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Speaker 1: Hmm. Thirteen Days of Halloween Penance, a co production of

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Speaker 1: iHeart three D Audio Blumhouse Television and Grim and Mild

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Speaker 1: from Aaron Yankee Headphones recommended. Listener discretion advised. M hm.

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Speaker 2: Hmmm. Well someone here soon as an expect.

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Speaker 3: No time to waste on the examination table. There prepper

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Speaker 3: for treatment? Oh where am I?

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Speaker 2: Where am I?

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Speaker 1: Doctor?

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Speaker 4: She's come to? Why can't I move?

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Speaker 3: The application is already prepped. Am I in the hospital?

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Speaker 4: The clinical make a fist for me?

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Speaker 3: Why am I restrained? It's for your own safety, my safety.

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Speaker 3: You could hurt yourself or someone else. Why would I

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Speaker 3: do that?

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Speaker 4: That's the single dose?

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Speaker 3: What the fuck might be enough?

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Speaker 4: Why did you just inject me?

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Speaker 2: Huh?

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Speaker 3: Why would you look at that? I believe she's already responding.

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Speaker 4: Should it really be so fast acting?

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Speaker 5: She probably hasn't aiden, But this one, too, is a

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Speaker 5: special case.

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Speaker 4: What's happening?

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Speaker 6: Well, missus Rodriga, that's not my name, that's not just

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Speaker 6: remain coin.

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Speaker 5: Everything will be much easier if you are cold?

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Speaker 3: Did you give me? Tell me? What are you seeing?

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Speaker 3: What are you here? I think it could be sick.

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Speaker 4: Maybe we gave her too much?

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Speaker 2: Well, no science is exact.

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Speaker 3: Let's give you a beat. Seven, Gatherine, can you.

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Speaker 4: Talk her through it?

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Speaker 3: What am I just relaxed? Now? Talk to Catherine right

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Speaker 3: back to check on you.

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Speaker 5: Would you imagine should be scheduled til next week?

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Speaker 3: First time? Where are you just the next bed over?

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Speaker 3: How does it feel strange? I can't seem to focus. Yes,

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Speaker 3: it does give one a bit of a tumble. Well,

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Speaker 3: if you can listen to my voice while the worst

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Speaker 3: of it passes, you'll be right asway against soon, though

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Speaker 3: I suppose I should warn you I'm spectacularly tedious. Listen

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Speaker 3: to me too long and you may end up quite

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Speaker 3: literally bored to death. Who are you, oh, Catherine Sherwin?

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Speaker 3: I'm a scholar of medieval theology. Sounds dreadful, doesn't it.

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Speaker 3: I write books that no one reads, about books that

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Speaker 3: no one has read. My specialty is since Anselm of

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Speaker 3: Canterbury and the ontological argument? You familiar?

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Speaker 4: Um?

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Speaker 3: Why would you be? Anselm was a Catholic theologian of

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Speaker 3: the eleventh century, a thundering, black habited engineer of the

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Speaker 3: Arcanetus of God. Before he was my research subject, Anselm

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Speaker 3: was a homegrown obsession of my father's. Yes, Dad, it

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Speaker 3: was a bit of an amateur theologian himself. He spent

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Speaker 3: so many hours pouring over Anselm, Augustine and that whole

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Speaker 3: spectral faculty of god minded men from ages past. Of course,

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Speaker 3: when I was a girl, I had about as much

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Speaker 3: interest in all of that as I had in the

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Speaker 3: design of seward rains. But I suppose death does have

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Speaker 3: a way of rearranging one's engrossments. My father died when

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Speaker 3: I was in my first year at university. He was alone,

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Speaker 3: alone on one of his meditations, as he called them,

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Speaker 3: hiking the peak of a mountain in Scotland called khn Aran.

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Speaker 3: It was a heart attack, or so they assumed, But

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Speaker 3: would you guess this, He did make it to the top.

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Speaker 3: They found him there in the cold rocks, in the fog,

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Speaker 3: as high as the mountain goes. I always liked that

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Speaker 3: felled by his ambition, but he did make it all

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Speaker 3: the way up. After he was gone, I found myself

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Speaker 3: home for Christmas, reading through the books and papers in

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Speaker 3: his study. One story from a book on his desk

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Speaker 3: that arrested my attention was about Saint Anselm's childhood. Apparently,

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Speaker 3: as a young boy Anselm had met face to face

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Speaker 3: with God himself, or so he said. The encounter took

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Speaker 3: place on top of a mountain called Beccadinona, near his

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Speaker 3: home town of Aosta in Italy. After the young Anselmo

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Speaker 3: climbed the cliffs and scrambled over the ice and rocks

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Speaker 3: to the summit, he was found by a wandering angel

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Speaker 3: and ushered into the secret mansion of the Lord, where

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Speaker 3: they welcomed him with a meal the bread of God.

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Speaker 3: Now when I read this, I couldn't help but wonder

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Speaker 3: if Daddy's solitary mountaintop journeys were all in the vain

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Speaker 3: hope that he would one day stumble into the garden

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Speaker 3: of a secret manner and be welcomed inside by a

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Speaker 3: seraphic majordomo and taste the bread of God himself. After

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Speaker 3: I uncovered this window into my father's obsession, I had

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Speaker 3: to learn more about Anselm. It was in this that

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Speaker 3: I first crossed paths with my life's work and sent

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Speaker 3: Anselm's most favorite invention, the ontological argument for the existence

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Speaker 3: of God. Are you ready for me to prove it

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Speaker 3: to you?

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Speaker 4: The existence of God?

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Speaker 3: Anselm says, if God exists. He is the great conceivable being.

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Speaker 3: No being greater could be imagined. Now, I ask, would

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Speaker 3: the greatest conceivable being be greater if it existed only

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Speaker 3: in your mind? Or if it existed both in your

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Speaker 3: mind and in reality. Surely if the being were real,

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Speaker 3: it would be greater than if it were only imaginary. Therefore,

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Speaker 3: the imaginary one is not the greatest. The real one is. Therefore,

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Speaker 3: by definition, the greatest conceivable being must and does exist,

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Speaker 3: not just in here but out there. Ah, I take it,

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Speaker 3: you're not convinced. Some say the same form can be

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Speaker 3: used to prove the existence of any silly thing, the

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Speaker 3: most perfect island or the most perfect cup of laps

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Speaker 3: and tea. But that first night, when I read the proof,

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Speaker 3: I was flawed. It was late in the evening, and

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Speaker 3: I was alone in his study, and everything was quiet

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Speaker 3: except for the crackle of snow falling outside the window.

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Speaker 3: I walked out into the night and let the snow

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Speaker 3: fall on my face and melt on my skin. Every

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Speaker 3: sensation was rapturous. The air around me was bursting with

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Speaker 3: the life force of the presence previously unknown. I knew

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Speaker 3: there was a God. I had absolute proof, and that

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Speaker 3: knowledge meant I would one day see my father again.

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Speaker 3: I slept fitfully that night, dreaming about strange clouds that

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Speaker 3: gathered round a mountain top. When I woke in the morning,

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Speaker 3: I ran to my father's study and read the ontological

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Speaker 3: argument again. But something was wrong. The words were the same,

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Speaker 3: but they lacked the force of certainty they had the

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Speaker 3: night previous. To my horror, I was no longer persuaded.

