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Speaker 1: Hey, this is am. This is John, your og Okay

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Speaker 1: Storytime podcast host, and we got some delicious, juicy stories

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Speaker 1: coming up.

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Speaker 2: But if you want to hear that deliciousness, you know,

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Speaker 2: just stick around for a two minute break with a

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Speaker 2: word from our sponsors.

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Speaker 1: My husband's best friend brought up the past and it's

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Speaker 1: disturbing my marriage.

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Speaker 2: Well look toward the future.

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Speaker 1: Nice advice. I met my husband in high school, back

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Speaker 1: when I did not think much of myself. We had

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Speaker 1: a biology class together and sat next to each other.

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Speaker 1: I thought he was cute, but I did not pay

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Speaker 1: much attention to him until I found out he was

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Speaker 1: close friends with the guy I had a crush on,

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Speaker 1: who I will call Joos. She went to Jared. By

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Speaker 1: the way, this comes from user worth Connection thirty one

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Speaker 1: seventy eight, and if you want to submit your own stories,

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Speaker 1: go to the r slash Okay Storytime suburn it.

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Speaker 2: I'm Dakota, I'm Keon.

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Speaker 1: I'm Sophia, and we are here. Oh god, she looks

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Speaker 1: so small, tiny. We are here to give you good advice.

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Speaker 1: Goof ly, we don't have all the answers. We only

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Speaker 1: know what we would do. So if you would do

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Speaker 1: something else, let us know in the comments, end Op says.

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Speaker 1: After that, I started talking to my husband more, and

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Speaker 1: because he is genuinely kind, he welcomed it. Eventually we

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Speaker 1: became close enough to hang out outside of class, and

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Speaker 1: through him, I got to know Jared and the rest

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Speaker 1: of their friend group. I tried for a long time

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Speaker 1: to get Jared's attention, but he never showed any interest.

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Speaker 1: When he got a girlfriend, I was crushed. My husband

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Speaker 1: comforted me and told me I was beautiful and that

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Speaker 1: Jared just didn't see it. Not long after, my husband

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Speaker 1: confessed his feelings pretty sure. He actually already did that

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Speaker 1: immediately by saying, you're beautiful and Jared just doesn't see

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Speaker 1: what's right in front of him. Yeah, that's a confession

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Speaker 1: in and of itself. Being a stupid teenage girl, I

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Speaker 1: agreed to date him, even though I still had leftover

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Speaker 1: feelings for Jared, mostly because I wanted to feel wanted.

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Speaker 2: But weren't you feeling wanted by your husband or your

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Speaker 2: soon you know, your future husband.

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Speaker 1: In this case, it kind of worked out right, and

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Speaker 1: it was this is your husband.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, I feel like, OHP's like, I guess

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Speaker 2: I'll just take what I can get, which is not

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Speaker 2: the mentality you want.

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Speaker 1: After a few months, Jared became single again and I

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Speaker 1: realized I didn't care the way I once did. That

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Speaker 1: was when I knew I truly loved my husband and

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Speaker 1: only my husband.

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Speaker 2: I don't know how I feel about that.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if that's true. That because you don't

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Speaker 1: have a crush on Jared anymore, that means you will

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Speaker 1: only ever love your husband.

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Speaker 2: Like, oh, I since Jared, I since I've no longer

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Speaker 2: had feelings for Jared, that I fully love my husband. Now,

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Speaker 2: that's when you figured out you loved your husband or

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Speaker 2: your again partner at the time.

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Speaker 1: You're a teenager now, so let mean whatever. Years passed

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Speaker 1: and Jared went through a few relationships. His last breakup

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Speaker 1: hit him hard. Sadly, his girlfriend cheated, and when that happened,

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Speaker 1: he started coming over a lot to vent. Over time,

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Speaker 1: he changed from the confident, an attractive guy I once

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Speaker 1: liked to someone more withdrawn, chubbier, and honestly not taking

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Speaker 1: good care of himself. That was when the teasing about

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Speaker 1: high school started. We're teasing about high school. Why don't

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Speaker 1: we hang out to anybody who does? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Who brought up the teasing.

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Speaker 1: I'm sure it's Jared. Jared's trying to relive the glory

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Speaker 1: days he peaked. At first, it was just him complaining

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Speaker 1: about how he used to look, but then he kept

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Speaker 1: bringing up how obsessed I was with him. I ignored

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Speaker 1: it because I figured he was just reminiscing on his

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Speaker 1: old days. But it did not stop.

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Speaker 2: Oh that He tried to use that as like, ah,

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Speaker 2: I need something to uplift me because I'm in a

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Speaker 2: down mood. Remember when you were obsessed with me. Let's

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Speaker 2: go back to that, just.

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Speaker 1: Like a quiet lulland conversation in a circle of people.

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Speaker 1: And he just goes but remember when op, he was

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Speaker 1: obsessed with me? Though?

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Speaker 2: Right? Like, what are you still obsessed with me? Come on,

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Speaker 2: just admit it, just like admit it. I want to

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Speaker 2: feel good about myself. Could you do that please?

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Speaker 1: Yesterday night he came over again and went on the

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Speaker 1: same rant about how popular he used to be. Then

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Speaker 1: he threw in another comment about how I was so

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Speaker 1: in love with him back then, and even added that

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Speaker 1: he knew I liked him, but I wasn't someone he

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Speaker 1: would ever consider being within high school. No a fence taken.

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Speaker 2: Hey, how the turntables. We're not in high school anymore.

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Speaker 1: It's just weird. Can't imagine with a straight face just

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Speaker 1: being like, yeah, I remember how you were so obsessed

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Speaker 1: with me, and I just like would I didn't eive

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Speaker 1: you the time of day because honestly, like you were

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Speaker 1: just so repulsive, I would never even touch you with

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Speaker 1: a ten foot pole, no offence. You know, you know

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Speaker 1: I'm not doing so hot now.

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Speaker 2: Friends were cool, right, cool? Cool cool, but like you

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Speaker 2: still your dude.

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Speaker 1: I'm so glad we can like joke about this now.

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Speaker 1: It was insulting, and it even made my husband uncomfortable.

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Speaker 1: I was tipsy and fed up, so I snapped and

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Speaker 1: said it didn't matter because he didn't even look as

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Speaker 1: good as he did in high school, and I didn't

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Speaker 1: care if I was never his type because he was

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Speaker 1: definitely not mine anymore. He looked shocked, and my husband gasped,

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Speaker 1: and I immediately felt overwhelmed and apologized. Jared got up

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Speaker 1: to leave, but he was too wasted to drive, so

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Speaker 1: my husband took him to our guest room while I

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Speaker 1: stayed downstairs in shock. We barely spoke the rest of

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Speaker 1: the night. The next morning, Jared left and my husband.

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Speaker 1: I finally talk to me. He understands why I was upset,

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Speaker 1: but he thinks it was wrong to say something so

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Speaker 1: harsh when Jared is clearly depressed and struggling with his weight.

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Speaker 2: No, come on, I'm sorry. If he's poking the bear, akau,

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Speaker 2: don't don't give excuses for that, like.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and if the bear is your girlfriend.

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Speaker 2: You should be standing up for her yeah, and yourself

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Speaker 2: in this relationship. I don't know, protect that bear.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I get that, but I'm still angry that Jared

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Speaker 1: kept pushing the same hurtful comments over and over. It

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Speaker 1: feels like he's bragging about how I used to like him,

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Speaker 1: and it rubs me the wrong way. So Reddit, be

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Speaker 1: honest but not brutal. Am I the A hole side note?

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Speaker 1: Yes this is real. Yes this is a throwaway account.

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Speaker 1: Yes I know it's random to be writing this at

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Speaker 1: two am, but I am very conflicted at the moment. Also,

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Speaker 1: hopefully the formatting is easy to read and not annoying.

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Speaker 1: I tried my best lol, and there's an update, but

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't say you're ale. No.

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Speaker 2: I think someone in the comments said you mashed his energy.

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Speaker 2: You mash his energy. He was the fact that he's

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Speaker 2: reminiscing about high school and like, you are so upset

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Speaker 2: with me, and I knew you liked me, but I

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Speaker 2: could never be with you. But like, remember when you

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Speaker 2: were obsessed with me? That felt good? Could you be

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Speaker 2: obsessed with me? What are we doing? Like you're like

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Speaker 2: there's a point where you know someone. Could you can

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Speaker 2: feel bad for someone and yeah, they can be like, oh,

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Speaker 2: remember when it used to be better, you know when

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Speaker 2: the days used to be a lot better back in

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Speaker 2: the day, Like it was like kind of like that,

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Speaker 2: I get it. But if he's just like me, me, me,

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Speaker 2: me me, I peaked and remember when everyone was obsessed

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Speaker 2: with me, I was mister popular? Yeah, can we just

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Speaker 2: do that again? That was really fun?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, this is if you really are like friends with

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Speaker 1: this guy. This isn't like a well we just have

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Speaker 1: to like deal with it because he's like depressed or

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Speaker 1: whatever and he gained weight. This is like a hey,

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Speaker 1: sit down, what are you doing?

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Speaker 2: Especially if you're friends with somebody. I feel like if

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Speaker 2: you are genuinely friends with somebody, you can tell him

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Speaker 2: straight up how it is. Yeah, you shouldn't be able

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Speaker 2: to walk on eggshelves or like I have to hold

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Speaker 2: something back for him, especially if he's in a dark place,

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Speaker 2: if it's a wake up call to splash of water.

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Speaker 2: I feel like I could tell him straight up, like, hey,

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Speaker 2: you're making me uncomfortable one, what are we doing? If

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Speaker 2: you want to if you're to keep bring up the past,

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Speaker 2: let's just change it. But you know you want to

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Speaker 2: be that mister popular guy, you want to be that

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Speaker 2: good looking guy's let's work on that.

