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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Jonas is Sam your og okay Storytime

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Speaker 1: podcast hosts.

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Speaker 2: We have some great stories coming up, but.

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Speaker 1: Before that, we have a quick two minute break from

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Speaker 1: the sponsors that keep the show alive.

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Speaker 3: My mother is having an affair right in front of me.

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Speaker 1: Cover your eyes everyone, Oh my gosh.

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Speaker 4: And this comes directly from the r slash okay storytime subreddits.

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Speaker 3: This is one of our own. Let us know, let

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Speaker 3: us know.

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Speaker 4: If you're in the chat right now. This is this

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Speaker 4: sounds crazy. Hello everyone. I am nineteen female and recently

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Speaker 4: I've been put in a really difficult situation with my

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Speaker 4: parents and I'm at a loss for what to do.

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Speaker 4: For some background, my parents have been married twenty one

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Speaker 4: years and have four kids together. I'm the second of

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Speaker 4: the four. By the way, this comes from a comfortable

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Speaker 4: yam three six six zero And if you want to

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Speaker 4: submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay

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Speaker 4: storytime subreddit.

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Speaker 5: And I'm Angie, I'm Riley, I'm Keon, and we're here

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Speaker 5: to give good advice goofully, but we don't have all

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Speaker 5: the answers. We haven't been in a lot of these situations,

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Speaker 5: so if you have, let us know what you have.

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Speaker 4: Done, or what you would do if you have in

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Speaker 4: the commas done below. Anyway, Opie says, over the years,

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Speaker 4: my mother has had many conversations with me about wanting

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Speaker 4: to leave my dad and get out of the marriage.

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Speaker 4: This all started around twenty twenty one. My mom had

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Speaker 4: her plans to leave, and then my sister got really

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Speaker 4: sick with an eating disorder and was hospitalized for almost.

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Speaker 3: A whole year.

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.

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Speaker 4: This continues up until the end of twenty twenty three

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Speaker 4: when she gets better and I shortly afterwards move out

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Speaker 4: of my childhood home and move in with my maternal

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Speaker 4: grandmother for university. Okay, in the last few months, my

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Speaker 4: mom started her antics again, discussing leaving my dad. To me,

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Speaker 4: this is something that we don't want to talk to

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Speaker 4: the kids about if we're not decided.

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Speaker 3: I feel like you shouldn't be doing that.

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Speaker 4: But anyway, I told my sister about it because it

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Speaker 4: would really change her life and I didn't want her

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Speaker 4: to get blindsided like everyone else if my mom did

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Speaker 4: follow through. My sister ended up telling our dad what happened,

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Speaker 4: and this resulted in my mother being punted out of

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Speaker 4: the house and having to move in with me. Ooh

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Speaker 4: that was three months ago, new roommate.

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Speaker 3: Yay, yikes, three months ago. She is still living with

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Speaker 3: me at this point. So here is where things get

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Speaker 3: messy so far.

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Speaker 1: Oh so this is just a powler cross.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's nothing compared to what's about how.

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Speaker 2: We just turned on the stove. Guys, it's cooking, it's

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Speaker 2: heating up.

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Speaker 4: Recently, my mother has made changes not only around the

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Speaker 4: house but to her appearance, asking me to dye her

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Speaker 4: hair and to her scent. She used to only wear

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Speaker 4: male deodorant and has started using more feminine scented deodorant.

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Speaker 4: I would notice her sneaking off into her room to

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Speaker 4: take these phone calls, and she was acting like a

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Speaker 4: teenage girl with her first ever boyfriend.

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Speaker 3: So obviously I'm.

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Speaker 4: Very suspicious of the whole ordeal because she is still

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Speaker 4: telling my father that she wants to work on their relationship.

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Speaker 4: This recent Tuesday, I was coming home from university and

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Speaker 4: parked outside my house and her little boy toy ends

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Speaker 4: up parking right behind me. I'm friendly, but I'm comfortable

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Speaker 4: watching my mother and him act like a married couple

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Speaker 4: while she is married to my father. I know this man,

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Speaker 4: he is her longtime friend that I grew up around.

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Speaker 1: Oh oh oh, so that's why our friend Jason would

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Speaker 1: stay home late at night with us.

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Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, that's crazy.

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Speaker 1: Maybe the dots are connecting a little bit.

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Speaker 4: Maybe this entire situation escalated when she thought it would

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Speaker 4: be a good idea to invite him over on Wednesday night.

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Speaker 4: I was minding my business in the kitchen, making up

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Speaker 4: my baked goods when he comes into the kitchen to

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Speaker 4: have a conversation with me. I'll give him a name

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Speaker 4: for this section. Let's call him Gabe. Gabe starts telling

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Speaker 4: me that he's not trying to take my mother away

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Speaker 4: from me or act like a parental figure in my life.

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Speaker 4: I'm just thinking, okay, buddy, take her. At this point,

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Speaker 4: my mother and I have never had the best relationship.

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Speaker 3: But he continues by saying.

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Speaker 4: That he has a lot of respect for my father,

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Speaker 4: but she is going through a lot emotionally, and that

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Speaker 4: they've found each other in their hardships.

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Speaker 6: Oh my gosh, I'm sorry. I have a lot of

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Speaker 6: respect for your dad. That's why I'm taking his wife. Yeah, right,

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Speaker 6: it's respectful.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 4: So I'm like, okay, so you're just gonna admit it

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Speaker 4: outright to me in my head, so obviously I ask

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Speaker 4: if they're dating. He goes on to tell me that

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Speaker 4: they've got a really strong emotional connection and that they're exploring.

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Speaker 4: So you're just blinking and you're not gonna commit to anything.

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Speaker 1: Cool cool the word a parent should never say, exploring.

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Speaker 3: Exploring.

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Speaker 4: I asked if there was anything physical going on, and

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Speaker 4: he denies it immediately, that nothing has happened in the

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Speaker 4: past and it won't until she divorces my dad. By

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Speaker 4: the end of the conversation, I get him to admit

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Speaker 4: that he is dating my mom. Out of the whole conversation,

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Speaker 4: I thought it was weird how he wanted to talk

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Speaker 4: about not getting physical with my mother and how he

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Speaker 4: doesn't want to take her away from me. Another major

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Speaker 4: takeaway was that he has enough respect for my father

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Speaker 4: not to sleep with his wife, but not enough to

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Speaker 4: not date her. This entire conversation was weird, and made

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Speaker 4: worse by the fact that they were cuddled up on

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Speaker 4: a single chair together. What After he left, I confronted

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Speaker 4: my mom and pushed her to end things with my

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Speaker 4: dad because she was currently.

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Speaker 3: Leading him on.

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Speaker 4: She told me that she was willing to go to counseling,

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Speaker 4: planning his birthday, et cetera. My dad isn't stupid and

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Speaker 4: knows something is going on. But how do you tell

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Speaker 4: your dad that his wife of twenty one years is

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Speaker 4: having an emotional affair. If I tell my dad, I

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Speaker 4: believe my mom's a fair partner, would be in a

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Speaker 4: lot of danger. As my dad used to work as

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Speaker 4: a security guard, he wouldn't hesitate to throw a through

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Speaker 4: uh the old one two. I'm worried he'll go to

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Speaker 4: jail or worse, and that is the last thing I want.

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Speaker 4: But if I don't tell him, it seems as if

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Speaker 4: I'm gaslighting him. Taking my mother's side, I've never had

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Speaker 4: a good relationship with my mother. She never liked how

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Speaker 4: successful I was growing up and envied me for it.

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Speaker 4: He admitted to me that she never liked living with me.

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Speaker 4: What I don't like her because she has a history

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Speaker 4: of cheating on my father multiple times online and physically.

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Speaker 4: I don't condone her actions, but I also feel like

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Speaker 4: there's nothing that I can do about it because every

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Speaker 4: option is wrong. I tell my dad and shatter my

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Speaker 4: relationship with my mother forever. Dad will probably go to

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Speaker 4: prison for armfulact. I do nothing, and it ruins the

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Speaker 4: relationship that I have with my father while I sit

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Speaker 4: back and watch my mom have an affair, What should

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Speaker 4: I do? My mom is planning on telling him officially

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Speaker 4: that she wants a divorce on the twenty ninth of August,

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Speaker 4: but has no plan to mention her affair partner. And

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Speaker 4: there are some comments, but alda.

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Speaker 1: Made old made mother. You have approximately twenty four hours

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Speaker 1: before I tell father about Gabe.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I feel like you could totally say that,

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Speaker 4: like I am, I'm worried that the dad might do

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Speaker 4: something act well, I guess that might want her to.

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Speaker 1: He's gonna give him the Yeah.

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Speaker 4: But so don't pull me into it, because but I will.

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Speaker 4: I will be pulled into it, because you're a piece

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Speaker 4: of crap, mom.

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Speaker 6: O piece already pulled into it since Gabe literally is like,

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Speaker 6: I'm not your dad, but like, yeah.

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Speaker 1: I'm basically born and your mom emotionally.

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Speaker 2: Yeah exactly, I'm doing it with my mind.

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Speaker 1: Yeah you.

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Speaker 3: And while they're like having all this PDA too and

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Speaker 3: called up on each other and like I wonder, I

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Speaker 3: wonder if the dad ever found out about the cheating

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Speaker 3: in the past.

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Speaker 1: I don't think.

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Speaker 6: I think you're trying to go to like therapy and everything,

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Speaker 6: trying to work things like yeah, at this point, why

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Speaker 6: I waste everyone's time.

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Speaker 4: Because how this all happened was like the the the

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Speaker 4: dad got wind of mom trying to get divorced, yeah,

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Speaker 4: and then and then punts it her out. But so

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Speaker 4: I I do wonder if they're actually going to therapy

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Speaker 4: for that was just like the mom was like considering

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Speaker 4: it or was open to it, And I wonder, like,

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Speaker 4: I feel like if the mom was debating divorce, if

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Speaker 4: the dad found out about the cheating, I feel like

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Speaker 4: he would have punted her out in the like all

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Speaker 4: those years ago.

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Speaker 1: Dude, this is one hard ship.

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Speaker 3: Yep, some we've got some comments, all right.

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Speaker 4: Comment number one says, hypothetically, your mom tells your dad,

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Speaker 4: do you think he'd leave her alone or do you

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Speaker 4: think he'd forgive her? Opie says, in the past, he

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Speaker 4: forgave her, Okay, so he did know. This is mainly

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Speaker 4: because where I'm from, the women tend to get full

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Speaker 4: custody of the children, and he didn't want to ruin

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Speaker 4: his relationship with us kids and quote tear the family apart.

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Speaker 4: Now that we are all fourteen plus, you can choose

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Speaker 4: where to go and which may lead him into just

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Speaker 4: giving into the divorce with this, I still don't know

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Speaker 4: if he would or not. He won't be able to

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Speaker 4: afford the mortgage for the house without her, and we

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Speaker 4: do have an update how we get into it? What's

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Speaker 4: your what's your guest gonna be? Riley? Do we think

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Speaker 4: he if he finds out about this, do you think

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Speaker 4: he would follow through the divorce or work through it?

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Speaker 1: He picked they're out when he got wind of the divorce. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so once he finds out about Gabe, probably gonna put

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Speaker 1: Gabe's death way back in his mouth and then divorced

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Speaker 1: the wife for sure. No counseling about wasting it. We're

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Speaker 1: done here, We're done.

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Speaker 3: We're done here. Update.

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Speaker 4: Since my last post, a lot has happened, many conversations

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Speaker 4: about what has been going on. Firstly, I told two

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Speaker 4: of my three siblings. I told my younger sister, seventeen

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Speaker 4: female first, as she is the one that I'm closest with.

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Speaker 4: She reacted how I did, disgusted with her mother's actions.

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Speaker 4: Shortly after, I told my older brother, twenty one male.

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Speaker 4: He didn't really know what to say other than that

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Speaker 4: Mom was stupid and that Dad gave her everything. While

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Speaker 4: celebrating Father's Day yesterday, I broke down and told my

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Speaker 4: father everything I knew. Happy Father's Day, Dad, Mom's cheating

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Speaker 4: on you. So firstly, all the stuff regarding the affair.

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Speaker 4: The first day I caught them together acting like a

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Speaker 4: married couple, the amount of times they came over, the

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Speaker 4: photos I took in secrets, and what they've been doing.

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Speaker 4: Oh wow, everything came out. As you can imagine. He

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Speaker 4: was devastated. I imagined him to become aggressive, but it

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Speaker 4: was anything but that. He knew something was going on.

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Speaker 4: But I gave him the nail in the coffin to

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Speaker 4: his marriage. I felt horrible for saying anything in the

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Speaker 4: first place, because I knew it would hurt him, but

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Speaker 4: I know he needed to hear it. I didn't just

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Speaker 4: mention the affair, however, I mentioned all the times in

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Speaker 4: the past that she has admitted to cheating on him,

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Speaker 4: beginning with my oldest brother's conception.

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Speaker 1: Oh is this brothers not?

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Speaker 2: We don't know, we don't know.

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Speaker 4: What well, but I admitted to cheating on him with

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Speaker 4: the conception.

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Speaker 1: So is this brother oldest brother? Then you continue to

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Speaker 1: have more, so maybe he's gonna stay with her because

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Speaker 1: she's done this before.

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Speaker 3: Oh my gosh.

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Speaker 4: She told me she was sleeping with two other guys

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Speaker 4: while in a relationship with my father at the time

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Speaker 4: that he was conceived. Is this gonna be a Mama

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Speaker 4: mea situation?

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Speaker 2: That's literally it?

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Speaker 3: Oh my gosh.

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Speaker 4: My sister mentioned some others around the time that I

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Speaker 4: was conceived and when she was.

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Speaker 2: You know, your mom needs your mom needs a chill.