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Speaker 3: Instead of absolute proof, I was left with a humiliating

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Speaker 3: sense of the hollowness of it all, like the whole

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Speaker 3: thing had been a mere word game, some kind of

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Speaker 3: clever trick of grammar. I couldn't say what was wrong

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Speaker 3: with Anselm's argument, but it just didn't feel right at all.

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Speaker 3: And that's where I stayed. For thirty years. I became

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Speaker 3: a scholar of Saint Anselm. I under a professorship at Oxford, married,

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Speaker 3: had children, sent them off to university to foster their

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Speaker 3: own obsessions. I wrote several books about Anselm, dozens of

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Speaker 3: articles on the subject of the ontological argument, its modern proponents,

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Speaker 3: and so on and so on, bloody, bloody blah. But

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Speaker 3: as many in my profession know, though they dare not

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Speaker 3: confess expertise has diminishing returns. In all all those years

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Speaker 3: and through all that study, I never once again found

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Speaker 3: what I was searching for that moment that night, where

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Speaker 3: I knew in my bones the ontological argument was sound,

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Speaker 3: and I knew he or it was out there. This

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Speaker 3: rather boring life of flapping dust jackets and compiling endnotes

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Speaker 3: went on until one day, at an academic conference, I

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Speaker 3: was approached by another professor, not of theology or medieval studies,

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Speaker 3: but of biochemistry. I'd just given a presentation on modern

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Speaker 3: challenges on the ontological argument, and she met me afterwards

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Speaker 3: to see if I would like to chat over a

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Speaker 3: cup of tea. Her name was Professor Raymond. She was

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Speaker 3: a dashing woman with long black hair and livid eyes,

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Speaker 3: and her attention was dangerously exciting. I could hardly say no.

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Speaker 3: Raymard led me to a secluded corner in the college's library.

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Speaker 3: Once we were snuggled away in our little den, to

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Speaker 3: my astonishment, she narrated that she had one night long

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Speaker 3: ago become absolutely convinced that the ontological argument had force,

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Speaker 3: only to find upon waking the next morning that she

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Speaker 3: was once again doubtful. But she had never been able

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Speaker 3: to shake the memory of the catharsis, the almost psychedelic

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Speaker 3: arising to a second substance of life that came from

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Speaker 3: that one night when it seemed true. Since then, she

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Speaker 3: had thought about the argument every day, but with a

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Speaker 3: different sort of lens than I had. Raymond asked me,

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Speaker 3: suppose that the argument is at bottom correct, and that

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Speaker 3: it does prove the greatest conceivable being must exist in

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Speaker 3: reality out there?

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Speaker 7: Why are we so quick to assume we know what

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Speaker 7: the other qualities of the greatest conceivable being are? Might

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Speaker 7: not our idea of greatness be an illusion, a biological

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Speaker 7: contingency based on our ancestral environment. For example, we believe

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Speaker 7: the greatest conceivable being to be the biggest because it

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Speaker 7: is cooked into our animal brains that bigger beasts win

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Speaker 7: over smaller ones in a fight. But sweet aside the

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Speaker 7: preferences of timorous Homo sapiens and ask, from the perspective

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Speaker 7: of say, an atom of hydrogen, what are the qualities

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Speaker 7: of the greatest conceivable being? Might bound cell be proving

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Speaker 7: the existence of a different kind of being altogether? And

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Speaker 7: if so, what are those qualities that are the greatest

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Speaker 7: as conceivable by the universe, the true superlatives, if you will.

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Speaker 3: This stirred something both thrilling and frightening in me. I

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Speaker 3: remembered for the first time in years, the dream I

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Speaker 3: had about the clouds round the mountain top. Anyway, Raymond

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Speaker 3: had a theory about our mutual obsession with Anselm's argument

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Speaker 3: that to truly grasp the proof through ontology requires not

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Speaker 3: just an intellectual understanding, but an experience. To use the

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Speaker 3: analogy of an alien life form from the burning, sulfurous planet,

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Speaker 3: who could never understand the wetness of water, no matter

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Speaker 3: how many papers it read on the chemical properties of

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Speaker 3: H two O. The wetness must be seen with the eyes,

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Speaker 3: and felt with the skin, and tasted with the tongue.

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Speaker 3: And whom you've had the experience of a damp cloth

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Speaker 3: wrung out and dripping on your toes, you don't understand

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Speaker 3: what water is. After all, didn't Anselm himself taste of

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Speaker 3: the bread of God. This seemed true enough to me.

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Speaker 3: I'd spent years trying to recreate the experience of that

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Speaker 3: night in my father's study, and I didn't know anything

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Speaker 3: that could conjure it again. Well, she did, Remard had

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Speaker 3: in her laboratory happened to isolate a compound called seven

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Speaker 3: methyl ionamine. This molecule was an enzymatic byproduct of a

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Speaker 3: species of alpine lichen that grew on rocks above the

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Speaker 3: tree line in certain mountain ranges. It just so happened.

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Speaker 3: She noticed that this molecule was similar in structure to

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Speaker 3: a number of other molecules that are known as ensogens,

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Speaker 3: those used in religious ceremonies to bring messages from the gods.

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Speaker 3: She said that she had, on more than one occasion

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Speaker 3: happened to ingest a significant amount of this compound, and

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Speaker 3: she believed it had given her profound insights into the

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Speaker 3: ontological argument and the being to which it pointed naturally.

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Speaker 3: I asked what these insights were. She said that they

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Speaker 3: were difficult to put into words. She said, I would

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Speaker 3: need to see for myself. I would need to wring

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Speaker 3: the cloth to understand what it meant for water to

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Speaker 3: be wet. So I took what she offered me. It

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Speaker 3: was a white powder in a small plastic bag. She

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Speaker 3: gave me a dosy'ge advisory said she'd be in touch.

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Speaker 3: I mulled over it for a while. I'd never taken

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Speaker 3: drugs of any sort, not even a puff of grass.

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Speaker 3: In my school years, I only drank wine at Christmas time,

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Speaker 3: but I felt I owed it to myself, or perhaps

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Speaker 3: to Daddy, to understand what Raymard was hinting at. It

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Speaker 3: was a night my husband was away on some silly

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Speaker 3: mission of his, collecting fossils in Devon or some such

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Speaker 3: so I had the house to myself. I dipped candles.

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Speaker 3: Isn't that humorous? Why did I like candles? It just

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00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:19,920
Speaker 3: seemed the thing to do. But I only had half

219
00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:22,920
Speaker 3: a dozen or so in the house. So there they were,

220
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:25,840
Speaker 3: my six candles, melting on the sofa table while I

221
00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:33,000
Speaker 3: waited for the drug to take effect. I didn't know

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00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:36,240
Speaker 3: what to expect, and for a long time nothing happened.

