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Speaker 1: Hmm. Thirteen Days of Halloween Penance, a co production of

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Speaker 1: iHeart three D Audio Blumhouse Television and Grim and Mild

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Speaker 1: from Aaron Yankee. Headphones recommended Listener discretion advised.

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Speaker 2: Hm hmmm, well someone here soon as an expect.

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Speaker 3: No time to waste on the examination table. There prepper

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Speaker 3: for treatment? Oh where am I?

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Speaker 2: Where am I?

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Speaker 1: Doctor?

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Speaker 3: She's come to?

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Speaker 1: Why can't I move?

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Speaker 3: The application is already prepped? Am I in the hospital?

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Speaker 3: The clinical make a fist for me? Why am I restrained?

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Speaker 3: It's for your own safety, my safety.

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Speaker 2: You could hurt yourself or someone else.

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Speaker 3: Why would I do that?

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Speaker 1: That's the single dose?

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Speaker 3: What the fuck might be enough?

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Speaker 2: Why did you just inject me?

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Speaker 3: Huh? Why would you look at that?

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Speaker 2: I believe she's already responding.

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Speaker 3: Should it really be so fast acting?

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Speaker 4: She probably hasn't aiden, But this one, too is a

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Speaker 4: special case.

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Speaker 2: What's happening? Well, missus Rodrige, that's not my name, that's

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Speaker 2: not just remain coin.

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Speaker 4: Everything will be much easier if you are cold.

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Speaker 3: You give me tell me what are you seeing? What

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Speaker 3: are you here? I think it could be sick.

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Speaker 5: Maybe we gave her too much.

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Speaker 2: Well, no science is exact.

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Speaker 3: Let's give it a beat.

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Speaker 2: Seven, Gatherine, can you.

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Speaker 3: Talk her through it? What am I just relaxed?

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Speaker 6: Now?

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Speaker 2: Talk to Catherine right back to check on you.

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Speaker 4: Could you imagine should be scheduled next week?

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Speaker 3: First time? Where are you just the next bed over?

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Speaker 3: How does it feel strange? I can't seem to focus. Yes,

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Speaker 3: it does give one a bit of a tumble. Well,

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Speaker 3: if you can listen to my voice while the worst

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Speaker 3: of it passes, you'll be right asway against soon, though

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Speaker 3: I suppose I should warn you I'm spectacularly tedious. Listen

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Speaker 3: to me too long and you may end up quite

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Speaker 3: literally bored to death. Who are you, oh, Catherine Sherwin?

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Speaker 3: I'm a scholar of medieval theology. Sounds dreadful, doesn't it.

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Speaker 3: I write books that no one reads, about books that

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Speaker 3: no one has read. My specialty is since Anselm of

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Speaker 3: Canterbury and the ontological argument? You familiar um? And why

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Speaker 3: would you be? Anselm was a Catholic theologian of the

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Speaker 3: eleventh century, a thundering, black habited engineer of the Arcanetus

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Speaker 3: of God. Before he was my research subject, Anselm was

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Speaker 3: a homegrown obsession of my father's yes, Dad, It was

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Speaker 3: a bit of an amateur theologian himself. He spent so

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Speaker 3: many hours pouring over Anselm, Augustine and that whole spectral

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Speaker 3: faculty of god minded men from ages past. Of course,

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Speaker 3: when I was a girl, I had about as much

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Speaker 3: interest in all of that as I had in the

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Speaker 3: design of seward rains. But I suppose death does have

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Speaker 3: a way of rearranging one's engrossments. My father died when

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Speaker 3: I was in my first year at university. He was alone,

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Speaker 3: alone on one of his meditations, as he called them,

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Speaker 3: hiking the peak of a mountain in Scotland called khn Aran.

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Speaker 3: It was a heart attack, or so they assumed. But

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Speaker 3: would you guess this, He did make it to the top.

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Speaker 3: They found him there in the cold rocks, in the fog,

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Speaker 3: as high as the mountain goes. I always liked that

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Speaker 3: felled by his ambition, but he did make it all

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Speaker 3: the way up. After he was gone, I found myself

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Speaker 3: home for Christmas reading through the books and papers in

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Speaker 3: his study. One story from a book on his desk

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Speaker 3: that arrested my attention was about Saint Anselm's childhood. Apparently,

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Speaker 3: as a young boy Anselm had met face to face

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Speaker 3: with God himself, or so he said. The encounter took

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Speaker 3: place on top of a mountain called Beccadinona, near his

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Speaker 3: home town of Aosta in Italy. After the young Anselmo

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Speaker 3: climbed the cliffs and scrambled over the ice and rocks

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Speaker 3: to the summit, he was found by a wandering angel

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Speaker 3: and ushered into the secret mansion of the Lord, where

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Speaker 3: they welcomed him with a meal the bread of God.

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Speaker 3: Now when I read this, I couldn't help but wonder

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Speaker 3: if Daddy's solitary mountaintop journeys were all in the vain

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Speaker 3: hope that he would one day stumble into the garden

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Speaker 3: of a secret manner and be welcomed inside by a

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Speaker 3: seraphic majordomo and taste the bread of God himself. After

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Speaker 3: I uncovered this window into my father's obsession, I had

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Speaker 3: to learn more about Anselm. It was in this that

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Speaker 3: I first crossed paths with my life's work and Saint

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Speaker 3: Anselm's most favorite invention, the ontological argument for the existence

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Speaker 3: of God. Are you ready for me to prove it

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Speaker 3: to you? The existence of God? Anselm says, if God exists.

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Speaker 3: He is the great conceivable being. No being greater could

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Speaker 3: be imagined. Now, I ask, would the greatest conceivable being

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Speaker 3: be greater if it existed only in your mind? Or

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Speaker 3: if it existed both in your mind and in reality.

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Speaker 3: Surely if the being were real, it would be greater

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Speaker 3: than if it were only imaginary. Therefore, the imaginary one

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Speaker 3: is not the greatest. The real one is. Therefore, by definition,

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Speaker 3: the greatest conceivable being must and does exist, not just

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Speaker 3: in here but out there. Ah, I take it, you're

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Speaker 3: not convinced. Some say the same form can be used

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Speaker 3: to prove the existence of any silly thing, the most

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Speaker 3: perfect island or the most perfect cup of laps and tea.

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Speaker 3: But that first night, when I read the proof, I

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Speaker 3: was flawed. It was late in the evening, and I

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Speaker 3: was alone in his study, and everything was quiet except

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Speaker 3: for the crackle of snow falling outside the window. I

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Speaker 3: walked out into the night and let the snow fall

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Speaker 3: on my face and melt on my skin. Every sensation

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Speaker 3: was rapturous. The air around me was bursting with the

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Speaker 3: life force of the presence previously unknown. I knew there

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Speaker 3: was a God. I had absolute proof, and that knowledge

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Speaker 3: meant I would one day see my father again. I

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Speaker 3: slept fitfully that night, dreaming about strange clouds that gathered

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Speaker 3: round a mountain top. When I woke in the morning,

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Speaker 3: I ran to my father's study and read the ontological

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Speaker 3: argument again. But something was wrong. The words were the same,

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Speaker 3: but they lacked the force of certainty they had the

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Speaker 3: night previous. To my horror, I was no longer persuaded.

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Speaker 3: Instead of absolute proof, I was left with a humiliating

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Speaker 3: sense of the hollowness of it all, like the whole

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Speaker 3: thing had been a mere word game, some kind of

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Speaker 3: clever trick of grammar. I couldn't say what was wrong

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Speaker 3: with Anselm's argument, but it just didn't feel right at all.