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Speaker 4: I also have distinct memories of when I was younger

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Speaker 4: of a man who came with us to pick up

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Speaker 4: my father from work right before my youngest brother, fourteen,

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Speaker 4: Mail was conceived, both having vibrant red hair. So I

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Speaker 4: dropped the second bomb. Some of the kids may not

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Speaker 4: be his. I have done an ancestry DNA kid and

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Speaker 4: it came back with his family members, so I am

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Speaker 4: certain that he is his. But for the rest of

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Speaker 4: my siblings, namely my brothers, their paternity is up for debates.

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Speaker 3: As for living.

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Speaker 4: Arrangements, Mom is still living in a house and my

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Speaker 4: grandmother and I are very unhappy about it. She doesn't

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Speaker 4: have the courtesy to tell us when the fair partner

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Speaker 4: is coming over and it has made us really uncomfortable.

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Speaker 4: My grandmother has punted the dude out of the house

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Speaker 4: a few times because he has been staying too late, saying,

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Speaker 4: my house, my rules. Yeah, she's also living with her

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Speaker 4: mom during during this time away from the dad, but

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Speaker 4: she's refusing to just punt her out of the house

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Speaker 4: because she doesn't know where she's going to go. I

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Speaker 4: may make other updates in the future if there's more

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Speaker 4: to discuss, but until then, if you could offer any

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Speaker 4: advice on how to handle the situation, it would be

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Speaker 4: much appreciated. Since my last post, a lot has happened,

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Speaker 4: many conversations about what's been going.

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Speaker 1: On, Like I feel like the mom needs to go

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Speaker 1: off and like live by herself. I understand the mom

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Speaker 1: not wanting to kick her out because that's her kid.

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Speaker 1: She wouldn't She's like concerned. Right, actions have consequences, and

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Speaker 1: you were in a way enabling them. It's not going

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Speaker 1: to help the person at all.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Absolutely, And we do have some comments here, how many.

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Speaker 4: Number one says, why allow him to the house at all?

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Speaker 4: Opie says, if it was up to me, he wouldn't

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Speaker 4: come by at all. I've never told him he's coming over,

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Speaker 4: which makes it worse that it's just sprung on me.

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Speaker 4: I've had conversations with my mother about at least giving

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Speaker 4: notice because she isn't the only person that lives here,

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Speaker 4: but I don't know how to approach the conversation about

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Speaker 4: keeping him out without being an a home.

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Speaker 3: And that's the end of that story.

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Speaker 1: I had an affair with the married man, then he

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Speaker 1: left me based the backlash.

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Speaker 3: What leaving me all alone? That's crazy.

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Speaker 1: I know what I did was wrong and I don't

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Speaker 1: deserve sympathy. I'm twenty five years old and the married

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Speaker 1: man I had an affair with. I'm going to call

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Speaker 1: mister l is sixty five. By the way, this comes

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Speaker 1: from Throwaway sixty five to eight. And if you want

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Speaker 1: to sit your own stories, go to the r slash

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Speaker 1: okay stories. I'm Subreddit, I'm Riley, I'm Angie.

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Speaker 2: And I'm Keon, and we're here.

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Speaker 1: To give advice goofully, but we don't have all the answers.

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Speaker 1: If you have any comments about the story, please leave

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Speaker 1: them below. Under this video, so Opie says, I've never

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Speaker 1: had issues getting men's attention, and I've always been complimented

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Speaker 1: on my looks, but I stayed single and was very

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Speaker 1: independent and ambitious. I was in a relationship with mister

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Speaker 1: El since February of twenty twenty one, when we first

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Speaker 1: had spicy sleep.

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Speaker 3: Let's call it mister Lex Luthor.

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Speaker 1: Mister Lex, mister Lex. All right, yeah, mister Eil's now

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Speaker 1: mister Lex. But I've known him since I started working

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Speaker 1: at my previous job in August of twenty twenty where

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Speaker 1: he worked and retired from. He was my manager.

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Speaker 2: Oh boy.

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Speaker 1: We initially had a strictly professional relationship. I went to

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Speaker 1: him for mentorship and admired his leadership skills. It started

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Speaker 1: as mentorship and then escalated into spicy related relations. I've

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00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:45,480
Speaker 1: had been going through a very hard time. My mother

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Speaker 1: was losing your eyesight, and as the oldest of her children,

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Speaker 1: with her being a single parent, I took over financially

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Speaker 1: supporting the household. Okay, that makes sense. I'd missed a

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Speaker 1: lot of work because I was stressed and depressed about

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Speaker 1: my home life. When I called mister Lex to ax

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Speaker 1: playing why I was missing work and said I was

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Speaker 1: going to quit, he encouraged me to stay strong. He

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Speaker 1: gave me life advice. We talked on the phone and

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Speaker 1: texted every day since December of twenty twenty and had

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Speaker 1: a spicy related relationship since twenty twenty one. I knew

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Speaker 1: he was married, and I knew it was wrong. I

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Speaker 1: had never been in a relationship prior to the affair

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Speaker 1: with mister Lex. For the next two and a half years,

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Speaker 1: we did everything together like it was an actual relationship.

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Speaker 1: We celebrated holidays together, like Christmas, Thanksgiving, in Valentine's Day,

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Speaker 1: but it would be the day after or before celebrating

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Speaker 1: with my family. He spent time with me and my family.

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Speaker 1: My mom didn't approve of the relationship because I'm an adult.

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Speaker 1: She said, you're grown. There's nothing I can do. Okay,

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Speaker 1: what is he spend time with his wife?

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Speaker 3: Good question, great question. He's just not huh.

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Speaker 1: He would come to my apartment every day after work,

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Speaker 1: and when he retired, he would come over whenever he could,

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Speaker 1: telling his wife he had to run errands and he

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Speaker 1: was going to church.

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Speaker 2: Oh man, you're gonna church.

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Speaker 4: You're gonna use church as an excuse for an affair.

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Speaker 1: This is using the Lord's name in vain.

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Speaker 3: That's that's diabolical.

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to say I didn't love him, I

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Speaker 1: really did. I grew up in a single parent household,

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Speaker 1: and my family is toxic. No one shows love or

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Speaker 1: compassion for another. After being intimate for two months, mister

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Speaker 1: Lex told me he loved me, and I felt the same.

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Speaker 1: That's when I fell in love with him. You showed

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Speaker 1: me love and affection I'd never had before. Okay. Right

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Speaker 1: at the beginning of this, she said, I am not

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Speaker 1: wanting anyone's sympathy, but it feels like you want her sympathy. Ope.

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Speaker 3: I think I was yet again confused this whole time.

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Speaker 3: I thought, for some reason this was mister Lex was

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Speaker 3: getting with the mom.

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Speaker 1: No black story.

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Speaker 3: But this is this is so it doesn't matter how

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Speaker 3: old the mom is.

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Speaker 1: No, we were just saying the mother didn't approve of it.

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Speaker 1: I was probably like, whoa, Okay, yeah, I'm the same

359
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:00,720
Speaker 1: ways mister l or young. Right.

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Speaker 4: Someone said forty year age gap in there. Yeah, that

361
00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:09,080
Speaker 4: is concerning. That is concerning. This is all very concerning.

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Speaker 1: You got anything else you need you need catching up on?

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Speaker 4: No?

364
00:17:12,119 --> 00:17:16,439
Speaker 1: Okay, So he told me he loved me. Every single

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00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:19,600
Speaker 1: day for two and a half years. He took me

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Speaker 1: on dates, spent weekends with me at his home whenever

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Speaker 1: his wife was out of town, which was every other weekend.

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00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:28,360
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh.

369
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Speaker 1: He took care of me when I was sick or depressed.

370
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,959
Speaker 1: Mister Lex was the only person I told about my childhood.

371
00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:37,119
Speaker 1: I never met my real father, and my stepfather was

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00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:39,840
Speaker 1: an awful man. Mister Lex said he would still love me,

373
00:17:40,119 --> 00:17:42,919
Speaker 1: show me true love, help me get over the trauma

374
00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:45,760
Speaker 1: of my past, and that he would never hurt me.

375
00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:49,560
Speaker 1: My family didn't believe in depression or mental health issues,

376
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Speaker 1: and mister Lex was the first person I could actually

377
00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:55,840
Speaker 1: talk to about my depression. He was encouraging and supportive.

378
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,879
Speaker 1: Whenever something bad happened, I could run to him and

379
00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:01,840
Speaker 1: he would fix it or for me. Sometimes he would

380
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Speaker 1: hold me for hours while I cried. My family never

381
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:06,960
Speaker 1: did any of that for me growing up or even

382
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:10,280
Speaker 1: as an adult. Throughout the relationship, I did try to

383
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Speaker 1: leave mister Lex. I loved him with all my heart,

384
00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:17,520
Speaker 1: but I was hurt about being the mistress. I didn't

385
00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:20,000
Speaker 1: want to be the mistress anymore. It started to make

386
00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:23,320
Speaker 1: me feel depressed. When I would tell him I needed

387
00:18:23,359 --> 00:18:26,560
Speaker 1: to end the relationship, he would cry, begging me to

388
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:28,880
Speaker 1: stay with him and say, if I really loved him.

389
00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:31,520
Speaker 1: I wouldn't give up on the relationship.

390
00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:33,080
Speaker 3: This sounds manipulative.

391
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:34,880
Speaker 2: I don't like this story.

392
00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:36,440
Speaker 3: I don't like it.

393
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:38,960
Speaker 2: I like it. This is gross, Like this is just

394
00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:39,800
Speaker 2: all gross.

395
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Speaker 3: It was very gross.

396
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Speaker 1: She's only twenty five.

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00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:45,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, because people, I think I've generally agreed that around

398
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Speaker 4: the age of twenty five, you're kind of like old

399
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:49,439
Speaker 4: enough to make your own decisions on like, you know,

400
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:53,760
Speaker 4: being with an older man. But a forty year age

401
00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:57,240
Speaker 4: gap with stuff like this happening is just kind of like.

402
00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:00,879
Speaker 2: Forty year age gap when he's married and you know

403
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:01,640
Speaker 2: he's married.

404
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:06,240
Speaker 4: So that's just a lot of I just don't like it,

405
00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:08,080
Speaker 4: you know, I would.

406
00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:09,320
Speaker 3: I don't like it.

407
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:12,360
Speaker 1: He would be persistent, saying we could make it work

408
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:14,720
Speaker 1: and find ways to spend more time with me. He

409
00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:18,080
Speaker 1: called me his queen true love on his wife. If

410
00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:20,960
Speaker 1: I ignored him, he would just keep calling me or

411
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:24,480
Speaker 1: sending me romantic songs and messages. I didn't want to

412
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:26,760
Speaker 1: give up on the man I loved. He also said

413
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:28,520
Speaker 1: he wanted to be the only man I gave my

414
00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:31,200
Speaker 1: body to, and that no other man would be able

415
00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:33,520
Speaker 1: to make me feel special like aah.

416
00:19:34,119 --> 00:19:38,760
Speaker 3: He's so manipulative. This is disgusting. This is disgusting.

417
00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:41,680
Speaker 1: I truly believed it. He would get jealous or in

418
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:45,320
Speaker 1: rage when I discussed dating another man, saying I never

419
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:47,880
Speaker 1: loved him if I choose not to be faithful to him.

420
00:19:48,359 --> 00:19:51,760
Speaker 1: Although I loved him, he did have a bad side.

421
00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:54,080
Speaker 1: He had a bad temper. If I made him angry,

422
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:56,600
Speaker 1: he would say harsh things about me and my past.

423
00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:58,560
Speaker 1: We have an update. Why did you leave that till

424
00:19:58,600 --> 00:19:59,160
Speaker 1: the endop?

425
00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:04,600
Speaker 4: Oh pee girl, this is not a good relationship, gir

426
00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:07,320
Speaker 4: old girl. Girl, Look at this point, it's not like

427
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:11,040
Speaker 4: the age gap on top of this stuff feels like

428
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:15,320
Speaker 4: it makes it worse. But besides the age gap, this

429
00:20:15,359 --> 00:20:18,360
Speaker 4: is just like a bad relationship.

430
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:19,400
Speaker 3: Like it's manipulative.

431
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:24,600
Speaker 4: Dare I say, it's very possible if he's insulting her

432
00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:25,040
Speaker 4: like this?

433
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:28,399
Speaker 1: Like, ah, it was wild.

434
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:28,880
Speaker 6: Yeah.

435
00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:32,600
Speaker 1: Update two weeks ago. We're doing our usual routine. I

436
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:34,800
Speaker 1: was spending the weekends at his place after not being

437
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,520
Speaker 1: able to see him for two weeks because of my

438
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:39,359
Speaker 1: new job. It was romantic and fun as usual. The

439
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:42,240
Speaker 1: morning I had to leave, I was emotional once again,

440
00:20:42,359 --> 00:20:44,920
Speaker 1: talking about how I should leave him and that I

441
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:48,080
Speaker 1: deserve better. We were arguing, and I refuse to leave

442
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:50,560
Speaker 1: until I was done with what I had to say.

443
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:54,320
Speaker 1: Long story short, We were late leaving his place when

444
00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:56,959
Speaker 1: his wife was on her way home. He was upset,

445
00:20:57,080 --> 00:21:00,000
Speaker 1: saying his life would be over if he couldn't come

446
00:21:00,119 --> 00:21:02,399
Speaker 1: up with a good reason. When he dropped me off,

447
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:05,359
Speaker 1: he would usually hug me with my bags and leave

448
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,200
Speaker 1: me with a hug and a kiss, but this time,

449
00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:09,720
Speaker 1: as soon as I got out of the car, sped off.

450
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:13,200
Speaker 1: I called him confused, and he sounded so cruel and

451
00:21:13,359 --> 00:21:16,320
Speaker 1: like a different person, not an ounce of love in

452
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:18,479
Speaker 1: his voice. He said he was going back to his

453
00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:22,880
Speaker 1: wife and wasn't doing this anymore. Oh, okay, good, I.

454
00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:26,600
Speaker 4: Mean sure good in the long run, but that so

455
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:29,360
Speaker 4: awful to OPI though so awful.