223
00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:40,640
Speaker 3: I rubbed my toes on the carpet and took deep

224
00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:46,880
Speaker 3: breaths and waited to feel something. I confess after some

225
00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:49,880
Speaker 3: time I grew rather bored. I began to wonder if

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00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:53,160
Speaker 3: the powder had lost its potency, or if Reymard had

227
00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:56,240
Speaker 3: been pulling some kind of prank. For a while, I

228
00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:59,320
Speaker 3: became convinced this must be the case, and that I

229
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:03,280
Speaker 3: had just swallowed several grams of baby powder. Dissolved in

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00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:06,560
Speaker 3: a cup of tea. I was so embarrassed, what a

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00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:11,560
Speaker 3: stupid thing to even try. But then, while I was

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Speaker 3: sitting there, feeling sorry for myself, I witnessed something quite

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Speaker 3: strange in my border. I'd flicked on the television, which

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00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:22,600
Speaker 3: was showing a football match, but at some point, without

235
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Speaker 3: me noticing, everyone had stopped playing. No one was running

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00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:31,320
Speaker 3: or kicking, no line up for a penalty, and they

237
00:17:31,359 --> 00:17:34,520
Speaker 3: weren't leaving the pitch either. They were just standing there,

238
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Speaker 3: all of them, stock still on the green. The crowd

239
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:43,000
Speaker 3: in the stands had fallen silent, and one by one,

240
00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:46,600
Speaker 3: all of the players began looking up up into the

241
00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:51,320
Speaker 3: sky at what. I had no idea. I suppose at

242
00:17:51,359 --> 00:17:56,040
Speaker 3: the camera hovering over the pitch, because our eyes met

243
00:17:57,000 --> 00:18:00,280
Speaker 3: I was looking at them, and they were looking to me.

244
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:05,440
Speaker 3: No one moved. For what seemed like ages, they gazed

245
00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:09,159
Speaker 3: into my eyes. I said to myself, now that is

246
00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:13,399
Speaker 3: rather odd. Then one of the football announcers answered me.

247
00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:19,280
Speaker 3: He said, scarcely ever happens. And I said, what makes

248
00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:22,320
Speaker 3: them do that? And the man at the microphone said,

249
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:27,119
Speaker 3: they're showing respect for the arrival of an important guest.

250
00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:32,600
Speaker 3: I said, well, I suppose I'm flattered, and he said,

251
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:39,000
Speaker 3: I'm not talking about you. The hare stood up on

252
00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:41,919
Speaker 3: the back of my neck. I felt jets of cold

253
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:45,800
Speaker 3: water rushing over my bones. I swirled round to look

254
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:50,440
Speaker 3: behind me, but saw nothing except the blank wall. However,

255
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:54,679
Speaker 3: I knew there was someone in the house with me.

256
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:59,600
Speaker 3: I didn't know who it was. I said, I'm afraid,

257
00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:04,640
Speaker 3: but the announcer wouldn't reply again. The football players all

258
00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:07,919
Speaker 3: stood there, looking right at me, not smiling, saying nothing,

259
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:14,480
Speaker 3: just watching what I was going to do. Suddenly, they

260
00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:18,119
Speaker 3: all raised their arms and pointed upward to the sky.

261
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:24,479
Speaker 3: Without warning, the telly switched off. Then all the lights

262
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:28,639
Speaker 3: began to grow dim. The lamp bulbs faded to gray,

263
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:32,119
Speaker 3: and even the flames on my half dozen candles shrunk

264
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:38,200
Speaker 3: down to mruborn pinpricks of light. I stood and they

265
00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:42,040
Speaker 3: all snuffed out completely. The only light left was what

266
00:19:42,119 --> 00:19:46,359
Speaker 3: I could see up the staircase from the second story.

267
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:50,920
Speaker 3: It was as if the tide of darkness were rising

268
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:58,520
Speaker 3: through the house. In that darkness, there were things. I

269
00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:02,200
Speaker 3: could hear them, soft squeaks and shuffling on the wood

270
00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:05,600
Speaker 3: of the floor, like little infants crawling towards me to play.

271
00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:12,440
Speaker 3: But without laughter or even breath, I lunged for the

272
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:15,160
Speaker 3: staircase and climbed it into the safety of the light.

273
00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:17,920
Speaker 3: But no sooner had I come into the upper hall

274
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:22,119
Speaker 3: than the lamps there began to fade as well. The

275
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:26,040
Speaker 3: dark flood was rising ever more, driving me up and up.

276
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:29,640
Speaker 3: I heard the crawling of the creatures. Now upon the stairs.

277
00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:33,639
Speaker 3: How could I go any higher? Then I looked to

278
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:37,200
Speaker 3: the ceiling and saw, yes, in the little crack around

279
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:38,919
Speaker 3: the door to the loft, there was a glow of

280
00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:43,480
Speaker 3: yellow light. I snatched the chain, leave it down the door,

281
00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:46,080
Speaker 3: and scurried up the ladder as fast as I could.

282
00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:56,440
Speaker 3: The loft was lit with a single yellow light bulb.

283
00:20:57,160 --> 00:21:01,320
Speaker 3: The shadows were throbbing, and there in the just within

284
00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:06,520
Speaker 3: reach of the light, there it was the stack of

285
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:12,359
Speaker 3: things from Daddy's office. I tore open the boxes and

286
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:16,359
Speaker 3: began paging moniately through the papers inside. These were not

287
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:19,400
Speaker 3: my father's books, which were now part of my own library,

288
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:23,600
Speaker 3: but his notes and his diaries. I blazed through the pages,

289
00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:26,000
Speaker 3: searching for something that would make sense of it all.

290
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:29,199
Speaker 3: I said, out loud, what is it you want to

291
00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:36,640
Speaker 3: show me? And then a voice speaking from a darkened

292
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:42,520
Speaker 3: corner of the loft, whispered, you know what shood dear.

293
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:49,240
Speaker 3: At that moment, the tattered notebook in my hand fell

294
00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:51,720
Speaker 3: open to a page where my father had made a

295
00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:55,800
Speaker 3: long diary entry about plans for one of his meditations,

296
00:21:56,359 --> 00:22:01,000
Speaker 3: a mountain hike at Ben Lower's. He noted his transportation,

297
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:03,760
Speaker 3: his packing list, the books he would take with him,

298
00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:08,400
Speaker 3: et cetera, et cetera. But after his return from the mountain,

299
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:13,119
Speaker 3: the entry was only two words, written with such force

300
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:19,720
Speaker 3: his pen had cut through the page. It said most ancient.

301
00:22:25,359 --> 00:22:27,560
Speaker 3: After this, I have very little memory of that night.

302
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:31,320
Speaker 3: I know there was something else. The man in my

303
00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:36,560
Speaker 3: house told me something important, but I couldn't recall beyond that,

304
00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:40,719
Speaker 3: only faint sensations of fibers, like soft hair brushing against

305
00:22:40,720 --> 00:23:27,600
Speaker 3: my skin and hearing a melody ah. When I woke

306
00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:30,240
Speaker 3: the next morning, I was in a rather strange position,

307
00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:33,359
Speaker 3: blank curled on the floor of my son's bedroom, with

308
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:36,280
Speaker 3: a vague sense of discomfort in my mouth and a

309
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:40,720
Speaker 3: taste of salt on my tongue. When I went to

310
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:43,159
Speaker 3: wash up, I discovered the source of the taste in

311
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:46,640
Speaker 3: my mouth, which was an unexpected gap in the molars

312
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:49,960
Speaker 3: on the lower left side of my jaw. I searched

313
00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:52,480
Speaker 3: around the house for the missing tooth to no avail,

314
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:56,480
Speaker 3: but no sense wailing about a lost tooth here and there.