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Speaker 3: And that's where I stayed. For thirty years. I became

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Speaker 3: a scholar of Saint Anselm. I under a professorship at Oxford, married,

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Speaker 3: had children, sent them off to university to foster their

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Speaker 3: own obsessions. I wrote several books about Anselm, dozens of

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Speaker 3: articles on the subject of the ontological argument, its modern proponents,

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Speaker 3: and so on and so on, bloody blaody blah. But

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Speaker 3: as many in my profession know, though they dare not

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Speaker 3: confess expertise has diminishing returns. In all all those years

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Speaker 3: and through all that study, I never once again found

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Speaker 3: what I was searching for that moment that night, where

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Speaker 3: I knew in my bones the ontological argument was sound,

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Speaker 3: and I knew he orri it was out there. This

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Speaker 3: rather boring life of flapping dust jackets and compiling endnotes

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Speaker 3: went on until one day, at an academic conference, I

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Speaker 3: was approached by another professor, not of theology or medieval studies,

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Speaker 3: but of biochemistry. I'd just given a presentation on modern

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Speaker 3: challenges on the ontological argument, and she met me afterwards

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Speaker 3: to see if I would like to chat over a

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Speaker 3: cup of tea. Her name was Professor Raymond. She was

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Speaker 3: a dashing woman with long black hair and livid eyes,

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Speaker 3: and her attention was dangerously exciting. I could hardly say no.

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Speaker 3: Raymard led me to a secluded corner in the college's library.

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Speaker 3: Once we were snuggled away in our little den, to

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Speaker 3: my astonishment, she narrated that she had one night long

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Speaker 3: ago become absolutely convinced that the ontological argument had force,

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Speaker 3: only to find upon waking the next morning that she

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Speaker 3: was once again doubtful. But she had never been able

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Speaker 3: to shake the memory of the Catharsis, the almost psychedelic

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Speaker 3: arising to a second substance of life that came from

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Speaker 3: that one night when it seemed true. Since then, she

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Speaker 3: had thought about the argument every day, but with a

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Speaker 3: different sort of lens than I had. Raymond asked me,

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Speaker 3: suppose that.

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Speaker 6: The argument is at bottom correct, and that it does

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Speaker 6: prove the greatest conceivable being must exist in reality out there?

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Speaker 6: Why are we so quick to assume we know what

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Speaker 6: the other qualities of the greatest conceivable being are? Might

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Speaker 6: not our idea of greatness be an illusion, a biological

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Speaker 6: contingency based on our ancestral environment. For example, we believe

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Speaker 6: the greatest conceivable being to be the biggest because it

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Speaker 6: is cooked into our animal brains that bigger beasts win

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Speaker 6: over smaller ones in a fight. But sweet aside the

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Speaker 6: preferences of generous Homo sapiens and ask, from the perspective of, say,

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Speaker 6: an atom of hydrogen, what are the qualities of the

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Speaker 6: greatest conceivable being? Might bound cell be proving the existence

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Speaker 6: of a different kind of being altogether? And if so,

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Speaker 6: what are those qualities that are the greatest as conceivable

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Speaker 6: by the universe, the true superlatives, if you will.

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Speaker 3: This stirred something both thrilling and frightening in me. I

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Speaker 3: remembered for the first time in years, the dream I

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Speaker 3: had about the clouds round the mountain top. Anyway, Raymond

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Speaker 3: had a theory about our mutual obsession with Anselm's argument

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Speaker 3: that to truly grasp the proof through ontology requires not

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Speaker 3: just an intellectual understanding, but an experience. To use the

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Speaker 3: analogy of an alien life form from the burning, sulfurous planet,

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Speaker 3: who could never understand the wetness of water, no matter

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Speaker 3: how many papers it read on the chemical properties of

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Speaker 3: H two O. The wetness must be seen with the eyes,

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Speaker 3: and felt with the skin, and tasted with the tongue.

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Speaker 3: And whom you've had the experience of a damp cloth

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Speaker 3: wrung out and dripping on your toes, you don't understand

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Speaker 3: what water is. After all, didn't Anselm himself taste of

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Speaker 3: the bread of God. This seemed true enough to me.

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Speaker 3: I'd spent years trying to recreate the experience of that

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Speaker 3: night in my father's study, and I didn't know anything

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Speaker 3: that could conjure it again. Well, she did, Remard had

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Speaker 3: in her laboratory happened to isolate a compound called seven

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Speaker 3: methyl ionamine. This molecule was an enzymatic byproduct of a

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Speaker 3: species of alpine lichen that grew on rocks above the

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Speaker 3: tree line in certain mountain ranges. It just so happened.

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Speaker 3: She noticed that this molecule was similar in structure to

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Speaker 3: a number of other molecules that are known as ensogens,

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Speaker 3: those used in religious ceremonies to bring messages from the gods.

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Speaker 3: She said that she had, on more than one occasion

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Speaker 3: happened to ingest a significant amount of this compound, and

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Speaker 3: she believed it had given her profound insights into the

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Speaker 3: ontological argument and the being to which it pointed naturally.

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Speaker 3: I asked what these insights were. She said that they

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Speaker 3: were difficult to put into words. She said, I would

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Speaker 3: need to see for myself. I would need to wring

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Speaker 3: the cloth to understand what it meant for water to

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Speaker 3: be wet. So I took what she offered me. It

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Speaker 3: was a white powder in a small plastic bag. She

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Speaker 3: gave me a dosy'ch advisory said she'd be in touch.

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Speaker 3: I mulled over it for a while. I'd never taken

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Speaker 3: drugs of any sort, not even a puff of grass.

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Speaker 3: In my school years, I only drank wine at Christmas time,

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Speaker 3: but I felt I owed it to myself, or perhaps

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Speaker 3: to Daddy, to understand what Raymard was hinting at. It

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Speaker 3: was a night my husband was away on some silly

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Speaker 3: mission of his, collecting fossils in Devon or some such

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Speaker 3: so I had the house to myself. I dipped candles.

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Speaker 3: Isn't that humorous? Why did I like candles? It just

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Speaker 3: seemed the thing to do. But I only had half

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00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:22,920
Speaker 3: a dozen or so in the house. So there they were,

219
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:25,840
Speaker 3: my six candles, melting on the sofa table while I

220
00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:33,040
Speaker 3: waited for the drug to take effect. I didn't know

221
00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:36,240
Speaker 3: what to expect, and for a long time nothing happened.

222
00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:40,640
Speaker 3: I rubbed my toes on the carpet and took deep

223
00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:46,880
Speaker 3: breaths and waited to feel something. I confess after some

224
00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:49,880
Speaker 3: time I grew rather bored. I began to wonder if

225
00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:53,160
Speaker 3: the powder had lost its potency, or if Reymard had

226
00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:56,240
Speaker 3: been pulling some kind of prank. For a while, I

227
00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:59,320
Speaker 3: became convinced this must be the case, and that I

228
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:03,280
Speaker 3: had just swallowed several grams of baby powder dissolved in

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Speaker 3: a cup of tea. I was so embarrassed, What a

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00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:11,560
Speaker 3: stupid thing to even try. But then, while I was

231
00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:15,520
Speaker 3: sitting there, feeling sorry for myself, I witnessed something quite

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00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:19,320
Speaker 3: strange in my border. I'd flicked on the television, which

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00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:22,600
Speaker 3: was showing a football match, but at some point, without

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00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:27,880
Speaker 3: me noticing, everyone had stopped playing. No one was running

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00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:31,320
Speaker 3: or kicking, no line up for a penalty, and they

236
00:17:31,359 --> 00:17:34,520
Speaker 3: weren't leaving the pitch either. They were just standing there,

237
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:38,679
Speaker 3: all of them, stock still on the green. The crowd

238
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:43,000
Speaker 3: in the stands had fallen silent, and one by one

239
00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:46,600
Speaker 3: all of the players began looking up up into the

240
00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:51,320
Speaker 3: sky at what. I had no idea. I suppose at

241
00:17:51,359 --> 00:17:56,040
Speaker 3: the camera hovering over the pitch, because our eyes met.