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Speaker 1: Mm mmm. But we do have an update. A lot

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Speaker 1: of people had negative things to say about my husband,

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Speaker 1: which honestly hurt because I didn't think I painted him

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Speaker 1: in a bad light. Somehow he is being attacked more

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Speaker 1: than Jared is. Well, it's because he.

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Speaker 2: Didn't defend you and stand up for you. You stood up

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Speaker 2: for yourself, which is good on you. But again, the

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Speaker 2: fact that he kind of talked to him like, let's

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Speaker 2: let's be easy on Jared. He's going through a rough time.

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Speaker 2: He's like, what about me? This is weird, right? This

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Speaker 2: is not weird for you.

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Speaker 1: My husband is not a terrible person. I still love

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Speaker 1: him despite everything I mentioned, and despite what I'm going

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Speaker 1: to mention in the update. He is not weak or

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Speaker 1: a beta like some people said he just struggles to

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Speaker 1: confront situations like this directly. Jared has been his best

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Speaker 1: friend since fifth grade. Honestly, that should make it way easier,

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Speaker 1: so much easier.

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Speaker 2: Like I said, if you're bffso somebody, you can call

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Speaker 2: him as you see it right then on the spot. Ohp.

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Speaker 1: He even continues with that is not a bond that

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Speaker 1: breaks easily, which is why it's easier. They wait to

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Speaker 1: the same elementary school, high school, and university. They are

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Speaker 1: basically brothers. My husband is not sucking up to Jared

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Speaker 1: because he thinks Jared is better than him. If Jared

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Speaker 1: were not in such a low place, my husband would

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Speaker 1: have been much harsher. I also do not think my

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Speaker 1: husband is perfect. He has done some messed up things

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Speaker 1: in the past, but so have I and I believe

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Speaker 1: people can change. I do not have feelings for Jared

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Speaker 1: that ended years ago, and no, if Jared had stayed

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Speaker 1: in shape, I still would not have feelings for him.

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Speaker 1: I stopped liking him during our first year of university.

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Speaker 1: We went to the same school and he still looked

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Speaker 1: the same as he did in high school, so it

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Speaker 1: was not his appearance that changed things. He broke up

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Speaker 1: with his girlfriend and I realized I did not care anymore.

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Speaker 1: The old me would have been excited and tried to

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Speaker 1: shoot my shot, but instead I felt nothing. I love

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Speaker 1: my husband and only my husband. Jared is not an

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Speaker 1: option for me in any way. Some people suggested Jared

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Speaker 1: might have feelings for me, which is possible. He has

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Speaker 1: made comments about my appearance before. I worked hard to

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Speaker 1: glow up during my final year of high school because

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Speaker 1: I wanted to improve myself before you UNI. When my

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Speaker 1: husband and I met up with Jared for the first

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Speaker 1: time after that, Jared told me I looked very different.

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Speaker 1: He said it as a compliment. My husband agreed because

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Speaker 1: he thought Jared was just stating the obvious, not flirting.

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Speaker 1: Divorce is not an option for me. I am very

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Speaker 1: religious and I take my vows seriously. They are not

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Speaker 1: something I would throw away over this situation. Divorce is

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Speaker 1: not always the solution, so before you comment divorce, remember

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Speaker 1: that we are real people who have real history, and

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Speaker 1: it's a lot harder to divorce someone than you think

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Speaker 1: it is. And there's an update.

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Speaker 2: I don't think divorce was ever an option here for

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Speaker 2: OP and their husband. I think this was like a

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Speaker 2: genuine conversation of listen, we can't just have Jared in

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Speaker 2: this depressive spaghetti mood. You know, he can't be a

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Speaker 2: We got to pick him up, but he's just reliving

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Speaker 2: the past. We can't just keep doing that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Jared can't be picking himself up but putting me down.

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Speaker 1: Ving we cannot let Jared get away with this. And

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Speaker 1: there's another update. I did not show my husband the post,

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Speaker 1: even though many people suggested it. A lot of the

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Speaker 1: comments felt sexist and harsh towards him, and I do

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Speaker 1: not want to expose him to that. But after reading everything,

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Speaker 1: I did want to talk to him about his inability

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Speaker 1: to stand up for me.

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Speaker 2: Good good.

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Speaker 1: He told me he did not want to isolate Jared

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Speaker 1: right now. I did not know this before, but according

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Speaker 1: to my husband, Jared became a bit depressive after the

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Speaker 1: breakup with his girlfriend, and my husband was the only

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Speaker 1: one who could pull him out of that downward spiral.

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Speaker 1: I felt sympathy for Jared, and I told my husband that,

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Speaker 1: but after reading so many comments, I realized that does

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Speaker 1: not excuse Jared's behavior, so I pushed for more answers.

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Speaker 1: I also asked my husband if it made him uncomfortable.

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Speaker 1: When Jared constantly brought up high school, my husband paused,

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Speaker 1: and I immediately knew he was holding something back. Uh oh,

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Speaker 1: the good old pregnant pause. What it's a pregnant pause. Pause,

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Speaker 1: it's a long pause. Yeah, okay, thank you to pause

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Speaker 1: as a baby, and then that baby has to grow

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Speaker 1: up before you can speak or something. I kept pushing

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Speaker 1: until he finally told me something I never thought I

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Speaker 1: would hear. During our first year of university, Jared started

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Speaker 1: mentioning me more during private conversations with my husband. My

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Speaker 1: husband felt proud of dating me and kept saying things

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Speaker 1: like he had invested in me. That already hurt, but

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Speaker 1: it got worse. He admitted that he used to brag

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Speaker 1: about my body and looks to Jared, showing him pictures

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Speaker 1: of me dressed up for date nights. Then it escalated.

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Speaker 1: Jared ended up seeing a picture of me with no

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Speaker 1: clothes on.

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Speaker 2: Uh oh, you're not supposed to do that.

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Speaker 1: According to him, it was an accident because he was

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Speaker 1: scrolling through his photo album and the picture popped up.

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Speaker 3: That's what the hidden album is for you things what

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Speaker 3: you just have that in your regular photo album.

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Speaker 1: I was gonna say I was gonna. I was like,

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Speaker 1: look all right, used being like, look, she looks so

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Speaker 1: cute on his dinner dinner dress for dinner date. Like

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Speaker 1: that's normal. Yeah, don't dude that one thing. Don't do

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Speaker 1: the other thing.

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Speaker 2: Yes, there's there's a notion of being very proud of

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Speaker 2: your partner and like, yes they're attractive, but like showing

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Speaker 2: them off, like it's like like a model car, or

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Speaker 2: like it's kind of weird to like make it like

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Speaker 2: a competition, like I invested my time into this, Look

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Speaker 2: what I got? Like what what are we doing? Especially

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Speaker 2: when I guarantee you ope, he's partner. Knew that Jared

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Speaker 2: was like that she liked Jared because apparently it was

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Speaker 2: so obvious.

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Speaker 1: Well not anymore. She didn't like Jared no more.

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Speaker 2: Well yeah that's a little.

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Speaker 1: He was trying to be like, look what I got, Jared,

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Speaker 1: Look what I got.

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Speaker 2: You may have peaked in high school, but I'm peaking now.

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Speaker 2: Still weird.

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Speaker 1: My husband said that when Jared started bringing up high school,

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Speaker 1: he was scared Jared might bring up what happened in

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Speaker 1: university and that I would be furious. I am disgusted

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Speaker 1: knowing Jared has seen me like that it makes all

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Speaker 1: of his comments about me so much worse. My husband

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Speaker 1: does at work right now, which is why I have

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Speaker 1: time to write this. I'm still processing everything and I

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Speaker 1: feel completely lost. I didn't want him to be late

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Speaker 1: for work, so we were not able to talk much.

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Speaker 1: Knowing him. He's probably at work stressing right now about

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Speaker 1: me knowing the truth if it really was an accident.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I cannot be completely mad, but it's

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Speaker 1: still feels awful, and we do have a little bit

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Speaker 1: more story left. A conversation needs to be had about

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Speaker 1: how we're actually feeling about each other now.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and I would also bring up the does your

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Speaker 2: husband see you as that like a like there's again

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Speaker 2: you can show off your partner in a way, but like,

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Speaker 2: does he see you as like a trophy or something

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Speaker 2: like that, because that's very weird. Especially when Jared comes around.

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Speaker 2: He's probably like, oh, man, yeah, Jared's into my girl. Now,

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Speaker 2: that's crazy.

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Speaker 1: I feel betrayed. Even if I do not think my

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Speaker 1: husband meant for that picture to be seen, I'm still

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Speaker 1: angry that he bragged about me like I was some

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00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:37,120
Speaker 1: new sports car he's got a great deal on, like

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Speaker 1: I called it. I know this is going to make

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Speaker 1: a lot of people hate him even more, but I

315
00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:43,680
Speaker 1: genuinely do not think he intended for any of this

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Speaker 1: to happen. I know this is not the update most

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Speaker 1: people expected. I still need to talk to my husband

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Speaker 1: when he gets back from work, and I'm hoping I

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Speaker 1: can invite Jared over later today for a conversation. I

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Speaker 1: will try to update as soon as I can, because

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00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:57,520
Speaker 1: I hate one update stakes so long. I appreciate all

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Speaker 1: the comments that were respectful towards me and my husband,

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Speaker 1: but I do understand the outrage. Thanks for reading this

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00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:05,280
Speaker 1: long update, and thank you to everyone who commented on

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00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:08,600
Speaker 1: the original post. And that is the end of that story.

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Speaker 2: Is there an update at all?

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Speaker 1: That one might be a little fresh.