315
00:23:57,200 --> 00:24:00,919
Speaker 3: I was exhilarated about what had been revealed to me

316
00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:07,879
Speaker 3: the most Ancient. I tried to call Raymond on the

317
00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:11,920
Speaker 3: telephone that very morning. Could it be that most ancient

318
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:16,399
Speaker 3: was one of her true superlatives? Had I and Daddy

319
00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:20,280
Speaker 3: before me somehow discovered one of the objective properties of

320
00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:25,200
Speaker 3: the greatest conceivable being. It's hard to express how true

321
00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:30,280
Speaker 3: and how important this discovery felt. I was tingling all over,

322
00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:35,880
Speaker 3: but alas Raymond's telephone rang and rang and rang without answers,

323
00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:41,000
Speaker 3: so I couldn't share what I'd found. It was, I

324
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:45,960
Speaker 3: think the loneliest I had ever been ah, but I

325
00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:49,359
Speaker 3: was ravenous to learn more. A few nights later, I

326
00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:52,680
Speaker 3: fabricated a story to feed my husband about an overnight

327
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:56,720
Speaker 3: trip to visit relatives on my side. Instead, I set

328
00:24:56,720 --> 00:25:00,160
Speaker 3: out to have another meeting with the presents. This time,

329
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:03,000
Speaker 3: I wanted to learn as much as I possibly could,

330
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:06,879
Speaker 3: so I ignored Raymard's dosage instructions and took the rest

331
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:14,159
Speaker 3: of what she had given me. In one go. I

332
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:16,439
Speaker 3: had landed at the ruins of an abbey in the

333
00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:19,800
Speaker 3: East Country, thinking this setting would aid in perceiving the

334
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:23,800
Speaker 3: qualities of Anselm's God. Of course, I had to do

335
00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:26,240
Speaker 3: a bit of fence jumping, since the grounds were closed

336
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:30,080
Speaker 3: to tourists after sunset, but I didn't think much of it.

337
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:32,760
Speaker 3: Little was left but a broken wall on the southern

338
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:36,080
Speaker 3: face and a row of stone archways, all of it

339
00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:38,480
Speaker 3: now covered in moss so green it seemed to glow

340
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:44,760
Speaker 3: in the dark. I took the powder and waited, writing

341
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:47,240
Speaker 3: meanwhile in my journal, which I had brought along so

342
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:52,879
Speaker 3: I could record my experience despite my previous encounter. It

343
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:55,919
Speaker 3: took long enough that I began to wonder, if you

344
00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:57,800
Speaker 3: may laugh at me for this, But so be it.

345
00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:02,040
Speaker 3: I wondered if it had ever done anything in the

346
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:05,200
Speaker 3: first place, and the source of my previous experience had

347
00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:08,600
Speaker 3: been nothing but my own mind, perhaps in the effort

348
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:14,200
Speaker 3: of arriving at some form of madness. Oh but as

349
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:17,679
Speaker 3: I put all this down to paper, I began to

350
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:27,280
Speaker 3: hear voices singing a quiet melody. It was unlike any

351
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:30,919
Speaker 3: chance I'd ever heard before. I tried to sing along,

352
00:26:45,359 --> 00:26:53,480
Speaker 3: and then I was somewhere else. Entirely the abbey was gone.

353
00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:58,399
Speaker 3: I was floating up, as if clutching to a trail

354
00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:04,720
Speaker 3: of steam rising in the sky. But I wasn't simply

355
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:11,239
Speaker 3: rising up. I was rising backwards, backwards in time. I

356
00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:15,960
Speaker 3: saw the earth below my feet, with civilization retreating, every

357
00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:19,320
Speaker 3: road fading to grass, and then grass fading to stone,

358
00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:22,480
Speaker 3: and then stone to icy waters, and then icy waters

359
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:28,680
Speaker 3: to entrails of flame, a landscape of illimitable, writhing worms

360
00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:35,520
Speaker 3: made of molten rock. The earth glowed like a forge,

361
00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:42,720
Speaker 3: and I was silent. And then he was there with me,

362
00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:48,320
Speaker 3: the presence from the shadows in my loft, the one

363
00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:52,080
Speaker 3: who would show me the way. I asked him, Are

364
00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:55,920
Speaker 3: you going to welcome me into the mansion of God?

365
00:27:56,640 --> 00:28:07,159
Speaker 3: The voice said, the sterile earth burned below us. I

366
00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:14,439
Speaker 3: asked what we were looking at? He said rest. I

367
00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:18,159
Speaker 3: gathered my wits and remembered why I had come. I

368
00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:22,720
Speaker 3: asked him of the ontological argument. I asked him what

369
00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:25,840
Speaker 3: it was I had understood the night in my father's

370
00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:31,200
Speaker 3: study that I could no longer see now, And damn

371
00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:33,360
Speaker 3: it to hill as I tell it, I can't explain

372
00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:36,639
Speaker 3: precisely what he said. He did whisper something to me

373
00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:40,720
Speaker 3: from just behind my ears, so that I could feel

374
00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:47,440
Speaker 3: his breadth through my hair, something so so not words,

375
00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:52,280
Speaker 3: more like a melody, a melody that somehow in itself

376
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:56,160
Speaker 3: carried a logic. And I knew, I knew in some

377
00:28:56,520 --> 00:29:01,240
Speaker 3: sense it contained a hidden premise that made the ontological

378
00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:06,760
Speaker 3: argument irrefutable. I could almost put it into words. It

379
00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:10,240
Speaker 3: was right behind the veil, in the back of my mind.

380
00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:13,160
Speaker 3: How I felt around for my notebook, so I would

381
00:29:13,160 --> 00:29:15,040
Speaker 3: be ready to write it down as soon as I

382
00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:18,520
Speaker 3: worked it out. But then then below, as the earth

383
00:29:18,560 --> 00:29:23,000
Speaker 3: opened its mouth a chasm of unimaginable heat and darkness,

384
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:38,480
Speaker 3: I asked, Must I go in there? He whispered. A

385
00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:42,760
Speaker 3: change came over me, the beginning of an unfolding of

386
00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:49,280
Speaker 3: sensation into impossible dimensions of strangeness and understanding and pain,

387
00:29:49,880 --> 00:29:57,640
Speaker 3: thought without meaning, sight without light. There was an infinite more,

388
00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:05,400
Speaker 3: but I could not remember it. I came to the

389
00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:09,360
Speaker 3: next morning with a policeman gruptly shaking me awake. Had

390
00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:11,160
Speaker 3: slept in the grass at the crest of the hill,

391
00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:14,240
Speaker 3: somewhere beyond the abbey. I dealt with the policeman quickly

392
00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:19,640
Speaker 3: as I could, and darted off to my car leave me.

393
00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:24,400
Speaker 3: Through the pages of my journal, I'd left several indecipherable illustrations,

394
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:27,480
Speaker 3: along with scribbled notes from the part of the night

395
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:32,840
Speaker 3: I could not recall. One note said the terrible Angel

396
00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:38,640
Speaker 3: the Majordomo. Another said the bread of God. It is

397
00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:44,920
Speaker 3: of God, but it is not bread. And finally, at

398
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:47,680
Speaker 3: the end of my notes I had written with such

399
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:53,680
Speaker 3: force that my pen tore through the pages most secret.

400
00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:58,719
Speaker 3: Upon reading this, my heart raised, could this be another

401
00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:04,200
Speaker 3: of the true SUPERLITYI of the greatest conceivable being? It

402
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:07,440
Speaker 3: must be, though it made less sense than the last.

403
00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:11,320
Speaker 3: It was hard to reconcile the evangelical message of Christ

404
00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:15,160
Speaker 3: with the idea that God's greatness could be a secret.