242
00:17:57,000 --> 00:18:00,280
Speaker 3: I was looking at them, and they were looking to me.

243
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:05,440
Speaker 3: No one moved. For what seemed like ages, they gazed

244
00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:09,159
Speaker 3: into my eyes. I said to myself, now that is

245
00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:13,399
Speaker 3: rather odd. Then one of the football announcers answered me.

246
00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:19,280
Speaker 3: He said, scarcely ever happens. And I said, what makes

247
00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:22,320
Speaker 3: them do that? And the man at the microphone said,

248
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:27,119
Speaker 3: they're showing respect for the arrival of an important guest.

249
00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:32,600
Speaker 3: I said, well, I suppose I'm flattered, and he said,

250
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:39,000
Speaker 3: I'm not talking about you. The hare stood up on

251
00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:41,919
Speaker 3: the back of my neck. I felt jets of cold

252
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:45,800
Speaker 3: water rushing over my bones. I swirled round to look

253
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:50,440
Speaker 3: behind me, but saw nothing except the blank wall. However,

254
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:54,679
Speaker 3: I knew there was someone in the house with me.

255
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:59,600
Speaker 3: I didn't know who it was. I said, I'm afraid,

256
00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:04,640
Speaker 3: but the announcer wouldn't reply again. The football players all

257
00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:07,919
Speaker 3: stood there, looking right at me, not smiling, saying nothing,

258
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:14,480
Speaker 3: just watching what I was going to do. Suddenly, they

259
00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:18,119
Speaker 3: all raised their arms and pointed upward to the sky.

260
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:24,479
Speaker 3: Without warning, the telly switched off. Then all the lights

261
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:28,639
Speaker 3: began to grow dim. The lamp bulbs faded to gray,

262
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:32,119
Speaker 3: and even the flames on my half dozen candles shrunk

263
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:38,200
Speaker 3: down to mruborn pinpricks of light. I stood and they

264
00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:42,040
Speaker 3: all snuffed out completely. The only light left was what

265
00:19:42,119 --> 00:19:47,240
Speaker 3: I could see up the staircase from the second story.

266
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:50,920
Speaker 3: It was as if the tide of darkness were rising

267
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:58,520
Speaker 3: through the house. In that darkness, there were things. I

268
00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:02,200
Speaker 3: could hear them, soft squeaks and shuffling on the wood

269
00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:05,600
Speaker 3: of the floor, like little infants crawling towards me to play,

270
00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:12,440
Speaker 3: But without laughter or even breath, I lunged for the

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00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:15,160
Speaker 3: staircase and climbed it into the safety of the light.

272
00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:17,920
Speaker 3: But no sooner had I come into the upper hall

273
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:22,119
Speaker 3: than the lamps there began to fade as well. The

274
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:26,040
Speaker 3: dark flood was rising evermore, driving me up and up.

275
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:29,640
Speaker 3: I heard the crawling of the creatures. Now upon the stairs,

276
00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:33,639
Speaker 3: How could I go any higher? Then I looked to

277
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:37,200
Speaker 3: the ceiling and saw, yes, in the little crack around

278
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:38,919
Speaker 3: the door to the loft, there was a glow of

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00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:43,480
Speaker 3: yellow light. I snatched the chain, leave it down the door,

280
00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:46,080
Speaker 3: and scurried off the ladder as fast as I could.

281
00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:56,440
Speaker 3: The loft was lit with a single yellow light bulb.

282
00:20:57,160 --> 00:21:01,320
Speaker 3: The shadows were throbbing, and there in the just within

283
00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:06,520
Speaker 3: reach of the light, there it was the stack of

284
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:12,359
Speaker 3: things from Daddy's office. I tore open the boxes and

285
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:16,359
Speaker 3: began paging moniately through the papers inside. These were not

286
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:19,400
Speaker 3: my father's books, which were now part of my own library,

287
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:23,600
Speaker 3: but his notes and his diaries. I blazed through the pages,

288
00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:26,000
Speaker 3: searching for something that would make sense of it all.

289
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:29,199
Speaker 3: I said out loud, what is it you want to

290
00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:36,640
Speaker 3: show me? And Then a voice, speaking from a darkened

291
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:46,719
Speaker 3: corner of the loft whispered, what shood dear. At that moment,

292
00:21:47,119 --> 00:21:49,919
Speaker 3: the tattered notebook in my hand fell open to a

293
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:53,119
Speaker 3: page where my father had made a long diary entry

294
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:57,280
Speaker 3: about plans for one of his meditations, a mountain hike

295
00:21:57,440 --> 00:22:02,200
Speaker 3: at Ben Lower's. He noted his transportation, his packing list,

296
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:04,919
Speaker 3: the books he would take with him, et cetera, et cetera.

297
00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:09,760
Speaker 3: But after his return from the mountain, the entry was

298
00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:14,400
Speaker 3: only two words, written with such force his pen had

299
00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:25,760
Speaker 3: cut through the page. It said most ancient. After this,

300
00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:29,119
Speaker 3: I have very little memory of that night. I know

301
00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:32,119
Speaker 3: there was something else. The man in my house told

302
00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:36,960
Speaker 3: me something important, but I couldn't recall beyond that, only

303
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:40,800
Speaker 3: faint sensations of fibers, like soft hair brushing against my

304
00:22:40,960 --> 00:23:27,760
Speaker 3: skin and hearing a melody ah. When I woke the

305
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:30,960
Speaker 3: next morning, I was in a rather strange position, blank

306
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:33,520
Speaker 3: curled on the floor of my son's bedroom, with a

307
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:36,639
Speaker 3: vague sense of discomfort in my mouth and a taste

308
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:41,239
Speaker 3: of salt on my tongue. When I went to wash up,

309
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:43,680
Speaker 3: I discovered the source of the taste in my mouth,

310
00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:47,000
Speaker 3: which was an unexpected gap in the molars on the

311
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:50,359
Speaker 3: lower left side of my jaw. I searched around the

312
00:23:50,359 --> 00:23:54,159
Speaker 3: house for the missing tooth to no avail, but no

313
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:57,320
Speaker 3: sense wailing about a lost tooth. Here and there. I

314
00:23:57,520 --> 00:24:01,840
Speaker 3: was exhilarated about what had been revealed to me, the

315
00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:08,440
Speaker 3: most Ancient. I tried to call Raymond on the telephone

316
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:12,520
Speaker 3: that very morning. Could it be that most Ancient was

317
00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:16,920
Speaker 3: one of her true superlatives? Had I and Daddy before

318
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:20,480
Speaker 3: me somehow discovered one of the objective properties of the

319
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:25,479
Speaker 3: greatest conceivable being. It's hard to express how true and

320
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:30,280
Speaker 3: how important this discovery felt. I was tingling all over,