456
00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:32,040
Speaker 1: I asked if he could just come back and give

457
00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:34,960
Speaker 1: me a hug and say goodbye at least, but he refused.

458
00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,680
Speaker 1: He wouldn't even say goodbye. I was just crying. Ten

459
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:41,240
Speaker 1: minutes later, I called him back, and his daughter, who's

460
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:45,280
Speaker 1: thirty seven, yelled at me, saying it was over and

461
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:47,240
Speaker 1: that I should know better than to be with the

462
00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:50,359
Speaker 1: married man. His wife got on the phone and said

463
00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:54,760
Speaker 1: she was staying with him that they were Christians and

464
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:57,840
Speaker 1: she was going to try and forgive him. Then he

465
00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:00,159
Speaker 1: got on the phone and yelled at me, saying it

466
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:02,560
Speaker 1: was over and never to contact him again.

467
00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:05,400
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh.

468
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:08,320
Speaker 1: Why if you may be Christian, but your husband's not

469
00:22:08,359 --> 00:22:09,320
Speaker 1: acting that way.

470
00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:10,760
Speaker 3: It's definitely not acting like it.

471
00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:15,040
Speaker 4: And if he's acting this way towards ope his mistress,

472
00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:18,080
Speaker 4: then I'm sure he's saying the same step to his

473
00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:20,920
Speaker 4: wife of like, oh, you would be a bad Christian

474
00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:24,840
Speaker 4: if you left me, or something like that. You are

475
00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:27,920
Speaker 4: supposed to forgive me, like what the Bible says or something.

476
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:31,320
Speaker 1: Depending on what church they go to, divorce is probably

477
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:32,160
Speaker 1: not on the table here.

478
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:36,600
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, this is an awful man. Awful man.

479
00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:39,040
Speaker 1: Then his daughter got back on the phone, yelling and

480
00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:42,600
Speaker 1: calling me names, constantly screaming, you slept in my bed,

481
00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:48,440
Speaker 1: over and over, husband, boyfriend, mister lex, you did it

482
00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:54,040
Speaker 1: in your daughter's room, her room, she didn't live there anymore.

483
00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:56,480
Speaker 1: At his college was a room where we used to

484
00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:57,480
Speaker 1: have spicy sleep.

485
00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:01,040
Speaker 7: Yeah, why do we tell things that Well, that doesn't

486
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:03,639
Speaker 7: seem like it's pertinent to anything, like, oh, I've been

487
00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:07,200
Speaker 7: cheating with this girl, all right, great, Yeah, why do

488
00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:08,879
Speaker 7: you need to say where and when?

489
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:12,400
Speaker 1: I mean, we had to figure out the reason why

490
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:16,240
Speaker 1: she called her back. Oh my gosh, he must have

491
00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:19,479
Speaker 1: told her. Since that day, I've been a crying mess

492
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:22,760
Speaker 1: cry all day every day. After the harsh phone call

493
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:25,960
Speaker 1: from him and his family, I was crying and angry.

494
00:23:26,359 --> 00:23:29,920
Speaker 1: I exposed her text messages to his siblings and extended family.

495
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:33,679
Speaker 1: I also told the church, where he was an elder

496
00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:38,760
Speaker 1: and deacon and had been intending for decades. The church

497
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:41,480
Speaker 1: wants to investigate all the allegations and wants me to

498
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:43,959
Speaker 1: give a statement to their committee. They also took him

499
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:47,720
Speaker 1: out of his leadership positions until the investigation concluded and

500
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:50,280
Speaker 1: they came to a decision. I hate myself for what

501
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:52,679
Speaker 1: I did out of anger, and I know it's not

502
00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:56,080
Speaker 1: going to make me feel better because it hasn't. Mister

503
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:59,000
Speaker 1: Lex threatened legal action prior to me telling the church,

504
00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:02,080
Speaker 1: saying if I spread information about our affair, they would

505
00:24:02,119 --> 00:24:05,879
Speaker 1: take legal action. Mister Lex also threatened to follow a

506
00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:09,800
Speaker 1: restraining order if I ever contacted him again after the

507
00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:12,760
Speaker 1: day he broke things off. It's ironic that every time

508
00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:15,679
Speaker 1: I tried leaving him, he would constantly call me or

509
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:19,680
Speaker 1: contact me, even if I told him to leave me alone.

510
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:22,919
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I have comments. I had my first

511
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:26,560
Speaker 1: counseling session with a therapist. Although the pain is still

512
00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:30,240
Speaker 1: there and strong, it was very eye opening and cathartic

513
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:34,320
Speaker 1: to realize the pain and release it and have someone

514
00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:36,520
Speaker 1: to talk to about it. Since I have no family

515
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:39,640
Speaker 1: or friends to talk to. You confirmed that I already

516
00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:43,680
Speaker 1: realized about myself at me not having any mail figures

517
00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:46,359
Speaker 1: in my life and a family full of single mothers.

518
00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:48,639
Speaker 1: I got attracted to a man who I initially won

519
00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:52,480
Speaker 1: a mentorship from when he was my manager because he

520
00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:55,479
Speaker 1: was an older male who I admired, gave the attention,

521
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:59,280
Speaker 1: and was teaching me new things. He was what I

522
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:02,520
Speaker 1: was la in a male parental figure. I wanted his

523
00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:06,520
Speaker 1: approval and attention. Talking about the relationship makes me cry badly,

524
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:09,480
Speaker 1: and unfortunately, during the next session he wants to go

525
00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:12,800
Speaker 1: into how the relationship started in the dynamic. It makes

526
00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:15,760
Speaker 1: me sad talking about it. I'm not excusing what I

527
00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:19,320
Speaker 1: did or saying it was right. My therapist agreed that

528
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:22,080
Speaker 1: what I did was wrong. I want to be different

529
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:25,720
Speaker 1: and not have the lack of positive male figures in

530
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:29,080
Speaker 1: my life affect finding a healthy relationship and true love.

531
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:32,600
Speaker 1: Unlike all the women in my family, they all didn't

532
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:36,560
Speaker 1: have fathers and had kids with irresponsible men who weren't

533
00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:39,560
Speaker 1: in their lives or their children's lives. I grew up

534
00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:42,359
Speaker 1: without a father grandpa, and my uncle doesn't support his

535
00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:45,480
Speaker 1: children and doesn't care to be around his family because

536
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:48,800
Speaker 1: of his strained relationship with my grandma. I don't want

537
00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:51,480
Speaker 1: to be like that. I want to break that generational

538
00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:55,320
Speaker 1: curse so badly. There aren't even really any married women

539
00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:56,160
Speaker 1: in my family.

540
00:25:57,640 --> 00:25:59,280
Speaker 2: Huh, I'm sorry, I can't.

541
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:02,080
Speaker 6: I want to feel bad for op, but I cannot

542
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:05,600
Speaker 6: feel bad when you knew you were sleeping with a

543
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:09,600
Speaker 6: married man, and yes, he manipulated you, but it takes

544
00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:11,760
Speaker 6: It's like a two way street on that where like

545
00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:14,600
Speaker 6: you knew that and you're like, oh, I want to

546
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:16,760
Speaker 6: break I want to break the cycle of.

547
00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:19,760
Speaker 2: That, and then you continue to do that. I can't.

548
00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:22,320
Speaker 2: You're contradicting yourself with that. I'm sorry.

549
00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:24,919
Speaker 4: Well, how I'm kind of seeing it is like she

550
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:29,199
Speaker 4: made a mistake getting into this relationship, and the what

551
00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:32,760
Speaker 4: we're realizing in therapy is like why that happened and

552
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:36,719
Speaker 4: something to be aware of in the future. And then like,

553
00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:39,400
Speaker 4: even though yes, she made a mistake and she shouldn't

554
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:42,679
Speaker 4: have she shouldn't have gotten with the married man, it

555
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:46,720
Speaker 4: was still it is apparently harder for her to leave

556
00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:51,040
Speaker 4: because of how manipulative he was. So it's kind of like,

557
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:55,400
Speaker 4: I don't know, I feel like there's a way to uh,

558
00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:58,240
Speaker 4: you know, not scold her, I guess.

559
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:03,639
Speaker 3: But like I feel like she unders probably understands like the.

560
00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:04,720
Speaker 4: Mistake that she made and the bad choices that she

561
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:06,200
Speaker 4: made that brought her into this mess.

562
00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:07,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I feel like.

563
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:11,320
Speaker 4: What we can have sympathy for is what like, we

564
00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:13,760
Speaker 4: don't have to have sympathy for that, but we should

565
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:15,719
Speaker 4: have it for how he treated her.

566
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:19,520
Speaker 2: I think, yeah, that too, yeaheah. But it's just again,

567
00:27:20,119 --> 00:27:20,600
Speaker 2: it's hard.

568
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:23,560
Speaker 3: It's a tip freaky, freaky situation.

569
00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:27,480
Speaker 1: One of the other hard realizations is that I don't

570
00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:29,880
Speaker 1: have any friends. My mom moved us around a lot

571
00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:32,920
Speaker 1: growing up, and I really never made friends. As an adult,

572
00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:36,359
Speaker 1: I became introverted. Plus I moved to a new state.

573
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:39,439
Speaker 1: These passed three years. Unfortunately I only hung out with

574
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:41,800
Speaker 1: the married man at twenty five. I feel like it's

575
00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:45,160
Speaker 1: too late to make lifelong friendships and even go back

576
00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:48,600
Speaker 1: to college. No. I left as a sophomore and didn't

577
00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:51,440
Speaker 1: really get the college experience. Losing my job as a

578
00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:54,600
Speaker 1: flight attendant has devastated me. I want a career, not

579
00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:58,439
Speaker 1: just the job, and that was an actual career with

580
00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:01,000
Speaker 1: good benefits now it's gone. I want to break the

581
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:03,760
Speaker 1: cycle of poverty in my family as well. I've been

582
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:06,280
Speaker 1: poor my whole life. That's another thing I admired about

583
00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:10,000
Speaker 1: him successful career and how he loved his daughter and

584
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:12,560
Speaker 1: was always there for her. That made me fall in

585
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:15,119
Speaker 1: love too. But I want to find that in a

586
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:17,679
Speaker 1: single man. I think, Op, I'm gonna give you this.

587
00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:20,479
Speaker 1: You know what you wanted a man, and you found

588
00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:23,960
Speaker 1: some of those attributes in mister Lex. But I think

589
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:26,280
Speaker 1: it's wise that you know what you want in someone

590
00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:29,200
Speaker 1: and you're hopefully gonna find that in another guy.

591
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:31,520
Speaker 4: You will absolutely find that in another guy that is

592
00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:33,679
Speaker 4: closer to your age and single.

593
00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:37,960
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm. So my question for you Internet mom and dads,

594
00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:40,280
Speaker 1: is it possible for a woman with no male figures

595
00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:42,800
Speaker 1: to find a good, healthy relationship with a man and

596
00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:46,560
Speaker 1: true love real quick? Yes? I think you should start

597
00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:50,560
Speaker 1: with friendships and explore that with you know, some male guys,

598
00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:53,360
Speaker 1: like good healthy male friendships, and then you can maybe

599
00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:56,400
Speaker 1: find like a healthy relationship. Two is it too late

600
00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:58,560
Speaker 1: to make live flowng friends at my age? Dean?

601
00:28:58,800 --> 00:29:03,080
Speaker 6: You can make friends when you're ninety nine, Yeah, it's not.

602
00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:05,040
Speaker 6: It's like, yes, it takes a little bit of effort,

603
00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:07,800
Speaker 6: but you can find like a common ground and you

604
00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:10,080
Speaker 6: can work on it. I t one hundred percent agree

605
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:13,920
Speaker 6: that twenty five is don't don't even think twenty five

606
00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:16,040
Speaker 6: is old. Look at Riley, he just turned that.

607
00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:20,200
Speaker 1: Yeah. I feel like I just like gained ten years.

608
00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:22,480
Speaker 1: I really do. Confidence is going on.

609
00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:23,200
Speaker 3: I feel like too.

610
00:29:23,280 --> 00:29:26,360
Speaker 4: If it's if you're looking for like lifelong friends, I

611
00:29:26,360 --> 00:29:28,600
Speaker 4: mean that is kind of a hard thing to find anyway.

612
00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:30,479
Speaker 4: But if that's what you're looking for, you have kind

613
00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:33,200
Speaker 4: of less life or you Yeah, easier to do you

614
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:33,720
Speaker 4: as you grow up?

615
00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:36,920
Speaker 1: And another question, will I always be attracted to older men?

616
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:39,680
Speaker 1: And how do I fill that void of never having

617
00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:42,960
Speaker 1: positive male figures in my life? And last question, how

618
00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:46,840
Speaker 1: can I start breaking the generational poverty? I never finish college.

619
00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:50,720
Speaker 1: I feel so lonely without a supportive family, and no friends. Ps.

620
00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:52,800
Speaker 1: I'm taking the zoloft, and the church still wants me

621
00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:54,680
Speaker 1: to come in and make a statement in person to

622
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:57,200
Speaker 1: the board of elders. He and I will make statements

623
00:29:57,240 --> 00:29:59,600
Speaker 1: at separate times. It will look over the evidence and

624
00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:01,680
Speaker 1: as side what to do with them. I hope they

625
00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:04,680
Speaker 1: don't put him back into a leadership position. He's temporarily

626
00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:07,640
Speaker 1: demoted until the investigation is finished. I have all over

627
00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:11,720
Speaker 1: text and proofs of my injuries. Oh bus him admitting

628
00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:15,040
Speaker 1: to what he did. Oh god, oh girl. Well that's

629
00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:17,720
Speaker 1: a lot worse than I thought. I would be devastated

630
00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:20,640
Speaker 1: if he just got a warning as a punishment. Up

631
00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:22,840
Speaker 1: Day three, Hey Internet, mom and dads, it's me again.

