1
00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:02,960
Speaker 1: Buggle up, hold on tight. We got it for you here.

2
00:00:02,960 --> 00:00:06,640
Speaker 1: It is the Strawberry Letter, subject the second child could

3
00:00:06,760 --> 00:00:11,800
Speaker 1: ruin my relationship. Dear Stephen Shirley. I am twenty two

4
00:00:11,880 --> 00:00:14,440
Speaker 1: years old and I have a three year old daughter

5
00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:17,759
Speaker 1: with my boyfriend. We've been together for six years, but

6
00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:21,160
Speaker 1: we've been off and on the whole time. One night,

7
00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:23,840
Speaker 1: when we were not together, I went out and got

8
00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:27,120
Speaker 1: really drunk with a guy that has been liking me

9
00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:30,080
Speaker 1: for a long time. I got so drunk that I

10
00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:33,159
Speaker 1: passed out, and the next morning I woke up as

11
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:37,120
Speaker 1: a guy's apartment and realized that we had had sex.

12
00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:39,839
Speaker 1: We went to the store and got a Plan B

13
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:43,840
Speaker 1: pill so I would not get pregnant. Well, the Plan

14
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:46,919
Speaker 1: B didn't work and I ended up pregnant, and I

15
00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:49,440
Speaker 1: knew it was this guy's baby because I had not

16
00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:52,720
Speaker 1: had sex with my boyfriend before or after that night.

17
00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:55,720
Speaker 1: When I found out I was pregnant, I got back

18
00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:58,480
Speaker 1: with my boyfriend and we had a lot of sex,

19
00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:01,160
Speaker 1: so when I told him I was again, he had

20
00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:03,720
Speaker 1: no reason to think it was not his baby. We

21
00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:06,880
Speaker 1: got back together, I had the baby, and everything has

22
00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:09,520
Speaker 1: been great with my boyfriend and I. We have not

23
00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:12,200
Speaker 1: had any problems, and he is taking good care of

24
00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:16,040
Speaker 1: me and the kids. But I have a big problem.

25
00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:19,000
Speaker 1: I posted a picture of my six month old daughter

26
00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:22,440
Speaker 1: on Facebook, and her daddy and his family saw the picture,

27
00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:25,959
Speaker 1: and now they want to be included in my child's life.

28
00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:29,600
Speaker 1: There is no way for me to deny that she's

29
00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:34,200
Speaker 1: his daughter, but my boyfriend has no idea. I honestly

30
00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:37,199
Speaker 1: wish my daughter's dad was like most of the other

31
00:01:37,319 --> 00:01:40,600
Speaker 1: dudes that don't care about their kids, but he's not.

32
00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:44,960
Speaker 1: He has been asking to spend time with her. I

33
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:48,280
Speaker 1: want to tell my boyfriends so badly, but I know

34
00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:50,840
Speaker 1: it will be the end of us for good. I

35
00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:56,440
Speaker 1: will be alone without a father for either of my kids.

36
00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:59,480
Speaker 1: I can't help but think that this is my karma

37
00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:02,520
Speaker 1: for getting drunk and having sex. What should I do?

38
00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:07,560
Speaker 1: Should I secretly let my daughter see her dad? Please help? Well,

39
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:10,760
Speaker 1: I don't know about karma for getting drunk and having sex,

40
00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:14,280
Speaker 1: but you certainly got drunk and didn't have any protection

41
00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:17,680
Speaker 1: and had sex. And I cannot be a party to

42
00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:20,359
Speaker 1: you lying to your baby daddy. I cannot do that.

43
00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:23,040
Speaker 1: This is a whole mess right here. You're in all

44
00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:26,320
Speaker 1: because you got drunk, and like I said, didn't use protection.

45
00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:31,200
Speaker 1: That was not smart. Now, all these lies you've told,

46
00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:34,639
Speaker 1: they can mess up everyone's life if you tell the truth.

47
00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:38,000
Speaker 1: And because your daughter's father and his family want to

48
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:41,160
Speaker 1: be a part of her life, and rightfully so, why

49
00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:44,320
Speaker 1: wouldn't he. You know, a lot of guys don't want

50
00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:46,400
Speaker 1: to be a part of their kid's life, but you're right,

51
00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:49,720
Speaker 1: this guy does. He's not one of those ones that

52
00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:51,880
Speaker 1: don't want to be a part of his child's life.

