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Speaker 1: Internet, Please Internet deliver me. I saw my producer in

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Speaker 1: a washing machine on the Internet. Then I was like,

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Speaker 1: how do I get some of that m Then he's like,

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Speaker 1: follow me into the laundry and we'll see what kind

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Speaker 1: of deeds we can do. And then he is like,

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Speaker 1: I want you inside of my pool. And then I

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Speaker 1: stuck my eight by eight and my producers button and

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Speaker 1: then he did instantly nut producer made the clothes all sticky,

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Speaker 1: and the laundry so he had to do another cycle.

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Speaker 1: Clean him up. Butter cup, baby, go and wipe my nut. Baby,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna stick it in your butt for fun. And

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Speaker 1: then I'm gonna cut because I'm a producer, and get

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Speaker 1: to the real meat. Get to the real meat. Now

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna suck them a producer's feet, lick them up,

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Speaker 1: clean and neat, stick them on on a seat. They're

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Speaker 1: dirty like baby and cleats. Drinking some coffee, call it

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Speaker 1: pete coffee.

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Speaker 2: Then come one more time, callor skeat. Then come twice

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Speaker 2: cut a treat. It would taste so good, is sweet.

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Speaker 2: It also smells like wheat. Came so much as the

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Speaker 2: fleet had to record it and then do a beat.

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Speaker 2: Did it with someone else? Now is the cheap fuck?

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Speaker 1: Oh?

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Speaker 3: Uh?

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Speaker 2: Did it with a stranger now? She called me a creep?

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Speaker 2: Did it in secret? Is discreet?

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Speaker 1: Uh? Suckling on my mom on his our teet's a

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Speaker 1: great place? No, I was, I was struggling. I struggled

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Speaker 1: that last night. My grandma wants to come to my graduation.

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Speaker 1: I don't want her there. I hate her. Am I

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Speaker 1: the ale die? Grandma? Yeah, why don't you just I

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Speaker 1: don't want you to see. Yeah, I said, like, please

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Speaker 1: stop showing up for me and just showing up in general.

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Speaker 1: Stop waking up. Yeah, your lungs you're going like when

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Speaker 1: they should be going. Yeah, hey, grandma, grandma, how does

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Speaker 1: this pillow smell? Jesus?

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Speaker 2: Sam muffled screams in the distance.

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Speaker 1: If someone.

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Speaker 2: If Sam chokes, If Sam choked someone with a pillow,

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Speaker 2: but no one hears, it doesn't make it sound.

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Speaker 1: I don't think it does. It's silence.

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Speaker 2: Okay, this story dark, Yeah, just like this podcast is okop.

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Speaker 1: That's oh yeah, speaking of this goodness, that's a tight

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Speaker 1: little gravy.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I think I see a full move out there

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Speaker 2: to my boys. Yeah, sense of that big time. That

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Speaker 2: could get us to monetized.

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Speaker 1: Probably, what do you mean I want to show ass

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Speaker 1: on the pot? I know, I know, but speaking of

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Speaker 1: showing ass, just kidding.

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Speaker 2: This was submitted by a fan of the show on

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Speaker 2: our slash Okop show. If you want to have your

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Speaker 2: stories read, We're reading a lot of them, go to

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Speaker 2: Reddit our slash a Kop show.

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Speaker 1: This one of your recently crossed one thousand people on

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Speaker 1: our subreddit. Yeahright, why stop there? Make it one hundred thousand,

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Speaker 1: make it a million. This comes from apathetic axcelt.

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Speaker 2: Nice excellent, so shout out to you. I, for female,

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Speaker 2: have a rocky relationship with my paternal grandma. I'm also

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Speaker 2: estranged from my biofather, her son. It all started when

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Speaker 2: I was born, when she was certain I was not

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Speaker 2: my father's kid because I had dark brown hair.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, I'm not joking.

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Speaker 2: She called my maternal grandfather and told him off, saying

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Speaker 2: a lot of things about me and my mom. To

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Speaker 2: be honest, I never really liked my paternal grandma. She's

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Speaker 2: a master at giving backhanded compliments.

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Speaker 3: I like your hair, but it would be better if

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Speaker 3: it was natural. I like your hair, but it would

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Speaker 3: be better if you were related to me and not

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Speaker 3: a bastard child over because I said, all, I love

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Speaker 3: how you just wear anything.

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Speaker 1: You would be so cute if you were ugly.

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Speaker 3: Y'all, you're so brave to just exist on a day

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Speaker 3: to day basis.