632
00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:25,960
Speaker 1: I can't talk to my real mom because her only

633
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:28,920
Speaker 1: advice to my whole life has been get over it.

634
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:32,320
Speaker 1: I'm still taking my zola off and going to counseling.

635
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:36,200
Speaker 1: If you want to take advice from people, take advice

636
00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:39,640
Speaker 1: from people whose lives you want to be like, like like,

637
00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:43,600
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna be taking advice from, you know, relationship

638
00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:46,640
Speaker 1: advice from someone that cheated on their wife. I'm not

639
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:48,640
Speaker 1: gonna do it. I'm not gonna take it, you know.

640
00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:49,840
Speaker 1: Career advice.

641
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:51,080
Speaker 3: Take it from mister lex.

642
00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:52,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna take

643
00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:56,080
Speaker 1: career advice from like someone that is comfortable in their job.

644
00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:58,480
Speaker 1: I want, you know, like take advice from people you

645
00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:01,320
Speaker 1: want it to be from. I'm still taking my soul loft.

646
00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:03,320
Speaker 1: But I didn't realize until after the affair was over

647
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:06,720
Speaker 1: and I've been away from him, that I seriously dedicated

648
00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:09,080
Speaker 1: three years to this man. I just moved into a

649
00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:11,280
Speaker 1: new city and a state. When I met him and

650
00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:14,600
Speaker 1: the pandemic started, all I did was work and go home.

651
00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:16,720
Speaker 1: I was too paranoid to go out in public because

652
00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:19,400
Speaker 1: of the pandemic to meet new people, and I was

653
00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:22,280
Speaker 1: too busy trying to make money and start my own life.

654
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:24,520
Speaker 1: I only hung out with my mom and siblings who

655
00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:27,520
Speaker 1: had moved here with me, And then once I met

656
00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:30,400
Speaker 1: a married man, since he worked at the same job,

657
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:32,520
Speaker 1: he was the only person I hung out with. I

658
00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:34,760
Speaker 1: think at least the married guy has a family that

659
00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:39,320
Speaker 1: loves him to go home to the wife. I'm so pathetic.

660
00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:42,200
Speaker 1: I have no one I'm realizing out of the whole situation,

661
00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:45,200
Speaker 1: I'm the loser, not him or anyone else. I made

662
00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:47,960
Speaker 1: him my live I did everything with him, instead of

663
00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:50,840
Speaker 1: making friends going out, I only went out with him

664
00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:53,840
Speaker 1: to a ready, my birthday or anything else. Was only

665
00:31:53,880 --> 00:31:56,680
Speaker 1: with him if I needed someone to talk to him,

666
00:31:56,960 --> 00:32:00,680
Speaker 1: someone had been to or cried to him for three years.

667
00:32:00,880 --> 00:32:04,000
Speaker 1: Please help me Internet, mom and dad with some comfort.

668
00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:07,240
Speaker 1: If you met him, you wouldn't believe he did any

669
00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:09,960
Speaker 1: of the things I said. He just seemed like a nice,

670
00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:14,480
Speaker 1: god fearing man. Most of them do till they start

671
00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:19,160
Speaker 1: breaking the god fearing rules. Yeah, I'll day four. I've

672
00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:22,560
Speaker 1: been on my healing journey from the whole ordeal, and

673
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:25,400
Speaker 1: I've had some good days and some bad days. Well

674
00:32:25,640 --> 00:32:28,120
Speaker 1: one nine. A few days ago, I finally checked my Instagram.

675
00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:31,719
Speaker 1: I've never been big on social media and was rarely

676
00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:34,080
Speaker 1: on it, but since the whole or deal, I chose

677
00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:36,440
Speaker 1: to stay off it completely because I didn't want to

678
00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:39,520
Speaker 1: see my flying attendant coworkers from the job I had

679
00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:43,240
Speaker 1: to leave having so much fun traveling. I have chosen

680
00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:45,440
Speaker 1: to check it to motivate myself and to get back

681
00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:47,920
Speaker 1: into the industry. I have my profiles set to private,

682
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:51,480
Speaker 1: but you can still message me. The married man's thirty

683
00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:54,760
Speaker 1: six year old daughter messaged me throwing insults. The one

684
00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:57,360
Speaker 1: that's stunning the most was that she mentioned me being

685
00:32:57,400 --> 00:33:00,000
Speaker 1: homeless and asked how it feels to have nothing else

686
00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:03,000
Speaker 1: all my God. She also mentioned me being in her

687
00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:05,880
Speaker 1: bed because I didn't have one of my own, and

688
00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:08,960
Speaker 1: that I have nothing and will never have anything. She

689
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:11,400
Speaker 1: also mentioned how it feels to have pursued a married

690
00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:14,280
Speaker 1: man and failed. She said I was pathetic and made

691
00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:17,600
Speaker 1: other cruel comments. He's the only person I told about

692
00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:20,480
Speaker 1: me and my family being homeless. It's been a very

693
00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:23,160
Speaker 1: sensitive subject for me, being raised by a single mother.

694
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:27,240
Speaker 1: I've experienced homelessness growing up. I wasn't even homeless the

695
00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:30,560
Speaker 1: entire affair. It started in February this year. He said

696
00:33:30,600 --> 00:33:33,360
Speaker 1: he didn't judge me for it and I shouldn't feel ashamed.

697
00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:35,960
Speaker 1: I just broke down and cried for hours. I was

698
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:39,040
Speaker 1: already having a rough day. Job searching hasn't been easy.

699
00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:42,040
Speaker 1: My mom was the only one I had to confide

700
00:33:42,040 --> 00:33:44,440
Speaker 1: in When I told her about it. She told me

701
00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:46,520
Speaker 1: she didn't know why I was crying, that it was

702
00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:50,040
Speaker 1: my fault. I played with people's lives and was playing

703
00:33:50,160 --> 00:33:54,320
Speaker 1: a big girls game I couldn't handle. She said I

704
00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:57,080
Speaker 1: should have just played my part, but no, I had

705
00:33:57,120 --> 00:34:01,240
Speaker 1: to mess it up. I wouldn't be taking advice. When

706
00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:04,000
Speaker 1: she said this, I broke down so badly. She wouldn't

707
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:06,280
Speaker 1: even give me a hug like I asked. I had

708
00:34:06,320 --> 00:34:09,239
Speaker 1: started drinking when I'm not even a drinker, just to

709
00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:11,919
Speaker 1: try and numb the pain. But I just cried all night.

710
00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:14,880
Speaker 1: I guess my mom like that. He gave me money

711
00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:18,120
Speaker 1: and gifts and whatever me or the family needed, He helped,

712
00:34:18,320 --> 00:34:21,720
Speaker 1: but it really broke my heart. The pain is indescribable.

713
00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:25,000
Speaker 1: Everyone blames me, not once. Has my mom or anyone

714
00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:28,520
Speaker 1: blamed the married man, not once. It's like he's an angel.

715
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:30,960
Speaker 1: I'm not saying I'm an angel by any means, but

716
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:33,600
Speaker 1: what my mom and his daughter said have crushed my

717
00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:36,760
Speaker 1: heart and soul. I didn't grow up in two parent

718
00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:40,120
Speaker 1: households going to private schools like his daughter. I had

719
00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:43,279
Speaker 1: a rough life and have had everything on my own.

720
00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:46,960
Speaker 1: She also mentioned how she's married with a new baby

721
00:34:47,280 --> 00:34:50,640
Speaker 1: and I've gotten nothing. Of course I didn't respond and

722
00:34:50,680 --> 00:34:53,160
Speaker 1: blocked her. Please Internet, parents, I really need you.

723
00:34:53,640 --> 00:34:57,279
Speaker 4: Well, yeah, you're eleven years older than me. Like, what

724
00:34:57,360 --> 00:34:59,480
Speaker 4: do you want me to like, I'll get there. No,

725
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:01,319
Speaker 4: eleven years older than me.

726
00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:05,319
Speaker 1: Yep, I think hope you like understand in a way

727
00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:09,400
Speaker 1: you were a victim. But once you pivot your mind

728
00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:12,600
Speaker 1: and your perspective of you are bigger than this, and

729
00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:16,320
Speaker 1: you start surrounding yourself around people that are in better positions,

730
00:35:16,320 --> 00:35:18,120
Speaker 1: because your mom's still kind of in the same position.

731
00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:21,000
Speaker 1: Whenever I started hanging around John and Sam Moore, I

732
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:22,480
Speaker 1: was like, Wow, I can really do a lot more

733
00:35:22,520 --> 00:35:23,919
Speaker 1: of my life. I can start, like, you know, thinking

734
00:35:23,960 --> 00:35:27,600
Speaker 1: bigger and doing this. It's really who you surround yourself with. Yeah,

735
00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:29,600
Speaker 1: and I think you may have picked up really good

736
00:35:29,600 --> 00:35:31,880
Speaker 1: things from this married man the time that you were

737
00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:34,960
Speaker 1: with him. I think you just need to surround yourself

738
00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:37,399
Speaker 1: with people that are ambitious about live.

739
00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:37,879
Speaker 3: Yeah.

740
00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:41,080
Speaker 4: Continue going to therapy. That's amazing. That will be a

741
00:35:41,080 --> 00:35:44,319
Speaker 4: support system for a while. Just one day at a time,

742
00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:46,680
Speaker 4: try to stay busy. Do things have been happy and

743
00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:49,200
Speaker 4: you will. Everything will fall into place, I promise you.

744
00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:51,399
Speaker 1: Yep. Yeah, And that's the end of the story. We're

745
00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:54,319
Speaker 1: going on to the next one. Hey, it's johny og

746
00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:55,800
Speaker 1: Host here. We're going to get back to the stories.

747
00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:57,400
Speaker 1: But here's a quick three minute break of ass from

748
00:35:57,440 --> 00:36:01,520
Speaker 1: more sponsors. My boyfriend refused to pose unless I give

749
00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:02,279
Speaker 1: him what he.

750
00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:04,680
Speaker 2: Wants proposed to him instead.

751
00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:09,040
Speaker 1: Six years. On July twentieth, my boyfriend twenty four mal

752
00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:12,959
Speaker 1: and I twenty three female, will be celebrating our dating anniversary.

753
00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:15,840
Speaker 1: I love him so much. He is my best friend

754
00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:18,680
Speaker 1: in the entire world, and we have really grown together

755
00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:21,719
Speaker 1: since we started dating at eighteen. By the way, this

756
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:24,000
Speaker 1: comes from post Cable ninety four and if you does

757
00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:26,160
Speaker 1: me my your own stories, go to the Arslash showkey stories.

758
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:28,040
Speaker 1: I'm Subredded, I'm Riley.

759
00:36:27,920 --> 00:36:30,680
Speaker 2: I'm Keon, I'm Carly, and we give.

760
00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:34,280
Speaker 1: Goofy advice here. But we don't have all of the answers.

761
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:36,080
Speaker 1: We only know what we do, So let us know

762
00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:39,040
Speaker 1: what you know in the comments down below. Oh, he continues,

763
00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:42,480
Speaker 1: as excited as I am to celebrate six years with him.

764
00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:46,360
Speaker 1: I cannot help, but also dread it because it's another

765
00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:51,759
Speaker 1: year of him not proposing. We have had a lot

766
00:36:51,760 --> 00:36:55,120
Speaker 1: of people ask, oh my gosh, it's almost six years,

767
00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:58,480
Speaker 1: why are you guys engaged yet, and others say, you

768
00:36:58,520 --> 00:37:02,760
Speaker 1: guys are so young, just enjoy your lives. Honestly, within

769
00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:06,520
Speaker 1: the relationship, we are both split. He went from asking

770
00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:09,080
Speaker 1: me to marry him every day when we were eighteen

771
00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:12,080
Speaker 1: every day to saying we need to be more stable

772
00:37:12,160 --> 00:37:16,720
Speaker 1: once we both enter the corporate workforce. We have discussed marriage,

773
00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:20,000
Speaker 1: kids and all of that and have agreed those are

774
00:37:20,040 --> 00:37:22,759
Speaker 1: the things we both want. Of Course, I understand him,

775
00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:24,920
Speaker 1: and it's a responsible thing to do to have our

776
00:37:24,960 --> 00:37:28,960
Speaker 1: finances and be in such a more stable household. However,

777
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:33,839
Speaker 1: it seems he is starting to prioritize other things over marriage,

778
00:37:34,120 --> 00:37:37,480
Speaker 1: like Pokemon cards, like sports teens. He has expressed his

779
00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:40,800
Speaker 1: aspirations to move into the city, then another day wanting

780
00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:44,200
Speaker 1: a new car, and then the next wanting to travel together.

781
00:37:45,040 --> 00:37:47,879
Speaker 1: All these new aspirations and wants are starting to hurt

782
00:37:47,880 --> 00:37:50,319
Speaker 1: my head because it seems like he does not know

783
00:37:50,360 --> 00:37:53,600
Speaker 1: what he wants. We have had so many discussions about

784
00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:56,440
Speaker 1: our future and what we want to create together, but

785
00:37:56,520 --> 00:37:58,920
Speaker 1: he always seems so sure about what he wants for

786
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:03,320
Speaker 1: himself for us. I have so many thoughts on this.

787
00:38:04,239 --> 00:38:07,280
Speaker 1: His older sister got engaged last year, and of course

788
00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:10,760
Speaker 1: we were both so happy and excited for her. However,

789
00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:14,120
Speaker 1: I found myself getting angry and upset, not towards her,

790
00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:17,399
Speaker 1: but towards my boyfriend. He seems so excited for her

791
00:38:17,719 --> 00:38:21,200
Speaker 1: and her fiance in their future, but started talking about

792
00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:24,680
Speaker 1: our future as if it was a distant future. When

793
00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:28,239
Speaker 1: people would tease us saying, oh, you guys are next haha,

794
00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:32,359
Speaker 1: he would just chuckle and stay quiet or say, oh,

795
00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:33,960
Speaker 1: we've got a long ways to go.

