --> 0:12:18.280
<v Speaker 1>She was like, tell me about your life, and so.

0:12:18.280 --> 0:12:21.240
<v Speaker 5>I told her about my background and then she created

0:12:21.280 --> 0:12:22.480
<v Speaker 5>the character Lena James.

0:12:23.360 --> 0:12:25.079
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that's cool, right.

0:12:25.559 --> 0:12:28.880
<v Speaker 2>It's just cool to also be recognized at such a

0:12:28.880 --> 0:12:31.520
<v Speaker 2>young age because you came here as such a young girl,

0:12:32.160 --> 0:12:34.560
<v Speaker 2>you know, as did I remember that feeling of like

0:12:34.640 --> 0:12:36.360
<v Speaker 2>you don't know what you're going to do, but you

0:12:36.480 --> 0:12:38.400
<v Speaker 2>know you're going to do it. I just don't know

0:12:38.440 --> 0:12:41.480
<v Speaker 2>how it's going to happen. Mm hmm, right, Like it's

0:12:41.520 --> 0:12:43.360
<v Speaker 2>like a bowling ball. Like I say this a lot.

0:12:43.400 --> 0:12:45.120
<v Speaker 2>If there's a bowling ball moving in a direction, you

0:12:45.200 --> 0:12:47.280
<v Speaker 2>better get out of the way because it's going right.

0:12:47.840 --> 0:12:50.360
<v Speaker 2>And then so you came to La and Tubac was

0:12:50.400 --> 0:12:51.640
<v Speaker 2>already here when you got to La.

0:12:51.720 --> 0:12:53.600
<v Speaker 1>He came out before, he came out before me.

0:12:53.960 --> 0:12:58.080
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, and so he was up north California, but he

0:12:58.120 --> 0:13:01.080
<v Speaker 5>would come to La a lot because I was there,

0:13:01.240 --> 0:13:04.280
<v Speaker 5>and so we were rising together. Yeah.

0:13:04.720 --> 0:13:07.440
<v Speaker 2>And how is his relationship when you married Will? Did

0:13:07.440 --> 0:13:09.719
<v Speaker 2>they get along? Did they have a cute relationship or not?

0:13:09.960 --> 0:13:13.600
<v Speaker 5>Well, by the time he was already gone, Oh he was. Yeah,

0:13:13.640 --> 0:13:16.400
<v Speaker 5>he was gone when I married Will. Oh, I see, yeah,

0:13:16.440 --> 0:13:17.200
<v Speaker 5>so but he.

0:13:18.120 --> 0:13:19.880
<v Speaker 1>When I started dating Will.

0:13:19.920 --> 0:13:23.600
<v Speaker 5>What's funny is that you know, Plack always has something

0:13:23.640 --> 0:13:28.040
<v Speaker 5>to say about whoever I was seeing always, And how

0:13:28.080 --> 0:13:30.680
<v Speaker 5>I know that he had approval of Will was because

0:13:30.720 --> 0:13:36.439
<v Speaker 5>he didn't say anything. He didn't say nothing, right, And

0:13:36.520 --> 0:13:39.920
<v Speaker 5>so I really do believe that as time went on,

0:13:40.040 --> 0:13:43.959
<v Speaker 5>if he had not been murdered, then they would have

0:13:44.040 --> 0:13:44.520
<v Speaker 5>been friends.

0:13:44.840 --> 0:13:48.000
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, And how is your relationship with Tupac's girlfriends?

0:13:48.200 --> 0:13:51.040
<v Speaker 5>I always welcome. I was like, I'm a love who

0:13:51.040 --> 0:13:53.319
<v Speaker 5>you love. Yeah, we don't keep it right there, I'm

0:13:53.320 --> 0:13:56.520
<v Speaker 5>a love who you love. So I never had any

0:13:56.559 --> 0:13:58.280
<v Speaker 5>problems with any of his girlfriends.

0:13:58.480 --> 0:14:01.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, never, Yeah, it's usually the other way around.

0:14:01.480 --> 0:14:04.720
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. Anyway, you know, nobody was ever good enough.

0:14:05.120 --> 0:14:07.520
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, you know, it's just like, ah that he's a clown,

0:14:07.559 --> 0:14:09.960
<v Speaker 5>you know. You know, listen, worry about your life.

0:14:12.600 --> 0:14:15.920
<v Speaker 2>Okay, so you moved to California. You have which ext

0:14:16.040 --> 0:14:18.280
<v Speaker 2>I mean, there are so many experiences to delve into.

0:14:18.720 --> 0:14:23.040
<v Speaker 2>There is a very very poignant multiple chapters about your

0:14:23.120 --> 0:14:26.560
<v Speaker 2>Ayahuasca journey. Yeah, there's a lot of really beautiful stuff

0:14:26.600 --> 0:14:29.280
<v Speaker 2>in there about both of your children, Jaden and Willow,

0:14:29.840 --> 0:14:31.600
<v Speaker 2>and what it means to you to be a mother.

0:14:31.800 --> 0:14:35.880
<v Speaker 2>And I think you've made some really brave choices as

0:14:35.920 --> 0:14:41.360
<v Speaker 2>far as being able to let go of a baby

0:14:41.440 --> 0:14:45.320
<v Speaker 2>that is not even fully you know cooked, how the

0:14:45.360 --> 0:14:50.320
<v Speaker 2>traditional kind of perspective of motherhood is, especially in this country,

0:14:50.360 --> 0:14:52.560
<v Speaker 2>and how we look at it, that there's a lot

0:14:52.600 --> 0:14:55.720
<v Speaker 2>of sense that people children feel like parents property, like

0:14:56.000 --> 0:14:58.440
<v Speaker 2>like the parents own their children, and that they decide

0:14:58.480 --> 0:15:00.680
<v Speaker 2>what's best for them. And I'm your and you need

0:15:00.720 --> 0:15:02.240
<v Speaker 2>to listen to me, and that's it. Just shut up,

0:15:02.680 --> 0:15:05.160
<v Speaker 2>and what you're introduced in this book is a completely

0:15:05.200 --> 0:15:07.800
<v Speaker 2>different way to look at these things. That these children

0:15:07.800 --> 0:15:12.080
<v Speaker 2>are your teachers, That these children deserve their independence and

0:15:11.600 --> 0:15:15.320
<v Speaker 2>their will, and that you need to listen to even

0:15:15.440 --> 0:15:17.320
<v Speaker 2>someone who's eight years old when they tell you they

0:15:17.320 --> 0:15:21.640
<v Speaker 2>don't feel comfortable doing something, Absolutely you must. So talk

0:15:21.680 --> 0:15:24.320
<v Speaker 2>to me a little bit about that. And how do

0:15:24.360 --> 0:15:25.920
<v Speaker 2>you think you became that way?

0:15:26.240 --> 0:15:29.400
<v Speaker 5>I think it was a combination of how I was

0:15:29.720 --> 0:15:33.480
<v Speaker 5>raised in my grandmother's house and in my mother's house. Honestly, now,

0:15:34.080 --> 0:15:38.040
<v Speaker 5>being that my mother had problems with substance.

0:15:37.640 --> 0:15:39.520
<v Speaker 1>Abuse, I had a lot of freedom.

0:15:40.040 --> 0:15:45.120
<v Speaker 5>So within that freedom, I got to see the importance

0:15:45.520 --> 0:15:48.680
<v Speaker 5>of having that freedom to be able to self actualize

0:15:48.720 --> 0:15:52.240
<v Speaker 5>at such a young age. Now, in that I definitely

0:15:52.600 --> 0:15:56.840
<v Speaker 5>needed some bumper rails, right, And so I took a

0:15:56.920 --> 0:16:01.360
<v Speaker 5>little bit of what I discovered with how my life

0:16:01.440 --> 0:16:04.040
<v Speaker 5>was with my mother, and I just put in some.

0:16:03.960 --> 0:16:06.320
<v Speaker 1>Safety guards with my kids, right.

0:16:06.760 --> 0:16:10.040
<v Speaker 5>And then I just thought about how my grandmother nurtured

0:16:10.840 --> 0:16:14.200
<v Speaker 5>certain aspects of myself, Like she saw certain things in

0:16:14.200 --> 0:16:16.520
<v Speaker 5>me and she was like, oh, you're athletic, I'm gonna

0:16:16.520 --> 0:16:20.680
<v Speaker 5>put you in tennis. Oh, you like to dance, ballet, Okay, piano.

0:16:21.240 --> 0:16:24.080
<v Speaker 5>So she was always there to just kind of cultivate.

0:16:24.320 --> 0:16:26.960
<v Speaker 5>She kept me busy, and she wanted me to be

0:16:27.360 --> 0:16:27.720
<v Speaker 5>what she.

0:16:27.680 --> 0:16:28.920
<v Speaker 1>Would call well rounded.

0:16:29.480 --> 0:16:33.800
<v Speaker 5>And so I just looked at all of these components,

0:16:34.360 --> 0:16:37.640
<v Speaker 5>you know, and then I thought about at different stages,

0:16:37.960 --> 0:16:42.200
<v Speaker 5>what did I need at this stage when, like Jaden

0:16:42.680 --> 0:16:45.400
<v Speaker 5>at fifteen, I was on my own at fifteen.

0:16:46.000 --> 0:16:49.120
<v Speaker 2>Right, So let me just to contextualize this. So there's

0:16:49.160 --> 0:16:52.520
<v Speaker 2>a part of the book where Jaden says to his

0:16:52.560 --> 0:16:54.680
<v Speaker 2>mom and I think Willa was in the room at

0:16:54.680 --> 0:16:58.600
<v Speaker 2>the same time, right, and says, in a very prophetic way,

0:16:58.880 --> 0:17:00.960
<v Speaker 2>I need to feel the rain. I need my freedom.

0:17:01.080 --> 0:17:03.520
<v Speaker 2>It's time for me to yo go.

0:17:03.920 --> 0:17:06.000
<v Speaker 5>Right. When he said I need to feel the rain,

0:17:06.640 --> 0:17:10.240
<v Speaker 5>I knew exactly what that meant. I knew exactly what

0:17:10.280 --> 0:17:12.000
<v Speaker 5>that meant, and I knew he was going to be

0:17:12.000 --> 0:17:12.639
<v Speaker 5>down the street.

0:17:13.040 --> 0:17:16.280
<v Speaker 2>And that is chilling to think about as a mother.

0:17:16.600 --> 0:17:19.120
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it was a devastating day.

0:17:19.520 --> 0:17:24.360
<v Speaker 5>I just remember being so heartbroken, but I knew, I knew.

0:17:24.680 --> 0:17:26.760
<v Speaker 5>I was like, if you don't let him go, now,

0:17:27.760 --> 0:17:30.160
<v Speaker 5>this is going to be a bigger problem than if

0:17:30.160 --> 0:17:33.720
<v Speaker 5>you do. And he came, you know, like a year later,

0:17:33.840 --> 0:17:37.520
<v Speaker 5>year and a half later, and he's like, I get it.