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Speaker 1: I honestly would kill myself I were you. Jesus, Grandma sh.

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Speaker 2: There is a thing that she says that isn't of

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Speaker 2: the Sam serial killer arc is coming over the next

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Speaker 2: one episodes.

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Speaker 1: You will see, dude, I'm ready for my Netflix special. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: there we go. Everyone thought he was just a fun,

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Speaker 1: lovely podcast house was a dark side.

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Speaker 2: He was a cold blooded murderer trying to make stories

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Speaker 2: for his own podcast.

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Speaker 1: I would, dude, honestly, if you're a serial killer, you're

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Speaker 1: like two points hotter on the hotness scale. That's true.

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Speaker 1: Like literally, Ted Bundy, fucking regular looking dude kills women. Literally,

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Speaker 1: hottest guy on earth.

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Speaker 2: Murder's ass. Yeah, literally and figuratively. Yeah, literally, murders that pussy.

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Speaker 1: Yes, all right, you got you got that one. You

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Speaker 1: got that one. I'll get that one to you.

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Speaker 2: Oh man, this is a cursed episode episodes. It's the

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Speaker 2: it's the after after. It really changes everything. Everything stark

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Speaker 2: about it. Oh, this next line is like Sam. I

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Speaker 2: think she gets joy from hurting people. No, man, is

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Speaker 2: that normal though?

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Speaker 1: Yes? So normal normal.

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Speaker 2: During my high school graduation, she loudly announced in front

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Speaker 2: of everyone that I was horrible because I never visited

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Speaker 2: my estranged dad and his new family. Mind you, he

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Speaker 2: moved an hour and a half away one day and

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Speaker 2: never made any effort to interact with me After that.

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Speaker 2: My stepsister ten at a time, who I had met

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Speaker 2: two or three times, Max clung to her and said, you.

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Speaker 1: Never came to see us. Why do you never see us?

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Speaker 1: It sounds like something like a ghost child would say, Yeah.

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Speaker 2: You never came to see us. Why do you never

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Speaker 2: see us?

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Speaker 1: I was here, look at me, look at me? And

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Speaker 1: then it like turns like, you know, doesn't that look

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Speaker 1: at like yeah, this is also your d in possessed arc?

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Speaker 1: Okat me me the exorcist? No, did she literally say that? Damn?

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Speaker 1: Do you guys see the exorcist? Nobody cares about us?

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Speaker 2: Slowly, podcasters, everyone's having a great conversation without us. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: except for these thanks for supporting guys and gals. She

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Speaker 2: does say, fuck me, that's true. It just felt odd

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Speaker 2: and staged. I'm not sure how to explain it, but

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Speaker 2: it felt like she was put there to cause a scene.

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Speaker 1: Call it intuition.

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Speaker 2: It was embarrassing and I never invited them to another

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Speaker 2: graduation after that. Fast forward to now I was accepted

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Speaker 2: in medical school. Congrats, hope, damn rats. We have doctors

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Speaker 2: in the audience. Yeah, we do well a doctor. Oh

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Speaker 2: my penis don't work so good? Could you give it

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Speaker 2: a rub? They'll bring it back.

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Speaker 1: My name is so Y. We have some bumps from

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Speaker 1: we wywie. He's been fooling a wound. They'll bit to mine.

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Speaker 1: I need a big doctor, whady with fixed Can you

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Speaker 1: give it that kiss? I had eighty six perss standing

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Speaker 1: you all women? Is that true? Yes? Eighty six percent

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Speaker 1: of doctors are women.

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Speaker 2: Eighty six percent of our doctors are women. Okay, the audience,

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Speaker 2: that's eighty six percent sexist, sam, ladies and gentlemen. I

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Speaker 2: don't believe eighty six women are doctors or doctors are women.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, they're smart enough to cut open the grape.

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Speaker 1: I love the pick up a pan and make a sandwich.

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Speaker 1: I did not say that. I'd like the record to

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Speaker 1: show that mean, even though John does a great impression

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Speaker 1: of me, fucking flalless. Oh my god, gotta love it.

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Speaker 1: Women are doctors now. Oh no, all right, I'm done.

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Speaker 1: I finished, I'm all done. Oh my god. Fucking let's

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Speaker 1: go finish some time you guys. Enjoy This is the

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Speaker 1: last story. Guys. It's late, oh boy, after dark. It's cursed.

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Speaker 2: It's a cursed episode. Comment cursed episode below. Okay, just

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Speaker 2: just join if you want.