53
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:55,720
Speaker 1: So no, you should not do it secretly, not let

54
00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:59,640
Speaker 1: her see him secretly, because that's just more lies on

55
00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:02,320
Speaker 1: top for more lies and lies and lies and lies.

56
00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:05,000
Speaker 1: I mean, don't you think you've had enough secrets and

57
00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:08,880
Speaker 1: enough lies? Don't you think that? And I'll say this,

58
00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:11,399
Speaker 1: I mean some things I do believe you should take

59
00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:14,079
Speaker 1: to your grave, but this is certainly not one of them.

60
00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:16,519
Speaker 1: You're gonna have to come clean. You have to come

61
00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:19,760
Speaker 1: clean because the pictures out there now you've posted it

62
00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:22,320
Speaker 1: on the internet. You do not want your man to

63
00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:24,720
Speaker 1: find out on the internet, and you don't want him

64
00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:28,079
Speaker 1: to find out from your daughter's real dad. You just

65
00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:29,840
Speaker 1: don't want to do that. It's not a good look.

66
00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:32,280
Speaker 1: You're gonna have to face the music. You did this

67
00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:35,920
Speaker 1: to yourself, unfortunately, but you know you have your child

68
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:39,440
Speaker 1: to think of now, and you have to. You're gonna

69
00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:41,520
Speaker 1: have to come clean and do the right thing. Steve,

70
00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:44,600
Speaker 1: how drunk you he is, You're gonna had protection. Yeah,

71
00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:46,880
Speaker 1: you know so, man, I don't care how drunk you is.

72
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:51,560
Speaker 1: I don't understand that I woke up, yeah, and realized

73
00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:55,640
Speaker 1: I had six of course, I could be speaking from

74
00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:59,200
Speaker 1: lack of experience, so let me just preempty by saying

75
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:02,560
Speaker 1: that I'm not judging her. But I don't know nobody

76
00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:05,800
Speaker 1: that can really really claim I was drunk. I woke

77
00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:08,080
Speaker 1: up and I didn't realize it, but I had had sex.

78
00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:11,800
Speaker 1: I don't know a person that still. I'm not saying

79
00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:19,360
Speaker 1: it's not possible, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter

80
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:24,039
Speaker 1: that you got drunk with a guy that was liking

81
00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:26,839
Speaker 1: you for a long time, and you got so drunk

82
00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:28,960
Speaker 1: that I passed out. In the next morning, I woke

83
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,840
Speaker 1: up back the guy's department to realize that we had

84
00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:33,560
Speaker 1: had sex. So we went to the store and got

85
00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:36,760
Speaker 1: the Plan B peal so I wouldn't get pregnant. Well,

86
00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:40,520
Speaker 1: Plan B didn't work, and now you're pregnant. I knew

87
00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:42,680
Speaker 1: it was this guy's baby because I had not had

88
00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:46,440
Speaker 1: sex with my boyfriend before or after that night. Okay,

89
00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:50,039
Speaker 1: how long before and how long after? Obviously it was

90
00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:52,880
Speaker 1: close enough that when you found out you was pregnant,

91
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:57,120
Speaker 1: you got back with your boyfriend and y'all had a

92
00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:59,840
Speaker 1: lot of sex. So then when I told him I

93
00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:02,839
Speaker 1: was pregnant again, he had no reason think it was

94
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:07,680
Speaker 1: not his baby. Oh girl, you real tricky, Yeah, you

95
00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:11,559
Speaker 1: real tricky. So now we got back together. I hadn't

96
00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:14,680
Speaker 1: had the baby. Everything being great with my boyfriend and

97
00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:17,800
Speaker 1: I weren't had any problems, and he's taking good care

98
00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:21,920
Speaker 1: of me and the kids. Wow, you tricky girl, But

99
00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:24,760
Speaker 1: now you got a problem because you don't. Posted a

100
00:05:24,839 --> 00:05:28,680
Speaker 1: picture of my six month old daughter on Facebook and

101
00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:31,720
Speaker 1: her daddy and his family saw the picture and now

102
00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:34,640
Speaker 1: they want to be included in my child's life. What

103
00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:41,840
Speaker 1: just like that, There's no way for me to deny

104
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:44,960
Speaker 1: that she's his daughter. That little girl looked just like

105
00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:49,160
Speaker 1: that man that much. But my boyfriend ain't got no idea.