321
00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:35,880
Speaker 3: but alas Raymond's telephone rang and rang and rang without answers,

322
00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:41,000
Speaker 3: so I couldn't share what I'd found. It was, I

323
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:45,960
Speaker 3: think the loneliest I had ever been ah, but I

324
00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:49,359
Speaker 3: was ravenous to learn more. A few nights later, I

325
00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:52,680
Speaker 3: fabricated a story to feed my husband about an overnight

326
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:56,720
Speaker 3: trip to visit relatives on my side. Instead, I set

327
00:24:56,720 --> 00:25:00,160
Speaker 3: out to have another meeting with the presents. This time,

328
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:03,000
Speaker 3: I wanted to learn as much as I possibly could,

329
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:06,879
Speaker 3: so I ignored Raymard's dosage instructions and took the rest

330
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:14,159
Speaker 3: of what she had given me. In one go, I

331
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:16,439
Speaker 3: had landed at the ruins of an abbey in the

332
00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:19,800
Speaker 3: East Country, thinking this setting would aid in perceiving the

333
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:23,800
Speaker 3: qualities of Anselm's God. Of course, I had to do

334
00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:26,240
Speaker 3: a bit of fence jumping, since the grounds were closed

335
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:30,080
Speaker 3: to tourists after sunset, but I didn't think much of it.

336
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:32,760
Speaker 3: Little was left but a broken wall on the southern

337
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:36,080
Speaker 3: face and a row of stone archways, all of it

338
00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:38,480
Speaker 3: now covered in moss so green it seemed to glow

339
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:44,760
Speaker 3: in the dark. I took the powder and waited, writing

340
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:47,240
Speaker 3: meanwhile in my journal, which I had brought along so

341
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:52,879
Speaker 3: I could record my experience despite my previous encounter. It

342
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:55,919
Speaker 3: took long enough that I began to wonder, if you

343
00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:57,800
Speaker 3: may laugh at me for this, But so be it.

344
00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:02,040
Speaker 3: I wondered if it had ever done anything in the

345
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:05,200
Speaker 3: first place, and the source of my previous experience had

346
00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:08,600
Speaker 3: been nothing but my own mind, perhaps in the effort

347
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:14,200
Speaker 3: of arriving at some form of madness. Oh but as

348
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:17,679
Speaker 3: I put all this down to paper, I began to

349
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:27,280
Speaker 3: hear voices singing a quiet melody that was unlike any

350
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:30,919
Speaker 3: chance I'd ever heard before. I tried to sing along,

351
00:26:45,359 --> 00:26:53,480
Speaker 3: and then I was somewhere else. Entirely the abbey was gone.

352
00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:58,399
Speaker 3: I was floating up, as if clutching to a trail

353
00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:04,720
Speaker 3: of steam rising in the sky. But I wasn't simply

354
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:11,239
Speaker 3: rising up. I was rising backwards, backwards in time. I

355
00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:15,960
Speaker 3: saw the earth below my feet, with civilization retreating, every

356
00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:19,320
Speaker 3: road fading to grass, and then grass fading to stone,

357
00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:22,480
Speaker 3: and then stone to icy waters, and then icy waters

358
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:28,680
Speaker 3: to entrails of flame, a landscape of illimitable, writhing worms

359
00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:35,520
Speaker 3: made of molten rock. The earth glowed like a forge,

360
00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:42,720
Speaker 3: and I was silent. And then he was there with me,

361
00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:48,320
Speaker 3: the presence from the shadows in my loft, the one

362
00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:52,080
Speaker 3: who would show me the way. I asked him, Are

363
00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:55,920
Speaker 3: you going to welcome me into the mansion of God?

364
00:27:56,640 --> 00:28:07,159
Speaker 3: The voice said, The sterile earth burned below us. I

365
00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:14,439
Speaker 3: asked what we were looking at? He said rest. I

366
00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:18,159
Speaker 3: gathered my wits and remembered why I had come. I

367
00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:22,720
Speaker 3: asked him of the ontological argument. I asked him what

368
00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:25,840
Speaker 3: it was I had understood the night in my father's

369
00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:31,200
Speaker 3: study that I could no longer see now, And damn

370
00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:33,360
Speaker 3: it to hill as I tell it, I can't explain

371
00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:36,639
Speaker 3: precisely what he said. He did whisper something to me

372
00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:40,720
Speaker 3: from just behind my ears, so that I could feel

373
00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:47,440
Speaker 3: his breadth through my hair, something so so not words,

374
00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:52,280
Speaker 3: more like a melody, a melody that somehow in itself

375
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:56,160
Speaker 3: carried a logic. And I knew. I knew in some

376
00:28:56,520 --> 00:29:01,200
Speaker 3: sense it contained a hidden premise that made the ontological

377
00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:06,760
Speaker 3: argument irrefuteable. I could almost put it into words. It

378
00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:10,240
Speaker 3: was right behind the veil in the back of my mind.

379
00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:13,160
Speaker 3: How I failed around for my notebook so I would

380
00:29:13,160 --> 00:29:15,040
Speaker 3: be ready to write it down as soon as I

381
00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:18,520
Speaker 3: worked it out. But then then below, as the earth

382
00:29:18,560 --> 00:29:23,000
Speaker 3: opened its mouth a chasm of unimaginable heat and darkness,

383
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:38,480
Speaker 3: I asked, Must I go in there? He whispered. A

384
00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:42,760
Speaker 3: change came over me, the beginning of an unfolding of

385
00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:49,280
Speaker 3: sensation into impossible dimensions of strangeness and understanding and pain,

386
00:29:49,880 --> 00:29:57,640
Speaker 3: thought without meaning, sight without light. There was an infinite more,

387
00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:05,400
Speaker 3: but I could not remember it. I came to the

388
00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:09,360
Speaker 3: next morning with a policeman gruptly shaking me awake. Had

389
00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:11,160
Speaker 3: slept in the grass at the crest of the hill,

390
00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:14,240
Speaker 3: somewhere beyond the abbey. I dealt with the policeman quickly

391
00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:19,640
Speaker 3: as I could, and darted off to my car leave me.

392
00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:24,400
Speaker 3: Through the pages of my journal, I'd left several indecipherable illustrations,

393
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:27,480
Speaker 3: along with scribbled notes from the part of the night

394
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:32,840
Speaker 3: I could not recall. One note said the terrible Angel

395
00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:38,640
Speaker 3: the Majordomo. Another said the bread of God. It is

396
00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:44,920
Speaker 3: of God, but it is not bread. And finally, at

397
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:47,680
Speaker 3: the end of my notes I had written with such

398
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:53,680
Speaker 3: force that my pen tore through the pages most secret.

399
00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:58,719
Speaker 3: Upon reading this, my heart raised, Could this be another

400
00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:04,200
Speaker 3: of the true superlityis of the greatest conceivable being? It

401
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:07,440
Speaker 3: must be, Though it made less sense than the last.

402
00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:11,320
Speaker 3: It was hard to reconcile the evangelical message of Christ

403
00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:15,160
Speaker 3: with the idea that God's greatness could be a secret.

404
00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:19,560
Speaker 3: But nevertheless I knew this insight had to be correct.