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Speaker 1: More after hours episodes. Comment please come into my bed

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Speaker 1: at night? Yes, just comment that comment that Sam specifically

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Speaker 1: come into my bed. I don't come in my bed.

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Speaker 1: There we go, step sat, there we go. Comment that

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Speaker 1: that's right. Throw it down in the comments. I will

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Speaker 1: fucking chop your I will chop your bed sheets like

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Speaker 1: a karate plank and will suffocate you a semens.

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Speaker 2: She was just like, gotta love it. Okay, let's finish

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Speaker 2: this cart story. Medical schools often host a white coat

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Speaker 2: ceremony for first years to get their white coats.

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Speaker 1: How do you think those coats became so light?

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Speaker 2: Yoh Sam, that's how he's like, guys, please, no, this

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Speaker 2: is a thousand person class.

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Speaker 1: Oh god, okay. Two.

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Speaker 2: It symbolizes the milestone of getting to that point. It

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Speaker 2: took me years and a few application cycles to get in.

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Speaker 2: So this ceremony really means a lot to me. When

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Speaker 2: I got in, I called my aunt Jackie more like jerky,

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Speaker 2: and I got him. I was canning drip dude, Jackie,

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Speaker 2: are you gonna come back to that? I don't think so.

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Speaker 2: I was excitedly calling almost everyone and not putting much

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Speaker 2: thought into it. Jackie told me to call Grandma, but

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Speaker 2: I refused and opted for a text. Grandma's reply, I

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Speaker 2: thought you already were Now many years are left.

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Speaker 1: Wait, so it's like I'm not congratulating you like Grandma's

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Speaker 1: basically saying I thought you were already a doctor.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, all about getting your fucking participation battle.

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Speaker 2: Wow, I replied, and got no response. A few days later,

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Speaker 2: she texted.

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Speaker 1: Me, why did you not let me know what was

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Speaker 1: going on? Guess grandma does count? What does that even mean?

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Speaker 2: I don't know. Yes, she does refer to herself in

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Speaker 2: the third person.

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Speaker 1: Fucking crazy. Gotta love it.

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Speaker 2: Jackie later asked if she could stay in my guest

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Speaker 2: room and if there was room for two. I said yes,

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Speaker 2: thinking her husband was coming. She immediately went great, I'm

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Speaker 2: going to bring grandma.

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Speaker 1: Why, bro, this is a terrible family.

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry, OPI for real, I felt the color run

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Speaker 2: out of my face. I told her that the bedroom

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Speaker 2: was downstairs and Grandma couldn't go up because of her

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Speaker 2: bad knees.

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Speaker 1: That's a smart exo.

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Speaker 2: Smart Jackie conceded to stay at a hotel, but insisted

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Speaker 2: that Grandma comes to the stair ceremony. Oh yikes, I'm

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Speaker 2: paranoid that she's going to cause a scene again. High

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Speaker 2: school is one thing, but this is in front of

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Speaker 2: a professional setting. Yeah, for real, among peers that I'll

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Speaker 2: be with for four more years. I don't want her

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Speaker 2: to come at all, Unlike Sam, and I never explicitly

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Speaker 2: invited her. Oh my goodness, last thinger, Oh my god,

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Speaker 2: my aunt did bring her without permission. I just want

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Speaker 2: to avoid it altogether, as I'm already running through every

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Speaker 2: possible scene that she could cause there. I'm ninety nine

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Speaker 2: percent sure that if I told her not to come,

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Speaker 2: she would come anyways, or my aunt would sneak her in.

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Speaker 2: Am I an a hole for not wanting her to

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Speaker 2: be there? Would I be an even bigger a hole

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Speaker 2: for unviting her? Uninviting her?

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Speaker 1: I don't think so. I mean, she's shown that she

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Speaker 1: doesn't care at every step of the way. So why

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Speaker 1: invite people to your special moments if they're going to

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Speaker 1: ruin those moments? You don't, you don't or anything. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: Like literally, don't invite people to your special moments. Like

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Speaker 1: if I'm I'm going to, you know, come on someone's

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Speaker 1: face for the first time, I'm not going to invite

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Speaker 1: my Like, I don't know high school bully exactly, you know,

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Speaker 1: and we have first hand right here middle school bully. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I didn't have many. I don't think I had high

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Speaker 1: school bulliesdle school bully.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but a few of those, we wouldn't invite them.

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Speaker 2: You wouldn't invite them. No, unless I was coming on

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Speaker 2: their face, then I would invite them.

