Speaker 1: First Date follow Up powered by the Advocates Injury Attorneys
Speaker 1: online at advocuslaw dot com.
Speaker 2: Ryan is on the phone today for our first Date
Speaker 2: follow up. He's getting ghosted by a woman named Lena,
Speaker 2: and in a few minutes we're gonna call her seems
Speaker 2: to tell us why she's ghosting him and maybe get
Speaker 2: him another date. But first, Ryan, how long has it
Speaker 2: been since you heard from her?
Speaker 3: You know, it's been like a couple of weeks.
Speaker 1: That's definitely a ghosting. Yeah, So how many times have
Speaker 1: you reached out to her.
Speaker 4: In that time?
Speaker 3: You know, just a few times. I don't like to
Speaker 3: like text too much, you know what I mean, Like
Speaker 3: you like, I think three times I text her and
Speaker 3: I'm like, yeah, that's I'm not doing any more than that.
Speaker 1: So what do you Let's go back to the date then, like,
Speaker 1: how did you guys meet? What happened on the date?
Speaker 3: So we met on Hinge and then I felt like
Speaker 3: a really good connection. We both love concerts and like
Speaker 3: new adventures and trying new things, traveling and stuff like that,
Speaker 3: and like she's very witty and she's very interesting. She's beautiful.
Speaker 3: So we went to a burger spot on the water hic. Yeah,
Speaker 3: you know, it was a lot of fun. Like it
Speaker 3: was nice, like kind of outside kind of area, and
Speaker 3: we were having some drinks, you know, just talking and
Speaker 3: afterwards we went and walked around and like kind of
Speaker 3: took in the scenery and we you know, we had
Speaker 3: a really great kiss. And it was just like, I
Speaker 3: don't understand why she goes to me because it felt
Speaker 3: so romantic and like idealized, you know. I mean maybe
Speaker 3: some people would think it's cheesy. I don't know, but
Speaker 3: that's what I was looking for.
Speaker 1: But it sounds romantic actually, So after all this time,
Speaker 1: you know, she's ghosting you two weeks later, the date
Speaker 1: sounds great, But what is it about her that makes
Speaker 1: you want to see her now?
Speaker 3: You know? I just felt like I had a real connection.
Speaker 3: We were like kind of similar goals. We both want
Speaker 3: to travel. I just felt like we went well together.
Speaker 1: Did something happen on the date at all that may
Speaker 1: have made it go in a different direction?
Speaker 3: Well, I will say, you know, something kind of not
Speaker 3: popular now is I had made a decision recently to
Speaker 3: abstain from sex until marriage.
Speaker 4: Okay, and you told her this.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I did, And this is new. You have
Speaker 3: I'm always urged.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, right, and you think maybe she had a
Speaker 2: problem with that because she's like I need you right now.
Speaker 4: Ryan.
Speaker 3: It's you know, it's possible because like I don't think
Speaker 3: that's the thing that's common now, Like, you know, some
Speaker 3: people do it, but it's like, especially you know here,
Speaker 3: like I don't feel like that's one of those things
Speaker 3: that people do anymore. But the reason why I kind
Speaker 3: of went that direction is, you know, I slept around
Speaker 3: and it felt empty, and it felt like I was
Speaker 3: just kind of using girls for their body and I
Speaker 3: wasn't connecting right, you know, and it's one of those
Speaker 3: things after a while, you're like, gosh, like what do
Speaker 3: I really want? So, you know, I asked myself when
Speaker 3: I was like, I want somebody that I could build
Speaker 3: a future with, and I feel like Lana has that potential.
Speaker 4: Okay, I can respect that.
Speaker 2: I heard my last breakup, I decided that I wasn't
Speaker 2: going to give myself to anybody unless I thought that
Speaker 2: their energy was good, you know, or that like it
Speaker 2: wasn't necessarily a marriage thing, but it was kind of
Speaker 2: the same thing, but it was more about I don't
Speaker 2: want to like mix my energy with bad energy, you know,
Speaker 2: because I feel like it does. I feel like you
Speaker 2: know you do do it does somehow become a part
Speaker 2: of you. Well, you exchanged more than just what you
Speaker 2: can see. That energy is also exchanged between the two
Speaker 2: of you. So fair, fair, for fair points for both
Speaker 2: of you. Look at you, guys.
Speaker 4: Thank you, because that's for sure. I'm maturing right.
Speaker 2: Everybody connections to So why do you think she's ghosting you?
Speaker 5: Then?
Speaker 3: I think, you know, I just don't know if she
Speaker 3: was comfortable with that. I mean that's my thought, but like,
Speaker 3: I don't know for sure because everything else went pretty well.