796
00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:38,000
Speaker 3: Oh that's six years.

797
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:41,640
Speaker 2: That's not what you say. I feel like again when

798
00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:43,479
Speaker 2: it was like when we were when we.

799
00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:48,520
Speaker 6: Were eighteen, we were so young, love, puppy love.

800
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:51,400
Speaker 2: Like the only thing on his mind was literally like you,

801
00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:53,640
Speaker 2: you you, It was you.

802
00:38:54,239 --> 00:38:57,000
Speaker 6: And then he was like, wait, there's more to life

803
00:38:57,040 --> 00:39:02,400
Speaker 6: than just prioritizing relationship. There's like actual like travel, living

804
00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:04,640
Speaker 6: in the city.

805
00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:05,880
Speaker 2: What about himself?

806
00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:08,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, if they've been together since eighteen, does he have

807
00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:10,960
Speaker 1: friends outside of this? Is he just relying on her

808
00:39:11,160 --> 00:39:13,400
Speaker 1: and he doesn't really know who he is as a

809
00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:15,200
Speaker 1: man Because I remember when I was twenty that was

810
00:39:15,239 --> 00:39:17,520
Speaker 1: with the girl. I didn't know who I was as

811
00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:19,040
Speaker 1: a man, and I couldn't really lead and I was

812
00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:20,799
Speaker 1: just like whatever you want, what do you want? What

813
00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:22,040
Speaker 1: do you want? What do you want? What do you

814
00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:22,960
Speaker 1: what do you want?

815
00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:23,480
Speaker 2: Exactly?

816
00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:27,319
Speaker 6: And it's the thing of like, oh, whatever, whatever you want,

817
00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:28,640
Speaker 6: that's first, that's priority.

818
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:32,680
Speaker 2: And then he kind of got into it and was like, wait, wait, wait,

819
00:39:33,360 --> 00:39:33,839
Speaker 2: I don't know.

820
00:39:34,200 --> 00:39:35,840
Speaker 1: I got a quote.

821
00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:37,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean with it.

822
00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:40,960
Speaker 1: If you lose, if you put her first and lose yourself,

823
00:39:41,360 --> 00:39:42,919
Speaker 1: you will also lose her.

824
00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:45,680
Speaker 2: Ooh, who's that from my buddy?

825
00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:52,440
Speaker 1: Rex? I think said it all right? Yeah, Rex, Yeah.

826
00:39:52,480 --> 00:39:55,040
Speaker 1: What was worse was that he would ask for my

827
00:39:55,080 --> 00:39:58,320
Speaker 1: opinion about his sister's wedding, almost rubbing it in my face,

828
00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:02,000
Speaker 1: asking if I would have a destination wedding plan the

829
00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:05,120
Speaker 1: same way as her, et cetera. Meanwhile, he was saying

830
00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:09,239
Speaker 1: these contradicting things. In addition to this, I brought up

831
00:40:09,239 --> 00:40:11,719
Speaker 1: to him recently that I would like to be engaged soon,

832
00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:14,640
Speaker 1: and he said he would not propose unless we lived

833
00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:17,239
Speaker 1: together for at least a year. I expressed to him

834
00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:19,960
Speaker 1: that I personally would not want to live together unless

835
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:24,000
Speaker 1: we're engaged, but he said this was his one non negotiable.

836
00:40:24,200 --> 00:40:27,200
Speaker 2: Hmm, I don't like this.

837
00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:32,040
Speaker 1: Yeah. I asked if he was willing to compromise, for example,

838
00:40:32,360 --> 00:40:35,400
Speaker 1: us getting engaged and starting to look for a place together,

839
00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:39,120
Speaker 1: but he said no, just simply no. I asked if

840
00:40:39,120 --> 00:40:41,840
Speaker 1: there was another way or if he had any ideas

841
00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:45,200
Speaker 1: of how we could compromise, and he just shrugged. I

842
00:40:45,239 --> 00:40:47,319
Speaker 1: am in no rush to be married or engaged, but

843
00:40:47,719 --> 00:40:50,640
Speaker 1: I wanted to ask him his thoughts to further understand

844
00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:53,440
Speaker 1: where he is and where he thinks we are progressing.

845
00:40:53,640 --> 00:40:56,520
Speaker 1: What is concerning to me that I asked him, Okay,

846
00:40:56,800 --> 00:40:58,680
Speaker 1: so if I'm not to live with you for another

847
00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:01,399
Speaker 1: three years and you will not, I propose. He said

848
00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:04,759
Speaker 1: yes again, no compromise, no further insinuating that he would

849
00:41:04,760 --> 00:41:07,319
Speaker 1: make me wait until he gets his way. This made

850
00:41:07,320 --> 00:41:10,120
Speaker 1: me really angry. Now I'm at this stage of denial

851
00:41:10,719 --> 00:41:14,200
Speaker 1: but also acceptance, realizing that he will not do it

852
00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:16,720
Speaker 1: unless I give him what he wants, and I truly

853
00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:19,399
Speaker 1: do not know what to do. I could not even

854
00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:22,840
Speaker 1: continue the conversation with him, because how could I after

855
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:25,359
Speaker 1: he just shut me down. He seems to be so

856
00:41:25,480 --> 00:41:28,760
Speaker 1: excited for our friends and family around us getting engaged

857
00:41:28,760 --> 00:41:31,799
Speaker 1: and having kids, but does not seem to be excited

858
00:41:31,840 --> 00:41:34,600
Speaker 1: for us to do those things. I want to get

859
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:37,520
Speaker 1: engaged and marry because I love him and I want

860
00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:40,840
Speaker 1: to start our future together, not because I am trying

861
00:41:40,920 --> 00:41:44,400
Speaker 1: to relate to people around me, However, I find that

862
00:41:44,440 --> 00:41:48,160
Speaker 1: he always compares our relationship to other peoples. For example,

863
00:41:48,440 --> 00:41:51,799
Speaker 1: my sister and her boyfriend traveled all over Europe, why

864
00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:55,239
Speaker 1: can't wait? Or while my friend and his girlfriend just

865
00:41:55,239 --> 00:41:58,080
Speaker 1: got a place together, we should do that. He is

866
00:41:58,160 --> 00:42:01,840
Speaker 1: expressing what he wants past ussively, and when I actually

867
00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:05,520
Speaker 1: try to talk to him about it, he seems closed off.

868
00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:10,040
Speaker 1: What I grew up in a fairly traditional asshold. While

869
00:42:10,040 --> 00:42:12,200
Speaker 1: I do not carry all of the values my parents

870
00:42:12,239 --> 00:42:14,640
Speaker 1: raised me with, one of the few is waiting to

871
00:42:14,680 --> 00:42:17,680
Speaker 1: be engaged, or at least engaged to be married to

872
00:42:17,760 --> 00:42:20,200
Speaker 1: move in together. He has known this for some time,

873
00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:24,360
Speaker 1: even before we started actively having those conversations. Recently, he

874
00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:28,560
Speaker 1: started doing this thing that actually made me crazy. He

875
00:42:28,600 --> 00:42:31,480
Speaker 1: will hold my hand and start measuring my ring finger

876
00:42:31,640 --> 00:42:35,280
Speaker 1: as if cutely trying to gauge my ring size, and honestly,

877
00:42:35,640 --> 00:42:38,040
Speaker 1: it feels like the one two into the gut.

878
00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:42,560
Speaker 6: I think I would be like, all right, because maybe

879
00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:43,399
Speaker 6: he is doing it.

880
00:42:43,560 --> 00:42:46,239
Speaker 2: Maybe, but I don't know. Okay, I don't know.

881
00:42:46,320 --> 00:42:50,120
Speaker 1: Okay, you can only four play for so long until

882
00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:51,319
Speaker 1: you just get right to it.

883
00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:54,200
Speaker 6: He's just playing with your emotions now, and he's like Oh,

884
00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:56,520
Speaker 6: let me see the size of your finger.

885
00:42:56,640 --> 00:43:00,759
Speaker 2: Let me measure that. Huh. Just just you.

886
00:43:00,640 --> 00:43:03,560
Speaker 1: Know, yeah, chick, you can only tease for so long.

887
00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:06,960
Speaker 2: Like if he's been doing this for six years, that's crazy.

888
00:43:07,040 --> 00:43:07,680
Speaker 3: Maybe he's been doing it.

889
00:43:07,719 --> 00:43:08,920
Speaker 2: For maybe like a couple months.

890
00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:11,759
Speaker 1: I'm want like a timetable, So who does that after

891
00:43:11,840 --> 00:43:14,799
Speaker 1: saying they did not want to propose anytime soon? At

892
00:43:14,800 --> 00:43:17,360
Speaker 1: this point, I truly do not know what to do anymore.

893
00:43:17,520 --> 00:43:20,560
Speaker 1: I feel lost and nervous for our six year celebration

894
00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:22,759
Speaker 1: coming up. I do not know how to change his

895
00:43:22,840 --> 00:43:25,400
Speaker 1: mind because the last thing I want to do is

896
00:43:25,480 --> 00:43:29,920
Speaker 1: beg him to propose. I feel stuck advice, and I'm

897
00:43:29,920 --> 00:43:32,000
Speaker 1: seeing a lot of comments about our ages. And again,

898
00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:34,680
Speaker 1: like I said above, I understand that we are young,

899
00:43:35,080 --> 00:43:37,600
Speaker 1: and I've been together with him since I was seventeen

900
00:43:37,640 --> 00:43:41,400
Speaker 1: he was eighteen. I understand and I hear that advice. However,

901
00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:44,520
Speaker 1: I'm not asking for marriage and babies next year. I'm

902
00:43:44,560 --> 00:43:48,680
Speaker 1: simply asking for further commitment and engagement. Personally, I think

903
00:43:48,719 --> 00:43:51,360
Speaker 1: if you've been with someone for six years, you should

904
00:43:51,400 --> 00:43:53,799
Speaker 1: know by now. Also, a lot of you are saying

905
00:43:53,880 --> 00:43:56,839
Speaker 1: I'm not willing to compromise I have been hearing him

906
00:43:56,840 --> 00:43:59,960
Speaker 1: out for years. The issue is that I have compromised

907
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:01,960
Speaker 1: so much for him and he has yet to do

908
00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:04,080
Speaker 1: that for me. For two years, at the beginning of

909
00:44:04,120 --> 00:44:08,160
Speaker 1: our relationship, he's had no job and I almost paid

910
00:44:08,160 --> 00:44:08,760
Speaker 1: for everything.

911
00:44:09,440 --> 00:44:12,320
Speaker 2: Oh, staying hmmm.

912
00:44:12,640 --> 00:44:15,600
Speaker 1: For the last few years, I've planned or dates, our trips,

913
00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:18,640
Speaker 1: and even reminded him when he has a doctor's appointment.

914
00:44:18,480 --> 00:44:21,319
Speaker 2: You're his mom. You're his mom?

915
00:44:22,160 --> 00:44:23,640
Speaker 1: Cute? Yeah, I don't think you want to move in

916
00:44:23,680 --> 00:44:26,800
Speaker 1: with this guy. Fast forward to now, being more financially stable,

917
00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:29,799
Speaker 1: we have planned trips and travel together. When I ask

918
00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:32,640
Speaker 1: him for some time to save, he keeps on insisting

919
00:44:32,680 --> 00:44:35,279
Speaker 1: he wants to go somewhere and money can always be made. Later,

920
00:44:35,880 --> 00:44:38,360
Speaker 1: when I try to understand him and see his perspective

921
00:44:38,360 --> 00:44:40,920
Speaker 1: of already living together, I said that he does the

922
00:44:40,960 --> 00:44:44,160
Speaker 1: same for me, but he does not always put in

923
00:44:44,200 --> 00:44:47,240
Speaker 1: the effort and mine, I add, for the last two years,

924
00:44:47,480 --> 00:44:50,520
Speaker 1: he has not bothered to do something special or plan

925
00:44:50,680 --> 00:44:51,960
Speaker 1: something nice for my birthday.

926
00:44:52,480 --> 00:44:54,799
Speaker 2: Yeah. Sorry, Op, just break up.

927
00:44:55,680 --> 00:44:58,359
Speaker 6: It seems like you're putting I always talk about, you know,

928
00:44:58,920 --> 00:45:02,680
Speaker 6: as a dance with relationships would be like a friendship.

929
00:45:03,080 --> 00:45:07,400
Speaker 6: Relationship with a partner, anything like that. Sure, sixty forty,

930
00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:11,480
Speaker 6: sometimes seventy thirty. Sometimes it's you know, but usually you

931
00:45:11,480 --> 00:45:13,480
Speaker 6: should at least be getting something a fifty to fifty

932
00:45:13,600 --> 00:45:16,640
Speaker 6: or you know, sometimes eighty twenty. Them giving eighty percent,

933
00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:18,719
Speaker 6: you're just giving one hundred percent.

934
00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:20,080
Speaker 2: And he's giving you none.

935
00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:20,680
Speaker 1: Has given you none.

936
00:45:21,040 --> 00:45:21,640
Speaker 3: And what's your hat?

937
00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:21,879
Speaker 1: Say?

938
00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:24,040
Speaker 2: Keon, dump m dump him.

939
00:45:24,080 --> 00:45:26,319
Speaker 1: He's a good guy, and we have so many great

940
00:45:26,360 --> 00:45:29,319
Speaker 1: memories together. Sometimes I feel that I just mourn what

941
00:45:29,360 --> 00:45:33,200
Speaker 1: we used to have. He's just masking being responsible with

942
00:45:33,239 --> 00:45:35,600
Speaker 1: what is convenient for him. It is about him and

943
00:45:35,680 --> 00:45:38,720
Speaker 1: not about what I want, because if it was about

944
00:45:38,719 --> 00:45:41,319
Speaker 1: what I wanted, he would understand my wants and say

945
00:45:41,360 --> 00:45:44,640
Speaker 1: for the future and communicate more. Marriage is not about

946
00:45:44,680 --> 00:45:47,919
Speaker 1: having a big wedding or a party. I told him

947
00:45:48,440 --> 00:45:51,120
Speaker 1: he could literally propose with me with a ring pop

948
00:45:51,160 --> 00:45:53,239
Speaker 1: and I would say, yes. He is a great guy.