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Speaker 2: Ope, you had a conversation with them, but if you

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00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:15,920
Speaker 2: if you don't mind check in. There's two big conversations

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Speaker 2: you need to have op One with your husband about

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Speaker 2: how things are gonna be preceding I mean.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, deleted their account.

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Speaker 2: They deleted their account.

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Speaker 1: It didn't go well.

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Speaker 2: Probably didn't go well.

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Speaker 1: We have another story.

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Speaker 2: A lot of people use, you know, use the past

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00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:30,040
Speaker 2: to cope, like, oh, thanks were so much better back then,

339
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:32,800
Speaker 2: and you're like, well, it sucks, but you can't just

340
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:34,720
Speaker 2: get a time machine and go back to the past

341
00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:39,560
Speaker 2: and relive that. You gotta you gotta move on, move forward, sneeze,

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00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:42,880
Speaker 2: bless you. I didn't tell my fiance about my hysterectomy.

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Speaker 2: Now he thinks I'm keeping secrets.

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00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:47,480
Speaker 1: That's you did that.

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Speaker 2: So I'm late twenties female and my fiance early thirties male,

346
00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:56,000
Speaker 2: let's call him Carlos are still fighting about this and

347
00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:59,120
Speaker 2: it was already two weeks ago. By the way, this

348
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:02,320
Speaker 2: comes from use throwaway if up and if you want

349
00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:04,240
Speaker 2: submit your own stories, go do d r slash okay,

350
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,080
Speaker 2: story time sub Reddit and we're here to give good

351
00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:08,640
Speaker 2: advice googlely, but we don't have all the answers. We

352
00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:11,200
Speaker 2: only know what we do, so pretty please let us

353
00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:13,600
Speaker 2: know what you do in the comments. As Opie says,

354
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Speaker 2: when I was twenty one, I had a partial hysterectomy due.

355
00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:18,960
Speaker 1: To and a endinomiosis.

356
00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:21,800
Speaker 2: It was very painful and my doctor spent two years

357
00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:25,480
Speaker 2: fighting for the approval because many people were against the idea. Yes,

358
00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:28,480
Speaker 2: especially twenty twenty one. Is that really young for that

359
00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:29,680
Speaker 2: or like a hysterectomy?

360
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:33,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's like, really, I meanterectomies are usually you've got

361
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:34,880
Speaker 3: you've got some other.

362
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:39,640
Speaker 1: Well, what is adenomyosis is that like a dino Menzel.

363
00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:41,720
Speaker 2: That's what John Travolta was trying to say.

364
00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:44,120
Speaker 1: Oh, that's why they had a HYS directory, because it

365
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:48,080
Speaker 1: was like, let it go, let your uterus go. You

366
00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:50,320
Speaker 1: have a dinomiosis. You have to do that.

367
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Speaker 2: I can't protect you.

368
00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:53,200
Speaker 1: Lada da la da da.

369
00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:58,080
Speaker 3: Adnomiosis is a condition where the uterine lining tissue grows

370
00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:00,560
Speaker 3: into the muscular wall of the uterus, causing it to

371
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:03,440
Speaker 3: thicken and large and bleed internally during periods, leading to

372
00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:07,480
Speaker 3: severe cramps, heavy bleeding, public pain, bloating, and potential in

373
00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:11,840
Speaker 3: fertility dang often improving after metopause, with treatment ranging from

374
00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:15,760
Speaker 3: pain relief and hormonal therapy to surgery like hysterict.

375
00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:18,880
Speaker 2: It was after menopause. That's crazy, because again op very.

376
00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:20,880
Speaker 1: Got it early. It's probably the microplastics.

377
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,760
Speaker 2: I didn't mind losing my uterus because one it was

378
00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:27,360
Speaker 2: very painful, like we just learned, and two I was

379
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:30,640
Speaker 2: always child free, even as a kid. I didn't like

380
00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:35,600
Speaker 2: kids and we I met Carlos three years ago. I

381
00:16:35,640 --> 00:16:38,200
Speaker 2: told him on day one that I was child free

382
00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:41,160
Speaker 2: and completely sterile. He said he was child free too,

383
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,440
Speaker 2: so we went ahead with the relationship.

384
00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:47,440
Speaker 1: So you told him straight up, I am completely sterile.

385
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,160
Speaker 2: And he also said, mitoit, So.

386
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Speaker 1: It doesn't really matter like this is HM. I was

387
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:53,640
Speaker 1: much more in the camp of like, yeah, if you

388
00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:57,280
Speaker 1: got your uterus removed without letting your husband know at all,

389
00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:59,960
Speaker 1: that would be a secret. But you did it before

390
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:02,440
Speaker 1: or you guys even knew each other, right, Well, is

391
00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:03,000
Speaker 1: that what I'm.

392
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:05,800
Speaker 2: Seeing a very beginning on day one day? Who Yeah,

393
00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:09,280
Speaker 2: Carlos proposed in September and we started slowly planning the wedding.

394
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,879
Speaker 2: I never told him about the hysterectomy itself.

395
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:14,960
Speaker 1: Whitney Anderson says, it's crazy the things our uterus tries

396
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:18,440
Speaker 1: to do to us. It is, it's true, but when

397
00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:21,160
Speaker 1: you think about it, that's a pretty crazy organ literally,

398
00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:22,520
Speaker 1: the life factory.

399
00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:25,240
Speaker 2: The human body is crazy. The anatomy of the human

400
00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:26,240
Speaker 2: body is crazy.

401
00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:29,160
Speaker 1: So an elephant too. Elephant's got crazy anatomy.

402
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:29,879
Speaker 2: We'll talk about that.

403
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:31,639
Speaker 1: Arguably crazier than people.

404
00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:33,879
Speaker 2: I did not hide it on purpose. It honestly just

405
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:36,120
Speaker 2: slipped my mind because I already told him I could

406
00:17:36,119 --> 00:17:38,639
Speaker 2: not get pregnant. My mom did not know about the

407
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:41,040
Speaker 2: engagement because she was out of the country taking care

408
00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:43,119
Speaker 2: of her elderly sister, and I wanted to tell her

409
00:17:43,119 --> 00:17:45,639
Speaker 2: in person. She came back three weeks ago. After she

410
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:47,880
Speaker 2: rested for a week. We invited her to lunch so

411
00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:50,920
Speaker 2: we could tell her all about it. Carlos is a prankster,

412
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:54,119
Speaker 2: but the weird kind. While we were eating, and before

413
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,360
Speaker 2: I could show my mom the ring, he grabbed her

414
00:17:56,400 --> 00:18:00,520
Speaker 2: hand and said, I'm sorry, missus, my mom, I pregnated

415
00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:05,880
Speaker 2: your daughter. My mom burst out laughing, Oh no. She

416
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,920
Speaker 2: then looked at me and said, either you are about

417
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:12,480
Speaker 2: to get rich or you grew a new uterus.

418
00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:15,119
Speaker 1: Whit wait? Why are you about to get rich? Because

419
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:18,320
Speaker 1: you're you're the mother Mary, because you're the next mother

420
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:21,040
Speaker 1: Mary that her mind had been anything immediately went to,

421
00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:24,280
Speaker 1: all right, you're mother Mary too. Let's make some money

422
00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:24,800
Speaker 1: off of this.

423
00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:28,199
Speaker 2: I laughed too, ha ha, and I said, I hope not,

424
00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:30,480
Speaker 2: because I had talked to half the doctors in the

425
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:34,080
Speaker 2: country and their grandma's first time. Carlos stared at me

426
00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:36,240
Speaker 2: and said, what do you.

427
00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:38,760
Speaker 1: Mean, what do you what do you mean by that?

428
00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:41,840
Speaker 1: Grandma's first This ain't grandma's first time.

429
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:45,800
Speaker 2: And then my mom said the hysterectomy. Of course, you

430
00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:49,320
Speaker 2: silly goose. Carlo said he had never heard about my

431
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:51,960
Speaker 2: mom laughed again and asked how he did not know.

432
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:54,119
Speaker 2: I said, I guess I never brought it up because

433
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:55,720
Speaker 2: I do not think about it anymore.

434
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:59,160
Speaker 1: Well, you said you were sterroll, and he didn't ask

435
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:02,200
Speaker 1: any follow up question, No, babid nos.

436
00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:04,920
Speaker 2: Did you not take you seriously? Was he like, oh,

437
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:06,200
Speaker 2: she just doesn't want kids.

438
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:08,440
Speaker 1: Maybe he just thought you were clean. She's like, yeah,

439
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:11,439
Speaker 1: I'm sterile. I keep everything very clean, so I'm not

440
00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:13,520
Speaker 1: gonna have any children. He's like, well, I don't know

441
00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:15,800
Speaker 1: exactly how those two things aligned, but I guess I'm

442
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:17,000
Speaker 1: not really looking for kids either.

443
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:19,880
Speaker 2: All I'm say is now this is awkward. We required

444
00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:21,760
Speaker 2: for a second. Then I showed my mom the ring

445
00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:25,719
Speaker 2: in we celebrated. After she left, Carlos confronted me and

446
00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:28,240
Speaker 2: asked why I never told him about the surgery. I

447
00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:30,680
Speaker 2: told him I had told him the important part, which

448
00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:34,119
Speaker 2: was that I was sterile. He said the issue was

449
00:19:34,119 --> 00:19:36,760
Speaker 2: the principal and if I could keep something so big

450
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,359
Speaker 2: to myself for years what else could I hide?

451
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:40,720
Speaker 1: What are you talking about?

452
00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:44,320
Speaker 2: She told you brother day one, she said, I'm sterile.

453
00:19:44,359 --> 00:19:46,680
Speaker 2: You just didn't ask like how and why?