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Speaker 1: That's true. Yeah, Yeah, because then it's just sad Samuel

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Speaker 1: Donna like that episode. I'm so sorry mother o kayob

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Speaker 1: the cursed episode, the cursed episode. Let us know if

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Speaker 1: you want more of these, Yeah, put what I said before, editors,

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Speaker 1: Can you cut back to what I asked people to

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Speaker 1: if you want more after hours episodes? Comment, please come

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Speaker 1: into my bed at night. Sorry, don't come in my bed.

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Speaker 1: Come with that if you want more of these, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: let us know, let us know, we're done. We love you,

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Speaker 1: We love you so much, we do. Just know that. Yes. Also,

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Speaker 1: hopefully we hit one hundred k by this point. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think so we're creeping. We're creeping too. The finish

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Speaker 1: one six or seven days. Yeah, I feel like hinger's

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Speaker 1: crossed's crossed.

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Speaker 2: I told the bride she looked like an escort, but

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Speaker 2: what she did was way worse.

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Speaker 1: There's not many things that you could say that we've assaulted.

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Speaker 1: Bride wore very, very very few things. My family and

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Speaker 1: I are from Albania, but we live in the US now.

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Speaker 1: My cousin David got married to his wife Lizzie this weekend.

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Speaker 1: In Albania, we always go all out for weddings, and

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Speaker 1: David wanted to keep many cultural traditions. The wife to be, Lizzie,

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Speaker 1: hated that idea. She hated it.

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Speaker 2: Lizzie, the Albanian tradition hater, had sent out invites via

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Speaker 2: mail and also had some rules written down, as in,

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Speaker 2: no kids allowed, black tie dress code and absolutely no

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Speaker 2: plus ones unless both the bride and groom approved of it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean like getting a plus one to there

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Speaker 1: would be pretty tough. Now I am.

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Speaker 2: Engaged and married to be married op is a he

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Speaker 2: should be married, and I thought that my fiance would

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Speaker 2: be included. But David said Lizzie is against plus ones,

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Speaker 2: which pretty ridiculous. Against plus ones like against plus ones,

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Speaker 2: like at all in a wedding.

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Speaker 1: He said, his wife to be does not want it.

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Speaker 1: How are you supposed to do the unique Albanian dances now?

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Speaker 2: I said that even if Lizzie is against it, my

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Speaker 2: fiance has been in the family for years, way longer

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Speaker 2: than his bride.

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Speaker 1: Lizzie has been around. Lizzie got nothing.

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Speaker 2: Maybe plus he's a friend of David's as well, and

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Speaker 2: he could come as a friend, not as my plus one.

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Speaker 2: David was frustrated, and he said that Lizzie has set

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Speaker 2: down most of the rules and whenever he goes against her,

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Speaker 2: she just gets mad.

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Speaker 1: So we should cut him some slack and just bear

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Speaker 1: it for his sake. I mean, it is their wedding.

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Speaker 1: They can kind of set the rules. Though.

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Speaker 2: Is that you know that that is kind of true?

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Speaker 2: But I mean that I think, like, you know, he

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Speaker 2: should be pushing back a little, like if it's people

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Speaker 2: he the groom really wants to invite, he should be Yeah, yeah, well, yeah,

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Speaker 2: if the groom really wants that person. Yeah, if the

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Speaker 2: groom really wants it. But it is like, what's their budget,

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Speaker 2: Like there's a lot of considerations. But it does sound

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Speaker 2: like it's just the bride's just being just being super formal.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I know.

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Speaker 2: I feel like like, if you're going to keep doing that,

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Speaker 2: you're just gonna get super isolated. I thought it was

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Speaker 2: ridiculous how he didn't stand up for himself. But all

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Speaker 2: of the Albanian side of the family, my side, was

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Speaker 2: side eyeing the fact that the wedding was kid free,

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Speaker 2: because we are used to involving the kids at the weddings,

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Speaker 2: but the bride and her side of the family refused

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Speaker 2: to make any compromises about it and show any respect

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Speaker 2: to David and his wishes. Wait, so she says she

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Speaker 2: wants a traditional wedding, but she's not including kids, David

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Speaker 2: one of the traditions she wanted her way. That's basically

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Speaker 2: where we're at. But again, none of our business. Despite

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Speaker 2: our frustration. Now, despite the black dress code, and this

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Speaker 2: is where it gets weird and what I was talking

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Speaker 2: about earlier, most of the bride's family turns up in jeans,

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Speaker 2: flannel shirts and the women's just wear casual maxi dresses,

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Speaker 2: which is like the bride's family. Basically, the bride and

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Speaker 2: her family were the ones that dictated the dress code

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Speaker 2: and they show up out of the dress code. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: that's a classic Albanians, which are real.