949
00:45:53,280 --> 00:45:56,000
Speaker 1: But he also has disappointed me so much, and I

950
00:45:56,040 --> 00:45:59,239
Speaker 1: do not think I can handle much more disappointment. We

951
00:45:59,320 --> 00:46:03,759
Speaker 1: have some relevant comments like I don't know, talk to

952
00:46:03,800 --> 00:46:06,760
Speaker 1: his parents and maybe they can help insinuate, like talk.

953
00:46:06,640 --> 00:46:10,440
Speaker 6: To his megaster, just got married, you know, are engaged.

954
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:15,799
Speaker 6: I don't know, I because I feel like if he

955
00:46:15,880 --> 00:46:18,960
Speaker 6: did propose, I don't think that's gonna save your relationship

956
00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:21,120
Speaker 6: with him. And I hope it because I don't want

957
00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:24,399
Speaker 6: you to be blinded, ope that you're gonna keep It's

958
00:46:24,440 --> 00:46:26,680
Speaker 6: like you're pestering him. You're pestering him, like you shouldn't

959
00:46:26,719 --> 00:46:28,040
Speaker 6: be pestering about engagement.

960
00:46:28,120 --> 00:46:28,719
Speaker 2: He should be the.

961
00:46:28,640 --> 00:46:32,120
Speaker 6: One wanting to do it again, if it's financial circumstances

962
00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:34,200
Speaker 6: or anything like that, he should be, you know, at

963
00:46:34,280 --> 00:46:38,600
Speaker 6: least working towards that goal. But it seems like he

964
00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:41,120
Speaker 6: he has stopped, he has stopped looking at that as

965
00:46:41,120 --> 00:46:43,759
Speaker 6: a priority and push it way to the side, not

966
00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:46,520
Speaker 6: even like near him, way to decide. He's like, all right,

967
00:46:46,600 --> 00:46:48,840
Speaker 6: I'm just living life. I'm going with the flow that Like.

968
00:46:48,920 --> 00:46:51,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, does it seem to have that ambition exactly.

969
00:46:51,560 --> 00:46:54,560
Speaker 6: He doesn't have the ambition about like anything, which again

970
00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:57,239
Speaker 6: that that does happen, but it seems.

971
00:46:57,000 --> 00:46:59,720
Speaker 2: Like that's dragging. He's dragging you along with him. Which

972
00:47:00,360 --> 00:47:03,680
Speaker 2: that's his life. That shouldn't be for your life.

973
00:47:04,239 --> 00:47:07,960
Speaker 1: Update two years later the comments we've already had the

974
00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:10,359
Speaker 1: answers for. But two years later, oh wait, A note

975
00:47:10,400 --> 00:47:13,959
Speaker 1: two months later Okay, okay, guys, all right. Two months later, Carly,

976
00:47:14,080 --> 00:47:14,520
Speaker 1: they together.

977
00:47:15,680 --> 00:47:19,719
Speaker 6: No, jan I really hope either A. You guys had

978
00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:21,920
Speaker 6: a conversation and he actually starts working towards it. If

979
00:47:21,920 --> 00:47:24,959
Speaker 6: you are still together, great, and if not, I hope

980
00:47:24,960 --> 00:47:26,480
Speaker 6: you're single and thriving.

981
00:47:26,920 --> 00:47:31,000
Speaker 1: If you haven't already guessed by now, I've broke up

982
00:47:31,040 --> 00:47:37,680
Speaker 1: with him. I let our anniversary pass, tried to move

983
00:47:37,719 --> 00:47:41,680
Speaker 1: forward from my anger and frustrations. While our anniversary was great,

984
00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:45,279
Speaker 1: I realized he just simply did not and could not

985
00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:48,520
Speaker 1: understand me, and I simply couldn't let it go. About

986
00:47:48,560 --> 00:47:51,799
Speaker 1: a week after our anniversary, we were downtown working and

987
00:47:51,840 --> 00:47:55,240
Speaker 1: on a whim, yes if you could grab dinner after work?

988
00:47:55,560 --> 00:47:58,200
Speaker 1: I said yes, And what was supposed to be a

989
00:47:58,239 --> 00:48:01,000
Speaker 1: casual dinner and go home type of day turned it

990
00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:04,080
Speaker 1: to a dinner and exploring all the neighborhoods he wanted

991
00:48:04,080 --> 00:48:07,040
Speaker 1: to live in downtown. I felt like I was ambushed

992
00:48:07,040 --> 00:48:09,680
Speaker 1: and viewing neighborhoods in places I didn't even want to

993
00:48:09,719 --> 00:48:12,520
Speaker 1: live in Slash. We never discussed openly, and it made

994
00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:15,160
Speaker 1: me feel almost sick, as if it felt like he

995
00:48:15,239 --> 00:48:18,640
Speaker 1: was just rubbing salt into my wound. Passively dangling the

996
00:48:18,719 --> 00:48:21,800
Speaker 1: key to my future ring. If you remember from my

997
00:48:21,880 --> 00:48:25,600
Speaker 1: previous post about how he used to size my ring finger, Yeah,

998
00:48:25,880 --> 00:48:27,920
Speaker 1: made me sick to my stomach, just like that. At

999
00:48:27,920 --> 00:48:29,959
Speaker 1: the end of the night, before heading home, I asked

1000
00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:32,320
Speaker 1: if we could talk in his car before he dropped

1001
00:48:32,360 --> 00:48:35,600
Speaker 1: me off. I brought up how I was not happy

1002
00:48:35,719 --> 00:48:39,080
Speaker 1: about the relationship, feeling one sided, and that while I

1003
00:48:39,239 --> 00:48:41,600
Speaker 1: put in all the effort, he puts in the bare

1004
00:48:41,680 --> 00:48:45,200
Speaker 1: minimum and still forced in wine about what he wanted

1005
00:48:45,239 --> 00:48:48,880
Speaker 1: in a relationship and never considered what I wanted. He

1006
00:48:48,920 --> 00:48:51,680
Speaker 1: actually got frustrated and said, it makes no sense. Living

1007
00:48:51,719 --> 00:48:54,759
Speaker 1: together is more of a commitment because we are obligated

1008
00:48:54,800 --> 00:48:57,560
Speaker 1: to stay together due to paperwork. You can break off

1009
00:48:57,600 --> 00:49:00,360
Speaker 1: an engagement if you wanted to have. You've had this

1010
00:49:00,400 --> 00:49:03,480
Speaker 1: conversation four to five times and you still don't understand me.

1011
00:49:03,640 --> 00:49:05,920
Speaker 1: He then went on about it how it would be

1012
00:49:05,960 --> 00:49:08,719
Speaker 1: an opportunity to test things out. So he's like, you

1013
00:49:08,719 --> 00:49:10,720
Speaker 1: can't break up with me if we have a lease together,

1014
00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:12,400
Speaker 1: we could break up with me if you have an

1015
00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:13,080
Speaker 1: engagement ring.

1016
00:49:13,600 --> 00:49:15,120
Speaker 3: That's so backwards.

1017
00:49:16,440 --> 00:49:20,520
Speaker 2: What Yeah, my mind's kind of like what if?

1018
00:49:21,280 --> 00:49:21,360
Speaker 4: What?

1019
00:49:24,840 --> 00:49:25,080
Speaker 2: Wow?

1020
00:49:25,400 --> 00:49:25,680
Speaker 4: You know what?

1021
00:49:25,719 --> 00:49:27,400
Speaker 6: I would be again, I'm so happy that you're not

1022
00:49:27,480 --> 00:49:30,280
Speaker 6: together with this this dingus luminific.

1023
00:49:32,080 --> 00:49:34,000
Speaker 1: The statement was very much a slide of the face

1024
00:49:34,040 --> 00:49:37,640
Speaker 1: because I realized that same guy who used to vocalize

1025
00:49:37,640 --> 00:49:39,880
Speaker 1: wanting to get married to me every day did not

1026
00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:43,480
Speaker 1: truly think nor understand the importance of marriage and unity

1027
00:49:43,560 --> 00:49:46,600
Speaker 1: like I thought he did. And what hurt most was

1028
00:49:46,640 --> 00:49:49,560
Speaker 1: that after six years of being together, and me for

1029
00:49:49,600 --> 00:49:52,880
Speaker 1: the last two years really vocalizing excitement and a future

1030
00:49:53,200 --> 00:49:56,120
Speaker 1: with him, he never once actually listened to me when

1031
00:49:56,160 --> 00:49:58,880
Speaker 1: I talked about how important exciting engagement and marriage is

1032
00:49:58,880 --> 00:49:59,080
Speaker 1: to me.

1033
00:49:59,560 --> 00:50:03,880
Speaker 6: This is a awkward I feel like, I feel like

1034
00:50:03,960 --> 00:50:08,799
Speaker 6: OPI was just like, holy crap, he's an idiot. Took

1035
00:50:08,840 --> 00:50:13,560
Speaker 6: me six years to figure out my boyfriend's an idiot. Yeah, honestly, Well,

1036
00:50:13,560 --> 00:50:16,000
Speaker 6: we're gonna change that to ex boyfriend now, and I'm

1037
00:50:16,080 --> 00:50:19,319
Speaker 6: gonna go go rethink some stuff, dude.

1038
00:50:19,400 --> 00:50:23,399
Speaker 1: Honestly, I hope he continues. Then I brought up how

1039
00:50:23,440 --> 00:50:25,960
Speaker 1: his words were hurtful, saying it's a good way to

1040
00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:28,799
Speaker 1: test it out and see how things go. I asked him,

1041
00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:32,399
Speaker 1: what exactly are you testing out after six years? Test

1042
00:50:32,440 --> 00:50:34,080
Speaker 1: and see if you still like me and want to

1043
00:50:34,120 --> 00:50:36,880
Speaker 1: be together. For you to even say that you have

1044
00:50:36,960 --> 00:50:39,600
Speaker 1: to test things out with us and not know what

1045
00:50:39,640 --> 00:50:42,120
Speaker 1: you want to do, now that's your answer. You're not

1046
00:50:42,120 --> 00:50:45,680
Speaker 1: committed to this, not committed to me. So I followed

1047
00:50:45,760 --> 00:50:48,399
Speaker 1: up with, if you aren't sure you want to marry

1048
00:50:48,440 --> 00:50:52,200
Speaker 1: me now, you won't be sure tomorrow, next month, next year,

1049
00:50:52,440 --> 00:50:55,279
Speaker 1: for the next five years. I cannot simply wait for

1050
00:50:55,360 --> 00:50:58,200
Speaker 1: you to wake up and see me as worthy of

1051
00:50:58,239 --> 00:51:00,600
Speaker 1: a ring. So I got it out of the car

1052
00:51:00,640 --> 00:51:03,239
Speaker 1: and told him it was over. It's been more than

1053
00:51:03,280 --> 00:51:06,120
Speaker 1: a month now, and I think I did the right thing.

1054
00:51:06,480 --> 00:51:08,759
Speaker 1: Of course, a part of me still misses and grieves him,

1055
00:51:08,840 --> 00:51:12,320
Speaker 1: but that last interaction told me exactly what I needed

1056
00:51:12,360 --> 00:51:15,120
Speaker 1: to hear. Yes, he tried to keep in touch and

1057
00:51:15,160 --> 00:51:17,920
Speaker 1: wants to talk things out, but at this point I

1058
00:51:17,920 --> 00:51:19,040
Speaker 1: can't even look at him.

1059
00:51:19,800 --> 00:51:22,960
Speaker 2: You go, girl, good for up. Yeah, And that's the.

1060
00:51:23,040 --> 00:51:26,080
Speaker 1: End of the story. We're on to the next one. Hey,

1061
00:51:26,080 --> 00:51:28,040
Speaker 1: it's sam' your ogi host here. Read it back to

1062
00:51:28,040 --> 00:51:30,120
Speaker 1: the stories. But here's three minutes bads from our sponsor.

1063
00:51:30,560 --> 00:51:34,279
Speaker 4: My date refused to drive me home, so I dumped him,

1064
00:51:34,760 --> 00:51:42,600
Speaker 4: thulp him. I twenty one female have been going out

1065
00:51:42,640 --> 00:51:45,240
Speaker 4: with a guy twenty three e mail for two months

1066
00:51:45,320 --> 00:51:48,800
Speaker 4: or so. We've been on maybe four or five dates.

1067
00:51:48,920 --> 00:51:50,879
Speaker 4: He lives in the town over from me. And by

1068
00:51:50,880 --> 00:51:55,000
Speaker 4: the way, this comes from a zealous ideal use twenty

1069
00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:57,560
Speaker 4: four fifty three and if you want to submit your

1070
00:51:57,560 --> 00:51:59,440
Speaker 4: own stories, go to the ours lash Okay, story time,

1071
00:51:59,480 --> 00:52:04,120
Speaker 4: separate it. I'm Angie, I'm Riley, I'm Carly, and we're

1072
00:52:04,160 --> 00:52:07,319
Speaker 4: here to give good advice goofully, but we don't have

1073
00:52:07,400 --> 00:52:09,600
Speaker 4: all the answers, so we're only gonna guess.

1074
00:52:09,480 --> 00:52:10,600
Speaker 3: What we would do in this situation.

1075
00:52:10,719 --> 00:52:12,719
Speaker 4: But if you would do something different or if you've

1076
00:52:12,760 --> 00:52:15,440
Speaker 4: been in this situation, let us know in the comments below.

1077
00:52:15,960 --> 00:52:19,319
Speaker 4: So Op says, I live in a college town that

1078
00:52:19,360 --> 00:52:21,759
Speaker 4: relies mostly on bikes and buses for transportation.