0:17:38.000 --> 0:17:38.239
<v Speaker 1>You know.

0:17:38.440 --> 0:17:41.320
<v Speaker 5>It's like he had an opportunity to take on his life,

0:17:41.359 --> 0:17:44.960
<v Speaker 5>take on his responsibility and got to see everything that

0:17:44.960 --> 0:17:47.720
<v Speaker 5>we were trying to do as parents. He was like, oh, man,

0:17:47.840 --> 0:17:49.919
<v Speaker 5>I understand why you did this and why you did that.

0:17:50.119 --> 0:17:51.120
<v Speaker 1>Da da da da.

0:17:51.160 --> 0:17:54.119
<v Speaker 5>But he grew up in such a beautiful way. And

0:17:54.200 --> 0:17:56.320
<v Speaker 5>he left at fifteen and never came back.

0:17:56.480 --> 0:17:57.760
<v Speaker 2>And so when he came back a year and a

0:17:57.800 --> 0:17:59.440
<v Speaker 2>half later, he just said, I got it, but I'm

0:17:59.440 --> 0:18:01.040
<v Speaker 2>still yeah.

0:18:01.080 --> 0:18:04.080
<v Speaker 1>I mean, he says, basically he had an aha.

0:18:04.720 --> 0:18:08.600
<v Speaker 5>You know, it was like him just kind of giving

0:18:08.720 --> 0:18:12.080
<v Speaker 5>us our flowers as parents, you know, I mean we

0:18:12.080 --> 0:18:15.720
<v Speaker 5>were talking to him every day and so, but just

0:18:15.800 --> 0:18:18.480
<v Speaker 5>that AHA moment that he had when he was about

0:18:18.520 --> 0:18:21.240
<v Speaker 5>sixteen and a half. Because I knew if you let

0:18:21.320 --> 0:18:24.040
<v Speaker 5>him go, now, Jada, he's going to come back faster,

0:18:24.280 --> 0:18:26.440
<v Speaker 5>not meaning come back into the house and live.

0:18:26.560 --> 0:18:27.560
<v Speaker 1>I knew that was over.

0:18:27.880 --> 0:18:30.359
<v Speaker 5>He was never going to come back in that way,

0:18:31.240 --> 0:18:35.920
<v Speaker 5>but I knew that psychologically he was going to come back.

0:18:36.160 --> 0:18:38.000
<v Speaker 1>So I say all that to say that.

0:18:38.560 --> 0:18:46.359
<v Speaker 5>I learned quickly that each child has to be honored separately.

0:18:46.560 --> 0:18:50.240
<v Speaker 5>There's not like this cookie cutout way in which like, oh,

0:18:50.280 --> 0:18:52.199
<v Speaker 5>this is what a fifteen year old needs, this is

0:18:52.200 --> 0:18:54.640
<v Speaker 5>what a fourteen year old needs. I would never let

0:18:54.680 --> 0:18:58.320
<v Speaker 5>Willow leave the house at fifteen. Ever, Yeah, she was

0:18:58.400 --> 0:18:59.320
<v Speaker 5>not ready.

0:19:00.359 --> 0:19:02.800
<v Speaker 1>Jaden was so.

0:19:02.880 --> 0:19:05.240
<v Speaker 2>But what if Willow had decided after that that she

0:19:05.359 --> 0:19:06.520
<v Speaker 2>wanted to leave the house.

0:19:07.160 --> 0:19:11.160
<v Speaker 5>That would have been a different situation, right, because how

0:19:11.160 --> 0:19:12.960
<v Speaker 5>can you say one no to want I mean yes

0:19:13.000 --> 0:19:14.960
<v Speaker 5>to one and then know to the other. Because there

0:19:15.000 --> 0:19:19.440
<v Speaker 5>was a sense of responsibility that Jaden had and maturity

0:19:19.720 --> 0:19:24.760
<v Speaker 5>in that way that Willow hadn't developed yet. Now she

0:19:24.920 --> 0:19:28.080
<v Speaker 5>had her own maturity in different ways, you know, in

0:19:28.200 --> 0:19:31.399
<v Speaker 5>other areas, but just not that. And so as a

0:19:31.480 --> 0:19:33.920
<v Speaker 5>parent you have to be able to look at those nuances.

0:19:33.920 --> 0:19:35.560
<v Speaker 5>It's not about and I used to tell because we

0:19:35.600 --> 0:19:39.040
<v Speaker 5>talked about this Willow and I. It's not about oh,

0:19:39.200 --> 0:19:41.280
<v Speaker 5>Jaden gets to do this and you don't. It's like

0:19:41.320 --> 0:19:48.040
<v Speaker 5>whoa I'm looking at as a parent? What you have

0:19:48.320 --> 0:19:49.560
<v Speaker 5>more capacity for?

0:19:50.280 --> 0:19:50.480
<v Speaker 2>Right?

0:19:50.800 --> 0:19:52.119
<v Speaker 1>Where are your skill sets?

0:19:52.480 --> 0:19:54.359
<v Speaker 5>You know, I'm not going to put you in a

0:19:54.440 --> 0:19:58.040
<v Speaker 5>place that I feel as a parent that you might not.

0:19:58.560 --> 0:19:59.320
<v Speaker 1>Be ready for.

0:19:59.560 --> 0:20:04.680
<v Speaker 5>Jaden has happened to be ready for that particular Yeah.

0:20:04.800 --> 0:20:07.640
<v Speaker 2>There's a cute little passage in the book too, where

0:20:07.680 --> 0:20:09.760
<v Speaker 2>she talks about dropping Jaden off at school for the

0:20:09.760 --> 0:20:11.560
<v Speaker 2>first time, and he said, Mommy, why would you ever

0:20:11.640 --> 0:20:13.320
<v Speaker 2>drop me off with all these people who don't even

0:20:13.359 --> 0:20:13.679
<v Speaker 2>love me?

0:20:13.880 --> 0:20:16.879
<v Speaker 7>Yeah, and she's like, oh, fuck, woa fuck, Well, how

0:20:16.880 --> 0:20:18.840
<v Speaker 7>am I supposed to answer that? So she says she

0:20:18.920 --> 0:20:20.520
<v Speaker 7>drops them off at school and sits in the parking

0:20:20.720 --> 0:20:22.400
<v Speaker 7>She goes, you know what, I'm going to sit here

0:20:22.440 --> 0:20:24.440
<v Speaker 7>and wait until noon until you get out.

0:20:24.800 --> 0:20:26.720
<v Speaker 2>So she'd go there and wait for him to get

0:20:26.760 --> 0:20:28.520
<v Speaker 2>out of school. Mean, mom my, parents weren't dropping me

0:20:28.560 --> 0:20:31.080
<v Speaker 2>off or picking me up to like see you exactly?

0:20:31.320 --> 0:20:32.040
<v Speaker 2>That's amazing.

0:20:32.359 --> 0:20:32.560
<v Speaker 6>Yeah.

0:20:32.800 --> 0:20:35.000
<v Speaker 5>No, I was like, you're right, somebody's always going to

0:20:35.080 --> 0:20:37.359
<v Speaker 5>be here who loves you. I'll drop you off and

0:20:37.359 --> 0:20:39.560
<v Speaker 5>I will sit in this parking lot until twelve o'clock

0:20:39.600 --> 0:20:40.080
<v Speaker 5>every day.

0:20:40.359 --> 0:20:44.000
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Wow, so crazy. It's just so crazy to think

0:20:44.080 --> 0:20:47.359
<v Speaker 2>kids can grow up that quickly. It's so bittersweet the

0:20:47.440 --> 0:20:48.840
<v Speaker 2>heartache that it causes.

0:20:49.040 --> 0:20:50.160
<v Speaker 1>Yeah lots.

0:20:50.560 --> 0:20:58.199
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. So, on a more serious note, you talk a

0:20:58.240 --> 0:21:03.440
<v Speaker 2>lot about different times life where you felt depressed, overwhelmed,

0:21:03.640 --> 0:21:07.960
<v Speaker 2>unable to function, and sometimes even suicidal. This book is

0:21:08.000 --> 0:21:10.359
<v Speaker 2>so revealing. This is exactly what a memoir should be.

0:21:10.960 --> 0:21:13.080
<v Speaker 2>And I think it's going to help so many people

0:21:13.200 --> 0:21:15.479
<v Speaker 2>because to know that someone like you and of your

0:21:15.520 --> 0:21:18.800
<v Speaker 2>stature and all of these wonderful things that life looks

0:21:18.840 --> 0:21:22.080
<v Speaker 2>like it is is still hard. Yeah, it doesn't make

0:21:22.119 --> 0:21:24.280
<v Speaker 2>it easy because you're rich and famous.

0:21:24.119 --> 0:21:25.679
<v Speaker 1>Right, and that's the truth.

0:21:25.800 --> 0:21:29.159
<v Speaker 5>And you know, I think at that time when I

0:21:29.200 --> 0:21:31.680
<v Speaker 5>was when I went through one of the darkest periods

0:21:32.119 --> 0:21:38.960
<v Speaker 5>my fortieth year, when I was really suicidal, I really

0:21:39.240 --> 0:21:42.919
<v Speaker 5>had so much shame because I felt like everybody else,

0:21:43.200 --> 0:21:44.120
<v Speaker 5>I was just like, what.

0:21:44.359 --> 0:21:45.360
<v Speaker 1>Is wrong with you?

0:21:45.720 --> 0:21:49.199
<v Speaker 5>Because my life on the outside wasn't matching how I

0:21:49.240 --> 0:21:53.560
<v Speaker 5>was feeling on the inside. And it was so funny

0:21:53.560 --> 0:21:55.560
<v Speaker 5>because my mother just finished the book and she's like,

0:21:55.600 --> 0:21:56.080
<v Speaker 5>I can't.

0:21:55.880 --> 0:21:58.280
<v Speaker 1>Believe you didn't talk about how you woke up every

0:21:58.359 --> 0:21:59.600
<v Speaker 1>morning crying.

0:22:00.240 --> 0:22:01.919
<v Speaker 5>And I said, well, I thought it was enough for

0:22:01.960 --> 0:22:03.920
<v Speaker 5>me to just talk about me looking for a cliff

0:22:03.960 --> 0:22:04.719
<v Speaker 5>to drive off of.

0:22:04.800 --> 0:22:06.160
<v Speaker 1>I didn't want to, you know what I mean?

0:22:06.240 --> 0:22:09.760
<v Speaker 5>And she said, I got even in reading this memoir.

0:22:09.800 --> 0:22:12.439
<v Speaker 5>She said, I'm just getting so much understanding. She was like,

0:22:12.480 --> 0:22:18.480
<v Speaker 5>because everybody knew I was unhappy, but nobody knew why,

0:22:18.960 --> 0:22:22.639
<v Speaker 5>including myself. Right, so everybody's looking at me like, what

0:22:23.000 --> 0:22:26.919
<v Speaker 5>is your deal? You know, why can't you why can't

0:22:26.960 --> 0:22:27.880
<v Speaker 5>you be happy?