405
00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:19,560
Speaker 3: But nevertheless, I knew this insight had to be correct.

406
00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:24,360
Speaker 3: I would make sense of it somehow next time I

407
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:31,320
Speaker 3: would understand. In this excitement, I knew immediately I had

408
00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:34,760
Speaker 3: to get more of the powder. I called and called

409
00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:38,760
Speaker 3: for Professor Raymond dozens of times, but you never answered

410
00:31:38,760 --> 00:31:42,760
Speaker 3: the telephone. Eventually, I became so desperate I booked a

411
00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:47,640
Speaker 3: plane ticket and made my way to her university. After

412
00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:50,480
Speaker 3: a bit of asking around, I came to the correct building.

413
00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:57,400
Speaker 3: I found her office locked, with parcels overflowing her mailbox.

414
00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:00,000
Speaker 3: So I went to the office next door, where I

415
00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:03,240
Speaker 3: met a small, timid looking man, framed with a bald

416
00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:06,800
Speaker 3: head and neatly trimmed beard. He was friendly at first,

417
00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:09,800
Speaker 3: asked if I needed help. I told him I was

418
00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:12,760
Speaker 3: looking for Raymond. He said that she'd recently gone on

419
00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:15,480
Speaker 3: sabbatical and he didn't know when she would be back.

420
00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:19,200
Speaker 3: He asked who I was. I said I was a

421
00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:23,960
Speaker 3: research partner, and that we were considering authoring a book

422
00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:28,680
Speaker 3: chapter together. The little man frowned. My deception must have

423
00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:32,520
Speaker 3: been rather obvious and really not good at lying. He

424
00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:35,560
Speaker 3: asked what we were writing about, and in a panic

425
00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:39,479
Speaker 3: for what to say, I blurted out A compound, A

426
00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:45,720
Speaker 3: compound called seven metal. I ownA mine. He stiffened, rose

427
00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:48,200
Speaker 3: from his chair and took a step backward, as if

428
00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:51,480
Speaker 3: suddenly afraid of me. He looked me up and down.

429
00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:56,560
Speaker 3: His voice became very quiet. You're not one of them,

430
00:32:56,600 --> 00:33:01,840
Speaker 3: he said, Did they send you? I asked who he meant?

431
00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:07,800
Speaker 3: With evident terror, he whispered thus, I said I didn't

432
00:33:07,840 --> 00:33:10,720
Speaker 3: know what he was talking about, but that I had

433
00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:14,320
Speaker 3: been given some of the compound by raymart and I

434
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:17,720
Speaker 3: needed more. Could he get it for me? He said

435
00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:20,840
Speaker 3: no and told me to go away. I explained I

436
00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:24,000
Speaker 3: was desperate. I told him I would pay anything for it.

437
00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:27,959
Speaker 3: He began shouting, shouting for me to leave his office

438
00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:34,200
Speaker 3: and never come back. Not knowing what to do, I

439
00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:36,760
Speaker 3: hid in a laboratory stall down the hall until later

440
00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:39,240
Speaker 3: that night, when every one had left and the building

441
00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:46,160
Speaker 3: was locked up. With a bit of a jimmy, I

442
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:53,920
Speaker 3: broke into Raymard's laboratory and began looking around. I ransacked

443
00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:57,360
Speaker 3: the cupboards and the sample drawers and the file cabinets. Nothing.

444
00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:04,920
Speaker 3: There was no powder anywhere. But then something caught my attention.

445
00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:09,480
Speaker 3: A large photograph lying in the heap among all the

446
00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:13,080
Speaker 3: papers from the file cabinets, A photograph of a rock

447
00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:19,080
Speaker 3: covered in splotches of gray, green, and yellow. I knelt

448
00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:23,080
Speaker 3: and picked up the picture. It was a patch of lichen.

449
00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:27,239
Speaker 3: The photo was dated from several years before, and it

450
00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:32,560
Speaker 3: was labeled source of sample north face of khn Iron.

451
00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:39,640
Speaker 3: I felt something grip inside my gut. I'd heard that

452
00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:44,160
Speaker 3: name before, long before. Khn Iron was the mountain of

453
00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:47,600
Speaker 3: Daddy's last meditation, where they found him at the top.

454
00:34:49,840 --> 00:34:52,799
Speaker 3: Without returning home, I booked another ticket and made my

455
00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:58,719
Speaker 3: way to Aberdeen. There I rented a car. I was delirious,

456
00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:01,400
Speaker 3: no telling how long I had gone without proper sleep.

457
00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:08,040
Speaker 3: I drove up a long, lonely road through the highland

458
00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:14,279
Speaker 3: glen to the foot of khan Aran. The peak of

459
00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:16,799
Speaker 3: the mountain was ringed with gray fog when it came

460
00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:20,120
Speaker 3: into view, and the rocks along the path were slick

461
00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:29,800
Speaker 3: from the morning's rain. I began to hike up the slope,

462
00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:33,399
Speaker 3: clutching the photograph of the Lichen. I made my way

463
00:35:33,480 --> 00:35:36,200
Speaker 3: up through the corner of the forest, then on a

464
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:39,319
Speaker 3: steep incline over a ridge like the spine of a

465
00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:45,440
Speaker 3: great beast. I looked all around for the Lichen, venturing

466
00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:48,280
Speaker 3: far off the hiking trail, turning over rocks and checking

467
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:53,040
Speaker 3: their undersides like a child collecting insects. And finally, at

468
00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:58,680
Speaker 3: long last I found it on the upturned face of

469
00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:04,960
Speaker 3: a huge flat boulder. The lichen was a papery mass

470
00:36:04,960 --> 00:36:11,720
Speaker 3: of pale green and yellow substance that somehow looked almost delicious.

471
00:36:12,520 --> 00:36:17,120
Speaker 3: I assure you it was not. It was poisonously bitter,

472
00:36:17,480 --> 00:36:20,960
Speaker 3: with the texture of old rope. But I choked down

473
00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:23,879
Speaker 3: as much as I could. I managed quite a bit.

474
00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:31,440
Speaker 3: I waited and waited for what seemed like hours on end,

475
00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:35,520
Speaker 3: but I felt nothing save for an increasingly vicious stirring

476
00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:40,000
Speaker 3: of nausea. Eventually I had to be sick in the

477
00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:47,480
Speaker 3: weeds beside the boulder. Had I lost my mind? I

478
00:36:47,560 --> 00:36:50,200
Speaker 3: didn't even know if it would work this way? Did

479
00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:53,759
Speaker 3: Raymond have to do some sort of chemistry to isolate

480
00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:57,280
Speaker 3: something within the lichen? Was I even sure I'd found

481
00:36:57,320 --> 00:37:03,080
Speaker 3: the right organism? It was a miserable defeat. I sat

482
00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:06,640
Speaker 3: on the boulder, ill and exhausted, and sulked in self

483
00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:12,440
Speaker 3: pity as clouds gathered their gray bulk. Evermore overhead, the

484
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:15,200
Speaker 3: sun went down, and the shadow of the mountains swept

485
00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:17,760
Speaker 3: over the valley to the east at a racing clip.