405
00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:24,360
Speaker 3: I would make sense of it somehow next time I

406
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:31,320
Speaker 3: would understand. In this excitement, I knew immediately I had

407
00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:34,760
Speaker 3: to get more of the powder. I called and called

408
00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:38,760
Speaker 3: for Professor Raymond dozens of times, but you never answered

409
00:31:38,760 --> 00:31:42,760
Speaker 3: the telephone. Eventually, I became so desperate I booked a

410
00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:47,640
Speaker 3: plane ticket and made my way to her university. After

411
00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:50,480
Speaker 3: a bit of asking around, I came to the correct building.

412
00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:57,400
Speaker 3: I found her office locked, with parcels overflowing her mailbox.

413
00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:00,000
Speaker 3: So I went to the office next door, where I

414
00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:03,240
Speaker 3: met a small, timid looking man, framed with a bald

415
00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:06,800
Speaker 3: head and neatly trimmed beard. He was friendly at first,

416
00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:09,800
Speaker 3: asked if I needed help. I told him I was

417
00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:12,760
Speaker 3: looking for Raymond. He said that she'd recently gone on

418
00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:15,480
Speaker 3: sabbatical and he didn't know when she would be back.

419
00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:19,200
Speaker 3: He asked who I was. I said I was a

420
00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:23,960
Speaker 3: research partner, and that we were considering authoring a book

421
00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:28,680
Speaker 3: chapter together. The little man frowned. My deception must have

422
00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:32,520
Speaker 3: been rather obvious and really not good at lying. He

423
00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:35,560
Speaker 3: asked what we were writing about, and in a panic

424
00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:39,479
Speaker 3: for what to say, I blurted out a compound, A

425
00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:45,920
Speaker 3: compound called seven metal I ownamine. He stiffened, rose from

426
00:32:45,960 --> 00:32:48,640
Speaker 3: his chair and took a step backward, as if suddenly

427
00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:52,200
Speaker 3: afraid of me. He looked me up and down. His

428
00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:57,080
Speaker 3: voice became very quiet. You're not one of them, he said,

429
00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:02,480
Speaker 3: Did they send you? I asked who he meant? With

430
00:33:02,640 --> 00:33:07,920
Speaker 3: evident terror, he whispered foss. I said I didn't know

431
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:11,000
Speaker 3: what he was talking about, but that I had been

432
00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:14,320
Speaker 3: given to some of the compound by raymart and I

433
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:17,720
Speaker 3: needed more. Could he get it for me? He said

434
00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:20,840
Speaker 3: no and told me to go away. I explained I

435
00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:24,000
Speaker 3: was desperate. I told him I would pay anything for it.

436
00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:27,959
Speaker 3: He began shouting, shouting for me to leave his office

437
00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:34,200
Speaker 3: and never come back. Not knowing what to do, I

438
00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:36,800
Speaker 3: hid in a laboratory stall down the hall until later

439
00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:39,240
Speaker 3: that night, when every one had left and the building

440
00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:46,160
Speaker 3: was locked up. With a bit of a jimmy, I

441
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:53,920
Speaker 3: broke into Raymard's laboratory and began looking around. I ransacked

442
00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:57,360
Speaker 3: the cupboards and the sample drawers and the file cabinets. Nothing.

443
00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:04,920
Speaker 3: There was no powder anywhere. But then something caught my attention.

444
00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:09,480
Speaker 3: A large photograph lying in the heap among all the

445
00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:13,080
Speaker 3: papers from the file cabinets, A photograph of a rock

446
00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:19,080
Speaker 3: covered in splotches of gray, green, and yellow. I knelt

447
00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:23,080
Speaker 3: and picked up the picture. It was a patch of lichen.

448
00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:27,239
Speaker 3: The photo was dated from several years before, and it

449
00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:32,560
Speaker 3: was labeled source of sample north face of khn Iron.

450
00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:39,640
Speaker 3: I felt something grip inside my gut. I'd heard that

451
00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:44,160
Speaker 3: name before, long before. Khn Iron was the mountain of

452
00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:47,600
Speaker 3: Daddy's last meditation, where they found him at the top.

453
00:34:49,840 --> 00:34:52,799
Speaker 3: Without returning home, I booked another ticket and made my

454
00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:58,719
Speaker 3: way to Aberdeen. There I rented a car. I was delirious,

455
00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:01,400
Speaker 3: no telling how long I had gone without proper sleep.

456
00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:08,040
Speaker 3: I drove up a long, lonely road through the Highland

457
00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:14,279
Speaker 3: glen to the foot of cahn Aran. The peak of

458
00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:16,799
Speaker 3: the mountain was ringed with gray fog when it came

459
00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:20,120
Speaker 3: into view, and the rocks along the path were slick

460
00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:30,120
Speaker 3: from the morning's rain. I began to hike up the slope,

461
00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:33,399
Speaker 3: clutching the photograph of the Lichen. I made my way

462
00:35:33,480 --> 00:35:36,200
Speaker 3: up through the corner of the forest, then on a

463
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:39,319
Speaker 3: steep incline over a ridge like the spine of a

464
00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:45,440
Speaker 3: great beast. I looked all around for the Lichen, venturing

465
00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:48,280
Speaker 3: far off the hiking trail, turning over rocks and checking

466
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:53,040
Speaker 3: their undersides like a child collecting insects. And finally, at

467
00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:58,680
Speaker 3: long last, I found it on the upturned face of

468
00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:04,960
Speaker 3: a huge flat boulder. The lichen was a papery mass

469
00:36:04,960 --> 00:36:11,720
Speaker 3: of pale green and yellow substance that somehow looked almost delicious.

470
00:36:12,520 --> 00:36:17,120
Speaker 3: I assure you it was not. It was poisonously bitter,

471
00:36:17,480 --> 00:36:20,960
Speaker 3: with the texture of old rope. But I choked down

472
00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:23,879
Speaker 3: as much as I could. I managed quite a bit.

473
00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:31,440
Speaker 3: I waited and waited for what seemed like hours on end,

474
00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:35,520
Speaker 3: but I felt nothing save for an increasingly vicious stirring

475
00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:40,000
Speaker 3: of nausea. Eventually I had to be sick in the

476
00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:47,480
Speaker 3: weeds beside the boulder. Had I lost my mind? I

477
00:36:47,560 --> 00:36:50,200
Speaker 3: didn't even know if it would work this way? Did

478
00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:53,759
Speaker 3: Raymond have to do some sort of chemistry to isolate

479
00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:57,280
Speaker 3: something within the lichen? Was I even sure I'd found

480
00:36:57,320 --> 00:37:03,080
Speaker 3: the right organism? It was a miserable defeat. I sat

481
00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:06,640
Speaker 3: on the boulder, ill and exhausted, and sulked in self

482
00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:12,440
Speaker 3: pity as clouds gathered their gray bulk. Evermore overhead, the

483
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:15,200
Speaker 3: sun went down, and the shadow of the mountain swept

484
00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:17,760
Speaker 3: over the valley to the east at a racing clip.

485
00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:23,399
Speaker 3: As I thought about it, I realized Daddy may well

486
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:27,480
Speaker 3: have looked out over the same gloomy view his last

487
00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:31,200
Speaker 3: day on Earth. Did he sit on the same boulder

488
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:35,279
Speaker 3: and rest half way up the mountain? Was he surrounded

489
00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:41,200
Speaker 3: by pale pink frogs just like these? Would he have

490
00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:45,480
Speaker 3: noticed the way their skin looked like rare veal, leaking

491
00:37:45,640 --> 00:37:49,479
Speaker 3: juices under the pressure of the carving fork. I tried

492
00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:52,680
Speaker 3: to ask the rosy froglets if they had any memory

493
00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:57,480
Speaker 3: of him, but they were not especially talkative. Instead, they

494
00:37:57,520 --> 00:38:00,360
Speaker 3: began to leave my side all at once, in a

495
00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:06,279
Speaker 3: frenzy up the mountain slope. How strange, I thought it

496
00:38:06,360 --> 00:38:09,680
Speaker 3: was almost as if they were fleeing in terror. So

497
00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:13,000
Speaker 3: I turned back to look down at the valley, and

498
00:38:13,120 --> 00:38:17,759
Speaker 3: I saw what it was, the water line of darkness.