0:22:28.680 --> 0:22:28.880
<v Speaker 8>Right?

0:22:29.119 --> 0:22:32.000
<v Speaker 5>And so that just shut me down even more, and

0:22:32.040 --> 0:22:34.399
<v Speaker 5>I just got into a darker, darker space to the

0:22:34.440 --> 0:22:35.760
<v Speaker 5>point I was just like, I want out.

0:22:35.800 --> 0:22:38.360
<v Speaker 1>I just didn't see a way out.

0:22:38.400 --> 0:22:42.680
<v Speaker 5>I thought I was inherently broken, inherently something was wrong

0:22:42.720 --> 0:22:43.040
<v Speaker 5>with me.

0:22:43.880 --> 0:22:46.280
<v Speaker 1>And then, by the grace of.

0:22:46.280 --> 0:22:50.720
<v Speaker 5>God, you know, little Guru Jaden, you know, not even

0:22:50.800 --> 0:22:54.840
<v Speaker 5>knowing the state that I was in, comes into the kitchen.

0:22:54.840 --> 0:22:57.679
<v Speaker 5>He's like, you gotta listen to Moises and Matale and

0:22:57.720 --> 0:23:02.320
<v Speaker 5>hear about their father's experience and right, And so, because

0:23:02.359 --> 0:23:04.679
<v Speaker 5>my son knew I'm a seeker and like, you know,

0:23:04.760 --> 0:23:07.920
<v Speaker 5>I love different experiences, so I go into the living

0:23:08.000 --> 0:23:10.840
<v Speaker 5>room and I'm listening to Moisses and the Tale and

0:23:10.880 --> 0:23:13.040
<v Speaker 5>I'm like, is your father in town? I'm like, can

0:23:13.080 --> 0:23:15.119
<v Speaker 5>you call them so I can talk to them? And

0:23:15.200 --> 0:23:17.479
<v Speaker 5>as soon as their dad I saw their father, I

0:23:17.480 --> 0:23:19.119
<v Speaker 5>could just see the brightness.

0:23:19.200 --> 0:23:20.880
<v Speaker 1>I was like, this is a different guy.

0:23:21.359 --> 0:23:23.600
<v Speaker 5>And then I started talking to him about his experience,

0:23:24.200 --> 0:23:26.800
<v Speaker 5>and I was like, I need this, I need this,

0:23:27.520 --> 0:23:31.040
<v Speaker 5>And then the universe opened up an opportunity for me

0:23:31.080 --> 0:23:34.159
<v Speaker 5>in oh Hi to be able to go and do

0:23:34.480 --> 0:23:39.159
<v Speaker 5>aya about a month and a half later and changed

0:23:39.160 --> 0:23:41.440
<v Speaker 5>my whole life. I got to see through the medicine

0:23:42.240 --> 0:23:47.000
<v Speaker 5>the cycle of self hatred. Oh my god, yeah, deep,

0:23:47.119 --> 0:23:48.360
<v Speaker 5>cycle of self hatred.

0:23:48.480 --> 0:23:51.240
<v Speaker 2>Deep and so and yes, And because what you talk

0:23:51.280 --> 0:23:53.480
<v Speaker 2>about is when you don't have the answers for why

0:23:53.560 --> 0:23:56.560
<v Speaker 2>you feel this way, it's almost like you're burrowing a

0:23:56.600 --> 0:23:59.879
<v Speaker 2>bigger hole within yourself. That's right, because without you know you.

0:24:00.040 --> 0:24:02.399
<v Speaker 2>I love when people call it medicine ayahuasca because it

0:24:02.440 --> 0:24:06.040
<v Speaker 2>is medicine and that's what it's for. The imagery and

0:24:06.160 --> 0:24:09.280
<v Speaker 2>the sensation that you feel when you do ayahuasca can't

0:24:09.280 --> 0:24:11.720
<v Speaker 2>be explained by anything else, like they're and these are

0:24:12.040 --> 0:24:14.560
<v Speaker 2>you know, it's it's spiritual. It's like there's a spirit

0:24:14.600 --> 0:24:17.760
<v Speaker 2>guide who's telling you. And you talk about all your

0:24:17.760 --> 0:24:20.399
<v Speaker 2>different experiences in this book and how many I mean

0:24:20.480 --> 0:24:23.160
<v Speaker 2>I think you've done it multiple times. I have tons,

0:24:23.440 --> 0:24:25.480
<v Speaker 2>and you get something new out of it each time.

0:24:25.440 --> 0:24:28.560
<v Speaker 1>Every time, every time.

0:24:28.600 --> 0:24:32.159
<v Speaker 2>And one of your very first experiences was so bad

0:24:32.400 --> 0:24:35.680
<v Speaker 2>and dark that I was like, what, this bitch is crazy?

0:24:36.560 --> 0:24:38.000
<v Speaker 2>And you went back and you're like, I think I

0:24:38.040 --> 0:24:39.800
<v Speaker 2>need to stay at it for the next night, which

0:24:39.880 --> 0:24:40.920
<v Speaker 2>was not even planned.

0:24:41.200 --> 0:24:44.359
<v Speaker 5>Well, yeah, because I felt like I was possessed. Let

0:24:44.400 --> 0:24:47.160
<v Speaker 5>me tell you, my kids have been life savers.

0:24:47.280 --> 0:24:47.680
<v Speaker 1>Literally.

0:24:48.040 --> 0:24:50.480
<v Speaker 5>The only reason why I went back in is because

0:24:50.520 --> 0:24:53.520
<v Speaker 5>I was like, whatever's on me, I can't take this

0:24:53.600 --> 0:24:58.240
<v Speaker 5>to my children. That's the only reason why I went back.

0:24:58.640 --> 0:25:02.760
<v Speaker 5>If I didn't have kids, I probably I don't even know, Chelsea. Honestly,

0:25:03.000 --> 0:25:06.800
<v Speaker 5>I wouldn't have had sometimes and I realized this in life,

0:25:06.920 --> 0:25:10.760
<v Speaker 5>sometimes it's you're not your motivation and that's okay.

0:25:10.840 --> 0:25:11.040
<v Speaker 2>You know.

0:25:11.119 --> 0:25:12.920
<v Speaker 5>There have been times when I've had to think about

0:25:13.000 --> 0:25:15.879
<v Speaker 5>other people and most of the time my kids, and

0:25:16.000 --> 0:25:18.960
<v Speaker 5>that particular time it was about my kids.

0:25:19.000 --> 0:25:21.680
<v Speaker 1>And I went back and then I had.

0:25:21.560 --> 0:25:25.520
<v Speaker 5>To go through yet another difficult night, but it brought me.

0:25:26.480 --> 0:25:29.800
<v Speaker 2>To that space of resolve and light and that was

0:25:29.880 --> 0:25:32.960
<v Speaker 2>much more peaceful. And then you've continued to use it.

0:25:33.160 --> 0:25:36.119
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I use it. I well, right after that, I

0:25:36.160 --> 0:25:38.040
<v Speaker 1>didn't do it for a year because it was terrified.

0:25:39.200 --> 0:25:40.280
<v Speaker 1>I was like, if this is.

0:25:40.280 --> 0:25:42.520
<v Speaker 5>What this experience is I don't want to do this

0:25:42.640 --> 0:25:43.160
<v Speaker 5>ever again.

0:25:43.440 --> 0:25:44.040
<v Speaker 1>I got through.

0:25:44.280 --> 0:25:47.880
<v Speaker 5>I'm okay, thank you, I don't want to kill myself anymore.

0:25:48.200 --> 0:25:49.760
<v Speaker 1>Thank you, thank you for the healing.

0:25:50.200 --> 0:25:53.320
<v Speaker 5>But then a year later I was like, I feel

0:25:53.320 --> 0:25:55.840
<v Speaker 5>like I need to go back, and so I went

0:25:55.880 --> 0:25:59.760
<v Speaker 5>back again. And then after that I started going often,

0:26:00.240 --> 0:26:02.479
<v Speaker 5>just like every three weeks.

0:26:02.680 --> 0:26:04.680
<v Speaker 1>I was just in the room, in the room.

0:26:05.000 --> 0:26:07.439
<v Speaker 2>And do you prefer to have that experience alone or

0:26:07.480 --> 0:26:08.200
<v Speaker 2>with other people?

0:26:09.200 --> 0:26:12.320
<v Speaker 5>I did it for years by myself, with just me

0:26:12.520 --> 0:26:14.120
<v Speaker 5>and a guide, and.

0:26:14.040 --> 0:26:17.240
<v Speaker 1>I think I needed that, but now I really enjoyed.

0:26:17.320 --> 0:26:19.480
<v Speaker 2>But then I think you needed it too, because I mean,

0:26:19.480 --> 0:26:22.440
<v Speaker 2>look at the results. Yeah, I mean it's amazing.

0:26:22.640 --> 0:26:23.120
<v Speaker 1>Thank you.

0:26:23.359 --> 0:26:27.400
<v Speaker 2>It is medicine. It is so you did not kill yourself,

0:26:27.440 --> 0:26:30.640
<v Speaker 2>Thank God, because you were able to survive these terrible

0:26:30.680 --> 0:26:34.440
<v Speaker 2>bouts of depression, of self hatred, of self immolation, which

0:26:34.440 --> 0:26:36.679
<v Speaker 2>I think so many people can relate to, and so

0:26:36.760 --> 0:26:38.560
<v Speaker 2>many people feel like they're the only people in the

0:26:38.560 --> 0:26:41.119
<v Speaker 2>world feeling that way. And that's what's so heartbreaking is

0:26:41.119 --> 0:26:44.200
<v Speaker 2>that they're not alone, like no one listening. You're never alone.

0:26:44.240 --> 0:26:46.800
<v Speaker 2>You know, you're not the only person going through things

0:26:46.880 --> 0:26:49.439
<v Speaker 2>like this, and there are ways to survive, you know,

0:26:49.480 --> 0:26:52.160
<v Speaker 2>and if it's not plant medicine, there are other ways

0:26:52.200 --> 0:26:53.920
<v Speaker 2>to survive. You can pick up the phone and call

0:26:53.920 --> 0:26:56.040
<v Speaker 2>a hotline. You can call a suicide hotline. You can

0:26:56.119 --> 0:26:58.480
<v Speaker 2>call a family member, you can call someone who knows

0:26:58.760 --> 0:27:00.919
<v Speaker 2>to care about you. Because I also have to remember

0:27:00.960 --> 0:27:04.040
<v Speaker 2>that these feelings are never permanent. These are all temporary feelings,

0:27:04.080 --> 0:27:06.480
<v Speaker 2>and they can feel like they are going to take

0:27:06.520 --> 0:27:09.240
<v Speaker 2>control of you forever, but they will not. That's right, Okay,

0:27:09.280 --> 0:27:11.560
<v Speaker 2>So moving along, what was your I want to know

0:27:12.000 --> 0:27:14.080
<v Speaker 2>how did you come to the decision to write this

0:27:14.119 --> 0:27:15.520
<v Speaker 2>book at this time in your life?