1079
00:52:21,960 --> 00:52:23,759
Speaker 3: Most students don't have cars, including me.

1080
00:52:24,080 --> 00:52:24,840
Speaker 1: She's in Germany.

1081
00:52:25,560 --> 00:52:27,960
Speaker 4: We made plans on Tuesdays to go to this bar

1082
00:52:28,080 --> 00:52:31,000
Speaker 4: with minigolf in his town. He said that we could

1083
00:52:31,080 --> 00:52:33,319
Speaker 4: meet at seven, but that he couldn't pick me up

1084
00:52:33,320 --> 00:52:35,719
Speaker 4: as he got off work at six. His town is

1085
00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:38,000
Speaker 4: about a thirty minute drive for mine, and that was fine,

1086
00:52:38,040 --> 00:52:40,200
Speaker 4: and I made arrangements to take the bus. Note that

1087
00:52:40,239 --> 00:52:43,480
Speaker 4: I've never been to this part of his town before. Anyways,

1088
00:52:43,520 --> 00:52:46,600
Speaker 4: I take two buses and get there around seven fifteen

1089
00:52:46,760 --> 00:52:47,479
Speaker 4: and we have fun.

1090
00:52:47,920 --> 00:52:49,640
Speaker 3: I drink a bit, he doesn't drink.

1091
00:52:49,920 --> 00:52:52,120
Speaker 4: I feel like this is important to mention since I

1092
00:52:52,160 --> 00:52:53,320
Speaker 4: assumed he wasn't.

1093
00:52:53,120 --> 00:52:55,359
Speaker 3: Drinking because he would be driving me back home.

1094
00:52:56,120 --> 00:52:58,600
Speaker 4: Around eleven, we decided to wrap things up, and he

1095
00:52:58,640 --> 00:53:00,919
Speaker 4: says good night and that will planned something later.

1096
00:53:01,360 --> 00:53:03,839
Speaker 3: I confused asked if he was driving me home.

1097
00:53:04,320 --> 00:53:06,759
Speaker 4: He said no, that he was too tired too after

1098
00:53:06,840 --> 00:53:08,239
Speaker 4: a six hour shift.

1099
00:53:08,640 --> 00:53:12,000
Speaker 1: Listen, a gentleman thing to do would be driving back.

1100
00:53:13,160 --> 00:53:16,280
Speaker 1: But since they're not dating, there's this weird gray area

1101
00:53:16,320 --> 00:53:16,960
Speaker 1: that they're in.

1102
00:53:17,360 --> 00:53:20,719
Speaker 3: Like they're not like officials official.

1103
00:53:20,480 --> 00:53:23,319
Speaker 1: They're just kind of dating. There is this loophole where

1104
00:53:23,320 --> 00:53:27,400
Speaker 1: he can pull. We didn't discuss it, but the gentleman

1105
00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:30,160
Speaker 1: thing to do is to drive her back, but there

1106
00:53:30,239 --> 00:53:31,200
Speaker 1: is this little loophole.

1107
00:53:31,280 --> 00:53:35,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, so now I'm panicking a little since he won't

1108
00:53:35,040 --> 00:53:36,399
Speaker 4: drive me, and the buses don't go.

1109
00:53:36,440 --> 00:53:37,680
Speaker 3: That late between our towns.

1110
00:53:37,920 --> 00:53:40,120
Speaker 4: I tell him that that the buses are running anymore,

1111
00:53:40,120 --> 00:53:42,600
Speaker 4: and he sort of just shrugs it off. I asked

1112
00:53:42,640 --> 00:53:44,680
Speaker 4: him why he didn't drink then, and he said that

1113
00:53:44,719 --> 00:53:47,480
Speaker 4: he just wasn't feeling it and had work tomorrow. The

1114
00:53:47,520 --> 00:53:49,560
Speaker 4: only option I had left was an uber, so I

1115
00:53:49,640 --> 00:53:52,360
Speaker 4: tell him I'll take an uber. The issue with the

1116
00:53:52,480 --> 00:53:55,000
Speaker 4: uber is that the price is quite high, and I

1117
00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:58,239
Speaker 4: don't have that much money. Anyways, he says okay and

1118
00:53:58,320 --> 00:54:01,600
Speaker 4: leaves after saying good night, which I felt was another

1119
00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:04,440
Speaker 4: red flag. We were in a public plaza kind of area,

1120
00:54:04,480 --> 00:54:07,400
Speaker 4: and I felt quite unsafe sitting there all alone.

1121
00:54:07,600 --> 00:54:08,400
Speaker 3: Close to midnight.

1122
00:54:08,840 --> 00:54:11,240
Speaker 4: I wish he would have stayed until the uber arrived

1123
00:54:11,239 --> 00:54:13,160
Speaker 4: at least, but Op.

1124
00:54:13,120 --> 00:54:15,960
Speaker 3: Don't you know, he was working really hard on those

1125
00:54:15,960 --> 00:54:18,600
Speaker 3: six hours. He's too tired to stay wait with you.

1126
00:54:19,160 --> 00:54:21,200
Speaker 3: He has to go home and sleep. I think my

1127
00:54:21,400 --> 00:54:22,279
Speaker 3: six hours.

1128
00:54:22,080 --> 00:54:24,760
Speaker 1: This shows if there's another date coming around the corner,

1129
00:54:25,000 --> 00:54:29,080
Speaker 1: because no guy in their right mind, if they're interested

1130
00:54:29,120 --> 00:54:30,480
Speaker 1: in someone, would leave them like this.

1131
00:54:31,160 --> 00:54:33,960
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, now that's a huge, huge red flag.

1132
00:54:34,000 --> 00:54:39,000
Speaker 4: If you're a woman in the dating world and your

1133
00:54:39,239 --> 00:54:42,520
Speaker 4: your partner is not going to make sure that you're

1134
00:54:42,600 --> 00:54:46,799
Speaker 4: safe in the nighttime and getting home safely, Yep, that

1135
00:54:46,800 --> 00:54:48,480
Speaker 4: that is one nd per red flag.

1136
00:54:48,560 --> 00:54:51,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, I would dude, if Sophia was in a situation

1137
00:54:51,239 --> 00:54:52,759
Speaker 1: I go pick her up, I'll be like, no, you do,

1138
00:54:52,880 --> 00:54:55,840
Speaker 1: not get on I'll be there soon. Yeah, yeah, exactly,

1139
00:54:55,960 --> 00:54:57,000
Speaker 1: that's crazy.

1140
00:54:57,239 --> 00:54:57,719
Speaker 3: Exactly.

1141
00:54:58,360 --> 00:55:01,480
Speaker 4: Luckily the rest of the night pass without incident, except

1142
00:55:01,520 --> 00:55:03,759
Speaker 4: me being like fifty dollars poorer from the uber.

1143
00:55:04,520 --> 00:55:06,240
Speaker 3: I know thirty minute uber is expensive.

1144
00:55:06,800 --> 00:55:09,040
Speaker 4: I've been thinking about it, and I just feel very

1145
00:55:09,120 --> 00:55:11,960
Speaker 4: uncared for refusing to drop me off and not really

1146
00:55:12,040 --> 00:55:14,120
Speaker 4: caring about how I got home, and then just letting

1147
00:55:14,120 --> 00:55:16,919
Speaker 4: me wait all alone for the uber around for ten

1148
00:55:16,960 --> 00:55:18,880
Speaker 4: minutes in what felt like a shady area.

1149
00:55:19,560 --> 00:55:21,279
Speaker 3: So would I be the a hole for not seeing

1150
00:55:21,320 --> 00:55:23,120
Speaker 3: a guy anymore for this reason?

1151
00:55:23,360 --> 00:55:26,600
Speaker 4: And there is an edit to add to answer some

1152
00:55:26,719 --> 00:55:28,719
Speaker 4: questions that I'm seeing pop up. I did not know

1153
00:55:28,880 --> 00:55:31,200
Speaker 4: the buses would not be running this late. The buses

1154
00:55:31,239 --> 00:55:33,840
Speaker 4: around my town run until twelve am, and I assumed

1155
00:55:33,880 --> 00:55:37,000
Speaker 4: wrongly that the buses between the towns would also be

1156
00:55:37,080 --> 00:55:40,839
Speaker 4: running on that schedule. They don't, and they end at

1157
00:55:40,840 --> 00:55:41,640
Speaker 4: ten pm.

1158
00:55:41,920 --> 00:55:42,640
Speaker 3: If I had known the.

1159
00:55:42,640 --> 00:55:45,359
Speaker 4: Buses between towns and A ten I would have ended

1160
00:55:45,360 --> 00:55:47,719
Speaker 4: the date earlier and gone home. I assumed he was

1161
00:55:47,760 --> 00:55:49,960
Speaker 4: going to drive me home because A he only mentioned

1162
00:55:50,000 --> 00:55:51,919
Speaker 4: not being able to pick me up and B He's

1163
00:55:51,960 --> 00:55:55,800
Speaker 4: driven me back before on previous dates. I'm not taking

1164
00:55:55,800 --> 00:55:58,160
Speaker 4: advantage of him, as I have also paid for dates.

1165
00:55:58,520 --> 00:56:00,960
Speaker 4: If I had a car, I would have no problem

1166
00:56:01,040 --> 00:56:03,600
Speaker 4: driving to him. I was disappointed that he didn't drive

1167
00:56:03,640 --> 00:56:06,200
Speaker 4: me back, but the real to me was that he

1168
00:56:06,280 --> 00:56:08,239
Speaker 4: didn't even wait for my uber to show up.

1169
00:56:08,600 --> 00:56:09,680
Speaker 3: That was kind of the.

1170
00:56:09,640 --> 00:56:12,640
Speaker 4: Final nail in the coffin. Yep, and there are some comments.

1171
00:56:12,920 --> 00:56:18,000
Speaker 4: Meet More Boo Boo Beep says I was at a

1172
00:56:18,040 --> 00:56:20,240
Speaker 4: show a few weeks ago and a group of girls

1173
00:56:20,239 --> 00:56:22,480
Speaker 4: I had just met like twenty minutes prior all waited

1174
00:56:22,520 --> 00:56:24,480
Speaker 4: for my uber with me because it was late and

1175
00:56:24,520 --> 00:56:25,680
Speaker 4: nobody else was on the street.

1176
00:56:26,080 --> 00:56:27,720
Speaker 3: This guy's an ahole.

1177
00:56:28,600 --> 00:56:32,239
Speaker 4: Glittery Dreams says, that's exactly what you should expect from

1178
00:56:32,280 --> 00:56:35,320
Speaker 4: decent people, even strangers. The guy's behavior was a huge

1179
00:56:35,360 --> 00:56:38,200
Speaker 4: red flag. Yeah, everyone's just like, yeah, definitely not the

1180
00:56:38,239 --> 00:56:38,600
Speaker 4: a hole.

1181
00:56:38,760 --> 00:56:40,480
Speaker 3: And we do have an update.

1182
00:56:41,120 --> 00:56:43,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel like because it's such a it's a

1183
00:56:43,760 --> 00:56:45,640
Speaker 4: small thing compared to what could happen.

1184
00:56:45,760 --> 00:56:47,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I love that little guy.

1185
00:56:47,960 --> 00:56:51,440
Speaker 4: But it's also it's like such a baseline thing, you know.

1186
00:56:51,520 --> 00:56:53,840
Speaker 4: It's like if you if you're not even gonna understand

1187
00:56:53,880 --> 00:56:56,520
Speaker 4: that me being alone at night time and even getting

1188
00:56:56,520 --> 00:56:59,160
Speaker 4: into an uber alone too, can be very dangerous. And

1189
00:56:59,200 --> 00:57:01,239
Speaker 4: you don't even want to do like the least you

1190
00:57:01,320 --> 00:57:03,480
Speaker 4: can to make sure that I'm safe.

1191
00:57:04,080 --> 00:57:05,840
Speaker 3: Then, like, what are you going to do in any

1192
00:57:05,840 --> 00:57:06,680
Speaker 3: other situation?

1193
00:57:06,880 --> 00:57:09,480
Speaker 1: You know, I was grown up, that is a man.

1194
00:57:09,680 --> 00:57:12,400
Speaker 1: I need to protect the woman I was with with

1195
00:57:12,800 --> 00:57:15,640
Speaker 1: my actions and my words. And he did not do

1196
00:57:15,719 --> 00:57:17,439
Speaker 1: that with his action at.

1197
00:57:17,320 --> 00:57:19,240
Speaker 3: All, Not at all, not at all.

1198
00:57:20,640 --> 00:57:24,440
Speaker 4: We have comments from in cells were disregarded and laughed at,

1199
00:57:24,520 --> 00:57:28,600
Speaker 4: including some guy who commented probably fifteen plus times. But

1200
00:57:28,680 --> 00:57:31,640
Speaker 4: otherwise I got a lot of good advice. I wonder

1201
00:57:31,960 --> 00:57:34,080
Speaker 4: if that was this guy, that was the guy she

1202
00:57:34,160 --> 00:57:37,360
Speaker 4: was dating. So oh well, actually I think I think

1203
00:57:37,400 --> 00:57:38,360
Speaker 4: it wasn't that bad.

1204
00:57:40,320 --> 00:57:44,560
Speaker 3: I think you were definitely saving. He's totally totally fine.

1205
00:57:44,840 --> 00:57:46,919
Speaker 1: He had a lot, he worked a lot that day.

1206
00:57:47,080 --> 00:57:50,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think six hours is a really long shift.

1207
00:57:50,360 --> 00:57:51,680
Speaker 1: Actually too long.

1208
00:57:51,600 --> 00:57:55,000
Speaker 3: That's too long. I think maybe he was really tired.

1209
00:57:55,080 --> 00:57:58,120
Speaker 4: Like you said, you're actually being disrespectful of him. That's

1210
00:57:58,120 --> 00:58:01,440
Speaker 4: what I'm guessing. I don't know of the fifteen plus comments,

1211
00:58:01,640 --> 00:58:03,920
Speaker 4: but to address a few points I originally thought he

1212
00:58:03,960 --> 00:58:06,120
Speaker 4: would be driving me home, since he's done so once

1213
00:58:06,160 --> 00:58:08,320
Speaker 4: before when it was late, but it was in my town.