106
00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:52,440
Speaker 1: I honestly was my daughter's dad was like most other

107
00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:55,279
Speaker 1: dudes that don't care about their kids, but he ain't.

108
00:05:55,880 --> 00:06:00,480
Speaker 1: He's been asking to spend time with her. What how

109
00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:03,080
Speaker 1: old is your baby? Six months? Right, that's what the

110
00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:09,560
Speaker 1: letter say. This letter screams for opaternity test. Yeah, so

111
00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:13,520
Speaker 1: we can be showing that one. So before you throw

112
00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:17,839
Speaker 1: your life out the window, you really need to find

113
00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:25,080
Speaker 1: out if this is the man's baby. That's for starters. Subject.

114
00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:30,960
Speaker 1: This second child could ruin my relationship. Okay, this girl

115
00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:34,560
Speaker 1: off and own relationship with her man. They have a

116
00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:37,440
Speaker 1: three year old daughter together. They went off. She got

117
00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:40,120
Speaker 1: drunk or night, passed out and I was out with

118
00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:42,840
Speaker 1: a guy that really liked her. Passed out, woke up

119
00:06:42,839 --> 00:06:45,680
Speaker 1: the next door to drunk, realized they had sex when

120
00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:48,720
Speaker 1: and bought a Plan B peel. Plan B peal didn't work.

121
00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:54,039
Speaker 1: She decided she knew she was pregnant. She found out

122
00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:56,960
Speaker 1: she was pregnant, so she got back with her boyfriend.

123
00:06:57,279 --> 00:06:59,359
Speaker 1: They had a lot of sex, so it was no

124
00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:02,760
Speaker 1: reason for him to think that it wasn't his baby.

125
00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:07,040
Speaker 1: She's passed this off as his baby. Everything has been

126
00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:11,360
Speaker 1: going good for this past six months. The guy's acting right,

127
00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:15,280
Speaker 1: he's taking good care of her and the babies, and

128
00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:19,920
Speaker 1: everything's been great. And I had any problems, and but

129
00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:22,920
Speaker 1: now she says she's got a big problem. I posted

130
00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:25,320
Speaker 1: a picture of my six month old daughter on Facebook

131
00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:28,600
Speaker 1: and her daddy and his family saw the picture and

132
00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:33,760
Speaker 1: now they want to be included in my child's life. Okay,

133
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:40,560
Speaker 1: that's natural. So it's obvious to me that for him

134
00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:43,400
Speaker 1: to look at the child and think that his child,

135
00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:47,160
Speaker 1: you must have told him that the plan b peel

136
00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:51,480
Speaker 1: didn't work. So now when he online, because ain't no

137
00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:55,600
Speaker 1: dude just looking to be no father, Not these dudes,

138
00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:59,480
Speaker 1: not nowadays. So now what happened is you probably told

139
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:01,760
Speaker 1: him to play and be didn't work, and then he

140
00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:04,440
Speaker 1: I don't know what he said. He look a whatn't

141
00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:08,360
Speaker 1: all that? Now you go with your boyfriend pawned the

142
00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:11,600
Speaker 1: child off on him. He's going for it now. He'd

143
00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:14,120
Speaker 1: found a picture on Facebook and go, damn, she looked

144
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:17,400
Speaker 1: just like me, and you already think that's his daddy.

145
00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:20,800
Speaker 1: There's no way for me to deny that she's his daughter.

146
00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:24,800
Speaker 1: But my boyfriend has no idea. Now he ain't like

147
00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:27,360
Speaker 1: other dudes, or he want to see his kids. He'd

148
00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:30,840
Speaker 1: been asking to spend time with her. I want to

149
00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:33,280
Speaker 1: tell my boyfriend so bad but I know will be

150
00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:37,200
Speaker 1: the end of us for good. I think you're correct,

151
00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:41,000
Speaker 1: but then you may not be correct. He may stay

152
00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:45,160
Speaker 1: in there with you, but it's gonna be a problem

153
00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:49,200
Speaker 1: that would be the end of us for good. Then

154
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,959
Speaker 1: I will be alone without a father for either one

155
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:55,640
Speaker 1: of my kids. I can't help but think this is

156
00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:59,400
Speaker 1: my calma for getting drunk and having sex. Well, listen,

157
00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:03,599
Speaker 1: young lady, it's not your calmer, but it is the results.

158
00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:07,800
Speaker 1: You know that behind every action there's an equal and

159
00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:12,040
Speaker 1: opposite reaction, and as young people, we have to understand

160
00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:16,440
Speaker 1: that we've got to really be conscious of our actions.