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Speaker 1: And then this is hilarious.

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Speaker 2: Our side of the family dressed more formal, so instead

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Speaker 2: of doing their more traditional stuff, they adhered to the

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Speaker 2: bride's family's dress code.

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Speaker 1: But the bride's family did it. It's crazy.

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Speaker 2: Bride's family seems like a bunch of poop poo heads

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Speaker 2: and the bride just wore a knee length lace dress

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Speaker 2: from H and M. What like, how are you gonna

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Speaker 2: say this is a black tie wedding and have a

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Speaker 2: dress from H and M.

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Speaker 1: That is unacceptable?

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Speaker 2: Is it even white? I think it it was white.

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Speaker 2: It was white, But like from H and M. This

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Speaker 2: ten dollars wedding dress?

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Speaker 1: Are you kidding me?

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Speaker 2: Bro At, this is probably machine washable, yeah, shrink like

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Speaker 2: four size oh yeah yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, it's it's

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Speaker 2: it was originally had like a ten foot tail, but

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Speaker 2: she she dried it once and now it's knee length.

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Speaker 1: God.

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Speaker 2: The reception took place in a cabin by the lake,

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Speaker 2: which had animal head trophies hanging.

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Speaker 1: On the walls.

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Speaker 2: Animal head trophies. Every time the DJ tried to play

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Speaker 2: some traditional Balkan music, the bride's family would get up

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Speaker 2: and get him to change it. I mean, they're missing

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Speaker 2: out on classics, like classics, like the national art. There

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Speaker 2: we go, so there's the Cuba shuffle, and then there's

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Speaker 2: the bride also made a big deal out of the

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Speaker 2: fact that we were dressed more formal and how we

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Speaker 2: overdid it and upstaged her.

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Speaker 1: YO. When she asked for black tye, Do you know

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Speaker 1: what black dye is? Dude?

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Speaker 2: If only she were Albanian, she would have the smarts

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Speaker 2: and the wherewithal to understand how that this is insanity.

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Speaker 2: She doesn't. She doesn't have that Albanian class exactly. And

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Speaker 2: she kept complaining about it all night long and was

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Speaker 2: throwing tantrum to David about how we as his family

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Speaker 2: are very disrespectful.

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Speaker 1: Yo.

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Speaker 2: You can say a lot of shit about an Albanian family,

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Speaker 2: but one thing you can never say is they're disrespectful.

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Speaker 1: The Albedians are some of the most respectful people the

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Speaker 1: gosh Dar world. That's right the bride.

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Speaker 2: Lizzie also implied that David's sister looked like a high

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Speaker 2: end escort with her outfit, but David's sister tried to

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Speaker 2: keep it together for David's sake. Yikes, man, this wedding

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Speaker 2: is not going well. It's it's an absolute mess. After

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Speaker 2: constant insults thrown around all night long.

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Speaker 1: I told her that she's chill out to lax, baby girl.

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Speaker 2: She said that she won't chill because we disrespected her.

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Speaker 2: I told her, first of all, if she was scared

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Speaker 2: she was going to be upstaged, she shouldn't have requested

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Speaker 2: black tie dress code. And secondly, to be honest, it

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Speaker 2: was not going to be hard to upstage her. I've

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Speaker 2: seen grandma dresses fancier than the one she was wearing,

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Speaker 2: so she she's underdressing for her own weddings.

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Speaker 1: Which is supposed to be a black tie event. Yo.

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Speaker 1: That was a big clap back. Yikes.

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Speaker 2: David's entire family sided with me, but David said that

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Speaker 2: I'm an a hole for speaking to the bride like

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Speaker 2: that on the wedding day. I told him that if

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Speaker 2: the bride requires kindness, she should start within herself.

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Speaker 1: Am I the a hole.

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Speaker 2: Yeo, this shit is getting crazier than the rebellion of

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Speaker 2: our Bannon in twelve fifty seven. I mean, that's that's

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Speaker 2: like the loss of her sense of dignity after she

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Speaker 2: was upstaged with the wedding dress. Oh oh, for for sure,

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Speaker 2: this wise's family should separate from this husband's family because

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Speaker 2: you know, this is like oil and water.

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Speaker 1: That's right, This lady is an idiot.