454
00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:49,080
Speaker 1: So give me the details. Do you have all your organs?

455
00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:52,440
Speaker 3: That'd be like if someone who like had I don't know,

456
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:54,040
Speaker 3: you know what. I couldn't think of it.

457
00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:56,960
Speaker 1: Really, I got you right now, someone who lost their.

458
00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:59,280
Speaker 3: Arm, but they were like, yeah, my arm like doesn't

459
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:02,320
Speaker 3: work anymore. And then someone was like years later, there

460
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:04,160
Speaker 3: was like I didn't realize you didn't have an arm

461
00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:06,119
Speaker 3: though I don't know that didn't work.

462
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:08,520
Speaker 2: Though I tried, you know.

463
00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:11,320
Speaker 1: What, I give you the I was just gonna do

464
00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:12,959
Speaker 1: mine with balls, do yours?

465
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:13,760
Speaker 2: Go with yours.

466
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,440
Speaker 1: It's like a guy being like, yeah, I'm sterile, and

467
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:18,520
Speaker 1: you because you don't, because you your balls are gone.

468
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:20,520
Speaker 1: And then they'd be like, well, you didn't tell me

469
00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:23,200
Speaker 1: your balls are gone. It's like I kind of did

470
00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:25,879
Speaker 1: when I told you I'm sterile. What does it matter?

471
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:28,800
Speaker 2: You asked me to cough and you didn't feel anything.

472
00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:31,320
Speaker 2: I feel like that is unfair for me. I shared

473
00:20:31,359 --> 00:20:33,919
Speaker 2: the relevant part at the moment, and later I just

474
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,480
Speaker 2: didn't think about it. I was not trying to keep secrets.

475
00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:40,120
Speaker 2: I simply didn't think the medical details were relevant once

476
00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:43,240
Speaker 2: we already agreed on being child free, So now we

477
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:45,800
Speaker 2: want outside opinions. Am I they a old for not

478
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:49,600
Speaker 2: telling him about the hysterectomy or is he overreacting? He

479
00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:52,359
Speaker 2: has read this post and approved it, so this is

480
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:55,160
Speaker 2: not only my point of view, and we have some comments. Dakota.

481
00:20:55,359 --> 00:20:58,960
Speaker 2: Do we think op is an a hole? No, absolutely not.

482
00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:00,639
Speaker 2: Even if there was a direct me. You told me

483
00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:02,880
Speaker 2: you were sterile and you were child you're child free.

484
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:06,400
Speaker 2: That's the main point across. I don't know what's why

485
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:09,040
Speaker 2: he's upset about that you told him on day one.

486
00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:10,960
Speaker 1: Guy's just a silly goose.

487
00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:12,560
Speaker 2: He just didn't read between the lines.

488
00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:14,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, the Amber Lamb says, infertile and sterile are two

489
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:17,480
Speaker 1: separate things. Infertile means it don't work, rat sterol means

490
00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:18,000
Speaker 1: it ain't there.

491
00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:20,360
Speaker 2: We do have some comments here comming number one. He's

492
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:23,880
Speaker 2: a prankster, but not in a weird way. Him fake

493
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:25,880
Speaker 2: pregnancy joke, that's kind of ye, Like.

494
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:27,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's kind of a weird vibe to bring to

495
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:30,240
Speaker 1: like the yeah, me and your daughter are getting married,

496
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:31,439
Speaker 1: I knocked her up.

497
00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:32,639
Speaker 2: Your grandmama.

498
00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:35,080
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, we gonna we only get to do

499
00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:36,480
Speaker 1: this one time? You want to do that.

500
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:39,080
Speaker 2: Also, that's the wave you're gonna announce that you were married,

501
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:42,560
Speaker 2: is you're gonna be a grandma? Reply I'm now left

502
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:45,600
Speaker 2: wondering what Opie classifies as a weird joke. If this

503
00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:48,320
Speaker 2: seems normal to her. Coming number two, what exactly does

504
00:21:48,359 --> 00:21:51,600
Speaker 2: he think steril means? And there was a reply, Yeah,

505
00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:55,000
Speaker 2: there is a big difference between sterile and infertile, just

506
00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:56,960
Speaker 2: like the Amber Lams just said. Also, I had a

507
00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:01,400
Speaker 2: historic me due to endometriosis when I was twenty two.

508
00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:04,240
Speaker 2: That's young too, even though I wasn't planning on having kids.

509
00:22:04,359 --> 00:22:06,399
Speaker 2: There's still a lot of pain and suffering that led

510
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:08,679
Speaker 2: up to that moment. I don't know why Opea's partner

511
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:11,600
Speaker 2: never asked or cared to learn about her past experiences

512
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:15,679
Speaker 2: with adno miosis just odd. He seems angrier than she

513
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:19,119
Speaker 2: is sterile, rather than wanted to understand or being compassionate

514
00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:22,040
Speaker 2: about why she needed a histo to begin with at

515
00:22:22,119 --> 00:22:26,399
Speaker 2: twenty one. That's an emoji on Ope's partner's part in

516
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:29,000
Speaker 2: my opinion edit, I came back and there were so

517
00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:33,320
Speaker 2: many responses. I'll make a quick edit to clarify some things.

518
00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:35,359
Speaker 2: How did you forget to tell him this? It was

519
00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:38,960
Speaker 2: a very traumatic experience, and everyone and their mother looked

520
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:42,400
Speaker 2: at my private parts, my uterus. Actually, I felt embarrassed

521
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:44,920
Speaker 2: for a long time and pushed the experience deep enough

522
00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:46,960
Speaker 2: till I forgot about it. Why didn't you tell him

523
00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:49,480
Speaker 2: at first? Because I wasn't about the trauma? Duff on

524
00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:51,600
Speaker 2: a dude I've known for two hours, and I'm just

525
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:54,880
Speaker 2: a very quiet person. On our first date, I said

526
00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:58,080
Speaker 2: maybe fifty words. I'm more talkative now, at least with him,

527
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:00,840
Speaker 2: but I like my privacy and to keep things that

528
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:03,520
Speaker 2: I feel deeply personal just to myself unless it is

529
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:04,680
Speaker 2: relevant to something.

530
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:07,160
Speaker 1: Why didn't you tell him? Are you all of your

531
00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:10,640
Speaker 1: drama immediately? Why didn't you tell moyo drama?

532
00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:11,800
Speaker 2: At a number two? Hi?

533
00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:14,880
Speaker 1: IMOPI My uters is gone. It's nice to meet you.

534
00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:16,560
Speaker 1: What are we going to order at this restaurant?

535
00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:19,040
Speaker 2: Do you want breadsticks or salad or both? Hey, now

536
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:21,960
Speaker 2: that we have time to read some of the responses together,

537
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:25,680
Speaker 2: we want to clarify some other things. One Carlos, did

538
00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:28,439
Speaker 2: you know the difference between sterile and infertile apparently not.

539
00:23:28,680 --> 00:23:30,399
Speaker 2: I thought it was the same, meaning not able to

540
00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:33,280
Speaker 2: have babies too. How did he not notice she didn't

541
00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:35,440
Speaker 2: have a period, To be fair, we haven't been living

542
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:38,399
Speaker 2: together for that long five months, and he thought I

543
00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:42,760
Speaker 2: had pcos like his sister. Three? Are you really child

544
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:45,880
Speaker 2: free or did you think you'll change your mind after

545
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,960
Speaker 2: the wedding? Response? No, I am child free and was

546
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:51,720
Speaker 2: even thinking about getting a vasectomy just to be even

547
00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:55,040
Speaker 2: more safe. Four How didn't he notice any scars slash

548
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:58,560
Speaker 2: hormone therapy, et cetera. Well, I don't have any scars

549
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:01,520
Speaker 2: from the procedure that was done on my private parts,

550
00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:04,639
Speaker 2: so the scarring is on the inside. I don't need hormones,

551
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:07,119
Speaker 2: at least not yet. I still have my ovaries and

552
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:09,080
Speaker 2: they're healthy at the moment. And for the people saying

553
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:10,720
Speaker 2: that I should have just told them in case of

554
00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:13,760
Speaker 2: an emergency, you're right, and I honestly never thought about

555
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:15,919
Speaker 2: that part. We'll update once we had our session with

556
00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:18,159
Speaker 2: the couple's counselor, because I feel there are things that

557
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:20,080
Speaker 2: are better to discussed with a professional and we have

558
00:24:20,119 --> 00:24:22,320
Speaker 2: an update. I mean, this is actually really good that

559
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:24,120
Speaker 2: there were like a lot of questions and they both

560
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:24,960
Speaker 2: responded and.

561
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:28,159
Speaker 1: Yeah, like they were getting both of their yeah in

562
00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:29,920
Speaker 1: the insight into both of them.

563
00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:30,520
Speaker 2: Yeah.

564
00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:34,200
Speaker 1: I hope that this should all be straightened out now.

565
00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:36,040
Speaker 1: I don't think you really have a leg to stand

566
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:38,640
Speaker 1: on to be upset at your partner because they told

567
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:41,159
Speaker 1: you immediately this is literally just a failure of your

568
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:42,760
Speaker 1: own intelligence.

569
00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:45,040
Speaker 2: And also just talking to your partner. I think Ope

570
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:48,160
Speaker 2: did say and if Carlos is more invested or had

571
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:51,359
Speaker 2: a couple more questions, I feel like Ope would have

572
00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:54,199
Speaker 2: been okay with answering those questions. But it seems like okay,

573
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,120
Speaker 2: day one, we had talked about it and it's all good,

574
00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:57,640
Speaker 2: But now it's come up. It's very weird.