486
00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:23,399
Speaker 3: As I thought about it, I realized Daddy may well

487
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:27,480
Speaker 3: have looked out over the same gloomy view his last

488
00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:31,200
Speaker 3: day on Earth. Did he sit on the same boulder

489
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:35,279
Speaker 3: and rest half way up the mountain? Was he surrounded

490
00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:41,200
Speaker 3: by pale pink frogs just like these? Would he have

491
00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:45,480
Speaker 3: noticed the way their skin looked like rare veal, leaking

492
00:37:45,640 --> 00:37:49,479
Speaker 3: juices under the pressure of the carving fork. I tried

493
00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:52,680
Speaker 3: to ask the rosy froglets if they had any memory

494
00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:57,480
Speaker 3: of him, but they were not especially talkative. Instead, they

495
00:37:57,520 --> 00:38:00,360
Speaker 3: began to leave my side all at once, in a

496
00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:05,320
Speaker 3: frenzy up the mountain slope. Hum how strange, I thought,

497
00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:08,680
Speaker 3: it was almost as if they were fleeing in terror.

498
00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:11,840
Speaker 3: So I turned back to look down at the valley,

499
00:38:12,880 --> 00:38:17,759
Speaker 3: and I saw what it was, the water line of darkness.

500
00:38:18,680 --> 00:38:21,440
Speaker 3: I had felt just the edges of it in my

501
00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:25,440
Speaker 3: house a few nights before. Now I saw it complete

502
00:38:25,640 --> 00:38:29,480
Speaker 3: in its awful majesty, stretching as far as an ocean

503
00:38:29,520 --> 00:38:33,320
Speaker 3: would have. A mist of moonless blackness rose from the

504
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:37,239
Speaker 3: valley and ascended the mountain side, And hidden in the

505
00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:44,879
Speaker 3: darkness came the things creatures of a chilling primeval innocence,

506
00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:50,600
Speaker 3: the silent Cambrian infants crawling on hands and knees. My

507
00:38:50,719 --> 00:38:53,279
Speaker 3: mind was seized with flashes of what could happen if

508
00:38:53,360 --> 00:38:56,600
Speaker 3: the little children overtook me. They did not laugh or

509
00:38:56,640 --> 00:39:02,000
Speaker 3: shout that they would play. My heart contracted with terror.

510
00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:05,400
Speaker 3: I scrambled from the boulder and ran as fast as

511
00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:10,000
Speaker 3: I could up the mountain path. Up above me were

512
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:13,240
Speaker 3: the silhouettes of several men, whose skin seemed to glitter

513
00:39:13,320 --> 00:39:17,880
Speaker 3: with dull reflections in the gray light. When I came close,

514
00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:22,840
Speaker 3: I saw they were man shaped things, made not a flesh,

515
00:39:22,920 --> 00:39:27,200
Speaker 3: but of thousands of little metal objects, safety pins, batteries

516
00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:29,759
Speaker 3: and fish hawks, all held together by a sort of

517
00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:36,920
Speaker 3: animate magnetism. They were slow moving. They begged me for

518
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:40,239
Speaker 3: help in their rattling language, but I couldn't stop. I

519
00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:44,560
Speaker 3: ran past and left them behind to be played with.

520
00:39:49,040 --> 00:39:52,080
Speaker 3: The path steepened, and I climbed with a ferocity of

521
00:39:52,120 --> 00:39:55,760
Speaker 3: which I wouldn't have thought myself capable. I was driven

522
00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:58,600
Speaker 3: now not only by the fear of what rose from below,

523
00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:02,320
Speaker 3: but by a del delirious ecstasy of what lay above.

524
00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:07,960
Speaker 3: Stone shattered under my toes like globes of glass, and

525
00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:12,120
Speaker 3: the soil gave off the aroma of bread crust. The

526
00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:15,480
Speaker 3: boulders that lined the path bloomed with the sacred lichen

527
00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:20,880
Speaker 3: in shapes of naked bodies, humming with pleasure, and splitting

528
00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:24,400
Speaker 3: up masses of oysters and offal that fell at my

529
00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:29,360
Speaker 3: feet as I passed this. This was their way of

530
00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:35,920
Speaker 3: showing respect. Meanwhile, all around black habitat, monks stood guard

531
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:40,399
Speaker 3: underneath prisoners who were hoisted up to the sky upon

532
00:40:40,640 --> 00:40:47,480
Speaker 3: Catherine wheels, my namesake, I thought. The men and women

533
00:40:47,520 --> 00:40:52,600
Speaker 3: blashed on the wheels sang together. Yes, it was all

534
00:40:52,640 --> 00:40:56,759
Speaker 3: starting to make sense. I understood that the prisoners on

535
00:40:56,840 --> 00:41:00,480
Speaker 3: the wheels were not being punished. They were in the shines,

536
00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:05,279
Speaker 3: machines for generating a kind of power, like the turbines

537
00:41:05,320 --> 00:41:11,640
Speaker 3: in a down The monks standing guard under the wheels

538
00:41:11,640 --> 00:41:14,520
Speaker 3: of torture all raised their arms when they saw me,

539
00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:19,799
Speaker 3: all pointing in the same direction to the top, just

540
00:41:20,080 --> 00:41:24,880
Speaker 3: over the last ridge of rock. As I climbed above,

541
00:41:25,040 --> 00:41:34,200
Speaker 3: finally I felt him, the presence the major domo In.

542
00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:40,520
Speaker 3: He was looming just behind me, breathing on my neck.

543
00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:44,880
Speaker 3: But I knew it would be terribly bad manners to

544
00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:52,640
Speaker 3: turn and look. Without a word, he guided me through

545
00:41:52,640 --> 00:41:55,879
Speaker 3: the fog until the jagged rocks of the peak gave

546
00:41:55,960 --> 00:41:59,880
Speaker 3: way to a smooth, paved pathway of flagstones and mortar,

547
00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:05,799
Speaker 3: surrounded by crisp green hedges on either side. It was

548
00:42:05,840 --> 00:42:10,759
Speaker 3: a secret garden path leading me to a mansion with

549
00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:17,440
Speaker 3: its windows bleeding yellow light. My voice trembling I asked

550
00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:23,880
Speaker 3: the Major d'amo, will you ah take me inside? The

551
00:42:23,920 --> 00:42:33,040
Speaker 3: Major d'omo whispered perhaps, but not yet. I understood there

552
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:36,160
Speaker 3: was something I had to do first. I had to

553
00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:42,480
Speaker 3: meet some one. There was a lanky human shadow on

554
00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:45,239
Speaker 3: the path just ahead. When I saw the figure, my

555
00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:50,919
Speaker 3: heart leapt into my throat. I thought, Daddy. But as

556
00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:54,040
Speaker 3: I ran to meet him, with tears gathering in my eyes,

557
00:42:54,719 --> 00:42:57,560
Speaker 3: the shape that came into focus was all wrong. It

558
00:42:58,040 --> 00:43:04,480
Speaker 3: was not my father. It was Raymard, standing athwart the path,

559
00:43:04,880 --> 00:43:09,160
Speaker 3: wearing a cheshire cat grin. I asked her what she

560
00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:15,359
Speaker 3: was doing here, and she leaned in to embrace me, whispering, Catherine,

561
00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:19,720
Speaker 3: I have the most wonderful news. I have been given

562
00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:25,120
Speaker 3: a research grant by God Almighty, and you are to

563
00:43:25,160 --> 00:43:30,840
Speaker 3: be my assistant. I was flummoxed to say the least.