Speaker 3: But when I said that, she she didn't have a
Speaker 3: bad reaction, but it was just kind of like she
Speaker 3: tended up a little bit, you know, and then it
Speaker 3: kind of like pat that moment passed. So I was like, oh,
Speaker 3: I guess it's fine.
Speaker 4: We'll see if we can figure it out for you.
Speaker 2: Then we'll play a song come back, and then call
Speaker 2: her and see if she'll tell us why she's ghosting
Speaker 2: you and maybe get you another date.
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, sounds great.
Speaker 4: All right, man, please don't come back. Get your first
Speaker 4: DA follow up.
Speaker 2: Next Right in the middle of the first day follow
Speaker 2: up and if you're just joining us.
Speaker 4: Ryan is on the phone.
Speaker 2: He's getting ghosted by Lana and in a minute we're
Speaker 2: gonna call her see if us why she's ghosting him
Speaker 2: and maybe get him another date. But first, Ryan, why
Speaker 2: don't you recap to everybody your situation.
Speaker 3: So I met Lana on Hinge. We connected really quickly.
Speaker 3: I felt like a good connection with her loss of
Speaker 3: similar andris. We went to a burger spot on the water,
Speaker 3: had a bunch of cocktails and had a lot of fun,
Speaker 3: and we went for a walk. We kissed. Everything seemed perfect,
Speaker 3: But I feel like, maybe because I want to stain
Speaker 3: from sex and until marriage because of my past, that
Speaker 3: she might be ghosting me.
Speaker 4: Okay, are you ready for us to call her?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Okay, here we go. Hello, Hi, man, I speak to Alana. Please.
Speaker 3: This is Lana.
Speaker 2: Hi Lana, how are you? My name is Jewbell and
Speaker 2: I host a radio show. It's called The Jewbel Show.
Speaker 4: Hi, Lana, the whole show's here. I'm Nina. Hi, I'm Victoria.
Speaker 4: How are you?
Speaker 5: Hi?
Speaker 4: Good?
Speaker 5: Thank you?
Speaker 4: Have you ever heard the show before?
Speaker 3: I have not.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'll let you know something. We do a segment
Speaker 2: on our show, it's called the first date follow up.
Speaker 2: What that is is if you go out on a
Speaker 2: date with somebody and then you ghost them, that person
Speaker 2: can email us to get you on the phone and
Speaker 2: ask why you're ghosting them. So we got an email
Speaker 2: about you.
Speaker 5: Oh and this is from Ryan.
Speaker 4: Oh, yes it is Wowy. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Sometimes you will say another name, so we know they're
Speaker 2: ghosting multiple people. But you're obviously just ghosting Ryan right now.
Speaker 4: Uh.
Speaker 5: I would say that I have not exactly been ghosting Ryan.
Speaker 5: That wasn't my intention. I was taking time to process
Speaker 5: what he told me. At the end of our date.
Speaker 5: Ryan said that he is waiting until marriage, and that
Speaker 5: is not something that I've ever done in a relationship.
Speaker 5: I have always had intimacy with all of my partners
Speaker 5: and it's a really big part of a relationship for me.
Speaker 3: So it was not my.
Speaker 5: Intention to completely ghost Ryan. I really was trying to
Speaker 5: take time to think about if this could be something
Speaker 5: that would work for me. I had such a good time. Yes,
Speaker 5: it was so magical, and he's such a spiritual guy
Speaker 5: and we really connected. I felt like he was really
Speaker 5: seeing me. But I'm afraid that if we get into
Speaker 5: this relationship without you know, the intimacy that I'm.
Speaker 3: Usual will one.
Speaker 5: This sounds bad, but what if we're not good together
Speaker 5: physically and.
Speaker 3: We find out too?
Speaker 4: That's fair.
Speaker 3: And another thing that I have been thinking.
Speaker 5: About is what if it becomes something that gives me,
Speaker 5: you know, reason to stray, our thoughts to stray because
Speaker 5: I am a sexual person.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so you're processing a lot of different things.
Speaker 3: Yes, absolutely, I.
Speaker 4: Can understand that.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's not something that you hear all the time,
Speaker 1: and especially if that's a way that you connect and
Speaker 1: share yourself with another person. And then that's a lot
Speaker 1: of pressure too, right because you're like, wait a second,
Speaker 1: so we're doing this, I'm gonna get excited and want
Speaker 1: to unwrap the present, but I.
Speaker 2: Can't marry you. So what if we could convince Ryan
Speaker 2: to sleep with you before you're married? Would you swallow
Speaker 2: them again?