499
00:38:18,680 --> 00:38:21,440
Speaker 3: I had felt just the edges of it in my

500
00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:25,480
Speaker 3: house a few nights before. Now I saw it complete

501
00:38:25,640 --> 00:38:29,520
Speaker 3: in its awful majesty, stretching as far as an ocean

502
00:38:29,520 --> 00:38:33,320
Speaker 3: would have. A mist of moonless blackness rose from the

503
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:37,239
Speaker 3: valley and ascended the mountain side, And hidden in the

504
00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:44,839
Speaker 3: darkness came the things creatures of a chilling primeval innocence,

505
00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:50,600
Speaker 3: the silent Cambrian infants crawling on hands and knees. My

506
00:38:50,719 --> 00:38:53,279
Speaker 3: mind was seized with flashes of what could happen if

507
00:38:53,360 --> 00:38:56,600
Speaker 3: the little children overtook me. They did not laugh or

508
00:38:56,640 --> 00:39:02,000
Speaker 3: shout that they would play. My heart contracted with terror.

509
00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:05,400
Speaker 3: I scrambled from the boulder and ran as fast as

510
00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:10,000
Speaker 3: I could up the mountain path. Up above me were

511
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:13,240
Speaker 3: the silhouettes of several men, whose skin seemed to glitter

512
00:39:13,320 --> 00:39:17,880
Speaker 3: with dull reflections in the gray light. When I came close,

513
00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:22,840
Speaker 3: I saw they were man shaped things, made not a flesh,

514
00:39:22,920 --> 00:39:27,200
Speaker 3: but of thousands of little metal objects, safety pins, batteries

515
00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:29,759
Speaker 3: and fish hawks, all held together by a sort of

516
00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:36,920
Speaker 3: animate magnetism. They were slow moving. They begged me for

517
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:40,239
Speaker 3: help in their rattling language, but I couldn't stop. I

518
00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:44,520
Speaker 3: ran past and left them behind to be played with.

519
00:39:49,040 --> 00:39:52,080
Speaker 3: The path steepened, and I climbed with a ferocity of

520
00:39:52,120 --> 00:39:55,760
Speaker 3: which I wouldn't have thought myself capable. I was driven

521
00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:58,600
Speaker 3: now not only by the fear of what rose from below,

522
00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:02,320
Speaker 3: but by a del larious ecstasy of what lay above.

523
00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:07,960
Speaker 3: Stone shattered under my toes like globes of glass, and

524
00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:12,120
Speaker 3: the soil gave off the aroma of bread crust. The

525
00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:15,480
Speaker 3: boulders that lined the path bloomed with the sacred lichen

526
00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:20,880
Speaker 3: in shapes of naked bodies, humming with pleasure, and splitting

527
00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:24,400
Speaker 3: up masses of oysters and offal that fell at my

528
00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:29,360
Speaker 3: feet as I passed this. This was their way of

529
00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:35,920
Speaker 3: showing respect. Meanwhile, all around black habitat. Monks stood guard

530
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:40,399
Speaker 3: underneath prisoners who were hoisted up to the sky upon

531
00:40:40,600 --> 00:40:47,480
Speaker 3: Catherine wheels, my namesake, I thought. The men and women

532
00:40:47,520 --> 00:40:52,600
Speaker 3: blashed on the wheels sang together. Yes, it was all

533
00:40:52,640 --> 00:40:56,759
Speaker 3: starting to make sense. I understood that the prisoners on

534
00:40:56,840 --> 00:41:00,480
Speaker 3: the wheels were not being punished. They were in the shines,

535
00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:05,279
Speaker 3: machines for generating a kind of power, like the turbines

536
00:41:05,320 --> 00:41:11,640
Speaker 3: in a down. The monks standing guard under the wheels

537
00:41:11,640 --> 00:41:14,520
Speaker 3: of torture all raised their arms when they saw me,

538
00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:19,799
Speaker 3: all pointing in the same direction to the top, just

539
00:41:20,080 --> 00:41:24,880
Speaker 3: over the last ridge of rock. As I climbed above,

540
00:41:25,040 --> 00:41:36,960
Speaker 3: finally I felt him, the presence the Major DOMO. He

541
00:41:37,040 --> 00:41:42,200
Speaker 3: was looming just behind me, breathing on my neck. But

542
00:41:42,320 --> 00:41:45,160
Speaker 3: I knew it would be terribly bad manners to turn

543
00:41:45,160 --> 00:41:52,719
Speaker 3: and look. Without a word, he guided me through the

544
00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:56,160
Speaker 3: fog until the jagged rocks of the peak gave way

545
00:41:56,280 --> 00:42:01,080
Speaker 3: to a smooth, paved pathway of flagstones and mortar, surrounded

546
00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:05,920
Speaker 3: by crisp green hedges on either side. It was a

547
00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:11,120
Speaker 3: secret garden path leading me to a mansion with its

548
00:42:11,200 --> 00:42:17,520
Speaker 3: windows bleeding yellow light. My voice trembling, I asked the

549
00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:24,240
Speaker 3: Major d'ama, Will you ah take me inside? The Major

550
00:42:24,320 --> 00:42:33,160
Speaker 3: d'omo whispered, perhaps, but not yet. I understood there was

551
00:42:33,160 --> 00:42:36,439
Speaker 3: something I had to do first. I had to meet

552
00:42:36,440 --> 00:42:42,640
Speaker 3: some one. There was a lanky human shadow on the

553
00:42:42,680 --> 00:42:45,640
Speaker 3: path just ahead. When I saw the figure, my heart

554
00:42:45,719 --> 00:42:51,040
Speaker 3: leapt into my throat. I thought, Daddy. But as I

555
00:42:51,120 --> 00:42:54,040
Speaker 3: ran to meet him, with tears gathering in my eyes,

556
00:42:54,719 --> 00:42:57,560
Speaker 3: the shape that came into focus was all wrong. It

557
00:42:58,040 --> 00:43:04,480
Speaker 3: was not my father. It was Raymard, standing athwart the path,

558
00:43:04,880 --> 00:43:09,160
Speaker 3: wearing a cheshire cat grin. I asked her what she

559
00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:15,359
Speaker 3: was doing here, and she leaned in to embrace me, whispering, Catherine,

560
00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:19,760
Speaker 3: I have the most wonderful news. I have been given

561
00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:25,120
Speaker 3: a research grant by God Almighty, and you are to

562
00:43:25,160 --> 00:43:30,840
Speaker 3: be my assistant. I was flummoxed to say the least.