575
00:24:57,720 --> 00:25:01,399
Speaker 1: It almost sounds it sounds borderline, I think, type like

576
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:03,879
Speaker 1: red pill type entitlement of like, well, it's more of

577
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:05,520
Speaker 1: the principle. It's like even though you were gonna get

578
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:07,639
Speaker 1: a votectomy, you're like, oh, it's the principle that you

579
00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:10,199
Speaker 1: never told me you have no uteriusm But it's like

580
00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:13,040
Speaker 1: you were told, you were told.

581
00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:15,240
Speaker 2: It's how he reacted, which is very weird. What else

582
00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:16,400
Speaker 2: coun you hide for me? Huh?

583
00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:19,080
Speaker 1: I have one hundred million dollars of gold toaballoons buried

584
00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:21,080
Speaker 1: in my backyard. I'm hiding from the federal government.

585
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:23,159
Speaker 2: We have an update. We had our session yesterday and

586
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:25,400
Speaker 2: I think I'm ready to post an update and clarify

587
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:27,640
Speaker 2: some things. We decided to write it from my point

588
00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:29,560
Speaker 2: of view because we tried doing it from both of

589
00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:32,640
Speaker 2: ours and it was confusing to understand. First of all,

590
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:34,919
Speaker 2: for the people who said that since I still have

591
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,560
Speaker 2: my ovaries, we can still have kids, what is wrong

592
00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:39,600
Speaker 2: with y'all? You need more than just that. Go on

593
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:41,640
Speaker 2: the internet and look that up before you start posting

594
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:43,399
Speaker 2: and calling people out on stuff.

595
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:45,600
Speaker 1: A lot of people who don't know stuff. Yeah, a

596
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:47,439
Speaker 1: lot of people who don't know stuff in this story.

597
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:52,440
Speaker 2: That's not how child free people work. We don't want children, period.

598
00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:55,159
Speaker 2: For the people asking why don't have any scars, I

599
00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:57,440
Speaker 2: don't know what to tell you. It's not something I

600
00:25:57,480 --> 00:25:59,880
Speaker 2: want to discuss with anyone, but they made an incision

601
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:02,600
Speaker 2: my belly button. We decided not to talk much about

602
00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:05,359
Speaker 2: any of this until we were with the therapist and

603
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:07,760
Speaker 2: some things came to light. The first thing Carlos did

604
00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:11,040
Speaker 2: was apologize good and explain why he was so upset.

605
00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:13,479
Speaker 2: He said he wasn't really mad at me for not

606
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:15,679
Speaker 2: telling him, but he was hurt because it felt like

607
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:18,520
Speaker 2: a long time he had to force information out of me.

608
00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:21,639
Speaker 2: When I finally started sharing things willingly, he was excited

609
00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:24,040
Speaker 2: and thought we were on the same page about everything,

610
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:26,760
Speaker 2: but when he found out about the surgery, he felt

611
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:29,600
Speaker 2: insecure and like an outsider because it felt like it

612
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:32,439
Speaker 2: was always my mom and me and then him. He

613
00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:35,160
Speaker 2: also said he felt embarrassed and dumb because he assumed

614
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:38,359
Speaker 2: what sterile meant and ran with it instead of asking

615
00:26:38,359 --> 00:26:41,400
Speaker 2: for an explanation. He said it was more insecurity than anything,

616
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:44,200
Speaker 2: and he apologized again for how he handled his feelings

617
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:48,359
Speaker 2: instead of communicating with me. He also apologized for the

618
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:51,560
Speaker 2: pregnancy joke and said he was anxious because he really

619
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:53,560
Speaker 2: likes and respects my mom, but he wasn't sure if

620
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:56,040
Speaker 2: she accepts him, and in a moment of nervousness, he

621
00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:59,119
Speaker 2: tried to lighten the mood with a joke that failed horribly.

622
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:01,480
Speaker 2: For my part, also apologize for not sharing this with

623
00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:04,280
Speaker 2: him and for being so cold and distant sometimes. I

624
00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:06,440
Speaker 2: told him I love him so much and I really

625
00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:07,960
Speaker 2: want to spend the rest of my life with him,

626
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:10,439
Speaker 2: and I reassured him that I will always tell him

627
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:13,440
Speaker 2: things about me, even if they don't seem very exciting

628
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:17,040
Speaker 2: or important. After our session, we went home and shared

629
00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:19,520
Speaker 2: every single stupid thing about each other, so there are

630
00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:22,879
Speaker 2: no more secrets. I knew almost all of them because

631
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:25,720
Speaker 2: Carlo is mister oversharer. But I found out he broke

632
00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:27,800
Speaker 2: his little toe when he was seven, and he was

633
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:30,600
Speaker 2: surprised that I still have all four my wisdom teeth intact.

634
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:32,520
Speaker 2: That's kind of cute that you like, you're gonna tell, like,

635
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:33,880
Speaker 2: literally every little thing.

636
00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:36,639
Speaker 1: I broke my toe when I was shoveling. Do you

637
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:39,120
Speaker 1: still like me? Or does that give you the ick?

638
00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:42,040
Speaker 2: We decided to postpone the wedding planning until the holiday

639
00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:44,880
Speaker 2: season is over and just enjoy everything, then start over

640
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:47,800
Speaker 2: in January. There's a little bit left. I think all

641
00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:50,560
Speaker 2: worked out. This is a lesson, And then I think

642
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:52,600
Speaker 2: you guys learned a lesson of like, let's just talk

643
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:55,160
Speaker 2: about things. And he said he was insecure. I think

644
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:58,520
Speaker 2: this is a great update. You've even postponed the wedding

645
00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:00,320
Speaker 2: just to like, you know what, let's just share. We

646
00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:01,720
Speaker 2: don't have to rush this. It's cute.

647
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:05,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, good job, Carlos. I think this ended up for

648
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:09,760
Speaker 1: the best. I think Carlos, you know, was for a

649
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:12,040
Speaker 1: little bit there he was doing the car most but

650
00:28:12,359 --> 00:28:15,360
Speaker 1: now he's doing the car correct amount truck, he's.

651
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:17,760
Speaker 3: Doing the car wrect comeount.

652
00:28:18,119 --> 00:28:19,800
Speaker 1: Oh, we don't want him to get in the car

653
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:21,560
Speaker 1: wrect camitio.

654
00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:24,040
Speaker 2: No, let's go ahead and finish up the story. I

655
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:26,560
Speaker 2: called my mom and she's coming over for dinner on

656
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:29,600
Speaker 2: Sunday so we can redo the whole engagement announcement. I

657
00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:31,600
Speaker 2: know a lot of people told me I wasn't in

658
00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:34,040
Speaker 2: the wrong and that I didn't owe him any explanation.

659
00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:37,320
Speaker 2: I think some privacy is always necessary in any relationship.

660
00:28:37,359 --> 00:28:39,440
Speaker 2: But I want to feel close to him too, and

661
00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:41,720
Speaker 2: it's not like I was really hiding things on purpose.

662
00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:43,600
Speaker 2: So I don't mind sharing if it makes him feel

663
00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:45,560
Speaker 2: the love I have for him. I think that's all.

664
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:48,320
Speaker 2: We really appreciate all the input and the different perspectives

665
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:50,800
Speaker 2: we got here. We'll continue with couples counseling for as

666
00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:55,080
Speaker 2: long as it takes. Happy Holidays to y'all, Happy holidays,

667
00:28:55,840 --> 00:29:02,880
Speaker 2: Happy holiday holiday, give Carlos Honda days. Well, we got

668
00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:04,520
Speaker 2: another story coming. Ride up.

669
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:06,600
Speaker 1: Hey all, it's John og Host here. We're gonna get

670
00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:08,120
Speaker 1: back to the stories, but here's a quick three minute

671
00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:11,400
Speaker 1: break from as form our sponsors. My husband supported another

672
00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:14,360
Speaker 1: woman's divorce while emotionally cheating on me.

673
00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:15,360
Speaker 2: Hey, don't do that.

674
00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:18,760
Speaker 1: Good advice, dude. I thirty two female, have been married

675
00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:22,360
Speaker 1: to my husband, thirty four male, for twelve years. We've

676
00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:25,120
Speaker 1: had a few rocky years, dealing with the passing of

677
00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:27,960
Speaker 1: our first child and a lot of other deaths in

678
00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:30,200
Speaker 1: our immediate family. We've dealt with a lot of grief,

679
00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:32,880
Speaker 1: but for the most part, our marriage has been pretty chill.

680
00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:35,400
Speaker 1: At least that is what I thought. By the way,

681
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:38,080
Speaker 1: this comes from user unspecified Gremlin, And if you want

682
00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:40,240
Speaker 1: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

683
00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:43,280
Speaker 1: Okay story time subrend it and we are collectively here

684
00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:45,959
Speaker 1: to give good advice. Goofully. But we don't have all

685
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:48,720
Speaker 1: the answers to every problem. We just know what we

686
00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:51,920
Speaker 1: would do in a given situation, So let us know

687
00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:55,640
Speaker 1: what you would do in the comments. As Op says,

688
00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:58,400
Speaker 1: about a year ago, some close friends of ours started

689
00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:02,080
Speaker 1: going through a separation and divorce. The other woman we

690
00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:06,120
Speaker 1: will call l initiated the divorce, saying that she felt

691
00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:10,360
Speaker 1: neglected and unhappy. For context, we are all Christian, we're

692
00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:14,640
Speaker 1: not super legalistic, but we still believe in following important

693
00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:18,960
Speaker 1: biblical standards. Don't you dare ever mix your threads? People?

694
00:30:19,080 --> 00:30:21,720
Speaker 1: Don't you dare mix those threads? What? What is that's

695
00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:24,720
Speaker 1: one of them? Right, mixing the threads, the threads in

696
00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:27,560
Speaker 1: a garment? Yeah, because Keon looks confused.