1214
00:58:08,560 --> 00:58:11,439
Speaker 4: This assumption was reinforced when he only mentioned not being

1215
00:58:11,440 --> 00:58:13,919
Speaker 4: able to pick me up, but nothing about dropping me off.

1216
00:58:14,240 --> 00:58:16,479
Speaker 4: If he had said that he couldn't drive me back,

1217
00:58:16,520 --> 00:58:18,960
Speaker 4: I would have just budgeted differently or left earlier to

1218
00:58:18,960 --> 00:58:21,440
Speaker 4: make the bus. I take the blame for not confirming

1219
00:58:21,440 --> 00:58:23,600
Speaker 4: with him about driving me back. I'm not really that

1220
00:58:23,720 --> 00:58:25,960
Speaker 4: upset that he couldn't drive me back, though I was

1221
00:58:26,000 --> 00:58:28,920
Speaker 4: in the moment. I did, however, expect some kind of

1222
00:58:28,960 --> 00:58:31,640
Speaker 4: concern over how I was going to get back, and

1223
00:58:31,680 --> 00:58:33,720
Speaker 4: at the very least for him to stay until my

1224
00:58:33,840 --> 00:58:37,360
Speaker 4: uber arrived. Also for those who blamed me for getting stranded,

1225
00:58:37,480 --> 00:58:40,080
Speaker 4: I wasn't stranded. There was no question about the uber,

1226
00:58:40,320 --> 00:58:42,840
Speaker 4: but I just would have preferred not to as it

1227
00:58:43,160 --> 00:58:43,760
Speaker 4: put a dent.

1228
00:58:44,160 --> 00:58:46,520
Speaker 3: As it put a dent in my finances.

1229
00:58:47,080 --> 00:58:49,680
Speaker 4: On the issue of me being a gold digger or

1230
00:58:49,720 --> 00:58:52,680
Speaker 4: taking advantage of him, I've paid for dates before. If

1231
00:58:52,680 --> 00:58:54,800
Speaker 4: I had a car, I would drive to him. He

1232
00:58:54,920 --> 00:58:57,120
Speaker 4: was the one who suggested the location and time for

1233
00:58:57,120 --> 00:58:59,520
Speaker 4: this date, so I had no problem catching two buses

1234
00:58:59,560 --> 00:59:03,200
Speaker 4: over and in response, to a few annoying comments about gender.

1235
00:59:03,240 --> 00:59:05,919
Speaker 4: If the roles were reversed, I would have driven him

1236
00:59:05,960 --> 00:59:09,160
Speaker 4: back if I was too tired or didn't want to

1237
00:59:09,200 --> 00:59:10,280
Speaker 4: drive at night or something.

1238
00:59:10,320 --> 00:59:12,200
Speaker 3: There's no question that I would have waited for his

1239
00:59:12,320 --> 00:59:15,280
Speaker 3: uber and paid half of it. In my opinion, that's

1240
00:59:15,360 --> 00:59:16,600
Speaker 3: just basic decency.

1241
00:59:17,160 --> 00:59:19,920
Speaker 4: Not really sure where the comments whining about equality were

1242
00:59:19,920 --> 00:59:22,560
Speaker 4: coming from, as I would have paid half and waited

1243
00:59:22,640 --> 00:59:24,240
Speaker 4: whether I was with a man or woman.

1244
00:59:24,440 --> 00:59:28,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, come on, like, yeah, that's not the point here, guys.

1245
00:59:28,960 --> 00:59:31,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's just polite if anything, I mean, even if

1246
00:59:31,440 --> 00:59:33,120
Speaker 4: you think like, oh, yeah, it's like a safe area,

1247
00:59:33,240 --> 00:59:35,600
Speaker 4: like I don't think anything's going to happen. It's kind

1248
00:59:35,600 --> 00:59:37,160
Speaker 4: of like if you drop off your friend at their

1249
00:59:37,160 --> 00:59:39,400
Speaker 4: house and then you like wait to make sure they

1250
00:59:39,400 --> 00:59:40,000
Speaker 4: go inside.

1251
00:59:40,360 --> 00:59:42,920
Speaker 3: It's like, yeah, probably nothing's going.

1252
00:59:42,920 --> 00:59:44,720
Speaker 4: To happen as they walk up their steps, you know.

1253
00:59:45,280 --> 00:59:49,080
Speaker 4: But it's just polite at the very least to just

1254
00:59:49,240 --> 00:59:51,400
Speaker 4: make sure they're there. So I think I've addressed the

1255
00:59:51,480 --> 00:59:54,680
Speaker 4: main points. So on to the updates. The date happened

1256
00:59:54,680 --> 00:59:56,760
Speaker 4: on Tuesday night. I took an uber back and got

1257
00:59:56,800 --> 01:00:00,000
Speaker 4: home around midnight. He texted me around twenty minutes after

1258
01:00:00,160 --> 01:00:02,000
Speaker 4: I got home, asking if I got home safe. I

1259
01:00:02,000 --> 01:00:04,560
Speaker 4: didn't respond, as I was exhausted and honestly just wanted

1260
01:00:04,560 --> 01:00:07,200
Speaker 4: to shower and sleep. Throughout Wednesday, he sent me a

1261
01:00:07,200 --> 01:00:10,160
Speaker 4: few memes in the morning and afternoon, then stopped texting.

1262
01:00:10,720 --> 01:00:13,920
Speaker 4: Wednesday evening, I posted my first post, and after that

1263
01:00:14,080 --> 01:00:16,120
Speaker 4: later at night, he asked if I was mad at

1264
01:00:16,160 --> 01:00:18,120
Speaker 4: him or that he'd just been tired.

1265
01:00:18,480 --> 01:00:21,120
Speaker 3: I finally responded and told him that I wasn't really

1266
01:00:21,160 --> 01:00:21,520
Speaker 3: mad that.

1267
01:00:21,440 --> 01:00:23,680
Speaker 4: He didn't drive me home, especially since it's true I

1268
01:00:23,680 --> 01:00:26,440
Speaker 4: didn't confirm, but I was just disappointed since I wished

1269
01:00:26,440 --> 01:00:28,400
Speaker 4: he would have stayed for the uber to show up

1270
01:00:28,440 --> 01:00:29,160
Speaker 4: at least.

1271
01:00:29,520 --> 01:00:31,920
Speaker 3: Like did I wish he drove me home? Sure, but

1272
01:00:32,080 --> 01:00:33,800
Speaker 3: not really that big of a deal of that he didn't.

1273
01:00:34,040 --> 01:00:35,600
Speaker 3: The part where he left me at midnight in an

1274
01:00:35,680 --> 01:00:38,360
Speaker 3: unfamiliar place was kind of the for me. He's a

1275
01:00:38,440 --> 01:00:40,440
Speaker 3: lot bigger than I am, and I just would have

1276
01:00:40,440 --> 01:00:41,760
Speaker 3: felt a lot safer with him there.

1277
01:00:42,240 --> 01:00:44,600
Speaker 4: Once again, he said that he was just tired and

1278
01:00:44,680 --> 01:00:47,400
Speaker 4: wanted to go home, and said that I ended up

1279
01:00:47,480 --> 01:00:51,520
Speaker 4: okay and that it was fine h for sure. Honestly,

1280
01:00:51,560 --> 01:00:54,600
Speaker 4: if he'd done a real apology, I probably would have

1281
01:00:54,640 --> 01:00:55,640
Speaker 4: given him another chance.

1282
01:00:55,680 --> 01:01:00,360
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, No, there's other fellas out there. There's

1283
01:01:00,400 --> 01:01:01,360
Speaker 1: other mates out there.

1284
01:01:01,520 --> 01:01:03,200
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1285
01:01:03,280 --> 01:01:05,360
Speaker 4: When I didn't respond to what he said, he kind

1286
01:01:05,360 --> 01:01:07,000
Speaker 4: of moved on and said that he already had a

1287
01:01:07,000 --> 01:01:09,520
Speaker 4: place to take me next time, some restaurant a few

1288
01:01:09,560 --> 01:01:11,840
Speaker 4: miles from his house. He said, let's do a reservation

1289
01:01:11,920 --> 01:01:14,360
Speaker 4: at eight pm on Saturday, then go out for drinks

1290
01:01:14,400 --> 01:01:16,560
Speaker 4: and then a movie. I kind of wanted to be

1291
01:01:16,600 --> 01:01:18,600
Speaker 4: petty and asked if I should start saving up for

1292
01:01:18,640 --> 01:01:21,360
Speaker 4: an uber back already, but eventually I just told him

1293
01:01:21,400 --> 01:01:23,440
Speaker 4: that his actions from Tuesday had made me feel very

1294
01:01:23,560 --> 01:01:25,960
Speaker 4: uncared for, and then I wasn't really interested in going

1295
01:01:25,960 --> 01:01:26,520
Speaker 4: out with him.

1296
01:01:26,440 --> 01:01:27,240
Speaker 3: For six dates.

1297
01:01:27,720 --> 01:01:31,080
Speaker 4: We liked the honesty, great job, Yeah, like yeah, honestly,

1298
01:01:31,160 --> 01:01:33,560
Speaker 4: like I just am not that interested anymore.

1299
01:01:34,040 --> 01:01:39,439
Speaker 1: Makes sense, That's all it is. I wouldn't be interested. Yeah, wow, okay.

1300
01:01:39,720 --> 01:01:43,480
Speaker 4: I do think it's it's weird that like when she

1301
01:01:43,640 --> 01:01:47,680
Speaker 4: didn't even respond yet, he already started saying, like, I

1302
01:01:47,720 --> 01:01:50,320
Speaker 4: was just tired last night, like he was sending memes,

1303
01:01:51,280 --> 01:01:55,600
Speaker 4: asked if she was okay, and before she responded, he

1304
01:01:55,680 --> 01:01:59,880
Speaker 4: was like himself, it's like okay, so so you know

1305
01:02:00,120 --> 01:02:03,640
Speaker 4: that that was something you shouldn't have done then, and

1306
01:02:03,720 --> 01:02:06,280
Speaker 4: you know that she's gonna be upset about that because

1307
01:02:06,320 --> 01:02:09,400
Speaker 4: it's something you shouldn't have done, you know, like.

1308
01:02:09,440 --> 01:02:11,920
Speaker 1: Cut him out, dump them. I think I think you

1309
01:02:12,000 --> 01:02:12,880
Speaker 1: know what your value is.

1310
01:02:12,920 --> 01:02:16,320
Speaker 3: Hero Op Yeah, good on Uop. There is a little

1311
01:02:16,320 --> 01:02:17,160
Speaker 3: bit more to the story.

1312
01:02:17,640 --> 01:02:20,280
Speaker 4: He immediately started asking if I was serious, and that

1313
01:02:20,320 --> 01:02:21,760
Speaker 4: if he'd known it was such a big deal, he

1314
01:02:21,760 --> 01:02:22,840
Speaker 4: would have stayed for the uber.

1315
01:02:23,200 --> 01:02:25,640
Speaker 3: This annoyed me, since how did he not know it

1316
01:02:25,680 --> 01:02:26,280
Speaker 3: was a big deal.

1317
01:02:26,480 --> 01:02:28,120
Speaker 4: Why did it not occur to him in the first

1318
01:02:28,160 --> 01:02:30,600
Speaker 4: place that leaving me alone at midnight in an unfamiliar

1319
01:02:30,720 --> 01:02:33,960
Speaker 4: public plaza with bars everywhere might be an issue for me.

1320
01:02:34,400 --> 01:02:36,560
Speaker 4: He said that he really liked me and didn't want

1321
01:02:36,560 --> 01:02:39,600
Speaker 4: this to ruin things, etcetera, etcetera. He even promised to

1322
01:02:39,680 --> 01:02:41,240
Speaker 4: drive me home next time, but I kind of just

1323
01:02:41,240 --> 01:02:43,160
Speaker 4: wanted to wash my hands with this whole thing. I

1324
01:02:43,160 --> 01:02:45,400
Speaker 4: don't want him to feel forced into driving me, and

1325
01:02:45,400 --> 01:02:47,320
Speaker 4: I don't want him doing things only because he thinks

1326
01:02:47,320 --> 01:02:49,360
Speaker 4: he has to. I also don't want to be dating

1327
01:02:49,360 --> 01:02:52,000
Speaker 4: someone who doesn't even think twice about leaving me stranded.

1328
01:02:52,080 --> 01:02:55,480
Speaker 4: Buzzed somewhere unfamiliar at midnight and then only texting me

1329
01:02:55,640 --> 01:02:58,720
Speaker 4: like an hour later. He's still texting me, but I

1330
01:02:58,760 --> 01:03:01,440
Speaker 4: haven't opened those messages yet, and there are some comments

1331
01:03:02,560 --> 01:03:06,200
Speaker 4: writing mm romance says, I would just reply if you

1332
01:03:06,240 --> 01:03:08,520
Speaker 4: couldn't see that leaving a woman alone in a strange

1333
01:03:08,520 --> 01:03:10,080
Speaker 4: place in the middle of the night would make you

1334
01:03:10,120 --> 01:03:12,680
Speaker 4: an undesirable partner, perhaps.

1335
01:03:12,400 --> 01:03:13,440
Speaker 3: You shouldn't be dating.

1336
01:03:13,680 --> 01:03:16,920
Speaker 4: And to answer your question, really, I'm no longer interested.

1337
01:03:17,040 --> 01:03:19,960
Speaker 4: Please stop reaching out to me and that's the end

1338
01:03:20,000 --> 01:03:21,920
Speaker 4: of that story. Yes, solid, that would be a good

1339
01:03:21,920 --> 01:03:22,800
Speaker 4: thing to say, for sure,