0:27:15.600 --> 0:27:20.840
<v Speaker 5>Well, it was really twenty twenty one and on this

0:27:20.960 --> 0:27:24.919
<v Speaker 5>journey to you know, self worth, Jay Shetty, who's like

0:27:24.920 --> 0:27:26.879
<v Speaker 5>a brother to me, had been by my side and

0:27:26.920 --> 0:27:28.240
<v Speaker 5>he's like, you need to write a book. And I

0:27:28.280 --> 0:27:30.240
<v Speaker 5>was like, I don't fucking want to write a book.

0:27:30.359 --> 0:27:32.000
<v Speaker 5>I don't want to write a book. And we got

0:27:32.040 --> 0:27:35.000
<v Speaker 5>into it one day and I was like, you know what, Jada,

0:27:35.320 --> 0:27:38.360
<v Speaker 5>You know, Jay's this is your brother. Just just think

0:27:38.400 --> 0:27:41.320
<v Speaker 5>about why he might be thinking that this is something

0:27:41.359 --> 0:27:44.160
<v Speaker 5>good for you to do. And you know, a couple

0:27:44.200 --> 0:27:48.280
<v Speaker 5>of days later, as in meditation, I was like, oh man, wow,

0:27:48.920 --> 0:27:54.919
<v Speaker 5>my journey from feeling unlovable to feeling lovable. That's a

0:27:55.080 --> 0:27:58.320
<v Speaker 5>universal journey. Most of us are on that journey. And

0:27:58.359 --> 0:28:00.920
<v Speaker 5>I was like, that's that's a worthy story. That's a

0:28:00.960 --> 0:28:05.000
<v Speaker 5>worthy journey to share. And I felt like I had

0:28:05.040 --> 0:28:07.600
<v Speaker 5>been through so much. I'd been through the gauntlet of

0:28:07.720 --> 0:28:11.000
<v Speaker 5>like people saying all kinds of crazy stuff about me,

0:28:11.119 --> 0:28:16.480
<v Speaker 5>and I felt like I could afford to really give

0:28:16.720 --> 0:28:22.160
<v Speaker 5>a deep, honest exploration of my journey because I don't

0:28:22.200 --> 0:28:26.840
<v Speaker 5>have the fear of being criticized or judged in a

0:28:26.840 --> 0:28:30.719
<v Speaker 5>certain way. Because I feel like a lot of us women,

0:28:31.920 --> 0:28:35.800
<v Speaker 5>our stories are still considered taboo to really tell the

0:28:35.800 --> 0:28:40.120
<v Speaker 5>real deal, right, and we feel like that we're going

0:28:40.240 --> 0:28:43.680
<v Speaker 5>to be dragged through the mud and that's not fun.

0:28:44.400 --> 0:28:47.480
<v Speaker 5>I've already been dragged through the mud, so okay, you

0:28:47.520 --> 0:28:49.360
<v Speaker 5>know what I mean. So I want to offer this

0:28:49.520 --> 0:28:53.360
<v Speaker 5>journey for those who need to be seen in a

0:28:53.360 --> 0:28:55.800
<v Speaker 5>certain manner, who might be in a hopeless place, because

0:28:55.840 --> 0:28:58.680
<v Speaker 5>I know when I was in a hopeless place, if

0:28:58.680 --> 0:29:01.560
<v Speaker 5>there had been a story like this that I could

0:29:01.640 --> 0:29:04.360
<v Speaker 5>just have some breadcrumbs, I could have oxygen. I'm like,

0:29:04.520 --> 0:29:10.040
<v Speaker 5>I'm not alone. This person can see me. This person

0:29:10.320 --> 0:29:13.080
<v Speaker 5>is showing me that I'm not the only This is

0:29:13.160 --> 0:29:17.040
<v Speaker 5>not a unique experience that I'm having, and I don't

0:29:17.080 --> 0:29:18.440
<v Speaker 5>have to have shame about it.

0:29:19.280 --> 0:29:19.520
<v Speaker 1>You know.

0:29:19.840 --> 0:29:23.160
<v Speaker 2>And another reason what you're saying is striking me is

0:29:23.200 --> 0:29:26.040
<v Speaker 2>because within this book, there have been many moments where

0:29:26.080 --> 0:29:28.920
<v Speaker 2>the women in your life have come to you seeing,

0:29:29.320 --> 0:29:30.960
<v Speaker 2>you know, whether it was at your fortieth or a

0:29:31.000 --> 0:29:34.280
<v Speaker 2>different time, saying seeing that you weren't okay and actually

0:29:34.360 --> 0:29:37.760
<v Speaker 2>stepping in and how meaningful that is, which is something

0:29:37.800 --> 0:29:40.400
<v Speaker 2>that we talk about a lot on this podcast when

0:29:40.400 --> 0:29:44.200
<v Speaker 2>people call in, is do I get involved? Do I

0:29:44.240 --> 0:29:47.680
<v Speaker 2>say something? And a firm believer that the answer is

0:29:47.680 --> 0:29:50.560
<v Speaker 2>always yes if you are especially if you are a

0:29:50.600 --> 0:29:53.400
<v Speaker 2>woman and it's another woman, it doesn't even matter if

0:29:53.440 --> 0:29:56.360
<v Speaker 2>you're close to her or not, because that's your ego,

0:29:56.560 --> 0:29:59.800
<v Speaker 2>like just make sure every woman is okay. Like from

0:30:00.000 --> 0:30:03.160
<v Speaker 2>women women, I see something's wrong? Are you okay? And

0:30:03.200 --> 0:30:05.280
<v Speaker 2>the impact that that had on you, whether it was

0:30:05.320 --> 0:30:08.400
<v Speaker 2>from very close friends or not so close friends, is

0:30:08.680 --> 0:30:10.360
<v Speaker 2>you know, invaluable.

0:30:09.760 --> 0:30:11.720
<v Speaker 1>It is and it's so important.

0:30:11.760 --> 0:30:15.440
<v Speaker 5>I'm glad that you said, even if it's someone that

0:30:15.520 --> 0:30:18.560
<v Speaker 5>you are not close to, you know, from women to

0:30:18.640 --> 0:30:23.160
<v Speaker 5>women when we understand what this journey is like on

0:30:23.240 --> 0:30:26.120
<v Speaker 5>this earthly plane, you know what I mean. And it's like,

0:30:26.240 --> 0:30:28.360
<v Speaker 5>it's a universal journey. I don't care the color of

0:30:28.400 --> 0:30:33.920
<v Speaker 5>your skin, what language you speak. We've got some universal struggles, right,

0:30:34.320 --> 0:30:36.960
<v Speaker 5>And so I really I'm with you. I feel like

0:30:37.640 --> 0:30:40.080
<v Speaker 5>that's part of what we're here to do as women

0:30:40.200 --> 0:30:42.840
<v Speaker 5>is to help each other, right, and part of that

0:30:42.920 --> 0:30:46.320
<v Speaker 5>is sharing our stories, you know, and being able to

0:30:46.440 --> 0:30:49.480
<v Speaker 5>use the wisdom that we collect along the way to

0:30:49.720 --> 0:30:51.240
<v Speaker 5>help others, you know.

0:30:51.600 --> 0:30:53.680
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, And there's a lot of wisdom in the book.

0:30:54.000 --> 0:30:56.320
<v Speaker 2>And you talk very openly about your marriage with Will

0:30:56.560 --> 0:30:58.480
<v Speaker 2>and you guys are when you got married you made

0:30:58.520 --> 0:31:01.640
<v Speaker 2>a very sacred value to each other that divorce wasn't

0:31:01.680 --> 0:31:02.040
<v Speaker 2>an option.

0:31:02.720 --> 0:31:06.200
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, it was like because as you read, you know,

0:31:06.680 --> 0:31:10.360
<v Speaker 5>I wasn't interested in having like the wedding because I

0:31:10.400 --> 0:31:14.520
<v Speaker 5>was like, first of all, we're doing something really serious here.

0:31:14.680 --> 0:31:17.120
<v Speaker 1>You know, I don't have I don't have time for

0:31:17.200 --> 0:31:17.719
<v Speaker 1>a wedding.

0:31:20.440 --> 0:31:21.680
<v Speaker 2>That's a great way to put it.

0:31:22.120 --> 0:31:24.720
<v Speaker 1>You know, this is so fucking serious. Why do we

0:31:24.720 --> 0:31:27.280
<v Speaker 1>have This is a serious shit.

0:31:27.960 --> 0:31:30.960
<v Speaker 5>I don't have time to be thinking about bridesmaids and

0:31:31.000 --> 0:31:32.640
<v Speaker 5>what fucking dress I'm wearing.

0:31:33.120 --> 0:31:35.960
<v Speaker 1>I'm about to fucking commit myself to you forever and.

0:31:35.920 --> 0:31:37.520
<v Speaker 2>I'm about to have a baby.

0:31:38.560 --> 0:31:42.719
<v Speaker 5>Like this is not what I thought my life to be, right,

0:31:42.800 --> 0:31:45.080
<v Speaker 5>And so I wanted to go to the mountaintop. I

0:31:45.120 --> 0:31:46.960
<v Speaker 5>was like, look, we need to get with God and

0:31:47.000 --> 0:31:49.400
<v Speaker 5>figure this out, Like this is serious. We got to

0:31:49.400 --> 0:31:51.520
<v Speaker 5>commit to each other in a spiritual.

0:31:51.040 --> 0:31:54.000
<v Speaker 2>Way, because you guys had a very spiritual connection from

0:31:54.040 --> 0:31:54.800
<v Speaker 2>the time you met.

0:31:54.920 --> 0:31:55.840
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, we did.

0:31:56.280 --> 0:32:00.760
<v Speaker 5>And so when we were outside on that log in

0:32:00.800 --> 0:32:04.680
<v Speaker 5>his mother's backyard and he was talking about a prenup,

0:32:04.760 --> 0:32:09.680
<v Speaker 5>and I was just like, if we're gonna talk about

0:32:09.680 --> 0:32:13.000
<v Speaker 5>the end at the beginning, just don't marry me. I'm

0:32:13.080 --> 0:32:18.840
<v Speaker 5>not interested. I'm okay, I don't want it. And you know,

0:32:19.040 --> 0:32:21.000
<v Speaker 5>he was like, I get it. He was like, I

0:32:21.120 --> 0:32:23.040
<v Speaker 5>you know, I don't think we need a prenup. If

0:32:23.040 --> 0:32:24.520
<v Speaker 5>you don't think we need a prenup, we don't need

0:32:24.560 --> 0:32:27.960
<v Speaker 5>a prenup. And I said, I'm telling you we're gonna

0:32:28.000 --> 0:32:33.400
<v Speaker 5>work through everything. That was my sacred vow that day,

0:32:34.680 --> 0:32:38.360
<v Speaker 5>right and so, and he looked to me and he

0:32:38.360 --> 0:32:41.560
<v Speaker 5>said okay. And so in that moment, for me, that

0:32:41.760 --> 0:32:45.560
<v Speaker 5>was my mountaintop moment. That was like my moment with

0:32:45.720 --> 0:32:50.280
<v Speaker 5>God saying we I am going to We're gonna work

0:32:50.320 --> 0:32:54.160
<v Speaker 5>through everything, you know, And it's not about money and

0:32:54.200 --> 0:32:56.959
<v Speaker 5>all of that. It's about that moment of making that

0:32:57.040 --> 0:32:59.880
<v Speaker 5>commitment and that vow. And let me tell you it's

0:33:00.400 --> 0:33:03.680
<v Speaker 5>it's not an easy vow to keep because ultimately, when

0:33:03.720 --> 0:33:07.760
<v Speaker 5>you're talking about being with somebody forever, forever. I talked

0:33:07.760 --> 0:33:09.520
<v Speaker 5>about it in the book, you're gonna go through that

0:33:09.640 --> 0:33:12.920
<v Speaker 5>jungle together and you're gonna get to see what shows

0:33:13.000 --> 0:33:16.800
<v Speaker 5>up what doesn't show up in one another. But that's

0:33:16.880 --> 0:33:19.920
<v Speaker 5>what a marriage is, right. You're gonna have your honeymoon

0:33:19.960 --> 0:33:21.280
<v Speaker 5>stages and then you're gonna.