564
00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:35,160
Speaker 3: I said, but his house is right there. Can't I

565
00:43:35,360 --> 00:43:39,600
Speaker 3: go inside and learn what he is like? Raymard said,

566
00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:44,480
Speaker 3: you will, but you are not ready yet. First you

567
00:43:44,640 --> 00:43:55,280
Speaker 3: must learn the secret, the oldest secret. She then stepped

568
00:43:55,360 --> 00:44:04,360
Speaker 3: back and unbuttoned her glass, and her skin was not skin,

569
00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:12,120
Speaker 3: but a sort of plate thronged with legs. Hundreds thousands

570
00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:18,080
Speaker 3: of dancing, undulating, articulated legs like the underside of a

571
00:44:18,160 --> 00:44:23,560
Speaker 3: horseshoe crab. A tear of blue blood leaped from the

572
00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:27,280
Speaker 3: corner of her eye. She came in close to embrace

573
00:44:27,320 --> 00:44:30,440
Speaker 3: me again. In horror, I tried my best to recoil,

574
00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:34,800
Speaker 3: but now the Majordomo stood behind to hold me in place.

575
00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:40,840
Speaker 3: Raymond's breath smelled like copper. The legs wriggled and flexed,

576
00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:45,160
Speaker 3: close enough to tickle my stomach. I screamed, no, no,

577
00:44:45,440 --> 00:44:51,400
Speaker 3: this is not what I wanted. Raymond leaned to my

578
00:44:51,520 --> 00:45:00,160
Speaker 3: ear and said, hard, let us be here, instru that

579
00:45:09,120 --> 00:45:14,640
Speaker 3: my memory stops there. I woke the next morning, lying

580
00:45:14,640 --> 00:45:17,840
Speaker 3: on the cold rocks of the mountain top, parched stiff

581
00:45:17,880 --> 00:45:20,319
Speaker 3: as a plank. There was a man dressed in a

582
00:45:20,320 --> 00:45:25,080
Speaker 3: black habit, kneeling beside me, touching my arm. He said, good, Heavens,

583
00:45:25,120 --> 00:45:29,160
Speaker 3: are you all right? He must have seen me looking

584
00:45:29,200 --> 00:45:33,040
Speaker 3: at his clothes, and answered, without my asking, I'm one

585
00:45:33,080 --> 00:45:36,040
Speaker 3: of the brothers of the monastery here at carm Aron.

586
00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:39,680
Speaker 3: You look like you've taken a fall. Would you like

587
00:45:39,800 --> 00:45:43,160
Speaker 3: me to get some help? I told him not to bother,

588
00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:46,440
Speaker 3: and I rose to go on my way, limping on

589
00:45:46,480 --> 00:45:49,640
Speaker 3: a leg I had injured somehow in the night. But

590
00:45:49,719 --> 00:45:53,840
Speaker 3: as I was walking away, he said, were you invited in?

591
00:45:56,360 --> 00:46:02,200
Speaker 3: I stopped. I asked in where? He said, beyond the

592
00:46:02,320 --> 00:46:08,080
Speaker 3: secret garden, into his house. I rushed back to the

593
00:46:08,120 --> 00:46:11,400
Speaker 3: monk's side. What do you know about it? I asked.

594
00:46:12,320 --> 00:46:16,960
Speaker 3: The monk smiled, he said, are you seeking to believe

595
00:46:17,320 --> 00:46:21,880
Speaker 3: in order that you may understand? Or seeking to understand

596
00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:27,120
Speaker 3: in order that you may believe? I felt a hopeless

597
00:46:27,120 --> 00:46:31,319
Speaker 3: despair come over me. I didn't know. In truth, I

598
00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:33,319
Speaker 3: feared I'd lost track of what it was I was

599
00:46:33,320 --> 00:46:35,239
Speaker 3: trying to prove and whom I was trying to prove

600
00:46:35,280 --> 00:46:39,440
Speaker 3: it too. But I was in his presence, I said,

601
00:46:40,040 --> 00:46:45,319
Speaker 3: nearly in his mansion, I see, said the monk, the

602
00:46:45,360 --> 00:46:50,520
Speaker 3: greatest conceivable being, I said. He smiled placidly, as if

603
00:46:50,520 --> 00:46:53,759
Speaker 3: to humor me, the god who called out to Abraham,

604
00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:59,640
Speaker 3: I said. But then the monk's expression changed. He looked

605
00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:05,120
Speaker 3: amute boos, oh him, you think down here on this

606
00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:09,359
Speaker 3: bleak mountain top with us. I didn't know what to

607
00:47:09,360 --> 00:47:12,319
Speaker 3: make of that. The monk said to me, if there

608
00:47:12,360 --> 00:47:17,880
Speaker 3: were two beings, both infinitely beyond your understanding, and both

609
00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:22,240
Speaker 3: claimed to be the greatest. How would you tell them apart?

610
00:47:24,480 --> 00:47:28,960
Speaker 3: I had no answer. I asked, will I ever understand

611
00:47:29,000 --> 00:47:33,560
Speaker 3: what he is? The monk said, well, now, if you

612
00:47:33,760 --> 00:47:37,400
Speaker 3: wish to be welcomed into his manner and taste of

613
00:47:37,480 --> 00:47:42,920
Speaker 3: his bread, I suggest you make yourself a courteous house guest.

614
00:47:44,120 --> 00:47:48,560
Speaker 3: I said, how would one do that? He said, for

615
00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:52,880
Speaker 3: one thing, when a courteous house guest comes to visit,

616
00:47:53,320 --> 00:47:57,560
Speaker 3: she always brings a gift. I asked, well, what should

617
00:47:57,600 --> 00:48:02,080
Speaker 3: she bring? I laid a gentle hand on my shoulder

618
00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:13,760
Speaker 3: and said, what is most precious? Looking back, I realized

619
00:48:13,800 --> 00:48:17,240
Speaker 3: the sheer hubris of my initial endeavor. Though I find

620
00:48:17,280 --> 00:48:20,719
Speaker 3: myself in good company with the likes of Daddy and

621
00:48:20,960 --> 00:48:25,400
Speaker 3: Saint Anselm himself, I know now that the mysteries of

622
00:48:25,480 --> 00:48:29,000
Speaker 3: totality are too much for one mind alone, and with

623
00:48:29,080 --> 00:48:33,560
Speaker 3: alacrity I settled for just a glimpse. So I turned

624
00:48:33,600 --> 00:48:36,840
Speaker 3: myself over to Doctor Raymard's care, in which I have

625
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:45,080
Speaker 3: been ever since. Ever said, what do you mean? Will

626
00:48:46,360 --> 00:48:49,560
Speaker 3: call me a test case? An experiment in the long

627
00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:52,919
Speaker 3: term effects of seven metal ie on mine on human consciousness?

628
00:48:54,400 --> 00:48:57,680
Speaker 3: How can you big if you like, but one of

629
00:48:57,760 --> 00:49:04,560
Speaker 3: many labrat likes to have company in her cage.

630
00:49:07,280 --> 00:49:10,879
Speaker 4: You're saying, you're saying they drugged me too.

631
00:49:12,160 --> 00:49:16,480
Speaker 3: Oh, I envie, you know, experiencing it all for the

632
00:49:16,520 --> 00:49:23,520
Speaker 3: first time. No, no, help, give me out, you need

633
00:49:24,080 --> 00:49:32,279
Speaker 3: let me out, you mean cat. No, you say, let me.