161
00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:19,760
Speaker 1: Now you've made a mistake, but it's nothing you can't

162
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:23,520
Speaker 1: recover from. So listen to me. I know it seems daunting,

163
00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:26,440
Speaker 1: but you want to keep your relationship with your boyfriend

164
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:32,040
Speaker 1: because he's a good dude. This other dude than obviously said. See,

165
00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:34,200
Speaker 1: this is why I think that you may have told

166
00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:37,240
Speaker 1: him that the plan B peel didn't work. Because while

167
00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:39,360
Speaker 1: he onlines, he see a baby. He goes, man, that's

168
00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:43,640
Speaker 1: my baby. That's my baby. Don't dude just go that's

169
00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:47,000
Speaker 1: my baby. Unless you told him you were pregnant. He

170
00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:48,600
Speaker 1: said he didn't want to have nothing to do with it.

171
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:50,600
Speaker 1: Now he got the baby. Now him and his whole

172
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:53,040
Speaker 1: family want to spend time with the baby. That ain't right.

173
00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:55,560
Speaker 1: You don't get no girl pregnant and leave out like

174
00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:57,959
Speaker 1: that as his mama talking. Now he know he got

175
00:09:57,960 --> 00:09:59,680
Speaker 1: to do the right thing. Now you want to do

176
00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:02,320
Speaker 1: the right thing, but the right thing is not the

177
00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:04,840
Speaker 1: right thing because you told your boyfriend it was his.

178
00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:09,679
Speaker 1: What should I do? Should I secretly let my daughter

179
00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:12,600
Speaker 1: see her dad? That's the biggest mistake you can make

180
00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:15,680
Speaker 1: because there is no secret because the kid gonna tell it.

181
00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:20,760
Speaker 1: She's six months now. But what is she gonna be

182
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:23,920
Speaker 1: calling that man when she go over that daddy? Ain't

183
00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:26,480
Speaker 1: you got her calling this one daddy? When she can

184
00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:29,560
Speaker 1: start talking. You don't think she's gonna get it confused

185
00:10:29,559 --> 00:10:35,440
Speaker 1: one day? Secret. No, you got enough secrets, so we

186
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:38,360
Speaker 1: have to stop the secrets. Shirley is right. Shirley said,

187
00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:41,000
Speaker 1: there are some decisions you have to take to your grave.

188
00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:44,719
Speaker 1: This is not one of them. This is where you're

189
00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:47,280
Speaker 1: gonna have to stand up and bear up under what

190
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:52,000
Speaker 1: has happened. Now, what's the lesson we've learned here, young lady.

191
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:55,240
Speaker 1: First of all, we don't do good when we drink,

192
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:59,560
Speaker 1: so we need to take drinking off the list of

193
00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:04,320
Speaker 1: things to do because this fun thing then turn into

194
00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:08,560
Speaker 1: a situation. Now you got two beautiful children. God don't mistake.

195
00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:13,120
Speaker 1: God don't make mistakes with children, so they're here. You

196
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,960
Speaker 1: do have a dilemma because you're going to have to

197
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:19,360
Speaker 1: The first thing you need to do is secretly go

198
00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:22,120
Speaker 1: get a paternity test. That you do need to do

199
00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:25,680
Speaker 1: secretly so you can find out exactly who the father

200
00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:28,800
Speaker 1: is because it may not be this one night dude's baby.

201
00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:33,880
Speaker 1: It may not be, but then again, if it is,

202
00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:38,040
Speaker 1: that's his child, you can't deny him. And then you

203
00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:40,800
Speaker 1: got to tell the truth to your boyfriend. And then

204
00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:42,760
Speaker 1: you got to just say you I want you to

205
00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:44,920
Speaker 1: forgive me, and you got to see where it goes.

206
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,680
Speaker 1: But you're gonna have to play it out. I don't

207
00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:50,160
Speaker 1: think you love this new guy at all though. Wow.

208
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:53,680
Speaker 1: All right, listen, you can post your thoughts thank you

209
00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:57,440
Speaker 1: Steve on Today's Strawberry Letter at Steve Harvey FM, or

210
00:11:57,480 --> 00:12:00,800
Speaker 1: you can check out the Strawberry Letter podcast on Man. Okay,

211
00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:03,880
Speaker 1: you're listening to the Stave Harvey Morning Show