Speaker 4: But would you?
Speaker 5: I would love to sleep with Ryan, But if this
Speaker 5: is a boundary that he is setting I and I
Speaker 5: were to get into a relationship with him, I would
Speaker 5: I would want to respect that. I would not once
Speaker 5: I am in the relationship, I would not. I would
Speaker 5: have given up any plans to sleep with Ryan what if.
Speaker 4: We could convince him to go back on his morals? Though,
Speaker 4: do ball she's.
Speaker 1: Respecting his boundaries, maybe you should respect his boundaries.
Speaker 2: I'll respect his boundaries for now, Lona. Ryan is actually
Speaker 2: on the phone listening and wants to talk to you.
Speaker 5: Oh hi Ryan.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know it's probably like the most awkward way
Speaker 3: we could meet again. But I want to say, first
Speaker 3: of all, I respect that, like you respect my boundaries.
Speaker 3: It was nice to hear that without you knowing I
Speaker 3: was there, because like that, that proves to me that
Speaker 3: if it could make it work, that this could work.
Speaker 3: But I just want to say, like for me, I
Speaker 3: don't see intimacy as just there's physical, emotional, mental intimacy
Speaker 3: that can be built, Like you know, we can have
Speaker 3: days where we just cuddle, his collapse, like all that's
Speaker 3: on the the table. Still, I'm just not trying to
Speaker 3: think it all the way.
Speaker 4: So like where do you draw the line?
Speaker 3: Well, I think that's something that we have to discuss, right.
Speaker 3: I respect that, and that.
Speaker 5: Does make me excited to hear that you have interest
Speaker 5: in being intimate with me. I am My biggest concern
Speaker 5: is still I just am really concerned of straying and
Speaker 5: that's not your fault, not your fault at all, And
Speaker 5: that's something that I need to decide and you know,
Speaker 5: make a plan with my.
Speaker 3: Morals that I will not you know, if.
Speaker 5: We were to be in a relationship together, that I
Speaker 5: will not feel that I'm not getting what I need
Speaker 5: and then.
Speaker 3: Look for what I need elsewhere. I think I can
Speaker 3: find ways to take care of what you need at
Speaker 3: least shorter.
Speaker 2: Not that I'm trying to get you to rethink the
Speaker 2: promise that you made to yourself, but I'm trying to
Speaker 2: get you to rethink it. When I decided to do
Speaker 2: this similar thing, I didn't make it about marriage because
Speaker 2: you know, like you should really get to know somebody
Speaker 2: for it, and it can be a long time before marriage,
Speaker 2: so that's a long time not doing it. But me
Speaker 2: and my therapist came up with I will not give
Speaker 2: myself to anybody until I know I have a secure
Speaker 2: connection with them.
Speaker 3: Well, I think that's fair. I think that's a healthy
Speaker 3: way of thinking of it.
Speaker 1: Two.
Speaker 2: So, cause, does it have to be like a ring
Speaker 2: and a ceremony and all that for Ryan to get
Speaker 2: it out?
Speaker 3: Okay, I don't think it has to. But there definitely
Speaker 3: has to be that line where it's like, I know
Speaker 3: I'm building a future with you at the very least.
Speaker 1: I think there's a lot of talk that we're getting
Speaker 1: ahead of ourselves here a little bit. You guys like
Speaker 1: each other, and I think there's definitely stuff that you
Speaker 1: guys can explore to even see if you're gonna make
Speaker 1: it all that way. People just tell me not to
Speaker 1: get ahead of myself, and I feel like we're gonna
Speaker 1: be ahead of ourselves here too, So I don't know
Speaker 1: that there's a possibility of you getting your needs met
Speaker 1: in a so in Waylana and Ryan, you know you're
Speaker 1: open to exploring that stuff too.
Speaker 4: I don't see any problems.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that would work.
Speaker 5: I do think that it may be cheesy, but I
Speaker 5: think that it is very sweet that you brought me
Speaker 5: on the radio to call me for a second date.
Speaker 5: I think that is very romantic and I'm willing to
Speaker 5: try it.
Speaker 3: I think that we have such a good connection.
Speaker 2: So Lana, you'll go out with Ryan again. We'll pay
Speaker 2: for it, I will.
Speaker 3: I would love to see you again. Ryan, So awesome,
Speaker 3: that's great. I'm glad to hear that. It's like it's
Speaker 3: I'm so excited.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you guys are cute. I'm excited too, me too.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Congratulations, Ryan, you did it. You got another date? All right?
Speaker 3: Jules First Date follow up