0:33:21.080 --> 0:33:22.520
<v Speaker 1>Have your hell stages.

0:33:22.720 --> 0:33:25.280
<v Speaker 2>But it's just such a crack of shit that people

0:33:25.360 --> 0:33:27.800
<v Speaker 2>don't talk about that when you're getting married.

0:33:27.920 --> 0:33:30.880
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, because that's the problem, Chelsea. That's why I feel

0:33:30.960 --> 0:33:35.400
<v Speaker 5>like the ceremony is not the way you should start

0:33:35.640 --> 0:33:40.600
<v Speaker 5>a word, because it's setting you, it's setting up this fantasy. Yeah,

0:33:40.680 --> 0:33:44.720
<v Speaker 5>And I knew my marriage was not gonna be a fantasy, right.

0:33:44.840 --> 0:33:47.240
<v Speaker 5>I knew that from the gate. I didn't know then,

0:33:47.320 --> 0:33:50.000
<v Speaker 5>but that I was just gonna run into my shit that's.

0:33:49.760 --> 0:33:51.000
<v Speaker 1>Really what I was scared of.

0:33:51.760 --> 0:33:54.120
<v Speaker 2>Well, I think so many of us believe that, like,

0:33:54.480 --> 0:33:56.360
<v Speaker 2>we have our shit, we have our shit, and then

0:33:56.440 --> 0:33:58.800
<v Speaker 2>some guy's gonna come along and you're like, I see

0:33:58.800 --> 0:34:01.080
<v Speaker 2>your shit, and I'm gonna take care of your shit,

0:34:02.200 --> 0:34:04.120
<v Speaker 2>and I don't worry about your shit. It's not shit

0:34:04.240 --> 0:34:06.720
<v Speaker 2>with me, right, And it's like, no, it is. It

0:34:06.800 --> 0:34:08.320
<v Speaker 2>is because it's ours.

0:34:08.440 --> 0:34:11.160
<v Speaker 5>It's ours, and it's going to be really shitty. Yeah,

0:34:11.239 --> 0:34:13.399
<v Speaker 5>it's going to be really shitty at times. Yeah.

0:34:13.440 --> 0:34:17.000
<v Speaker 2>I wonder how many women would be able to sit

0:34:17.120 --> 0:34:21.520
<v Speaker 2>and listen to that conversation before getting married, Like, just

0:34:21.600 --> 0:34:24.319
<v Speaker 2>so you know, this isn't going to be twenty years

0:34:24.320 --> 0:34:27.480
<v Speaker 2>of bliss, right, There are gonna be many, many moments

0:34:27.480 --> 0:34:29.880
<v Speaker 2>of despair and disappointment.

0:34:30.040 --> 0:34:33.840
<v Speaker 1>Yes, I wish, God, I wish. I don't mean to

0:34:33.880 --> 0:34:36.279
<v Speaker 1>be a debute. Listen. Weddings are great. I want to

0:34:36.320 --> 0:34:40.160
<v Speaker 1>start right, but I feel like.

0:34:40.239 --> 0:34:43.120
<v Speaker 5>The marriage ceremony set up the way that it is

0:34:43.200 --> 0:34:47.839
<v Speaker 5>now gives a really false impression of what marriage is

0:34:47.920 --> 0:34:48.480
<v Speaker 5>going to be.

0:34:49.280 --> 0:34:51.840
<v Speaker 1>You know, you have the white dress, you know, the

0:34:51.840 --> 0:34:52.759
<v Speaker 1>princess of the day.

0:34:52.800 --> 0:34:56.439
<v Speaker 5>It's a fairy tale and I'm like, yeah, that's not

0:34:56.719 --> 0:35:00.000
<v Speaker 5>what you have moments of that, but a marriage.

0:35:00.239 --> 0:35:04.040
<v Speaker 1>To me, and I've been learning along the way, it's

0:35:04.080 --> 0:35:07.400
<v Speaker 1>really a holy path of purification.

0:35:08.680 --> 0:35:08.880
<v Speaker 6>You know.

0:35:09.239 --> 0:35:12.440
<v Speaker 5>It's like there is nothing like an intimate partner to

0:35:12.520 --> 0:35:15.920
<v Speaker 5>make you have to look at your stuff and clean

0:35:15.960 --> 0:35:20.600
<v Speaker 5>it up, you know, for each person involved. And because

0:35:20.600 --> 0:35:24.360
<v Speaker 5>it's in that intimate partnership where you really get to

0:35:24.440 --> 0:35:28.200
<v Speaker 5>the nitty gritty, you really get to those buttons you

0:35:28.280 --> 0:35:29.600
<v Speaker 5>know that are the deep.

0:35:29.719 --> 0:35:31.759
<v Speaker 1>There is like a mine field.

0:35:31.920 --> 0:35:34.800
<v Speaker 2>And you have to have two willing participants. Yeah, because

0:35:34.800 --> 0:35:38.319
<v Speaker 2>somebody could be a seeker like yourself, and somebody could

0:35:38.360 --> 0:35:40.480
<v Speaker 2>be a nonseeker and be like, I'm not interested in

0:35:40.520 --> 0:35:42.400
<v Speaker 2>all of this, you know what I mean. I was

0:35:42.520 --> 0:35:44.440
<v Speaker 2>just on vacation with some girlfriends in my Orca and

0:35:44.560 --> 0:35:46.280
<v Speaker 2>one of my friends was telling me about her husband

0:35:46.360 --> 0:35:48.200
<v Speaker 2>and she's like, he's seeking out all the stuff. He's

0:35:48.200 --> 0:35:50.680
<v Speaker 2>seeking out all this stuff. I go, that's great, why

0:35:50.680 --> 0:35:52.239
<v Speaker 2>don't you go with him and seek it out? And

0:35:52.280 --> 0:35:53.880
<v Speaker 2>she's like, I have no interest in any of that.

0:35:54.000 --> 0:35:55.840
<v Speaker 2>And I was like, but you're okay for him to

0:35:55.880 --> 0:35:57.400
<v Speaker 2>go do it, right, And she's like, yeah, I just

0:35:57.440 --> 0:35:59.360
<v Speaker 2>want him to go figure his shit out and I

0:35:59.400 --> 0:36:02.480
<v Speaker 2>thought interesting because, like you know, you can have two

0:36:02.520 --> 0:36:04.719
<v Speaker 2>people who are seeking and it can cause a lot

0:36:04.719 --> 0:36:07.440
<v Speaker 2>of you know, it could be fractious, but you can

0:36:07.480 --> 0:36:11.480
<v Speaker 2>also sometimes people just need to go and be on

0:36:11.560 --> 0:36:14.360
<v Speaker 2>their own, yes, and then come back.

0:36:14.680 --> 0:36:18.080
<v Speaker 5>That's right, and that I feel like in long term

0:36:18.120 --> 0:36:23.360
<v Speaker 5>relationships that is an inevitable passage where you have to

0:36:23.400 --> 0:36:24.040
<v Speaker 5>go on your own.

0:36:24.239 --> 0:36:30.040
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. You talk about that in the book that you

0:36:30.080 --> 0:36:33.040
<v Speaker 2>guys have been separated for many years. Yeah, six years.

0:36:33.200 --> 0:36:35.000
<v Speaker 2>Well when you wrote the book, it was six years. Yeah,

0:36:35.239 --> 0:36:37.200
<v Speaker 2>six years, six years at the oscars. You were separated

0:36:37.239 --> 0:36:39.400
<v Speaker 2>six years at the Oscars, is what you said. Yeah,

0:36:39.440 --> 0:36:42.319
<v Speaker 2>so but you're not divorced, no, and you have no

0:36:42.400 --> 0:36:46.160
<v Speaker 2>plans to get divorced. No, So talk to us about that.

0:36:48.000 --> 0:36:50.200
<v Speaker 2>I'm down with it. I think this is a great

0:36:50.320 --> 0:36:52.239
<v Speaker 2>new way of thinking about marriage.

0:36:52.440 --> 0:36:56.520
<v Speaker 1>Well, you know, that's new. They're not getting divorced. Part,

0:36:56.960 --> 0:36:57.479
<v Speaker 1>that's new.

0:36:57.640 --> 0:37:02.560
<v Speaker 5>Okay, Yeah, because in twenty sixteen I was definitely thinking

0:37:02.600 --> 0:37:02.920
<v Speaker 5>about it.

0:37:02.960 --> 0:37:05.760
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, well twenty sixteen was when Trump was elected

0:37:05.800 --> 0:37:07.520
<v Speaker 2>to I think a lot of people were thinking a

0:37:07.520 --> 0:37:11.879
<v Speaker 2>lot of things. We'll just put that on him for now, right,

0:37:11.960 --> 0:37:14.359
<v Speaker 2>But okay, so you were thinking about it. But yeah,

0:37:14.480 --> 0:37:15.920
<v Speaker 2>but you didn't take the steps to do it.

0:37:16.080 --> 0:37:19.120
<v Speaker 5>I didn't take the steps to do it never, you know,

0:37:19.280 --> 0:37:23.080
<v Speaker 5>never sought a lawyer. But it wasn't that I wasn't

0:37:23.280 --> 0:37:26.399
<v Speaker 5>thinking about it, because I was just like, all right,

0:37:26.440 --> 0:37:29.600
<v Speaker 5>how do I do this? How do I uncouple consciously?

0:37:29.880 --> 0:37:32.239
<v Speaker 5>I don't want to do it from a place of resentment,

0:37:32.320 --> 0:37:34.600
<v Speaker 5>from a place of anger. I don't want to create

0:37:35.360 --> 0:37:39.960
<v Speaker 5>just a messy bloodshed, right, And so I was really

0:37:40.840 --> 0:37:43.839
<v Speaker 5>trying to figure that out, working on myself getting to.