697
00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:29,560
Speaker 3: No, yeah, that's one of the things. You're not supposed

698
00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:29,880
Speaker 3: to do that.

699
00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:32,160
Speaker 1: Don't you dare? Or to the lake of fire you

700
00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:32,479
Speaker 1: will go.

701
00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:34,200
Speaker 2: What do you mean by mixing your if you.

702
00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:37,640
Speaker 1: Make if you if you make a garment with mixed threads,

703
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:40,760
Speaker 1: like if you've ever worn a polyester nylon blend, get

704
00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:43,560
Speaker 1: out of here. You're done for what like a linen

705
00:30:43,720 --> 00:30:44,640
Speaker 1: and cotton thread?

706
00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:45,840
Speaker 2: Is that like a sin? What is it?

707
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:47,560
Speaker 1: Done? Y? Yeah? Yeah? Done?

708
00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:48,840
Speaker 2: But you're gone from the church.

709
00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:53,120
Speaker 3: I'll tell you the specific thing. The Bible prohibits mixing

710
00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:57,920
Speaker 3: threads unknown as shatness forbids wearing garments woven from wool

711
00:30:57,920 --> 00:31:02,200
Speaker 3: and linen together, as stated in lividg and Deuteronomy.

712
00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:05,400
Speaker 1: Because that is woolen linnen is an unholy blend. Just unholy.

713
00:31:05,520 --> 00:31:08,920
Speaker 3: It's ugly, and they said iw they said, that's a sin,

714
00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:10,920
Speaker 3: just like wearing white after Labor Day.

715
00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:15,080
Speaker 1: So both Elle and her husband had completely different stories,

716
00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:17,520
Speaker 1: which would often change from day to day. It was

717
00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:20,120
Speaker 1: hard to figure out exactly what happened, and I chose

718
00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:25,440
Speaker 1: to remain neutral and encourage them both towards reconciliation. My husband, however,

719
00:31:25,600 --> 00:31:29,640
Speaker 1: very strongly and openly took Elle's side. He even went

720
00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:32,160
Speaker 1: so far as to go to our church leadership to

721
00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:35,520
Speaker 1: advocate and defend her, demanding that her husband be held

722
00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:38,840
Speaker 1: accountable for the things she claimed he did. In my opinion,

723
00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:41,840
Speaker 1: the leadership made the right choice in encouraging them both

724
00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:45,000
Speaker 1: to work on their marriage, since there was no evidence

725
00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:48,440
Speaker 1: or signs of abuse. Elle did not say he physically

726
00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:51,960
Speaker 1: mistreated her, only that she felt emotionally neglected. Still, my

727
00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:55,400
Speaker 1: husband and Elle were both saying that divorce was the

728
00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:58,520
Speaker 1: only option and that it should be accepted. It was

729
00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:01,280
Speaker 1: strange to me, and early on I told my husband

730
00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:04,240
Speaker 1: that his behavior was inappropriate, it was not our business.

731
00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:06,160
Speaker 1: I also told him it was not okay for him

732
00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:09,200
Speaker 1: to maintain a close personal relationship with l During this

733
00:32:09,600 --> 00:32:13,240
Speaker 1: he got angry with me for suggesting he would be unfaithful,

734
00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:15,880
Speaker 1: but I was calling it how I saw it. His

735
00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:18,840
Speaker 1: level of involvement was not appropriate. He agreed to cut

736
00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:21,640
Speaker 1: contact with LL out of respect for my feelings, but

737
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:24,040
Speaker 1: insisted that we needed to leave our church and find

738
00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:26,680
Speaker 1: a new one because the leadership refused to side with

739
00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:30,520
Speaker 1: L and punish her husband. I disagreed and refused to

740
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:33,080
Speaker 1: leave our church over something we should not have gotten

741
00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:36,760
Speaker 1: involved in at all. Shortly after that, my husband started

742
00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:40,080
Speaker 1: expressing how unhappy he was with our marriage.

743
00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:41,880
Speaker 2: This is a this is a pattern.

744
00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:45,000
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, seems like, if he's really happy,

745
00:32:45,080 --> 00:32:47,880
Speaker 1: she's getting divorced, how long is it till he's happy

746
00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:49,440
Speaker 1: he's getting divorced?

747
00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:50,280
Speaker 2: You know? Yeah?

748
00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:54,120
Speaker 1: He said he felt disrespected and that things needed a

749
00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:57,680
Speaker 1: change or he would leave. I was blindsided, and every

750
00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:01,360
Speaker 1: time I asked what specifically needed change, he couldn't give

751
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:04,080
Speaker 1: me an answer. He broke down into tears and said

752
00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:07,600
Speaker 1: he had been bottling up feelings for years, and that's

753
00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:12,320
Speaker 1: why we communicate. The only thing we should be bottling

754
00:33:12,400 --> 00:33:17,560
Speaker 1: is wine. Oh that's dude, Do you like drink or something? Bro?

755
00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:20,320
Speaker 2: Dude? Now, the blood of Christ.

756
00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:20,680
Speaker 3: That's it for me.

757
00:33:21,160 --> 00:33:23,200
Speaker 1: That's you know, really, that's all I ever. That's I'm

758
00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:26,920
Speaker 1: just a blood drinker, you know, hashtag red wine. I

759
00:33:27,040 --> 00:33:29,680
Speaker 1: tried to talk to him and work on things, and

760
00:33:29,720 --> 00:33:33,560
Speaker 1: suggested counseling, but he stonewalled me for months. I became

761
00:33:33,640 --> 00:33:36,520
Speaker 1: so stressed that I lost nearly eighty pounds in less

762
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:41,880
Speaker 1: than a year. Dan, that's that's hospital visit type stuff.

763
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:45,560
Speaker 1: What that's wild. I could not eat, I could not sleep,

764
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:48,440
Speaker 1: and even my memory started to suffer. I was barely

765
00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:50,800
Speaker 1: holding on because of him. About a week ago, I

766
00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:54,440
Speaker 1: finally broke down. I apologized for anything I might have

767
00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:57,280
Speaker 1: done and said I wanted to work on things that

768
00:33:57,320 --> 00:33:59,840
Speaker 1: I was willing to do whatever it would take.

769
00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:00,360
Speaker 2: To fit this.

770
00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:02,480
Speaker 1: I felt crushed under the threat of him leaving, and

771
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:05,240
Speaker 1: I could not take it anymore. I was desperate to

772
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:08,000
Speaker 1: keep our family together because I did not want our

773
00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:11,239
Speaker 1: seven year old daughter growing up with divorced parents. He

774
00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:13,400
Speaker 1: shut me down. He said he did not want to

775
00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:15,600
Speaker 1: talk about it and left to clear his head.

776
00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:18,560
Speaker 2: Ah, don't you just love it when he doesn't want

777
00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:20,600
Speaker 2: to meet you in the middle and try and solve

778
00:34:20,640 --> 00:34:22,200
Speaker 2: any of this. What is this guy doing?

779
00:34:22,239 --> 00:34:24,960
Speaker 1: He's probably talking to l He came back later and

780
00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:28,080
Speaker 1: acted like everything was normal. We had a busy weekend,

781
00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:31,320
Speaker 1: and then on Sunday afternoon, after attending a different church,

782
00:34:31,520 --> 00:34:33,200
Speaker 1: he sat me down and said he was going to

783
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:35,600
Speaker 1: pack his things and leave for a while. He said

784
00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:38,239
Speaker 1: he was committed to making our marriage work, but he

785
00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:41,400
Speaker 1: needed time to reset. He said he felt trapped. I

786
00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:45,000
Speaker 1: told him that him walking out was sending a clear message.

787
00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:47,799
Speaker 1: He understood, but said there was no other way for

788
00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:50,440
Speaker 1: him to move forward, and he packed his things and

789
00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:52,120
Speaker 1: left to stay with his mom.

790
00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:53,799
Speaker 2: Are we sure he's staying with his mom.

791
00:34:54,080 --> 00:34:58,120
Speaker 1: No, he's staying with L. Dude, he is staying with L. Yeah.

792
00:34:58,160 --> 00:35:00,400
Speaker 2: The fact that he's all, he's like, we to do this,

793
00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:03,279
Speaker 2: we need to do that. And I don't know that

794
00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:06,040
Speaker 2: he's been bottling it up for this long and then

795
00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:09,120
Speaker 2: he got inspired by L and he got so motivated

796
00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:11,959
Speaker 2: to help Hurley. I don't know, this is what this guy.

797
00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:17,520
Speaker 1: I smell something stinky. Yeah, something did not feel right.

798
00:35:17,719 --> 00:35:20,840
Speaker 1: I checked our phone bill, and what I found devastated me.

799
00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:23,120
Speaker 1: He told me he cut contact with L, but going

800
00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:27,680
Speaker 1: back only to November, there were nine thousand, eight hundred

801
00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:31,800
Speaker 1: twenty seven text messages between them.

802
00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:36,120
Speaker 2: Nine thought, that's almost almost ten thousand texts.

803
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:38,279
Speaker 1: What are they talking about? What is it like?

804
00:35:38,360 --> 00:35:42,320
Speaker 2: Are they sending? Literally every single text is a letter

805
00:35:42,440 --> 00:35:43,120
Speaker 2: of a sentence.

806
00:35:43,400 --> 00:35:46,719
Speaker 1: It was constant back and forth messages every single day

807
00:35:46,719 --> 00:35:50,600
Speaker 1: for months, not just text but pictures and phone calls.

808
00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:54,160
Speaker 1: Some of these calls lasted almost an hour. I lost it.