563
00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:35,160
Speaker 3: I said, but his house is right there. Can't I

564
00:43:35,360 --> 00:43:39,600
Speaker 3: go inside and learn what he is like? Raymard said,

565
00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:44,960
Speaker 3: you will, but you're not ready yet. First you must

566
00:43:45,080 --> 00:43:55,640
Speaker 3: learn the secret, the oldest secret. She then stepped back

567
00:43:56,440 --> 00:44:04,360
Speaker 3: and unbuttoned her glass, and her skin was not skin,

568
00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:12,120
Speaker 3: but a sort of plate thronged with legs. Hundreds thousands

569
00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:18,080
Speaker 3: of dancing, undulating articulated legs like the underside of a

570
00:44:18,160 --> 00:44:23,560
Speaker 3: horseshoe crab. A tear of blue blood leaped from the

571
00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:27,280
Speaker 3: corner of her eye. She came in close to embrace

572
00:44:27,320 --> 00:44:30,440
Speaker 3: me again. In horror, I tried my best to recoil,

573
00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:34,160
Speaker 3: but now the major Domo stood behind to hold me

574
00:44:34,239 --> 00:44:40,200
Speaker 3: in place. Raymond's breath smelled like copper. The legs wriggled

575
00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:45,200
Speaker 3: and flexed, close enough to tickle my stomach. I screamed, no, no,

576
00:44:45,440 --> 00:44:51,400
Speaker 3: this is not what I wanted. Raymond leaned to my

577
00:44:51,520 --> 00:44:53,160
Speaker 3: ear and said.

578
00:44:55,680 --> 00:44:58,560
Speaker 2: Hard, let us be here.

579
00:44:59,200 --> 00:45:14,320
Speaker 3: Instr my memory stops there. I woke the next morning,

580
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:17,240
Speaker 3: lying on the cold rocks of the mountain top, parched

581
00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:20,200
Speaker 3: stiff as a plank. There was a man dressed in

582
00:45:20,239 --> 00:45:25,080
Speaker 3: a black habit, kneeling beside me, touching my arm. He said, good, Heavens,

583
00:45:25,120 --> 00:45:29,160
Speaker 3: are you all right? He must have seen me looking

584
00:45:29,200 --> 00:45:33,040
Speaker 3: at his clothes, and answered, without my asking, I'm one

585
00:45:33,080 --> 00:45:36,040
Speaker 3: of the brothers of the monastery here at carm Aron.

586
00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:39,680
Speaker 3: You look like you've taken a fall. Would you like

587
00:45:39,800 --> 00:45:43,160
Speaker 3: me to get some help? I told him not to bother,

588
00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:46,440
Speaker 3: and I rose to go on my way, limping on

589
00:45:46,480 --> 00:45:49,640
Speaker 3: a leg I had injured somehow in the night. But

590
00:45:49,719 --> 00:45:53,840
Speaker 3: as I was walking away, he said, were you invited in?

591
00:45:56,360 --> 00:46:02,200
Speaker 3: I stopped. I asked in where? He said, beyond the

592
00:46:02,320 --> 00:46:08,080
Speaker 3: secret garden, into his house. I rushed back to the

593
00:46:08,120 --> 00:46:11,400
Speaker 3: monk's side. What do you know about it? I asked.

594
00:46:12,320 --> 00:46:16,960
Speaker 3: The monk smiled. He said, are you seeking to believe

595
00:46:17,320 --> 00:46:21,880
Speaker 3: in order that you may understand? Or seeking to understand

596
00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:27,120
Speaker 3: in order that you may believe? I felt a hopeless

597
00:46:27,120 --> 00:46:31,319
Speaker 3: despair come over me. I didn't know. In truth, I

598
00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:33,319
Speaker 3: feared I'd lost track of what it was I was

599
00:46:33,320 --> 00:46:35,239
Speaker 3: trying to prove and whom I was trying to prove

600
00:46:35,280 --> 00:46:39,440
Speaker 3: it too. But I was in his presence, I said,

601
00:46:40,040 --> 00:46:45,319
Speaker 3: nearly in his mansion, I see, said the monk, the

602
00:46:45,360 --> 00:46:50,520
Speaker 3: greatest conceivable being, I said. He smiled placidly, as if

603
00:46:50,520 --> 00:46:53,759
Speaker 3: to humor me, the god who called out to Abraham,

604
00:46:54,080 --> 00:47:00,200
Speaker 3: I said. But then the monk's expression changed. He looked, amuteoos,

605
00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:06,120
Speaker 3: oh him, you think down here on this bleak mountain

606
00:47:06,200 --> 00:47:09,959
Speaker 3: top with us. I didn't know what to make of that.

607
00:47:10,480 --> 00:47:13,520
Speaker 3: The monk said to me, if there were two beings,

608
00:47:13,840 --> 00:47:18,840
Speaker 3: both infinitely beyond your understanding, and both claimed to be

609
00:47:18,960 --> 00:47:25,000
Speaker 3: the greatest? How would you tell them apart? I had

610
00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:29,520
Speaker 3: no answer. I asked, will I ever understand what he is?

611
00:47:30,560 --> 00:47:34,440
Speaker 3: The monk said, well, now, if you wish to be

612
00:47:34,560 --> 00:47:38,960
Speaker 3: welcomed into his manner and taste of his bread, I

613
00:47:39,040 --> 00:47:44,479
Speaker 3: suggest you make yourself a courteous house guest. I said,

614
00:47:44,880 --> 00:47:49,319
Speaker 3: how would one do that? He said, for one thing,

615
00:47:49,960 --> 00:47:54,239
Speaker 3: when a courteous house guest comes to visit, she always

616
00:47:54,360 --> 00:47:58,080
Speaker 3: brings a gift. I asked, well, what should she bring?

617
00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:02,560
Speaker 3: I laid a gentle hand on my shoulder and said,

618
00:48:03,239 --> 00:48:14,160
Speaker 3: what is most precious? Looking back, I realized the sheer

619
00:48:14,239 --> 00:48:17,799
Speaker 3: hubris of my initial endeavor. Though I find myself in

620
00:48:17,840 --> 00:48:22,600
Speaker 3: good company with the likes of Daddy and Saint Anselm himself,

621
00:48:23,640 --> 00:48:26,719
Speaker 3: I know now that the mysteries of totality are too

622
00:48:26,800 --> 00:48:30,800
Speaker 3: much for one mind alone, and with alacrity I settled

623
00:48:30,800 --> 00:48:34,400
Speaker 3: for just a glimpse. So I turned myself over to

624
00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:38,720
Speaker 3: Doctor Raymard's care, in which I have been ever since.

625
00:48:42,040 --> 00:48:46,840
Speaker 3: Ever said, what do you mean? Will call me a

626
00:48:46,920 --> 00:48:50,400
Speaker 3: test case? An experiment in the long term effects of

627
00:48:50,520 --> 00:48:54,799
Speaker 3: seven metal ie on mine on human consciousness? How can

628
00:48:54,800 --> 00:48:59,560
Speaker 3: you big if you like but one of many and

629
00:49:00,080 --> 00:49:04,560
Speaker 3: the labrat likes to have company in her cage.

630
00:49:07,280 --> 00:49:10,839
Speaker 6: You're saying, you're saying they drugged me too.

631
00:49:12,160 --> 00:49:16,440
Speaker 3: Oh I mview you know, experiencing it all for the

632
00:49:16,520 --> 00:49:23,520
Speaker 3: first time. No, no, help, give me out, you need

633
00:49:24,080 --> 00:49:32,200
Speaker 3: let out? You mean cat? No you say, let me

634
00:49:32,280 --> 00:49:35,720
Speaker 3: have her heart rate spike crack on the rejection.

635
00:49:35,920 --> 00:49:37,360
Speaker 2: All of you will get away from me.

636
00:49:37,719 --> 00:49:38,359
Speaker 1: What's the course?