0:37:43.840 --> 0:37:45.080
<v Speaker 1>A place of like.

0:37:46.560 --> 0:37:50.520
<v Speaker 5>Peaceful resolve between us, which took a lot longer than

0:37:50.600 --> 0:37:52.239
<v Speaker 5>I expected, you.

0:37:52.200 --> 0:37:54.200
<v Speaker 1>Know, several several several years.

0:37:54.600 --> 0:38:01.440
<v Speaker 5>And then when Will finished Emancipation, a huge shit happened

0:38:01.440 --> 0:38:04.680
<v Speaker 5>in him. I think that was a really difficult movie

0:38:04.719 --> 0:38:05.520
<v Speaker 5>for him to shoot.

0:38:06.280 --> 0:38:07.680
<v Speaker 1>A lot of stuff came up for him.

0:38:07.680 --> 0:38:09.439
<v Speaker 5>And that was when he asked me to get back

0:38:09.440 --> 0:38:12.160
<v Speaker 5>into some therapeutic settings.

0:38:11.760 --> 0:38:15.400
<v Speaker 1>With him, and we started.

0:38:15.040 --> 0:38:18.080
<v Speaker 5>Doing some deep work in a way that we had

0:38:18.239 --> 0:38:22.160
<v Speaker 5>never done before. Then he got nominated and he was like, listen,

0:38:23.280 --> 0:38:27.160
<v Speaker 5>there's nobody else that I want by my side during

0:38:27.160 --> 0:38:29.960
<v Speaker 5>this time, you know, because we were still family, right,

0:38:31.280 --> 0:38:34.160
<v Speaker 5>and he was like, you know, were you do this

0:38:34.239 --> 0:38:34.759
<v Speaker 5>run with me?

0:38:34.800 --> 0:38:37.359
<v Speaker 1>And I was like absolutely, of course, you.

0:38:37.320 --> 0:38:41.000
<v Speaker 2>Know, And what was the like? So you guys were

0:38:41.080 --> 0:38:43.000
<v Speaker 2>living separately and we were living separately.

0:38:43.040 --> 0:38:45.160
<v Speaker 5>I had bought I had bought a house because I

0:38:45.280 --> 0:38:50.560
<v Speaker 5>really needed talking about needing to go on your separate journey.

0:38:50.640 --> 0:38:53.960
<v Speaker 5>I had gone on several separate journeys and just trying

0:38:54.000 --> 0:38:59.280
<v Speaker 5>to get to a place of happiness within myself, place

0:38:59.320 --> 0:39:04.239
<v Speaker 5>of peace and really making peace with what is, you know,

0:39:04.600 --> 0:39:10.799
<v Speaker 5>just like trying to detox from a romanticized version of

0:39:10.880 --> 0:39:15.520
<v Speaker 5>myself as well as the romanticized version of Will and

0:39:15.560 --> 0:39:20.920
<v Speaker 5>a romanticized version of our togetherness. Because even though I

0:39:21.040 --> 0:39:25.319
<v Speaker 5>might not have had the white wedding romantic version, I

0:39:25.440 --> 0:39:28.160
<v Speaker 5>had to really come to the understanding that I had

0:39:28.239 --> 0:39:33.560
<v Speaker 5>a romantic idea of what I wanted our connection to

0:39:33.640 --> 0:39:34.040
<v Speaker 5>look like.

0:39:34.160 --> 0:39:38.879
<v Speaker 1>I wanted this masterpiece of connection between Will and I.

0:39:39.120 --> 0:39:41.120
<v Speaker 5>Now, how do you have a masterpiece of connection with

0:39:41.200 --> 0:39:43.960
<v Speaker 5>someone else if you don't have it with yourself. And

0:39:44.000 --> 0:39:47.200
<v Speaker 5>that's what I had to learn, really detoxing from the

0:39:47.320 --> 0:39:51.320
<v Speaker 5>idea that it was his job to make me happy

0:39:52.480 --> 0:39:57.160
<v Speaker 5>because I believed I sat here and I helped you

0:39:57.239 --> 0:40:01.480
<v Speaker 5>get every fucking thing you wanted. You need to now

0:40:01.760 --> 0:40:04.279
<v Speaker 5>help me get the dream I wanted, which is.

0:40:04.239 --> 0:40:08.319
<v Speaker 1>Connection between us, damn it, you know.

0:40:09.080 --> 0:40:14.360
<v Speaker 5>And I had to really recognize that that wasn't something

0:40:14.440 --> 0:40:18.839
<v Speaker 5>he could give me even if he tried, because I

0:40:18.920 --> 0:40:22.000
<v Speaker 5>wasn't willing to give it to really know, have an

0:40:22.000 --> 0:40:24.080
<v Speaker 5>intimate relationship with myself and.

0:40:24.160 --> 0:40:26.040
<v Speaker 1>Deal with my shit.

0:40:27.120 --> 0:40:30.120
<v Speaker 5>And so in that six years period, that's what I

0:40:30.120 --> 0:40:34.440
<v Speaker 5>had been doing. So now we're in these therapeutic settings

0:40:35.560 --> 0:40:39.080
<v Speaker 5>and we're really doing some deep work, really deep work.

0:40:39.440 --> 0:40:41.359
<v Speaker 5>And so when we got to the Oscars, we were

0:40:41.360 --> 0:40:43.880
<v Speaker 5>in a really good place, you know, and doing this

0:40:43.960 --> 0:40:44.800
<v Speaker 5>deep work together.

0:40:45.719 --> 0:40:48.200
<v Speaker 2>And then yeah, well, I think you should talk about it,

0:40:48.239 --> 0:40:50.480
<v Speaker 2>because I think people wonder what you were thinking and

0:40:50.520 --> 0:40:53.160
<v Speaker 2>what I mean, it's in the book. You talk about

0:40:53.160 --> 0:40:55.120
<v Speaker 2>it in the book. Yeah, I mean, so you don't

0:40:55.160 --> 0:40:56.719
<v Speaker 2>have to get into it. But I think you were

0:40:56.760 --> 0:40:58.080
<v Speaker 2>as surprised as anyone else.

0:40:58.239 --> 0:41:01.680
<v Speaker 5>I was super surprised at first because he had been

0:41:01.719 --> 0:41:05.640
<v Speaker 5>going back and forth to the backstage, and I was like,

0:41:05.680 --> 0:41:08.680
<v Speaker 5>oh wow, when he got up. When Chris said what

0:41:08.760 --> 0:41:13.080
<v Speaker 5>he said, I rolled my eyes because I knew when

0:41:13.120 --> 0:41:16.799
<v Speaker 5>I first saw Chris's name as one of the presenters,

0:41:17.280 --> 0:41:19.080
<v Speaker 5>I remember saying to Will, I was like, oh no,

0:41:20.160 --> 0:41:23.000
<v Speaker 5>I was like, I hope he plays nice tonight. You know.

0:41:23.200 --> 0:41:27.960
<v Speaker 1>But because Chris and I had buried our beef.

0:41:27.719 --> 0:41:31.720
<v Speaker 5>You know, after twenty sixteen and that whole misunderstanding, he apologized.

0:41:31.760 --> 0:41:34.600
<v Speaker 5>I apologized to him. We were in a good place.

0:41:34.880 --> 0:41:37.880
<v Speaker 5>I hadn't spoken to him since, and but I just

0:41:38.000 --> 0:41:39.840
<v Speaker 5>kept thinking. I was like, ah, he's not gonna be

0:41:39.840 --> 0:41:42.239
<v Speaker 5>able to help himself, you know. And I just had

0:41:42.280 --> 0:41:46.799
<v Speaker 5>this like my bubble guts, bubble guts, And so Will

0:41:46.880 --> 0:41:50.160
<v Speaker 5>was going back and forth backstage, and then when Chris

0:41:50.200 --> 0:41:53.759
<v Speaker 5>said what he said, I looked to Will as to say, you.

0:41:53.800 --> 0:41:58.160
<v Speaker 1>Believe that shit right? And I wasn't.

0:41:58.000 --> 0:42:02.359
<v Speaker 5>Upset about what Chris said about me, because I'm gonna

0:42:02.400 --> 0:42:04.080
<v Speaker 5>be okay.

0:42:04.120 --> 0:42:07.680
<v Speaker 1>It was the idea of I had known.

0:42:07.640 --> 0:42:11.680
<v Speaker 5>So many horrible stories about young people who had committed

0:42:11.680 --> 0:42:15.560
<v Speaker 5>suicide because they had alopecia, people who were suffering in

0:42:15.680 --> 0:42:18.799
<v Speaker 5>silence and in shame because of alopecia, and I was

0:42:18.880 --> 0:42:23.359
<v Speaker 5>just like, I was thinking about my alopecia community and

0:42:23.360 --> 0:42:27.000
<v Speaker 5>how on this world stage it was okay to make

0:42:27.040 --> 0:42:28.000
<v Speaker 5>fun of alopecia.

0:42:28.680 --> 0:42:32.640
<v Speaker 1>And then Will gets up. I'm like, is this a skit.

0:42:34.080 --> 0:42:36.240
<v Speaker 5>He talked to Chris backstage and he didn't say anything

0:42:36.280 --> 0:42:38.520
<v Speaker 5>to me. And then Chris, how he's reacting is kind

0:42:38.520 --> 0:42:40.560
<v Speaker 5>of like, oh, here comes mister Smith. And I was like,

0:42:40.600 --> 0:42:43.719
<v Speaker 5>oh shit, this is a skit. And then from where

0:42:43.760 --> 0:42:47.640
<v Speaker 5>I'm sitting, when Will swung, it looked like Chris slipped

0:42:47.640 --> 0:42:52.239
<v Speaker 5>the shot. I didn't know he had made contact, and

0:42:52.520 --> 0:42:56.400
<v Speaker 5>especially after Chris was still standing, because I'd seen Will

0:42:57.400 --> 0:42:59.520
<v Speaker 5>knock professional fighters down in the ring.

0:42:59.840 --> 0:43:00.839
<v Speaker 1>He's a heavy hitter.

0:43:01.480 --> 0:43:03.760
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, well he's trained, Yeah, he's trained.

0:43:03.920 --> 0:43:04.920
<v Speaker 1>He's a heavy hitter.

0:43:06.360 --> 0:43:10.440
<v Speaker 5>So when he turned around and he started coming back downstage,

0:43:10.520 --> 0:43:15.200
<v Speaker 5>I was like, oh no, this is not a joke.

0:43:15.320 --> 0:43:16.359
<v Speaker 1>Something is wrong here.

0:43:16.960 --> 0:43:21.560
<v Speaker 5>And now I can see that Will's not necessarily in

0:43:21.640 --> 0:43:24.120
<v Speaker 5>present time. So he comes and he sits down and

0:43:24.160 --> 0:43:25.759
<v Speaker 5>I just grab his hand and I look at him

0:43:25.760 --> 0:43:26.480
<v Speaker 5>and I said.

0:43:26.960 --> 0:43:27.680
<v Speaker 1>Are you okay.