634
00:49:32,280 --> 00:49:34,239
Speaker 4: Have her heart rate spike out?

635
00:49:34,600 --> 00:49:35,720
Speaker 2: Track on the rejection.

636
00:49:35,920 --> 00:49:38,359
Speaker 3: All of you get away from me. What's the course?

637
00:49:38,400 --> 00:49:41,960
Speaker 3: Gave me alone? It's a tranquilizer with one more dos seven.

638
00:49:41,760 --> 00:49:59,360
Speaker 2: Mill stop stops. No said, look here not seeing me?

639
00:49:59,680 --> 00:49:59,920
Speaker 2: Was it?

640
00:50:00,200 --> 00:50:01,480
Speaker 6: Where are you taking me?

641
00:50:06,239 --> 00:50:07,240
Speaker 3: Where is this saying?

642
00:50:08,280 --> 00:50:13,359
Speaker 4: Was on the ground? How much you listen? You? Why

643
00:50:13,360 --> 00:50:20,480
Speaker 4: are you carrying me because you wouldn't walk? Where are

644
00:50:20,680 --> 00:50:23,200
Speaker 4: my shoes? Your TV?

645
00:50:25,040 --> 00:50:25,200
Speaker 7: There?

646
00:50:25,239 --> 00:50:25,680
Speaker 3: You go.

647
00:50:27,360 --> 00:50:34,759
Speaker 2: To leave it off, you go to the like.

648
00:50:40,160 --> 00:50:46,120
Speaker 4: Mm hmm, Well look who's back?

649
00:50:47,440 --> 00:50:47,800
Speaker 7: Frip.

650
00:50:48,120 --> 00:50:50,359
Speaker 4: I wasn't sure you were still with us?

651
00:50:51,480 --> 00:50:51,760
Speaker 3: Frip.

652
00:50:51,880 --> 00:50:59,600
Speaker 4: I I sorry. Everything is so overwhelming. What happened to you?

653
00:51:01,560 --> 00:51:07,400
Speaker 3: The door? I'm the dungeon and the doctor.

654
00:51:09,480 --> 00:51:12,879
Speaker 4: Did you put you on a new course of treatment? Yes,

655
00:51:14,760 --> 00:51:16,920
Speaker 4: and I am.

656
00:51:17,360 --> 00:51:18,640
Speaker 3: I don't know if I can take it?

657
00:51:19,200 --> 00:51:24,200
Speaker 4: You can, it will run its course. How How do

658
00:51:24,280 --> 00:51:25,680
Speaker 4: I just relax?

659
00:51:26,680 --> 00:51:33,800
Speaker 3: Okay, lay down? On the bed. Okay, okay.

660
00:51:34,560 --> 00:51:39,840
Speaker 6: Now, imagine you are in a river right in the

661
00:51:39,880 --> 00:51:44,560
Speaker 6: middle where the current is strongest. You guess whom against it?

662
00:51:45,560 --> 00:51:45,680
Speaker 3: Uh?

663
00:51:46,120 --> 00:51:49,399
Speaker 2: You can't fight back, Nope, I can't.

664
00:51:49,920 --> 00:51:55,239
Speaker 4: But you can float Okay, don't fight it.

665
00:51:55,760 --> 00:52:06,520
Speaker 6: Okay, let the current move, You'll float down. Okay, Okay, Hey, frip, mysell.

666
00:52:06,680 --> 00:52:07,120
Speaker 4: They didn't.

667
00:52:07,640 --> 00:52:08,680
Speaker 3: They didn't give it away.

668
00:52:10,160 --> 00:52:11,279
Speaker 4: Who would they have given it to?

669
00:52:12,680 --> 00:52:17,319
Speaker 3: Frip? Have you seen anyone walk in the halls at night?

670
00:52:18,520 --> 00:52:21,600
Speaker 4: You mean, besides the guards, the barefoot woman?

671
00:52:22,560 --> 00:52:23,560
Speaker 3: Have you heard her singing?

672
00:52:23,760 --> 00:52:24,200
Speaker 4: Quiet?

673
00:52:24,320 --> 00:52:24,520
Speaker 2: Now?

674
00:52:25,680 --> 00:52:29,640
Speaker 4: Okay, just flew okay down?

675
00:52:31,040 --> 00:52:38,440
Speaker 3: Thank you? Frip Frip, frip.

676
00:52:40,280 --> 00:52:40,720
Speaker 7: Frip.

677
00:53:00,080 --> 00:53:01,040
Speaker 3: Oh YEA.

678
00:53:16,200 --> 00:53:22,520
Speaker 1: Thirteen Days of Halloween pennance starring Natalie Morales, Episode four, Evaluation,

679
00:53:22,960 --> 00:53:27,200
Speaker 1: written by Joe McCormick, editing and sound design by Chandler Mays,

680
00:53:27,440 --> 00:53:31,560
Speaker 1: featuring the voices of Roz Gentel Blair, Chandler, Alex Bowling,

681
00:53:31,920 --> 00:53:36,600
Speaker 1: Jay Jones, Raphael Corkil, and Wilbur Fitzgerald, with music by

682
00:53:36,719 --> 00:53:42,120
Speaker 1: Noel Brown, directed by Alexander Williams. Executive producers Aaron Mankey,

683
00:53:42,360 --> 00:53:47,319
Speaker 1: Noah Feinberg, Chris Dicky, Matt Frederick and Alexander Williams. Supervising

684
00:53:47,360 --> 00:53:52,520
Speaker 1: producers Trevor Young and Josh Thain. Producers Jesse Funk, Rima Ilkali,

685
00:53:52,760 --> 00:53:57,279
Speaker 1: Noami Griffin, Chandler Mays, and Casby Bias. Script editing by

686
00:53:57,320 --> 00:54:01,840
Speaker 1: Lauren Vogelbaum. Story consultants Ben Bowley and Matthew Riddle. Casting

687
00:54:01,880 --> 00:54:06,640
Speaker 1: by Sunday Bowling CSA and Meg Mormon CSA. Production coordinator

688
00:54:06,840 --> 00:54:11,719
Speaker 1: Wayna Calderon. Production assistants Jenna Johnson and Winona Low. Theme

689
00:54:11,800 --> 00:54:16,280
Speaker 1: music by Rose Aserti with vocals by Anna Hummler, recorded

690
00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:20,759
Speaker 1: at This Is Sound Design Studios in Burbank, California. Engineered

691
00:54:20,800 --> 00:54:25,359
Speaker 1: by Ross aeronaut special thanks to Romelia Osorio, Nathan Rule,

692
00:54:25,600 --> 00:54:29,560
Speaker 1: Glen Nishida, and Rob Mosca. Thirteen Days of Halloween was

693
00:54:29,640 --> 00:54:33,040
Speaker 1: created by Matt Frederick and Alexander Williams and is a

694
00:54:33,080 --> 00:54:37,000
Speaker 1: production of iHeart Podcasts, Blumhouse Television, and Grim and Mild

695
00:54:37,120 --> 00:54:40,640
Speaker 1: from Aaron Makey. Learn more about the show at Grimandmild

696
00:54:40,800 --> 00:54:44,319
Speaker 1: dot com slash thirteen Days and find more podcasts from

697
00:54:44,360 --> 00:54:48,520
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio by visiting the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever

698
00:54:48,600 --> 00:54:51,640
Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows. Happy Halloween,