637
00:49:38,400 --> 00:49:41,080
Speaker 3: Gave me alone? It's a tranquilizer with one more dos

638
00:49:41,480 --> 00:49:44,400
Speaker 3: seven stop stops.

639
00:49:45,280 --> 00:49:59,360
Speaker 5: No you see look here not seeing me?

640
00:49:59,680 --> 00:49:59,920
Speaker 6: Was it?

641
00:50:00,200 --> 00:50:01,480
Speaker 3: Where are you taking me?

642
00:50:06,239 --> 00:50:07,240
Speaker 2: Where is this saying?

643
00:50:08,920 --> 00:50:09,640
Speaker 5: Was on the ground?

644
00:50:09,880 --> 00:50:10,720
Speaker 3: How much you listen?

645
00:50:13,160 --> 00:50:14,480
Speaker 2: Why are you carrying me?

646
00:50:15,800 --> 00:50:19,080
Speaker 3: Because you wouldn't walk?

647
00:50:19,920 --> 00:50:21,840
Speaker 2: Where are my shoes?

648
00:50:22,040 --> 00:50:23,040
Speaker 5: Would you t.

649
00:50:25,040 --> 00:50:25,200
Speaker 1: There?

650
00:50:25,239 --> 00:50:25,680
Speaker 6: You go.

651
00:50:33,480 --> 00:50:33,880
Speaker 3: Go to?

652
00:50:34,040 --> 00:50:34,719
Speaker 6: What the like?

653
00:50:40,160 --> 00:50:46,120
Speaker 3: Mm hmm? Well look who's back?

654
00:50:47,440 --> 00:50:47,800
Speaker 6: Frip.

655
00:50:48,120 --> 00:50:52,560
Speaker 3: I wasn't sure you were still with us? Frip. I

656
00:50:52,560 --> 00:50:53,680
Speaker 3: I sorry.

657
00:50:55,760 --> 00:50:57,720
Speaker 2: Everything is so overwhelming.

658
00:50:58,800 --> 00:51:05,160
Speaker 3: What happened to you? The door? I'm the dungeon.

659
00:51:06,520 --> 00:51:07,400
Speaker 6: And the doctor.

660
00:51:09,480 --> 00:51:12,879
Speaker 3: Did you put you on a new course of treatment? Yes,

661
00:51:14,760 --> 00:51:18,640
Speaker 3: and I am. I don't know if I can take it?

662
00:51:19,200 --> 00:51:24,200
Speaker 3: You can, it will run its course. How How do

663
00:51:24,280 --> 00:51:25,680
Speaker 3: I just relax?

664
00:51:26,680 --> 00:51:28,640
Speaker 2: Okay, lay down on the bed.

665
00:51:29,160 --> 00:51:39,600
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, now, imagine you are in a river right

666
00:51:39,640 --> 00:51:43,719
Speaker 3: in the middle where the current is strongest. You guess

667
00:51:43,760 --> 00:51:44,560
Speaker 3: whom against it?

668
00:51:45,560 --> 00:51:45,680
Speaker 6: Uh?

669
00:51:46,120 --> 00:51:47,400
Speaker 3: You can't fight back?

670
00:51:48,360 --> 00:51:51,880
Speaker 5: Nope, I can't, but you can.

671
00:51:51,760 --> 00:51:58,640
Speaker 3: Float Okay, don't fight it. Okay, let the current move you. Okay,

672
00:51:59,239 --> 00:51:59,799
Speaker 3: float down?

673
00:52:00,600 --> 00:52:06,560
Speaker 6: Okay, okay, Hey, frip myself.

674
00:52:06,680 --> 00:52:10,680
Speaker 3: They didn't, They didn't give it away. Who would they

675
00:52:10,680 --> 00:52:11,279
Speaker 3: have given it to?

676
00:52:12,680 --> 00:52:13,040
Speaker 6: Frip?

677
00:52:14,360 --> 00:52:17,319
Speaker 3: Have you seen anyone walk in the halls at night?

678
00:52:18,520 --> 00:52:22,840
Speaker 3: You mean, besides the guards, the barefoot woman? Have you

679
00:52:22,880 --> 00:52:29,640
Speaker 3: heard her singing? Quiet? Now? Okay, just flew okay down?

680
00:52:31,040 --> 00:52:31,440
Speaker 6: Thank you?

681
00:52:31,560 --> 00:52:38,440
Speaker 3: Frip Frip, frip.

682
00:52:40,280 --> 00:52:40,720
Speaker 6: Frip.

683
00:53:00,080 --> 00:53:01,040
Speaker 3: Oh YEA.

684
00:53:16,200 --> 00:53:21,439
Speaker 1: Thirteen Days of Halloween pennance starring Natalie Morales, Episode four

685
00:53:21,719 --> 00:53:26,399
Speaker 1: Evaluation written by Joe McCormick, editing and sound design by

686
00:53:26,480 --> 00:53:30,440
Speaker 1: Chandler Mays, featuring the voices of Roz Gentel Blair, Chandler,

687
00:53:30,719 --> 00:53:35,759
Speaker 1: Alex Bowling, Jay Jones, Raphael Corkil, and Wilbur Fitzgerald, with

688
00:53:35,960 --> 00:53:41,400
Speaker 1: music by Noel Brown. Directed by Alexander Williams. Executive producers

689
00:53:41,440 --> 00:53:45,880
Speaker 1: Aaron Mankey, Noah Feinberg, Chris Dicky, Matt Frederick and Alexander

690
00:53:45,920 --> 00:53:51,400
Speaker 1: Williams Supervising producers Trevor Young and Josh Thain. Producers Jesse Funk,

691
00:53:51,560 --> 00:53:56,680
Speaker 1: Rima Ilkali, Noami Griffin, Chandler Mays, and Casby Bias. Script

692
00:53:56,840 --> 00:54:01,040
Speaker 1: editing by Lauren Vogelbaum, Story consultants Ben Bowley and Matthew Riddle.

693
00:54:01,400 --> 00:54:05,840
Speaker 1: Casting by Sunday Bowling CSA and Meg Mormon CSA. Production

694
00:54:05,960 --> 00:54:11,160
Speaker 1: coordinator Wayna Calderon. Production assistants Jenna Johnson and Winona Low.

695
00:54:11,480 --> 00:54:15,440
Speaker 1: Theme music by Rose Aserti with vocals by Anna Hummler,

696
00:54:15,800 --> 00:54:20,120
Speaker 1: recorded at This Is Sound Design Studios in Burbank, California.

697
00:54:20,200 --> 00:54:25,359
Speaker 1: Engineered by Ross aeronaut special thanks to Romelia Osorio, Nathan Rule,

698
00:54:25,600 --> 00:54:29,560
Speaker 1: Glen Nishida, and Rob Mosca. Thirteen Days of Halloween was

699
00:54:29,640 --> 00:54:33,040
Speaker 1: created by Matt Frederick and Alexander Williams and is a

700
00:54:33,080 --> 00:54:37,000
Speaker 1: production of iHeart Podcasts, Blumhouse Television, and Grim and Mild

701
00:54:37,120 --> 00:54:40,640
Speaker 1: from Aaron Makey. Learn more about the show at Grimandmild

702
00:54:40,800 --> 00:54:44,319
Speaker 1: dot com slash thirteen Days and find more podcasts from

703
00:54:44,360 --> 00:54:48,520
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio by visiting the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever

704
00:54:48,600 --> 00:54:51,640
Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows. Happy Halloween,