0:43:29.200 --> 0:43:33.160
<v Speaker 5>Chris comes down to the stage and he starts speaking

0:43:33.160 --> 0:43:35.840
<v Speaker 5>to me again in the commercial break, at the commercial break,

0:43:35.880 --> 0:43:39.600
<v Speaker 5>and he says, I meant no harm. And at that time,

0:43:39.719 --> 0:43:43.640
<v Speaker 5>I was so confused and so disrupted because I'm really

0:43:43.640 --> 0:43:46.560
<v Speaker 5>worried about Will, because Will has never done anything like

0:43:46.600 --> 0:43:49.080
<v Speaker 5>this before. I don't know what's going on. I have

0:43:49.120 --> 0:43:52.640
<v Speaker 5>no idea. I don't know what's happening with him, and

0:43:52.680 --> 0:43:57.120
<v Speaker 5>I'm really worried about him. And I'm like, Chris, I

0:43:57.160 --> 0:43:59.719
<v Speaker 5>can't do this right now, this is about some old

0:43:59.760 --> 0:44:04.160
<v Speaker 5>shit it I can't. And then Chris, but Will's going off.

0:44:04.880 --> 0:44:09.439
<v Speaker 5>He's going off again. So Denzel comes over and he's

0:44:09.520 --> 0:44:14.680
<v Speaker 5>leaning on Will to just calm him down. Chris finishes

0:44:15.239 --> 0:44:20.399
<v Speaker 5>his whole thing. Denzel Bradley Cooper take care of Will,

0:44:20.440 --> 0:44:24.239
<v Speaker 5>which I'm so grateful for because I was just at

0:44:24.280 --> 0:44:24.800
<v Speaker 5>a loss.

0:44:24.960 --> 0:44:25.840
<v Speaker 1>I was at a loss.

0:44:27.280 --> 0:44:30.520
<v Speaker 5>And then his publicist and my publicists come over and

0:44:30.560 --> 0:44:33.040
<v Speaker 5>she's like, you know, Chris left the building. He's not

0:44:33.080 --> 0:44:35.080
<v Speaker 5>going to press charges. And I was like, press charges

0:44:35.120 --> 0:44:38.680
<v Speaker 5>for what? And she's like, Will hit Chris? And I

0:44:38.800 --> 0:44:43.080
<v Speaker 5>looked at Will and I said, you hit Chris? Actually,

0:44:43.120 --> 0:44:47.520
<v Speaker 5>you actually hit Chris And he said yeah, and I

0:44:47.560 --> 0:44:49.399
<v Speaker 5>said okay, and that's when I knew.

0:44:49.480 --> 0:44:51.279
<v Speaker 1>I said, all right, I.

0:44:51.280 --> 0:44:53.360
<v Speaker 5>Might not have walked in here as your wife, but

0:44:53.400 --> 0:44:55.880
<v Speaker 5>I'm leaving here as your wife because we're gonna have

0:44:55.920 --> 0:44:59.799
<v Speaker 5>to get through this together, you know, yeah, you know.

0:45:00.640 --> 0:45:06.080
<v Speaker 5>So that's I have to say that the oscars brought

0:45:06.160 --> 0:45:11.480
<v Speaker 5>us closer, so you know, our dynamic has because you

0:45:11.600 --> 0:45:14.440
<v Speaker 5>knew that he was in pain. I knew that he

0:45:14.480 --> 0:45:16.759
<v Speaker 5>was in pain. I knew that he was going through

0:45:16.800 --> 0:45:20.319
<v Speaker 5>a lot. I knew a lot that the public didn't know,

0:45:20.880 --> 0:45:23.760
<v Speaker 5>you know, because we had been in these therapeutic spaces together,

0:45:24.719 --> 0:45:28.640
<v Speaker 5>and so I knew I had to be byside. And

0:45:28.760 --> 0:45:31.280
<v Speaker 5>just because you know, everybody wants to ride in the limo,

0:45:32.960 --> 0:45:36.680
<v Speaker 5>that's real talk, right, and that's it was this moment

0:45:36.719 --> 0:45:43.200
<v Speaker 5>when I really realized that next level of commitment and love,

0:45:43.480 --> 0:45:46.760
<v Speaker 5>because this is about us walking each other home.

0:45:47.600 --> 0:45:48.640
<v Speaker 1>This is about.

0:45:48.400 --> 0:45:52.760
<v Speaker 5>Us helping each other heal, walking each other to those

0:45:52.800 --> 0:45:56.480
<v Speaker 5>sacred places within as well as those sacred places without,

0:45:57.000 --> 0:46:01.879
<v Speaker 5>where I had to get really deep resolved around that's

0:46:01.920 --> 0:46:05.120
<v Speaker 5>what the journey's about, and that we are two people

0:46:06.320 --> 0:46:09.760
<v Speaker 5>that came into this relationship at a very young age

0:46:10.239 --> 0:46:15.360
<v Speaker 5>with a lot of trauma and thus not having a

0:46:15.400 --> 0:46:20.520
<v Speaker 5>lot of information our traumas, how we acted our traumas

0:46:20.560 --> 0:46:24.120
<v Speaker 5>out on one another, you know, and just learning how

0:46:24.160 --> 0:46:29.080
<v Speaker 5>not to take that personally, and just realizing that we're

0:46:29.080 --> 0:46:33.520
<v Speaker 5>walking each other home and that that's about being able

0:46:33.600 --> 0:46:37.400
<v Speaker 5>to hold each other's hands in those dark caves with

0:46:37.560 --> 0:46:42.880
<v Speaker 5>the Grimlins and the Gargoyles and you know, all of

0:46:42.920 --> 0:46:43.680
<v Speaker 5>the monsters.

0:46:44.040 --> 0:46:46.640
<v Speaker 2>Right when you say everyone wants to ride in the limo,

0:46:47.520 --> 0:46:50.879
<v Speaker 2>not everybody wants to ride when there's no limo.

0:46:50.960 --> 0:46:53.120
<v Speaker 5>Nobody wants to Nobody wants to go in the Haunted

0:46:53.160 --> 0:46:55.080
<v Speaker 5>House on the Spooky Bus.

0:46:55.920 --> 0:46:58.680
<v Speaker 2>And I mean it couldn't be more true. Yeah, I

0:46:58.680 --> 0:47:01.600
<v Speaker 2>mean everybody knows that. I mean, when you're a celebrity that,

0:47:01.640 --> 0:47:03.879
<v Speaker 2>I mean, it's great for celebration and then then when

0:47:03.920 --> 0:47:05.640
<v Speaker 2>something goes wrong, you look around and you're like.

0:47:05.560 --> 0:47:07.799
<v Speaker 1>Well fuck yeah, it's like everybody.

0:47:07.920 --> 0:47:10.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, So may I ask you what the status is

0:47:10.719 --> 0:47:12.799
<v Speaker 2>now of you guys? What's your relationship?

0:47:12.840 --> 0:47:14.399
<v Speaker 1>You're still married, We're still married.

0:47:14.560 --> 0:47:16.320
<v Speaker 2>Got that going, Yeah, we got that going.

0:47:16.880 --> 0:47:24.840
<v Speaker 5>And we've really been concentrating on just that healing component together, yeah,

0:47:24.920 --> 0:47:28.400
<v Speaker 5>and taking it one day at a time, Chelsea, trying

0:47:28.400 --> 0:47:29.840
<v Speaker 5>to figure it out, you know.

0:47:30.040 --> 0:47:33.920
<v Speaker 2>I mean, yeah, very very admirable, very at your honesty

0:47:34.040 --> 0:47:37.160
<v Speaker 2>and yeah, it's very I'm really just blown away by

0:47:37.200 --> 0:47:39.600
<v Speaker 2>it and I love it. I mean, it's just good

0:47:39.600 --> 0:47:40.520
<v Speaker 2>for the world.

0:47:40.480 --> 0:47:42.200
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, because that's what life is.

0:47:42.200 --> 0:47:46.200
<v Speaker 5>That you know, this idea that these perfect picture you know, you.

0:47:46.200 --> 0:47:48.400
<v Speaker 2>Know, you look at like from my perspective, I remember

0:47:48.440 --> 0:47:52.319
<v Speaker 2>watching that night thinking what's going on with him? Like,

0:47:52.400 --> 0:47:55.719
<v Speaker 2>that's not who he is? What's happening to him? He

0:47:55.800 --> 0:47:58.600
<v Speaker 2>must be going through something either with you, with his person.

0:47:58.680 --> 0:48:01.560
<v Speaker 2>I mean, it's never about another person only. It's about

0:48:01.600 --> 0:48:04.080
<v Speaker 2>everything we've experienced through our lives, and it is our

0:48:04.080 --> 0:48:07.160
<v Speaker 2>trauma revisiting us. And when it's not, you know, we

0:48:07.280 --> 0:48:09.959
<v Speaker 2>become self actualized when we dig deep and find out

0:48:10.200 --> 0:48:12.520
<v Speaker 2>what really happened and why our behaviors are.

0:48:12.440 --> 0:48:13.640
<v Speaker 1>The way they are and why.

0:48:14.120 --> 0:48:16.399
<v Speaker 2>You know. But I remember thinking that that's not who he.

0:48:16.440 --> 0:48:20.920
<v Speaker 5>Is, right, which is why I understood why people thought,

0:48:21.160 --> 0:48:23.799
<v Speaker 5>you know, with me putting out or assisting in that

0:48:23.880 --> 0:48:27.120
<v Speaker 5>false narrative of me being this adulterous wife, which was

0:48:27.160 --> 0:48:33.320
<v Speaker 5>not true, why people automatically thought Jade is the problem.

0:48:33.600 --> 0:48:35.759
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, we skipped over all that, that whole part,

0:48:35.840 --> 0:48:38.040
<v Speaker 2>because I just don't even think that's worth mentioning, because

0:48:38.040 --> 0:48:40.520
<v Speaker 2>that's really not right. I mean, it is because it's

0:48:40.560 --> 0:48:43.120
<v Speaker 2>part of your story, but that's not part. It's there's

0:48:43.120 --> 0:48:45.319
<v Speaker 2>so much more there than that, and I think it's

0:48:45.320 --> 0:48:49.320
<v Speaker 2>important to remember and recognize when people are in pain,

0:48:49.480 --> 0:48:52.040
<v Speaker 2>because when people are acting in pain, that is not

0:48:52.120 --> 0:48:55.239
<v Speaker 2>who they are. And I don't know Will personally, but

0:48:55.560 --> 0:48:58.600
<v Speaker 2>I can imagine that he's a very very loving, decent

0:48:58.719 --> 0:49:01.360
<v Speaker 2>human being, so loving, and I've heard that a million times,

0:49:01.360 --> 0:49:05.080
<v Speaker 2>and so is Chris Rock. Chris, he really is.

0:49:05.200 --> 0:49:08.279
<v Speaker 5>And that's why, you know, even when people ask me,

0:49:08.520 --> 0:49:10.759
<v Speaker 5>you know about Chris and all this stuff he said

0:49:10.760 --> 0:49:12.600
<v Speaker 5>on Netflix what have you, and I'm like, you know what,

0:49:13.200 --> 0:49:15.880
<v Speaker 5>when people are hurting, that's.