809
00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:57,400
Speaker 1: I called him at work and broke down. He lied

810
00:35:57,440 --> 00:36:00,719
Speaker 1: to me, He abandoned me, and then walked out. They

811
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:04,840
Speaker 1: exchanged dozens of messages. Even if he was physically with

812
00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:08,320
Speaker 1: his mom mentally and emotionally, he ran to another woman.

813
00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:12,160
Speaker 2: I mean he's been doing that for a long time now,

814
00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:13,600
Speaker 2: a single woman.

815
00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:16,400
Speaker 1: He hid from me and lied about to me. This

816
00:36:16,520 --> 00:36:19,360
Speaker 1: is obvious evidence of an affair. He said, I misunderstood,

817
00:36:19,360 --> 00:36:23,879
Speaker 1: and that they were only having Christian fellows post that's

818
00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:25,239
Speaker 1: what they're going these days at.

819
00:36:25,160 --> 00:36:26,759
Speaker 2: This point, shut up. Shut up.

820
00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:30,719
Speaker 1: That she only encouraged him to work on our marriage,

821
00:36:31,080 --> 00:36:32,880
Speaker 1: sent scriptures and memes.

822
00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:35,560
Speaker 2: Guess what, he wasn't doing any of that.

823
00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:38,799
Speaker 1: So clearly it didn't work right because after all her

824
00:36:38,920 --> 00:36:42,560
Speaker 1: encouragement to work on your marriage, he ran away. You left.

825
00:36:42,920 --> 00:36:45,839
Speaker 2: And if she was doing that, why didn't she ever

826
00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:48,120
Speaker 2: reach out to you. Oh, we can't talk to her,

827
00:36:48,520 --> 00:36:50,920
Speaker 2: she said, to cut off contact from you. Elle, Sorry,

828
00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:53,440
Speaker 2: you can't talk to her, don't Everything's fine, everything, our

829
00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:54,480
Speaker 2: relationship is fine.

830
00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:57,200
Speaker 1: I'm not buying it. He insists he never cheated and

831
00:36:57,280 --> 00:37:00,759
Speaker 1: never would. But how is this not cheating? How is

832
00:37:00,960 --> 00:37:05,080
Speaker 1: nine hundred twenty seven messages in only a few months

833
00:37:05,120 --> 00:37:08,160
Speaker 1: not an emotional affair? And Whitney Andrewson makes a great point.

834
00:37:08,160 --> 00:37:10,919
Speaker 1: There are only fourteen hundred and forty minutes in a day,

835
00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:13,120
Speaker 1: so that's there's a lot of it, just like texts

836
00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:14,759
Speaker 1: every minute while they're awake.

837
00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:17,120
Speaker 2: And then plus the hour long calls.

838
00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:21,640
Speaker 1: To constant messages, secrecy, emotional dependence and shutting me out

839
00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:24,880
Speaker 1: while opening up to her. Should I feel as betrayed

840
00:37:24,920 --> 00:37:29,520
Speaker 1: as I do? Yes? Am I overreacting? No? Somehow this

841
00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:32,799
Speaker 1: hurts more than physical cheating. He shut me out and

842
00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:36,000
Speaker 1: got his emotional and spiritual support from another woman he

843
00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:39,759
Speaker 1: became close to. I feel completely disregarded. He crushed me

844
00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:42,799
Speaker 1: because it was what he needed to move forward, and

845
00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:45,759
Speaker 1: then added betrayal on top of it. And we have

846
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:48,680
Speaker 1: some comments here, and it's gonna be a very loud

847
00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:52,640
Speaker 1: chorus of people telling you to just leave him and

848
00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:53,360
Speaker 1: move on.

849
00:37:53,840 --> 00:37:57,719
Speaker 2: It's hard, but it's like because again Op's very religious

850
00:37:57,719 --> 00:38:00,799
Speaker 2: and doesn't really want a divorce. But point I don't know.

851
00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:03,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, at this point, God wouldn't want you to be

852
00:38:03,280 --> 00:38:03,879
Speaker 1: with this man.

853
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:06,240
Speaker 2: You the thing is that you practice what you preach.

854
00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:09,320
Speaker 2: But this is this is rough. Pretty much. Ten thousand

855
00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:11,640
Speaker 2: texts in a couple of months is insane.

856
00:38:11,760 --> 00:38:12,200
Speaker 1: It is.

857
00:38:12,320 --> 00:38:14,399
Speaker 2: And he's like, m I don't have time to work

858
00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:16,919
Speaker 2: on our relationship, but I'll go. I'll go do ten

859
00:38:16,960 --> 00:38:19,600
Speaker 2: thousand texts with the one person he told me not

860
00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:20,000
Speaker 2: to talk to.

861
00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:23,759
Speaker 1: Comment one. I would bet my paycheck if you check

862
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:27,560
Speaker 1: back a year ago the constant contact began before the

863
00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:31,640
Speaker 1: other couple separated. Oh yeah, do you think? Yeah?

864
00:38:31,800 --> 00:38:32,200
Speaker 2: I do?

865
00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:36,719
Speaker 1: I do. Oh wow, Opie says, I literally do not

866
00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:40,480
Speaker 1: have the willpower to go back that far. XD I'm

867
00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:43,839
Speaker 1: sure I'll just get more angry. Yeah. Comment to says,

868
00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:46,440
Speaker 1: I think it's time to contact an attorney about seeking

869
00:38:46,880 --> 00:38:50,040
Speaker 1: a divorce. I would also pull all phone records back

870
00:38:50,080 --> 00:38:51,880
Speaker 1: as far as you can go. I agree with a

871
00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:55,400
Speaker 1: previous comment or that their relationship started before her divorce,

872
00:38:55,560 --> 00:38:58,000
Speaker 1: and you speak to her ex ask questions if he

873
00:38:58,040 --> 00:39:01,799
Speaker 1: suspected anything between your hust in her. He's definitely having

874
00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:04,799
Speaker 1: an emotional affair and it's possibly physical. And there is

875
00:39:04,880 --> 00:39:07,600
Speaker 1: an update. Girl, if you don't leave this man.

876
00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:09,839
Speaker 2: It's hard though. They also have a seven year old.

877
00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:13,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, do you want your seven year old to grow

878
00:39:13,360 --> 00:39:15,759
Speaker 1: up in an environment where she learns that, Oh, it's

879
00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:18,520
Speaker 1: okay for a man to do whatever he wants in

880
00:39:18,520 --> 00:39:19,200
Speaker 1: a relationship.

881
00:39:19,280 --> 00:39:21,360
Speaker 2: It seems like he's just so checked out of this,

882
00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:23,080
Speaker 2: like he doesn't want to work on any of this.

883
00:39:23,680 --> 00:39:27,880
Speaker 2: He's just bsing you. And is it worth it to

884
00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:30,640
Speaker 2: deal with this guy? I think not. I think it's over.

885
00:39:30,719 --> 00:39:32,040
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, it's time.

886
00:39:32,239 --> 00:39:34,520
Speaker 1: There's an update. Hey's John og host. We're gonna get

887
00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:36,120
Speaker 1: back to the stories, but a quick free minute break

888
00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:39,080
Speaker 1: of ads from our sponsors. My phone company provides a

889
00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:41,680
Speaker 1: usage report I can download as a spreadsheet. It can

890
00:39:41,719 --> 00:39:44,400
Speaker 1: be filtered by l's number. I went back through the

891
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:46,920
Speaker 1: last three billing cycles and the current activity going back

892
00:39:46,920 --> 00:39:49,400
Speaker 1: to November. When longer texts are sent, the company breaks

893
00:39:49,440 --> 00:39:51,360
Speaker 1: them into chunks. Some one message could appear as in

894
00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:53,719
Speaker 1: multiple entries. Even with that in mind, the amount of

895
00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:59,000
Speaker 1: communication was still near constant, daily and overwhelming. Shortly after

896
00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:02,680
Speaker 1: posting online, I can fronted my husband through text with

897
00:40:02,719 --> 00:40:06,439
Speaker 1: what I found. I told him this went beyond Christian Fellowship.

898
00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:09,360
Speaker 1: I said it was obsessive, inappropriate, and that I needed

899
00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:14,600
Speaker 1: time to process everything. He responded with a long message, confessing.

900
00:40:14,080 --> 00:40:14,600
Speaker 2: You caught me.

901
00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:18,360
Speaker 1: How are you gonna lie about doing Christian Fellowship? That's crazy?

902
00:40:18,480 --> 00:40:20,200
Speaker 1: The big GE's gonna bring that up when you get

903
00:40:20,239 --> 00:40:21,919
Speaker 1: up there to the parly gates. He said, you lie

904
00:40:22,400 --> 00:40:24,719
Speaker 1: to your wife ten thousands you were cheating on by

905
00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:26,120
Speaker 1: saying you were doing what?

906
00:40:26,360 --> 00:40:28,920
Speaker 2: Because every text is a lie, So it's pretty much

907
00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:32,239
Speaker 2: ten thousand times ten thousand lies, maybe nine thousand and nine,

908
00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:34,800
Speaker 2: you know, because the first text had been like, hey Elle,

909
00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:37,880
Speaker 2: cutting contact with you, good luck with everything, goodbye.

910
00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:41,440
Speaker 1: He said the relationship never crossed into explicit content, but

911
00:40:41,480 --> 00:40:44,840
Speaker 1: there had been inappropriate flirting. He confirmed that what he

912
00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:48,880
Speaker 1: did absolutely counted as an emotional affair. He apologized and

913
00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:52,120
Speaker 1: admitted how badly he messed up by hiding it. He

914
00:40:52,160 --> 00:40:54,520
Speaker 1: said he was committed to me and would stop all

915
00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:58,239
Speaker 1: contact with Elle moving forward, though given his lies, that

916
00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:01,920
Speaker 1: promise meant very little at the moment, and all moments

917
00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:03,080
Speaker 1: that promise means nothing.