0:49:15.680 --> 0:49:18.840
<v Speaker 1>Not that's not they're true, that's not their true right.

0:49:18.920 --> 0:49:21.880
<v Speaker 5>So that's not even Chris on that stage, honestly, Like

0:49:21.960 --> 0:49:23.600
<v Speaker 5>with all the things.

0:49:23.360 --> 0:49:25.560
<v Speaker 1>That he said, I you mean it in his special

0:49:25.680 --> 0:49:26.759
<v Speaker 1>in his special right.

0:49:26.840 --> 0:49:30.400
<v Speaker 5>And because I've had the opportunity to spend time with Chris,

0:49:30.440 --> 0:49:33.479
<v Speaker 5>I've seen that part of Chris, you know what I mean.

0:49:33.560 --> 0:49:36.440
<v Speaker 5>And I know I know what his eyes looked like

0:49:36.520 --> 0:49:39.240
<v Speaker 5>that night when he said to me, I meant no harm.

0:49:39.760 --> 0:49:42.840
<v Speaker 5>And I know that to be true to this day,

0:49:43.080 --> 0:49:47.439
<v Speaker 5>even with that special he I know he meant no harm. Yeah,

0:49:47.640 --> 0:49:50.840
<v Speaker 5>you know right, No, He's just you know, it's just

0:49:50.880 --> 0:49:53.200
<v Speaker 5>that hurt place in us. And you know, I've been

0:49:53.239 --> 0:49:56.759
<v Speaker 5>there when I'm hurt things that I've done and things

0:49:56.760 --> 0:49:59.360
<v Speaker 5>that I've said out of that hurt place.

0:50:00.320 --> 0:50:00.880
<v Speaker 1>It's not me.

0:50:01.560 --> 0:50:03.960
<v Speaker 2>What did Willow have to say about reading the book?

0:50:04.440 --> 0:50:07.160
<v Speaker 5>She just you know, first of all, she's an avid reader,

0:50:07.760 --> 0:50:10.799
<v Speaker 5>so she just finds me fascinating, which is awesome, you

0:50:10.840 --> 0:50:12.839
<v Speaker 5>know what I mean, because she's like a cool kid,

0:50:13.000 --> 0:50:13.640
<v Speaker 5>you know what I mean.

0:50:14.160 --> 0:50:16.280
<v Speaker 2>She finds you and a Gammy.

0:50:16.800 --> 0:50:19.479
<v Speaker 1>Yeah she's at Yeah, she really does.

0:50:19.560 --> 0:50:22.680
<v Speaker 5>So she's enjoyed it. She just can't believe the life

0:50:22.719 --> 0:50:24.040
<v Speaker 5>that I've lived, you.

0:50:23.960 --> 0:50:25.800
<v Speaker 1>Know, because I've told her stories.

0:50:26.040 --> 0:50:27.080
<v Speaker 2>I can't believe that.

0:50:27.239 --> 0:50:29.120
<v Speaker 5>You know, but then reading it open, it's like mom

0:50:29.840 --> 0:50:32.279
<v Speaker 5>mad and you're out here worried about me doing the thing.

0:50:32.360 --> 0:50:33.200
<v Speaker 1>I can't believe you.

0:50:33.280 --> 0:50:35.239
<v Speaker 5>I didn't give you half the problems you gave gam

0:50:35.360 --> 0:50:36.160
<v Speaker 5>you know.

0:50:35.680 --> 0:50:40.759
<v Speaker 1>Like, so, yeah, she's had a good time. I'm reading it.

0:50:44.880 --> 0:50:47.200
<v Speaker 2>Well, this podcast was supposed to take callers, but you

0:50:47.239 --> 0:50:48.640
<v Speaker 2>know what, why don't we just leave this as a

0:50:48.680 --> 0:50:52.520
<v Speaker 2>special episode. Yeah that's not because this was a very

0:50:52.560 --> 0:50:55.359
<v Speaker 2>powerful conversation, and I think I think it is just

0:50:55.400 --> 0:50:58.080
<v Speaker 2>such strong messaging. A you know, when you talk about

0:50:58.120 --> 0:51:00.120
<v Speaker 2>a woman putting out all of her stuff, it's not

0:51:00.200 --> 0:51:02.560
<v Speaker 2>done as much as it's done by men, and when

0:51:02.560 --> 0:51:06.160
<v Speaker 2>it is done by men, it's not as emotionally at

0:51:06.160 --> 0:51:08.920
<v Speaker 2>the surface. Like you're reading this book and you were like,

0:51:09.120 --> 0:51:11.560
<v Speaker 2>it will bring your emotions to the surface on behalf

0:51:11.600 --> 0:51:14.319
<v Speaker 2>of what it means to be a woman and all

0:51:14.360 --> 0:51:17.440
<v Speaker 2>the pressure. But the reason why women don't do this

0:51:17.520 --> 0:51:19.400
<v Speaker 2>is because when they write the truth like this, and

0:51:19.440 --> 0:51:22.040
<v Speaker 2>so many times we're thought of as so fierce or

0:51:22.080 --> 0:51:24.600
<v Speaker 2>so hard, you know, And when you go through the history,

0:51:24.640 --> 0:51:26.319
<v Speaker 2>if you think of people like Belle Hooks or you

0:51:26.320 --> 0:51:28.879
<v Speaker 2>think of Gloria Steinem and the way that they were

0:51:28.920 --> 0:51:32.760
<v Speaker 2>perceived rather than just because they were truth tellers. It's

0:51:32.800 --> 0:51:35.759
<v Speaker 2>so nice to see more women saying, no, this is

0:51:35.840 --> 0:51:39.400
<v Speaker 2>my truth, this is the hard core nature of what's happening,

0:51:39.880 --> 0:51:41.840
<v Speaker 2>and this is what's happened in my life. And to

0:51:42.000 --> 0:51:45.919
<v Speaker 2>know how many lives each one of us has led

0:51:46.320 --> 0:51:49.600
<v Speaker 2>you to know how crazy it is you know that

0:51:49.680 --> 0:51:52.040
<v Speaker 2>you could be I mean from coming from Baltimore and

0:51:52.120 --> 0:51:54.680
<v Speaker 2>doing all of the things that you've done, but having

0:51:54.760 --> 0:51:57.720
<v Speaker 2>an inner compass and a north star in a sense

0:51:58.360 --> 0:52:02.840
<v Speaker 2>that you're still here thriving, and you're sitting across from me,

0:52:03.000 --> 0:52:06.359
<v Speaker 2>and you're beautiful inside and out thank you, And I

0:52:06.440 --> 0:52:09.000
<v Speaker 2>just think it's a victory and I feel all women

0:52:09.080 --> 0:52:11.400
<v Speaker 2>should be sharing their stories in this way and to

0:52:11.480 --> 0:52:14.799
<v Speaker 2>be louder and prouder of who we all are. There

0:52:14.840 --> 0:52:17.960
<v Speaker 2>you go, because it's not just men's stories that are important.

0:52:18.040 --> 0:52:19.880
<v Speaker 2>This is how we help heel each other, and this

0:52:19.960 --> 0:52:22.480
<v Speaker 2>is how we all kind of come together and give

0:52:22.520 --> 0:52:25.799
<v Speaker 2>each other room to make mistakes and grow. And you're

0:52:25.840 --> 0:52:29.480
<v Speaker 2>still there and you're still filled with love, you know, definitely,

0:52:29.560 --> 0:52:32.640
<v Speaker 2>And amen to that, you guys. I mean, that's our

0:52:32.680 --> 0:52:35.400
<v Speaker 2>podcast for the day.

0:52:35.840 --> 0:52:36.719
<v Speaker 1>Love it, Love you.

0:52:36.880 --> 0:52:39.680
<v Speaker 2>Okay. The book is called Worthy. You're gonna get it

0:52:40.040 --> 0:52:43.320
<v Speaker 2>and you're gonna thank me, and it's by Jada Pinkett Smith.

0:52:43.600 --> 0:52:46.120
<v Speaker 1>Yes, okay.

0:52:46.280 --> 0:52:49.000
<v Speaker 2>Second shows have been added for those of you coming

0:52:49.000 --> 0:52:50.759
<v Speaker 2>to see my new stand up tour, which you have

0:52:50.800 --> 0:52:53.080
<v Speaker 2>to come because I'm having the best time. We added

0:52:53.080 --> 0:52:56.440
<v Speaker 2>a second show into Cincinnati, Los Angeles, which is actually

0:52:56.480 --> 0:52:59.200
<v Speaker 2>October thirteenth. There are still tickets for October thirteenth show

0:52:59.200 --> 0:53:02.120
<v Speaker 2>in Los Angeles. We added second shows in Chicago, the

0:53:02.200 --> 0:53:06.840
<v Speaker 2>Chicago Theater, Portland, Oregon, San Francisco. They're both almost completely

0:53:06.920 --> 0:53:09.719
<v Speaker 2>sold out. Detroit, Michigan, and then we added a second

0:53:09.719 --> 0:53:13.440
<v Speaker 2>show in Cincinnati in the daytime at five o'clock PM.

0:53:13.560 --> 0:53:16.040
<v Speaker 2>I'm doing my first show because I don't have a

0:53:16.120 --> 0:53:17.600
<v Speaker 2>night where I can go back, so we added a

0:53:17.640 --> 0:53:20.120
<v Speaker 2>second show at five PM, and the original show is

0:53:20.160 --> 0:53:23.000
<v Speaker 2>at eight PM. Original show is sold out. Second show

0:53:23.120 --> 0:53:27.399
<v Speaker 2>tickets are available Cincinnati. I'm also coming to Cleveland on

0:53:27.600 --> 0:53:30.560
<v Speaker 2>October twentieth, and then I'll be in Columbus October twenty

0:53:30.560 --> 0:53:35.600
<v Speaker 2>first and Pittsburgh October twenty second. So those three shows

0:53:35.680 --> 0:53:38.080
<v Speaker 2>I still have tickets available, And you can go to

0:53:38.160 --> 0:53:41.320
<v Speaker 2>Chelsea Hamler dot com for other tickets and other information.

0:53:41.560 --> 0:53:43.000
<v Speaker 2>And if you want to buy some of our merch,

0:53:43.160 --> 0:53:47.680
<v Speaker 2>that's all available on Chelseahandler dot com. And yeah, guys,

0:53:48.600 --> 0:53:49.520
<v Speaker 2>I'll see you on the road.

0:53:50.480 --> 0:53:52.840
<v Speaker 8>If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email

0:53:52.880 --> 0:53:55.920
<v Speaker 8>at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be

0:53:55.960 --> 0:53:59.000
<v Speaker 8>sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited

0:53:59.040 --> 0:54:03.040
<v Speaker 8>and engineered by executive producer Katherine Law and be sure

0:54:03.080 --> 0:54:07.719
<v Speaker 8>to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com.