918
00:41:03,320 --> 00:41:03,640
Speaker 2: Yeah.

919
00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:06,279
Speaker 1: He even encouraged me to go public so he could

920
00:41:06,280 --> 00:41:08,680
Speaker 1: be held accountable. He told me to seek support and

921
00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:12,640
Speaker 1: vent if needed. He came home briefly to see the kids.

922
00:41:12,840 --> 00:41:15,440
Speaker 1: We did not talk long, but I told him how

923
00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:18,800
Speaker 1: deeply he hurt me. He did not argue and just listened.

924
00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:21,239
Speaker 1: He begged me to try to eat something because when

925
00:41:21,239 --> 00:41:24,520
Speaker 1: he asked when I ate last, I genuinely could not remember.

926
00:41:24,680 --> 00:41:27,480
Speaker 1: I have barely slept in days. I do not know

927
00:41:27,560 --> 00:41:29,640
Speaker 1: what comes next. If I had not caught him, this

928
00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:33,400
Speaker 1: would have continued behind my back exactly, So you know

929
00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:38,480
Speaker 1: what comes next. Religion is fine, but don't let dogma

930
00:41:38,880 --> 00:41:42,279
Speaker 1: dictate the quality of your own life. Don't let some

931
00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:42,839
Speaker 1: sort of.

932
00:41:42,880 --> 00:41:47,120
Speaker 3: Don't let dogma dictate the direction of your days.

933
00:41:47,920 --> 00:41:51,520
Speaker 1: Don't because this is some pact. Come on, folks. That

934
00:41:51,680 --> 00:41:54,320
Speaker 1: is something I have to work through. I do not

935
00:41:54,480 --> 00:41:58,280
Speaker 1: want my marriage to fail, but we are on shaky ground.

936
00:41:58,480 --> 00:42:00,920
Speaker 1: It's going to take a lot of work to rebuild trust,

937
00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:03,440
Speaker 1: and time will tell if it is worth it.

938
00:42:03,640 --> 00:42:07,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think because of everything they've been through, you know,

939
00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:10,400
Speaker 2: with the child loss at first, and then they have

940
00:42:10,520 --> 00:42:13,720
Speaker 2: kids and the whole religious aspect. I feel like divorce

941
00:42:13,920 --> 00:42:17,640
Speaker 2: is the last option if nothing else works. It does.

942
00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:22,840
Speaker 2: This does suck, and it's put your mental and physical

943
00:42:22,840 --> 00:42:26,200
Speaker 2: health at a huge crisis. Op and the fact that

944
00:42:26,239 --> 00:42:28,040
Speaker 2: he's doing this now like he sees it like, oh

945
00:42:28,239 --> 00:42:30,360
Speaker 2: I'm in the wrong. He sucks.

946
00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:33,399
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just like, oh, you got me all right, now,

947
00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:37,600
Speaker 1: I'll be faithful. I was gonna be faithful tomorrow, tell

948
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:38,840
Speaker 1: you everything, but you got.

949
00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:40,600
Speaker 2: Me all those other times you wanted to work through

950
00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:42,640
Speaker 2: it and like tried to talk to me about it.

951
00:42:42,920 --> 00:42:44,399
Speaker 2: You know that's on you.

952
00:42:45,239 --> 00:42:48,840
Speaker 1: It's just so disgusting to like have you come forward

953
00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:50,279
Speaker 1: and be like, we need to work on us. I

954
00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:51,880
Speaker 1: want to work on us for not just for us,

955
00:42:51,920 --> 00:42:54,560
Speaker 1: but for our child. And then he's just like, yeah,

956
00:42:55,040 --> 00:42:58,000
Speaker 1: right whatever, I don't really care. I'm gonna text this

957
00:42:58,080 --> 00:43:00,960
Speaker 1: other woman ten thousand times was in three months.

958
00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:02,879
Speaker 2: I want to see what he says to Elle, like, hey,

959
00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:04,760
Speaker 2: we're cutting I have to cut off contact with you.

960
00:43:04,880 --> 00:43:07,279
Speaker 2: Maybe she was also being manipulated by him in a

961
00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:09,520
Speaker 2: way we don't know, but like ten thousand texts come on,

962
00:43:09,600 --> 00:43:11,680
Speaker 2: she's clearly like the fact that she's like, oh, you

963
00:43:11,680 --> 00:43:14,480
Speaker 2: should be focusing on your wife. You should be focusing

964
00:43:14,560 --> 00:43:15,360
Speaker 2: on your family.

965
00:43:15,680 --> 00:43:16,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, and he's.

966
00:43:16,480 --> 00:43:18,600
Speaker 2: Like, I, Probably, I am. I'm trying to Probably he

967
00:43:18,680 --> 00:43:19,160
Speaker 2: told her.

968
00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:21,440
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, we're getting divorced, or I'm getting divorced, or

969
00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:23,040
Speaker 1: it's done.

970
00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:23,880
Speaker 2: You inspired me.

971
00:43:24,120 --> 00:43:27,560
Speaker 1: For now, I am focused on the next steps. I

972
00:43:27,600 --> 00:43:31,000
Speaker 1: am going public with this information. I have a meeting

973
00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:33,840
Speaker 1: with my pastor's wife, and I will meet with my

974
00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:37,239
Speaker 1: husband tomorrow in a neutral location Belgium to talk and

975
00:43:37,400 --> 00:43:40,560
Speaker 1: decide whether he can come home or needs more space.

976
00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:44,000
Speaker 1: Genuinely went what you gotta keep up over with me?

977
00:43:44,160 --> 00:43:45,080
Speaker 2: Can't even name Germany.

978
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:46,640
Speaker 1: Never know where I'm going with that.

979
00:43:46,680 --> 00:43:48,400
Speaker 2: He can't name Germany, but he can name Belgium.

980
00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:51,640
Speaker 1: I hold no hatred for l or anyone involved. I

981
00:43:51,719 --> 00:43:53,399
Speaker 1: do not plan to confront her.

982
00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:55,720
Speaker 2: I think personally you should.

983
00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:56,960
Speaker 1: I think you could.

984
00:43:57,160 --> 00:43:58,960
Speaker 2: Unless if your husband does it. But at this point

985
00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:02,279
Speaker 2: he's he's and on basically like a stick that things

986
00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:04,520
Speaker 2: it'll break. I can't trust him. I would reach out

987
00:44:04,520 --> 00:44:06,399
Speaker 2: to him like, hey, what's he been saying to you?

988
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:08,719
Speaker 2: Because if he says he'd been trying to focus on

989
00:44:08,760 --> 00:44:11,319
Speaker 2: me and focus on the family, complete opposite, maybe you

990
00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:12,520
Speaker 2: should cut off contact with him.

991
00:44:12,640 --> 00:44:16,000
Speaker 1: She has her own pain and made poor choices leaning

992
00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:18,520
Speaker 1: on a married man. I also learned that her husband

993
00:44:18,560 --> 00:44:21,080
Speaker 1: has been trying to fix himself and their marriage, and

994
00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:24,080
Speaker 1: has been in therapy and seeking guidance. I do not

995
00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:26,000
Speaker 1: think it is right to keep this from him, but

996
00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:28,279
Speaker 1: I will not contact him directly. I will give the

997
00:44:28,320 --> 00:44:30,839
Speaker 1: information to church leadership and allow them to handle it.

998
00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:33,520
Speaker 1: Elle's marriage is not my business, and I will not

999
00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:36,600
Speaker 1: involve myself directly. I have a long road ahead and

1000
00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:38,720
Speaker 1: I know it. I have a lot of work, healing

1001
00:44:38,800 --> 00:44:41,239
Speaker 1: and prayer ahead of me, and that is the end

1002
00:44:41,320 --> 00:44:42,120
Speaker 1: of that story.

1003
00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:45,279
Speaker 2: I don't think her relationship is your business, but her

1004
00:44:45,320 --> 00:44:49,560
Speaker 2: relationship with your husband, with your husband, that's that's very pertinent.

1005
00:44:49,760 --> 00:44:54,120
Speaker 1: Congrats on having the resolve to want to fix it.

1006
00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:57,280
Speaker 1: Why do you ten thousand times?

1007
00:44:57,280 --> 00:44:59,160
Speaker 2: They're not getting a divorce. They're going to try and

1008
00:44:59,160 --> 00:44:59,680
Speaker 2: work through it.

1009
00:45:00,080 --> 00:45:04,560
Speaker 1: Every single communication he had with that woman after was

1010
00:45:04,560 --> 00:45:07,480
Speaker 1: it was cheating? Was it was a lie? He told

1011
00:45:07,680 --> 00:45:08,320
Speaker 1: to you.

1012
00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:11,480
Speaker 2: Every text was a lie behind your BACKO pee.

1013
00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:15,520
Speaker 1: Ten thousand lies? Can you come back from ten thousand lies?

1014
00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:18,880
Speaker 1: How do you know anything he ever says? Ever, yeah,

1015
00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:22,279
Speaker 1: is not just another lie because he's clearly okay with

1016
00:45:22,480 --> 00:45:25,560
Speaker 1: lying to you ten thousand times as long as he

1017
00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:27,120
Speaker 1: feels like he's getting a sweet deal.

1018
00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:27,279
Speaker 2: Out of it.

1019
00:45:27,480 --> 00:45:30,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, something to think about as that is the end

1020
00:45:30,440 --> 00:45:34,640
Speaker 1: of that story and the end of this episode. So

1021
00:45:35,080 --> 00:45:37,440
Speaker 1: if you love us, make sure you subscribe.

1022
00:45:37,560 --> 00:45:40,480
Speaker 2: We love you and see you toorrow.